Chris is a feature boy: Sun 30.12.12 #thearchers

The Archers Sunday 30th December 2012

• It was Alice's idea, but she's annoyed
• Let's Ear it for Jim
• Mike and Vicky's baby due in a week
• Did Lynda know?
• Alice can be a right snob sometimes
• Chris earns more than Alice
• Jazzer gathers mourners for Bob
• Jazzer sings for pints
• Can Jazzer’s Glaswegian cousins be worse than the Horrobins?
• Tom’s furious
• Jazzer worries Jim

It was Alice's idea, but she's annoyed

Jim is doing his interview which Chris today, which has infuriated Alice. It's her only day off.

[Alice] "It's not as if he works!"

She reckons it'll take hours between the actual interview, and then getting photos at the Forge.

[Alice] "Sparks flying, sweat dripping, the craftsman at his toil ..."

(sounds Like Alice and Chris are still in their honeymoon period!)


Let's Ear it for Jim

Sorry ...

Poor Jim.

Seems when he walks into a room, folks now do the 'friends, Romans, countryman' line at him, then shout 'here they are!'

Shame.


Mike and Vicky's baby due in a week

Blimey.

Doesn't seem that long since they found out Vicky was pregnant.

Seems Mike is getting a bit wound up.

Vicky was in hysterical laughter retelling (every single bit) of the Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza.

[Brenda] "I think he was worried she was going into labour"

[Tom] "Can that happen? Premature labour being brought on by excessive hilarity?"

I wonder if Vicky's girl will have the same birthday as Helen's Henry ...


Did Lynda know?

Well, we know Lynda didn't have a clue about Kenton's plans for the show, but Ambridge is very much divided.

Jim reckons she know.

As does Chris and Alice.

But Tom and Brenda could see Lynda's reactions throughout the show:

[Brenda] "Robert practically had to wrestle her to the ground to stop her leaping up on the stage."

The jury is out ...


Alice can be a right snob sometimes

Which is surprising, considering the family she's married into (The Horrobin side, not the Carters). But then again, not surprising considering who her mother is.

Alice had assumed Tom and Brenda wouldn’t be going to the Lower Loxley New Year ball as it was black tie, and such ... She then claimed she meant that it would be full of older folks ... hmmmm

Anyhoo - Brenda and Tom are going, with Kirsty and Ifty.


Chris earns more than Alice

Chris explains to Jim that he was always fascinated by the Blacksmith as a kid, that he wasn't good academically, and that he likes making things.

So, he became a farrier.

Though Chris still has "cold shivers" over the size of the loan h had to take out to buy the business, he does have plans to expand, eventually. Including taking on an apprentice (him or her ... good lad!).

When Jim asks him if he makes a good living, Chris reckons so. Very god, in fact.

[Chris] "Better than my wife, though she's had four years at University"

(Though he tells Jim not to print that. Could you imagine the fall out!)


Jazzer gathers mourners for Bob

Seems Bob Pullen's funeral is on Friday morn. As he didn't have much family himself, Jazzer's taken it on to make sure he gets a decent crowd.

[Jazzer] "It was be a tragedy it was half empty"

Jazzer really is a good 'un, on occasion ...

Alice reckons she won’t be able to get the time off.

[Jazzer] "A funeral’s an important rite of passage."

[Chris] "Alice works for a workaholic bunch of nerds who don’t understand rites of passage."

(meow! Earning more really has given Chris confidence)


Jazzer sings for pints

Seems everyone wants Jazzer to sing his Friar and Nun song again. To the point where he’s considering starting charging. Either a fiver for a charity of his choice, or a pint.

Can Jazzer’s Glaswegian cousins be worse than the Horrobins?

Folks are again gossiping about Clive. Everyone reckons it’s a real shame on Bert, having two sons in prison.

[Jazzer] “It's no his fault … and as for my cousins in Glasga …”

Really?


Can Jazzer’s Glasgow cousins really be worse than the Horrobins?

[Chris] “Alice's mum is scandalised, which is fun.”

Ah – I do like Chris’ sense of humour when it comes to Jennifer.


Tom’s furious

When Tom realizes that Jim is doing an article on Chris, he’s spluttering with fury.

He’d told Jim that he would be available for an interview, but Jim told him he couldn’t just do articles about Ambridge folks.

[Tom] “So how comes he makes an exception for you?”

Alice reckons it might be because Chris has a more artisan, traditional craft.

[Jazzer] “Nah, he just thinks Chris is a mair interesting person than you Tom, and mair photogenic.”

Cheeky!

But hilarious that Tom’s nose is out of joint.

Marvelous.


Jazzer worries Jim

As Jim is writing his article about Chris:

[Jim] “ … a young man forging his own opportunities …”

Jazzer comes back home.

[Jim] “Is that you Jazzer?”

[Jazzer] “No. It's a burglar!”

Jazzer then tells Jim that Tom is beyond angry at Jim for not doing his next article on him.

[Jazzer] “Upset, foaming in the mooth. he was all for coming round here and giving you some serious grief ... he's no a happy bunny!”

Maybe Jazzer takes this too far?

Jim will be terrified … Tom can pack a mean pointed finger!

The night of the Great Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza: Fri 28.12.12 #thearchers

The Archers Friday 28 December 2012

• Has Lilian run off to Paul?
• Dedicated to Bob Pullen
• Peggy wishes Clive ill
• Kenton's great plan? Audience participation
• Kenton gives Lynda the credit

Has Lilian run off to Paul?

Yesterday, we heard Paul encouraging Lilian to run away and join him in Dubai.

After a relentlessly angry day at Matt, we hard Lilian call someone and asking to "make a booking".

BUT.

Turns out Lilian was booking her and Peggy into a break in Whitby, as they’d talked about on Christmas Day.

Seems last time Peggy was here was 1943 with Jack

[Peggy] "It was so romantic"

She won't have any romance going there with her daughter, but a lovely time shall be had anyhoo, I'll bet.

So - do we think it's only family ties that are keeping Lilian from running to Paul?


Dedicated to Bob Pullen

Nice thought to dedicate the show to Bob.

Though he probably would have hated it ...


Peggy wishes Clive ill

Gossip about Clive resurfacing at Bert's has made its way round Ambridge. Though, of course, Tom and Brenda live next door, so saw everything.

David can't fathom why Clive came back to Ambridge, but Peggy doesn't give a hoot.

[Peggy] "Let’s hope this time they put Clive Horrobin away for good"

Quite right too, Peggy.


Kenton's great plan? Audience participation

the evening starts off with Kenton hitting David over the head with his pig bladder on a sick. (Well, a balloon on a stick, to be exact).

[Kenton] "No pig was harmed in the making of the costume ... I am the Lord of Misrule, and boy do I intend to live up to my name!"

Kenton tells the audience that Shakespeare always played to the audience. Which is exactly what he intends to do.

[Kenton] "This evening is all about audience participation"

[Lynda, to Robert] "No it’s not!"

Robert tells Lynda to calm down, and give Kenton's way a chance.

[Robert] "He’s not spoiling the acts, he’s adding to it"

After every act, Kenton had something to do for the audience, related to the act.

For example, he asked Jim to repeat  a line from his soliloquy, then gave the audience their response:

[Jim] "Friends, roman, countrymen, lend me your ears"

[Audience] "Here they are!"

(I suppose we needed to be there ... As an aside, I really can't hear those lines without seeing Kenneth Williams speak them as Caesar in one of the Carry Ons. I used to love the Carry Ons. Though they’ve not aged well ...)

Kenton has the audience up dancing, wearing bells, and generally taking part. Which they seem to enjoy.

[Lynda] "I can see he’s taking the audience with him, but why didn’t he tell me?"

