Ambridge Extra Thursday 26th May 2011: Jamie’s a thief with a conscience

• Wigging out
• Kirsty and Rhys are engaged
• Neither a lender not a borrower
• Spencer is definitely marriage material
• Nice present for a fish
• Alice is still oblivious

Wigging out

Jamie’s pondering a bracelet that he’d like to buy for Natalie.

Marty is not impressed.

[Marty] “I reckon Steve had it spot on … you, you’ve gone soft … didn’t know you were going to turn into a girl as well … look at you, wigging out over some jewellery”

(the Urban dictionary reckons ‘wigged out’ is: Being devoid of reality, To lose sense of normalcy, An out of body experience. To act crazy as a reaction. To briefly flirt with lunacy)

With a heckler hardly being conducive to choosing a present for one’s girlfriend, Jamie’s ready to give up trying to find something. Any anyway, the jewellery is too expensive.

At which point Marty becomes interested again. He wants Jamie to steal it.

[Marty] “What’s the big? You’ll prove that you’re solid. Don’t you want to prove to Steve that he’s wrong .. .stop being a wuss, just swipe it”

So he does.


Kirsty and Rhys are engaged

Well, not really.

It was all just a ruse to wind Fallon up – to get her back for being so adamant that Kirsty and Rhys should date.

Kirsty started off that she also “can’t believe it could be like this”, which made Fallon over the moon.

(Though, when Fallon was checking that all was okay in the bedroom department, she sounded like she was about to ask what exactly does go on in the bedroom department … has Jolene not had ‘that’ talk with Fallon yet?)

Then, during the party that they were at, Rhys and Fallon stopped the music – and made the announcement that they were engaged.

Kirsty keeps laying it on thick. That it was all because of Fallon. That it was her idea.

[Kirsty] “Put preconceptions aside, and just jump straight in”

Fallon starts to sound a bit horrified at the (very loving) monster she’s created. She baulks at Kirsty asking her to be chief bridesmaid.

But Rhys and Kirsty don’t let her stew for long. They tell her the truth, and they all have a good laugh about it.

[Kirsty] “This is about the first thing we’re enjoyed doing together!”

[Rhys] “Put down your bow and arrow!”

Hmm. Very odd behaviour from Fallon, but at least we’re met Rhys properly.

Neither a lender not a borrower

Chas is in a bad way.

He’s now trying to get the folks he’s lent money to (and been harassing ever since with his rather pathetic big man routine) to pay him more back earlier.

Actually. He doesn’t ask. He begs.


Spencer is definitely marriage material

Spencer tells Kirsty that he’s worried about Pip.

He’s starting to think she’s starting to lose interest in him.

Kirsty tells him about the whole David/Elizabeth situation.

Later, he gently tells Pip that he knows. And that he’d totally understand if she needed to spend more time with her family. Also, that’s he’s there for her to talk to.

Bless him indeed. Keep a hold of this one, Pip.


Nice present for a fish

As Marty gets hassled by a goose, Jamie can’t tackle down his sense of guilt over stealing the bracelet.

[Jamie] “It just doesn’t feel right”

He feels bad about stealing it. And worse at the thought of giving Natalie a birthday present that he’s stolen.

So, he chucks it in the river.

[Marty] “What did you do that for? What’s Steve going to say? He’s going to think you’re a right loser now … he’s right, you have gone weird”

Probably would have been better to have taken the bracelet back to the shop, but at least Jamie’s taken another step in the right direction.

Tell the moronic thugs to get lost, young Mr Perks. Go on.


Alice is still oblivious

Chas is in a foul mood.

Alice puts it down to exam stress, and starts wittering on about going on holiday once she’s finished the Uni term. Even thinks of South Africa …

[Chas - shouting] “And I thought you needed to buy a van … I’m glad to see you’re putting my money to good use!”

He later apologies.

[Chas] “I need you, Alice. I’d go stark staring mad if I fell out with you on top of everything else … We need to get through these last few weeks together”

What an odious little creep.

