Pondering The Archers: amy franks

“Oh noooo.”

I love it when Ruth says that. I even have 5 of those “oh noooo” t-shirts!

Anyhoo – the “oh noooo” was uttered by Ruth when she saw the front page headline of The Echo:

Terror on local farm headline

Not amusing at all. Though Josh has found it to be useful. The girls at his school were calling him a hero, because:

[Josh] “ … in this one it looks like I’m the only steward facing the bullocks.”

[David] “And you’re proud of that, are you … makes us look at least inept, and at the very worst completely unprofessional and unsafe … it’s an image of our farm that will stay in everybody’s mind, no matter what it says about vandalism or whatever!”

[Ruth] “For goodness sake David, it’s not Josh’s fault.”

[David] “Well he doesn’t seem that bothered about it …”

The newspaper article has quotes from parents calling Brookfield “incompetent”, and describes how scared, terrified and desperate folks were. Which Ruth reckons all of which is true.

Alice tends to (a more reasonable?) Amy

Again.

She’s got wine and a DVD, while Chris escapes to his mum’s to get his birthday present, then onto nets and The Bull.

From the start, it sounded like Amy was coming back to being ‘normal’ again. She tells Alice of her day at work. Which involved being midwife to a 15 year old, who lives in a care home, birthing partner was a care worker, the father of her child not to be seen, and her own mother not speaking to her.

[Amy] “Kinda puts your own pathetic problems into perspective, doesn’t it?”

Later on:

[Amy] “I’m so ashamed … I’d have stayed with Carl, even though in know he was married with a little girl, if he told me he’d leave them for me. I’m a monster.”

[Alice] “You were in love.”

[Amy] “You know, the sad thing is, I think his marriage really is a sham … the things he said when he talked his wife, it was all about money really … status, I don’t think he once said he loved her … Usha was right about me all along. I said some horrible hateful; things to her. I didn’t event take her a birthday card, can you believe it … I don’t think I can even face her.”

[Alice] “If it were me, I’d get it over with, as soon as I could.”

I concur.

And hurrah to Amy finally realising she’s not been the most rationale, easy or mature people of late.

Josh is scared

Quite right to be so.

[Josh] “Suppose I’ve accidentally filmed something or somebody.”

Josh handed his camera over to the Police, and he’s worried he did unwittingly film something important, which will mean he has to give evidence. Ruth reckons it won’t come to that, but will ask Usha.

[Josh] “When’s it all going to be over mum?”

Moussaka

My goodness, it was refreshing to hear Amy and Alice just chat about stuff, rather than about Amy … Carl … Usha …

Alice has made Moussaka for Amy, which Amy muchly appreciates. Alice muchly appreciates Amy being appreciative.

[Alice] “Sometimes the way Chris eats, I swear he hardly notices what it is let alone what it tastes like. It’s not so much eating as posting it down.”

Neil’s doing star jumps

[Adam] “Someone said they spotted Neil doing a few star jumps and press ups before nets”

Now there’s a picture …

Seems Ambridge lost to Paxley, but has high hopes of beating Loxley Barrett this weekend.

But sounds like Neil’s efforts to impress don’t have much chance of winning.

[Adam] “I don’t know if Ifty can work some sort of magic, at his age.”

Meow!

David needs to tell Adam

As David and Adam are having a pint, Adam mentions that he thinks the bullocks being let loose was only due to vandalism, and that it was probably kids who’d done the damage.

So, he still hasn’t a clue …

David asks Adam about his birthday plans:

[Adam] “Ian’s got plans, apparently they involve a Michelin star … To be honest, I’m doing it for him. It’s lovely, but I know I’m just going to be so tired.”

Adam also mentions that he’s back at work, but not up to full par.

[Adam] “It’s stick to my fingers a bit, if you know what I mean.”

He tells David how much of a “nightmare” it’s been since he was attacked, and how amazing Ian has been in supporting him.

[David] “Well don’t you worry. I’ll be there in court to help nail them.”

What else could David say?

And really, what else can David do but still see this through?

Amy hears it from Carl: Tues 19.06.12

The Archers Tuesday 19th June 2012

Birthdays galore!
Brian’s being decent
Before Amy spoke to Carl
Amy spoke to Carl
After Amy spoke to Carl

Birthdays galore!

It’s Fallon’s today.
Adam and Chris on Friday.
And was Usha’s the other day.

[Alice] “You don’t look very chirpy to say you’ve got a night out planned”

Adam’s just utterly knackered.

Brian’s being decent

But only because Jennifer’s told him to be.

He catches Adam trying to grade lambs (to then be taken to the abattoir).

[Brian] “But it’ll be who ends up in the doghouse if you do yourself a mischief!”

Ah, nothing like a stepfather who genuinely cares for his stepson.

Anyhoo, Brian helps Adam see to the lambs. They set bets on how many lambs will end up being big enough to go to slaughter. The winner gets pints of shires.

Brian even makes sure Adam sits down to eat (Jennifer has sent them over a fruitcake).

[Brian] “You know what she’s like. She’ll probably carry on an inspection when we get back!”

Before Amy spoke to Carl

[Alice] “I hope the canteen’s decent.”

(my oh my, what priorities Alice has! She wants a decent cuppa while her best mate is having to front up to the man who broke her heart.)

Alice has driven Amy to carl’s work.

[Amy] “If Carl and I get back together … he’s a good man, I’m sure of it … I just want to be sure you’ll be okay about him and me.”

Hmmm …

Amy spoke to Carl

For starters, Carl made Amy wait in reception for him.

When he did ordain to come down to see her, he bundles Amy off into the car park. Then shouts at her.

[Carl] “What the hell do you think you’re playing at Amy?”

[Alice] “I know … I’m sorry … I had to talk to you.”

[Carl] “And you didn’t think to call first and ask to meet up?”

[Amy] “Would you have answered my call? I didn’t want to come here. I had thought we could talk at your apartment …”

(she tells him that she knows he wasn’t there last week, which he twigs means she’s been stalking him)

[Carl] “Look, Amy, why don’t you give me a call in a day or so … meet up for a cup of coffee … I can’t do this, this is ridiculous. Anyone could come out here.”

But as he also happens to need a cigarette, he agrees to stand a bit away with her to talk.

(I’m on day 9 of not smoking, by the way … still hard to even hear other folks talking about them smoking)

[Carl] “So what do you want from me … what do you want me to say?”

[Amy] “It’s not like I expect some sort of explanation … it’s me who should explain.”

Which she does. Amy tells Carl it’s her fault for pushing Carl too fast. That he was the first man who meant anything to her.

