Eddie to sue Caroline – Fri 20.09.13 #thearchers

Pondering The Archers Friday 20th September 2013

• Caroline starts off today relaxed …
• Joe’s in a bad way
• It was the carpet wot did it
• Taking Joe to the toilet is a step too far?
• Caroline turns on Oliver
• Lynda’s inconsolable
• Eddie’s furious
• Jethro hit by a branch. Nigel falls off a roof. Joe trips over the carpet. At least David varies his modus operandi

Lynda has the power! – 18.09.13 #thearchers

Pondering The Archers Wednesday 18th September 2013

• “The tomatoes are on the soft side”
• Kirsty sounds sad
• Tony buys Tom wire and insulator
• Ray’s upped and off
• Tony’s matchmaking?
• Ray does this all the time
• Oliver installs Lynda on the throne
• Queen Lynda’s first act

The Church won’t help Darrell – Tues 10.09.13 #thearchers

Pondering The Archers Tuesday 10th September 2013

• Neil tries to help Darrell
• Alan can’t help Darrell
• Ray corrects Lynda
• Mrs Shen wants magazines
• The Hamiltons have gone elsewhere
• Lynda has to find a piñata

Matt and Lilian, back home – Mon 09.09.13 #thearchers

Pondering The Archers Monday 9th September 2013

• They’re back!
• Lewis has need for hay
• Now David’s smitten with Rob
• Ian and Kathy compare bad bosses
• Lilian impresses Matt
• The asparagus is overcooked!
• The Conservation Officer’s causing trouble
• Anthea’s here to stay

A Mexican night at Grey Gables – Fri 06.09.13 #thearchers

Pondering The Archers Friday 6th September 2013

• Lynda’s also out of the Rose Bowl
• Oliver’s oblivious
• Ray’s a liar
• The music teacher saves the concert
• Lily’s hyper
• Ray demands a Mexican night
• Should the Church save Darrell?
• Just because Ray’s the boss?

Lynda prefers salmon without the head – Sun 01.09.13 #thearchers

Pondering The Archers Sunday 1st September 2013

• Ray demands espresso
• Fallon has a list, and she’s checking it twice
• Rhys is home brewing, but not saying a word about it
• Don’t like salmon heads?
• Lynda’s smelling the roses
• In-house entertainment … at Grey Gables!

Helen booty calls Rob – Fri 09.08.13 #thearchers

Pondering The Archers Friday 9th August 2013

• Ian’s caught having a cigarette
• David won’t be bestman
• Lillian DOESN’T have a GandT
• Lilian makes Mike uncomfortable
• Mike makes a guess at where Brenda went on holiday
• Helen doesn’t tell Ian
• Henry’s like a dog
• Helen booty calls Rob

Emma abandons the Church – Sun 04.08.13 #thearchers

Pondering The Archers Sunday 4th August 2013

• Emma’s not going back to Church
• Where’s Emma going for her birthday?
• Don’t believe a word Helen says
• The waiter had his shirt untucked!
• Sunday Lunch has changed at the Golf Club
• A second showing at the silent film night
• Shula gets a whole choir for free
• Sweaty cheese

Pavel tries it on with Ian: Thurs 06.09.12

The Archers Thursday 6th September 2012

• You can lead a cow to milk …
• With age comes a better attitude to livestock
• Lynda’s on about TPOs
• Lynda puts her mouth in it
• Pavel tries to seduce Ian
• Adam’s found to something to like about the Super Dairy

You can lead a cow to milk …

… but it takes two farmers to make it drink.

David’s got a new cow, only born two days ago, who isn’t able to help itself to the milk bar. She doesn’t seem to understand what to do, and the other cows keep barging her out of the way.

[Adam] “She doesn’t look very assertive … do you want me to act as bouncer? … You may need to draw a diagram.”

But all’s well.

She takes to it fine in the end.


With age comes a better attitude to livestock

So reckons Lynda.

(she’s talking about Scruff)


Lynda’s on about TPOs

She’s worried about an Oak at end of Manorfield Close. Something about it being crowned and whether it has a Tree Preservation Order.

So, she goes to ask Mike.

He’s the Tree Warden.

He tells her that’s all’s well, as that tree doesn’t have a TPO.

Then Lynda puts her mouth in it …


Lynda puts her mouth in it

[Lynda] “I know the pair of you are facing some extra challenges now, but together, you and Vicky will be more than a match for them.”

Oops.

Lynda isn’t supposed to know. Vicky isn’t supposed to have told anyone out of the family.

Mike holds his tongue with Lynda, but gives Vicky both barrels later on.

[Mike] “A juicy piece of gossip like that. She’ll love spreading it round!”

Vicky reckons Lynda is a true friend, so wouldn’t dare gossip.

I concur with Vicky. Lynda may have her faults, but a lack of loyalty isn’t one of them.

But, of course, it isn’t really Lynda that Mike is furious about. It’s the whole situation they (and their baby) find themselves in.

[Vicky] “I don’t know what you’re saying Mike because you’re not talking.”

[Mike] “I’m not talking because you're not listening. You won’t listen to me. You’ve already made your mind up.”

[Vicky] “I have no choice.”

Mike storms off …

Tricky.

Mike’s right that he really doesn’t have a say. Vicky’s the only one who can make their mind up.

But how is Vicky supposed to cope, let alone explain her feelings, when Mike just shouts and leaves?


Pavel tries to seduce Ian

Pavel calls round at Ian and Adam’s. He wants to see Adam, but he’s out. He tells Ian that he’s bored, bored, bored.

[Pavel] “I’m going  out of my mind, with boredom, there’s nothing to do. I need to get away from the caravans.”

So Ian invites him in for dinner and wine while they wait for Adam to get back from work.

Ian’s also rudely interrupted by phone calls from Neville Booth, Oliver Sterling (and the like) wanting to know more about hot to make the perfect bread (for the Flower and Produce Show).

Pavel asks Ian to sit right next to him, so that he can hear him better. Ian, oblivious, does so:

[Pavel] “Maybe they aren’t interested in the bread. Maybe it’s you … I like guys who make things. It’s sexy …”

(Pavel tries to kiss Ian)

[Ian] “That’s out of line!”

[Pavel] “For fun!”

Ian does not agree, and sends Pavel packing (after he’s allowed to finish his wine. Ian still has his manners).

And Ian being Ian, he tells Adam what happened when Adam gets back in. By that time, Ian can see the funny side of it.

[Ian] “He’s got all the patter … before you know it, bang, hand on the thigh and in for the big kiss!”

[Adam] “You’re not serious … it wasn’t a joke?”

Ian plays it down. And takes the Michael out of Adam for suggesting that Pavel couldn’t find him (Ian) attractive).

[Adam] “All the same. It shouldn’t have happened.”

[Ian] “Hey, you don’t think for one second I was tempted? … of course I wasn’t. Why would I want a quick fumble with a silly kid like Pavel, not when I’ve got you Adam?”

Ah, that must have been a sting to Adam’s guilty conscience.

If only he was half the man that Ian was … he’d have told Ian about the one night stand with Pavel, and dealt with the consequences head on.

Instead, he’s got to continue lying, and now has the worry that Pavel will keep using his special charms to get Ian into bed.

But Adam doesn’t need to worry.

As I said, Ian’s twice the man Adam is.


Adam’s found to something to like about the Super Dairy
Well, I don’t suppose we can blame him. He’d need to have at least one thing to stay positive and sane about.

David was mentioning he’d seen lorries arriving at Valley Farm (the one with the swifts, whom one assumes will not be as welcome back next year). Adam tells him their getting the start of the foundations down, and also the anaerobic digester.

Adam’s a fan of the ‘AD Unit’. Seems it’ll produce enough power foe the whole dairy, the workers’ accommodation and also to sell back to the grid.

He also thinks Brian should have covered the Super Dairy in solar panels to generate even more power.

[Adam] “The more you control your energy. The less you get mucked about.”

Hmmm … is that more about Adam Vs Brian than Adam saving the planet or their business money?

