- Tracey’s coming good
- Bah humbug Mr Carter!
- Jazzer’s Christmas ditty
- Not a happy day for the Grundy turkeys
- The Buttons’ music is very “evocative”
- Why so confident about Virgil?
- Not a happy day for the Grundy turkeys
- Christmas without Ivy
Tracey’s coming good
[Susan] “Tracey’s going to get a list of jobs. And she’ll have to do them. It’s a three line whip”
Tough talk from Clarrie, but it does also seem that Tracey’s has been being more helpful. She’s been helping their dad and Gary to get a bit more sorted.
Which is taking a lot of strain off of Susan.
But, Susan think it’s time yet to mention Tracey moving in with their dad and Gary. Though Neil is obviously very keen to see her gone.
Bah humbug Mr Carter!
[Jazzer] “I like the wee Santa on your back windae … (to which Neil groans at) … you’re an auld scrooge, Neil Carter!”
Jazzer’s Christmas ditty
To be sung as part of Christmas around the World.
[Jazzer] “It’s a morality song, in a manner o speaking”
He’s practising in front of Lynda and Vicky, on the recently staged stage.
[Jazzer] “Awesome stage set ladies. I’ll definitely wear my kilt!”
Seems Patrick Hennessey will be doing the piano again. Don’t think we’ve heard from him since the Panto last year.
And they’re also filming all of the rehearsals.
[Jazzer] “You’re no gonnae put it on the web?”
Seems not. It’s just for Lynda and Vicky to watch back to give detailed feedback.
[Jazzer] “I’m used to feedback, though it’s never useful, and they don’t usually wait til I’ve finished”
Jazzer starts singing, but gets a choked throat.
[Jazzer] “Sorry ladies, I need some water”
[Lynda] “What you need is fewer cigarettes …”
When Jazzer does get started, this is what he sings (in his surprisingly fine voice):
[Jazzer] “I woke up with an aching head, as usual
I can’t remember going to bed, as usual
Oh my stomach is feeling awfully queer
(Vicky and Lynda – “oh dear”)
I’ve got a thunder storm in my left ear
(more audible grumbling from Lynda and Vicky)
It must have been that shires beer, as usual”
[Lynda] “I’m sorry Jazzer, there’s no way you can perform that one … it’s quite inappropriate, that’s why not. What do you think Vicky?”
Vicky concurs.
[Jazzer] “What’s wrang wae it?”
[Vicky] “I’m not saying it’s not funny in its way, it’s just not right for our show”
[Lynda] “Exactly, we are a family show, a celebration of life”
[Jazzer] “So’s ma song, the guy’s woke up and he’s glad to be alive”
[Vicky] “He’s lucky to be alive, the amount he’s been drinking!”
[Jazzer] “There you are then, a celebration!”
[Vicky] “What we want is a nice cheerful number, something Christmassy”
[Jazzer] “Well there’s home and horizontal, that’s popular where I came fae … I’m sorry to disappoint you ladies but in my family we’re not all that interested in the White heather Club”
[Lynda, spitting with anger] “Oh Pity!”
[Jazzer] “So if you think I’m gonnae stan there signing Donald Whur’s your Troosers, you’ve got another think coming!”
Brick wall then.
Surely Jazzer could do the usual Auld Lang Syne? Would be good to hear it with the ‘Auld’ rather than the ‘Old’ …
(sorry to be pedantic, but that it’s annoying that folks choose what to and what to not translate. Leave it be and as it should be!)
The Buttons’ music is very “evocative”
Still not sure the coconut dance is suitable for two wee girls to be doing …
Why so confident about Virgil?
Seems Jim isn’t having to rehearse his reading from Virgil.
Lynda is just that confident that he’ll be fine.
What’s she up to? Not like Lynda to let anyone else have control …
Not a happy day for the Grundy turkeys
They’re being killed and plucked ready for Christmas day.
Sounds like Ed was the killer, with Clarrie plucking and preparing in their kitchen. Susan drops round for a cup of tea:
[Clarrie] “It’s nice to have some company, As long as you’ve got a strong stomach!”
Clarrie and Susan have a natter about Christmas, and also that a New Year will follow shortly (as per!).
