Gardeners’ Question Time: Ambridge, Borsetshire 24th April 2011

click the title above, or the 'read more' link below the bullet points, to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• It’s a first
• Brian’s question
• Usha’s question
• Jim’s question
• How to Improve your Turf, with Matthew and Lynda
• Neil’s Question
• Jill’s Question
• Kirsty’s Question
• Clarrie’s Question
• Vicky’s Question
• Bert’s Question

It’s a first

For Ambridge, for Gardeners’ Question Time and for me.

Though I potter in the garden, I must admit I’m not that interested in the technicalities. I can plant roughly around the right time, and know to water them once in a while.

So, I’ve never thought to listen in to Gardeners’ Question Time.

I found I quite liked it.

Though that might have had something to do with the Ambridge connection.

And apologies that I haven’t said which of the panel was saying what below (as I haven’t a clue), and also that I didn’t get all of their full answers. Lots of Latin and plants, and stuff…

[Opening of Gardeners’ Question Time] “I’m sitting enjoying a pint of Shires, outside The Bull, in the picture postcard village in Borsestshire. We’re in idyllic village of Ambridge.”

Brian’s question

[Brian] “My daughter Kate lives in South Africa, and actually my wife’s over there visiting her at the moment, so that’s why I’m here, anyway, we thought it’d be lovely to create a south African border in our garden so we can think of Kate and her family whenever we look at it. So do the panel have any planting suggestions?”

[Panel] “How sparky is she? What sort of character is she?”

[Brian] “She’s quite feisty … she’s had a chequered past … as a parent you forgive it in the end, she is a I suppose a free spirit … maybe her wild ways can be reflected in some of the planting you suggest … I know nothing about gardening, Jennifer does all that …”

Panel answer included Red Hot Pokers, Watsonians, Pineapple Plants, Agapanthus, Crocosmia (and probably some others I’ve missed).


Usha’s question

[Usha] “some of my favourite flowers rudbeckia … problems …”

(sorry – I didn’t get all of it, but the basic gist was Usha’s plants were dying).

Panel answer: lift the plant, take the dead stuff out, then replant


Jim’s question

[Jim] “I have a small vegetable plot, that I’d like to expand, so I thought I’d tried edible and flowers growing in the same border. I’d like to know what vegetable I can grow next to me herbaceous and shrubs to make a beautiful display. No broccoli please”

Panel answer: vegetables are competitive (like athletes, who need to grow fast etc), so tend not to go well with herbaceous plants. Ones that will work, and look pretty are: Asparagus, Globe artichokes, Purple sprouting broccoli.

Seemingly Jim look horrified at the suggestion of broccoli. But the Purple type is supposed to taste better.


How to Improve your Turf, with Matthew and Lynda

Matthew’s piece with Lynda was actually quite interesting.

He was telling us some basic tricks to having a good lawn. Which I could have done with a few weeks back, before I bought a fake lawn to put between my garden slabs (long story, but it involves many greyhounds …).

Anyway, in his intro to the piece, Matthew mentioned that Honeysuckle Cottage has a hot tub (quite right, Ian and Craig), and:

[Matthew] “Llamas. That's unusual.”

Anyhoo – he rings on Lynda’s door, and she’s quick to say that it’s 25 years since she and Robert moved to Ambridge (think of the Parish Elections …). Matthew remarks on Lynda’s mirrors and wind chimes (Feng Shui), they tramp over her gravel (which seemingly is a nightmare to keep clean) and it also seems Lynda’s garden slopes down to the river.

Nice.

Not so nice is the scorched grass in Lynda’s garden, due to Scruff. That can seemingly be solved by either following round Scruff with bucket of water, to then “slosh it down”; or by putting charcoal tables in the Scruff’s water.

Then:

[Matthew] “We ought to get a little more hands on ... can we go over to your shed and check out your equipment?”

(ooer – nudge, nudge – wink, wink!)

To aerate ones lawn, one must use a rake – wiggling it about. Which is what Joe saw Lynda doing the other day.

[Matthew] “I need a really good wiggle, come on”

And to get rid of the thatch – one can again use a rake, but it must (must!) be a spring time rake.

If that wasn’t enough great advice, Matthew also reckoned Lynda should plant more camomile as part of her law. A perfect miniature camomile lawn, indeed. And then she can serve it to her guests.

Aha! Wonder if I can get away with that on my lawn. Sounds great, apart from the fact that charcoal tablets don’t actually stop my dogs weeing …



Neil’s Question

(though Neil wasn’t actually at the recording)

Neil: wanted to know about grass that is capable of taking that hammering at the wicket

Panel answer: get the cricket team to drink even more Shires – they then fill a barrel (yup – by peeing in it) - water down the contents of the barrel – then sprinkle over the grass just before it rains

“Why buy fertilisers when you have a whole cricket team!”

Who’d have thunk it …


Jill’s Question

[Jill]: (talked about how she’s listened since 1957, with Phil; that Phil had used to have no interest in flowers but became quite a fan) “ … this year without his guidance, no doubt, I’ve had a catastrophe, an established bed which should be vibrant with tulips … Tulip Fire?”

Panel answer: Yes


Kirsty’s Question

[Kirsty]: “Borsestshire Wildlife Trust … we're always asking people to encourage wildlife in their gardens ... bird eat insects, rabbits and deer eats the leaves ... planting suggestions to encourage the widest range of wildlife in our gardens?”

Panel answer: don't plant double flowers, as they’re sterile; have piles of rotting logs; put thorny branches wrapped in newspapers, in hedges; don’t have too tidy a garden



Clarrie’s Question

[Clarrie]: “I love lilies. How do i get rid of red lily beetles? And what's the difference between a day lily and a normal lily?”

Panel answer: “squish them”

[Clarrie] “I don’t like doing that”

[Panel] “Do you have anyone who could do the squishing for you?

[Clarrie] “yes”

[Panel] “great squishers?”

[Clarrie] “ ... oh yes!”

(that’ll be Joe, Eddie, Ed and Will that are great squishers)

Panel answer: difference between day lily and normal lily is that they’re two different plants



Vicky’s Question

[Vicky]: “I want your advice on mistletoe. Earlier this year my neighbour sold me a propagation kit ... what are me chances of successfully growing mistletoe this way?”

Seemingly also Richard Thwaite had also asked the same question, adding that his wife, Sabrina, had paid extra to do Druidical services …

Panel answer: while Joe was right in telling folks to put the seeds on the underside of the branch, his timing was way off. He should have been selling/propagating them in March or April, not January

And did you know why and how mistletoe ends up on trees, or why the seeds need to go on the underside?
It’s the birds. They eat the berries. The seed gets stuck on their beak. Then they wipe it off by scarping it under the branch.

[Panel] “What type of tree (did Joe tell Vicky to put the seeds on)

[Vicky] “The big one ... the oak”

[Panel] “ .. Oak also least likely …”

[Vicky] “So it's not going to work, is it?”

[Panel] “I suspect not ... wrong Druid”

Bert’s Question

[Bert]: “Last year, a neighbour of mine was dragooned at the last minute into being the judge at the flower and produce show ... he didn’t do too badly ... i was wondering if any of the panel have any experience of judging?”

[Panel] “Armoured plating, learn to run quickly and know the exit”

Seemingly, the best advice is not to get involved in judging lower flower shows.

Wonder what Bert’s cunning plan for this year is …?


And after Bert …

“It’s goodbye Ambridge and good gardening”

(there was another piece on something to do with gardens and bugs (I think), but I must admit I wasn’t interested. I wouldn’t turn off Gardeners’ Question Time if I stumbled on it again, but wouldn’t make an effort to listen. But I’m not complaining – quite an interesting/amusing way to spend 40 odd minutes).

