The Llamas might have TB: Fri 22.01.13 #thearchers

The Archers Friday 22nd February 2013

• Busy lambing at Brookfield
• Ode to the Willow
• Still arguing with Pip
• Do the Llamas have TB?   
• Darrell’s not chuffed to see Des
• Elizabeth on a zip wire
• The Brookfield cows are out!
• Chris doesn’t know what to do

The Archers Wednesday 2nd November 2011: Pigs Go Viral!

• Oliver’s elixir helps badgers
• Who let Ed’s cows out?
• Kenton wants Tom’s spicy sausages
• Damn that Shelly Brazil!
• It’s still all about Clive …
• Brenda is not happy

Oliver’s elixir helps badgers

It’s TB test time for Ed. While he is quite nervous about.

His cows are shiny and milking well. And Oliver reassures hum that they’re not in a “hot spot” area, nor one which is an official badger culling area.

In fact. Olive has been doing his bit as well.

Seems he’s been outing an “elixir” down at the badger sets to help their immunity.

Nice Oliver.

Later on, Ed wonders whether they should take part in the badger vaccination. They can do so voluntarily, though they would need a group of local farmers to also take part. So, Ed’s off to ask David (with his NFU hat on).

[Oliver] “Well you can try. But he’s no friend of the Badger!”

Who let Ed’s cows out?

Ed was called out to Waterly Cross Road to round up some of his young ‘uns that had got onto the road.
Oliver seemed quite excited about it.

[Oliver] “Right, what are we waiting for!”

But once they get there (and get the cows back in with Tom and Brenda’s help), Ed reckons they’d got out through the gate.

[Tom] “Stupid walkers. You’d think they’d know better”

[Ed] “It was deliberate though. Someone meant to let them out”

Seems the gate is hard to lift open, so it couldn’t have just been nudged by the cows or blown open by the wind.

Wonder who would have done that?


Kenton wants Tom’s spicy sausages

Brave Kenton.

Especially as talking to Tom means you get a free half hour lecture on how Tom is right and his folks are wrong.

[Tom] “We need to change the branding and move on … until Mum and da come to terms with the digital age”

Ah, shush there Tom.


Damn that Shelly Brazil!

Seems she has 8,000 Twitter followers.

(which is a surprisingly large number for a local, minor version of a celeb chief, but I shall not quibble)

And she has Tweeted out Tom’s pigs playing football.

And when he checks it later on, his video has had over 23,000 hits.

[Tom] “That’s 23 thousand my boy. Piggy football is going viral!”

Damn it!

Tom is going to be insufferable.


It’s still all about Clive …

I’m starting to wish he’d do something psychotic to stop his constant moaning.

He offers to take Bert to the pub.

Which is (I suppose) helpful.

But then:

[Clive to Susan] “Yeah well, he’s lost his cook and cleaner. Poor old boy. He won’t know where he is … Still he’s got you … you’ll be popping round with the odd stew I’m sure”

[Susan] “One of us has got to. Don't see anybody else rushing to help!”

But no – Clive reckons he would help, it’s just that he always gets elbowed out of the way.

He’s now also annoyed that no-one has asked him about the funeral.

[Clive] “Well. Let me know. I wouldn't want to miss it …And what about Kylie? Has anyone been in touch with her. She’ll need to know. She’ll want to be at her nan’s funeral”

And classic Clive – he leaves it to Susan to call Kylie. He reckons he hasn’t got her number, and he can’t call as things aren’t good between him and Sharon (Kylie’s mum).

Then, once he’s been to the pub with Bert, he hardly sounds sympathetic to Bert being in shock.

[Clive] “Rambling … Remember that time we all went down to Weymouth … something about the old girl stepping on a crab … then for no reason at all he started burbling about the council putting him on half time”

Where Susan sees Bert as finally breaking down and showing his grief, Clive:

[Clive] “I wouldn’t count on it. He’s probably just missing having his meals cooked for him”

[Susan] “You don’t change, do you. You have to see the worst in everyone”

Clive calms down and says to take no notice of him. He’s just used to “ducking and diving”. Susan tells him that he can change.

Then he asks her for a bacon sarnie and a lift to Felpersham.

Which she agrees to.

Looks like Susan can’t change either.


Brenda is not happy

About not being seen as an official part of the Archer clan by Tony (as yet), and that she can’t add her valuable expertise and wisdom to the meeting about how to market Bridge Farm.

[Brenda] “The only thing that’s going to get bridge Farm out of the mire is good marketing, and who knows all about it … and what constitutes family? You can see why I feel hurt. After all the effort I made!”

And worse still – someone else has had an idea!

[Brenda] “You’ve heard Helen’s latest idea on rebranding. Everything goes under the brand name Henry’s”

[Tom] “You’re not serious!”

[Brenda] “She is. I think …”

[Tom] “No way!”

[Brenda] “It’s got a certain ring to it …”

[Tom] “I don’t care if it chimes like big ben. It’s not going to happen”

Hark him!

