Pondering The Archers: flower and produce show

Caroline’s introducing herself to Jim’s bread, as she’s having to stand in for Oliver.

He can’t make it because his daughter (Emma) has to work (on a Sunday … some sort of how powered firm who’s so bloomin’ important it gets to interrupt), her husband is away on business, and their kid is ill.

[Jim] “So grandchild to the rescue … that’s very altruistic of him.”

But it does mean Oliver will miss his “triumph” … if he wins. Jim’s feeling very confident, and most certainly feels he’s’ better than Neville Booth and Bert Fry.

[Jim] “To tell you the truth Caroline, I don’t care where I;m placed, as long as I beat them.”

Jazzer then crashes in with his last minute entry. He’s feeling just as confident.

[Jazzer] “I don’t know what all the fuss is about. Breed making, easy peasy.”

He’s also feeling a tad impatient during the judging. Which he reckons they’re making a meal out of:

[Jazzer] “How difficult can that be, a carrot is a carrot, is it no?”

So, the winner was … Oliver!

[Jazzer] “Oliver first, Derek Fletcher second, and me nowhere.”

Jazzer reckons it’s a fix.

He’s especially annoyed Jim beat him with his Roman bread:

[Jazzer] “Breed that naebodies eaten since something or other BC, that’s just weird!”

[Jim] “It’s not weird, it’s authentic.”

Jazzer’s anger might have something more to do with him being disqualified. For using a bread maker. Seems he didn’t know that homemade bread generally doesn’t have a hole in the bottom.

Numpty.

Anyhoo, Ruth got highly commended for her chrysanthemums. And Jim also got a special prize from Ian for the “most interesting entry”.

[Jazzer] “This is a travesty. I demand a stewards’ enquiry!”

Well, it’s refreshing to have Jazzer demanding such, rather than Joe (as it most other years).

Sunday Lunch at Willow Farm

Is not something most of the Tucker family look forward to at the moment. Mainly due to Vicky and Mike’s current track record of not being able to behaving civilly to each other.

Roy and Brenda are on their way over.

[Brenda] “Big smiles, think positive.”

When Roy and Brenda arrive, Mike’s busy. Painting the baby’s room. Which comes a surprise to them – Mike hadn’t been coping last time they heard.

But now that he is, the family can finally start looking forward to Baby Tucker’s arrival.

[Brenda] “Can’t believe I;m going to have a sister, I’ve wanted one since I was 5 years old.”

As with Vicky, Brenda’s beyond excited, and doesn’t see the baby having Down’s Syndrome as a problem. Brenda reckons her fairy tales aren’t the so called-perfect norm, and she’s looking forward d to sharing those with her sister:

[Brenda] “Where the Princess ditched the Prince and ran off with the dragon.”

[Vicky] “I would like me to tell everyone that, well, this baby is special … it’s not as if it’s bad news.”

[Brenda] “Of course not.”

[Mike concurs] “No …”

Mike’s agreement that it’s not bad news didn’t sound exactly convincing. Maybe he needs a bit more time …

Jazzer nae mates
Well, ‘Jazzer nae flatmate’, to be exact.

He’s still having trouble trying to find someone to live with him after Harry moved out.

Seems two blokes were interested, came round, but decided not to move in. Jim wonders of Jazzer had bothered to tidy up.

[Jazzer] “I go for the lived in look, what to keep it homely.”

Hmmm.

He is reaching desperation point. Harry paid to the end of the month, so he needs to either find someone willing to put up with his muck, or get the Mr Sheen out!

Kenton and Jolene still aren’t home

They must be going by a very, very, very slow boat.

They’d left New Zealand on 6th September.

David and Elizabeth, back together again: Thurs 13.09.12

The Archers Thursday 13th September 2012

Jim shares his shed secret with Lynda
If it was a choice between Mike or the baby …
Elizabeth walks in on David
Ambridge got a Bronze
Squirrel!

