Pondering The Archers: james bellamy

Lilian wants to say goodbye in London

James is back off home, and is surprised to see Lilian also has her cases packed. She’d like to accompany him.

[Lilian] “Main thing is that we get a few more hours together and I won’t have to say goodbye to you here.”

(that later turns out not to be true. Lilian lying and using her son … she’s starting to behave like Matt!)

Typical James, he doesn’t really want Lilian to stay with him. He can only offer her a futon. But, Lilian has already booked a hotel.

Sounds dodgy to me …

What’s in a name, prt 2

Vicky now likes Michelle, or Michaela.

And maybe Nicola.

But that one was as she was talking to Nic …

Guerrilla stickering

Seems someone has been sticking stickers on Lynda’s Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza posters, saying ‘Special Guest … Featuring the one and only Lord of Misrule’.

[Lynda] “Who has done that. It has quite spoiled the impact of my poster.”

Kenton claims it’s nothing to do with him. He reckons he must just have a secret fan.

Lynda is aghast, but calms down when she realises this might play in her favour:

[Will] “That makes it sound interesting, don’t it … I wasn’t going to bother, what with I being Shakespeare and all that.”

(do any of us not believe Kenton is behind this?)

Will’s fuming

Ah, back to normal service then.

Nic’s told Will that Ed and Emma are moving, and that George is quite happy about it.

[Will] “So happy about this move, I don’t believe a word … when he comes to stay here over Christmas, he won’t have a proper home to go to … just because my brother’s so flipping useless, he can’t even keep a roof over their heads.”

The way Will sees it, they’re moving just before Christmas, and will technically be “on the streets”.

[Nic] “Stop slagging your brother and think about what’s good for George … it must have really cost Emma to come up and tell me!”

[Will] “She’s only got herself to blame.”

[Nic] “These things happen … to people for no fault of their own … you’ve been lucky Will, Ed hasn’t.”

[Will] “You make your own luck.”

Nic tells Will to wind his neck in, and calm down.

Which he does.

But I doubt that’s the last rant we’ve heard about this.

Paul loves Lilian

Of course, Lilian is only in London to have a rendezvous with Paul.

We’re back in bed with Paul and Lilian

[Lilian] “Oh Paul, I’m not much good to you, am I … those times I kept putting you off, kept you waiting … Darling, why does life have to be so complicated?”

[Paul] “Leave all that, forget it … my Lilian. I love you.”

[Lilian] “Oh!”

[Paul] “Happy?”

[Lilian] “Oh yes. Yes I am.”

Blimey!

James is out of plaster: Mon 10.12.12 #thearchers

The Archers Monday 10th December 2012

Lynda has a cod piece for Kenton
“Pink fluffy clouds everywhere”
James gets his plaster off
The witches impress Lynda
What’s Kenton’s cunning plan?

Lynda has a cod piece for Kenton

Kenton’s avoiding Lynda.

Even to the point where he’ll leave Jolene shorthanded at the bar so that he can go and see Freda instead of having to see Lynda …

(for goodness sake Kenton – there’s an office part in from Hollerton!)

He does still want to be Lord of Misrule at the Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza, but:

[Kenton] “I don’t have time to hang around while Lynda tells me exactly how to do it.”

[Jolene] “Well, she is in charge.”

Well, he can’t stay hidden forever. Lynda goes through The Bull’s kitchens to catch him.

All Lynda wanted to talk about was what Kenton was going to say as Lord of Misrule

[Lynda] “All we need are a few light-hearted remarks.”

[Kenton] “What’s your definition of light-hearted?”

[Lynda] “Lively. Amusing, cheeky … without lapsing into bad taste, of course, we’ve got enough bad taste coming from Jazzer.”

In fact, Lynda has already written a script for Kenton. She’s even printed it out for him.

Kenton’s not entirely amused. He thinks he’s more than capable of scripting himself.

[Kenton] “I want it to be like the real thing, something your average Elizabethan punter would recognise as their own.”

Lynda appreciates Kenton looking for authenticity. Which may give him some wiggle room.

On the topic of authenticity, Lynda has even bought Kenton a cod piece.

Not sure that’s appropriate. But it’s definitely worth a *shudder* moment.

