Alice wants to go, Jennifer won’t let her: Fri 29.03.13 #thearchers

Pondering The Archers Friday 29th March 2013

• Success is a full fridge
• Brenda’s at work on Good Friday
• James is 40 tomorrow
• Amy has a cracking flat
• The Easter Walk
• Ruairi got a HUGE Easter egg
• Alice wants to go
• Lilian’s looking well

Lilian’s so naughty: Thurs 19.07.12

The Archers Thursday 19th July 2012

• Fete team selection hots up
• Keith’s been arrested, Emma unmasked
• Lilian loves winding up Jennifer
• Keith’s been released

Fete team selection hots up

[Susan] “Your dad thinks we should open a  transfer window … that’s the problem, nothing premier about our team … there’s Sabrina, she’s reasonably athletic I suppose.”

[Emma] “She’s got all the kit anyway.”

[Susan] “But you look at the other people we’ve got to go on. Jim, Jill, Oliver Sterling, Christine. You can see what I’m getting at … if I could go on the transfer market and sign up our Christopher or your Ed.”

Which, considering there are no rules for the Fete games, Susan might as well do. And stop complaining.


Keith’s been arrested, Emma unmasked

Tracey bursts into the shop to tell Susan and Emma that the Police have been round again. They’re arrested him this time.

[Susan] “Sometimes the Police can be totally out of order.”

(aye, Susan would know!)

[Emma] “Well it is a serious crime, people could have died. George.”

[Susan] “But they shouldn’t pick on someone just because of their name.”

[Emma] “Mum, you don’t know if it was because of that!”

[Susan, sensing something is awry] “What do you mean?”

[Emma, sensing Susan sense something is awry] “Nothing.”

[Tracey] “No you don’t, go on.”

[Emma] “Where did he go when he left the bar that night … I wanna know, that’s all … and how did he injure his leg like that?”

[Tracey] “The hamster.”

[Emma] “Oh come on, even you aren’t stupid enough to believe that!”

[Tracey] “It was you, wasn't it!”

[Emma] “No.”

[Susan] “Emma, was it? … oh Emma!”

But the deed is done. They know it was Emma who told on Keith.

[Tracey] “Never mind what you thought you saw, you got it wrong.”

[Emma] “I don’t think so.”

[Tracey] “You must have done, because Keith was never there!”

Emma’s adamant it was Keith. After all, why would he have seemed to guilty at his daughter’s wedding.

[Tracey] “Comes to something when a bit of compassion is a sign of guilt … why are you doing this. Why do you want him put away? … Now that they’ve got a witness, they’ll hammer away at him until he breaks.”

[Emma] “Don’t be silly, it’s not Guantanamo bay.”

[Tracey] “Don’t you joke. They’ll keep on and on at him, and when they’ve broken him, they’ll put him away for years,. And it’ll be all your fault! … I’ll never forgive you Emma Grundy. Do you hear that!”

(Emma stormed away)


Lilian loves winding up Jennifer

And how!

Ruairi is doing a spot of weeding for Lilian, to earn money to buy a dog statue from Eddie.

[Lilian] “The first thing we’ve got to make sure is that you know the difference between a  weed and a plant.”

Ruairi does know the difference, and asks if he can get 10p a weed.

(sounds expensive to me!)

As Ruairi gets underway, Peggy pops round for coffee. She’s also been approached by Ruairi. He must be desperate to earn his money for something:

[Peggy] “Whatever it is, Jennifer heartily disapproves … asking me not to be over generous with him.”

[Lilian] “She probably thinks I’m so mean she doesn’t need to bother. I’m intrigued though. I shall make it my business to find out.”

When Ruairi is finished, he’s pulled 123 weeds. He tells Lilian and Peggy what he wants the money for. And that not all of his family agree it’s a super statue.

[Ruairi] “Jennifer doesn’t think so. She told dad it was hideous.”

[Lilian] “Well, we’ll have to see if we can help, won’t we grandma …I can’t think why Jenny didn’t like him!”

[Ruairi] “He’s brilliant!”

[Lilian, chuckling] “If Eddie made him, I’m sure he's a real work of art … If we say 123 at 20 pence each … I think we better adds a £5 bonus on top … well, you found that long lost trowel … what was Eddie quoting?”

Ruairi says £45, but he bargained him down to £35 (Brian’s told him always to bargain).

So, Lilian tells Ruairi to also oil her front gate. And she’ll round it up to £35.

[Lilian] “In the meantime, why don’t you phone Eddie and get tour order in … but first, I’d insist he install it in your garden,. On a  little plinth.”

[Peggy] “Lilian. You are naughty. That’s a fortune!”

[Lilian] “I know, but what price happiness, eh?”

[Peggy] “Poor Jennifer’s going to be in for a surprise.”

[Lilian] “You know, I’d give anything to be there when she sees it!”

*big Lilian roar of laughter*

Marvellous!

Love it when Lilian plays rough!


Keith’s been released

Susan went round to see Emma at Rickyard.

Emma explains that she called the Police for her children. She again tells that it was Keith’s behaviour at the wedding which made her sure it was he who’d burnt down the Brookfield barn.

[Emma] “He was looking really guilty. And on top of that he had a limp … it all adds up.”

[Susan] “Maybe I’d have said something to Keith”

[Emma] “I don’t care, George and Keira, that’s what matters to me. And I thought you’d feel the same.”

Tracey bursts in (again) to say Keith has been released (though on Police bail). Emma reckons that means they Police have got their suspicions.

[Tracey] “Course they’ve got suspicions, he’s a Horrobin!”

Susan and Tracey assert that Emma’s go to remember Keith’s had his bad moments, but he’s nothing like Clive.

[Emma] “Keith’s just weak. If you asks me they’re as bad as each other>”

[Tracey] “Listen to Miss perfect, I don’t think. Quite happy to stitch up her own family, after she’s wrecked her own!”

(there was a big thump when Tracey said that. Must have been Emma thumping something or other, though surprised she didn’t thump Tracey!)

My word.

That’s a family argument and a half!

Still think it’s all a red herring, though. The more Emma says she’s sure, the less I believe her.

Eddie (nearly) takes sweets from a baby: Wed 18.07.12

The Archers Wednesday 18th July 2012

• Brian wants more
• “Farmers market are meant to be for food”
• Ruairi now sounds English
• Roadside selling again
• Eddie and Joe have no shame
• It’s all family sized packs
• Jim’s stirring a revolt

Brian wants more

One of Brian’s Super Dairy suppliers has pulled out. It’s Beech Farm, and it’s because the farmer’s wife is ill, and they’re thinking of selling.

That leaves them 410 hectares short of arable.

So, Brian wants to go back to plan A, which is using Home Farm’s land.

[Jennifer] “No you can’t. You know what that will mean for Adam!”

[Brian] “We’ve done our best to accommodate him up til now.”

[Jennifer] “He’ll be devastated. And I’ve got enough on my plate with Kate as it is.”

Jennifer has to leave for a Farmers’ Market, and begs Brian to not talk to Adam about it until she and Brian have discussed it further.

As if Brian cares what Jennifer thinks …

And right enough, by the time Jennifer got back home, Brian had spoken to Adam. But only to arrange an emergency meeting (says he).

[Jennifer] “You’re basically going back on every single thing you’ve agreed over the last year.”

[Brian] “He’s family, he’ll understand … you know families, when the chips are down, they stick together.”

*sigh*


“Farmers market are meant to be for food”

So says Joe Grundy.

[Eddie] “Local produce, that’s what they’re about.”

[Joe] “Exactly produce … produce has to be something you can eat.”

[Eddie] “Well it’s local anyroad, and crafted in a village 10 miles away.”

Eddie wants to try and sell his concrete garden ornaments at a Farmers’ Market, rather than keeping on trying car boots.

[Eddie] “Farmers markets are different. They’re stuffed with people who are loaded.”

[Joe] “And you reckon they’re going to buy one of them monsters, dream on … I’ll say this for you Eddie, when it comes to wishful thinking there’s nobody to touch you.”

[Eddie] “We’ve got to try out new markets if we’re going to get anywhere. That’s how Alan Sugar started, remember.”

*snort*

When they later on didn’t make any sales:

[Eddie] “They make out they got taste these people, it’s a load of cobblers.”

[Joe] “Tight as a tits’ nest, that lot.”

Ha! Eddie and Joe’s scams are quite irritating. I enjoy it when they fall flat.


Ruairi now sounds English

Phew!

Thank goodness he lost that very odd Irish accent. I normally love an Irish accent but his was, well, odd. I suppose it might have had something to do with living in Germany for a time. But, most decidedly odd.

He now sounds like a proper wee English public school boy. Which, I suppose, has to be an improvement.


Roadside selling again

Eddie and Joe were at the same Farmers’ Market as Jennifer and Ruairi.

Though they technically shouldn’t.

[Eddie] “To be fair, we’re not actually at the farmers market, we’ve just parked.”

[Jennifer] “You’re showing your ornaments.”

[Eddie] “We’re parked with the doors open.”    

Cheeky.


Eddie and Joe have no shame

Joe asks Jennifer what she thinks about Eddie’s ornaments.

[Jennifer] “They’re different …”

[Joe] “Extinct art, that is.”

[Eddie] “Ethnic.”

(actually, I think both of them are wrong)

When Jennifer leaves, a statue of a dog catches Ruairi’s eye. He reckons it looks like Fly (their dog that died recently).

Rather than pat Ruairi on the head and send him back to Jennifer, Eddie and Joe do their sales patter on him.

So, Ruairi returns to Jennifer, and asks for an advance on his pocket money.

[Ruairi] “Eddie’s got a big dog. It’s amazing, he looks exactly like fly … I do Jennifer, and they’ve got   it on special offer today … oh Jennifer!”

Jennifer says no.

Ruairi begs Eddie and Joe to hold it back for him.

Ruairi later begs Brian for an advance, but Brian tells him to earn it. So Ruairi takes all the meat packs back inside, and is going to ask the rest of the family for jobs to do.

