The Archers Friday 24th June 2011: Ruth has a chat with Elizabeth

(well, more of a bruising)

• Why so surprised that Harry pulled?
• Pondering when Emma met Ed
• Will and Nic as Keira’s godparents???
• Lynda in party planning mode
• "the Llamas were violated"
• Ruth makes a suggestion to Elizabeth which doesn’t go down at all well

Why so surprised that Harry pulled?

[Ed] “Harry’s only gone and pulled!”

Emma sounded quite shocked.

Why so?

Harry’s too dull for most women? Did they also assume he was gay?

(still not finding that whole farce funny. Like the whole Harold Asquith (real name Wendy Diamond) and Colin Carpenter (Michelle MacLean) elopement, this all feels a tad childish – at worst, a wee bit bigoted)

See my previous posts

Either way, Harry is seeing Zofia again, and Jazzer doesn’t seem too bothered.

He pulled someone else anyway …


Pondering when Emma met Ed

Of more accurately, when Emma left Will for Ed.

They walk by reminders of the night Emma left Will.

[Emma] “We’ve come a long way, haven’t? … have we left all out wild past behind us, do you think?”

So Emma’s now worried about becoming “boring and settled”

[Ed] “It’s not so bad being settled, is it?”

[Emma] “Not with the right person, no”

Will and Nic as Keira’s godparents???

Good lord no! Ed was just joking.

Seemingly Susan and Clarrie are on at Ed and Emma to get Keira’s christening organised.

And looks like the choice for godparents is an easy one – Oliver and Caroline.



Lynda in party planning mode

What’s the problem with the Snells’ finance?

They seem to be very preoccupied by the cost of their forthcoming garden party – to celebrate their 25 years in Ambridge.

[Lynda] “Mid-afternoon, so no obligation to give them a big meal … fete champetre, you might say”

They have at least 150 people to invite, including Robert’s kids, partners and their children.

[Lynda] “25 years of village life Robert, that’s a lot of friendships”

So, to keep costs minimised, they’ll provide the drinks and strawberries & cream, with all guests contributing to the food.

Which I think if fair enough. David Cameron’s ‘Big Society’ and all that … not that I think Cameron knows what it means to properly pitch in, but I do digress …

But, Robert has to tell Lynda to stop. Which takes a bit of effort, but when he does get her to listen, he leads her outside …


"the Llamas were violated"

If you were sensible enough to not listen to Ambridge Extra (actually – that’s not entirely fair – there has been some ‘good’ moments, in-between the youf language and music), you won’t know that Jamie and his moronic mates sprayed the Snells’ Llamas with pink hair dye.

Very droll.

[Lynda] “Oh no. Whatever’s happened to them?”

Wolfgang and little Constanza had pink “wiggles” on them “like some modern art installation”, when Robert found them.

[Lynda] “They must have been terrified. They would have run away”

But Robert reckons they must have backed them into a corner. And that is was “just” kids, “high in something”.

Lynda is quite rightly distraught. Poor Wolfgang and Constanza – must have been frightening, though they do seem fairly relaxed now.

Then again, animals are not very good at showing emotional trauma …

Robert reckons there’s no point in reporting it to the Police. In his shoes – I would have.

Where there’s pink hair die, there’s a guilty teen.

Maybe I should just call in the Police myself. After all, I did hear the dirty deed being done.

And it’s not only the Llamas that are upset. Lynda’s taking it personally:

[Lynda] “When we’ve just been saying how welcome and settled we out in Ambridge … warmth and support … there’s someone out there who hates us …Robert, the Llamas were violated!”

But good old Robert puts a positive spin on it (well, not really – all he can say is that it was likely “bored youngsters with nothing better to do” than anyone with a vendetta). And also refocuses Lynda onto the party.

So Robert hangs the expense! The Snells shall have their fete champetre on the 1st Sunday in August.


Ruth makes a suggestion to Elizabeth which doesn’t go down at all well

Ruth finally tackles Elizabeth. Not literally, but, as the conversation went on, I got the feeling that she would have like to do so …

After Elizabeth tries to avoid talking to her (she’s busy … minding the gallery … the kids etc ec), Elizabeth then tries to steer the conversation onto her not having sent Elizabeth a birthday card. Of course she knows all too well that it’s her letter, removing David and Ruth as Lily and Freddie’s guardians, that Ruth has come to talk about.