[Amy] “You’re special. And I realise it was stupid to push you like that … a man like you, I know you’ve got commitments.”

[Carl] “Amy, have you come here today to ask me to take you back?”

[Amy] “Yes … of course, I didn’t think … I didn’t think that you’d need time to break it to your wife.”

Carl starts laughing at Amy.

Amy then tells him that she knows he has a daughter.

Carl starts to get annoyed.

[Carl] “Have you been following me?”

He demands to be reassured that Amy hasn’t spoken to his wife and kid, and that she won’t ever have contact with them.

[Amy] “I can wait …”

[Carl] “You really are a piece of work, do you know that … why, in your wildest dream, do you imagine I’ve leave Rochelle for you … Rochelle is a top paid, highly qualified lawyer. She’s beautiful intelligent and well respect. We live in a lovely house in one of the most sought after areas in the county. We have lots if high flying, influential and important friends. Why would I pack all that in for a midwife, in the NHS, with a vicar for a dad?”

[Amy] “But I love you!”

[Carl] “And? … you really are that naive,. Aren’t; you!?!”

[Amy] “Doesn’t that mean anything to you? Someone saying they love you means nothing?”

[Carl] “You don’t what love means.”

[Amy] “Do you?”

[Carl] “Go home Amy. We’re done.”

[Amy] “How can you go from that, from being so gentle and romantic and living to being so cruel?”

[Carl] “I’ve gotta go.”

[Amy] “How do you know you know I won’t tell your wife what you are?”

[Carl] “Do you think she’d take any notice of you?… she’d take you to court for slander or may just think you were some deluded stalker with a crush on her devoted husband,. Which you are.”

[Amy] “You bastard!”

(at last!!!!!!!)

After Amy spoke to Carl

Back in Alice’s Carl, Amy is a bit upset … to say the least.

[Amy] “I hate him … all that stuff he said to me, everything, it was just a lie … he didn’t mean any of it, he played me. He used me. How could he do that to me?”

Well, at least the penny has finally dropped for Amy.

Maybe she can go back to be a nice, stable, normal, sane young lady again. We can just never talk of her teenage tantrums ever again.

Darrell gets a promotion Fri 15.06.12

The Archers Friday 15 June 2012

Positive vibes about Open Farm Sunday
Chris can’t get into his own toilet
Matt appreciates Darrell
Brookfield had chilli and rice

Positive vibes about Open Farm Sunday

David, Ruth and their brood were getting ready for Open Farm Sunday. They decided to go ahead, despite the gang and their sneaky threats.

Actually, David and Ruth sounded quite excited.

They have a grand all time looking at the photos Josh has arranged to be displayed. Rather than use the same ones as last year (as Pip wanted), he’s gone back through all of their photos to get those memory lane types.

[Ruth] “Suddenly I’m beginning to appreciate how many adventures we’ve had here … Brookfield’s magic moments.”

[Pip, still put out the photos weren’t her idea] “According to Josh!”

For the bid day itself:

[Pip] “You never know, the best of Ambridge might turn up.”

[David] “Well that would be competition for Bert”

While they’re all being so positive, David also announces he’s booked them a table at The Bull on Saturday to take a break from all their planning, and celebrate Ruth’s birthday (which actually sounded very much like a second thought!).

[David] “Are you happy?”

[Ruth] “Very. I’m glad we didn’t back out. Feels so good when we all come together.”

[David] “You know, I’ve got an inkling Sunday’s going to be a day to remember.”

Hmmm.

We all know that it’s likely to be remembered for all the wrong reasons.

Chris can’t get into his own toilet

When Amy stormed out of the vicarage, she went to Alice and Chris’.

Chris is not amused. He was already irritated that Amy was always over, and now he hasn’t been able to get into his bathroom for 25 minutes!

[Alice] “Yeah, well it’s different for girls.”

Alice told Amy that she could stay. For a “while”.

[Chris] “How long is a while?”

Later on, Alice missed a wind vibration experiment because she was with Amy. Again.

Alice’s point is that Amy is in a very bad way. Amy isn’t sleeping or eating. As Amy’s friend, Alice has to help. That Amy was (unwittingly) having an affair with a married man is also something obvious very close to Alice’s home (having Brian as a father).

[Alice] “I just want to protect her.”

[Chris] “You can’t though … she’s just got to work through it, move on.”

So – Alice’s plan H is to try and get Amy and Carl to meet up again, so that Amy can see for herself how much of a “loser” Carl is.

Maybe then, Amy can move on.

Here’s hoping (for all our sakes).

Matt appreciates Darrell

It would seem so.

Matt called Darrell into the office. Darrell was worried that Matt was about to sack him. That Matt had just been shouting at someone else on the phone didn’t help matters:

[Matt] “Sometimes you just have to be cruel to be kind in business .. .sometimes you just have to be cruel!”

But Darrell needed have worried. Matt had only good news for him – he’s been promoted to site manager.

[Darrell] “Seriously?”

[Matt] “I’m not really in a joking mood today.”

What’s more, Darrell’s position was to be formal and “above board”.

[Matt] “And if you accept, I do hope we can continue to develop a fruitful working relationship. If that doesn’t sound top slushy. So, what you do you say?”

[Darrell] “Erm, I do!”

Matt then wants to take Darrell for another pint, despite there still being work to be done.

What’s going on? Why the nice guy act from Matt? He’s surely up to something.

Brookfield had chilli and rice

Cooked by Ruth.

I really am obsessed about Ruth’s cooking. It is always a shock when you don’t hear the ping of a microwave in the background …

Neil has a good and bad day: Thurs 14.06.12

The Archers Thursday 14th June 2012

Neil’s spotted the Ambridge Beast
Neil’s a hungry chap
Fancy donuts from America
Ifty goes into Susan’s bad book
Neil’s off the cricket team
The Barbeque doesn’t get Adam’s mojo back
Usha shouts at Amy

Neil’s spotted the Ambridge Beast

Neil bursts in at home with earth shattering news. Though Susan makes him put his boots on newspaper first …

[Neil] “Lynda’s monster. I’ve seen it. It’s a wild boar, a proper beast. The beast of Ambridge … massive it is, body dark grey, face is speckled white and it has tusks.”

[Neil] “(he’d seen it at Nightingale Farm) right outside the house, bold as brass Looked me straight in me eye, and then ran off towards the gardens.”

[Susan] “Oh Neil, well this is a scoop … you’ve solved the mystery of the monster!”

[Neil] “Might not be so lucky for my pigs. I’ll have to make extra sure they’re penned in tonight, I don’t want to risk any cross breeding.”