Adam wants to get put more: Sun 19.08.12

The Archers Sunday 19th August 2012

• Adam’s acting guilty
• Mike doesn’t want chocolate chip, or to talk
• Football supporters descend on The Bull
• Ian prefers home to clubbing
• Fallon’s the brains, Rhys pulls the pints

Adam’s acting guilty

Adam’s bought Ian an orchard.

[Adam] “Not too rainforest for you? … I’ve a man in Peru who ships them over.”

[Ian] “Very romantic.”

And what’s more, Adam’s booked them dinner at Milo’s (the restaurant Ian had booked for Adam’s birthday, but Adam was too tired to go). Ian’s perplexed at the sudden outpouring of niceness.

[Ian] “I’d love to but, why, what’s the special occasion? What have I done to deserve this?”

[Adam] “Do I need an excuse … let’s just say it’s for being with me … I’m not too proud of the way I’ve behaved … you kept me sane. I might have been on a plane to Nairobi …”

Ah-ha.

Adam knows that he’s behaved far, far worse than Ian realises.

Orchards and dinner won’t take away that guilt.


Mike doesn’t want chocolate chip, or to talk

The biscuits, because he was too busy to work.

After sorting the pulsator (whatever that is) for Ed, Mike’s so tired from work that he needs a nap. But, spotting that Vicky isn’t too chirpy at the moment, he suggests they go out to The Bull after he has his nap.
So, they go to the Bull.

Mike’s rabbiting on about everything but the decision they have to make.

Vicky tries to talk about the amniocentesis test. She’s been looking it up on the internet. Which is always a dangerous thing to do. She’s just confused herself even more.

[Mike] “Vicky love, maybe this isn’t the best time or place.”

[Vicky] “I know you’d rather not talk about it … but that won’t make it go away.”

Tomorrow, Mike says.

They’ll talk about tomorrow.


Football supporters descend on The Bull

Not really.

Rhys was just winding up Fallon.

The cad.

[Fallon] “I’m serious, you’ll go down in the cellar and you won’t come out!”

Ian prefers home to clubbing

Adam wants to have a social life

But not when it would involve socialising with the pickers.

[Adam] “No I see quite enough of the pickers at work, thanks all the same.”

Hmmm. Wonder why he’s so sure about that …

Anyhoo, Adam does want to go out more, but wants to go further than The Bull.

[Ian] “What, so go clubbing? Really? Are you sure you’re up to that?”

[Adam] “Are you suggesting I’m past it … I’m not saying we have to stoke ourselves with chemicals and stay out all night!”

[Ian] “Well, who wants to be 23 again.”

Ian then mentions Pavel.

He’s been thinking of him (not in ‘that’ way, or because he suspects anything), and about how he’s not committed to anything. Not tied down. Can do what he wants.

But Ian wouldn’t want to swap places.

[Ian] “What we’re got is so much better … All that stress and insecurity, one night stands and two day hangovers, who needs it … I am sounding very middle aged here, but I like our life the way it is. Sitting at home at night, watching DVDs, the garden, the hot tub, breakfast in bed on Sunday mornings …”

Fallon’s the brains, Rhys pulls the pints

Fallon is determined to keep the pub busy. She seems to be on a mission to prove she can successfully run it, while Jolene is away.

Rhys isn’t impressed. Fallon keeping the pub busy by putting on more and more entertainment is just making them having to work harder. He thinks The Bull us busy enough as it is.

[Fallon, taking the Michael out of Rhys] “How to run a successful pub … you just put a sign outside saying pub, and wait for people to come pouring in!”

Rhys fights back. He tells Fallon that she doesn’t need to make an effort, as Jolene will be back enough soon to take care of it.

[Fallon] “Oh, so why should I worry my pretty little head about it.”

[Rhys, talking about all of the events] “I just don’t get it .”

[Fallon] “No, you wouldn’t, would you. That’s why I’m in charge and you’re a bar man. So no need to worry your head about it, you just keep serving the drinks and leave the rest to me.”

Meow!

Pavel wants more: Fri 17.08.12

The Archers Friday 17th August 2012

• Jennifer’s American magnolia is dying
• Mike’s not sure he wants to be a dad?
• Pavel just wants to have fun

Jennifer’s American magnolia is dying

Just as she needs it to cover up Ruairi’s concrete ‘ dog’ statue.

It’s the day of the picker’s party, so she wants that dog hidden as much as possible.

[Jennifer] “It was helping to screen that wretched dog.”

[Adam] “Everyone’s seen it anyway, and know it’s not your bad taste, it’s Ruairi’s.”

But seemingly Charlotte’s mum is coming. Charlotte is a mate of Alice. Who I’ve never heard of before, but seemingly Alice must must must have there to comfort her over not getting a job she’d been going for. Can Charlotte can’t come if her mum doesn’t come, as she can’t get there otherwise.

(still with me? Very dull, I know).

Jennifer really doesn’t like Charlotte’s mother.

[Jennifer] “She’s such a  terrible social climber, she’d love the chance to sneer at my hideous garden statue.”

So Pavel and Adam move it. Jennifer thought they’d managed to smash it (huzzah!), but alas, it was just fine.


Mike’s not sure he wants to be a dad?

Well, he started out still wanting to be a dad this evening.

Proper full of the joys.

He even asked Vicky if it was okay if he had a beer, as she wouldn’t be able to have booze. They need to keep:

[Mike] “junior nice and fit and healthy.”

But after Vicky tells him of the risk and the tests, and the risks of the test. That they might (just might) have a baby with down’s syndrome.

[Mike] “I don’t know what to say.”

[Vicky] “We don’t know yet.”

[Mike] “How could you not ay. How could you keep it to yourself?”

Vicky tells him she was scared to say anything, but now he needs to know. And she can’t do it alone.

[Mike] “It was hard enough going to be a dad at my age, but now …”

This might get very difficult and tricky indeed.


Pavel just wants to have fun

Adam’s happy, so Ian is happy and Pavel is also happy.

If only Ian knew …

Ian and Pavel were having great japes trying to be Dog Guards (hiding the statue from Charlotte’s mum).

When Pavel managed to get Adam to himself:

[Pavel] “I think being around me is still hard for you …You and Ian have such a  great relationship, I don’t want to make any trouble for you.”

Adam apologies for dragging Pavel into this situation.

But Pavel didn’t sound like he was dragged, He says again he had a great time with Adam. That it was fun. That no one had got hurt.

[Pavel] “And if you want to … we all need to have a bit of fun sometimes, don’t we?”

Bunny boiler …

There’s two “decent” gay bars in Felpersham: Mon 13.08.12

The Archers Monday 13th August 2012

• Stuck between Matt and a Scooter
• Three go Mad in Dorset!
• Rave? Is it the Nineties?
• Ian’s gaydar is broken
• Ian wants to party with Pavel

Stuck between Matt and a Scooter

Darrell’s going to see Walters’ house again.

[Matt] “Good man, good man, pleased to hear it, knew you’d come to see it my way .. .we’d be doing them a favour Darrell.”

[Darrell] “Yeah but mate, it’s really not that bad …”

[Matt] “Never mind, the sooner we can persuade them to move out, the better.”

[Darrell] “I’ll be  honest with ya, I’m still not too happy about this business.”

I’m surprised Darrell got away with calling Matt “mate”.

Darrell insists he’s going to talk to Joyce and Arthur (aka the Walters) before he makes a decision about what to do.

[Matt] “If that’s the want you want to play it.”

[Darrell] “It’s the only way I know how.”

Later on, Matt meets Darrell coming out of the Walters’:

[Matt] “Keeping well, are they?”

Darrell starts going on about Joyce’s dodgy hip which, of course, Matt really couldn’t give a hoot about. He just wants them out. The hip is only another excuse to get them into an easy. Modern (tiny) flat (beneath Jazzer – who’s likely to be even more noisy now that harry isn’t there).

[Darrell] “It’s not on Matt, I can’t really do it.”

[Matt] “Just tell me it’s much more serious … the place won’t be fit to live in while you work.”

[Darrell] “I don’t know if I can Matt. They’re not stupid you know.”