Both Jennifer and Brian hope he forgets about the ornament when he does collect enough money.
The statue is hideous …


It’s all family sized packs

Though Jim eventually found a single portion of Jennifer’s meat, he had to wade his way through all the family packs.

That’s a bit of a marketing mistake by Home Farm.

Surely there’s more and more call for single portions these days?


Jim’s stirring a revolt

[Jim] “Did she alright to you … normal … for Lynda … She was down at the village pond this morning, looking as if she about to walk on it. Most peculiar.”

[Jennifer] “She’s lurking all over the place at the moment … opening herself up to energy pathways.”

[Jim] “Sticking her fingers in a plug socket might be easier.”

Jennifer mentions that Lynda is bussing folks in from Felpersham for the performance art. Jim’s horrified.

[Jim] “It’s not going to be for us, I gather … It sounds like the end of civilisation as we know it.”

That’s a bit strong, Jim. Performance Art may be annoying to some, but it’s hardly threatening.

Later in The Bull, Jim gets a head of steam going.

[Jim] “We’re got a serious problems on our hands here Bert … Lynda Snell wants to turn our community into a  freak show … she probably call it performance art, but it amounts to the same thing … apparently, she’s planning to bus in hoards of city folk to observe us in our natural environment.”

[Bert] “The way I heard it she was getting actors in.”

[Jim] “But that’s not the point. They’ll be using our village as a stage set.”

[Bert] “Are there any locals in it?”

[Jim] “If our village is to become a theme park, we might as well get something out of it … Lynda Snell’s plan to turn our village into the Truman show …you know Lynda’s problem. She still thinks of Surrey as the home country and this as an outpost of Empire.”

[Joe] “Ah, whatever you decide prof, we’ll be right behind you.”

[Bert] “Unless she’s paying, obviously.”

What’s wrong with Jim?

Lynda most definitely not treat Ambridge as anything other than her home. Above everyone else, she’s the one who gets involved, gets things moving and makes a difference.

I’m not saying she always gets it right, but she has best intentions.

I’ll be quite annoyed with Jim is he ruins this for Lynda. It’ll be like them all laughing at Lynda’s Llama Promise Auction again …

Amazonian girls’ cricket team: Fri 06.07.12

The Archers Friday 6th July 2012

• Jennifer’s cropping
• Debbie’s stressed
• Public School agrees with Ruairi
• Brookfield’s full again
• Jennifer wants to party
• What products has Susan to place?
• George is wrecking Susan’s house
• Jamie’s scared of girls
• What did Jamie add to Kenton’s list?
• David and Ruth finally agree

Jennifer’s cropping

[Jennifer] “Could you just be careful where you’re putting your feet, Brian!”

She need to get her courgettes in before they turn into marrows.

At mine, we have to gets ours in before the slugs have them!


Debbie’s stressed

So says Brian. Something to do with the Super Dairy.

It’s a real shame, but I could care less about Debbie these days. She’s turned into a right nasty, money focused person.

I thought she’d have been the last one to follow in Brian’s footsteps.


Public School agrees with Ruairi

So says Jennifer.

He’s trying lots of new foods (including ratatouille), and seems to be loving his time there.

[Jennifer] “He’s sounding, well, very confident.”

(I only hope his accent is also improving. Not that I want him to lose the Irish accent – just to lose the bizarre form of an Irish accent he seems to have developed).


Brookfield’s full again

Which both David and Ruth are happy about.


Jennifer wants to party

It would seem Ambridge is having good summer weather at the moment. Unlike the rest of us.

[Jennifer] “Everything smells so wonderful.”

So Jennifer wants to throw a family party. She wants to celebrate.

Course, Brian automatically thinks it’s to celebrate his success with the Super Dairy, and with managing to keep the BL Board in check.

Jennifer was more thinking about celebrating that Ruairi is home. That Phoebe will be home. And that Adam is still alive.

Though has Jennifer forgotten she’ll need to invite the Horrobins? They’re family as well. Mind you, she does have a wee special liking for Keith …


What products has Susan to place?

Susan has a wee go at Kenton for not being organised about the community games.

[Susan] “It is a bit difficult with people not knowing what they’re signing up for … Lynda’s steaming ahead.”

Seems Lynda’s infamous performance art will involve actors all over the village.

[Susan] “It might be an opportunity for some product placements.”

Eh?

What’s Susan got to place?

Unless she’s thinking of something to do with Bridge Farm.


George is wrecking Susan’s house

Though we haven’t heard Neil moan about it, from Susan’s saying, it sounds like Emma, Keira and George staying at theirs isn’t exactly working out for them.

George is ruining their carpets, with all his cake crumbs.

And Emma was about to tell Susan about something to do with George and an Owl ornament, but stopped with Susan started telling her how much sentimental value it had …

… oh dear. That’ll be a broken ornament then.

Emma might have to move back to Rickyard, gang or no gang.


Jamie’s scared of girls

The St Mag’s girls, to be exact.

He stops to talk to Kenton while he (Jamie) is on a 5 mile run.

Jamie and the rest of the cricket lads have stepped up their training. They’re terrified of playing the St Mags girls’ cricket team. Kenton’s not helping matters:

[Kenton] “Could be a case for post-match counselling I think! ,,, Amazonians … they have been known to lose. Just not in recent memory.”

Alistair has also been telling everyone to come and watch the match.

No pressure there then …


What did Jamie add to Kenton’s list?

Jamie was very unimpressed by the list of games Kenton has down for the Community Games. So he took it away to add to it.

Jamie later gave it back, but we weren’t told what new had been added.


David and Ruth finally agree

[David] “I’ve decided I’m going to pull out. I’m not going to give evidence.”

[Ruth] “You’re only doing that for me, aren’t you.”

[David] “Well, you and the kids.”

[Ruth] “I’ve been doing some thinking too. I don’t want you to…. I want to nail them, once and for all, see them in prison.”

[David] “Why the change of heart?”

[Ruth] “Something Kenton said. It stayed with me … We’re on the same side again, aren’t we?”

[David] “Thank goodness!”

Indeed.

So the gang now has to deal with a united from at Brookfield. That won’t be a doddle for them.

PR disaster for Brian: 08/01/12

(ha!)

The Archers Sunday 8th January 2012

• Christmas, recycled
• Ruairi’s back to school
• Queen’s Diamond Jubilee
• Brian goes all Victor Meldrew
• Tracey pulls a crafty one

Christmas, recycled

Brian’s making use of Mike’s big chipper …

[Brian] “That’s Christmas done for another year”

[Mike] “Your tree lives on …”

[Brian] “You’ve just reduced it to a pile of chippings!”

[Mike] “Which will be composted and go to nourish the next generation of plants”

That’s one way of doing it.

I just get a tree with roots, and plant it. I’ll have no garden by the time I retire!



Ruairi’s back to school

And seems quite happy to be so.

Though he wasn’t as happy when Brian couldn’t take him there at the last minute.

That Super Dairy is already coming before family.

Just ask Adam.


Queen’s Diamond Jubilee

[Mike] “Are we doing anything for the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee?”

Blimey – I didn’t even know it was due.

But seems so. 2nd-5th June 2012.

Brian remembers the Silver Jubilee, which was in 1977. He recalls it with a groan, as he was on the organising committee.

As was Neil. Who was there representing the Youth Club …

… while I do accept that Neil was also once a youngster, he was 20 in 1957. Maybe he was just a later bloomer.

And Mike got to light the beacon.

Anyhoo – seems there’s a scheme to plant jubilee oak trees (similar to the silver jubilee, where one could sponsor a tree). This time, saplings have been grown from acorns grown on royal estates.

Nice idea.

But where (oh where) shall they put them, Mike and Neil wonder.


Brian goes all Victor Meldrew

[Brian] “What! I don’t believe it?”

Seems the Echo has called Annabelle to get a statement about the Super Dairy.

[Brian] “Who told them???”

They’re going to “splash” a story about the Super Dairy on Thursday.

Though Brian reckons they’ve got “confused facts”, he knows it’ll be damaging whether true or not. He reckons their take on it will be that:

[Brian] “This is the latest scheme by the incompetent bunch who brought you Borchester’s accident prone livestock market …”

And Debbie won’t be amused:

[Brian] “The last thing she said to me on Friday is that PR will make or break this scheme”

Brian really isn’t a happy bunny.

[Brian] “It’s a good news story, Jenny. That’s what’s so frustrating! The cows thrive in this type of setup, it’s designed for their wellbeing, An integrated system like this, with an AD energy plant, is about as environmentally friendly as you can get!”

(answers for what an AD energy plant is, on a postcard, c/o NO. 73)

[Jennifer] “And you’ll be creating jobs”

[Brian] “Quite, but what’s the Echo going with? That we’re a bunch of incompetents dabbling in some grotesque kind of factory farming … we’ll be really lucky if we’ll manage to row back from this”

[Jennifer] “Do you have any idea who could have leaked this story?”

[Brian] “Now I can’t get rid of this nagging suspicion that someone’s blabbed …”

Well, course they have! If someone hadn’t told the Echo, the Echo wouldn’t know.

So – odds on for Adam?

Though what about Pip?



Tracey pulls a crafty one

Tracey’s at home (well, Bert and Gary’s) cooking tea.

[Tracey] “It’s lovely being here. Back in the old homestead”

Bert’s asking her about whether she’s decided to move in. Or not.

She says she is very tempted.

He says it would “mean the world” to him, especially as the house feels so empty.

[Bert] “I always knew where your mum was, when she wasn’t chatting, she were singing”

[Tracey] “Or coughing …”

(Oh come on! That’s a bit nasty)

Seems Bert has to turn the TV on for company, especially when Gary goes out.

But, Tracey is going on about “future” and “security” again. She spells it out. She’s worried that if something happened to Bert, she would be out on her ear. So:

[Tracey] “How would you feel about putting the house in my name?”

[Bert] “Eh?”

[Tracey] “As well as yours, obviously”

Tracey claims she wants to take responsibility as well as provide a future for her kids. Help make sure the rent and the bills and such.

