Pondering The Archers: alistair lloyd

Jazzer’s grateful to the Romans

He’s still on about how the Romans made concrete (and the like), so we should all be very, very grateful to them.

[Darrell] “And I though they were just a bunch of boys in skirts.”

[Jazzer] “What’s wrang wae that?!?”

(ha! Scotsman wear kilts … though I’m sure you got that one!)

Jim’s “improving” Jazzer

[Jim] “Jazzer’s got the most incredible stamina. He came in last night about 2 … there was a slight altercation with the umbrella stand … in at 2, and he was still up for the milk round at 5. When I asked him, he said it was just a typical Saturday.”

[Shula] “It was Monday.”

[Jim] “Quite!”

[Shula] “But from what I’ve heard, Jazzer’s barely housetrained,. Brenda said when she was staying with them, it was like having a feral cat in the house.”

Ah – but, according to Jim, Jazzer’s just never had any boundaries. No rules, or guidance, to keep him right.

[Jim] “He’s never had the opportunity for any sort of self-improvement.”

And that’s where Jim sees himself as helping Jazzer to be a better Jazzer.

[Alastair] “The noble savage, eh dad?”

Jim wouldn’t take it that far, but he has agreed that Jazzer can stay (indefinitely?).

Alongside all the talk of self-improvement, it seems Jim simply likes having Jazzer around. He enjoys Jazzer’s company.

Where had Lilian been?

Earlier on in the day, Lilian had cornered Darrell to find out exactly what Matt had told him to do to Joyce and Arthur’s.

Darrell’s very upset that Joyce got hurt, and swears beyond blind to Lilian that he thought someone else would take over after he’d left.

(actually, do we believe Darrell believe that? More a case of out of sight, out of mind?)

Lilian releases him of all blame.

Then he mentions Paul, as he talks about his new job. Seems Paul had asked after Lilian …

[Lilian] “If you’re speaking to Paul again, give him m best wishes won’t you. But only if you’re speaking to him again.”

Hmmm.

Later on, Lilian’s late home.

Matt was worried. He’d even rung Jill to check to see when Lilian had left hers.

Lilian must have been seriously late to make Matt even notice.

Where was she, I wonder …

Borchester Life readers won’t appreciate Horace

Jim’s finished his article about Mike for Borchester Life, so asks Alastair to have a read through.

[Alastair] “Your article isn’t their usual style, is it?”

[Jim] “I hardly want to add to the pile of meretricious rubbish they usually publishing.”

Oh dear. That doesn’t sound like an apt attitude.

And it gets worse when Alastair actually reads the article. Jim has quoted Horace in the opening lines.

[Alastair] “I don’t think you should be lapsing into Latin at all.”

Jim does not concur. He wishes to speak to the more intelligent reader of Borchester Life, which Alastair thinks would be a tiny minority. He cites a recent Borchester Life feature: “If you want to get a head, get a hat!”

[Jim] “Cliché, gush and arrant snobbery!”

[Alastair] “If you want a sale, you’ll have to rejig this … Think Sabrina Thwaite.”

Good god!

Will Jim really stoop that low?

Jazzer’s proving to be Jim’s better half

When Jim got back home, Jazzer was asleep in the living room. Jazzer had stayed up to make sure Jim got back okay, but had dropped off.

Jazzer had also done the dishes. Taken the bins out. And reminds Jim to rake the fire and put the guard up before he goes to bed himself.

Seems Jazzer is genuinely grateful to be getting his “heid down in a decent gaff”. And he’s delighted Jim has taught him the wonders of how to reheat a pizza properly.

Ah.

What a lovely couple.

Tuesday, 2 October 2012

Jazzer moves in with Christine: Tues 02.10.12

The Archers Tuesday 2nd October 2012

Jim helps distract Bella
Shula’s still looking after Reg and Bunty
Jim wants to prove Christine wrong
Jazzer emotionally blackmails Christine …
I agree with Tom
Tom Archer’s wants to expand

Jim helps distract Bella

Alistair is tending to one a horse, using Jim to distract her while he works.

Jim’s distraction technique is to look at her …

… interesting.