[Matt] “You’re not trying Darrell.”

[Darrell] “They’re happy. This is their home … it feels a bit like harassment to me.”

[Matt] “Oh does it now … may it’s time to show me just how grateful you are … you’ve got a big heart and it’s in the right place … (but) … go home, have a think about it, and see if you can’t find a way to change your mind.”

When Darrell gets home, it’s Rosa’s bloomin’ scooter than changes Darrell’s mind.

She and Elona went off and bought it, for £50 deposit and no interest for a year.

Rosa goes on and on about how brilliant it is that Darrell can’t seem to tell her no.

[Darrell] “No, no of course you won’t have to take it back."

I can see why Darrell ended up in prison the last time. He has string principles, and is fundamentally a decent chap but he’s also a bit weak.


Three go Mad in Dorset!

Pip’s getting the milking lady cows in on her own.

David and Ruth (and Ben) are off on their holiday to Dorset.

For one while night!

Even though it’s such a short break (which hardly seems worth doing), Ruth still has to check-in

[Pip] “The cows, are fine, Josh is fine, the sheep are fine, and guess what, the house isn’t falling down either.”

Chill pill Ruth and David. Take longer, go further and don’t waste your time checking back.


Rave? Is it the Nineties?

[Rosa] “There’s a rumour that there’s going to be a big rave on Thursday night.”

[Pip] “Rave?”

[Rosa] “Like a massive party to celebrate the exam results.”

Goodness me – I haven’t heard anyone say ‘rave’ for many a moon!

Surely something folks of my age used to say when Rosa’s age – not Rosa’s age still saying it.

She’s an odd ‘un, that Rosa.

She was trying to find out if Pip or Josh know where the “rave” was – the seemed to be sad she wouldn’t be invited (she’s still a new ‘un) – then determined to crash it.

[Rosa] “who needs an invite!”

Ian’s gaydar is broken

Pavel’s round for tea at Ian and Adam’s.

Pavel was invited by Ian (Adam has no say in the matter – Ian was insistent) to help make Polish food. Pierogi, to be exact.

But Pavel has a confession to make …

[Pavel] “So I lied about my grandmother, she was a lousy cook, and she died before I was born.”

[Ian] “I fell straight for that one, didn’t I”

When Adam comes home, and Pavel goes to hunt the beer:

[Ian] “Have you heard the news about harry the milkman … I think it’s great .. .though he’s left a lot of disappointed women around Ambridge.”

[Adam] “Was that what you were talking about with when I came in?”

[Ian] “What, with Pavel? No. Does he even know Harry?”

[Adam] “Maybe not, but he’d be interested. Surely.”

[Ian] “Why? What? Really, are you telling me, he’s …”

[Adam] “Oh come, surely you must have …”

[Ian] “How do you know? Come on, what makes you so sure, have you actually asked him?”

[Adam] “No. What about that famous gaydar of yours?”

[Ian] “Alright, so maybe he is, but he’s said nothing to me about it.”

[Adam] “So why don’t you ask?”

Is it just me, or is Adam asking for Ian to find out that he slept with Pavel? And not by having to tell him himself?!?

As Adam leaves them in the kitchen:

[Ian] “He’s tired, he’ll soon perk up.”

[Pavel] “I hope so.”

(I wasn’t going to fall for mentioning any of the 'oh Matrons' being made in tonight’s eavesdropping, but am just about to)

I bet he does!

*snort*


Ian wants to party with Pavel

Oh dear.

Later on in the evening, it sounded like Pavel, Ian and Adam were in the hot tub. Ian sounded quite merry indeed:

[Ian] “Toast, to the home farm arable manager, and to me not having to find a new job in Botswana … you only did it because you couldn’t bear to leave the hot tub behind!”

[Pavel] “To the hot tub, Na zdrowie”

The Pavel gets serious.

[Pavel] “I can say this now that there’s no secrets between us … I’m happy that you know.”

(well, Ian doesn’t know the half of it!)

[Ian] I’m so slow on the uptake. Adam got there way before I did I!”

(did he ever!)

Pavel starts talking about the sheer freedom Adam and Ian have. They can be together. Do what they like. Without fear.

(well, in some parts of Britain. There’s still plenty where they’d have their windows broken, or chased out with pitchforks)

[Pavel] “It’s like having to learn a whole new language, and sometimes I get it wrong, I can’t read the signs, you understand … but it’s still so much better.”

Ian tells Pavel he must make the most of him time over here. So Pavel asks where the “fun places” are. Ian tells him there are a  “couple decent gay bars in Felpersham”.

(who’d have thunk it!)

They also arrange to have a meet up before, and do something after, the Home Farm pickers party this Friday.

Adam agrees.

Oh this really isn’t going to end well …

Brian makes Adam beg: Sun 12.08.12

The Archers Sunday 12th August 2012

• Adam will just have to apply
• Vicky’s fluttering
• Harry’s bisexual; bad news for Mike
• Brian’s hardly magnanimous …
• Polish night at Ian and Adam’s … with Pavel

Adam will just have to apply

Not sure why it took 2 days for Adam to get from his hot tub to Home Farm, but he does, and starts shouting at Brian advertising his job:

[Adam] “Will somebody tell me what the hell’s going on, I see my own job advertised in the paper … there are ways and ways”

Brian’s not remotely perturbed. He thinks he has a right to advertise for a Farm Manager. Adam wouldn’t do it, and he couldn’t expect a new Farm Manager to just coming knocking. He doesn’t even agree with Adam that he should have been told about the advert, even just out of politeness:

[Brian] “Polite? Adam, you had your chance. Your chose to go your own way, well fair enough, why should you expect to be consulted?”

[Adam, sounding a tad humble] “Did it ever cross your mind that I, um, might be having second thoughts?”

It was painful listening – Adam, having to admit to Brian that he wants to stay. That he and Ian don’t want to move. And:

[Adam] “My future’s here with you at Home Farm, whatever it takes.”

[Brian] “Whoa, hold on here, after all that’s happened, you’ve changed your mind, just like that … I'm sorry, you’re too late, the ads gone out … I've noted your interest in the position and we’ll let you know.”

Adam storms off.

Jennifer’s appalled at Brian. He still couldn’t care less what anyone else thinks:

[Brian] “After the way he’s behaved, all that song and dance, he can’t just expect to stroll back in!”

[Jennifer] “You’re not going to let him go! Oh Brian!”

When Adam tells Ian:

[Ian] “He’s lacking a few people skills, but he’s not stupid.”

Ian reckons Adam is too good at his job for Brian to be serious about choosing someone else over him.

Adam reckons not. He might have pushed Brian to the point where Brian would be glad to get rid of him.

[Ian] “Given the history here, he wasn’t going to welcome you back with open arms.”

Adam’s only hope now is Debbie. Though a tough lady, she's seemingly not into Brian’s power games.


Vicky’s fluttering

As Mike gets coffee in bed from Vicky (and a promise of breakfast in bed to follow), Vicky tells him that she might have felt a kick last night:

[Vicky] “Just a little flutter you know … well, they do say after 18, 19 weeks.”

I do hope that baby will be born okay …


Harry’s bisexual; bad news for Mike

As Mike gets his rare morning in bed, he’s looking forward to getting his workers back at dinner time.

[Mike] “Get their shifts sorted. I don’t want to have to do extra anymore.”

(Those of us who eavesdrop in on Ambridge Extra knew what was coming next …)

Mile and Vicky hear the sound of the letterbox. When Mike goes to see what’s happening, he finds a letter, and sees Fallon driving off in her van.

She’s posted a letter from Harry (then legged it).

[Mike] “You know what Harry’s done … he’s not coming back, ever, and do you know why?”

Actually. Yes. Vicky does know. She’s a modern kinda gal, you see:

[Vicky] “Mike look, it’s here on his Facebook see … and who’s that with him?”

[Mike, reading Harry’s Facebook page] “Grant?”

[Vicky] “His old boyfriend from when he was at uni …”

[Mike] “Boyfriend!”

[Vicky] “They met up again on holiday, now they’re back together.”