[Bert] “What about Gary … what would happen to him?”

[Tracey] “Nothing. It wouldn’t affect him. He’d just carry on the way he always has”

(Oh be scared Gary. It’ll be a cardboard box if push comes to shove)

AND Tracey has already phoned the housing association to see if it’s okay for her to be a joint tenant. Which it is. And as Bert is worried about contacting them, she’ll even write the letter for him.

[Bert] “Well, in that case, if you think that’s the way to go … alright then”

Do we wonder whether Susan and Neil will be so happy that Tracey is moving out, they won’t notice her ploy?

We don’t get to eavesdrop in on Tracey telling Neil the full story, but she is already twisting it into her doing Bert a favour:

[Tracey] “The thing he can’t stand is the quiet … it reminds him, happy family time … I thought you’d like to know that you’re getting shot of us at last!”

[Neil] “And it’s definite this time, is it …”

And she says the ball is now in Neil’s court.

He better get painting.

The entire Horrobin clan, a golden owl and bad badgers: The Archers Friday 16th December 2011

• Ruairi’s back
• Christmas morn with the Carters
• No Debbie for Christmas
• “Welcome to the holidays!”
• Next to the golden owl …
• Bad badgers!
• Tony knows how to check browser history
• Tony makes a confession

Ruairi’s back

And off to see the Buttons.

[Brian] “Don’t tell me he’s started chasing after Molly!”

Typical first thought from Brian.

Ruairi’s off to see their cousin, who happens to also goes to his school.

Seems Ruairi has enjoyed his first term. Maths and football are his favourite so far – though Brian reckons he’s realise how wonderful rugby is when he gets to it (as it’s a “real game”).

Jennifer and Brian are also only putting up their tree today, and a festive wreath that Jennifer made.



Christmas morn with the Carters

Brian was blissfully unaware that he and Jennifer will be spending Christmas morning at the Carters. Obviously Alice and Chris will be there, as well as the rest of their family.

[Brian] “The entire Horrobin clan? All my Christmases come at home … as long as she doesn’t bother with parmesan breadsticks again …”

Brian’s wish is unlikely to come true. Neil had been previously complaining of having to taste the parmesan breadstick attempts.


No Debbie for Christmas

But she’ll be back in Ambridge for Hogmanay.

I’d normally think that was a shame, but I’m not as keen on Debbie since she started all of the Super Dairy nonsense. Which is more about how she took Brian’s side over Adam than me actually taking sides.

Anyhoo, Brian was later on the phone to Debbie. They were mainly talking business, but he also reported to Jennifer that Debbie was not in a “persuadable mood” (so definite no to Christmas). On business:

[Brian] “She doesn’t appreciate the heavy lifting I’m doing back here … I’d like to see her get the idea of complete confidentiality into Pete Wilkes’ head, but I’m not sure it’s possible without surgery”

“Welcome to the holidays!”

So says David.

But don’t worry – he’s not becoming Americanised. He was talking to Pip, who is on her first day of her Uni holidays. So he meant it literally.


Next to the golden owl …

Is where Pat and Tony are to meet Eamon, Sharon … and Rich.

Eamon calls Tony to say that Sharon’s starting to get cold feet about them meeting Rich, so they need to rush on. It has to be this Sunday.

They’re to meet at Leeds Christmas Market, at the Civic Hall, next to the golden owl on a pedestal (the one on the right).

Eamon also stipulates that Tony and Pat cannot make Rich uncomfortable by “staring at him, and the like”:

[Eamon] “She (Sharon) doesn’t trust you to hold your peace … when it’s over, it’s over … If you don’t play straight with us about that we’ll put our side of the story to him and I doubt he’ll ever want to meet you again after that”

Tony hasn’t even told Pat that he called Sharon, spoke to Eamon, who then called back to say that they could meet Rich (only once, very briefly, with Sharon and Eamon and they have to pretend that they’re just old friends). He thinks it’ll be hard to make Pat understand all of these stipulations.



Bad badgers!

Environmental Health has been to Brookfield. They have approved Brookfield to spread their slurry (deregation) but:

[David] “I should have been monitoring the situation much more closely, apparently”

[Pip] “How? Have a webcam in the badger set?”

Seems it has been proved that it was badgers who damaged the slurry lagoon – the damage is right in line with their set.

[David] “Lining it is going to cost £20,000 and we’ll have to get permission to disturb the badgers, can you believe it?”

[Pip] “Well, they didn’t get permission to disturb us!”

Seriously. All badgers to evacuate Brookfield land immediately and head to Grange Farm. Will be far safer.


Tony knows how to check browser history

Tony knew that Pat had been checking schools to see if she could track down Rich.

[Tony] “I wasn’t snooping but you didn’t clear the history the last time”

Well, sounds like snooping to me.

And how did Tony learn to do that?


Tony makes a confession

As well as snooping on Pat, Tony also has to admit that he called Sharon, and they are now to meet Rich on Sunday, With very strict stipulations.

[Tony] “We’re allowed to see him, say hello, but that’s it. We can never get in touch again”

[Pat] “I want him to know about us. About John … That’s wicked”

[Tony] “I think they’re frightened about what might happen to their family”

[Pat] “But it’s so little, Tony”

You’ll have to behave, Pat. It is a little, but it’s all that’s on offer.

The Archers Sunday 4th September 2011: Ruairi’s ‘goes to’ school

(for ‘goes to’, read ‘is left at’)

• Brenda admits defeat … then has an idea!
• Poor Brian only had an assault course
• Jazzer is only trying to protect Harry …
• Debbie’s coming home
• Will Jennifer ruin Ruairi for life?

Brenda admits defeat … then has an idea!

Lord preserve us!

Just before Tom heads out to work, Brenda wants them to check the search engine rankings again.

[Tom] “Good idea Bren, let’s see what effect we’re having”

(can’t you just picture Tom and Brenda spending every evening clicking away on their website – bless. Such hedonism on ones so young)

They put ‘Bridge Farm Ambridge’ in (to what I imagine is Google), and hurrah! The Farm’s website comes up first.

But … boooo! The Echo comes second and third, with its hysterical reporting on E. Coli. Then the Courier.

But yay! The Bridge Farm website pops back – with its ‘A Day in the Life of a Dairy Cow’ article.

(aye – that’ll solve everything!)

But booo! Then it’s Borchester Radio.

And the Wetlands article is only on the second page.

[Brenda] “Maybe it’s time we handed it over to the professionals”

Blimey. Brenda has seen sense at last (and can maybe get back to making coffee and flyers).

Problem is that experts are expensive – about £300-£500 a month AND they’d need to commit to them long term of they really want to have an impact. Tom reckons Pat and Tony will never go for that.

(even though that seems like a fine enough price to me. Though cash flow wouldn’t cope with that right now, I suspect)

Brenda then calls Tom later on with yet another bright idea.

This time, she wants to get a feature for Bridge Farm in Borchester Life – which sound s like one of those quality, glossy regional magazines.

Tom is again unconvinced, as it could take months for the feature to appear.

[Tom] “It’s a nice idea Bren, but it’ll take too long to do any good and we haven’t got time”

But it’s fine. Brenda knows someone called Ros, who can speed things up.


Poor Brian only had an assault course

Ruairi has a climbing wall, adventure playground, canoeing, archery, clay pigeon shooting …

Brian and Jennifer are having a last look at Ruairi’s school grounds before they head off, after dropping him off.

[Jennifer] “He will be alright, won’t be Brian?”

[Brian] “He’ll love it … the way he went off …”

[Jennifer] “You know he looked so, uncertain, when he left us … Ruairi’s very good at keeping up a front”

Brian still reckons he’ll be fine, even though there were also tears this morning.

It’s a difficult one. On the one hand, Ruairi does seem like a confident wee kid who’ll enjoy boarding schools.
But, on the other, Brian seems to be assuming Ruairi is a carbon copy of himself – and he loved boarding school

[Brian] “It was worth it for all the sticky pudding if nothing else, and it gave me the best possible start in life”

Hmmm. I’d disagree that it’s guaranteed to do that, but Brian’s not for listening.


Jazzer is only trying to protect Harry …

Anyone believe that?

[Jazzer] “It was helping you or a cosy afternoon at the flat … Harry and Zofia staring at each other like love sick chimps, it’s mair fun setting fire to your eyebrows … I’ve noting against Harry, alright he comes across a bit of a Jessie first off … once you get to know him, get a few beers in him, he’s no such a bad lad …”

But after having said all that, Jazzer then goes onto say that he’s actually only thinking of Harry.

Jazzer reckons Harry isn’t “clued up about women”, and that Zofia is taking advantage.

He reckons Zofia is now talking about staying on after the picking, to be part of the clean-up team, so will suddenly be suggesting she moves in.

[Jazzer] “There’s nae room for three on a tandem, and it’ll be me sent sailing over the handle bars”

Poor Jazzer.

He really did enjoy life as one half of the Odd Couple, didn’t he?


Debbie’s coming home

Jennifer was wondering what she’ll do with herself, with no-one home apart from herself and Brian.

But seems Debbie is on her way back over for the weekend – marvellous!

With Alice’s birthday also coming up, and Ruairi due for a home visit at the end of the month, Brian reckons

Jennifer should enjoy the peace while she has it.


Will Jennifer ruin Ruairi for life?

Ruairi called. Brian reckons he sounded fine. But Jennifer reckons he “let his guard down” with her, and told her he was homesick.

Worse still – seems all the other boys have brought their cuddly toys with them! Ruairi left his behind.

[Jennifer] “Now he feels completely bereft without mousey”

So, Jennifer is about to jump in the car with mousey (Jennifer’s going to drive, of course), to take him to Ruairi that evening.

Brian is horrified!

[Brian] “Jennifer, if his mother comes racing back the first night with a cuddly toy … “

Though Jennifer reckons she’ll be “perfectly discreet”, Brian’s of the opinion that Jennifer will utterly show Ruairi up, and will earn him nicknames that will last for the rest of his life.