Robert reckoned Kenton reckoned Lynda wouldn’t have agreed.

[Lynda] "It’s not the show I planned. I shall have to go and hide"

[Robert] "You can’t hide. Don’t you want to try one of those new-fangled potato things!"

Kenton gives Lynda the credit

The overall reaction to the Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza was that a grand time was had by all.

[Peggy] "Extraordinary, but very enjoyable."

[David] "I had no idea what I was letting myself in for"

Jim wonders aloud how Lynda kept a straight face during rehearsals, considering what the reality of the show was going to be.

Kenton doesn't mention that Lynda also didn’t have a clue. In fact, she gets all the credit.

[Kenton] "Lynda knows how to strike the balance … High art, and low comedy."

Bob Pullen’s passed away: Wed 26.12.12 #thearchers

The Archers Wednesday 26th December 2012

• Susan and Ed had a nice Christmas
• Ruth’s being a witch to her cows
• Ed’s scared of computers
• Even the Village Shop is open
• Jill mixes her pies up again
• Jim reckons “dull but worthy”
• Memories of Bob Pullen
• Susan’s not going to judge Ed

Susan and Ed had a nice Christmas

Susan’s up early tidying, Ed’s up early for milking.

He lends a hand, but isn’t much use. He doesn’t know where anything goes.

They both reckons yesterday was really nice. The kids certainly had a grand time.

[Susan] “Lovely to see their little faces, opening their presents.”

Ruth’s being a witch to her cows

But it’s alright. She still have the upmost respect and love for her cow.

She’s just practising for the Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza.


Ed’s scared of computers

Well, at least he admits it.

Though quite a unique thing for a chap his age.

Ed knows Neil’s had a word with Ruth, so he now asks Ruth to show him dairy accountancy programmes.

She reckons he’ll save time, money and worry. Though it might look complicated, once he gets the hang, it’ll become second nature.


Even the Village Shop is open

There’s a sign of the times.

It’s only open until lunchtime, but even still. It’s a shame folks can’t cope with shops for more than 1 day.

Absolutely everything shuts down in deepest Galloway, where I live. And quite right too!

Anyhoo, Jim reckons they’ll be busy selling indigestion tablets.


Jill mixes her pies up again

Jim has to spit his own. His brain can’t accept that it’s real mince when he thought it to be sweet.

Jazzer doesn’t mind.

His brain will accept any food.


Jim reckons “dull but worthy”

Oh dear. He doesn’t have high hopes for the Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza being anything other than a bit of a damp squib.

Kenton begs to differ.

He reckons Jim will be “pleasantly surprised”

[Jim] “I shouldn’t be surprised that you’re taking her side, you seem to be an accolade of hers recently.”

Meow!


Memories of Bob Pullen

[Jill] “I’ve just had a call from the hospital. It’s Mr Pullen. He’s dead.”

Jill’s very shook up. Kenton gets her a brandy.

We obviously knew Bob hadn’t been well over the last few weeks, but even Jill didn’t expect him to go this quickly.

[Jill] “Dear old Bob.”

[Kenton] “Mind you, he could be a cantankerous at times!”

Though Bob had a lot to contend with, according to Jill. What with being deaf and having bladder issues.

[Jill] “I remember though, he really laid into some chap one year for hogging the portaloo at the fate.”

Jim had a story Jazzer told him about Bob. “The great Ambridge Talent Show prize debacle. Seems Bob won his category for playing the spoons, Jazzer won his for singing. Jazzer got a hamper from Ambridge Organics, Bob got dinner for 2 at Grey Gables.

Jazzer wanted to swap so that he could take a lady, but Bob refused.

[Jim] “He turned up at Grey Gables and demanded Caroline convert his prize from one dinner for two into two dinners for one!”

[Kenton] “I think that we should all raise out glasses to a real character.”

And they reckon someone should tell Joe.

[Jim] “He’s going to be very interested …He’s now the village elder.”

Which I suppose will be a sad, happy and scary thing for Joe …


Susan’s not going to judge Ed

Susan’s having to accept that her house will no longer be pristine, with Ed, Emma and the kids around. Though she thinks they’ll need to adopt a code word for when she’s starting to lose the plot …

Ed’s ever so grateful to her for making the chance to her life, and sharing their home with them.

[Ed] “I know I’ve let her down … I’m going to do everything I can to get us back on our feet.”

Susan says she’s know that. And she can see how much Ed loves Emma and the kids, and how much Emma loves Ed.

[Susan] “I don’t want you to feel I;m judging you … with my family, what right have I got … New year, new start.”

Mike and Vicky have a wee dance: Mon 24.12.12 #thearchers

The Archers Monday 24th  December 2012

• Neil asks Ruth to talk to Ed
• The Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza is a sell out!
• Deck the Halls has left the building
• The food panic buying for Christmas
• Mike manages to get his arms around Vicky

Neil asks Ruth to talk to Ed

Neil reckoned Ruth would be the best person to help Ed with the management of his dairy business.  Ed agreed, but asked Neil if he’s asked Ruth.

(maybe that’s one of the reason’s Ed’s been struggling. He’s not capable of even asking a clo0se neighbour and friend for help)

[Neil] “I must say I really think that YOU could help him.”

Ruth agrees, but wishes Neil had chosen a better day to discuss this than the day before Christmas …

[Neil] “His money management, his cashflow, is almost non-existent … the milk cheque’s spent before he’s had it.”

Seems Ed is also behind in his rent, though Oliver has been “understanding”.

Ruth’s very keen to help. Though I hope it can wait til after Christmas. David’s taken time off especially!


The Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza is a sell out!

Kenton’s secret guerrilla stickering worked a treat.


Deck the Halls has left the building

Well, that was a bit of a non-entity this year.

We only really got to follow James and Leonie round Deck the Halls. Once.

Now they’re packing up.

[David] “What’s this, Deck the Hall with bits of lorry?”

[Elizabeth] “The poor things have to get to the ferry or they’ll never make it home for Christmas.”

If Nigel had been alive, it would have been far more magical …


The food panic buying for Christmas

[Elizabeth] “Mum’s always had this morbid fear of not having enough, now Shula’s getting as bad.”

David was charged with taking over Jill’s store of food to Lower Loxley. But:

[David] “Mum’s labelling system is something out of MI5.”

He’s grabbed the real mince pies for the Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza rather than the sweet mince pies.

Oops.

David and Elizabeth seems to be revelling in each other’s company these days. They reminisce about Christmases past – when they were kids, and David used to steal food from the kitchen.

It’ll be a grand Archer Christmas after all.


Mike manages to get his arms around Vicky

Mike and Vicky are also revelling in each other’s company.

Vicky’s used the oils Mike gave her, and he reckons she smells, as well as looks, lovely. He puts his arms right round her, and their ever growing belly.

Aw.

They then have a wee dance together.

[Vicky] “All right then. Let’s give it a go … so, is it like dancing with a block of flats?”

[Mike] “It’s like dancing with the most beautiful woman in the world.”

[Vicky] “It’s going to be different next Christmas.”

They’ll have their baby girl, who will have her stocking, and be surrounded by toys come Christmas morning (not that she’ll know what on earth is going on!). It’s something Vicky has always dreamt of.

Mike tries to tell Vicky that they can’t assume anything as yet.

[Vicky] “It’s alright Mike, I just like believing, that’s alright.”

(Vicky said this while a song with Believe in the lyrics was being played. I know Vicky can be corny, but come on!)

Tiger and Pusscat in New York: Sun 23.12.12 #thearchers

The Archers Sunday 23rd December 2012

• An Empire State Building of pancakes
• Emma’s moving the mugs
• A thought for Keith at Christmas?
• Does Jennifer keep texting?
• The brawn’s being prepared
• Lynda sucks the life out of Jim
• Pat Fletcher in a bodice … my word!