“Pink fluffy clouds everywhere”

Is what Kenton reckons Rhys and Fallon are creating.

They seem to be very (very) happy together.

Will Jolene need a new hat anytime soon?

My money is on a baby appearing first … and not on purpose.

James gets his plaster off

Matt was ever so happy as James went to hospital to get his plaster removed.

[Matt] “Still, you’ll soon to be skipping round like the rest of us.”

When James came back sans plaster, he gave Matt the bad news that he’ll still have to wear a brace and bandages,.

[Matt] “So how long before you’re up and running, so to speak?”

A month.

You could actually hear Matt’s heart shrink and jaw drop.

BUT, James has arranged to carry on his treatment back home, in London.

[James] “My clients need to know I’m back in da hood again.”

(ugh! What a numpty that lad is)

James shall depart on Thursday. Which is superb news for Matt, but also superb news for Lilian.

She’ll be able to get away more often to see Paul …

The witches impress Lynda

Wonders will never cease.

[Lynda] “And as for our three witches, forget about sinister, they were absolutely chilling … I came out in goosebumps all over …”

A compliment from Lynda. They must be good!

However, there is a but:

[Lynda] “ Ruth still has a tendency to cackle if I don’t remind her …”

[Kenton] “Aren’t witches supposed to cackle?”

Indeed they are.

Especially when played by Ruth Archer.

What’s Kenton’s cunning plan?

Seems tickets for the Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza aren’t selling very well.

Kenton has a plan.

But he doesn’t tell us what it is.

I hope it’s a good one. It really wouldn’t be cricket to play around with Lynda’s Christmas play …

Friday, 28 December 2012

Leonie’s best idea is “potato”: Tues 04.12.12 #thearchers

The Archers Tuesday 4th December 2012

Lynda explains Brawn
James wants liveried footmen
Shires Rare Breed
The Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza needs sausage rolls …
Lynda sees a new side to James
Matt likes James?

Lynda explains Brawn

The food for the Elizabethan Christmas extravaganza will be collar of Brawn marinated in spices, real mince pies, and marchpane made into “fancy shapes”.

[Robert] “I’m going to need an old English dictionary, what exactly is brawn?”

Lynda explains that brawn is basically boiled pork loin, real mince pies uses real mince and marchpane is marzipan.

[Robert] “So pork, mince pies and marzipan.”

Well, Lynda sniffed, there are other dishes. It’s all about the keynote dishes being authentic.

James wants liveried footmen to carry him round Deck the Halls.

He claims he’s joking …

James and Leonie then waffled on for a while, drinking Gluhwein. I fully admit I completely switched off …

Shires Rare Breed

Is what the Shires Brewery wants to rename the Lower Loxley rare Breed brand in return for sponsorship.

See what they did there?

Very clever (!).

Shires also want exclusive on drinks events.

Hmmm.

While Shires are punting this to Roy and Elizabeth as a ‘partnership’, it sounds like they’re taking a bigger bite that will tie up Lower Loxley. I only hope the value of their sponsorship is worth it.

The Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza needs sausage rolls …

According to Leonie and James.

They reckon more ‘modern food is required for the Christmas show’. Like sausage rolls. Sandwiches. And chicken legs.

(Eh?)

Lynda tries to explain that the food has to be authentic to Elizabethan times. At which point, Leonie actually has a good suggestion …

… potatoes.

Potatoes were obviously an “exotic vegetables” back in the day. And they’re rather adaptable.

Chips it is!

(Lynda didn’t actually agree to chips … doubt she ever will)

Lynda sees a new side to James

[Lynda] “Is this really James, he’s being so nice to her.

[Robert] “And he’s letting her boss her around Robert”

[Lynda] “It’s just so nice to see them being in a balanced relationship.”

Now that’s interesting.

Lynda always tells Lilian that it’s James who bullies Leonie – now that she’s seen Leonie bullying James, she’s happy to bless their relationship.

(I wonder if she’ll ever admit that to Lynda.)

Seems James has also found his peace with Lynda:

[James] “I always find Lynda easier to manage after she’s had a glass or two”

(cheeky!)

Matt likes James?

When James and Leonie get back from Deck the Halls, they find Matt has left a present out for James.

A bottle of expensive cognac.