Oh dear.

The Archers Sunday 28th August 2011: Tom admits he was wrong!

• Jennifer’s still snobbing about pound shops
• Tom admits he was being stupid, and Brenda that she’s not an expert!!!!
• Jennifer’s home alone
• Peggy is setting herself up?

Jennifer’s still snobbing about pound shops

Having lunch with Peggy, Lilian and Matt, Jennifer’s still perplexed that Alice and Chris can manage to eat on cheaper brands.

[Jennifer] “Alice has even been to the pound shop … it’s so hard to plan if you shop at one of those places and apparently you’ve just got to take what they’ve got in”

(imagine that!)

[Lilian] “I got the impression she was quite enjoying it … getting the best bargain, discovering new foods …”

Course, Peggy is all for thrift. She even reckons that if more folks acted like Alice and Chris, the world wouldn’t be in as much of a financial mess as it is.

[Matt] “I don’t think everyone buying vale baked beans would have prevented the recession, Peggy”

(actually – I think Peggy makes a good point!).

While Jennifer is horrified over the thought of Alice even owning a tin of baked beans, Lilian can’t help from winding her up even further. She mentions that she saw a cleaner job advertised on one of these cards you see in shops. She suggests Alice could apply.

[Jennifer, now burst with the shame and the horror] “Suppose it’s the Stretfields, or somebody, the thought of Alice cleaning their lavatories, or ironing Baxter’s underwear … well, you know …”

Tee-hee!


Jennifer’s home alone

That’s Ruairi off to boarding school:

[Jennifer] “Ruairi is being very grown up. He wants to leave mousey at home”

(oh no - he’ll miss having mousey the moment he gets there)

And Phoebe is also off to South Africa. Everyone is advising Jennifer that she shouldn’t see her off.

[Lilian] “Oh come on Jenny. You cry when someone is voted off Strictly!”

So – what’s Jennifer going to do with her time? No Ruairi in the house – no Phoebe calling round.

Lilian is worried about how Jennifer is going to fill her time.

Though I don’t reckon Lilian’s suggestion of Jennifer joining Peggy, ted and Jill to do a spot of enamelling will go down well …


Tom admits he was being stupid, and Brenda that she’s not an expert!!!!

Blimey. Double blimey!!!

Tom’s not gone to the cricket today as he’s spending time Googling Bridge Farm.

Which he should have thought about doing before he started cold calling new potential customers … which, as he now realises, is exactly what these new customers do. Google their new potential supplier to see what’s what.

[Tom] “The worst thing is that mum and dad were absolutely right. I should’ve known better … ‘Hi, I’m from Bridge Farm, we poison our customers’ …”

Brenda now reckons they need to concentrate on creating good news, so that the bad news gets pushed off of the first page of Google.

Goodness me – is Brenda really that thick?

What good news does Bridge Farm have?

But – shock upon shock - Brenda then admits that maybe they need to get an online marketing expert.

You think????

It’s about time Tom and Brenda realised their limitations. And lucky it might not be too late for Bridge Farm to be saved …


Peggy is setting herself up?

Peggy’s talking to Lilian about Elona (correcting Lilian that she’s Albanian, not Polish – by the way).

Peggy explains that she wants to give Elona a job. Not to just to help Elona, but also as Peggy needs a hand from time to time.

[Lilian] “You don’t need a carer mum, do you?”

Peggy says no – just that she does need some help.

Peggy also explains that she wants to stand as guarantor for Elona for No.3 The Green, and that Lilian could (should) offer Elona a reduced rent. Even though Peggy would actually make up the difference without Elona knowing …

[Lilian] “Isn’t this a bit OTT … if you’re finding things difficult around the house, we can help”

[Peggy] “I don’t want to be a burden to my children … I've got the money, and this way I keep my independence … and Elona can keep looking after Jack”

I think Lilian is right that is all a bit OTT, and I’m not sure Elona doesn’t know exactly what she’s doing when it comes to Peggy.

But, Peggy says okay.

Much to Matt’s consternation.

[Matt] “What? And you said yes? … Why drag Amside into it … pay her a decent wage, and let her sort her own accommodation out … just seems like a lot of fuss to me”

[Lilian] “I’m the Managing Director of Amside … lets not look a gift horse in the mouth”

So all’s well?

Elona gets a home. Peggy gets help. And Lilian gets a tenant.

What could go wrong???

The Archers Tuesday 16th August 2011: Bones found at the Mart site

• But what about Ruairi’s sports kit?
• Pat had to wear lady shoes
• Are archaeologists really that busy?
• Jennifer gets excited about old bones

But what about Ruairi’s sports kit?

Brian gets a call from Cliff Alladay (The Mart’s Project Manager), and heads straight off to deal with a problem.

Jennifer’s not happy about that. It means he can’t go with her and Ruairi to buy Ruairi’s school kit.

Would seem it’s a seminal moment in any young (public school) boy’s life.
 
Pat had to wear lady shoes 

To her and Tony’s interview at Environmental Health.

Blimey!

Pat’s also worried about the interview. It could lead to a prosecution..

[Tony] “This is environmental health, not Scotland Yard … try to not let the situation intimidate you”

Easier said than done, but quite nice to hear Tony being the positive one in the know.

It sounded like most of the interview went well. Pat only sounded unsure (and a bit panicked) about the last time she’d put her staff through a refresher course – including 48 hour rule and such.

After their interview, Pat and Tony find that the village shop in Penny Hasset and the whole food shop in Darrington have cancelled their orders – AND the wee girl ill in hospital now has kidney problems.

So what’s Tom’s solution?

Take Bridge Farm’s confidence in their product further afield – places like Birmingham and Bristol (where, one assumes, they haven’t heard of the E. coli outbreak).

Hmmm. Wonder if German salad folks found that they managed to survive by finding new markets …

Are archaeologists really that busy?

Cliff has been trying to get one out to the Mart site to have a look at the bones one of the workers discovered.

But seems they’re all out on calls.

Surely not? I’d have thought their work could wait … after all, it’ll have been there for a fair while already.

Anyway – first signs are that the bones are cattle (they found a cattle skull).

But, finding the bones, having to report them, trying to find an archaeologist who doesn’t have another archaeological emergency, all means delays. Which can’t happen if the Mart project is going to hit the Council deadlines.

[Brian] “We’ve been knocked sideways by something entirely unpredictable”

Brian is angry, but one also assumes slightly pleased to be able to tell Annabelle ‘I told you so’.

Jennifer gets excited about old bones

After getting back in from the Mart site, all Brian wants is a large whisky (though he should get it himself rather than telling Jennifer to get him one. Lazy so and so. And I do hope it is whisky rather than whiskey …).

What he also gets with his whisky is a side order of rather inappropriate excitement from Jennifer.

[Jennifer] “Was anything else found, I mean pottery or jewellery … how interesting!”

Brian hopes it isn’t anything ‘interesting’:

[Brian] “Then it’d be littered with people in dungarees with teaspoons”

With her old local historian hat on, Jennifer reckons that the Mart site was part of a major roman road and that the Earl of Essex’s army billeted nearby in 1642.

[Jennifer] “There could very well be ancient remains, it could be a very important find”

Brian is most decidedly not excited nor amused. He’s only worried about delays, and what it could cost him.

The Archers Wednesday 11th May 2011: Susan Carter is halfway through a book!

click the title above, of the 'read more' link below the bullet points, to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Finally get rid of Ruairi?
• Lilian still cracking whips at builders
• Non-smokers are no fun
• Taking Jolene to NZ is a great idea!!!
• Drinks with the Snells and the Bellamys
• Matt’s cutting corners
• The tongs are missing!
• Is Susan like-minded?

Finally get rid of Ruairi?

After having to look after Ruairi by himself (only for a few days), Brian’s decided he’s worried about the level of education Ruairi is receiving at the local school.

Ruairi couldn’t finish and quiz, and told Brian that it would matter. Brian was horrified that his teachers don’t even expect the kids to finish their homework. They should be being pushed.

[Brian] “Children need to be given today the edge they’ll need for tomorrow”

Egged on by Bridget sending lists of public schools, Brian starts pondering sending Ruairi to a school which will do Ruairi a bit more justice.

Jennifer isn’t against the idea, but is also quite clear that she’s not prepared to lose her, or Ruairi’s, life to commuting. There isn’t anywhere decent close by.

Stating the obvious, Brian mentions boarders.

Now, I’m not saying Jennifer has been aching to get rid of the week chap (she’s obviously a very devoted mother to him), but her first though was not the thought of Ruairi no longer living at him.

Jennifer was impressed by one of the school’s extra-curricular activities. Brian was very chuffed to see that one had a gold course.

They reckon they would miss Ruairi, but also reckon he “clearly needs a more stimulating curriculum”

Nae luck Ruairi boy. Looks like it’s boarding school for you.

Wonder is Siobhan would have approved?


Lilian still cracking whips at builders

[Lilian] “If you don’t give them a regular rollicking, they’ll be there til doomsday”

Non-smokers are no fun

Offering Jolene a sneaky fag (behind the bike sheds … well, The Bull), Lilian is a bit taken aback that Jolene doesn’t want one.

[Lilian] “Go on, you know you want to”

[Jolene] “I’m serious Lilian. I want to be good”

[Lilian] “Spoilsport …”

Fair play to Jolene for sticking to it. Though I still think it was all a bit off of Kenton to push her to do it, rather than Jolene making her own mind up.

Where she sees Kenton as encouraging – I see nagging. He forced her into it, no way about it.

I wouldn’t go as far as Lilian in saying that Jolene was “mad” to quit, as it (obviously) is good for her health – but I do reckon she’s being told what to do, rather than deciding for herself.



Taking Jolene to NZ is a great idea!!!

Kenton’s talking (again) about going to New Zealand to see his daughter Meriel.

[Lilian] “He’s always making plans to go to New Zealand but he never manages to save enough to do it”

Jolene mentioned that he wants Jolene to go with him.

