Monday, 21 October 2013

Lynda woos Maurice – Mon 21.10.13 #thearchers

Pondering The Archers Monday 21st October 2013
  • The Bellingham’s Bounce
  • Maurice has a liking for Anthea
  • Jazzer has gossip!
  • Lynda tries to flatter Maurice into submission
  • Joe doesn’t want to go anywhere

The Bellingham’s Bounce

Is seemingly what’s happening to Tom’s ready meals, according to Maurice.

It means Bellingham’s is selling through the ready meals quite nicely now. Which means Maurice and Jazzer will keep their jobs.

That’s a nice sort of bounce for all concerned.

Maurice has a liking for Anthea

Jazzer’s not getting any place to smoke. Though lighting up in the butchery was not a great idea, seems he also can’t have a quick smoke when he’s doing his milk round.

Though why he thought he needed to go into a bush at the Dower House is anyone’s guess, but:

[Jazzer] “Soon as I sparked up, all hell broke loose.”

Seems Anthea caught him.

[Jazzer] “With a red bob and a stare that could melt rivets.”

Maurice really perks up at the mention of Anthea.

[Jazzer] “Oh aye, got the pacemaker purring has she?”

[Maurice] “I simply find her a refreshing change. It’s not often you find someone who values integrity over popularity.”

But, seems Maurice isn’t interested in Anthea “romantically”. Not when she’s already married.

[Maurice] “I simply admire the way she conducts herself.”

(Oh aye, is that so? The man doth protest …)

Seems Anthea’s been getting round.

Tom bumped into her the other day, and could only think to ask her if she’d eaten any of his ready meals:

[Jazzer] “Always the master of small talk, Tom”

Anthea’s response was:

[Maurice] “She never insults her digestion with convenience, especially when it’s overpriced. Now that, to my mind, is a woman!”

(see … he really, really likes her. Actually, I think they would make quite a formidable couple)

Jazzer has gossip!

He saw Helen pushing off Tom when he was trying to talk to her.

[Maurice] “The giants of investigative journalism can rest easily. That’s not a great scoop.”

Indeed it wasn’t.

But the backstory would be a stunning front page scoop.

Lynda tries to flatter Maurice into submission

[Lynda] “I’ve come in search of Borsetshire’s own Sean Connery.”

[Jazzer] “That’s uncanny. How did you know I’d be here?”

But Lynda wasn’t looking for Jazzer … she has her sights set on Maurice.

Maurice thinks she’s joking.

[Maurice] “Me? In a Play? As Robin Hood?”

[Lynda] “Robin in the prime of life. One who has served abroad for 20 years.”

[Maurice] “I don’t care what sort of Robin … I’m not an actor … By choice, not since Miss Porter talked me into being third shepherd.”

Seems Miss Porter bribed Maurice with liquorice boot laces.

[Maurice] “One low, and two beholds, and that was it. And I forgot the second behold because Mary Norton stuck her tongue out at me. Bang went the bootlaces.”

[Lynda] “Your very lack of experience may give you an advantage over everyone else. You will bring fresh, untutored charm to the role.”

[Maurice] “No I won’t.”

[Lynda] “Raw authenticity …”

[Maurice] “I’m not bringing anything to it.”

Lynda can see he won’t be pressed any further, so tries to leave him a script. But he even refuses that.

(how did she write that so quickly?)

Anyhoo – Lynda later apologises to Jazzer for not wanting him.

(well, Jazzer’s heard that plenty times from women before!)

[Jazzer] “Don’t fash yourself. I’m not much interested in it myself.”

[Lynda] “It’s not Sean Connery’s voice I’m after. It’s his strong, masculine presence.”

[Jazzer] “And you’re saying?”

[Lynda] “I’m referring to the older, more mature Sean Connery.”

[Jazzer] “He’s not into all this dressing up and playing at being a tree and stuff.”

[Lynda] “Unflickering, obstinate … Maurice offers much more than misery, Jazzer. He's such a loss to the local stage … If I can’t have Sean Connery, what chance Audrey Hepburn?”

But Jazzer has a cunning hint.

[Jazzer] “Maurice might have a weak spot.”

And hints that if she chooses her Maid Marion wisely, Maurice might suddenly be interested.

That’ll be Anthea, then.

Joe doesn’t want to go anywhere

Seeing his arm with the plaster cast off has horrified Joe. He reckons his arm looks awful, it’s very sore and that the wrist splint won’t be of any use.

So, he’s back to not wanting to go out again. Even though Jill’s going to drive him and Jim to the cider microbrewery (she’s pals with the owner’s wife).

Later on, Joe’s out to check Ed tending to Bartleby.

[Joe] “I only come to stop you spoiling Bartleby.”

But Ed was only giving him a bit of salt.

Joe also wants Bartleby to have his trap on more often. Even though Ed took him out for at least 30 minutes last night.

There’s just no pleasing him at the moment.

Joe then reckons that Bartleby gives him a “look”.

[Joe] “He wants to know why I ain’t taking care of him … I ain’t never going to get any better.”

Joe’s also worried that Caroline won’t come back with another offer, after he refused her first one.

[Joe] “Should have taken what was offered. We gambled, and we lost.”

Eddie reckons it’ll be fine. And tries to encourage him to go out with Jim.

[Joe] “I ain’t showing myself up in front of strangers.”

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