The Archers Sunday 24th April 2011: We all get to go to Monte Carlo!

click the title above, or the'read more' link below the bullet points, to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• And that’s just Jolene’s travel outfit!
• Will will make George sick?
• “Hard-core bee freaks”
• “Egg crazy kids”
• Nooooo – not the shower!!!
• Ruth’s kind to Joe
• David feels guilty
• The shower hasn’t gone away …
• “Here we go”

And that’s just Jolene’s travel outfit!

[Fallon] “Ooh la la!”

[Kenton] “Knock out … you look great. Perfect.”

And they’re off! But not before Jolene checks and rechecks everything with Fallon.

[Fallon] “Just let it go mum, we’ll be fine, don’t worry”

Will will make George sick?

Things are really coming to a head between Will and Emma.

She’s now accusing his Easter egg of potentially having the ability to make George sick.

Child. Easter Egg. Potential of being sick.

Fairly atypical, I’d have thought?

Anyway, Will is now angry with Emma, but he is a good(ish) dad to George.

He’s doing exactly what Clarrie reckoned Ed should be doing with George – spending more time with him one-on-one; doing things that the big kids can’t do, making him feel wanted and special.

He was close to flaming George’s hatred/rivalry of Keira by saying that she was too naff to be able to hunt for Easter eggs at The Bull (I do paraphrase!) – but he was also encouraging George to collect more than Jake or Mia.

So all healthy sibling competition. I suppose.



“Hard-core bee freaks”

I do adore it when Jill starts on about her bees. Even better when she’s getting ready for a new season. And wonderful that Josh is still interested.

They seemingly went to a bee conference type thing together, where Josh persuaded Jill to buy a new hive.

Though it has to be remembered that while Josh may be a nice young chap, spending time with his grandmum doing bee stuff, he is just about to hit the ‘Jamie’ phase:

[Josh] “Some of those hard-core bee freaks though … talk about weird! I mean, in a good way gran. And not you …”

“Egg crazy kids”

Blimey! George found 14 Easter eggs. 14! Makes you wonder if he managed to get the lion’s share, or if The Bull had spent all of its last few months profit on eggs.

[Fallon] “Egg crazy kids. One of them is bound to OD on chocolate”

(see – I said it must be fairly atypical)



Nooooo – not the shower!!!

Jolene and Kenton arrive in their Monte Carlo hotel, with Jolene very suitably impressed by the size of the bed and that they have a balcony, with a sea view.

Sounds lovely.

But I did break out in a cold sweat at the following exchange:

[Jolene] “A nice big shower an all …”

[Kenton] “Oh yeah. That’s good to know”

(ye gods! Jolene then decides to have a shower straight away, so she can freshen up and try her new shower gel … apparently).

[Kenton] “Maybe I’ll dig mine out too. Would be good to freshen up”

No. Good god, no. Not again? Surely not again???

But Jolene then sends Kenton off to get a magazine she’d left at reception. She had a very weak excuse for it being so important he got it right now – something about her being halfway through a story. I never knew Take a Break (and the like) was actually readable.

To make absolute sure that Kenton has got the message, just before he heads out:

[Jolene] “I’ll see you in a bit then … after my shower”

Phew!



Ruth’s kind to Joe

I think Ruth is probably the only person left in Ambridge who is willing to give Joe the benefit of the doubt being outed (for bad mistletoe advice) at Gardeners’ Question Time.

[Ruth] “Was it really just a scam, or did he just get his facts wrong?”

Jill reckons the proof was in the Panel all advising that it was indeed the wrong time to propagate mistletoe seeds.



David feels guilty

Which is nothing new, since Nigel died, but he seems to be obsessing that anything which goes wrong at Brookfield is his fault.

Very true that he didn’t take care of Brookfield while Elizabeth needed him at Lower Loxley – and Ruth told him so many, many times – but wasn’t he meant to be moving on?

Must be difficult for Ruth now to persuade him that the low milk yield isn’t his fault, after all the very candid ‘discussions’ they’ve had over the last few months.

[Ruth] “I’ve tried my best to cheer him up, but it’s uphill work”

The shower hasn’t gone away …

As Kenton returns to the room, Jolene has finished her shower.

But, maybe I said my ‘phew’ too soon.

Jolene seems keen for Kenton to take a shower, but he’s keen to have some boozy juice.

[Jolene] “Drink first, eh … we could save that for later”

(later? No. Not later. Never. Ever).

The Jolene’s reticence becomes (potentially) clear.

[Kenton] “Jolene, you did see the sign on the door? In six different languages? This is a no smoking room!”

Kenton hadn’t caught Jolene smoking, or even smelt smoke. He was just suspicious that she’d been so keen to get him out of the room.

So they have a good giggle that Kenton thought Jolene was being sneaky, even though she claims she hadn’t been smoking.

And as she pointed out, she’d have had a smoke in the balcony rather than the room.

What’s more, Jolene claims she hasn’t had any cravings since they left Ambridge.

[Jolene] “Kenton, sweetheart, why would I want one with you here? … I daresay we’ll keep my mind off it somehow”

Which sounds fair enough.

And I had been wondering whether Jolene was actually okay with sharing a room – they haven’t spoken about taking the next step for a wee bit now (though Jolene did say she was ready).

Well, that’s that question sorted. She’s well up for it.

Good on her.



“Here we go”

Ruth and Jill tune their wirelesses just in time to catch Gardeners’ Question time.

Well it’s a first for me:

[Jill] “here we go!”

The Archers Wednesday 20th April 2011: Jamie returns, then leaves again

click the title above, or the 'read more' link below the bullet points to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Elizabeth approves
• Ruth’s too thick for The Ghost
• Kenton’s dreaming of Monte Carlo
• Jamie missed his shift
• Seriously, Keira is Will’s
• Jamie’s now turning Jolene into Kathy
• Joe suddenly got a sudden urge to babysit

Elizabeth approves

[Elizabeth] “I think it’s wonderful, and I’m really happy for you … mum does want you to be happy. She just wants to be sure that this is what will make you happy”

[Kenton] “Then she should trust me to know that for myself”

But it’s okay, Kenton.

As Elizabeth has given her approval for you to see Jolene, you can breathe a little more easy.

(Honestly, the ego of that woman!)



Ruth’s too thick for The Ghost

She seemingly can’t get into it, even though Lynda is now on her second read.

We’ll just put that one to tiredness, Ruth (bless ya).

And your family will also see you right. Kenton’s going to pump Jim for information.

[Elizabeth] “She’s going to look very erudite, coming out with Jim’s opinion”

Ah – Ruth looking intelligent. That’s what was to Shock Ambridge to the Core!


Kenton’s dreaming of Monte Carlo

[Kenton] “ …mountain road, in a DB5 convertible … You with your head scarf tied a la Grace Kelly, and me in a pair of shades”

[Jolene] “I hope you’ll be wearing a bit more than that!”

[Kenton] “Well, some of the time”

Oh my.

I really hope that the secret microphones don’t follow Jolene and Kenton on holiday. We’ll all be hiding behind the sofa.

He’s also very proud of Jolene for not smoking (um …), and is chuffed that his kiss test is working (um … actually, Kenton).

Here’s how it will go.

Jolene sneaks a fag. Kenton catches her. They have their first argument. But make up again.

Or, Jolene doesn’t sneak a fag. Is miserable and grumpy the whole time. She and Kenton argue. They break up.

So – smoking is goof for Jolene and Kenton. He just needs to accept that.


Jamie missed his shift

And Jolene was so angry, that she refused to go up and drag him out of bed.

[Jolene] “He can do some spud bashing or summit before he goes out”

He’s a tw*t!



Seriously, Keira is Will’s

Today, Keira is a “grizzly little thing”

She really hasn’t been happy since she was born.

Remind you of any other Grundy?

Clarrie reckons she just need to be swaddled. Emma should listen to that.