Well, that’s just a cracker of an idea, Kenton.

Jolene’s just settling into normality again – taking her back to New Zealand will be just the tonic.

(and I am being sarcastic. Jolene can’t have many positive associations with New Zealand after Sid’s death there).


Drinks with the Snells and the Bellamys

(for Bellamys – I know it’s technically Crawford and Bellamy)

Lynda turns up at the Dower House.

[Lynda] “I came to hold out the olive branch to Lilian”

Lynda mentions that Leonie and Jamie are seemingly off somewhere exotic. But she won’t tell Lilian and Matt where it is, as it’d surprise.

So, talking of their new family connection, Lynda invites Lilian and Matt round for drinks one evening.

Lilian makes a few non-committal noises, and Lynda leaves them to it (promising to call to arrange their evening soon).

[Matt] “Drinks with her and her geek of her husband … remind me to be busy counting paperclips that night”

Possibly not as amusing as Susan trying to class-up for Jennifer and Brian, but plenty of comedy value to come, I reckon.


Matt’s cutting corners

Work is moving apace on Matt and Lilian’s redevelopment of No.3 The Green.

But Lilian isn’t too happy with Matt’s habit of keeping costs down by not entirely redeveloping to a high spec.

I think he’s quite right that No. 3 The Green doesn’t need to be too high-end, and that it doesn’t matter if you plaster behind kitchen cabinets if you’re just selling.

But, it’s not exactly the reputation Amside/Lilian is aiming for.


The tongs are missing!

But not to worry. They were found again in time for the Village Shop customers to get their food without having to touch it.

Phew!


Is Susan like-minded?

The Book Club meeting next week is Cranford.

Jennifer’s quite excited about it.

[Jennifer] “It’s a pleasure to become reacquainted (with Cranford) …So stimulating to talk about books with like-minded people … had missed it”

(that says a lot about Brian’s company!).

The shock of the day is that Susan is already halfway through it, and is likely to also be coming along to Book Club.
It’s likely Susan is just trying to (again) be on Jennifer’s level, but Jennifer reckons:

[Jennifer] “More than she hates being left out of anything”

Meow!

The Archers Thursday 7th April 2011: George’s birthday, Girl Grundy’s first day home

click the 'read more' link below the bullet points to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Will’s got something to complain about
• “It looks like the toast is … well, toast”
• Susan left the Post Office!
• Lilian enjoys whipping builder types …
• “What am I going to do with an eight year old for an hour?”
• “She’s all yours … well, yours and mine”

Will’s got something to complain about

Or to be accurate – he’s got someone to complain about.

Will’s having a moan about George’s birthday (today) being ruined by baby Girl Grundy being born last night.

George can’t have all of his presents, as they’re at Ed’s. But Ed is milking, after being up all night. Because his daughter has just been born.

And Emma hasn’t called. But she’s a tad distracted. As she just gave birth to her daughter.

George isn’t tool happy that his mum is focused on baby Girl Grundy rather than him – which is fair enough, as he’s only 6 years old. His reaction to the ‘good news’ of his new sister:

[George] “That’s not news, that’s poos!”

But Will is supposed to be an adult, and have a bit more sense. But no.

[Will] “Trust Ed. It’s 365 days in the year but no, he has to time it so his kid arrives right on top of George’s birthday. Terrific.”

Ach, come on Will. Even you can’t believe that one.


“It looks like the toast is … well, toast”

Brian’s just about coping with having Ruairi all to himself, while Jennifer is away in South Africa.

Despite the burnt toast, Ruairi sounds fed. Dressed. Hasn’t ingested anything deadly. No broken limbs. And isn’t missing.

Later on, he does admit to Lilian that he didn’t realise there was so much work involved with looking after a kid.

Maybe he’ll appreciate Jennifer more when she returns?


Susan left the Post Office!

I knew Susan was very precious about ‘her’ Post Office, but still can’t believe she didn’t leave it to be with her daughter while she was giving birth.

That’s taking it too far.

But, at least she has now taken time away to visit Emma and baby Girl Grundy.

Now she and Clarrie can have a right good natter about their new grandchild while they work at Bridge Farm.

Clarrie is being practical about George’s birthday:

[Clarrie] “It’s lucky she made the cake before …”

Both are wondering what Ed and Emma will finally choose to call baby Girl Grundy:

[Susan] “It was different a few years ago, but there’s so many names now”

(eh???)

[Clarrie – on hearing some of their ideas for names] “Summer … but it's spring!”

(you what?!?)

[Susan – mentioning some of the names Emma had been pondering] “Saffron, Sorrel, Savannah …”

[Clarrie] “It’s all very well landing a child with a fancy name, or a celebrity name, but what if they can’t live up to it … I had to go through school being called Claris, don’t forget”

(and why just names beginning with s? Is that just that page the baby name book opened at?)

[Susan, on Clarrie suggesting Susan as a name] “Susan? They won’t want that for a name. Far too boring”

Lilian enjoys whipping builder types …

Amside got number 3 The Green (does anyone know if there’s ever been a mention of who has lived there?), so she’s quite chuffed she has a new project to get her teeth into.

And some build types to bully

[Lilian] “I enjoy it darling. Cracking the whip over the builders!”

“What am I going to do with an eight year old for an hour?”

Wasn’t Lilian utterly horrified when Brian tried to palm Ruairi off on her.

What does he think she is?

Someone with mothering experience?!?

(oh, hang on …)

But not to worry. Brian then chose to get Will to look after Ruairi – which was good thinking, as Ruairi got to go to George’s birthday party.


“She’s all yours … well, yours and mine”

Now that was a statement loaded with history.

At last – Ed and Emma has a child that is most definitely, 100%, absolutely, no question, a baby born of Ed and Emma’s union.

[Ed] “Are they really going to let us take her home. Something so beautiful and previous”

[Emma] “She’s all yours … well, yours and mine”

When they arrive back with baby Girl Grundy, it’s during George’s birthday.

And he’s none too amused.

He pushes Mia over. And has a bit of a tantrum.

[George] “No! Stupid girl. I should win, it’s my birthday. My birthday!”

Nic manages to calm things down, but Will is also throwing a bit of a tantrum. Just not as blatant as George’s (unusually so for Will)

[Will] “If those two make him feel left out, I’m going to have something to say about it. You just wait …”

I don’t think we’ll have to wait long – not by Will’s standards. The second Geo9rge has one wee complaint to make (which is bound to happen – he now has to share his mum), Will will be off down the Court to get full custody.

Marvellous! Bout time we have a bit of Will v Ed.

The Archers Thurs 10th Mar 2011: Oh boy – yet another slooooow Ambridge day

So let’s go for 6 in 10

• Brian avoids parental responsibility – Ruairi to Ireland while Jennifer away
•  Pip gets B’s and C’s – which she’s quite happy with
• Lilian wows Borchester Land with her supremely detailed technical knowledge
• Who is BL’s Mole? Did Barbara Glasstone & Matt fruity?
• Brian’s setting up Lilian to find the mole at BL
• Does Brookfield’s cows have Johne’s disease? I so hope not.

The Archers Thurs 3rd Mar 2011: Jolene and Kenton kiss

• Brian, sewing boxes and green monsters
• First chance Hayley gets …
• Kenton hanging onto Jolene
• We trust in Jennifer
• Brian washing pants and making packed lunches?
• “half the pleasure is in the anticipation”
• “You betcha Jolene”

Brian, sewing boxes and green monsters

Ruairi is having a go at tying flies, which means Brian is turning Jennifer’s sewing box upside down to find some thread.

What a cheapskate! How come Kate gets a new laptop, but Ruairi doesn’t even get proper tying thread?


First chance Hayley gets …

She breaks Phoebe’s confidence.

Though technically, I suppose she only promised Phoebe she wouldn’t tell Kate. But, I hardly think telling Jennifer was entirely what Phoebe would have wanted.



Kenton hanging onto Jolene

As Kenton and Jolene make their way to their wine tasting, it sounds like Kenton’s actually taken Jolene through a building site to get there.

With uneven paving stones, Kenton cares enough to notice that Jolene could be having particular problems:

[Kenton] “it’s not ruining your heels is it?”

Bless.

And it was lovely to hear them both being awkward and shy with each other. Although they’ve known each other for an age, this is their first date.

They do seem a good match. Kenton mentions something about their evening out being work-related:

[Jolene] “Is that how you see spending time with me … hard work?”

[Kenton] “I don’t know yet …”

Ah, you tease!

And Kenton behaves like a real gentleman, holding onto Jolene as they pick their way through (what sounds like) some of the most dangerous paving in England.


We trust in Jennifer

After Hayley tells Jennifer that Phoebe is scared of flying by herself, Jennifer has a subtle chat with Phoebe.

Well, suitable enough for a child.

Jennifer tells Phoebe that she found going to Felpersham by herself as “terribly daunting”, and how Phoebe is being “ever so brave” in even thinking about travelling back from South Africa by herself.

[Jennifer] “I know I’d have been ever so worried”

(which gives Phoebe the right encouragement to open up)

[Phoebe] “That’s what’s bugging me granny … what if I don’t get on with the airline woman … I had to sit next to Mrs Riley in the school coach once … I didn’t know what to say, it was so embarrassing. She was eating tuna sandwiches the whole trip, they stand”

[Jennifer] “Oh, how frightful!”

[Phoebe] “What if they get split up, or I lose my ticket or someone snatches my bag …”

[Jennifer] “Those are very sensible concerns”

However, although Jennifer does a sterling job of getting Phoebe to talk about her fears, she takes a slightly extreme approach to allaying them …



Brian washing pants and making packed lunches?

So, Jennifer announces to Brian that she’s gone and booked herself “both ways” to South Africa – flying out with Kate and Phoebe, then flying back with Phoebe.

So that solves Phoebe.

But, that creates a whole new headache for Brian.

[Brian] “But, you can’t …”

[Jennifer] “But actually I can, the transaction has gone through”

Cheeky Brian then tries to make out that Jennifer going on Phoebe’s holiday will spoil Kate’s plans – how very unsporting of him to try and make Jennifer feel unwanted so that he doesn’t have to ‘cope’ home alone with Ruairi.