An Empire State Building of pancakes

Was what Lilian and Matt were having in New York.

Yum!

[Lilian] “With a Niagara of maple syrup.”

Double yum!


Emma’s moving the mugs

To make it easier in the kitchen.

Steady on …


A thought for Keith at Christmas?

Will Emma soften towards Keith, now that he’s inside over Christmas?

No. She won’t.

[Emma] “Still, it’s being than being burnt alive.”

Does Jennifer keep texting?

Lilian’s mobile keeps making noises with all the texts she’s getting. From Paul.

She tells Matt it’s just Jennifer being incredibly jealous.

So she ignores them.

As Lilian’s phone cheeps merrily away, she snuggles up to Matt while taking a carriage ride round Central Park.

They then have a skate at the Rockefeller Ice Rink.

As Lilian remarks, it’s a far cry from the ice rink she used to go to in Birmingham. (though Lilian should remember that they’re in New York actually on her money …)

And still he mobile makes text noises.

Has the woman no shame?

Actually, I couldn’t care less.

Matt’s been awful to Lilian for such a long time that it matters not a jot if she’s now using him.


The brawn’s being prepared
This really will have to be an exemplary dish of brawn (at the Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza). Ambridge seems to have been buzzing about it for months!

It’s now being worked on in the Community Village kitchen. Marinating, one presumes.

[Jim] “It sounds like they’re wrestling an entire pig into the oven.”

And it seems Neville Both is on the cutlets … which is odd. Did I just hear that wrong?


Lynda sucks the life out of Jim

(my word … that could leave a very nasty rash indeed!)

Jim’s practising his soliloquy.

[Lynda] “Jim, I can’t have you dropping your voice like that … On every Honourable Man.”

Lynda’s close directorial approach isn’t exactly to Jim’s liking:

[Jim] “She has literally sucked the life out of my performance.”

In stark contrast, Kenton seems to be flourishing ‘under’ Lynda.

[Kenton] “Scarlett Pimpernel, in reverse, me.”

Lynda’s very impressed indeed that Kenton’s there to watch every act, seemingly to make sure he gets the Lord of Misrule’s introductions bang on.

Such behaviour does not impress Jim:

[Jim] “Toady … Sycophant … Crawler.”

Meow!


Pat Fletcher in a bodice … my word!

Susan’s in charge of the costumes for the Extravaganza.

She’s bought  £2.99 gowns from the market to make into witches:

[Susan] “I'm going to have my hands full getting Pat Fletcher into a bodice …”

[Emma] “Literally!”

Though Susan does draw the line at putting Jim into his toga. He can most definitely do that himself.

Jazzer sings his bawdy tale: Thurs 20.12.12 #thearchers

The Archers Thursday 20 December 2012

• Elizabeth chooses weddings
• Pip’s looking for woolly hats
• Jazzer sings his song for Lynda
• Is Joe’s farmer’s cough fake?
• Like hen’s teeth, but actually Joe’s teeth in a turkey
• Bob Pullen still isn’t well
• Wolfgang has pneumonia
• Jill’s the unsung hero. Again.
• “Quite something to be spending Christmas day in a stately home.”
• Lynda doesn’t like to say I told you so
• Bad memories for Eddie

Elizabeth chooses weddings

Fair do.

It’s a way to converts the dairy into a profitable business that’s in keeping with lower Loxley … but I still think it’s a bit of a gamble.


Pip’s looking for woolly hats

But, according to Jill, she’s looking for bargains.

Pip’s seemingly endless supply of ready cash for the ski holiday must have dried up.


Jazzer sings his song for Lynda

[Jim] “Jazzer’s worried Lynda might find it a bit more bawdy than she’s expecting … this is an noble, medieval tradition.”

[Eddie] “Of filth!”

But I failed to hear what was rude about Jazzer’s ditty.

Jim had to ask Lynda to be gentle on Jazzer. He’d been practising his song, and was also taking Latin lessons from Jim.

I didn’t get the whole of Jazzer’s ditty down, but it was along the lines of: There was a friar of old green - offered the nun to learn her to sing - groped with flattery.

I didn’t really hear anything risqué. Every for Elizabethan times.

But, Lynda seemed to find it a tad full on.

[Lynda] “I don’t know what to say. It was very, tuneful. You sang with great gusto Jazzer.”

[Jazzer] “Is that a good thing?”

I’d suppose so.


Is Joe’s farmer’s cough fake?
Surely not (!!!).

Though Jazzer reckons it is.

Joe’s farmer’s cough seems to get worse when he’s sat on the village green, selling mistletoe and holly.

Jazzer reckons he just does it to get people to feel sorry for him, and buy.

[Joe] “I don’t care if they feel sorry, as long as they buys it.”

Like hen’s teeth, but actually Joe’s teeth in a turkey

I kid you not.

Clarrie (who is still very silent) found some of Joe’s false teeth in a turkey.

It was the ones he’d lost apple day. They must have gone into the crusher, been crushed, then eaten up by a turkey.

[Joe] “Two of them grinning up at her when she opened the bird, gave her quite a fright!”

Joe thinks it’s hilarious. Eddie not so funny.

He’s desperately trying to keep Joe’s voice down so that folks who have bought turkeys don’t start demanding refunds.


Bob Pullen still isn’t well

[Jill] “It’s a shame, just before Christmas too.”

Indeed.

And at his age (well, well over 90? Certainly older than Joe),


Wolfgang has pneumonia

But Lynda is taking good care of him.

So, not to worry.


Jill’s the unsung hero. Again.

First off, she’s secretly helping Kenton with whatever Kenton is up to.

[Jill] “Kenton’s making me nervous. You know what he’s like”

And she’s doing a stunning job on the food, and also with Kathy on the decorations.

[Lynda] “The Gingerbread stars are a masterstroke!”

“Quite something to be spending Christmas day in a stately home.”

I’m absolutely stunned that Jim Lloyd said that.

He puts himself across as such a democrat (in the old sense of the world).

Still, he and Christine have been invited to Lower Loxley with the rest of the Jill side of the Archer clan … so I suppose it would be churlish to not be excited.


Lynda doesn’t like to say I told you so

But he does do it, sometimes.

She’s revelling in being right about having told Jim not to trust Borchester Life.

[Lynda] “I didn’t think the rash of green grocer’s apostrophes was your work.”

[Jim] “Is that supposed to be funny?”

Poor Jim.


Bad memories for Eddie
Ed and Emma having to move out of Rickyard reminds Eddie of when he and the rest of the Grundys were evicted from Grange Farm, all those years ago.

[Joe] “Ambridge View though lad, it ain't like having to go to Meadow Rise.”

[Eddie] “It's the shame. Feeling you can’t provide for your family … I feel like I failed him too.”

Joe coaches that all they need to do is focus on helping Ed and his family from hereon.

[Joe] “we'll all have to do our best to set them back on their feet, won’t we?”

Blindfolds, bells and bladders: Tues 18.12.12 #thearchers

The Archers Tuesday 18 December 2012

• The Axeman cometh
• Neil needs Ruth to be subtle
• Kenton and Jill go all James Bond
• Susan and Neil gorge
• Tracey only has herself to blame?
• Weddings it is
• Did we do stir up Sunday?
• Jill is ashamed to know Morris Dancers

The Axeman cometh

Jim’s no a happy chappy

The new Borchester Life magazine is out, featuring Jim’s interview with Mike.

[Jim] “I shall never be able to show my face in Ambridge again!”

[Jazzer] “What’s he doing with that naff woolly. He looks like a right Jessie.”

(Mike did try and tell Vicky that’s what his mates would say)

Seems the editors have cut down Jim’s article to the point where it’s nothing like the original. Worse still, they cut it AND ruined it.

