Sandwich fillings: Mon 09.07.12

The Archers Monday 9th July 2012

• Seriously, sandwiches was as exciting as it got!
• Jennifer approves of Phoebe’s new room
• Sobbing in the Tucker household
• Brian to evict the Swifts?
• Brian on the fiddle?

Seriously, sandwiches was as exciting as it got!

[Elona] “The salami’s off, you’re having ham … you may not care what you’re having in your sandwiches, but I do.”

And there. Ladies and gentleman, was the highlight from today’s Ambridge.

Elona was making Darrell’s sandwiches, but Darrell was distracted by thoughts of Bernie (the bloke who’s selling him and Matt knock off kitchen furniture, and the like).

Makes it worse that Elona is very glad Matt is being “fair” with Darrell. Paying him formally. And being generous with a “bonus”. She’s delighted the bonus has meant Anna can get a keyboard. Later on, after Anna got her keyboard, she says she also now wants piano lessons.

All of which adds pressure onto Darrell. Who knows that Matt isn’t exactly on the level.


Jennifer approves of Phoebe’s new room

She thinks it’s very pretty and grown up.

Phew!

Hayley must be so relieved …


Sobbing in the Tucker household

Seems Abbie was sobbing all night about Phoebe not coming home.

And Vicky’s also upset. It’s put a right damper on her and Mike’s anniversary plans.

Though Phoebe sent Hayley something that sounded like a musical text with a message on it (couldn’t tell you exactly what, though) saying she loved her, Hayley wasn’t exactly cheered.

We left Ambridge this evening listening to Hayley playing the text back, laughing, then crying.


Brian to evict the swifts?

Brian’s been given first option on buying Valley Farm.

That’s the farm he wants to turn into accommodation for the Super Dairy workers. And the one which is currently home to some swifts.

[Brian] “Seems the owner got pestered by BAFF at a farmer’s market … that rabid Hattie person probably. Bet she unloved as a child …”

[Jennifer] “Oh Brian!”

[Brian] “Come on Jenny, they’re just attention seekers … they’ve started to believe their own publicity … that everyone agrees with them. There’s nothing worse than arrogance, is there?”

[Jennifer] “Well …”

[Brian] “The good thing is that it’s all starting to backfire … got right up his nose, suddenly he’s offering it at a very fair price.”

Ah – so Hattie has unwittingly helped Brian, and damned the swifts.

Funny Jennifer hasn’t mentioned them again. So was so adamant Brian couldn’t evict them.

Maybe she’s saving that as a round 2 argument.


Brian on the fiddle?

Possibly so.

Gerry has asked to see the contract between Home Farm and BL for the arable part of the Super Dairy.

Annabelle seems deeply concerned he’s looking into it. Brian doesn’t seem to give a hoot. He reckons Home Farm got the job after tendering.

[Brian] “I’m completely bomb proof on this one”

Hmm.

Odd that Brian never seems to listen to Annabelle. She’s more than often right.

Maybe the Super Dairy will still be scuppered, from the inside.

Amy is a horrid wee lass 07.06.02

The Archers Thursday 7th June 2012

• Amy is childish
• “That dreadful woman from BAFF”
• Amy is nasty

Amy is childish

Amy had taken a phone call at the Vicarage earlier in the week, where she grunted and basically said ‘whatever’ to whoever had been calling.

Turns out it was Jolene. Calling to say that Alan and Usha couldn’t have The Bull upstairs for Usha’s birthday on the night they had wanted to hold it.

Amy didn’t pass the message on.

Alan’s furious.

That Amy was trying to ruin Usha’s birthday. And that Amy made her own decision about the reason for Jolene’s call. As Alan pointed out, folks phone the vicarage for a number of reasons, often to talk about problems that are distressing them. They may just talk business to cover that they really need Alan’s help.


“That dreadful woman from BAFF”

Jennifer and Adam were at their stall, at the market, when Jennifer recognised Hattie from Borchester Against Factory Faming. Hattie was handing out leaflets.

[Hattie] “We’re just making shoppers are aware your links to industrial farming”

[Jennifer] “This is outrageous. You’re damaging our trade!”