Anyhoo, it seemed to work. Though it seems Jim is not a natural when it comes to horses.

[Jim] “I hope you enjoyed my discomfort.”

Shula’s still looking after Reg and Bunty

She was away shopping for them today.

That must still be a real strain.

Jim wants to prove Christine wrong

Christine’s plan of challenging Jim into writing articles for Borchester Life seems to have worked.

(why did Christine feel the need to get involved? I’m not sure. She either wants to help Jim find something to occupy himself so that he feels more fulfilled – or she wants Jim to find something to occupy himself so that he isn’t always round hers, eating the biscuits).

So, Jim is now determined to:

[Jim] “Show Christine I'm not the desiccated academic she sometimes takes me for.”

He’s talking to Alistair about how he’ll need to select an “interesting” Ambridge person to write about.

[Jim] “And then I thought of you … I hoped you might suggest someone.”

(meow!)

Jim would like to interview a craftsman or an artists (rather than a vet, obviously). He wondered whether Maurice Horton would be the chap – him being a master butcher, and all that.

[Alastair] “No, he’s a lovely chap, but people read Borchester Life for a light read, not existential angst.”

Jim then wonders about Mike.

He has the micro dairy. And manages the woods.

But, as we all know, Mike has quite a lot to contend with at the moment.

[Jim] “Is it really the right time to ask him?”

[Alastair] “I’d be glad to talk about something else for once, instead of having to focus on becoming a father again the whole time.”

Jazzer emotionally blackmails Christine …

Well, not quite outright, but not very subtly neither.

He passes by Christine’s, and just so happens to mention that he’s off to a homeless shelter.

Seems Matt has thrown him out.

Christine is horrified.

[Jazzer] “Don’t fash yourself, it’s only for a day or two.”

Jazzer wants to leave a bag at hers, and also begs a cup of tea.

Over tea, and some of Christine’s marvellous home baked biscuits, Christine wonders why Jazzer hasn’t gone to a friend’s house.

[Jazzer] “I can’t just land myself on a friend's doorstep and hope they’ve got a decent heart, can?”

Erm, I suppose not.

(But what about his mum’s? She doesn’t live that far away, and was fine enough for Jazzer before he moved in with Harry. Everyone seems to have forgotten that …)

So, Jazzer turns the charm, and begs a three night stay at Christine’s. He reckons she won’t even know she’s there, what with him being up so early, and out at work. Jazzer paints himself as the person house guest.

[Jazzer] “Apart from my wee obsession … tidying up after maeself!!”

(ha!)

Christine being Christine, her charity and hospitality is too strong to say no to him.

So, Jazzer settles in at Christine’s … biscuits, then pork and tatties.

Cheeky monkey.

Though Christine regrets marking Jazzer comfortable almost as soon as he settles.

[Christine] “I know. I keep asking myself how it happened.”

[Jim] “Hypnosis.”

[Christine] “But he's driving me crackers already. He’s virtually emptied the fridge.”

AND he finished the biscuits.

Though not to worry. Jim reckons he has a plan …

I agree with Tom

Talking about the Christmas show, Tom reckons he’d have been happy with a “proper panto.”

I do hate to agree with him … but hear, hear!

Tom Archer’s wants to expand

Again.

Ignoring that Brenda ran screaming (on the excuse of getting printer ink) from the Dower house because of Matt and Lilian’s rows, Tom’s rambling on yet again about business.

He still needs a kitchen to fulfil his ready meal orders. The unit next to where he does his sausages (and the like) has come up, which he reckons would be perfect.

But, he can’t afford the unit until he makes money from the ready meals. And he can’t make the ready meals without the unit.

[Brenda] “Your first priority is flexibility.”

Well, not Tom’s strong point. Though Brenda has a good point that he shouldn’t tie himself down with too much cost. Tom reckons he needs to push on, Brenda’s worried he’ll go bust.

[Tom] “I’ll be in total control! … it'd put the Tom Archer brand in a great place to expand.”

Odds on Tom ignoring Brenda’s very sensible advice.

Why is he so surprised that she’s not that keen to marry him?

