Ambridge Extra Tuesday 26th April 2011: Chas “helps people like you”

click the title above, or 'read more' link below the bullet points, to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Rhys speaks
• Harry doesn’t speak
• Jamie’s back in The Bull
• Is Jolene still a step-mum?
• Rhys is the new man in Jamie’s life
• Alice should be feeling guiltier … right about … now
• What would Chris rather watch?
• Polly has already moved on
• Yup – Chas is a bad ‘un
• Spence and Pip, thwarted again

Rhys speaks

And he has a Welsh accent that would put Pat to shame …



Harry doesn’t speak

What’s wrong with the normally very chatty Harry?

He was working in The Bull today (Sunday, so it seems), but not a peep out of him.

Odd.



Jamie’s back in The Bull

But only after Fallon told him that said they “were worried not angry”

Does every adult in Ambridge have to pander to Jamie?

Quick kick up the bottom would have more results.


Is Jolene still a step-mum?

Fallon mentioned that with Sid being dead, Jolene is kinda not Jamie’s step mum anymore.

Eh?

Course she is.

Just like the fact that a tree does make a sound when it falls over, even if no-one is there to hear it.

Oh … hang on a moment … does it?



Rhys is the new man in Jamie’s life

Poor chap.

Rhys has barely uttered a few words, and he’s already being usurped into becoming the positive male role model for Jamie, by Fallon.

He does happily agree. After all, the blokes Jamie hangs around with aren’t very good chaps.

[Rhys] “None of them are exactly Zen masters”

Rhys later has a chat with Jamie – all matey, like.

He did feel like he was taking a bit too far, though. At one point, I thought he was going to ask whether Marty’s intentions towards Jamie were honourable and how he was going to support Jamie (well, he did ask him if Marty was local, what his parents were like etc etc).

But Jamie did seem to enjoy the attention.

And Rhys really bonded with Jamie over gaming.

My word – could Rhys be the answer to all of our Jamie nightmares?



Alice should be feeling guiltier … right about … now

Post adult intimacy, Chris apologies for “being an idiot” over the Facebook video.

He accepts that Alice didn’t want that bloke all over her.

And he’d glad Chas was there to sort him out.

[Chris] “He’s a good lad, Chas”

What would Chris rather watch?

I didn’t quite catch that.

Chris isn’t too excited about the Royal wedding.

[Chris] “If I had the day off, I’d rather watch machete”

I’m sure he didn’t say ‘machete’.

Anyone?



Polly has already moved on

Jamie and Daniel are chatting about Polly.

It seems that Jamie did really like her, but couldn’t stand up to Steve when he was taking the Michael out of Polly’s name.

But not to worry.

[Daniel] “She’s already seeing a boy in year 12, so you haven’t broken her heart”

Bigger question is – is some of Jamie’s behaviour down to being bullied by Steve?

It certainly seemed it later on.

As Jamie is back working at The Bull, Steve reckons he can pay him back the £30 he owes. Jamie reckons the vodka he stole for them should offset some of the debt – but Steve reckons not so. That was just Jamie being a mate.

As Jamie doesn’t have ready cash on him (he’s only just started working again), Steve reckons Jamie can pay in more cigarettes and booze.

And Jamie, quite meekly, agrees.

Sounds like bullying to me.



Yup – Chas is a bad ‘un

Chas is talking to a woman called Diane.

Diane’s ex lost his job last year – she has 3 kids – the maintenance stopped – she’s behind in rent – the washing machine’s packed up – and she’s up to limit on credit cards.

At first, I was wondering if Chas worked for Citizens Advice. Or the dole office.

But no.

It’s a scam.

It seems that Chas (and other students) get their student loans, which they don’t financially need.

[Chas] “Then we see if we can use it to help people like you who’ve got themselves into a bit of a financial black hole… it’s like giving something back”

It’s a very friendly, easy way for Diane to get some money. No credit checks or paperwork.
But, of course, Chas has to charge more interest than the banks …

So, Chas gives Diane £1000. In 3 months, Diane has to pay back Chas £1200.

And I wonder what the penalties are if she misses payment?

Either way, Chas doesn’t seem to be a very nice person at all.



Spencer and Pip, thwarted again

Spencer and Pip bump into each other after he’s been out riding.

(he’s got his new jodhpurs – not jumpers, which I though he’d said the other day, but was corrected by @eddie_grundy on twitter).

[Spencer] “Now I can ride … I almost said … without scaring the horses …”

[Pip] “… in decent company”

As they’re gently flirting, and getting round to asking each other out on a wee walk, Chris comes along to interrupt.

