Pondering The Archers: super dairy

Steady on Jennifer.

I wouldn’t be too quick to laugh at him … his is family, after all.

Joyce will be home soon

Which is nice. Though sounds like Lilian will miss her one-on-one chats with Arthur.

James has been in an accident
Lilian get a call to say James has been in a car crash.

She rushes off to the hospital, but can’t get through to Matt (I think he was off on a lads’ night out?).

Though it seems James isn’t too badly hurt. He has a leg injury that may require an operation.

[Lilian] “I might need to nip outside, I need to have a … make a phone call.”

Lilian still can’t get Matt. She also can’t get through to Jennifer.

So who does she call next?

Tony?

No.

Adam?

Nope.

Jolene?

Indeed not.

When Lilian does finally manage to get Matt to answer his phone, he’s very untroubled and unconcerned that James is hurt. He’s more interested in staying at his lads’ do.

[Matt] “Give you a ring when it wraps up, and if you’re still stuck there, I’ll come and find you … there’s nothing I can do there, I’m not a doctor.”

Lilian tries to tell him that she just needs him there, to be there with her. So that she isn’t alone.

[Matt] “I better go. It’s the cigar break.”

[Lilian] “You ba …. !!!”

So, Lilian calls Paul (of course).

Now I know Matt can be an arse in any situation, but it’s really very odd that he’s not even faking concern about James, just to keep Lilian happy.

Very strange that he made the effort to take Lilian to Paris (trying to sweeten her now that Paul is back around), but now is completely disinterested.

That’ll make things far easier for his half-brother to steal away Matt’s Puss …

An all-male shortlist … the thrill!

Brian’s got the shortlist for the Super Dairy manager down to five.

Though he wants a chap called Rob Titchener to take the job. But Rob needs to talk to his wife first, which annoys Brian.

[Jennifer] “That’s rich coming from you, I’m not always the first person you tell about your businesses decisions, quite the reverse, or even your personal ones for that matter.”

Not sure why we’re spending so much time listening in on Brian’s staffing issues.

Brian needs punched!

(once again!)

Jennifer’s a tad excitable. She’s waiting to hear from Alice – who, if she has passed her degree, will also get a job that’s been offered to her.

But no degree, no job.

Brian’s decreed they’re going out to eat, because Jennifer is so excitable, and he’s also stressed about whether Rob will take the job.

BUT, Brian also decreed that Jennifer would have to leave her mobile at home, while he can take his. Brian’s theory is that Jennifer wouldn’t be able to stop checking it, but wouldn’t be able to do anything about whether Alice has/hasn’t got the job. So, that can wait. In complete contrast to Brian, who needs his phone to be able to sort out the Super Dairy manager position. Something he can control.

[Jennifer] “What about mum?”

[Brian] “What crises? That she can’t find her reading glasses!”

When They got home after their meal, Alice has been trying to call to say she’d passed, and got the job. And, of course, Lilian had been trying to get through about James.

I don’t know why Jennifer lets Brian boss her about like that.

Thursday, 18 October 2012

Emma’s folks to the rescue: Wed 17.10.12

The Archers Wednesday 17th October 2012

The Super Dairy is already causing headaches
Is no-one looking forward to James’ visit?
The haves and the have nots
Should children be clipped to fences?
Nothing less than the Armada will do for Lynda
Is Emma selfless?

The Super Dairy is already causing headaches

Literally.

The thumping from the initial building work can be heard all the way over in Brookfield.

Is no-one looking forward to James’ visit?

[David] “We won’t have to see James, will we?”

So the answer is no.

Apart from Lilian, of course.

The haves and the have nots

On the subject of James, David reckons:

[David] “What a tough time they’re all having in the big smoke.”

In comparison, Brookfield’s doing just fine. Both as a business, and as a family.

Well, that surely can’t last.

Should children be clipped to fences?

I would have thought not.

But it’s what Emma did to Keira while she tried to carry her pram over the (more flooded than usual) ford.

Nothing less than the Armada will do for Lynda

Robert’s managed to persuade Neil to do the scenery for the Christmas show, again.

[Neil] “She wants the armada sailing up the Am as a finale!”

Is Emma selfless?

Neil and Susan are in the know about Emma being invited to her friend’s wedding in London, but not able to afford it.

[Susan] “You know what it is, Emma just never puts herself first .. it’s always about the children, but when it comes to treating herself, she’s forgotten how.”

Really?

Or are Emma and Ed just so skint that Emma doesn’t even have a choice? I can imagine even the most selfish of folks would spend money on themselves when they and their family didn’t even have enough bread to go round.

Anyway – Neil and Susan decide to give Emma £150 for the wedding. At least Emma does have the decent to be both grateful and humble:

[Emma] “at my age, I should be able to pay me own way.”

[Susan] “you are to spend it all on you, understand!”

[Ed] “You’re not to do things on the cheap … Jodie’s going to wish she’d never asked you. You’re going to put her in the shade!”

