Gary Horrobin is a bit strange 27.02.12

The Archers Monday 27th February 2012

• Susan turns the thumb screws
• Neil retaliates
• Next steps for the Super Dairy
• Star Trek wallpaper
• Brian gives Susan something to gossip about
• Adam’s not for talking

Susan turns the thumb screws

As Neil is enjoying the telly not blaring 24/7, no computers on the go, or tights hung up in odd places (yay – Tracey and brood have finally gone!), Susan doesn’t let him relax for more than a moment.

She seems to agree with Bert that Gary needs him room done.

[Susan] “It’s not for himself, it’s for Gary … I can’t help feeling a bit sorry for Gary, I mean he doesn’t complain, but he’s not got much of a life, stuck at home with his model kits and his PlayStation … now everyone’s got a lovely painted room except him”

Susan lays on that Neil should be doing “random acts of kindness” for Lent.

[Neil] “Haven’t I been kind enough already?”

[Susan] “I’ve said it now and I won’t say it anymore. I’ll leave it up to you …”

What a witch! Emotional and religious blackmail.

Neil promises he’ll think about it, but isn’t making any promises.

Neil retaliates

[Neil] “Well if I’m doing this, maybe you should try it?”

[Susan] “Me? Give up gossip? That’s not much of a challenge!”

To which we all say ‘ha!’.

Though Neil hasn’t pledged to do his ‘random act of kindness’, turning the ‘giving up on gossip pledge onto Susan was nifty. But was only really a matter of time before someone said it to Susan’s face!


Next steps for the Super Dairy

Annabelle and Brian are having lunch.

Annabelle reckons the Parish Council meeting was a good result, with Brian and Debbie fielding questions “skilfully”.

So – next step is the planning department. Which they feel fairly confident about.

But not so when it comes to:

[Brian] “There’s the green brigade, the conservation department, all we need is for them to find rare slime at the bottom of a ditch”

Ah - we all hope they do, Brian!

Brian also reckons the environment department is a “wild card”, especially if they focus on what will happen to the masses of slurry the Super Dairy will create.

Annabelle actually reckons the real wild card is Adam – that he could, and will, cause problems.

Adam does not concur. He thinks Adam didn’t turn up to the meeting because Adam didn’t want to cause problems for them.

Brian really doesn’t understand nor know Adam at all.

Neither does Annabelle. She suggests that Brian tries to have a talk with Adam to “keep lines of communication open”.


Star Trek wallpaper

Neil made his mind up about Gary’s bedroom.

He went over to Bert’s, and left tins of paint.

[Neil] “If he wants his room painted, he can bloomin well do it himself”

(so Neil didn’t buy into Susan’s many levels of blackmail)

But Bert brought the paint back later that day.

Seems Gary didn’t want his bedroom redecorated (not that anyone thought to ask him in the first place)

[Susan] “Because he doesn’t want to mess up his Star Trek wallpaper. Or the plastic model of the Starship Enterprise he’s got hanging from the ceiling …”

Goodness sake!

As they pointed out, Gary is 37! Model kits and PlayStation was bad enough, but wallpaper … unacceptable.

What’s the story with him?

Medical issue, or is he just that sad a man?

[Susan] “He did ask for a Klingon dictionary last Christmas”

Blimey! Explains a lot.


Brian gives Susan something to gossip about

As Brian and Annabelle say goodbye after lunch, they give each other a kiss. One assumes it was just on the cheek, but it did actually sound a bit slurpy …

Anyhoo, Brian spots Susan spotting him and Annabelle.

[Brian] “I can almost hear her mind working overtime. She’ll be thinking I’m having my wicked way with you”

Brian want to “really give her something to talked about”, but Annabelle said no.

Sounded like her stomach turning at the thought of anyone thinking she was dallying with Brian …

Susan gets home, and wants to tell Neil all.

