Ambridge Extra Thursday 30th June 2011: Final episode?

• Was that the last Ambridge Extra?
• Kenton didn’t lose his battery
• Chas wakes up
• Rhys races Harry
• Moronic Mates crash
• Actually, Natalie might be a bad ‘un
• Alice belongs

Was that the last Ambridge Extra?

I think so.

Or, the last of this ‘series’.

Has it been worth tuning into the eavesdropping moments of Ambridge’s younger residents?

I started out loathing it, moved to being slightly interested, moved back to loathing (those bursts of hit parade music and teen language was quite irritating), but was again interested as we heard more from Chas and Alice.

Could have done without the moronic Steve and Marty – but I suppose we couldn’t hear from Jamie without them.

Bit of a mixed bag, then.

If it was an experiment to attract the youngsters to Ambridge, then I suppose it might have worked (but would need to ask a teen).


Kenton didn’t lose his battery

As Steve and Marty didn’t steal it.

Steve reckons it was too big, but he probably just didn’t try and steal it as he only had Marty for an audience.

So after all his bluster, Steve had to call Spencer to come and give him a jump start. Which is what the (increasingly sensible) Jamie had said to do.


Chas wakes up

So Alice and Chris immediately accost him, so that he can confirm to Chris the truth about his non-relationship relationship with Alice.

When they first walk in, Alice asks Chas how he’s feeling:

[Chas] “Never better. Nothing like a two week sleep to refresh one’s self”

(the bang on the head hasn’t made Chas a less of an ar*e, then)

Alice doesn’t give Chas much time to focus – she’s then right on him to tell the truth. That they’ve never been more than friends. And that the trip that never was, never was a trip she’d agreed to.

But what a surprise – Chas doesn’t want to play nicely.

[Chas] “Alice, I think the time for lying is over … I know it’s difficult, but you really must admit to Chris how we feel about each other. We’re in love”

(well, we didn’t expect that to happen, did we?)

Chas tells Chris that the trip didn’t happen only because Alice got delayed and that it was what they both wanted to be together.

As Chris is about to leave, having heard enough, and believing that Alice has been cheating on him, Alice suddenly regains her (Aldridge) consciousness – and corners Chas.

If he doesn’t tell the truth – Alice will tell the Police that she lied about the night that Shaun had been assaulted (remember that? In the very first Ambridge Extra). She’ll tell them that she actually can’t remember any of it, and that Chas later admitted that he had assaulted Shaun.

[Chas] “You’re going to risk your career, your life, everything for this pathetic farm boy … you stupid, stupid girl. Can't you see you’ve been wasting your time with him? I'm the one you’re supposed to be with, not some country bumpkin who can’t even string a sentence together”

[Alice – showing no fear of a Police record] “I love Chris. And I want to spend the rest of my life with him”

[Chas] “You’re pathetic, you know that. Small minded, village mentality. No ambition. What did I ever see in you … I want my money back, every penny!”

So check mate.

And hopefully cheerio mate!


Rhys races Harry

[Rhys] “I have been taking performance enhancing substances – Shires, mainly”

But the following events put pay to the race.

Shame. We’ll never know if Wales is better than England (or vice versa).

Still, looks like they were going to use the pledge money for everyone to have a “big night”. So all’s well, really.


Moronic Mates crash

First off, Natalie catches Jamie with Steve and Marty, when he promised he wasn’t going to see them again (he chose her over them the other night).

Steve has been eyeing up a bloke’s posh car (they’re all at the pub), and the bloke leaves the keys lying around. Steve has a couple of pints, and also pockets the keys.

In between all of this, Steve and Marty have been taking the Michael out of Rhys and Harry as they race.

So. Jamie refuses to get in the (stolen) car. Steve harasses Marty to get in. Steve drives off, at speed, after Harry and Rhys. Steve then crashes the car.

Next we hear is Jamie panicking, and saying Kenton’s name.

We don’t get to hear much else – only what Jamie tells Natalie. Harry and Rhys are fine (they just fell off their bikes).



Actually, Natalie might be a bad ‘un

Natalie sees Jamie is very upset. Natalie is told that his mates have had a car crash.

But she’s still fixated on whether Jamie has chosen her over his mates. All she can be glad about is that he didn’t get in the car because he wanted to prove he had chosen her.

Not that he was safe.

And rather than helping him in his hour of need, she happily trots off to meet her mum, so that she can then go on holiday.

Hmmm.

As they part, they both say they love each other. While I have no doubt that Natalie is of value in getting Jamie away from Steve and Marty – has he just swapped the morons for a bunny boiler?


Alice belongs

As Alice and Chris get back home to Ambridge, Alice offers to not go to University to finisher her masters, so that she can get a job to help pay for the new loan Chris will have to get to pay off Chas.

Chris won’t hear of it. His business is not more important than Alice’s career.

[Chris] “You know what Chas said, bout me being a farm boy … I know I’m not sophisticated like your Uni friends, I am a bit of a country bumpkin from sleepy Ambridge ….”

[Alice] “No. He was completely out of order. I love you Chris;. And I love it here. This is where I belong”

Aw!

So, apart from having to find the money to pay Chas back (by next week), all ends well for Chris and Alice.

Here’s hoping Chas stays away for the rest of all our lives …

Ambridge Extra Thursday 23rd June 2011: Pink Llamas

• Chris’ birthday ruined by Chas
• Lynda’s pink Llamas
• Kirsty feels trusted
• Team Milk Vs Team Beer
• Alice could be in China soon
• Now Chris could be in trouble
• By the way, Alice got a 2:1

Chris’ birthday ruined by Chas

Chris is very happy that he has the boxset AND tickets to see someone he likes (Comedian? Group? Theatre?).

But Chas manages to put a downer on Chris’ birthday meal with Alice, even when Chas is still in hospital.

Alice can’t stop thinking/worrying about Chas. She doesn’t even want her chicken …



Lynda’s pink Llamas

I would’ve laughed out loud if it hadn’t been Jamie and his moronic mates playing the jest. They just sounded like a poor man’s version of Beavis and Butt-head (if such a thing exists).

Steve and Marty want to go and steal a car, but Jamie has a better plan. Something he’s wanted to do for a long time.

[Jamie] “I know what we can do after dark … it will crack you up … but first we have to go to the chemist”

They get some red hair dye from the chemists (bought or stolen, not quite sure).

Then, are to be found in the Snells’ paddock, at midnight.

Jamie’s very lucky that Lynda wasn’t having one of her insomniac moments. He called her “just a receptionist” … ouch!

Then they get to the Llamas …

… next morning, the Llamas are pink.

Slightly amusing. The image of Robert and Joe washing them down raised a smirk.

But I do worry that the hair dye might have irritated the Llamas skin (never use human shampoo, and the like, on your dog – surely the same for Llamas?).

And that god awful Steve ruins any enjoyment one could have from their antics.

[Steve] “Nice one, Jamie mate. Good call”

Twat.


Kirsty feels trusted

To manage the Ambridge Organics. Which means she’s trusted by Helen, Pat and Tony. Which is no mean feat at all.


Team Milk Vs Team Beer

Harry was fraternising with the enemy when he was in shopping at Ambridge Organics (Fallon is on his side, Kirsty on Rhys’).

But it’s fine. Kirsty has her ethics:

[Kirsty] “I expect it’s against the organic shopkeepers code to divulge the contents of the shopping basket”

Harry does seem to be taking the mountain bike race with Rhys fairly seriously.

[Harry] “Bit of fun? The honour of England’s at stake!”

But it is hard to tell if the wholemeal pasta and muesli bars are just for his training – he’s just that type of healthy eater all year round.

Rhys? He’s just having an extra sausage in his breakfast …

Harry is a bit disappointed to heard more people are backing Rhys (the losing team and its supporters have to buy the winners a round), but it’s okay – Harry has time to canvas his milk customers.

Don’t fancy his chances, mind. I reckon most folks are happy to say ‘yes’ to nearly everything when asked in a pub … slightly different at 6am in the morning when you just need the milk for that first cup of coffee …


Alice could be in China soon

If she keeps on digging that rather large hole for herself.

The same policewoman who had interviewed her over the nightclub assault (that Chas had been accused of doing) turns up at the flat.

Chris opens the door. He says he’s Alice’s husband. Alice recognises the policewoman, and has to tell Chris why she’d met her before. But not too much explaining – she sends Chris out for milk (before she has to do any more explaining to him).

[Policewoman] “So, before we talk about the assault, maybe we can talk about you and Chas, and your husband …”

[Alice] “We had a fling … Chris doesn’t know about it … I was embarrassed, I just didn’t want to go on record”

Now Chris could be in trouble

After her interview with the Policewoman, Alice tells Chris about the Nightclub.

He’s a tad annoyed that Alice hadn’t told him at the time.

The, the Policeman has a chat with Chris. Well, more interrogates …

The Policewoman asks where Chris was when Chas was assaulted (at The Bull). Can anyone couch for that (yes). When did he leave (11pm). How far away is Ambridge from Alice’s flat (not far enough to rule Chris out from being able to leave the pub, and drive over to beat up Chas).

The Policewoman also asked Chris if he actually knew Alice that well (all her life). But she asked enough questions about Chas and Alice to make Chris a bit suspicious.

So Chris, now in a foul mood, tackles Alice about her relationship with Chas.

[Alice] “What do you mean, relationship?”

[Chris] “That’s what I’m wondering Alice .. I’m starting to think I’ve been really stupid”

So Chris has had enough. He wants Alice to pack up and leave there and then for Ambridge.

But Alice wants to stay.

Because of Chas.

Oh dear.



By the way, Alice got a 2:1

Well done Alice.

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 21st June 2011: Chas in hospital

• Chas got what was coming?
• Chas, good looking?
• If you missed every episode of Ambridge Extra up to today …
• Team Rhys Vs Team Harry
• Inside of Jamie is a nice boy trying to get out
• Chris to the rescue!
• Marty fancies Fallon

Chas got what was coming?

I’m no advocate of violence.

There are far more brutal ways of exacting revenge on a foe …

But I also can’t say that I’ll lose any sleep over Chas being beaten up to the point that he’s unconscious, on a ventilator.

It would seem that, unlike Chas, Lesley isn’t just all talk.

Alice is blaming herself. She reckons that if she had gone away with Chas, none of this would have happened.

Eh?