Though I am a bit amazed at how far Ambridge folks think £150 goes these days. I’d have thought it’d be just enough to cover the train.

So, Emma shall go to the ball after all.

But without Ed:

[Ed] “Me, in London, I don’t think so …”

Sunday, 30 September 2012

Pavel tries it on with Ian: Thurs 06.09.12

The Archers Thursday 6th September 2012

You can lead a cow to milk …
With age comes a better attitude to livestock
Lynda’s on about TPOs
Lynda puts her mouth in it
Pavel tries to seduce Ian
Adam’s found to something to like about the Super Dairy

You can lead a cow to milk …

… but it takes two farmers to make it drink.

David’s got a new cow, only born two days ago, who isn’t able to help itself to the milk bar. She doesn’t seem to understand what to do, and the other cows keep barging her out of the way.

[Adam] “She doesn’t look very assertive … do you want me to act as bouncer? … You may need to draw a diagram.”

But all’s well.

She takes to it fine in the end.

With age comes a better attitude to livestock

So reckons Lynda.

(she’s talking about Scruff)

Lynda’s on about TPOs

She’s worried about an Oak at end of Manorfield Close. Something about it being crowned and whether it has a Tree Preservation Order.

So, she goes to ask Mike.

He’s the Tree Warden.

He tells her that’s all’s well, as that tree doesn’t have a TPO.

Then Lynda puts her mouth in it …

Lynda puts her mouth in it

[Lynda] “I know the pair of you are facing some extra challenges now, but together, you and Vicky will be more than a match for them.”

Oops.

Lynda isn’t supposed to know. Vicky isn’t supposed to have told anyone out of the family.

Mike holds his tongue with Lynda, but gives Vicky both barrels later on.

[Mike] “A juicy piece of gossip like that. She’ll love spreading it round!”

Vicky reckons Lynda is a true friend, so wouldn’t dare gossip.

I concur with Vicky. Lynda may have her faults, but a lack of loyalty isn’t one of them.

But, of course, it isn’t really Lynda that Mike is furious about. It’s the whole situation they (and their baby) find themselves in.

[Vicky] “I don’t know what you’re saying Mike because you’re not talking.”

[Mike] “I’m not talking because you're not listening. You won’t listen to me. You’ve already made your mind up.”

[Vicky] “I have no choice.”

Mike storms off …

Tricky.

Mike’s right that he really doesn’t have a say. Vicky’s the only one who can make their mind up.

But how is Vicky supposed to cope, let alone explain her feelings, when Mike just shouts and leaves?

Pavel tries to seduce Ian

Pavel calls round at Ian and Adam’s. He wants to see Adam, but he’s out. He tells Ian that he’s bored, bored, bored.

[Pavel] “I’m going out of my mind, with boredom, there’s nothing to do. I need to get away from the caravans.”

So Ian invites him in for dinner and wine while they wait for Adam to get back from work.

Ian’s also rudely interrupted by phone calls from Neville Booth, Oliver Sterling (and the like) wanting to know more about hot to make the perfect bread (for the Flower and Produce Show).

Pavel asks Ian to sit right next to him, so that he can hear him better. Ian, oblivious, does so:

[Pavel] “Maybe they aren’t interested in the bread. Maybe it’s you … I like guys who make things. It’s sexy …”

(Pavel tries to kiss Ian)

[Ian] “That’s out of line!”

[Pavel] “For fun!”

Ian does not agree, and sends Pavel packing (after he’s allowed to finish his wine. Ian still has his manners).

And Ian being Ian, he tells Adam what happened when Adam gets back in. By that time, Ian can see the funny side of it.

[Ian] “He’s got all the patter … before you know it, bang, hand on the thigh and in for the big kiss!”

[Adam] “You’re not serious … it wasn’t a joke?”

Ian plays it down. And takes the Michael out of Adam for suggesting that Pavel couldn’t find him (Ian) attractive).

[Adam] “All the same. It shouldn’t have happened.”

[Ian] “Hey, you don’t think for one second I was tempted? … of course I wasn’t. Why would I want a quick fumble with a silly kid like Pavel, not when I’ve got you Adam?”

Ah, that must have been a sting to Adam’s guilty conscience.

If only he was half the man that Ian was … he’d have told Ian about the one night stand with Pavel, and dealt with the consequences head on.

Instead, he’s got to continue lying, and now has the worry that Pavel will keep using his special charms to get Ian into bed.

But Adam doesn’t need to worry.

As I said, Ian’s twice the man Adam is.

Adam’s found to something to like about the Super Dairy
Well, I don’t suppose we can blame him. He’d need to have at least one thing to stay positive and sane about.

David was mentioning he’d seen lorries arriving at Valley Farm (the one with the swifts, whom one assumes will not be as welcome back next year). Adam tells him their getting the start of the foundations down, and also the anaerobic digester.

