Lynda and Lilian face-off 18.04.12

The Archers Wednesday 18th April 2012

• Jazzer’s neighbours moved out in a hurry
• Lynda “has a delicate matter to discuss” with Lilian
• Jack ate his lunch, Elona likes ironing
• Peggy interested in farm management software
• Back to “is Elona a bad ‘un?”

Jazzer’s neighbours moved out in a hurry

Which is not good news for Lilian (it’s her flats).

Lilian was worried about them having been driven out by Jazzer’s antics (Harry never gets any blame, though remember Jazzer being woken up by Robbie Williams at stupid o’ clock one night).

But when Brenda went round to check the flat that had just been vacated, she reckoned the soundproofing was great – she couldn’t hear Jazzer’s TV from downstairs, even though it was blazing.

[Brenda] “He did say they weren’t very friendly”

[Lilian] “Which in Jazzer’s book probably means quiet and sober”

Sounds like the tenants were themselves to blame. Brenda found the flat  in a  bit of a mess – untidy and broken furniture – and they’d also left just before their next rent was due. So the deposit may cover the damage, but Lilian will lose out if she doesn’t get another tenant in as quick as.

Which means quick repairs. So Brenda suggests Elona’s Darrell as the very chap.

Lynda “has a delicate matter to discuss” with Lilian

[Lynda] “Have you spoken to James in the last couple of days?”

[Lilian] “Ah, this is about the end of the affair is it?”

[Lynda] “So far we have completely failed to ascertain what happened … what is was that James did?”

[Lilian] “What James did? …If I’d been in his shoes, I’d have given up long ago. But he’s finally admitted it. That girl has serious problems … oh come on Lynda, don’t pretend you think she’s a ray of sunshine!”

[Lynda] “Well she can be a bit difficult …”

[Lilian] “James’ patience was tried to the limit, and he felt he could no longer continue pandering to Leonie’s childish neurosis”

[Lynda] “Well I suggest she was tired of being kicked around by a man who hasn’t matured beyond adolescence”

[Lilian] “Are you calling my son immature?”

[Lynda] “If the cap fits … I never understand what Leonie saw in him!”

[Lilian] “Yes well, you’re an appalling judge of character”

[Lilian] “I beg your pardon!”

[Lynda] “Now, I think you’d better leave Lynda before one of us says something we’ll regret”

Now while I expect Lilian to hear no wrong about James (she takes a mother’s blindness to extremes), what’s Lynda up to? She knows Leonie is a bit odd and annoying. So, why get involved?

Though Brenda hasn’t been in the room, Lilian gave her a full rundown. She later reckoned to Tom that it ended in a stalemate.

[Tom] “Sad though. If there’s one thing you can say about James and Leonie, they really deserved each other!”

Jack ate his lunch, Elona likes ironing

Elona was telling Peggy that Jack gave her a big smile after he’d finished all of his lunch. Sounds like he’s doing quite well, considering.

Elona’s at Peggy’s doing her general cleaning and helping shift. Today, Peggy had a large pile of ironing to do, while Elona is more than happy about – she seemingly loved a freshly pressed, tidy piles of clothes.

She tells Peggy that she and the family love it in Ambridge. Especially since they’ve got to know their neighbours Tom and Brenda. Seems Tom helped Darrell with a flat tyre the other day, and Elona is having a cuppa with Brenda later on.

Well I never!

Tom being helpful, Brenda being hospitable!


Peggy interested in farm management software

Or, she was just trying to show an interest to (in turn) show encouragement to Tom.

She made the right noises when he showed her how the modules talk to each other (!), and also when he excitedly told her that he now has a complete record of every animal, and the cost per kilo of every part of meat they produce.

(actually, that does sound quite nifty)

Peggy is still worried about Tony’s health, but is also worried about Tom overworking. So maybe her delight in the new system is her hope that he can get more time to relax.


Back to “is Elona a bad ‘un?”

Hmmm.

Elona was having her brew with Brenda.

She spent most of her time telling Brenda about how expensive the live in Ambridge – the cost of anything from the village shop, and the cost of having to drive the kids everywhere – Darrell not having enough work – Anna needing piano lessons (and a piano!) but them not able to afford it …

I think she was about to sting Brenda for a few notes, bit Tom walked in (with a 1950s hubby-returning-from-work “Heeellooooo”. Numpty).

[Brenda] “She is a really nice woman”

I really do have my doubts, again.

A Celebrity Lamb 15.01.12

The Archers Sunday 15th January 2012

• Pip’s overexcited
• New Zealand style
• Don’t call badgers cute to Ruth
• Top 4 Pork Ready meals
• Imagine – he had to cut cabbages!
• Darrell’s a nice bloke?
• Why is Pip staring to roll her Rs?
• Pat’s fired up
• Will Brenda be too fat for snowboarding?

Pip’s overexcited

She’s on one again.

She’s excited about new outlets she reckons she’s found for Hassett Hills lamb.

Excited about trying to make a commodity out of wool, rather than just dumping it:

[Pip] “Luxury gear, like hats and mittens and such”

And excited about making a star out of a lamb …

[Pip] “What I thought would be great would be to market it through a celebrity lamb”

David and Ruth are almost stunned into silence!

Pip wants to choose the most photogenic lamb, and give it its own Facebook and Twitter account.

[Pip] “There’s always one that stands out from the crowd … it makes personal appearances, virtual one anyway, and I’d blog about its celebrity lifestyle … I think I could make it quite witty, going on about it needing makeovers all the time and demanding load of money to open supermarkets”

Ruth and David agree that it’s got potential, so will ask Bill Oldfield (Chair of Hassett Hills) to let Pip present at their next meeting.

It’s all because of Uni. She claims she wants:

[Pip] “this to work in the real world”

They really shouldn’t encourage her … especially when they later break the news that they might …


New Zealand style

… switch to a New Zealand style of dairy farming.

Which seemingly involves the cows out for longer, calving in Spring (which makes the most of the Spring grass) and although having a lower output, costing less.

The negatives, as far as Pip explains, is that the lower yield also makes for an uneven cashflow they’d have to expand the herd, which would mean more grazing … which would mean Brookfield’s sheep would have to go.

Devastating news for Pip, considering all the work she’s been doing have been to do with the sheep.

[Pip] “Don’t my plans mean anything? ...It as all for Brookfield not just a bunch of theories to impress my tutor!”

And Pip can’t understand why they’re talking about the New Zeeland style again when it was pondered and rejected a while back. AND while sheep prices are buoyant.

Making the dairy herd sustainable is Brookfield’s (current) priority.


Don’t call badgers cute to Ruth

She’ll tear you a new one.

[Pip] “Ben was going on about how cute badgers are, she got really annoyed”

Later on:

[David] “They couldn't have caused more trouble if they tried, could they?”

I suppose not. But I don’t think the badgers were really trying to cause harm, really.



Top 4 Pork Ready meals

After Brenda’s effort today of pork cobbler, Tom and Brenda agree that the winners to go forward are:

- Spicy meat balls red pepper sauce
- Pork cobbler
- Pork lasagne
- Stir-fry

Interesting.

I’m not sure when Busty Brenda become such a culinary expert, and also not sure how such odd pork meals will sell.

And as an aside – I really squirmed when Tom got a bit saucy with Brenda in the kitchen.

[Tom] “Hey you, come here, you just look so gorgeous in an apron!”

Ugh.

Thank goodness Brenda pushed him off. I couldn’t have listened to anymore, and really don’t want that boy procreating. Ever.

But I suppose at least we can give Tom credit for trying (grudgingly given, mind).


Imagine – he had to cut cabbages!

Tom did his milking today.

But moaned that he then had to cut cabbages.

Imagine that! The nerve of Tony asking.

It’s not as if Bridge Farm is a family business …

… oh, hang on …


Darrell’s a nice bloke?

Brenda and Tom seem to think so.

Darrell has also started doing odd jobs for Peggy.

I’m not sure about Darrell and Elona. No evidence of this – but odds on for them ripping off Peggy?


Why is Pip staring to roll her Rs?

Odd.


Pat’s fired up

But still isn’t keen to do the Ambridge Organics brand launch speech. Which seems to be irritating Tom and Brenda no end. (I have no idea why)

[Pat] “The only thing that seems to be firing her up at the moment is the BL dairy”

Which Brenda and Tom are also against.

Seems Lilian and Matt are for it. So no surprises there.

[Tom] “Matt’s always going to be after the main chance, isn’t he?”

[Brenda] “Yeah, never mind what it does to the countryside and the poor cows”

Will Brenda be too fat for snowboarding?

