The Archers Tuesday 12th July 2011: Where’s Captain?

• “Jonti, the disappearing IT wizard”
• Jack looking for Captain
• Jamie feels like Borchester’s most wanted
• It should have been me …
• Who will be gifted Jill’s brooch?

“Jonti, the disappearing IT wizard”

So says Lilian.

It would seem Jonti came, created lots of noise, then left.

[Lilian] “Left me with a rubber cheque … this smells like a moonlight flit … undernourished, geeker glasses not too fussy about his personal hygiene …”

[Fallon] “Oh, with the dog you mean?”

[Lilian] “And the motorbike”

[Fallon] “Not very popular with the neighbours, is he?”

Seems even Bert Horrobin didn’t have a good word to say to him (I didn’t know Bert Horrobin was even still alive …).

Not only has Jonti bumped Lilian, but he’s also not paid his milk bill.

Terrible.

[Lilian] “The place looks like it’s been camped in by a bunch of Hells Angels …”

(actually – Hells Angels are quite peaceable chaps these days)

Harry seemed shocked at the thought of oil on the carpet, but Lilian is already trying to move on. She has Jonti’s deposit, is going to get it professionally cleaned, and will look for a new tenant. Though:

[Lilian] “The next one is going to need references from the Bishop of Felpersham”

Jack looking for Captain

Peggy and Lilian arrive to find Jack outside on his own, looking for his dog.

Jack realises that Captain isn’t there. So goes off to find him. Can’t find him. Gets anxious and upset. He’s told that Captain died years ago. He gets upset again. Then forgets what he’s just been told.

Difficult, for everyone.

But at least Peggy has Elona, who even makes her tea when she’s on her break.


Jamie feels like Borchester’s most wanted

[Jamie] “Mrs Noakes crosses the road … getting a few funny looks”

Everyone knows about the car stealing and crash – Jamie feels marked even though he wasn’t really involved.

He tells Fallon that he’s heard from Marty – but hasn’t heard from Steve.

[Jamie] “That suits me fine … never again. I always knew he was an idiot”

[Fallon] “Live and learn, eh?”

Would seem so.


It should have been me …

… is probably a song ( by Yvonne Fair) that Fallon should be singing right now

Spotting Harry coming along the road:

[Lilian, to Fallon] “His new totty, darling … quite a little bombshell, isn’t she, do you think she can handle her (chortle). Such a sweet boy, I’d hate to see him get his fingers burnt (chortle) if you see what you mean (chortle)”

(goodness, I love a good Lilian guffaw!)

I didn’t quite see what Lilian meant, and Fallon also didn’t seem too impressed.

Hmmm.

Harry then asks if he can ask Fallon for some personal advice:

[Harry] “Can I have the benefit of your worldly wisdom, for a minute … it is a little bit delicate …”

He asks her where he should take Zofia out for a nice meal. He reckons Fallon is the “gourmet queen”. (really?)

Fallon does tell him where to go (in a nice way – she gives him the advice he seeks), but she sounds a bit reticent. A bit sad. A wee bit upset.

Hmmmm indeed.


Who will be gifted Jill’s brooch?

I am still on about the ‘brooch of doom’ (Nigel gave Elizabeth a brooch just before he died).

Seems Peggy and Jill were enamelling at ted’s again. Jill has made a brooch (doom!), and Peggy is thinking about making a tie pin for Jack’s birthday next week.

Elona said something a bit odd:

[Elona] “You musn’t let Jill do better than you”

Suppose Peggy is talking to Elona is a far more intimate way that one would suppose.

The Archers Friday 27th May 2011: Elizabeth threatens Shula

• Lilian has no ken for flowers
• A mention of the brooch
• Jonti Waters
• Lilian patronises Jennifer
• Brian’s bought a bad present
• More sugar from the Council?
• “Whit is always frantic”
• Jennifer stops for Peregrines
• Porn for the Book Club?
• Shula was right to be nervous of Elizabeth

Lilian has no ken for flowers

[Lilian to Jennifer] “I know I say it every time, but your tubs do look lovely”

Though Lilian can appreciate a nice set of tubs, she can’t tell the difference between an azalea and a marigold.

Ach well. Those good at gardening need those who aren’t to simply be appreciative.


A mention of the brooch

Lilian asks Jennifer whether she’s seen Peggy’s (seemingly lovely) duck egg blue brooch.

It’s a harbinger of doom, I tell you ….