[James] “From Matt … ‘in case you feel like a night cap’ …. Don’t you find it just a little bit strange … now he’s started being so nice to me?”

[Leonie] “I know what a great and wonderful person you are. It’s just taken Matt a whole to see that too.”

Hmmm.

Matt’s never that straightforward.

Friday, 30 November 2012

Lilian has adult relations with Paul: Wed 28.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Wednesday 28th November 2012

Mike and Vicky gets the giggles
Matt makes toast!
Lilian and Paul get intimate
Matt cooks a chicken!

Mike and Vicky gets the giggles

Mike’s getting quite enthusiastic about going to the antenatal classes with Vicky. Though:

[Mike] “I’ll be quite happy not to watch another film on childbirth.”

Aye, well, we all have our limits.

It’s breathing techniques at today’s class.

[Mike] “Ooh, a bit of heavy breathing!”

And though Mike is the oldest dad (by far) in the room, Vicky doesn’t care a jot. He’s the best hubby, and will be the best dad.

While they do their exercises, Vicky can’t help giggling. Which makes Mike giggle.

[Vicky] “Oh come on, give us a kiss. At least we can still get that right!”

I, for one, am really enjoying Mike and Vicky being so openly delighted about their baby.

Lovely.

Matt makes toast!

Goodness me!

And the double whammy shocker is that he offers to make it for James, to stop him having to try and do it himself, while on crutches.

Too little, too late?

Yes.

Lilian’s off to Birmingham to do ‘Christmas shopping’ …

Lilian and Paul get intimate

Matt may have an inkling that he’s not exactly Lilian’s favourite person at the moment, but it takes James to spell it out.

[James] “You don’t need to be Sherlock Holms that she’s been a tad frosty to you lately.”

Indeed.

Lilian’s trip to Birmingham is to see Paul, not to do Christmas shopping.
She first has a moan about Matt:

[Lilian] “He’s like a force of nature. Sometimes I wonder if I mean anything at all to him.; Nothing I say seems to register. Now this business with our tenants …”

Paul reckons he’s never do such a terrible thing to Lilian, or to any tenants.

[Paul] “You and me together. Now that would be a team.”

[Lilian] “I think we’d have fun .”

[Paul] “I’m sure we would.”

[Lilian] “I feel better, just having you to listen to me … let’s not think about Matt anymore. Let’s enjoying just being here, together … Paul. Let’s go up to your room.”

[Paul] “Are you sure?”

[Lilian] “Yeah. Yeah I am. Very sure.”

Blimey!

At least the BBC had the decency to turn off the secret microphones while Lilian and Paul got to know each other a tad better …

After their first bout of … *ahem* … activity.

[Lilian] “Oh Paul, that was wonderful. I don’t want this ever to end .. tell me, I’ll see you again soon. Very soon, and for longer.”

She stays for half an hour longer.

Then heads home.

To Matt.

Matt cooks a chicken!

[Matt] “What do I do, stick a fork in?”

[Lilian] “What on earth’s going on here?”

[Matt] “I’m cooking dinner.”

Wonders upon wonder.

Lilian sounds decidedly dodgy when Matt asks her about Birmingham. She tells him she only bought shoes. And she …erm … has left them in the car.

[Lilian] “Well, there was only the one thing I really wanted.”

(oh ho!)

As well as cooking dinner, Matt also has claret ready, AND has laid the table.

[Lilian] “I still think I must be in the wrong house.”

[Matt] “I want to apologise to you puss … I can see I was wrong not to keep you informed about the Walters.”

[Lilian] “All you had to do was to talk to me.”

[Matt] “I know that puss. And in future I will. Things are going to be different now. We’re going to be a team again. Will we drink to that. To the future. To the team.”

[Lilian] “Oh Matt, I really don’t know where I am with you anymore.”

Again - too little too late from Matt? And too late for Lilian to give up her Paul?

James burns bacon: Mon 19.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Monday 19th November 2012

What’s Borchester Life about?
James had to nurse Leonie
Mike can’t be seen in the same jumper
Lilian pops in to see Darrell (aye right!)

What’s Borchester Life about?

[Vicky] “Well it’s, you know, life, in Borchester … And now my Mike’s going to be in it. Isn’t it wonderful!”