Well. That’s that then? Though I wouldn’t be so quick to pen up the pigs - could be a while new business venture.

Susan is beyond herself with glee.

[Susan] “It’s a moment in history … the moment the monster was identified by you!”

Neil’s a hungry chap

He got quite irritated that his lunch wasn’t ready there and then.

And sounds like he tucked into a 3 course dinner later on.

Fancy donuts from America

Keith brought them for Brad and Chelsea, Tracey gave them to Susan as:

[Susan] “Tracey reckons the sugar makes the kids even more hyper than usual.”

Neil enjoyed them. He really didn’t stop eating today.

By-the-by - what sort of donut were they on about?

Ifty goes into Susan’s bad book

Oh dear.

First, Susan is embarrassed that Tracey has been chasing after Ifty.

[Susan] “I can do without her making a spectacle of herself.”

Then she heard Neil was off the cricket team …

Neil’s off the cricket team

Or at the very least, sounds like he’s being rested for a bit.

After making her point to Ifty the other day that Neil didn’t want to leave the team, when Alistair called to talk to Neil, Susan assumed it was because Alistair was resigning – and Neil would be captain.

[Susan] “You are the elder statesman.”

But no.

[Neil] “I’ve lost my place in the team, Susan”

Seems the Ambridge Cricket team doesn’t need Neil’s “stature and experience”. And he has too many bad habits that are now too ingrained.

[Neil] “Suppose I’ll have to face the fact that I’m not as quick as I was, not as sharp … the glory days, are in the past.”

[Susan] “I’ll be the judge of that!”

Susan asks if anyone has been dropped:

[Susan] “I bet you that Iftikhar is at the bottom of this … he wants his favourites in the side … the team was doing fine before he turned up … he barged in like a bull in a china shop … and he’s been leading our Tracey a merry dance … oh, size of one Neil … mark my words, this Ifty's bad news. I can feel it!”

Phew! The wind doesn’t change as often as Susan’s mind.

The Barbeque doesn’t get Adam’s mojo back

At the pickers’ barbeque:

[Ian] “I’ve tasted weaker absinthe”

[Adam] “Well, she does call it the devil in disguise”

Adam’s on drinks, Brian’s on cooking meat. Seems Brian was beyond excitement about using the new tongs Jennifer had bought for him.

Adam seems to be enjoying himself at first, but Ian later finds him trying to get a rest, and also feeling quite sorry for himself.

[Adam] “This is my event, I’m supposed to be in charge, and I can’t even pour drinks properly.”

Usha shouts at Amy

Amy seems to be constantly regressing into her teens.

Today, she’d left a mess. Usha found her sat on the settee in the mess.

[Usha] “Look if you don’t want to talk to me fine, but we have to share this place and I expect you to clear up after yourself.”

[Amy] “What’s the point? You only end up rearranging it … you’re a control freak, you run this house, your try and run dad, thing is, you can’t run me”

[Usha] “Well I am sick of your rudeness”

[Amy] “I don’t care.”

Later on:

[Usha] “Sulk over?”

[Amy] “I’m not interested in listening to you”

[Usha] “You’re punishing me because I didn’t know what the right thing to do was … would you have believed me … you would have twisted it some way and hated me for interfering … Look, I’m tired of being blamed when the person you should be blaming is getting off scot free … I’m not taking it anymore, I understand you’re hurting, but you’ve got to get a grip on your life.”

[Amy] “You can’t speak to me like this!”

[Usha] “But you can speak to me however you want, you can do whatever you want?”

Amy gets to leave:

[Usha] “You can’t just walk out!”

But she does.

I wouldn’t have complained about that is I was Usha. Better to be shot of Amy in her current state.

Monday, 25 June 2012

Amy really is a scary stalker: Wed 13.06.12

The Archers Wednesday 13th June 2012

David’s teas are worse than Ruth’s?
There’s no point talking to her, Alan
David must testify
What a cliché!

David’s teas are worse than Ruth’s?

Now that takes some taking. It’s a marvel their three kids have had enough sustenance to grow.

Ruth’s was off out tonight, so Ben reckons David sorting tea will mean sandwiches.

Poor Ben.

There’s no point talking to her, Alan

[Alan] “I’m saying atmosphere’s not good for anyone … she is not a bad person,. She would never intentionally hurt you.”

Alan tells Amy she’s destroying their family, and asks her to sit down and talk with him and Usha.

But no.

The silly wee brat won’t.

Now there’s a surprise.

[Amy] “Usha lied to me and she thinks I go out with married men. The truth is, that relationship, it meant something to me dad”

*sigh*

Later, Usha to Ruth:

[Usha] “Apparently someone once described stepchildren as in-laws who you have to love but who actually hate you.”

[Ruth] “That bad, eh?”

Oh yes.

Alan tells Usha what happened earlier on:

[Alan] “I was trying to talk to her, she wouldn’t engage, she just went.”

He’s been trying to call her since, but Amy isn’t answering. The hospital has also been trying to get in touch about her shifts.

I hate to say it – but I really couldn’t care less what’s happened to Amy. Just as long as we get a wee bit of peace from her …

David must testify

So reckoned Usha, when Ruth told her about what’s been happening at Brookfield.

Seems everything has calmed down for a bit. Ben isn’t having nightmares, and with Ed and Bert also in on the bad doings, Ruth feels a bit safer being part of a crowd.

She wants to now go ahead with Open Farm Sunday. What with the Police, and the stewards, she thinks the gang won’t do anything.

However, Ruth’s now thinking ahead to the court case:

[Ruth] A big part of me wants David to pull out.”

[Usha] “To not testify? You can’t do that … what kind of world will Josh and Ben grown up in if people like David don’t do the right thing?”

(what about Pip?)

[Ruth] “Who will protect me kids Usha?”

Simples, reckons Usha.

David tells the truth in court. The bad men get jailed.

[Usha] “You will come out of this stronger Ruth. You, David and the kids.”

Either which way, Ruth feels better for sharing. And is muchly looking forward to Usha’s birthday party.

[Ruth] “I feel like I’ve been living in this weird bubble.”

What a cliché!

Very irritating, but Alice tracked down Amy.

She called while Amy was listening to Christina Aguilera’s I Am Beautiful.

Amy was sobbing as she talked down the phone to Alice.

She had gone to the café she and Carl (once) went to.

And was now sat outside Carl’s flat.

[Amy] “He hasn’t shown up. I’ve been here since 6 o’ clock. Where is he Alice? Why isn’t Carl here? I can’t let him go. I just can’t …”

Oh goodness me!

