Brookfield’s front page news: Thurs 21.06.12

The Archers Thursday 21st June 2012

• “Oh noooo.”
• Alice tends to (a more reasonable?) Amy
• Josh is scared
• Moussaka
• Neil’s doing star jumps
• David needs to tell Adam

“Oh noooo.”

I love it when Ruth says that. I even have 5 of those “oh noooo” t-shirts!

Anyhoo – the “oh noooo” was uttered by Ruth when she saw the front page headline of The Echo:

Terror on local farm headline

Not amusing at all. Though Josh has found it to be useful. The girls at his school were calling him a hero, because:

[Josh] “ … in this one it looks like I’m the only steward facing the bullocks.”

[David] “And you’re proud of that, are you … makes us look at least inept, and at the very worst completely unprofessional and unsafe … it’s an image of our farm that will stay in everybody’s mind, no matter what it says about vandalism or whatever!”

[Ruth] “For goodness sake David, it’s not Josh’s fault.”

[David] “Well he doesn’t seem that bothered about it …”

The newspaper article has quotes from parents calling Brookfield “incompetent”, and describes how scared, terrified and desperate folks were. Which Ruth reckons all of which is true.


Alice tends to (a more reasonable?) Amy

Again.

She’s got wine and a DVD, while Chris escapes to his mum’s to get his birthday present, then onto nets and The Bull.

From the start, it sounded like Amy was coming  back to being ‘normal’ again. She tells Alice of her day at work. Which involved being midwife to a 15 year old, who lives in a care home, birthing partner was a care worker, the father of her child not to be seen, and her own mother not speaking to her.

[Amy] “Kinda puts your own pathetic problems into perspective, doesn’t it?”

Later on:

[Amy] “I’m so ashamed … I’d have stayed with Carl, even though in know he was married with a  little girl, if he told me he’d leave them for me. I’m a monster.”

[Alice] “You were in love.”

[Amy] “You know, the sad thing is, I think his marriage really is a sham … the things he said when he talked his wife, it was all about money really … status, I don’t think he once said he loved her … Usha was right about me all along. I said some horrible hateful; things to her. I didn’t event take her a birthday card, can you believe it … I don’t think I can even face her.”

[Alice] “If it were me, I’d get it over with, as soon as I could.”

I concur.

And hurrah to Amy finally realising she’s not been the most rationale, easy or mature people of late.


Josh is scared

Quite right to be so.

[Josh] “Suppose I’ve accidentally filmed something or somebody.”

Josh handed his camera over to the Police, and he’s worried he did unwittingly film something important, which will mean he has to give evidence. Ruth reckons it won’t come to that, but will ask Usha.

[Josh] “When’s it all going to be over mum?”

Moussaka

My goodness, it was refreshing to hear Amy and Alice just chat about stuff, rather than about Amy … Carl … Usha …

Alice has made Moussaka for Amy, which Amy muchly appreciates. Alice  muchly appreciates Amy being appreciative.

[Alice] “Sometimes the way Chris eats, I swear he hardly notices what it is let alone what it tastes like. It’s not so much eating as posting it down.”

Neil’s doing star jumps

[Adam] “Someone said they spotted Neil doing a few star jumps and press ups before nets”

Now there’s a picture …

Seems Ambridge lost to Paxley, but has high hopes of beating Loxley Barrett this weekend.

But sounds like Neil’s efforts to impress don’t have much chance of winning.

[Adam] “I don’t know if Ifty can work some sort of magic, at his age.”

Meow!


David needs to tell Adam

As David and Adam are having a pint, Adam mentions that he thinks the bullocks being let loose was only due to vandalism, and that it was probably kids who’d done the damage.

So, he still hasn’t a clue …


David asks Adam about his birthday plans:

[Adam] “Ian’s got plans, apparently they involve a Michelin star … To be honest, I’m doing it for him. It’s lovely, but I know I’m just going to be so tired.”

Adam also mentions that he’s back at work, but not up to full par.

[Adam] “It’s stick to my fingers a bit, if you know what I mean.”

He tells David how much of a “nightmare” it’s been since he was attacked, and how amazing Ian has been in supporting him.

[David] “Well don’t you worry. I’ll be there in court to help nail them.”

What else could David say?

And really, what else can David do but still see this through?

Kenton hasn’t done his homework: Wed 20.06.12

The Archers Wednesday 20th June 2012

• Lynda’s behaving oddly
• Sports Vs Culture at the Village Fete committee
• Ruth’s swithering
• Matt’s being thoughtful
• Watch out for Hilary Noakes’ Damson Jam
• The Ambridge Torch
• Excuse me, Lynda does the posters!
• The field has approval
• Just let Amy go

Lynda’s behaving oddly

[Kenton] “Are you all right? I’d just been wondering whether you’d be struck by lightning or if you’re channelling your inner scarecrow”

[Lynda] “I’m sorry?”

[Kenton] “Lynda, you’re standing stock still in the middle of the village”

[Lynda] “Ah, no … look, there, beyond that oak.”

[Kenton] “Oh yes, birds.”

[Lynda] “Not just birds Kenton, they’re my peregrines and they’re fledglings. What a wonderful sight!”

[Kenton] “Not if you’re a pigeon, I imagine.”

[Lynda] “Oh how very prosaic!”

Lynda was also a bit perturbed Kenton reporting that he often sees the peregrines while he’s outside The Bull. He’s not even remotely interested. But this was the first time she’s seen the fledglings.


Sports Vs Culture at the Village Fete committee

Though Lynda told Kenton that she expected to hear great things about his plans for the sports elements of the Fete, Kenton did take the hint, and so didn’t prepare for the committee meeting.

Silly Kenton.

Half way through the committee meeting, Kenton decides to get everyone a drink. And then has the nerve to ask Matt to take the drink upstairs to the meeting.

[Kenton] “Just tell them I’ve been waylaid by a customer … you do happen to know any good village websites, do you?”

(Surprisingly, Matt agrees to be waiter. He really is in a great mood these days)

Course, Lynda has done her homework. For the Cultural Olympiad part of the fete, Lynda has planned for a dance festival, with the Morris men from Waterley Cross:

[Lynda] “Thereby marrying the sporting with the cultural.”

Compare even just this one example of Lynda’s work to Kenton’s cobbled together ideas.

A tug of war, across the river Am. And Dragon boat racing.

[Kenton] “So many kids are wrapped in cotton wool today; they need to experience a bit of risk and adventure.”

Lynda is horrified that Kenton has put such little thought into the sports.

Actually, I thought his ideas were fine, for starters.


Ruth’s swithering

Ruth told Usha about the threats they’ve been receiving, and the reason for the Open Farm Sunday chaos.

