The Archers Sunday 21st October
- No coffee for Matt
- Will’s got a healthy population of young birds
- Pin the maggot on the apple???
- Drunk or just nae teeth?
- Will buys George a toffee apple
No coffee for Matt
Relations in the Dower house are a tad acrimonious … even before James arrives from hospital.
Matt asks Lilian is there was any coffee left in the pot.
Lilian didn’t answer him. She just pored herself the last cup.
Lilian then asks if he can clean the tables and do the dishes, as she has to get to the hospital. He says no, he’s too busy.
[Lilian] “I’ll do it myself. I might have known you wouldn’t lift a finger to help, it’s exactly what I’ve come to expect!”
Matt also doesn’t go with Lilian to hospital, sending a very insincere ‘best’ instead.
[Lilian] “Of course, work was always your priority, even on a Sunday.”
[Matt] “I’m not point scoring Lilian, but someone’s got to keep the business ticking over”.
Later on, not content with going to see James in hospital, Matt adds insult to injury:
[Matt] “Don’t worry, I know he’s in pain, but he was probably playing it up a bit … putting it on a bit to get you sympathy.”
[Lilian] “Next you’ll be saying he’ll be okay to go straight back to London.”
Seriously – why is Matt suddenly doing himself no favours?
Does he actually want Lilian to run off with Paul?
Will’s got a healthy population of young birds
Lucky Will!
(I know … I say the same sort of crass thing every year)
With bookings for the shoot down, Will has plenty to see them right through the season. November and December will be as usual, but they may have to close the season in January due to a lack of demand.
Less bankers with bonuses this year?
Pin the maggot on the apple???
Eh?
Is that a normal Apple Day activity?
The longest peel competition and toffee apples, I can more than understand.
But pin the maggot on the apple, with the one who pins the maggot closest to the middle wins? Surely that’s just odd.
Drunk or just nae teeth?
As Joe was demonstrating the apple scratter, he sounded most decidedly tipsy.
But it was just that he didn’t have his teeth in. Again.
He’d put them on the scratter somewhere, and reckons they must have fallen in.
[Joe] “They’ve been scrunched to smithereens!”
[Eddie] “Flipping ‘eck, a side of bacon is one thing, a frat even, but a set of false teeth in the cider! … Listen dad, you’ll have to keep your mouth shut. Don’t smile, don’t speak to anyone … I’m not having Jim dock our cider allocation.”
Yuck!
Will buys George a toffee apple
Emma is not amused. She’d already told George that he couldn’t have one.
[Emma] “Thought you’d come over and splash the cash in front of everyone … it’s undermining me, undermining me in front of the kids.”
[Will] “You’re not the only one who has charge of George, and I'm not going to ask your permission for everything I do for him.”
Oops.
Will has a point. But so does Emma.
Where’s Clarrie? She should be refereeing this one.
The Archers Friday 5th October
- Seemingly Gobshite isn’t in The Times cryptic crossword
- Matt and Lilian are still arguing
- No-one will play with David
- Plans for Apple Day
- Rhys can’t stay away
- Derek Fletcher has a wig?
- Tom still has no kitchen
Seemingly Gobshite isn’t in The Times cryptic crossword
Jim really isn’t impressed with Jazzer trying to help him and Christine with their crossword.
His rather ridiculous suggestions have simply spoiled their routine.
But Jazzer’s routines certainly haven’t been spoiled by living with Jim.
[Jazzer] “A lot of women would pass out if I gave them a compliment.”
Aye. Still the same ego driven, bordering on sexist, Jazzer McCreary.
And it would seem Jazzer’s charisma has won round Jim.
[Jim] “In some ways I find Jazzer quite … admirable … if you consider, he’s never had the advantages we had … he wishes his father had stayed around.”
Jazzer’s also told him that his mum had numerous boyfriends. And that his brothers encourage him to mischief.
[Jim] “But where it might have crushed most people’s spirit, he’s retained a real spark … he has a genuine thirst to find out how the world works.”
[Christine] “Up to a point …”
Jazzer’s ploy of asking for a book about Greek Mythology seems to have worked wonders on Jim. He’s now under the impressions that Jazzer is an “avid reader.”
Hmmm.
How long before Jazzer truly reveals himself, horrifying Jim in every way possible?
Maybe will take a while.
Jazzer certainly seems to have the measure of Jim
[Jazzer] “You have to steer him off roman poetry and crosswords before you fall asleep .”
Matt and Lilian are still arguing
Which begs the questions why on earth Matt even bothered with the Paris trip.