Alice tells Amy to stay put. She’s on her way to take Amy back to hers.

Chris will be happy about that (!).

That Amy also needs to try and be original once in a while.

Alice still on about Amy: Tues 12.06.12

The Archers Tuesday 12th June 2012

Alice is (still) on heat
The pollen is still annoying Lynda
Tracey’s stalking Ifty
Lynda tells Will she saw his will…
Rosa’s stalking Jamie
Jamie to learn chainsaw!
PLEASE change the tune, Amy

Alice is (still) on heat

(seriously … there’s something in the water)

As Chris makes a “wide pair of webbed shoes” for a “four year old with collapsed heels” (one assumes that’s horsey talk!), Alice has her mind on other things:

[Chris] “It gets pretty hot in the forge.”

[Alice] “I know it does. Remember I like you all sweaty.”

Later on, as Alice wakes Chris up during a post-work nap:

[Chris] “Alice, I haven’t had my dinner yet.”

[Alice] “I must be more appealing than a plate of pasta!”

[Chris] “Of course you are, but not as calorific.”

But Alice can’t ‘do’ later on. Amy’s coming round … so Chris goes to nets instead.

The pollen is still annoying Lynda

Quite “vehemently”, actually.

Lynda swears by honey.

[Lynda] “They say a spoonful a day keeps the pollen away.”

Tracey’s stalking Ifty

As Ifty keeps getting texts:

[Lynda] “You alright Iftikar? You suddenly look rather wan.”

At nets:

[Chris] “What’s aunty Tracey doing?”

Would seem Tracey was stalking round the pitch, trying to get Ifty’s attention. While still texting him.

(adult) Bunny Boiler …

Lynda tells Will she saw his will…

…y

(sorry – that’s a bad one, but couldn’t resist!)

[Will] “I haven’t seen you in ages.”

[Lynda] “No, no it has been a whole since I’ve seen you in the flesh, I mean, actually seen you …”

Will’s none the wiser until later on. He bumps into Lynda as she’s just leaving The Bull:

[Lynda] “Robert’s got a Rioja and a bag of pistachios waiting for me.”

[Will] “Any luck spotting the beast … I’m sure you’ll see something interesting sooner or later.”

[Lynda] “The cameras do suggest that there are wild animals out there, but they’re not what I expected. It’s amazing what does on in the woods after dark, mother nature’s quite a draw you know, for all strange bodies …”

[Will] “Oh! I think I’ll just get my pint …”

Poor Will.

Lynda seemed to really enjoy revealing what he and Nic had revealed to her …

Rosa’s stalking Jamie

Jamie’s at nets, so Rosa is also at nets.

[Rosa] “Why she giving me evils?”

[Jamie] “That’s Natalie, she’s my girlfriend.”

But Rosa doesn’t seem to mind or care.

(junior) Bunny boiler …

Jamie to learn chainsaw!

I wouldn’t have felt safe even just saying that a few months back.

What changed lad he is.

Seems he really enjoyed working with Mike, and is chuffed as punch to be going on a one day chainsaw course.

PLEASE change the tune, Amy

Amy and Alice are having a drink out.

Amy starts on about how she keeps noticing the couples, and how she missed being part of one:

[Amy] “The everyday boring normality of being in a relationship.”

(what?!? She was only with Carl for 5 minutes)

Amy recalls the time she and Carl had breakfast in 9what sounds like) a greasy spoon:

[Amy] “I remember thinking I didn’t need anything or anyone else, it was just perfect.”

[Alice, getting frustrated] “The truth is Carl cheated on his wife, and he got found out.”

[Amy] “Well that’s your interpretation …”

Amy’s new theory is that the child Carl has with his wife isn’t actually his, and that he’s in the process of splitting up with his wife anyway.

[Alice] “Amy, I’m not saying this to hurt you, but Carl split up with you. He’s chosen her.”

[Amy] “How would you feel if this happened to you and Chris … you can’t be sure.”

[Alice] “Amy, what is it going to take for you to accept that Carl is a player?”

[Amy] “Maybe I’ll only believe it if Carl tells me himself.”

Oh for the love of god!

Get Carl to tell her, and make Amy shut up and grow up!

Chris certainly agrees with me. When Alice bumps him yet again for Amy:

[Alice] “You and me can see each other anytime.”

[Chris] “That’s not the point … no, you can’t keep dropping everything because Amy’s feeling down.”

[Alice] “… she can’t cope on her own. I thought you understood.”

[Chris] “Well I’ve had enough, no Alice, this is Amy’s mess not yours. So just back off.”

Good on you Chris!

Amy is a horrid wee lass 07.06.02

The Archers Thursday 7th June 2012

Amy is childish
“That dreadful woman from BAFF”
Amy is nasty

Amy is childish

Amy had taken a phone call at the Vicarage earlier in the week, where she grunted and basically said ‘whatever’ to whoever had been calling.

Turns out it was Jolene. Calling to say that Alan and Usha couldn’t have The Bull upstairs for Usha’s birthday on the night they had wanted to hold it.

Amy didn’t pass the message on.

Alan’s furious.

That Amy was trying to ruin Usha’s birthday. And that Amy made her own decision about the reason for Jolene’s call. As Alan pointed out, folks phone the vicarage for a number of reasons, often to talk about problems that are distressing them. They may just talk business to cover that they really need Alan’s help.

“That dreadful woman from BAFF”

Jennifer and Adam were at their stall, at the market, when Jennifer recognised Hattie from Borchester Against Factory Faming. Hattie was handing out leaflets.

[Hattie] “We’re just making shoppers are aware your links to industrial farming”

[Jennifer] “This is outrageous. You’re damaging our trade!”

[Hattie] “I’m simply pointing out the facts. People can make up their own minds.”

[Jennifer] “Well, I’d advise you to stop. This leaflet is probably libellous … Look, are you going to go away or do I have to call the market manager … you are conducting a personal vendetta against our family … it’s taken us years to build up this business and you just want to destroy it.”

Adam steps in, sending Jennifer back to their stall (customers were waiting).

He has a more rational discussion with Hattie. She knows Adam is also against the Super Dairy, so has a bit more respect for him. He also explains that if she continues to drive trade away from the stall selling his produce, the land he uses will likely just be folded into the Super Dairy.

[Adam] “Erm, would it compromise your principles to move a bit further away, it is a very direct attack you’re making.”

Which Hattie does do.

[Jennifer] “I see Miss Doomsday has moved along a bit”

[Adam] “She’s idealistic yes, and probably impracticable …”

[Jennifer] “I’d like to see her run a farm … we’d all be starving …alright, maybe she’s well intentioned.”