Worse still – where has our Alice gone? She’s an Aldridge, for goodness sake. She should have the second site when it comes to tricksters …

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 24th May 2011: Chas has a wicked brother-in-law

• Jamie doesn’t use a plate for his bacon sarnie
• Rhys and Kirsty … Game On
• Jamie can spot a softening up when it happens
• Jackie Parker has disappeared
• Frigid kid?
• It’s called Borchester because …
• Pip drinks cinnamon latte
• Steve and Marty on the nick
• Aw. Spencer can even tell when Pip’s upset
• When’s a brother not a brother?

Jamie doesn’t use a plate for his bacon sarnie

And rushes out without a by or leave to Fallon.

Well, I never!


Rhys and Kirsty … Game On

Rhys and Kirsty, after admitting to each other that there is no heart-flutterings between them. Have decided to get their own back on the rather bizarre Fallon (why oh why was she so determined to get them together?).

So looks like the plan is to pretend that Rhys is smitten.

[Rhys] “She’s amazing … I never knew a girl like her … she’s gorgeous, she’s funny, she’s smart … she’s got the most spectacular … There is nothing more riveting than sitting for hours watching a heron waiting for his prey .. .especially if you watch it in a hide … they can be very private places … if you know what I mean … Kirsty Miller has fired arrows straight through my heart”

Rhys later calls Kirsty to tell her he’s hooked Fallon into believing him.

[Rhys] “I can hardly keep my face straight. Touch you!”

(the inference is – as if I would! And Kirsty agrees likewise).

So they reckon it’s “Game on”, wind up Fallon time.


Jamie can spot a softening up when it happens

Jamie is quite perturbed that Jolene has cut his hours back by half, so now he only works a Sunday.

He even noticed Jolene tactics of trying to make it (somehow) less painful with a bacon sandwich.

[Jolene] “She gave me a bacon sandwich to soften me up”

He reckons it’s all Kathy’s fault. So expect a bit more shouting to come …

Problem is – without the cash, how is Jamie going to buy a present for Natalie?

(and I will admit that I really could care less)


Jackie Parker has disappeared

Jackie is the student who owed Chas money. She’s seemingly done a runner.

Alice has heard about it from some of her Uni mates, and tells Chas.

He first just seems angry that he might not see his money.

Then, Chas seemed to be a bit nervous.

Was he starting to feel guilt about the reality of what he does to folks he lends money to? That he causes them stress, worry, does something so horrible to them that they have to run away. In Jackie’s case, she’s run before she could get her degree.

Or, is he more worried about Alice now finding out what he’s been up to?


Frigid kid?

[Marty] “Hey Pip, that’s not a very nice hand gesture”

(Pip has seemingly made a gesture at Steve as he drives by, and makes a bloke-on-a-building-site remark to her)

[Steve] “Is that why you’re going out with my brother then? You don’t like getting interest from a real man.”

[Pip] “No Steve. I’m just not interested in his little brother … get a life”

(Marty starts sniggering)

[Steve] “Shut up Marty. She’s a frigid kid anyway”

What a charmer that Steve is….



It’s called Borchester because …

… it’s boring.

So reckons Marty.

And that’s why I listen to Ambridge Extra. I’ll learning something new every day (!).


Pip drinks cinnamon latte

Oh how young farmers have changed.



Steve and Marty on the nick

While Jamie is off ‘studying’ with Natalie, Steve and Marty steal video games.

How very droll.

Steve reckons Jamie has gone a bit soft for choosing a girl over his mates.

[Steve] “Let Jamie do what he wants. We don’t need him”

Oh, now there’s a happy thought.

If Steve and Marty ‘dump’ Jamie, there might be hope for him after all.


Aw. Spencer can even tell when Pip’s upset

And what’s more, he even cares enough to want her to tell him.

But Pip seems to be an apple fallen close to David’s tree. She won’t tell him.

Ticking time bomb, that whole side of the Archers clan.




When’s a brother not a brother?

When he’s an evil brother-in-law.

Chas in back on the phone to (London) Vince. He has to tell Vince that Jackie has done a runner, so he will be late in paying back the money he loaned from Vince in the first place to loan to Jackie (still with me?).

And the plot thickens.

Vince is a bit perturbed to hear that Chas needs more time to pay him. And mentions that the job he was lining up for Chas in London may not now happen.

