Ambridge Extra Thursday 28th April 2011: The Royal Wedding … eh???

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• Still can’t get the hang of Ambridge Extra’s alternate universe
• Marty “would” Fallon
• “whatever”
• Larger and chips for Alice and Chris
• Chris is a genius
• Finding Pip and Spencer quite endearing
• Jamie goes to the toilet, can’t afford pizza and suffers Polly
• The Royal Wedding (a day before the rest of humanity)
• Chas: the not very scary loan shark

Still can’t get the hang of Ambridge Extra’s alternate universe

I really can’t work it out.

One minute, it’s behind ‘normal’ Ambridge days – then it jumps forth in time.

Hard enough working out which teenage lad is talking, without having to cope with time travel theorem.

It has to be a conspiracy.

How can the secret microphones be recording on Friday when it’s Thursday, unless something strange and sinister is afoot.

Maybe that’s why the Barwick Green version is so damn terrifying … setting the tone.



Marty “would” Fallon

[Jamie – saying he prefers no Jolene] “It’s just me and Fallon. We have a laugh.”

[Marty] “I would …”

Seems “I would” means that Marty would quite like to set his cap at Fallon.

He reckons he was talking hypothetically, as Fallon’s way out of his league.

I don’t know, but. Fallon might welcome any male attention after her very long drought.

Whatever did happen to Harry? Why’s he not speaking? Did he and Fallon fizzle out as fast as they fizzled on?


“whatever”

I’m a bit perturbed that Ambridge Extra is starting to make me think and sound like an old grumpy person.

Jamie was talking to Marty about how he also doesn’t like Kenton’s overtones:

[Jamie] “He’s always on my case. Trying to buddy up and take an interest. Well he can forget that”

So, Marty, hearing that Jamie was now not entirely happy at The Bull came up with a fairly reasonable suggestion:

[Marty] “If you do go home. I reckon your mum would be so desperate, you’d have her right where you’d want her”

To which Jamie only said a quick ‘not really what I want to do’ – to which Marty replied “whatever”.

I don’t get it.

They were having a conversation – Marty suggestions something – Jamie doesn’t entirely agree (but isn’t argumentative or dismissive) – so why the “whatever”?

I thought that was just (by young ‘uns) to mean that they were bored or disagreed with what you were saying, and didn’t have the vocabulary to express themselves in a more traditional way.

Fair enough.

But “whatever” during a matey chat?

Lost on me.

And damn you! Damn you all!! I don’t want to sound like my granny used to (give me a few more decades, at least).



Larger and chips for Alice and Chris

Brilliant. That Chris knows how to show a lass a grand time.

(I’m actually just jealous)


Chris is a genius

He gets extra chips. And then lands major brownie points for watching something he doesn’t want to, in a place he wants to be.

Chris tells Alice he’ll watch the Royal Wedding (well, “Kate and Will” to Chris) for her sake, and quite ungrudgingly, as long as they do so in the pub.

Nice.

Alice’s happy that her man cares enough to think about what she wants to do, and her man is happy that she’s happy, in the pub with him.

Evelyn Waugh would have a tough time finding something to write about with those two as his only inspiration …



Finding Pip and Spencer quite endearing

Just as Ted and Peggy in Ambridge proper are really sweet, Spencer and Pip are being quite heart-warmingly tender.

[Spencer] “I always enjoy skittles night”

Bless them.

They have a jolly nice time at skittles, then Spencer mentions that he has a cunning plan instead of watching the wedding (which Pip is none too bothered about).

And Spencer’s a farmer.

That’ll be Brookfield’s future sorted, then.



Jamie goes to the toilet, can’t afford pizza and suffers Polly

Not sure why Marty was hanging round the toilets while Jamie was in there

[Marty] “You’ve been a while mate”

I thought it was just women who shared public toilet experiences. Well, apart from the occasional gentleman’s-gentleman.

Jamie’s having a bit of a rubbish time. He thought he was going to Spud’s house (whoever Spud is), but they end up in a Pizza place.

He can’t afford a pizza. Marty offers him some of his, but he doesn’t like pepperoni. And Polly is in the corner “with some stupid rugby player”.

Goodness me. As if Jamie needed anything extra to moan about.


The Royal Wedding (a day before the rest of humanity)

Rhys reckons she’s run off and married Gavin Henson …

[Rhys] “ realised she’s got to go to Wales to marry a real man”

The Bull is serving Royal wedding lager:

[Rhys] “I sing Rule Britannia while I pour it”

Pip and Spencer avoid the wedding to find a quiet spot. He’s used orienteering calculations to:

[Spencer] “not be seen for miles … the changes of anyone not interrupting us should be very slim … bride and groom should be appearing on the balcony of Buckingham Palace, and you know what everyone’s hoping for … what I’ve been hoping for for days …”

(and they kiss)

Alice wouldn’t say no to their 10th year anniversary blessing happening in Westminster Abbey.

And:

[Rhys] “Are you going to hang around now then? Spend the rest of the afternoon in a romantic alcoholic daze?”