Jennifer also has to back down, as Hattie leafleting may get Jennifer, not Hattie, thrown out (what logic that comes from is anyone’s guess). She also had to accept that Hattie is closer to Adam’s opinions that any of the family.

Amy is nasty

After Alan shouted at Amy for not telling him about Jolene’s call, Amy has a go at Usha the moment she gets her alone.

[Amy] “You managed to turn my dad against me, again .. sitting there gloating while he had a go against me … you know your trouble, all you’ve had to think about is yourself, all your life, 50 years of having to consider no one else .. self-important job, no kids, and no chance of them arriving now to disturb your selfish life is there?!?”

[Usha] “I don’t have to listen to this. I’m ashamed of you.”

When Alan finds out, he manages to get Amy to admit that she called Usha selfish as she has no kids. Alan’s furious, again.

[Amy] “She treats me like a schoolgirl.”

[Alan] “Maybe because you’re behaving like one … this isn’t you … spite doesn’t suit you Amy. No matter how much you’re hurting.”

If I was Amy’s parent, I’d have kicked her out by now. She’s old enough to be looking after herself.

Sunday, 24 June 2012

Amy’s starting to scare me 05.06.12

The Archers Tuesday 5th June 2012

Usha bites back
Nic’s on heat
Carl is 100% definitely married, and …
Naughty fox (literally!)

Usha bites back

Quite right too!

Amy’s was doing her usual moody teenager routine, slopping about the kitchen. She was also complaining that Alan was away, but hadn’t told her.

[Usha] “I think you’ll find he did mention it.”

[Amy] “Yeah well, he doesn’t tell me anything anyway”

[Usha] “All I know is he was relieved to be getting away for the day!”

Amy responded that it’s actually Usha Alan’s trying to get away from – but that Usha blames anyone but herself.

(what a nerve!)

Nic’s on heat

Now we know that Nic and Will want to have a baby, but Nic is now one of many Ambridge residents who have recently been getting quite fruity. Must be because the bad weather is keeping everything indoors.

Nic cornered Will as he was coming out of the shop. She’d caught him buying more for his lunch, even though she’d made and given him sandwiches. What’s worse is that Nic knew Will wouldn’t have been adding healthy options in.

[Nic] “Oh you’re not after bananas. Chocolate bar more like!”

Nic most definitely wants her man on good, healthy food. She needs him to take care of himself.

[Nic] “It’s a special time, today and tomorrow, been checking. So give yourself an easy day if you can … I don’t want you tired out”

[Will] “I don’t think you’ll be disappointed”

(ugh!)

As Nic was leaving, Chris came along. He noticed Will was looking pleased with himself.

[Chris] “What’s this? You on a promise tonight?”

Carl is 100% definitely married, and …

… Amy is increasingly looking to be emotionally and mentally unstable.

After Googling and speaking to Annabelle, Alice worked out Carl’s wife’s firm. Then found their website. Luckily enough, the firm seems to think putting a great depth of personal information about their employees is a good thing to do.

Alice met Amy to tell her about what she’s found out about Carl. She hasn’t taken Carl’s name, sticking with her maiden name of Barrett.

[Amy] “It’s not much of a name, Barrett, it’s not very exciting.”

[Alice] “She’s a school governor”

[Amy] “Goodness, Never a dull moment with this woman!”

[Alice] “She’s a parent governor in a primary school …”

[Amy] “No …”

[Alice] “Carl’s a father.”

[Amy] “No. No he’d have said. You must have got it wrong. … I know Carl. He’s loving. And he’s kind. He’d never have let me get that close if he was in love with whatever her name”

[Alice] “But, some guys … that’s how they are. They don’t see the contradiction in these things v… look at the facts. They’re married and they live together.”

Amy then ranted something about Carl’s wife not feeling secure enough in her marriage to change her name. And that Carl must only be with her because of the kids.

[Carl] “It’s no wonder he had to be so tough with me … he most have found it so hard when he phoned to say it was over. He was doing it for the child.”

[Alice] “The guys got a wife and a family!”

[Amy] “And he’d tried to keep it together cause that’s what he’s like. And now he’s in love with me. Oh, he must be hurting.”

Cue The Psycho theme tune … that Amy’s a real worry.

Naughty fox (literally!)

Will got home from work to find steak, followed by raspberry pavlova, on the table. And a Nic still feeling more than ready to make babies.

But, he can’t stay. A “rogue” fox has been making a nuisance of itself, and must be stopped there and then, that night.

(begs the question of how a non-rogue fox would be treated)

Nic is furious.

[Nic] “And what am I supposed to do in the meantime … this is the first time in my life I’ve been stood up for a fox”

Nic calmed down, and made Will a sandwich to take back out with him.

I’m actually starting to feel sorry for Will here.

Thursday, 31 May 2012

Lynda offended by yellow 29.05.12

The Archers Tuesday 29th May 2012

Susan and Vicky talk Jubilee
The kids practice for the Jubilee
Maypole abused by Alf Grundy
Vicky wants to retire?
Amy thinks Carl wasn’t married
Alice bakes a cake
It’s Lynda’s birthday
The horror!

Susan and Vicky talk Jubilee

They seem to be cutting out pictures of The Queen as they’re working in the village shop:

[Vicky] “I can’t help thinking we’re missing a golden opportunity to put the phone box on the map”

[Susan] “A diamond opportunity!”

[Vicky] “My great aunt Nellie had a Welsh corgi, it used to sleep on the bed … Hey, how about we wrap it in Clingfilm, like that artist?””

[Susan] “It’s not a packed lunch Vicky, and how would people get in and out?”

[Vicky] “I’m just thinking outside the box”

[Susan] “We can use some of the decorations we used when Camilla visited”

[Vicky] “Oh come on, we want more pizazz than that!”

Ah bless them and their idle chatter.

The kids practice for the Jubilee

[Vicky] “That tunes getting on my wick”

Vicky is not amused by Lynda and the Village kids (not people, mind) constantly practising their Jubilee maypole dancing. Mainly because they’re doing so on the village green, which the village shops faces onto. As it’s too hot to close their door, Vicky has to suffer hearing their maypole music over and over and over …

Lynda also doesn’t seem to be having much luck with the kids getting any better.

[Lynda] “Lift your knees everyone, I want skippity skip, not clumpty clump … what an unfit bunch …”

Seems that Tracey’s Brad is causing particular mayhem:

[Lynda] “Brad, he’s an anarchist … if he frightens Molly Button with his rat again on Sunday, he’s not getting his jubilee commemoration mug”

Brad will be devastated, I’m sure. Lynda tells us that she still treasurers her Coronation mug. In has “pride of place in our downstairs loo”.