[Susan] “Look very matey they were, all smiles …”

[Neil] “Susan, woah, wait. Are you sure you want to carry on … you thought it’d be a doddle didn’t ya, it might be more of a challenge than you thought?”

But Susan buttons her lip.

Better watch out Neil. She needs that gossip to relax her.



Adam’s not for talking

Brian takes Annabelle’s advice to talk to Adam.

Even though Jennifer had been begging for weeks …

He corners Adam as he’s leaving Home Farm after work.

[Brian] “It’s just to say, well, thanks for not coming to the meeting”

[Adam] “Brian, whatever my reasons for not coming, I don’t need you to thank me for it”

Brian reckons they’re all still in together as a family.

[Brian] “All these bad feelings, these warring family headlines, it doesn’t have to be like this … we do respect your point of view … you have your standards, ideals, and you’re not prepared to compromise … can we at least be civil about it and stop all this unnecessary feuding and agree to differ”

[Adam] “Isn’t it just a tiny but late for all that? Well I’m sorry. It’s been a long day and I need to get home”

End of.

Atta boy Adam. Someone needs to stand up to his nibs.

There’s still no phone nor internet 17.01.12

The Archers Tuesday 17th January 2012

• Christine’s birds look like they’re in for a treat
• Stolen cabling AND floods
• Scrap metal? Who was after that a wee while ago?
• Caroline’s disturbing her guests
• That’s why Ambridge is a nice place to live
• Is Ruth going to sack Emma?
• Gary’s useless once more
• Facebook withdrawal
• Ducks have it made?
• Lower Loxley bucks the trend

Christine’s birds look like they’re in for a treat

So says Jim.


Stolen cabling AND floods

Ambridge really isn’t having any luck

Seems it was a large amount of cable that was stolen.

(though why the size of it means it’ll take longer to fix, I don’t know. Surely the Council just buys a larger length?)

And flooding has slowed down the repairs.

Scrap metal? Who was after that a wee while ago?

[Jim] “It’s appalling that the thieves are willing to create havoc like this, and all for a bit of scrap metal”

And who do we know was trying to steal scrap metal a wee while back …

Neil was also saying that ‘they’ (whoever ‘they’ are) are putting measures into place to stop dealers buying stolen scrap metal.

That’ll be Clive and his dodgy mate Bernie might be up the swanny without armbands.



Caroline’s disturbing her guests

Caroline really isn’t having a good time at the moment.

Though they have brought the pen and paper out in swathes to try and keep track of who is supposed to be where, they still can’t take payment.

She can’t even find her old ‘clunk clunk’ card readers.

And to top that, she’s starting barging in on guests.

[Caroline] “Luckily when I opened the door there was nothing untoward going on, but the woman looked pretty shocked when the door flew open”

Caroline has misread Oliver’s writing – saw a 17 to be an 11 – and tried to show someone in a room that was already being used.

And Caroline sounded quite upset about it.

Maybe this will give Caroline the push to get another manager, and finally retire properly.


That’s why Ambridge is a nice place to live

People actually give a hoot for each other.

Jim’s in the shop, where they can’t open the Post office bit.

[Jim] “Not being able to give people their pensions is very unfortunate. We’ve seen some distress today”

Bob Pullen is (we are told) very upset that he has no phone, and that his personal alarm (which he wears around his neck) can’t be used.

(don’t those things have batteries? Why an internet connection?)

So Jim decides to do something about it.

He has a chat to Neil and Chris about getting a rota together to go round checking on vulnerable folks, especially as they have no means of raising the alarm.

They’re more than happy to help out, and get others to also do so.

And Chris has the idea of rounding up old mobiles, get some sims and get a collection together to put some money on them. AND he and Alice will help folks of the 3rd generation to use them.

None of that would have happened in a city.

Or in a village where folks don’t like each other.


Is Ruth going to sack Emma?

She was in asking about what ‘cleaner for hire; cards were up in the shop. When Jim pointed out that she has Emma, she didn’t exactly utter any words of denial or that Emma was doing her grand.