[Jazzer] “You’re an interesting bloke Jim, hut you can go on a bit. Sometimes less is mair … who really wants to read a lot about Mike Tucker?”

But Jim’s not to be placated.

He reckons they’ve dummed it down. And is horrified that the article is now called: ‘The Axeman cometh’

[Jim] “Look at that apostrophe. They’ll think I'm illiterate … my lovely semi colons, all gone.”

[Jazzer] “Most people wouldn’t know a semi colon if it bit them.”

Jim and Jazzer adjourn to The Bull, where Jim is deeply in mourning. His article has been “cut short in its prime”.

[Jazzer] “As you can see, he’s taken it to heart. It’s the artist in him.”

Jazzer tries to comfort Jim by telling him that no-one reads Borchester Life anyhoo …


Neil needs Ruth to be subtle

That’ll be interesting.

Neil’s still worrying about Ed. He’s angry with himself for not having noticed that Ed was having such huge problems.

He also thinks Ed shouldn’t be hard on himself. As Neil said the other day, he also had problems when he first started out.

[Susan] “They were never down to sloppy paperwork.”

But Neil points out that Ed’s only ever been taught about stock. Why would he know how to manage a business?

So he needs Ruth to help out.

But subtly.

Hmmmm.


Kenton and Jill go all James Bond

Kenton is the chap behind the guerrilla stickering.

(surprise!)

He’s got Jill roped into helping him – but it all has to be very cloak and dagger. Kenton reckons it’s more fun that way.

And Jill does seem to be enjoying it. She even suggests she puts a candle in her window to let Kenton know the coast is clear for visiting her after Elizabeth has been … but as Kenton points out, he can just check if Elizabeth’s car is gone. 


Susan and Neil gorge

While being distressed about Emma.

[Neil] “A daughter of mine starving herself to feed her own kids.”

Neil and Susan seemed to be eating for hours while they talked.

How ironic.


Tracey only has herself to blame?

Word has filtered through from Ambridge Extra that Tracey has lost her job.

Susan reckons she’s just unlucky.

Neil reckons she’s her own worst enemy.

A bit of both, I reckons.

That snotty teacher didn’t help matters much.


Weddings it is

Elizabeth visited a place called Barefield Manor, who have already created accommodation for weddings, as Elizabeth intends to do.

Seems they’ve gone from 15 to 35 weddings in a year. The jump in numbers is down to folks being able to drink at the wedding, then inly have a short stagger to their bed.

This might just be me – but is an extra 20 weddings a year worth a £70,000 + loan?

Seems like a small, and very slow, return.


Did we do stir up Sunday?

I don’t think so. It just came to me that I don’t remember a mention of Stir Up Sunday in Ambridge.

Wasn’t it on 25th November?

How sad, if it has been dropped as an Ambridge tradition.


Jill is ashamed to know Morris Dancers

Kenton needs Jill to get him extra mince pies, blindfolds, bells that go round people’s ankles and pig’s bladders.

The mice pies and blindfolds are no problem (I really don’t want to know why Jill has multiple blindfold type things to hand …)

For the bells:

[Jill] “Why don’t you ask some Morris dancers?”

[Kenton] “I don’t know any. I bet you do.”

[Jill] “Why should I … oh well yes …”

Seems Jill knows the Edgley troop that did a demo for the WI.

Why Pig’s bladders?

[Kenton] “Blown up to bop people on the head with.”

Of course!

Jill suggests Kenton ask or Neil.

But then has the brainwave that Kenton could just use balloons on sticks.

What fun!

Matt makes breakfast: Sun 16.12.12 #thearchers

The Archers Sunday 16 December 2012

• Matt’s sooking up again
• More teasing on Lynda’s posters
• Ruth’s got a hangover
• Joyce serves sponge and guilt
• Shakespearian jokes
• A Llama is better than Lilian
• Matt offers alcohol and “whatever”

Matt’s sooking up again

Lunch, supper, toast for James … and now breakfast. In bed, no less!

Matt’s really pushing the boat out.

He even suggests that go and visit Joyce to see how she’s settling into her new flat.

AND he remembers that Lilian has a rehearsal later on.

Even Lilian hadn’t remembered that.


More teasing on Lynda’s posters

[Lynda] “Good heavens, it’s happened again. Someone has defaced my poster!”

This time, the stickers say: ‘Anything can happen and it probably will’, and makes mention of the food.

[Kenton] “It’s a tease. Intriguing.”

[Lynda] “Misleading. I know exactly what’s going to happen!”

Kenton still denies he has a hand in this.

[Lynda] “I'm having rather a trying time .. ‘taste the glories of Elizabethan England’, indeed!”

But just as Will was more interested in buying tickets because of the last sticker message, Usha was intrigued by these new ones. She hadn’t realised there was food.

Maybe Lynda needs to accept that whoever is behind this (*ahem* Kenton *ahem*) is actually doing a grand job of selling more tickets.


Ruth’s got a hangover

After her anniversary last night.

She can’t even make rehearsals today.


Joyce serves sponge and guilt

Over at Joyce’s, Matt and Lilian enjoy her sponge. Which is seemingly divine.

But there was an overwhelming sense that Joyce was wishing the sponge would choke Matt. Though Joyce loves her flat:

[Joyce] “I just wish our old home together could have been as nice.”

Shakespearian jokes

Kenton has been making up his own Elizabethan jokes:

[Kenton] “How many Elizabethans does it take to light a light bulb … none … they haven’t been invented yet!”

(*groan*)

But Lynda insists that all jokes should be gathered from Shakespeare.

She recites a few.

[Kenton] “Morecombe and wise can rest easy”

A Llama is better than Lilian

According to Lynda, after she’d heard Lilian practise her witch.

[Lynda] “You seem to have picked up Ruth’s witchy voice, and Lilian, you sound worse than my Wolfgang!”

[Kenton] “Well, she wasn’t bleating”

[Lynda] “He has a terrible cough.”

[Lilian] “Here, was I supposed to make that rhyme.”

[Kenton] “Well I suppose it did it Shakespeare’s time.”

(ho ho!)

[Lynda] “You know, I’m beginning to see why this is supposed to be an unlucky play.”

Why?

Sounds hilarious to me!

When Lilian gets home:

[Matt] “How was the rehearsal?”

[Lilian] “Confusing …”


Matt offers alcohol and “whatever”

Matt pours Lilian a large G&T.

A snuggle.

A “soppy” DVD.

[Matt] “ …or whatever you fancy …”

Which I assume relates to adult relations …

… I think Lilian’s getting enough of that elsewhere.

Lilian and Paul have adult relations again: Thurs 13.12.12 #thearchers

The Archers Thursday 13 December 2012

• Lilian wants to say goodbye in London
• What’s in a name, prt 2
• Guerrilla stickering
• Will’s fuming
• Paul loves Lilian

Lilian wants to say goodbye in London

James is back off home, and is surprised to see Lilian also has her cases packed. She’d like to accompany him.

[Lilian] “Main thing is that we get a few more hours together and I won’t have to say goodbye to you here.”

(that later turns out not to be true. Lilian lying and using her son … she’s starting to behave like Matt!)

Typical James, he doesn’t really want Lilian to stay with him. He can only offer her a futon. But, Lilian has already booked a hotel.

Sounds dodgy to me …


What’s in a name, prt 2

Vicky now likes Michelle, or Michaela.

And maybe Nicola.

But that one was as she was talking to Nic …


Guerrilla stickering

Seems someone has been sticking stickers on Lynda’s Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza posters, saying ‘Special Guest … Featuring the one and only Lord of Misrule’.

[Lynda] “Who has done that. It has quite spoiled the impact of my poster.”