Jonti Waters

Is a “computer chap” (Jennifer)/IT whiz kid (Lilian) who is in a rush to move into No. 3.

His rush has spoilt some of Lilian’s plans for decorating No. 3:

[Lilian] “If Jonti doesn’t like pebble white while he’s showering, then tough luck”

Never mind.

Hurrah to new fodder.


Lilian patronises Jennifer

Lilian was waiting for Brian, so passing the time with Jennifer more than anything else.

When Brian does show up (he was up checking the hinds – only one or two left to calf), Lilian wants shot of Jennifer:

[Lilian to Jennifer] “ … only a little bit of business … you’d only be bored”

My oh my – Lilian is getting more and more like Matt. Cheeky mare.


Brian’s bought a bad present

He doesn’t seem so sure the pendant he’s got for Jennifer is actually up to the mark – and Lilian certainly doesn’t approve.

Seemingly Lilian doesn’t like Jade.

Don't give her the brooch!!!!


More sugar from the Council?

Lilian was meeting with Brian to tell him that her ‘source’ reckons that two major supermarkets are interested in the current mart site.

So – there might be an opportunity for Brian, Lilian and co. to get a better deal from the Council if they can get out of the old site early. Though that would mean having to get the new site up and running far earlier than planned.

[Lilian] “Brian, you can always close a deal if you make it sweet enough”

[Brian] “Oh now, where have I heard that before”

Brian doesn’t sound convinced. He doesn’t think the information is remotely good enough to even discuss with the rest of the board.

[Brian] “There’s no point in wasting their time based on fairy stores … the faint echo of half a rumour”

Lilian reckons she can go back to her ‘source’ for more tangible evidence:

[Brian] “Don’t bother. I’m make time to meet Matt myself”

1-0 Brian I reckon!


“Whit is always frantic”

For Shula.

[Shula] “lots of eager parents and nervous first timers”

Jennifer stops for Peregrines

Jennifer is very taken with the Peregrines after she spotted them earlier on that day.

She’s was getting quite poetic about seeing the male:

[Lilian] “He? You must have had very good eyesight”

Jennifer, slightly exasperated, explains that the female stays with the chicks while the male heads out hunting.

[Lilian] “Jenny, Jenny, I don’t care if the male saunters into Underwoods Deli for a tray of mixed antipasti and some honey roast ham, I’m simply not interested”

Oh.

Bit harsh from Lilian, but maybe Jennifer should have found a more enlightened soul to explore the wonders of nature with. Lilian’s strictly a G&T connoisseur.


Porn for the Book Club?

Probably not.

But that Lilian showed an interested in it, liked the cover, and reckons it is:

[Lilian] “racy for Ambridge”

Say something.

But it is Jennifer that’s chosen it. So likely to be a wee bit edgy without being offensive.

Lawrence’s Sons and Lovers?



Shula was right to be nervous of Elizabeth

Shula’s round seeing Elizabeth at Lower Loxley. Shula sounded very unsure of herself, making small talk and complimenting Elizabeth’s new hair-do (which seems to be popular with all).

Eventually, Shula gets down to it.

[Shula] “So, you’re coping alright?”

[Elizabeth] “Did David ask you to come over … or mum?”

Shula explains that she was there on her own account, as she’s worried.

[Shula] “We simply can’t leave matters as they stand … you’re asking the rest of us to takes sides … that’s what it amounts to”

Elizabeth launches into another rant.

[Elizabeth] “All I want is for you and mum and Kenton and Pip and whoever else feels they know what’s best for me, to accept once and for all that I am choosing to have nothing to do with David ever again … that’s all, it’s very simple … and it doesn’t affect the rest of you … why can’t you respect my decision?”

[Shula] “Because he’s your bother, Elizabeth”

[Elizabeth] “Exactly, my brother, someone I should be able to trust, someone who shouldn’t lie to me … I’ve been more than fair to him”

Elizabeth reckons that she could have been more furious when David just after Nigel died, but had decided that both of them had got “caught up in the moment”, so both and neither were to blame.

But now, after David telling her it was his idea, she’s taking it to extremes. The other day, she reckoned David had “goaded” Nigel, today:

[Elizabeth] “he dared Nigel onto the roof!”

[Shula] “He’s been tormenting himself”

[Elizabeth] “Good”

[Shula … sounding a bit terrified now … says the following very gently and tentatively] “When David suggested to go onto the roof, Nigel could have said no …”

Which spins Elizabeth into overdrive rant mode:

[Elizabeth] “Stop it Shula!