Getting rid of Chris, they go for a very nice and peaceful walk. With Spencer seeming more and more perfect for Pip.

He knows a grey partridge when he sees it – he’s heard of Brian Aldridge, and the new mart – he already knows of, and appreciates, Lakey Hill.

But then, just when they’re getting (quite respectably) close, Rhys quite literally runs into them on his bike.

What a wee shame.

But nice to have two nice teens, being nice and maybe heading for something nice.

Ah! More of this might have made Ambridge Extra a bit more palatable for us (slightly) older yins.

I’m not sure how much more I can take of utterances like:

[Steve] “Alright. I’ll catch you later bruv. Laters”

Ambridge Extra Thursday 21st April 2011: Chas is evil, but only cause Alice lets him be so

click the title above, or the 'read more' link below the bullet points, to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• To be young, and able to sleep in after a heavy night
• Alice interrogated by the Police
• Jamie harassed by Polly’s mates
• Chas is a proper ‘boo, hiss!’ villain
• Their eyes met over sheep wormer
• Kirsty and Pip cat-fight?

To be young, and able to sleep in after a heavy night

[Marty’s dad] “Rise and shine sleeping beauties … it’s a beautiful day out there … had a few shandys, have you?”

Jamie and Marty are crashed out at Marty’s head, but his dad comes in to wake them up.

So, Jamie and Marty then head over to Jamie’s house (well, Kathy’s house, to be technically correct) as they know she’s at work. They want to keep sleeping.

So they do. And Jamie misses work at The Bull. Again.

Then they’re off out again that night to a club (which was “wicked” and “top”), staying at Marty’s again.

This time, Marty’s dad isn’t around, so they sleep in until 2pm.

Which means Jamie missed work at The Bull. Yet again.

Nice one, Jamie. Very astute of you to also infuriate Jolene and Fallon, so that you’ll eventually end up with no job and no-where to live.

Shall you then be running back to mummy?

But hang on – from the sounds of it – “hanging out” with Steve and Marty in Borchester is likely to include shoplifting, so at least the Police can give you a lift home.


Alice interrogated by the Police

Although being told that she’s not under caution, Alice must have been sweating during her Police interview – she knew that a lot of what she was about to say was either a lie (that she and Chas are an item), or something that she’d only been told to say (by Chas, as she was too drunk to remember).

Asked about that chap Sean (the one who’d been beaten up):

[Alice] “He started dancing with me, very close … too close … and his hands, well you know …”

[Policewoman] “He was overly intimate with you … and did Charles Forster intervene at any point?”

(aha! Chas does have a proper name after all. I thought he’d simply been named after Chas’ and Dave).

Alice says that Chas did step in, but that he only pushed Sean away.

[Policewoman] “How would you describe your relationship with Mr Forster?”

[Alice] “… recently, we’ve been seeing each other”

[Policewoman] “And you were with him the whole time”

[Alice] “Yes”

Not clever to lie to the Police, I think you’ll find Alice. Not clever. At. All.



Jamie harassed by Polly’s mates

Jamie’s getting “grief” from Polly’s mates by text, after he ignored her the other night (when he was the one who asked her round in the first place).

It’s okay, Polly’s mates. If you want to escalate up from texting to something more … ahem … direct … none of us will stop you.


Chas is a proper ‘boo, hiss!’ villain

The :Police don’t see through Alice’s lies, so they let her go. The first person she calls is Chas.

[Chas] “Did you stick to the story … how did it go, did they buy it?”

Alice reckons she just told them what had happened.

Is she dense?

Surely she must have spotted that Chas was a tad too stressed about proving his innocence (guilty conscience), and that she doesn’t actually know what happened.

Why is she being so blind and weak when it comes to Chas?

She really wants to get back home to Chris, but it doesn’t take much persuading from Chas to get her to take a detour to see him.

And once again – chase is slagging off Chris:

[Chas] “He’ll be working tomorrow, with his little hammer in his hand”

(aye – but even the littlest hammers can cave a skull, I think you’ll find).

When they meet up, Chas admits:

[Chas] “The truth is, I did actually hit him … he followed us out, he was all over you and I had to get physical with him … he turned really nasty, I had no choice”

(on why he is only telling this to Alice after she’d now unwittingly lied to the Police)

[Chas] “I didn’t want you to knowingly lie for me … I did it for you, to protect you, you see”

[Alice] “I suppose”

[Alice] “I really think we should own up”

[Chas] “It’s still assault, no matter how pure my motives were. I have my finals coming up, and I don’t want this hanging over my head, you don’t want that do you … maybe I shouldn’t have done it, but I couldn’t bear the way that scumbag was treating you, taking advantage of a drunk woman, and a married woman too, you’re too good a friend to let that pass”

[Alice] “Thank you”

(on Alice being worried about Chris finding out)

[Chas] “How can he find out? Don’t worry sweetheart. Everything’s cool.”

