Pondering The Archers: robert snell

Has Lilian run off to Paul?

Yesterday, we heard Paul encouraging Lilian to run away and join him in Dubai.

After a relentlessly angry day at Matt, we hard Lilian call someone and asking to "make a booking".

BUT.

Turns out Lilian was booking her and Peggy into a break in Whitby, as they’d talked about on Christmas Day.

Seems last time Peggy was here was 1943 with Jack

[Peggy] "It was so romantic"

She won't have any romance going there with her daughter, but a lovely time shall be had anyhoo, I'll bet.

So - do we think it's only family ties that are keeping Lilian from running to Paul?

Dedicated to Bob Pullen

Nice thought to dedicate the show to Bob.

Though he probably would have hated it ...

Peggy wishes Clive ill

Gossip about Clive resurfacing at Bert's has made its way round Ambridge. Though, of course, Tom and Brenda live next door, so saw everything.

David can't fathom why Clive came back to Ambridge, but Peggy doesn't give a hoot.

[Peggy] "Let’s hope this time they put Clive Horrobin away for good"

Quite right too, Peggy.

Kenton's great plan? Audience participation

the evening starts off with Kenton hitting David over the head with his pig bladder on a sick. (Well, a balloon on a stick, to be exact).

[Kenton] "No pig was harmed in the making of the costume ... I am the Lord of Misrule, and boy do I intend to live up to my name!"

Kenton tells the audience that Shakespeare always played to the audience. Which is exactly what he intends to do.

[Kenton] "This evening is all about audience participation"

[Lynda, to Robert] "No it’s not!"

Robert tells Lynda to calm down, and give Kenton's way a chance.

[Robert] "He’s not spoiling the acts, he’s adding to it"

After every act, Kenton had something to do for the audience, related to the act.

For example, he asked Jim to repeat a line from his soliloquy, then gave the audience their response:

[Jim] "Friends, roman, countrymen, lend me your ears"

[Audience] "Here they are!"

(I suppose we needed to be there ... As an aside, I really can't hear those lines without seeing Kenneth Williams speak them as Caesar in one of the Carry Ons. I used to love the Carry Ons. Though they’ve not aged well ...)

Kenton has the audience up dancing, wearing bells, and generally taking part. Which they seem to enjoy.

[Lynda] "I can see he’s taking the audience with him, but why didn’t he tell me?"

Robert reckoned Kenton reckoned Lynda wouldn’t have agreed.

[Lynda] "It’s not the show I planned. I shall have to go and hide"

[Robert] "You can’t hide. Don’t you want to try one of those new-fangled potato things!"

Kenton gives Lynda the credit

The overall reaction to the Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza was that a grand time was had by all.

[Peggy] "Extraordinary, but very enjoyable."

[David] "I had no idea what I was letting myself in for"

Jim wonders aloud how Lynda kept a straight face during rehearsals, considering what the reality of the show was going to be.

Kenton doesn't mention that Lynda also didn’t have a clue. In fact, she gets all the credit.

[Kenton] "Lynda knows how to strike the balance … High art, and low comedy."

Friday, 28 December 2012

Leonie’s best idea is “potato”: Tues 04.12.12 #thearchers

The Archers Tuesday 4th December 2012

Lynda explains Brawn
James wants liveried footmen
Shires Rare Breed
The Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza needs sausage rolls …
Lynda sees a new side to James
Matt likes James?

Lynda explains Brawn

The food for the Elizabethan Christmas extravaganza will be collar of Brawn marinated in spices, real mince pies, and marchpane made into “fancy shapes”.

[Robert] “I’m going to need an old English dictionary, what exactly is brawn?”

Lynda explains that brawn is basically boiled pork loin, real mince pies uses real mince and marchpane is marzipan.

[Robert] “So pork, mince pies and marzipan.”

Well, Lynda sniffed, there are other dishes. It’s all about the keynote dishes being authentic.

James wants liveried footmen to carry him round Deck the Halls.

He claims he’s joking …

James and Leonie then waffled on for a while, drinking Gluhwein. I fully admit I completely switched off …

Shires Rare Breed

Is what the Shires Brewery wants to rename the Lower Loxley rare Breed brand in return for sponsorship.

See what they did there?

Very clever (!).

Shires also want exclusive on drinks events.

Hmmm.

While Shires are punting this to Roy and Elizabeth as a ‘partnership’, it sounds like they’re taking a bigger bite that will tie up Lower Loxley. I only hope the value of their sponsorship is worth it.

The Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza needs sausage rolls …

According to Leonie and James.

They reckon more ‘modern food is required for the Christmas show’. Like sausage rolls. Sandwiches. And chicken legs.

(Eh?)

Lynda tries to explain that the food has to be authentic to Elizabethan times. At which point, Leonie actually has a good suggestion …

… potatoes.

Potatoes were obviously an “exotic vegetables” back in the day. And they’re rather adaptable.

Chips it is!

(Lynda didn’t actually agree to chips … doubt she ever will)

Lynda sees a new side to James

[Lynda] “Is this really James, he’s being so nice to her.

[Robert] “And he’s letting her boss her around Robert”

[Lynda] “It’s just so nice to see them being in a balanced relationship.”

Now that’s interesting.

Lynda always tells Lilian that it’s James who bullies Leonie – now that she’s seen Leonie bullying James, she’s happy to bless their relationship.

(I wonder if she’ll ever admit that to Lynda.)

Seems James has also found his peace with Lynda:

[James] “I always find Lynda easier to manage after she’s had a glass or two”

(cheeky!)

Matt likes James?

When James and Leonie get back from Deck the Halls, they find Matt has left a present out for James.

A bottle of expensive cognac.

[James] “From Matt … ‘in case you feel like a night cap’ …. Don’t you find it just a little bit strange … now he’s started being so nice to me?”

[Leonie] “I know what a great and wonderful person you are. It’s just taken Matt a whole to see that too.”

Hmmm.

Matt’s never that straightforward.

Thursday, 29 November 2012

Robert had a sausage! In a bap!!!: Mon 05.11.12 #thearchers

(Bonfire Night 2012)

The Archers Monday 5th November 2012

Hourly breaks for smokers
Robert’s started The Globe
Kenton’s the binding agent
Hilary Noakes is right!
David’s happy for Kenton
Tomato sauce gave the game away
Leonie seems to be back for good

Hourly breaks for smokers

Is what Naomi has persuaded Fallon is the norm at Jaxx.

Kirsty says it isn’t, so Fallon calls Kenton. Who confirms it isn’t.

When Fallon asks Naomi is she’s sure about the rule, Naomi gets uppity that she’s being called a liar.

Oh dear.

Not to happy a start to Fallon’s managerial career.

Robert’s started The Globe

He really is Lynda’s perfect match.

Kenton’s the binding agent

[Lynda] “It feels so unfocused. A song here, a sonnet there …”

Lynda’s worried that her Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza isn’t really hanging together.

Robert’s on grand form again:

[Robert] “What you need is a Lord of Misrule … he could act as a sort of compare.”

And who could that Lord of Misrule be?

[Lynda] “You would be the thread running through the whole production, bringing the show to life, and drawing it to a close.”

[Kenton] “Sorry Lynda, but …”

[Lynda] “The Lord of Misrule … with your natural bon ami and sense of mischief.”

[Kenton] “Well I’ve been called plenty else, but Lord of Misrule, it does have a certain ring to it …”

[Lynda] “Can I take that as a yes then? It won’t work without a start performer of your quality.”

[Kenton] “No, I’m sorry Lynda, Jolene won’t forgive me if I duck out of my duties at The Bull.”

[Robert] “Very wise, don’t upset the boss.”

[Lynda] “Robert!”

[Robert] “See …”

[Lynda] “Honestly, off all the times for him to decide to be sensible.”