“I am so sick of my whole family trying to blame Nigel for what happened

“… and I know why you’re doing it, to make dear precious David feel better about his unforgiveable behaviour

“… I’m not going to let you get away with it, Nigel can’t defend himself anymore, but I can and I will

“Shula, you’re my sister and I love you very dearly, but if dare say one more word about this, one single word, we are finished.”

Blimey.

Elizabeth is one very angry lady right now, and she obviously doesn’t give a hoot who she offends, or loses.
Amazing that she can say all of that to Shula, knowing what she (and Caroline) went through when Mark died.

But then again, there is no-one else in Elizabeth’s world apart from Elizabeth (very occasionally the twins).

The Archers Tuesday 17th May 2011: Peggy makes a brooch

click the title above, or the'read more' link below the bullet points, to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• (… I’ll say this in a whisper, but seems Jamie is being normal again …)
• The pigeon fanciers annual do
• A “really rather nice” brooch
• Brooch of doom?
• The fight for the Falconry
• Nae luck – Jamie has to introduce Natalie to Kathy
• Peggy has always loved duck egg blue, and Elona was right

(… I’ll say this in a whisper, but seems Jamie is being normal again …)

Kathy’s taking Jamie to the first of his exams. He’s a bit moody (which is fair do), but he does say ‘thanks’ to Kathy for taking him.

Later on, he also compliments Kathy on making a “great fish pie”.

But most amazingly – he doesn’t go ape when Kathy suggests he might want to spot working at The Bull during his exams. He actually listens, and seems to agree (though his grunts can sometimes be hard to translate).

Could this be the new dawn? Probably is down to the new Natalie …


The pigeon fanciers annual do

Is at Lower Loxley.

Elizabeth won’t be there, so she’s prepping Roy that they are a “nice bunch”, but they can also be a “bit intense”.

Seemingly Nigel had to pull a couple of them apart after one accused the other of cheating.

Fancy!



A “really rather nice” brooch

Peggy’s absolutely chuffed to bits with the brooch she made at ted’s workshop.

She reckons it’s:

[Peggy] “really rather nice”

Bless her wee socks.

Jill, in her usual brusque manner, manages to make (what I imagine was meant to be) an encouraging comment sound like a put-down:

[Jill] “You actually finished something”

But no mind. Ted reckon’s it’s 5% talent and 95% application – so Peggy is bound to create further masterpieces.



Brooch of doom?

Lest we forget Nigel finding that old brooch of Julia Pargetter, which then become the last gift he ever gave to Elizabeth.

Wonder of Peggy’s brooch will wind up featuring in a similar way for one of her brood.

A far cleverer thought came from @eatcakebehappy over on Twitter … “.or the agent of doom...that shed might not be too hygienic.....”

Oo-er!


The fight for the Falconry

Roy’s barely found out where the peg is for his jacket is at, but he’s already (potentially) getting controversial).

He wasn’t convinced that Elizabeth had made the right call to shut the Falconry, so he’s been back through the books.

It would seem that when the Falconry is sold/promoted as part of a package, it gets far more folks.

(see – I said it would come down to marketing!).

Hayley’s also a fan of the Falconry for the guests:

[Hayley] “it is a really good focus activity”

for the school kiddies.

So, Roy’s just got to pick his moment.

Save the Birds! (and Jessica!!!)


Nae luck – Jamie has to introduce Natalie to Kathy

It could have been worse. Kathy just bumped into them when she was out shopping (no snogging or other stuff to really get Jamie embarrassed).

Natalie does again seem to be a nice lass. She chats with Kathy as if she’s just another human being (not an alien monster, as Jamie’s blokey mates tend to treat her, and any other parent they slope across)

She also calls her Mrs Perks. I must be getting old fashioned, as I really like it when young ‘uns do that.

AND Natalie’s gran also makes fish pie.

Later on:

[Kathy] “ I was so surprised … seeing you with someone … it would have been nice to know you had a girlfriend”

But she says it in a very no-confrontational way.

And Jamie doesn’t seem to mind.

Blimey! Looks like we’re on the final straight (but still whisper it, just in case).


Peggy has always loved duck egg blue, and Elona was right

Seemingly Peggy has always found it be a calming colour,

Elona has also seemed to have done a grand job of calming Peggy down in her thoughts about her friendship with Fred.