[Mike] “I don’t get it …”

[Vicky] “Isn’t it just so romantic, after all those years, oh it’s so sweet, you can see how much in love they are.”

[Mike] “So all this time, Harry’s been …”

[Vicky] “Oh come on, you’re not so surprised are you, he’s such a sweet and sensitive boy, I always wondered … oh Mike, you’re so old fashioned, that girl was never right for him that’s all. But now he’s back with his true love, and all because the van broke down in Cumbria … if that’s not fate … such a happening, like a fairy tale.”

[Mike] “What about me? Where am I going to find another milkman!”

Goodness, I do like Vicky (sometimes!).

Doesn’t bat an eyelid about Harry coming out. She’s just delighted he’s found his love.

And bless Mike as well.

All he’s really interested in is work …


Brian’s hardly magnanimous …

On the phone to Debbie:

[Brian] “No, I’m not being petty, yes of course I’ll do what’s best for the farm. As long as Adam understands …”

When he gets off the phone, he tells Jennifer:

[Brian] “She agrees with me, she’s also pretty fed up with him acting the prima donna …”

BUT Debbie also concurs that they’d be mad to let Adam go.

[Brian] “Apart from the whole family thing, we’d be hard pushed to find anyone as good … I’ll go down and find him later and say we’ll have him back … I was going to do it anyway, I just wanted to make him sweat a bit.”

[Jennifer] “And you will be, um, diplomatic about it, won’t you?”

[Brian] “Diplomatic? When am I ever anything else?”

(ha!)

[Brian to Adam] “So I’m willing to stop the ad, and tear up any replies I get … well, apart from anything else, it’ll save me and Debbie a lot of paperwork …your sudden change of heart, it caught me on the hop. You can see why I had to have time to adjust,”

Here’s the ‘but’ …

[Brian] “There is one important caveat, if this is going to work, I’ll expect you to be 100% full committed to the job … so I want to see some enthusiasm, a nice happy positive attitude, no more moaning and dragging your feet …”

In other words – shut up, get your work done, and say nothing else negative about the Super Dairy.

Of course, that makes Adam say that he needs more time to think. Though he manages not to shout to Brian, he can’t quite stomach having to grovel. Not yet.

[Adam to Ian] “He wants me to get down and lick his boots.”

[Ian] “Okay, well that’s some sort of progress … you’ve still got a job to go tomorrow morning …”

Ian wants to celebrate with some fizz, but Adam’s not as yet ready to party.

Which is fair enough. I wouldn’t want to celebrate is grovelling to Adam was on my ‘to do’ list.


Polish night at Ian and Adam’s … with Pavel

Oh dear.

Ian’s insisting that they have their champagne tomorrow. And that they invite Pavel round to help celebrate. Seems Ian’s been trying some of Pavel’s     grandmother’s recipes, so wants to have a proper Polish night.

[Ian] “Come on, no arguments, it’ll be more fun with the three of us. I’ll text him now.”

Oh dear.

Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear.

Odds shorten on Ian kicking Adam out, Adam leaving Ambridge, Ian staying put.

Adam’s staying: Fri 10.08.12

The Archers Friday 10th August 2012

• Adam and Ian are leaving
• Blast Rosa and her scooter!
• Adam tries to blame Pavel
• Adam and Ian are staying …
• … or maybe not!

Adam and Ian are leaving

[Adam] “The last harvest at home farm.”

[Ian] “Things aren’t working here, I can see what it’s doing to you.”

[Adam] “I need to know you’re happy for us to move away.”

[Ian] “I’ll find something else. Everyone needs to eat.”

They’re interrupted by a text from Pavel … which doesn’t say much (just asking what Adam is doing later), but Adam’s spluttering reaction was a bit much. Ian didn’t notice though. He thought the invite was for them both.


Blast Rosa and her scooter!

Matt sends Darrell round to the Walters’ house to see how much work it needs done on it.

[Matt] “And we don’t want a  sweet old couple like Joyce and Arthur living in a dump.”

Rosa wants a scooter.

Darrell’s trapped between Matt and the scooter …

After spending most of the day writing down what needs to be fixed in the house that Joyce and Arthur have been living in for 40 years, Darrell hasn’t found anything serious to report.

Matt soon sees to that.

A bit of damp becomes a major problem, which Matt thinks Darrell will need to tear apart the house to fix.

[Matt] “If Arthur and Joyce don’t like it, they could move somewhere else. I’ve already offered them a flat.”

[Darrell] “I’m not sure I want to … what are you actually asking me to do Matt?”

Noting illegal, but certainly not very humane.

[Matt] “I wouldn’t bother mentioning it to Lilian though. She doesn't like to get her hands dirty with the day to day maintenance.”

Again, Darrell either does Matt’s bidding, and gets the money to buy stuff for his very demanding family, or he says no and has no work.

Just tell Lilian.

She’ll soon put a stop to Matt.


Adam tries to blame Pavel

Adam goes round to see Pavel.

[Adam] “I got your text.”

[Pavel] “You could not wait, yes … I am thinking about you also.”

[Adam] “That’s not why I’m here Pavel. This has to stop … This isn’t some free and easy open relationship you’re messing with, this is my marriage.”

[Pavel] “Then you should have said no. It was just a bit of fun …”

[Adam] “Well not for me, don’t you get that Pavel. It was a mistake, I just wanted to let rip, to let go, and feel like you, I suppose … how I used to, when you think you can take on the world … you fall in love and then you realise you can’t put yourself first all the time … Do you have any idea how guilty I feel.”

[Pavel] “I understand, but why do you say this to me?”

[Adam] “Because I don't want you to ruin my relationship.”

[Pavel] “And I have not told anybody … so what are you doing here. Maybe it’s not me you should be talking to.”

Spot on Pavel!


Adam and Ian are staying

Adam tells Ian Pavel has gone clubbing, so they’ll just have a quiet night in.

Ian decides to do Adam’s socks.

(seriously, does anyone deserve a fabulous chap like Ian?)

[Adam] “I don’t want us to move away, I mean, we don’t have to … you were right. I’ve been completely self-obsessed … maybe mum’s right,. Maybe I am still recovering,. It’s like drowning.”

(ah – I think Adam is indeed still suffering from that heavy tap on his head)

[Adam] “It’s fantasy Ian, where would we go?”

Adam’s now promising to change (where have we heard that before? More and more like Brian every day)

[Adam] “It means the world to me that you would give everything up.”

So – Adam’s going to make a similar gesture.

He’s going to tell Brian he will grow the arable.

[Adam] “I lost the argument, I just need to accept it and move on.”

… or maybe not!

Adam and Ian ease themselves into their hot tub.

Adam has a G&T in one hand.

And a farming magazine in the other.

Bliss (for Adam).

[Adam] “It’s important to keep up to date.”

How true.

Adam spots the recruitment advert Brian had placed the other day. The one to replace Adam.

Oops.

[Adam] “He’s got to be joking. How’s that for family, eh!”

[Ian] “Adam. Don’t go doing anything stupid.”

*sigh*

Back to the beginning then, I suppose.

Adam has a one night stand: Sun 05.08.12

The Archers Sunday 5th August 2012

• Where’s Adam?
• Adam slept with Pavel
• Phoebe wanted to collect the eggs
• Adam lies to Ian
• Kate feels shame!

Where’s Adam?

Adam still isn’t home. He didn’t come back at all last night.

He’s not at work either.

And he’s not answering his mobile.

Ian’s been leaving messages:

[Ian] “Adam, please don’t have done anything stupid.”

Well, Adam was doing something stupid …


Adam slept with Pavel

[Pavel] “Adam, are you going to answer that?”

[Adam] “No, I’ll deal with it later. Have you finished in the bathroom?”

[Pavel] “Why do you rush, the room is still ours yes, we don’t have to leave.”

[Adam] “Pavel, stop it, I’m already late. Last night was a one off okay … I was drunk, I was angry, it’s not who I am.”

[Pavel] “I understand. It’s alright.”

[Adam] “I shouldn’t have got you involved, it was supposed to be a drink …”

[Pavel] “But you had a good time yes, you did enjoy it?”

