- Jazzer’s on-hand to fix Fallon’s clothes
- The fan-club’s on hand to watch Jazzer sing
- (and again Jazzer): Scottish Stereotypes #749
- Harry looks like Amy Whitehouse
- Tristam Hawkshaw
- “Oh, she is hyper”
- Wishful thinking on Harry and Fallon
- Oscar stroking Sabrina – too wrong!
Jazzer’s on-hand to fix Fallon’s clothes
[Fallon] “Come on Jazzer! You’d have thought you enough practise getting girls out of their clothes … just reverse the process”
And Jazzer does indeed to fix Fallon’s sash.
Phew!
The fan-club’s on hand to watch Jazzer sing
Or at least, that’s Jazzer’s take on why it’s a full house for the Panto’s opening night.
Shame we didn’t get to hear his sing…
(and again Jazzer): Scottish Stereotypes #749
[Jazzer] “Bagpipes, kilt, fist-fitting, the lot!”
They missed out irn-bru, shortbread, haggis, tossing the caber ….
Anyhoo – Jazzer is Fallon’s great hope for a great Hogmanay.
I wonder what could do wrong ….
Harry looks like Amy Whitehouse
But Nigel is more than enjoying his make-up.
Interesting.
Tristam Hawkshaw
[Lynda] “He could be my nemesis”
Lynda is horrified to see Tristam Hawkshaw, the new director of FLOSS (Felpersham Light Opera Society) turn up at the Panto.
She gets even more worried as she sees him talking notes.
[Lynda] “You don’t know about the bitter rivalry … Larry Lovell will have dripped poison in his ear … he’s obviously going to give me his production notes”
But – all ends well. Seems Tristam is writing a review for The Echo.
“Oh, she is hyper”
So says Nigel about Lynda.
With a few last minute directions for her cast:
[Lynda] “Less of the late night reveller from Idle Jack, Jazzer”
Lynda isn’t letting up.
She places the entire success of the second half onto Harry’s shoulders (no pressure there then!)
Wishful thinking on Harry and Fallon
Everyone seems to be determined that Harry and Fallon are an item.
Corriander seems to see a buzz between them.
And Lynda tries to ask Harry, one last time:
[Lynda] “There’s nothing more you want to tell me?”
[Harry] “What? Me and Fallon? Nothing like that”
And there was no repeat of the rather monumental snog of the rehearsal.
Both Fallon and Harry were back to being their normal, wooden, Panto selves.
Oscar stroking Sabrina – too wrong!
Oscar got his special audience with Sabrina (as the cat).
Not only did Sabrina audibly meow again (seriously – let the woman speak, now that she’s found her vocal cords) – but she seemed to get far too into the stroking for my liking.
That, in itself, wasn’t wrong – but the reaction of all the adult men was odd. Bizarre. Wrong (?)
They basically were basically thinking the equivalent of ‘go on my son! Give her one for me’.
Reminder: Oscar is 14 months …
- “You’ve got a hard act to follow after Susan’s do”
- “They’re quite a tribe”
- Jennifer and Keith?
- Helen wants to leave Ambridge!
- Adam has twins
- What more than Nic did a good dinner?
- Joe‘s still trying
- Brian’s off to see John Humphries
- Oscar and the pussy cat
- Helen leaves early. Again.
“You’ve got a hard act to follow after Susan’s do …
… you weren’t tempted to invite all the Horrobin’s tonight for a return match?”
(said Brian to Adam)
[Adam] “No. We found that idea very resistant”
[Brian] “They’re quite a tribe … did I hear Bert Horrobin telling Ian he’s got grandsons called Ronaldo and Gerard Horrobin… extraordinary!”
[Brian] “Still, I have to hand it to them. They know how to enjoy themselves … even your mother was forced to admit she had a good time … the start of a beautiful friendship for her and Keith Horrobin”
Jennifer and Keith?
Just a thought.
We haven’t had a good affair in a while. The Shocker for the 60th anniversary?
Helen wants to leave Ambridge!
Well, just for the day, but when was the last time Helen wanted to “go further afield”?
Maybe her baby will be a good influence.
Though I suspect her desire to go a-wandering is more to do with staying away from Tony …
Anyhoo, Kirsty and Helen are off on a nice country walk, which soon turns into a bit of a trial for Kirsty.
