The Archers Wednesday 18th May 2011: Lone Wolves

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• David and Ruth are leaving Brookfield!!!!
• Kenton’s one to talk (about bad timing with women)
• Does Jolene believe her own lies?
• “the baying of lone wolves”
• Oliver wanted Jolene to feel a new person
• Elizabeth is looking “wild”
• Some bloke and a marrow

David and Ruth are leaving Brookfield!!!!

Fine, it is for one evening, but it’s as shocking as if we’d heard they were selling up to buy a whore hoose.

[Ruth] “I think you better brace yourself … more good news …we can cut the supplementary feeding”

Which means they’re finally turning a decent profit.

With David in an increasingly chirpy mood, he then suggests that they get Pip to babysit Friday, so that they can go out for a meal.

Wonder what “really pushing the boat out” looks like when you’re David and Ruth.


Kenton’s one to talk (about bad timing with women)

Kenton reckons Jamie starting to see Natalie during his exams is ‘bad timing’.

Hmmm.

I don’t ever recall Kenton particularly timing his dalliances with the female gender particularly well.


Does Jolene believe her own lies?

I don’t make it a month since Jolene had her last cigarette.

She was sneaky a crafty puff right up to when they went to Monte Carlo – then has managed to stay clean.

So it won’t be a month for at least 3 or 4 more days (if not more).

Kenton doesn’t know that, of course. So he’s gone and got her a nice surprise.

Jolene also seems genuinely chuffed that she's managed to do a month.

But she hasn’t.

Cheeky.


“the baying of lone wolves”

Kenton’s surprise for Jolene is a “deluxe beauty treatment” at Grey Gables.

I had to check with fellow eavesdroppers on twitter when I thought that Kenton mentioned Jolene will be relaxing to soft music, and

[Kenton] “the baying of lone wolves”

My fellow Twitter eavesdroppers concurred that Kenton did say that.

And later, Kenton asked Jolene how she got on with the lone wolves. She said she had to “imagine them”.

Is this normal during a beauty treatment?

Are baying wolves a relaxing sound??

I have no ken.

If so, I wonder if my hounds could earn me a few bob if I took them into a local beautician to bay at their customers.

Surely the live thing would be better? Less stress than to imagine them …

(I know a hound isn’t a wolf, but all dogs are actually wolves at heart. Even the teeny handbag ones)


Oliver wanted Jolene to feel a new person

That Oliver is quite crafty, really.

Kenton asks his advice as a mate, and Oliver manages to turn it into a sale for Grey Gables.

Nice.

That poor man.

He’s so (so) bored.



Elizabeth is looking “wild”

According to Freddie.

So she’s going to get her hair cut.

Finito.


Some bloke and a marrow

(tonight’s eavesdropping episode was quite slow, by the way).

Chatting about the Single Wicket to David (who is going to get Josh to sign up), Kenton told some story about a bloke – who lived next to another cricket ground – had a cricket ball crash through his greenhouse – into his prize marrow – reckoned it was deliberate (as it would indeed have won prizes) – so took the cricket stumps in case they also tried to get his courgettes.

Not exactly the funniest tale Kenton has ever told.

Ho hum.

The Archers Wednesday 11th May 2011: Susan Carter is halfway through a book!

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• Finally get rid of Ruairi?
• Lilian still cracking whips at builders
• Non-smokers are no fun
• Taking Jolene to NZ is a great idea!!!
• Drinks with the Snells and the Bellamys
• Matt’s cutting corners
• The tongs are missing!
• Is Susan like-minded?

Finally get rid of Ruairi?

After having to look after Ruairi by himself (only for a few days), Brian’s decided he’s worried about the level of education Ruairi is receiving at the local school.

Ruairi couldn’t finish and quiz, and told Brian that it would matter. Brian was horrified that his teachers don’t even expect the kids to finish their homework. They should be being pushed.

[Brian] “Children need to be given today the edge they’ll need for tomorrow”

Egged on by Bridget sending lists of public schools, Brian starts pondering sending Ruairi to a school which will do Ruairi a bit more justice.

Jennifer isn’t against the idea, but is also quite clear that she’s not prepared to lose her, or Ruairi’s, life to commuting. There isn’t anywhere decent close by.

Stating the obvious, Brian mentions boarders.

Now, I’m not saying Jennifer has been aching to get rid of the week chap (she’s obviously a very devoted mother to him), but her first though was not the thought of Ruairi no longer living at him.

Jennifer was impressed by one of the school’s extra-curricular activities. Brian was very chuffed to see that one had a gold course.

They reckon they would miss Ruairi, but also reckon he “clearly needs a more stimulating curriculum”

Nae luck Ruairi boy. Looks like it’s boarding school for you.

Wonder is Siobhan would have approved?


Lilian still cracking whips at builders

[Lilian] “If you don’t give them a regular rollicking, they’ll be there til doomsday”

Non-smokers are no fun

Offering Jolene a sneaky fag (behind the bike sheds … well, The Bull), Lilian is a bit taken aback that Jolene doesn’t want one.

[Lilian] “Go on, you know you want to”

[Jolene] “I’m serious Lilian. I want to be good”

[Lilian] “Spoilsport …”

Fair play to Jolene for sticking to it. Though I still think it was all a bit off of Kenton to push her to do it, rather than Jolene making her own mind up.

Where she sees Kenton as encouraging – I see nagging. He forced her into it, no way about it.

I wouldn’t go as far as Lilian in saying that Jolene was “mad” to quit, as it (obviously) is good for her health – but I do reckon she’s being told what to do, rather than deciding for herself.



Taking Jolene to NZ is a great idea!!!

Kenton’s talking (again) about going to New Zealand to see his daughter Meriel.

[Lilian] “He’s always making plans to go to New Zealand but he never manages to save enough to do it”

Jolene mentioned that he wants Jolene to go with him.

Well, that’s just a cracker of an idea, Kenton.

Jolene’s just settling into normality again – taking her back to New Zealand will be just the tonic.