Darrell seems keener to get to work. He’d only popped into the shop for a snack.

James had to nurse Leonie

Though his leg is no better, he’s up and trying to cook bacon. For Leonie. Who has a hangover.

[James] “She’s feeling a bit fragile this morning.”

Seems Leonie and James were up late last night, to the point where Matt had to tell them to shut up.

[James] “Leonie was starting to get my like for Phil Collins.”

(oh, there’s just nae need!)

James tries to take the blame. He thinks his body clock is out of whack, as he’s not doing enough to make him tired. So Leonie was just trying to keep him entertained.

Pity it involved so much alcohol …

James is on crutches, so couldn’t carry Leonie’s bacon sandwich to her. So, he decides to put it in a bag (which I think it actually quite clever … for James). While he’s trying to find a bag, he burns the bacon.

[Lilian, quite decidedly unamused] “Would you like me to make Leonie a sandwich?”

Lilian also has to throw out the pan because of the burnt bacon.

Which shows how rich she is. Surely a wee bit of scrubbing would have got it back good as new?

Anyhoo – Leonie’s a witch, James is a simpering numpty.

Enough said.

Mike can’t be seen in the same jumper

Though he’s insistent he wears the same clothes for each of his different jobs, Vicky is insisting he has to wear different clothes for the Borchester Life photoshoot.

Why can’t Mike wear what he normally wears?

[Vicky] “It’d look like you’ve only got one set of clothes.”

[Mike] “I can’t be in the woods looking like a tailor’s dummy!”

Mike just wants to wear his favourite fleece.

[Vicky] “If you wear that I swear I’ll divorce you for mental cruelty.”

Mike really hasn’t got a choice. He accepts that Vicky will make him wear different clothes for each bit of the photoshoot. And that she’ll buy him new clothes. But it has to be something like a “nice” jumper, rather than jackets or anything “too posh”.

“Too posh” would be laughed at by his cronies down The Bull. Even though few of them are likely to read Borchester Life …

When the photographer arrives, as they’re in the dairy, he’s disappointed that Mike isn’t wearing a white coat and peaked hat.

[Mike] “This ain't the 1950s!”

Vicky may have got her way with the clothes, but she isn’t content leaving Mike and the photographer to it.

She unruffles Mike’s hair. Right in shot.

When they’re later in the woodland, she’s again in shot.

[Vicky] “I was thinking, I could be bringing Mike a message … it seems a shame, how often do you get a professional photographer round?”

Ah!

Vicky wants a piece of the action.

And she also now wants Mike to wear foundation …

[Mike] “There’s no way your make up bag is coming anywhere near me!”

Lilian pops in to see Darrell (aye right!)

Lilian reckons she just wants to see how Darrell is getting on in his new job.

He’s a very happy chappy indeed, doing the type of work he trained for in the first place. Dovetail joints, cutting wood by hand and the like.

[Darrell] “You don’t get to do a lot of stuff these days.”

But what’s this … here’s Paul!

He shows Lilian round the site, then they go off to lunch. Which is interrupted by James calling for paracetamol for Leonie.

Paul’s an understanding sort of chap. He also has kids (though admits he doesn’t get to see them often).

[Lilian] “Just talking to you makes things so much easier.”

[Paul] “That’s nice”

[Lilian] “It’s so lovely to be with someone on the same wavelength. Someone who cares.”

[Paul] “Lilian, if you ever, you know, need me, to talk, don’t hesitate.”

[Lilian] “I won’t. Thank you.”

Lilian is really quite a simple lady.

Just genuinely care, and listen to her.

(though are we entirely confident Paul is genuine?)

They ran out of sherry on Peggy’s birthday: Tues 13.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Tuesday 13th November 2012

“Well, I couldn’t miss Granny’s birthday”
Peggy is 88
Matt’s working
What’s funny about The Bull?
Tom brings a rubbish gift
Pat and Tony aren’t allowed into the living room
“Most Chinese people are lactose intolerant”
Leonie is Annie Wilkes
Jennifer didn’t just want a cucumber
Even Brian has sympathy

“Well, I couldn’t miss Granny’s birthday”

So says Leonie.

Who invited herself to Peggy’s birthday.

