Pondering The Archers: will grundy

Mike got them to be able to give Vicky a back rub … which would be a treat for them both.

Vicky’s stunned when Mike tells her that the oils are definitely okay for pregnant women, as he asked the woman in the shop.

[Vicky] “You went in yourself, you didn’t send Brenda … the thought of you in that shop, that’s the birthday present.”

I can imagine so! Mike making all of that effort is a lovely thing (and I know asking a question in a shop isn’t generally a difficult thing, but it is normally gruff and rough Mike we’re talking about here!)

And to top it all, Mike’s going to take Vicky shopping to Cheltenham.

My, my.

Seems Cheltenham is THE place for Ambridge residents to go for shopping.

I wonder if Vicky and Mike will be in Cheltenham the same day as Lilian and Paul …

Eddie gives Will what for

Will’s got Eddie in to do some (paid) maintenance work with him around the estate.

Will can’t contain his anger at Ed.

[Will] “Unbelievable, Ed mismanaging that nice little business so badly he can’t even keep a roof over his family’s head!”

[Eddie] “I’m sorry you see it like that, seeing as I didn’t manage it either … if anything it was worse, at least Ed’s got somewhere nice to go!”

Oops.

Will had forgotten that Eddie had lost Grange Farm first …

But that doesn’t stop him ranting.

[Will] “You can’t compared what happened to you dad. You didn’t have a rich backer … I’d die of shame if I out my family in that position.”

As Eddie points out, Oliver has nothing to do with the farm now. Ed hasn’t had a penny off of him.

And, Eddie reckons Will hasn’t a clue what it’s like to try and find rent every month, what with his house coming with the job. All Will knows is what it’s like to collect rent – and even that house (on the Green – the one that Tom and Brenda live in) was handed to him.

Which it was.

Will counters that if Ed had been willed the house, he’d have sold it and spent the money on drugs.

Eddie gets furious at the very notion Will is calling Ed a junkie. Will reckons he wasn’t far off, as he used to use crack cocaine.

[Will] “I always put my family first.”

[Eddie] “Except when it’s your brother.”

Eddie urges Will to think of George. Does he want George to think it’s okay to treat a sibling like that? Would he want George to do the same to his brothers and sisters?

[Eddie] “And with all that., you can even spare a bit of compassion for your brother. Can you be a bit kind?”

Will starts to rant again, but Eddie tells him to shut up.

[Eddie] “You better change your attitude before Christmas, or your mum’s going to have something to say to it.”

(Will Clarrie have something to say? She’s been ever so quiet of late)

Neil’s shocked by Ed’s office

Ed’s ‘office’ is next to the bulk tank.

It’s teeny. Barely enough for a desk and chair.

I’m not sure why the size of it mattered, but can only assume it’s indicative of how Ed treats the business of his business – something to be shoved into a corner and not taken too seriously.

Neil’s then horrified to find out that Ed puts most of his costs on his credit card. And uses his Single Farm Payment to cover his credit cards.

Neil reckons the Payment is meant to cover next year’s bills. To let Ed plan ahead.

The catastrophe continues … Ed doesn’t know if the value of his milk covers his costs.

[Neil] “I think you not knowing is the root of your problem.”

[Ed] “I ought to be able to work this out for myself.”

[Neil] “Why, no one ever taught you about it … ,lord knows where I’d be if Phil Archer hadn’t given me a helping hand when I started.”

Next step, according to Neil, is for Ed to talk to Ruth about dairy management software.

Ed will have to accept their help, like it or not.

Lilian and Paul have adult relations again: Thurs 13.12.12 #thearchers

The Archers Thursday 13 December 2012

Lilian wants to say goodbye in London
What’s in a name, prt 2
Guerrilla stickering
Will’s fuming
Paul loves Lilian

Lilian wants to say goodbye in London

James is back off home, and is surprised to see Lilian also has her cases packed. She’d like to accompany him.