Maypole abused by Alf Grundy

[Susan] “Alf Grundy set light when he was young, apparently. Went up like a giant cigar, Eddie said”

Vicky wants to retire?

What’s Vicky most looking forward to during the Jubilee?

[Vicky] “The best thing is having such a long time off work”

She then later mentioned that she was finding the drive to and from Felpersham twice a week for work a bit if a frustration. She reckons it “upsets her rhythm”.

Sounds like someone does want to work anymore …

Amy thinks Carl wasn’t married

Amy’s on about Usha to Alice yet again. But is at least now looking at flats in Felpersham. Alongside ending the constant bickering, it’s also time Amy moved up and out.

Amy is also starting to question whether Usha was right about Carl. She thinks that Alan brought her up to be a good judge of character.

[Amy] “The more I think about it, I've been given second hand information. I don’t think he’s married at all”

Ach, that girl is just silly.

[Amy] “It may be a marriage of convenience … they must have fallen out of love for hi, to behave the way he did for me ... maybe he stayed out of loyalty, or just for show …what do you think?”

[Alice] “I think I don’t want you hurt”

She thinks Usha has an agenda. Though what Usha would gain from Amy going out with a married man is anyone’s guess.

Alice bakes a cake

For Brian and Jennifer’s 36th wedding anniversary.

[Alice] “Mum and dad have been through some dodgy times but hey, they belong together”

And she’ll be making one of the sponges for the giant WI jubilee cake.

It’s Lynda’s birthday

She got a new straw hat. Robert’s taking her out for a meal. And Christine invites her round for tea and a scone.

The horror!

Lynda’s pleasantly surprised by the effort Adam and Ian have made with their garden for Britain in Bloom.

[Lynda] “Oh they’ve done spectacularly well to create a cottage garden from a standing start.”

[Christine] “Curtosey of the garden centre … Adam found it very therapeutic”

Lynda I also very impressed by Jim’s experiment – he’s grown vegetables in with his plants (chard, beetroot, and globe artichokes to be exact).

Then, Lynda, Christine and Jim walk up to No. 8 Glebeland.

[Lynda] “How could they possibly do such a thing … yellow!”

[Christine] “A whole garden thrugh of them”

[Lynda] “This is appalling, They’ve driven a coach and horses through the red white and blue motif”

[Christine] “I don’t know who lives here … I think they’re commuters … do you think they’re republicans … really Jim, I don’t think you realised just how upset she as going to be”

[Jim] “Plating yellow flowers is hardly a capital offense … Britain has a fine tradition of disobedience. It keeps our democracy alive, my dear”

[Christine] “Don’t you ‘my dear’ me. I’d rather have the queen as head of state any date over some sleazy politician!”

[Jim] “A democratically elected sleazy politician …”

[Christine] “I think I’ll head back. I don’t like to miss the news”

[Jim] “Oops …”

The sausage game 28.05.12

The Archers Monday 28th May 2012

Pip’ll be serving burgers at the Beacon
Darrington won
Usha shouts at Amy
Tony’s made sandwiches
Ruth has a panic button
Tony’s hired an aging rocker called Trevor
What’s wrong with a Vintage Sunbeam?
The sausage game

Pip’ll be serving burgers at the Beacon

Well, that’s one way to celebrate the Jubilee, I suppose. Though, as Pip points out, she does get paid for being at something she would have gone to anyway.

Darrington won
Seems Ambridge got a “respectable” 180, but they were “chasing” 214.

From the way David told it, I assume that’s particularly bad?

Usha shouts at Amy

It’s about time!

Amy wanted to put something into the wash. Usha already had something in, but offered to out Amy’s on after. Amy says no, and wants to tale her clothes back.

[Usha] “Oh Amy, that’s ridiculous”

[Amy] “I don’t need you to do my washing, okay!”

[Usha, losing patience] “Right how long are you going to keep this up?”

Usha tells Amy that she’s the one tearing Alan apart. He builds the bridge, she smashes them down. Usha was especially angry about the effort Alan went to the other night when he cooked Amy’s favourite curry (a recipe of Mabel’s). Amy claims she did have some:

[Usha] “Yeah, skulking round the kitchen when we were gone, like a teenager”

[Amy] “He didn’t say you’d be there …”

[Usha] “I’M HIS WIFE, WHERE ELSE WOULD I BE? I LIVE HERE. He went to so much trouble ... poor Alan”

[Amy] “You've always had your own agenda, all that I'm your stepmother stuff, it was always a sham”

[Usha] “You don’t really believe that”

[Amy] “Don't I?”

Och Amy – go boil yer heid!

Tony’s made sandwiches

[Tom] “Oh, blimey!”

Tony making lunch is not a common occurrence.

And we find out why – he’s made a beef and avocado, plus brie and mushroom.

Odd. Tom chooses the brie and mushroom, but then wants to put ketchup on it.

Ach, pick the mushroom out ya fussy lad!

Ruth has a panic button

And now even locks the door behind her.

Pondering how they will run Open Farm Sunday while being on such high alert. Their only answer is to keep everything locked, and make the tour shorter.

Cancel it would be safer, surely?

Tony’s hired an aging rocker called Trevor

Tony’s on fire today!

First the sandwiches, now he’s actually hired in someone to help with the milking.

It’s a bloke called Trevor. Who is in a band. But is “no spring chicken” (according to Pat, who hasn’t met him yet).

Trevor will work 5 days a week, 1 weekend a month, covering the afternoon milking. Trevor used to have his own herd and though he doesn’t miss the morning milking, he’s looking forward to working again (him and his wife also need the cash).

[Tom] “An old rocker, keeping his hand in eh. I bet he's got a ponytail!”

Tony’s seemingly most pleased with himself.

What’s wrong with a Vintage Sunbeam?

Trevor owns one, which made Tom groan.

Worried about Trevor and Tony spending hours just gazing at it?

The sausage game

[Ben] “Mum, dad can we play sausages?”

They said yes. Here it is:

[Ben] “Mum, what did you brush your teeth with today?”

[Ruth] “Sausages”

[Ben] “Pip, what does Spencer wear on his feet?”

[Pip] “Sausages”

[Ben] “Dad, what do you cut your hair with?”

[David, laughing] “Sausages”

Aha – David lost! You’re not supposed to laugh.

His forfeit (set by Ben) was to get under the table - then bark like a dog.