Brenda reckons she’s put on weight.

Tom reckons it’s only a pound, Brenda reckons at least two.

[Tom] “Suits you, anyway”

[Brenda] “Stop there. Next you’ll be saying you like a woman with curves …”

Seems Brenda’s birthday treat is a snowboarding lesson for a day. She wants to do it for real on a proper holiday, but Tom needs to business to get “back on its feet” first.

Hope she doesn’t have to wait too long.

She already has a chest size issue, but added love handles would make it impossible to get salopettes on.

Will’s Stag and Nic’s Hen Dos: The Archers Thursday 22nd December 2011:

• Will’s late for his own do
• Brenda needs a foreign pig farm
• “Here’s to the condemned party!”
• Tom makes use of a magazine rack
• Elona's hubby selling knock offs?
• Daniel Craig
• A bit of tonic with your vodka
• Ritual humiliation for Will
• Helen is drunk
• Will returns sober, Nic in a Police car

Will’s late for his own do

As he had a shoot on, which took time to clear up after, but netted him a fair amount of tips (his regulars knew he is getting married, so were generous).

He’s off to the pub, then a stand-up club, then a curry, then a club.

The girls are taking a limo to a club.

[Will] “It’s the driver I feel sorry for. Hope they’ve given him a set of earplugs”

Brenda needs a foreign pig farm

If she’s to persuade Tom to go somewhere hot with a beach.


“Here’s to the condemned party!”

So raised Helen at the start of Nic’s stag do.

A bit harsh, surely?

Though she sounded it in jest.


Tom makes use of a magazine rack

Says Brenda.

She keeps leaving holiday brochures lying around, but seems he tidies them up to the magazine rack without glancing inside.

Good that he’s a tidy lad, but who on earth has a magazine rack these days?



Elona’s hubby selling knock offs?

Tom spotted Elona’s Darrell in the market, selling t-shirts and mobiles. and stuff. off a stall.

Knocked off or legit?

Back to his stealing ways already?


Daniel Craig

Is what Kirsty reckons the hen night’s limo driver looks like.

[Helen] “Don’t distract him”

[Nic] “I’d have to see him in his swimming trunks to know if it’s Daniel Craig”

Seems Daniel drives a “nice and cosy and well stocked car”. Which keeps the hens happy.



A bit of tonic with your vodka

Kirsty had to be persuaded to do so …

But then a big thump is hear, losing nearly half the gin …


Ritual humiliation for Will

Sounds like the boys told the comic (at the comedy club) about Will being a gamekeeper.

The resulting jokes sounded quite blue …

The stags reckoned the comic explained why Will spends so time in the woods … though Will assures it was nothing to do with fairies, or teddy bears or picnics …

[Will] “People going home from here won’t have the first idea what we do for wildlife management”

[Tom] “Maybe so, but they are mighty impressed by what you do with badgers!”

Helen is drunk

It’s been a fair while since we’ve heard Helen merry on sherry. And she is actually merry this time!

The big thump we heard earlier was the limo running over some rocks, which have damaged its underside. So the girls are stuck in a country lane. But in comfort, with a stocked bar.

Helen goes out to see if she can get a mobile signal. No luck, but:

[Helen] “it’s strangely beautiful out here … full of stars”

There’s a big ‘hurrah!’ when the hens discover peanuts AND crisps.

And Helen seems delighted while taking a photo of Daniel Craig’s legs to put on the village website.

(he’s under the limo trying to fix it).

[Nic] “If this was the titanic, and we were about to go down, I can’t think of any better mates to share a lifeboat with”

Two hours later … they’re still in the limo, stuck in a country lane.

Daniel Craig had to sit in the front with crisps and lemonade (poor Daniel Craig).

But the hens sound happy enough. Especially Nic.

When it looks like help is coming, she doesn’t want the party to end. She tells them to tell their rescuers that they’re okay, and don’t require any assistance.

Then:

[Nic] “Why has the world turned blue?”

Will returns sober, Nic in a Police car

Will and Tom return back to Will’s. Tom is horrified to realise that Will is sober and also still has his own clothes on.

[Tom] “What’s the matter with us? Are we over the hill?”

But Will seems happy enough. He’d earlier thanked his mates for being there for him over the years, and that they were the best mates a bloke could have. He’d had a grand night.

Then the Police turn up at Will’s. They have Nic and Helen.

Seems the limo damaged was “terminal”. When Daniel Craig managed to walk to get a mobile signal, his limo colleagues were none too quick to come out and help. So, a motorist who had passed them had called the Police.

[Helen] “We just got a lift home with a rather tasty uniformed chauffer!”

[Nic] “After our captain Daniel failed to accomlp0ish his mission”

[Helen] “So he choose to go down with the ship!”

When Tom drags Helen off home:

[Nic] “I want to marry you, Will Grundy”

[Will] “It can’t come too soon for me”

Aw. And good luck to them.

David Vs The Badgers: The Archers Monday 19th December 2011

• Will the badgers lay off of David?
• Thank goodness for Tom’s burgers
• Tony and Pat finally accept Sharon’s love for John?
• Dairy farming isn’t an exact science
• David still needs to get out more
• Bridge Farm’s new branding approved
• Elona’s husband has moved in

Will the badgers lay off of David?

Brookfield is having to keep tinkering out the slurry, cross fingers that there won’t be any flash floods (which would spread their slurry into waterways) AND pray that the badgers don’t actually keep on at the lagoon to make things even worse.

Naughty badgers.

Still, might just be revenge (served very cold, and smelly, indeed).

David was also talking to Tom about what his and Tony’s take would be on the badger vaccination that Oliver is so keen on. Tom and Tony would be interested and supportive, so there’s enough folks saying ‘yes’ to call a NFU meeting in the New Year.

[David] “Why am I expending all this energy on an animal that’s doing its best to ruin our business, I don’t know”

[Tom] “It’s because you’re all heart, David”

Thank goodness for Tom’s burgers

Seems Ruth and David’s kids will be very relieved that Tom has dropped off a batch of his burgers.

After so many days of supermarket pizza, it’ll be good for them to get some variation in their diet.


Tony and Pat finally accept Sharon’s love for John?

[Pat] “I can’t forget his smile Tony … it was John … so much about him was John, I think I’ll buy him a little present …”

[Tony] “We’ve made an agreement”

[Pat] “We’ve seen him Tony, John’s boy. There’s a part of him still out there in the world”

And blow me down – Tony then said that he thinks Sharon must have indeed love John after all, since she named their son after him.

Pat actually sounds quite calm. They’re both glad they met Rich/John. And they both seem to accept that they won’t see him again until he decides.

[Pat] “We can only hope he’ll come find us”

Dairy farming isn’t an exact science

Not according to Tom.

He’s comparing notes with David. Though milk prices have cropped up again, it’s still not among David’s herd yield any more milk.

But – David’s beef herd and sheep doing okay.

[David] “There’s still something to be said for mixed farming, just like my dad used to say”

David still needs to get out more

Tom suggests to David that he come on Will’s stag night.

[Ruth] “There you are David, a curry and a good laugh what more do you want?”

But David would rather have a DVD and an early night.


Bridge Farm’s new branding approved

The new Ambridge Organics brand has met with everyone’s approval. Seems it’s modern, clean lines with strong colours.

And Ambridge Organics, the shop, is up at the moment. Though they reckon some of that is due to folks giving themselves a Christmas treat, it may also suggest that they were right to go with that as the brand (though the ‘organics’ bit will be downplayed).

So Pat and Tony reckon well done Tom and Helen.

(I still think Tom’s an arse for pushing ahead with the Tom Archer’s bran, abandoning Bridge Farm, and the rest of his family …)


Elona’s husband has moved in

Thinks Tom. A bloke has been seen with a van, moving what seems to be his stuff into No.3

So far, Elona does seem to be a good ‘un. No complaints from Tom and Brenda having her and her teenage girls as neighbours. And she saved the day when Peggy twisted her ankle.

Wonder if he husband Darrell will change all that.

The Archers Wednesday 9th November 2011: Brenda gives marketing advice

(oh dear - it's not as if Tony and Pat need another disaster!)

• There’s no website, no piggy football and no comments section
• Sexist or true enough?
• Elona moves in
• Tom advocates violence against Helen
• Tony might tip his soup
• Pat and Tony on Kylie’s return
• Brenda’s allowed to the meeting
• A whole pub full of Horrobins

There’s no website, no piggy football and no comments section

Tom’s lost the plot.

He reckons he has pigs playing football online. A website showing the video. And a comments section where folks are debating:

[Tom] “Was the little pig offside when he took the pass?”