Is it a job in the City? As a money collector? A bouncer?

Chas seemingly starts to feel a bit under the cosh.

[Chas] “Please! I’m your brother …”

[Vince] “ … in-law. And how do you think your sister will react when she find out that I’ve lost 16 grand?”

How odd that Chas called his brother-in-law his brother – but odder still that Vince doesn’t seem to give a hoot about his wife’s brother.

Doesn’t seem like quite a nice family at all.

Now Chas has to pay double the interest to Vince, by the end of next week.

And that 16 grand must be the amount Chas loaned to Chris.

Trouble is afoot …

Ambridge Extra Thursday 19th May 2011: Chas is no match for Lesley

click the title above, or the'read more' link below the bullet points, to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Confused.com
• Just good friends?
• Alice’s ring broke?
• Kirsty and Rhys on a date, round 2
• Lost your words, Chas?

Confused.com

Nope. Still can’t get used to the warped timing of the parallel universe that is Ambridge Extra.

Kathy didn’t know that Jamie had a girlfriend, whereas in last night’s proper Archers she’s bumped into them.

Then later, Jamie’s moaning because he and Natalie had just bumped into Natalie.

Very confusing indeed


Just good friends?

Paulie (Alice and Chas’ flatmate) and his girlfriend Brooke are chatting about exactly just how friendly they reckon Chas and Alice actually are.

[Brooke] “Is the head board banging?”

Brooke later corners Chas to try and get the intel.

At first Chas is fairly honest:

[Chas] “Alice? She’s like a sister to me”

[Brooke] “I’ve seen the way she looks at you”

Then, pushed by Brooke, he starts revealing what he (and only he) sees as happening between him and Alice.

[Chas] “We do like each other, okay. It’s complicated … I think Alice wants to prove something, to have the perfect marriage”

Chas’ theory is that because Alice had to suffer Brian and Jennifer’s marriage problems (Brian’s wanderings), she married the boy next door because he was “safe and boring” and

[Chas] “she can play Wendy houses with him”

So Chas reckons Alice is just play pretending with Chris, and (I’m assuming) is actually slowly coming round to the fact that she really wants Chas.

Trouble is, Chas seems unhinged enough to wreak havoc before Alice wakes up to how much of an ar*e he really is.

[Brooke] “She might be hitched but it’s those two who act like they’re married”

Aye – but it’s a marriage where the wife does what she’s told without realising she is being told what to do, and where the husband is a bit of a nutter …


Alice’s ring broke?

Is that what Paulie said?

What on earth was she doing?


Kirsty and Rhys on a date, round 2

This time, Rhys is on Kristy’s turf. And it’s making him chilly.

[Rhys] “It’s normally the bloke who has to give his coat”

After seeing one young snipe, Rhys is delighted to think they’re about to head to The Bull. But is then disappointed that Kirsty is just moving them to the bird hide.

They see a Reed Warbler.

Rhys tries to use the cold as an excuse to get cuddly with Kirsty

[Rhys] “Isn’t that what Ray Mears would do … share body heat”

But play is interrupted by a Kingfisher. And a rather unenthusiastic Kirsty (also seemed Rhys wasn’t that interested either – just doing what he though was expected).

As they’re leaving, they both admit that they’re not exactly suited.

[Rhys] “We make a fine couple don’t we …these dates, they’ve been a disaster”

[Kirsty] “Yeah, yeah they have”

So mates it is.

But not before they exact revenge … Fallon best beware!


Lost your words, Chas?

Well, that was a pleasure to hear someone get the better of Chas.

Chas had gone round to poor Reggie’s to try and squeeze money out of him.

[Reggie] “The things is. There’s someone I want you to meet. Lesley, my brother.”

(Chas starts to snigger that Lesley is a bloke …)

[Lesley] “What? You think that’s funny? I don’t find you very funny. I hear you’ve been giving my little brother hassle over a loan. Maybe you’d like to discuss it with me”

(Chas starting muttering and stuttering. Lesley must be a big bloke …)

Lesley gets the measure of Chas quickly:

[Lesley] “… some trumped up little posh boy playing the hard man …”

And sends Chas off without any more.