But, the only problem Jennifer can see is what to wear. She’s too excited about seeing her other grandkids to worry about Brian being caveman grumpy.

[Jennifer] “This will be the perfect opportunity for some real father son bonding”

Realising he has no choice, Brian decides to grin and pretend it’s a wonderful idea.

According to him, it will all just be a matter of “time management”.

Makes one wonder if Brian has actually noticed the kids he’s had in his household …


“half the pleasure is in the anticipation”

There seemed to be a lot of heaving breathing during Kenton and Jolene’s first date.

[Kenton] “dribbled unpronounceable cava all over my shirt”

Which I reckon was him being rather saucy, especially as they then went onto to talk about how to taste a wine – involving taking a good look – savouring the bouquet – then waiting …”half the pleasure is in the anticipation”

Oo-er! Shower scene ahoy!

[Kenton] “For some reason, life seems to be getting more interesting”

Lovely. Kenton deserves something nice to happen to him (after Kathy … and, of course, Nigel). And anything that brings Jolene back to herself is very welcome indeed.

Jolene nearly spoils the mood by bringing up Saint Sid.

[Jolene] “not trying to forget Sid … if were still here, I would be with him … and will always keep a big place in my heart for him”

But Kenton brings Jolene back to reality by asking for them to “have some fun together in the here and now”

Hmmm.

I’m not entirely convinced Kenton should be getting involved with yet another of Sid’s women, so fingers crossed there are no tears after bedtime.


“You betcha Jolene”

I really enjoyed eavesdropping on Jolene and Kenton’s first kiss – and not for any seedy reason.

It was just really nice to hear two adults, who are both generally rather nice folks in their own right, enjoy each other’s company – take such delight out of very tame flirting – and feel comfortable enough to be open with each other.

Having a little giggle that some bloke called Ray asked them if they were an item:

[Kenton] “I certainly know what I’d like us to be …”

[Jolene] “Do you?”

[Kenton] “Oh yeah …”

(some slightly slurpy, but not quite letchy, kissing)

[Kenton] “Oh wow …”

[Jolene, in a very deep, racy voice] “Yeah …”

But what I really liked was Jolene telling Kenton to call her early tomorrow.

[Jolene] “I don’t want to wake up wondering. I want to be sure this is happening.”

[Kenton] “Oh yes. You betcha Jolene”

How many times, as youngsters, have we sat by the phone waiting for ‘that’ call the day after the night before?

Good on you Jolene. No point sitting around, checking that the dial tone still works (then wondering if, when you picked up the phone to check the dial tone, they tried to call at that exact moment …).

The Archers Sun 23rd Jan 2011: The Bull’s Farmhouse Breakfast

• Now Neil returns
• A new dawn for Brenda and Vicky?
• Harry is in a stew about haggis
• Kate’s back (grrrrrrrr!)
• I wonder what Ruairi’s accent would have been like …
• Kenton and Jolene bond over toast
• Molly has mushrooms
• Quarter Peal *sniff*

Now Neil returns

That’s odd.

Months of Susan and Vicky – no Mike and Neil.

Now Mike and Neil return (more or less) together.

That must be one big attic they’re being kept in.




A new dawn for Brenda and Vicky?

Brenda had a grand birthday thanks to Vicky – has she really “turned the corner” in beginning to accept (and even like) her step-mum?


Harry is in a stew about haggis

Silly muppet.

They’re not meant to be stewed.


Kate’s back (grrrrrrrr!)

Actually – steady on (I tell myself).

She’s being picked up, but we didn’t hear a word from her.

Which is fine. She’s more than welcome to return, just so long as she doesn’t speak.




I wonder what Ruairi’s accent would have been like …

… if Nigel and Elizabeth had adopted him.

Couldn’t really be any worse, I suppose.


Kenton and Jolene bond over toast

[Kenton] “There’s nothing worse than cold toast”

[Jolene] “Better than burnt”

[Kenton] “I quite like burnt”

[Jolene] “Really?”

Oo-er – will this difference stop love blossoming, or a case of opposites attract?

(actually – is this Kenton and Jolene thing ever going to go anywhere at all? I have my doubts)

Either way, it’s great to hear Jolene a bit more enthused by The Bull (ha! take that Mr Crawford!), and having Kenton to bounce ideas off of.

And I never realised “the oldies” (Kenton’s words) were offered ‘budget’ meal deals because they eat less.

Well, apart from Joe Grundy.


Molly has mushrooms

Molly Button has mushrooms on toast, Freddie and Lily get special hot chocolate and a (non-edible) penguin.

Knowing that Molly, she’s probably already on a diet.

It’s good to see Elizabeth back out in the village, even though some folks (like Neil) are a bit lost for words.

Jolene and Fallon more than made up for it by being ‘normal’ with the kids – and Neil is organising the quarter peal in memory of Nigel:

[Neil] “Nigel’s missed in that bell tower … he was such good fun”

Quarter Peal *sniff*

That was bonny, even though it was a bit of a sneaky tearful moment.

The Archers Fri 10th Dec 2010: Christmas comes early for Phoebe

• Jennifer’s stressed over Christmas part 1
• “So fruitful, like a bud that’s about to burst”
• Did Pat really want Vicky?
• Kate really is a warped b**ch
• Vicky gropes Helen

Jennifer’s stressed over Christmas part 1

Oh dear. If Jennifer’s stressed over a mini Christmas for Phoebe, her blood pressure is going to be pushed nigh high for the real thing.

Or, is she just so stressed because she knows Kate will utterly freak out if everything’s not perfect for ‘her’ Phoebe?


“So fruitful, like a bud that’s about to burst”

So says Vicky.

Vicky also says she very jealous of Helen.

Now I know Vicky can be an utter pain, but she is genuinely and absolutely happy for Helen.

And there’s few folks like that about …



Did Pat really want Vicky?

She seemed very unsure at first, but Pat seemed to quickly warm to the idea of Vicky working at Bridge Farm.

Does Vicky have a special gaze that she fixes on folks, hypnotising them to do her bidding?

Or, is Pat just that desperate?

Either way, Vicky seemed to sway Pat with her assurances that she can pick everything up quickly:

[Vicky] “Susan seemed to get the hand of it quite fast … so it can’t be that hard, really”

Vicky pointed out the obvious:

“If you’re so desperate … perhaps I can do that for you”

(that woman really has no dignity sometimes)

Vicky is local, and anyone they got in would have to be trained first anyway.

But Vicky clinched it with her sound argument that she has good inside knowledge:

[Vicky] “And I’m married to a milkman, aren’t I?”

Vicky got the job, but is it bad or good news for Bridge Farm?


Kate really is a warped b**ch

In the first place, Kate wanted an early Christmas so that she could spend it with Phoebe. But expected Jennifer to do all the work.


[Kate] “Mum – don’t stress, think festive”

Then, she buys (what sounded like) a huge pile of presents for Phoebe without warning Jennifer and Brian, and without herself buying extra for Ruairi.

The wee man was quite rightly upset that Phoebe had so many big presents, while he only had only teeny one.

Even Brian was surprised at the quantity of presents for Phoebe (and that’s saying something!)

Kate then kept interrupting Jennifer with saying “let Phoebe decide”. And she didn’t even notice when Ruairi stormed off upset.

[Brian] “Don’t you think it’s wrong for Kate to spoil her like that? …she’s trying to buy off her guilt”

Aye right you are, Brian! You started off this cycle, by utterly spoiling Kate in the first place.

Kate also finally tells Phoebe that’s she going to be away for longer than expected, which Phoebe takes in her stride, but is obviously upset.

[Brian] “Here we go again”

Yup. *sigh*


Vicky gropes Helen

And surprisingly, all Helen says is:

“I guess she can feel it whenever she likes”

Wow!

Helen was a bit taken aback at Vicky having a good feel of her baby, but does seem to have taken it all in her stride.

That’s just not like our Helen.

Great!

The Archers Wed 1st Dec 2010: Kate gives Ruairi nightmares

• The current list of charges against Kate
• Helen can do no right by Tony
• Tony gets his new refrigeration unit
• Is Ruairi taking the michael?
• Phoebe’s going to end up like Kate
• *groan* Kathy’s on about Jamie …

The current list of charges against Kate

Kate was previously hassling Jennifer to ‘break’ Ruairi’s routine to come out with the rest of the family, then she’s an arse to Jennifer when she was asked to take Ruairi out with Phoebe

The charge: being inconsistent, always suiting herself, harassing others and being a petulant child when she doesn’t get her own way

Kate dragged wee Ruairi along to a laser quest thingy. Then left him by himself. In the dark, With people shooting at him. Ruairi is only 8

[Ruairi] ““it was dark … and I didn’t know where you were”

(oh – ya wee lamb!)

The charge: Kate is a bad half-sister, and is cruel to little boys

When Jennifer later confronts Kate about:

[Jennifer] “Poor little thing is in a dreadful state!”

and having nightmares, Kate just won’t take responsibility.

[Kate] “I promised Phoebe we’d do whatever she wanted”

Kate – look at what you’ve said, weight it up against wee Ruairi having nightmares, and work out whose fault this is.

Kate also sounds like she’s about to let down Phoebe, by going back to South Africa for longer than Phoebe expects her to.

The charge: Kate has yet to grow up, doesn’t understand that kids can easily be upset/scarred for life and is once again about to be rubbish to her daughter

The sentence: Ruairi pucking was a start


Helen can do no right by Tony

As Pat was talking about how Helen might have “turned a corner”, and she was mentioning names for the baby – rather than be happy that his daughter is doing better, all Tony could come out with was:

[Tony] “Nothing too outlandish, I hope”

Oh for goodness sake Tony. It can’t be undone now. Get a grip man!



Tony gets his new refrigeration unit

Maybe he can show some fatherly affection to it. He certainly must be storing up plenty to spare.



Is Ruairi taking the michael?

