Panto or Jane Austen?: Thurs 03.10.13 #thearchers

Pondering The Archers Thursday 3rd October 2013

• The recession catches up with Ambridge
• It’s Jill’s birthday
• Jill’s already made the wedding cakes
• Kenton’s oblivious
• The Christmas show … Jane Austen or Panto?
• The loo is blocked
• The Harvest Supper
• Don’t kids call their parents anymore?
• Darrell did apologise to Shula
• Ruth wants an automatic calf feeder

Kenton attacks Jolene with a drawer: Tues 14.08.12

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 14th August

• So how was The Fringe?
• Harry was hot, now he’s just gossip
• Kenton sings Rod Stewart, badly
• Jolene doesn’t want to go to New Zealand
• I know the safe combination in Jaxx
• Kenton’s lost his passport
• Jazzer wants his feet under the table
• Kenton attacks Jolene with a drawer
• Kenton’s obsessed with social networking
• Bon voyage!

So how was The Fringe?

Apart from:

[Jazzer] “Full of foreigners in fancy dress.”

And Fallon saying she’d seen a few good, but also a few rubbish, shows.

We’ll never really know.

And there was me thinking (and knowing) so much happens in Edinburgh this time of year.


Harry was hot, now he’s just gossip

Fallon arrived home to tell Jolene about Harry, rather than break the news beforehand.

[Fallon] “I didn’t want to spread gossip.”

[Jazzer] “Why not?”

[Fallon] “In case he changed his mind.”

[Jazzer] “Huh, that’s not going to happen!”

[Jolene] “But Harry, he's the last person you’d think … with a bloke … and he’s not coming back … there’s going to be a lot of disappointed women in Ambridge.”

What an epitah!


Kenton sings Rod Stewart, badly

‘I am sailing’, to be precise.

He’s all excited as he and Jolene are off the New Zealand in two hours.

And he’s booked a boat to sail on the last few days of their holiday.

[Kirsty] “It’s got to be 10 years since you last skippered anything bigger than a rowing boat!”

Kenton reckons it’s just like riding a bike.
Though Kirsty foresees problems with how interested an 11 year old lass will be in being stuck on a boat with her dad and step mum …

… do we also hear the cry of “overboard!” …?

Surely Jolene can’t only experience death in New Zealand?


Jolene doesn’t want to go to New Zealand

I’m really surprised it’s taken her until now to work that one out.

[Jolene] “I wish we were going somewhere else. I remember the last time …. It feels like it was yesterday.”

But she daren’t tell Kenton that she actually doesn’t want to go. He’s too excited about it:

[Jolene] “And it’s all to do with Sid … and the fact UI got together with him so soon after Sid died. What’s Lucy going to think?”

She’s worried about them staying with Lucy, even though it’s saving them a fair few pennies (the rest of the holiday is costing enough, even with Jill also having helped them out).

Jolene would rather they had time alone.

[Jolene] “More peace just the two of us, without all this baggage.”

I know the safe combination in Jaxx

It’s over there, written on the back of that picture of Elvis.


Jazzer wants his feet under the table

He’s unpacked all of Fallon’s stuff out of the van.

But she’s not grateful.

[Jolene] “What’s up? “

[Fallon] “Nothing, I just want him to go home!”

But when Fallon goes off to have her bath, Jazzer’s already in there. He offers to share …

She declines, but he then appears in the kitchen with just a towel on. It doesn’t cover him very well, and Fallon has to get near to his “minging” toenails to check his foot after he’d stepped on a mug than Jolene had smashed by mistake earlier on.

Fallon can’t take much more. As well as being half naked, Jazzer wants to borrow a t-shirt (which he did. One of Kenton’s which Jolene was glad to get rid of. It had “capped sleeves and slutty slogans”) and help in the bar.

[Fallon] “Jazzer no. We’re home now, the holidays’ over … I don’t know what you think you’re playing at, but can I remind you of what you promised after, you know, that night … ever since we got back, you’ve been acting like you’re moving it. You said we could go back to just being mates.”