Sunday, 12 August 2012

Shula misses the Olympics: Wed 08.08.12

The Archers Wednesday 8th August 2012

Jennifer won’t lose Adam
What a rubbish birthday for Shula
David and Ruth to go on holiday
Pip’s a saint?
Jennifer’s trying to work out Mike’s age
Ruth wouldn’t say no to a ham sandwich

Jennifer won’t lose Adam

[Jennifer] “Adam wait. You’re not really leaving the farm, are you?”

[Adam] “Well there’s not an awful lot keeping me here.”

Jennifer’s horrified at that. He has the other parts of the farm business than the arable. A lovely home. He’s settled with Ian. He’s stable.

[Jennifer] “That’s all any mother wants.”

Jennifer’s also noticed something else is amiss. Adam’s not just stressed and upset about Brian.

[Jennifer] “I can see it in your face. There is, there’s something troubling you.”

[Adam] “I just can’t do it anymore. If I carry on the way I am, I’ll wreck everything.”

[Jennifer] “You’ve made such a wonderful life here for you and Ian, so why give it up … you’re so precious to me, it’d break my heart if I lost the two of you … don’t do something rash and throw it all away.”

Listen to your mum, Adam.

Though whether Ian will still want you after you tell him about Pavel (which you will) is utterly out of your hands.

What a rubbish birthday for Shula

It started well.

She was just setting off to the Olympics with Alistair and Daniel. Alistair had got tickets for the riding for her Christmas. And Alistair had given her a new handbag for her birthday (today – though Kenton must have had a very, very quiet one indeed as we heard nowt about his!)

Just as they’re about to leave to take the train to London. Reg calls.

[Shula] “Oh no. Not again”

Seems Bunty has had another fall. (Reg and Bunty were Mark’s parents).

What happened next was bizarre.

Shula went to them to help. Their daughter lives in Cornwall, so it’s really down to Shula.

But.

Alistair and Daniel still went to the Olympics, taking Jamie in Shula’s place.

What?

Why on earth didn’t Alistair go to Bunty and Reg’s aid? Or any other of the Archer clan (there’s millions of them!).

To really rub it in. Alistair calls Shula from the Olympics. She can hear cheering on the background.

[Alistair] “If they can’t manage, Joanna will have to look into sheltered accommodation or something … I’m sorry, I’m just upset for you … this was supposed to be your special day.”

[Shula] “It is what it is.”

[Alistair] “Oh Shula I’m sorry. It shouldn’t be up to you”

[Shula] “Well there’s nobody else, is there. As long as you’re all having a good time.”

Ouch.

Alistair can be utterly oblivious sometimes.

Daft man.

David and Ruth to go on holiday

Shocker!

Pip’s back from her holiday. She hasn’t slept for the last 26 hours, so sounds like she had a simply super time!

She had such a super time, she wants David and Ruth to go away and have their own super time. Pip will look after the farm with Josh, (and Eddie, Bert and co keeping an eye), while David and Ruth go off with Ben.

Will they go somewhere exotic?

Probably not.

Pip’s a saint?

Surely not? That would make her Shula’s daughter …

Regardless, Pip’s being rather saint-like:

[Phoebe] “Keith must be terrified … if he’s the one who pointed the finger … they’re going to hate him. They’re pretty scary people.”

[Ruth] “I don’t know, and I don’t care!”

David concurs with Ruth. He’s angry that Keith has got bail.

[David] “What do you have to do to get locked up these days?”

With such empathy, Pip really can’t be from that corner of the Archer stable.

(just jesting. Course she is!)

Jennifer’s trying to work out Mike’s age

She’s seemingly mesmerised by Vicky being pregnant.

Jennifer, Mike’s 63.

Though if you could find put for us what bit of 40 Vicky inhabits, that would be marvellous.

Ruth wouldn’t say no to a ham sandwich

Fair enough.

Saturday, 21 July 2012

The day of the youth cricket match*: Tues 17.07.12

(*apologies to all cricket fans. I'm guaranteed to have got some of the detail wrong!)

The Archers Tuesday 17th July 2012

Kenton’s aiding and abetting
Jamie’s being cocky …
… and is a “champion welly wanger.”
Rosa REALLY likes Jamie
That mini bus said it all
Elizabeth visits David
Jamie didn’t do well
Lucy didn’t do well
Jamie really is a shockingly bad sportsman
Why can’t women play cricket?