Clarrie knows all.



Jamie’s now turning Jolene into Kathy

Jolene went upstairs to see Jamie, only to find that he’d done a runner.

She doesn’t realise it yet, but he’s also stolen the pack of ciggies Lilian had given her). He’s going to pay for that, once Jolene stops blaming Kenton (and covering asking by suggesting he’d removed her lip gloss …).

Kathy returned home to find the house in uproar – socks on the floor, dirty kitchen, bed slept in, bedroom a mess … all signs of Jamie (a “message” from Jamie), but no actual Jamie to be seen.

[Kathy] “Hmmm. What’s he doing sleeping in the daytime. He must be out all night”

[Clarrie] “If it were me, I’d at least be glad he’s around … you know he’s eating and sleeping, so he’s okay … it’s just a matter of time. It’s not easy, I know, but you’re doing the right thing”

Then Jolene phones Kathy in a panic. She’s worried where’s Jamie gone to – sounding remarkably like Kathy used to (when Jolene use to dismiss her and see her as OTT).

Jolene’s worried she did the wrong thing:

[Jolene] “I was so fed up with him Kathy, I just let him stew”

Let him go, Jolene. If Kathy does the same, we’ll all get some peace.


Joe suddenly got a sudden urge to babysit

Poor Joe. He’s still in hiding after Gardeners’ Question Time.

At least Emma will get a break if Joe’s helping out. Especially since she’s really not good at coping with two.

The Archers Monday 18th April 2011: Gardeners’ Question Time in Ambridge

click the title above, or the 'read more' link below the bullet points, to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Lynda and hunky Matthew Wilson
• Vicky and Eric Robson
• Lilian does the dishes
• The chosen ones
• Oh dear, what can the matter be? Poor old Vicky’s locked in the lavatory
• Vicky and Lilian bunking up
• And the answer to Vicky’s question?
• Bob liked Peggy’s cake
• Vicky’s smitten
• Vicky, foot, mouth

Lynda and hunky Matthew Wilson

[Joe] “I saw that Lynda Snell as I was coming put, dressing up to the nines”

[Vicky] “(Lynda’s with that) hunky Matthew Wilson to do a recording”

[Joe] “Why she’s getting all dressed up, it’s only on the wireless … and she was jumping up and down like a demented grasshopper. I don’t know what that’s all about”

Later on, Lynda reveals all:

[Lynda] “Matthew showed me how to aerate the lawn, which was potentially a little embarrassing. One has to put a wiggle into it”

Vicky and Eric Robson

While Lynda’s jumping on (and near) Matthew Wilson, Vicky gets to sell Eric Robson a chocolate bar.

Joe is most put out by Vicky’s fawning. When he wants to buy something, it’s all “self-service”

[Vicky] “What a nice man”

(Eric, not Joe)


Lilian does the dishes

Lilian’s duties at Gardeners’ Question Time have expanded from being the bouncer, to being the dish washer.

She’s not one to complain, thought.

[Lilian] “Don’t worry about me, darling. What I know about gardening, I could write on the back of a fag packet.”

Wonder if she had a bottle of gin stashed somewhere. She did sound very chirpy/


The chosen ones

The folks who get their questions picked, not only get their question read out and answered – they also get to sit at the front!

My goodness!

Joe was put out not to have his question chosen:

[Joe] “It’s not all it’s cracked up to be … they gone and picked that Sabrina Thwaite when all she does in the garden is sunbathe”

Jill and Neil also got their questions picked … as did Vicky’s. No wonder Joe is so put out. Vicky’s is about the propagation of mistletoe …

[Joe] “Well, people might get the wrong idea if they don’t agree with how I’ve been doing it”

So, Joe copes with potential embarrassment and financial ruin in a very mature and sensible manner …




Oh dear, what can the matter be? Poor old Vicky’s locked in the lavatory

Vicky pops out from the recording to the loo, when Joe is standing with Lilian having a natter (well, he’s eating all of the cakes).

Lilian has to nips away for a second, so Joe – quite calmly – locks Vicky in the toilet.

If Vicky can’t get out to ask her question, Joe won’t be proved wrong in his mistletoe promises.

Lilian finally hears Vicky, and unlocks the door (Joe is claiming it was stick), then nips off again to The Bull.

So Joe now won’t let Vicky into the recording.

Finding her way physically barred by an irrational Grundy, Vicky runs after Lilian to ‘tell’ and ‘make the big boy stop’ (my words), but is too late.

And even (even!) worse still, Joe now locks Vicky out of the entire building!

He then lies and says Vicky has turned ill, and has had to go home.

Ah, that Joe is a right rascal!


Vicky and Lilian bunking up

As Lilian returns from The Bull, she finds a rather desperate Vicky trying to get back
into the hall by climbing into a window.

[Vicky] “The kitchen window is the only way in … quick; will you give us a bunk up?”

Which Lilian does. Vicky gets in. And manages to ask her question.

Hurrah!



And the answer to Vicky’s question?

The panel reckoned Joe’s mistletoe was propagated too early.

[Joe] “I was only doing what my fore fathers did … must be that global warning”

But Joe knows when he’s been put to rights. He mumbles something, then runs away as Eric

Joe runs away from Eric Robson walks over.

[Jim] “Exit pursued by irate customers”

Ha!


Bob liked Peggy’s cake

So says Eric, and asks Jill to take him over to Peggy so that he can thank her.

Grand. All that subterfuge was worth it. Heady times indeed!



Vicky’s smitten

Lynda introduces Vicky to Matthew Wilson (after Matthew had sounded none too keen to “pop back” to Lynda’s when he was next passing).

Vicky reckoned Matthew was gorgeous and rather charming, especially as he bid them farewell with:

[Matthew] “And as Eric would say, happy gardening!”

Christine Walkden asked Vicky if she was all right (which Vicky too as just Christine being nice, rather than registering that she looked a fright after clamouring through the kitchen window)

So all in all, it’s been rather magical for our Vicky.

While is why she gets over excited, and says something she shouldn’t …


Vicky, foot, mouth

You wouldn’t be forgiven for thinking that Vicky is a tad mad at time (gettit?), but she just has a case of having no tact, diplomacy or an ability to keep a secret.

She says to Lynda:

[Vicky] “It’s been such a great few days. What with this, and with Roy’s news …”

Doh!

She proceeds to tell Lynda that Roy has accepted a job at Lower Loxley, which everyone else had been trying to keep quiet for the while.

Lynda was very interested.

Very interested indeed.

So, can we now expect Lynda to vie for a job that doesn’t even exist – and to then be crushed when she finds out that there is no chance of promotion?

The Archers Sunday 17th April 2011: Elona is determined about Peggy and Ted

click the title above, or the 'read more' link below the bullet points, to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Jack is enjoying his biscuits
• “To do any other than that would feel disloyal”
• Kathy’s worried
• Caroline’s not ready to retire
• Peggy still irons Jack’s shirts
• Peggy and Elona swap sayings
• I love it when the cows are turned out
• “Even though Jill gave us strict instructions!”
• Loos or Looms?

Jack is enjoying his biscuits

Especially as he can share them with the birds.

If it wasn’t for his ever decreasing mental facilities, Jack would be living a life of riley.


“To do any other than that would feel disloyal”

I’m not sure why Elona is so hell-bent on Ted and Peggy spending time together, but she is most definitely not letting it lie.

She sounds like a nice lady, so (I reckon) just wants to see Peggy have friendship and support with Ted (and vice versa).

She manages to get Peggy to admit that she’s avoiding Ted, as she hasn’t got any time for friends. What with her family … and also that she’s not sure how much time she actually has left with Jack.

Now that’s a heady mix of guilt and responsibility.

But in amongst all that – where’s Peggy’s time to lead her own life?