[Usha] “Just stick it out. You’ll be so glad you did.”

[Ruth] “I’m not sure Jill’s so sure. Nor me.”

Uh oh.

Will Ruth let David get to court?


Matt’s being thoughtful

Who’d have thunk it?

After Jolene mentioned to Matt that she and Kenton couldn’t afford to go to New Zealand, Matt then mentioned it to Jill.

[Matt] “Oh well, you can’t always get what you want, as the Rolling Stones once said.”

Later on, Jill is late for the committee meeting because (she claims) she had to pop home to check she’d closed her bedroom windows.

But she’s actually gone back to get her cheque book. She wants to pay for Kenton and Jolene to go to New Zealand.

[Jill] “It’s easy to find excuses to not go to somewhere so far away … you and Meriel deserve to spend some time together … families are what’s important, not money. I’m only too glad I can help.”

Watch out for Hilary Noakes’ Damson Jam

[Lynda] “Jim didn’t realise that Hilary Noakes Damson Jam still has the stones in it.”

Jim now has a chipped tooth, and horrific toothache. He’s even had to miss the Fete committee.

At least Jim’s excuse was better than Vicky’s. She sent a text to Lynda saying:

[Lynda] “ (text from Vicky) “Sorry, suddenly came over all tired, limbs like led, dropped off in armchair” …”

The Ambridge Torch

Not to be outdone by the Olympic Torch, Ambridge shall have its own.

It’ll be part of the opening ceremony of the Fete, and the committee has decided that it’ll be carried round a route that everyone can see and cheer on.

Exciting …!


Excuse me, Lynda does the posters!

[Lynda] “May I interject?”

[Kenton] “Interject away.”

Lynda was a bit put out that at the committee, there was talk of posters being made.

Actually, Lynda and Robert always make the posters (so it would seem). Lynda and Robert have the “latest software”, and Lynda and Robert always make sure the posters using copy which won’t exclude.

Kenton has a lot to learn about who does what when it comes to community projects.


The field has approval

The riverside field that BL gifted to the village had been awarded its deed of dedication, and a plaque is on the way. The committee decided that the field will be dedicated to the Queen.

(how can they have just decided that when the plaque has already been sent?)


Just let Amy go

Usha tells Ruth that Amy didn’t even bother to get her a card for her 50th.

[Ruth] “Silly girl.”

[Usha] “She’s getting her own back. No one likes home truths.”

Usha is worried that now Amy has fled to Alice’s, she’ll next move into sharing a shared flat for good.

[Usha] “We might never get a proper chance to make things up.”

Usha compares this situation to David and Elizabeth.

But no – that doesn’t work.

Elizabeth isn’t speaking to David because she believes David contributed to Nigel dying.

Amy isn’t speaking to Usha because Amy’s boyfriend was married.

Elizabeth is distraught and unreasonable.

Amy is indeed just a silly girl.

Jill tells David what to do: Mon 18.06.12

The Archers Monday 18 June 2012

• Matt has a cunning ploy
• Kenton wants to visit Meriel
• Jill has a big BUT

Matt has a cunning ploy

Thought that might have been the case.

He asked Darrell to help lift the new kitchen units in at the site. And not to ask for a receipt …

[Matt] “Not that I have to explain myself to you, do I?”

[Darrell] “No, course not.”

When Darrell later on took in the delivery, he was a bit perturbed that the chap wanted cash. And that the van was just a white one – he was expecting the delivery to be from a proper company, with branded vans.

(as an aside, why it that dodgy geezers in Ambridge are also intensely patronising? The chap driving the white, unbranded van was yet another example)

When Darrell later asked Matt about the white van:

[Matt] “A mate who sometimes work for himself, it keep my costs down. … I don’t pay you to wonder Darrell, I pay you to do what I ask!”

Aye Darrell – your Matt’s man now!


Kenton wants to visit Meriel

[Kenton] “In a  year or two she’ll be off with her mates, she won’t want to spend a whole day pandering to her dad.”

Kenton had mentioned he wanted to go to New Zealand a few months back, but Jolene deftly sidestepped it. Though she understood Kenton wanted to see his kid, and though Sid’s daughter and grandson are there, it’s really not been that long since Sid died, in New Zealand.

This time, Jolene tells Kenton to have a look at prices. Which is tantamount to putting another block on the trip … though Jolene does feel some guilt. For whatever reason, Jolene later told Matt (she and Matt are hardly the best of pals):

[Jolene] “Kenton’s so gutted, I can tell.”

Jill has a big BUT

The day after the bullocks were set running free at Brookfield’s Open Farm Sunday, Jill’s over to help with the clear up.

David answers the phone:

[Jill] “It’s not one of those silly people from yesterday who wanted to sue?”

No, it was the Police.

David tells Jill that the bullocks didn’t get because of vandalism:

[David] “It was sabotage.”

Seems the Police can’t do anything (again) as there’s no evidence (again), though they have taken Josh’s film camera in case he recorded anything important without knowing.

And George is just fine:

[Jill] “His little legs were still wobbling when they took him home … I can’t believe anyone would do something that cruel … knowing there were children here”

(‘will nobody think of the children’ … goodness me!!!)

[Ruth] “That’s why they did it.”

[Jill] “Ruth, that would have been tantamount to murder!”

Then Jill gets down to business with David. Whether he wanted to or not.

[Jill] “I’m very proud of you for coming forward …and I’m sure your father would have been very proud too.”

[David] “I hope he would.”

[Ruth] “Phil believed very strongly in civic duty”

[David] “And standing up for what you believe in.”

[Jill] “Those are all wonderful qualities David …”

[David] “Mum there’s obviously a but in here somewhere.”

[Jill] “I’d just like you to stop and think a moment … the circumstances have changed …”

[David] “No. Nothing has changed. These criminals hit Adam over the head and left him to die.”

[Jill] “I want you think about Ruth and the children and their safety.”

[David] “They will be a hell of a lot safer if these violent criminals are behind bars.”

[Jill] “If, if …”

David asserts that he and Ruth have talked it through, and that they both agree David needs to go to court. And “see it through to the end.”

[David] “Isn’t that right, Ruth?”

Uh oh.

Silence from Ruth when David said that …

Amy really is a scary stalker: Wed 13.06.12

The Archers Wednesday 13th June 2012

• David’s teas are worse than Ruth’s?
• There’s no point talking to her, Alan
• David must testify
• What a cliché!

David’s teas are worse than Ruth’s?

Now that takes some taking. It’s a marvel their three kids have had enough sustenance to grow.