(and just incase we were wondering if they’d only got drunk and passed out::)

[Adam] “Put your clothes on, I need to get back.”

Oh Adam! Really!?!

What a stupid, stupid, stupid man you are.

When finally heading to work, Adam wants to drop Pavel a bit off so that they don’t arrive together.

[Pavel] “Will I see you later?”

[Adam] “What do you mean?”

[Pavel] “At the poly tunnels.”

Just as Adam is about to kick Pavel out of the car,

[Adam] “Oh hell!”

[Brian] “Adam, where have you been. Who is with you? Is that one of your pickers?”

Adam claims he’d taken Pavel to the doctor.

[Brian, sniffing the lie a mile off] “Is that so … As long as you’re still managing the arable, you need to shape up. You hear?”

My word. This won’t be a secret for very long. Brian knows adultery when he sees it.


Phoebe wanted to collect the eggs

But Hayley had already started it. Hayley is now used to doing so.

Phoebe gets a tad over the top, but it’s nowt to do with eggs.

Hayley manages to get phoebe to tell her what’s wrong.

[Phoebe] “Mum, it was horrible …”

Adam lies to Ian

So, to Brian, Adam had taken Pavel to the doctor.

To Ian, Adam said he’d been in Felpersham. Drank lots and lots of vodka. Alone. Was too drunk to get home, and couldn’t find a taxi, so “had to” stay at a hotel.

[Ian] “You had to, did you … I would have picked you up.”

Later on:

[Adam] “Come on then, tell me what an arrogant, self-centred fool I’ve been.”

[Ian] “I said some pretty nasty things yesterday too … I’m just glad you’re back.”

(oh Ian, if only you knew!

[Adam] “I am a hypocrite, you were right.”

[Ian] “You’re passionate, that’s all … I just wish you’d talk to me before making big decisions.”

Adam now claims he has a lot of things to think about, but just Brian and the Super Dairy.

(well, he certainly does now, after last night)

Ian tells Adam that he’s been pondering. Maybe he has got too comfortable at work. Maybe he needs a new challenge. This might be the “push” he needs.

[Ian] “If you’re really so unhappy, then I’ll come with you. Wherever …We promised to support each other, didn’t we. In good times and bad.”

Adam starts crying.

[Adam] “I don’t know how to tell you. I don’t deserve you.”

[Ian] “Of course you do. You’re you. Though you do do stupid things sometimes … By the way, I think you need to freshen up … Just don’t go doing anything like that without me again.”

Oh goodness me! Does anyone have Ian’s number? He needs to be told.

How could Adam sit there and hear Ian give up everything he loves, knowing that he’s cheated on him.

Though Adam did seem to almost start telling Ian, he certainly did try hard enough.

Bad Adam. You deserve Brian, after all.


Kate feels shame!

Who’d have thunk it!

Phoebe’s told Hayley what happened in South Africa. So Hayley tells Roy.

[Hayley] “Even I’m shocked by this one … it’s Kate. She’s been having an affair … and Phoebe found out … Kate lied to Phoebe, let her down again, dumping her … that’s why Phoebe was in a cab, they’d been rowing, Kate was trying to talk her way out of it and Phoebe couldn’t stand it. Phoebe was running away.”

Roy calls Kate:

[Roy] “We trusted you to take care of her!”

[Kate] “What do you want me to say? Well done, you were right … don’t you think I know I’ve ruined everything. This was my chance, Roy, to make up for leaving her.”

Roy apologies for shouting. Kate tells him that she didn’t tell him what had happened while (and with) Phoebe in the first place because she was ashamed.

[Kate] “Does she really hate me?”

[Roy] “No. Phoebe’s a smart girl. You don’t have to worry. I’m sure she’ll come round. It’s not as if we don’t want her to have a relationship with you.”

For an odd moment, we could actually hear Hayley’s thoughts. “Don’t we?” was what she thought as heard Roy say that last bit.

Adam’s not at home: Fri 03.08.12

The Archers Friday 3rd August 2012

• Ruth is serenading her ‘girls’
• Eddie’s fame spreads
• Ian and Adam have a barney prt 2
• It’s raining
• It’s too late for the bees
• Keith’s a clype
• Olympics, grans and sex on the beach
• David breaks out the wine

Ruth is serenading her ‘girls’

Singing alone with Adele.

Wish she wouldn’t.

What an awful voice!


Eddie’s fame spreads

[David] “He’s a sculpturer with a growing reputation, don’t know if he’ll lower himself to driving a corn trailer!”

Seems his PR coup has also brought him some sales.

Crafty wee so and so!


Ian and Adam have a barney prt 2

Ian tells Adam about his chat with Brian.

[Adam] “So you’re all ganging up on me now!”

Later on:

[Ian] “He wants you to stay at Home Farm.”

Adam reckons that might be so, but they’ve made it impossible for him to stay.

[Ian] “You’ve lost the argument, it’s going ahead … your previous principles … what about all your other arable crops you’ve grown over the years … just because you don’t approve of this one case .. .you;re going to jeopardise our entire life!”

And Ian is most annoyed that Adam has asked him for an opinion at all. Not once. Which is rather like Brian not consulting Adam …

[Ian] “You might like to think of the consequences of your actions then … all this talk about moving away, have you thought about what you’d be giving up. Have you thought about what I’d be giving up … and look what I’d lose if we did.”

Ian loves Ambridge. His job. His boss. His friends. Being part of the community.

[Ian] “We’re accepted here.”

When Ian happens to mention what might happen to Adam’s inheritance if he leaves:

[Adam] “Ah, I get it. That’s what this is about … my inheritance. Your chance, one day, of opening your own place!”

[Ian, beyond fury] “How dare you. How can you say that. I don’t give a damn about your inheritance for me. I care about you going nuclear and abandoning everything that’s good in our life. And before you start pointing the finger at my motivation, maybe you should take a close look at yourself. I am sick to death of you playing Mr morale high and mighty, Brian and Debbie aren’t monsters, they’re not trying to poison people, they’re just trying to produce milk in a way that gives the farmer a decent wage when practically no one else in the country can do it … and honestly if I hear one more word about how fulfilling and uplifting your time in Africa was, I think I’ll break something. You go bleating on …”

Ian tells Adam that he’s only got what he has because of Brian.

[Adam] “I’m paying the mortgage!”

[Ian] “We’re paying the mortgage!!! … For all your talk about Africa, since you came back, have you followed up any of the work you did out there?”

[Adam] “I kept in touch.”

[Ian] “Rubbish. You’re nothing but a hypocrite.”

Ouch. String stuff from both.

When Ian later gets home, Adam isn’t there.

Ominous …


It’s raining

Bout time too!

Not that I’d wish it on anyone, but Ambridge did seem to have escaped the horrific summer that the rest of us have been having. Seems not so. They’ve had it as bad as the rest of us (they just never really mentioned it before, which is odd for a Brit).

But it’s bad news for the harvest, which is another problem Adam doesn’t need.

[Ruth] “And don’t you worry. You will get it in. Always do.”

It’s too late for the bees

Aw!

Seems the sun has come too late, so the bees won’t be a strong bunch this year.

[Ruth] “But Josh liked his new bee suit. And at least his new one has room for him to grow.”

Well, that’s okay then.

(!)


Keith’s a clype

The Police have arrested three more members of the gang, which David reckons means they must have the whole gang now.

[David] “So, presumably, Keith must have coughed the lot.”

Won’t that mean Keith’s going to have a hellish time in prison?

And The Horrobins might start getting nasty phone calls?!?


Olympics, grans and sex on the beach

[Josh] “I wanted to watch the trampolining”

[Ruth] “Since when have you watched trampolining?”

Well, the Olympics does bring out the random sports that we all become riveted. Quite normal, really.

It gets worse for Josh. Not only is he not allowed to watch the telly (they are about to sit down and eat), he’s getting fish and chips for tea. Normally That would be marvellous, but it’s home cooked. By Ruth.

And back onto the Olympics – mind that Alistair had got himself, Shula and Daniel tickets in the lottery? Well they’re off now, to watch the riding.