[Hattie] “I’m simply pointing out the facts. People can make up their own minds.”

[Jennifer] “Well, I’d advise you to stop. This leaflet is probably libellous … Look, are you going to go away or do I have to call the market manager … you are conducting a personal vendetta against our family … it’s taken us years to build up this business and you just want to destroy it.”

Adam steps in, sending Jennifer back to their stall (customers were waiting).

He has a more rational discussion with Hattie. She knows Adam is also against the Super Dairy, so has a bit more respect for him. He also explains that if she continues to drive trade away from the stall selling his produce, the land he uses will likely just be folded into the Super Dairy.

[Adam] “Erm, would it compromise your principles to move a bit further away, it   is a very direct attack you’re making.”

Which Hattie does do.

[Jennifer] “I see Miss Doomsday has moved along a bit”

[Adam] “She’s idealistic yes, and probably impracticable …”

[Jennifer] “I’d like to see her run a farm … we’d all be starving  …alright, maybe she’s well intentioned.”

Jennifer also has to back down, as Hattie leafleting may get Jennifer, not Hattie, thrown out (what logic that comes from is anyone’s guess). She also had to accept that Hattie is closer to Adam’s opinions that any of the family.


Amy is nasty

After Alan shouted at Amy for not telling him about Jolene’s call, Amy has a go at Usha the moment she gets her alone.

[Amy] “You managed to turn my dad against me, again .. sitting there gloating while he had a go against me … you know your trouble, all you’ve had to think about is yourself, all your life, 50 years of having to consider no one else .. self-important job, no kids, and no chance of them arriving now to disturb your selfish life is there?!?”

[Usha] “I don’t have to listen to this. I’m ashamed of you.”

When Alan finds out, he manages to get Amy to admit that she called Usha selfish as she has no kids. Alan’s furious, again.

[Amy] “She treats me like a schoolgirl.”

[Alan] “Maybe because you’re behaving like one … this isn’t you … spite doesn’t suit you Amy. No matter how much you’re hurting.”

If I was Amy’s parent, I’d have kicked her out by now. She’s old enough to be looking after herself.

Blood’s thicker than marriage 09.05.12

The Archers Wednesday 9th May 2012

• Well hello Keith Horrobin!
• Ruth’s not happy with Pat
• Pat and Ruth lose their cojones
• Usha gets the cold shoulder
• Keith’s business isn’t doing well
• The Ambridge Beast is seen again!
• Susan mentions the white elephant

Well hello Keith Horrobin!

Has Keith Horrobin ever spoken in Ambridge before?

He certainly did tonight. Right old chatterbox was Keith.

Keith turned up at Bert’s (well, Tracey’s). He was surprised to see how much work had to be done to the house.

[Keith] “What a difference a coat of paint makes, eh!”

Tracey gloated about all the changes, and how Neil had done all of the work.

[Tracey] “Susan picked a good ‘un there”

Though Keith wasn’t just round to admire Neil’s paintwork. He was there to tell Tracey about some good family news. His Samantha is getting married to Ash.

Hurrah! A Horrobin wedding.

Though Samantha and Ash had a “rough patch” last year, they’ve made up and have decided to make themselves proper. They also want Tracey’s Chelsea to be a bridesmaid – which is seemingly Chelsea’s “number one ambition”.


Ruth’s not happy with Pat

Well, technically she’s not happy with Tom for asking Pip to run the Gourmet Burger van.

[Ruth] “I appreciate he needs the help. I just wish he’d found someone else”

Pat could only apologise. But must be secretly pleased that Bridge Farm has another helping hand.

Is Pip still going to do the milking?


Pat and Ruth lose their cojones

Ruth wasn’t just round to have a go at Pat because of Tom.

Ruth and Pat had a meeting with Hattie Marshall (of Borchester Against Factory Farming).

The news isn’t that good. Hattie thinks that although they could appeal against the Super Dairy being given planning permission, the appeal would cost them. And they’d likely lose.