(and I am being sarcastic. Jolene can’t have many positive associations with New Zealand after Sid’s death there).


Drinks with the Snells and the Bellamys

(for Bellamys – I know it’s technically Crawford and Bellamy)

Lynda turns up at the Dower House.

[Lynda] “I came to hold out the olive branch to Lilian”

Lynda mentions that Leonie and Jamie are seemingly off somewhere exotic. But she won’t tell Lilian and Matt where it is, as it’d surprise.

So, talking of their new family connection, Lynda invites Lilian and Matt round for drinks one evening.

Lilian makes a few non-committal noises, and Lynda leaves them to it (promising to call to arrange their evening soon).

[Matt] “Drinks with her and her geek of her husband … remind me to be busy counting paperclips that night”

Possibly not as amusing as Susan trying to class-up for Jennifer and Brian, but plenty of comedy value to come, I reckon.


Matt’s cutting corners

Work is moving apace on Matt and Lilian’s redevelopment of No.3 The Green.

But Lilian isn’t too happy with Matt’s habit of keeping costs down by not entirely redeveloping to a high spec.

I think he’s quite right that No. 3 The Green doesn’t need to be too high-end, and that it doesn’t matter if you plaster behind kitchen cabinets if you’re just selling.

But, it’s not exactly the reputation Amside/Lilian is aiming for.


The tongs are missing!

But not to worry. They were found again in time for the Village Shop customers to get their food without having to touch it.

Phew!


Is Susan like-minded?

The Book Club meeting next week is Cranford.

Jennifer’s quite excited about it.

[Jennifer] “It’s a pleasure to become reacquainted (with Cranford) …So stimulating to talk about books with like-minded people … had missed it”

(that says a lot about Brian’s company!).

The shock of the day is that Susan is already halfway through it, and is likely to also be coming along to Book Club.
It’s likely Susan is just trying to (again) be on Jennifer’s level, but Jennifer reckons:

[Jennifer] “More than she hates being left out of anything”

Meow!

The Archers Wednesday 27th April 2011: We should have seen J coming …

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• Leonie’s being nice
• Kenton’s telling Jolene what to buy
• James wants to take “ma” to lunch
• “… the joker and the ice queen”
• Jolene feels like a new woman
• Leonie returns to form
• The very idea of James and Leonie breeding
• Kenton gets off of his bum

Leonie’s being nice

Cripes almighty!

Lynda is a bit put-out that Robert’s doing Leonie a full English breakfast. Lynda opts for muesli instead.

She’s also not entirely convinced by Leonie’s sudden happy mood. Leonie is seems to be “in a better place” and is “happier” (according to Robert).

[Lynda] “By that you mean there was no snide comments about my role as a grandmother …”

Leonie was even:

[Leonie] “Dreaming about (Lynda’s) pear flan”

Robert’s putting it all down to Leonie’s new bloke. Who she’s mysterious about. And who she calls Jay. But it later turns out we probably should have seen that as ‘J’ …

And what’s this?

‘J’ then mysteriously appears in Borchester in time for lunch at The Bull.

(I still didn’t get it, at this point)


Kenton’s telling Jolene what to buy

I don’t care if someone had been lovely enough to take me to Monte Carlo. I’d still have given them a slap if they told me what I could and couldn’t buy in duty free.

Jolene picks up some cigarettes “for Lilian”, but Kenton won’t let her purchase them.

[Jolene] “You don’t let a girl have any fun … I’ve been so good. I haven’t touch a cigarette”

Kenton that even accuses her of always choosing tables outside to eat at, so that she could inhale the smoke of others. (though he was saying this quite light heartedly).

So Jolene reckons her reward for not smoking is to smoke.

I reckon Kenton’s onto a losing battle with this one.


James wants to take “ma” to lunch

Which is when I had my ‘eureka’ moment.

J … James.

James being mysterious about his social life, Leonie being mysterious about her new man.

James and Leonie.

Ah ……


“… the joker and the ice queen”

So as they arrive at The Bull, Lynda and Robert, Matt and Lilian, realise that their respective young ‘uns are indeed seeing each other.

[Lynda] “Wait a minute? J … James!”

[James] “Guys. Meet my new girlfriend., Leonie”

Matt sounded like he’d known all along (and quite smug with it – can he foresee that Leonie will be trouble for James? Matt would love bad things to happen to James).


Jolene feels like a new woman

Kenton gets to feel a new woman.

(sorry!)


Leonie returns to form

Now that the burden of hiding that she’s dating James is off her shoulder, Leonie returns to her usual lack of tact.

She waffles on about how she:

[Leonie] “dated guys who turned out to be such wimps and losers”

the examples of which she gives as being vegan (Lynda isn’t happy at that comment) and having gone to boarding school (did James?).

Leonie follows that up by calling her sister a drooling idiot, and that “it seems to be catching”. Which was all a reference to babies … and the “catching” was the long-awaited snide comment about Lynda being so proud of being a grandmother.

So Lynda ends up upset, in the toilet.

Robert sounds happy enough (does anything ever annoy that man?).

And Lilian:

[Lilian] “Never mind what you think of her, James adores her”

[Matt] “I’d say they’re made for each other”

Kenton and Jolene are quick to listen in (as they’re back in The Bull), sending Kenton into fits of laughter.

[Kenton] “You couldn’t make that up … a cute couple … the joker and the ice queen!”

The very idea of James and Leonie breeding

[Lilian] “Do you have any plans to … “

[James] “We’re taking it steady”

And he mentions that they’re not thinking of flats – Leonie’s mentions that they’re not (yet) thinking of families … eeeeeek! Surely the spawn of Leone and James would be far worse than anything, ever spawned by an Ambridge resident! Lynda was horrified.

[Lynda] “No heavens, no … no!”

Kenton gets off of his bum

To finally do something about Jamie. But only because Jamie is stressing Jolene out.

Jolene is looking forward to actually getting back to work, but she’s dreading Jamie.