[David] “Shula can barely contain herself. Alistair must be one popular guy in that household.”

Then Pip starts texting Josh with pictures from her holiday – sun, sand and …

[Josh] “It’s not fair. Daniel gets to go to London. Pip’s having sex on the beach …”

[David] “What? Let me see that photo!”

[Ruth] “He means the cocktails”

(*snort*)

Poor Josh. All he got was a few days with Ruth’s mum.


David breaks out the wine

With the fish and chips.

He wants to celebrate that they can get back to ‘normal’ since the gang have all been arrested.

But, as David also said, there’s still the trial to get through …

Eddie buys a freezer: Thurs 02.08.12

The Archers Thursday 2nd August 2012

• Poor Bert
• Eddie’s a PR genius
• Eddie buys a freezer
• Brian nobbles Ian
• Bridge Farm has good post
• Brian’s a cheeky monkey
• Ian and Adam have a barney

Poor Bert

Eddie reckons Joe’s gone round to Bert Horrobin’s to gloat at the recent news Keith is a firestarter.

[Eddie] “Yet another jailbird in that family.”

[Clarrie] “People in glass houses, Eddie …”

Quite.


Eddie’s a PR genius

And I mean that quite sincerely.

He’s ever so keen Clarrie reads The Echo.

[Clarrie] “When’s there anything remotely interesting in the Borchester Echo?”

Eddie is most insistent there is.

When Clarrie later reads The Echo while at work at Bridge Farm, she’s stunned to hysterics (in a laughing way, not a crying one).

[Pat] “ ‘A close shave with the beats of Ambridge’ … what’s Eddie got there?”

[Clarrie] “It’s one of his statues.”

Seems Eddie got an article about his brush with the beast.

It’s his and Joe’s plan to say that the wild boar they hit was only:

[Clarrie] “Fleeing in terror from a horrifying mutant creature."

But that’s not all.

In the article, Eddie’s described as:

[Clarrie] “A sculpture and ethnic artist.”

(that’s when she really starts laughing)

He talks about his studio (their shed, Clarrie reckons). And that he was inspired to make “£D representations of the creature”. Which just so happens to be for sale …

[Clarrie] “It was my duty as an artist to give people the chance to own a piece of Borsetshire history.”

[Pat] “Who’ve got to give him credit for trying.”

But Clarrie’s still focused on the wild boar meat. As I also wondered, she asked Pat if road kill can be sold.

Pat’s off to investigate.


Eddie buys a freezer

It’s rusty, but it works. Allegedly.

Eddie’s bought it to store the wild boar meat.

[Eddie] “You wanted it shot”

[Clarrie] “I wanted it buried in the ground!”

Then there’s the problem of where to put it.

Eddie reckons the shed. But where will the ferret cage go? (wonders Clarrie)

On the fridge. (reckons Eddie)

More worrying for Clarrie is that Eddie seems to have plans for that meat (again). He hasn’t dropped the idea that he could be making money from it.


Brian nobbles Ian

Brian tells Ian that Home Farm won the arable contract.

[Brian] “So, we need to find a way forward with staffing.”

[Ian] “Without Adam, you mean.”

[Brian] “Well I hope not Ian … Now we know where we are, I’m hoping you can change his mind … Well I know he and I have had our differences, but if Home Farm is anything, it’s a family business. And Adam’s been a  major part of that since he came back from Africa, I don’t want to see him throw away everything we’ve built up together.”

[Ian] “Is that so?”

[Brian] “Of course!”

[Ian] “Well, you have a funny way of showing it … do you know how badly you’ve handled this situation. Your attitude’s been like it or lump it the whole way through.”

[Brian] “Well I don’t think that’s fair.”

[Ian] “Is it any wonder he feels the way he does?”

[Brian] “I don’t think there’s any point in raking up the past, we are where we are. Maybe I could have handled things better … as far as Adam’s future is concerned, surely we’re on the same side?”

As Brian then points out to Ian, if Adam decides not to accept the inevitable at Home Farm, Ian might have to move.

[Ian] “Alright. I’ll see what I can do.”

Oh dear.

I don’t disagree with Ian trying to convince Adam to not leave Ambridge (as Adam really hasn’t thought of Ian at all throughout this … and leave Ambridge!?! Who would ever???).

But that Ian will be seen to be siding with Brian can only leady to friction.


Bridge Farm has good post

For once.

Seems their insurance company has paid out on all the claims. And no-one has permanent damage.

So, the E.coli is officially over.

[Pat] “I wouldn’t like to live like something through that again.”

[Clarrie] “If I could go back and change things.”

[Pat] “As far as I’m concerned, it’s all in the past, the future is what counts now.”

Brian’s a cheeky monkey

Brian was placing an advert by phone

I didn’t think that happened anymore. I thought you had to design your recruitment advert, then pay again for it to go through pre-flights.

Not at the Borchester Echo, it seems. Brian called up with a recruitment advert, reading the copy out over the phone.

How quaint!

Anyhoo – the advert is for a Farm Manager … which is Adam’s alleged role.

[Brian, still ready out his copy] “This is  a great opportunity, for an experienced manager, who is used to taking initiative …”

(aye, as long as your initiative fits in with Brian’s 5 year plan!)

[Brian, still ready out his copy] “Home Farm has a proven track record as an equal opportunities employer.”

Pfffft!

What a nerve!


Ian and Adam have a barney

Adam’s telling Ian how much he enjoys being around Pavel.

[Adam] “Really inspiring to work with someone who’s still got all their ideals intact.”

He reckons Poland’s got farming right. Pavel’s active in a campaign to start industrial farming, which he reckons should have happened in Britain in the 70s and 80s.

[Adam] “It would be really good to spend some time out there.”

[Ian, shouting] “Oh for god sake, will you listen to yourself … Africa … Hungry, Poland … anywhere but Ambridge. So where does that leave me?”

Oops.

You know things are very, very bad when Ian raises his voice.

Mike’s told he’s going to be a dad (again): Mon 30.07.12

The Archers Monday 30th July 2012

• Vicky doesn’t want her toast
• Mike doesn’t approve of Kate
• What’s Adam thinking?
• Jazzer’s a happy chappy
• Fallon’s glum
• Mike’s had more cancellations
• She’s having a baby!
• Jazzer’s Highland Games 2013?

Vicky doesn’t want her toast

But Mike’s too knackered from the Community Games to notice.

How will he cope once the baby arrives.


Mike doesn’t approve of Kate

Now there’s a surprise.

Seems Phoebe was shaken by the bad taxi man experience. But she wasn’t hurt.

[Mike] “Must have been pretty badly shaken up to come home early … It’s Kate all over innit, the sooner Phoebe gets home and back under Roy and Hayley’s influence the better.”

What’s Adam thinking?

Certainly not about Ian.

Ian forces him to talk to him during the working day. Seems it’s the only way he’ll get to see him.

[Ian] “You’re making sure we’re only both at home when one of us is asleep.”

Adam denies.

Ian’s still (rightly) furious that Adam told Brian he wouldn’t be part of turning more of Home Farm over to arable, for the Super Dairy, without talking to him first.

Ian’s worried about what will happen if Debbie and Brian decide to turn yet more of Home Farm to arable.

Adam reckons he’d just look at “other opportunities”:

[Ian] “Other opportunities. Like moving away from Ambridge?”

[Adam] “Possible. I’d have to see.”

[Ian] “You really haven’t given me a second thought!”

Adam reckons Ian can work anywhere. But, Ian might not want to work anywhere.

But, Adam agrees to sit down and talk properly. Soon.

What’s that man thinking?

Does he want to lose Ian Craig … officially the nicest man to have even graced Ambridge?


Jazzer’s a happy chappy

[Jazzer] “You know sometimes when everything goes right … nae hangover, finished the round quick, even the pigs were in a good mood!”

Ah, nice to hear Jazzer’s dulcet tones being upbeat for once.


Fallon’s glum

Her van won’t start. Which means she’ll need it towed to a garage.

She needs the van for her and Harry’s Fringe extravaganza.