So, Lynda asks Jolene. Jolene’s fine about it, and (actually) Kenton did want to do it.

Two minutes behind the bar, and Kenton’s already taking time off.

Ach well.

Jolene must know what she’s doing. I;m sure having less hands is fine during her busiest time of year.

Hilary Noakes is right!

Now that’s a rare thing.

David and Kenton are getting the fireworks ready.

They’re actually being a bit mean. They’re placing them:

[Kenton] “Where will we be closest to Hilary Noakes’ house … give her bird a fright!”

Now, Hilary Noakes was wrong to complain last year about the village green being singed. It always gets repaired.

This year, she’s complaining that her cockatoo will be scared by the noise.

Which is actually fair enough. There’s a lot of other Ambridge pets who will live in dread of this night.

David’s happy for Kenton

Goodness me!

[David] “Well would you look at that. An Archer back behind the bar of The Bull.”

[Kenton] “I’ve travelled so far, and where do I end up. At The Bull, in Ambridge.”

[David] “The way it’s worked out between you and Jolene, I’m really cuffed for you mate.”

I don’t think I’ve ever heard David say something nice to Kenton.

Maybe Kenton really is home for good at The Bull.

Tomato sauce gave the game away

Lynda wants to go home from the bonfire night.

[Lynda] “If you’d just come home for dinner … a sausage, in a bap! And you’ve got tomato ketchup on your face!!!”

[Robert] “You’d better come and lick it off …”

Wow.

What a brave chap he is.

Leonie seems to be back for good

(with James)

Seems Robert and Leonie were the last to know that Leonie was intending to fly to James in his hour of need.

[Lynda] “He’s not an ex now. She’s saying he’s the live of her life … she does seem genuinely happy.”

Oh, that just makes me shudder.

Friday, 12 October 2012

An Elizabethan Christmas: Thurs 11.10.12

The Archers Thursday 11th October 2012

It’s audition time
Mike reckons Jamie and trees are a perfect match
How does Robert know about lap dancing clubs?
A Shakespearian Selection

It’s audition time

For the Christmas show, though Lynda has a longer list of definite no shows than folks who have agreed to turn out.

Tom, Brenda, Roy, Hayley, Kenton and Jolene reckon they won’t be taking part (aye, Lynda will see about that …).

Neville, Nathon, Susan, Tracey and Kirsty are maybes.

Even Ifty, in his keenness to be part of Ambridge (or, to be more exact, Kirsty) is a maybe.

[Lynda] “He adds something to the cast.”

[Robert] “A degree of masculinity.”

Then Lynda made mention that she has Jazzer in mind for Borachio … isn’t Jazzer masculine enough for all?

Anyhoo – Lynda wants Fallon for the romantic lead. Jim’s also popped in (not to volunteer, more to meddle), and he reads Benedick to her Beatrice. It’s not very … romantic … but luckily enough Rhys also pops by. He reads Benedick, and they’re marvellous together.

Ah, here we go again.

Will Fallon get her leading man this year?

But, there’s not enough volunteers to make a play.

[Lynda] “All the regulars are deserting.”

[Robert] “We’re not going to solve anything hanging about in a deserted village hall at night.”

So they head home for a “large one”.

Mike reckons Jamie and trees are a perfect match

Kathy’s really putting a lot of thought into whether she should let Jamie leave college to be a tree surgeon. She’s even asking Mike’s advice.

She reckons the only time he shows any enthusiasm is when he has a chainsaw (yikes!) or is working with Mike. Jamie just hates college, and doesn’t get good grades.

[Kathy] “Well I don’t know. Is it true? If he left school now, could he really make a career out of tree surgery?”

[Mike] “He’s definitely got a feeling for trees.”

Mike also reckons Jamie has the perfect makings. He’s interested. Asks the right things. Has enthusiasm and uses his brains (when it comes to trees). Any anyway, Jamie would need qualifications, and could possibly do a degree later on. So he wouldn’t be completely abandoning education.

[Mike] “Not every child is academic Kathy, but it don't mean they can’t get on in life, eh?”

Ah, that’s why Mike’s being so positive. He’s thinking of his child, and though she might not get a 1st from Cambridge, it doesn’t mean she won’t have a cracking life.

Though hopefully his wor4ds will encourage Kathy to let Jamie actually be happy.

How does Robert know about lap dancing clubs?

He reads the papers.

Or that’s what he told Lynda …

A Shakespearian Selection

Robert’s really very good at coming up with good ideas.

Lynda’s quite upset that she hasn’t got a sufficient cast for Much Ado … so Robert suggests:

[Robert] “Instead of doing any whole play, what you should do is a Shakespearian selection.”

So, rather than a whole play, folks can do shot speeches, dance, music and the like.

Which will also mean no long rehearsals, with each person doing a turn able to rehearse solo.

Which, in turn, should make it easier for more to volunteer.

[Lynda] “A real Elizabethan Christmas!”

[Robert] “Jugglers, Fire-eaters … “

[Lynda] “Health and safety, Robert.”

[Robert] “They didn’t have to worry about that at The Globe.”

[Lynda] “Didn't it burn down?”

[Robert] “I tell you what, I’ll build you a Globe Theatre.”

[Lynda] “An Elizabethan Christmas … what better way to mark the end of a Jubilee year.”

Indeed.

Shame it’s not a Panto, but.

*sniff*

Monday, 30 April 2012

Where did Robert go wrong with Leonie? 19.04.12

The Archers Thursday 19^th April 2012

Leonie’s annoying Mr & Mrs Pickering
A surprise for Elizabeth’s birthday
Lynda tackles Leonie
Lily ate horse
Leonie is Robert’s fault?
Hurrah for Maxie!

Leonie’s annoying Mr & Mrs Pickering

Mr Pickering has already complained about how loud Leonie had the TV on. And Robert had to, last night, tell her to turn it down again.

She’d also downed a bottle of wine.

[Robert] “She was rather drunk. And maudlin”

Then she raided the fridge, dropped a bottle of milk, and didn’t make a good job of cleaning up after herself.

If Jazzer didn’t turn up to Ambridge Hall soon that morning, there wouldn’t even be enough milk for Mr & Mrs Pickering.

AND Leonie didn’t put the shower curtain in the bath after her shower, so Robert had to mop us a “small lake”. She also used all of the towels.

[Robert] “Leonie, you don’t seem to understand”

If we remember a week or so back, and as Robert reminds Leonie, Mr & Mrs Pickering had booked an extra week at Ambridge Hall because of the peace and quiet.

[Robert] “We can only afford to continue living in the house by taking in B&B guests”

Leonie doesn’t understand, care or seem to accept that Robert and Lynda are trying to run a business. She reckons they have enough “dosh”.

[Robert] “You’re perfectly welcome to stay, but you must observe some basic rules”

Robert then asked Leonie how long she was going to stay with them. Especially considering she had only taken a week off of work. So Leonie thinks he’s trying to get rid of her, Robert thinks he’s just trying to be practical.

[Robert] “I’ve tried, Lyndy, I’ve really tried, but she twists everything I say … and obviously feels that the depths of her misery is ample excuse for her inappropriate behaviour”

Sounds like Lynda and Robert’s patience is running out. Though they sympathise, Lynda reckons they actually don’t want her at Ambridge Hall if she keeps on like this.

[Lynda] “Seriously Robert, she can’t just loaf about here indefinitely”

A surprise for Elizabeth’s birthday

Involves Jill, Lily and a gateau.

Seems Lily has been inspired during her trip to France.

[Jill] “I’m a bit nervous, to be honest. It’s not something I’ve tried to make before, and it involves a lot of chocolate”

Lynda tackles Leonie

Lynda tells Leonie that she’s heard from Lilian that James also isn’t a happy chappy.