Also a pity that it’s taken ‘hired help’ to spot that Peggy needs a pal.

Elona does later persuade Peggy that she’s sure Ted doesn’t want more than friendship – and that:

[Elona] “Jack is in a place where … you wouldn’t hurt him … and would be happy for you to enjoy the company of friends”

Peggy sounds like she agrees.

I tell you what – Ted and Peggy are off/on more often than your average Z list celebs!


Kathy’s worried

Again.

Though she has taken Fallon's advice to heart (that she needs to give Jamie space while he still knows she’s there for him), she’s concerned it will take as long for her and Jamie to make up as it did for Fallon and Wayne. They took 3 whole years.

[Clarrie] “Wayne’s a very different person to you Kathy”

And how!

I don’t think Kathy needs to worry too much. Jamie will be back. Fallon and Jolene will soon catch him stealing from The Bull …

And if Clarrie and Eddie’s experience with Ed is anything to go by, even those that wander off far and wide come back to home eventually.


Caroline’s not ready to retire

Oliver is not a happy man.

He handed over his herd to Ed Grundy so that he could retire, only to find his wife is not ready to enter the twice-yearly-cruise stage of life.

Caroline has decided that she won’t hire another manager – she’ll do it all.

Oliver reckons they should have made that decision together. He was enjoying spend more time with Caroline, and wanted her to step back from Grey Gables, rather than step forward (all because of that bloomin’ poaching madam Elizabeth!).

[Oliver] “You’ll be back to living to work rather than working to live”

Caroline reckons they have plenty of time to later retire and enjoy, but Oliver isn’t so sure.

[Oliver] “Well how much later? When you retire … at the time you retire, I might be in my 70s … I just don’t want us to miss out, that’s all”

(oo-er – that sounds a bit ominous. Oliver to die under a yard tractor soonish, leaving Caroline to mourn both him and her decision to choose work over retirement?)

But – Caroline is getting a “buzz” out of having Grey Gables completely under her control, and wants the challenge.

Do I also not recall that Oliver giving up his work so that he could have more time off, while also helping Caroline at Grey Gables?

Either way – they decide to give it 6 months to see if it will be fine, or too much, for Caroline.

Oliver will be marking the days …



Peggy still irons Jack’s shirts

How odd.

Could that side of the Archer clan not afford Jack an all-inclusive package?

Or does Peggy still want to take proper care of Jack, even though she can’t have him at home?


Peggy and Elona swap sayings

[Peggy] “Ne’er cast a clout till May is out …”

(though Peggy isn’t sure if that means until June, or when the Hawthorne blossoms. It’s the Hawthorne: http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/ne%27er_cast_a_clout_til_May_be_out)

[Elona] “A bag full of friendship is worth a wagon full of corn”

(I think Elona’s mum made that one up).




I love it when the cows are turned out

Caroline’s enjoying watching Ed’s “young stock” revealing in their first time outside.

It is a great thing to watch.

If you’ve never seen it – get yourself down to a farm. It's grand watching the newly born, but even better to watch the older ones when they first get let out after winter.

A grown cow, leaping and playing like a new born lamb.

Marvellous.



“Even though Jill gave us strict instructions!”

Clarrie’s shocked to be told by Peggy that Peggy has been baking extra cakes for the panel of Gardeners’ Question time.

But not as shocked as Peggy to find Jill at her front door, just as she's finishing her baking.

Jill is quite demanding.

To be let in.

To be made a cup of tea.

And that she is given a biscuit, out of the nearby biscuit tin.

Slightly panicking, Peggy says “no” to the biscuit. The biscuit tin is just an empty one.

[Jill, sounding suspicious] “Peggy. This feels very heavy …”

[Peggy, grumbling into admission, without really being pushed] “I couldn’t resist … your instructions on what we should and shouldn’t bake were quite draconian … and when I found out Bob Flowerdew prefers organic foods … I baked it especially for him”

I did suck in a lot of air when I heard Peggy call Jill ‘draconian’, but not to worry. Jill wasn’t at all annoyed, and they had a good giggle at Peggy trying to sneak cake into the green room.

Seemingly everyone’s been at it.


Loos or Looms?

Where did Jill say they’d especially put flowers in at the village hall for Gardeners’ Question time?

The Archers Friday 15th April 2011: Ted and Peggy?

click the 'read more' link below the bullet points to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Lilian’s so smoking!
• Jennifer is indeed still in South Africa
• Cakes at twenty paces
• Questions, questions …
• Lilian’s new career as a bouncer
• Brenda’s back on the leaflets!
• “If it was up to Lynda Snell, we’d all be plunged into darkness at midnight”
• Clarrie stands up for George
• George & Keira like Will and Ed?
• Does Ed love Keira more?
• When was Peggy friendly with Ted?

Lilian’s so smoking!

And she has the occasional cigarette as well.

Wonder how long it will take for Jolene to have to nip round to Lilian’s for a cigarette late at night, after the shop has shut, when she’s desperate but has none in …



Jennifer is indeed still in South Africa

Peggy has confirmed it, so that one’s cleared up (what was Alice thinking?).

Ruairi is in Ireland, and having a lovely time as well.

[Vicky] “It’s nice for him to have a little holiday too”

[Peggy] “Nice for Brian!”

Cakes at twenty paces

Looks like there might be a showdown between Jill and Peggy over cakes.

Jill has been stressing that she has too many folks involved in the catering for Gardeners’’ Question Time – but Peggy has seemingly decided to make a “special” cake for the presenters.

Without telling Jill.

This could turn quite nasty.


Questions, questions …

Vicky is also excited about Gardeners’ Question Time, though she’s not sure if her question is ‘”appropriate”.

Unlike Jill, who won’t share what her question is, Peggy is more than happy to tell hers to Vicky to help her understand what might be a good enough one.

Peggy’s question is about her gladiolus.

[Peggy] “ .. . the corns I lifted in the Autumn are covered with little tiny corns. I want to know if I should brush them off before planting … could be potted up … how long to flower”

[Vicky] “That’s really good. So clever and interesting. Mine’s nothing like that …It’s about these mistletoe propagation Joe Grundy’s been selling. I wanna ask the panel if they think they can actually work!”

[Peggy] “I think that a very good question … but I’d keep it to myself if I were you”

Oh-ho! Joe’s ploy to be lambasted on national radio?

Just wait until Sabrina hears the truth.



Lilian’s new career as a bouncer

Lilian reckons she has a:

[Lilian] “very important part in the proceedings … only person in the village who doesn’t want to ask a question ..”

As Lilian really isn’t that bothered about Gardeners’ Question Time, she’s become the bouncer … well, doorkeeper, in Ambridge terms.

Matt persuaded her that it’d be a good way to impress voters during the Parish elections – so, as per, as Matt says to do, Lilian does.

But Peggy reckons she can’t have any cake! Presenters only.


Brenda’s back on the leaflets!

It’s been a while – so about time Brenda let her true talent out again.

As Brenda’s doing Lilian’s election leaflets, Lilian reckons they’ll look superb.

[Peggy] “But will it actually say anything?”

Meow!

And not sure if that was directed at Lilian (for being a bit blonde sometimes), or Brenda (for design over substance).



“If it was up to Lynda Snell, we’d all be plunged into darkness at midnight”

So reckons Lilian.

She also reckons it was her who got the streetlamps sorted, despite Lynda’s protestations.

(I’m with Lynda on that one. I’d love our village to be dark at night).



Clarrie stands up for George

As promised to Will, Clarrie pops round to see Ed to tackle the problem of George feeling very left out because of baby Girl Grundy Keira. – which Clarrie and Will reckon Ed and Emma aren’t dealing with very well.

[Ed] “You’ve got the wrong end of the stick. You don’t understand what Emma’s trying to do”

Ed reckons Emma is trying to involve George with Keira by asking him to help look after her. George sees it as him having to do stuff he doesn’t want to do because of the baby.