[Fallon] “This was meant to be a cheap trip!”

But not to fret. Jazzer’s in such a good mood that he takes a look at the van (for a free pint, of course).

[Jazzer] “What’s occurring … when you turn the key what happens?”

Amazingly – Jazzer diagnosis the problem from Fallon going “broom, broom, broom”.

After having a proper look, Jazzer decides the plugs are getting “sooted” up. And fixes it.

Fallon’s over the moon! Jazzer will get another pint AND one of Freda’s pie and chips on the house.

[Fallon] “So, you think it’ll get to Edinburgh?”

[Jazzer] “Know what you need, a resident mechanic!”

Fallon reminds Jazzer that he can’t get the time off of work. But Jazzer reckons:

[Jazzer] “Folk can change their minds.”

[Fallon] “Not Mike. He’s not exactly Mr Flexible, is he?”

(oh, that ominous for Vicky)

So – do we think Jazzer broke the van in the first place?


Mike’s had more cancellations

Seems more and more folks are deciding that while his milk is better, they can’t afford it.

He’s even considering dropping his prices.

Oops.

That won’t be good timing …


She’s having a baby!

[Vicky] “There’s something I need to tell you … yes, well, you know I went to the surgery last week for my smear test … I saw the doctor, not the nurse … this is all taken me by surprise, and I’m not sure how you’re going to feel about it …”

[Mike, sounding scared] “I thought it was just routine, you know … you know you mean the world to me. And I’ll support you every step of the way, whatever happens. I know the treatment can be tough … but look at Ruth Archer …”

[Vicky] “No, there’s not going to be any treatment.”

[Mike, terrified] “It’s incurable?”

[Vicky] “No, it’s not cancer, I’m not going to die, it’s quite the opposite actually.”

[Mike] “The opposite? What’s the opposite … oh my god!”

[Vicky] “I’m pregnant. I’m going to have a baby … I’ve thought more and more about it … I really think it’s a blessing … fate has given me, given us, this wonderful chance … I do think some things are meant to happen, aren’t they … our little baby … I know you’ll love it … it’s really what I’ve always, always wanted. It’s just going to be wonderful, don’t you think?”

At first, silence from Mike.

Well, he didn’t have to recover after Vicky’s onslaught.

[Vicky] “So, how do you feel?”

[Mike] “It’s, um, well, I can see how much it means to you, it’s just a bit of a shock … I think I, um, need a bit of time to let it sink in.”

And Mike doesn’t want anyone else to be told. Not with Phoebe coming home. She should be the centre of attention.

Vicky agrees, but:

[Vicky] “It’s like I’m bursting with the news m I want to tell the whole world!”

[Mike] “Let me work out how I feel about it …”

Mike was then rather shocked to be told their first scan is next week …

So – does Mike not want to tell anyone who that they still have abortion as an option (without anyone condemning them)?

Will he ever agree it’s a miracle?


Jazzer’s Highland Games 2013?

Jazzer was not impressed by the Community Games

[Jazzer] “It was like a weans sports day … Real Highland Games, there’s a spectacle, not some nancy bouncing over a ramp of chucking a gum boot!”

(steady on Jazzer! I know a fair few ‘nancy’ types who could do you proper damage with a welly!)

So, Jazzer might organise his own Highland Games next year.

That’ll be interesting.

Vicky’s pregnant! Oh blimey: Fri 27.07.12

The Archers Friday 27th July 2012

• Adam makes a decision, Ian shouts!
• Brenda says sorry
• Vicky is far from menopausal …
• Brenda’s surprising reaction
• Jazzer’s determined
• What a drama over performance art
• Shula’s poached Freddie
• Phoebe’s fine, so Lucas can’t be dead?

Adam makes a decision, Ian shouts!

We started tonight’s eavesdropping episode with Brian having to do something Brian doesn’t like to do.

Beg.

[Brian] “You’re obviously take it to the wire … please call me.”

Ian’s also trying to hunt down Adam. He wants to see if Adam has made his mind up, and also to know when he’ll be talking to Brian.

Ian calls Adam to check if made mind up and when talking to Brian. But also doesn’t get to speak to him.

Adam eventually turns up at Brian’s, quite late in the day.

Before he can say anything, Brian starts nagging.

[Brian] “Please don’t take this the wrong way …”

BUT a passing mention of “bedraggled” looking calves. And a fence that needs to be fixed.

[Brian, pompously] “I hope you don’t mind me reminding you.”

[Adam, sarcastically] “It’s nice of you to take an interest.”

And Brian keeps on. About how he supposes Adam isn’t up to much, but as he’s waiting for the harvest to start, he supposes it’s easy for Adam to slip  up …

[Adam] “Brian, for goodness sake, what do you think I’ve been doing all day. Sitting in the tractor shed reading brochures from machinery companies? You may remember my telling you that fencing wasn’t just the sort you can patch!”

Actually, Brian. Adam had to wait for a specialist supplier. And he’s late tonight as he was out there fixing it, with Jeff.

[Brian, not remotely humbled] “I knew you’d be on the case.”

[Adam] “But you thought you’d just pick me up on it … Well don’t worry, as it happens it makes things easier … I’m here in response to your ultimatum … I thought this might be a difficult conversation, but do you know what, it won’t be difficult at all.”

I think we all knew what was coming next …

… actually, I certainly didn’t.

Adam had told Brian ‘no’. But Ian’s reaction was not what we’ve come to expect of our lovely Mr Craig.

[Ian] “So have you made up your mind?”

[Adam] “I’ve just been to see Brian. I’ve told him, I won’t be working on the new crops for the new dairy … I’m out of the arable at home farm. I think he was shocked to be honest.”

[Ian] “He was shocked!”

[Adam] “Didn’t think I had the nerve!”

[Ian] “Adam, so you’re telling me that you’ve made up your mind and committed yourself to something that’s going to change our lives completely … without a single word to me … well thanks, did you give me a second thought?”

[Adam] “Well. I thought you knew how I felt.”

[Ian] “Well whether I did or not, why didn’t you talk it through with me first?”

[Adam] “Well I’ve done it now!”

[Ian] “Great, and we’ve both got to live with the consequences.”

Oops.

Trouble in paradise.


Brenda says sorry

What, what, what???

Brenda apologising?

Well, I never.

[Brenda] “Vicky, I’m sorry. I went too far and I really didn’t mean to … I don’t think I’ve been very fair on you recently. What I said about mum. It just slipped out. I honestly didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

Vicky tells her the dress has gone back to the shop.

[Vicky] “You were probably right anyway. Never mind about the dress …”

Indeed. Vicky has other thoughts on her mind. Rather stunning news, actually.


Vicky is far from menopausal …

[Vicky] “I’ve some news, and it’s left me a bit stunned.”

(told you!)

[Vicky] “I’ve had a big shock Brenda. How I’m going to break the news to Mike, I’ve got no idea.”

She’s pregnant! Which wasn’t remotely planned.

[Vicky] “I thought I was well passed all that.”

[Brenda] “How do you feel about that?”

[Vicky] “Oh Brenda. There’s a little tiny bit of me that’s so excited I can’t tell you, but then, I just feel numb really. I don’t know what to think.”

[Brenda] “Well it’s a shock. When you going to tell dad?”

Vicky’s decided to wait until he gets back from his woodland course. Better face to face.

[Vicky] “What a welcome home … I just don’t know how he’s going to react Brenda, I can’t imagine he’ll jump for joy … There’s no way I could cope on me own with a little one, that I’m sure of … I’m going to have to …”

[Brenda] “You can’t!”

[Vicky] “I can’t even bear the thought of it … I don’t see I’ll have any choice. Mike’s done all of that, he’s got you and Roy, he’s over 60 … it all adds up against me, don’t you think?”

[Brenda] “Vicky, you haven’t even spoken to him yet.”

Brenda’s right. Vicky needs to talk to Mike before jumping to any conclusions about what’s next.

[Brenda] “What a shock, eh!”

[Vicky] “Brenda, thank you,. I’m so glad you called when you did.”