[Leonie] “And she told you James is suffering?”

Slightly not the point, as Lynda wants to give Leonie a kick up the proverbial to get her moving again.

[Lynda] “I want you to think about your future”

Leonie hears that as Lynda also wanting to get rid of her.

[Leonie] “First James, and now you”

(aha – so James did dump Leonie)

Lily ate horse

Though Lower Loxley was slightly quieter than previous Easters (visitors are tightening their belt):

[Elizabeth] “What I really noticed was how quiet it was without Lily”

Lily had a wonderful time in France, and can now speak French with confidence.

[Elizabeth] “It really gets up Freddie’s nose … he’s not good at … and she said she’d eaten horse!”

Oh poor Freddie. Don’t wind the wee lad up. He can’t spot sarcasm … bless.

Leonie is Robert’s fault?

[Robert] “Always at the back of my mind, if I hadn’t left their mother, if I hadn’t walked out on the family …”

[Lynda] “But your Coriander’s father too, and you couldn’t wish for a more charming and well-adjusted young woman”

[Robert] “So what went wrong with Leonie?”

[Lynda] “She’s always been … well …”

[Robert] “Unhappy”

[Lynda] “Yes. There’s a kind of profound pessimism about her”

Lynda thinks Leonie needs a strong bout of counselling, but Robert would dare suggest that to Leonie.

Well, Leonie is annoying. But she’s not as bad as Kate. And Leonie no longer forming a tag team with the odious James is a positive development. I reckon.

Hurrah for Maxie!

Leonie asks Robert to borrow a transit van. It for her. Pick up her stuff from James’. Drive it back to Ambridge Hall. And store her stuff there.

While (and this is the important bit) she moves in with her friend Maxie in London. Tomorrow.

[Lynda] “Don’t worry Leonie. Tomorrow will be absolutely fine”

Phew! Thank goodness for that.

Saturday, 21 April 2012

Leonie leaves James 15.04.12

(not sure if that should raise a ‘hurrah’ or a ‘Leonie moping … oh bother)

The Archers Sunday 15^th April 2012

Tony’s tired
There’s no room at the (Ambridge) Hall
James is a sadist, and it’s all Lilian’s fault
Hattie Marshall to the rescue!

Tony’s tired

He slept in until 10am (unheard of, even for a Sunday). Which annoys him.

But he’s more annoyed about being so tired. He wants to be able to do both milkings but, after gentle persuasion from Pat and Yom, he decides that he should just stick to the afternoon milking, and office work.

There’s no room at the (Ambridge) Hall

Lynda and Robert’s B&B business seems to be flourishing.

Mr and Mrs Pickering want to stay another week:

[Lynda] “Mr Pickering is full of praise for your skill with a frying pan!”

And another couple are arriving shortly. So it’s a full house.

The Leonie calls.

She’s left James, and is on a train (with only her handbag and her phone) to Ambridge, expecting to be able to stay.

When she’s told that they’re packed:

[Leonie] “But, I’m family, and this is an emergency!”

Lynda Robert and Robert manage to squeeze Leonie into Robert’s office, on a child’s fold out bed. Though, as Lynda says, why doesn’t Leonie have any friends to stay with …

Still, must be better than sharing a bed with James Bellamy …

James is a sadist, and it’s all Lilian’s fault

On Robert asking Leonie what happened to make her flee James:

[Leonie] “J is what happened … that man is a complete barbarian!”

[Robert] “Was he violent?”

[Leonie] “No … no of course not. Well not physically anyway. He’s an emotional sadist. He finds the most sensitive party of your soul, sticks the knife in and twists until the pain becomes unbearable … and it’s obvious where he gets it from, his mother”

[Robert] “Lilian?”

[Leonie] “He is such a mummy’s boy, whatever little James wants, little James will have .. he has never learnt empathy, he has absolutely no understanding of how other people feel, particularly women, he’s utterly selfish and grotesquely immature”

(I know – I can hear you shouting it along with me – pot, kettle, black)

Later on, as Robert and Lynda get her room ready:

[Robert] “I know Leonie can be difficult”

[Lynda] “Robert, the poor girl is suffering … she showed such sensitivity about the peregrines”

(mais non. Lynda is unaware that Leonie was only caring about Leonie)

When Leonie arrives at Ambridge Hall:

[Leonie] “I really don’t want to talk about that man anymore”

[Lynda] “Although I have to say Leonie, I’m not entirely surprised … I’ve always thought James Bellamy was a bit of a narcissistic … rather too fond of his own voice … course he takes after his mother in that respect …”

[Leonie, delighted that Lynda concurs] “And he didn’t have the first idea about country life … that business with the peregrines … no more empathy for wild creatures than he has for his fellow humans. And he wasn’t a very good photographer … Why do I pick the wrong men all the time, why do I end up with such losers?”

So she cries to Lynda, while Robert tries to make them have a cup of tea (and shoosh Lynda from being so negative about James … we know what’ll happen when/if Leonie and James get back together).

Hattie Marshall to the rescue!

Pat gets a call from Martin Sykes – who (Pat tells us) is a Councillor, is on the Planning committee meeting, and is ever-so-slightly on the Free the Ambridge Cow side of the debate. He also gives Pat the inside nod about what Brian’s been up to.

[Pat] “That wretched DVD of Brian’s has gone to every councillor …Implying they’re free to wander out whenever they like it … gross misrepresentation!”

Though Pat is allowed to speak at the Planning meeting, Hattie Marshall most certainly is (as chair of Borchester Against Factory Farming).

So – it’s not over until the Hattie lady sings!

Saturday, 14 April 2012

The great photo flyover 09.04.12

The Archers Monday 9th April 2012

James and Leonie still arguing
Lily is off to France today
Girls. Playing cricket!?!
Lynda has ambitions
Eddie nearly ruins the Horn
Lynda’s latent racism
Did you spot Leonie doesn’t care about the peregrines?

James and Leonie still arguing

At Robert and Lynda’s for breakfast before they get to their plane, James and Leonie are still at it.

(again not rudery, just barny)

James reckons their book is “photo driven”. Leonie does not concur.

[Leonie] “The photos have their place but their function is to illustrate my words”

[James] “No, your words are basically just long captions for the photographs. That was the whole concept!”

Leonie reckons it was her concept in the first place.

[James] “You’re wrong but let’s not discuss this now”

Oo-er.

On their way to the plane, they get lost. Even though they have a Sat Nav.

[James] “How do you explain the fact that we’re 180 degrees out of our way?”

Leonie reckons she put the postcode into the sat nav, but James gave her the postcode to put in. So it’s actually James’ fault.

[Leonie] “It’s always the same, you can’t get the simplest things and you always know what’s best!”

They’ll split up soon enough, surely.

Robert’s worried about them,

[Lynda] “Well, when it comes to James, there a lot to be scathing about … It’ll blow over, you’ll see”

Please. Just split up (and both go away, only to return every other Christmas)

Lily is off to France today

Not that we get to hear about it, or that James or Leonie are remotely interested when Lynda tells them.

Ach well. Bon Voyage, and all that.

Girls. Playing cricket!?!

Surely a step too far?

(obviously, I’m being sarcastic)

Alistair’s at The Bull for a quiet pint and his newspaper (while Shula works her socks off. Nice to see Alistair is ready and willing to help out).

Jamie’s also there doing his shift. They get talking about cricket (as they tend to do), and Jamie mentioned that Natalie had mentioned that she and some of her (girl) friends would want to join in the youth cricket.

[Alistair] “Jamie gave me an interesting conundrum … what about girls training?”

He and Robert agree that there’s nowt wrong with the female gender playing cricket. But they can’t play against blokes when they all get to a certain age (17, they reckon).