[Jolene] “he’s still here. He’s showing no signs of moving out … I’m not his mother. I can’t always be responsible for him … I can’t really throw him out"

So Kenton, quite manfully, steps in. He’s going to have a word with Jamie. At long, long last …

Shame it took him getting his leg over Jolene to be spurred into action!

The Archers Sunday 24th April 2011: We all get to go to Monte Carlo!

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• And that’s just Jolene’s travel outfit!
• Will will make George sick?
• “Hard-core bee freaks”
• “Egg crazy kids”
• Nooooo – not the shower!!!
• Ruth’s kind to Joe
• David feels guilty
• The shower hasn’t gone away …
• “Here we go”

And that’s just Jolene’s travel outfit!

[Fallon] “Ooh la la!”

[Kenton] “Knock out … you look great. Perfect.”

And they’re off! But not before Jolene checks and rechecks everything with Fallon.

[Fallon] “Just let it go mum, we’ll be fine, don’t worry”

Will will make George sick?

Things are really coming to a head between Will and Emma.

She’s now accusing his Easter egg of potentially having the ability to make George sick.

Child. Easter Egg. Potential of being sick.

Fairly atypical, I’d have thought?

Anyway, Will is now angry with Emma, but he is a good(ish) dad to George.

He’s doing exactly what Clarrie reckoned Ed should be doing with George – spending more time with him one-on-one; doing things that the big kids can’t do, making him feel wanted and special.

He was close to flaming George’s hatred/rivalry of Keira by saying that she was too naff to be able to hunt for Easter eggs at The Bull (I do paraphrase!) – but he was also encouraging George to collect more than Jake or Mia.

So all healthy sibling competition. I suppose.



“Hard-core bee freaks”

I do adore it when Jill starts on about her bees. Even better when she’s getting ready for a new season. And wonderful that Josh is still interested.

They seemingly went to a bee conference type thing together, where Josh persuaded Jill to buy a new hive.

Though it has to be remembered that while Josh may be a nice young chap, spending time with his grandmum doing bee stuff, he is just about to hit the ‘Jamie’ phase:

[Josh] “Some of those hard-core bee freaks though … talk about weird! I mean, in a good way gran. And not you …”

“Egg crazy kids”

Blimey! George found 14 Easter eggs. 14! Makes you wonder if he managed to get the lion’s share, or if The Bull had spent all of its last few months profit on eggs.

[Fallon] “Egg crazy kids. One of them is bound to OD on chocolate”

(see – I said it must be fairly atypical)



Nooooo – not the shower!!!

Jolene and Kenton arrive in their Monte Carlo hotel, with Jolene very suitably impressed by the size of the bed and that they have a balcony, with a sea view.

Sounds lovely.

But I did break out in a cold sweat at the following exchange:

[Jolene] “A nice big shower an all …”

[Kenton] “Oh yeah. That’s good to know”

(ye gods! Jolene then decides to have a shower straight away, so she can freshen up and try her new shower gel … apparently).

[Kenton] “Maybe I’ll dig mine out too. Would be good to freshen up”

No. Good god, no. Not again? Surely not again???

But Jolene then sends Kenton off to get a magazine she’d left at reception. She had a very weak excuse for it being so important he got it right now – something about her being halfway through a story. I never knew Take a Break (and the like) was actually readable.

To make absolute sure that Kenton has got the message, just before he heads out:

[Jolene] “I’ll see you in a bit then … after my shower”

Phew!



Ruth’s kind to Joe

I think Ruth is probably the only person left in Ambridge who is willing to give Joe the benefit of the doubt being outed (for bad mistletoe advice) at Gardeners’ Question Time.

[Ruth] “Was it really just a scam, or did he just get his facts wrong?”

Jill reckons the proof was in the Panel all advising that it was indeed the wrong time to propagate mistletoe seeds.



David feels guilty

Which is nothing new, since Nigel died, but he seems to be obsessing that anything which goes wrong at Brookfield is his fault.

Very true that he didn’t take care of Brookfield while Elizabeth needed him at Lower Loxley – and Ruth told him so many, many times – but wasn’t he meant to be moving on?

Must be difficult for Ruth now to persuade him that the low milk yield isn’t his fault, after all the very candid ‘discussions’ they’ve had over the last few months.

[Ruth] “I’ve tried my best to cheer him up, but it’s uphill work”

The shower hasn’t gone away …

As Kenton returns to the room, Jolene has finished her shower.

But, maybe I said my ‘phew’ too soon.

Jolene seems keen for Kenton to take a shower, but he’s keen to have some boozy juice.

[Jolene] “Drink first, eh … we could save that for later”

(later? No. Not later. Never. Ever).

The Jolene’s reticence becomes (potentially) clear.

[Kenton] “Jolene, you did see the sign on the door? In six different languages? This is a no smoking room!”

Kenton hadn’t caught Jolene smoking, or even smelt smoke. He was just suspicious that she’d been so keen to get him out of the room.

So they have a good giggle that Kenton thought Jolene was being sneaky, even though she claims she hadn’t been smoking.

And as she pointed out, she’d have had a smoke in the balcony rather than the room.

What’s more, Jolene claims she hasn’t had any cravings since they left Ambridge.

[Jolene] “Kenton, sweetheart, why would I want one with you here? … I daresay we’ll keep my mind off it somehow”

Which sounds fair enough.

And I had been wondering whether Jolene was actually okay with sharing a room – they haven’t spoken about taking the next step for a wee bit now (though Jolene did say she was ready).

Well, that’s that question sorted. She’s well up for it.

Good on her.



“Here we go”

Ruth and Jill tune their wirelesses just in time to catch Gardeners’ Question time.

Well it’s a first for me:

[Jill] “here we go!”

The Archers Fri 22nd April 2011: The Ghost at The Book Club

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• Joe’s still keeping a low profile
• Lynda’s not convinced by Joe’s confidence
• Walk of Witness
• Outrageously smug non-smokers
• Jim’s galvanised, Lynda’s mixed
• Grace Kelly or Victoria Beckham
• Jolene doesn’t trust Jamie
• The Book Club’s second meeting
• And the next book is …

Joe’s still keeping a low profile

He seems to now be hiding at the magazine racking in the village shop, rather than at Ed and Emma’s.