[Jazzer] “I thought that was what I was being, matey … to be honest with you, I didn’t fancy going back to a flat in me ain, I never imagined I’d miss auld Harry.”

Fallon takes pity. More fool her …


Kenton attacks Jolene with a drawer

Kenton’s lost his passport

Numpty.

It wasn’t at Jaxx.

Not in his black jeans, which they’d already packed.

Not in the filing cabinet.

But maybe in the locked drawer? You know, the one that’s really stuff.

As Kenton yanks it open, it hurtles out and smacks Jolene on her eye.

[Fallon] “You’re going to have one hell of a black eye!”

When Jazzer answers Fallon’s phone to Kirsty:

[Jazzer] “There’s been a wee fracas, I think they’ve been having a punch up!”

[Fallon] “You didn’t want to go in the first place, and now everyone’s going to think Kenton beat you up!”

When Kirsty arrives with Kenton’s passport (which was in the freezer at Jaxx – Kenton had put it there after reading about hiding stuff in freezers in a spy novel):

[Kirsty] “Oh Jolene, did Kenton do that?”

And that, my friends, is how gossip starts.


Kenton’s obsessed with social networking

The taxi has arrived. Kenton’s busy upstairs posting pictures to Facebook.

[Jolene] “Facebook, honestly!”

And he told Kirsty he’d be Tweeting at every stage of his journey, so that the folks back at Jaxx would be able to follow his every step.

[Jolene] “I’m sure they’ll all be fascinated to know what you had for breakfast.”

Well, Kenton shouldn’t mention his breakfast, unless it’s splendid. Tweeters generally only Tweet interesting stuff … (!).


Bon voyage!

Not really …

[Fallon] “Bye mum, things can only get better! … wonder if they’re going to survive this trip.”

Aye, I do too.

Ambridge Extra Thursday 7th April 2011: Facebook and underage drinking

The second eavesdropping episode of Archers extra

click the 'read more' link below the bullet points to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Alice wakes up in Chas’ bed
• Binge drinking and boxers
• Pip fancies Spencer
• Jamie is just weak
• Chris wasn’t really bothered
• All studying, farming and no play make Pip a …
• We’d expect it of Jamie, but not Daniel
• So – was it better second time round?

Alice wakes up in Chas’ bed

[Chas] “You know for a size 10, you take up an awful lot of room in the bed”

But not to worry too much – Chas left Alice’s clothes on.

(someone needs to tell Alice that you ‘don’t have to take your, clothes off, to have a good time, oh no’ … Jermaine Stewart, ’88)



Binge drinking and boxers

So the moral of the tale is that one should not binge drink. Especially when it causes one to blank out.

Alice can’t remember leaving the club, but it sounds like Chas didn’t take advantage. Though I still think sleeping next to a comatose woman is a bit creepy.

Even creepier was when Chas popped out of his boxers in front of Alice.

He wasn’t even embarrassed. He just told Alice that she shouldn’t be looking.

Not too sure if I like, or trust, this chap.

[Chas to Alice] “Trust me, you’ve done nothing wrong”

Hmmm.


Pip fancies Spencer

Pip pops up in Ambridge Extra.

She chats to some bloke called Steve, who has a brother called Spencer, who Pip was asking after.

Steve didn’t seem to like that.

Steve fancies Pip, but Pip fancies Spencer.

(as I type that, I can be rather honest and say that I really couldn’t care!).

Anyhoo, Pip seems to have good hair these days, according to Steve.

(*sigh*)


Jamie is just weak

Turns out Steve is a mate of Jamie’s.

And he helped me to understand that Jamie really isn’t all that bad – he’s just very (very) weak willed.

It only takes a very slight application of pressure, and the mention of a video game (road racer – is that real?), to get Jamie to bunk off school.

Then Marty and Steve manage to make him go try and buy alcohol. Which really took no effort at all.