Ruth’s was off out tonight, so Ben reckons David sorting tea will mean sandwiches.

Poor Ben.


There’s no point talking to her, Alan

[Alan] “I’m saying atmosphere’s not good for anyone … she is not a bad person,. She would never intentionally hurt you.”

Alan tells Amy she’s destroying their family, and asks her to sit down and talk with him and Usha.

But no.

The silly wee brat won’t.

Now there’s a surprise.

[Amy] “Usha lied to me and she thinks I go out with married men. The truth is, that relationship, it meant something to me dad”

*sigh*

Later, Usha to Ruth:

[Usha] “Apparently someone once described stepchildren as in-laws who you have to love but who actually hate you.”

[Ruth] “That bad, eh?”

Oh yes.

Alan tells Usha what happened earlier on:

[Alan] “I was trying to talk to her, she wouldn’t engage, she just went.”

He’s been trying to call her since, but Amy isn’t answering. The hospital has also been trying to get in touch about her shifts.

I hate to say it – but I really couldn’t care less what’s happened to Amy. Just as long as we get a wee bit of peace from her …


David must testify

So reckoned Usha, when Ruth told her about what’s been happening at Brookfield.

Seems everything has calmed down for a bit. Ben isn’t having nightmares, and with Ed and Bert also in on the bad doings, Ruth feels a bit safer being part of a crowd.

She wants to now go ahead with Open Farm Sunday. What with the Police, and the stewards, she thinks the gang won’t do anything.

However, Ruth’s now thinking ahead to the court case:

[Ruth] A big part of me wants David to pull out.”

[Usha] “To not testify? You can’t do that … what kind of world will Josh and Ben grown up in if people like David don’t do the right thing?”

(what about Pip?)

[Ruth] “Who will protect me kids Usha?”

Simples, reckons Usha.

David tells the truth in court. The bad men get jailed.

[Usha] “You will come out of this stronger Ruth. You, David and the kids.”

Either which way, Ruth feels better for sharing. And is muchly looking forward to Usha’s birthday party.

[Ruth] “I feel like I’ve been living in this weird bubble.”

What a cliché!

Very irritating, but Alice tracked down Amy.

She called while Amy was listening to Christina Aguilera’s I Am Beautiful.

Amy was sobbing as she talked down the phone to Alice.

She had gone to the café she and Carl (once) went to.

And was now sat outside Carl’s flat.

[Amy] “He hasn’t shown up. I’ve been here since 6 o’ clock. Where is he Alice? Why isn’t Carl here? I can’t let him go. I just can’t …”

Oh goodness me!

Alice tells Amy to stay put. She’s on her way to take Amy back to hers.

Chris will be happy about that (!).

That Amy also needs to try and be original once in a while.

Ben’s having nightmares Mon 11.06.12

The Archers Monday 11th June 2012

• Blood everywhere
• Didn’t he have a lovely time with Lilian!
• Beware of Matt bearing gifts

Blood everywhere

Is what Ben’s been seeing in his nightmares.

David and Ruth also told Josh (as well as Pip) about the threats. Josh had seen the Police arriving when he was leaving for school. Now he’s back home sick from school with a headache.

Though they haven’t told Ben, David and Ruth have had to tell Bert (so Freda as well), Ed and Emma (for Keira’s sake).

Seems the Police have also been telling Brookfield not to go ahead with Open Farm Sunday.

[Ruth] “It’s different now … I think we need to pull out.”

Didn’t he have a lovely time with Lilian!

Lilian’s round at Adam’s to cheer him up.

She gave him the “ultimate spa collection”

Put Hattie from BAFF into perspective:

[Lilian] “(Jennifer) was on about a boycott, made it sound like economic sanctions … the Hattie’s of this world will soon will find something else to get wound up about … leaflets, it’s hardly the poll tax riots!”

Fed him lovely food:

[Lilian] “Did you like the chorizo, flown in especially from Valencia?”

[Adam] “Today’s been lovely, there’s nothing better than being spoilt by my favourite aunt.”
And gees him up when he starts feeling guilty about not having done more to stop the Super Dairy. She tells him to get up, get out, and look after his pickers. They have a barbeque coming up:

[Lilian] “It sounds like exactly what you need to get your mojo back!”

Brilliant.

I want an aunt like Lilian!


Beware of Matt bearing gifts

First he’s OTT when complimenting Darrell on some of the carpentry he’s done.

Then he asks Darrell to do the skirtings in his office.

Later, in The Bull, Matt buys Darrell a pint.

Then gives him a cash bonus. Which Darrell tries to refuse, but matt insists.

[Matt] “Just remember, where women are concerned, Always useful to keep them sweet … which is why keeping my little mark of appreciation to yourself.”

What’s he up to now?

Will and Nic caught on camera 08.06.12

(doing adult stuff … blimey!)

The Archers Friday 8th June 2012

• Ifty wants artisan, local cheese
• Save Neil’s cricket!
• The tin of tomato soup flirting technique
• B*stards killed a sheep
• Susan and Lynda see A LOT of Nic and Will

Ifty wants artisan, local cheese

So Susan suggests Borchestershire Blue, Helen’s.

I wonder … will Ifty like the make as much as the product?

He’s seemingly so damn handsome, some lucky Ambridge lass must be destined to be his belle.


Save Neil’s cricket!

Susan’s heard that Neil might be dropped from the cricket team, so has a quiet word with Ifty.

If he has any sense, he’ll do exactly as Susan says. She won’t let go …


The tin of tomato soup flirting technique

Courtesy of Tracey Horrobin.

She spots Ifty in the shop, so topples over some soup (!) and loses an earring (!!).

I kid you not …

[Susan] “Only you could get one of my customers scrabbling about on the floor looking for your earring”

[Tracey] “Men just fall at my feet!”

Tracey has also now suddenly developed a need to learn the rules from cricket from Neil.


B*stards killed a sheep

Ben had done walkabout, so Ruth called him on his mobile. He answers, very upset, and starts saying something about a lot of blood.

When Ruth gets to him, it’s a sheep he’s found.

[Ben] “I was thinking, could it have been Lynda’s monster … it must be very fierce.”

Ruth tells him it must have been someone’s dog, and that she can see bite marks on its neck.

[Ben] “What’s going to happen now, will you have to shoot it?  … get Will Grundy in, he’s good at shooting foxes.”

When Ruth later talks to David:

[Ruth] “It wasn’t an animal. That was done by a human being … it looked like a blade of some sort … there were a couple of bite marks I could see, maybe they used a dog to bring it down.”

Just as they’re calling the Police, Pip comes in. And demands to know what’s happening.