This means he has to feign an interest in mountain biking magazines.

May7be he should pay closer attention to the Gardening magazines? Business Magazines? Or ones which can help him with how to successfully create a great scam which won’t backfire, and won’t result in him having to hide next to magazine racking …


Lynda’s not convinced by Joe’s confidence

Joe reckons he knows Robert Harris’ The Ghost.

But all Lynda isn’t that convinced, after asking him what he thought of it.

[Lynda] “You’ll have to do a bit better than ‘interesting’. That hardly constitutes serious debate”

Walk of Witness

Jill mentioned the other day that the Book Club shouldn’t be meeting tonight, as it is Good Friday.

Lynda also has a tinge of ‘is this appropriate’:

[Lynda] “It seems rather frivolous after the walk of witness this morning”

But as Joe points out – not all Ambridge residents are Christians.


Outrageously smug non-smokers

I am utterly appalled.

Appalled that an adult like Jolene can be refused cigarettes in her local shop.

Appalled that her manfriend, Kenton, though he had the right to ask the volunteers at the village shop to refuse to serve her cigarettes.

And appalled that Lynda would then carry out Kenton’s wishes in refusing Jolene.

[Lynda] “He was eager to enlist us to the cause … pack the horrible habit in … you know it makes sense”

Then Lynda started waffling on about how Jolene should use visualisation to help her quit – see herself as a healthy woman without the addiction, and use positivity to help her quit.

Oh for feuck sake!

Jolene will quit when she’s decided she needs to – not when she’s been told to, forced to, by the vest of the village.

Can you imagine Lilian taking this sort of treatment?


Jim’s galvanised, Lynda’s mixed

Jim feels galvanised after Monday’s Gardeners’ Question Time recording.

But Lynda’s had a mixed week.

She’s not too pleased that Leonie is staying with her and Robert next week (even though Robert is very excited). She’s been quit put out that Caroline is going to take on Roy’s duties herself, rather than offering her staff (i.e. Lynda) promotion.

But Lynda did have a rather triumphant time at Gardeners’ Question Time. She’s taken quite a fancy to Matthew Wilson.

[Lynda] “Matthew is a consummate professional .. .charm personified”

Grace Kelly or Victoria Beckham

Kenton has a fantasy of Jolene and myself driving to Monte Carlo, in an open top sports car, with Jolene in a headscarf a la Grace Kelly.

As she’s done so well with not smoking (!!!), he’s bought her a new scarf.

But it would seem it might not have hit the mark. Fallon reckoned the scarf is:

[Fallon] “… very Victoria Beckham”

Is it a tad too tacky and flashy (sorry Victoria!), or is this just generational?


Jolene doesn’t trust Jamie

No surprises there then, but it’s a bit worrying that Jolene now doesn’t even trust Jamie to not turn up with a bunch of his mates at The Bull. Fallon reckons she’ll be fine – as she has Rhys to hand – but it’s a series state of affairs that Fallon has to rely on someone else to protect her and the pub from Jamie.

[Jolene] “ … worried about leaving you with a busy pub an d a wayward teenager … it’s a short step from where he is now to being in serious trouble”

When Jamie later on texts Fallon, after no contact from him for days, Jolene couldn’t care less. She reckons he’s only getting in touch as he now needs somewhere to sleep (eat and get money from), and she’s furious about it.

And quite right too. She’s given him a home and a job, but he doesn’t take any of it seriously.

[Jolene] “Never had so much as an excuse, let alone an apology”

But.

As Fallon reasons, if Jamie doesn’t stay with them – where will he go? They can’t turn him away.

So, Jamie has them over a barrel (gettit!).

Very tiresome indeed. What is one to do with a troublesome teen?

When Jamie does turn up at The Bull, Jolene tries to give him what for:

[Jolene] “Just because you’re my stepson,. Don’t mean I’ll take it from you”

So he promise to “toe the line”, and properly help Fallon while Jolene is away.

Odds on he just continues business as usual …


The Book Club’s second meeting

Tonight’s book, as we all know, is Robert Harris’ The Ghost.

And, as we all also expected, Joe’s tried to be clever by watching the film, instead of reading the book. As also expected, he’s managed to watch the wrong film – Ghost, starring Patrick Swayze, Demi Moore and Whoopi Goldberg … Queue the hilarity …

[Joe] “The bit where the ghost bit takes over from the other ghost …”

[Jim] “ …Harris themes of puppet and puppet masters”

[Ruth] “I agree with Joe …”

Joe refers to demons – Jim thinks it’s a clever analogy for the CIA.

[Joe] “I don’t remember no sat nav – that ghost helped him on the tube …”

[Lynda] “ politician …”

[Joe] “You mean potter!”

[Joe] “You can’t forget that bit, where they has all that wet and they make a pot”

[Jim] “To the strains of unchained melody, perhaps …”

Sounds like Jim knew all along that Joe wouldn’t read the book, and also probably guessed he’d watch the wrong film.

Ruth was also caught with her pants down – poor woman was agreeing with Joe throughout, and sounded like she also thought Ghost (film) was the same as The Ghost (book). But bless her. She didn’t even him time to cheat by watching the film – she had to rely on memory from a while back.

The majority of the Book Club just laughed it off, especially Jim, but Lynda was outraged:

[Lynda] “That’s typical of you, and I cite the mistletoe debacle on Monday, if you’re going to cheat at least do it properly. And Ruth, I’m surprised at you!”

And the next book is …

Elizabeth Gaskell’s Cranford, as chosen by Lynda.

[Lynda] “And woe betide anyone who watched the boxset instead!”

That’s them told.