Bad tempered and weak. Oh dear.



Chris wasn’t really bothered

What was Chris going on about?

He’d tried to phone Alice 5 times, and seemed quite out-out that he’d seen a video on Facebook, of Alice behaving rather drunkenly with “some bloke” last night.

But he actually really wasn’t that put out. He let it drop just as quickly.

Odd.

Is Chris starting to not care too much about what Alice gets up to? Has he been up to his own shenanigans?


All studying, farming and no play makes Pip a …

… rather serious young woman.

Which is fine. Anything but ‘Pip in love’.

But I might be speaking too soon. As Pip is chatting to Kirsty in Jaxx (where’s she’s having a coffee over her study books … very serious young lady indeed), she agrees to do the forthcoming fun run.

The very next thing Pip does is to call Spencer to see if he wants to do it as well.

Ho hum. He can’t be any worse than Jude … surely???


We’d expect it of Jamie, but not Daniel

After being pressured to go and try some booze (at least he hasn’t stolen from The Bull … yet), Jamie’s showing his dim side.

He takes up the cider, air freshener and some mints to the counter, but hasn’t got any ID.

At first the shop lady is quite nice about refusing him, but he pushes his luck by begging. Then claiming that he was 18, as he’d been born July 1993.

Thick, thick, thick …

The shop lady is just about to call for the manager, when Daniel shows up and saves Jamie by saying that their mum was ready to go.

Outside, Daniel tells Jamie that he knows where he can buy booze – and then manages to do just that. His trick was to have his mum’s car keys in his hand (and probably didn’t come across as a complete idiot).

Jamie is a year older than Daniel, but you’d have though Daniel was at least 10 years the senior.

Daniel turns down Jamie’s offer for him to hang out with him and his mates, but maybe this is the start of Jamie and Daniel being mates again.

After all – as Daniel has proved – he’s not a complete choir boy.

By-the-by – did Jamie walk out with those mints without paying?



So – was it better second time round?

Not really.

I found myself being not too bothered about anything happening, and was soooooo relieved to hear the proper Barwick Green when I flipped over to the proper Archers.

I reckon someone, somewhere, has to admit that this extra Archers is one foe the kids.

Which is fine. For the kids.

Will I stop listening considering I don’t think it’s up to much?

Course not.

That’s the nature of addiction .. .you just can’t stop!

The Archers 12th September 2010: Jolene goes to a cricket match

Tweet

The Archers: Jamie’s first full team cricket match … Kathy and Jolene find comfort ... Harry starts a website .. Jamie's back to shouting

• Fallon gets Jolene out of the house
• Roy lost his wicket
• Group hug?
• I know him so well
• I really do hope Jamie’s shoulders are that broad

Fallon gets Jolene out of the house

And along to a cricket match.

This could have gone either way – it could have sent her into a deeper depression (memories of Sid playing cricket, and that it is a cricket match … oh how dull!), or made her realise that life does strive on.

Has Fallon actually tried a good hard slap? I don’t advocate violence, but needs must …


Roy lost his wicket

And then Fallon mentioned the score. But I only have to take her word for it that they weren’t playing too badly.

It’s all cricket to me …


Group hug?

Was Harry a youth worker in his previous life?

I know he means well, and he’s right in that The Bull’s punters should try and show Jolene how much she (well … the pub actually) means to them.

But a group hug? Even as a metaphor, it sends shivers.

Ever on the ball with new media, Harry decides that they need to create a website for everyone to show how much the pub means to them. He also made mention of a Facebook profile of a Twitter account. But, I wonder if this will all go the same way as Harry’s blog (which has been quiet for some time now).

Poor Nic sounded a bit perplexed at getting roped in, and goodness knows what Will will say when he hears Harry’s been teaching her new skills.


I know him so well

Probably just me, but I had Elaine Page and Barbara Dickson playing in my head as I listened to Jolene and Kathy reminiscing about Sid.