He was obviously worried about Paul being back in the village, but hasn’t kept up with spoiling Lilian, reminding her why she’s with him.
No-one will play with David
David’s taken a rare night away from the farm to take part in The Bull quiz.
But he’s having trouble joining a team.
Joe, Bert and Bob Pullen don’t want him.
[David] “They are holding out for Derek Fletcher … it would break a lesser man.”
[Tom] “They must be expecting a song from the shows round. He always cleans up on that.”
So David eventually joins Brenda and Tom.
[Brenda] “Oh please, we’re absolutely desperate!”
Well, that’s not quite a compliment.
Plans for Apple Day
They’ll be demonstrating the cider press. Showing photos of the Community Orchard, how it came to be. Bobbing for apples. And an apple and spoon race.
Sounds marvellous!
(I kid you not)
Rhys can’t stay away
It’s his night off, but Rhys is in The Bull. He reckons he wants a pint and some company.
More to do with Fallon that company, plural?
Derek Fletcher has a wig?
Everyone reckons so.
Seems it’s not as discreet as he’d like it to be …
Tom still has no kitchen
The rent’s too high on the unit next to him.
[Tom] “I’ve got a ticking clock on my first order for ready meals, and no idea where I’m going to make them.”
Wish I could feel sorry for Tom.
But I can’t.
I still wish him every bit of bad luck going (the odious little creep!)
- Are the poachers a clue?
- Burglar Bill?
- Clive’s cool
- Jennifer apologises for being a bore
- The bond between Jennifer, Adam and Debbie
- Lunch and brandy with Oliver
- Ridiculous letter from Hilary Noakes
- Jennifer wants Adam to shout louder
- Apples: always a good reason to have a day out
Are the poachers a clue?
Seems Will was out late last night trying to stop some poachers. But he didn’t manage to catch them.
Anything to do with Clive? Him being able to buy (even a second hand) playstation for George? Or is Matt paying him enough?
Burglar Bill?
Is that the book Will enjoyed as a kid, and initially thought was inspiring George to collect masks, stripy t-shirts and a ‘swag bag’ from Nic to play with?
Clive’s cool
Or at least George thinks so.
[Nic] “They’re playing burglars like Uncle Clive ...Clive’s made a big impression on him”
[George] “I wish I could be a burglar when I grow up”
[Will] “No. No George. It was a bad thing, very very naughty”
George does say that Clive also said it had been naughty, but looks like George is quite captivated.
Still – as Nic said – kids do go through phases.
Jennifer apologises for being a bore
Shocker!
[Jennifer] “I’m sorry daring, am I being a bore about it … Tony said such hurtful things”
[Adam] “How was that relevant to your not lending him money?”
Seems Jennifer is still upset about the argument she had with Tony on Friday.
He did indeed say some hurtful things.
But so did Jennifer.
And, she must know that she should have helped Tony?
Surely.
The bond between Jennifer, Adam and Debbie
Is a special one, Jennifer reckons.
Bruised from Tony casting up the not-so-glamorous highlights from Jennifer’s past, Jennifer is now thinking of the hard times.
But, there’s no question that she has ever regretted having Adam. And it wasn’t her fault (she reckons) that her and Roger didn’t last.
So – her, Debbie and Adam have been through times together. Hence the special bond.
But who would Jennifer choose if it came down to Debbie and Adam Vs Brian?
[Adam] “Brian calls all the shots round here doesn’t he”
(Adam’s referring to Jennifer’s mention that it was really Brian’s money Tony was asking for – but was also thinking of the Super Diary)
Lunch and brandy with Oliver
Sounds marvellous.
Jim’s over at Oliver’s.
Oliver actually seems quite chirpy, considering Caroline’s still working flat out at Grey Gables.
It’s been a whole 6 months since Roy left (blimey – that was quick), and Oliver and Caroline agreed that after 6 months they’d talk about whether Caroline should get a manager in. But, Caroline hasn’t mentioned it, it would be hard to get someone in for Christmas, they need to keep their overheads down (the economy still not being all it should be) and, actually, Oliver doesn’t seem that bothered.
He’s got his milking. Hunting. And the parish council.
And lunch with a mate.
Ridiculous letter from Hilary Noakes
Seems Hilary has written a letter to the Parish Council complaining about the bonfire being on the village green. She reckons it’ll ruin the grass.
Everyone’s annoyed and irritated by her.
Seemingly that’s what they’ve always done. No-one has ever complained before. Any, anyway, Mike only reseeds it in spring.