What? What what what what?????

How utterly pathetic is Alice being. Why on earth is she behaving like this, and simply whimpering after Chas? Is he that magnetic a personality?

Very, very bizarre. And not remotely in ‘character’. Alice is an Aldridge, after all!!!

I don’t like this Chas, and I don’t like Alice when she’s around Chas.

I do not advocate violence, but Chris needs to find out, and give Chas a good slapping (I know – that is violence, but needs must!).




Their eyes met over sheep wormer

Pip and Spencer bump into each other as she’s buying sheep wormer, and he’s buying jumpers (don’t you just love proper country stores! Dog food, next to ferret food, next to bridles, next to clothing, next to sheep wormer!).

Spencer asks out Pip for a coffee there and then – which she’s only too happy to accept.

And even though they’re caught by a Mr Buxton (who owns a boarding kennels and breeds Springers … actually he’s quite dull when it comes to Springers. Tends to go on and on … seemingly), they then have a jolly time in Jaxx.

And Spencer is sounding more and more impressive.

Pip reckons he was very patient and good with the boring Mr Buxton:

[Pip] “You did very well Spencer. The perfect gentleman”

(could we imagine her ever being able to have said that to Jude over his behaviour?)

And Spencer isn’t worried about fashion (and all that nonsense). He just wears what’s comfortable. He was worried about being underdressed for Jaxx, but Pip reassured that the student types tend to look more like farmers than he does, what with their jeans and checked shirts. The trendsetters that they think they are …

[Pip] “I used to go out with one”

[Spencer] “The checked shirt type?”

[Pip] “It didn’t end very well …”

No Pip - it ended very well indeed. Jude leaving the country was a huge result!


Kirsty and Pip cat-fight?

Kirsty brings Pip and Spencer’s coffee over, but then plonks herself down at their table.

(to be fair, she did have Council types in, celebrating someone’s leaving do. How horrid!)

And did we detect a slightly flirty edge to Kirsty as she congratulated Spencer over his Fun Run win?

She sounded like she was about to feel a bicep …

Will Kirsty makes a play for Pip’s new man even before he has become hers?

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 19th April 2011: Alice is digging an even deeper hole

click the title above, or the'read more' link below the bullet points, to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Is Chas a liar?
• Alice certainly is
• Spencer sounds alright
• “Nice try Jamie, but you’re only 15”
• The mystery of the trainers
• Why is Chris saying “whatever”?
• “innit”
• Spencer finds Pip interesting
• Jamie’s such a tw*t
• Chris wants a boxset, and warm feet

Is Chas a liar?

Chas phones Alice (yet again).

He’s in a flap because the chap who had been coming onto Alice at the club (Sean) was beaten up that night, outside the club.

And Sean’s told the Police that Chas did it. So the Police have questioned Chas.

Chas reckons he didn’t do it:

[Chas] “All I did was pull him off you and read him his fortune”

(eh? I didn’t notice any fortune telling. Or is that ‘street’ talk)

[Chas] “We went home straight after then, yeah. I told the police we were together that night and all the next morning”

What’s more, Chas also told the Police that he and Alice were an item. Because the reality of them not having actually had any adult intimacy was “a bit lame” and that they were “housemates with benefits”.

What an arse.

There was no need to embellish, and it also raises the question (again) about whether Chas told the truth when he said that nothing had happened. It’s not as if Alice would remember.

Which leads us onto Alice agreeing to say to the Police that Chas had been with her the whole time, when she can’t in fact remember – he could easily have beaten up Sean without her having any recollection of it.

Later on, Chas doesn’t miss any opportunity to have a subtle dig at Chris (over Alice being worried about her texts being read, and how Chris should be more understanding about Alice needing to see Tammy … even though it’s a lie).

Maybe Chas is somehow related to Harry. He’s very odd.

Even worse, Alice lets him call her:

[Chas] “Good girl”

after she has agreed to do his bidding.

Yuck.

Alice certainly is

(a liar)

What on earth is wrong with Alice?

She can’t seem to stay away from Chas – has hidden from Chris that she shared Chas’ bed – lied to Chris about needing him to go to work so she could study, when she was actually off to see Chas – and is now lying to Chris about going back down to Southampton.

She’s told Chris that she needs to see her mate Tammy, who she says is having boyfriend problems. She even went as far to berate Chris for not remembering that Tammy had the same problems with her boyfriend at Christmas.