Surely it’s Chas’ actions that brought this on.


Chas, good looking?

Paulie reckons Chas’ mum is a real looker. And said that was where Chas must get it from.

That’s funny.

I’ve always thought of Chas as a bit of a weedy, but tall, chap. And bit of a chinless wonder without much sparkle to attract the ladies (or any friends).

But seems not so.


If you missed every episode of Ambridge Extra up to today …

… it’s okay, as Alice spent at least 5 minutes telling us (well, Paulie) about Chas. From the very beginning.


Team Rhys Vs Team Harry

After Rhys at first sounding a bit reticent about going ahead with his mountain bike, he mans up and properly challenges Harry.

[Rhys] “The Anglo-Welsh challenge race is on”

With Kirsty on Team Rhys, and Fallon on Team Harry.

Folks can also back a team by pledging beer money, with the loosing team buying the drinks.



Inside of Jamie is a nice boy trying to get out

Jamie seems to be spending most of his wages on getting taxis over to Natalie’s house.

[Jamie] “I don’t wanna buy things with it … I’d rather see you”

Aw. What a wee sweetie.

Jamie is even showing signs that he’s starting to use his brain, and is beginning to understand Kathy.

[Jamie] “As long as I eat with her now and then, and don’t throw toys out of my pram … you know, just try to get on, it’s less hassle that way … and if I wash up and then or watch something on telly with her, she’s that grateful that she isn’t bothered what I do the rest of the time.”

(well, still a wee bit calculating, but he is a teenage lad)

BUT – that’s all until Steve and Marty are back in the picture.

Jamie is later (or the next day – hard to tell with Ambridge Extra) is hanging out with Steve and Marty. They start of civilised – having a coffee in Jaxx at Jamie’s insistence. But soon move onto mischief.

This time, it’s trying to steal a car.

Steve manages to get in (using a Slim Jim nicked from Spud’s dad), but manages to pick the one “old banger” that has an alarm.

Thick boys.

They run away, and seem to have a wonderful time doing so.

Or, at least Marty and Steve had a real buzz nearly stealing a car.

Jamie didn't sound so keen.


Chris to the rescue!

Alice calls Chris to tell him about Chas. Worried that Alice had met Lesley (the bloke who beat Chas up), and also worried that the folk after Chas won’t know Alice isn’t involved – Chris arrives to make sure his lady wife is safe.

Alice tells him about Chas’ ‘shark’ activities. But Chris doesn’t seem too worried about the money Chas has lent him.

Might still come back to bite Chris on the bum, though.


Marty fancies Fallon

And Steve is just gross.

Marty can barely grunt at Fallon when she says hello to him (struck dumb by her sheer beauty, so he was).

But Steve …

[Steve] “And I’m Steve. How you doing, sweetheart … care to join us for a little something … or a not so little something …”

What a mucky pup.

Ambridge Extra Thursday 16th June 2011: Chas gets a right kicking*

(*metaphorically)

• Do young people get hangovers that bad?
• Natalie gives Jamie a second chance
• Lesley knows where Chas lives
• Mia's shoes fall apart … what?
• Chas really is a looper
• Fallon’s fandango
• Wales Vs England
• ’ello Chas

Do young people get hangovers that bad?

Jamie’s seems to have lasted two days.

When I was a younger ‘un I could drink myself stupid and still function the morning after. Not the case now, I’m afraid.


Natalie gives Jamie a second chance

Lucky boy.

He doesn’t seem to remember much about what he’d done at Spud’s party. He calls Natalie after she doesn’t answer his text.

She’s annoyed. He begs. And she agrees to meet with him.

[Jamie] “Oh, I was being a prat again., wasn’t I?”

Natalie concurs, but reckons it was more Steve’s fault for getting Jamie so drunk.

[Natalie] “If it was a mission to put me off you, they succeeded”

But – it’s not a permanent state of mind, and she forgives.


Lesley knows where Chas lives

Alice answers the door to Lesley. He’s looking to speak to Chas but he isn’t in. Lucky for Chas.

[Alice] “He didn’t look like a Lesley, but he was very polite”

(eh? Are blokes called Lesley generally impolite?)

Chas audibly falls apart when he hears that Lesley has been round.

Which made for very pleasant listening, indeed.

I generally see the good in people. But Chas. Definitely, not, Chas.


Mia's shoes fall apart … what?

Rhys and co. are getting everything ready for Fallon’s surprise Glamping party, when Fallon calls Nic.

Fallon’s got two passes to the gym, so suggests she and Nic can train there rather than go for a walk – with the added bonus of a sauna after.

[Nic] “Oh, flip!”

She later calls Fallon back to say that she was out on a walk with Mia and Jake (up Lakey Hill), when Mia’s shoes fell to bits. She can’t manage to get back on her own, so she needs Fallon’s help. It has to be Fallon, not anyone at Brookfield with a 4x4 (as Fallon pointed out – it’s Brookfield’s land).

Sorry – but did Nic say that Mia’s shoes had fallen apart?

Her shoes?

What?

How does that ever happen?

Either I have lived a life far less, or Fallon will believe absolutely anything!


Chas really is a looper

[Chas] “We have to get away”

Chas has lost the plot, and is trying to drag Alice down with him.

He explains what the problem is. That he lends money, and it’s blown up in his face.

[Alice] “Chas, you’re a loan Shark?!?”

[Chas] “But these people, they’re that rubbish … what do you expect with that sort of trash?”

He mentions that he’d lent money to Jackie (which then led to her running away), and that he charges high interest because these people are indeed just that rubbish.

Alice asks if has ever hurt anyone, he claims he’s just broken a few things.

[Chas] “I’m not safe here anymore. He’ll kill me, Alice”

[Alice] “Oh my god, Chas, you poor thing!”

(what’s that Alice? You are you, these days??? He’s just told you he has made money off of desperate people – he’s surely brought this on himself?)

So, Chas has decided that he and Alice will run away together. He’s already bought the Eurostar tickets to Paris.

[Chas] “Then we can be together, anywhere in Europe”

[Alice] “What do you mean we? Be together? Us?”

[Chas] “You must know I love you. And I know you feel the same. You love me, don’t you?”

[Alice] “ …as a friend”

[Chas] “No, that’s because you haven’t allowed yourself to see it for what it is. You’re trying to be loyal to Chris … but deep down inside, you know we’re made for each other, we’re soul mates Alice, just be honest with yourself. You can’t tell me you never dreamed about it”

[Alice] “No … of course I’ve thought , if things were different …”

So that’s that. Chas has heard that Alice wants to be with him, and will run away with him.

If Chas wasn’t such a looper, he’d have heard Alice being honest, but not that enthusiastic about him, or running away.

Later on, he’s at Eurostar waiting for Alice. But her phone is turned off.

He waits. And waits.

He even tries to stop the last train leaving for “his girlfriend”. When it leaves, he cries out a very loud (and embarrassing) “Noooooooooooooooooooo!”

Hah! Couldn’t have happened to a nicer chap.


Fallon’s fandango

Fallon does fall for Nic’s rather rubbish white lie, and goes up Lakey Hill.

And … SURPRISE!

All the grand are there in their finery – they even took a choice of finery for Fallon to choose from – and Rhys even has made Fallon her own ‘Fallon Fandango’ cocktail.

[Fallon] “Oh, you, lovely people”

Wales Vs England

[Rhys] “In Wales, we don’t let a little mountain get in our way … further proof of the inferiority of the English race”

Rhys was taking Harry to task for saying that it would have been near impossible for anyone to have cycled (with a trailer) all the gear up for the glamping party.

So looks like Harry and Rhys are going to have a race.


’ello Chas

After failing to reach Alice, after failing to catch his train to Paris, Chas returns home to his flat.

To find Lesley standing outside.

“ …‘ello Chas. I’ve been waiting for you …”

Oh-ho!

Now, I don’t want Chas badly hurt, but maybe just a bit of sense knocked into him wouldn’t go amiss.

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 14th June 2011: Exams are over

• Chas really is a prat
• Nic’s cunning plan
• “Sunny with the occasional scattered showers”
• Chas is threatened. Hurrah!
• Spud’s party

Chas really is a prat

[Chas] “It’s a post-feminist polemic portraying transgressive female solidarity in the face of reactionary male hegemony”

[Alice] “Looks like Lady Gaga to me”

I know he was joking, but he just isn’t funny. Or clever. Or a decent human being …

Later on, when Alice’s talking about all of the farewell parties she’s going to over the next few weeks (as exams are over and she’s leaving Uni), Chas’ diary didn’t seem to be that full.

Nae mates Chas!

And to top it all off, he later (while a bit drunk and maudlin) tries to tell Alice how much he’s going to miss living with her. I suspect, he really wanted to say that he’s in love with her.

[Chas] “Out of all the people I’ve met … you’re special, the best …”

All he gets is:

[Alice] “Aw, you big softie’”

[Chas] “You’ll have forgotten my name soon”

Here’s hoping!


Nic’s cunning plan

Nic has to come up with a reason why Fallon should go to Lakey Hill. Rhys and Kirsty are trying to make up for their previous prank (pretending they were getting engaged) by playing the rather nicer prank of a surprise ‘glamping’ party for Fallon.

Still not sure why Rhys is so adamant that Nic is the woman for the job. Especially as she’s really struggled to come up with an idea for how she’ll get Fallon up the Hill without spoiling the surprise.

So what’s Nic’s plan?

To say that she’s taking part in a sponsored work for the school.

So, she needs to train. And asks Fallon to go one of her walks with her.

Fine enough idea. Except, Nic reckons her sponsored walk is 20 miles …

20 miles!

Nic didn’t think that one through, and I reckon Fallon will twig something is awry very shortly.



“Sunny with the occasional scattered showers”

Is how Rhys is feeling today.

[Rhys] “As incompatible as chips and custard”

Is what he reckons he and Kirsty are.

Seriously, Jazzer should watch his step. He may lose his ‘wit of Ambridge’ crown.



Chas is threatened. Hurrah!

[Lesley] “You piece of crap. You need to learn some manners mate … who the hell do you think you are?”

[Chas] “I accept, on reflection, that I may have been a little excessive …”

[Lesley] “Shut up … that debt is written off, paid in full. You stay away from Reggie and forget about the money., Understand! … and here’s one more thing. I won’t forget you. If I ever come across you again, you’ll know it … you better watch your step, posh boy”

All of which puts Chas right off his lunch.