[Lilian] “Main thing is that we get a few more hours together and I won’t have to say goodbye to you here.”

(that later turns out not to be true. Lilian lying and using her son … she’s starting to behave like Matt!)

Typical James, he doesn’t really want Lilian to stay with him. He can only offer her a futon. But, Lilian has already booked a hotel.

Sounds dodgy to me …

What’s in a name, prt 2

Vicky now likes Michelle, or Michaela.

And maybe Nicola.

But that one was as she was talking to Nic …

Guerrilla stickering

Seems someone has been sticking stickers on Lynda’s Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza posters, saying ‘Special Guest … Featuring the one and only Lord of Misrule’.

[Lynda] “Who has done that. It has quite spoiled the impact of my poster.”

Kenton claims it’s nothing to do with him. He reckons he must just have a secret fan.

Lynda is aghast, but calms down when she realises this might play in her favour:

[Will] “That makes it sound interesting, don’t it … I wasn’t going to bother, what with I being Shakespeare and all that.”

(do any of us not believe Kenton is behind this?)

Will’s fuming

Ah, back to normal service then.

Nic’s told Will that Ed and Emma are moving, and that George is quite happy about it.

[Will] “So happy about this move, I don’t believe a word … when he comes to stay here over Christmas, he won’t have a proper home to go to … just because my brother’s so flipping useless, he can’t even keep a roof over their heads.”

The way Will sees it, they’re moving just before Christmas, and will technically be “on the streets”.

[Nic] “Stop slagging your brother and think about what’s good for George … it must have really cost Emma to come up and tell me!”

[Will] “She’s only got herself to blame.”

[Nic] “These things happen … to people for no fault of their own … you’ve been lucky Will, Ed hasn’t.”

[Will] “You make your own luck.”

Nic tells Will to wind his neck in, and calm down.

Which he does.

But I doubt that’s the last rant we’ve heard about this.

Paul loves Lilian

Of course, Lilian is only in London to have a rendezvous with Paul.

We’re back in bed with Paul and Lilian

[Lilian] “Oh Paul, I’m not much good to you, am I … those times I kept putting you off, kept you waiting … Darling, why does life have to be so complicated?”

[Paul] “Leave all that, forget it … my Lilian. I love you.”

[Lilian] “Oh!”

[Paul] “Happy?”

[Lilian] “Oh yes. Yes I am.”

Blimey!

Thursday, 29 November 2012

George doesn’t like cheap cereal: Tues 06.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Tuesday 6th November 2012

Brenda’s having a horrid time, Tom isn’t listening
Nic to the rescue
Brenda’s printer is broken
Does Speakman’s like salty ready meals?
Jamie got the job
Brenda’s computer is broken

Brenda’s having a horrid time, Tom isn’t listening

Brenda actually missed Bonfire Night (even though she just lives over the way from The Bull) because she was in bed early. Knackered.

Leonie seems to be causing havoc at Lilian and Matt’s.

[Brenda] “She was at the Dower House all yesterday, which means Matt's even in a worse mood.”

So, Brenda is getting shouted at by a bad tempered Matt, a bad tempered Lilian, a constantly rude James and a vitriolic Leonie.

Does Tom hear that?

No.

He’s too busy talking about pigs in blankets and what he’d sold at Bonfire night.

[Brenda] “What do you think I should do though. I’m not prepared to be treated like a dogsbody.”

Tom doesn’t have time to answer. He’s off out again.

What is it with the Ambridge men at the moment?

Tom wants to marry Brenda. She doesn’t seem to be too interested these days. Instead of treating her as gold to get her interested, he ignores her.

Matt knows Lilian has a fondness for his half-brother Paul. He took her to Paris to remind her how much he loves her, and how good they are together. Since then, he’s treating her like pants.

Odd way to keep their women still their women.

Nic to the rescue

Nic’s in a foul mood with Will. Seems he and Ed spent all of Bonfire Night glaring at each other.