The Archers Tuesday 19th April 2011: Peggy agrees to tea with Ted

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• Jamie’s hungover
• Joe’s keeping a low profile
• Ted’s a patient man
• Give Jolene a break
• Lynda cannae haud her wheesht
• Laughing at Vicky
• Lilian becomes Jolene’s dealer
• A repeat of the decapitated pigeon …
• It’s okay, Lynda has buns
• Fun for all the family
• Mention of Harry

Jamie’s hungover

[Fallon] “He could barely grunt earlier on in the morning”

Fair enough that a young chap gets a tad drunk once in a while. But, I find it odd that his hangovers are so bad (I didn’t get bad hangovers until my mid-twenties) – and he’s turning Fallon into a mum.

She now can’t settle until he gets in. No matter what time it is.

After going back to bed once he’d barely grunted at Fallon in the morning, Fallon and Jolene then had to wake him up to do his shift. Jolene’s not at all amused.

[Jolene] “You wanted the job, so get on with it!”

Just wait until she catches him stealing booze, or her precious rations of fags.

Little twerp.

There surely must be one of those teen boot camps somewhere near Ambridge. Which is only one step away from me saying ‘bring back National Service’ … ugh.



Joe’s keeping a low profile

After Gardeners’ Question Time blowing Joe’s entire business model (that his mistletoe would never grow), he’s gone into hiding from his ‘clients’.

[Lilian] “I can just see them now, chasing him through the village with flaming torches”

Ted’s a patient man

Ted must really see something special in Peggy. He’s put up with her blowing hot and cold – but it does finally pay off.

Mrs Peggy Woolley is able to take tea today.

Hurrah!

[Ted] “A bit of fine weather and free air improves all our spirits”

Would seem so. And how nice for both of them.

At tea, ted then invites Peggy to a talk his giving at his U3A meeting (University of the Third Age – for folks over 50 who want to meet to socialise and learn).

Sounds like Peggy was tempted.

Would that be their second or first date?



Give Jolene a break

Or even just a fag.

[Fallon] “Caught you red handed! Loitering with intent at the cigarette machine …”

First off – do pubs actually have cigarette machines anymore? I haven’t seen one in years.

And second – it wasn’t Jolene’s idea to quit. Just leave the woman be!


Lynda cannae haud her wheesht

Lynda asks Caroline if it’s true Roy is leaving Lower Loxley.

[Caroline] “Ah. I think Vicky was speaking out of turn there”

She confides in Lynda that it’s true, but that Lynda has to keep stum.

What Lynda agrees to. Along with offering her candidacy for Roy’s job.

After Lynda has left:

[Caroline] “Oh Lord!”

But later on – Peggy sees Lynda on the Lower Loxley computer – assumes she’s still working – but she’s on her lunch – so admits that she’s working on her CV.

[Lynda] “it’s all very hush hush”

For goodness sake woman! That’s not on, and also not the way to get the promotion (which doesn’t exist anyway).


Laughing at Vicky

Which is easy to do at the best of times, but her having to climb in through the kitchen window to ask her Gardeners’ Question Time question on Monday is particular gold.

[Lilian] “ … she ran back into the hall red as a lobster with hair like Ken Dodd’s”

[Jolene] “A good job she don’t do dignity, our Vicky”

Lilian becomes Jolene’s dealer

[Lilian] “If you got any closer to me and my ciggie Jolene there’d be rumours!”

Lilian’s outside The Bull having a fag – Jolene’s passively smoking it.

Jolene really isn’t having an easy time trying to quit smoking. Probably because it wasn’t her decision in the first place.

[Lilian] “I don’t why anyone bothers to try …”

Lilian gives Jolene one of her cigarettes (ready to snatch it from Jolene and pretend she’s smoking it), then gives her a nearly full packet to keep in her handbag,

[Lilian] “It’s just for emergencies, Jolene. If you’ve got some ciggies to hand, you won’t feel like you’re being deprived of a guilty pleasure, so you won’t feel the need to smoke as often”

[Jolene] “Yeah, I think that makes sense”

[Lilian] “Course it does, darling”

And if you’re a smoker/have quit smoking, that’ll also make perfect sense to you as well.

Though as a way to quit? Mais non.

Wonder how Jolene’s going to sneak any cigarettes in while she’s with Kenton in Monte Carlo? She’s just be miserable the whole time if she can’t …



A repeat of the decapitated pigeon …

Lynda’s telling Peggy that she’s found another smashed Peregrine egg.

Which Lynda is most upset about.

But, from the behaviour of the Peregrine parents, it would seem that they still have eggs to hatch.

(I still think human hands are at play. Eggs don’t just smash themselves, and to have two eggs topple out of the nest would be very bad parenting. “To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.” Oscar Wilde)

[Peggy – not a fan of the Peregrines and their dietary habits] “I hope we won’t have a repeat of the decapitated pigeon episode”

[Lynda] “Ah, nature is as red in tooth and claw, as Tennyson would have it. We rural dwellers must accept that that’s how it is”

It’s okay, Lynda has buns

Peggy is a bit surprised that the is book club happening on Good Friday – but it’s okay, Lynda has buns. Easter ones, that is.



Fun for all the family

Seemingly Lynda’s Parish Council election leaflet is very full of information.

[Lynda to Peggy] “Shall I give you more, to give to family and friends?”

Peggy declines. How strange.



Mention of Harry

He hasn’t been heard or spoken about in a wee while – where’s Harry?

Fallon mentioned he would be helping out with games at The Bull for Easter, and today:

[Peggy to Lynda] “Are you emailing, or Twittering, or whatever Harry calls it?”

But where is he?

Has Jazzer buried him under the patio?

(which would be hard, as they live in a flat).

The Archers Friday 15th April 2011: Ted and Peggy?

click the 'read more' link below the bullet points to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Lilian’s so smoking!
• Jennifer is indeed still in South Africa
• Cakes at twenty paces
• Questions, questions …
• Lilian’s new career as a bouncer
• Brenda’s back on the leaflets!
• “If it was up to Lynda Snell, we’d all be plunged into darkness at midnight”
• Clarrie stands up for George
• George & Keira like Will and Ed?
• Does Ed love Keira more?
• When was Peggy friendly with Ted?