Serves Chas right. He’s a wee lad trying to play a big man’s game. It’s taking a proper big man to put him back in his place. Course, none of this would have happened if Chas hadn’t been taking advantage of desperate people in the first place.

When Chas is later out and about, Lesley spots him on the street – forcing Chas to run away like the wee laddie he is.



Spud’s party

Jamie’s exams are also over, so he’s at Steve’s party, just about to have a dance with Natalie.

[Steve] “Nah mate, you don’t want to do that”

Course he doesn’t. Watching Spud chug a beer is far better than dancing with a girl.

True to form, Jamie ends up ignoring and being rude to Natalie, so that he can get drunk with (and impress) his moronic mates.

[Natalie] “Grow up Jamie, for god sake!”

Natalie storms off. Jamie gets drunker still. Eventually ends up in such a state that he can’t be persuaded to leave the party once it’s well and truly over. Steve wants to just leave him slumped where he is. Steve does leave, but Marty stays with Jamie.

Nice work Jamie.

You’ll likely be single again, but at least you know Marty isn’t a totally useless mate.

Ambridge Extra Thursday 9th June 2011: Alice snogs Chas

• What’s a ‘sick’ picture?
• Nic hasn’t much of an imagination
• Sid’s birthday
• Chas breaks Reggie’s mobile phone
• Steve and Marty make plans for Jamie
• Chas cannae kiss!

What’s a ‘sick’ picture?

Marty is (again) talking rubbish to Jamie when he’s (again) trying to study.

[Marty] “Since when did you start hanging out with the nerds in the library!”

But then Marty goes on to talk about how Steve has a ‘sick’ picture of someone called Josie Watkins.

That sounds like a rather horrible picture to me – or does it mean that it’s good?

(and I’m increasingly annoyed by Ambridge Extra making me feel old when I’m only in my kid thirties).


Nic hasn’t much of an imagination

Nic still has no idea how to get Fallon up Lakey Hill for her surprise treat.

She does come up with a bit of an odd plan – to put on a treasure hunt, which Fallon would take part in, and be led up Lakey Hill as part of a clue.

Rhys quite rightly points out the major flaws in Nic’s idea – that she’d have to advertise the Treasure Hunt; that others might take part; that Fallon might be too dim to solver the clues; that Fallon may not even want to do a Treasure hunt …

… but what’s his idea? He did, after all, dump the task of getting Fallon up Lakey Hill onto Nic – when, after all, it was he and Kirsty need to make up with Fallon.

Rhys comes up with winching Fallon down from a helicopter, or strapping her to a quad bike.

Very helpful.

[Nic] “I don’t know why I’m doing this”

[Rhys] “It’s because you’re a lovely person”

(oooh – Nic and Rhys?)


Sid’s birthday

After telling Marty to go away when he was trying to study in the library, Jamie starts ranting (to, rather than at) Natalie about how he should have done more revision, months ago, rather than just before his exam.

But then the real reason for his anxiety comes out:

[Jamie] “I just miss him, alright … everything’s changed … why did it have to get screwed up … u just want things to be like they used to be?”

He’d actually been reading books about life after death, when he was in the library.

Jamie’s verdict? They were all rubbish, and he is truly on its own.


Chas breaks Reggie’s mobile phone

I’ve said it before. Chas is a right ar*e.

He’s back at Reggie’s, hassling him for money.

Unlucky for Reggie, Chas turned up early – so managed to avoid have to deal with Reggie’s brother Lesley again.

When Reggie tries to call Lesley, Chas breaks his phone. It then sounded like Chas had hit him. And made off with his telly.

Ar*e.



Steve and Marty make plans for Jamie

Steve reckons Jamie is a mummy’s boy.

So he and Marty make plans to get Jamie “completely slaughtered” on Monday night, when his exams are over.

It didn’t sound like “getting slaughtered” was meant in a good way.


Chas cannae kiss!

Alice’s final exams are over, so she’s celebrating with Paulie, and his girlfriend – drinking games first, then off to see The Undertones (a popular Hit Parade band).

Chas comes in when Paulie had been forced to admit that he’d kiss Dermot O’Leary (they’re playing truth or dare). And Alice reckons that Adam thought that Paulie was quite cute.

(and???)

Chas is in a good mood (well, he’s probably just sold Reggie’s telly for £50), and is ‘well up’ for a party.

When it’s his truth at truth or dare, Alice asks him for the truth of what he really thought when she told him she’d married Chris.

[Chas] “I thought … lucky Chris”

(aye, right you did. I’m sure there were a few more expletives in mind).

Alice’s turn. She wouldn’t tell the truth of say who she’d fantasised “shagging” at Uni – so she was dared (by Paulie’s girlfriend) to snog Chas.

So they do.

After the deed:

[Chas] “That was okay, wasn’t it?”

[Alice – without much enthusiasm] “Yeah … who is next?”

Laugh at Chas?

Yes. Yes I did.

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 7th June 2011: Alice and Chas go to bed

(to watch a film on Alice’s laptop. Still a bit icky, though)

• Don’t take the Michael out of Jamie’s bear
• Chas gets told where to go. Twice.
• Fallon’s still got the hump
• No more boom boom!
• We all need quadratic equations, Steve
• A year since Sid died

Don’t take the Michael out of Jamie’s bear

Steve was wondering why Jamie never invites him and Marty over to his house. While he had turned up unexpectedly. At Jamie’s house.

Jamie probably hasn’t invited Steve over because he’s a bully and an insensitive prat.

Steve then pushes Jamie too far. Not only is Steve interrupting him while he’s trying to study, but he then takes the Michael out of Blower (sp?). Jamie’s bear. Which Sid had given to him.

And hurrah! Jamie kicks Steve out!

[Steve] “I’ve been standing up for you .. .you’re a right little runt sometimes!”

Aye. Right then, Steve. Off you toddle, now.



Chas gets told where to go. Twice.

Chas is up in Newcastle trying to find Jackie (who disappeared from Uni without paying him back his ‘loan’).

He tries to hassle someone called Rachel (who is in the flat he thinks Jackie is staying at). But he doesn’t get anywhere.

[Rachel] “You can believe what you like. I don’t know where she’s gone”

Rachel threatens to call the Police. Chas backs off.

[Chas] “Fine … stick up for your friend. She stole from me, remember!”

Then Mr Parker (Jackie’s dad) tells Chas where to go when he calls up to try to see if he can get another address for Jackie.

Chas doesn’t seem to be getting anywhere with the great hunt for Jackie.

And, considering Lesley is protecting Reggie, where else can Chas turn to get enough money to keep Vince off of his back.

Chris?


Fallon’s still got the hump!

Looks like Fallon still isn’t happy with Kirsty and Rhys.

She’s even changed her shifts to never work with Rhys (or so it seems).

Nic has the bright idea of Rhys and Kirsty making up with Fallon by “doing something nice” for her birthday on the 19th.

Which Rhys and Kirsty take on board with aplomb!

Glamping, it would seem, is the answer. Up on Lakey Hill.

Kirsty has a friend with a Bell tent. They can get rugs, lantern, “maybe a bean bag or two”.

All very nice.

But is that a fatal mistake I spot?

They’ve decided to fool Fallon into the whole glamping trip being a surprise.

It’s fallen to Nic to do the deed. Because no-one else had the bottle:

[Rhys] “What is this? Kill Bill? Has Fallon got a grudge against the whole village?”

A whole bunch of Fallon’s make, about to play a trick on her.

It may be a nice trick, but could this all go horribly wrong?


No more boom boom!

That was very unwelcome, indeed.

I know Ambridge Extra is a bit of a youf experiment – but the clips of loud music really doesn’t impress.


We all need quadratic equations, Steve

You’ll find out later on, which may be too late for you …


A year since Sid died

It’s a year, on Wednesday, since Sid died, and it would have been his birthday on Thursday.

Which is why Jamie reacted so firmly to Steve when he took the Michael.

Natalie also doesn’t seem too sympathetic.

Over the phone, she kinda gave Steve an excuse by saying he couldn’t have known about Sid’s anniversaries coming up. And that rushes off the phone with a “sorry about your dad”.

I’m not too sure about that Natalie.

But, then again, I’m not too sure about most teenagers!

Ambridge Extra Thursday 2nd June 2011: Jamie needs new mates

(which we all know, but he might listen to Natalie saying it as well)

• Pip goes to see Elizabeth
• Fallon’s in a huff?
• A smashing time was had by all
• Does Marty have a deeply sinister side?
• “Shut up Steve!”
• Shame Jamie doesn’t have cojones like Natalie
• Mrs Parker
• Chas is no match for Lesley

Pip goes to see Elizabeth

And gets a warm welcome. Elizabeth is happy to see her, and is going to arrange for her to work at The Orangery during the Summer.

But, Elizabeth isn’t as receptive to Pip trying to talk about David.

Pip tells Elizabeth how upset David is, and

[Pip] “Isn’t it bad enough, what happened to Uncle Nigel … there’s no point in us being angry with each other … can’t we just be a family again?”

[Elizabeth] “I can’t forgive give him … I lost my husband, doesn’t that count for anything thing?”

Elizabeth tells Pip that she is “immensely fond” of her. But, that what’s happened with David is between her and David.

Wonderfully reasonable is Elizabeth, yet again (!). She’s the adult, yet she can’t see what position she’s putting Pip in. And how she (Elizabeth) is making Pip’s home life rather hellish.

But at least Pip has a rather spiffing new man in her life.

[Pip] “She really hates him … she looks so hurt”

[Spencer] “Just try not worry … I’m here, you’ve got me now”

(still can’t quite believe Spencer and Steve are actually brothers).


Fallon’s in a huff?

Fallon isn’t returning Kirsty’s calls.

Nic has told Kirsty that she saw Fallon looking at her phone when it rang, and turning it to silent.

So she is avoiding Kirsty, after Kirsty and Rhys made a bit of a fool of her at the party (by pretending they were engaged).

I’d feel a bit embarrassed if I was Fallon, and a bit annoyed my mates couldn’t have told me that I’d been too eager to try and push them together. But Falling out with them?

Probably not. Unless I little else that living vicariously through other people’s relationships …


A smashing time was had by all

Jamie bumps Natalie (and her two mates) who are waiting for him in the pub, to go with Steve and Marty to smash an old warehouse’s windows.