Despite Helen being heavily pregnant, it’s Kirsty who’s huffing and puffing, desperately trying to get Helen to stop at one of the many pubs they’re passing.
[Helen] “If you’re hungry, you’re more than welcome to a cereal bar or an apple”
Poor Kirsty. Still:
[Kirsty] “I’m just relieved she didn’t give birth in a field”
That’d have truly been the ‘natural’ birth Helen yearns for.
Adam has twins
Think about it before you panic ….
It’s the start of lambing, with Adam’s first lambs being a rather difficult birth of twins.
Claire, their new student who arrived just as the first ewe was giving birth, had to get right in the thick of it to save the lambs.
They were tangled, with:
[Adam] “Presentation was no head three legs one of them a back leg”
They only managed to sort everything out by pushing the lambs back inside the ewe, with Claire having small enough hands to sort everything out.
Shall we be hearing more from the Claire of small hands?
What more than Nic did a good dinner?
Now Pat’s on about how Nic did the Grundy’s proud by cooking a good dinner, and mentioned that they all had a “nice Christmas”.
So was that it?
All that fuss over Will and Ed having to spend Christmas together. And it was “nice”.
*hmph*
Joe‘s still trying
Joe had been round to Ian and Adam with some tempting greenery to buy.
After not making any sales to the shoot, Joe’s now going round folks who are having parties to try and get a final few sales of his mistletoe and kissing boughs.
If God does love a trier, Joe will be well sorted.
Brian’s off to see John Humphries
At some sort of Conference in Oxford.
And that’s all I know so far (anyone else have an idea about this one?)
Oscar and the pussy cat
Lynda has had to accept that her 14 month grandson (Oscar) is too young to be able to sit through the whole Panto.
But he is going to have a special audience with Sabrina at the end.
He must really like cats …
Helen leaves early. Again.
[Tony] “She can hardly bear to be in the same room as me”
Helen does make it to Ian and Adam’s party, only to have to leave again as she’s tired.
Well, that’s at least her excuse.
She did manage to have a quick chat with Pat, but utterly avoided Tony. On leaving, she gave Ian and Pat a kiss, but only a “bye dad” to Tony.
So, she sets Tony off again in thinking everything she does is about him, and avoiding him:
[Tony] “I reckon she’s going to be tied for the rest of her pregnancy … when I’m around anyway”
No ego there then, Tony!
They’re really as bad as each other. Paranoid. Self-obsessed. Stubborn.
Here’s hoping the baby being born will actually help clear the air. This is all getting a tad tedious.
- Emma’s jealous as well as lazy …
- Kenton made Page 13
- Is that because of the snow?
- Are Kenton and Nigel on drugs?
- “It’s never too young to introduce the young to the performing arts”
- Helen needs Lynda and Robert
- “I’m afraid he’ll be gently steaming all through his Chinese meal tonight”
- What’s Nigel on about?
=
Emma’s jealous as well as lazy …
[Kenton] “Emma had a face as long as a fiddle when I jumped out at her from behind the wheelie bin”
[Elizabeth] “I heard her moaning to Pip … something about Nic being Clarrie’s blue eyed girl”
So can we now look forward to Emma having a go at Nic, as well as Will casting his hooks into Ed?
Either way – if Emma’s put out that Clarrie is singing Nic’s praises – maybe Emma should try and help out more.
Quite simple, really
Kenton made Page 13
While he, Nigel and Elizabeth seem quite delighted about.
That’s a funny thing.
Being quite a connoisseur of local papers myself, I know that the latter pages are great for the WRI and Rotary roundups – but a bit of a cemetery for ‘news’.
Is that because of the snow?
I am getting obsessed about the lack of snow and freezing temperatures in Ambridge.
I thought Elizabeth was about to mention that Lily’s present was late to be delivered because of the weather but … no … no reason at all.
What’s going on?
Even if it’s perfect weather in Ambridge, why isn’t the fact that the rest of the UK is falling apart even merit a mention?
Even Lynda wasn’t worried about how Oscar and co were going to get to Ambridge.
Odd.
Hmmm …
Are Kenton and Nigel on drugs?
What on earth were Nigel and Kenton thinking?
So Elizabeth needs to relax. Delegate a bit better. Have fun. Break a smile …
And the solution is obvious.