Despite Kathy’s clarification that she doesn’t miss Sid “like that”, I think Jolene knows that they’re both mourning for a man they loved.


I really do hope Jamie’s shoulders are that broad

Jolene thinks Jamie’s got the same broad shoulders as Sid had.

I hope so.

As well as coping with him mum’s over protectiveness, and her arguments with Kenton, and his dad dying … Jamie’s might now have to also be a beacon of hope for Jolene.

Seeing so much of Sid in Jamie doesn’t bode well.

And right on cue, Jamie starts shouting at Kathy again.

Damn it! With Kenton gone to Lower Loxley, I thought we’d have far less shouting from that corner of Ambridge. Especially as Kathy and Jamie seemed to be getting on.

1st August 2010

The Archers: Jamie harnesses the negative aspects of social networking … Jolene’s causing a bad atmosphere

• “You’re not a friend anymore”
•  Clarrie in her gardening shorts
•  I’d also be a bit grumpy if …
•  Is no-one safe from Kathy’s bleetings?
•  As if Jolene hasn’t got enough problems

“You’re not a friend anymore”

Ouch!

It must be bad enough that you know someone else doesn’t want to know you when you’re Friend Request is ignored on Facebook – but it must really hurt to be taken off as a Friend.

Jamie takes Kathy off as his friend on Facebook, which I think is fair enough.

After all, what teenage lad wants him mum seeing all of his banters?

“I’m your mum and have a right to know what you’re doing”

Which is fair enough in a sense – parents are very right to be worried about who their kids are meeting online.

But, there’s also the issue of trusting in your kid. And Jamie doesn’t seem too naive.

Especially as Kenton is still allowed to be his Facebook friend. Which Jamie took great joy in telling Kathy about …

Still, it sounds like what Jamie needs is to get back out of his room.

Maybe cricket is the answer?


Clarrie in her gardening shorts

That really can’t be that bad.

Can it?

I’m sure The Bull’s punters would appreciate something cheerful!


I’d also be a bit grumpy if …

… I’d torn one of my teats.

That’d surely smart a tad!


Is no-one safe from Kathy’s bleetings?

The woman seems to be wandering about Ambridge spreading her tale of woe and neglect.

Fair enough to dump it all on Pat (who seems to come alive when offering coffee and sympathy), but is there no end to it?

I’m almost starting to completely side with Kenton.


As if Jolene hasn’t got enough problems

Now it seems like her ‘loyal’ punters think she’s “putting a downer on the place”.

“Not everyone’s prepared to tip toe around a bereaved landlady on their night off”

Very true.

But aren’t a lot of them also supposed to be her friends?

28th July 2010

The Archers … Tom decides on whether to go ahead with Veal and Ham Pie … Jamie’s Facebook causes problems … Picture of Helen’s baby … Brian’s steams ahead with his business project

• Brian tells Tom
• First it sounds like they don’t know how to switch a computer on …
• … then they’re on Facebook
• Ouch! The pitfalls of social media for teachers
• Three words I’d never thought I’d hear put together – Helen, healthy, happy
• Only 30-40 pies a week?

Brian tells Tom

Brian really knows how to wind Tom up, and make him feel like a wee schoolboy who doesn’t know his cash flow from his profit!

Telling Tom that his veal and ham pies would be too niche a market – a gamble – and that he doesn’t have the capital to even start up – Brian’s reminding Tom that he ‘could have had all this’ if he hadn’t gone it alone.

As annoying as Brian can be at time, he certainly does know how to make money.


First it sounds like they don’t know how to switch a computer on …

Which was Kathy and Pat talking about printing “thingys”, thinking it’d take 10 minutes to print off one sheet of A4 and wondering how on earth they can find out what’s on for teenagers by using the internet


… then they’re on Facebook

Kathy then jumps onto the computer, and starts using Facebook.

Which is yet another mention of Facebook in Ambridge.

Think Mark Zuckerberg has shares in the village shop, so they have to play nice?