Brilliant decision making there, Jamie.

They have a jolly old time, until they hear a dog barking – assume it’s security – so leg it. In the process of which, Jamie cuts his hand.



Does Marty have a deeply sinister side?

When he discovers a female dummy in the warehouse, his first reaction is to burn her.

That’s a bit worrying.


“Shut up Steve!”

I like that young lady, Natalie.

Not sure what she sees in Jamie (in his current guise – I still reckon he’s a nice enough chap underneath it all), but she at least sees Steve and Marty for the morons they are. And isn’t scared of telling them.


Shame Jamie doesn’t have cojones like Natalie

Natalie’s bumped into Jamie as he, Steve and Marty are running away from the warehouse security (though they actually could just be running away from an angry Pekingese, out for its evening walk).

She notices Jamie’s cut hand, and tries to see if he is okay. But Steve won’t have it. Natalie wanting to be sure that Jamie isn’t badly hurt is somehow offensive to Steve;

[Steve] “We hang together, just tell her, or you going to let yourself be whipped by a girl?”

[Jamie, to Natalie] “No, look, get off! I’m not your baby, alright .. .what is it with girls, you don’t own me!”

[Steve] “Did you hear the man? He’s standing tall with his boys”

So, once again, Jamie chooses his mates over a girl. Which would be fair enough, if his mates were actually worth anything.

For whatever reason, Natalie is still speaking to Jamie the next day. He tries to explain that he didn’t mean anything that he said (but he did say it), and she tells him that she doesn’t like him when he’s round his mates.

[Jamie] “I only said those things cause Steve and Marty was there”

What a wuss!

As well as pointing out that Jamie turns onto a muppet when he’s round Steve and Marty, Natalie also thinks Jamie needs to put his exams first.

[Natalie] “ …decent grades or Steve and Marty? … it’s more important than looking good in front of them”

Wonder if there are enough anti-moronic-mates feeling around to help Jamie actually tell Steve and Marty where to go? Kathy, Jolene, Fallon, Rhys, and now Natalie, are all saying that Jamie needs to crack on with what’s important, rather than be ‘cool’ for his pals.


Mrs Parker

Mrs Parker is Jackie Parker’s mum.

Jackie went missing from Alice’s Uni.

And it’s all Chas’ fault. He lent Jackie money, and been harassing her ever since. She chose to disappear rather than have to cope with him anymore.

Jackie’s disappearance has dropped Chas right in it (he now can’t pay back his financier, brother-in-law Vince), so Chas is desperate to find her.

Which involves calling her parents, and pretending he’s a friend in an attempt to tease Jackie’s address of her (rather upset) mum.

First time round, Mrs Parker doesn’t want to tell Chas where Jackie is, but sounded like that was because her husband had told her not to say anything to anyone.

But, Mrs Parker has mistaken Chas for someone she can trust. So calls him back, to tell him that Jackie is at a friend’s in Newcastle.

[Mrs Parker] “I just someone to tell her we love her”

[Chas] “But don’t worry … I’ll find your daughter”

Oops. Jackie better keep running. Unless she also has a meathead brother.


Chas is no match for Lesley

Chas is back trying to hassle Reggie – but interesting that he calls him rather than go round and play the big man in person. Not after Chas had the run in with Reggie’s brother Lesley, and lost.

[Chas] “You haven’t got your meathead brother to answer for you now”

Nae luck Chas! It is “the meathead” who has answered the phone.

[Lesley] “If you go anywhere near my little brother, I’ve got a few ways of settling things myself, understand me son?”

So Chas has to back off again.

Methinks Reggie might not be paying back Chas any money anytime soon. If at all.

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 31st May 2011: Chris buys a van

• Alice is doing Chas’ shopping
• Spencer, a nice lad indeed, part 684
• “We’re your crew”
• Chris will be his own boss
• Alice not keen to leave Chas?
• We all think it about some older folks driving …
• What does “such a Tony, sometimes” mean?

Alice is doing Chas’ shopping

I wonder if he’s ever gone out of his way to help her?

It is for Alice as well. And is mainly junk food to help them revise (I think they’ll find that a carrot or two would help more than junk … or so I’m told).

So Alice has got them crisps, chocolate, love hearts …

… love hearts?

Is Alice actually (very subtly) flirting with Chas, which means it isn’t just all in his head?




Spencer, a nice lad indeed, part 684

Spencer is fast becoming one of the nicest young men to have ever been in Ambridge.

Today, he was consoling Biff (the Brookfield sheepdog) about the new puppy soon arriving, and reassuring Biff that he’ll always be his favourite.

And then he makes (and takes) a lot of effort to get Pip to talk about him. She’s got exam stress, and a rather difficult atmosphere at home.

[Pip] “It’s not exactly been much fun around here … Dad’s doing his usual when upset, doesn’t talk and just works even longer … Mum gets snappy, she’s still furious with Aunty Elizabeth”

He does manage to get her to take a break. And get her to talk.

Spencer’s response to the woeful tale of David revealing the ‘truth’ to Elizabeth:

[Spencer] “I’m sure he didn’t mean him to fall”

Pip’s sad that David’s efforts to “put things right” has backfired so badly, and also misses Elizabeth.

[Pip] “She was so supportive, she never judged … she was more of a friend”

But now, she’s too scared to even go and see her. And she does need to see her soon, if she wants a summer job at Lower Loxley.


“We’re your crew”

(I know I should stop making such a big fuss about the street language Jamie and his mates use – but it does grate ever so. They’re a bunch of village boys, for mighty sake!)

[Marty] “Since when did you become such a swat?”

[Steve] “Jamie, stop being a div, get out here!”

They’re persuaded Jamie (yet again) to stop studying, and go out to play … sorry, ‘hang …



Chris will be his own boss

Chris calls Alice to tell her that he’s bought his van – only 24,000 on the clock – so all he has to do now is convert it for farriering.

AND, his boss has said that he will:

[Chris] “definitely get first dibs”

Alice is just as excited, but Chas is not impressed.

He sounded quite perturbed that Chris had already spent the money Chas loaned him – one can only assume that Chas was thinking of trying to get it back to pay his own ever mounting debts.

And our Alice-that-isn’t-acting-like-Alice didn’t pick up that Chas was grumpy when she told him about the van. She even failed to notice that one if his first responses was reminding her that the first payment is due Wednesday.

Would love to see Chris miss a payment, then Chas trying to bully Chris.

Chris has always seemed to be a strapping young man, and he had rather heavy tools to hand …


Alice not keen to leave Chas?

Alice didn’t seem too enthralled when Chris mentioned that she only has 2 weeks left on Uni.

It could be that she has exams to first get through.

Could be that she’ll miss the student life (although she is then off to study at Felpersham).

Could be that she’s enjoyed the freedom of living single, but being married.

Could be that she’s realising that, as Chris has sorted the next 50 years of his life (by buying the van), she’s heading home to properly be settled down,

Or, doesn’t she want to leave Chas?


We all think it about some older folks driving …

… but we don’t peep out horn and shout at them.

It’s as inevitable as taking over one slow lorry to find another one ten minutes later. Better to just relax, and make sure you leave a bit earlier in case there are slow drivers, lorries, cyclists, tractors …

But, Jamie’s ‘crew’ reckon it’s jolly good spot to harass old men.

Nice.

They also start calling Jamie a wuss again.

[Steve] “Look, Jamie, we’re you’re crew, we’ve got your back, you know that, but when you start acting all strange and that, we get nervous, we’ve got to know you’re solid”

[Jamie] “Yes, I’m solid, alright!”

So Steve and Marty decide to make him prove it.

If anyone has got a better idea of what they were actually doing at the bridge – it sounded something like having to walk under it? – let me know, as I couldn’t picture it.

But they ‘dare’ him to do it (whatever ‘it’ was), and surprisingly also do ‘it; themselves. I thought they were setting him up.



What does “such a Tony, sometimes” mean?

Alice said it to Paulie when he was taking the Michael.

What does it mean?

Tony Blair? Hancock? Benn? Bennett? Adam? Hawk? Blackburn?

Or is it Toni? Or a girl’s name?

Of something completely different???

I have no ken …

Ambridge Extra Thursday 26th May 2011: Jamie’s a thief with a conscience

• Wigging out
• Kirsty and Rhys are engaged
• Neither a lender not a borrower
• Spencer is definitely marriage material
• Nice present for a fish
• Alice is still oblivious

Wigging out

Jamie’s pondering a bracelet that he’d like to buy for Natalie.

Marty is not impressed.

[Marty] “I reckon Steve had it spot on … you, you’ve gone soft … didn’t know you were going to turn into a girl as well … look at you, wigging out over some jewellery”

(the Urban dictionary reckons ‘wigged out’ is: Being devoid of reality, To lose sense of normalcy, An out of body experience. To act crazy as a reaction. To briefly flirt with lunacy)

With a heckler hardly being conducive to choosing a present for one’s girlfriend, Jamie’s ready to give up trying to find something. Any anyway, the jewellery is too expensive.

At which point Marty becomes interested again. He wants Jamie to steal it.

[Marty] “What’s the big? You’ll prove that you’re solid. Don’t you want to prove to Steve that he’s wrong .. .stop being a wuss, just swipe it”

So he does.


Kirsty and Rhys are engaged

Well, not really.

It was all just a ruse to wind Fallon up – to get her back for being so adamant that Kirsty and Rhys should date.

Kirsty started off that she also “can’t believe it could be like this”, which made Fallon over the moon.

(Though, when Fallon was checking that all was okay in the bedroom department, she sounded like she was about to ask what exactly does go on in the bedroom department … has Jolene not had ‘that’ talk with Fallon yet?)

Then, during the party that they were at, Rhys and Fallon stopped the music – and made the announcement that they were engaged.

Kirsty keeps laying it on thick. That it was all because of Fallon. That it was her idea.

[Kirsty] “Put preconceptions aside, and just jump straight in”

Fallon starts to sound a bit horrified at the (very loving) monster she’s created. She baulks at Kirsty asking her to be chief bridesmaid.

But Rhys and Kirsty don’t let her stew for long. They tell her the truth, and they all have a good laugh about it.

[Kirsty] “This is about the first thing we’re enjoyed doing together!”

[Rhys] “Put down your bow and arrow!”