Neither will be un happy to send to end of 2011. Clarrie lost her job, and reckons she’ll never get another.
[Clarrie] “Anyway, couldn’t have got off to a worse start could it with what happened to poor Nigel Pargetter”
(I suppose we can expect a lot more Nigel memories heading into the start of 2012)
And of course, Susan lost her mum. She’s especially feeling it now. She has memories of Ivy in her pinny slaving away. Clarrie agrees that Ivy was a grafter.
[Susan, sadly) “And she got little enough back for it in her lifetime”
Susan reckons it’s now down to Tracey and herself to fill the gap that Ivy has left. Which is a lot, considering Gary and their dad (and the rest of the clan) are useless.
[Susan] “It keeps me busy. Otherwise I’d just sit down and cry”
But it’s not all been a bad year for Susan and Clarrie. Little Keira was born.
Christmas without Ivy
Susan and Tracey had been round at her dad and Gary’s putting up Christmas decorations.
[Susan] “By the time we’d left, even dad had noticed!”
She’d also been opening the Christmas cards (as Bert doesn’t seem to bother)
There was one from a Ken and Mavis Buller, who neither Susan nor Neil seem to know. They out it to Ivy and Bert, and hope to see them soon. So, Susan will have to break the news to them. Whoever they are.
It reminds Susan even more that her mum is missed.
[Susan] “Oh when I think back to Christmases when I was little there was always a lot of shouting and scraping, that’s what my lot were like, and in the middle of it, there was my mum, trying to keep everyone happy making it all work”
[Neil] “She was lovely”
[Susan] “Didn’t matter how bad things were, if dad was out of work again, she always saw to it that Clive got his electric cars and I got my Bay City Rollers stuff, I dunno how she managed it, but she did”
[Neil] “Salt of the earth, your mum”
[Susan] “She was Neil. That’s why we have to ensure that everyone has a good time. Think we can”
[Neil] “I’m sure we can. We’ll do it for your mum”
Even I’ll excuse Susan if she’s a tad overzealous this Christmas time.
She misses her mum.
The Archers: Josh is playing by himself … Pip wants to be a farmer … Patrick can play the piano … Fallon plans to be alone with Harry … Eddie’s crowing
- “Jamie’s gone all weird”
- “His stance needs working on”
- Patrick to the Rescue!
- Pip, please don’t tell us what Jude taught you …
- I think that counted as Sabrina speaking
- Sabrina’s treasure chest
- How desperate is Fallon!!!
- Nathan, not any trouble? I very much doubt that Eddie
“Jamie’s gone all weird”
Sounds like David and Ruth might need to get Tom over to have a check on their yard lighting.
Josh was found by Eddie playing football by the floodlights.
And the poor wee mite had to play by himself.
[Josh] “Jamie’s gone all weir … hanging out with a rubbish crowd at school”
Eddie had a wee kick about with him, but sounded out of breath within a few minutes. Many days since Eddie was on a pitch, then:
[Eddie] “Wizard of the wing, I was called”
“His stance needs working on”
After Eddie had to wheeze off of the footy, Josh had to make do with helping his sister Pip work on the Hereford Steer that they’re putting into the primestock next week.
“Great topline … it’s his stance which needs working on”
We’ll take your work for it, Pip!
Patrick to the Rescue!
That Patrick’s an odd one.
He’s forever popping in and out of Ambridge, with seemingly no agenda (or staying power!).
But he’s not Lynda’s man of the moment (I wonder if Harry’s okay with that?!).
With Fallon now in the Panto, she doesn’t have time to pre-record the background music.
But along comes Patrick, as he’s apt to do. While Lynda was in a busy Ambridge Organics:
[Lynda] “In the hiatus, while Derek fletcher swung between yoghurt covered brazils and a blueberry flapjack …”
She got chatting to Patrick.
[Lynda] “If you ever get him on the lifecycle of the large butterfly he’ll open your eyes!”
Putting large butterflies to one side for the moment, Lynda also found out that Patrick achieved Grade 7 piano when he was a mere 17.
[Lynda] “The moment he revealed his talent … the poor man’s fate was sealed”
You said it Lynda!