Kenton’s aiding and abetting

Quite literally.

He’s taken a bet off of Jamie for today’s cricket match between Ambridge’s girls (with boys in the team) against St Mags.

Naughty.

Jamie’s being cocky

[Natalie] “Let’s not make out it’s going to be easy … it wouldn’t look great, would it, being beaten by females.”

[Jamie, firmly] “It’s not going to happen … I’m just the best.”

… and is a “champion welly wanger.”

[Natalie] “I wouldn’t say that out loud!”

Natalie wants them to practise for the Fete games, and take it seriously.

Though Jamie is confident not only about the welly wanging. He also reckons the caterpillar race will be easy enough as well.

He once did ten laps at a party!

Rosa REALLY likes Jamie

She turns up at the cricket match.

[Natalie] “Oh no!”

[Jamie] “She’s come to support us, what’s the problem?”

Um, that Rosa is a bit of a stalker? And openly flirts with you in front of your girlfriend.

That mini bus said it all

Natalie was startled that St Mags even had their own mini bus.

The dye was cast …

Elizabeth visits David

[Elizabeth] “Hello David. How are you?”

What a shocker! Elizabeth visiting David. Blimey.

Elizabeth was horrified at the mess the fire had made. It was even hot enough to have bent solid steel poles.

David told Elizabeth that Keith has been taken in, but released.

[Elizabeth] “Not another Clive, surely?”

(mind Clive burnt down Christine and George’s – while Christine and Jill were in there. David saved them)

[David] “It’s the idea that there’s someone out there,. Deliberately trying to hurt my children … it’s that’s the effect,. What the difference. It’s exactly the same outcome.”

Elizabeth offers for Josh and Ben to stay at Lower Loxley. David appreciates but politely declines. He wants his family to stay together.

(not necessarily the best thing for him to say to Elizabeth, considering …).

[Elizabeth] “David, what your doing can’t be easy. There must be a part of you who wants to walk away … don’t give up. One thing I’ve found when terrible things happen it’s best to carry on”

[David] “It gets better over time?”

[Elizabeth] “So I’m told”

Looks like that cold front is defrosting.

Jamie didn’t do well

Natalie’s not impressed with Jamie’s turn on the pitch. She thinks he’s taking too many risks.

Rosa does not concur.

[Rosa] “He just goes out there and enjoys himself. That’ the way to play cricket … I only know there’s too many old plodders in the Ambridge cricket team. They should get fined for boring the audience.”

[Natalie] “Crowd. It’s called a crowd … you’ve got to understand the game to appreciate it.”

After Jamie’s reckless does get him out:

[Natalie] “He only got a seven.”

[Rosa] “What a seven though!”

[Jamie] “She had her elbow bent … she never bowled it, she chucked it.”

[Natalie] “You played a stupid shot and misjudged it.”

So Jamie’s a bad loser, then. Wouldn’t have guessed that from his pre-match arrogance!

Lucy didn’t do well

I’ve no idea who Lucy is, but she went out on the first ball.

Jamie really is a shockingly bad sportsman

It was Natalie’s turn:

[Jamie] “Watch out for the blonder one. She’s got a very suspect delivery.”

[Rosa] “I don’t know what’s the matter with everything. It’s only a bunch of schoolgirls.”

[Jamie] “Who don’t even know the laws of cricket!”

[Alistair] “Jamie, let’s be a bit more sporting about it, shall we?”

Sounds like Natalie didn’t last long either.

[Jamie] “57 all out, how did that happen?”

(is that a bad score then?)

[Natalie] “Their spinners are unplayable … they had me fooled every time.”

Its St Mags’ turn to bat next.

When they got to 55:

[Rosa] “I hate to say this, but they’re going to do it. Come on Jamie!”

Jamie bowls a “bouncer”. Which seemingly isn’t a very nice thing to do.

[Alistair] “It’s not considered very sporting, not in a game like this.”

Next bowl, the St Mags lass hits a cracker. Which Alistair reckons serves him right.

And St Mags win!