But, they’re about to set Lynda on her.
[Jim] “It will be a positive pleasure, she says”
Jennifer wants Adam to shout louder
Seems Brian is still keeping Adam firmly out of loop with the Super Dairy.
Brian wouldn’t tell him what he’d just been saying to Debbie on the phone – so Adam thinks Brian isn’t involving and informing him enough. Even though he’d promised to.
Adam reckons he has had a chance to ask questions, or voice any concerns.
[Adam] “They’re just ploughing ahead”
[Jennifer] “You’ll just have to shout a bit louder, I suppose … honestly darling, you really can trust her. She means it”
So back to that special bond.
I wonder.
Does Debbie have a plan? To bring everyone together in support of the Super Dairy? Or to pull a fast one over Brian? Or, Adam?
Apples: always a good reason to have a day out
Jim’s going to Apple Day at Lower Loxley, and may even ask Christine along … nudge nudge (even though it’s a bit of a busman’s – he wants to find out about how to source local varieties for the Orchard.
Oliver’s more likely to go the Apple quiz at The Bull.
As are Nic and Will.
Will wants them to get a good team together. But Nic isn’t bothered.
[Nic] “I don’t mind if it’s just me and my handsome gamekeeper”
Aw. But, maybe they could just go ahead and get married.
This is all get a bit too gooey.
- Apple Day
- Praise for Kenton!
- Flatlining at Brookfield
- Alice realises cheap mince isn’t the answer
- Jim does the hard sell
- Clive at Brookfield
Apple Day
Jim comes across Oliver in the Orchard. Oliver is collecting apples, and makes mention of the Grundys also having collected:
[Jim] “Oh yes, I’ve tasted the fruits of your generosity”
Seems Oliver is collecting apples for Kenton – while Lower Loxley is ‘doing’ Apple Day – Kenton is also doing The Bull’s Apple Day quiz. Seems the quiz is to spot the Borchester Beauty.
(what’s Apple Day? http://www.telegraph.co.uk/gardening/plants/fruit/8799238/Apple-day-A-celebration-of-core-values.html It’s on the 21st of October. By-the-by – if you Google ‘Apple Day’ all you get is news about the release of a certain new phone product …)
Praise for Kenton!
Which is a very rare occurrence in Ambridge.
Olive and Jim were saying that Kenton is very at ease with the memory of Sid – in fact, he goes out of his way to encourage Jolene to remember him.
They were specifically talking about Kenton persuading Jolene to continue Apple Day, but the point remains.
Kenton can be quite an astute, selfless chap at times.
Flatlining at Brookfield
David’s back in after the despudding (did I hear that right?) and the ear tagging, to find that Ruth is looking at rather depressing milk yield figures.
Seems the yields have improved, but not enough to cover the previous slump.
[Ruth] “So bang goes a lot of the profit”
But they do say that at least Herefords are doing well.
So it’s not all bad news.
Alice realises cheap mince isn’t the answer
The penny has dropped – or, more correctly that the penny isn’t coming in fast enough, and Alice has finally realised.
She and Chris are not going to save £1,000 a month by eating cheap mince.
So there you have it.
Alice is again looking for a job, even though her course is intensive.
In fact, she now wants to quit her course so that she can work full-time.
Chris is furious.
He’s quite right when he says that it’s short-sighted of Alice to quite her year course for a job, when she get a far better one when she is qualified. And he reckons they’ll find the money for his business one way or another – but not through Alice giving up her college.
[Chris] “It’s not going to happen and that’s that!”
[Alice] “I’m sorry! I don’t remembering promising to obey you in Las Vegas!!””
[Chris] “No, we promised to love each other. And we do. And that’s all that matters, isn’t it Mrs Carter?”
[Alice] “Yes, it is … alright Mr Carter, you’ve convinced me”
So all’s well again. And it’s back to cheap mince.
But – couldn’t Alice just take a year out?
I'm sure they've thought of that …
Jim does the hard sell
On Oliver, about the community orchard.
He waxes (gettit!) lyrical about it being important to the commu8nity, to the UK, to save the local variety – and goes on at length about how low Joe is. What’s more, he adds that Clarrie would feel better if Joe had a purpose - she blames herself for his low mood.
Oliver is almost convinced that the Cider Club takes over the orchard – with Mike already Tree Warden, it’s ideal – and it’d mean more apples for the Grundys which would help their cashflow issues.