Interesting.


Gary’s useless once more

Neil’s made a start on redoing Bert’s house. He’s called in Christopher to help.

Seems Gary is well and truly back to being a chocolate fireguard.

[Neil] “He’s being worse than useless. I think he’s doing it deliberately … if you get reputation for being rubbish,. No-one makes you do anything, do they ?”

Ah – is that’s Gary’s secret!

Anyhoo – Neil is also annoyed that Bert and Gary sat there watching the telly while he grafted – then had the cheek to ask him to keep the noise down as they couldn’t hear their programmes.


Facebook withdrawal

[Ruth] “Josh is having Facebook withdrawal symptoms”

And he wants to go round Freddie and Lily’s to be able to get onto Facebook, to talk to friends he’s just been at school with all day.

[Caroline] “Maybe he’ll read a book instead”

Aye, Ruth’s not hopeful of that.


Ducks have it made?

Ruth’s taking time out to:

[Ruth] “watch how the ducks go about things”

[Caroline, also trying to take a timeout] “Look a rather enviable life, doesn’t it, on the surface anyway …”

[Ruth] “Of course they’re paddling like mad underneath”

Which, as Caroline says, is just what she and Ruth are doing.

(I think we understood that without Caroline spelling it out)


Lower Loxley bucks the trend

It’s on a different exchange, so has internet and phones.

Elizabeth called up Caroline to see how they were coping – but the way Caroline retold the call, it sounded like Elizabeth was ever slightly crowing …

Seems she has lots of people turning up with their laptops to get online. She’s been giving them complimentary coffee. A “roaring trade”.

Caroline really needs to tell Elizabeth to stuff herself. It’s been a year. She doesn’t need to be nice to her anymore.

A new tank for Brookfield 13.01.12

The Archers Friday 13th January 2012

• Bunny Huggers
• Gary turns out useless again
• Brookfield is “satisfactory”
• Bloomin’ badgers might lose Brookfield their dairy herd

Bunny Huggers

Shula bumps into Brian skulking around Felpersham.

[Brian] “I am a bit wary of showing my head round the village at the moment”

[Shula] “Afraid you might get lynched?”

[Brian] “We wanted to handle the announcement in ourselves in our own time, present out facts and have a calm and measured public consultation”

But, the Echo didn’t get the story straight. Brian thinks it was gossip and half-truths:

[Brian] "Along with a wildly over the top rant for a bunch of bunny huggers!”

But while Brian thinks the Super Dairy is actually a good news story, Shula doesn’t sound convinced. She sounds sceptical about the benefits Brian was describing, but was saying she (and Alistair) are keeping an open mind.

When Shula is later talking to David and Ruth, she reckons the Echo was wrong to run that story.

[Shula] “I don’t think it helps, you know, portraying him as some sort of grasping money bags riding rough shod over animals right and the will of the people …”

[Ruth, laughing gleefully] “Sounds pretty much spot on to me!”

Shula also reports that Chris is in favour of the Super Dairy. He reckons it’ll be “interesting”.

So the battle lines are being drawn amongst the villagers.


Gary turns out useless again

Tracey has been out trying to find a job, but not joy so far. Though she has only been to Lower Loxley and Grey Gables.

She bumps into Neil. As she’s twiddling her thumbs, and Neil is off to the DIY store, she decides to tag along.

Well, he is choosing things for her new hoose … not that Neil is aware of Tracey’s crafty plan in getting Bert to sign half the house to her.

She winds Neil up in trying to get him to buy flowery and expensive bathroom fittings for Bert’s new en suite.

[Tracey] “Italian marble. Get what you pay for, don’t you?”

But Neil’s not having it. He’s going for simple and cost effective, which he reckons Bert would want (Bert is paying for it, after all).

Then Tracey gets a call from the school. Her kids haven’t been collected.

She calls Gary, who was meant to be picking them up, but he’s in The Bull.