Adam’s a fan of the ‘AD Unit’. Seems it’ll produce enough power foe the whole dairy, the workers’ accommodation and also to sell back to the grid.

He also thinks Brian should have covered the Super Dairy in solar panels to generate even more power.

[Adam] “The more you control your energy. The less you get mucked about.”

Hmmm … is that more about Adam Vs Brian than Adam saving the planet or their business money?

Sunday, 26 August 2012

Men only bread competition: Thurs 23.08.12

The Archers Thursday 23rd August 2012

Ruth wants a party
It’s nearly Flower & Produce Show time!
The village shop has a scanner
Brookfield cows are soon to go in
Ruth doesn’t harass Adam
Funday at Shula’s
Matt needs cash

Ruth wants a party

[Ruth] “David, I’ve been thinking, we could have some people round some time. A party.”

Steady on Ruth!

She’s full of the joys that they can all get back to normal at Brookfield. The rest of the gang are up in court today.

And, Ruth reasons, that if they can have a party over a new slurry tank (which they did), they can surely celebrate this.

Later on that day, they hear the gang have all plead guilty.

Which means there won’t be a full trial, so David won’t have to be a witness.

[David] “It looks like it’s finally all over love … so, what about this tea party, eh?”

Ah David, David, David.

I don’t think only tea and cake was what Ruth had in mind.

It’s nearly Flower & Produce Show time!

Hurrah! (I hear you cry)

This year, there’ll be a bread category – for men only.

I’ve no idea why.

Nobody said.

The village shop has a scanner

How very modern indeed.

Though it’s a bit dangerous in the wrong hands.

Vicky scanned Brenda’s beans twice.

The horror.

(sorry – it was a slow day)

Brookfield cows are soon to go in

Only another month or 6 weeks to go.

Why nobody sees it’s a tad hypocritical for Brookfield to now keep its cows on for longer, but harass Brian over the Super Dairy, I don’t know.

Ruth doesn’t harass Adam

[Adam] “I suppose I better start getting my head round this whole dairy business.”

Adam’s telling Ruth that he now has to fill five silage clamps, 20,000 tonnes of it.

Ruth doesn’t blink. Though she’s firmly against the Super Dairy, she knows Adam really didn’t have a choice.

And if it hadn’t been Adam, Brian would have got someone else in anyway.

Funday at Shula’s

[Ruth] “Horsey games, Freddie’s been getting quite excited about it.”

Matt needs cash

Or so he claims.

[Matt] “I’ll let you into a little secret, currently we have a cashflow problem, a serious one.”

Either Matt’s telling the truth, so that Darrell understands why he’s so keen to get the Walters moved.

Or, he just wants Darrell to do as he’s told.

Anyhoo, Matt reckons that he needs the money ready, rather than tied up in bricks and mortar.

[Matt] “I want to see some action, something a little bit extra … even if you have to intervene a bit …”

Darrell’s going to buckle under the pressure.

Not only does his family need him to keep his work with Matt, but now Matt’s fortune depends on him.

Looks like the Walters will be moving …

Saturday, 18 August 2012

Adam and Jamie accept their fate (separately, of course): Thurs 16.08.12

The Archers Thursday 16th August 2012

Kathy’s on about Rosa again
Brian and Adam shake on it
The exam results ‘rave’
Jamie’s not going to Uni
Rosa finally gets her man …

Kathy’s on about Rosa again

Quite bizarre.

But at least this time she’s calling Rosa “cool” to her face.

Rosa’s new scooter really has turned Kathy’s head.

Anyhoo.

Kathy happens to mention that Natalie is having the exam results party.

At that, Rosa’s speeding off on her 50cc, at 30 miles an hour.

Brian and Adam shake on it

Brian tells Adam that he’s stopped the Farm Manager recruitment advert from going in again next week.

[Adam] “Okay, so …”

[Brian] “For now. And I’m really hoping I don’t have to again, but I'm still waiting for that commitment from you.”

And Brian wants that commitment before the pickers party at Home Farm.

[Brian] “Your mother’s putting so much love and care into the celebrations … it’s a family celebration to … this time a week ago, she was terrified you’d be leaving the farm going to goodness knows where … she’d be very upset if it unravel again.”

[Adam] “What more do you want of me, exactly … how about this, I'll stay on, and I’ll be fully committed to running the whole of the arable business, including supplying the dairy.”

It’s exactly what Brian needed to hear. And Adam sounds like he’s also convinced himself as well. He’s going all into this, as there’s no point being half hearted, and he’s promised not to moan.

[Adam] “I’ll do all I can to make to work for us, and that’s a promise.”

[Brian] “Thanks Adam, I know that can’t have been easy for you.”

And they shake on it. Adam keeps his job (at the price of his ethics), Brian gets his preferred Farm manager (at no extra cost at all!).

[Brian] “This may not always seem obvious to you, but keeping the family together means just as much to me as it does to your mother.”

Well, none of us really believe that one, Brian.