No Tom. You’ve made it all up.

Unless someone can find it – it’s either not there, or I’ve been blocked …


Sexist or true enough?

Brenda said to Tom:

[Tom] “Okay, I know you’ll never understand the offside rule, but it’s life or death to some people”

Now – first reaction is that Tom is a sexist prig.

But, think about it, and he’s probably right.

I wouldn’t have though Busty Brenda would be much of a footy fan, let alone have the capacity to follow the offside rule being explained with the aid of a few cans of beer and a bottle of tomato sauce …


Elona moves in

To No.3 next door to Tom and Brenda.

They both say hello, Tom asks whether they have a motorbike (oh hardy har), to wish Elona promises they’ll be quiet.

[Brenda] “Ah, she’s sweet … she’s really nice, I’m so pleased she’s moving in”

I wonder if Elona feels the same.

Or whether she’s a bit annoyed she’s discovered her neighbours are to be an arrogant w**ker and a rather dense busty blonde.

(Brenda is blonde, isn’t she? I’ve always seen her that way. Just like Adam has hair redder than a fire engine)


Tom advocates violence against Helen

Tom to Brenda:

[Tom] “Don’t take any rubbish from Helen. If she steps out of line, just stamp on her”

Steady on!

Mind you, I’ve puts odds on Helen in a punch-up with Brenda.


Tony might tip his soup

Seems the phrase ‘Peggy’s birthday’ can’t be uttered when Tony is around. But Pat is getting fed up of him insisting that he can’t be sat next to Jennifer at the lunch:

[Pat] “So you’ll do what? Make a scene? Tip your soup on the floor?!?”

[Tony] “I can’t answer for the consequences …”

I just hope Grey Gables isn’t serving trifle that day.


Pat and Tony on Kylie’s return

Pat reckons she’ll be really interested to meet Kylie. Though Tony doesn’t hold much hope for her being a decent person – he was as unamused with Sharon as he is with Clive.

[Pat] “She (Kylie) and John got on well too … he was really fond of her … I have to say I’m glad Sharon’s not coming down”

And they’ve put Hayley’s mind at rest that Sharon isn’t coming to the funeral.

That was a bit of a web, wasn’t it?


Brenda’s allowed to the meeting

To talk about the Ambridge Organics brand.

Tom is still being a twit about them not using Tom Archer’s (now there’s a surprise). He reckons they’ve turned down the “hottest brand in Ambridge and gone for something watered down”.

Ach – just shush up there now, will you Tom.

Funny thing though – Pat tells Tom that they had a customer phoning them saying how much they live the piggy footy, and that they’re likely to order again.

So – Tom’s pigs are creating more custom for Bridge Farm!

Take that, you insufferable little man.

Anyhoo – point of the meeting was to talk about the rebranding and relaunch of Bridge Farm as Ambridge Organics. Brenda has a contact who can advise, so it’s full steam ahead.

Nice to hear Tony and Pat feeling positive about something. Especially as it’s doing it their way, not Tom’s way.


A whole pub full of Horrobins

Is Tony’s idea of hell.

He’s not looking forward to the funeral. Obviously because it’s a funeral, but mainly because it involves a gathering of Horrobins.

[Tony] “A whole pub full of Horrobins, all that emotions and alcohol slaushing about … it’d be like sticking half a dozen ferrets in a sack. There will be fur flying by the end of it.”

The Archers Tuesday 8th November 2011: Welcome back Kylie

• Elona’s moving into No. 3
• All’s well with the Mart
• Harry is off to Poland
• Knickers in John’s bed
• Tony still isn’t being nice
• Kylie calls
• Jennifer’s dysfunctional family
• Falls to Lilian

Elona’s moving into No. 3

Let’s see if she does turn out to be a good ‘un …

But I am still hoping her teenage daughters play loud music to keep Tom up at night …


All’s well with the Mart

I was very worried about those electrics (!)


Harry is off to Poland

To see Zofia.

Not that we hear it from the man himself. It’s Susan, back gossiping (but obviously still very sad) at the village shop.


Knickers in John’s bed

Susan mentions Kylie and Sharon to Lilian, who takes a while to remember them. Then:

[Lilian] “Oh Sharon! The one who left her knickers in John’s bed … family legend!”

Tony still isn’t being nice

Jennifer bumps into Tony, and gives him a brace of pheasants (which she’d been intending to take to him anyway at Bridge Farm).

But, he’s not very forthcoming with gratitude. In fact, he’s downright rude to her.

Very similar to the way Helen behaved to him in the exact same spot (outside the village shop) before Henry was born.

Must run in that part of the family – not being able to forgive and forget.

To rub salt into the wounds:

[Tony]”I expect you’ve seen Tom’s pig video on the internet, it’s been a huge success, getting thousands of hits … it all shows what you can do, how much you can achieve when the family works together to help each other out”

Tony! That’s shocking behaviour!

As if any of what you said was true – and it was hurtful enough to send Jennifer off very upset.

Enough already. You should have known not to expect much of Jennifer anyway when it comes to money – and she is your sister.


Kylie calls

She sounds alright.

Kylie was calling Susan to sort out her coming down for the funeral. As Kylie is coming down from Lancaster, she’ll need to stay overnight.

She was going to ask her granddad, but wasn’t sure if there would be room – and, of course, Susan offers her a room at hers.

Which is all fine and good.

So – nature or nurture?

Will Kylie be a good ‘un for real?


Jennifer’s dysfunctional family

That exchange with Tony has really hurt Jennifer.

She’s worried about her family not pulling together (as Tony claims his does).

Brian is rowing with Adam (well, Brian reckons it’s a “frank exchange of views”). Adam and Debbie are also rowing. And, Debbie is coming over this Friday but isn’t staying. Jennifer would have preferred her overnight so that they could have a family meal.

She brings up to Brian what Tony said:

[Jennifer] “How they’ve united in the face of adversity, while we’re all at each other’s throats”

Ah Jennifer, if only you knew. All you Archers – just the same when it comes down to it.


Falls to Lilian

Tony’s round at Lilian’s to talk about Peggy’s seating plan for her birthday lunch,.

Tony doesn’t want to sit next to Jennifer.

[Lilian] “Can’t we all try and behave like grown-ups, You’ve got my little loan to help you out, and it’s time to move on … If that what mum wants,. You’ll just have to deal with it darling”

But, Lilian is easily persuaded by Tony, so agrees to talk to Peggy. Without telling her that to9ny doesn’t want to sit next to Jennifer. So that she doesn’t have to explain what the fallout is about.

Ach well. A couple of gins first, and Lilian will wing it perfectly.

The Archers Thursday 29th September 2011: More bad news for Bridge Farm

• It’s Alice’s birthday
• Andrew is still frustrating Nic
• Elona says yes
• It gets worse for Pat and Tony
• Nic isn’t good with eggs

It’s Alice’s birthday

She loves the candles Chris made for her, but isn’t so enamoured of the two cashmere sweaters Jennifer and Brian gave her.

[Alice] “Oh dear … I’m trying to get rid of stuff not getting more”

Selfish wee madam!

[Alice] “She knows we’re saving why couldn't she have just given me a cheque!”

Even worse.

She really doesn’t deserve Chris then taking the afternoon off to go on a picnic.

But anyhoo, he does and they do.

They enjoy the Tofu wraps rejected from Susan’s book club spread

[Alice] “Hey, do think that duck would fancy a bit of tofu?”

(it did eat it)

They chat about Kirsty’s ideas for how to eat cheap and healthy through experimenting with lentils.

But it then starts chucking it down:

[Alice] “You must have ordered weather for the ducks by mistake”

(great days for ducks then – rain and tofu!)

Later on, in front of their crackling fire, they decide to have an early night.

So all-in-all quite a sedate, but nice, birthday.

Shame the cashmeres spoiling the start (!)


Andrew is still frustrating Nic

And she isn’t even going out with him anymore.

He’s meant to be having the kids later on, but after he let them down the other day, Nic’s worried he’ll do the same again.

So she texts – he texts back to say yes. And he does take the kids.

But it’s not all plain sailing.

When Nic later collected the kids from him, it seems he was “a bit off” with her.

[Nic] “It was my fault really … I just asked him if there was anything going on I need to know about … he seemed to resent me asking … said it was none of my business … I wouldn’t care but I need to know for Mia and Jake’s sake”

Will’s not happy to hear how Andrew’s treated Nic. Not happy at all.

Here we go again.

Will on a mission to teach another bloke what’s what.