Chas did make a wee bit of an effort to appear threatening to Reggie at the end, but hopefully Lesley will be there to gently persuade him to leave again next time …

Ambridge Extra Thursday 12th May 2011: Rhys and Kirsty’s date

click the title above, or the 'read more' link below the bullet points, to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Chris also abandons his common sense
• Rhys is “a bit weird, actually”
• Ed on Will
• Natalie will be good for Jamie
• I hadn’t heard of any one of the bands mentioned today

Chris also abandons his common sense

What’s wrong with the youngsters on Ambridge Extra?

Some of them seem to have had personality and sense transplants.

First Alice – behaving very ditzy and subservient to the odious Chas (a chap she’d normally chase down with her horse)

And now Chris.

His first instinct about Chas wanting to let him money was spot on.

[Chris] “But why would Chas want to lend me money?”

But he later calls Alice to tell Chas that he will take him up on his offer.

What?

Ed did also say that Chris should take the money (that he’d be “mad to say no”) but Ed is also the sharpest scythe in the barn. And there’s a world of difference between Oliver (helping Ed) to Chas (helping Chris).

I just don’t get why Chris would agree, and also don’t get why Alice and Chris are daft enough to get a loan when they have savings.

Business first. Big hoose later.



Rhys is “a bit weird, actually”

Kirsty and Rhys go on their first date (as demanded by Fallon). It made for rather uncomfortable eavesdropping.

[Rhys] “So, Kirsty, are we on a date?”

[Kirsty] “Fallon seems to think so”

[Rhys] “So, perhaps we better ask each other some date type questions”

So they chat about music.

He prefers rock, she folk.

He likes rugby, she football.

[Rhys] “Can’t see the point of football”

[Kirsty] “You’re talking to a lifelong Liverpool fan”

And Rhys doesn’t like mushrooms. Kirsty is a big fan of the restaurant’s mushrooms risotto.

There was hope when they both mentioned they liked cycling.

But alas.

Rhys turns out to be a real mountain biking enthusiastic (including the techie stuff), whereas Kirsty, despite agreeing to go on (what sounded like) a fairly challenging ride to The Case is Altered (pub) in Faircastle, is more of a ‘bike to the shops’ kinda girl.

[Kirsty] “Thing is, he’s a lot heartier than me … (my bike is a) big heavy thing that I got off eBay for £30 quid”

So, while they do have a second date, Kirsty isn’t entirely convinced. She reckons Rhys is a nice enough chap, but

[Kirsty] “He was a bit weird actually … we just didn’t seem to have that much in common”

Ed on Will

[Ed] “The real reason is he just wants his son to himself as much as he can … devious toe rag.”

I don’t disagree that George does need to have a stable home, but surely it’d be just as reasonable for his dad to have him, as much as his mum?



Natalie will be good for Jamie

Jamie and Natalie are having snog in the park.

So I take it that means that they do like each other.

Natalie seems to be quite a sensible young lady. She does want to see Jamie, but has a part time job and studying to do over the weekend. She’s also not embarrassed to mention her mum picks her up.

Talking about studying:

[Natalie] “Are you worried about them? Well you should be … maybe you should spend some time revising too. Then when you’re older, you can get a good job and buy me some nice things …”

It was good to hear Jamie having a laugh with someone other than his moronic friends. And if she can get him away from his mates and onto studying …

Unfortunately, Steve did happen to come across them.

Lucky enough that Natalie was just leaving.

Steve, as we have previously discussed, is a bit of a prat. Though he is Pip’s new boyfriend’s (Spencer) brother, he does often sound like he might be related to Chas.

The minute Steve is around, Jamie also starts acting like a prat. He makes out that Natalie’s mention of studying was code for something else (the mind boggles at what that could mean).

But do we see a slight change in Jamie?

He sounded very disinterested in the ‘wicked’ party that Steve was talking about.

Goodness me. Is Natalie who we’ve all been looking for?


I hadn’t heard of any one of the bands mentioned today

Maybe we’re hearing the names of lots of modern popular hit parade combos because of the youngsters listening.

But it makes me feel very, very old. And a bit uncool.