Feeling threatened by a baby …

The Archers Wed 13th Oct 2010: Will has a Peregrine problem

The Archers: Nic joins the WI ... Ruth takes Josh to the dentist ... David helps another farmer ... Jamie and Kathy go to school

• What problem will Will have with the WI?
• The Peregrine issue finally takes flight
• In Brian, there's a gossiping old woman trying to break free
• TB makes a comeback
• Zero cavities for Josh
• "Don't mention the Barn Dance"
• You may be laughing now, Jamie, but ...

What problem will Will have with the WI?

Well, he couldn't. If he was a fair and reasonable person.

Which, of course, Will is anything but.

Nic sounded absolutely delighted with her first WI visit. She got her nails done, met lots of nice folks and is looking forward to Sabrina's talking about her holiday to Croatia (!).

So surely, Will can’t have an issue with her going regularly?

Surely, he can see how happy t made Nic to get out, meet new people and have fun??

As her partner, Will must (surely, surely!) want Nic to have something in her life other than work, the kids and his pasties???

Hmmm. This will end in tears, one way or another (unless Harry manages to whisk Nic away on his white bicycle!)


The Peregrine issue finally takes flight!

It feels like years since they were first mentioned, but all has become clear.

As well as the church folks worried about whether it’s correct that a church is used to encourage birds of prey (as well as potentially dropping kill and bodily matters on their heads), Will has realised what's happening.

(does Will live in a complete anger daze? Did he miss the pub chat as well as all the notices round the village?).

As a gamekeeper, Will's not happy that the Peregrines will be encouraged to stay around the area. He reckons:

"you can bet a falcon would take a partridge if it's flying"

Brian agrees with Will, and is going to take it up with Alan.

But - on checking the RSPB website, I found that Peregrines eat

"Medium-sized birds, such as wading birds, pigeons and small ducks"

and

"Peregrines have suffered illegal killing from gamekeepers and landowners, and been a target for egg collectors, but better legal protection and control of pesticides (which indirectly poisoned birds) have helped the population to recover considerably from a low in the 1960s."

(read the article by clicking here).

I live in an area where Red Kites have been re-introduced, and was at a Community Council meeting where a very nice chap from the RSPB gave a talk about them.

Despite only eating "Carrion, worms and small mammals", plus scavenging, Red Kites were almost made extinct by folks thinking they ate lambs and other small livestock/game birds.

At the meet, and despite the very detailed reasons the RSPB chap gave for why Red Kites should be welcome rather than hunted down again, quite a few people would not shift from their view that Red Kites are a menace.

I suppose it's a case of some folks not wishing to be told facts, choosing instead to base their opinion on misinformed fables.

Will is certainly not a man to take to 'new ideas' easily, so is likely to cause huge headaches for Lynda and her fellow Peregrines enthusiasts.

Lynda Vs Will?

Despite Will's aggression, my money would be on Lynda.


In Brian, there's a gossiping old woman trying to break free

He puts a swagger on it, but Brian's tends to be a bit interested in local gossip.

And not in his macho, manly way.

David and Ruth didn’t give him the chat he was looking for about the Barn Dance

"There was no real trouble at all"

But, of course, that wasn't why Brian was there in the first place ...


TB makes a comeback

But not to Ambridge itself.

As well as gossiping, Brian was in seeing David to ask if he could give Jim Evans a call, in David's capacity as NUF rep.

Jim Evans is seemingly a farmer over at Leyton Cross. Though he doesn't farm now, his nephew Donald has kept his place going.

Having been shut down with TB for two years, they've just had the horrific news that half a dozen of their cattle have reacted to testing again.

Brian, being in a nice mood, would a good chap asking David to try and help Jim out.

I didn’t know this, but there are "fattening" places that farmers can send some of their infected stock, to at least be able to make something out of their herd.

Good good.

Here's also hoping TB does manage to stay away from our Ambridge folks as well.


Zero cavities for Josh

Well, we wouldn't expect anything less.

Josh is such an angel, compared to his now ex-mate Jamie ...



"Don't mention the Barn Dance"

David's no Basil Fawlty, but that was actually quite witty of him.



You may be laughing now, Jamie, but ...

... being dropped off and collected from school will utterly trash that rebel persona you've been so tenderly nurturing this last while.

After getting shouted at by Jamie’s teacher for his all-round rubbish behaviour, Kathy's desperate.

[Kathy] "you don’t leave me any choice"

[Kathy] "I can't let you waste your life Jamie ... throw your chances away"

[Kathy] "what have you got to say?"

[Jamie] "yeah .. do whatever you like ... I really don't care"

Argh! How much do we all have to take from this little thug?!?

I realise Jamie has had a horrific time losing his dad, but really, what has to happen before he meets Kathy half way?

And what else can Kathy do?

While I’m not Kathy's biggest fan, she really hasn't got many choices left, considering Jamie won’t listen or even try.

If he's a big enough lad to not need school, not listen to his mum, smoke, drink and stay out all night - maybe it's time he stopped assuming mum will be there to wash up after him.

The army, prison or kicked out of the house. I know that's harsh, but Jamie is quite simply running Ambridge for us all!

If you can't lead a teenager to talk about their problems ...