- That Tristam Hawkshaw!
- The walrus doesn’t impress Vicky
- Don’t mess with Neil’s armchair
- The Ambridge Organics prelims are in
- What Scottish ditty will Jazzer sing?
- Mince Pie related failure
- Worried about Peggy
That Tristam Hawkshaw!
Seems all of FLOSS (Felpersham Light Opera Society) are pulling out of Christmas Around the World. Well, the few that had agreed to do it in the first place.
[Lynda] “Tristam Hawkshaw has been ringing with excuses all week … and now the only two tenors who can hold a tune have fallen out over a mezzo soprano”
But not to worry – Alan and a group of parishioners to the rescue, with a selection of carols.
The walrus doesn’t impress Vicky
[Vicky] “It’s a very small walrus Lynda, for a stage prop”
[Lynda] “ It was meant to be basking on a distant flow. To give a sense of perspective while we girls danced the seal sarabond”
[Vicky] “Well it’s certainly eye catching, the way the tusks seem to fallow you round the room”
Lynda’s table decoration won’t be entered into the competition, as that wouldn’t be fair. She’s the organiser, after all.
And she has a walrus.
Don’t mess with Neil’s armchair
Neil is livid.
[Neil] “Without even asking, Susan. I nearly let rip … The armchair is there for a reason!”
[Susan] “To be fair Neil, she hasn’t moved it that far … it’s been in the same spot since we bought it”
[Neil] “I lined it up perfectly. So when I do get a chance to sit down the sun isn’t in my eyes, it’s at a good angle for the telly and if I want a can I just reach out to the side table”
Susan is trying to reason with Neil, until she finds out that the kids had been using her new (new!) rose lampshade for a hat!
She is not amused.
[Neil] “We worked hard all our lives to enjoy living here Susan, and now we’re being crowded out of our own home”
[Susan] “I like having her around, she’s better company than any of my brothers”
[Neil] “So are most of my pigs … I feel mean, but they’re driving me crackers!”
Susan concurs (I mean to say, that new rose lampshade might be marked!), and wants them to move into No.6 The Green with her dad and Gary. That’d mean they’d have somewhere to live that isn’t the Carters’, and Susan wouldn’t have to look after both households.
Perfect.
Neil wonders whether No.6 is big enough – but, as Susan points out, Bert and Ivy managed to bring up their brood in it. Which gets Neil thinking about how he can help modify the house to cope.
[Susan, warmed by Neil’s generosity] “Going to all that trouble for my sister”
[Neil] “Believe me, I’d go to a lot more trouble if it means getting them out of the house”
Neil isn’t too happy that they won’t start their plans to move on Tracey until after Christmas, but it is fairly close now. Will they all survive in the meantime?
And more importantly – will we ever know if that lampshade was harmed in the making of the kids’ dressing up?
The Ambridge Organics prelims are in
Pat couldn’t care less.
Helen seems to think they’re okay. As does Tom.
[Helen] “At least it feels like we’re slowly making some sort of progress”
Pat’s disinterest hasn’t gone unnoticed.
[Tom] “I feel sorry for her … it must be really difficult opening up old wounds”
But he hasn’t changed his mind about getting in touch with Sharon. Much to Helen’s relief.
Pat to reveal the truth at Christmas dinner?
What Scottish ditty will Jazzer sing?
Lynda has got Jazzer to agree to sing rather than recite (she’s very low on musical acts). He’s going to sing a traditional Scottish Folk Song.
It could be as lovely as the one he did at Ambridge Has Talent.
Or, it could be a slightly earthier ditty …
Mince Pie related failure
The point of Lighting Up is that the start with The Bull, then work through all the houses around the green – each turning on their Christmas lights in turn.
As we know, Joe’s doing Jim’s while Jim is comparing.
But Joe literally lets the side down. Jim’s light are late in coming on, so hold up that whole side of the green.
[Jim] “Mince pie related … fortifying himself with some free ones from The Bull”
And, Joe dropped one of the pies onto Jim’s carpet in his haste to try and get the lights on.
Tsk tsk Mr Grundy elder. You only had one job to do…
Worried about Peggy
We haven’t heard from her in a while, and mentions of her sprained ankle seem to be on the increase.
Silence and any sort of illness is never a good sign …
- Tristam’s review
- Ominous that Elizabeth is so annoyed with Nigel?
- Edgar’s lost his spanner
- Joe’s latest scam
Tristam’s review
[snippets from the review]
“Is feline fine … Veteran directs … unpacks a box of treats … bold casting … never lost sign of the Dame’s vulnerability …”
“… the sometimes over enthusiastic over projection of rat 1 … and the refined tones of rat 2”
“A dream pairing of Danny La Rue and Jimmy Krankie”
Lynda seems delighted about the review. Even though she sighed a ‘hmmmm’ at being called a ‘veteran’.