Ouch! The pitfalls of social media for teachers

I think Kathy is right to tell Jamie to take his teacher’s picture off of his Facebook page, but it’s only natural that he’d want it up there. And isn’t it Kenton’s fault for having it on his website? But ultimately, people in the public eye (even if that’s just a very local eye).

I’d be surprised if Kenton even knows what Jamie’s teacher looks like. So I suppose all Kenton was really doing was showing that Jaxx is a fun place to be. If fun is looking totally wasted …

And Jamie shouldn’t really have his mum as a friend. Isn’t that just asking for trouble? Where’s the fun in mucking around with mates online if mum can check up on what you’ve been saying?

Either way, Kathy will blame Kenton, so we’re due another shouting match over the next day or so.

Ah, the joys.


Three words I’d never thought I’d hear put together – Helen, healthy, happy

Pat was showing Tom a ‘sneak preview’ picture of Helen’s baby (which he just about managed to muster a smile over), and all seems well.

Helen was just coming in as we moved on from Bridge Farm, but if Helen is indeed happy- maybe we’re all about to experience a completely new Helen.

Still, there’s plenty of time for something to go awry. That’s be far more in character …


Only 30-40 pies a week?

Despite desperately wanting to go ahead with the veal and ham pies to prove a point to Brian – Tom’s found his own sense, and won’t be going ahead.

Seems that the feedback only suggested that he’d sell 30-40 pies a week, so it’s “not worth the hassle”

That should make Vicky a happy lady again (albeit still very bitter at him), but what’s next?

Who else can Tom steal an idea from?

16th July 2010

The Archers: Brenda gets it right with Lilian … David, Ruth & brood are getting ready for the Royal Welsh Show … Jolene isn’t any better

• Is Lilian just easily pleased, or am I missing something?
•  “That moose that grandpa Simpson had on his facebook page”
•  And facebook again!
•  Why hasn’t Vicky and Mike given Brenda a hard time?
•  No surprises in Sid’s will
•  Hurrah! Pip’s back with the Young Farmers!

Is Lilian just easily pleased, or am I missing something?

Did I hear that right, or did Brenda just phone the Council. Ask a question. Get told an answer. The passed it onto Lilian?

I must be missing something, as Lilian seemed utterly delighted with Brenda’s work.


“That moose that grandpa Simpson had on his facebook page”

Then again, I’m also easily pleased. Hearing Pip and Josh jibbing each other rather than all-out squabbling was lovely.

Pip is even finding jokes about ‘Grandpa Simpson’ funny.


And facebook again!

Is the BBC about to buy our facebook, as well as pretending it ‘writes’ The Archers?

How many mentions can they pack into one episode?

Not complaining, but there is a whole world of twitter to be discovered … ;-)

And I don’t see a page on there for Edana anyway. Josh must be mixing his social networks up.


Why hasn’t Vicky and Mike given Brenda a hard time?

Brenda seems very non-plussed about the Tom and Vicky spat over the veal and ham pies.

Matt’s right that there is:

“No copyright on ideas”

But surely Vicky will do more to Tom by haranguing Brenda?

Or maybe not.

Maybe Vicky is actually quite a reasonable woman.

Hmmm.


No surprises in Sid’s will

Jolene gets the pub shares, Jamie gets some of the shares when he’s 18, and a “bit of money” goes to Lucy.

Hopefully that’s that then.

Or will Lucy want more than small change? Will Jamie turn into a bit of a cad when he hits 18?

Considering how badly Jolene’s coping, I do wish her an uneventful time for many a moon to come. I wasn’t a big fan of Sid, but Jolene is a right good lady.


Hurrah! Pip’s back with the Young Farmers!

Phew!

David was so delighted to have his nice, thoughtful, polite Pip back, he was nearly in tears when she was checking that it’d be okay for her to camp out at the show with her Young Farmers pals.

Not quite tears for me, but glad to have got rid of that tense feeling every time Pip spoke or was mentioned.