The only problem is Ed. He grazes his cattle in the orchard,
[Jim] “We’d think he’d be happy enough to see a Grundy enterprise thrive on ex Grundy land”
Oliver agrees. So, pending Ed's approval, the community apple orchard shall be so!
Clive at Brookfield
David is aghast – furious – appalled.
[David] “Well not on my land he doesn’t!”
Seems Emma will only allow Clive to meet her kids if it’s at Rickyard Cottage. So that Ed, and David, can be nearby to kick him into touch if he starts.
Ruth has to break the news, and ask, on Emma’s behalf, if David is okay about it.
[David] “Okay? I had to rescue my mother and my aunt from a burning building because of that man, and that’s just the start of it!”
But – Ruth reckons the only way they have a hope of controlling Clive is on Brookfield. David, surprisingly, relents quite easily.
[David] “Alright, alright. I suppose it’s the lesser of two evils. But I’m going to be standing in the yard with a shotgun!”
The Archers: Kenton’s not being useful … neither is Jazzer … Will isn’t Angry (what???)
- Kenton’s on the shaving horse
- “Everything’s ready for the longest peel competition”
- Phil only managed to make a chair leg
- Jazzer’s taking the scrumpy …
- Was that our Will Nic was talking about?
- Kenton now doesn’t need to be at Jaxx
- Jolene’s back to her usual self
- The Panto jesting begins
Kenton’s on the shaving horse
But doesn’t know the difference between carpentry and “green wood working”.
Must admit neither do I, but Nigel seemed quite concerned to get it correct.
As well as kicking Kenton off of the shaving horse.
“The last thing I need on apple day is for you to decapitate yourself”
“Everything’s ready for the longest peel competition”
So, it’s not all a loss.
But what was that about a crack barn?
Phil only managed to make a chair leg
Aw, bless Phil.
I agree with Kenton that it’s a shame he never got to make the whole chair.
Jazzer’s taking the scrumpy …
I’m seriously starting to think that there must be something very amiss with Harry.
How did he manage to keep his temper?
Jazzer drank the cider that he was going to use for their pork (part of the Sunday lunch he was cooking for them both);
had the TV blaring at stupid-o’clock the previous night;
then puts the oven up full blast, ruining the Sunday lunch, while Harry was out trying to buy more cider.
“It’s no ma fault ma Ma never taught me how to cook”
Jazzer is as Jazzer does – but why is Harry putting up with all of this?
At least he makes Jazzer pay … for lunch at The Bull.
But why is he being so calm in the face of such blatant misuse and abuse of his good nature?
Will the worm turn?
Was that our Will Nic was talking about?
I don’t think that could have been.
Nic and Will have seemingly had a “chat” about Emma being pregnant – with Will “happy to talk about it” and not angry anymore.
Sorry. Did Will suddenly become a decent, rationale human being?
That just can’t be right at all.
Although Nic think’s that Emma being pregnant:
“ …it’s great … it’s the best thing that could have happened to all of us”
I don’t accept that Will is anything other than seething.
Hoping I am wrong, for Nic’s sake and sanity …
Kenton now doesn’t need to be at Jaxx
*sigh*
What is wrong with that man?
One minute he must be at Jaxx every waking moment, now he can swan off to enjoy himself.
What’s changed?
Well, Jaxx is up and running for one.
And Kenton also doesn’t need to avoid Kathy anymore.
I’m not sure whether his constant checking about Kathy’s movements is either to get to see her, or to still avoid her.
[Kenton to Nigel] “How do you fancy being count Dracula to my Van Helsing?”
Oh dear.
Do we feel another Kenton and Nigel big night out (ending up in the gutter, or arrested, or in bed with a random woman)?
Or maybe it’s Jazzer we need to watch out for at The Bull’s Halloween party:
“As long as you give me lots of lassies to sink my teeth intae”
Jolene’s back to her usual self
But is still wearing a We Love The Bull t-shirt.
I thought the point of the campaign was getting Jolene to realise how much everyone needed her at The Bull?
Now, I think it feels like we’re just adding to her holiday fund …
The Panto jesting begins
[Nic] “My Jake’s going to be a little rat”
[Clarrie on Eddie auditioning] “Lord knows why … he always wants to throttle Lynda by the end of it”
[Nic to a thinking-of-auditioning Harry] “Still, you wouldn’t’ have to sit around watching people getting tortured”
[Clarrie] “Oh, she ain’t that bad”
(Nic was referring to Jazzer – Harry wants to get out of the house to avoid Jazzer’s very loud and gory horror movies).
How very droll ;-)