Elona says yes

Peggy’s telling Elona about being worried she is so dependent on her family.

Which is the perfect moment to again tell Elona that the offer of No.3, and work at her house, is still open.

But Peggy is also now offering Darrell work. Doing odd jobs around the house.

*sigh*

[Elona] “We’d ;like to take up your kind offer Peggy”

[Peggy] “That’s wonderful Elona!”

So the die is cast …


It gets worse for Pat and Tony

They’ve received their fuel bill.

[Pat] “We’re really between a rock and a hard place … I can’t believe it's gone up so much … do we pay that or cover our mortgage payments …”

And they haven’t worked out how they’re also going to manage to pay the Underwoods fine.

Pat’s still as negative earlier on.

[Tony] “This time of night everything looks worse”

But Pat’s adamant that it looks bad no matter what time of day. And they’re out of options.


Nic isn’t good with eggs

[Nic] “Can you break the eggs for me. I always get so much shell in”

The Archers Tuesday 27th September 2011: Clarrie volunteers

• Susan’s guide to life’s simple pleasures
• Clarrie’s wants to be busy
• Darrel’s a good boy really …
• Autumn in Ambridge
• Are vine leaves too much to cope with at a finger buffet?
• Susan’s mum has a cough

Susan’s guide to life’s simple pleasures

[Susan] “It can make the evening, can’t it … nice finger food”

And Susan is al enjoying the book she chose for the book club, though she is wrong in thinking that Jennifer was also enjoying it (far from it, but Jennifer must be too polite to say so).

[Susan] “She did think it was a nice bit of escapism – but I’d describe it as a classic myself”

Clarrie’s wants to be busy

So she’s going to volunteer at the village shop.

That’s brave. What with what folks have been saying.

But Clarrie would rather suffer the indignity than have to sit around doing nothing.

So she goes to ask Jill, who is delighted that Clarrie wants to help.

[Clarrie] “It’s so long since I had a reception like, when Jill seemed so pleased, I nearly burst into tears”

Funny thing though – Susan said that Jennifer said “it’s really important not to lose the habit of work”. When was the last time Jennifer went out to work? Obviously brining up Ruairi was a full-time job in itself, but when did Jennifer last wear a boiler suit?

Darrel’s a good boy really …

The plot thickens.

Elona was talking to Peggy about how she likes to grow veg, and that she’s a country girl at heart (she grew up on a farm).

Elona then when onto say that Darrel wasn’t a bad chap. He just had “bad luck”, got in with the “group of people”, that he was “stupid” to believe that the boss wouldn’t mind if stuff was stolen from him, that he’s a “good man” who works hard for his family and is ashamed at having gone to prison …. Blah blah blah. Lots of clichés which felt like they were said to smooth the way in for Darrel with Peggy.

[Elona] “Who is going to employ a chippy with a criminal record?”

A stressed out older woman who trusts easily, that’s who.

So Peggy has another go at Lilian – making sure that her previous agreement to let Elona have No.3 for a lower price (without her knowing that Peggy’s aiming up the difference).

Lilian again agrees, so Peggy will no doubt start hassling Elona again.

Though I do think this is all exactly what Elona wants. I’m not convinced her Darrel isn’t a bad ‘un – nor that Elona herself isn’t anything other than a bad ‘un.


Autumn in Ambridge

[Peggy] “I love this time of year. The leaves seem to suddenly catch fire”

Are vine leaves too much to cope with at a finger buffet?

It’s far too big a question for me to answer.

Susan’s been making them for the book club spread – which is benefitting Chris and Alice, as he’s getting the rejects. Which are still good to eat – just not up to a book club standard.

Chris’ plan is to freeze them for Alice’s birthday picnic later in the week.


Susan’s mum has a cough

Oh dear.

Funeral to happen?

Clive to attend?

The Archers Monday 29th August 2011: James and Leonie inspire quiet fury

• “Oh you beggars!”
• James and Leonie offend Jim
• Elona says no
• James and Leonie offend Bert
• Lynda’s not keen for James and Leonie to return?
• Lynda gets the blame

“Oh you beggars!”

It’s day two of the Open Gardens, but it’s off to a very bad start for poor Bert.

He went from humming to cussing.

[Bert] “You work your fingers to the bone, then they come along in one night … badgers!”

Seems the badgers have dug up his lawn looking for worms. They’ve also eaten his tulips and bulbs.

None of which he’d want at any time, but especially not when he wants to share the glories of his garden with the world.

Matt turns up, and lends a hand (boy – his stint gardening in prison really did change him … albeit only when it does come to gardens).

Bert reckons he’ll have to reseed, and somehow chase them off if they turn up again.

[Matt] “Sounds like a job for David Archer”

Eh?

Does David have a way with badgers? A badger whisperer?


James and Leonie offend Jim

For starters, they turn up at his garden before it’s officially open, dragging Lilian and Lynda along with them to try and sweeten him into letting them be there early doors (see what I did there?).

They want to interview Jim for their book:

[Jim] “A commercial proposition, is it Lynda? … and are you offering any fee for the use of my garden in the publication?”

[Leonie] “Well, no … that’s not how it works”

[Lilian] “Jim, I’m surprised at you!”

[Lynda, somewhat sheepishly] “We are hoping that Ambridge residents will be happy to take part for the good of the village”

Jim relents.

But then wishes he hadn’t as Leonie calls secateurs ‘Clippers’ – offends him by asking where he bought (bought!) his hanging baskets from – and James then moves round his pots to make them look better and more artistic.


Elona says no

Again!

Peggy has offered her extra work. A reduced rent. And will help with the deposit.

No, says Elona.

But Elona has her reasons.

She takes Peggy to one side to tell her why she can’t accept.

Elona tells Peggy that her husband, Darrell, has been in prison. He was caught receiving stolen goods, and while he is out now, he’s still in a hostel in Birmingham for another month or two (is that due to parole conditions?).

When hubby can re-join the family, Elona wants them to move away to make a fresh start.

All of which Peggy is shocked to hear, but understands that Elona needs to think of her family first.

Hmmm.

I’m still not convinced this is some sort of ploy.


James and Leonie offend Bert

Bert’s in pieces. His garden is in pieces. Now he has to put up with “Miss Piggy and Kermit” (Matt said that).

And what’s their reaction to Bert’s ruined pride and joy?

[Leonie] “This is great! Hilarious! … the night before he throws open his garden, badgers pay a visit!”

And she starts interviewing him. Bert is not amused.

[James] “Bert, I’m getting anger here, which is good, but do you think you can throw in a bit of pathos as well?”

The secret microphone swung away from Bert before we could hear his reply …


Lynda’s not keen for James and Leonie to return?

She sounded quite despondent that they’re planning to come back for the Flower and Produce Show

[Leonie] “Rivalry over the rhubarb!”

And that they also mention her Christmas show … as if Lynda needs any more stress at that time of year!


Lynda gets the blame

For Leonie and James’ behaviour.

Which is odd.

Lilian is most definitely to blame for encouraging everything and anything James says or does. And Robert is actually responsible for Leonie existing in the first place.

So why did Jim and Bert tackle Lynda?

[Jim] “Their behaviour today was intolerable”

[Bert] “I don’t want no book coming out with pictures of my lawn in that state!”

[Jim] “I do hope that this isn’t going to become a regular occurrence”

[Lynda] “Oh dear … I’m afraid it might … they have the bit between their collective teeth, you see. I have a feeling we’ll be seeing a lot more of them”

Collective ‘damns’ are heard throughout Ambridge, the UK, the world …

The Archers Sunday 28th August 2011: Tom admits he was wrong!

• Jennifer’s still snobbing about pound shops
• Tom admits he was being stupid, and Brenda that she’s not an expert!!!!
• Jennifer’s home alone
• Peggy is setting herself up?

Jennifer’s still snobbing about pound shops

Having lunch with Peggy, Lilian and Matt, Jennifer’s still perplexed that Alice and Chris can manage to eat on cheaper brands.

[Jennifer] “Alice has even been to the pound shop … it’s so hard to plan if you shop at one of those places and apparently you’ve just got to take what they’ve got in”

(imagine that!)

[Lilian] “I got the impression she was quite enjoying it … getting the best bargain, discovering new foods …”

Course, Peggy is all for thrift. She even reckons that if more folks acted like Alice and Chris, the world wouldn’t be in as much of a financial mess as it is.

[Matt] “I don’t think everyone buying vale baked beans would have prevented the recession, Peggy”

(actually – I think Peggy makes a good point!).