Though Will claims the kids still had a great time, Nic reckons:

[Nic] “But only because me and Emma managed to keep you both apart.”

Will sees himself as just looking after his son.

But, Nic later calms down when George asks her to buy the cereal he likes. The proper brand, not the cheap replica Emma buys him.

That seems to have struck a chord with Nic.

[Nic] “It’s because they’ve got no money Will … can’t you see that they’re struggling … we are lucky. You earn a good wage, and our home comes with the job.”

And, Will’s house on the Green (that Tom and Brenda rent) was gifted to him, not earned.

[Nic] “You’ve told me what it was like growing up, you know how hard it can be making ends meet, especially today.”

So, Nic agrees that it would be better for everyone if George does spend more nights with them.

[Nic] “The way you went about it was appalling. But it’s still a good idea.”

But, Nic is going to do the suggesting this time.

Brenda’s printer is broken

Shame.

Does Speakman’s like salty ready meals?

Seems so.

They placed another order with Tom.

Jamie got the job

I didn’t even know he’d gone for one.

He’s to be a groundsman with some chap called Isaac. And, he’ll be doing courses to learn felling, climbing, and using a chainsaw – which will take him up to 3 years to complete.

[Jamie] “It’s like a proper job, It’s no longer than Uni, and at least some of the time I’d be getting paid. And I’d enjoy it.”

Though Kathy obviously still wants Jamie to be Cambridge material, she’s accepting that he’s passionate about becoming a tree surgeon.

Brenda’s computer is broken

Shame.

Seems Lilian told her to lend it to James, who then managed to encrypt all of the files.

Which means Brenda has to stay late to fix it, rather than have dinner (salty ready meals?) with Tom.

He still doesn’t seem to notice she’s having a horrid time.

Lilian’s favourite film is Steel Magnolias: Fri 02.12.12 #thearchers

The Archers Friday 2nd November 2012

Jim to be published, Mike to be famous
Cheese scones
Will and Ed argue
Lilian picks a good DVD
Paul and Lilian flirt
Daniel wants an internship in America

Jim to be published, Mike to be famous

Borchester Life has said yes to Jim’s article about Mike. Indeed, they’ve said yes to a series of similar articles.

[Jim] “Workmanlike and accessible … so you see, I have got the common touch.”

Christine admits she goaded Jim into doing the article:

[Jim] “Well, to use Jazzer’s vernacular, I’m gobsmacked.”

Cheese scones

[Christine] “Have you bought the paper … then we can tackle the crossword over a cheese scone.”

[Jim] “Temptress.”

And after they’d had their scones:

[Jim] “The scones are revelatory today .”

Phew!

Such fiery flirting!

Will and Ed argue

That’s more familiar territory for them. I always had the feeling their cease fire was quite strained.

Will goes to Ed and Emma’s to tackle them about George suffering due to their poverty.

[Will] “Personally, I wouldn’t care if you lived in the gutter, but it’s affecting George …I am, not having him go hungry because of you pride.”

[Ed] “You're overstepping the mark!”

[Will] “I’m putting George first, which is something you’ll never do.”

Will then drops the bombshell that he and Nic think George should spend more nights at theirs.

[Will] “ … be happier knowing his tummy was full more often … He’s not safe with you. You can’t look after him properly … It’s good at least one of us can provide for him, since he’s living like a pauper here … you’ve got no self-respect, you never have had!”

[Ed] “You know what, I hope this shoot collapses and you lose your previous job … your smug little world come crashing round your ears!!!”

Lilian picks a good DVD

Seems James is up and about now.

And he’s feeling grateful to Lilian. He even thanked her for getting him a good DVD (after being highly critical of Lilian and Matt’s collection).

[Lilian] “That just goes to show how the men in this household underestimate me.”

Paul and Lilian flirt

And in a rather more serious manner than Christine and Jim …

Paul called Lilian while she was in her bedroom for a wee lie down. Paul was in a B&B bedroom.