Lilian’s so smoking!

And she has the occasional cigarette as well.

Wonder how long it will take for Jolene to have to nip round to Lilian’s for a cigarette late at night, after the shop has shut, when she’s desperate but has none in …



Jennifer is indeed still in South Africa

Peggy has confirmed it, so that one’s cleared up (what was Alice thinking?).

Ruairi is in Ireland, and having a lovely time as well.

[Vicky] “It’s nice for him to have a little holiday too”

[Peggy] “Nice for Brian!”

Cakes at twenty paces

Looks like there might be a showdown between Jill and Peggy over cakes.

Jill has been stressing that she has too many folks involved in the catering for Gardeners’’ Question Time – but Peggy has seemingly decided to make a “special” cake for the presenters.

Without telling Jill.

This could turn quite nasty.


Questions, questions …

Vicky is also excited about Gardeners’ Question Time, though she’s not sure if her question is ‘”appropriate”.

Unlike Jill, who won’t share what her question is, Peggy is more than happy to tell hers to Vicky to help her understand what might be a good enough one.

Peggy’s question is about her gladiolus.

[Peggy] “ .. . the corns I lifted in the Autumn are covered with little tiny corns. I want to know if I should brush them off before planting … could be potted up … how long to flower”

[Vicky] “That’s really good. So clever and interesting. Mine’s nothing like that …It’s about these mistletoe propagation Joe Grundy’s been selling. I wanna ask the panel if they think they can actually work!”

[Peggy] “I think that a very good question … but I’d keep it to myself if I were you”

Oh-ho! Joe’s ploy to be lambasted on national radio?

Just wait until Sabrina hears the truth.



Lilian’s new career as a bouncer

Lilian reckons she has a:

[Lilian] “very important part in the proceedings … only person in the village who doesn’t want to ask a question ..”

As Lilian really isn’t that bothered about Gardeners’ Question Time, she’s become the bouncer … well, doorkeeper, in Ambridge terms.

Matt persuaded her that it’d be a good way to impress voters during the Parish elections – so, as per, as Matt says to do, Lilian does.

But Peggy reckons she can’t have any cake! Presenters only.


Brenda’s back on the leaflets!

It’s been a while – so about time Brenda let her true talent out again.

As Brenda’s doing Lilian’s election leaflets, Lilian reckons they’ll look superb.

[Peggy] “But will it actually say anything?”

Meow!

And not sure if that was directed at Lilian (for being a bit blonde sometimes), or Brenda (for design over substance).



“If it was up to Lynda Snell, we’d all be plunged into darkness at midnight”

So reckons Lilian.

She also reckons it was her who got the streetlamps sorted, despite Lynda’s protestations.

(I’m with Lynda on that one. I’d love our village to be dark at night).



Clarrie stands up for George

As promised to Will, Clarrie pops round to see Ed to tackle the problem of George feeling very left out because of baby Girl Grundy Keira. – which Clarrie and Will reckon Ed and Emma aren’t dealing with very well.

[Ed] “You’ve got the wrong end of the stick. You don’t understand what Emma’s trying to do”

Ed reckons Emma is trying to involve George with Keira by asking him to help look after her. George sees it as him having to do stuff he doesn’t want to do because of the baby.

I can see his point – that’s its better George helps, than Emma having to send him to his room so she can concentrate on Keira. But he had a bit of a cheek also saying that it was better than him being ‘stuck’ in front of the telly. Wasn’t that exactly what Ed did with him just a few weeks ago?

Clarrie’s point about the Fun Run (Emma choosing to put George elsewhere while she took Keira, as George had been playing up and she couldn’t cope with the two of them:

[Clarrie] “Of course it were better for Emma, I don’t blame her. But from George’s point of view, he were being punished”

And Clarrie also tells Ed that George has said he wants to baby to go back, and for him to stay with Will.

Ed doesn’t entirely believe Clarrie at first – because it came via Will. He reckons Will is just jealous.

Which Clarrie uses to ram home her point that Ed and Emma have to do something better with George asap.


George & Keira like Will and Ed?

[Clarrie] “Is that what you want Keira and George to end up like? Like you and Will”

Seemingly, Clarrie has some regrets about how she brought up Will and Ed – if she’d done something different, maybe they wouldn’t hate each other as much.

[Ed] “You can’t blame yourself because he’s an idiot … it’s nothing to do with our childhood”

Does Ed love Keira more?

George doesn’t think so. Neither does Clarrie. But interesting that it was Ed who brought it up:

[Ed] “So you’re not hinting that I love Keira more because she’s biologically mine?”

I wouldn’t have though Ed would think like that, but one can’t help one’s feelings sometimes.

Clarrie makes a very good suggestion that it’s Ed who should be making more time for George, while Emma deals with the Keira.

[Clarrie] “You can make a fuss of George. Make it a good thing that he’s older”

[Ed] “He can help me out with the cows. It’d be much better than Will’s boring old birds … “

(Ed reckons it’s only Will who is the idiot?!?)



When was Peggy friendly with Ted?

I do remember Peggy being friendly with Ted when she first met him (back in the day when Jack has first gone into the home), but also then she was just as fast to step back from being friendly.

I thought she realised that friendship could lead to something more, so took herself away from Ted to avoid it happening. Even though Jack is muchly ‘fond’ of Ted’s wife (who is in the home with him).

But, seemingly Peggy and Ted have been chatting recently. However – she’s now back to being a bit cold with him.

She wasn’t very warm when he came over to say help, refused to go for a walk with him, Jack and his wife (she reckoned Jack would become confused with too many people), AND wouldn’t even have cake and coffee with Ted.

Ted’s worried that Peggy doesn’t like him – that’s he’s the problem.

But Elona is a canny lass, who can see potential in Peggy and Ted:

[Peggy] “Don’t give up trying Ted. Not yet”

Come on Peggy. You have a right to a life, you know.