[Pip] “So how about being straight with me for a change! … Some guy comes on the farm and cuts the throat of our animals, I think I should know.”

When David tells her that the Police are only going to do a few extra drive rounds during Farm Sunday:

[Pip] “What do they think we’re dealing with, if they can do that to an animal, and a kid see it …”

[David] “You can’t give into it. You can’t give into bullies … All we can do is stand together as a family, and look out for each other.”

Is it just me, or could Brookfield do with telling all and every in Ambridge? More eyes to see, more hands to punch …



Susan and Lynda see A LOT of Nic and Will

Kirsty had dropped off the video from the camera set up in the wood to Lynda. She and Susan started watching it to see if the Ambridge Beast had been caught on film. As they watch it:

[Susan] “Shame, no monsters.”

[Lynda] “Yes, it is disappointing … hang on ... what was that? … could have been a  fox I suppose, but I thought there was something …”

[Susan] “That’s not an animal. It’s Nic. Oh my goodness! That’s Will!”

[Lynda] “In the woods. In the middle of the night, … oh …!!!”

[Susan] “Oh, oh my lord!”

[Lynda] “They’re not …”

[Susan] “I think they are!”

[Lynda] “Yes. I think you’d better stop it now.”

[Susan] “Well, it’s all wildlife I suppose. In a manner of speaking.”

Oh my!

Wonder how far Will and Nic got before Lynda switched the tape off.

Clarrie’s losing sleep because of that cake 01.06.12

The Archers Friday 1st June 2012

• How did Spearmint get bruised?
• Alice has her reasons
• The cake isn’t a team effort
• Imprisoned at Brookfield
• Hercules is a Houdini
• The Ambridge Beast is camera shy

How did Spearmint get bruised?

[Chris] “He might have seen Lynda’s beast and bolted.”

Seems Spearmint, Alice’s horse, has been bruised for a few days, but Alice hadn’t seen it.

Hurt horse, I always think of Clive …


Alice has her reasons

Chris is getting rather fed up with Alice.

As well as having to suffer Amy constantly being round their house, Amy is also all Alice talks about. And he was most unamused that Alice seemed to be hinting Amy should move in with them … she got an outright “no”.

[Chris] “She just needs to get over it. Even if he told her face to face that he had a wife, she still wouldn’t believe it.”

So, Alice decides to turn detective. She’s going to find the proof that Carl is married, so that Amy can move on (shut up and start behaving like an adult again!).

[Alice] “All this stuff about Carl, it’s taken me right back to dad … all those people just torn to pieces. I can’t help mum, but I can help Amy … if I can prove what Carl’s like, maybe she’ll walk away from it all.”

Chris thinks Alice getting so involved will just make matters worse, but Alice is on a mission.


The cake isn’t a team effort

Clarrie’s furious.

As she’s on her way to do the Church flowers, Jennifer calls to say she can’t bring her any sponges.

Clarrie bumps into Ruth. Ruth also won’t be doing any sponges.

[Clarrie] “I’m a busy woman too … I mean, how long does it take to throw a sponge together? And she’s left it til now to tell me.”

It gets worse. Joe tells Clarrie that Jean Harvey also called. She’s going away for the weekend.

[Clarrie] “What, so no sponge!?!”

Joe also tells Clarrie that Sabrina Thwaite called … but only to check if she should use saffron to make the sponge yellow.

[Joe] “Well, I’m sick of it, every time I pick up the phone it’s somebody asking about that darn cake, and every time it’s a thorn in my side …”

[Clarrie] “I wake up nights in a sweat worrying about it … all you can do is whinge on about Bob Pullen cutting it.”

Later on, Joe finds his sympathetic side, and actually offers to lay the table for Clarrie! She apologises to him for snapping.

[Joe] “Well it only comes round once every 60 years.”

Clarrie’s beyond stressed about the cake as she sees it as the centre piece of the Jubilee celebrations. If it isn’t perfect, she’ll have failed in front of the whole village. And as for Joe complaining about Bob Pullen being chosen to cut the cake because he’s older:

[Clarrie] “Well Joe, it was only an accident of birth … you be generous, eh. You let him have his moment in the sun.”

Imprisoned at Brookfield

David’s memorising the licence plate of every car that comes near Brookfield.

Josh is moody. He knows something isn’t right.

And both David and Ruth are keeping their kids on short leads.

[David] “Short of tagging them, what can we do?”

[Ruth] “They’re not prisoners; they should be free to enjoy themselves.”

But what’s the alternative?


Hercules is a Houdini

[Clarrie] “You hang onto him Joe. I don’t want no ferrets on me ironing.”

The Ambridge Beast is camera shy

[Joe] “Edward says that beardy from the Wildlife Trust … him and young Kirsty set up cameras in the woods to try and spot it … it comes on automatic when something comes by … I still reckon it’ll be a hog.”

[Clarrie] “Well it won’t be a panther.”

The sausage game 28.05.12

The Archers Monday 28th May 2012

• Pip’ll be serving burgers at the Beacon
• Darrington won
• Usha shouts at Amy
• Tony’s made sandwiches
• Ruth has a panic button
• Tony’s hired an aging rocker called Trevor
• What’s wrong with a Vintage Sunbeam?
• The sausage game

Pip’ll be serving burgers at the Beacon

Well, that’s one way to celebrate the Jubilee, I suppose. Though, as Pip points out, she does get paid for being at something she would have gone to anyway.


Darrington won
Seems Ambridge got a “respectable” 180, but they were “chasing” 214.

From the way David told it, I assume that’s particularly bad?


Usha shouts at Amy

It’s about time!

Amy wanted to put something into the wash. Usha already had something in, but offered to out Amy’s on after. Amy says no, and wants to tale her clothes back.

[Usha] “Oh Amy, that’s ridiculous”

[Amy] “I don’t need you to do my washing, okay!”

[Usha, losing patience] “Right how long are you going to keep this up?”

Usha tells Amy that she’s the one tearing Alan apart. He builds the bridge, she smashes them down. Usha was especially angry about the effort Alan went to the other night when he cooked Amy’s favourite curry (a recipe of Mabel’s). Amy claims she did have some:

[Usha] “Yeah, skulking round the kitchen when we were gone, like a teenager”

[Amy] “He didn’t say you’d be there …”

[Usha] “I’M HIS WIFE, WHERE ELSE WOULD I BE? I LIVE HERE. He went to so much trouble ... poor Alan”

[Amy] “You've always had your own agenda, all that I'm your stepmother stuff, it was always a sham”

[Usha] “You don’t really believe that”

[Amy] “Don't I?”

Och Amy – go boil yer heid!


Tony’s made sandwiches

[Tom] “Oh, blimey!”