Kenton claims it’s nothing to do with him. He reckons he must just have a secret fan.

Lynda is aghast, but calms down when she realises this might play in her favour:

[Will] “That makes it sound interesting, don’t it … I wasn’t going to bother, what with I being Shakespeare and all that.”

(do any of us not believe Kenton is behind this?)



Will’s fuming

Ah, back to normal service then.

Nic’s told Will that Ed and Emma are moving, and that George is quite happy about it.

[Will] “So happy about this move, I don’t believe a word … when he comes to stay here over Christmas, he won’t have a proper home to go to … just because my brother’s so flipping useless, he can’t even keep a roof over their heads.”

The way Will sees it, they’re moving just before Christmas, and will technically be “on the streets”.

[Nic] “Stop slagging your brother and think about what’s good for George … it must have really cost Emma to come up and tell me!”

[Will] “She’s only got herself to blame.”

[Nic] “These things happen … to people for no fault of their own … you’ve been lucky Will, Ed hasn’t.”

[Will] “You make your own luck.”

Nic tells Will to wind his neck in, and calm down.

Which he does.

But I doubt that’s the last rant we’ve heard about this.


Paul loves Lilian

Of course, Lilian is only in London to have a rendezvous with Paul.

We’re back in bed with Paul and Lilian

[Lilian] “Oh Paul, I’m not much good to you, am I … those times I kept putting you off, kept you waiting … Darling, why does life have to be so complicated?”

[Paul] “Leave all that, forget it … my Lilian. I love you.”

[Lilian] “Oh!”

[Paul] “Happy?”

[Lilian] “Oh yes. Yes I am.”

Blimey!

George hasn’t got a Christmas tree: Wed 12.12.12 #thearchers

The Archers Wednesday 12th December 2012

• George now knows he won’t be home for Christmas
• Disco in the Library!
• Bob Pullen has bronchitis
• Elizabeth and Ifty?
• Ed leaves Will to Emma
• Jill and Kenton have a secret

George now knows he won’t be home for Christmas

George was wondering why they haven’t got a Christmas tree at Rickyard.

It’s because he’s moving. But hasn’t been told as yet.

Ed and Emma decide to tell him, with Ed neatly sidestepping the problem to leave Emma to do it.

Bizarrely – Emma tells George the reason for moving is to give Keira her own room. As if George needed any new reason to feel she’s the favoured child.

But, Emma made George excited by telling him all the wonders of Susan and Neil’s (bigger room for George, Sky TV and the like).

So, now they only have to tell Will …


Disco in the Library!

Sounds fantastic.

Lucky twins!

It’s Freddie and Lilly’s 13th birthday.

They’ve got their mates over.

BUT Elizabeth forgot to cancel Freddie’s math lesson with Ifty.

Though Ifty doesn’t seem too perturbed. Though he refuses cake, he would like a wander round Deck the Halls.

Elizabeth joins him …


Bob Pullen has bronchitis

Poor Bob!

He’s now in hospital.

Though I’m sure he’ll enjoy his visits from Jill and Christine.

Though at his age, this all seems very ominous …


Elizabeth and Ifty?

They seemed very cosy as they were walking round Deck the Halls. And seemed to click from word go.

Ifty also told Elizabeth his dad died when he was 14. Something which (I don’t think) he’d even told Jim during his Borchester Life interview.

I wonder …


Ed leaves Will to Emma

What a wuss Ed is being. He leaves George to Emma, and refuses to also talk to Will. Ed just wants Will to “find out”.

Emma plays it sensibly, and approaches Nic first.

Emma can be a brave lass sometimes. She told Nic everything – the reason why they have to move.

[Nic] “Oh you poor thing. I wish you’d told me sooner.”

Nic reassures Emma that she doesn’t need to worry and Will. She’ll tell him, and make sure he behaves.

As only Nic can do!


Jill and Kenton have a secret

Kenton’s worried about the Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza. Tickets still aren’t selling.

[Kenton] “It’s bordering on disaster, We need to take some serious action … we need to give the punters more than ‘hey nonny nonny’ and inedible food!”

Jill was quite offended at that. She’s doing the food!

But Kenton explains that he thinks the show needs to me “more fun”. Things like “piping in the potatoes”.

(oh such japers!)

We aren’t told exactly what Kenton has in mind, but he needs more Elizabethan costumes and tatties. And it’s all a secret with Jill.

Interesting …

James is out of plaster: Mon 10.12.12 #thearchers

The Archers Monday 10th December 2012

• Lynda has a cod piece for Kenton
• “Pink fluffy clouds everywhere”
• James gets his plaster off
• The witches impress Lynda
• What’s Kenton’s cunning plan?

Lynda has a cod piece for Kenton

Kenton’s avoiding Lynda.

Even to the point where he’ll leave Jolene shorthanded at the bar so that he can go and see Freda instead of having to see Lynda …

(for goodness sake Kenton – there’s an office part in from Hollerton!)

He does still want to be Lord of Misrule at the Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza, but:

[Kenton] “I don’t have time to hang around while Lynda tells me exactly how to do it.”

[Jolene] “Well, she is in charge.”

Well, he can’t stay hidden forever. Lynda goes through The Bull’s kitchens to catch him.

All Lynda wanted to talk about was what Kenton was going to say as Lord of Misrule

[Lynda] “All we need are a few light-hearted remarks.”

[Kenton] “What’s your definition of light-hearted?”

[Lynda] “Lively. Amusing, cheeky … without lapsing into bad taste, of course, we’ve got enough bad taste coming from Jazzer.”

In fact, Lynda has already written a script for Kenton. She’s even printed it out for him.

Kenton’s not entirely amused. He thinks he’s more than capable of scripting himself.

[Kenton] “I want it to be like the real thing, something your average Elizabethan punter would recognise as their own.”

Lynda appreciates Kenton looking for authenticity. Which may give him some wiggle room.

On the topic of authenticity, Lynda has even bought Kenton a cod piece.

Not sure that’s appropriate. But it’s definitely worth a *shudder* moment.


“Pink fluffy clouds everywhere”

Is what Kenton reckons Rhys and Fallon are creating.

They seem to be very (very) happy together.

Will Jolene need a new hat anytime soon?

My money is on a baby appearing first … and not on purpose.


James gets his plaster off

Matt was ever so happy as James went to hospital to get his plaster removed.

[Matt] “Still, you’ll soon to be skipping round like the rest of us.”

When James came back sans plaster, he gave Matt the bad news that he’ll still have to wear a brace and bandages,.

[Matt] “So how long before you’re up and running, so to speak?”

A month.

You could actually hear Matt’s heart shrink and jaw drop.

BUT, James has arranged to carry on his treatment back home, in London.

[James] “My clients need to know I’m back in da hood again.”

(ugh! What a numpty that lad is)

James shall depart on Thursday. Which is superb news for Matt, but also superb news for Lilian.

She’ll be able to get away more often to see Paul …


The witches impress Lynda

Wonders will never cease.

[Lynda] “And as for our three witches, forget about sinister, they were absolutely chilling … I came out in goosebumps all over …”

A compliment from Lynda. They must be good!

However, there is a but:

[Lynda] “ Ruth still has a tendency to cackle if I don’t remind her …”

[Kenton] “Aren’t witches supposed to cackle?”

Indeed they are.

Especially when played by Ruth Archer.


What’s Kenton’s cunning plan?

Seems tickets for the Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza aren’t selling very well.

Kenton has a plan.

But he doesn’t tell us what it is.