Jim shares his shed secret with Lynda

The village is still agog with tales of odd happenings in Jim’s shed.

[David] “Smoke pouring out of the door, and Jim rushing in with a bucket of water”

Later, Jim reveals that he’s been building a … drum roll … Greek/Roman oven

Clever Jim.

That’s what he’s been building in his shed. Though it’s only Lynda who gets to know his secret (so mind and not tell anyone else).

If it was a choice between Mike or the baby …

Neil’s a good mate

Neil makes sure he bumps into Mike, the makes sure Mike meets him later on for a chat.

Which is exactly what Mike needs. Someone to talk to.

[Mike] “Keep thinking I’m going to wake up … find out it’s all going to be a bad dream … never realised how happy I was, until this happened.”

Mike talks to Neil about how he and Vicky can’t talk.

[Mike] “Nothing seems to come natural. It’s like we’re both trying to fill the silence, somehow … all I can think about is how can we possibly manage, it’s like a dark cloud over me all the time … is it fair on the child … bringing it into the world.”

[Neil] “And you can’t say that to her?”

[Mike] “She can’t even think about it. She wants the baby Neil. I just wish I could turn the clock back.”

[Neil] “I know it’s not what either of you would have chosen, but it’s happened … and maybe there’s one thing you need to remember in all this … Vicky; made you so happy these last few years … she changed everything, didn’t she … so if you try to insist that she has a termination, won’t you risk losing her.”

[Mike] “I know. I just can’t imagine life without her.”

[Neil] “If she wants to have this baby, nothing’s going to stop her.”

[Mike] “That’s what scares me.”

Indeed.

Mike or the baby – it’d be the baby for Vicky, every time.

Elizabeth walks in on David
David sneaks in to see Freddie while Elizabeth is out, and has a grand time cheering him up by being so bad at playing a football computer game.

Elizabeth must have come home early, and it must have been a shock to see David there, but she didn’t throw him out. She insisted he stay.

Freddie squarely beats David at the computer game, to which Elizabeth remarks that David is a better loser these days. She remembers what he was like when the family played board games at Christmas.

[Elizabeth] “You’d get really annoyed if I beat you then.”

[David] “What? It was you! If you didn’t get Park lane or Mayfair, you’d tip the board over.”

[Freddie] “I just can’t believe how you managed without computer games”

As David gets to go, Elizabeth walks him out, and thanks him.

[Elizabeth] “Freddie seems so much brighter for seeing you.”

[David] “I can’t tell you what it’s meant to be here again Elizabeth. I’ve missed you.”

[Elizabeth] “Me too.”

Phew!

Thank goodness that’s over.

Now the Archer clan (Phil/Jill branch) can be a proper clan again.

Lucky thing that, what with Christmas approaching.

Ambridge got a Bronze

In Britain in Bloom. Which Lynda is delighted with, and sees as “credible”.

They even got a certificate!

[Lynda] “We thought it should take pride of place in the village hall so everyone could share in its glory.”

Quite right,

Well done Ambridge.

Squirrel!

(seriously, if you haven’t seen the film Up – please do so soon. Especially recommended for dog owners. And you’ll also understand why I get so excited when anyone mentions squirrel!)

Scruff runs of barking while Jim and Lynda are chatting. Which is what he did when they thought they’d spotted the Ambridge Beast.

They then hear and see bushes rustling. Which is what they saw and heard when they thought they’d spotted the Ambridge Beast.

[Lynda] “You don’t think … surely …”

[Jim] “I don’t know Lynda, but shall we keep it to ourselves this time … and whatever it was, I should say it was considerably larger than a squirrel, wouldn’t you?”

Oho! Eddie better get to making more of his statues.

Jim can’t get peace in his shed: Wed 12.09.12

The Archers Wednesday 12th September 2012

Pavel wants to say goodbye
Darrell takes up the floorboards
Is that Paul as in THE Paul?
What’s going on in Jim’s shed?
Jim appreciates Fallon’s talents
Darrell has to buy a washing machine

Pavel wants to say goodbye

He asks Adam to his caravan. He’s about to leave to go back home.