Which is breaking the first rule of lying.

Keep it simple.


Spencer sounds alright

Spencer is Steve’s brother. Steve is one of Jamie’s moronic mates.

[Spencer] “Oh great. Another night with your spotty freaks cluttering up the lounge”

[Spencer] “And turn that down a bit. I’m trying to watch Top Gear”

Well said, Sir.

I think he could be quite suitable boyfriend for Pip indeed.



“Nice try Jamie, but you’re only 15”

Ah, you gotta appreciate Fallon’s style.

She was onto Jamie stealing from The Bull. Instead of shouting at him, she just replaced some beer that he’d stolen with some juices instead, with a note saying:

“Nice try Jamie, but you’re only 15”

But she’s a classy lady, so still left him with two bottles of beer.


The mystery of the trainers

Spencer has Pip’s trainers. He reckons she must have left them there at the Fun Run.

But Pip can’t work out how she could have left them there.

Either way – Spencer seemed very keen to pop them round to Pip, and Pip seemed quite pleased about that.

Do we sense a summer romance for Pip?




Why is Chris saying “whatever”?

He said it the other day, and said it again tonight.

I know Chris isn’t the academic sort, but why has he started using moron language?


“innit”

Or, to be more accurate:

“(inaudible banter that sound like one of Jamie’s mates trying to talk street/Jamaican/”whatever”) innit”

*sigh*

It’s even forced me to this article in the Daily Mail: 'That's phat, brotha! Innit?' Tesco issues guide to teenage slang for its older staff

I really don’t like that anything Ambridge related has made me read something in the Daily Mail.



Spencer finds Pip interesting

Cripes!

Spencer takes Pip’s trainers back to her at Brookfield, so they gently flirt over talk of cows:

[Pip] “Yes, some Brown Swiss and some British Friesian”

[Spencer] “Breeding for longevity, eh?”

[Pip] “The Philosophy is not to stress the herd, lower inputs and lower yield, but better health, more lactations per beast”

Pip does realise that she’s waffling onto a bloke that she’s quote attracted to, but Spencer is also a Young Farmer – so is quite ‘into’ that sort of thing.



Jamie’s such a tw*t

[Jamie] “No matter what time I get in, Fallon and Jolene wake me up for my lunchtime shift”

Aw, diddum. Are the nasty ladies (who let you stay in their house for only £10 a week) then actually make you work to earn your wages.

Terrible!

Not content with stealing booze from The Bull, Jamie is also now stealing Jolene’s cigarettes from her handbag. He reckons he can get away with it, as Jolene can’t admit to anyone that she’s actually still smoking.

He’s then a twerp to ‘Pretty Polly’, who he’s invited round to Steve’s, but doesn’t think to then take her elsewhere (away from the spotty morons).

She quote rightly gets bored/annoyed/furious, so goes home.

Jamie’s so thick, he doesn’t spot that she’s annoyed. But I think he then got the message that she wasn’t interested in seeing him again.

His response?

[Jamie] “that stuck up cow”

Nice Jamie. Very nice. Not much hope of you ever becoming anything decent then … unless someone smacks your bottom, and soon.



Chris wants a boxset, and warm feet

Which I think is perfectly normal and usual – but it’s not exactly exciting for Alice.

Maybe that’s why all the odd behaviour with Chas is happening?

I’m not sure who Chris wanted a box set of, but on the feet came up when he was heading to bed, but Alice was staying up.

[Chris] “Don’t be long. I need something to warm my feet on “

Sexy!

Ambridge Extra Thursday 14th April 2011: Round Four (and much better, I reckon)

click the 'read more' link below the bullet points to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Not taking it all back, but …
• Kenton in a pink leotard
• Pretty Polly?
• “Point your beak that way”
• Spencer stretching for Pip?
• Keira had a bit of a cob-on
• Chris sounds like Jamie
• Jamie stole vodka
• “Don’t do a Paula Radcliffe”
• What’s this Chas and Alice situation?
• Chris is annoyed
• Jamie’s a good boy really?

Not taking it all back, but …

I’m still not entirely convinced that the secret microphones are in the right place during Ambridge Extra, but thought today was a lot better.

Maybe it’s because it was slightly more to do with the older of the youngsters (Chris, Ed and Alice) – didn’t have thumping club music – and had a fun run in it.

That’s more Ambridge!

I am still confused about the timespan of what we’re eavesdropping into (seemingly these sessions covers a longer period than our average Archers) – doesn’t make for easy switching between this and Ambridge proper.