I hope it’s a good one. It really wouldn’t be cricket to play around with Lynda’s Christmas play …

The Ambridge Christmas Lights are Switched on: Thurs 06.12.12 #thearchers

The Archers Thursday 6th December 2012

• Kenton’s being serious
• Elizabeth’s bank wants her to take on a £70,000 debt
• Ifty used to steal crisps to give to the homeless

Kenton’s being serious

He’s checking every house around the green: that they have working bulbs, that each resident will be in tonight, and that they’ll be ready and willing to turn them on.

And it all goes perfectly, thanks to Kenton’s uncustomary attention to detail.

[Kenton] “I won’t keep you on the dark any longer. The time has come for us to lighten up, switch up and get into the Christmas spirit!”

Kenton’s taking is role as Lord of Misrule in the Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza just as seriously:

[Kenton] “I suppose you could say my whole life has been a preparation for an occasion like this.”

Elizabeth’s bank wants her to take on a £70,000 debt

Elizabeth’s showing her bank’s commercial manager round the dairy.

She plans to build 10 rooms for weddings; he’s worried she’s missing a trick. He reckons she should build enough rooms to be able to offer accommodation for their (already successful) conferences. This bank chap is far more taken with conferences over weddings.

[Bank chap] “You’ll still have most of your eggs in one small basket.”

So he asks for more figures and business plans, though reckons Elizabeth would need to borrow at least £70,000.

Ouch!

That’s a bit of a gamble.


Ifty used to steal crisps to give to the homeless

Want to know more about Ifty?

Lucky you, if you did.

We got to eavesdrop in on Jim interviewing Ifty for Borchester Life magazine.

So …

… Ifty’s dad owns a chain of shop with his uncle, and other family members. They have half a dozen. Ifty’s dad was the first in their street to have a satellite dish.

Ifty is the youngest of 4, has 3 cousins living next door, and so comes from a “close and loving” family.

But, Ifty is a rebel …

[Ifty] “I pinched crisps and tuna from the shop and gave it out to the homeless people by the bus station … then I was overcome with guilt and sneaked the money into the till.”

Ifty also rebelled by not going in to the family business. He instead went to Uni, did maths and business, then went into teaching.

[Ifty] “It’s not that I didn’t want to be rich …”

Seems Ifty had done youth work before he become a teachers, and got a lot of work with youngsters, specially “young Asians who had gone off the rail”.

The most potentially interesting bit, that Jim unfortunately didn’t push Ifty to tell him more about his love life. Ifty got away with a more mention of a number of “near misses.”

So – Ifty sounds like a very decent chap indeed.

Too good to be true … ?

Elizabeth would have to pay back over 70k a year.

Leonie’s best idea is “potato”: Tues 04.12.12 #thearchers

The Archers Tuesday 4th December 2012

• Lynda explains Brawn
• James wants liveried footmen
• Shires Rare Breed
• The Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza needs sausage rolls …
• Lynda sees a new side to James
• Matt likes James?

Lynda explains Brawn

The food for the Elizabethan Christmas extravaganza will be collar of Brawn marinated in spices, real mince pies, and marchpane made into “fancy shapes”.

[Robert] “I’m going to need an old English dictionary, what exactly is brawn?”

Lynda explains that brawn is basically boiled pork loin, real mince pies uses real mince and marchpane is marzipan.

[Robert] “So pork, mince pies and marzipan.”

Well, Lynda sniffed, there are other dishes. It’s all about the keynote dishes being authentic.


James wants liveried footmen to carry him round Deck the Halls.

He claims he’s joking …

James and Leonie then waffled on for a while, drinking Gluhwein. I fully admit I completely switched off …


Shires Rare Breed

Is what the Shires Brewery wants to rename the Lower Loxley rare Breed brand in return for sponsorship.

See what they did there?

Very clever (!).

Shires also want exclusive on drinks events.

Hmmm.

While Shires are punting this to Roy and Elizabeth as a ‘partnership’, it sounds like they’re taking a bigger bite that will tie up Lower Loxley. I only hope the value of their sponsorship is worth it.


The Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza needs sausage rolls …

According to Leonie and James.

They reckon more ‘modern food is required for the Christmas show’. Like sausage rolls. Sandwiches. And chicken legs.

(Eh?)

Lynda tries to explain that the food has to be authentic to Elizabethan times. At which point, Leonie actually has a good suggestion …

… potatoes.

Potatoes were obviously an “exotic vegetables” back in the day. And they’re rather adaptable.

Chips it is!

(Lynda didn’t actually agree to chips … doubt she ever will)


Lynda sees a new side to James

[Lynda] “Is this really James, he’s being so nice to her.

[Robert] “And he’s letting her boss her around Robert”

[Lynda] “It’s just so nice to see them being in a balanced relationship.”

Now that’s interesting.

Lynda always tells Lilian that it’s James who bullies Leonie – now that she’s seen Leonie bullying James, she’s happy to bless their relationship.

(I wonder if she’ll ever admit that to Lynda.)

Seems James has also found his peace with Lynda:

[James] “I always find Lynda easier to manage after she’s had a glass or two”

(cheeky!)


Matt likes James?

When James and Leonie get back from Deck the Halls, they find Matt has left a present out for James.

A bottle of expensive cognac.

[James] “From Matt … ‘in case you feel like a night cap’ …. Don’t you find it just a little bit strange … now he’s started being so nice to me?”

[Leonie] “I know what a  great and wonderful person you are. It’s just taken Matt a whole to see that too.”

Hmmm.

Matt’s never that straightforward.

Rhys and Fallon have adult relations: Wed 21.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Wednesday 21^st November 2012

• Rhys and Fallon’s first date
• Rhys patronises Lynda
• Another disaster for Ed
• Caroline has to choose antiquarian books over tree dressing
• Lynda entices Jim into the Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza

Rhys and Fallon’s first date

As Rhys leaves his shift at The Bull, he bumps into Fallon coming back from Jaxx, ready to make herself pretty ahead of their date.

[Rhys] “I don’t know why.”

[Fallon, sounding hurt] “Oh …”

[Rhys] “You’re stunning as you are.”

(aw!)

They first go to the pictures, where Rhys offers to buy Fallon a hot dog. Fallon reckons not, as she’s already eaten, but she does go for some nachos (!).

[Rhys] “My body is a temple but it is sublet to a gang of students!”

The moving is a bad ‘un, but at least they both agree about that. So, they go for a drink.

When they get back to Ambridge later on:

[Rhys] “To the door service. That’ll be £12 please!”

[Fallon] “Best nice out since, well, the last time we went out.”

And, at last, the tip toeing is over:

[Rhys] “Oh for god sake …”

He kisses her. She kisses him back.

[Rhys] “Fallon, do you um, want to come back to mine?”

[Fallon] “Yes. Yes I do. Very much.”

Oh ho!

That’s fast moving after such a slow, slow, slow start.

Rhys patronises Lynda

(without her even knowing)

Seems that when Lynda corners Rhys, his tactic is to:

[Rhys] “Just keep nodding and smiling. It’s what I do.”

Another disaster for Ed

As Ed takes the cluster off of the previously poorly cow, everything falls silent in the diary.

Which isn’t good.

Dairies are supposed to have machinery type noises.

Later on, when Oliver calls round, seems the machinery has been back on. Then off again.

Very unwillingly, Ed reckons he’ll have to call someone out to have a look.

[Oliver] “I don’t think you’ve got much choice Ed.”

Oh dear. This sounds expensive.

Caroline has to choose antiquarian books over tree dressing

Rather than be able to make the Community Orchard meeting, the highlight of which is the tress dressing, Caroline has to stay at Grey Gables for the Borchester Antiquarian Book Society meeting.

That’s a real Sophie’s choice …

Maybe Caroline should have been there. Oliver decided to pay for the Community Orchard event out of his own pocket.

Lynda is delighted with the event:

[Lynda] “I am pleased to see these ancient customs being preserved.”