But, Hattie thinks that there’s more than one way to stop a Super Dairy. She thinks the next step would be to put “real” pressure on BL:

[Hattie] “Make it more trouble that it’s worth”

So, that means (in Hattie’s mind) picketing the Mart again. Try and force business to go elsewhere, while getting publicity.

Ruth isn’t so sure. She’s mainly thinking of the impact it’d have on David as NFU Chair. He’s supposed to remain neutral.

[Hattie] “This has got to be a matter of individual conscience … but there’s a big principle at stake here”

So, Hattie suggests a boycott of all Home Farm produce. Which would largely mean their soft fruit and venison. Which is Adam’s side of the business. And Adam, as we all know, is already against the Super Dairy.

[Pat] “I don’t feel comfortable with a boycott that hits someone that’s opposed to the boycott anyway”

[Hattie, getting frustrated] “I’m beginning to sense that neither of you have the stomach to carry on”

She’s quite right. Pat and Ruth tell her that they think they’ve already lost. Nothing more to be done.

[Hattie] “There are plenty of people who are appalled that the Council has capitulated to BL”

So although Pat and Ruth have given up, Hattie is very much full steam ahead …

… hmmm. The protest against the Super Dairy being led by a non-local.

That’ll be interesting.


Usha gets the cold shoulder

Usha calls Ruth, very upset.

Amy’s still not come home from Alice’s. And Alan is “out of his mind” with worry. But he won’t talk to Usha as he thinks Amy not being at home is Usha’s fault (for not telling Amy that Carl was married. If he is).

When Ruth later meets up with Usha, she finds Usha annoyed at herself for having “procrastinated”.

[Usha] “That’s the worst thing. He’s absolutely wretched … he can’t talk to me about it … He so desperately wants her to come home. And because of me she won’t … for so many years it was Alan and Amy against the world … and now, I’m on the outside again”

Keith’s business isn’t doing well

Does Keith run a garage? Car showroom?

Seems he does. He was saying that he hasn’t sold anything in a fortnight, so is surviving on MOTs and maintenance.

‘Tis tough out there indeed.


The Ambridge Beast is seen again!

And nearly rear ended another car when it braked suddenly as “the beast” ran across the road.

[Keith] “Biggish, brownish”

Seems Jazzer has also had a “beast” experience.

[Susan] “Seen what he describes as a great hairy mutant disappearing into the morning mist”

[Keith] “Probably was Lynda Snell”

Ouch!

So, what do we reckon “the beast” is?

An escaped zoo animal? A (very) large lurcher?


Susan mentions the white elephant

Talking about Keith’s Samantha getting married, Susan wonders when Ed and Emma will do the deed.

[Keith] “At least Emma’s a Grundy already”

Oh-ho!

The Super Dairy goes before Planning 17.04.12

The Archers Tuesday 17th April 2012

• All go at Brookfield
• Hattie Marshall speaks for everyone
• Odds against
• Linda at the back and quiet!?!
• The Environment Agency don’t care for deadlines
• Appalling Planning Officer
• The Councillors make a decision
• Pat and Brian, both confident

All go at Brookfield

The slurry tank foundations are going down at Brookfield

The badgers will be irritated. But bets on they’ll find a way to climb …


Hattie Marshall speaks for everyone

Well, all those who oppose the Super Dairy.

(I thought she sounded, very suspiciously, like Kirsty)

At the Planning meeting, Hattie gets to make a statement on behalf of the anti-lobby.

[Hattie] “The problem with milk is the farm gate price. Ordinary farmers are being paid less than the cost of production. And units like this, whose stated aim is to drive down costs, will simply compound the problem and force conventional dairy farmers out of business … We face the real prospect of cows in the fields disappearing from our countryside, they’ll all be in vast industrial complexes like the one proposed here. Now, BL would have us believe that cows prefer to be indoors, lolling about on sand, rather than out in the fields grazing. Would they, I wonder, argue that because children prefer lolling about on sofas watching television, it’s better for them than to be outside playing?”