Anyhoo. We’ve moved up for a C (did you understand any of the exam questions) to a B minus (trying harder, but not quite there yet).


Kenton in a pink leotard

Oh dear.

Kirsty’s Ostrich costume sounded tame in comparison – but the difference was that she didn’t want to wear it for the Fun Run, whereas Kenton was quite buzzing to be in his.

[Kenton] “This is meant to be a fun run. Where’s your sense of fun?”

Pretty Polly?

(sorry – far too obvious, I know)

The girl that Jamie met the other night was called Polly. She was the mate of the lassie who Daniel was taking out, and took Jamie along to make it a double. Date.

Fallon was winding up Jamie, but he did seem to quite like Polly. They haven’t arranged to meet up again, but they’ve chatted online (which is good as meeting face-to-face, for these wee whippersnappers!).

Wonder if Polly will stick around Jamie for a bit and make him a slightly less moody chap?



“Point your beak that way”

Which is what Kenton said to Kirsty when she said she couldn’t see to tell him and Alice who was standing next to Pip (!).

I think I agree with Kirsty. That sounds like an awful costumer to have to run in.


Spencer stretching for Pip?

It was that bloke Spencer who was next to Pip.

He was seemingly doing very “wide leg stretches”, which Kenton reckoned was his way of trying to impress Pip.

But, Spencer did win the fun run, so maybe not.

A bit odd that Spencer’s brother Steve (who is one of Jamie’s mates) was taking the Michael out of the Fun Run, but didn’t say anything about or to his brother?

Can’t imagine is was busy enough for him to not have spotted Spencer.


Keira had a bit of a cob-on

She sounds more and more like her uncles Will each day!


Chris sounds like Jamie

In the sense that he was being incredibly mono-syllabic with Alice.

What’s his problem?


Jamie stole vodka

Oh what a silly wee laddie.

Jolene and Fallon are hardly going to be chuffed with him. And it was only to impress his moronic mates.

Tonight, they took the Michael out of the Fun Run – the Michael out of Jamie over his date (along the lines of ‘did you just hold hands’) – called Daniel “a geek” (but didn’t have the balls to do it to his face) – chucked Daniel’s bag into the bushes while he was off running – and called Jamie ‘a girl’ for wanting to wait to see Fallon finish the Fun Run,

What silly little boys indeed.


“Don’t do a Paula Radcliffe”

What an odd thing for Jamie to shout at the folks taking part in the Fun Run.

Is she still ‘current’?



What’s this Chas and Alice situation?

It’s all quite suspicious.

Chas called Alice almost immediately after she’d left their flat at Uni for home.

And now Alice is calling Chas.

Are they just being matey?

I’m not convinced that Chas is really just interested in being ‘there’ for Alice while she and Chris have problems – just as I’m not totally convinced nothing happened between them when she was drunk.

And now they’re meeting up for lunch in Stratford.

[Chas] “Come on. Put down your books and your piny and let me put a smile on your face”

Hmmm.


Chris is annoyed

Despite telling Alice that he was fine about the Facebook video, Chris admits to Ed that he is actually quite put-out by it.

He sprains his ankle during the Fun Run (which is Alice’s fault for making him do it in the first place), which gives Ed time to have a chat with him.

Telling Ed about the video:

[Chris] “She said she was drunk, and his hands were all over her … now I’m starting to wonder what else she’s been up to”

Sounds like Chris is trying to believe nothing has happened, but the doubt is there.

But Ed reckons they’re the perfect couple, and Chris shouldn’t worry.

[Ed] “I know what it’s like when somebody’s made for you. It might get rough, but at the end of the day, there’s nothing that’s going to change that … I know about this stuff, I’ve got the scars to prove it”

Chris takes Ed’s advice on-board, later joking with Alice that he should rest up his foot, take the day off of work, and lie down on the sofa while Alice feeds him beer.

But … Alice does everything she can to persuade Chris that he should go to work. And that she needs to study.

Oh dearie me. That’s not the truth, is it Alice? Aren’t you popping off to Stratford?


Jamie’s a good boy really?

After Steve and Marty have left (to go to the pavilion to drink vodka – classy!), Jamie retrieves Daniels’ bag from the bushes.

Daniel catches him doing so, and (in a straight forward Daniel way) thanks Jamie, but also expresses his concern that Jamie’s acquaintances might not be very suitable for Jamie.

[Jamie] “Those two losers. Why do you even hang about with those idiots?”

Why indeed?

Jamie seems desperate to impress them, even asking Daniel not to say that he got his bag back for him.

Underneath that idiotic teenage façade is a nice young chap staring out.