The Archers Wednesday 13th April 2011: Fallon translates Jamie

click the 'read more' link below the bullet points to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Elizabeth really worried about Caroline and Shula?
• Jolene’s come up smelling of mints
• Kathy’s reduced to begging for glimpses of Jamie
• “I can’t really get angry with her”
• Jolene passes Kathy onto Fallon
• Daniel’s Bombshell!
• Is Jamie just lonely?
• Elizabeth’s birthday

Elizabeth really worried about Caroline and Shula?

I can’t quite tell.

If you take Elizabeth at face value, she is concerned that her decision to poach Roy from Caroline will make things awkward between Caroline and Shula (who are good mates).

But, knowing Elizabeth, it’s likely to just be Elizabeth being worried for Elizabeth. Somehow.

[Elizabeth] “She was very nice to me, in a measured sort of way … I don’t want to cause trouble between you two”

After Shula has had lunch with Caroline, she met up again with Elizabeth – so, again, seemed keen to know if she had created problems. But maybe it’s more about her wanting to know if Caroline is stomping about, wanting to tear Elizabeth a new one?

On hearing that Caroline might not replace Roy – choosing instead to rejig everyone’s work, taking on more work herself as part of that:

[Elizabeth] “Oh no. Then I really would feel dreadful”

Hmmm.

Just because Caroline is a measured, calm, rationale woman who has been quite polite to Elizabeth, doesn’t mean that Elizabeth did the right or fair thing in taking Roy.

She’s not just looked a gift horse in the mouth – she’s stared it down, had a feel of its rump and road tested it for a few weeks before consenting to (so generously) take it.


Jolene’s come up smelling of mints

Jolene’s outside The Bull ‘collecting glasses’ and smelling of mints.

Fallon sees right through that.

Jolene’s been smoking.

But what can anyone expect? Quitting wasn’t Jolene’s idea, this time round. A smoker doesn’t become an ex-smoker through being told to quit. It has to come from them.

(and I do declare my interest – I am a smoker. I am an adult. It’s a nasty habit. That I inflict on only myself. Well aware of the health risks. But no chance of me quitting until I want to)

Jolene claims she only took a “few drags” off of someone else. Which I think is worse than smoking your own (get thee down the shop!).

[Fallon] “And you’re wearing patches already, you must be high as a kite!”

Ah! There’s speaks someone coming up against true nicotine addiction …



Kathy’s reduced to begging for glimpses of Jamie

Even the most anti-Kathy amongst up must feel some pity for her at the moment. Surely?

She hasn’t heard anything from Jamie since she agreed to let him work, and has to ask Jolene and Fallon if she can pop into The Bull just to glimpse him.

Worse still, Jolene doesn’t want to have to deal with Kathy. She reckons she’s “run out of things to say”.

[Jolene] “I can’t do it. I can’t cope with Kathy. Not without a cigarette ..”

Poor Kathy. Son hates her, and the woman he’s staying with can’t be bothered with her.

Which shouldn’t be a surprise. It’s only Kathy’s men that Jolene’s interested in …



“I can’t really get angry with her”

Caroline and Shula are having lunch at Grey Gables.

Caroline’s had a tough week, and is keeping out of Roy’s way. She needs to get her head round the situation, and thinks Roy’s embarrassed.

So – is Caroline really okay with Elizabeth?

[Caroline] “It’s just a bit galling that’s all. I can’t really get angry with her, not with the situation she’s in”

Sounds to me like Caroline is absolutely seething, but she won’t let herself be truly angry as it wouldn’t be the done thing to do.

Tick, trick, time bomb …

Shula offers to be Caroline shipping boy instead (as she knew about Elizabeth’s poaching, but didn’t really feel she could tell Caroline).

But Caroline’s doesn’t take her offer. She’s being very reasonable again, and I don’t suppose there’s much fun in whipping a Saint …



Jolene passes Kathy onto Fallon

As much as I am glad that Jolene is no longer moping and moaning round the place, I must say that I think she’s being a bit of a b*tch when it comes to Kathy.

She might just be doing it to not have to acknowledge that it is very odd that she keeps ‘taking’ Kathy’s menfolk – but she’s being rather insensitive to an already wounded Kathy.

Kathy pops into The Bull, but Jolene won’t actually let her see Jamie. Jolene reckons he’s too busy working, and she wants him to stay ‘focused’.

Eh?

He was only in the kitchen, probably doing the dishes.

I don’t see Jolene maintaining her focus when Kenton’s around …

She then, quite blatantly, passes Kathy off onto Fallon. Mumbling something about Fallon having had “her moments” as a teen, s would be better placed to talk through why Jamie isn’t responding to Kathy.

Give Kathy a break, Jolene!



Daniel’s Bombshell!

What what what???

When Shula mentioned to Caroline that Daniel had “dropped a bombshell”, I had all sorts running through my head.

Had he converted? Come out?? Decided he hated horses???

No.

Nothing exciting at all, unless you’re Shula.

[Shula] “It’s not that terrible, just awkward … he’s decided he might like to be a lawyer”

I was then thinking that maybe there was a problem that Daniel wanted to take after his father (Mark) rather than his step-father (Alistair) … but Shula made it all clear.

Apart from Daniel’s only interest in law before now was watching Boston Legal, he needs to go on work experience for school. Which is when he said he wanted to try work experience in something to do with law. And the nearest place that has something to do with law is Usha’s place of work. Which was also Mark’s work.

Aha!

Here we go again – Shula Vs Usha, round 984022

[Shula] “She’s got nothing against Daniel. I’m the stumbling block”

I was the same as Caroline, in thinking that Shula and Usha had somewhat patched things up over Nigel’s death (well, not really patched up – more of an ‘able to walk down the same street, albeit on the opposites side of the road).

Seems not.

Shula was worried about having to go and ask Usha to take Daniel for work experience, as it’d be her having to ask Usha a favour.

But clever Caroline – make the boy do it himself! That’s what work experience is for.