Hmm. Very odd behaviour from Fallon, but at least we’re met Rhys properly.

Neither a lender not a borrower

Chas is in a bad way.

He’s now trying to get the folks he’s lent money to (and been harassing ever since with his rather pathetic big man routine) to pay him more back earlier.

Actually. He doesn’t ask. He begs.


Spencer is definitely marriage material

Spencer tells Kirsty that he’s worried about Pip.

He’s starting to think she’s starting to lose interest in him.

Kirsty tells him about the whole David/Elizabeth situation.

Later, he gently tells Pip that he knows. And that he’d totally understand if she needed to spend more time with her family. Also, that’s he’s there for her to talk to.

Bless him indeed. Keep a hold of this one, Pip.


Nice present for a fish

As Marty gets hassled by a goose, Jamie can’t tackle down his sense of guilt over stealing the bracelet.

[Jamie] “It just doesn’t feel right”

He feels bad about stealing it. And worse at the thought of giving Natalie a birthday present that he’s stolen.

So, he chucks it in the river.

[Marty] “What did you do that for? What’s Steve going to say? He’s going to think you’re a right loser now … he’s right, you have gone weird”

Probably would have been better to have taken the bracelet back to the shop, but at least Jamie’s taken another step in the right direction.

Tell the moronic thugs to get lost, young Mr Perks. Go on.


Alice is still oblivious

Chas is in a foul mood.

Alice puts it down to exam stress, and starts wittering on about going on holiday once she’s finished the Uni term. Even thinks of South Africa …

[Chas - shouting] “And I thought you needed to buy a van … I’m glad to see you’re putting my money to good use!”

He later apologies.

[Chas] “I need you, Alice. I’d go stark staring mad if I fell out with you on top of everything else … We need to get through these last few weeks together”

What an odious little creep.

Worse still – where has our Alice gone? She’s an Aldridge, for goodness sake. She should have the second site when it comes to tricksters …

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 24th May 2011: Chas has a wicked brother-in-law

• Jamie doesn’t use a plate for his bacon sarnie
• Rhys and Kirsty … Game On
• Jamie can spot a softening up when it happens
• Jackie Parker has disappeared
• Frigid kid?
• It’s called Borchester because …
• Pip drinks cinnamon latte
• Steve and Marty on the nick
• Aw. Spencer can even tell when Pip’s upset
• When’s a brother not a brother?

Jamie doesn’t use a plate for his bacon sarnie

And rushes out without a by or leave to Fallon.

Well, I never!


Rhys and Kirsty … Game On

Rhys and Kirsty, after admitting to each other that there is no heart-flutterings between them. Have decided to get their own back on the rather bizarre Fallon (why oh why was she so determined to get them together?).

So looks like the plan is to pretend that Rhys is smitten.

[Rhys] “She’s amazing … I never knew a girl like her … she’s gorgeous, she’s funny, she’s smart … she’s got the most spectacular … There is nothing more riveting than sitting for hours watching a heron waiting for his prey .. .especially if you watch it in a hide … they can be very private places … if you know what I mean … Kirsty Miller has fired arrows straight through my heart”

Rhys later calls Kirsty to tell her he’s hooked Fallon into believing him.

[Rhys] “I can hardly keep my face straight. Touch you!”

(the inference is – as if I would! And Kirsty agrees likewise).

So they reckon it’s “Game on”, wind up Fallon time.


Jamie can spot a softening up when it happens

Jamie is quite perturbed that Jolene has cut his hours back by half, so now he only works a Sunday.

He even noticed Jolene tactics of trying to make it (somehow) less painful with a bacon sandwich.

[Jolene] “She gave me a bacon sandwich to soften me up”

He reckons it’s all Kathy’s fault. So expect a bit more shouting to come …

Problem is – without the cash, how is Jamie going to buy a present for Natalie?

(and I will admit that I really could care less)


Jackie Parker has disappeared

Jackie is the student who owed Chas money. She’s seemingly done a runner.

Alice has heard about it from some of her Uni mates, and tells Chas.

He first just seems angry that he might not see his money.

Then, Chas seemed to be a bit nervous.

Was he starting to feel guilt about the reality of what he does to folks he lends money to? That he causes them stress, worry, does something so horrible to them that they have to run away. In Jackie’s case, she’s run before she could get her degree.

Or, is he more worried about Alice now finding out what he’s been up to?


Frigid kid?

[Marty] “Hey Pip, that’s not a very nice hand gesture”

(Pip has seemingly made a gesture at Steve as he drives by, and makes a bloke-on-a-building-site remark to her)

[Steve] “Is that why you’re going out with my brother then? You don’t like getting interest from a real man.”

[Pip] “No Steve. I’m just not interested in his little brother … get a life”

(Marty starts sniggering)

[Steve] “Shut up Marty. She’s a frigid kid anyway”

What a charmer that Steve is….



It’s called Borchester because …

… it’s boring.

So reckons Marty.

And that’s why I listen to Ambridge Extra. I’ll learning something new every day (!).


Pip drinks cinnamon latte

Oh how young farmers have changed.



Steve and Marty on the nick

While Jamie is off ‘studying’ with Natalie, Steve and Marty steal video games.

How very droll.

Steve reckons Jamie has gone a bit soft for choosing a girl over his mates.

[Steve] “Let Jamie do what he wants. We don’t need him”

Oh, now there’s a happy thought.

If Steve and Marty ‘dump’ Jamie, there might be hope for him after all.


Aw. Spencer can even tell when Pip’s upset

And what’s more, he even cares enough to want her to tell him.

But Pip seems to be an apple fallen close to David’s tree. She won’t tell him.

Ticking time bomb, that whole side of the Archers clan.




When’s a brother not a brother?

When he’s an evil brother-in-law.

Chas in back on the phone to (London) Vince. He has to tell Vince that Jackie has done a runner, so he will be late in paying back the money he loaned from Vince in the first place to loan to Jackie (still with me?).

And the plot thickens.

Vince is a bit perturbed to hear that Chas needs more time to pay him. And mentions that the job he was lining up for Chas in London may not now happen.

Is it a job in the City? As a money collector? A bouncer?

Chas seemingly starts to feel a bit under the cosh.

[Chas] “Please! I’m your brother …”

[Vince] “ … in-law. And how do you think your sister will react when she find out that I’ve lost 16 grand?”

How odd that Chas called his brother-in-law his brother – but odder still that Vince doesn’t seem to give a hoot about his wife’s brother.

Doesn’t seem like quite a nice family at all.

Now Chas has to pay double the interest to Vince, by the end of next week.

And that 16 grand must be the amount Chas loaned to Chris.

Trouble is afoot …

Ambridge Extra Thursday 19th May 2011: Chas is no match for Lesley

click the title above, or the'read more' link below the bullet points, to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Confused.com
• Just good friends?
• Alice’s ring broke?
• Kirsty and Rhys on a date, round 2
• Lost your words, Chas?

Confused.com

Nope. Still can’t get used to the warped timing of the parallel universe that is Ambridge Extra.

Kathy didn’t know that Jamie had a girlfriend, whereas in last night’s proper Archers she’s bumped into them.

Then later, Jamie’s moaning because he and Natalie had just bumped into Natalie.

Very confusing indeed


Just good friends?

Paulie (Alice and Chas’ flatmate) and his girlfriend Brooke are chatting about exactly just how friendly they reckon Chas and Alice actually are.

[Brooke] “Is the head board banging?”

Brooke later corners Chas to try and get the intel.

At first Chas is fairly honest:

[Chas] “Alice? She’s like a sister to me”

[Brooke] “I’ve seen the way she looks at you”

Then, pushed by Brooke, he starts revealing what he (and only he) sees as happening between him and Alice.

[Chas] “We do like each other, okay. It’s complicated … I think Alice wants to prove something, to have the perfect marriage”

Chas’ theory is that because Alice had to suffer Brian and Jennifer’s marriage problems (Brian’s wanderings), she married the boy next door because he was “safe and boring” and

[Chas] “she can play Wendy houses with him”

So Chas reckons Alice is just play pretending with Chris, and (I’m assuming) is actually slowly coming round to the fact that she really wants Chas.

Trouble is, Chas seems unhinged enough to wreak havoc before Alice wakes up to how much of an ar*e he really is.

[Brooke] “She might be hitched but it’s those two who act like they’re married”

Aye – but it’s a marriage where the wife does what she’s told without realising she is being told what to do, and where the husband is a bit of a nutter …


Alice’s ring broke?

Is that what Paulie said?

What on earth was she doing?


Kirsty and Rhys on a date, round 2

This time, Rhys is on Kristy’s turf. And it’s making him chilly.

[Rhys] “It’s normally the bloke who has to give his coat”

After seeing one young snipe, Rhys is delighted to think they’re about to head to The Bull. But is then disappointed that Kirsty is just moving them to the bird hide.

They see a Reed Warbler.

Rhys tries to use the cold as an excuse to get cuddly with Kirsty

[Rhys] “Isn’t that what Ray Mears would do … share body heat”

But play is interrupted by a Kingfisher. And a rather unenthusiastic Kirsty (also seemed Rhys wasn’t that interested either – just doing what he though was expected).

As they’re leaving, they both admit that they’re not exactly suited.

[Rhys] “We make a fine couple don’t we …these dates, they’ve been a disaster”

[Kirsty] “Yeah, yeah they have”

So mates it is.

But not before they exact revenge … Fallon best beware!


Lost your words, Chas?

Well, that was a pleasure to hear someone get the better of Chas.

Chas had gone round to poor Reggie’s to try and squeeze money out of him.

[Reggie] “The things is. There’s someone I want you to meet. Lesley, my brother.”

(Chas starts to snigger that Lesley is a bloke …)

[Lesley] “What? You think that’s funny? I don’t find you very funny. I hear you’ve been giving my little brother hassle over a loan. Maybe you’d like to discuss it with me”

(Chas starting muttering and stuttering. Lesley must be a big bloke …)

Lesley gets the measure of Chas quickly:

[Lesley] “… some trumped up little posh boy playing the hard man …”

And sends Chas off without any more.