[Neil] “Well I’ve said it before Tracey, he’s got no sense of responsibility!”

And Neil has to drive her there.

Well, Gary’s bout of do-gooding was short lived.


Brookfield is “satisfactory”

The Environment Agency has been back at Brookfield, going through their NVZs line by line (amongst other things).

It’s slightly good news. After all David’s work, their NVZs have been deemed:

[David] “Satisfactory”

[Ruth] “Excellent!”

[David] “No. Just satisfactory”

[Ruth] “Well that will do”

They’ve also had a letter from the Environmental chaps to say stuff like they need to fix the slurry lagoon (really!) and that they “Reserve the right to prosecute if contamination”

Nasty.



Bloomin’ badgers might lose Brookfield their dairy herd

Shula had been to Brookfield as she’d heard they might have to sell their dairy herd.

[Shula] “I just wanted to say … dads trusted your judgment and would have understood”

David explains the problem to Shula. That though the damage to the slurry lagoon is the badgers’ fault, he and Ruth “have to be nice” to them.

To fix the lagoon, they’d need a licence to disturb the badgers. And once it’s fixed, they’d also need to put in a one way gate to the badger set. But they can’t do any work that’ll disturb them until July (to avoid upsetting them during breeding). And, they’d also have to put chain link to protect other vulnerable bits of the lagoon just in caser they badgers decide to widen their sphere of destruction. David’s rightly fuming:

[David] “Vast amount of work, costing a lot of money that we don’t have for absolutely no return!”

Later on, David gets a price for the alternative to fixing the slurry lagoon – a new tank. It’s coming in at £22,000 which is just £2000 more than fixing the old problem.

It’s still a blow, though. It’s again money they don’t have, and won’t help make any additional profit.

[David] “Now’s the time to take step back and admit that we can’t make dairying pay”

[Ruth] “And I don’t see fit to give up on my milk. I’m just not prepared to let the cows go. Not yet”

Note the ‘not yet’.

I like badgers. But this particular set really should start a whip round.

Tom’s meatballs 11.01.12

The Archers Wednesday 11th January 2012

• Tom’s fragile
• Why Tom so surprised to see Brenda putting makeup on?
• Meatballs on a stick impress Tom
• A use for uncle Gary!
• Emma don’t want no crockery
• George Barford and Walter Gabriel
• Tracey makes Bert sign
• Happy wee Grundy people
• Clarrie’s a bludger
• Tom’s on about kids again …

Tom’s fragile

Seems he needs a “pint or two of coffee” and painkillers.

We didn’t hear him at Pat’s Party, but sounds like he had a good time.

Though Matt and Lilian were still up when they left at 3am … when Brenda later say Lilian at work, Lilian only came down after lunchtime, asked what messages there were, then went off not to be seen again.


Why Tom so surprised to see Brenda putting makeup on?

It might have just been because they had both been out so late (so why bother making yourself up when you stink of booze!), but wonder if it’s because Brenda doesn’t make an effort anymore …

… not that I think women have to wear make-up to be making an effort. Just that I’ve always imagined bust Brenda as a lady who slaps it on …


Meatballs on a stick impress Tom

He really is easily pleased, is that boy.

Tom was really taken with the meatballs on sticks served at Pat’s party last night. They came with a “yummy” dipping sauce.

Tom checked with the caterers – the sauce had tomatoes and red peppers, and the meatballs had apple and a little bit of chilli.

(what meat, though?)

So he’s off on one again.

A pork ready meal of meatballs, with pasta.

Brenda gets cooking …

Later on, as they’re chatting about Tom getting an email from a buyer he’s been chasing:

[Brenda] “The one you’ve been relentlessly badgering?”

[Tom] “The one I’ve been gently nurturing!”

(well it doesn’t seem to be working, whichever way you look at it. The chap emailed to thank him for his call, but that he wasn’t interested … don’t call us, we’ll call you)

And that Tom will also need more sausages for the Farmhouse Week promotion at The Bull and also now at Jaxx.