(also – didn’t Shula still lend her donkey to Alan for certain services? A favour for a favour?)


Is Jamie just lonely?

Fallon is really rather good in trying to explain what Jamie might be feeling to Kathy.

Assuming she’s read Jamie right – she reckons Jamie’s attitude towards Kathy is in part him lashing out at her because he can’t lash out at Sid (for being dead) – and that he feels abandoned, lonely and not understood.

Fallon’s also been there with her dad, Wayne.

[Fallon] “I realised how angry I’d been that he’d given up on me so easily … how he’d abandoned me … even though he was getting nothing in return”

So – Fallon’s advice is for Kathy to not give up on Jamie, and (basically) keep taking his abuse and constant rejection. If she walked away, it’d make him even worse.

[Kathy] “So, I mustn’t try too hard, but I mustn’t stop trying either …I just miss him so much”
That’s all a bit poop for Kathy. But then again, life is often quite poop for parents.

And at least Fallon has promised not to ignore Kathy’s texts, and to keep her posted about all things Jamie.


Elizabeth’s birthday

It’s Elizabeth’s birthday soon.

Jill mentioned the other day that she’s worried about Elizabeth not wanting to do anything – but Elizabeth doesn’t want to celebrate.

As Elizabeth said – what’s there to celebrate?

[Elizabeth] “ … a life without Nigel???”

Shula persuades Elizabeth that she does need to do something, if only for the kids.

So Elizabeth agrees to “do something nice” with them – maybe take them out for the day.

Nothing’s been simple since Nigel died.

The Archers Monday 11th April 2011: Caroline is most annoyed!

click the 'read more' link below the bullet points to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Oliver!
• Roy’s made his decision
• Jolene prefers Kathy angry
• “Easter at The Bull is always a blast”
• “Oh damn!”
• Elizabeth better watch her back
• Time to quit?

Oliver!

Hurrah! I do like it when one of my favoured Ambridge residents pops back again, after a bit of an absence.

Welcome back Oliver!


Roy’s made his decision

It’s to take Elizabeth’s offer of a spanky new job!

So, all he has to do is tell Caroline.

Which won’t be easy. She’s on a mission to gather her VAT paperwork before seeing her accountant. That Grey Gables has also managed to hold its own on during the recession has had a lot to do with Roy, according to Oliver and Caroline:

[Oliver] “I know how much Caroline relies on you”

Oh dear. This isn’t going to be too easy for Roy.


Jolene prefers Kathy angry

Jolene calls Kathy to tell her that she tried with Jamie, but he still isn’t interested in going home to Kathy.

Kathy isn’t upset, as she has come to expect nothing from Jamie.

And Kathy not being upset is unsettling Jolene.

[Jolene] “It was easier when Kathy was blaming me., I know I was in the right then”

“Easter at The Bull is always a blast”

So reckons Fallon.

She’s trying to reassure Jolene that all will be well with her (and Jamie) while Jolene goes on her trip to Monte Carlo.

Harry is going to run a bull match in the garden, and Fallon is organising the Easter egg hunt.

Question is – what is a bull match?

And will Molly Button burst into the tears at the sight of someone dressed up as the Easter bunny?

Or, was it just Sid that was terrifying as a bunny?!?


“Oh damn!”

Roy’s trying to tell Caroline that he’s handing in her notice, but she’s distracted trying to find her VAT paperwork.

But she finally twigs, as she hears him thanking her for giving him a chance all those years back, thanks for all the training, that he’s loved working at Grey Gables …

[Caroline] “It’s starting to sound like a farewell speech”

[Roy] “I’m afraid, that’s what it is …it’s the perfect job … it’s with lower Loxley”

[Caroline] “I see … if it’s a question of money …”

But Roy is firm. He can stay in the area while getting significant promotion, work at the same place as Hayley, and still help Elizabeth.

So Roy ain't for turning.

As soon as he walks out the door.

[Caroline] “Oh damn. Damn and blast!”

Elizabeth better watch her back

Although Oliver managed to calm Caroline down, she is absolutely furious at losing Roy

[Caroline] “That’s the last time I do anyone a good turn … it’s a catastrophe … after all I did for Elizabeth … I actually offered him to her … and that’s the thanks I get. Well, never again!”

But, as Oliver reasoned, Caroline wouldn’t have sat back and let Elizabeth go under, so would have lent her Roy even if she knew there was a chance of Roy then leaving.

Caroline’s just a nice lady.

Unlike Elizabeth, who couldn’t give a hoot about her friends and neighbours.

Lest we forget that Elizabeth could have solved her problems by hiring in a professional manager. Which would have avoided the horrible time David and Ruth had (when he was always at Lower Loxley), and wouldn’t have meant Roy had to be loaned to her in the first place.

Caroline’s so sound up that she’s even thinking of not replacing Roy – saving money and hassle, but it would mean her then having to do all of his work herself.

Which Oliver won’t hear of. He retired so that they could spend more time together.

Haven’t they forgotten something?

The answer to their lack-of-Roy has a very simple solution.

Promote Lynda!


Time to quit?

Jolene reckons she can “feel a new phase coming on” in her life.

[Jolene] “I feel like I want to mark it somehow …do something different, be the new me somehow”

I thought Kenton would jump at the chance to suggest something adult and rude – but no. He first says that he wouldn’t change a thing about her … expect her smoking.

Although Jolene has tried before, and doesn’t actually sound that keen to quit, Kenton seems determined … and takes her pack of cigarettes.

[Kenton] “No time like the present. Now, if you’re serious about this …”

Um … I didn’t hear Jolene say she was that serious.

And Kenton – most folks do not quite smoking by their boyfriend taking their fags there and then. It has to start from REALLY wanting to quit, then finding the right way to do so. Cold turkey can work, but not when it’s been foisted.

And I do speak as a smoker. It’s a disgusting habit. But I enjoy a smoke (no further justification as there really isn’t any!). If someone else told me that I should quit, and then took my tobacco … grrrr!