Patrick and Harry in the same room? Just when I’d started to think they were one and the same …
Pip, please don’t tell us what Jude taught you …
(*shudder*)
No – it’s okay – all Pip said to Josh was that
“At least I learnt one thing from Jude … find something you're good at and stick to it – that’s what he was so useless at”
Pip looks like she’s considering staying out at Brookfield as a farmer.
[Josh] “So you going to stay here all your life?”
Of course, that all depends on whether Brookfield can manage to support adult Pip rather than Pip as one of David and Ruth’s kids.
But Pip has a cunning plan.
[Pip] “The market is changing all the time Josh, that’s why important find a good course to help us keep up”
Good planning Pip.
Wonder if we’ll be hearing similar arguments between Pip and David/Ruth as we currently hear between Tony and Tom.
I think that counted as Sabrina speaking
Okay, it was just a “meow”, and I reckon she also signed later on, but it was made by her vocal cords, therefore it was speech.
How utterly thrilling!
Sabrina’s treasure chest
[Lynda] “Prop yourself up a little more dear … that top’s a little lower cut than perhaps you realise”
[Lynda, later on] “Henchman are meant to be staring in covetously at the treasure chest!”
How desperate is Fallon!!!
That’s it.
Either Harry is asexual, gay or completely oblivious.
Did he not notice Fallon’s rather unsubtle efforts to get him to spend time alone with her?
The Panto is giving Fallon the perfect excuse to get 1-on-1 with Harry, but will he even react when she makes her move?
Nathan, not any trouble? I very much doubt that Eddie
Lynda is simply simpering over Eddie and Nathan’s revelatory panto performance this evening.
[Lynda] “your timing and teamwork was almost faultless … and I’ve never seen such sinister lurking … the sparkling chemistry you displayed this evening … tell me, what’s turned everything round?”
[Eddie] “We had a bot if a showdown earlier this week … he just needed taking a peg or two down … now that he accepts I’m top dog, we won't have any more trouble … I’m sure of that”
Hmmm. Speaking too soon, methinks.
The Archers: Alice goes back to University … it’s Kate’s birthday … Matt and Brian talk business … Patrick wants to call the cops
- My word – Kate’s becoming Jennifer
- “Do be quiet you noisy beast”
- Kate being an utter brat … so soon!
- Patrick’s name is mud
- Patrick and Kirsty?
- Helen’s blooming
- Is Matt not getting out enough?
- The blinking contest continues
- How can you not deliberately carve something into wood?
My word – Kate’s becoming Jennifer!
They (whoever ‘they' are) say that all women become their mothers.
And so it has come to pass with Kate.
Well, not entirely – but they do agree that Chris and Alice’s marriage won’t last.
Who needs enemies when you can have a sister like Kate! It’d be one thing for Kate to say what she thinks to Alice, but she’s being snide behind her back. With their mum (no less!).
[Kate] “She could have at least hung onto her own name … she’ll only have to change back”
[Kate] “Vegas marriages never do [last]”
Jennifer’s delighted that someone else agrees with her, though she only said that when both Alice and Brian were out of earshot.
[Jennifer] “I just feel that ...”
[Kate] “she could have done better …”
[Jennifer] “.. obviously, and ...”
[Kate] “she’s far too young to be tied down ...
[Jennifer] “…yes”
[Kate] “she'll realise her mistake soon enough”
Just goes to show, you can take the posh bird out of the castle, but you can’t make her swill down with the rest of them.
Poor Chris. He’s a nice sort. I do worry about him, now that Alice isn’t there to defend him – but Jennifer has found an ally in Kate.
“Do be quiet you noisy beast”
Did anyone else catch Kate saying that?
What was it to?
It might have been a cow, or a pig, or an overgrown rabbit (for all I know!).
Kate being an utter brat … so soon
Well that really didn’t take her anytime at all.
As well as nicely stitching up her sister to take sides with Jennifer about her marriage, Kate seems to think the world has to stop because it’s her birthday.
(mind that song from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – the Gene Wilder original – “I want the world … I want the whole world … do care how, I want it now!)
In Kate’s bubble, missing a day at College (after she’s only been there a few days), and pulling Phoebe out of school is absolutely justified because it’s her birthday. And she wants to spend it shopping with her daughter.