But:

[Lynda] “ I do hope you want let the Grundys hijack the even with marketing of their turkeys!”

Ah well. Even if they do, we all love a turkey.

Lynda entices Jim into the Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza

[Lynda] “The whole event would be enhanced by someone of your gravitas.”

Jim thinks “flattery won’t work”.

Really?

How about making it sound fun?

[Lynda] “It’s a most enjoyable thing to do. Isn’t it Oliver?”

Actually, Oliver tries to tell Lynda that he’s struggling with his sonnets.

Lynda just ignores him. Amazingly, Jim seems to be interested …

[Jim] “A novel presentation though that may be, I think the conventional way up might be more suitable”

So, Jim agrees to take part, and most sincerely hopes the rest of Ambridge is grateful.

He might be waiting some time for such gratitude.

Lynda thinks Jim would be perfect to do one of Shakespeare’s Roman plays. Like when Antony first sees Cleopatra in Antony and Cleopatra.

Burn'd on the water: the poop was beaten gold; Purple the sails, and so perfumed that The winds were love-sick with them; the oars were silver, Which to the tune of flutes kept stroke, and made The water which they beat to follow faster, As amorous of their strokes. For her own person, It beggar'd all description: she did lie In her pavilion--cloth-of-gold of tissue-- O'er-picturing that Venus where we see The fancy outwork nature: on each side her Stood pretty dimpled boys, like smiling Cupids, With divers-colour'd fans, whose wind did seem To glow the delicate cheeks which they did cool, And what they undid did.

[Jim] “Far too flowery.”

[Lynda] “But it’s evocative.”

[Jim] “I really don’t want to be emoting about pretty dimpled boys like smiling cupids, thank you very much.”

Jim thinks Coriolanus would be more apt. Lynda’s not sure that would have “popular appeal”.

There was a time when all the body's members Rebell'd against the belly, thus accused it: That only like a gulf it did remain I' the midst o' the body, idle and unactive, Still cupboarding the viand, never bearing Like labour with the rest, where the other instruments Did see and hear, devise, instruct, walk, feel, And, mutually participate, did minister Unto the appetite and affection common Of the whole body. The belly answer'd—

[Lynda] “I’m really not sure Jim, it does get rather anatomical, doesn’t it?”

[Jim] “I’d say metaphorical.”

[Lynda] “Well I'm not sure people would want to have the human body dissected in quite such explicit a fashion. It might put them off their food.”

Well, I think Lynda will win this one. In the end.

Ruth does a bad impression of a witch: Thurs 15.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Thursday 15th November 2012

• When did David get more spare time?
• Spend more on a ski jacket than a suit
• Neil has to give up Sky Sport for Ed and Emma
• Leonie Vs Lilian Vs Lynda
• Ruth goes all witchy
• The Friar and the Nun
• Actually, that hammering was irritating
• Wiggo
• Leonie doesn’t like Matt

When did David get more spare time?

He’s had such a blast being NFU Chair for his local chaps, that he now wants to run for County Chair.

Remember when he first became NFU Chair? He was rather stressed, and pushed for time.

Seems now he more or less a man of leisure.


Spend more on a ski jacket than a suit

Which is what Pip has done. Compared to what David would so.

In my humble opinion, I don’t think it was be too hard to spend more than David would on an item of clothing.

Josh is also in a spending mood, though he doesn’t have much of it until he starts doing Neil’s chickens, and he’s not really allowed to spend his money on what he wants.

[David] “Pip’s a grown up Josh, I might not like it.”

Harsh!


Neil has to give up Sky Sport for Ed and Emma

Neil and Susan were debating how much they could afford to give to Ed and Emma to help out.

Susan wants to give them £50 a week (a week!)

[Neil] “Where are we going to find that sort of money, we can only just about to afford our bills.”

Susan reckons they could manage it if they cancelled some of their TV – though they didn’t actually mention Sky (the Beeb will have edited that out).

[Susan] “How much football do you watch anyway?”

Susan reckons she’d rather they (well, Neil) gave something up than the “kids go hungry”.

Neil grudgingly concurs, though they settle on £40 a week (a week!).

Neil also wonders if Eddie should be told about Ed and Emma’s predicament. Susan reckons not so, as Ed has his pride. And anyway, Eddie won’t be able to help them anyway.

Well, though Eddie probably hasn’t got the cash to lend them, I'm sure he’d find a way to help out if he was told … won’t he be angry that he was kept out of it?


Leonie Vs Lilian Vs Lynda

Leonie’s trying to get rid of Lilian and Matt. She wants their house to herself, and James to herself.

Lilian’s obviously losing the will to live, having Leonie around. She feigns concern about Leonie missing so much work.

[Lilian] “Aren’t they missing you at work?”

Seems not. Which isn’t surprising, really.

Later on, Leonie tells Lynda that she’s been given unpaid leave.

[Leonie] “He told me I was welcome to take as much time as I need … I’m not leaving James until he’s back on his feet again … don’t worry Lynda, I’ll be around for a while yet!”

(boooo!)

Later on, Lilian and Lynda are back onto sniping at each other about whether who is worse. Leonie, or James

[Lilian] “Someone needs to tell her to calm down … it doesn’t seem entirely healthy.”

Lynda reckons James ignored Leonie for months.

[Lynda] “If Leonie’s behaviour is a little obsessive, well then james shouldn’t be taking advantage of it … Leonie’s very easily manipulated … Well, she must feel she needs to be there.”

[Lilian] “I beg your pardon! I can look after my son Lynda!”

Ouch!

It’s one thing to be negative about one’s son, bit a different matter entirely to question one’s abilities as a mother.

Bout time James and Leonie left Ambridge, before Lilian and Lynda really fall out.


Ruth goes all witchy

Ruth has to practise her witch in front of Lynda (she’s 1 of 3 from Macbeth in the Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza).

Lynda has quite exact standards for her witches.

[Lynda] “The last thing we want is to descend into cliché. Remember back in Shakespeare’s day a witch could be anyone. I’d like to aim for something rather more insidious and authentic.”

[Ruth] “Yeah, fine, I’m not quite sure …”

When Ruth runs through her lines, she sounds like a crow with a very sore throat.

[Lynda] “I see  … well, top marks for learning your lines.”

(big Lynda *sniff*)


The Friar and the Nun

Is the ditty for Jazzer to sign at the Christmas show, as discovered by Pip.

[Lynda] “Apparently, it revolves around a friar who … well, you can imagine, those Elizabethans have no shame.”

We shall wait Jazzer’s signing with interest …


Actually, that hammering was irritating

I thought it was rather off of Lynda to demand Neil and Robert hammered the set very slowly and in silence while the ‘talent’ were rehearsing.

But, it actually was rather irritating while trying to eavesdrop in.


Wiggo

Is the Brookfield cow, named after Bradley Wiggins, which Josh is helping David to halter train ahead of a cattle show.

Josh also tries to angle for a day off school to take Wiggo to the show.

Nice try!


Leonie doesn’t like Matt

The feeling’s mutual!

Even when Leonie actually spends time at Lynda and Robert’s, she’s immediately back on the phone to James.

Seems Matt came home, so Leonie left.

[Leonie] “Even just knowing he’s in the house, it spoils the atmos.”

(yay! Something Matt can do for good rather than evil)

Lynda shall play Prospero: Thurs 08.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Thursday 8th November 2012

• Naomi has a “mardy face”
• Kenton demands praise
• The Elizabethan Christmas show marches on
• Fallon wants Rhys
• Bob Pullen still isn’t too well
• Freddie’s looking forward to extra maths
• Is Hayley for the chop?
• “Such stuff as dreams are made on”

Naomi has a “mardy face”

Which Fallon won’t have to put up with anymore. Naomi’s quit.