The exam results ‘rave’

(well, it was a party. Just that. A normal party. No rave intended …)

Natalie sounds tiddly from the off. She’s on the vodka. Well, she needs to celebrate. She got four As!

[Rosa] “She’s really going for it tonight isn’t she, I didn’t know she was such a party girl.”

Jamie’s not going to Uni

Jamie didn’t phone Kathy to tell her what he’d got. She had to leave a begging message.

He’d earlier told Rosa that he got one A, couple of B, and a C. Which he was worried about telling Kathy about. Those grades sounded fine to me.

But when Jamie gets home, he tells Kathy the truth. He got two Cs, a D and an E.

[Jamie] “They're rubbish grades, I totally mucked it.”

Kathy’s shocked, but manages to pull it together to say that at least he still has his A2s to do (whatever they are). He can still get to Uni.

[Jamie] “Uni? And end up with a 40 grand overdraft. Why?”

[Kathy] “You know why. To give yourself a decent start in life.”

But Jamie doesn’t agree. He’s not going to sit anymore exams. He’s not going back to College. And he’s most definitely not going to Uni.

Well, Mike is looking for a milkman …

Rosa finally gets her man …

Rosa crashes Natalie’s party, and makes a beeline for Jamie. She even gives him a go on her new scooter.

[Rosa] “If you’re really good, maybe I’ll give you another ride sometime.”

Rosa’s an odd one. She fancies Jamie, so she starts talking to him about his girlfriend:

[Rosa] “She’s got so much going for her. She’s cool, and she’s clever and she’s attractive. And she’s got you.”

Rosa than makes Jamie come up close to her so that she can ‘sort his hair’. It sounds like Rosa is just about to kiss him when Natalie catches sight …

[Natalie] “I saw you Jamie … shut up you tramp, what are you doing here anyway. It’s my party! … Don’t touch me, there’s nothing you can say to me now. I just want you to go away. Hear me, go on, now … we’re finished Jamie. It’s over.”

Oops.

If that’s what Rosa wanted to happen, job done!

Monday, 13 August 2012

Brian makes Adam beg: Sun 12.08.12

The Archers Sunday 12th August 2012

Adam will just have to apply
Vicky’s fluttering
Harry’s bisexual; bad news for Mike
Brian’s hardly magnanimous …
Polish night at Ian and Adam’s … with Pavel

Adam will just have to apply

Not sure why it took 2 days for Adam to get from his hot tub to Home Farm, but he does, and starts shouting at Brian advertising his job:

[Adam] “Will somebody tell me what the hell’s going on, I see my own job advertised in the paper … there are ways and ways”

Brian’s not remotely perturbed. He thinks he has a right to advertise for a Farm Manager. Adam wouldn’t do it, and he couldn’t expect a new Farm Manager to just coming knocking. He doesn’t even agree with Adam that he should have been told about the advert, even just out of politeness:

[Brian] “Polite? Adam, you had your chance. Your chose to go your own way, well fair enough, why should you expect to be consulted?”

[Adam, sounding a tad humble] “Did it ever cross your mind that I, um, might be having second thoughts?”

It was painful listening – Adam, having to admit to Brian that he wants to stay. That he and Ian don’t want to move. And:

[Adam] “My future’s here with you at Home Farm, whatever it takes.”

[Brian] “Whoa, hold on here, after all that’s happened, you’ve changed your mind, just like that … I'm sorry, you’re too late, the ads gone out … I've noted your interest in the position and we’ll let you know.”

Adam storms off.

Jennifer’s appalled at Brian. He still couldn’t care less what anyone else thinks:

[Brian] “After the way he’s behaved, all that song and dance, he can’t just expect to stroll back in!”

[Jennifer] “You’re not going to let him go! Oh Brian!”

When Adam tells Ian:

[Ian] “He’s lacking a few people skills, but he’s not stupid.”

Ian reckons Adam is too good at his job for Brian to be serious about choosing someone else over him.

Adam reckons not. He might have pushed Brian to the point where Brian would be glad to get rid of him.

[Ian] “Given the history here, he wasn’t going to welcome you back with open arms.”

Adam’s only hope now is Debbie. Though a tough lady, she's seemingly not into Brian’s power games.

Vicky’s fluttering

As Mike gets coffee in bed from Vicky (and a promise of breakfast in bed to follow), Vicky tells him that she might have felt a kick last night:

[Vicky] “Just a little flutter you know … well, they do say after 18, 19 weeks.”

I do hope that baby will be born okay …

Harry’s bisexual; bad news for Mike

As Mike gets his rare morning in bed, he’s looking forward to getting his workers back at dinner time.

[Mike] “Get their shifts sorted. I don’t want to have to do extra anymore.”

(Those of us who eavesdrop in on Ambridge Extra knew what was coming next …)

Mile and Vicky hear the sound of the letterbox. When Mike goes to see what’s happening, he finds a letter, and sees Fallon driving off in her van.