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 10th May 2011: Kirsty’s barbeque

click the title above, or the 'read more' link below the bullet points, to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Fallon’s a bit scary
• Chas propositions Alice
• Why the blast of music?
• Jamie woos Natalie
• Jacqueline is another Chas victim
• The day after the barbeque
• Mr Big
• Ah – there’s the interest

Fallon’s a bit scary

I’m not too sure why Fallon is so determined to get Rhys and Kirsty together, but she’s going about it with all the tact of Nick Griffin!

[Kirsty] “Fallon said you might come”

[Rhys] “No might about it. Gave me the time off. Drove me here. If I let her, I reckon she’d have picked out my t-shirt”

I’m spotting problems between Kirsty and Rhys’ compatibility. She likes cider. He likes bitter. Rhys isn’t interested in organic food.

[Rhys] “I’ll eat anything. More e numbers the better”

After making sure they say hello, Fallon then makes sure they stay together. She goes to get them drinks. Then has to leave again as she “forgot” her drink. She then drags Spencer and Pip away (as they have the cheek to stop to chat to Rhys and Kirsty) to help get another table out. But there’s no table to be taken out.

Then, Fallon tells Spencer and Pip to divert anyone who interrupts Rhys and Kirsty.

What on earth is wrong with Fallon? Is she on some sort of commission?



Chas propositions Alice

Here it comes – Chas offers Alice the money that Chris needs to buy a van, to then take over the Farrier business.

[Alice] “Have you really got £15 or £16,000 you don’t need?”

[Chas] “Well, as it happens, the timing is very propitious”

(ar*e)

Chas spins a very shallow and obvious story about a relative he hardly knew leaving him the money (aye right then!). Who’d fall for that.

Well, Alice.

[Chas] “Here’s an opportunity to share my good opportunity with my friends … take as long as you want. The bank of Chas is open all hours”

And he reckons he’ll lend it interest free.

Again – aye right then!


Why the blast of music?

That was bizarre. A solid blast of music. I thought I’d hit the wrong button on the radio.

Goodness me – being ‘down with the kids’ is quite distracting!


Jamie woos Natalie

Out on a date with Natalie, Jamie seems to be doing quite well. Might have something to do with Steve and co. not being around.

He did get off to a shaky start:

[Natalie] “You never seem interested”

[Jamie] “Well it was Steve’s idea … he pushed me into it”

Yup. Every young lady likes to know that her date is there cause his pals made him.

But, either Natalie is a bit dim, or understands Jamie better than I do.

She just read that as him being a bit shy.

They bond over someone called Mark Prescott (who seemingly has a face like a potato and thinks Snoop Dogg is a cartoon character).

And as they leave, Natalie says she had a nice time, and gives Jamie a wee peck.

They arrange to meet again AND Jamie is savvy enough to want it to be just him and Natalie. No mates. No Steve. No harassment.

Maybe Kathy was right. Maybe a corner has been turned.

I still think the worm has to turn (Jamie has to tell Steve where to go), but it’s a start.


Jacqueline is another Chas victim

So Chas doesn’t just go for ‘lower class’ types.

Some lass called Jacqueline is also being harassed by him for payments – but she’s a student.

I suppose that Chas doesn’t distinguish between who he rips off is slightly something in his favour.


The day after the barbeque

(I still can’t get used to Ambridge Extra flipping back and forth in time!)

Fallon’s efforts seemed, at first, to have backfired.

As no-one could get near Kirsty to say hello (Fallon was chasing them all away), Rhys thinks Kirsty is “Jenny no mates”.

But – he does say that he is interested in Kirsty, and might pop to Jaxx for a drink when she’s working.

But, it’s not going to be that easy, or normal, for Rhys.

Fallon gets that gleam in her eye again, when Kirsty comes into The Bull, and starts being a sledgehammer again.

[Fallon] “Go on. Say to me what you said about Rhys”

[Kirsty – after some persuasion – and sounding very embarrassed] “I said you were really nice”

Fallon then badgers’ Rhys to do the same.

[Rhys] “I said you were a lovely girl”

[Fallon] “So … one of you’s got to make the first move. It’s no good telling me how you feel and doing nothing about it?”

Kirsty and Rhys are a bit stunned at what Fallon’s doing. Especially when she basically asks Kirsty out for Rhys (and vice versa), then pushes them onto a time and place.