One assumes that’s something to do with the power of the ball being thrown or hit?

(I don’t know. Football is more my game. I support a Scottish 1st Division team who a bunch of girls could probably easily beat …).

Sounds like the girls can join in, but only if they play against each other.

Lynda has ambitions

For Britain in Bloom. She already seems Ambridge in the final.

[Alistair] “If you only aim for the moon, you’ll never reach the stars”

Quite.

Eddie nearly ruins the Horn

[Robert] “Where for art thou Jolene?”

She’s hanging out of the window, telling everyone to get into a horn shape for the flyover.

They do manage to get everyone together and waving, though Eddie nearly didn’t get his bit of the horn right in time.

So the plane flies over, the brownies parade their bonnets, the band strikes up and The Bull’s punters cheer.

[Alistair] “I’m beginning to think this wasn’t the place for a placid bank holiday break”

Lynda’s latent racism

Alistair mentioned to Lynda that a chap called Iftikhar is going to be running the youth cricket.

[Lynda] “Where’s he from?”

[Alistair] “Felpersham I think”

[Lynda] “I meant … no … Felpersham, of course …”

Oops Lynda. That was close.

Did you spot Leonie doesn’t care about the peregrines?

Calling Robert about after the flyover, Leonie’s furious with James (yet again). Seems he wanted to fly in low at the church to get a good shot of the peregrines.

Robert’s horrified! The peregrines would have been terrified.

Leonie quickly catches on that that’s the reason she should have given for not wanting to fly in.

Actually, she really didn’t give a hoot.

[Leonie] “And not to mention the danger to us. Birds and aircraft don’t mix”

(i.e. “me, me, me, me, me”)

So James is sulking that he didn’t get his shot. And Leonie is sulking with James.

*sigh*

Thursday, 29 March 2012

Not the roof, Robert! 29.03.12

The Archers Thursday 29th March 2012

The BL Board meeting about the Super Dairy
Pat and Tony have panicked the family
Schubert week on BBC Radio 3
Robert is not young mountain goat
The Peregrines have eggs
Youth cricket is a goer
Did Brian win?

The BL Board meeting about the Super Dairy

[Annabelle] “There’s quite a glint in your eyes this afternoon”

[Brian] “Of terror”

Aye – it’s the moment we’ve been waiting for. The big BL meeting about the Super Dairy.

(hmmm)

[Brian] “This afternoon is more about company philosophy. Are we quitters or fighters”

As the debate gets going, Gerry says he’s worried about the impact the Super Dairy would have on all future BL projects.

Martin wonders whether they could scale down the Super Dairy. Though I think he’s completely missed the point …

[Gerry] “And still have the bunny huggers on our backs!”

Brian tries to reason with them that the entire point about the profitability of the Super Dairy hasn’t changed. So the reason they voted it in all those months ago hasn’t changed.

[Brian] “If we give up now we lose profit and reputation for nothing … if we cave in over this we’ll put everything we want in the future at risk … knuckles at the first sign of opposition … is that the signal of weaknesses we want to send out to our opponents”

Brian was starting to sound a bit Winston Churchill for my liking … but did it sway the board?

Pat and Tony have panicked the family

Seems when Pat called Jennifer to call them round for a family gathering, she wouldn’t say what it was about.

So now Jennifer is worried. She thinks it’s bad news about Tony.

[Brian] “Maybe the long term prognosis isn’t as good as we’d hoped”

Schubert week on BBC Radio 3

Of which Robert wants to listen to as much as possible.

Funny that he doesn’t realise he’s being broadcast live only one channel over.

Robert is not young mountain goat

So he claims.

Lynda wants the gutters cleaned.

And she wants them cleaned right now. No matter what else Robert has planned.

(why she couldn’t just do it herself, I don’t know)

[Lynda] “We don’t want them looking unsightly, do we?”

[Robert] “Lyndee, they’re flying over with a friend, not the guttering Police”

[Lynda] “We’d never forgive ourselves if there were any blemishes when our little home gets it portrait taken”

While he’s up there, Lynda also asks if he’ll clean off the moss.

[Lynda] “I know it’s picturesque but there’s s fine line between character and decrepitude”

[Robert] “Will you stop confusing me with a young mountain goat!”

But before Lynda answers, she gets a call from Jamie about the peregrines and leaves Robert up there without a watcher.

Has she forgotten about Nigel already?

The Peregrines have eggs

As spotted by Jamie.

Seems he looks up at church every time he passes it, after Lynda accosted him to look at the Peregrines last year.

They’ve got two eggs, though Lynda reckons they normally start off with four.

Lynda will be guarding them with her life … and also probably Jamie’s.

Youth cricket is a goer

So Jamie says to Lynda.

He was about to say he’d started it off to not have to spend all their time with the auld yins, but Lynda understands:

[Lynda] “Hang around with the more chronologically challenged …”

The current line-up is Jamie, Marty Josh and two of the Button cousins.

The bloke they mentioned from Westbury will be coaching them.

Nickname Nifty Ifti – actual name Iftikhar.

[Lynda] “Nifty bowler and quite as a whippet in the field!”

Sounds fun.

Did Brian win?

Course he did.

Though he was feeling a bit beaten up by the end of the meeting.

And despite his, Annabelle’s and the secret microphones attempts to make us initially think he’d lost the vote.

[Annabelle] “The more you spoke, the more trenchant Gerry’s opposition became”

Brian felt Andrew had made a good case, and even got him doubting himself!

But Martin eventually sided with Brian.

As did Barbara:

[Brian] “the wild card … After I’d sweated blood for her support!”

But Brian seems very far from his usual, boorish, jubilant self:

[Brian] “I’m glad to have squeaked through, although at what cost … I haven’t let myself anywhere to hide … if anything goes wrong, my neck’s right on the chopping block”

Uh-oh.

The Super Dairy will be an especially rough ride if even Brian himself isn’t 100% confident.

The Snells’ garden furniture is out 26.03.12

The Archers Monday 26th March 2012

“You always look so sinister in a face shield”
Brian’s not for turning
Maurice isn’t happy
Tony and Pat look happy
The Snells are back!
The first green burial went well
Ambridge fly over
Clarrie on flowering plants

“You always look so sinister in a face shield”

So says Jennifer to Brian.

We’ll take her word for it.

Brian’s not for turning

Debbie isn’t amused with Brian.

[Brian] “She thinks it’s my fault Annabelle isn’t turning cartwheels over her pig idea … I’m with Labelle, changing tact now will make BL, and me, look hopelessly indeed. So I’m staking everything on pushing through the original dairy plan … though the slimmer the chances seem”

The BL Board meeting to make a decision about the Super Dairy is this Thursday.

[Brian] “Not a prospect to gladden the heart …”

[Jennifer] “So it’s all in the lap of the gods?”

[Brian] “No it isn’t, I’m not just going to sit back and do nothing!”

Brian is going to do some “serious lobbying” between now and Thursday.

He has no other choice but to try and persuade more of the other board ,members to be on his side.

[Brian] “I’ve nailed my colours to the mast for this project. If the damn thing goes own, I’m not sure my position as chairman remains tenable”

Wonder if Brian is going to truly throw all of his toys out of the pram and resign if he doesn’t get his way?

(actually, I can’t really claim to care that much., The BL sessions are always a bit dull … though the prospect of the Super Dairy going ahead in Ambridge is a tad more interesting)

Maurice isn’t happy

But he’s still working overtime for Tom.

Needs must.

Tony and Pat look happy

In fact, they’re all aglow since Rich’s visit yesterday.

[Pat] “It was a wonderful thing for you and Helen to do”

When Brian pops by to see if they want him to pick them up anything from the Farm Supplies shop:

(he’s getting a long list, including ram crayons – Pat just wants twist ties)

[Brian] “I haven’t seen your mother so happy in ages!”