I know he’s still wee, and it’s unfair to criticise wee ones, but what on earth is Ruairi’s accent about?

It sounds like Dick Van Dyke trying to do an Irish accent.

Very, decidedly, odd.

And quite difficult to eavesdrop on.



Phoebe’s going to end up like Kate

Kate’s only been back a short while, but Phoebe’s already showing signs of taking after her (birth) mother.
Phoebe would rather be with Kate over Christmas – Phoebe wants a laptop (with camera and microphone) for Christmas – Phoebe wants to go to a laser quest thing.

And Kate grants Phoebe her every desire. Phoebe even manages to use crafty techniques to ensure she gets what she wants. The laptop has to have a camera and microphone so that she can speak to Kate when she goes back to South Africa for Christmas … hmmm.


*groan* Kathy’s on about Jamie …

I do feel for Tony, having to put up with Kathy having yet another moan about Jamie.

It’s been a while since we’ve heard it, but I still *shudder* when I hear Kathy says the J word.

Seemingly he’s still grunting, and still not doing any school work.

Pat tries to reassure Kathy by saying that Tom got fairly rubbish Grades at school – then completely went off the academic track when his brother John died – but then went onto a day release course at Borchester College. Which led into his arrest for the GM Crop destruction ….

So, not a lot of comfort for Kathy there then.

[Kathy] “You never imagine how such a little scrap of humanity can take over your life … treat you with contempt”

*sigh*

As Tony tries to rush Kathy into her coat and out of the door, Pat invites Kathy and Jamie to Sunday lunch.

[Tony, when Kathy had accepted and finally left] “She’s here the whole bloomin’ time! If I have to sit through one more whinge … do you have to be supportive so often?”

The Archers Wed 10th Nov 2010: Fallon IS going to the Ball!

The Archers: Caroline’s uncle is still on the mend … Brian’s avoidance plans … Peggy’s cats are playing up …

• “I suppose we were really stretched last year with orphans”
• Lord Netherborne – a bit of a Peregrine
• Brian’s using whisky to escape
• Naughty Bill
• Des Penwell
• Con still excites Peggy
• Valda doesn’t solve anything
• What’s this about a “dark corner”?
• Does Jill disapprove?
• “The theatrical equivalent of The Titanic”

“I suppose we were really stretched last year with orphans”

The harsh reality of sheep farming, courtesy of Adam.

“You don’t want too much tangle round the pens”

“Now, are you ready to go flying up to the roof?”

The harsh reality of Adam’s arming life, courtesy of Brian.




Lord Netherborne – a bit of a Peregrine

Well, not really.

It’s just that it was mentioned yet again that Caroline still has to look after her uncle.

Like the Peregrines were often mentioned without any obvious point – then become a ‘hot’, contentious issue – Lord Netherborne being poorly keeps cropping up.

Watch this space …


Brian’s using whisky to escape

And what’s really bad, is that he’s using booze to escape his own son’s birthday party!

Ian’s going to entertain as the great … something or other (did anyone catch that?). I’m assuming it’s a magic show.

But Brian is only going to:

“show willing where he has to”

Poor wee Ruairi.

His mum’s dead.

He dad would prefer alcohol to being at his party.

And even his step-brother-by-marriage is going to try and join Brian.

At least he’s got Jennifer and Kate making a fuss over him.

Actually. Scratch that. It’d probably be better if he was just utterly neglected.


Naughty Bill

Not sure why Peggy’s cats are being so hyper. She’s had to resort to locking them in the kitchen when she has guests over. Especially Bill.

The other day, Bill was clamouring all over Pat. And today he manages to break free of the kitchen to annoy Jill and Peggy.

Something in the air, or too much catnip?



Des Penwell

Is talking on Sunday, at the church, about his experiences in Afghanistan.


Con still excites Peggy

After all those years, and after she received his email on Saturday, Peggy is still giddy as a schoolgirl about Con.

But Jill doesn’t seem at all impressed (now there’s a surprise – Jill just can’t seem to muster any joy for anything which isn’t spot on ‘the norm’).



Valda doesn’t solve anything

[Lynda] “Strictly between you and me, she doesn’t thrive in the pressure cooker of pantomime – I always felt she never really made the grade in snow white”

So if Valda, Vicky and Sabrina aren’t up to playing Alice Fitzwilliam, just who is?

[Lynda] “Fallon and her sadly underused talent”

So while Hayley “does wonders with our little rats”, Phoebe show her artistic talents in designing the posters, Lynda is left to bemoan the lack of Fallon as her Alice.

At least Harry sorted Idle Jack.

Giving Lynda a “marvellous surprise” by turning up with Jazzer in tow, Lynda is utterly oblivious to (surely what must have bee) Jazzer’s utter reluctance.

[Lynda] “Whatever false modesty was holding him back, he’s over it now … very bashful … mumbled so much I had to make him repeat himself … I intimated him slightly …”

Lynda thought she’s ‘intimidated’ Jazzer because, when she suggested Harry’s idea of:

“Idle Jock, a comic Scotsman complete with mischievous kilt and a ginger wig”

Jazzer’s distaste was read by Lynda as

“Apparently it was a step too for his confidence … he gave me quite a look!”

I do adore our Lyndee, but she really doesn’t pick up on anything other than that she wants to see.

Harry has forced Jazzer to be in the Panto, but the line has been drawn through the concept of Idle Jock.

“Idle Jack remains … and I’m hoping to persuade him to sing”

Well, that’s great news.

Jazzer’s singing at Ambridge Has Talent was lovely, so I’ll look forward to hearing him again.


What’s this about a “dark corner”?

Am I missing something?

That was the second mention by Peggy that she has a dark corner.

Has the bulb blown?

Curtain can’t be pulled back?

What?

Whatever it is, Peggy needs someone to fix it for her.

She thinks it would be hard to find “someone for such a small job”, and doesn’t want to ask her family.

“Phil used to do that”

Said Jill, bring the conversation well and truly back to her.

I shouldn’t really be so harsh to Jill (even though she does ask for it sometimes), as it is going to be a tough first festive season without Phil.

But it felt like she was scoring points off of Peggy.

Jill’s one up because her husband is dead, whereas Peggy’s is still very much alive.

And then Jill behaves quite oddly about Peggy’s Con …


Does Jill disapprove?

It certainly seemed that way.

She wasn’t exactly glowing – or even happy for Peggy – when she read Con’s long letter as Peggy asked her to.

(and Peggy is quite right that a long email is just as good as a letter, though I still think the ‘ping’ of an email received isn’t quite like a non-bill thumping down on your doormat).

What’s wrong with Jill?

Can’t she see that Peggy has found a wee bit of harmless happiness?

So as Peggy (still in schoolgirl mode) dreamily talks about Florida and Ruby Throated Humming birds, all Jill found the effort to do was mention Jack.

Was that to bring Peggy back to reality with a bump?

Quite nasty, really.

[Peggy] “Living proof it’s never too late to develop an interest”

On yersel Peggy! Get it where you can …


“The theatrical equivalent of The Titanic”

Still stressing about the lack of a lady to lead as Alice, Lynda is getting desperate:

“If the worst comes to the worst … it’ll be the theatrical equivalent of the titanic … I might have to cast Sabrina”

Which everyone agrees would:

“Clear the hall … children and small animals crushed in the rush”

(I won’t even try to think why animals attend Ambridge’s Panto)

But then Lynda corners Fallon (after Clarrie planted the idea in her head the other day), and quite easily persuades her to prerecord Alice’s singing, to which Sabrina will mime.

Yet – it’s not over until Lyndee is utterly satisfied.

“What a better finish … you and Harry arm in arm … singing of love’s triumph”

Whether Fallon fell for the sheer joy of performing on a stage (any stage), or whether it was the mention of getting close to Harry that egged Fallon on, while she was most eager to do the pre-recordings, Fallon sounded even more keen to actually be in the Panto.

But there’s The Bull to run. And a rather wobbly Jolene to support.

So that’s that. Fallon can’t play love’s young dream because she has to keep home and hearth together.

But, what’s this …

[Jolene] “Maybe the challenge is just what I need … I want to try, love … just let me”

And there it is. Jolene finally steps up. Which means Fallon can live a little, by taking part in the village Panto.

My word – was Lynda nearly pornographic in her sheer delight at the news!

[Jolene] “I want to see my girl go to the ball”

[Lynda] “actually, technically that’s referring to another Panto”

(at which point Fallon or Jolene was heard to utter something very similar to ‘oh, shut up' though it was probably just ‘Lynda’)

[Lynda] “Oh what the heck … well done Fallon! you are coming to the ball after all!!”

Huzzah! Lynda will finally cease her woes about finding an Alice. Fallon gets to have a life out of the pub (and possibly get closer to Harry … though he does strike me as a rather sexless chap). And Jolene gets to see if she can really cope.

Trebles all round!

The Archers Sun 7th November 2010: Harry really rates Lynda

The Archers: Jolene plans a day out … Peggy’s birthday plans … Con has been in touch … Nathan Booth is being naughty at the Panto … Poppies are selling well in The Bull

• Fallon’s working on her tunes again
• Does Jolene really just want bar supplies?
• Bill’s been on the pull
• Peggy’s having a birthday tea
• “Tom really has got his head screwed on, doesn’t he?”
• Con Lives!
• Robert’s making funny sounds
• Harry and Lynda up a tree?
• Ah, that’s why Lynda is so …
• Ruairi has his bottom pinched
• Vicky is not an ingénue
• I want to see Nathan’s Bruce Forsyth
• At last … someone realises Fallon can sing!

Fallon’s working on her tunes again

Oh, that’s a surprise.

Just when there’s a dire need for music in the panto.

If I was a cynical person …

Does Jolene really just want bar supplies?

She sounded very odd indeed.

And then she ‘reveals’ that Kenton is taking her to Borchester Bar Supplies.

That’s interesting. Very interesting indeed.



Bill’s been on the pull

Naughty Bill.

That’s Peggy’s sofa, that is.