I really don’t get it.

Either Fallon has flipped, or she really (really) needs to get out more.


Mr Big

Which is what Chas thinks he is – and who he also calls to sort out his financial dealings.

So it seems Chas is being bankrolled by someone called Victor, in London.

[Victor] “Let’s face it, if they were capable of running their lives, they wouldn’t need your specialist services, would they?”

Chas needs some time to pay his bit back, as the “pond life” are not behaving. He also asks if he can do a special deal. He has a personal transaction to arrange …


Ah – there’s the interest

Alice still isn’t sure about Chas’ offer.

[Alice] “It just seems like such a big favour”

So – to make it easier for Alice to decide, Chas now offers to charge interest. 2 and a half % over 3 years. As much as he reckons he’d make on an ISA,

Oh dear. Alice wants it to be more of a formal arrangement so that she feels like she’s not taking advantage – which has given Chas the perfect in-road to ripping them off.

This isn’t going to go well, but Chas is simply going to be no match for Chris. Or Brian. Or, the most scary of all, Jennifer.

Ambridge Extra Thursday 5th May 2011: Fallon creates a good old fashioned farce

click the title above, or the 'read more' link below the bullet points, to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Can we provide Reggie with a large dog?
• “I tuck that”
• Because the lady does love cigarettes
• Oh, how we laughed at Fallon and Rhys
• Chris is not amused with Alice
• Rhys is a funny chap!

Can we provide Reggie with a large dog?

Or a gun? A big man? Or a big group of men? Or, a big group of really irritated women?

Anything to help Reggie make that obnoxious Chas go away.

It’s bad enough that Chas took £150 from Reggie when it would leave Reggie with not enough money for food (Reggie did borrow the money in the first place, and could simply be pleading poverty, but I’d believe and support anyone over Chas).

But worse that Reggie also has to listen to the worst ‘hard man’ routine ever uttered.


“I tuck that”

Can anyone translate the following:

[Steve] “Oh Bev yeah, of course, I tuck that … I gave her some of the Stevie love”

Tuck that?

Is that just a daytime use of the F word???



Because the lady does love cigarettes

[Steve] “Natalie’s gagging for it, and Jamie needs to get out there”

So Jamie gets goaded into going over and offering Natalie a fag … (such romance!).

But it seems to work. Jamie’s meeting Natalie later on.


Oh, how we laughed at Fallon and Rhys!

Fallon asks Rhys to Kirsty’s barbeque.

He thought he was working.

You could hear him turn a bit green when Fallon told him that she’d changed the shifts so that they could go to Kirsty’s together.

I always though Fallon was a bit of a ‘babe’, but she’s obviously not Rhys’ type.

He panicked, and started waffling about how his mum lives in Spain, his mum’s sister (Aunty Jean) lives in Wales. He needs to go and see her as he now has his day off:

[Rhys] “gotta keep in with her if I ever want to inherit her collection of China dogs”

Pressed further by Fallon, Rhys then gently breaks it to her that he likes her and all that, but that she’s his boss. And has experience of the dangers of going out with the boss.

[Rhys] “When it goes wrong, they’re slicing a lemon and you’re wondering where it will go next … not that I’m saying you’re violent … what are the changes of their being two psycho females running pubs in Borchester!”

But all’s well that ends well. Fallon reassures him that she’s not interested in him (which led to a ‘oh … why ever not?’ type response from Rhys), and that they’re going as mates.

Think she should tell him about Kirsty?



Chris is not amused with Alice

After taking all of poor Reggie’s money, Chas hassles Alice to forgo studying so that he can take her out to dinner. On him. Using Reggie’s money (not that Alice is aware of that).

Chas even manages to get Alice into a nice frock.

As Alice and Chas return all giggly and flushed after their meal, they find they have a surprise guest.

Mr Alice Carter (or simply ‘Chris’ to his mates).

Alice has left her phone at home, so Chris was let in by Alice’s other flatmate.

Chris has something important to tell Alice, but she was too tiddly to listen. So Chris has another go in the morning.

[Chris] “I thought you were working last night… looking like that?”