I can see his point – that’s its better George helps, than Emma having to send him to his room so she can concentrate on Keira. But he had a bit of a cheek also saying that it was better than him being ‘stuck’ in front of the telly. Wasn’t that exactly what Ed did with him just a few weeks ago?

Clarrie’s point about the Fun Run (Emma choosing to put George elsewhere while she took Keira, as George had been playing up and she couldn’t cope with the two of them:

[Clarrie] “Of course it were better for Emma, I don’t blame her. But from George’s point of view, he were being punished”

And Clarrie also tells Ed that George has said he wants to baby to go back, and for him to stay with Will.

Ed doesn’t entirely believe Clarrie at first – because it came via Will. He reckons Will is just jealous.

Which Clarrie uses to ram home her point that Ed and Emma have to do something better with George asap.


George & Keira like Will and Ed?

[Clarrie] “Is that what you want Keira and George to end up like? Like you and Will”

Seemingly, Clarrie has some regrets about how she brought up Will and Ed – if she’d done something different, maybe they wouldn’t hate each other as much.

[Ed] “You can’t blame yourself because he’s an idiot … it’s nothing to do with our childhood”

Does Ed love Keira more?

George doesn’t think so. Neither does Clarrie. But interesting that it was Ed who brought it up:

[Ed] “So you’re not hinting that I love Keira more because she’s biologically mine?”

I wouldn’t have though Ed would think like that, but one can’t help one’s feelings sometimes.

Clarrie makes a very good suggestion that it’s Ed who should be making more time for George, while Emma deals with the Keira.

[Clarrie] “You can make a fuss of George. Make it a good thing that he’s older”

[Ed] “He can help me out with the cows. It’d be much better than Will’s boring old birds … “

(Ed reckons it’s only Will who is the idiot?!?)



When was Peggy friendly with Ted?

I do remember Peggy being friendly with Ted when she first met him (back in the day when Jack has first gone into the home), but also then she was just as fast to step back from being friendly.

I thought she realised that friendship could lead to something more, so took herself away from Ted to avoid it happening. Even though Jack is muchly ‘fond’ of Ted’s wife (who is in the home with him).

But, seemingly Peggy and Ted have been chatting recently. However – she’s now back to being a bit cold with him.

She wasn’t very warm when he came over to say help, refused to go for a walk with him, Jack and his wife (she reckoned Jack would become confused with too many people), AND wouldn’t even have cake and coffee with Ted.

Ted’s worried that Peggy doesn’t like him – that’s he’s the problem.

But Elona is a canny lass, who can see potential in Peggy and Ted:

[Peggy] “Don’t give up trying Ted. Not yet”

Come on Peggy. You have a right to a life, you know.

The Archers Tuesday 12th April 2011: Caroline and Jill ... bitchy!

click the 'read more' link below the bullet points to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Elizabeth says she feels bad about Caroline (twice)
• Kenton can do no right by Jill
• Low energy grass
• Peregrines just changed their view
• Lynda has bad news for Jill
• Surely non-gardeners need to ask more questions?
• “You must feel I repaid your kindness very badly”

Elizabeth says she feels bad about Caroline (twice)

But it’s all a bit hollow, considering she’s going ahead with poaching Roy anyhoo.

Talking to Jill about how Roy has to give a month’s notice, Jill’s a bit worried that having to wait until May will leave Elizabeth with too much on her hands during Easter.

[Elizabeth] “He can hardly leave Caroline in the lurch”

*Lynda-type-sniff*

Cheek of the woman!

It doesn’t really matter when Roy leaves Grey Gables – he’s still leaving Caroline in a tricky position.

I’m not saying Roy is to blame – why shouldn’t he take the chance of a better job – but Elizabeth really is a selfish madam.

She could have hired a new manager, but no. She has to poach the member of staff that Caroline had loaned to her in her hour of need.

So Elizabeth saying that she feels bad about Caroline doesn’t really mean much. Even though she did say it twice.



Kenton can do no right by Jill

Whereas Jill gives every excuse to Elizabeth, she really has nothing good to say about Kenton.

With a mum like that, Kenton has no need for enemies.

Jill’s not impressed that Kenton is taking Jolene to Monte Carlo over Easter.

[Jill] “So thoughtless. Typical Kenton.”

[Elizabeth] “You’re being very hard on him … He choose Easter deliberately”

Where Jill sees Kenton only doing his best to make trouble for everyone else (by taking Jolene away over a busy time at The Bull), Elizabeth reasons that he did it on purpose. Easter was a time when Sid and Jolene went all out – so Jolene will be sad to remember that Sid’s not there anymore (to wear the bunny suit, amongst other things).

Jill seems determined to believe that Kenton will just end up hurting Jolene.

She’s not even impressed by Kenton encouraging Jolene to quit smoking.

[Jill] “Let’s hope that lasts, even if their relationship doesn’t”

Meow!

(I’m not very impressed with Kenton over the smoking *draws a deep drag on my cigarette*)


Low energy grass

Is what Brookfield has, due to the severe winter. It’s resulting in a low milk yield.

As Ruth announces the statistics, David gets very defensive.

But she isn’t blaming him. She was just saying.



Peregrines just changed their view

Lynda’s chirpy, as she’s found the Peregrines. They’d just moved to on another part of the church roof.

Hopefully that will mean a safer spot for their eggs.

Unless there was a human hand in their previous eggs’ demise (???).



Lynda has bad news for Jill

She can’t help with the catering for Gardeners’ Question Time.

Expecting Jill to be quite put out, Lynda’s irritated that Jill is actually quite glad of one less catering bod.

[Jill] “Far too many cooks, who are certainly in danger of spoiling the broth”

Even Lynda revealing that the reason she can’t cater is that because she’s been included in a “feature on lawns” by Gardeners’ Question Time doesn’t get a rise pout of Jill.

She really couldn’t give a hoot.

But questions for Gardeners’ Question Time are another matter …



Surely non-gardeners need to ask more questions?

[Lynda] “These non-gardeners, I hope they aren’t any questions. That wouldn’t be fair”

Eh?

Seems those who consider themselves ‘gardeners’ are against ‘non-gardeners’ getting a look in at Gardeners’ Question time.

And it would seem that ‘gardeners’ also won’t share what their question is, in case anyone steals it.

Or is it just Jill being precious, in refusing to tell Lynda?

(Jill was very odd today. Very odd indeed).


“You must feel I repaid your kindness very badly”

No sh*t Sherlock!

Elizabeth is at least big enough to apologise to Caroline in person.

She’s also lucky that Caroline is quite “gracious” towards her.

[Caroline] “We’re both business women. We can be professional about this”

But, while letting Elizabeth off of the hook, Caroline turns her fury onto Lynda. Who arrives with the coffee, which is late, so gets a telling off. Even though it’s not Lynda’s job to serve coffee.

Oh dear Caroline. You really don’t want to talk to Lynda like that, and make her so sniffy …

The Archers Tuesday 5th April 2011: Gardeners’ Question Time Committee

click the 'read more' link below the bullet points to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Unleash the flood
• Order, Order!
• Pat had to hear it from Clarrie
• Jolene or Kathy?
• “Honestly, that woman!”
• Orange flower water
• Who could forget Jean Paul’s Herb Garden?
• Poor Robert
• Emma’s baby is due
• That Jim … he’s such a joker!

Unleash the flood!

Neil, Christine., Jim and Lynda are (of course) the chosen ones to be the committee for Gardeners’ Question Time arrangements.

Not too sure how they were democratically elected to such lofty positions, but it’s always nice to hear a bit more from Christine.

Jim’s holding back on posters to promote until he gets the tickets from the producers (go on Jim unleash the “flood”),

Which is seemingly the way it’s meant to be.