All Elizabeth needs is for her husband and brother to dress up as highwaymen, switching place to make her think she’s seeing double (‘but he’s down there, when he was just over there’).
But of course!
(eh???)
There was a nearly funny moment when Elizabeth couldn’t get Kenton to come out (!), but then got a bit weird:
[Elizabeth] “It’s the first time I ever found a highway man in my bed”
Thankfully, it was Nigel in bed with her.
Nope. I’m sorry to say that it just didn’t work, chaps.
Both dressing as Rick Turnip to confuse Elizabeth was a prank of sorts, but I don’t get how it really made Elizabeth realise that she needs to relax more often.
I guess the proof will be in the (Christmas) pudding.
“It’s never too young to introduce the young to the performing arts”
So says Lynda.
Though I think more adult men would be more suitable for stroking “the cat’s lovely fur coat …”
Helen needs Lynda and Robert
Well, to be more exact, Helen needs her child to have grandparents like Lynda and Robert.
As she watches Lynda dotting over baby Oscar (and does seem genuinely grateful for Coriander’s baby cast-offs), it hits home that her child might never experience such unconditional love.
So what to do?
Accept that Tony will be Tony, and try to make amends in the hope that he will melt eventually?
Keep cutting Tony out, to concentrate on the genuinely supportive Grandma Pat?
Difficult.
And a shame that Ian wasn’t on hand to advise and comfort.
Phew! The baby hasn’t even been born yet, but Helen already seems to be struggling alone.
“I’m afraid he’ll be gently steaming all through his Chinese meal tonight”
I like Lewis.
He has a rather nifty turn of phrase, and is a decent sort of a chap.
What’s Nigel on about?
[Nigel] “I’ve been watching Fallon and Harry … I just wondered … they’re behaving like very good friends … after that kiss, I thought there might be something more …”
Well we all did, and were left just as confused about Harry, but why is Nigel so interested?
Has he sniffed out the real reason for Harry?!?
- And Oscar makes Five
- Clothes?
- Overly confident? Our Lynda???
- Tom’s Sausages to the rescue!
- Helen’s making it up
- “Tom, this is my baby, not one of your sows!”
- Classic Susan and Vicky
- Who mixed up the sheet labels?
- Tom is brilliant at Guitar Heroes
- This is the #sattc
And Oscar makes Five
I know Lynda is a resident that folks either love or loathe – but it’s always nice to hear her so happy about baby Oscar.
Corriander, Justin and Oscar will be with Robert and Lynda tomorrow (weather permitting, surely?!?). Which makes Lynda happy enough to splash out on organic gnocchi and some Borchester Blue for the sauce (my, Helen’s a great saleswoman!).
Maybe Helen will also be glad of their arrival. Coriander seems keen to catch-up with her about all things baby – and Helen could certainly do with more folks who support her without question …
Clothes?
I’m undecided as to whether Helen was offended at Lynda’s mention of Coriander’s offer of some of Oscar’s cast-off baby clothes,
Or, whether Helen hadn’t actually started thinking about clothes yet.
Surely it can’t be the latter?
Overly confident? Our Lynda???
[Lynda] “One doesn’t like to jinx things by being overly confident”
No, we could never accuse Lynda of such an attitude.
After all, just look at the buffoons she’s got to work with …
It was seemingly the “tech” rehearsal tonight, but we didn’t get to eavesdrop in.
I wonder whether Harry and Fallon have practised ‘that’ kiss yet.
Tom’s Sausages to the rescue!
Remembering that she still has a son, Pat tells Tom about the recent spat between Tony and Helen.
Pat thinks Helen isn’t responding to Tony because Helen thinks it’s actually not Tony trying to make amends – that it’s Pat pushing Tony to do so.
My. How the trust has been broken.
[Pat] “It’d be ridiculous if it wasn’t so sad”
So Plan D is Pat sending Tom over to Helen’s to try and make sure she will be joining the family for Christmas eve.
Ahem! Tom’s not exactly known for his tact and diplomacy.
BUT, he actually does the trick.
Well, nearly.
Tom does manage to persuade Helen to be at Bridge Farm for Christmas Eve (“just do it for mum”), but she’s now refusing to stay over.