(and makes tea, which he reckons he’s now got the hand of. He reckons he was using too many bags at first)

Pavel reckons he wants to say goodbye properly to Adam. Adam wants to walk away and forget him and what happened.

[Pavel] “Why feel so guilty, why not see it for what it is?”

Adam reckons he might have been a bit more relaxed about it when he was younger, but not now. Not married to Ian.

Pavel tries to wind Adam up again by suggesting Ian was up for it when he came onto him, but Adam doesn’t believe him.

[Pavel] “Though he was tempted anyway. What’s so wrong with being tempted, if it doesn’t hurt anyone?”

[Adam] “Well it does.”

[Pavel] “I just want to say goodbye properly, that’s all.”

[Adam] “I can’t take the risk.”

Pavel resorts to begging.

But to no avail.

Adam stand him up.

[Pavel] “Just a bit disappointed. I was hoping to have a date with someone before I go, but it’s not happening.”

I can’t quite make up my mind whether Pavel is incredibly naive, purely driven by his groin or if Adam has been whispering sweet nothings off microphone.

Either which way, you’d have thought he’d got the message well before now.

Darrell takes up the floorboards

At Joyce and Arthurs.

After all the fuss about Matt forcing him to do it, it seemed to take him half a day.

What was all the fuss about?

Anyhoo, as Darrell gets an electric shock from Arthur’s drill (he won’t get his insurance to cover him for using a client’s equipment, you know …), Matt turns up.

Is that Paul as in THE Paul?

Darrell tells Matt that he has other work coming up. He’s off to work with a chap called Paul Morgan, who says that he also knows Matt.

Is that THE Paul? As in Matt’s half-brother Paul? Didn’t he have something to do with building?

Perfect timing if he wants to take things further with Lilian (than he did last time). She’s ever so angry with Matt at the moment.

This could be very interesting indeed.

What’s going on in Jim’s shed?

Jazzer is even wondering.

[Jazzer] “The whole shed was shaking, I thought there was a fight going on!”

[Jim] “Just had a little local difficulty.”

[Jazzer] “Sweating like a pig, whatever it is.”

[Jim] “Can’t a man occupy himself in his shed without attracting the interests of the whole village?”

Jazzer’s so intrigued that he even buys Jim half a pint later on.

But Jim’s not for telling.

He asks Pavel is he concurs that they have all “exhausted” the topic.

[Pavel, not a clue what they’re on about] “Erm, I think so?”

Jim appreciates Fallon’s talents

He’s very appreciative of Fallon’s efforts to get folks into The Bull.

Especially the forthcoming comedy night.

Nothing else attracting you, Jim???

Darrell has to buy a washing machine

On credit.

He and Elona’s has died, beyond repair.

Poor Darrell.

Hope that new job does work out and he doesn’t have to go back to Matt.

Matt can be ever so nasty when someone has to beg to him.

Jamie now knows how to wield a chainsaw: Tues 11.09.12

The Archers Tuesday 11th September 2012

Oliver can’t do milking for bread making
Why would David be sneaking into Lower Loxley be a good idea?
Jamie skips College for a Chainsaw course
Ed almost dropped his peanuts
Badgers love peanuts

Oliver can’t do milking for bread making

Seems Oliver called Ed while quite upset. Something was amiss in his kitchen …

[Ed] “He was standing over the oven waiting for his bread to come out!”

And now can’t do his afternoon milking shift.

Ed’s not best amused. Even though Mike’s happy to help out (seems he is avoiding having to go home).

[Ed] “It seems like it going to be pistols at dawn between him and Jim Lloyd”

[Mike] “That’ll be a sight worth seeing.”

[Ed] “It’s not like him though. He’s so dependable.”

Blimey.