[Jamie] “We were rubbish … I could have done a lot better if I'd been allowed to do my normal thing.”

[Natalie] “So you need to resort to intimidation just because you’re being beaten.”

[Jamie] “It’s trying to win, what’s wrong with that?”

[Rosa] “Nothing at all. It’s better than being a loser.”

Oops.

Rosa may be good for Jamie’s ego, but he’d better tread carefully. Natalie doesn’t sound like a young lady to put up with any nonsense.

Why can’t women play cricket?

Despite losing, Natalie really enjoyed the match.

Knowing that it will be near impossible to get another match for the girls anytime soon, Natalie asks Alistair why the girls can’t be considered for the full Ambridge cricket team.

[Natalie] “Everyone just assumes it. The cricket team has to be male.”

Alistair agrees. He’s never been asked about women playing before. He’s going to raise it at their next AGM.

[Natalie] “Maybe it's time Ambridge cricket got itself into the 21st century.”

Well, I can think of a fair few male players (and female spectators) who won’t agree.

Especially Neil.

Imagine how he’ll feel to be dropped, then replaced by girls!

Sunday, 24 June 2012

“No more sleepy Ambridge” 06.06.12

(could have fooled me!)

The Archers Wednesday 6^th June 2012

Slooooooow day
Ifty wants to drop Neil Carter
Have a calf , or else
David and Oliver don’t really debate the Badger vaccination
Lower Loxley is busy
Sandwiches and pork pies in the field
The bailer keeps breaking down
Should they tell the kids?

Slooooooow day

It’s been a while since we’ve had one, but here one was. Just a couple of eavesdropping moments worth a mention.

Ifty wants to drop Neil Carter

That’s not nice on Neil.

Have a calf , or else

One of Brookfield’s cows is on her eighth lactation, so she really does have to produce if she’s going to be kept.

[Ruth] “I’d still hate to see her go down the road”

(‘down the road’ is Brookfield talk for slaughter)

Lucky for the cow, she is in calf.

David and Oliver don’t really debate the Badger vaccination

Oliver is in to see David about vaccination. David’s still not sure it makes sense, and is still a fan of culling. He’s also been getting calls from other farmers who feel the same.

Seems DEFRA is doing trial culls in the Autumn. And Wales has told their farmers to vaccinate.

Oliver said something about the cost of the vaccination going up, but he’s hoping to balance that back down by bringing in contractors. But Ed will still be trained alongside them.

Lower Loxley is busy

With wine tastings and tours of the vineyards.

[Alistair] “He was a wise old owl in his own way was Nigel.”

Sandwiches and pork pies in the field

[Josh] “Why do we have to eat in the field anyway?”

Because Ed and David are out there bailing. So the whole family will join them for lunch.

The bailer keeps breaking down

[Ed] “It’s the knotting mechanism again.”

But they get it working.

Should they tell the kids?

[David] “Less than a month, and we’re behaving like we’re living in the middle of London.”

[Ruth] “It’s driving Josh up the wall, you can tell.”

Monday, 21 May 2012

A Welshman to play cricket 10.05.12

The Archers Thursday 10th May 2012

Will doesn’t mind Nic going out ‘wearing that’
Chris would get drunk, Alice would cry
Ifty in action
Alice drools over Rhys
Rhys joins Ambridge cricket team
The maypole ended in disaster
Alice drools over Ifty

Will doesn’t mind Nic going out ‘wearing that’

Blimey, Will really has utterly changed beyond all recognition!

As he find clean pyjamas for Mia to wear before he puts the kids to bed, Nic’s off out to do a shift at The Bull.

[Will] “I do like that top. Very sexy”

[Nic] “Do you think? Should I change … I don’t want to stand behind the bar looking like a tart!”

[Will] “You don’t look like a tart. You look lovely”

Not even six months ago, Will would have locked Nic in the cellar (if they have one) rather than let her go out looking alluring.

Chris would get drunk, Alice would cry

Seems Amy has gone home, so Chris has Alice back to himself.

[Alice] “You were so sweet. Discreetly sloping off like that”

[Chris] “I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t know someone could cry that much”

Alice says she would cry that much if Chris dumped her. Chris reckoned he’d go out on the lash, and pull another woman.