And Tom told him that Tony was also chirpy this morning.

Tom puts it down to the sun shining.

Wonder how long before they start telling everyone else about Rich.

The Snells are back!

Great.

I do miss them when they go a bit quiet.

They’re setting up their breakfast outside.

[Lynda] “It would be criminal not to have breakfast en plein air when the sun is out”

And as Robert said – it’s a marvellous feeling to get ones garden furniture out again.

[Lynda] “Everything is starting up again, after all the dark and grey”

Indeed.

The first green burial went well

Lynda tells us.

Her and Robert also seemed quite dewy eyed about their own plots in the site … wistfully morbid.

Ambridge fly over

Quite literally. Not roadworks.

Seems James’ friend Christina has his own helicopter (as you do), and is happy to fly James and Leonie over Ambridge to get some photographs.

That starts Lynda and Robert trying to work out what could be happening that would be worthy of an arial shot.

Not the Lower Loxley fair. Nor the boules at The Bull. Or the Easter Egg hunt.

[Lynda] “Not visually compelling … (then she has it!) … the Brownies Easter bonnet parade!”

[Robert] “That will come as quite a surprise to Brown Owl”

[Lynda] “Rather a lot of things are a surprise to jenny Throphall!”

But the might have to ask the parents’ permission first. And it might be more trouble than it’s worth with kids like Jinny Button involved.

[Robert] “She’d set fire to the village hall to get on camera!”

But Lynda has another cunning plan.

Cricket.

Which Robert will have to stage.

At which point Robert starts pointing Lynda away from specifics:

[Robert] “Perhaps Leonie and James will be better to use broader brushstrokes …”

Like the building, the backbones and such, of the village.

Lynda concurs.

Especially if it means she can get a picture of her beloved Ambridge Hall.

Clarrie on flowering plants

Jennifer had successfully bidded for Clarrie’s advice on flowering plants at the promise auction.

[Brian] “Are you holding her to that?”

[Jennifer] “It would be very disrespectful if I didn’t”

Actually, Jennifer is quite looking forward to a “fresh” pair of eyes on her garden.

Saturday, 31 December 2011

Christmas around the World 28/12/11

The Archers Wednesday 28th December 2011

Tom loves his nephew
Of course … Tom was worried about Tom
Lynda still doesn’t know what Jazzer is singing
No more “it’ll be alright on the night”
Yes Jim, what equipment do you need?
Albanian music
James at the concert
Peggy’s ankle is better
Jazzer isn’t too impressed
Jim did fine
Jazzer’s singing was …

Tom loves his nephew

Which is sweet.

Not something you can generally say about Tom …

He’s been spending quality time with Henry. It seemed to have something to do with a ball pit.

Tom not merely recognises that Henry is better with balls than his pigs are (blimey!), but he also reckons Henry is great to be with.

Bless.

Wonder if that means he’ll be impregnating Brenda anytime soon?

Considering their engagement as seemed to be forgotten, I’d reckon not.

Of course … Tom was worried about Tom

Pat manipulated Helen?

Brenda and Tom are talking about Helen’s apparent change of heart about Rich. Helen has softened to the idea of why Pat and Tony chased so hard to meet Rich.

[Tom] “Only because mum manipulated her … she played the John card, that trumps everything”

[Brenda] “I really don’t think your mum is that calculating”

[Tom] “I still think it’s very generous of Helen to take everything that mum said at face value”

[Brenda] “You’re very protective of Helen and Henry, aren’t you?”

[Tom] “Someone’s got to be. I’m only looking after their interest. I’m protecting my sister and my nephews”

[Brenda] “And yourself. Tom you’re so angry, Are you sure some of this isn’t about you?”

But of course it is! What else would really motive Tom, despite that his claims of wanting to protect Helen and Henry.

Tom sees Rich as a threat. As predicted.

[Tom] “Sounds so paranoid … I can’t stop wondering if Rich might turn up here one day”

[Brenda] “And it would bother you if he did … even if it made your mum happy?”

[Tom] “It would depend why he’d come, I mean if wanted anything to do with the farm …”

[Brenda] “I don’t think it’s very likely. He doesn’t even know there is a farm”

(eh? He will one day, surely Brenda?)

[Brenda] “All the work you’ve put into Bridge farm over the years, naturally you want to protect it”

[Tom] “He might want a stake in it, a say in how we do things”

Brenda reckons Pat and Tony would never let that happen.

[Brenda] “You saved Bridge Farm … This kid may be John’s son, but you’re his heir”

True enough that Tom took on John’s business and made it work. But hardly true that he saved Bridge Farm after E. coli – he merely saved his own neck.

Typical Tom. It’s always about Tom Archer’s.

Lynda still doesn’t know what Jazzer is singing

Though the show is now, and Jazzer has told Robert (for lighting) and Patrick (for the piano), he still won’t tell Lynda.

[Lynda] “I’m the only one in the dark, then”

*sniff*

No more “it’ll be alright on the night”

Or else Lynda will get very (very) upset.

Yes Jim, what equipment do you need?

Jim’s equipment still hasn’t been sorted.

[Jim] “You’d be surprised …”

[Lynda] “I wash my hands of the whole thing”

[Jim] “Now Lynda, there’s no need to get a state into all of this … I’m sorry Lynda, I do appreciate your hard work, I really do”

Later on, when it’s nearly Jim’s turn and the equipment still hasn’t arrived (Lynda has a hard time getting hold of someone at Grey Gables – they are busy, after all. Ian was meant to take the equipment with the food but had no room. So Caroline is due to arrive with it, but she hasn’t arrived as yet), Jim suggests they move his spot to end the end in place of Jazzer.

Lynda’s also having none of that nonsense. Seems she’d prefer to take a chance on whatever Jazzer will sing than ending her show with Latin.

Albanian music

One of Elona’s daughters has just done her turn.

[Vicky] “I’ve never heard Albania music before”

[Lynda] “I don’t suppose anyone has”

Eh?

James at the concert

Taking photos.

But we don’t have to suffer him talking.

Seems Leonie is also there. She even makes up a plate for Lynda.

But we also don’t have to suffer her talking.

Happy Christmas!

Peggy’s ankle is better

Good.

Seems Elona is still being a great (paid) help to her.

Peggy spent Christmas lunch with Matt and Lilian, then went to see Jack.

Glad to hear she’s doing okay. Always worrying when someone gets hurt then goes silent …

Jazzer isn’t too impressed

Not by the food:

[Jazzer] “Too fiddly. All these wee bits and pieces. I want something ah can get ma teeth intae”

Nor by Rhys’ recitation:

[Jazzer] “I couldnae understand a word Rhys was saying”

[Tom] “He was reading it in English!”

[Jazzer] “I know. That was the trouble”

Jim did fine

After all that stress – and a horrible moment when it seemed he was about to do a PowerPoint presentation – Jim’s bit was fine.

All he needed was a computer, a screen and a projector. Simple, really.

He’s reading from Virgil’s Georgix book 2 lines 513-531.

[Jim] “For those of you who don’t know it it’s a poetic handbook on the arts of husbandry, should any of the farmers here wants to borrow my copy … I’ve chosen some lines on the pleasures of winter after the hard work of the agricultural year, that may strike a chord, it even ends with a darts match.

“ … But still the farmer furrows the land with his curving plough, the land this is annual labour, it keeps his native country …”

[Lynda] “That’s English, Robert, he’s reading in English!”

[Robert] “Yes indeed Lyndee, he is”

[Jim] “His little grandsons and herds of cattle and trusty bullocks …” (and on)

So Jim’s surprise was to put the Latin on the screen, but ready in English.

Steady on there! Too much excitement indeed.

Jazzer’s singing was …

… disappointing, in my humble opinion.