Tony making lunch is not a common occurrence.

And we find out why – he’s made a beef and avocado, plus brie and mushroom.

Odd. Tom chooses the brie and mushroom, but then wants to put ketchup on it.

Ach, pick the mushroom out ya fussy lad!


Ruth has a panic button

And now even locks the door behind her.

Pondering how they will run Open Farm Sunday while being on such high alert. Their only answer is to keep everything locked, and make the tour shorter.

Cancel it would be safer, surely?


Tony’s hired an aging rocker called Trevor

Tony’s on fire today!

First the sandwiches, now he’s actually hired in someone to help with the milking.

It’s a bloke called Trevor. Who is in a band. But is “no spring chicken” (according to Pat, who hasn’t met him yet).

Trevor will work 5 days a week, 1 weekend a month, covering the afternoon milking. Trevor used to have his own herd and though he doesn’t miss the morning milking, he’s looking forward to working again (him and his wife also need the cash).

[Tom] “An old rocker, keeping his hand in eh. I bet he's got a ponytail!”

Tony’s seemingly most pleased with himself.


What’s wrong with a Vintage Sunbeam?

Trevor owns one, which made Tom groan.

Worried about Trevor and Tony spending hours just gazing at it?


The sausage game

[Ben] “Mum, dad can we play sausages?”

They said yes. Here it is:

[Ben] “Mum, what did you brush your teeth with today?”

[Ruth] “Sausages”

[Ben] “Pip, what does Spencer wear on his feet?”

[Pip] “Sausages”

[Ben] “Dad, what do you cut your hair with?”

[David, laughing] “Sausages”

Aha – David lost! You’re not supposed to laugh.

His forfeit (set by Ben) was to get under the table - then bark like a dog.

Though Ruth had the last word:

[Ruth] “What's Tom's only topic of conversation?”

All together now … Sausages!

David shot Walter Gabriel’s wheelbarrow 25.05.12

The Archers Friday 25th May 2012

• Alice invites Amy to the DJ night
• Brookfield’s gates were open
• Alan’s on Usha’s side?

Alice invites Amy to the DJ night

Though we didn’t hear Chris tonight, he’d planned that night out to get away from Amy. He will not be a happy chappy …

But Alice is a pal. And she wants to cheer Amy up by getting dolled up and going out.

[Alice] “Nails, the works, like two hormonal teenagers”

[Amy] “Alright. Just don’t expect me to sparkle”

Brookfield’s gates were open

On one of their fields. Alan found it, and had to coax the cows back in.

Alan tells her as she’s picking up bits of glass from the broken security lights, but she doesn’t tell him what’s happened. When Alan leaves, and David comes over, he tells her he has called the Police, and they’re on their way over. The Police are taking it seriously – they even want to test the newspaper.

[David] “Sorry. You were right”

He and Ruth agree not to tell the kids.

After the Police have been, they do mention that a farmer in Penny Hassett has had a wheel shout at, which they reckon were indeed kids. But, they do think there’s a connection between the on goings at Brookfield and the gang that attacked Adam.

Ruth wants security cameras. David concurs. But he doesn’t want Ruth to get too overwrought.

[David] “Honestly, you don’t need to start inventing things to worry about … They'll find some spotty kid … I popped a pellet into Walter Gabriel's wheelbarrow with my first air rifle, he wasn’t happy, and neither was I when he told dad. We both need to get things in perspective love ... we can’t live our lives hiding in shadows.”

But then the phone rings. Ruth goes to answer it:

[unidentified bloke] “You;re going to have to take more care. Your security lights. Not secure anymore, are they. it’s getting darker, isn’t it …”

Alan’s on Usha’s side?

He certainly seems to be starting to see that Amy isn’t exactly being rational.

[Alan] “Difficult, it’s impossible. I feel like a UN Peacekeeper … I’m so worried, Ruth. What is there's no happy ending and the relationship never heals”

[Ruth] “Oh it'll come right Alan. I’m sure it will”

When Alan later takes Amy up Lakey Hill:

[Amy] “It's just to breathe air that isn’t hospital”

Alan tries to persuade Amy to forgive Usha.

[Amy] “You can't change what's happened”

[Alan] “You can change what's going to happen, though”

[Amy] “I'm locking Carl away, in a box, with all the other horrible things”

[Alan] “He broke your heart, don’t let him break anything else”

But Amy won’t stay and talk. She storms off, again.

Is it just me – or is Amy taking this too far? Carl was a bad ‘un, and hurt her, but they really hadn’t been going out for that long. And it’s certainly beyond the call still punishing Usha over it.

Amy later says to Alice:

[Amy] “She didn’t feel like a stepmum anymore, she was a mum to me Alice. How could she have kept quiet ... she could have saved me ... how can I trust her now?”

This is starting to sound like a petulant child, whining …

Broken sensor lights and cash in hand 24.05.12

The Archers Thursday 24th May 2012

• Elona’s a doormat
• Lilian takes Darrell’s side, but wouldn’t marry him
• Ben’s help build the silage clamp
• Scary times at Brookfield

Elona’s cutting Tom’s hedge

After Darrell has already cut their lawn. He thinks Tom and Brenda are taking advantage.

[Elona] “No. They’re friends”

[Darrell] “Only sometimes can you try too hard, then you become a doormat”

[Elona] “There is a law in life Darrell. If you give out, you get back”

Actually – Tom and Brenda should be ashamed of themselves. Adam, mere weeks after being attacked, is getting on with his own garden.


Lilian takes Darrell’s side, but wouldn’t marry him

Darrell gives Elona £50 to put to the fund they’re saving for one of their daughters. Which means Matt gave Darrell cash in hand again. Elona isn’t happy about that, as Darrell knows.

[Darrell] “We should be grateful someone’s taken a chance on me … Elona, it’s the build trade, not the civil service”

[Elona] “I just don’t want you slipping back (to prison) … You accuse me of being a doormat, being eager to please, but you are just the same … stand up for yourself … I won’t accept this way of living. Go back to Matt and tell him to make you official. From next week … I’m not living in the shadows. Think about your girls”

[Darrell “This is going to be embarrassing”

[Elona] “That’s your choice, isn’t it. Embarrassment or shame”

Darrel chose embarrassment. He went to round to Matt's to ask to be paid on the books, just as Matt and Lilian are off out in the car.

Matt says he’ll get back to him.

[Lilian] “I wish you wouldn’t do that … where’s my lighter … tell people you’ll do things when you haven’t the slightest intention of doing them … we should think about it, you know. Darrell’s a damn good chippie. I’d be sorry if he walked away”

[Matt] “With his record, in this climate, are you kidding?”