Chas did make a wee bit of an effort to appear threatening to Reggie at the end, but hopefully Lesley will be there to gently persuade him to leave again next time …

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 17th May 2011: Jamie’s bullied by a girl

click the title above, or the 'read more' link below the bullet points, to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Chris signs up
• Alice makes a homophobic remark
• Rhys gees up Jamie
• Natalie makes Jamie do her bidding
• Rhys takes Kirsty for a ride
• Chas has Alice completely under the cosh
• Please stop blasting music at me

Chris signs up

What an idiot.

Chris has signed up with Chas for the money, and then had to suffer Chas taking the Michael out of him not being able to keep Alice is the manner to which she is accustomed.



Alice makes a homophobic remark

[Alice to Chas] “If I’m a princess, then you’re a big queen”

Eh?

I’m not too sure what to make of that.

Alice really has had a major personality transplant for Ambridge Extra.


Rhys gees up Jamie

It’s Jamie’s exams tomorrow, and Rhys is giving him a bit of a pep talk.

It’s basically the ‘knuckle down, it’ll soon be over’ speech, but Jamie does seem to listen to Rhys.



Natalie makes Jamie do her bidding

What a wee shame on Jamie. He’s bullied by Steve and co into doing stuff he doesn’t necessarily want to do – and now Natalie is twisting him round her wee finger.

He’s just finished his shift at The Bull, and needs to get back home to study.

But Natalie calls, and begs Jamie to come over to hers.

She’s been studying all day, is fed and now feels sick at the thought of her exams.

Rather than tell her that he needs to get his work done, Jamie consents, and heads over.

Not much of a competition though – studying, or snogging.

Anyhoo, he does get his snogging. But he also gets Natalie’s take on what tomorrow’s exam might involve.

“Inform – explain – describe … complex phrases”

You feel Jamie sinking deeper and deeper into a mind frame of “’I know feuck all, and the exam is tomorrow’.

(which is a nightmare that I still get – though mine is always about maths).


Rhys takes Kirsty for a ride

She has to make it under her own steam, though.

They’re off on their bike ride to the pub.

Kirsty seems hopeful that her bike is too rubbish to let her go on the ride, but Rhys fixes it in a jiffy.

So off they set on, to Kirsty’s horror, a whopping two hour bike ride.

A lot of panting and nettles later, Kirsty sounded like she wanted to kiss the ground when they finally got to the pub.

She decides she definitely prefers bird watching to bike riding

[Kirsty] “No stings, No chaffing. You can normally still walk afterwards”

Rhys takes that as an invite to go bird watching, which he’s more than keen to do.

But Kirsty doesn’t seem too keen to spend more time with Rhys …

[Rhys] “You can show me the difference between a blue and a grey tit”

[Kirsty] “Well, if that’s what you’d like …”

Chas has Alice completely under the cosh

[Alice] “Our own home Chris, and we’ve got Chas to thank for that”

*sigh*

Why neither of these previously quite intelligent young folks can spot that Chas in an Ar*e, I don’t know.

Chris was starting to say that he reckons Chas makes him feel off, but Chas interrupted.

Chris had to leave shortly, so he and Alice to go out for a bit, but Chas manages to tag along.

Alice returns to the flat (after Chris got rid of Chas), to find Chas and Paulie doing pull ups on the door.

All fairly innocuous stuff – but put it all together, and most sane folks will decide that Chas is an ar*e.

But not Alice.

[Alice] “You’re amazing Chas. It’s so generous”

And now she’s cooking for him! Because he has studying to do! But she has studying to do! And Chris is paying interest for Chas’ ‘generosity’!!!

After cooking him his tea, Alice then has to spend yet more time with Chas.

[Chas] “Okay then,. I’ll go warm up the sofa”

Oh goodness me! Where’s our Alice?



Please stop blasting music at me

We had another musical interlude. Which (sounding like a grumpy old lady), I really don’t like.

Radio 1 is for music, Radio 4 is for talk.

Hmpf.

Ambridge Extra Thursday 12th May 2011: Rhys and Kirsty’s date

click the title above, or the 'read more' link below the bullet points, to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Chris also abandons his common sense
• Rhys is “a bit weird, actually”
• Ed on Will
• Natalie will be good for Jamie
• I hadn’t heard of any one of the bands mentioned today

Chris also abandons his common sense

What’s wrong with the youngsters on Ambridge Extra?

Some of them seem to have had personality and sense transplants.

First Alice – behaving very ditzy and subservient to the odious Chas (a chap she’d normally chase down with her horse)

And now Chris.

His first instinct about Chas wanting to let him money was spot on.

[Chris] “But why would Chas want to lend me money?”

But he later calls Alice to tell Chas that he will take him up on his offer.

What?

Ed did also say that Chris should take the money (that he’d be “mad to say no”) but Ed is also the sharpest scythe in the barn. And there’s a world of difference between Oliver (helping Ed) to Chas (helping Chris).

I just don’t get why Chris would agree, and also don’t get why Alice and Chris are daft enough to get a loan when they have savings.

Business first. Big hoose later.



Rhys is “a bit weird, actually”

Kirsty and Rhys go on their first date (as demanded by Fallon). It made for rather uncomfortable eavesdropping.

[Rhys] “So, Kirsty, are we on a date?”

[Kirsty] “Fallon seems to think so”

[Rhys] “So, perhaps we better ask each other some date type questions”

So they chat about music.

He prefers rock, she folk.

He likes rugby, she football.

[Rhys] “Can’t see the point of football”

[Kirsty] “You’re talking to a lifelong Liverpool fan”

And Rhys doesn’t like mushrooms. Kirsty is a big fan of the restaurant’s mushrooms risotto.

There was hope when they both mentioned they liked cycling.

But alas.

Rhys turns out to be a real mountain biking enthusiastic (including the techie stuff), whereas Kirsty, despite agreeing to go on (what sounded like) a fairly challenging ride to The Case is Altered (pub) in Faircastle, is more of a ‘bike to the shops’ kinda girl.

[Kirsty] “Thing is, he’s a lot heartier than me … (my bike is a) big heavy thing that I got off eBay for £30 quid”

So, while they do have a second date, Kirsty isn’t entirely convinced. She reckons Rhys is a nice enough chap, but

[Kirsty] “He was a bit weird actually … we just didn’t seem to have that much in common”

Ed on Will

[Ed] “The real reason is he just wants his son to himself as much as he can … devious toe rag.”

I don’t disagree that George does need to have a stable home, but surely it’d be just as reasonable for his dad to have him, as much as his mum?



Natalie will be good for Jamie

Jamie and Natalie are having snog in the park.

So I take it that means that they do like each other.

Natalie seems to be quite a sensible young lady. She does want to see Jamie, but has a part time job and studying to do over the weekend. She’s also not embarrassed to mention her mum picks her up.

Talking about studying:

[Natalie] “Are you worried about them? Well you should be … maybe you should spend some time revising too. Then when you’re older, you can get a good job and buy me some nice things …”

It was good to hear Jamie having a laugh with someone other than his moronic friends. And if she can get him away from his mates and onto studying …

Unfortunately, Steve did happen to come across them.

Lucky enough that Natalie was just leaving.

Steve, as we have previously discussed, is a bit of a prat. Though he is Pip’s new boyfriend’s (Spencer) brother, he does often sound like he might be related to Chas.

The minute Steve is around, Jamie also starts acting like a prat. He makes out that Natalie’s mention of studying was code for something else (the mind boggles at what that could mean).

But do we see a slight change in Jamie?

He sounded very disinterested in the ‘wicked’ party that Steve was talking about.

Goodness me. Is Natalie who we’ve all been looking for?


I hadn’t heard of any one of the bands mentioned today

Maybe we’re hearing the names of lots of modern popular hit parade combos because of the youngsters listening.

But it makes me feel very, very old. And a bit uncool.

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 10th May 2011: Kirsty’s barbeque

click the title above, or the 'read more' link below the bullet points, to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Fallon’s a bit scary
• Chas propositions Alice
• Why the blast of music?
• Jamie woos Natalie
• Jacqueline is another Chas victim
• The day after the barbeque
• Mr Big
• Ah – there’s the interest

Fallon’s a bit scary

I’m not too sure why Fallon is so determined to get Rhys and Kirsty together, but she’s going about it with all the tact of Nick Griffin!

[Kirsty] “Fallon said you might come”

[Rhys] “No might about it. Gave me the time off. Drove me here. If I let her, I reckon she’d have picked out my t-shirt”

I’m spotting problems between Kirsty and Rhys’ compatibility. She likes cider. He likes bitter. Rhys isn’t interested in organic food.

[Rhys] “I’ll eat anything. More e numbers the better”

After making sure they say hello, Fallon then makes sure they stay together. She goes to get them drinks. Then has to leave again as she “forgot” her drink. She then drags Spencer and Pip away (as they have the cheek to stop to chat to Rhys and Kirsty) to help get another table out. But there’s no table to be taken out.

Then, Fallon tells Spencer and Pip to divert anyone who interrupts Rhys and Kirsty.

What on earth is wrong with Fallon? Is she on some sort of commission?



Chas propositions Alice

Here it comes – Chas offers Alice the money that Chris needs to buy a van, to then take over the Farrier business.

[Alice] “Have you really got £15 or £16,000 you don’t need?”

[Chas] “Well, as it happens, the timing is very propitious”

(ar*e)

Chas spins a very shallow and obvious story about a relative he hardly knew leaving him the money (aye right then!). Who’d fall for that.

Well, Alice.

[Chas] “Here’s an opportunity to share my good opportunity with my friends … take as long as you want. The bank of Chas is open all hours”

And he reckons he’ll lend it interest free.

Again – aye right then!


Why the blast of music?

That was bizarre. A solid blast of music. I thought I’d hit the wrong button on the radio.

Goodness me – being ‘down with the kids’ is quite distracting!


Jamie woos Natalie

Out on a date with Natalie, Jamie seems to be doing quite well. Might have something to do with Steve and co. not being around.

He did get off to a shaky start:

[Natalie] “You never seem interested”

[Jamie] “Well it was Steve’s idea … he pushed me into it”

Yup. Every young lady likes to know that her date is there cause his pals made him.

But, either Natalie is a bit dim, or understands Jamie better than I do.

She just read that as him being a bit shy.

They bond over someone called Mark Prescott (who seemingly has a face like a potato and thinks Snoop Dogg is a cartoon character).

And as they leave, Natalie says she had a nice time, and gives Jamie a wee peck.

They arrange to meet again AND Jamie is savvy enough to want it to be just him and Natalie. No mates. No Steve. No harassment.