Calming down a tad, Chris tells Alice that his boss is retiring – and is dropping very large hints that Chris could take over the business.

But, to do that, his boss is also hinting that the business needs a new van now. And that his previous apprentice is also interested.
So, Chris needs to buy a van. They have some money aside, but not quite enough.

After Chris has left to go back home, Alice tells Chas all. Who is very, very, interested.

Chas lends Chris the money? Chas tries to get heavy when Chris can repay? Chris shows Chas exactly what damage his ‘wee hammer’ can do???


Rhys is a funny chap!

Rhys seems like a nice, as well as quite an amusing, bloke.

He might actually be in the running to challenge Jazzer for his crown in classic one-liners.

[Rhys] “You know, we’re used to waiting for things in Wales …grand slam …evolution … sunshine”

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 3rd May 2011: Chas is a wanker

(excuse my language above, but he really, really is)

click the 'read more' link below the bullet points to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Guilt is starting to gnaw at Alice
• Steve is Jamie’s problem
• Fallon ‘call me cupid’ Rogers
• Kathy’s made Shepherd’s Pie again

Guilt is starting to gnaw at Alice

Alice arrives back at her Uni flat. Chas is there (yuck!)

[Chas, on Alice not wanting to put her bags in her room straight away] “That’s the spirit. indolence beats enterprise”

(what an ar*e)

Alice is not a happy bunny. She’s starting to realise that she has lied to the Police, and that could come back to bite her on the bum. She even felt nervous driving back to Uni,

[Chas] “Alice, they were hardly likely to have a road block up on the M3”

(ar*e)

Chas reckons the false alibi Alice gave him has made it all go away. Alice is worried that the Police will found out that she’s married to Chris, so would then think she was lying when she said Chas was her boyfriend.

Chas was right to say that a married woman having a boyfriend isn’t illegal, and I suppose he had a point that it doesn’t (in a weird way) make Alice’s “story” more credible.

But, then Chas went on to say that it “felt right” to pretend that Alice was his girlfriend.

Which I thought was a bit creepy.

Even more creepy was Alice apologising for her (quite reasonable, actually) sense of guilt.

[Alice] “I’m just being a girl”

Eh?

Who the f is this Alice?

Later on, Alice had a shock when she saw a Policeman talking to one of the counsellors at her Uni. She even had to turn and walk in another direction.

[Alice] “This is not me. It’s so not me”

(quite!)

And Chas’ response?

[Chas] “It’s hardly a federal case …… a couple of nice upstanding students on one side, and king of the chavs on the other … case closed”

(a*se!!!)


Steve is Jamie’s problem

I think it’s becoming obvious that Jamie’s bad behaviour isn’t just because Jamie is actually a thoroughly bad lad.

It has a lot to do with Steve.

Steve seems to spend a lot of time putting Jamie down, and telling him what to do. What is bullying.

Asking for his £30 back, while Jamie’s trying to do his shift at his shift at The Bull

[Steve] “Shame it didn’t get you into Polly’s panties”

But, it was Steve, leading Jamie’s other mates, who scared Polly off.

Steve then persuades Jamie to go out, when he needs (and wants) to study.

(to which Jamie muttered “yeah, safe”)

And it would seem it’s partly Steve’s influence that make Jamie treat Kathy like dirt.

[Jamie] “No, it’s like totally sound … she was so desperate for me to go back, I can do anything I want”

Fallon ‘call me cupid’ Rogers

Fallon reckons Rhys and Kirsty are made for each other

[Fallon] “they just need a helping hand”

So she badgers Kirsty to have a BBQ (which Kirsty thought was “too risky” with the weather), and manages to get her to agree. The trick is then to make sure she (Fallon) also got to invite some folks. Which will obviously include Rhys.

[Kirsty] “as long as they bring a bottle and a burger”

Little does she know …




Kathy’s made Shepherd’s Pie again

But at least Jamie lays the table.

So progress there, then. I suppose.

Kathy also then thought she had caught Jamie playing a game when he should have been studying. But he was studying by playing a game (something to do with French).

Definite progress.

So, if we can just get rid of Steve ... wonder if his brother Spencer will prove to be of use (beyond that of keeping Pip happy).