Matt reckons he doesn’t want to complicate what’s an easy casual arrangement.

[Lilian] “It obviously took a lot for him to summon up the nerve to ask you”

[Matt] “Ah, that’s just his pushy wife, innit”

[Lilian] “She needs to be pushy. He’s very sweet, but not husband material”

[Matt] “How very old fashioned you are sometimes, pussycat”

[Lilian] “I can’t stand a wishy washy man, though considerate would be nice … If we upset Elona, we’ll have mum to answer to …You should pay for quality, Matt. Surely I’ve taught you that”

Matt tells Lilian to leave “the workforce” to him, but Lilian is far from done.


Ben’s help build the silage clamp

Well done Ben.


Scary times at Brookfield

David has to go to an NFU meeting tonight, which means Ruth’s home alone.

[Ruth] “Well I’ll just barricade myself in with the kids”

When David gets back (he needs to have his breaks check, by the way. They were very squeaky), it’s gone 10.30pm. Ruth’s in a flap, even though David texted.

David’s also a bit perturbed that the security lights didn’t come on when he drove back in. He goes to check. At first he thinks the glass is blown, but if it has, it’s more than one light that’s gone. They’re all shattered.

[David] “I reckon this is kids, Ruth. They’ve seen the kitchen is dark and taken their chance”

[Ruth] “This light’s just below Ben’s room … what if he’d been at the window … I want you to ring the Police”

[David] “I don’t think we should assume the worst”

[Ruth] “It’s a priority to me … we need to report it. Just  do it. Please”

Alan’s back to being Usha’s husband 27.05.12

(not just exclusively Amy’s dad)

The Archers Sunday 27th June 2012

• Brookfield to be filmed
• Alan gives Usha a lovely Sunday in bed
• Brookfield’s sheep are being weighed
• Ben’s forced to watch the cricket

Brookfield to be filmed

[Ruth] “So, we've finally joined the surveillance society”

David and Ruth are choosing security cameras online. They also decide to tell Pip what’s going on, as she’s the most vulnerable one (being out and about the most by herself).

Worryingly, David’s taken to sleeping with a shotgun next to the bed. Ruth nearly hit it instead of the alarm clock …

[Ruth] “We’re sitting targets”

[David] “Well, they may be scum, but they can't be completely stupid. They won’t want to be caught on camera”

[Ruth] “Everything's changing, isn’t it?”

Would seem so. The days of being able to leave their doors unlocked are (at least temporarily) gone.

[David] “Ruth, I am not going to let these thugs get in my head … Think about it, why are they doing this, how do they want us to feel, rattled and insecure ... they are not taking over our lives ...”

[Ruth] “I must say Farm Sunday is the last thing I feel like doing right now”

Sounds like the bad men are winning …


Alan gives Usha a lovely Sunday in bed

(yes – nearly in ‘that’ way. What’s going on with the older-than-young-but-not-quite-old Ambridge married couples? Why all of the randyness?)

He comes home after early communion (where he only had half a dozen people attend, but seemed happy enough with that), to find Usha still in bed. She stayed there after she’d heard Amy up and about. Usha wanted to wait until Amy went back to her room.

[Alan] “You shouldn't have to hide away”

[Usha] “I'm not. I'm just avoiding unnecessary confrontation”

[Alan] “God has committed us to the work of reconciliation”

[Usha] “Well water wears a stone down eventually”

Usha has the measure of Amy. She thinks Amy is running rings round her and Alan.

[Usha] “We need to get on with our lives, you and I”

So they do. Seems Usha is 50 next month, and Alan wants them to celebrate properly.

A meal at Grey Gables? A party outside? Aha – hiring The Bull upstairs.

But they can’t do it on the 17th (Usha’s actual birthday) as it’s also Open Farm Sunday – which David and Ruth will be running at Brookfield.

(wonder why they didn’t ask Brian to do it this year)

Either which way, Usha is ever so happy that Alan’s being nice/normal to her again.

[Usha] “You have cheered up my morning, darling”

[Alan] “So, do you want her there?”

[Usha] “Yes, yes I do, though whether she'll want to be there is another matter”

*sigh*

Amy will manage to ruin Usha’s birthday, one way or another.

When Alan mentions their plans for Usha’s birthday, Amy says she expects to be working. When Alan tries to reason with her:

[Amy] “Don't you get it dad, I don’t want anything to do with her!”

Usha overheard. But I don’t suppose she’ll be surprised, or shocked, to hear Amy talk that way anymore.


Brookfield’s sheep are being weighed

Must be slaughter time for some of them.


Ben’s forced to watch the cricket

Wee toot.

Ruth and David make him go and watch the Darrington game – where everything knows Ambridge will be gubbed.

They only wanted him safely somewhere else, as they’d be too busy working to keep an eye on him. So no need for such punishment!

Wild Boars are quite common, says Kirsty 21.05.12

The Archers Monday 21st May 2012

• When even sweet potato curry isn’t enough
• Lynda wishes she’d learnt Esperanto
• Is Oliver being sexist?
• Wild Boars are too common for Lynda
• Who did Ruth have to apologise to?
• Oliver delighted to be silaging
• The price of bread is over £2
• Boycott of Alice’s stall?
• Is David going mad?

When even sweet potato curry isn’t enough
Alan tries to get Amy to sit down with him and Usha.

Amy only gets up when she thinks Usha has left the house (she was thwarted today – Usha had just gone out to do a bit of gardening). And sidestepped a mid-morning coffee with Alan and Usha by saying she was staying in bed.

He then manages to get her agree to have tea – he’s going to attempt Mabel’s famous Sweet Potato Curry. Even though he’s never made it right or hot enough before. Amy didn't sound keen at all.


Lynda wishes she’d learnt Esperanto

[Lynda] “Hej. Godmorgen. Hoe is uw dag?”

(apologies to anyone who  is Dutch. My transcription of Lynda’s bad pronunciation is probably way off!)

Lynda explains to Olive that she has Nordic guests staying.

[Lynda] “I just like to make the effort. Nations shall speak peace unto nation. I wished I’d learnt Esperanto, actually”

[Oliver] “Well, you won’t find dried herring in the village shop, but it does sell Danish bacon”

[Lynda] “Oh no no. We're strictly local”

(I’d have thought Lynda would have made a point of saying that they never, ever, buy Danish bacon because of the bad (supposed to be changed but not), way the pigs are held. Maybe too controversial for too early in the morning)

When Lynda also later tells Alice about her guests:

[Alice] “Oh well, I hope their jumpers don’t disappoint”

Lynda was not amused.


Is Oliver being sexist?