She’s posted a letter from Harry (then legged it).

[Mike] “You know what Harry’s done … he’s not coming back, ever, and do you know why?”

Actually. Yes. Vicky does know. She’s a modern kinda gal, you see:

[Vicky] “Mike look, it’s here on his Facebook see … and who’s that with him?”

[Mike, reading Harry’s Facebook page] “Grant?”

[Vicky] “His old boyfriend from when he was at uni …”

[Mike] “Boyfriend!”

[Vicky] “They met up again on holiday, now they’re back together.”

[Mike] “I don’t get it …”

[Vicky] “Isn’t it just so romantic, after all those years, oh it’s so sweet, you can see how much in love they are.”

[Mike] “So all this time, Harry’s been …”

[Vicky] “Oh come on, you’re not so surprised are you, he’s such a sweet and sensitive boy, I always wondered … oh Mike, you’re so old fashioned, that girl was never right for him that’s all. But now he’s back with his true love, and all because the van broke down in Cumbria … if that’s not fate … such a happening, like a fairy tale.”

[Mike] “What about me? Where am I going to find another milkman!”

Goodness, I do like Vicky (sometimes!).

Doesn’t bat an eyelid about Harry coming out. She’s just delighted he’s found his love.

And bless Mike as well.

All he’s really interested in is work …

Brian’s hardly magnanimous …

On the phone to Debbie:

[Brian] “No, I’m not being petty, yes of course I’ll do what’s best for the farm. As long as Adam understands …”

When he gets off the phone, he tells Jennifer:

[Brian] “She agrees with me, she’s also pretty fed up with him acting the prima donna …”

BUT Debbie also concurs that they’d be mad to let Adam go.

[Brian] “Apart from the whole family thing, we’d be hard pushed to find anyone as good … I’ll go down and find him later and say we’ll have him back … I was going to do it anyway, I just wanted to make him sweat a bit.”

[Jennifer] “And you will be, um, diplomatic about it, won’t you?”

[Brian] “Diplomatic? When am I ever anything else?”

(ha!)

[Brian to Adam] “So I’m willing to stop the ad, and tear up any replies I get … well, apart from anything else, it’ll save me and Debbie a lot of paperwork …your sudden change of heart, it caught me on the hop. You can see why I had to have time to adjust,”

Here’s the ‘but’ …

[Brian] “There is one important caveat, if this is going to work, I’ll expect you to be 100% full committed to the job … so I want to see some enthusiasm, a nice happy positive attitude, no more moaning and dragging your feet …”

In other words – shut up, get your work done, and say nothing else negative about the Super Dairy.

Of course, that makes Adam say that he needs more time to think. Though he manages not to shout to Brian, he can’t quite stomach having to grovel. Not yet.

[Adam to Ian] “He wants me to get down and lick his boots.”

[Ian] “Okay, well that’s some sort of progress … you’ve still got a job to go tomorrow morning …”

Ian wants to celebrate with some fizz, but Adam’s not as yet ready to party.

Which is fair enough. I wouldn’t want to celebrate is grovelling to Adam was on my ‘to do’ list.

Polish night at Ian and Adam’s … with Pavel

Oh dear.

Ian’s insisting that they have their champagne tomorrow. And that they invite Pavel round to help celebrate. Seems Ian’s been trying some of Pavel’s grandmother’s recipes, so wants to have a proper Polish night.

[Ian] “Come on, no arguments, it’ll be more fun with the three of us. I’ll text him now.”

Oh dear.

Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear.

Odds shorten on Ian kicking Adam out, Adam leaving Ambridge, Ian staying put.

Saturday, 11 August 2012

Adam’s not at home: Fri 03.08.12

The Archers Friday 3rd August 2012

Ruth is serenading her ‘girls’
Eddie’s fame spreads
Ian and Adam have a barney prt 2
It’s raining
It’s too late for the bees
Keith’s a clype
Olympics, grans and sex on the beach
David breaks out the wine

Ruth is serenading her ‘girls’

Singing alone with Adele.

Wish she wouldn’t.

What an awful voice!

Eddie’s fame spreads

[David] “He’s a sculpturer with a growing reputation, don’t know if he’ll lower himself to driving a corn trailer!”

Seems his PR coup has also brought him some sales.

Crafty wee so and so!

Ian and Adam have a barney prt 2

Ian tells Adam about his chat with Brian.

[Adam] “So you’re all ganging up on me now!”

Later on:

[Ian] “He wants you to stay at Home Farm.”

Adam reckons that might be so, but they’ve made it impossible for him to stay.

[Ian] “You’ve lost the argument, it’s going ahead … your previous principles … what about all your other arable crops you’ve grown over the years … just because you don’t approve of this one case .. .you;re going to jeopardise our entire life!”

And Ian is most annoyed that Adam has asked him for an opinion at all. Not once. Which is rather like Brian not consulting Adam …

[Ian] “You might like to think of the consequences of your actions then … all this talk about moving away, have you thought about what you’d be giving up. Have you thought about what I’d be giving up … and look what I’d lose if we did.”