And then has the nerve to call Peggy ‘granny’.

*shudder*

Later on, Leonie called Jennifer ‘Jen’.

To her face.

*yikes*

[Leonie] “You have such a close family. I’m just so touched you’ve let me been part of it.”

Hmmm.

I don’t think Leonie stands a chance of being a real part of their family if she keeps on path she’s taken …

Peggy is 88

Well done, Peggy.

As well as the family party, Peggy had coffee at The Bull with Jill and Christine. And was most tickled that Kenton brought her out a brownie, with a sparkler with it.

Matt’s working.

As Jennifer said, he couldn’t even spare an hour for Peggy.

Badly done, Matt.

What’s funny about The Bull?

[Leonie] “I still find it’s hilarious that’s where your mum grew up.”

[Peggy, offended] “Really?”

[James] “Why do you think she’s always got a drink in her hand!”

Peggy was not amused.

Tom brings a rubbish gift

He brought Peggy a Tom Archer hamper prototype.

[Tom] “So much of it was your idea gran, I just wanted to say thank you.”

Well, I suppose the sentiment was right. And the hamper itself is probably full of yumminess.

But couldn’t he just have avoided something with ‘Tom Archer’ for one day?

Just for Peggy?

Pat and Tony aren’t allowed into the living room

Nobody said as such, but they certainly weren’t heard of in the living room …

“Most Chinese people are lactose intolerant”

According to James. Which means milk prices will plummet as it’s a ‘ticking time bomb’.

Brian does not agree.

Leonie is Annie Wilkes

Leonie’s rude about Mike and Vicky

Brenda was telling folks that Mike was made to watch a birth

A pre-recorded one, during Vicky’s antenatal.

[Leonie] “I must say, I think they’re being incredibly brave, what an appalling shock for them.”

[Brenda] “Actually, they’re very happy.”

[Leonie] “Well, I suppose there’s no point in dwelling on it.”

Later on …

[Brenda] “I could have scratched her eyes out.”

[Tom] “A brainless, made in Chelsea, reality show wannabe.”

[Brenda] “Exactly, although I was going to say the only way is Essex.”

James comes in, being nursed by Leonie (almost literally).

[Brenda] “It’s a good thing he’s got you to look after him.”

[Tom] “It means he can’t escape … what’s that film, about the famous novelist who crashes his car … he gets held captive by a crazy nurse …”

[Brenda] “Misery!”

[Tom] “That’s the one … have you seen it Leonie? It’s like you’ve been taking notes.”

Tom asks Jennifer if she’s seen Misery.

[Tom] “We think Leonie’s got a similar bedside manner.”

Jennifer has a wee chuckle at that.

[Tom] “You out to look out James. There’s no escape.”

[Brenda] “Even when you get better.”

[Tom] “She’ll probably try to …”

[Brenda] “Break your legs again!”

Poor Leonie.

Ganged up on, and she doesn’t get the joke.

Jennifer didn’t just want a cucumber

[Lilian] “Is this all you really wanted me for, to pass you a cucumber?”

Mais non.

Jennifer wanted to talk to Lilian about Matt.

She must have finally realised Lilian’s been trying to tell her she’s not exactly happy.

[Lilian] “As soon as he heard she was coming, he was suddenly overwhelmed with paperwork … It’s like everything else though. He’s never around … If he really loved me, he could at least spare a couple of hours to be by my side … I’ll know he’ll never be the most empathetic of partners, but it’d be nice to feel that we’re on the same side … juts a quick smile, or a touch on the arm … I can’t remember the last time we were alone together and we felt completely at ease.”

[Jennifer] “He does love you though Lilian.”

[Lilian] “He needs me … That’s a different thing … and I'm getting pretty tired of living my life through ultimatums.”

Even Brian has sympathy

[Brian on James] “The nonsense he was coming out with about the Chinese … Lilian’s got her hands full with those two.”

Goodness me, it must be awful if even Brian is noticing.

Thursday, 29 November 2012

Sex. In the bathroom: Fri 09.11.12 #thearchers

(again ... that shower scene ... *shudder*)

The Archers Friday 9th November 2012

Is there a Vitamin K?
Leonie bullies Brenda
At least Brenda has Christmas to look forward to
Lilian has seen what a mother should never see

Is there a Vitamin K?