(no. Chris and Alice went back home)

And that was that.

What a brain freeze.

Wonder if the microphones will be caught out? Will something extraordinary happen tomorrow? Would serve those microphones right for being so un-Ambridge.



Chas: the not very scary loan shark

You find me in a very negative mood with Ambridge Extra, and I do apologise.

But I couldn’t help but think that Chas sounded a bit weak as he was trying to pressure some bloke called Reggie into paying back his loan.

I think most folks would have laughed at his attempt at ‘I’m a Mitchell!’ routine. Or bounced him out of their house.

Maybe he’s picking on particularly weak/vulnerable people, as Reggie certainly seemed to be scared.

[Chas] “Come on Reggie. I know you’re in there. I can see you, you fool”

[Chas] “Believe me, old chap, ask around. You really don’t want to let me down.”

I’ll start a fund to raise Reggie’s £400, if only not to have to suffer that insufferable twerp Chas playing the big man again.

The Archers Wed 17th Nov 2010: Topical inserts – Will & Kate, Cornwall Flooding

The Archers: Lamb and veg … the postman might slip … Helen’s heading for a fall

• “Is it wise to have braised lamb on a bed of mash with all the veg?”
• The first Mart meeting
• Ian’s menu is sparky
• Peggy worries for the postman
• Hilary Noakes won £6
• Helen’s in agony
• Tea and a sandwich
• Topical Inserts ahoy!

“Is it wise to have braised lamb on a bed of mash with all the veg?”

Brian seemed to think so.

But I’m with Annabelle.

A large lunch does not make for a productive afternoon.



The first Mart meeting

Despite Annabelle’s ascertain that

“Inaugural meetings barely amount to much”

Matt (via Lilian) didn’t want to let anything pass without comment.

[Annabelle] “Anyone else feel we were at an old fashioned séance … with Lilian busily channelling Matt”

Seemingly the phrase “I broadly agree” is a very Matt phase – which generally, when uttered by Matt, meant that he actually want to trash the plan he was ‘broadly’ agreeing to.

Lilian reckons she’s already constantly being “steamrolled”, and is making sure Amside’s issues are being recorded.

But it’s only going to get more and more complicated as Matt tries to control the project while not being able to be directly be involved.

Despite Lilian not actually managing to get the results Matt wants (so far), she’s at least having a go. And Annabelle also appreciates Lilian providing a dissenting voice. Even if that voice is actually Matt.

[Brian] “If she takes out a large Havana and playing with a cigar cutter, we’ll know she’s completely possessed”

Ian’s menu is sparky

And he seemingly did a grand job as the Great Magini at Ruairi’s birthday party.

Do we foresee a career change?

I’d not be sure about how Adam would look as Ian’s glamorous assistant. I don’t picture him as being able to pull off a tasselled bikini …



Peggy worries for the postman

Nabbed by Lilian outside (in the cold) sweeping up the leaves, Peggy’s worried that if left, the postman might slip.

As, bless her wee cotton socks.

Peggy was also passing the time after Lilian didn’t turn up in time for lunch.

How rude!


Hilary Noakes won £6

At the Race Night.

And her bragging contributed to Lilian being late for Peggy’s lunch.

See the dangers of gambling!


Helen’s in agony

[Lilian] “Silly girl has been dragging herself in … she can barely stand up”

Helen still isn’t taking it easy.

Goodness know why. As a self-employed person, I’d be more than delighted to have a real reason to take time off.

It’s also strange that Helen can be so aware of her body (in terms of calories), but so unaware of when her body is also craving rest.

Lilian did persuade her to go home – and then also followed her home in her car to make sure that she’d be able to drive okay (big tummies and steering wheels don’t mix).

Oh dear. You know when Lilian takes notice, something has to be wrong.



Tea and a sandwich

Helen took the tea, but refused a sandwich.

Which is surely a shame. I think Peggy would make a cracker of a sarnie.

Worried about Helen after hearing from Lilian that she was in a bad way, Peggy popped round to try and help.

Helen’s actually sat there, tracking the shop online.

Take five minutes off, for goodness sake lassie!

As much as Peggy is a dear for taking the time to check Helen, she isn’t quite ready to be wholly supportive of Helen having a baby by herself:

[Peggy] “Oh … it’s such a shame … I do wish you weren’t going through all this on your own … I remember how exhausting and difficult being pregnant can be”

[Helen] “It’s all been easier than I expected … I seem to be managing perfectly well by myself”

Are you Helen? Are you, really?




Topical Inserts ahoy!

The BBC are claiming credit yet again for putting ‘topical inserts’ into tonight’s ‘episode.

Peggy mentioned to Helen that she’d be watching daytime TV, which is not a normal habit for her, but she’d become hooked on the announcement that there’s a soon-to-be Royal wedding.

[Helen] “They look quite comfortable together”

[Peggy] “He seems quite romantic … She seems a very level headed girl, and a very good age to get married” (hint, hint Helen!)

Then Peggy even managed to notice the flooding in Cornwall. Which, my fine fellow Archers folks, is not even in Ambridge.