Ian loves Ambridge. His job. His boss. His friends. Being part of the community.

[Ian] “We’re accepted here.”

When Ian happens to mention what might happen to Adam’s inheritance if he leaves:

[Adam] “Ah, I get it. That’s what this is about … my inheritance. Your chance, one day, of opening your own place!”

[Ian, beyond fury] “How dare you. How can you say that. I don’t give a damn about your inheritance for me. I care about you going nuclear and abandoning everything that’s good in our life. And before you start pointing the finger at my motivation, maybe you should take a close look at yourself. I am sick to death of you playing Mr morale high and mighty, Brian and Debbie aren’t monsters, they’re not trying to poison people, they’re just trying to produce milk in a way that gives the farmer a decent wage when practically no one else in the country can do it … and honestly if I hear one more word about how fulfilling and uplifting your time in Africa was, I think I’ll break something. You go bleating on …”

Ian tells Adam that he’s only got what he has because of Brian.

[Adam] “I’m paying the mortgage!”

[Ian] “We’re paying the mortgage!!! … For all your talk about Africa, since you came back, have you followed up any of the work you did out there?”

[Adam] “I kept in touch.”

[Ian] “Rubbish. You’re nothing but a hypocrite.”

Ouch. String stuff from both.

When Ian later gets home, Adam isn’t there.

Ominous …

It’s raining

Bout time too!

Not that I’d wish it on anyone, but Ambridge did seem to have escaped the horrific summer that the rest of us have been having. Seems not so. They’ve had it as bad as the rest of us (they just never really mentioned it before, which is odd for a Brit).

But it’s bad news for the harvest, which is another problem Adam doesn’t need.

[Ruth] “And don’t you worry. You will get it in. Always do.”

It’s too late for the bees

Aw!

Seems the sun has come too late, so the bees won’t be a strong bunch this year.

[Ruth] “But Josh liked his new bee suit. And at least his new one has room for him to grow.”

Well, that’s okay then.

(!)

Keith’s a clype

The Police have arrested three more members of the gang, which David reckons means they must have the whole gang now.

[David] “So, presumably, Keith must have coughed the lot.”

Won’t that mean Keith’s going to have a hellish time in prison?

And The Horrobins might start getting nasty phone calls?!?

Olympics, grans and sex on the beach

[Josh] “I wanted to watch the trampolining”

[Ruth] “Since when have you watched trampolining?”

Well, the Olympics does bring out the random sports that we all become riveted. Quite normal, really.

It gets worse for Josh. Not only is he not allowed to watch the telly (they are about to sit down and eat), he’s getting fish and chips for tea. Normally That would be marvellous, but it’s home cooked. By Ruth.

And back onto the Olympics – mind that Alistair had got himself, Shula and Daniel tickets in the lottery? Well they’re off now, to watch the riding.

[David] “Shula can barely contain herself. Alistair must be one popular guy in that household.”

Then Pip starts texting Josh with pictures from her holiday – sun, sand and …

[Josh] “It’s not fair. Daniel gets to go to London. Pip’s having sex on the beach …”

[David] “What? Let me see that photo!”

[Ruth] “He means the cocktails”

(*snort*)

Poor Josh. All he got was a few days with Ruth’s mum.

David breaks out the wine

With the fish and chips.

He wants to celebrate that they can get back to ‘normal’ since the gang have all been arrested.

But, as David also said, there’s still the trial to get through …

Eddie buys a freezer: Thurs 02.08.12

The Archers Thursday 2nd August 2012

Poor Bert
Eddie’s a PR genius
Eddie buys a freezer
Brian nobbles Ian
Bridge Farm has good post
Brian’s a cheeky monkey
Ian and Adam have a barney

Poor Bert

Eddie reckons Joe’s gone round to Bert Horrobin’s to gloat at the recent news Keith is a firestarter.

[Eddie] “Yet another jailbird in that family.”

[Clarrie] “People in glass houses, Eddie …”

Quite.

Eddie’s a PR genius

And I mean that quite sincerely.

He’s ever so keen Clarrie reads The Echo.

[Clarrie] “When’s there anything remotely interesting in the Borchester Echo?”

Eddie is most insistent there is.

When Clarrie later reads The Echo while at work at Bridge Farm, she’s stunned to hysterics (in a laughing way, not a crying one).

[Pat] “ ‘A close shave with the beats of Ambridge’ … what’s Eddie got there?”

[Clarrie] “It’s one of his statues.”

Seems Eddie got an article about his brush with the beast.

It’s his and Joe’s plan to say that the wild boar they hit was only:

[Clarrie] “Fleeing in terror from a horrifying mutant creature."

But that’s not all.

In the article, Eddie’s described as:

[Clarrie] “A sculpture and ethnic artist.”