Tom seems to get a bit overexcited.

He thinks the meatballs are better than the goulash (shock) AND the chilli (no, never!).

[Tom] “This is just what the ready meals market has been waiting for!”

Has it really?

Ach well.

I suppose I can grudgingly admire him for his enthusiasm.


A use for uncle Gary!

Gary is driving Tracey’s kids to and from school. On time, and without prompting.

Which gives Tracey time to look for a job. And her kids think Gary is a better driver than Tracey … or at least he doesn’t swear as much:

[Tracey] “It’s not like I swear at the dad kids, cause I don’t …”

She just swears at other drivers while her kids are in the car.

Classy.

It’s lucky that Gary has found something useful to do, as there aren’t any places at Lower Barrett at the moment.

[Bert] “Well. it’s nice to think of Gary being a bit of use”

George Barford and Walter Gabriel

Seems George had made the Casa Nueva wooden sign for Will (and Emma).

And Clarrie was remembering what she and Eddie were given when they got married.

Including wooden willows from Walter Gabriel. Who Nic hadn’t heard of.

[Will] “He was a proper old Borchestershire bloke”

Neil got them a recipe book (for her) and a cowboy book called Bad Men and Badlands (for him).

Nic thinks books were a strange wedding present:

[Clarrie] “None of us had much money in them days, and lists at Underwoods were not for the like of us!”

Emma don’t want no crockery

Will thinks Emma told Nic that she (Emma) had chosen Casa Nueva.

Typical Emma. Can’t stand not being thought of every time someone walked into that house.

Nic asking for their cottage’s name to be changed has made him realise how much else of Emma is still left in that house. None of which he needs now that he and Nic have wedding presents to replace them.

He has fairly decent crockery that he and Emma had been given for their wedding, albeit now a few pieces are missing. So, he thought Emma might like them.

[Will] “I don’t know if I caught her at a bad moment or not, but she gave me a right earful. ‘What makes me think she’s got room for my casts offs, there some things she doesn’t want reminding of, thank you very much’ … ”

Will was thinking of taking them to a charity shop, but Clarrie stops him to say he should give them to Eddie to sell at a car boot sale.

Just imagine the fallout if any of it turns out to be properly valuable …


Tracey makes Bert sign

Tracey is definitely more Clive than Susan …

She’s written up the housing association letter (to make her a joint tenant with her dad):

[Tracey] “I do know how to type dad. And there’s no need to bother Susan with this”

And without further ceremony, she gets Bert to sign it there and then.


Happy wee Grundy people

[Jake] “My mum is called Mrs Grundy now, so we’re going to be called Grundy too”

Seems Jake and Mia decided they want to be Grundy’s all on their own.

[Mia] “Look Clarrie, I wrote it on my school book”

Clarrie is almost in tears.

Mia and Jake Grundy.

Clarrie asks them if they want to call her grandma, like George does.

Which they do.

That sets Clarrie off weeping proper!

Sweet.

I’m really enjoying this wee bit of happiness in Ambridge. Especially as it’s calmed down Will ever so.


Clarrie’s a bludger

I’m only teasing.

Quite right that she’s claiming benefit.

And she’s finally received her first payment. Which she’s used part of to buy Nic and Will some welcome home chocolates.

[Clarrie] “it’s lovely to have a little bit of money of me own”

Tom’s on about kids again …

*sigh*

Jazzer’s been harassing him about being so hung-over. He reckons Tom’s too old for partying into the wee hours.

[Tom] “I can’t take the pace anymore, time to settle down …”

[Brenda] “You’re not allowed to talk like that until; you’re 40!”

[Tom] “Ah, when we have kids …”

[Brenda] “I intend to grow old Disgracefully, like Lilian”

Goon on ya Brenda.

Keep him off the topic of procreation.