[Jazzer] “Ah have tae apologise to all they folks who were expecting a Scottish Christmas song, but it turns out we save our energies for Hogmanay … I thought I could cross the ocean as so many we scots have done in the past”

So he sings Have Yourself a Merry little Christmas … but quite badly. Lynda seemed to enjoy it, but I think Jazzer performs best with his wee ditties – this was a bit too much for him.

[Lynda] “Oh Robert, that’s beautiful., What a lovely song,. Fancy Jazzer coming up with it!”

[Robert] “It’s been an evening of surprises. And all good ones. Thanks to you. Happy Christmas Lyndee”

Helen understands Pat 27/12/11

The Archers Tuesday 27th December

Pat talks to Kathy
Robert tries to calm down Lynda
Pat is primeval
Where’s Jim’s equipment?

Pat talks to Kathy

Over lunch and a white wine spritzer.

Kathy was telling Pat that Lilian asking for list of invites for her 60th birthday.

[Pat] “I don’t know if I can face it. … maybe I’ll cancel it. I don’t feel like I have much to celebrate … I thought I could forget, if I threw myself into our family Christmas, I could forget.

“But I couldn’t … I made a complete fool of myself on Christmas afternoon … Helen said, just think this time last year you didn’t have a grandson ..,. and I though yes, now I've got two, only one I can’t see, It was too much. I broke down.

“Then we had the most terrible row, the children’s were so angry with me … there was Henry, lovely, lovely Henry who I see every day and the thought that I was never going to see Rich again”

[Kathy] “Again? What do you mean again? Pat, you didn’t?”

[Pat] “I thought it would help … it’s made things worse, for everyone. I think it was a terrible mistake”

Pat had thought that seeing Rich would help her move on, but it hasn’t. (obviously)

[Pat] “I know from the photos that he looked like John, I’d steel myself for that … but he has some of John’s mannerisms too, I hadn’t expected that. It was heart stopping”

[Kathy] “Jamie has some of Sid’s. It takes my breath away sometimes … but, he’s not John”

[Kathy] “I know. But that’s how I’d been thinking of him. A piece of John. He’s so much more. He’s his own person, even in the short time we were together, I could such a strong sense of his personality”

[Kathy] “That’s a good thing isn’t it, if you can separate him from John?”

[Pat] “No. because now I want to get to know him better. I want it so much … So, for the sake of 10 minutes with a grandson I shall never see again, I've totally alienated my own children … they were so angry, I don’t know if they’ll ever forgive me”

[Kathy] “It’s been a big shock finding a cuckoo in their nest … what does it actually mean to them. It just brings back painful memoires of losing John … at the moment they’re just jealous, Rich has been taking an awful lot of your attention and Tony’s”

Pat tells Kathy that it hasn’t changed the way she and Tony feel about Helen and Tom. Kathy tells Pat that they need to tell them that.

Robert tries to calm down Lynda

Not an easy thing to do, considering Christmas around the World is tomorrow.

[Robert] “Sit down, relax and pass me that cheese … pour us both a glass of wine and relax for half an hour”

Lynda is worried about everything – but especially Jazzer. She still doesn’t know what his song is …

Pat is primeval

Once home, Pat apologies to Helen.

[Pat] “I see now how wrong it was for me and your dad to go and see rich without telling you and Tom”

[Helen] “We’d ask you not to …”

[Pat] “I know. We’d just got swept up. I just couldn’t bear not to see him. Even if it was only once”

[Helen] “Despite what we wanted?”

[Pat] “Despite what anyone wanted., It was primeval. That’s an explanation, not an excuse”

As Helen has said to Tom, she needed time to ponder. She’s been trying to see things from pat’s point of view, and has also been looking at the pictures of Rich.

[Pat] “I was seeing Rich for the first time, but then I saw John again”

[Helen] “It seems now that he’s turned out not to be your first grandchild, Henry just doesn’t count anymore. That’s what’s really upsetting me mum”

[Pat] “If anything, this has made me love Henry even more. Because it’s made me realise how blessed I am to have my grandson in my house, where I can see him every day, watch him develop, love him as much as I want to. I can never have that with Rich … Henry has always been extra precious because we nearly lost him, now he’s even more. If this had happened and I hadn’t got henry, I don’t know what I would have done”

[Helen] “You’ve seemed lost in the past, back with John, and Tom and I felt the same, as if we didn’t count anymore”

[Pat] “Losing John made me love you more, if that’s possible”

[Helen] “That’s all I wanted to know. I hated feeling jealous. I wanted to be happy John had a son”

[Pat] “You can be. He’s a lovely boy. You know Helen, he’s called John too”

[Helen] “So, Sharon did love John after all?”

[Pat] “I think she did. I wonder if she’ll ever forgive us”

[Helen] “Or let us meet him .. he may try and find him himself”

They agree that if you love someone, you have to let them go. As they all had to do with John.

As Helen reminds herself, she also had to let go of Greg Turner. Then Annette turned up.

So – Helen now understands that you can move on, until that reminder comes back onto your life. Her mention of maybe Rich one day trying to find them sounds like she now also wants to meet him.

That just leaves Tom to convince.

Where’s Jim’s equipment?

After Robert managed to get Lynda to sit down, they’re now at the hall doing the final setup for Christmas around the World.

[Jim] “What a hive of activity!”

[Robert] “And you’ve come as an extra bee?”

No. Jim’s not a drone – he’s just come to rehearse.

But there’s a problem.

Jim was expecting Lynda to sort his equipment. But Lynda thought he had just been describing his equipment to her (oo-er!), and that he’d sort himself.

[Jim] “It is your show, Lynda!”

[Lynda] “And it’s your poem, Jim. No one else wants anything this complicated!”

Robert steps in to say that he can at least sort the computing back – and Lynda reckons she can sort the rest out from Grey Gables.

Damn that Jim!

As if Lynda needs the extra stress.

And what equipment does one need to recite a Latin poem?

Monday, 5 December 2011

The Archers Sunday 4th December 2011: A walrus with a murky past

Christine and Jim, still a happy couple
Christine loves Ambridge at Christmas
Robert’s domain …
That Walrus
Kathy agrees there is a likeness
A reduced display at Christine’s
Pat won’t leave the leeks

Christine and Jim, still a happy couple

Or non-couple as they like to see it.

They having elevenses while tacking the crossword together.

[Christine] “We seem to do better working as a team”

[Jim] “Well, there’s no sense both of us struggling with the same crossword”

Just because two adults like each other’s company, doesn’t mean they have to be romantically involved. I know that.

But wouldn’t it be nice for them both?

Christine loves Ambridge at Christmas

Which she reckons means she hasn’t outgrown Christmas, but I think it quite natural.

She doesn’t envy Jennifer and Brian for their holiday away. She prefers it right where she is. Especially decorating the house with green foliage. Which used to disturb George.

[Christine] “Woods all day, and comes home to a forest!”

And, when the band plays on the green as the Christmas lights are turned on, Christmas has started for Christine.

Robert’s domain …

Is the loft, according to Lynda.

But that doesn’t mean he’s left to rule in it. Lynda has a say right throughout his search for Christmas decorations.

They have their own needs, and “the village hall swallow decorations”, according to Lynda.

That’s when Robert stumbles across …

That Walrus

It’s a plastic walrus, which Robert reckons they should throw out.

Lynda is horrified.

[Lynda] “It’s a piece of personal history. My spell with the Sunningdale players was a golden time. Especially our dance interpretation of our Nanook of the North …”

And anyway. Lynda thinks they just don’t know when it might come in useful.

And lo – just Robert is getting a bit short with Lynda (brave man), she comes up trumps – a table decoration competition at Christmas around the World!

And three guesses what will be Lynda’s centrepiece?