[Elizabeth] “It’s my decision, and I don’t want to discuss I … taken it on yourself to fight his battles?”

As Ruth points out, her being removed as guardian does actually affect her – as well as leaving David in tatters.

But Elizabeth doesn’t want to discuss anything rationally.

[Elisabeth] “You don’t see, do you … it’s not about what you and David want …. doing what David wanted cost Nigel his life …

… “I can quite see that he’d want to take care of Freddie and Lily, yes, out of guilt … but after what he did to Nigel, how can he possibly think I’d want the man who took their father away from them looking after them if I wasn’t around, the idea is ludicrous …

“… no, I’m not listening … I can’t see why this has come as such a surprise to you

“… Nigel’s’ not here, and do you know why, because David forced him to do something he didn’t want to do, to save David time”

[Ruth] “Not again …”

[Elizabeth, shouting] “YES again, because you can’t change it!”

Elizabeth talks about how Nigel died because David wanted to save an hour the following day. And that he made it worse by not telling her.

Then Ruth drops her own bombshell.

[Ruth] “He felt terrible, he feels terrible … you’ve had a terrible time, the most awful trauma … but really, what might help might be some sort of counselling …. To help you comes to terms …”

[Elizabeth] “You’ve got a nerve … do you know what would help, out yourself into my position …now tell me how much counselling is ever going to help with that???”

Oops.

Telling Elizabeth she needed counselling was never going to go sown well, no matter who said it to her.

But coming from Ruth? Wife of David?

Not a good idea, at all.

The Archers 7th September 2010: the Dairy Event

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The Archers: Jill’s going to be 80 in October … the lesbian scandal continues … Bert’s an angry man … Eddie tells Ed he knows

• Why the scandal?
• Let Joe be the judge
• Any excuse for another pint, Eddie
• Does Heat magazine not have a gardening section?

Why the scandal?

I’m a bit unsure about how to take all the gossip about Harold Asquith (real name Wendy Diamond) and Colin Carpenter (Michelle MacLean).

Ambridge residents don’t seem to really be scandalised – just more amused. As Jill mentioned, Lynda’s only “in a state” because she’s lost a judge.

But, is the amusement because it’s two women who have eloped?

Or, that these two women were writing as men, who everyone now knows are women, who have eloped?

Or, is it just that this is indeed the “most interesting bit of news” to come from the Borchester Echo in aged?

I can sympathise with having a local paper that seems to recycle the same headlines about rural buses (though I have to also say that rural buses are indeed a big issue for us rural folks. Having one bus every third Tuesday at 3.34pm isn’t funny …!).

And other ‘news’ does often include ground breaking snippets like “women 93 dies” (hardly unusual indeed Mr Fry!). I’m also not surprised that the Borchester Echo will simply re-run columns from the same time last year, rather than replace their two columnists.

“Harold Asquith doesn’t know anything about tomatoes”

so says Bert, more annoyed that anyone gives a hoot that this charlatan was writing bad advice about veg, than the fact that he is a she who’s run off with another she.

To be frank, I just don’t get it. This whole situation has turned Ambridge’s residents into a bunch of schoolgirls giggling over catching their teachers having a kiss.

And worse, it’s bordering on them being homophobic.

Goodness me – grow up!


Let Joe be the judge

And why not indeed? He certainly does know his onions.

Bert’s most decidedly unamused at the thought.

Despite Joe having a very long history of entries into the flower and produce show (he entered a sunflower at age 4, so that gives him a whopping 85 years of experience), Bert just won’t accept that Joe’s the right man for the job.

In trying to avoid bad feeling before the show (because there’s seemingly enough bad feeling after it), Lynda outs the ball firmly into Bert’s court:

“incumbent upon you to find someone else [by the end of the week] … the matter's in your hands”

Fair do. Put up or shut up Bert!


Any excuse for another pint, Eddie

Most certainly uninterested in the information and stalls at the dairy event, Eddie’s winding Ed up by wanting to sit in the bar all day, rather than talk to genetics people, and blokes with champion heifers, at the dairy event.

And just as Clarrie managed to keep quiet about knowing Emma was pregnant, Eddie also can’t keep stum.