Leonie wants it for James, Lilian didn’t even know there was one. (there is, though I had to Google it)

Leonie is making Lilian’s life a tad difficult. Between “snuggling” with James and demanding foods and stuff to make her beloved better.

Seems a mother’s love just isn’t enough.

[Leonie] “If you’re busy, I can easily look after James on my own”

Leonie bullies Brenda

Brenda just trying to do her job, but it’s not easy to do so in the Dower House.

Lilian shoos her away when she tries to get her to sign (already late) papers. Lilian would far rather answer her phone to Paul.

When Brenda tries to tell Tom how awful her day is, he’s yet again not interesting.

[Tom] “Well, never mind, it won’t be forever.”

(ah, that solved everything!)

But in the meantime, Brenda has to try and run Amside by herself.

[Tom] “And they’ll thank you in the end.”

Course they will!

Hmmm.

Back at the Dower House, Brenda’s losses her temper with Lilian.

[Brenda] “How do you expect it run your business if you’re never around?”

[Leonie] “Excuse me … but s that anyway to talk to your employer? … Lilian, let me. She ask you to wait. Now why don’t you just scurry along and do your job .”

[Brenda] “I’m sorry, Lilian is my boss. Not you. On paper anyway.”

[Leonie] “Are you going to stand for that!?!”

Luckily enough, James appeared in the room naked and distracted the ladies.

(oh, the shame!)

Back with Tom, Brenda’s saying she’d had enough, and she might quit.

He starts waffling on about hampers.

[Brenda] “Yeah Tom alright,. Can you just give it a rest for a while … I just need a bit of peace and quiet that’s all … Aren’t you listening to me? Can you not see how exhausted I am?”

So she goes off for a long bath and then bed.

I’m starting to feel sorry for Brenda …

At least Brenda has Christmas to look forward to

She does seem to perk up when Tom mentions he has plans for Christmas.

But, they perk right down again she realises he’s only on about ready meals again.

Lilian has seen what a mother should never see

Her son, having adult intimacy, in her bathroom

With Leonie Snell.

Nasty …

Lilian walked in on James and Leonie while:

[Leonie] “I was only helping James wash himself.”

Where did he need washed, is the question …

Now, I know James can do no wrong in Lilian’s eyes, but she surely can’t put up with this for much longer?

[Lilian] “They’ve turned city room into their love nest, and I’m scared to go into the bathroom.”

Says Lilian to Paul. Matt never seems to be around at the moment.

[Paul] “Does sound as though you could do with getting away for a while.”

So he invites her out for a coffee.

[Lilian] “Oh to hell with it, I need a pick me up … why not. Absolutely. That’d be lovely.”

James, Leonie and Matt all pushing Lilian to Paul.

This should be interesting.

James and Leonie are back together sigh: Sun 04.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Sunday 4th November 2012

Maybe better choose a cheaper car?
Lilian thought it was bad enough … then Leonie arrived
George’s squash isn’t strong enough
George wants to stay with Will

Maybe better choose a cheaper car?

Ed and Emma are our choosing a car.

Ed wants to get one that’s more than they afford. He wants to make sure he has a super safe one, and he can also still hear Will taunting him.

Them getting the car means Ed will have to get extra work in somehow.

Petrol Pump guy, doorman … anything.

Trouble is, there isn’t anything.

And if there was, would Ed have time?

Lilian thought it was bad enough … then Leonie arrived

Poor Lilian.

Her menfolk are driving her potty.

She’s crying to get supper sorted. Matt’s getting in the way (muttering “stupid idiot” to James under his breath). James in getting in the way, trying to poor himself some wine.

Matt reaches for the carving knife. James drops the wine. Then the door goes.

It’s Leonie.

She’d rushed over after hearing about James’ “horrific accident”.

And … they reconcile.

[Leonie] “Still, at least if there is a silver lining, I’m here now … maybe it’s fate. I have missed you, James.”

James concurs.

[James] “I should have been more understanding. You can’t help being you. That’s what makes you so special. You’re my silly sausage!”

Leonie has even taken a week’s compassionate leave. So she can stay around to help.

On that bombshell, Matt leaves the room to go to meet a colleague (on a Sunday!).