Though, sorry, but you’ll never be a Lilian …

Brookfield to stop dairy? 04/01/02:

The Archers Wednesday 4th January 2012

• Gary nearly burnt the house down
• How was Neil’s Christmas?
• Susan convinces Bert
• Jill isn’t sentimental
• Debbie hasn’t won friends at Brookfield

Gary nearly burnt the house down

Seems he was cooking sausages when the phone rang. Susan later arrives to find the house stinking of smoke, and her dad trying to clean the burnt pan.

[Susan] “If you’ve got a frying pan on the stove, you don’t leave the room!”

Is Gary useless, or is he special?

[Susan] “I don’t know dad, you and Gary, you need someone to look after you full time”

Bert isn’t even sure if he’s had breakfast yet. So Clarrie does him some toast, while buttering him up for her crafty plan to be rid of Tracey and her kids.


How was Neil’s Christmas?

Asks Jill.

[Neil] “I’ve had more relaxing times with a yard full of hungry weaners!”

Susan convinces Bert

[Susan] “The point is, Tracey would like to stay in the village, not least so she can carry on looking after you and Gary, you’re not making much of a fist of looking after yourselves, are you? …What we thought was, wouldn’t it make sense for the Tracey and the kid to move into here”

[Bert] “Here … there isn’t room … there’s only the one bedroom spare”

Susan rightly points out that he and Ivy managed to bring up 6 Horrobins in the same house. And she tells him of Neil’s plan to turn the dining room into Bert’s bedroom, with the pantry as an en suite.

[Bert, horrified] “In the pantry!”

But he does see the sense in Tracey moving in. For his and Gary’s sake, as well as meaning Tracey can live back in Ambridge.

[Susan] “Be best coming from you, dad”

Neil’s happiness now depends on Bert convincing Tracey. Susan tells Neil:

[Susan] “I don’t think he’s all that keen on having Brad and Chelsea there … Dad reckons she’s not going to happy swapping this house for no. 6”

Not a very confident start.


Jill isn’t sentimental

She’s at Brookfield seeing a rather depressed David and Ruth.

The Environmental Agency has been in to examine the slurry lagoon. While they’ve confirmed that the lagoon has sufficient capacity to comply with new regulations, they’re also saying that it will need to be relined.

Which will cost a cool £20,000.

Or, Brookfield cold get a whole new system, involving a tank and a new way of dealing with waste water. But that would cost about the same amount.

But it’s all academic. Either which way they go, Brookfield doesn’t have £20,000. And with their current balance sheet, they might struggle to get a bank loan.

[David] “If those damn badgers hadn’t chosen to start their excavations now, we wouldn’t have had to do anything for a couple of years”

And now that Brookfield is on the radar of the Environmental Agency (who weren’t chuffed that their NVZ records were behind), they can expect a lot more checking and potential interference.

Jill remembers that Phil had problems with the lagoon. He used local clay to fix it, but seems it’s now deemed “insufficiently impermeable”.

[Ruth] “There’s no way we can do a DIY job on this one, I’m afraid”

[David] “I’m seriously wondering whether it’s worth it … should we cut out losses and sell the herd”

[Ruth] “It’s absolutely a last resort,. And it would break my heart … Brookfield without a dairy herd. What would Phil say?”

[Jill] “I think Phil would understand. He trusted your business sense … well, we can’t afford to be sentimental, can we?”

[Ruth] “I’m praying it doesn’t have to come to that. there’s got to be another way”

Debbie hasn’t won friends at Brookfield

Jill was telling Ruth and David that Debbie and Elizabeth have made up (and retold that they’d fallen out 9 years ago because Elizabeth knew about Brian and Siobhan’s affair).

[David] “So, if I wait for another 8 years, maybe Elizabeth will consider speaking to me again?”

Ruth is not a big fan of Debbie at the moment:

[Ruth] “So, she turns up here last night, and says I hear you might be going out of dairy, so would you like to reconsider our offer. As if supplying fodder to this glorified milk factory would in some way compensate for the loss of our precious cows. I mean, how insensitive can you get!”