The men of the village really are taking the bread competition very seriously indeed.

But for poor Ed, it’s a case of bread, bread everywhere, but not a slice to eat.

He and Emma are so cash-strapped that there was only one slice left for George to have with his beans. Ed got a right bollocking for eating it.

Why would David be sneaking into Lower Loxley be a good idea?

Ruth seems to think it would.

She and Josh were off to visit Freddie, with David a tad despondent that he couldn’t go. Because of Elizabeth.

While over at Lower Loxley, Ruth then has a word with Lewis to work out when Elizabeth will be out. She tells David, and suggests he pops by then.

[David] “Would it seem like I was going behind Elizabeth’s back?”

Yes!

Though Ruth reckons no …

[Ruth] “It just makes it easier for you both, with things being a bit precarious for you still.”

Well, I don’t think it’s a good idea.

And a bit cowardly at that.

Jamie skips College for a Chainsaw course

Kathy is worried about Jamie.

He’s missing from College. Isn’t with Mike. And isn’t with Rosa.

When he turns up home, seems Kathy has found out that he’d been missing from College for two whole days.

[Kathy, furious] “Two days Jamie!!!”

But, unlike the last time Jamie went off the track chosen for him, he hasn’t been boozing, thieving or getting into trouble.

He was on an Advanced Chainsaw Course. Which he really (really) enjoyed.

[Jamie] “If you didn't follow the rules, then you’re stuffed, I didn’t mind that though cause I could see the reason for it.”

(blimey! Who would have thought it’d take a chainsaw to make Jamie see some sense)

Jamie even paid for the course out of the money he’d been saving for his driving lessons. For a kid in a rural area, that’s a big deal. First thing they generally do is get driving to get a bit of freedom.

But Kathy can’t see the good in it. She’s annoyed Jamie went behind her back:

[Kathy] “I'm not having you lie to me … You seem to think you can behave exactly as you please, you’re not 18 yet, I'm still the on supporting you, you should treat me with respect … you’re staying on at College alright, it’s what we agreed, and you know it’s for your own good.”

Jamie, reluctantly, agrees.

Which is a shame, as Kathy’s completely wrong this time.

Considering Jamie has never quite been enthralled by school or college, surely she should be encouraging him when he does find something he’s passionate about?

Ed almost dropped his peanuts

[Ed, sounding quite upset] “I just got my jacket caught in the branch, I almost dropped my peanuts!”

Actually, the peanuts weren’t for Ed.

They were for the badgers.

Badgers love peanuts

And they should love them enough to eventually get into Ed’s traps, so he can vaccinate them.

[David] “I don’t know, I never thought I’d see the day I’d be paying someone to put snacks out for badgers on my land. Anything else they fancy, flat screen TV to whole away the evening, couple of cans of beer?”

[Ed] “Just peanuts is fine.”

[David] “They must think Christmas has come early.”

Seems Ed hasn’t caught any as yet though – but that’s part of the plan. They out the traps out, leave them for a few days (with peanuts) so the badgers get used to them – then they set them.

[Ed] “Now they’ve been lulled into a false sense of security … You should see them when you open the cage door after they’ve had their jab.”

Ed tells David about how the badgers nearly knocked one of the other chaps on the course nearly off his feet.

[David] “They can’t help causing trouble, can they, ever when you're trying to help them.”

[Ed] “You seen get used to their little ways .”

[David, not convinced] “Yeah well, you might.”

Later on, as Ruth is telling David that Ed is keeping clear of the house because of a narky Emma:

[David] “Anyway, he thinks he might strike luckily tonight.”

[Ruth] “With the badgers, you mean?”

[David] “Yeah, he’s got a one track mind!”

David still isn’t convinced they should be vaccinating the badgers. He’d far rather sort them out with his shotgun.

[David] “I just can’t look at them without remembering the misery they’ve caused us.”

The badgers better hope Ed gets to them before David does, once they’re in the traps.