Eddie and Jazzer aren’t so happy. Eddie was rat 1
[Eddie] “What’s he saying? Have I got a loud voice?”
And Jazzer was Jimmy to Nigel’s Danny …
[Eddie] “I reckon he’s on summit”
Ominous that Elizabeth is so annoyed with Nigel?
As Nigel is checking on the progress of the brooch, Elizabeth still hasn’t calmed down from his a-wandering yesterday.
She’s angry he has fans (because of the Panto), she’s angry that it sounds like he’s now doing ticket sales (because the brooch man asked him if there was any left), she’s angry he’s the star of the show, and she’s angry that he was running around on Lynda’s command yesterday.
Boy – is she angry!
Better watch out for words spoken in anger being the last …
[Nigel] “I’m a one woman man, and tomorrow Lizzie will have the proof”
Edgar’s lost his spanner
Or someone has stolen it.
He’s also furious that the Ice Rink folks churned up the edge of the lawn, where the crocuses come up.
Hmmm. As was said on Twitter, watch out for where that spanner ends up on 2nd Jan. Could be a case of in the drawing room, with the spanner???
Joe’s latest scam
After failing to get Susan to take the last of his mistletoe in the village shop for TEAs, Joe comes up with a new plan.
(TEAs are Transition Equivalent in Ambridge – Ambridge money which can only be spent in Ambridge)
He’s somehow going to make money out of those folks who want ‘the good life’ by helping them to grow their own mistletoe.
Hmmm. I’m eager to hear more (and how!)
- Jazzer’s on-hand to fix Fallon’s clothes
- The fan-club’s on hand to watch Jazzer sing
- (and again Jazzer): Scottish Stereotypes #749
- Harry looks like Amy Whitehouse
- Tristam Hawkshaw
- “Oh, she is hyper”
- Wishful thinking on Harry and Fallon
- Oscar stroking Sabrina – too wrong!
Jazzer’s on-hand to fix Fallon’s clothes
[Fallon] “Come on Jazzer! You’d have thought you enough practise getting girls out of their clothes … just reverse the process”
And Jazzer does indeed to fix Fallon’s sash.
Phew!
The fan-club’s on hand to watch Jazzer sing
Or at least, that’s Jazzer’s take on why it’s a full house for the Panto’s opening night.
Shame we didn’t get to hear his sing…
(and again Jazzer): Scottish Stereotypes #749
[Jazzer] “Bagpipes, kilt, fist-fitting, the lot!”
They missed out irn-bru, shortbread, haggis, tossing the caber ….
Anyhoo – Jazzer is Fallon’s great hope for a great Hogmanay.
I wonder what could do wrong ….
Harry looks like Amy Whitehouse
But Nigel is more than enjoying his make-up.
Interesting.
Tristam Hawkshaw
[Lynda] “He could be my nemesis”
Lynda is horrified to see Tristam Hawkshaw, the new director of FLOSS (Felpersham Light Opera Society) turn up at the Panto.
She gets even more worried as she sees him talking notes.
[Lynda] “You don’t know about the bitter rivalry … Larry Lovell will have dripped poison in his ear … he’s obviously going to give me his production notes”
But – all ends well. Seems Tristam is writing a review for The Echo.
“Oh, she is hyper”
So says Nigel about Lynda.
With a few last minute directions for her cast:
[Lynda] “Less of the late night reveller from Idle Jack, Jazzer”
Lynda isn’t letting up.
She places the entire success of the second half onto Harry’s shoulders (no pressure there then!)
Wishful thinking on Harry and Fallon
Everyone seems to be determined that Harry and Fallon are an item.
Corriander seems to see a buzz between them.
And Lynda tries to ask Harry, one last time:
[Lynda] “There’s nothing more you want to tell me?”
[Harry] “What? Me and Fallon? Nothing like that”
And there was no repeat of the rather monumental snog of the rehearsal.
Both Fallon and Harry were back to being their normal, wooden, Panto selves.
Oscar stroking Sabrina – too wrong!
Oscar got his special audience with Sabrina (as the cat).
Not only did Sabrina audibly meow again (seriously – let the woman speak, now that she’s found her vocal cords) – but she seemed to get far too into the stroking for my liking.
That, in itself, wasn’t wrong – but the reaction of all the adult men was odd. Bizarre. Wrong (?)
They basically were basically thinking the equivalent of ‘go on my son! Give her one for me’.
Reminder: Oscar is 14 months …