Maybe Kathy was right. Maybe a corner has been turned.

I still think the worm has to turn (Jamie has to tell Steve where to go), but it’s a start.


Jacqueline is another Chas victim

So Chas doesn’t just go for ‘lower class’ types.

Some lass called Jacqueline is also being harassed by him for payments – but she’s a student.

I suppose that Chas doesn’t distinguish between who he rips off is slightly something in his favour.


The day after the barbeque

(I still can’t get used to Ambridge Extra flipping back and forth in time!)

Fallon’s efforts seemed, at first, to have backfired.

As no-one could get near Kirsty to say hello (Fallon was chasing them all away), Rhys thinks Kirsty is “Jenny no mates”.

But – he does say that he is interested in Kirsty, and might pop to Jaxx for a drink when she’s working.

But, it’s not going to be that easy, or normal, for Rhys.

Fallon gets that gleam in her eye again, when Kirsty comes into The Bull, and starts being a sledgehammer again.

[Fallon] “Go on. Say to me what you said about Rhys”

[Kirsty – after some persuasion – and sounding very embarrassed] “I said you were really nice”

Fallon then badgers’ Rhys to do the same.

[Rhys] “I said you were a lovely girl”

[Fallon] “So … one of you’s got to make the first move. It’s no good telling me how you feel and doing nothing about it?”

Kirsty and Rhys are a bit stunned at what Fallon’s doing. Especially when she basically asks Kirsty out for Rhys (and vice versa), then pushes them onto a time and place.

I really don’t get it.

Either Fallon has flipped, or she really (really) needs to get out more.


Mr Big

Which is what Chas thinks he is – and who he also calls to sort out his financial dealings.

So it seems Chas is being bankrolled by someone called Victor, in London.

[Victor] “Let’s face it, if they were capable of running their lives, they wouldn’t need your specialist services, would they?”

Chas needs some time to pay his bit back, as the “pond life” are not behaving. He also asks if he can do a special deal. He has a personal transaction to arrange …


Ah – there’s the interest

Alice still isn’t sure about Chas’ offer.

[Alice] “It just seems like such a big favour”

So – to make it easier for Alice to decide, Chas now offers to charge interest. 2 and a half % over 3 years. As much as he reckons he’d make on an ISA,

Oh dear. Alice wants it to be more of a formal arrangement so that she feels like she’s not taking advantage – which has given Chas the perfect in-road to ripping them off.

This isn’t going to go well, but Chas is simply going to be no match for Chris. Or Brian. Or, the most scary of all, Jennifer.

Ambridge Extra Thursday 5th May 2011: Fallon creates a good old fashioned farce

click the title above, or the 'read more' link below the bullet points, to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Can we provide Reggie with a large dog?
• “I tuck that”
• Because the lady does love cigarettes
• Oh, how we laughed at Fallon and Rhys
• Chris is not amused with Alice
• Rhys is a funny chap!

Can we provide Reggie with a large dog?

Or a gun? A big man? Or a big group of men? Or, a big group of really irritated women?

Anything to help Reggie make that obnoxious Chas go away.

It’s bad enough that Chas took £150 from Reggie when it would leave Reggie with not enough money for food (Reggie did borrow the money in the first place, and could simply be pleading poverty, but I’d believe and support anyone over Chas).

But worse that Reggie also has to listen to the worst ‘hard man’ routine ever uttered.


“I tuck that”

Can anyone translate the following:

[Steve] “Oh Bev yeah, of course, I tuck that … I gave her some of the Stevie love”

Tuck that?

Is that just a daytime use of the F word???



Because the lady does love cigarettes

[Steve] “Natalie’s gagging for it, and Jamie needs to get out there”

So Jamie gets goaded into going over and offering Natalie a fag … (such romance!).

But it seems to work. Jamie’s meeting Natalie later on.


Oh, how we laughed at Fallon and Rhys!

Fallon asks Rhys to Kirsty’s barbeque.

He thought he was working.

You could hear him turn a bit green when Fallon told him that she’d changed the shifts so that they could go to Kirsty’s together.

I always though Fallon was a bit of a ‘babe’, but she’s obviously not Rhys’ type.

He panicked, and started waffling about how his mum lives in Spain, his mum’s sister (Aunty Jean) lives in Wales. He needs to go and see her as he now has his day off:

[Rhys] “gotta keep in with her if I ever want to inherit her collection of China dogs”

Pressed further by Fallon, Rhys then gently breaks it to her that he likes her and all that, but that she’s his boss. And has experience of the dangers of going out with the boss.

[Rhys] “When it goes wrong, they’re slicing a lemon and you’re wondering where it will go next … not that I’m saying you’re violent … what are the changes of their being two psycho females running pubs in Borchester!”

But all’s well that ends well. Fallon reassures him that she’s not interested in him (which led to a ‘oh … why ever not?’ type response from Rhys), and that they’re going as mates.

Think she should tell him about Kirsty?



Chris is not amused with Alice

After taking all of poor Reggie’s money, Chas hassles Alice to forgo studying so that he can take her out to dinner. On him. Using Reggie’s money (not that Alice is aware of that).

Chas even manages to get Alice into a nice frock.

As Alice and Chas return all giggly and flushed after their meal, they find they have a surprise guest.

Mr Alice Carter (or simply ‘Chris’ to his mates).

Alice has left her phone at home, so Chris was let in by Alice’s other flatmate.

Chris has something important to tell Alice, but she was too tiddly to listen. So Chris has another go in the morning.

[Chris] “I thought you were working last night… looking like that?”

Calming down a tad, Chris tells Alice that his boss is retiring – and is dropping very large hints that Chris could take over the business.

But, to do that, his boss is also hinting that the business needs a new van now. And that his previous apprentice is also interested.
So, Chris needs to buy a van. They have some money aside, but not quite enough.

After Chris has left to go back home, Alice tells Chas all. Who is very, very, interested.

Chas lends Chris the money? Chas tries to get heavy when Chris can repay? Chris shows Chas exactly what damage his ‘wee hammer’ can do???


Rhys is a funny chap!

Rhys seems like a nice, as well as quite an amusing, bloke.

He might actually be in the running to challenge Jazzer for his crown in classic one-liners.

[Rhys] “You know, we’re used to waiting for things in Wales …grand slam …evolution … sunshine”

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 3rd May 2011: Chas is a wanker

(excuse my language above, but he really, really is)

click the 'read more' link below the bullet points to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Guilt is starting to gnaw at Alice
• Steve is Jamie’s problem
• Fallon ‘call me cupid’ Rogers
• Kathy’s made Shepherd’s Pie again

Guilt is starting to gnaw at Alice

Alice arrives back at her Uni flat. Chas is there (yuck!)

[Chas, on Alice not wanting to put her bags in her room straight away] “That’s the spirit. indolence beats enterprise”

(what an ar*e)

Alice is not a happy bunny. She’s starting to realise that she has lied to the Police, and that could come back to bite her on the bum. She even felt nervous driving back to Uni,

[Chas] “Alice, they were hardly likely to have a road block up on the M3”

(ar*e)

Chas reckons the false alibi Alice gave him has made it all go away. Alice is worried that the Police will found out that she’s married to Chris, so would then think she was lying when she said Chas was her boyfriend.

Chas was right to say that a married woman having a boyfriend isn’t illegal, and I suppose he had a point that it doesn’t (in a weird way) make Alice’s “story” more credible.

But, then Chas went on to say that it “felt right” to pretend that Alice was his girlfriend.

Which I thought was a bit creepy.

Even more creepy was Alice apologising for her (quite reasonable, actually) sense of guilt.

[Alice] “I’m just being a girl”

Eh?

Who the f is this Alice?

Later on, Alice had a shock when she saw a Policeman talking to one of the counsellors at her Uni. She even had to turn and walk in another direction.

[Alice] “This is not me. It’s so not me”

(quite!)

And Chas’ response?

[Chas] “It’s hardly a federal case …… a couple of nice upstanding students on one side, and king of the chavs on the other … case closed”

(a*se!!!)


Steve is Jamie’s problem

I think it’s becoming obvious that Jamie’s bad behaviour isn’t just because Jamie is actually a thoroughly bad lad.

It has a lot to do with Steve.

Steve seems to spend a lot of time putting Jamie down, and telling him what to do. What is bullying.

Asking for his £30 back, while Jamie’s trying to do his shift at his shift at The Bull

[Steve] “Shame it didn’t get you into Polly’s panties”

But, it was Steve, leading Jamie’s other mates, who scared Polly off.

Steve then persuades Jamie to go out, when he needs (and wants) to study.

(to which Jamie muttered “yeah, safe”)

And it would seem it’s partly Steve’s influence that make Jamie treat Kathy like dirt.

[Jamie] “No, it’s like totally sound … she was so desperate for me to go back, I can do anything I want”

Fallon ‘call me cupid’ Rogers

Fallon reckons Rhys and Kirsty are made for each other

[Fallon] “they just need a helping hand”

So she badgers Kirsty to have a BBQ (which Kirsty thought was “too risky” with the weather), and manages to get her to agree. The trick is then to make sure she (Fallon) also got to invite some folks. Which will obviously include Rhys.

[Kirsty] “as long as they bring a bottle and a burger”

Little does she know …




Kathy’s made Shepherd’s Pie again

But at least Jamie lays the table.

So progress there, then. I suppose.

Kathy also then thought she had caught Jamie playing a game when he should have been studying. But he was studying by playing a game (something to do with French).

Definite progress.

So, if we can just get rid of Steve ... wonder if his brother Spencer will prove to be of use (beyond that of keeping Pip happy).

Ambridge Extra Thursday 28th April 2011: The Royal Wedding … eh???

click the title above, or the 'read more' link below the bullet points, to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Still can’t get the hang of Ambridge Extra’s alternate universe
• Marty “would” Fallon
• “whatever”
• Larger and chips for Alice and Chris
• Chris is a genius
• Finding Pip and Spencer quite endearing
• Jamie goes to the toilet, can’t afford pizza and suffers Polly
• The Royal Wedding (a day before the rest of humanity)
• Chas: the not very scary loan shark

Still can’t get the hang of Ambridge Extra’s alternate universe

I really can’t work it out.

One minute, it’s behind ‘normal’ Ambridge days – then it jumps forth in time.