While Jennifer is horrified over the thought of Alice even owning a tin of baked beans, Lilian can’t help from winding her up even further. She mentions that she saw a cleaner job advertised on one of these cards you see in shops. She suggests Alice could apply.

[Jennifer, now burst with the shame and the horror] “Suppose it’s the Stretfields, or somebody, the thought of Alice cleaning their lavatories, or ironing Baxter’s underwear … well, you know …”

Tee-hee!


Jennifer’s home alone

That’s Ruairi off to boarding school:

[Jennifer] “Ruairi is being very grown up. He wants to leave mousey at home”

(oh no - he’ll miss having mousey the moment he gets there)

And Phoebe is also off to South Africa. Everyone is advising Jennifer that she shouldn’t see her off.

[Lilian] “Oh come on Jenny. You cry when someone is voted off Strictly!”

So – what’s Jennifer going to do with her time? No Ruairi in the house – no Phoebe calling round.

Lilian is worried about how Jennifer is going to fill her time.

Though I don’t reckon Lilian’s suggestion of Jennifer joining Peggy, ted and Jill to do a spot of enamelling will go down well …


Tom admits he was being stupid, and Brenda that she’s not an expert!!!!

Blimey. Double blimey!!!

Tom’s not gone to the cricket today as he’s spending time Googling Bridge Farm.

Which he should have thought about doing before he started cold calling new potential customers … which, as he now realises, is exactly what these new customers do. Google their new potential supplier to see what’s what.

[Tom] “The worst thing is that mum and dad were absolutely right. I should’ve known better … ‘Hi, I’m from Bridge Farm, we poison our customers’ …”

Brenda now reckons they need to concentrate on creating good news, so that the bad news gets pushed off of the first page of Google.

Goodness me – is Brenda really that thick?

What good news does Bridge Farm have?

But – shock upon shock - Brenda then admits that maybe they need to get an online marketing expert.

You think????

It’s about time Tom and Brenda realised their limitations. And lucky it might not be too late for Bridge Farm to be saved …


Peggy is setting herself up?

Peggy’s talking to Lilian about Elona (correcting Lilian that she’s Albanian, not Polish – by the way).

Peggy explains that she wants to give Elona a job. Not to just to help Elona, but also as Peggy needs a hand from time to time.

[Lilian] “You don’t need a carer mum, do you?”

Peggy says no – just that she does need some help.

Peggy also explains that she wants to stand as guarantor for Elona for No.3 The Green, and that Lilian could (should) offer Elona a reduced rent. Even though Peggy would actually make up the difference without Elona knowing …

[Lilian] “Isn’t this a bit OTT … if you’re finding things difficult around the house, we can help”

[Peggy] “I don’t want to be a burden to my children … I've got the money, and this way I keep my independence … and Elona can keep looking after Jack”

I think Lilian is right that is all a bit OTT, and I’m not sure Elona doesn’t know exactly what she’s doing when it comes to Peggy.

But, Peggy says okay.

Much to Matt’s consternation.

[Matt] “What? And you said yes? … Why drag Amside into it … pay her a decent wage, and let her sort her own accommodation out … just seems like a lot of fuss to me”

[Lilian] “I’m the Managing Director of Amside … lets not look a gift horse in the mouth”

So all’s well?

Elona gets a home. Peggy gets help. And Lilian gets a tenant.

What could go wrong???

The Archers Tuesday 23rd August 2011: Bad letter day and money woes

• Eddie’s still cheerful
• Bridge Farm to go bankrupt?
• Is Elona a bad ‘un?
• Good letter day for Archers, bad for Grundys
• … not so fast … turns out it is actually bad letter day for the Archers

Eddie’s still cheerful

I’ve been quite critical of Eddie of late – but he is still keeping a grin on while all others round him are in puddles of depression.

He’s also shouldering the responsibility of trying to make up for the loss of Clarrie’s Bridge Farm wages. Clarrie’s worried he’s working too much, but he isn’t complaining.

Good chap.

Bridge Farm to go bankrupt?

I’m wondering if Pat, Tony and co will have to live through the Grundy experience of losing their farm.
Bridge Farm’s cash flow is increasingly knackered – with Pat and Tony worried about how they’ll make the mortgage payment.

[Tony] “As long as we can ride it out for the next few months, people will start drifting back … Tom might get some sales further afield …”

[Pat] “I think they’re whistling in the dark, him and Brenda. I think those new markets just don’t exist”

I’m with Pat. Banking on Tom and Brenda saving the day wouldn’t be a good bet.

Surely Peggy, Lilian and Jennifer won’t let Tony become homeless?

What would he do without a yard for his yard tractor?

Is Elona a bad ‘un?

She hasn’t done anything to suggest she is so far – in fact, the exact opposite.

And it is Peggy who is doing all of the suggesting. Also nothing wrong with Peggy offering Elona two days a week work with her. Peggy needs the (non-family) help.

But – but suspicious that Elona said that even two extra days work wouldn’t be enough for her to afford No.3 The Green’s rent. Mainly because it then led to Peggy offering Elona the deposit for the flat.

Is Elona betting on Peggy being so generous?

[Elona] “Give me your hand … I never thought to meet such a kind lady as you … but I cannot … I could not afford the rent and I could never be able to save enough to repay the loan”

Hmmm.

Wonder is Elona angling?

Good letter day for Archers, bad for Grundys

Clarrie calls Eddie in a panic, while he’s working at the (old) Mart.

She’s received a letter from Environmental Health, but she can’t “work it out”.

She’s confused as it says:

[Clarrie] “… I may have caused contamination to the ice cream”

It’s the word “may” that she’s not sure about. Could it mean that there’s a chance she isn’t to blame?

Bless Eddie. He offers to get Will and Nic to collect the letter, and drive it to him at the Mart. David’s there, and he can help interpret.

But alas – it’s not good news. David reckons the letter says that it’s 99.9% certain that Clarrie was to blame.

Though Eddie reckons that’s what done is done (and the kids in hospital will get better … no mention of the adults, note), Clarrie’s not so sure. How is she going to get another job with all of this on her record???

However – good letter day for the Archers (Bridge Farm clan).

Environmental Health isn’t going to prosecute. They’re only going to do checks every 6 months. Pat and Tony also clearly read the letter to say that:

[Pat] “ it does seem to be Clarrie that was responsible”

… not so fast … turns out it is actually bad letter day for the Archers

Poor Pat and Tony don’t even have time to let the good news from Environmental Health sink in … there’s more than one letter in the post.

The other letter is from Underwoods. It says that due to the “extra emergency product withdrawal charge”, they want £10,000 from Bridge Farm.

And that £10,000 won’t be covered under Pat and Tony’s insurance.

Oh balls!

The Archers Sunday 14th August 2011: Tom and Helen take control

(not really – they’re just going to do a plan)

• Big difference between “being tougher” and just plain evil
• The spiral of doom
• I want a rummage box
• Elona is sad
• Nic and Will are lovely to each other
• Tom’s great plan is to …
• Eddie’s charming ladies on lawns

Big difference between “being tougher” and just plain evil

Helen’s talking to Tom about how worried she is about the forthcoming Environmental Health interview Pat and Tony have. If there are any failings with their hygiene and such, it could mean more legal shenanigans.

They’re also bemoaning that the Underwoods contract has been lost.

[Tom] “Maybe you and I could have (done something to keep it) … we’d have got tougher much earlier, that’s for sure”

For “tougher” read ‘flung Clarrie to the wolves’.

Badness.

Yes, this is Clarrie’s fault – but naming, shaming and firing wouldn’t have made a difference. In my opinion.

The spiral of doom

Ambridge Organics has got to move more stock to try and make up for the loss of sales elsewhere.

But that won’t make up the difference.

And it’ll get worse, according to Helen.

They be selling less – so will make less – word will get round that they’re making less – so the customers that are buying their stock will start to think they’re making less as they’re about to go under – so will find other suppliers …

[Tom] “Let’s stop the rot now, before it gets too far”

So Tom and Helen arrange to meet later to strategise .

I want a rummage box

Sounds great.

Jack has one. Peggy brought more for it – a picture of Christine’s garden, and stems of winter barley (to touch and smell).

Sounds very groovy.


Elona is sad

She reckons she has to leave The Laurels.

Her flat is too small for her and her family – they’re all starting to feel squished and are starting to argue – but she can’t afford anything bigger locally.

Peggy obviously adores Elona. Jack adores her, and she’s an all-round very nice lady.

[Elona] “I feel like I’m abandoning him. But I must think of my daughters”

But Peggy has a cunning plan – No.3 The Green. Which currently has no tenant, and belongs to Lilian (Peggy’s’ daughter).