[Peggy] “I suppose Jack wouldn’t mind my friendship with him … I spend so much time worrying about Jack, trying to care for him, not that I resent it it’s as if one part of you gets totally neglect, I don’t think that can be good for me or Jack”

And what’s more – Jill can join in the fun! Jill also has a lot on her plate, so taking time out to be “creative”, and enjoy the company.

The Archers Thurs 13th Jan 2011: Nigel’s funeral

• The brooch of doom
• “You were right, mum”
• David’s beyond maudlin
• Kenton’s worried about being disrespectful
• Shula and Joni Mitchell
• Those we didn’t hear from
• “They think daddy’s helping God with his allotments now”

The brooch of doom

Turns out it was a lasting memory, rather than a curse from Julia Pargetter.

Ah well. I think a lot of us would have preferred a cursed Nigel and Elizabeth to a dead Nigel …


“You were right, mum”

I’ve said it before, but Jill is just always right!

Seemingly the kids told Elizabeth that they had wanted to go to the funeral, but did think Elizabeth wanted them there.



David’s beyond maudlin

David was never going to have an easy time at the funeral (which is why he didn’t want to speak at it), but he seems to be diving into the ‘dark pool’ after Elizabeth.

Before the service, he was depressed that Jill had never before spoken of her grief and anger at not being allowed to be at her mother’s funeral:

[David] “So much goes on in this family Ruth, so much that the family doesn’t talk about”

Later, as he’s at the funeral tea, he seems to be getting even more depressed at the sight of the sheer number of people who come to bid Nigel farewell.

[David] “It’s such a waste … if ever anyone made the world a better place … it’s so wrong he’s gone”

Oh dear.

Now, David has some guilt to carry for being up on the roof in the first place, but it would seem he’s comparing himself with Nigel.

Apples and kumquats, I think.

Is David heading for depression? Does he think he should have died in place of Nigel (as the lesser man)?

Will we ever see our usual confident (and a tad self-righteous) David return?


Kenton’s worried about being disrespectful

Which is a first.

But I think his speech at the funeral was perfect.

[Kenton]

“I suppose we should have guessed Nigel might become someone special in Elizabeth’s life when he helped her scape from boarding school …

“ …there was a bit of a wobble in their relationship when they become rivals in what became known as the ice cream wars … yes, they each had their own van, and Nigel’s jingle was, of course, the Teddy Bear’s Picnic in honour of his own beloved teddy bear Tiddles.

“But, they got together in their own good time, and for Nigel and Elizabeth, the romance never died”

“He told me his music master used to say, ‘spare us the caterwauling Pargetter, just mouth it silently”

So, as we sing, let’s imagine Nigel beside us, miming”

And Kenton's speech even managed to comfort Elizabeth.

[Elizabeth] “You brought Nigel to life … gave me back some happy memories”

Nice one Kenton.


Shula and Joni Mitchell

While I still feel very odd about actually liking Shula at the moment, it was Shula’s speech at the funeral which finally brought my tears:

[Shula]

“Nigel was green long before it became fashionable. But he combined this with a great love of tradition, which we saw beautifully expressed in the way he made his last journey here

“On a wicker coffee, in a waggon, pulled by his beloved shire horse

“He was very conscious when he inherited Lower Loxley that he was a custodian for future generations. Handing down what was best of the past, but taking great care to safeguard this for the future

"Nigel was my very dear friend for so many years … if ever anyone was a child of the universe, it was Nigel Pargetter.

“To quote one of his favourite songs:

‘We are stardust, we are golden, and we’ve got to get ourselves back to the garden’

“Well, he’s back there now”

*sniff a lot*


Those we didn’t hear from

Debbie was back – as she’s Lily’s godmother

Alistair – who’s Freddie’s godfather

Jolene (bless)

Lewis, and his daughter Felicity

Camilla (Nigel’s sister), her husband and his aunt,

I still think there might be an inheritance issue, by the way …




“They think daddy’s helping God with his allotments now”

So what now?

Freddie and Lily have had a chance to say goodbye to Nigel, and

[Elizabeth] “Tomorrow’s the first day of the rest of our lives”

Although Elizabeth is keeping them off of school tomorrow, there’s still the ever looming entrance exams.

So what will Elizabeth do?

Let Freddie escape the hell that is public school academia (after his success as a rat, maybe an early entry to stage school would be more apt) – or stay true to Nigel’s firm wish?