Lilian begs to go with him, but he refuses.

Bad Matt!

Yet another black mark against him.

George’s squash isn’t strong enough

Which will be Emma trying to make it last.

But it doesn’t taste of anything.

Poor wee George.

George wants to stay with Will

Ed comes back home, and manages to wind the whole family up.

[Emma] “We were all perfectly happy until you came back from your dads!”

George runs off crying.

When Emma goes to see him, he asks if he should stay with his dad more often.

George reckons that it would cost his mum and Ed less. And also make them more happy … aw!

Emma tells George that’s adult worries, not his.

But she should listen to him.

It may be hard, but she and Ed need every penny they can get.

Lilian’s favourite film is Steel Magnolias: Fri 02.12.12 #thearchers

The Archers Friday 2nd November 2012

Jim to be published, Mike to be famous
Cheese scones
Will and Ed argue
Lilian picks a good DVD
Paul and Lilian flirt
Daniel wants an internship in America

Jim to be published, Mike to be famous

Borchester Life has said yes to Jim’s article about Mike. Indeed, they’ve said yes to a series of similar articles.

[Jim] “Workmanlike and accessible … so you see, I have got the common touch.”

Christine admits she goaded Jim into doing the article:

[Jim] “Well, to use Jazzer’s vernacular, I’m gobsmacked.”

Cheese scones

[Christine] “Have you bought the paper … then we can tackle the crossword over a cheese scone.”

[Jim] “Temptress.”

And after they’d had their scones:

[Jim] “The scones are revelatory today .”

Phew!

Such fiery flirting!

Will and Ed argue

That’s more familiar territory for them. I always had the feeling their cease fire was quite strained.

Will goes to Ed and Emma’s to tackle them about George suffering due to their poverty.

[Will] “Personally, I wouldn’t care if you lived in the gutter, but it’s affecting George …I am, not having him go hungry because of you pride.”

[Ed] “You're overstepping the mark!”

[Will] “I’m putting George first, which is something you’ll never do.”

Will then drops the bombshell that he and Nic think George should spend more nights at theirs.

[Will] “ … be happier knowing his tummy was full more often … He’s not safe with you. You can’t look after him properly … It’s good at least one of us can provide for him, since he’s living like a pauper here … you’ve got no self-respect, you never have had!”

[Ed] “You know what, I hope this shoot collapses and you lose your previous job … your smug little world come crashing round your ears!!!”

Lilian picks a good DVD

Seems James is up and about now.

And he’s feeling grateful to Lilian. He even thanked her for getting him a good DVD (after being highly critical of Lilian and Matt’s collection).

[Lilian] “That just goes to show how the men in this household underestimate me.”

Paul and Lilian flirt

And in a rather more serious manner than Christine and Jim …

Paul called Lilian while she was in her bedroom for a wee lie down. Paul was in a B&B bedroom.

Lilian asked him what his room was like:

[Lilian] “So I can picture you in it.”

Oo-er!

Seems the wonderful DVD Lilian had got for James was chosen by Paul … so Lilian isn’t as entirely independently wonderful as she made out.

Paul asks Lilian what her favourite film is.

Steel Magnolias was Lilian’s reply.

(really? I thought Barbarella, or the like, would be more Lilian’s style)

Wow.

Those two are most definitely in the opening stages of a relationship. Wonder how fare Lilian will let it get to this time.

Daniel wants an internship in America

Interesting.

If he does do, we’ll have to start taking bets on how many years it’ll be until he returns.

Wednesday, 31 October 2012

Brenda gets revenge on James: Tues 30.10.12 #thearchers

The Archers Tuesday 30th October 2012

James is losing money and getting fat
Angels on horseback, Devils on horseback … Tom’s a bore!
Brenda’s revenge serves cold (soup)
Is Matt jealous of James?

James is losing money and getting fat

Though he does seem to like his bell. It’s certainly getting a lot of use.

Not so cheerful for James is that he’s lost a client. Seems this one likes face-to-face only, so sacked him.

[Matt] “Lucky escape for someone .. .you’d have to be desperate, I wouldn’t trust him to manage a flea circus … he’s an amateur who’s learned the jargon.”