Ifty in action

[Ifty] “That’s more like it. Well done. You got it right in the sweet spot”

(where’s the “sweet spot” in cricket then?)

He was coaching Daniel, who Alistair thinks took a lot of persuading to go to nets in the first place. Though they both reckon Daniel is quite good (Alistair thinks he must have got that from his birth dad Mark).

[Ifty] “Eye on the ball Daniel. Not the Girls.”

Alice drools over Rhys

Rhys had been helping Jamie out with his cricket practice. He seemingly has a go himself, and could hit the ball quite hard.

[Alice] “Well I can imagine … that Rhys can really wallop a ball. I mean, look at those lovely biceps”

[Chris] “Excuse me, do you mind not squeezing another man muscles infront of me?”

[Alice] “Oh, you’re a farrier Chris, don’t be ridiculous”

Rhys joins Ambridge cricket team

Seems Alistair saw Rhys helping Jamie practice, and has asked him along to nets (as well as signed him up for the Single Wicket … is it that time of year already?).

[Rhys] “I don’t even know the rules”

[Alice] “There’re not rules, they’re laws”

With Adam not been able to play, word is that Rhys could be asked to play for the team.

[Rhys] “Me, play for Ambridge?”

[Nic] “What’s this? Another one of your bizarre fantasies?”

(oh – I’d like to hear more of Rhys’ bizarre fantasies. Juts out of interest, of course).

At the last nets, only seven people tuned up.

[Alistair] “And they all retired early to the pub”

At their last game (the first of the season), Ambridge lost to Netherbourne.

[Alistair] “Quite embarrassingly badly”

And it’s not only Adam out of action. David’s not playing (not one of their best players, but seems he’s a good all-rounder), and Robert has retired. So … Alistair asks Rhys to “turn out”.

[Rhys] “You really are serious … just wait until I tell my mam. This is always as good as being asked to play rugby for Wales. Well not quite, but nearly!”

(calm down my boy. Rugby over cricket? And your national team Vs a local team? Surely not!)

The maypole ended in disaster

[Alice] “A bit of a pile up and they all got their ribbons tangled”

[Nic] “I bet it was deliberate, that little Tilly Button …”

Alice drools over Ifty

[Will] “Well, he’s just come into the bar, so you girls can feats your eyes!”

(beyond shocked at the change in Will Grundy! And he’s at The Bull because Clarrie’s babysitting, by the way)

As Alistair and Ifty try and work out how to get Ambridge up to a full team, Alice, Nic, Will and Chris pressgang him.

Though Alistair and Ifty settle on Jamie as another player to bring in (though he wasn’t reliable before, he’s now taller), the gang try to get Ifty to play for Ambridge.

And they do so why Alice is giggling. She’s blatantly silly over Ifty.

[Chris] “Come along Mrs Carter!”

Though they leave Alistair and Ifty to discuss Ifty at least coaching for the Ambridge team, Alice hasn’t had enough.

[Chris] “You’re doing it again! Eyeing him up”

[Alice] “I’m merely admiring, in an aesthetic sort of way the admirable proportions of his physic”

Rhys then starts winding Nic up about also having a fancy for Ifty. He reckons Nic said:

[Rhys] “That his skin was like toasted cinnamon, his hair black like a raven’s wing, and his eyes like deep pools of chocolate …”

Nic does not concur. She claims she only went down to watch nets as her kids might be interested in cricket (though they are far, far, too young to play).

[Will] “Not the best excuse I’ve ever heard …Well I know it’s not true, but you look so lovely when you blush”

(again, where’s Will! What a transformation)

Monday, 30 April 2012

Ifty is ever so dishy 22.04.12

The Archers Sunday 22nd April 2012

Ian’s gone all teenage over Ifty
A lamb attacks Brian
Alan’s obsessed with Carl
Chamber of Commerce or Vicar’s retreat?

Ian’s gone all teenage over Ifty

Ian’s very excited about the prospect of Ifty (Ambridge’s new youth cricket coach).