Lilian asked him what his room was like:

[Lilian] “So I can picture you in it.”

Oo-er!

Seems the wonderful DVD Lilian had got for James was chosen by Paul … so Lilian isn’t as entirely independently wonderful as she made out.

Paul asks Lilian what her favourite film is.

Steel Magnolias was Lilian’s reply.

(really? I thought Barbarella, or the like, would be more Lilian’s style)

Wow.

Those two are most definitely in the opening stages of a relationship. Wonder how fare Lilian will let it get to this time.

Daniel wants an internship in America

Interesting.

If he does do, we’ll have to start taking bets on how many years it’ll be until he returns.

40p off of turkey slices: Thurs 01.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Thursday 1st November 2012

Ed and Emma are sleeping apart
Damn rural buses!
George is the poor kid
Will demands better

Ed and Emma are sleeping apart

Yup, things can get worse for them.

Emma’s even reminded of the time they had to live in the caravan … it is indeed really that grim.

The self-confessed Princess is really struggling. She was used to a “cosy “ home growing up, where Ed was used to ice on the inside of the Grundy household.

Though Emma is feeling philosophical:

[Emma] “Nanny used to say you should cut your clothes to match your cloth.”

She’s also being practical.

She’s decided she’s not going to London.

[Emma] “I can’t face Jody. Not like this.”

[Ed] “You look alright.”

[Emma] “You used to say I looked gorgeous.”

(oh dear! Amateur error there Ed)

[Emma] “I would love to go for a cappuccino just because … lippy … tube of hand cream …
I miss being careless … our life is either about 40p off a packet of turkey slices or an £87 water bill. There’s nothing in-between anymore. The fun things have all gone.”

As well as her schoolmate Jody having escaped Ambridge and now marrying a rich chap, Emma also has to watch other Ambridge ladies doing well. Alice, with her new job. Pip, going skiing.

[Ed] “We had to fight so hard to be together, now more than ever. We need to keep fighting, or this will tear us apart.”

Indeed.

Damn rural buses!

Emma’s literally stuck in the house now that they don’t have their car.

[Emma] “Especially since they cut the buses.”

Aye, same round our way.

It took me nearly 2 hours to do what would be a 20 minute journey in a car the other day. And that bus only runs every third Sunday at 6.30am.

Touch wood my van keeps it up!

George is the poor kid

Every class had at least one.

The kid who never had a decent lunch with them. Threadbare clothes. Often a bit smelly …

As Emma pulls out clothes for George that she’d taken from Ruth’s family sloppy seconds, she finds a football shirt.

Ed points out it’s for the wrong team, but Emma doesn’t give a hoot. It’ll do, even though:

[Emma] “He always looks the poorest in this class.”

Will demands better

George let slip to Will that he and Emma had been stranded in their car, next to a main road.

Will’s fuming.

[Will] “He’s been letting George ride around in a rust bucket … No wonder he was crying in the night.”

Strangely enough, Eddie then tells Will everything (according to Will – we didn’t get to hear it). I thought Eddie would have had more tact.

[Will] “Dad’s just told me they're living hand to mouth at Rickyard.”

And they’re in debt.

[George] “It’s not what I wasn’t for George. And what are they spending his maintenance on eh, cause it sure as hell ain't George.”

[Nic] “They wouldn’t deprive the children.”

[Will] “On bills I bet.”

(well, surely they need to use the maintenance for at least a share of the bills?)

[Will] “What if he's going hungry … I can’t bear the thought of it. It would be a start if he came to use more often.”

[Nic] “If you square it with Emma …”

[Will] “She doesn’t have a leg to stand on now!”

Though Nic tells Will to take it calm, do we hear a custody battle ahoy?