Hayley was right to be so angry about Kate’s return. She’s barely got over her jet lag, and she’s already using the ‘but I’m her mother’ excuse.
At least Kate did buy sensible clothes for Phoebe when they were out shopping (“woolly tights and a warm jacket”).
But then she tries to mess with Ruairi’s routine. Which Jennifer doesn’t like at all, beginning to launch into a ‘the world doesn’t revolve around you’ routine.
But Kate is saved in time by the call of a vuvuzela.
The cunning lass knew those would come in handy.
Ah well. I’m sure there’s more (and more and more) of this to come.
Patrick’s name is mud
Ah bless. He’s not even a fully fledged resident, yet he’s seemingly being blamed for the Peregrine controversy (which wasn’t really a controversy until a few days ago).
Jill and Susan are now also unhappy about the peregrines being encouraged to roost on the church tower. Seemingly that’s not what churches are far (oh! I thought it was was ‘ALL things bright and beautiful, ALL creatures great and small …’), and folks are also worried about bits of prey falling on their heads.
Feelings are running high. Which is never a pretty sight in Ambridge .
Patrick and Kirsty?
What’s the problem with all these new chaps? They don’t seem to notice that the nice single young ladies of Ambridge are actually available.
First there’s Harry and Fallon (Fallon now seems to be making eyes at him, but he’s shown no interest … apart from a possibly interest in Nic).
Now there’s Patrick and Kirsty.
They have been mates for quite a while now, and Patrick claims to live by:
“you should never resist temptation - you'll miss out on all the fun!”
Hmmm. Maybe Kirsty just isn’t his idea of ‘fun’.
Either way, he’s keen for Kirsty to owl watch with him. Which is nice.
Helen’s blooming
So says Kirsty.
Helen’s 20 week scan is all fine, though she doesn’t want to know the baby’s sex.
Which I joined Jennifer in being surprised about.
Is this really our Helen?
Helen. Wants to keep it a surprise. Without any control???
Ah well. As long as Helen continues to bloom, we might be soon introduced to a permanent Happy Helen!
Is Matt not getting out enough?
It seems to me that Matt’s turning into an elderly gentleman.
The other day he said:
“you can beat a nice bit of Stilton”
Tonight:
“you can't beat a decent Bordeaux”
I’m not saying Matt hasn’t got good taste, but he’ll be wanting a ‘nice slice of pork luncheon’ next.
The blinking contest continues
Brian and Matt meet to discuss Brian’s proposal (from Adam’s idea) of setting up a new company for Lilian to be on the board of (rather than BL).
After Matt’s run-in with Martin the other day, he is getting worried that BL will pull the whole project if he doesn’t at least play nicely.
[Matt] “someone has to compromise … so here I am”
(I also have to admit that I shut most of my brain off when business is discussed in details by any of the Ambridge residents. I want cows and bees!).
The short of it is that Amside would get a 20% share in this new company, and Lilian would be on the board.
Matt’s happy enough with that BUT he’s now doubled the asking price for the land.
[Brian] “I reckon you're pushing your luck!”
Well, that’s seemingly Matt’s final word on the matter. Double the money, or quits.
Nice to have him back properly.
How can you not deliberately carve something into wood?
As Patrick and Kirsty come close to the bird hide (for their spot of owl watching), they catch Jamie and his gang in full ‘party’ mode.
Which involved lighting a fire inside the bird hide (albeit in a biscuit tin), stubbing their cigarettes out on the bench, and graffiti:
“deliberately carved into the wood”
Hmmm. How can a carving be anything other than deliberate?
Anyway – Patrick chased them off, was rightly livid and was about to call the Police.
But, Kirsty spotted Jamie and wants to talk to Kathy before they do anything else.
“he's not some kind of delinquent … just a really unhappy kid”
Which is an interesting take on delinquency. Jamie is a delinquent through his actions, but aren’t all delinquents just kids trying to get attention (or am I going soft in my old age?!?).
Either way, I’d have preferred it if Patrick had called the Police. Although Kathy would have shouted, and Jamie would have shouted back, there’s hope that the shock of being arrested might wake him up put of his ‘whatever’ stupor.
By doing it Kirsty’s way, we’re [probably in for weeks of shouting. And I’d imagine Kenton will get involved. Which means three way shouting.