Elona thinks it’s still no good as she couldn’t even afford the deposit.

So, Will Peggy persuade Lilian to drop the deposit? Will Peggy pay the deposit? Will Elona then turn out to be a bad ‘un?


Nic and Will are lovely to each other

Nic makes Will Sunday lunch.

Nic has plans for later on (she’s got rid of the kids to their dad, Andrew). But, Will also has plans – to help Eddie leaflet for doing patios and the like. But rather than getting shirty about it, Nic reckons she’ll help. They can spend time together, and also help out Eddie and Clarrie.

After leafleting, Will offers Nic a nice cold beer (yum!) at the Duck and Drake, which has a nice stream in the beer garden, and also a bit of something to eat.

Will was then genuinely grateful and quite humbled at Nic “helping my family out” without complaint, nor being asked.

Will he make them her family proper soon?

Love very much seems to be in the air between those two. And nice to hear Will being nice.


Tom’s great plan is to …

… make a plan!

Over cold lemonade and lemon drizzle cake (yum!), and a quite vocal Henry:

[Tom] “Mum and dad running on the spot just to keep up … but they haven’t been thinking outside the box … what we do, if we move out of the area, out of the reach of the bad publicity”

Which is a bit of a hard push. They also reckon their USP is that they’re a local company, so starting to sell beyond means they have to come up with a whole new marketing plan. One which they’re not going to tell Tony and Pat about until it’s done.

Aye, I can see that going down well. It’s just what Tony and Pat need – more secrets, and being told what’s what by their kids.


Eddie’s charming ladies on lawns

Cause that’s the kind of chap he is.

But it’s all in a good cause.

(it’s to get more work in for his family)

The Archers Tuesday 12th July 2011: Where’s Captain?

• “Jonti, the disappearing IT wizard”
• Jack looking for Captain
• Jamie feels like Borchester’s most wanted
• It should have been me …
• Who will be gifted Jill’s brooch?

“Jonti, the disappearing IT wizard”

So says Lilian.

It would seem Jonti came, created lots of noise, then left.

[Lilian] “Left me with a rubber cheque … this smells like a moonlight flit … undernourished, geeker glasses not too fussy about his personal hygiene …”

[Fallon] “Oh, with the dog you mean?”

[Lilian] “And the motorbike”

[Fallon] “Not very popular with the neighbours, is he?”

Seems even Bert Horrobin didn’t have a good word to say to him (I didn’t know Bert Horrobin was even still alive …).

Not only has Jonti bumped Lilian, but he’s also not paid his milk bill.

Terrible.

[Lilian] “The place looks like it’s been camped in by a bunch of Hells Angels …”

(actually – Hells Angels are quite peaceable chaps these days)

Harry seemed shocked at the thought of oil on the carpet, but Lilian is already trying to move on. She has Jonti’s deposit, is going to get it professionally cleaned, and will look for a new tenant. Though:

[Lilian] “The next one is going to need references from the Bishop of Felpersham”

Jack looking for Captain

Peggy and Lilian arrive to find Jack outside on his own, looking for his dog.

Jack realises that Captain isn’t there. So goes off to find him. Can’t find him. Gets anxious and upset. He’s told that Captain died years ago. He gets upset again. Then forgets what he’s just been told.

Difficult, for everyone.

But at least Peggy has Elona, who even makes her tea when she’s on her break.


Jamie feels like Borchester’s most wanted

[Jamie] “Mrs Noakes crosses the road … getting a few funny looks”

Everyone knows about the car stealing and crash – Jamie feels marked even though he wasn’t really involved.

He tells Fallon that he’s heard from Marty – but hasn’t heard from Steve.

[Jamie] “That suits me fine … never again. I always knew he was an idiot”

[Fallon] “Live and learn, eh?”

Would seem so.


It should have been me …

… is probably a song ( by Yvonne Fair) that Fallon should be singing right now

Spotting Harry coming along the road:

[Lilian, to Fallon] “His new totty, darling … quite a little bombshell, isn’t she, do you think she can handle her (chortle). Such a sweet boy, I’d hate to see him get his fingers burnt (chortle) if you see what you mean (chortle)”

(goodness, I love a good Lilian guffaw!)

I didn’t quite see what Lilian meant, and Fallon also didn’t seem too impressed.

Hmmm.

Harry then asks if he can ask Fallon for some personal advice:

[Harry] “Can I have the benefit of your worldly wisdom, for a minute … it is a little bit delicate …”

He asks her where he should take Zofia out for a nice meal. He reckons Fallon is the “gourmet queen”. (really?)

Fallon does tell him where to go (in a nice way – she gives him the advice he seeks), but she sounds a bit reticent. A bit sad. A wee bit upset.

Hmmmm indeed.


Who will be gifted Jill’s brooch?

I am still on about the ‘brooch of doom’ (Nigel gave Elizabeth a brooch just before he died).

Seems Peggy and Jill were enamelling at ted’s again. Jill has made a brooch (doom!), and Peggy is thinking about making a tie pin for Jack’s birthday next week.

Elona said something a bit odd:

[Elona] “You musn’t let Jill do better than you”

Suppose Peggy is talking to Elona is a far more intimate way that one would suppose.

The Archers Sunday 17th April 2011: Elona is determined about Peggy and Ted

click the title above, or the 'read more' link below the bullet points, to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Jack is enjoying his biscuits
• “To do any other than that would feel disloyal”
• Kathy’s worried
• Caroline’s not ready to retire
• Peggy still irons Jack’s shirts
• Peggy and Elona swap sayings
• I love it when the cows are turned out
• “Even though Jill gave us strict instructions!”
• Loos or Looms?

Jack is enjoying his biscuits

Especially as he can share them with the birds.

If it wasn’t for his ever decreasing mental facilities, Jack would be living a life of riley.


“To do any other than that would feel disloyal”

I’m not sure why Elona is so hell-bent on Ted and Peggy spending time together, but she is most definitely not letting it lie.

She sounds like a nice lady, so (I reckon) just wants to see Peggy have friendship and support with Ted (and vice versa).

She manages to get Peggy to admit that she’s avoiding Ted, as she hasn’t got any time for friends. What with her family … and also that she’s not sure how much time she actually has left with Jack.

Now that’s a heady mix of guilt and responsibility.

But in amongst all that – where’s Peggy’s time to lead her own life?

Also a pity that it’s taken ‘hired help’ to spot that Peggy needs a pal.

Elona does later persuade Peggy that she’s sure Ted doesn’t want more than friendship – and that:

[Elona] “Jack is in a place where … you wouldn’t hurt him … and would be happy for you to enjoy the company of friends”

Peggy sounds like she agrees.

I tell you what – Ted and Peggy are off/on more often than your average Z list celebs!


Kathy’s worried

Again.

Though she has taken Fallon's advice to heart (that she needs to give Jamie space while he still knows she’s there for him), she’s concerned it will take as long for her and Jamie to make up as it did for Fallon and Wayne. They took 3 whole years.

[Clarrie] “Wayne’s a very different person to you Kathy”

And how!

I don’t think Kathy needs to worry too much. Jamie will be back. Fallon and Jolene will soon catch him stealing from The Bull …

And if Clarrie and Eddie’s experience with Ed is anything to go by, even those that wander off far and wide come back to home eventually.


Caroline’s not ready to retire

Oliver is not a happy man.

He handed over his herd to Ed Grundy so that he could retire, only to find his wife is not ready to enter the twice-yearly-cruise stage of life.

Caroline has decided that she won’t hire another manager – she’ll do it all.

Oliver reckons they should have made that decision together. He was enjoying spend more time with Caroline, and wanted her to step back from Grey Gables, rather than step forward (all because of that bloomin’ poaching madam Elizabeth!).

[Oliver] “You’ll be back to living to work rather than working to live”

Caroline reckons they have plenty of time to later retire and enjoy, but Oliver isn’t so sure.

[Oliver] “Well how much later? When you retire … at the time you retire, I might be in my 70s … I just don’t want us to miss out, that’s all”

(oo-er – that sounds a bit ominous. Oliver to die under a yard tractor soonish, leaving Caroline to mourn both him and her decision to choose work over retirement?)

But – Caroline is getting a “buzz” out of having Grey Gables completely under her control, and wants the challenge.

Do I also not recall that Oliver giving up his work so that he could have more time off, while also helping Caroline at Grey Gables?

Either way – they decide to give it 6 months to see if it will be fine, or too much, for Caroline.

Oliver will be marking the days …



Peggy still irons Jack’s shirts

How odd.