Hard enough working out which teenage lad is talking, without having to cope with time travel theorem.

It has to be a conspiracy.

How can the secret microphones be recording on Friday when it’s Thursday, unless something strange and sinister is afoot.

Maybe that’s why the Barwick Green version is so damn terrifying … setting the tone.



Marty “would” Fallon

[Jamie – saying he prefers no Jolene] “It’s just me and Fallon. We have a laugh.”

[Marty] “I would …”

Seems “I would” means that Marty would quite like to set his cap at Fallon.

He reckons he was talking hypothetically, as Fallon’s way out of his league.

I don’t know, but. Fallon might welcome any male attention after her very long drought.

Whatever did happen to Harry? Why’s he not speaking? Did he and Fallon fizzle out as fast as they fizzled on?


“whatever”

I’m a bit perturbed that Ambridge Extra is starting to make me think and sound like an old grumpy person.

Jamie was talking to Marty about how he also doesn’t like Kenton’s overtones:

[Jamie] “He’s always on my case. Trying to buddy up and take an interest. Well he can forget that”

So, Marty, hearing that Jamie was now not entirely happy at The Bull came up with a fairly reasonable suggestion:

[Marty] “If you do go home. I reckon your mum would be so desperate, you’d have her right where you’d want her”

To which Jamie only said a quick ‘not really what I want to do’ – to which Marty replied “whatever”.

I don’t get it.

They were having a conversation – Marty suggestions something – Jamie doesn’t entirely agree (but isn’t argumentative or dismissive) – so why the “whatever”?

I thought that was just (by young ‘uns) to mean that they were bored or disagreed with what you were saying, and didn’t have the vocabulary to express themselves in a more traditional way.

Fair enough.

But “whatever” during a matey chat?

Lost on me.

And damn you! Damn you all!! I don’t want to sound like my granny used to (give me a few more decades, at least).



Larger and chips for Alice and Chris

Brilliant. That Chris knows how to show a lass a grand time.

(I’m actually just jealous)


Chris is a genius

He gets extra chips. And then lands major brownie points for watching something he doesn’t want to, in a place he wants to be.

Chris tells Alice he’ll watch the Royal Wedding (well, “Kate and Will” to Chris) for her sake, and quite ungrudgingly, as long as they do so in the pub.

Nice.

Alice’s happy that her man cares enough to think about what she wants to do, and her man is happy that she’s happy, in the pub with him.

Evelyn Waugh would have a tough time finding something to write about with those two as his only inspiration …



Finding Pip and Spencer quite endearing

Just as Ted and Peggy in Ambridge proper are really sweet, Spencer and Pip are being quite heart-warmingly tender.

[Spencer] “I always enjoy skittles night”

Bless them.

They have a jolly nice time at skittles, then Spencer mentions that he has a cunning plan instead of watching the wedding (which Pip is none too bothered about).

And Spencer’s a farmer.

That’ll be Brookfield’s future sorted, then.



Jamie goes to the toilet, can’t afford pizza and suffers Polly

Not sure why Marty was hanging round the toilets while Jamie was in there

[Marty] “You’ve been a while mate”

I thought it was just women who shared public toilet experiences. Well, apart from the occasional gentleman’s-gentleman.

Jamie’s having a bit of a rubbish time. He thought he was going to Spud’s house (whoever Spud is), but they end up in a Pizza place.

He can’t afford a pizza. Marty offers him some of his, but he doesn’t like pepperoni. And Polly is in the corner “with some stupid rugby player”.

Goodness me. As if Jamie needed anything extra to moan about.


The Royal Wedding (a day before the rest of humanity)

Rhys reckons she’s run off and married Gavin Henson …

[Rhys] “ realised she’s got to go to Wales to marry a real man”

The Bull is serving Royal wedding lager:

[Rhys] “I sing Rule Britannia while I pour it”

Pip and Spencer avoid the wedding to find a quiet spot. He’s used orienteering calculations to:

[Spencer] “not be seen for miles … the changes of anyone not interrupting us should be very slim … bride and groom should be appearing on the balcony of Buckingham Palace, and you know what everyone’s hoping for … what I’ve been hoping for for days …”

(and they kiss)

Alice wouldn’t say no to their 10th year anniversary blessing happening in Westminster Abbey.

And:

[Rhys] “Are you going to hang around now then? Spend the rest of the afternoon in a romantic alcoholic daze?”

(no. Chris and Alice went back home)

And that was that.

What a brain freeze.

Wonder if the microphones will be caught out? Will something extraordinary happen tomorrow? Would serve those microphones right for being so un-Ambridge.



Chas: the not very scary loan shark

You find me in a very negative mood with Ambridge Extra, and I do apologise.

But I couldn’t help but think that Chas sounded a bit weak as he was trying to pressure some bloke called Reggie into paying back his loan.

I think most folks would have laughed at his attempt at ‘I’m a Mitchell!’ routine. Or bounced him out of their house.

Maybe he’s picking on particularly weak/vulnerable people, as Reggie certainly seemed to be scared.

[Chas] “Come on Reggie. I know you’re in there. I can see you, you fool”

[Chas] “Believe me, old chap, ask around. You really don’t want to let me down.”

I’ll start a fund to raise Reggie’s £400, if only not to have to suffer that insufferable twerp Chas playing the big man again.

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 26th April 2011: Chas “helps people like you”

click the title above, or 'read more' link below the bullet points, to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Rhys speaks
• Harry doesn’t speak
• Jamie’s back in The Bull
• Is Jolene still a step-mum?
• Rhys is the new man in Jamie’s life
• Alice should be feeling guiltier … right about … now
• What would Chris rather watch?
• Polly has already moved on
• Yup – Chas is a bad ‘un
• Spence and Pip, thwarted again

Rhys speaks

And he has a Welsh accent that would put Pat to shame …



Harry doesn’t speak

What’s wrong with the normally very chatty Harry?

He was working in The Bull today (Sunday, so it seems), but not a peep out of him.

Odd.



Jamie’s back in The Bull

But only after Fallon told him that said they “were worried not angry”

Does every adult in Ambridge have to pander to Jamie?

Quick kick up the bottom would have more results.


Is Jolene still a step-mum?

Fallon mentioned that with Sid being dead, Jolene is kinda not Jamie’s step mum anymore.

Eh?

Course she is.

Just like the fact that a tree does make a sound when it falls over, even if no-one is there to hear it.

Oh … hang on a moment … does it?



Rhys is the new man in Jamie’s life

Poor chap.

Rhys has barely uttered a few words, and he’s already being usurped into becoming the positive male role model for Jamie, by Fallon.

He does happily agree. After all, the blokes Jamie hangs around with aren’t very good chaps.

[Rhys] “None of them are exactly Zen masters”

Rhys later has a chat with Jamie – all matey, like.

He did feel like he was taking a bit too far, though. At one point, I thought he was going to ask whether Marty’s intentions towards Jamie were honourable and how he was going to support Jamie (well, he did ask him if Marty was local, what his parents were like etc etc).

But Jamie did seem to enjoy the attention.

And Rhys really bonded with Jamie over gaming.

My word – could Rhys be the answer to all of our Jamie nightmares?



Alice should be feeling guiltier … right about … now

Post adult intimacy, Chris apologies for “being an idiot” over the Facebook video.

He accepts that Alice didn’t want that bloke all over her.

And he’d glad Chas was there to sort him out.

[Chris] “He’s a good lad, Chas”

What would Chris rather watch?

I didn’t quite catch that.

Chris isn’t too excited about the Royal wedding.

[Chris] “If I had the day off, I’d rather watch machete”

I’m sure he didn’t say ‘machete’.

Anyone?



Polly has already moved on

Jamie and Daniel are chatting about Polly.

It seems that Jamie did really like her, but couldn’t stand up to Steve when he was taking the Michael out of Polly’s name.

But not to worry.

[Daniel] “She’s already seeing a boy in year 12, so you haven’t broken her heart”

Bigger question is – is some of Jamie’s behaviour down to being bullied by Steve?

It certainly seemed it later on.

As Jamie is back working at The Bull, Steve reckons he can pay him back the £30 he owes. Jamie reckons the vodka he stole for them should offset some of the debt – but Steve reckons not so. That was just Jamie being a mate.

As Jamie doesn’t have ready cash on him (he’s only just started working again), Steve reckons Jamie can pay in more cigarettes and booze.

And Jamie, quite meekly, agrees.

Sounds like bullying to me.



Yup – Chas is a bad ‘un

Chas is talking to a woman called Diane.

Diane’s ex lost his job last year – she has 3 kids – the maintenance stopped – she’s behind in rent – the washing machine’s packed up – and she’s up to limit on credit cards.

At first, I was wondering if Chas worked for Citizens Advice. Or the dole office.

But no.

It’s a scam.

It seems that Chas (and other students) get their student loans, which they don’t financially need.

[Chas] “Then we see if we can use it to help people like you who’ve got themselves into a bit of a financial black hole… it’s like giving something back”

It’s a very friendly, easy way for Diane to get some money. No credit checks or paperwork.
But, of course, Chas has to charge more interest than the banks …

So, Chas gives Diane £1000. In 3 months, Diane has to pay back Chas £1200.

And I wonder what the penalties are if she misses payment?

Either way, Chas doesn’t seem to be a very nice person at all.



Spencer and Pip, thwarted again

Spencer and Pip bump into each other after he’s been out riding.

(he’s got his new jodhpurs – not jumpers, which I though he’d said the other day, but was corrected by @eddie_grundy on twitter).

[Spencer] “Now I can ride … I almost said … without scaring the horses …”

[Pip] “… in decent company”

As they’re gently flirting, and getting round to asking each other out on a wee walk, Chris comes along to interrupt.

Getting rid of Chris, they go for a very nice and peaceful walk. With Spencer seeming more and more perfect for Pip.

He knows a grey partridge when he sees it – he’s heard of Brian Aldridge, and the new mart – he already knows of, and appreciates, Lakey Hill.

But then, just when they’re getting (quite respectably) close, Rhys quite literally runs into them on his bike.

What a wee shame.

But nice to have two nice teens, being nice and maybe heading for something nice.

Ah! More of this might have made Ambridge Extra a bit more palatable for us (slightly) older yins.

I’m not sure how much more I can take of utterances like:

[Steve] “Alright. I’ll catch you later bruv. Laters”