[Lynda] “What have you got there? Fistful of chocolate bars I see”

Olive explains it’s to keep him going, as he has work to do at Brookfield. Lynda starts to explain that a sugar rush is only temporary:

[Oliver] “No, Lynda, I won’t accept lectures on chocolate from a woman”

What?

That’s not our usual cuddly, gentleman Oliver.


Wild Boars are too common for Lynda

[Oliver] “I suppose you know Kirsty and Patrick were in the woods together on Sunday?”

[Lynda, sensing juicy gossip] “No, really!?!”

[Oliver] “Close to where Ed found signs of grubbing up in the fields. They were looking for evidence of a wild boar”

[Lynda] “Oh. That”

[Oliver] “Well they actually found some tracks, and what could have been tusk marks on a tree trunk. Exciting, eh … Kirsty says their population is on the increase. In fact, they’re quite common now”

[Lynda] “Hmm”

[Oliver] “Well you don’t seem very interested”

[Lynda] “Well, it’s fascinating, of course, but a wild pig hasn’t the allure of a sleek and predatory big cat”

Oh Lynda. You are fickle.

Patrick’s going to set up a night camera, so hopefully the mystery of boar Vs big cat will be resolved soon enough.


Who did Ruth have to apologise to?

Was it Oliver?

She made mention that she has to apologise to someone for shouting down the phone when she answered it in last eavesdropping episode. Also to Ben for seemingly losing the plot.

[Ruth] “Still it broke the curse. I’m going to answer it from now on”

David thinks the nasty bloke won’t try it again, as he won’t want his number to be traced.

[David] “That bloke has watched too many gangster movies”

Oliver delighted to be silaging

[Oliver] “Back to driving a tractor … how will our backs cope!”

Ruth though Oliver certainly looked more at home on the tractor, than at Grey Gables.


The price of bread is over £2

Good lord!

That was special organic bread Lynda bought from the market, but nae need at all!


Boycott of Alice’s stall?

Alice mentioned to Lynda that her stall has been quiet (she’s selling fruit and venison from Home Farm).

Lynda gave the opinion that the stall was out of kilter with the now perception of Home Farm. Super Dairy does not equal local produce.

[Alice] “So take it up with my dad, not me!”

[Lynda] “I’m only saying people aren’t stupid”

(once Lynda has gone)

[Alice] “It’s funny how you can go off people …”

As Alice (and Amy, who has finally got out of bed) pack up, Alice does wonder if Lynda’s right. She’s hardly sold anything. Amy reckons it’s just folks cutting back – why buy a punnet of strawberries from a market if you can get 2 for 1 at a supermarket?


Is David going mad?

David calls Ruth in a panic.

[Ruth] “I don’t understand what the problem is”

[David] “It’s the newspaper on the tractor seat”

[Ruth] “A copy of The Echo, yeah you said. So, they’re often is”

[David] “That’s the whole point Ruth. It wasn’t here before”

[Ruth] “And you don’t think it’s Oliver’s or Eddie’s?”

[David] “No. I’m sorry. Look, it’s not the most recent one … it has been carefully folded over to reveal the headline about the assault on Adam … and this has happened in the last few minutes Ruth while I was getting my drink … someone has placed it here”

[Ruth] “This is horrible”

[David] “We’re going to have to be careful”

When Ruth suggests that she should check their recycling to see if their copy has gone:

[David] “Oh, so it’s walked on its own to the tractor seat!”

[Ruth] “Okay, so we phone the police”

David doesn’t want to. He thinks they will be wasting their time. And that it’s not direct intimidation anyway, so there’s nothing the Police could do.

[Ruth] “Someone was watching you David, waiting to do this”

[David] “And he was trying to spook me”

[Ruth] “Well not just spook you, warn you”

I’m with Ruth. They should call the Police, pronto.

The christening of the new slurry tank 20.05.12

The Archers Sunday 20th May 2012

• Terror of the phone
• The slurry tank party
• Slaughtered by Little Croxley
• Pip enjoyed her Gourmet Burger shift
• Everyone wants someone else at Bridge Farm

Terror of the phone

[Ruth] “I'm on edge every time the phone rings”

[David] “Maybe it's enough for him that we've had a miserable weekend, he'll leave us alone now”

[Ruth] “I don’t want to feel bullied”

[David] “Well I won’t be. I'm not going to let Adam down, I’m the only witness”

Good on David. I’m not his biggest fan, but he will always stand on the side of right.

They’ve had to put the phone answering machine on so that they don’t have to chance speaking to that bloke again. Though no mention of them telling the Place.

At the end of tonight’s eavesdropping, Ben had managed to get to the phone when it rang before Ruth could grab him. She did manage to speak first on it, but we didn’t get to hear who was calling,


The slurry tank party

As organised by Ben and Bert.

Jill had to find out from Bert when they were at church.

[David] “You can come if you like”

[Jill] “I will”

(that’s not like David, to be rude to his mum)

Bert has a special surprise for the party, but won’t tell David.

[David] “Champagne, dancing girls?”

Jill thinks the tank is very smart.

David is impressed by the cakes:

[David] “Significant enough for fairy cakes ... I refuse to call them cupcakes!”

David also tells everyone that they’re thinking of turning the old slurry lagoon into a reservoir.

[Ben] “But it’s had cow poo in it!”

[David] “It won’t be for our drinking water Ben”

After the stress of ‘that’ phone call, David’s not really in the mood to celebrate. But regardless of whatever else is happening, the new slurry tank is good news.

[Ruth] “We have managed to save the herd”

[Jill] “See, Bert was right. It is something to celebrate”

Bert arrives back from the cricket. He’s also rather despondent (because of the cricket), but brightens up when he make his big reveal.

A bottle of milk to christen the tank across its bough - and champagne.

(wow – steady on there!)

[Jill] “Well, I think your father would thoroughly approve of this new tank”

[Bert] “This is the cleanest it'll ever be, so inhale deeply and enjoy it while you can”

Slaughtered by Little Croxley

Were the Ambridge cricket team.

There Jamie was in for Tom:

[Bert] “We were annihilated again …  What a shower. No Roy, no Adam of course, no Tom to boot. Talk about the B team. It was like watching a slow car crash”

Seems Will “missed a sitter”, and Rhys fell over.

[Bert] “I don’t know how we're going to pull it round before the next grudge match”

(which is against Darrington)


Pip enjoyed her Gourmet Burger shift

[Tom] “Can't beat that smell of grease and the roar of the crowd”

Well, you can. But each to their own.


Everyone wants someone else at Bridge Farm

First, David.

[David] “Tom, if you don’t confront problems, they're only going to fester”

Then Pat, when she was talking about how the family had to pull together to get through the E.coli nightmare.