If one wants to have a ticket for Gardeners’ Question Time., one must receive it by post in advance, so one has time to properly consider one’s question, which one can write on the ticket.

As they have to post out tickets, Jim and co. can charge a whopping £2.50 per ticket.

But that does include a cup of tea or coffee.

Phew!



Order, Order!

Jim quite rightly called the committee to order when conversation strayed onto Susan organising a wedding theme for the Village Shop window.

Quite right too.


Pat had to hear it from Clarrie

Kathy would normally immediately be right round to Pat’s when something happened with Jamie (ore previously Kenton).

But this time, Pat had to hear it through the Village gossiping.

On catching up with Kathy, she’s told by Kathy that she isn’t embarrassed – just utterly humiliated.

[Kathy] “It feels like more the same, how long have I been going on about my problems … I just felt I didn’t want to burst your bubble”

So Harry has changed more than just Helen’s life. He’s helped to chisel Kathy away from being so dependent on Pat.

But that’s not what Pat wanted (although I’m sure Tony’s quite happy!). She still wants Kathy to know she gotta friend.


Jolene or Kathy?

Looks like Jamie’s tantrums have really got to Kathy. She’s even beginning to think he might have a point.

[Kathy] “Maybe I’ve got to face it. It’s like Jamie said. Jolene’s nicer to be around”

Hmmm.

I don’t many of us would argue with that, but Kathy’s not a complete witch.

Maybe she’d actually be better off – a more relaxed and happy person – if Jamie did stay away? Is Kathy simply driven potty by the male of the species?

But Pat also has a good point.

Jamie prefers Jolene because she isn’t his mum. He can’t get away with half of his bad behaviours, and he wouldn’t treat Jolene as badly as he treats Kathy.

After all, Kathy will love him no matter what. Jolene could choose to get rid …


“Honestly, that woman!”

Seemingly Hilary Noakes suggested to Christine to tell the Gardener’s Question Time committee that the village call could do with smartening up. Maybe a lick of paint.

Neil’s appalled – it was recently redone.

Jim’s flabbergasted as her stupidity:

[Jim] “It’s radio, for goodness sake”

And Lynda is … well … a tad hypocritical:

[Lynda] “Honestly, that woman,. She has to stick her nose into everything!”

Orange flower water

Which is what Lynda is going to use to make her special madeira cake for Gardeners’ Question Time.

Fancy! Wonder if Jill will approve …



Who could forget Jean Paul’s Herb Garden?

Um … I did.

But seemingly Ian still makes great use of it at Grey Gables.


Poor Robert

Today was his birthday, but Lynda was at committee.

Bless the chap. Lynda was quite right when she said that held understand.



Emma’s baby is due

Thursday of next week.

So she managed to miss April Fools' day.

Wonder if this will be an easy Ambridge birth?

We haven’t heard from Amy for a while …



That Jim … he’s such a joker!

Gardeners’ Question Time want to feature a special gardening related, local project – so Jim asks Christine’s advice.

She reckons that a young couple who make Perry (from near Felpersham) would be a good one.

[Jim] “A rather more bone fide venture than the Grundy’s cider!”

And, it seems that the sound engineer wanted Lynda’s phone number.

Robert doesn’t have to worry about a rival for Lynda’s affection … the engineer:

[Jim] “seems to think she’ll come over rather well on the radio …I think it means she’s what they call a character”

So Jim gave the engineer the number, and told him that Lynda had a low allergen garden and is a practitioner of feng shui.

He seemed to think that was hilarious, and Christine also seemed to think he had been quite naughty.

Ah – what is sometimes takes to amuse when living in the country.

The Archers Monday 4th April 2011: Jill’s not happy with Kenton

click the 'read more' link below the bullet points to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• The Return of the Bees
• Roy’s definitely interested
• Kenton told the family
• Jamie is stopping Kenton getting his leg over
• No sympathy for Kathy
• That’s it for Johne’s?
• What did Jill actually say?
• Brian took Ruairi fishing
• Jill’s catering Gardeners’ Question Time

The Return of the Bees

Jill was feeding her bees today, but will be able to stop soon enough. Everything’s started to grow.

Later on:

[Jill] “See that the whole farm is coming into life again … the blossoms out … you’re getting the clamp ready for silaging …cows are out … the milk’s gushing into the tank”

Stay steady folks. Summer is on its way .



Roy’s definitely interested

So Elizabeth is putting together an offer for him.

But keep it quiet … Elizabeth’s not quite ready to be bitch-slapped by Caroline.


Kenton told the family

I wondered why Jill sounded so off with Kenton (as then did Elizabeth wonder)..

[Jill] “Elizabeth, what does he expect? After what he told us at the weekend …”

He “killed two birds” and told Shula and Jill about him seeing Jolene, both at the same time.

He’d already told Elizabeth (who didn’t give a hoot), and Shula wished them well after first being a bit stunned.

Jill, however, is none too amused. As we’d come to expect, of our Jill.




Jamie is stopping Kenton getting his leg over

And Jolene from doing likewise!

Totally unintentional (of course), but Jamie staying at The Bull means Kenton and Jolene can only grab a quick snog.



No sympathy for Kathy

It might just be because Kenton and Jolene are currently in deep lust, but I’m finding their total disregard for Kathy a bit callous.

Jolene jokes about the run-in she had with Kathy:

[Jolene] “I’ve been in worse cat fights over the years … at least no hair pulling”

And they don’t seem to give a monkey’s about how Kathy feels at Jamie also abandoning her.

Maybe Jolene really does have a master plan to remove all male persons from Kathy’s life.


That’s it for Johne’s?

Only 1 out of 3 cows prefer …ahem … have Johne’s, and Alistair has traced it back through the herd.

David’s being morose about what yield they’ve probably lost over the years, but Jill’s trying to cheer him up:

[Jill] "David, you sound just like your father”

[David] “Thanks a lot. Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

[Jill] “Yes. It’s a compliment.”

And so it is David.

That you become as good a man as Phil …


What did Jill actually say?

I’m intrigued.

Just exactly y what was Jill’s response to Kenton telling her he was seeing Jolene.

Jolene reckons Jill wasn’t amused because of her rather colourful (“scandalous”, says Jolene) past:

[Jolene] “I’m well aware I wouldn’t be your family’s first choice “

But Kenton reckons not. It’s more about him than her.

[Kenton] “Let’s face it. Mum’s well past being shocked by anything I do”

But it just goes to show that Kenton knows nothing about his mum.

Jill later says to David that she was shocked. How could he do this to Kathy? And that Sid has been dead long enough.

[David] “It’s not the first time Jolene’s ended up with her bloke”

And of course – this all gives David another good reason to have a pop at his brother.

[Jill] “Still. I suppose there’s nothing we can do”

[David] “He will do whatever he wants., with whoever he wants. And the rest of us have just got to make the best of it.”

Brian took Ruairi fishing

But it won’t last..

Phoebe and Jennifer only left today, and Ruairi will soon be packed off to Ireland.

Leaving time for Brian to get to know Elona better …???


Jill’s catering Gardeners’ Question Time

Marvellous.

But she does seem a bit stressed about what ‘light refreshments’ for the presenters and the production team could mean.

[Jill] “It’s a very lose term, though, light refreshments. A sort of buffet tea, I suppose”

The Archers Friday 1st April 2011:Gardeners’ Question Time Confirmed!

click the 'read more' link below the bullet points to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Jim’s got the committee sorted
• Poor Peregrines
• Eddie and Joe to get their comeuppance?
• April Fool!
• Elizabeth makes Roy the offer
• Crisps and tea make Jamie a happy chappy
• Kathy loses the plot (yet again)

Jim’s got the committee sorted

So not to panic. All shall be well when Gardeners’ Question Time comes to Ambridge.