Peggy’s having a birthday tea

Ah, how lovely. With family, and cake!

(and I’m not being sarcastic. That sounds like a lovely time for a lady about to turn 86).

[Peggy] “Don’t bother hunting out the right number of candles”

Bless her.


“Tom really has got his head screwed on, doesn’t he?”

No Peggy.

Sorry to disagree, but Tom is just an annoying little man who doesn’t have enough respect for his father to listen and discuss, rather than just railroad.


Con Lives!

And isn’t Peggy delighted about it.

On the one hand – Peggy is still married – on the other hand, it’s lovely to hear Peggy so happy and excited about something that’s just about her.

Might be good for all concerned?

[Peggy] “Thought [Con] was very gracious asking about jack”

especially as last time Con and Jack met, it was

[Peggy] “Like two stags sizing each other up”

Though as Peggy put it,

[Peggy] “How trivial that all seems now”

Either way, Con is very much alive and seems just as delighted to hear from Peggy.

He has a daughter Belinda, son Danny and granddaughter Amanda.

Peggy also thinks Con still has his sense of humour. Though I’d doubt he still had his own teeth.


Robert’s making funny sounds

Oh tee-hee Mr Snell!

In charge of the Panto’s sound effects, he’s having a grand old time to himself.

First a submarine sound effect

[“for when the rats dive away from the cook”]

then a ‘boing’ sound

[“King rat bouncing in the cooking pot”]

and finally a bit of a Pyscho soundtrack sounding sound

[“the littlest rat getting caught in the door”]

While Robert and Harry were having a right old titter at the sound effects, Lynda:

“If I hear one more raspberry or comic boing tonight, I will not be answerable”

At which point Robert ceases his schoolboy behaviour, and heads off to the pub.

Leaving Harry to sweet talk Lynda

(I kid you not!)




Harry and Lynda up a tree?

Harry is either trying to butter Lynda up for a swindle, or he genuinely adores her:

[Harry] “I can see how important you are to the village … you make things happen … life would be a lot duller … you deserve all the support you can get”

Oh Harry.

Sorry to be super critical, but I really can’t work you out.

What is Harry’s Game?!?


Ah, that’s why Lynda is so …

… extreme about the Panto.

Lynda reckons she was shy when young, (the wee poppet even got teased for being so quiet) but her head teacher (Miss Baxter)

[Lynda] “saw something in me no-one else did”

and casted her as Gerda in the snow queen. And that was:

[Lynda] “the best thing ever happened to me … I felt special”

So, Lynda is so focused on the Panto because she wants everyone else to have that feeling.

I do like Lynda. She’s just not the one dimensional obsessive she often makes herself out to be.


Ruairi has his bottom pinched

By the rather cheeky Molly Button.

Keep your eye on those two (but give it another 10 years for it to get properly interesting)


Vicky is not an ingénue

So says Lynda.

Honestly, Lynda and Vicky are the worst friends ever!

Vicky stabs Lynda in the back over the Peregrines – now Lynda is merrily slagging Vicky off when Vicky had actually stepped in to help Lynda out.

Still bereft of an Alice Fitzwarren for the Panton, Vicky read the part during rehearsals.

Not impressed by Vicky’s giggling and waving to Mike, Lynda is becoming increasing desperate to cast her leading lady.


I want to see Nathan’s Bruce Forsyth

Especially if he has managed to make Bruce seem more like Maureen Lipman.


At last … someone realises Fallon can sing!

Ah, we can always depend on Clarrie to speak sense.

And the penny finally drops for Lynda.

Trying the idea out on Jolene, Lynda realises that while it is probably too busy a time at The Bull for Fallon to take a full part in the Panto, she could always get Fallon to record the backing music.

Didn’t Vicky suggest that weeks ago?

The Archers Thurs 28th Oct 2010: Kate’s upsetting Ruari

The Archers: the world revolves around Kate … Jennifer is still on about Alice’s marriage … David’s a man in demand … Bert’s not a happy chappy … Ruari thinks he’d done something wrong

• “I knew this would happen when she married Christopher”
• Ruari’s gingerbread man is angry
• Kate can’t even look after Ruari for 15 minutes
• Bert only has an hour …
• Wheat causes chaffing
• I hope that cow is okay
• Aw, wee Ruari
• Kate apologises!
• Pip’s new man

“I knew this would happen when she married Christopher”

Jennifer’s still very grumpy about Alice deciding to come back home to Felpersham to do her masters.

I’d agree with Jennifer that Alice would indeed be:

“narrowing her horizons”

if I for a moment, believed that Jennifer had actually taken the time to see if Felpersham was as dire for engineering as she suspects it to be.

This is nothing to do with the quality of College’s.

It’s purely Jennifer still being a snob about Chris. Still!


Ruairi’s gingerbread man is angry

Oh dear.

Aren’t proper alarm bells supposed to start ringing when a child creates ‘angry’ stuff like paintings? Or even gingerbread men?!?


Kate can’t even look after Ruairi for 15 minutes

First Kate automatically thinks Jennifer is stressing about her (when it’s Alice), then she can’t look after Ruari for a few moments to let Jennifer dash off on one her mini missions (to post a few letters).

“We are supposed to be a family”

Kate retorts that she thought Jennifer didn’t want her to interfere with Rurai, and that there’s always hell to pay when anyone jerks Ruairi’s routine out of kilter.

Which is true.

What’s fine for Kate is when it’s fine for Kate.

But also what’s fine for Jennifer is when it’s fine for Jennifer.

Is there something there about an apple never falling far from the tree?


Bert only has an hour …

… before he’s disqualified from his ploughing match.

Something’s broken, David needs to rush a new part down to Bert, but David seems to be getting interrupted at every turn.

David does eventually make it in time, but Bert only cam 6th (as he was all a fluster).

Will this really cost Bert the championship?


Wheat causes chaffing

According to David, the rise in the price of wheat has been a savour.

But it’s not quite had the same positive effect for Adam and Debbie.

They’ve seemingly had a row over Debbie demanding that Adam sell in a hurry, which turned out to be just before the price rocketed.

Oh dear. Setup for a family Christmas day row?


I hope that cow is okay

Didn’t that sound nasty?

One of David and Ruth cows went down with milk fever, which resulted in her being unconscious.

Some nifty work by Ruth and Pip seemed to do the trick, but I hope we do get updated.


Aw, wee Ruairi

After hearing the stooshie between Jennifer and Kate over Kat being a selfish besom, poor wee Ruairi thinks it’s all his fault.

Despite still nurturing a very odd accent, Rurai is such a toots. And a sensitive one to boot.

Has Brian Aldridge really fathered such a child?


Kate apologises!

But only after Jennifer apologised first. So I reckon that cancels it out.

Phew. Will Jennifer ever realise that Kate should have had a bloomin’ good clip round the ear many a moon ago?

Still, at least Kate is now going to help with Ruari’s birthday party.

What could possibly go wrong?!?


Pip’s new man

Well, not really, but David and Ruth certainly want him to be.

Some chap called Lucan has asked Pip to be his partner at the Young Farmer’s dinner dance.

Queue David and Ruth giggling like school girls.

David also had to mention ‘Juuude’

*shudder*

Lucan is more than welcome to woo our young Pip, but he shall be chased out with pick forks if he turns out to be like that other awful young man.

The Archers Mon 25th Oct 2010: Alice at Felpersham?

The Archers: Brian has to deal with Lilian and Kate … Pip’s buying a dress … Alice has plans

• Brian is grumping about Lilian
• Kate and Hayley have come to an arrangement
• Poor Ruari didn’t get to Apple Day
• “Can’t you just give me the money”
• Only 10 tickets left
• Pip off to Uni
• Ruth has a stubborn cow
• “Well I never … my daughter … a master of engineering”
• The great debate

Brian is grumping about Lilian

And she hasn’t even done anything wrong.

All Lilian is doing is trying to make sure she’s properly informed for the new mart business.

Now that’s not the attitude to start with, Mr Aldridge!


Kate and Hayley have come to an arrangement

When did that happen?

I’ll bet Roy is a happy man.


Poor Rurai didn’t get to Apple Day

How very dare Kate not take Ruari to Apple Day at Lower Loxely. Especially after all that fuss she made about Jennifer not letting Ruari stay up for Harvest Supper.

[Jennifer] “As if she ever listens”

Hmmm. As if you ever tell her outright, Jennifer.


“Can’t you just give me the money”

Well, it must happen to all mums.

Their teenage kid doesn’t want to be seen shopping with them (or at all in public).

Jamie’s being his usual ‘whatever’ self, but Kathy doesn’t seem to get the hint.

The poor lad is dragged round the shops, regardless that he’s blatantly unhappy to do so.

Kathy’s also now trying to keep Jamie close by letting him invite his mates over (which can only end up in a burnt carpet and vomit).

As much as Jamie has been a wee toe rag, Kathy just needs to back off.

He really doesn’t need a ‘cool’ mum. He just needs a clip round the ear.


Only 10 tickets left

Phew! I was worried about Pip and her dinner dance.

But all now seems well.

Apart from Ruth badgering Pip about who she’s going to the dance with.

Seemingly no-one, now that Izzy has snatched up Matthew.


Pip off to Uni

So what do we think – will Pip eventually choose Felpersham, or will she branch out and go away for a few years?


Ruth has a stubborn cow

And seemingly Izzy’s boyfriend Gary is a bit boring (which is why she’s off with Matthew).



“Well I never … my daughter … a master of engineering”

so says Jennifer

“a master of science, actually”

so corrected Brian.

Alice is thinking about doing a masters, but might decide to do it at Felpersham.

Jennifer is horrified:

“ … ending up on a substandard course … at this time in her life, Alice should be aiming for the best”

I think I actually agree with Jennifer. Brian’s right that it’s good that Alice is planning for her future, but should she be settling for second best because of her marriage?

At least she’s planning ahead


The great debate …

… falcons or not

“Alice has to sort out her future – I’ve got to face down Lynda Snell”

I know what I’d rather do!