Monday, 29 October 2012

Emma’s rubbish at Halloween costumes: Sun 28.10.12 #thearchers

The Archers Sunday 28th October 2012

Safaris, Supermarkets and sheets
Topical insert: the clocks have changed
Will Naomi be a b*tch to Fallon?
Matt’s channelling Alf Garnett
Only proper bangers for the big bangs
Gies a bell

Safaris, Supermarkets and sheets

Will’s got a day off next Thursday. As it’s half term, he wants to take George with him and their side of the family to a Safari.

Emma sounds irritated. But how can she say no? It’s more than she and Ed can offer.

On the flip side, Ed’s pondering whether to try and get night shifts stacking shelves at Tesco.

Emma reckons not.

They need the money, but neither Ed, nor their marriage, would survive it.

It does seem to be getting worse and worse for Ed and Emma.

They now can’t afford batteries for George’s toys (yikes! A child without toys to occupy them. *shudder*)

[Emma] “He can play with his pet guinea pig instead.”

(we seriously need to get that guinea pig out of there. She doesn’t sound at all appreciated)

But it’s not all doom and gloom. Emma’s found a Halloween party at the library, which is free (and hopefully fun). So, rather than compete with Will, she’s going to do the best with what she has to hand. Which means making George a costume.

[Emma] “I really need something to make that white sheet more interesting …”

Emma sticks stars to it.

But later on, she’s distraught at her creation.

[Emma] “Well if I can’t even make Georgie a Halloween costume, what use am I?”

She starts to panic.

They need oil before Christmas. Winter clothes for Keira. And then there’s Christmas.

To add to her woes, Will drops George back early, without feeding him.

AND Will’s bought George a wizard costume. It was only £6.99 …

AND:

[George] “Mummy, Nic’s food tastes nicer than yours. We had chicken today.”

Oh, goodness me.

I’m starting to really feel sorry for Emma. She is trying, more so than ever.

She bins the costume she’s made:

[Emma] “It’s rubbish. I’m rubbish.”

Ever more grim …

Topical insert: the clocks have changed

It fell to Emma to remind us this year that the clocks have changed:

[Emma] “I feel weird enough today with the clocks changing.”

Cheers Emma!

Will Naomi be a b*tch to Fallon?

Fallon seems to think so.

She thinks Naomi thinks (!) that her (Fallon) getting the job was a “stitch up”.

Well.

Naomi’s not too far off the mark.

Matt’s channelling Alf Garnett

Matt’s rather random bad behaviour continues.

He’s refusing to lift a finger to help James.

Now James may be a pain, but he is Lilian’s son, and he is genuinely hurt.

But no.

Matt won’t help cook (leaving Lilian to do it all). And he won’t check on James when Lilian’s out (so Lilian can’t go out very often). He justifies it by saying he never wanted kids in the first place:

[Matt] “That’s precisely why I never had one, far too demanding.”

And with that, he goes to the pub.

So, Lilian calls Paul to tell him how much of an arse Matt is being. Paul must be delighted to hear that their relationship is rapidly deteriorating.

[Paul] “Isn’t that what Alf Garnett used to say, ‘I’m going down the pub’?”

Only proper bangers for the big bangs

Jolene’s organising The Bull’s Bonfire night. She stresses to Tom that she wants his traditional sausages, not the spicy ones.

Seems only “proper” sausages will do.

Gies a bell

Lilian’s had to borrow the closing time bell from The Bull to give to James.

Does that means there’s no closing time?

Monday, 22 October 2012

Apple Day 2012: Sun 21.10.12 #thearchers

The Archers Sunday 21st October

No coffee for Matt
Will’s got a healthy population of young birds
Pin the maggot on the apple???
Drunk or just nae teeth?
Will buys George a toffee apple

No coffee for Matt

Relations in the Dower house are a tad acrimonious … even before James arrives from hospital.

Matt asks Lilian is there was any coffee left in the pot.

Lilian didn’t answer him. She just pored herself the last cup.

Lilian then asks if he can clean the tables and do the dishes, as she has to get to the hospital. He says no, he’s too busy.