(ooh – that’s a bit of a rubbish argument, in my humble opinion)

[Hattie] “So, let us turn to the environmental consequences … (interrupted) I will refrain from voicing my criticism of the aesthetic appeal of the building, we can all recognise an eyesore when we see one”

Hattie’s speech sounded very long (though we didn’t have to sit through it all). The Chair (Townsend) had a hard time pushing her on. She also talked about the strong chance of Ammonia and nitrogen oxygen emissions – potential accidents causing environmental disaster – concerns about:

[Hattie] “the future of countryside, the future of British Farming, and indeed the planet!”

[Pat] “Have you seen Brian’s face?”

[Ruth] “He looks really fed up, doesn’t he!”

Odds against

Brian was very chummy with Councillor Townsend. Seems they bonded over the planning for the Mart.

Townsend also doesn’t sound like one to tolerate ‘lefties’.

[Townsend] “And who are this lot?”

[Brian] “I’m afraid our opponents have sent out a three line whip”

[Townsend] “Planning meetings aren’t usually so popular”

[Brian] “They could be a bit hostile, I’m afraid”

[Townsend] “Don’t worry. Any trouble, I’ll clear the public gallery”

As Pat and Ruth later discussed:

[Pat] “He and Brian got to be very matey during the planning stages of the market …”

[Ruth] “So much for the impartiality of the Chair”

Quite.


Lynda at the back and quiet!?!

What on earth?

Though  Lynda was at the Planning meeting, not a peep.

Quite bizarre.

Actually, Kirsty and Brenda were also there. But silent.

It was only Pat and Ruth (of the Ambridge residents) who uttered a word. Though Pat really did make up for everyone …


The Environment Agency don’t care for deadlines

Their report hadn’t arrived before the planning meeting.

Their report hadn’t arrived during the planning meeting.

And their report hadn’t arrived by the end of the meeting.

Which left the decision at the mercy of the …


Appalling Planning Officer

What is it with some Council officials and their overinflated sense of importance and intelligence?

The Planning Officer was an awful person.

He approved the application, which is no bad thing in itself.

But then proceeded to interrupt Councillors (elected officials!) to correct their opinions.

Their opinions, mind. Which is the entire point of the Council process.

The officers make their recommendations. As do other experts. The Councillors debate. And a consensus is formed (or not, but either way at least all opinions are heard).

This particular Planning Officer had decided that the Super Dairy should go ahead, and didn’t want to hear anything against it.

Nasty little man.


The Councillors make a decision

Or not. As is apt to happen at Councils.

Esther Sutton was the first Councillor to speak. She almost broke out in a rendition of Jerusalem – that she’d been on the Council for over 20 years, “rural England as its finest and picturesque”, that she was at first appalled about the prospect of a Super Dairy, but after studying the information she’d changed her mind. Esther had decided that in 2012, during a recession, the priorities should be jobs and investment.

[Pat, shouting out] “What about all the conventional dairy farmers whose jobs will disappear?”

[Martin Sykes, a Councillor] “You’ve been taken in by the hype Esther!”

[Ruth] “If you met her in the street you’d put her down as a real countrywoman”

Martin Sykes then waded back in. He has that is Esther couldn’t see the reality of the Super Dairy, she needed her eyes tested (oo-er!). And that the DVD Brian was so proud of was:

[Martin Sykes] “A little fantasy production … as Postman Pat does to the Royal Mail …  a blatant piece of greenwash”

Hah! Hope someone tells PR guru Rufus that he didn’t win them all over.

Anyhoo – because of the lack of the Environment Agency report – the chairperson (Brian’s lackey) decided that they’d have to vote on whether they delay their decision … and hand it over to that nasty we Planning Officer! The vote went for that way forward, which means the Planning Officer gets to decide whether Ambridge gets a Super Dairy.

Outrageous!



Pat and Brian, both confident
Though dealt a blow, Pat thinks the battle is far from lost. She thinks it’s not a done deal, and that the Environment Agency won’t ever pass the Super Dairy.

[Pat] “They know it’s a really dodgy proposition”

But Brian is just as positive. He even makes a beeline for the media to make a statement on the radio.