11th July 2010

The Archers: Jamie’s not a happy bunny … Jude advertises his single status

• Jamie simply can’t take it any more
• Stain on her pink top?
• The pitfalls of Facebook
• Have you got your preserving sugar in?
• Lord Wimsey, Agatha Christie and The Archers

Jamie simply can’t take it any more

Spotting the huge cracks in Kenton and Kathy’s relationship, poor Jamie’s got a lot to try and cope with.

Kathy is seemingly smothering him, so her prattling on about his birthday drove him to an abrupt round of Mr Angry.

She really should have spotted that his birthday was going to be a touchy subject this year, even though she is trying to make it all ‘normal’ for him.

“All I want for my birthday is my dad back”

You poor, poor wee man.


Stain on her pink top?

Monica Lewinsky, was the first thing I thought of.

Well, it that was all Jude managed to do with Pip, we should be grateful.

The rumours that Pip will turn out to be pregnant just make me queasy.


The pitfalls of Facebook

In the good old days, all you had to do was not go to places where you knew they were, walk down their street and make sure you dumped the bit of paper with their number on it.

In the last few years, you’ve also had to delete their number from your mobile.

Now, if you split up with someone, it’s also advisable to remove them as a friend from your Facebook profile.

Yikes!

I don’t think Jude could ever do anything else that’d surprise me (apart from turning out to actually be quite a nice chap, who was just going through a difficult patch).

What an utter kick in the teeth to Pip though! Changes his status to single – created a photo album called “Freedom”- and saying that he’s “single and loving it”.

None of that would have been to hurt Pip. Jude just doesn’t even care about what she thinks. He’s too busy ‘partying’.

Hopefully this will be another blooming-good-reason for Pip to step away from moping around after him.

“Didn’t he think I might see the photos or care … the truth is he never cared about me at all”

There you go Pip! Keep that as your morning mantra.

Now get back to College (humiliating or not), get your exams done and dusted, off to Agricultural College – all to make sure you’re next in line for Brookfield. After all, Josh is quite interested in all that farming malarkey, don’t you know.


Have you got your preserving sugar in?

You’d better hurry up, if not.

When Jill decrees that the time is nigh, you know that you’d better get in there quickly.


Lord Wimsey, Agatha Christie and The Archers

Oh I am a deliriously happy bunny.

(and I know. I should get out more …)

16th June 2010

Caroline’s kept awake all night by bikers, but turns it to her advantage … Bikers had a ‘barney’ … Brian wins round 1 with Matt

• Bales to separate a fight?!?
• Who’d expect Caroline to be so canny?
• Why fruit pickers can’t have relationships
• “Alright matt – struck any good deals lately?”

Bales to separate a fight?!?

Hmmm. Not sure that’d work all that well. Surely they’d just set fire to it and hurl bit at each other?

Anyway, Eddie and Joe may be taking their money-spinning too far.

Rival bikers, in one field, with temporary membership of the cider club was only ever going to end one way.

That’s a massive stereotype, but the proof was definitely in the fighting!

So Caroline and Oliver were kept awake all night when the ‘Borchester Burners’ met their rivals, and Eddie’s can’t understand where they’re all coming from considering Fat Paul only has 8 Facebook friends.

*snort*


Who’d expect Caroline to be so canny?

Much to Eddie’s detriment, Caroline pulls a blinder and steals some of his customers away to Grey Cables.

Easy to forget that she’s not as drab as she might seem.


Why fruit pickers can’t have relationships

Because they fall for each other, then leave the job.

And, because Brian Aldridge has said so.


“Alright matt – struck any good deals lately?”

Oo-er Brian. That’s fighting talk, that is.

“could be quite interesting with Matt on the loose again”

Indeed. But aren’t you forgetting that Matt also has Lilian well and truly revved up for action?

That’s not a lady I’d like to mess with.

And is it just me, or is Matt warming Lilian up for a suggestion that Brenda should be working with them?