[Lilian] “I’ll do it myself. I might have known you wouldn’t lift a finger to help, it’s exactly what I’ve come to expect!”

Matt also doesn’t go with Lilian to hospital, sending a very insincere ‘best’ instead.

[Lilian] “Of course, work was always your priority, even on a Sunday.”

[Matt] “I’m not point scoring Lilian, but someone’s got to keep the business ticking over”.

Later on, not content with going to see James in hospital, Matt adds insult to injury:

[Matt] “Don’t worry, I know he’s in pain, but he was probably playing it up a bit … putting it on a bit to get you sympathy.”

[Lilian] “Next you’ll be saying he’ll be okay to go straight back to London.”

Seriously – why is Matt suddenly doing himself no favours?

Does he actually want Lilian to run off with Paul?

Will’s got a healthy population of young birds

Lucky Will!

(I know … I say the same sort of crass thing every year)

With bookings for the shoot down, Will has plenty to see them right through the season. November and December will be as usual, but they may have to close the season in January due to a lack of demand.

Less bankers with bonuses this year?

Pin the maggot on the apple???

Eh?

Is that a normal Apple Day activity?

The longest peel competition and toffee apples, I can more than understand.

But pin the maggot on the apple, with the one who pins the maggot closest to the middle wins? Surely that’s just odd.

Drunk or just nae teeth?

As Joe was demonstrating the apple scratter, he sounded most decidedly tipsy.

But it was just that he didn’t have his teeth in. Again.

He’d put them on the scratter somewhere, and reckons they must have fallen in.

[Joe] “They’ve been scrunched to smithereens!”

[Eddie] “Flipping ‘eck, a side of bacon is one thing, a frat even, but a set of false teeth in the cider! … Listen dad, you’ll have to keep your mouth shut. Don’t smile, don’t speak to anyone … I’m not having Jim dock our cider allocation.”

Yuck!

Will buys George a toffee apple
Emma is not amused. She’d already told George that he couldn’t have one.

[Emma] “Thought you’d come over and splash the cash in front of everyone … it’s undermining me, undermining me in front of the kids.”

[Will] “You’re not the only one who has charge of George, and I'm not going to ask your permission for everything I do for him.”

Oops.

Will has a point. But so does Emma.

Where’s Clarrie? She should be refereeing this one.

Tuesday, 2 October 2012

Joyce is in hospital: Mon 01.10.12

The Archers Monday 1st October 2012

Lilian wants Matt back in bed
There’s nowt wrong with fish paste!
Joyce has a hairline fracture
Guinea pig!

Lilian wants Matt back in bed

Seems Paris is still with them after all …

There’s nowt wrong with fish paste!

There’s a lack of bread supply at Ed and Emma’s again. So Ed had to do without at breakfast.

But, Emma has brought sandwiches down while he milks.

Which Ed is grateful for.

Until he realises they’re fish paste. Which starts him moaning again

[Emma] “You know there’s hardly any housekeeping money left, so why do you have to be so difficult!”

Quite right too Emma.

She’s only managing with what they have, and what on earth is wrong with fish paste!

(can’t believe I’m taking Emma’s side for once!)

Joyce has a hairline fracture

Seems Joyce fell on Friday, and Arthur had been trying to get hold of Lilian all week.

He was mainly concerned to tell her that their rent would be late – he didn’t want to give Matt an excuse to kick them out.

After Lilian has been round to see Arthur, and the state of their home, she’s beyond furious with Matt.

She blames Matt for leaving them without proper flooring. Matt blames Lilian for making him take Darrell off the job. Lilian blames Matt for taking him off – after all, she had no idea what state he’d left Joyce and Arthur’s house in.

So, Lilian is completely taking over Joyce and Arthur’s/

[Matt] “Oh don’t be so stupid!”

[Lilian] “Don’t you dare say that. There is woman in hospital because you’ve bee so damn careless!”