Could that side of the Archer clan not afford Jack an all-inclusive package?

Or does Peggy still want to take proper care of Jack, even though she can’t have him at home?


Peggy and Elona swap sayings

[Peggy] “Ne’er cast a clout till May is out …”

(though Peggy isn’t sure if that means until June, or when the Hawthorne blossoms. It’s the Hawthorne: http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/ne%27er_cast_a_clout_til_May_be_out)

[Elona] “A bag full of friendship is worth a wagon full of corn”

(I think Elona’s mum made that one up).




I love it when the cows are turned out

Caroline’s enjoying watching Ed’s “young stock” revealing in their first time outside.

It is a great thing to watch.

If you’ve never seen it – get yourself down to a farm. It's grand watching the newly born, but even better to watch the older ones when they first get let out after winter.

A grown cow, leaping and playing like a new born lamb.

Marvellous.



“Even though Jill gave us strict instructions!”

Clarrie’s shocked to be told by Peggy that Peggy has been baking extra cakes for the panel of Gardeners’ Question time.

But not as shocked as Peggy to find Jill at her front door, just as she's finishing her baking.

Jill is quite demanding.

To be let in.

To be made a cup of tea.

And that she is given a biscuit, out of the nearby biscuit tin.

Slightly panicking, Peggy says “no” to the biscuit. The biscuit tin is just an empty one.

[Jill, sounding suspicious] “Peggy. This feels very heavy …”

[Peggy, grumbling into admission, without really being pushed] “I couldn’t resist … your instructions on what we should and shouldn’t bake were quite draconian … and when I found out Bob Flowerdew prefers organic foods … I baked it especially for him”

I did suck in a lot of air when I heard Peggy call Jill ‘draconian’, but not to worry. Jill wasn’t at all annoyed, and they had a good giggle at Peggy trying to sneak cake into the green room.

Seemingly everyone’s been at it.


Loos or Looms?

Where did Jill say they’d especially put flowers in at the village hall for Gardeners’ Question time?

The Archers Friday 15th April 2011: Ted and Peggy?

click the 'read more' link below the bullet points to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Lilian’s so smoking!
• Jennifer is indeed still in South Africa
• Cakes at twenty paces
• Questions, questions …
• Lilian’s new career as a bouncer
• Brenda’s back on the leaflets!
• “If it was up to Lynda Snell, we’d all be plunged into darkness at midnight”
• Clarrie stands up for George
• George & Keira like Will and Ed?
• Does Ed love Keira more?
• When was Peggy friendly with Ted?

Lilian’s so smoking!

And she has the occasional cigarette as well.

Wonder how long it will take for Jolene to have to nip round to Lilian’s for a cigarette late at night, after the shop has shut, when she’s desperate but has none in …



Jennifer is indeed still in South Africa

Peggy has confirmed it, so that one’s cleared up (what was Alice thinking?).

Ruairi is in Ireland, and having a lovely time as well.

[Vicky] “It’s nice for him to have a little holiday too”

[Peggy] “Nice for Brian!”

Cakes at twenty paces

Looks like there might be a showdown between Jill and Peggy over cakes.

Jill has been stressing that she has too many folks involved in the catering for Gardeners’’ Question Time – but Peggy has seemingly decided to make a “special” cake for the presenters.

Without telling Jill.

This could turn quite nasty.


Questions, questions …

Vicky is also excited about Gardeners’ Question Time, though she’s not sure if her question is ‘”appropriate”.

Unlike Jill, who won’t share what her question is, Peggy is more than happy to tell hers to Vicky to help her understand what might be a good enough one.

Peggy’s question is about her gladiolus.

[Peggy] “ .. . the corns I lifted in the Autumn are covered with little tiny corns. I want to know if I should brush them off before planting … could be potted up … how long to flower”

[Vicky] “That’s really good. So clever and interesting. Mine’s nothing like that …It’s about these mistletoe propagation Joe Grundy’s been selling. I wanna ask the panel if they think they can actually work!”

[Peggy] “I think that a very good question … but I’d keep it to myself if I were you”

Oh-ho! Joe’s ploy to be lambasted on national radio?

Just wait until Sabrina hears the truth.



Lilian’s new career as a bouncer

Lilian reckons she has a:

[Lilian] “very important part in the proceedings … only person in the village who doesn’t want to ask a question ..”

As Lilian really isn’t that bothered about Gardeners’ Question Time, she’s become the bouncer … well, doorkeeper, in Ambridge terms.

Matt persuaded her that it’d be a good way to impress voters during the Parish elections – so, as per, as Matt says to do, Lilian does.

But Peggy reckons she can’t have any cake! Presenters only.


Brenda’s back on the leaflets!

It’s been a while – so about time Brenda let her true talent out again.

As Brenda’s doing Lilian’s election leaflets, Lilian reckons they’ll look superb.

[Peggy] “But will it actually say anything?”

Meow!

And not sure if that was directed at Lilian (for being a bit blonde sometimes), or Brenda (for design over substance).



“If it was up to Lynda Snell, we’d all be plunged into darkness at midnight”

So reckons Lilian.

She also reckons it was her who got the streetlamps sorted, despite Lynda’s protestations.

(I’m with Lynda on that one. I’d love our village to be dark at night).



Clarrie stands up for George

As promised to Will, Clarrie pops round to see Ed to tackle the problem of George feeling very left out because of baby Girl Grundy Keira. – which Clarrie and Will reckon Ed and Emma aren’t dealing with very well.

[Ed] “You’ve got the wrong end of the stick. You don’t understand what Emma’s trying to do”

Ed reckons Emma is trying to involve George with Keira by asking him to help look after her. George sees it as him having to do stuff he doesn’t want to do because of the baby.

I can see his point – that’s its better George helps, than Emma having to send him to his room so she can concentrate on Keira. But he had a bit of a cheek also saying that it was better than him being ‘stuck’ in front of the telly. Wasn’t that exactly what Ed did with him just a few weeks ago?

Clarrie’s point about the Fun Run (Emma choosing to put George elsewhere while she took Keira, as George had been playing up and she couldn’t cope with the two of them:

[Clarrie] “Of course it were better for Emma, I don’t blame her. But from George’s point of view, he were being punished”

And Clarrie also tells Ed that George has said he wants to baby to go back, and for him to stay with Will.

Ed doesn’t entirely believe Clarrie at first – because it came via Will. He reckons Will is just jealous.

Which Clarrie uses to ram home her point that Ed and Emma have to do something better with George asap.


George & Keira like Will and Ed?

[Clarrie] “Is that what you want Keira and George to end up like? Like you and Will”

Seemingly, Clarrie has some regrets about how she brought up Will and Ed – if she’d done something different, maybe they wouldn’t hate each other as much.

[Ed] “You can’t blame yourself because he’s an idiot … it’s nothing to do with our childhood”

Does Ed love Keira more?

George doesn’t think so. Neither does Clarrie. But interesting that it was Ed who brought it up:

[Ed] “So you’re not hinting that I love Keira more because she’s biologically mine?”

I wouldn’t have though Ed would think like that, but one can’t help one’s feelings sometimes.

Clarrie makes a very good suggestion that it’s Ed who should be making more time for George, while Emma deals with the Keira.

[Clarrie] “You can make a fuss of George. Make it a good thing that he’s older”

[Ed] “He can help me out with the cows. It’d be much better than Will’s boring old birds … “

(Ed reckons it’s only Will who is the idiot?!?)



When was Peggy friendly with Ted?

I do remember Peggy being friendly with Ted when she first met him (back in the day when Jack has first gone into the home), but also then she was just as fast to step back from being friendly.

I thought she realised that friendship could lead to something more, so took herself away from Ted to avoid it happening. Even though Jack is muchly ‘fond’ of Ted’s wife (who is in the home with him).

But, seemingly Peggy and Ted have been chatting recently. However – she’s now back to being a bit cold with him.

She wasn’t very warm when he came over to say help, refused to go for a walk with him, Jack and his wife (she reckoned Jack would become confused with too many people), AND wouldn’t even have cake and coffee with Ted.

Ted’s worried that Peggy doesn’t like him – that’s he’s the problem.

But Elona is a canny lass, who can see potential in Peggy and Ted:

[Peggy] “Don’t give up trying Ted. Not yet”

Come on Peggy. You have a right to a life, you know.

The Archers Thurs 31st March 2011: Monte Carlo

CLICK THE 'READ MORE' LINK BELOW THE BULLET POINTS TO READ THE FULL POST ON THIS EAVESDROPPING EPISODE

• It’s not Kathy that’s the problem
• Jamie is studying
• “Poor Lamb”
• Has Jennifer met her mistress?
• Was Jamie crying?
• Virginia Woolf reference
• Kathy won’t be bothered
• The first public kiss!