[Ian] “The word is he’s very handsome”

[Adam] “Word is he’s a very talented cricketer, that’s what I’m interested in”

Ian even later turns up to the cricket pitch.

[Ian] “I thought I’d just take a look … the rumours don’t do him justice!”

Alistair reckons that Ifty has drawn a crowd bigger than if he’d got Alastair Cook to coach (I had to look him up. He plays cricket for England. Not to be confused with Alistair Cooke. That lovely chap who did Letter from America. I did get confused … why would Alistair think a dead journalist would be a draw …)

[Alistair] “Training’s not usually a spectator sport”

Nic had also turned out to see Ifty, though she claimed it was to bring Mia and Jake along, in case they wanted to join in one day (aye, in about 10 years’ time!).

It’s a shame for the boys. They were getting coached by one of Ifty’s mates in a different part of the field, while all the girls got Ifty and a big crowd watching.

The girls included Jamie’s Natalie, who brought all of her hockey pals, and does genuinely seem interested in playing cricket.

[Alistair, accepting reality] “I do think seeing him in his cricket whites was a bit of a bonus!”

So good looking, Great at cricket. A superb coach. And Ifty also reckons he can try and get a grant so that they can buy more equipment.

[Ian] “Hmm not just a pretty face then”

A lamb attacks Brian

Brian was late to help Adam weigh the lambs. Adam wasn’t surprised, Jennifer had already said that she’d spent the weekend “walking on eggshells” as Brian was in a right grump about no progress on the Environment Report for the Super Dairy.

When Brian does turn up and gets on with the job, he’s also being grumpy with the sheep.

Just as he’s calling them stupid for not going in the direction he wants them to, one of them sweeps him off his feet. He goes down. Hard.

Adam keeps Brian sitting down, and notices he’s bleeding.

[Brian] “Adam there’s really no need for you to ruin a good handkerchief”

Brian also refuses to let Adam get his first aid kit, or take him home to Jennifer (who Brian reckons will just fuss).

Brian’s being very manly about being unmanned by a lamb …

And he blames the Environment Agency. It’s their fault that his mind wasn’t on the job.

Later on, Adam tells Ian about the incident:

[Ian, barely suppressing his laughter] “A lamb did?”

[Adam] “I was quite worried about him for a moment”

[Ian] “Well of course you were. You are very fond of him … and he is of you”

[Adam] “Then he mentioned the environment agency, and it was back to normal … well, what passes for normal these days … He’s not used to having to wait for what he wants”

(and worth saying that a lamb isn’t a tiny, cute wee thing. As they were weighing them, assumedly for selling, they’ll be fairly large)

Alan’s obsessed with Carl

And he hasn’t even met him yet!

Now that Usha has met carl, Amy’s relented, and has invited Carl to take tea with her, Alan and Usha.

Alan’s in a right tizzy about it.

She’s terrified that he’ll let Amy down. As it’s the first time she’s brought home a serious boyfriend (in fact, Carl is the first boy she’s ever been serious about), it’s also the first time for Alan.

He thinks he’s somehow going to ruin it for her.

[Alan] “You’ll kick me, won’t you, if I started saying something embarrassing”

[Usha] “Want to be covered in bruises, do you?”

Usha’s just jesting. She thinks Carl and Alan will get on very well indeed.

As they later sync their diaries, Alan insists on outing Carl’s visit in his diary.

[Usha] “That’s tomorrow … and are you going to put it in big red letters … don’t let Amy see, it’ll spook her!”

Alan’s a bit perturbed that he has to see Lynda tomorrow. He’d far rather be at home, tidying for Carl.

He really is taking this far too seriously!

But not to worry, Usha tells him to still see Lynda, then go off and sit on green and listen to bell ringers (for St George’s Day – Lily is going to be ringing).

[Usha] “I’ll do the vacuuming”

Chamber of Commerce or Vicar’s retreat?

Horror upon horrors – Usha and Alan have a double booking.

On the night that Usha has a Chamber of Commerce event, Alan’s away on a retreat.

Usha can cope at the Chamber by herself, but prefers it when Alan can come:

[Usha] “Having you there would have livened it up … I know what you and your clerical pals get up to when on retreat!”

Why, what do they get up to?!?