Seemingly the questions are only chosen on the day, but Jim’s starting a committee to make sure the questions are appropriate.


Poor Peregrines

Despite the marvellous news about Gardeners’ Question Time, Lynda isn’t having a good morning.

She’s found eggs on the Path, which she got Patrick to check – and they are the Peregrines. Now there’s no sign of the “parents”.

Will they return?

Was this just an act of nature, or was there a human hand involved?

Either way, Lynda isn’t going to let the Peregrines move out without a fight!


Eddie and Joe to get their comeuppance?

They will, if Jim has his way.

His plan is for Clarrie to get herself invited elsewhere, and invite Eddie and Joe over his on Sunday.

[Jim] “They’re assuming,, as I’m no churchgoer, that I’m on their side …”

That’s the thing with Ambridge. You can always trust your mates – unless you try and be uncharitable (and nasty to Clarrie) during Lent.


April Fool!

Ah – all now becomes clear, but I really don’t think much of Jim’s April Fool joke.

For first thing – it didn’t happen on April Fool. He started it well before, only revealing that it was a joke on 1st April.

And it wasn’t very funny. I’m completely onside with Lynda with that.

Jim was somewhat abashed to hear Lynda say that she’d started reading Ovid’s Metamorphoses.

[Jim] “April Fool! … you surely didn’t think I was serious?”

[Lynda] “Well why not! With your background, why wouldn’t I?”

[Jim] “Oh come on Lynda, a mock epic text for a village book group I thought you’d see through it straight away”

Mais non! Even Richard Thwaite has starting tackling the rather meaty tome.

[Jim] “where is your sense of humour?”

[Lynda] “*sniff*”

Oops. I don’t think Jim full appreciates what *that* sniff means …

Anyhoo – Jim has actually chosen The Ghost by Robert Harris.

Which should be far more palatable for all concerned. Even if they aren’t now talking to Jim …


Elizabeth makes Roy the offer

Telling Roy to go home early, and how amazing he’s been, Elizabeth then makes her play for her man:

[Elizabeth] “I’ve been wondering, Roy, have you ever considered leaving Grey Gables… would you consider it?”

On later talking it through with Hayley, Roy is surprised, flattered and excited by the prospect of working at Lower Loxley – but he also feels great loyalty to Caroline and Oliver.

[Roy] “Caroline gave me a start .. .she taught me all I know”

[Hayley] “Business is business”

Roy is worried that if he does go for the new job, he’d feel odd then seeing Caroline and Oliver around. Well, Oliver isn’t one to be worried about – he hasn’t been seen in ages!

As Roy and Hayley chat it through, it looks like Lower Loxley is a good option for them. A pay rise, and they’d both be working in the same place (though I’d have thought that would be a mark against it!).

I think Roy, if left to himself, would stay at Grey Gables as that’s both the easier and nicer option . But with Hayley around – it looks likely he’ll make the choice that’s better for him and his family.

Regardless of how uncomfortable he’ll be out and about in Ambridge for a while.


Crisps and tea make Jamie a happy chappy

Jamie sounded absolutely delighted when Jolene first told him to help himself to crisps, and over the moon when she asked him to stay for tea.

Aren’t teenagers odd?

Kathy more or less gets food flung back at her – but Jolene can now do no wrong.

To be young and completely unfathomable and unreasonable.


Kathy loses the plot (yet again)

Arriving home to find no Jamie, Kathy calls him.

And goes a tad OTT when she realised he’s at The Bull.

She rushes over there, makes Jamie go out to the car, while she has a go at Jolene.

[Kathy] “I can do without you trying to undermine me. Wheedling him away down here all the time …”

Kathy is trying to make out that she’s wants to keep Jamie away from The Bull, so that he focuses on his studying.

She doesn’t realise that (a) Jamie chose to go to The Bull and (b) Jamie studies, when at The Bull.

And Jolene did tell Jamie to text Kathy to let her know where he was.

[Kathy] “I know what you’re up to, And I’ve had enough. Jamie is my son, not yours!”

[Jolene] “Excuse me, in case you’ve forgotten, he’s Sid’s son as well, which make him my stepson. If you think I’m going to let go of that relationship, you’re wrong … you say you’re trying to keep him on the right track, well so am I “

[Kathy] “Oh how very noble of you. And I suppose Kenton’s right behind you!”

[Jolene] “Look, can we leave Kenton out of this”

[Kathy] “Well hardly, as you seem to have brought him very much into it to play happy families … you trying to take the moral high ground now … you just can’t stop himself can you, you want the whole lot. Getting the whole village to feel sorry for you while you mope over Sid, while at the same time throwing … you haven’t changed. Well I don’t want my son around someone with the morals of an alley cat”

(meow!)

Storming back out, Jamie’s in the car (listening to Lady Gaga, no less), and also has a go at Kathy. He’s just not accepting that she’s angry with Jolene because Jolene has been ‘going behind’ her back.

Well – she hasn’t. Not this time.

[Jamie] “The point is you just don’t get it, and you never will. Cause you just can’t see what you do to people. Ask yourself, mum, why would I prefer to be at The Bull … haven’t you noticed, dad preferred being with Jolene, Kenton prefers being with Jolene and you know what, I do too”

OOOOH – that was painful to listen to.

Kathy shouts after Jamie, but he’s back off to The Bull. She tries to call him, and leaves a message saying that she’s sorry.

Oh dear.

Has Kathy lost yet another man to Jolene?

The Archers Monday 28th March 2011: Jolene’s a go-go

• Christine has a dental appointment
• Matt Crawford: a keen Gardners’ Question Time listener
• Jim likes Shula
• Kathy’s a clype!
• The Peregrines have Lynda to watch over them
• Jim has chosen the next Book Club book
• Clarrie has a plan
• Shower Scene ahoy!

CLICK THE 'READ MORE' LINK BELOW THE BULLET POINTS TO READ THE FULL POST ON THIS EAVESDROPPING EPISODE

Christine has a dental appointment

Which means it’s up to Jim and Lynda to show the engineer from Gardners Question time round the village hall.

[Jim] “He’ll sound out the hall, literally”

And Pete (the engineer chap) was seemingly quite impressed with the hall.

(The tension, it does mount …)



Matt Crawford: a keen Gardners’ Question Time listener

Who’d have thunk it!

Despite Matt seeming to turn back to his bad old ways after coming out of Prison (lying to Lilian, scheming etc), one thing has changed.

He has found a love for horticulture.

[Jim] “Would you have Matt Crawford down as someone keen to get his hands on tickers for Gardners’ Question time?”

Mais non!

But he did do a lot of gardening on the inside (wonder if he managed to get roses to grow? The Prisoner Cell Block H ladies seemed to do quite well).



Jim likes Shula

And all it took was Nigel to die.

[Jim] “Shula’s strength and character have really come to the fore over the last few months. She’s been quite splendid”

Kathy’s a clype!

Clarrie was already too aware that Joe and Eddie had been up to culinary mischief on Sunday, but Kathy told her all.

[Clarrie] “They says all furtive like, that they had to go down the field”

So not content with almost being caught, Eddie and Joe had later stole off to collect their dinner from the shed and the van, then took it round Fat Paul’s to eat.

Cheeky!

Clarrie also found a dirty carving knife in a drawer, on top of her clean towels. So she didn’t really need Kathy to say anything.

[Clarrie] “Stood over them until they told me the whole story … I’m that ashamed of them, Jolene …Kathy though it was funny. But no, they need teaching a lesson”

Cripes. Clarrie does sound proper angry this time!




The Peregrines have Lynda to watch over them

They’re back, and it looks like Lynda reckons they have eggs.

She’ll keep them safe from those church goers (a bit of bird poop never did hurt anyone).