A plastic walrus.

Lynda tried to justify why a walrus would be appropriate for a table centrepiece.

[Lynda] “Well, reindeer are popular at Christmas”

[Robert] “He looks rather sinister. Like a walrus with a murky past”

Later on, when Jim sees the walrus:

[Jim] “There’s a walrus who knows where the penguins are buried!”

You never know.

A sinister walrus might just be what the judges are looking for.

Kathy agrees there is a likeness

Unlike the rest of Tony’s clan, Kathy doesn’t seem as sure that there’s a striking likeness between Rich and John.

She agrees there is a definite likeness.

[Kathy] “He’s certainly very like him, in some ways”

So whereas Pat sees the same smile, the way he holds himself and his eyes:

[Kathy] “Only one photo, one angle …”

[Pat] “It’s all I need, Kathy”

Kathy doesn’t think pat is wrong wanting to know, but:

[Kathy] “I just wonder … perhaps going over and over it isn’t really helping”

Pat does admit that she was “clumsy” when she told Tom and Helen. Which didn’t really help. She’s sorry about that, but still can’t really understand their reaction.

[Pat] “Just to forget about it now. How can they stand not knowing?”

Kathy reminds Pat that she’d said before she’d need to move on. Pat may have said that, but it’s not where she is now.

[Pat] “But if I don’t get in touch, how can I stop myself thinking about the boy, every single day?”

A reduced display at Christine’s

Seems Christine, despite her love of all things Christmas, won’t be doing her usual Christmas display.
Seems there’s clips missing from some of her gutters. So, she can’t hang all of her lights.

But not to worry – Jim’ll Fix them!

[Jim] “It’s a problem. It’s a challenge. And I like challenges”

And off he pops to see Robert, a man who “knows his way round a toolbox”.

I feel a sense of worry about Jim, up a ladder, during winter.

(Nigel, on a roof, during winter)

Pat won’t leave the leeks

[Tony] “There’s no need to wear yourself out”

[Pat] “Actually there is , every need. Because at the moment it’s the only way I can see of getting through the whole day without screaming. So if you don’t mind Tony, I’ll just carry on as I am!”

Ouch.

Sunday, 9 October 2011

The Archers Sunday 9th October 2011: The Harvest supper 2011

(James and Leonie don’t make it … hurrah!)

There were never such devoted sisters …
Jim’s trippin’
Jim’s heartbroken
Will comes clean about Emma
Jim's not allowed to drop quiche, Tony to avoid coiffing
Christmas Around the World with Jim
Robert’s a bit of a dirty auld yin

There were never such devoted sisters …

Tony and Pat are at the Harvest Supper – but Tony is sounding a bit dour.

[Pat] “We’ve been given a breathing space, thanks to Lilian”

[Tony] “We’ll have to pay her back, you know”

[Pat] “I don’t think she’ll press us for it”

[Tony] “She’s very generous, unlike my other sister …”

[Pat] “One out of two isn’t bad”

Seems Tom is meeting with Underwoods tomorrow – which makes Pat a bit depressed (as it won’t make a difference for her and Tony) – at which point Tony chides Pat that she’s now “looking on the dark side”, and that they’re out to try and put their troubles behind them for a night.

They’ll be needing more cider …

Jim’s trippin’

[Tony] “You don’t to be too full to trip the light fantastic”

[Jim] “Tripping is about right where dancing and I are concerned”

Seems Jim doesn’t dance, so just wants to sit and admire Ruth’s (last minute*) decorations.

(*last minute as Pip offered Brookfield, then her “enthusiasm waned” leaving it all down to poor Ruth)

Jim’s heartbroken

First – that Lynda has announced Leonie and James will be at the Harvest Supper.

[Jim] “They are a menace … they nearly had me disqualified from the flower and produce show … moved my tomatoes, out them into the middle of the flower arrangements for their photo ...siad it made for a more edgy composition”

But – on the news later that James and Leonie can’t make it, after delays on the motorway, Jim is slightly chirpier.

So – it’s left to Lynda:

[Lynda] “with my restaurant’s critic’s hat on”

To write up for James and Leonie’s book, and Robert to takes the photos.

A thankless task on all fronts …

Will comes clean about Emma

[Will] “There’s something I want to talk to you about … just that I’ve been thinking .. you’ve been so straight with me about what’s been going on with you and Andre … I think I should try to be the same … about Emma”

Yikes! Is there ever a more terrifying phrase to be uttered than hearing your partner say they want “to talk”.

And worse still that it seems to be Will wanting to talk to Nic about Emma.

So – here’s what he had to say:

[Will] “How much does it bother you that Emma and I were once married?”

[Nic] “ … it doesn’t. That’s all in the past.”

[Will] “Is it?”

(eek!)

[Nic] “Isn’t it?”

[Will] “Well not for Emma it seems … otherwise why is she so sharp with you?”

[Nic] “Only sometimes”

[Will] “Too many times”

Nic reckons it’s for her to deal with Emma being harsh to her, but Will is worried that he doesn’t stand up for Nic as often as he should. Or, worse still, that Nic doesn’t know when he does stick up for her.

[Will] “I’m absolutely on your side Nic. Always, always.”

And then, he tells Nic what he really feels about Emma.

(which actually isn’t much of a revelation – more of a clearing of the air)

[Nic] “It must have been hard, though. I know how much Emma hurt you”

[Will] “She did … I don’t still have feelings for her, not anymore. You do believe me, do you?”

[Nic] “It’s just that I know how long I know it took me to get over Andrew”

[Will] “It’s taken me a long time too, maybe I wasn’t always quite honest with myself about that … I am over her. I truly am. And I can see her for what she is. I love you Nic. I love you. And that’s all that matters to me now”

[Nic] “And it’s all that matters to me. And you don’t have to worry about Emma. I can handle her “

Aw.

The sound of wedding bells is back on in my mind, then.

Jim not allowed to drop quiche, Tony to avoid coiffing

Robert and Lynda are trying to pose Jim, Tony and Pat for a photo for Leonie and James’ book.

Jim’s pretending to be eating – but is told not to drop the quiche (as if he will – he’s starving!).

And as for Tony.

[Lynda] “or maybe raising your glass to your lips rather than actual coiffing”

And Pat:

[Lynda] “Just look animated Pat, like you’re fascinated by their conversation”

(as if – Pat isn’t an actress!)

[Jim] “I mean this is photography we’re talking about, not like sitting for Rembrandt!”

There then ensues a slight disagreement about whether photography is an art form. Which it clearly is.
(I do declare an interest – my business partner is a photographer. You know I never plug - but just this once Amicus Photography)

Christmas Around the World with Jim

Lynda was trying to get all who was within earshot to volunteer their talents to the Christmas concert Christmas Around the World.

(I’m still devastated that there is no Panto)

She’s targeting Jim – who, despite being a big supporter of community projects, states he doesn’t like them when he has to “make a fool of himself”.

[Lynda] “But you won’t. A man of culture and learning like you”

[Jim] “I can’t sing, and I don’t play a musical instrument”

[Tony] “Juggling?”

[Pat] “Bit of tap dancing?”

[Jim] “My cultural interests are historical, philosophical and literary”

[Lynda] “There you are then! You can read a poem!”

[Tony] “But, Bert will be doing that, won’t he?”

[Lynda] “Bert? He’s hardly the poet laureate is he?”

(ooh – bit harsh on ol’ Bert there)

But Jim does relent – and agrees to read a poem.

He reels a few Latin sounding poets (Ovid, Virgil and a few lesser known ones I couldn’t write down in time).

[Pat] “Yes but Jim, you’re not going to read them in Latin, are you?”

[Jim] “Of course! That’s how they were written”

Oh joy.

I’d prefer a wee Santa ditty, myself.