Alan’s burnt his nose 16.04.12

The Archers Monday 16^th April 2012

• Alan and Usha are back from Marrakech
• Amy’s back from her weekend
• What’s the problem with Carl?
• Hattie Marshall is “alternative”
• Heavy lorries
• Jennifer is bored
• Mildew in the wheat
• What’s James’ side of the argument?

Alan and Usha are back from Marrakech

They had a lovely time, but Alan is also quite glad to get back to his own bed, and to being cool again. He has a sunburnt nose.

[Alan] “I’m from Yorkshire; we don’t really do blazing sunshine!”

Usha does not concur.

[Usha] “It was just what I needed … proper sunshine”

But we’ll leave it to Alan to tell us why we should all visit Marrakech.

[Alan] “You’ve got to put it in your list of places to visit before you do … and it’s so pink”

Um … okay … right you are, Alan.

Amy’s back from her weekend

Though Alan was a bit surprised she came back home rather than staying at Carl’s – she came straight back after midnight.

[Amy] “It was quite wonderful … brilliantly, fabulously wonderful”

Amy and Carl stayed in a lovely, huge, luxurious room.

Though Alan rather naïvely asked Amy what they did … Amy answered ‘walks’ … hmmm.

What’s the problem with Carl?

I don’t know if I’m missing something – but (a) why is Amy keeping Carl at arm’s length from her nearest and dearest and (b) why is Alan, Usha and Alice so desperate to meet him?

[Usha] “You always imagine the worst”

[Alan] “I worry about her. She seems so keen on this bloke”

Amy thinks Alice is so interested because she and Chris are on a budget, which means:

[Usha] “She has to get her thrills vicariously”

Still odd that they are all so obsessed with meeting Carl. But I agree with Alan that it’s just as od d that Amy is being so secretive.

[Amy] “He’s my boyfriend, I don’t have to share him around”

Ach well, we’ll meet Carl sooner or later.

Hattie Marshall is “alternative”

It’s planning meeting eve.

Lynda’s a bit perturbed to hear Alan say that he isn’t going to the Planning Meeting. He reckons he’s already “alienated half” of his family. He also doesn’t see what good it would do. The Super Dairy will march on regardless.

Lynda argues that not all of the planning committee are decided, and they are also unaware of how strong public opinion is against the Super Dairy. Coming back to Hattie Marshall as their secret weapon – Lynda boasts about just how articulate Hattie can be.

[Alan] “Though she’s a bit, alternative … combat trousers and a nose ring”

Whatever could Adam mean by that …???

[Lynda] “You shouldn’t judge people by their appearance, Adam”

Quite right Lynda.

Adam should know better. But then again, he is the spawn of Jennifer …

Heavy lorries

Will be on their way through Ambridge if the Super Dairy goes ahead.

One went by Lynda today, which she got uppity about.

But it was actually going to Brookfield (it’s the start of the materials for the new Tank being delivered).

Wait until Lynda hears about Brookfield’s new system also meaning the cows will be in for longer.

Jennifer is bored

Of Brian’s incessant rambling about the Super Dairy.

With the Planning Meeting looming, it really is all he can think about, talk about and do.

Kevin Townsend says Esther Sutton is in favour of the dairy, says Brian.

[Brian] “She’s about 105, she’s been on the council forever … well, she’s got to be outing 80 … she’s really old school … an arch traditionalist,. All in favour of cows in fields and milk maids with stools”

And it’s okay about the impact on the crayfish in the Am – they sorted that out by just filling out a few forms.

(will no one think of the crayfish?!?)

But the Environmental Health Agency haven’t as yet filled their report. Which could scupper the planning meeting.

No wonder Jennifer is bored and find escape at Grey Gables’ swimming pool.

Mildew in the wheat

Adam has found mildew in the Home Farm wheat.

Brian could care less.

Trouble at Home Farm while Brian’s absorbed in the Super Dairy?

What’s James’ side of the argument?

Lynda’s certainly keen to know. Actually, Leonie isn’t even revealing what the argument (which split them up) was about in the first place.