[Brenda] “Vicky, if it was just you, if you didn’t have to worry about dad’s reaction … how would you feel then?”

[Vicky] “I wanted a baby so much when I was younger … my little baby. You gotta promise me one thing though …”

And Brenda does. She promises not to say a word.

Phew! My. Giddy. Aunt.

I’d first guessed Vicky was pregnant, but fell for the red herring of her ‘just’ being menopausal.

What a turn up! I’d hope Mike will be his usual fair self … once he calms down, and after a few pints.


Brenda’s surprising reaction

I was obliviously taken aback by Vicky announcement.

But it was a tad overshadowed by Brenda’s reaction.

I’d predicted Brenda would do her nut if Vicky was pregnant.

But, she was the exact opposite.

Brenda was caring. She listened. And she gave Vicky comfort.

What, what, what???

I might even start to not despise her …


Jazzer’s determined

And once he’s made his mind up …

Jolene was telling Kenton that Jazzer’s doing “intense lobbying” to get time off from work. Mike’s so far holding firm.

[Kenton] “Well, my money’s on the Scotsman.”

As Jolene said, Fallon will be furious if Jazzer succeeds. Her camper is so small, it does sound like three will be a rather intimate crowd.


What a drama over performance art

[Roy] “What on earth's going on out there? There’s someone doing Summer Fall on the church tower, and a heart broken woman sobbing on the village green.”

[Kenton] “Ah, well that’ll be the theatre group. Did you notice anyone trying to sabotage it?  It’ll only be a matter of time. Rumour has it the Octogenarians of the village have had enough.”

Ah – I’d wondered when the revolution, led by Jim, would begin. All because the performance art is not very Ambridge.

[Kenton] “It’s a creative exploration of creative communication between lost souls, apparently.”

Jolene isn’t finding it funny. She really has taken against the actors.

[Jolene] “I can’t imagine why anyone would be pleased to have them back in again.”

[Kenton] “Well it’s business.”

[Jolene] “That’s the sort of business we can do without. Last time they came in, they offended half the regulars.”

[Kenton] “Be fair though, the other half had a great time!”

Later on, Lynda isn’t a happy bunny. Something’s gone badly wrong.

[Kenton] “Something about Seth wanting to introduce some totally new scenes … so Lynda got involved, in spite herself.”

So the actors have decamped from disrespecting St. Stephen’s and the village green to The Bull. To discuss.

[Jolene] “Oh poor Lynda. Perhaps you should go and have a word with her … back her up a bit.”

Kenton didn’t go over, and it all got far worse for Lynda:

[Kenton] “I was right, the whole thing seems to have fallen apart. The production’s off, they’ve pulled the plug on it … the prat in the Cheesecloth, Seth, or whatever he calls himself. The Ambridge Renaissance has been postponed … Apparently there was a bit of subversion from our older villagers as well. Serious stuff. Loud conversations on the village green, laughter at inappropriate moments. Very tasteful but tasteful resistance.”

(Jolene’s snort of laughter at that was rather marvellous!)

[Jolene] “Poor Lynda. She thought it was marvellous.”

[Kenton] “I do feel guilty … I just can’t stand the pretentious twaddle you get from that lot! … Anyway, I’ve told her the whole village is looking forward to her other cultural stuff.”

Which seemingly cheered Lynda up a fair bit.

Jolene then chucked the actors out.

Performance art in Ambridge.

That was short lived, then.


Shula’s poached Freddie

The Fete games seem to be getting overtly competitive already:

[Roy] “Very controversial, Shula’s poached Freddie for the Stables team.”

[Kenton] “Ooh!”

But Elizabeth’s fine about it.

[Kenton] “All in the right spirit then.”

(hang on … isn’t Freddie not very well endowed in the sporting department? I thought he was only good at horses?)


Phoebe’s fine, so Lucas can’t be dead?

Kate called Roy to tell her what had happened to Phoebe (which was yesterday in Ambridge Extra. Or today. Or tomorrow. Who can tell!).

[Roy] “Some sort in incident in a taxi … my god, when I think about it … something about a taxi forever getting aggressive … she wasn’t hurt, thank goodness … she’s badly shaken though … now she can’t wait to get home … it’s Kate I blame, what was Phoebe doing on her own in a taxi in the first place?!?”

So, Phoebe’s coming home on Tuesday.

Roy is glad.

Question is  - did anyone get shot?

Or Kate just neglect to mention the use of firearms to Roy?

At least Ed believes: Wed 25.07.12

The Archers Wednesday 25th July 2012

• The difference between a chef and a farmer …
• Adam’s still undecided
• Ian ‘likes’ Pavel?
• Pavel disagrees with the Super Dairy
• England: a safe haven for gay men
• Keira left her fluffy pig
• Emma’s only got Ed
• Adam to leave Ambridge?

The difference between a chef and a farmer …

Adam spotted a deer with a dodgy leg.

[Ian] “All I see is a dozen acres of venison on legs. Guess that’s why I'm a chef and not a farmer.”

Adam’s still undecided

Adam’s refusing to be rushed,  or harassed, about making his decision whether to support Home Farm growing arable for the Super Dairy.

He reckons that if he gives way to Brian and Debbie this time, he’ll be pushed around forever.

Ian seems to be on Brian and Debbie’s side, to an extent. He doesn’t see what difference it makes to Adam where the crop goes once it’s been grown. Growing a crop is growing a crop.

[Adam] “It would be like me saying to you cooking’s just cooking. I may still be growing crops, but what they’re grown for makes a difference.”

Ian ‘likes’ Pavel?

Ian suggest to Adam they meet up for pint later on.

What a surprise … that fruit picker Pavel was there again. Ian did seem to really enjoy his company the other week …

Pavel’s also passionate about food.

Proper food.

Food grown on proper farms. Not industrial units.

When Adam comes back from getting another round in:

[Pavel ] “Perhaps you’d like me to go away?”

No! Not Ian.


Pavel disagrees with the Super Dairy

[Pavel] “You produce it, he prepares it. You make a pretty good team.”

Well, sometimes. Cracks seem to be appearing over the Super Dairy. Though Pavel seems to agree with Adam’s side of the ‘discussion’.

[Pavel] “Agri business always wins in the end … proper food. If everyone demanded good food, they’d be no agri business.”

Tad simplistic, but I take Pavel’s point.


England: a safe haven for gay men

Who’d have thunk it.

[Pavel] “That would be very unusual in my county. You and Ian. Living like you do.”

Keira left her fluffy pig

At Brookfield.

Lucky Ed was over there fixing their quad bike.

She wouldn’t have got to sleep otherwise.

Keira not sleeping might have sent Emma over the edge.


Emma’s only got Ed

Ruth and David seem to be uncomfortable about Emma being definite that Keith was the arsonist.

They’re worried that the Police only seem to now be hunting down “one line of enquiry.”

[Emma] “Not even mu own mum, believes me. David, Ruth, everyone’s saying, are you sure, are you sure … Emma must have got it wrong, that’s what they all think … what if I have Ed, what if I’ve done that to uncle Keith and it was nothing to do with him. He’s always been so lovely to me. I can hardly believe it myself. But I did see him Ed, I did. I did. But I keep thinking … should I just ring again, tell them I wasn’t right, I’d got it wrong?”

After nearly convincing herself she could have been wrong, Ed convinces her that she was right.

[Ed] “I believe you Emma … and if Keith did that, if he pit all our lives at risk, then he’s got to face up to what he did … he needs banging up Em, and that’s all there’s to it.”

Adam to leave Ambridge?

Seems increasingly likely to me.

He’s between Brian and a hard place.

[Adam] “When did Brian ever compromise for me?”

Ian’s not sure Adam is being fair to Brian. Adam’s definite Brian’s not being fair to him. His chat with Pavel gave him more than food for thought:

[Adam] “I like his vision. It’s like the way I used to feel in Africa … I sometimes wish I was back in that world.”

What’s Adam’s options?

He stays, and has a tiny bit of Home Farm to work the way he wants to. While the Super Dairy usurps the rest.

Or go, and have the working life he craves.

Question is, would Ian go with him?