As Jill said:

[Jill] “And now the hard part starts, doesn’t it”

The Archers 31st Dec 2010: Nigel gives Elizabeth the brooch

• Tom still has hope
• Fallon still wants Harry
• Nigel’s making Elizabeth redundant
• How long before Lily and Freddie go postal?
• “That main thing now is to have a jolly good time tonight and on Sunday”
• The cows enjoyed their footspa
• That yard tractor …
• Nigel finally unveils his brooch
• Too many couples being nice to each other

Tom still has hope … kinda

Talking to Brenda about still having hope that Helen will go to Bridge Farm for New Year, Tom isn’t going to let the idea go of his family making. But, Brenda is all doom and gloom:

[Brenda] “Helen is not going to budge … she and you’re dad are just stuck now and the rest of us are going to have to put up with it”

[Tom] “I’m not going to give up”

[Brenda] “You are lovely …”

(yuk!)

Later on, Tom suggests to Tony that he and Pat should also turn up at The Bull – while Helen is there with Tom and co.

But Tony reckons it’ll be too complicated (Pat will be making food), and tells Tom to leave it.

[Tom] “All this stuff with damn Helen has been a bit of a downer … Things have got to be better by next year”

Hmmm.


Fallon still wants Harry

[Brenda] “I wasn’t the only one who noticed …. Tristram’s review … saying something about genuine warmth between the two one leads … Vicky’s been predicting orange blossom by the end of the year”

(after looking it up, it seems Orange Blossoms are a traditional flower for a bride’s hair – ‘to gather orange blossoms’ means ‘to seek a wife’)

[Brenda] “You sure you haven’t got something to tell me?”

[Fallon] “Well, nothing you want to hear”

Later on, as Brenda and Fallon have lunch, Brenda’s bursting with curiosity. To be fair to Brenda, she can’t have a very exciting life with Tom ….

“So … you and Harry!”

Swearing Brenda to secrecy, Fallon reveals that she does really like Harry and that “there was definitely something there” when they had their first kiss, and had hoped it would be the start of her and Harry.

But after that … when we did the kiss … it was just a Panto kiss. So I started to think he just didn’t want it to be obvious to the rest of the cast. So last week, I invited him over to run our lines, just him and me … but on the nigh …t we ran our lines. And not even upstairs. He didn’t even come up to my room. He just said down here is fine, so we sat in a corner of the bar!”

Poor Fallon had even got a CD and some aromatherapy candles at the ready. But it wasn’t to be.

[Fallon] “Seems the guys I like over ever see me as a mate. Ed, and now Harry as well”

[Brenda] “Maybe he’s just shy? We don’t know what experience of women he had before he came to Ambridge …”

[Fallon] “It’s finished. I’m not doing anything more”

Oh dear.

But it is probably for the best. There’s something not quite right with Saint Harry …




Nigel’s making Elizabeth redundant

Well, not literally. He’s just been so busy sorting everything out at Lower Loxley, she doesn’t have anything to do. Hence, Elizabeth feels she is redundant.

[Nigel] “Come to Lizzie, you could never be that”

Hmmmm. Is this proof that Nigel could cope without Elizabeth if she was no longer around …




How long before Lily and Freddie go postal?

Not content with ruining their Christmas holidays with extra homework, Elizabeth is now making the twins angry again by making them sort out their schoolbags. There’s just no let up!

Even Nigel remembers how depressing it was to get ready for going back to school. He seemingly was depressed when it was time to sharpen his pencils …



“That main thing now is to have a jolly good time tonight and on Sunday”

It’s difficult to not read into everything and anything that’s said ahead of Sunday’s anniversary special, but the odds are high that the Archer gathering at Lower Loxley will end in disaster.


The cows enjoyed their footspa

Aw, that’s a nice way for them to end their 2010.


That yard tractor …

Just leave it be, Tony. Especially when it’s cold and dark.

I don’t think the family could cope with a repeat of John’s death.



Nigel finally unveils his brooch

Over which Elizabeth sounds suitably stunned. Even though it was “mummy’s”

Not sure what the whole point of this brooch is (how it was found, cleaned etc), and it could just be another red herring.

Or not.

Could it be something for Elizabeth to remember Nigel by?



Too many couples being nice to each other

Tom and Brenda – with Brenda saying: “I’m just glad I’ve got you”

Nigel and Elizabeth – with Nigel again saying “I’m a one woman man” (that’s twice he’s said that now in as many days) and “I wanted you to wear it and know how much you mean to me”, the both declaring their love for each other.

Ooooh. Ominous indeed.