It’s not Kathy that’s the problem

Jolene reckons Jamie’s told Kathy about her and Kenton (why wouldn’t he?), so Jamie’s reluctance to see her/be at The Bull is down to Kathy not wanting him to do so.

Erm … I think it might have more to do with the fact that you’re stepping out with his stepdad, not that long after your husband – his dad – died.

Far closer to home, does the problem come from.



Jamie is studying

Jamie does go to see Fallon at The Bull, but asks her to help him study rather than watch a DVD.

If only Kathy knew, she might be a far calmer lady all round.


“Poor Lamb”

Would any of us have thought we’d see the day when the mighty Mr Jack Woolley was wetting himself like a child?

Later on, he didn’t want Jennifer to watch him eating his sandwich

Poor chap.

Lucky that he’s not really there to see it all.

At least Peggy’s still going strong.

[Peggy] “I thought I was getting feeble in my old age”

[Elona] “You, feeble? I don’t think so Mrs Woolley.”

Has Jennifer met her mistress?

I’m wondering if this Elona malarkey is just a red herring – but has Jennifer just meant Brian’s next love interest?


Was Jamie crying?

As Jamie leaves The Bull by the back door:

[Jamie] “I came this way as I thought you were in the bar”

[Jolene] “Bad luck …”

Jolene really is in the mood for apologies – mainly as she feels she has nothing to apologise for.

But now that she has Jamie cornered, she’s going to talk with him. Whether he wants to, or not.

Lamenting the huge change in their friendship recently:

[Jolene] “The difference must be because I’d started seeing Kenton”

[Jamie] “Oh, well done …Why Kenton? Why, with all the blokes out there, did it have to be him?”

[Jolene] “It’s partly because Kenton isn’t new, I knew him before as a friend, and course, he knew your dad as well”

[Jamie] “And he lived with my mum … doesn’t it make it kinda creepy?!?”

(yup Jamie – I reckon it is)

Jolene tells Jamie that she’ll always love Sid … and Jamie, because he’s part of Sid.

Now, I’m sure I heard Jamie quietly crying in the background, but Jolene didn’t seem to notice, and certainly didn’t mention that he’d cried when she was speaking later to Fallon.

Odd.

Anyway – looks like Jolene’s struck a chord.

Jamie and her are pals again.


Virginia Woolf reference

Elona’s telling Jennifer about her daughters (while Jennifer has to leave Jack and Peggy, eating his sandwich).

Her daughters are Anna (13) and Rosa (16).

Anna is pianist (or at least, quote good at piano), but Rosa was made out to be a bit thick.

But:

[Elona] “If you ask her, what she says she wants most is a room of her own”

I wonder.

Is it Elona or Rosa who has got to grips with Virginia Woolf?



Kathy won’t be bothered

Jolene reckons that Kathy won’t be that bothered about her seeing Kenton.

Eh?

[Fallon] “Even so, for her, it’s like history repeating itself”

Quite right Fallon.



The first public kiss!

Kenton’s all very excited about a present he’s got for Jolene.

Turns out to be a book on Monte Carlo.

Jolene’s a bit slow to get the point:

[Jolene] “It’s a little bit random, isn’t it?”

Course – Kenton’s gifting a trip to Monte Carlo. Three whole days.

[Kenton] “Seemed liked your kinda town, baby”

[Jolene] “And how! Oh you gorgeous man!”

And they have their first public kiss.

Aw!

To be cynical for just one moment – if Kenton is basically trying to get his leg over, that’s quite an expensive way of achieving it.

Jolene has already expressed her consent.

But, to not be cynical, maybe Kenton just wants to go that extra bit further to make it all unique and special (well, he has to do something to ensure he’s not going to be compared to Sid!)

[Kenton] “You’ll need something smart for the casino, but for the rest of the time ….”

I’m telling you – shower scene ahoy!!!

The Archers Friday 25th March 2011: Elona and Brian

• Cliff is the right choice
• Jill has a mocha
• Jolene’s thinking about weddings
• Elizabeth has to get her batteries changed every five years
• All this talk of puddings …
• No-one has warned Elona?
• Jamie needs space
• The Bull’s Royal Wedding
• Just tell them!

Cliff is the right choice

Brian and Annabelle have chosen the Project Manager for the Mart – some bloke called Cliff who has ‘done’ a shopping centre.

Hmmm.

The only interest I have in the mart is Lilian. She manages to liven up even the dullest of Ambridge happenings!


Jill has a mocha

And also finds the seating in Jaxx to be to her liking.

[Jill] “Oh yes, this is comfortable. I’m never sure about leather furniture”

Jolene’s thinking about weddings

[Jolene] “Hello sailor!”

[Kenton] “What you thinking about”

[Jolene] “Weddings”

Steady!

Before we (and Kenton) have a heart attack – Jolene’s talking about the forthcoming Royal nuptials.

Actually … Kenton didn’t sound too upset to hear Jolene say weddings.

And, ‘what are you thinking about’ isn’t the words of a man taking it too slow …




Elizabeth has to get her batteries changed every five years

And she doesn’t sound too perturbed by it.

Progress indeed.

However, Jill is in a ponderous mood.

[Jill] “It’s made me step back and ask some really big questions … indulge me … is the effort of running Lower Loxley worth the risk to your health … it crossed my mind, you don’t have to run the place, you could walk away”

Course – Elizabeth isn’t interested.

Jill does make some sense – Lower Loxley is in Trust, so it wouldn’t be lost to a hotel chain.

[Elizabeth] “It’s not what Nigel would have wanted.”

[Jill] “I don’t think Nigel would have wanted you to suffer”

[Elizabeth] “It’s Freddy’s future”

(my word – does that sort of thinking still really exist? That it’s automatically the boy who inherits?!? What a difference between Elizabeth and David – Pip looks like the chap for Brookfield).

[Elizabeth] “It’s not just bricks and mortar … his vision … it is Nigel”

But, where Jill loses one argument, she gains a small victory. Elizabeth is thinking of getting someone in to help cope with the office.


All this talk of puddings …

… has gained a great result.

[Jill] “I’m making a treacle pudding for the children … and Lewis”

No-one has warned Elona?

Peggy introduces Brian to Elona as he arrives to collect her from seeing Jack.

Elona’s Jack’s favourite staff member. I wonder if Brian can also see her charms …

While Brian takes a business call, Peggy settles down to find out more about Elona.

She’s from Albania.

[Elona] “I was brought up on a farm … modest, you know … there was no so much land for us both to stay there, and I not interested”

Elona then worked in a bar, where she met hubby-to-be Darren (or Terry – I heard Darren, but the BBC reckons Terry – anyone else hazard a guess?), who is from Coventry. She married him, settled in the UK and has two girls.

Her husband is a builder, who often works away from home. For weeks on end at a time.

Hmmm.

Not sure how ‘pretty’ she is (according to Brian’s standards), but high-time he was making jiggy again with someone other than Jennifer. Just for a bit of light relief … for us all.


Jamie needs space

Kenton and Jolene decide to keep giving Jamie space until he gets used to them.

After all, he is still speaking to Fallon.

Lucky, lucky Fallon!


The Bull’s Royal Wedding

So far – we have the wedding shown on a big screen and union jack bunting round the outside.

The menu is proving a bit tricky.

Kenton reckoned Coronation Chicken. And Windsor soup.

“Thin brown soup, followed by cold curry”

So that was quickly kyboshed.

Jolene had a fair few good ideas – roast beef and horseradish sandwiches – lamb – treacle sponge …

[Jolene] “I do like a nice trifle, though. Or how about queen of puddings”

[Kenton] “Ah, but she’s not the queen. As yet.”

(or ever!)

But what was Jolene on about when she mentioned Rhys’ idea of Anglesey eggs for the veggies?

Prince William being stationed there is a bit of a tenuous link for a wedding celebration, even though they sound quite nice indeed (leeks, boiled eggs, cheesy mash).

Tell you what – Ambridge knows how to celebrate a Royal Occasion! Bunting, beef and boiled eggs – oh my!




Just tell them!

Kenton had popped in to see Jolene, but had to go with Brian and Peggy to sit down as they assumed he was at a loose end.

Just tell them, for goodness sake!

Brian may have chocked on his non-alcoholic beer and korma – Peggy may have dropped her tuna sandwich – but you’re two adults who can choose to be together regardless of what anyone else thinks.