Jim has chosen the next Book Club book

And there was no great surprise what sort he went for.

Lynda though he might be reasonable and plump for one of his ‘Roman Detectives’:

[Lynda] “One doesn’t want anything too challenging for the likes of Joe Grundy”

But alas … Jim started waffling on about some roman folks I’d never heard of, and how the book should be:

[Jim] “A work with a far higher purpose.”

Hmmm.

So Jim’s choice is:

[Jim] “Ovid’s Metamorphoses … 15 books … I shall select a couple and let people know … it’s not as if I expect people to read it in the original”

*sigh*

Even Lynda was hard pushed to explain to Clarrie what the book was about. She started grasping at ‘something to do with changing … shape shifting’ and the like.

[Clarrie] “Maybe reading that will change him (Joe) into something I don’t have to be ashamed of”

Boy! Clarrie really isn’t going to let Eddie and Joe off lightly this time. No indeed not.


Clarrie has a plan

She’s going to set Jim on Eddie and Joe.

[Clarrie] “But this is bad, Lynda, even for Joe and Eddie”

(on Jim saying he thought their plan to get their Sunday dinner was ingenious)

[Lynda] “Ingenious! It’s downright deceitful”

So Clarrie decides that Jim needs to sort Joe out, as Joe actually listens to him.

Worth a try, I suppose.

But what about Eddie? Who on earth will he listen to?


Show Scene ahoy!

Kenton and Jolene are meant to be taking it slow, but are quite clearly very (very) attracted to each other.

Have a small mope that they won’t see much of each other over the next few days due to Nigel’s inquest (amongst other things), Kenton admits he loves being with Jolene all of the time.

[Kenton] “The phone is not the same as holding you … I know we said we’d take things slowly … but when I’m around you, I’m finding it really difficult”

(“No!”, I thought to myself “is he talking about adult liaisons???”)

[Kenton] “If, or when, you feel ready to mo9ve things on. Just say.”

(“Yes … they are talking about shagging!”)

And just as Kenton is about to leave:

[Jolene] “Oh, um, Kenton … I’m ready”

Cripes! Lock your children away from the radio … it’s about to get steamy.

The Archers Tues 22nd March 2011: Gardeners’ Question Time AND the first Book Club

• Gardeners’ Question Time
• Hello Christine!
• “Roy is a treasure”
• Nigel and Topper – picture perfect
• No grazing allowed at the Book Blub
• “What’s under that there foil there, Caroline Sterling?”
• Can’t afford books??????????
• “Little Drummer boy died of his wounds an’ all”
• “Cheer up Nathan Booth”
• Joe enjoyed, Usha not so
• Sabrina’s “paucity of intellectual rigour”
• What will Jim choose?
• ‘That’ statue

Gardeners’ Question Time

Might be coming to Ambridge.

Steady on there! Camilla, possibly some hat woman AND Gardeners’ Question Time.

Makes one hope that loads are not being blown too soon …

No mention of exactly when, but they seemingly need the village hall from 12pm-2pm.

Ah – anticipation.



Hello Christine!

It’s been an age – so lovely to hear Christine again.

It was she who Jim had to race round to in order to check if the village hall would be free for Gardeners’ Question Time.

Christine mentioned that it was Phil who had first asked Gardeners’ Question Time to come to Ambridge.

(pause … sigh … lovely, lovely Phil)


“Roy is a treasure”

So says Elizabeth to Caroline.

Funny how suddenly Elizabeth feels less stressed now that Roy is on-hand – just goes to how that Farmer David’s intentions were good, but not really up to the job at hand.

Still, Elizabeth does sound in far better form, even though Lily is still having nightmares.

[Elizabeth] “The device has given me new confidence, and I’m being waited on hand and foot”

Nigel and Topper – picture perfect

To ease the Twins’ sadness at having to lose Topper (and, ahem, their dad), Caroline has framed a seemingly superb picture of Nigel and Topper.

Nigel’s holding the Stirrup Cup, and is “looking mischievous”.



No grazing allowed at the Book Blub

Usha’s being strict with her cultural endeavours – the Book Club shall break for nibbles, rather than be allowed to munch during the discussion. Avoids “greasy marks” on the book, you see …

Jennifer couldn’t be there (and Jim was surprised to learn she is a published author), and neither could Ruth (she never sounded that keen in the first place, and now wants to clean before Home farm’s cleaner comes to Brookfield to clean).

But Caroline, Jim, Richard Thwaite (Usha, of course) are all at the inaugural meeting.

As is Jim and Nathan Booth …



“What’s under that there foil there, Caroline Sterling?”

As suspected yesterday when Joe’s ears perked up at Robert Snell’s mention of nibbles and wine at the Book Club – Joe’s invited himself along.

He’s joined by a Nathan Booth, very keen to see Sabrina.

(one would have thought he’d been able to see enough of Sabrina in her cat show during the Panto to provide him with enough pleasurable memories for the next decade!).

And the answer to Joe’s question to Caroline – leftover canapés …


Can’t afford books??????????

Joe reckons he hasn’t read the book for the Book Club as he can’t afford books.

Have all the Borchester libraries already shut for good?

He later went onto say that he might get it on tape (if he can).

Why not just ask Clarrie to read it aloud while she’s clipping your toenails?




“Little Drummer boy died of his wounds an’ all”

As the group is getting into meaningful discussion about the murder (in The Suspicions of Mr Whicher – which I do highly recommend) was so shocking because it was middle class etc. etc. , Joe jumps in to ramble on about the Little Drummer Boy.

For those who don’t know it – he was shot by a round head musket, or an Irish one, the battle of Hassett Bridge on 14th June, he staggered to The Bull but died, then June 14th 1995 a cannon ball was hurled into The Bull, followed by a Tap, Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap from the wall – the very next week Sid opened the Hassett room in the Drummer Boy’s memory.

What’s that got to do with the topic at hand, Joe only knows!


“Cheer up Nathan Booth”

[Joe] “Cheer up Nathan Booth, it’s time for the nibbles”

And that was really all there was to cheer up poor Nathan.

[Joe] “Nathan Booth is a very disappointed man. He only showed up on the promise of Sabrina Thwaite coming … got a crush on her see. He don’t get to meet many women, socially”

Maybe Harry could help Nathan learn to use the internet.

I’ve said it before about our single Ambridge residents – dating websites …


Joe enjoyed, Usha not so

[Joe] “A nice social occasion with the grub and that Them canapés was past their best, mind …”

[Usha] “Oh the cheek of him … I don’t know who invited Joe, I certainly didn’t””

Jim relates that it was Robert’s fault for Joe being there – but he own fault for a scowling Nathan’s presence. It was he who mentioned Sabrina.

Though Usha thinks it was a disaster, Jim’s quick to correct her.

[Jim] “It went very well. No, you’ve heralded something culturally rather interesting for Ambridge”

Cripes!



Sabrina’s “paucity of intellectual rigour”

[Jim] “Then I made an ironic comment saying I could only hope Sabrina would join as well, if only to enrich her mind, Usha. She has such a paucity of intellectual rigour, I dread doing a shift with her in the shop”

Meow, Mr Lloyd. Me-ow!


What will Jim choose?

Usha is normally quite an astute lady – why did she give the next book choice to Jim?

He might surprise us all with Angela’s Ashes (or the like), but it’s a bit of a gamble for only the second meeting.

[Jim] “Ah,. Don’t you worry. I’m still cogitating. It’s going to be a hard one though, when you consider the legions of classic books so dear to my heart”

Hmmm.


‘That’ statue

[Joe] “Nice Indian Statue in the living room, by the way”

[Usha] “Thank you, not everyone thinks it”

Considering Usha and Shula actually spoke (and were civil) to each other just after Nigel died – I wonder if more is yet to come about the statue?

It’s been a fair while.