The Archers Wed 29th Dec 2010: Nigel disappoints Elizabeth but delights Lynda

• Tony wants to give his cows a footbath
• Complicated?
• Sparks for Heather and Jim?
• Nae need for Worchester
• Tom’s right (ugh!)
• The horror of rouge on a white wig
• Tony’s not surprised
• Parrots and bosoms

Tony wants to give his cows a footbath

With the whole family working from Bridge Farm buying with getting orders done in time for New Year, Pat’s quite put-out that Tony wants to give his cows a footbath.

Tony is in overdrive in an attempt to avoid and forget his argument with Helen, but Pat also reckons that this time of year is always bad for Tony.

He gets down due to the lack of daylight.

Did I hear that right? Could we have a happier Tony if we bought him one of those SAD lights?

That’d be brilliant. It might also stop his egomania and paranoia.

Tony’s heard that Helen spent yesterday tidying Ambridge Organic’s stock room, then putting up curtains. So, Tony concludes that Helen wasn’t really tired at Ian’s party.

Oh for goodness sake! You’re as bad as each other.


Complicated?

David’s an odd ‘un sometimes.

What’s so complicated about Ruth driving Heather and Pip to the train station, with Pip then driving Ruth back?



Sparks for Heather and Jim?

Never mind the 60th Anniversary and ‘Shakes Ambridge to the Core’ (SATTC) – what happened between Heather and Jim?


Nae need for Worchester

Nigel’s on again about the brooch he found. Which he wants to give to Elizabeth at New Year, but needs to get it cleaned in time.

I still don’t get the big deal. Here’s hoping the brooch has some sort of curse … turning Elizabeth into a Julia Pargetter clone!

Running out of options, Nigel was facing even having to go as far as Worchester to get it sorted.

But David saves the day – he knows a retired chap in Felpersham who Nigel manages to get the broach to.

Phew!

I was worried there (!).




Tom’s right (ugh!)

I am very concerned that the whole ‘situation’ between Helen and Tony is resulting in Tom coming across as a rational and kinda nice guy.

What is the world coming to?

Tom was right that Helen’s protest against everyone fussing was better than them not fussy at all – AND he manages to persuade Helen to at least go out with their mates before the bells at New Year.

Helen’s refusing to go to Bridge Farm for the bells – instead wants to stay at home, and be in bed by 10pm. Which is quite a common reaction for quite a lot of folks to New Year celebrations.

[Helen] “Mum will be disappointed I know, I’m sorry … It’d only be more of the same … what make things up? No. No matter how many presents he buys, deep down he just can’t change the way he feels about the baby”

Tom did well to get Helen to change her mind to at least go out for a bit, but had to admit defeat in getting her to Bridge Farm.

I actually feel sorry for Tom stuck between Pat/Tony and Helen. And I feel sorry for myself that I’m starting to have a grudging respect for Tom in how he’s coping and dealing with such a rift in his family.


The horror of rouge on a white wig

Lynda calls Nigel, just as he’s returning from his dash to Felpersham on his brooch mission, in an utter flap about his wig.

It would seem that there is rouge on Nigel’s dame white wedding wig, which an attempt has been made upon to clean, resulting in a wig that now looks like dreadlocks.

The travesty!

[Lynda] “It would ruin the artistic unity of the scene ... surely I don’t have to explain the symbolism!”

Despite Nigel trying to stop Lynda corralling him into returning to Felpersham to get a new wig, and despite knowing that he’ll be in deep trouble with Elizabeth for disappearing from all the work at Lower Loxley for so long, Nigel heads back for the wig.

Well – what’s a roasting from Elizabeth when you have Lynda on your back during Panto time?

[Lynda] “The entire artistic endeavour of this Panto depends on you. Goodbye!”

[Nigel] “Well when you put it like that, it’s a case of turn again, Pargetter, I suppose”

Tony’s not surprised

And actually sounds like he doesn’t care.

[Tony] “It hardly comes as a great surprise to hear that Helen doesn’t want to see me … what’s the point … just leave it”

Tony now expects Helen to avoid him, and doesn’t seem interested in trying to mend their relationship.

My word – Tony is hardly Father of the Year! I always thought parents never gave up on their kids …


Parrots and bosoms

At tonight’s Panto, David’s parrot needs to be sorted so that it doesn’t keep getting caught on his earring.

And:

[Nigel] “Are my bosoms straight?”

[David] “They are spectacular!”

Just a few more *snort* moments to keep us a bit chirpy post-Christmas.