(that’s when she really starts laughing)

He talks about his studio (their shed, Clarrie reckons). And that he was inspired to make “£D representations of the creature”. Which just so happens to be for sale …

[Clarrie] “It was my duty as an artist to give people the chance to own a piece of Borsetshire history.”

[Pat] “Who’ve got to give him credit for trying.”

But Clarrie’s still focused on the wild boar meat. As I also wondered, she asked Pat if road kill can be sold.

Pat’s off to investigate.

Eddie buys a freezer

It’s rusty, but it works. Allegedly.

Eddie’s bought it to store the wild boar meat.

[Eddie] “You wanted it shot”

[Clarrie] “I wanted it buried in the ground!”

Then there’s the problem of where to put it.

Eddie reckons the shed. But where will the ferret cage go? (wonders Clarrie)

On the fridge. (reckons Eddie)

More worrying for Clarrie is that Eddie seems to have plans for that meat (again). He hasn’t dropped the idea that he could be making money from it.

Brian nobbles Ian

Brian tells Ian that Home Farm won the arable contract.

[Brian] “So, we need to find a way forward with staffing.”

[Ian] “Without Adam, you mean.”

[Brian] “Well I hope not Ian … Now we know where we are, I’m hoping you can change his mind … Well I know he and I have had our differences, but if Home Farm is anything, it’s a family business. And Adam’s been a major part of that since he came back from Africa, I don’t want to see him throw away everything we’ve built up together.”

[Ian] “Is that so?”

[Brian] “Of course!”

[Ian] “Well, you have a funny way of showing it … do you know how badly you’ve handled this situation. Your attitude’s been like it or lump it the whole way through.”

[Brian] “Well I don’t think that’s fair.”

[Ian] “Is it any wonder he feels the way he does?”

[Brian] “I don’t think there’s any point in raking up the past, we are where we are. Maybe I could have handled things better … as far as Adam’s future is concerned, surely we’re on the same side?”

As Brian then points out to Ian, if Adam decides not to accept the inevitable at Home Farm, Ian might have to move.

[Ian] “Alright. I’ll see what I can do.”

Oh dear.

I don’t disagree with Ian trying to convince Adam to not leave Ambridge (as Adam really hasn’t thought of Ian at all throughout this … and leave Ambridge!?! Who would ever???).

But that Ian will be seen to be siding with Brian can only leady to friction.

Bridge Farm has good post

For once.

Seems their insurance company has paid out on all the claims. And no-one has permanent damage.

So, the E.coli is officially over.

[Pat] “I wouldn’t like to live like something through that again.”

[Clarrie] “If I could go back and change things.”

[Pat] “As far as I’m concerned, it’s all in the past, the future is what counts now.”

Brian’s a cheeky monkey

Brian was placing an advert by phone

I didn’t think that happened anymore. I thought you had to design your recruitment advert, then pay again for it to go through pre-flights.

Not at the Borchester Echo, it seems. Brian called up with a recruitment advert, reading the copy out over the phone.

How quaint!

Anyhoo – the advert is for a Farm Manager … which is Adam’s alleged role.

[Brian, still ready out his copy] “This is a great opportunity, for an experienced manager, who is used to taking initiative …”

(aye, as long as your initiative fits in with Brian’s 5 year plan!)

[Brian, still ready out his copy] “Home Farm has a proven track record as an equal opportunities employer.”

Pfffft!

What a nerve!

Ian and Adam have a barney

Adam’s telling Ian how much he enjoys being around Pavel.

[Adam] “Really inspiring to work with someone who’s still got all their ideals intact.”

He reckons Poland’s got farming right. Pavel’s active in a campaign to start industrial farming, which he reckons should have happened in Britain in the 70s and 80s.

[Adam] “It would be really good to spend some time out there.”

[Ian, shouting] “Oh for god sake, will you listen to yourself … Africa … Hungry, Poland … anywhere but Ambridge. So where does that leave me?”

Oops.

You know things are very, very bad when Ian raises his voice.

Friday, 10 August 2012

Keith admits he’s the firestarter: Wed 01.08.12

The Archers Wednesday 1st August 2012

Keith’s guilty, but it’s all Emma’s fault
Jennifer compares Brian to Stalin
Even Jennifer can't afford stamps
Jennifer likes a bit of Alan Bates
Fallon’s van went by

Keith’s guilty, but it’s all Emma’s fault

According to Tracey …

Tracey called Susan to tell her Keith’s been charged. Just so happened Emma was there at the time (buying an electricity card. That £30 won’t get her very far).

[Emma] “So, it looks like he really did do it.”

[Susan] “You can’t know that. Lord alone knows what state he must be in.”

[Emma] “I’m so sorry it’s worked out like this. I didn’t want to be right.”

[Susan] “None of us wanted you to be right Emma.”

Tracey goes round to see Keith.

[Tracey] “What you been charged with?”

[Keith] “Arson. Criminal damage. Conspiracy.”