Though Ruth had the last word:

[Ruth] “What's Tom's only topic of conversation?”

All together now … Sausages!

Alan’s back to being Usha’s husband 27.05.12

(not just exclusively Amy’s dad)

The Archers Sunday 27th June 2012

Brookfield to be filmed
Alan gives Usha a lovely Sunday in bed
Brookfield’s sheep are being weighed
Ben’s forced to watch the cricket

Brookfield to be filmed

[Ruth] “So, we've finally joined the surveillance society”

David and Ruth are choosing security cameras online. They also decide to tell Pip what’s going on, as she’s the most vulnerable one (being out and about the most by herself).

Worryingly, David’s taken to sleeping with a shotgun next to the bed. Ruth nearly hit it instead of the alarm clock …

[Ruth] “We’re sitting targets”

[David] “Well, they may be scum, but they can't be completely stupid. They won’t want to be caught on camera”

[Ruth] “Everything's changing, isn’t it?”

Would seem so. The days of being able to leave their doors unlocked are (at least temporarily) gone.

[David] “Ruth, I am not going to let these thugs get in my head … Think about it, why are they doing this, how do they want us to feel, rattled and insecure ... they are not taking over our lives ...”

[Ruth] “I must say Farm Sunday is the last thing I feel like doing right now”

Sounds like the bad men are winning …

Alan gives Usha a lovely Sunday in bed

(yes – nearly in ‘that’ way. What’s going on with the older-than-young-but-not-quite-old Ambridge married couples? Why all of the randyness?)

He comes home after early communion (where he only had half a dozen people attend, but seemed happy enough with that), to find Usha still in bed. She stayed there after she’d heard Amy up and about. Usha wanted to wait until Amy went back to her room.

[Alan] “You shouldn't have to hide away”

[Usha] “I'm not. I'm just avoiding unnecessary confrontation”

[Alan] “God has committed us to the work of reconciliation”

[Usha] “Well water wears a stone down eventually”

Usha has the measure of Amy. She thinks Amy is running rings round her and Alan.

[Usha] “We need to get on with our lives, you and I”

So they do. Seems Usha is 50 next month, and Alan wants them to celebrate properly.

A meal at Grey Gables? A party outside? Aha – hiring The Bull upstairs.

But they can’t do it on the 17th (Usha’s actual birthday) as it’s also Open Farm Sunday – which David and Ruth will be running at Brookfield.

(wonder why they didn’t ask Brian to do it this year)

Either which way, Usha is ever so happy that Alan’s being nice/normal to her again.

[Usha] “You have cheered up my morning, darling”

[Alan] “So, do you want her there?”

[Usha] “Yes, yes I do, though whether she'll want to be there is another matter”

*sigh*

Amy will manage to ruin Usha’s birthday, one way or another.

When Alan mentions their plans for Usha’s birthday, Amy says she expects to be working. When Alan tries to reason with her:

[Amy] “Don't you get it dad, I don’t want anything to do with her!”

Usha overheard. But I don’t suppose she’ll be surprised, or shocked, to hear Amy talk that way anymore.

Brookfield’s sheep are being weighed

Must be slaughter time for some of them.

Ben’s forced to watch the cricket

Wee toot.

Ruth and David make him go and watch the Darrington game – where everything knows Ambridge will be gubbed.

They only wanted him safely somewhere else, as they’d be too busy working to keep an eye on him. So no need for such punishment!

Wild Boars are quite common, says Kirsty 21.05.12

The Archers Monday 21st May 2012

When even sweet potato curry isn’t enough
Lynda wishes she’d learnt Esperanto
Is Oliver being sexist?
Wild Boars are too common for Lynda
Who did Ruth have to apologise to?
Oliver delighted to be silaging
The price of bread is over £2
Boycott of Alice’s stall?
Is David going mad?

When even sweet potato curry isn’t enough
Alan tries to get Amy to sit down with him and Usha.

Amy only gets up when she thinks Usha has left the house (she was thwarted today – Usha had just gone out to do a bit of gardening). And sidestepped a mid-morning coffee with Alan and Usha by saying she was staying in bed.

He then manages to get her agree to have tea – he’s going to attempt Mabel’s famous Sweet Potato Curry. Even though he’s never made it right or hot enough before. Amy didn't sound keen at all.

Lynda wishes she’d learnt Esperanto

[Lynda] “Hej. Godmorgen. Hoe is uw dag?”

(apologies to anyone who is Dutch. My transcription of Lynda’s bad pronunciation is probably way off!)

Lynda explains to Olive that she has Nordic guests staying.

[Lynda] “I just like to make the effort. Nations shall speak peace unto nation. I wished I’d learnt Esperanto, actually”

[Oliver] “Well, you won’t find dried herring in the village shop, but it does sell Danish bacon”

[Lynda] “Oh no no. We're strictly local”

(I’d have thought Lynda would have made a point of saying that they never, ever, buy Danish bacon because of the bad (supposed to be changed but not), way the pigs are held. Maybe too controversial for too early in the morning)

When Lynda also later tells Alice about her guests:

[Alice] “Oh well, I hope their jumpers don’t disappoint”

Lynda was not amused.

Is Oliver being sexist?

[Lynda] “What have you got there? Fistful of chocolate bars I see”

Olive explains it’s to keep him going, as he has work to do at Brookfield. Lynda starts to explain that a sugar rush is only temporary:

[Oliver] “No, Lynda, I won’t accept lectures on chocolate from a woman”

What?

That’s not our usual cuddly, gentleman Oliver.

Wild Boars are too common for Lynda

[Oliver] “I suppose you know Kirsty and Patrick were in the woods together on Sunday?”

[Lynda, sensing juicy gossip] “No, really!?!”

[Oliver] “Close to where Ed found signs of grubbing up in the fields. They were looking for evidence of a wild boar”

[Lynda] “Oh. That”

[Oliver] “Well they actually found some tracks, and what could have been tusk marks on a tree trunk. Exciting, eh … Kirsty says their population is on the increase. In fact, they’re quite common now”

[Lynda] “Hmm”

[Oliver] “Well you don’t seem very interested”

[Lynda] “Well, it’s fascinating, of course, but a wild pig hasn’t the allure of a sleek and predatory big cat”

Oh Lynda. You are fickle.

Patrick’s going to set up a night camera, so hopefully the mystery of boar Vs big cat will be resolved soon enough.

Who did Ruth have to apologise to?

Was it Oliver?

She made mention that she has to apologise to someone for shouting down the phone when she answered it in last eavesdropping episode. Also to Ben for seemingly losing the plot.