Fallon feels rather superior, as she feels Naomi was behaving unfairly. After all, Naomi had the same opportunity to get the Manager job.

Erm.

Seems not so.

Kirsty had a hand in it.

[Kirsty] “I might have kind of possibly hinted to Don that all the staff were really hacked off when Naomi was manager.”

[Fallon] “I really don’t know what to say. You’re really quite sly, aren’t you. I’d better watch my back!”

Kenton demands praise

[Kenton] “Aren’t you proud of me mum, your son is being a Lord!”

Bless.

This Lord of Misrule is certainly going to Kenton’s head.


The Elizabethan Christmas show marches on

With Kenton as the Lord of Misrule and Macbeth’s witches organised, Lynda feels she finally has a show.

Christine and Jill have been researching Elizabethan food. Collar of Brawn (pork loin, boiled a week in advance, marinated in spices). Real mince pies. Marzipan.

[Jill] “If it was good enough for Queen Bess, I’m sure it’ll do for you.”

Fallon wants Rhys

Well, we all know that.

But, she specifically wants him to work at Jaxx.

[Fallon] “Just like when running the pub together but all the time.”

Fallon sounds very excited. Rhys doesn’t.

He doesn’t want to leave The Bull. He likes the punters. It’s a short walk from his flat. And he wouldn’t want to leave Jolene and Kenton short.

[Fallon] “Don’t worry, eh, just thought it might be an easy solution.”

When she’s later speaking about it to Kirsty.

[Fallon] “I’m just so disappointed Kirsty. I thought he'd jump at the chance.”

[Kirsty] “Unless of course you’re upset it might have to do less with where he works than with who … okay, so I got it wrong, Rhys is a sweet bloke though, if you were hoping that you and him …”

Fallon doth protest …


Bob Pullen still isn’t too well

In fact, he’s very frail.

Jill’s having to take his shopping to him.

Oh dear.


Freddie’s looking forward to extra maths

Seems Ifty has enthused him about his tutoring.


Is Hayley for the chop?

The consultant’s report on Lower Loxley is in.

Seems the business is viable. But their costs are up, while spend per head is down.

The consultant wasn’t very positive about the school trips – seems they don’t add any profit. Which isn’t very good news for Hayley.

The new suggestions are courses – art, cookery, further education. They should get sponsorship for the art gallery, and hold larger exhibitions.

Elizabeth and Lewis also revisit the Old Dairy plans to turn it into wedding accommodation. Seems Nigel didn’t want it to happen, as the accommodation would be too close to their house.

[Elizabeth] “But times change.”

[Jill] “It’s your decision love, just don’t bite off more than you can chew … the business is nothing without your health.”

But, we haven’t heard Elizabeth so positive in a long time. She now has a plan to work to, and isn’t being held back by what Nigel would have done.

Anyhoo – this could all be very, very bad news for the Tuckers.


“Such stuff as dreams are made on”

Our revels now are ended. These our actors,
As I foretold you, were all spirits, and
Are melted into air, into thin air:
And like the baseless fabric of this vision,
The cloud-capp'd tow'rs, the gorgeous palaces,
The solemn temples, the great globe itself,
Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve,
And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,
Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff
As dreams are made on; and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep.

(The Tempest, Act 4, Scene 1)

Lynda was quite amazed Kenton could quote part of the speech above.

[Lynda] “Good grief! You know it.”

Kenton tells Lynda she should play Prospero, and end the night’s revelry. He reckons she’s a sort of Prospero anyway, as the Director.

She at first says no, out of modesty.

But is soon persuaded.

Emma gives George up: Wed 07.11.12 #thearchers

(though only for a few more nights)

The Archers Wednesday 7th November 2012

• Ruth needs a coven
• Nic tackles Emma
• Even Jennifer’s ignoring Lilian
• Bovril!
• Ed’s worried what they’ll say down the pub

Ruth needs a coven

Ruth and Usha want to do Macbeth’s witches for Lynda’s Elizabethan Christmas.

They’ve asked Susan and Jill.

Ruth asks Ed if Clarrie would do it:

[Ed] “Funnily enough, I couldn’t tell you.”

(where is Clarrie and why can’t she speak for herself?)

Though it seems Ruth does get a message to Clarrie, and she says no.

Hilary Noakes has also said no. Actually, she was offended to be asked.

So – after Susan, Jill, Clarrie and Hilary Noakes – Ruth asks Lilian.

[Lilian] “It might be a distraction, All the girls together!”

[Ruth] “Brilliant. Welcome to the coven!”

Nic tackles Emma

Nic tries to talk to Emma about George spending more time at her and Will’s. Though she does so by phone (which is sensible – impossible for Emma to cause bodily harm).

She tries to explain that it her and Ed who are missing out, rather than the kids. She knows Ed and Emma have been eating less, and having nothing for themselves, so that the kids can have.

Nic tells Emma that she, amongst all, understand her position. Nic was a single mum with Jake and Mia before she met Will. She had no job. Didn’t get out. Could only afford to heat their lounge. And had to buy alphabetti spaghetti on clearance.

[Nic] “I couldn’t bear for anyone to see how much I was struggling … we all go through tough times. There’s no shame in accepting help.”

Nic and Will are only suggesting George stays with them one extra night. And Nic empathises that she’s not suggesting she and Will could look after George better.

[Nic] “Anyone can see what a  great mum you are. I know we haven’t always got along, but we are family and we all care about George. If having George over to sleep one extra night helps you and Ed …”

Nic also tells Emma that Will’s sorry (hmmm!). And anyone, Emma should just ignore him.

[Nic] “We both know he can be an idiot sometimes!”

Even Jennifer’s ignoring Lilian

[Lilian] “She’s at the front door as soon as I’ve finished breakfast, and she’s still cooing over James at dinner.”

Lilian’s trying to talk to Jennifer, but Jennifer is far too busy. She’s trying to get the food organised for the shoot (the first of the year).

[Lilian] “All I want is a little support.”

Lucky Lilian has Paul …


Bovril!

Only really posh folks like those whom shoot with Brian and Will drink beef tea.

It’s Bovril to the rest of us.

Especially at this time of year at the football.

(as a totally unrelated aside – I’m a season ticket supporter at Queen of the South (Scottish second Division) who are the only unbeaten team in Scotland this season so far, and only one of two unbeaten on the UK. That Bovril tastes superb right now!)


Ed’s worried what they’ll say down the pub

Emma tells Ed what Nic has said.

Ed says no.

Emma thinks Nic is genuine. And that Nic is right. They’re not coping.

Ed’s worried Will will tell everyone down the pub that he and Emma are useless.

[Emma] “Well, it’s what George wants too.”

Emma drops the bombshell that George had said so the other day. He wants to spend more time at his dad’s to help his mum and Ed save money.

Which it would.

[Emma] “It’s hardly surprisingly. It’s not as if things are much fine round here.”

[Ed] “Things aren’t so bad that he’d be better off with Will!”

[Emma] “I actually started to think it would be a relief not having George so much … we can’t stop pretending … Will is his father. If anyone looks after George, it should be him.”

(ouch!)

[Ed] “I see.”

[Emma] “Where are you going?”

[Ed] “To scrape a living.”

Later on, Ed apologies to Emma for storming out.

[Ed] “I hate Will lording it over us.”

[Emma] “Still doesn’t change anything, does it … this way … it might be better for all of us. It'd give us a break. George would like it. And it would save a bit of money.”

Emma is placing her trust in Nic. That she is being genuine. And that they won’t try and take more of George.

[Emma] “I know you’re a good dad. And if Will gloats, then let him. As if that’s the worst of our problems.”

[Ed] “I will sort it out Em. It won’t always be like this.”