Ah well. Looks like the whole Bridge Farm clan will be making baby steps …
Helen’s making it up
Helen’s not gaining any support for her point of view (amongst us eavesdroppers) by having a very selective view of what happened the other day with Tony. On talking with Tom:
[Tom] “Look Helen, you know he’s rubbish at showing how he feels. He keeps it bottled up.”
[Helen] “Bottled up? Tom, If only! … Practically turned into a slanging match outside the shop”
I am on Helen’s side (mostly) but no. It was not a slanging match. It was you shouting at a rather shell-shocked and upset Tony.
But then again, Helen also explained a bit more about why she’s so upset with Tony:
[Helen] “I’m worrying about it all the time. I wanted a granddad my baby could love … they know when someone doesn’t love them … children somehow believe it’s their fault”
[Tom] “You’re running too far ahead”
[Helen] “You can’t make someone feel something that isn’t there, can you?”
I hate to say this, but Tom does have a point.
Hand up how many of you believe Tony will melt when he sees his first grandchild …
“Tom, this is my baby, not one of your sows!”
Despite Tom actually managing being a successful diplomat for once, his good old self was never far from the surface.
On trying to explain to Helen that he’s also had problems with Tony, he used the example of when they fell out over him moving his pigs to home farm:
[Tom] “I’ve done my fair share of biting my tongue over his comments”
[Helen] “Tom, this is my baby, not one of your sows!”
Whoops!
Classic Susan and Vicky
(talking about Susan’s Christmas Eve party)
[Vicky] “There’s nothing like a party to kick-start the Christmas season”
[Susan] “It’s not that kind of party”
[Vicky] “There’s only one sort of party, isn’t there?”
[Susan] “I suppose it depends on the circles you mix in”
(on dismissing Vicky’s intelligence that the supermarket has some rather nifty party food)
[Susan]” …I’m serving canapés … and I’m making them all myself … it’s the sort of thing Brian and Jennifer expect”
Hang on.
Haven’t we been here before?
Susan tries out an overambitious new recipe. Which was always bound to go wrong. Just before Brian and Jennifer arrive.
You’d think Susan would learn.
Who mixed up the sheet labels?
Just as Pat’s packing Tom off to do Tony’s job, she gets a call from Lynda about a slight yoghurt issue.
It turns out that the Strawberry was raspberry.
With the bigger problem being that where one has been incorrectly labelled, there will be others.
I think this was one more problem too many for Pat. She marched through to the diary – demanded of Vicky and Susan to work out what had gone wrong – then was rather harsh with Vicky when they all worked out it was probably her fault.
Vicky hadn’t checked the label sheets as she was using them, plus hadn’t been wearing her glasses.
But isn’t Vicky new on the job? And why was the labels mixed up in the first place?
Either way, Vicky’s made a mistake, but it was purely human error. And her glasses were new and rubbing her.
As Pat then found out Vicky’s mistake had gone on Underwoods stock as well as Ambridge Organics, she flatly (and rudely) turns down Vicky’s offer to drive through rush hour with new stock.
[Pat] “Oh that would look good, wouldn’t it! Sending someone else to do my apologising for me. I’ll have to do it myself. I really could have done without this!”
Step back, ladies and gentleman. She’s goanna blow!
Tom is brilliant at Guitar Heroes
(that should actually read ‘Tom proclaims himself to be brilliant at Guitar Heroes’)
At least he is getting out of the house. And, from what Tom was saying, it seems Harry’s becoming a bit more relaxed about having the ‘lads’ over.
Question is – has anyone (anywhere) seen Brenda lately?!?
The #sattc has happened. Did you miss it?
(sattc is Twitter shorthand for the Shaking Ambridge to the Core, regarding the seemingly big happening of Jan ’11. I still have no idea how the BBC can predict such things …)
(Tom and Pat talking about Helen coming home for Christmas)
[Pat] "She’s not staying over?”"
[Tom] “I tried but she just wants her own space”
[Pat] “I wish she and your father could put it all behind them … it’s horrible … I hate to think of her waking up on her own on Christmas day”
[Tom] “If she does, remember it’s the last time she’ll have too. All being well, she’d be hanging up a little stocking and be waking up at the crack of dawn”
The shock! The Horror!
Tom Archer.
Said something.
That’s kind, thoughtful and wise …
(I’m off to lie down in a dark room)