[Lynda] “We’ve had a comprehensive run down of james’ character flows, his personal habits and his unfortunate choice of friends, but we’re none the wiser what precipitated the parting of ways”

[Jennifer] “I think it’s something of a miracle the relationship lasted long as it did … they do say every cloud has a silver lining”

Quite agree Jennifer. Though hope the Leonie-in-Ambridge situation isn’t too prolonged.

Leonie leaves James 15.04.12

(not sure if that should raise a ‘hurrah’ or a ‘Leonie moping … oh bother)

The Archers Sunday 15^th April 2012

• Tony’s tired
• There’s no room at the (Ambridge) Hall
• James is a sadist, and it’s all Lilian’s fault
• Hattie Marshall to the rescue!

Tony’s tired

He slept in until 10am (unheard of, even for a Sunday). Which annoys him.

But he’s more annoyed about being so tired. He wants to be able to do both milkings but, after gentle persuasion from Pat and Yom, he decides that he should just stick to the afternoon milking, and office work.

There’s no room at the (Ambridge) Hall

Lynda and Robert’s B&B business seems to be flourishing.

Mr and Mrs Pickering want to stay another week:

[Lynda] “Mr Pickering is full of praise for your skill with a frying pan!”

And another couple are arriving shortly. So it’s a full house.

The Leonie calls.

She’s left James, and is on a train (with only her handbag and her phone) to Ambridge, expecting to be able to stay.

When she’s told that they’re packed:

[Leonie] “But, I’m family, and this is an emergency!”

Lynda Robert and Robert manage to squeeze Leonie into Robert’s office, on a child’s fold out bed. Though, as Lynda says, why doesn’t Leonie have any friends to stay with …

Still, must be better than sharing a bed with James Bellamy …

James is a sadist, and it’s all Lilian’s fault

On Robert asking Leonie what happened to make her flee James:

[Leonie] “J is what happened … that man is a complete barbarian!”

[Robert] “Was he violent?”

[Leonie] “No … no of course not. Well not physically anyway. He’s an emotional sadist. He finds the most sensitive party of your soul, sticks the knife in and twists until the pain becomes unbearable … and it’s obvious where he gets it from, his mother”

[Robert] “Lilian?”

[Leonie] “He is such a mummy’s boy, whatever little James wants, little James will have .. he has never learnt empathy, he has absolutely no understanding of how other people feel, particularly women, he’s utterly selfish and grotesquely immature”

(I know – I can hear you shouting it along with me – pot, kettle, black)

Later on, as Robert and Lynda get her room ready:

[Robert] “I know Leonie can be difficult”

[Lynda] “Robert, the poor girl is suffering … she showed such sensitivity about the peregrines”

(mais non. Lynda is unaware that Leonie was only caring about Leonie)

When Leonie arrives at Ambridge Hall:

[Leonie] “I really don’t want to talk about that man anymore”

[Lynda] “Although I have to say Leonie, I’m not entirely surprised … I’ve always thought James Bellamy was a bit of a narcissistic … rather too fond of his own voice … course he takes after his mother in that respect …”

[Leonie, delighted that Lynda concurs] “And he didn’t have the first idea about country life … that business with the peregrines … no more empathy for wild creatures than he has for his fellow humans. And he wasn’t a very good photographer … Why do I pick the wrong men all the time, why do I end up with such losers?”

So she cries to Lynda, while Robert tries to make them have a cup of tea (and shoosh Lynda from being so negative about James … we know what’ll happen when/if Leonie and James get back together).

Hattie Marshall to the rescue!

Pat gets a call from Martin Sykes – who (Pat tells us) is a Councillor, is on the Planning committee meeting, and is ever-so-slightly on the Free the Ambridge Cow side of the debate. He also gives Pat the inside nod about what Brian’s been up to.

[Pat] “That wretched DVD of Brian’s has gone to every councillor …Implying they’re  free to wander out whenever they like it … gross misrepresentation!”

Though Pat is allowed to speak at the Planning meeting, Hattie Marshall most certainly is (as chair of Borchester Against Factory Farming).

So – it’s not over until the Hattie lady sings!