Waxing lyrical about the “Grundy’s at Grange farm for generations”, and how Ed was proving himself “not just at work”, Eddie’s subtly runs out with:

“sprouting another little branch soon”

Ed’s a bit annoyed at first, but his delight over Emma’s pregnancy wins through.
But, is it just me, or is all this Grundy delight bound to turn to tragedy?


Does Heat magazine not have a gardening section?

I wouldn’t know.

But that’s seemingly enough reason to not worry about Sabrina being involved with choosing the judge for the beg competition.

I do agree that Shula’s “absence is irrelevant”.

When was the last time Shula had any relevance at all?

The Archers 6th September 2010: Matt scuppers Borchester Land’s plans

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The Archers: Matt pulls a blinder … Eddie knows how to sort The Bull … lesbians flee Borchester

• Matt’s not lost his touch
• Joe’s runner beans are straight
• Lynda’s being a bit mean
• Eddie does have a point about The Bull
• Harold Asquith and Colin Carpenter
• “Lilian’s so transparent”

Matt’s not lost his touch

Now I understand why we had to listen to Brian waffling on about an access road the other day.

It’s because he must be able to buy it if his mart project is to go ahead.

But, Matt’s managed to get in there first and buy it before Brian could.

Sneaky. And what a way to scupper his old ‘colleagues’ at Borchester Land.

“I think you ask me to name my price”

BUT, it’s not cash that Matt’s after.

He wants shares and a seat on the board of Borchester Land.

For Lilian.

Eh?

Does Matt think Lilian would want that, or be daft enough to do his bidding if she does get on the board?

Or am I missing something? If he wants a patsy, shouldn’t he just get Brenda?


Joe’s runner beans are straight

Good for you, my friend.

Seemingly runner beans should have the length, be straight and shouldn’t be hard and scaly.

Chuffed with his entry for that category in the flower and produce show, Joe’s off for a sneaky look at Jim’s onions.

He’s also keeping a close eye on Bert Fry, even if the veg Bert donates to the Village Shop is seemingly veg he should be ashamed of. Annoyed that Bert is calling himself a “special adviser” due to his advice that he’s giving to Lower Loxley’s about their allotment plans (advice which is indeed ‘special’), it seems Joe’s nose is out of joint about not him not being asked to help.

Oh dear. Veg can indeed be bad for one’s health, especially when it comes to Joe versus Bert.

Lynda’s being a bit mean

Now I know Lynda can be a lot of things, but she isn’t really a nasty person.
So why was she so blatantly gloating over the Grundy’s lack of campers at Camp Grundy?

I thought she’d changed her attitude when she found that it was actually useful having a campsite to compliment her B&B.

Still, she was nice about Joe's runner beans.


Eddie does have a point about The Bull

Eddie reckons that Ambridge made the “wrong call” when it stepped in to save the Village Shop. It should have held its fire for The Bull.

He does have a very good point that the Post Office could have put in the pub, and that it is also possible to run the pub as a community. But, that’s not going to be possible with everyone donating their time and money to the Village Shop.

“[do you think Pat would let me] settle down with a pint of cider between the cat food and the birthday cards?

”

True enough, but if it can happen in Ireland, surely it could happen in Ambridge?

Harold Asquith and Colin Carpenter

So Borchester Echo’s Harold Asquith, the gardening correspondent, has run off with Colin Carpenter, the motoring correspondent.

That leaves Lynda without a judge for the veg.

And great gossip for Ambridge.

Harold and Colin are pseudonyms.

Harold and Colin are … wait for it … both women.

Oh how modern times can perplex. And play havoc with a flower and produce show.


“Lilian’s so transparent”

Reckons Jennifer.

She’s right that she was able to spot the whole ‘Paul’ situation without making much effort, but I don’t think either her or Brian shouldn’t underestimate our Lilian. Even if she was

“here most of Saturday, shamelessly drinking my gin”

It doesn’t seem like Lilian is aware of Matt’s plans for her at Borchester Land. And I think she’ll also have the same reaction as Jennifer has at the thought of joining the board:

“back stabbing old goats”

Brian’s new plan is to hold his nerve, and sit it out until Matt gets desperate.
After all, Matt isn’t exactly flush with money, so will need to sell the access land to get his cash flowing.

Either way, I’m glad Jennifer isn’t automatically falling out with Lilian (as is per usual). But, with Brian and Matt soon to be at each other’s throats again, Lilian and Jennifer won’t be on friendly terms for much longer.