Oops.

I think Paris is now a forgotten memory.

Guinea pig!

Will turned up at Ed and Emma’s with a cage.

He’s bought George a guinea pig.

Emma’s horrified.

[Ed] “She’ll be alright Em, it’s not exactly Godzilla”

Emma’s worried about the additional cost.

[Ed] “It’s one more reason for George to like being there instead of there.”

And staying on a positive note:

[Ed] “Reckon it’ll taste a lot better than fish paste!”

I think Emma might be slightly more annoyed about Will not talking to them first.

And as a great fan of guinea pigs, I do worry it’ll be looked after properly (though I suppose Ed and Emma can get veg and grass easily enough)

Sunday, 30 September 2012

Joe keeps losing his teeth: Thurs 27.09.12

The Archers Thursday 27th September 2012

George can only take pineapple
Can Mike work any harder?
Eddie’s running away from Joe’s teeth
Will gets sanctimonious
Tracey’s a dinner lady

George can only take pineapple

He can’t have any of the beans, as there’s none to spare.

It’s alright George.

Most folk only give the tins they don’t want any more for Harvest Supper.

[Ed] “We could with a hamper ourselves this year.”

Aye, if only Emma and Ed’s pride would let them ask for it.

Can Mike work any harder?

He’s already doing Harry’s round. Though it is taking him half the time. He’s already lost 5 customers (due to them cost saving rather than out of protest).

And he does the green burial site. A bit of forestry. The bottling … (I’ve probably missed something, but you get the gist. Mike works all hours)

While Vicky is taking her maternity, she’s decided she won’t be going back to work.

Oh blimey.

[Mike] “We’ll cope … I’ll do everything I can. We’ll be fine, I know we will.”

That means Mike not getting a replacement for Harry at all. He’ll do it all himself.

[Mike] “Besides, it’s the right thing. And I want to do the right thing for you and the little un.”

[Vicky] “Oh Mike, I am so lucky to have you.”

Uh-oh.

Here’s hoping Mike’s not in for any accidents or sudden illnesses soon.

Eddie’s running away from Joe’s teeth

Seems Joe is having issues with his teeth.

They’re bothering him. So he keeps taking them out. Then losing them.

Eddie even found them in the bread bin earlier today.

So, Eddie’s taken refuge in The Bull.

[Eddie] “Quite a thing with a man has to come to the pub to get away from his father’s teeth.”

Will gets sanctimonious

Will’s taken George out for food.

He’s a bit shocked that George is checking the prices before he orders, checks if Will can afford what he’s about to order, and mutters something about “we have to try and make do with what we’ve got”.

[Will] “You have whatever you want from that menu. When you’re with me, money’s no object.”

So, Will being Will, he shouts about it to Nic. He’s furious Ed and Emma have been talking about their finances in front of George.

[Will] “In front of my son, Telling him he can’t take a few cans of beans into school for the harvest festival …I'm not having George suffer, just because Ed can’t manage his finances … I’m not paying maintenance so they two can fritter their money away on goodness knows what. That money is meant to be spent on George … it’s obvious, Ed and Emma aren’t providing properly for my son.”

Here we go again.

Ed in the blue corner, Will in the red.

Just in time for Christmas.

Tracey’s a dinner lady

At Loxley Barrett Primary.

Glad she got work.

And hope she makes cheesy wheels.

They were fab.

Monday, 25 June 2012

Alice still on about Amy: Tues 12.06.12

The Archers Tuesday 12th June 2012

Alice is (still) on heat
The pollen is still annoying Lynda
Tracey’s stalking Ifty
Lynda tells Will she saw his will…
Rosa’s stalking Jamie
Jamie to learn chainsaw!
PLEASE change the tune, Amy

Alice is (still) on heat

(seriously … there’s something in the water)

As Chris makes a “wide pair of webbed shoes” for a “four year old with collapsed heels” (one assumes that’s horsey talk!), Alice has her mind on other things:

[Chris] “It gets pretty hot in the forge.”