That’s something to look forward to.
The Archers: Chris and Alice have new furniture ... Brian can't build his road where he'd like to ... the new bird hide opens
- Flat packed furniture? *shudder*
- "I can tell her heart isn't it"
- Stone facials and free booze
- 'Birder' not 'Twitcher'
- Is Patrick really just a good friend?
- Why is Kirsty being such a b*tch?
- Oh dear. Brian can't have his road where he wants it.
Flat packed furniture? *shudder*
I could actually hear Jennifer's skin crawl as she related to Lilian that Chris and Alice had returned to their cottage with flat packed furniture.
Horrified that they weren't using what was already in there:
"the furniture is all perfectly charming ... I chose it myself!"
Jennifer has kept said furniture in a barn. Just in case it's needed again.
She's still hopeful that this marriage won't last.
"You're such a misery ... be happy for them"
Hear hear Lilian.
Still, I had to chortle that Jennifer thought it acceptable that Alice was doing all the furniture building:
"She is an engineer!"
Oh Jennifer! How about it being okay, just because it is okay for a woman, rather than a man, to tackle (what I assume is) Ikea furniture?
It hardly takes a masculine perspective, nor an engineering degree.
"I can tell her heart isn't it"
No sh*t Sherlock!
Lilian, it really doesn't take special powers to notice that Jolene is of almost catatonic state these days,
"Jolene really does say all the right things"
Eh? I haven't heard Jolene say more than 'what?' in the last few weeks, unless it's been a monologue about Saint Sid.
Maybe Lilian just prefers to hear monosyllabic grunts.
Anyway, Lilian's bizarre take on Jolene aside, it looks like she thinks Jolene will sell her share in The Bull.
Worried that they (a) need someone with money who will (b) also run the bar, at (c) a time when village pubs are closing at an alarming rate, Lilian didn't sound very positive about The Bull's future.
Well, until she realised that she could make it into flats ...
Jennifer was rightly horrified at the thought, and I think there would be a fair few other residents who'd have quite a lot to say if The Bull wasn't The Bull.
Look at what happened with the Village shop.
Can pubs be run as community pubs?
Stone facials and free booze
Despite saying all of the above, I simply adore Lilian.
Late to the 'launch' of the new bird hide because she's having a stone facial at 10am, she then simply oozes when a bloke from Borchester Radio asks for for an interview.
Honestly, I thought she'd misheard him, and thought he was offering something far more intimate!
Initially choosing to take the limelight rather than admit she's not remotely interested in bird hides, Lilian could only say that there was "masses" of wildlife, like "ducks and geese".
"what sort of use will you get out of the hide?"
"me? personally???"
Lilian then went onto say she'd use it if she was out for a walk and it started raining ... not that she does ever go for a walk.
"You're not a birder then?"
"I'm here for the drinks and the nibbles!"
Jennifer saved the day with some banal mutterings about the hide being good for school kids.
[Lilian] "it's rather utilitarian"
[Jennifer] "it's not here to draw attention to itself!"
*snort*
'Birder' not 'Twitcher'
I never knew that.
And if you didn't either, now you do.
Cheers Patrick!
Is Patrick really just a good friend?
I think he is. But sometimes you just can't.
Patrick also now has a surname. We can call him Mr Patrick Hennessey. Even more signs that there be more Patrick to follow
That'd be a good thing if it is just more than mates between Patrick and Kirsty. It'd mean she's not chasing Kenton (yuck!), and she might also stop being such a b*tch.
And on that matter ...
Why is Kirsty being such a b*tch?
First she tells all of Helen's most heartfelt woes to Tom (knowing that Helen will be furious that she has done so),
now she's upsetting Fallon by being rude and blunt about Jolene.
After saying how awful Jolene looked:
"people are saying she wants out of the bull ... I don't know if you know"
So telling Fallon across the bar was the best way to possibly break the news?
What on earth is Kirsty up to?
Oh dear. Brian can't have his road where he wants it.
Seemingly the Highways Department isn't happy about where Brian wants the access road to be for the mart development.
I'll admit that I completely zoned out when Brian was talking about it. It felt like we were about to have another 'reading of the job advert' filler.
If there was anything more to say about this, please let me know.