[Ruth] “Still it broke the curse. I’m going to answer it from now on”

David thinks the nasty bloke won’t try it again, as he won’t want his number to be traced.

[David] “That bloke has watched too many gangster movies”

Oliver delighted to be silaging

[Oliver] “Back to driving a tractor … how will our backs cope!”

Ruth though Oliver certainly looked more at home on the tractor, than at Grey Gables.

The price of bread is over £2

Good lord!

That was special organic bread Lynda bought from the market, but nae need at all!

Boycott of Alice’s stall?

Alice mentioned to Lynda that her stall has been quiet (she’s selling fruit and venison from Home Farm).

Lynda gave the opinion that the stall was out of kilter with the now perception of Home Farm. Super Dairy does not equal local produce.

[Alice] “So take it up with my dad, not me!”

[Lynda] “I’m only saying people aren’t stupid”

(once Lynda has gone)

[Alice] “It’s funny how you can go off people …”

As Alice (and Amy, who has finally got out of bed) pack up, Alice does wonder if Lynda’s right. She’s hardly sold anything. Amy reckons it’s just folks cutting back – why buy a punnet of strawberries from a market if you can get 2 for 1 at a supermarket?

Is David going mad?

David calls Ruth in a panic.

[Ruth] “I don’t understand what the problem is”

[David] “It’s the newspaper on the tractor seat”

[Ruth] “A copy of The Echo, yeah you said. So, they’re often is”

[David] “That’s the whole point Ruth. It wasn’t here before”

[Ruth] “And you don’t think it’s Oliver’s or Eddie’s?”

[David] “No. I’m sorry. Look, it’s not the most recent one … it has been carefully folded over to reveal the headline about the assault on Adam … and this has happened in the last few minutes Ruth while I was getting my drink … someone has placed it here”

[Ruth] “This is horrible”

[David] “We’re going to have to be careful”

When Ruth suggests that she should check their recycling to see if their copy has gone:

[David] “Oh, so it’s walked on its own to the tractor seat!”

[Ruth] “Okay, so we phone the police”

David doesn’t want to. He thinks they will be wasting their time. And that it’s not direct intimidation anyway, so there’s nothing the Police could do.

[Ruth] “Someone was watching you David, waiting to do this”

[David] “And he was trying to spook me”

[Ruth] “Well not just spook you, warn you”

I’m with Ruth. They should call the Police, pronto.

Usha doesn’t get to watch Toy Story 16.05.12

The Archers Wednesday 16th May

Amy wants biscuits
Court shadowed by Lynda
David’s on heat
Sounds like Josh & Phoebe is more Josh
Toy Story
Emma’s back at work
Usha turns to Ruth

Amy wants biscuits

But there aren’t any. Alan makes her a cheese sandwich instead.

Amy had only had a few chocolates during the day, which had been bought for her be a glowing couple who’d she’d midwifed for. They’d actually upset her by just being a couple:

[Amy] “Even that couple ... well, it’s not nice ... when I saw them together, and they were so happy ... (she starts crying. Usha comes in) … oh no … (and leaves)”

Alan isn’t any friendlier to Usha. He mentions that he’s off to visit a Mrs Smyth. Usha remembers her as being important to Alan, as she made him feel so welcome when he first arrived in Ambridge. But Alan blanks her. Again.

Court shadowed by Lynda

David was telling Ruth that the nasty men who attached Adam are in remand, next step is Crown Court.

[David] “Adam sounded pretty good ...visitations from Lynda aside. She's been pestering him about his garden ... apparently it’s blighting the village green”

Seems Adam gave in to Lynda (we did hear his reply to her badgering the other day), and David also reports that Tom (via Darrell and Elona) also gave way.

[David] “Apparently every beautiful village requires a Stalinist reign of terror”

David’s on heat

Ghastly, but unfortunately true.

She and David find themselves in Brookfield alone, which is a very rare occurrence.

[David] “Unless, that is, you don't fancy, um ...”

[Ruth] “Go and do your work mister, that'll cool you off in no time”

Blimey. Wonder if those will have a late baby … *shudder*

(anyway, sounded like Josh was still in the house)

Sounds like Josh & Phoebe is more Josh

We heard Josh and Phoebe talking on Skype today. Josh was excited about taking Phoebe to cricket during the summer (is Phoebe coming back then? Just for the summer, or for good?). Phoebe sounded rather nonplussed.

(David came in to kick Josh off so he could get some work done. Seems David thinks the only way to talk on Skype is to shout).

Later on, David teases Josh.

[David] “You're going to impress Phoebe with his cricketing prowess. He's going to show her his googlies!”

Josh is not amused. But I think David’s rush. Josh has his first proper crush.

Toy Story

Is what Alan puts on to try and comfort Amy. It was her favourite as a child. (good lordy that makes me feel old).

[Alan] “Back then, I could just put in on, cuddle up on the sofa, and in a minute she'd be lost in it … I want to help her, like I used to. I just feel so useless. She doesn't deserve this”

[Usha] “No, but you can't protect her from the world, can you?”

When Amy comes into the room with popcorn, Usha leaves them to it. Neither of them is making her feel particularly welcome or wanted.

Later on, Alan’s paused the film. Amy thinks it’s because he’s scared (especially of the spider doll).

[Alan] “Oh come on, it's like something out of the exorcist!”

He wants to talk to Amy. She’s all adrift, with no-one but him to turn to:

[Amy] “You're the only one I know you really loves me”

Alan reckons her next man friend will have to go through a hefty set of tests before he’ll get to date her:

[Alan] “CV, birth certificate, blood group”

But when Alan tries to talk to Amy about Usha, she clams up again.

Emma’s back at work

Well, after she left Lower Loxley, she didn’t quite Brookfield at the same time. But, she’s now back at Lower Loxley for the weekend. Ruth reckons they need the cash.

Well, Princess attire does cost.

Usha turns to Ruth

Well, Alan isn’t listening.

[Ruth] “I’m sure that once she gets over the shock, she'll see you were in an impossible situation”

[Usha] “If I ask about her, he says it’s none of my business ... if he got angry, actually started shouted, at least we could deal with it, but this ... I’m sick of it Ruth. He can see how she's treating me. Perhaps it’s his way of punishing me”

[Ruth] “Usha, you’ve got to stop blaming this yourself. It wasn’t your fault”

[Usha] “I’m not sure I’ve even entered his thoughts”

[Ruth] “if Alan won’t see it, then you'll just to make him”

Easier said than done. Amy and Alan formed a fairly exclusive bond after Catherine died.