[Alice] “I know it does. Remember I like you all sweaty.”

Later on, as Alice wakes Chris up during a post-work nap:

[Chris] “Alice, I haven’t had my dinner yet.”

[Alice] “I must be more appealing than a plate of pasta!”

[Chris] “Of course you are, but not as calorific.”

But Alice can’t ‘do’ later on. Amy’s coming round … so Chris goes to nets instead.

The pollen is still annoying Lynda

Quite “vehemently”, actually.

Lynda swears by honey.

[Lynda] “They say a spoonful a day keeps the pollen away.”

Tracey’s stalking Ifty

As Ifty keeps getting texts:

[Lynda] “You alright Iftikar? You suddenly look rather wan.”

At nets:

[Chris] “What’s aunty Tracey doing?”

Would seem Tracey was stalking round the pitch, trying to get Ifty’s attention. While still texting him.

(adult) Bunny Boiler …

Lynda tells Will she saw his will…

…y

(sorry – that’s a bad one, but couldn’t resist!)

[Will] “I haven’t seen you in ages.”

[Lynda] “No, no it has been a whole since I’ve seen you in the flesh, I mean, actually seen you …”

Will’s none the wiser until later on. He bumps into Lynda as she’s just leaving The Bull:

[Lynda] “Robert’s got a Rioja and a bag of pistachios waiting for me.”

[Will] “Any luck spotting the beast … I’m sure you’ll see something interesting sooner or later.”

[Lynda] “The cameras do suggest that there are wild animals out there, but they’re not what I expected. It’s amazing what does on in the woods after dark, mother nature’s quite a draw you know, for all strange bodies …”

[Will] “Oh! I think I’ll just get my pint …”

Poor Will.

Lynda seemed to really enjoy revealing what he and Nic had revealed to her …

Rosa’s stalking Jamie

Jamie’s at nets, so Rosa is also at nets.

[Rosa] “Why she giving me evils?”

[Jamie] “That’s Natalie, she’s my girlfriend.”

But Rosa doesn’t seem to mind or care.

(junior) Bunny boiler …

Jamie to learn chainsaw!

I wouldn’t have felt safe even just saying that a few months back.

What changed lad he is.

Seems he really enjoyed working with Mike, and is chuffed as punch to be going on a one day chainsaw course.

PLEASE change the tune, Amy

Amy and Alice are having a drink out.

Amy starts on about how she keeps noticing the couples, and how she missed being part of one:

[Amy] “The everyday boring normality of being in a relationship.”

(what?!? She was only with Carl for 5 minutes)

Amy recalls the time she and Carl had breakfast in 9what sounds like) a greasy spoon:

[Amy] “I remember thinking I didn’t need anything or anyone else, it was just perfect.”

[Alice, getting frustrated] “The truth is Carl cheated on his wife, and he got found out.”

[Amy] “Well that’s your interpretation …”

Amy’s new theory is that the child Carl has with his wife isn’t actually his, and that he’s in the process of splitting up with his wife anyway.

[Alice] “Amy, I’m not saying this to hurt you, but Carl split up with you. He’s chosen her.”

[Amy] “How would you feel if this happened to you and Chris … you can’t be sure.”

[Alice] “Amy, what is it going to take for you to accept that Carl is a player?”

[Amy] “Maybe I’ll only believe it if Carl tells me himself.”

Oh for the love of god!

Get Carl to tell her, and make Amy shut up and grow up!

Chris certainly agrees with me. When Alice bumps him yet again for Amy:

[Alice] “You and me can see each other anytime.”

[Chris] “That’s not the point … no, you can’t keep dropping everything because Amy’s feeling down.”

[Alice] “… she can’t cope on her own. I thought you understood.”

[Chris] “Well I’ve had enough, no Alice, this is Amy’s mess not yours. So just back off.”

Good on you Chris!