[Tracey] “Blimey. But they let you out again?”

Seems so. Though Keith had to report back to the Police regularly, and must stay away from Ambridge. The case will go to the Magistrates, then probably onto the Crown Court. Which could take a while.

[Keith] “It’ll be quicker if I plead guilty.”

[Tracey] “Guilty? Why would you do that? You didn’t do it … Keith …”

Keith admits he did. Forensics caught him.

[Tracey] “I just can’t believe it. Petrol bombing a farm.”

[Keith] “It weren’t a petrol bomb, I just …”

[Tracey] “I don’t care how you did it. What am I going to say to people … I’ve been defining you all round the village … how can you be so stupid, you’ve got it sorted. Good job. Nice house, what got into you Keith?”

[Keith] “It’s all front. The motor trade’s been rubbish for ages. I’ve got a massive mortgage on the place. I’m scared to think how many credit cards I’ve got, and they’re all up to the limit. And then this wedding came along. What could I do …?”

[Tracey] “Alright, so you’re skint. How does burning down a barn help that?”

[Keith] “There are some blokes. I knew one of them from way back … it started with the odd dodgy car … cause I know the area and I get about, I let them know if there was any kit that looks like an easy target … tractors, quad bikes … it was easy money. And all this stuff’s insured, no-one was supposed to get hurt.”

[Tracey] “These blokes, are you saying they were the ones what lamped Adam Macy?”

Indeed they are. Though Keith reckons he wasn’t “directly involved”. All he did was tell them about Adam’s forage harvester.

Then, when David could identify the blokes who attacked Adam:

[Keith] “We, they, the others, wanted to persuade him not to give evidence.”

Keith reckons he had nothing to do with the phone calls. Or letting the cows out.

[Keith] “I just did the fire.”

[Tracey] “Just!”

Keith reckons the blokes were pressuring him to have a turn. That they knew enough about him to get him into serious trouble at work, and with the Police.

[Keith] “I feel terrible. I’ll never forgive myself. I just got in too deep.”

BUT Keith is refusing to name these other bad blokes.

[Tracey] “You don’t have no choice Keith. You’ve got to cooperate. If you don’t, you’re going down forever.”

When Tracey tells Susan that Keith did do it:

[Susan] “I’ve had about just enough of this family.”

[Tracey] “He just got sucked in Susan, he never meant it to go this far.”

[Susan] “I don’t know what I’m going to say to Emma …”

[Tracey] “Her? … it’s Keith you ought to be worried about!”

[Susan] “He’s done a wicked, wicked thing!!!”

Emma comes in. Susan tells her Keith’s admitted it:

[Susan] “I’m really sorry Emma. I shouldn’t have doubted you. I just never thought he would …”

[Emma] “I know. I’m sorry too.”

When Emma leaves the room:

[Susan] “You’re being very unfair to Emma.”

[Tracey] “Whatever she though, she should never have made that phone call.”

[Susan] “He did something wrong.”

[Tracey] “And he’s suffering for it. He’s in bits.”

[Susan] “Yeah, now he’s been caught.”

[Tracey] “I don’t care. You just don’t do that to your own family.”

What a load of rubbish, Tracey.

Can believe it, but I’m squarely on Emma’s side this time. She did absolutely the right thing.

Jennifer compares Brian to Stalin

Quite right too.

Brian won the tender for supplying the arable to the Super Dairy (after a scintillating BL meeting …).

Annabelle asked Brian about the Adam ‘situation’.

[Brian] “It’s a slightly fluid situation at the moment.”

[Annabelle] “So, he’s jumped ship.”

[Brian] “Oh. Not necessarily so. The fat lady hasn’t sung yet.”

Jennifer wasn’t remotely happy to hear that Brian had ‘won’. It means next to no land for Adam to farm.

[Brian] “This has secured the future of the farm.”

[Jennifer] “What about Adam … so you’re writing him out of history, are you Brian, like some Soviet trick that’s fallen out of favour!”

[Brian] “Don’t be ridiculous darling. I’m not Stalin.”

[Jennifer] “Well it’s just that Adam doesn’t fit into your 5 year plan!”

[Brian] “He can if he chooses.”

I’m with Adam.

Sod it, move on, and get rid of having to bow to Brian.

Even Jennifer sounds increasing fed up with Brian.

Son or husband?!?

Even Jennifer can't afford stamps

She was going to buy 40 first class, but went for 20 first and 20 second instead.

[Jennifer] “They’re such a price now, aren’t they?”

Must be so if Jennifer has noticed.

Jennifer likes a bit of Alan Bates

(there was a lot of Jennifer today)

Jennifer was very impressed by Lynda’s cultural Olympiad. Especially the poetry reading.

[Jennifer] “She’s found this chap with a touch of the Alan Bates about him, in Grange Spinney … I could have cheerfully listened to him read the Borchester phone book.”

Fallon’s van went by

Seems now on their way to Edinburgh.

Sounded very noisy!