Robert’s a bit of a dirty auld yin

Cheeky monkey.

Everyone’s keen to see the photos he’s taken at the Harvest Supper and the Barn Dance,
Robert’s not keen for anyone to look at the Barn Dance ones. He reckons they’re not up to much.

[Tony] “Nothing worth looking at? I wouldn’t say so!”

[Pat] “Are they all of Sabrina Thwaite?”

[Robert] “Well, she didn’t mind posing, that was the thing Lyndee”

[Pat] “She does like to show off her new outfits …”

[Jim] “ … how they stay on is the mystery”

[Tony] “I suppose they cling to all the right places”

Lynda is aghast.

She thinks the photos of the Barn Dance are totally unsuitable for James and Leonie’s book. So, she takes back the camera.

[Jim] “She’s quite wrong. Those pictures of Sabrina are the only thing that might sell their wretched book …”

Friday, 12 August 2011

The Archers Monday 8th August 2011: James and Leonie want money

(now there’s a surprise)

Did anyone notice Emma’s birthday yesterday?
The Diary of a Pretentious Modern Day Couple, Chapter 2
Products a go-go at Bridge Farm
What’s Leonie doing to make her neighbours bang?
What’s wrong with nettle soup?

Did anyone notice Emma’s birthday yesterday?

It would seem not. Even though Susan said it was a cracker.

The Diary of a Pretentious Modern Day Couple, Chapter 2

Everyone, apart from Matt, has agreed to meet up again to talk about Leonie and James’ fabulous (!) book idea.

I reckon Matt couldn’t be there as he just couldn’t be bothered with such nonsense.

But here, we go regardless – Chapter 2 …

[James] “That’s why she (Leonie) was so cut up yesterday when none of you seemed to get how brilliant it’s going to be”

Seems their great idea is to visit and write up village events, festivities and comings/goings – fetes, jamborees and the like.

(has Ambridge ever had a jamboree?)

They’ll interview “local characters”.

But the key to the project is photography. “wonderful photographs”.

Which means getting a really good, professional camera … see where this is going? Right enough:

[James] “So, we need some sort of investment up front … and that means you can have some sort of, limited, input”

Of course, Lilian thinks it all “sounds wonderful”. Well, she would. It’s James. She can see no sense when it comes to her boy.

But Lynda says that she thinks she’s seen a similar book:

[James] “Oh well. There’s always going to be some amateur local stuff”

He reckons his and Leonie’s book will be “high end” (hmmm – back to need lots of investment then)

[Lilian] “You never know, it might put up house prices”

(oh come on, Lilian!)

[Robert] “Can you actually take photographs of people’s property and put them in a book?”

He also asks them how they’re going to pay contributors.

Leonie just dismisses such talk as “detail”.

Lilian says she’ll make a “modest” investment, “down the line”. But reassures James, on demand, that it won’t be that “modest” and not that far “down the line”.

Hmmm. Don’t think Matt will let anything other than modest, and down the line, happen anytime soon.

Also noticeable that Robert and Lynda didn’t commit to anything.

The worst news is that James and Leonie will be back very soon – for the August bank holiday Open Gardens Sunday.

Oh, the joys.

Products a go-go at Bridge Farm

Susan and Pat have finished the first batch of products to leave the dairy since E. coli was found.

Which is great news.

But, journalists are still harassing Pat again. Looks like they want her to explain exactly where the E. coli came from.

This is far from being today’s chip paper …

What’s Leonie doing to make her neighbours bang?

Back to talking about Leonie moving into James’ flat – Leonie mentioned she’d be glad to get away from her current neighbours. They seem to be always banging on her wall.

What on earth is the woman doing?

No matter, I suppose. At least she can now express herself through her book, and redoing James’ flat in “earth colours”

What’s wrong with nettle soup?

Lilian, Robert and Lynda thought Joe was spinning Leonie a line on Sunday:

[Leonie] “His mother used to cook nettle soup on a Sunday, as a treat”

Can I ask what’s wrong with nettle soup?

Wild foraging/food for free is quite in vogue these days.

My partner does a cracking nettle soup.

O, does that just make me/us rural quaint?

The Archers Sunday 7th August 2011: The Snells’ Garden Party

25 years in Ambridge
Tom really is a heartless prat
James and Leonie seem to be laughing at Ambridge
And the surprise music is …
James and Leonie’s surprise is …
The Diary of a Pretentious Modern Day Couple
So the party went well

25 years in Ambridge

[Lynda] “When I looked out the window this morning and saw the heat haze rising off the river …”

It’s a perfect day for the Snells’ 25th year in Ambridge. And for their garden party.

Tom really is a heartless prat

Tom on Clarrie resigning:

[Tom] “Pity she didn’t do it a week ago … this is isn't about feelings mum”

[Pat] “Nor is it just a PR exercise!”

Pat reckons Clarrie was brave to resign – Tom just reckons it’s good news.

So he now wants to put it all behind him, and crack on with getting more stock back into customers, and rebuilding their reputation.

He didn’t spare one thought for Clarrie (or the rest of her clan).

Nasty.

James and Leonie seem to be laughing at Ambridge

Leonie, on Lynda and Robert’s party:

[Leonie] “That’s so sweet, like a really quaint rural custom … guests brining food and stuff”
James then drags Leonie off to have a chat with Joe – as he reckons the “Grundys are good value”.

And they both openly laugh.

Hmpf.

Nasty little pair.

And the surprise music is …

Jazz.

Steady on!

James and Leonie’s surprise is …

That they are moving in together.

[Lynda] “Well, um, is that it?”

Actually, not quite:

[James] “We really want to cement our relationships … by writing a book”

Oh, how wonderful (!) …

The Diary of a Pretentious Modern Day Couple

Seems James and Leonie mistaken family and friend politeness about their blog as a “fantastic response”.

[Leonie] “Out styles seem to complement each other”

Bloomin ‘eck! Can you imagine a blogger thinking they have a book in them?

Perish the thought …

But there’s more.

They don’t just want a book – they want to create a whole product line. Spin off products to include things like “crockery and tea things”. All of which should appeal to folks with money to spend.

(are there any of those left?).

[James] “Produce something along the lines of a Country Diary of an Edwardian lady”

Good God no!

How very dare they. I hardly think they have the class and artistic emotions to even tough such a classic. Matt concurs:

[Matt] “And pigs might do the proverbial”

Leonie continues:

[Leonie] “A little bit of heaven, a Year in an English Village”

[Lynda] “Isn’t it terribly hard to get a book published these days?”

Yes it is Lynda (I used to work in publishing – we’d have a stack of hundreds we hadn’t read, let alone rejected … many of which eventually were once we got round to reading them).

But it would seem a “mate in publishing” has given them the “thumbs up”. Probably did so just to get them to desist their wittering.

Leonie eventually twigs that neither Robert nor Lynda nor Lilian seem very excited about their book. She gets very upset. She thinks they should be jumping with joy - especially as it’s going to be about Ambridge.

Oh hang on.

Leonie mentioned “ A Year in”.

Does that mean we could end up with james and Leonie on the secret microphones for a whole, solid year?

*sigh*

So the party went well

Despite Leonie stropping off like a child:

[Lynda] “I think no-one noticed she was looking sulky”

The Snells seem very pleased with their special day.

[Lynda] “I’ll never forget today Robert, surrounded by all our friends and music … Ambridge has been the right place for us, hasn’t it”

They have a laugh over Neil’s pigs breaking into their garden on their first day – and Eddie charging them £10 to remove them (Robert mentioned it to Eddie – he seem scared that Robert wanted his money back – well, he would do, especially now).

[Robert] “Best move we ever made, wasn’t it”

I’d have though so Robert. I certainly have enjoyed The Snells for all these years.