[Pat] “Tom and Helen came of age. It was Tom who saw the direction we had to take to save the business ... so, we can't expect Tom and Helen to shrink back now and do what they're told”

[Tony] “Huh, I never expect my son to be a shrinking violet”

[Pat] “We're the older generation now Tony. It's not always easy to accept but it’s the way it should be ... it’s time to give them their heads. treat them as equals. Even take the lead sometimes. if not, well I’m frightened we'll lose Tom ... we need him”

[Tony] “I know you;re right Pat, but I suppose I feel scared of stepping back”

[Pat] “It'll be strange for me too. It's Helen who'll be at the helm in the dairy too ... I'll be the washer upper”

[Tony] “But I’m not ready to be like Bert at Brookfield. Pottering around like some handyman”

Later on, Tony stuns Tom and Pat:

[Tony] “So I propose we pull in a new relief milker for the afternoons … I still expect the upper hand in the office Tom. And sole use of the big chair”

So, guard change at Bridge Farm then.

Still think it’s odd that Helen’s not having as much say as Tom … where is she?

Some bloke threatens David 18.05.12

The Archers Friday 18th May 2012

• Pip’s a Gourmet Burger girl
• Peggy pushes in
• All’s well at Brookfield
• Pip got 79% and is off clubbing
• Now Ruth’s on heat
• Bad, bad men!

Pip’s a Gourmet Burger girl

And she genuinely sounds happy about it. Off with Brenda to do her first shift in the van:

[Tom] “You'll be a burger pro in no time”

[Peggy] “She really is proving to be worth her weight in gold”

Peggy thinks they should take Pip on full time. Watch out for that becoming part of a recurring theme for our Peg.


Peggy pushes in

It’s not like Peggy to interfere, but the only exception is when it comes to Tom (he can do no wrong).

She hears Tony annoyed about a bloke called Howard changing his order – which Tom had arranged, but hadn’t written down in a place Tony could find.

Tom then takes her to see the new Poly Tunnel.

[Peggy] “Goodness. It's larger than I expected”

(how did Bridge Farm get that up without any hassle? Home Farm had a horrific time. But, I suppose that had a lot to down to Lynda)

Yom talks her through where the Chillies, new varieties of peppers, and maybe even aubergines will go.

[Tom] “It's a risk, but a good profit if it works. And we've got the space”

[Peggy] “And when are you going to manage all of this?”

Ah. Peggy’s twigged that Tom’s not happy doing the menial work, and that there’s plenty office politics afoot.

[Peggy] “Let's be honest, you;re doing each other's jobs. Tony should be on the farm, while you push forward the business”

But Tom knows it’s a current necessary evil. Tony isn’t well enough to cope with working the farm.

[Tom] “I mean that's the priority, and I don’t want to push him”

Tom doesn’t even have time to play cricket. (I’d swear that Tom was playing quite an astute game here by saying the things Peggy is bound to support him on. But Tom wouldn’t make sure Peggy took his side rather than Tony’s … would he?)

[Peggy] “You must give yourself a break, though”

[Tom] “Maybe I'll have some time to put on my whites in August, by which point we'll be firmly ensconced at the bottom of the league”

Later, Peggy has a chat with Tony.

[Peggy] “It's such a shame his energies are being wasted ...well it hardly makes sense for him to squander his time on the daily chores ... he should be concentrating on developing the business”

[Tony] “And he's welcome to, when I'm feeling a bit stronger … What has he been saying to you?”

[Peggy] “Other than what's patently clear, he's frustrated, he's raring to go”

[Tom] “Well pardon me, sorry for almost dying”

[Peggy] “Oh Tony, will you please listen. Even if you hadn't been ill, it would still be time to give Tom more of a say ... he was brimming over with drive and ambition”

[Tony] “And I'm just a stick in the mud, I suppose”

[Peggy] “How old were you and Pat when you decided to go organic ... so, the same age as Tom then. And look how you transformed the farm. Tom's not a boy anymore, Tony, he's in the prime of life. You should be taking advantage of that, especially now you’ve had your heart attack. It's something you;re need to come to terms with, and Pat as well”

Peggy wants Tony and Pat to bring an extra worker, so that Tom can concentrate away from ‘just’ working the farm.

[Peggy] “And what's the alternative hobbling on financially as you are,  or Give Tom's the reigns and let him actually build the business ... hire some help Tony, I promise you, once Tom's running things, it will pay for itself”

All’s well at Brookfield

Though they don’t have Tom or Tony to help out with silaging, they’re coping well with Oliver and Eddie’s help.

They can also start using their new slurry tank.

There’s a real air of positivity at Brookfield.

[David] “It's weird isn’t it. Surely something’s got to go wrong”

Pip got 79% and is off clubbing,

[Pip] “I need to be extra glam”

[David] “Extra glam! Oh to be young again!”

She’s also going on holiday (no mention of where) with her pals. Spencer’s fine with staying home (he’ll have the harvest on anyway).

With University, milking at Bridge Farm, working Tom’s burger van, Spencer AND having a wider social life – David’s worried Pip will burn out.

[Ruth] “She's enjoying herself. That's what she's supposed to be doing!”

Now Ruth’s on heat

My word! Seems the arrival of a new slurry tank really does something to David and Ruth’s sex drive.

Yesterday it was David, this time it’s Ruth. She made mention of them having a spare few moments … which David didn’t seem to notice.

But he did. He’d heard the hint loud and clear. So, later on:

[David] “We can't let these youngsters have all the fun. Glass of wine, darling?”

But, when we eavesdrop in late on at Brookfield, David’s fallen asleep.

[Ruth, not sounding upset] “Wakey wakey, Casanova. So much for an evening of passion!”

[David, trying to rouse himself in more ways than one] “Oh, right then!”

[Ruth] “Oh forget it. You’ve still half asleep and the boys will be back home soon”

[David] “Well, then I'll be quick. You'll be surprised!”

(the phone starts ringing)

[Ruth] “It might be your mum”

[David, passion firmly killed off by that remark] “Oh. don’t say that”

But it isn’t Jill …


Bad, bad men!

When David answers the call:

[unidentified bloke] “Is that David Archer, of Brookfield Farm? Listen to me David, you;re not going to give your evidence, okay. When they asked you to be a witness, you;re going to tell them that you can't remember what you saw. You love your family, right, because if you want them to stay safe, you'll do exactly as I say”

Huh.

That bloke must have been watching too many soap operas like Eastenders. What a clichéd way to threaten someone!

But, taking it seriously, David was right to say that Brookfield’s happiness couldn’t last.