(‘consultants’ seem to be akin to the devil these days)

James also thinks he’s getting “flab”, lying around all day. That doesn’t stop him eating. Though Lilian has had to go out, so the food isn’t up to the usual standard.

Mushroom soup in a pouch.

Worse still, it means James is at the mercy of Matt.

[Matt] “She’s gone, you’ve got nurse ratchet instead.”

Matt asks James if he wants a sandwich with his soup. James says no. Then says yes. But Matt now won’t make him one.

Let the duel commence … :

[James] “You know, it’s not easy being trapped in sleepy old Ambridge. I feel like a tagged prisoner.”

Course, that’s a dig at Matt. Which Matt reckons James must have been thinking up for a while.

So Matt puts the remote out of James’ reach.

[Matt] “You know what they say, a man’s reach should always exceed his grasp, old chap.”

And with that, Matt walks out and leaves Brenda to cope with the bell ringing James.

Angels on horseback, Devils on horseback … Tom’s a bore!

Poor Lilian.

She got cornered by Tom. He was wittering on about Jolene’s suggestion that he should make Angels on Horseback.

Which starts thinking about the differences between Angels and Devil’s.

Seems an Angel is an oyster (wrapped in bacon), a Devil is a prune (wrapped in bacon).

AND, Pigs in Clover is sausages in a backed tattie.

Riveting.

It was enough to send Lilian back to the hell that currently in the Dower House.

Brenda’s revenge serves cold (soup)

[James] “It’s cock up catering services with ma off the premises.”

James really is oblivious. He must surely have noticed that Brenda doesn’t like him (after their murky past), yet that doesn’t stop him making demands of her.

[James] “Could you show some beverage leadership and bring me a coffee?”

So Brenda takes away his bell until he “learns manners”.

She’d also not heated his soup up properly on purpose.

[Tom] “It’s true then, revenge is best served cold.”

Ha!

Is Matt jealous of James?

That’s what Paul reckons (when he calls Lilian).

She explains that James was hit hard when his dad died (when James was so young). And that she has mothered him a bit too much.

I suppose that could explain why James is such an odious creep.

But I think Matt would have been disagreeable to any offspring of Lilian’s.

He just didn’t want kids.

Monday, 29 October 2012

Emma’s rubbish at Halloween costumes: Sun 28.10.12 #thearchers

The Archers Sunday 28th October 2012

Safaris, Supermarkets and sheets
Topical insert: the clocks have changed
Will Naomi be a b*tch to Fallon?
Matt’s channelling Alf Garnett
Only proper bangers for the big bangs
Gies a bell

Safaris, Supermarkets and sheets

Will’s got a day off next Thursday. As it’s half term, he wants to take George with him and their side of the family to a Safari.

Emma sounds irritated. But how can she say no? It’s more than she and Ed can offer.

On the flip side, Ed’s pondering whether to try and get night shifts stacking shelves at Tesco.

Emma reckons not.

They need the money, but neither Ed, nor their marriage, would survive it.

It does seem to be getting worse and worse for Ed and Emma.

They now can’t afford batteries for George’s toys (yikes! A child without toys to occupy them. *shudder*)

[Emma] “He can play with his pet guinea pig instead.”

(we seriously need to get that guinea pig out of there. She doesn’t sound at all appreciated)

But it’s not all doom and gloom. Emma’s found a Halloween party at the library, which is free (and hopefully fun). So, rather than compete with Will, she’s going to do the best with what she has to hand. Which means making George a costume.

[Emma] “I really need something to make that white sheet more interesting …”

Emma sticks stars to it.

But later on, she’s distraught at her creation.

[Emma] “Well if I can’t even make Georgie a Halloween costume, what use am I?”

She starts to panic.

They need oil before Christmas. Winter clothes for Keira. And then there’s Christmas.

To add to her woes, Will drops George back early, without feeding him.

AND Will’s bought George a wizard costume. It was only £6.99 …

AND:

[George] “Mummy, Nic’s food tastes nicer than yours. We had chicken today.”

Oh, goodness me.

I’m starting to really feel sorry for Emma. She is trying, more so than ever.

She bins the costume she’s made:

[Emma] “It’s rubbish. I’m rubbish.”

Ever more grim …

Topical insert: the clocks have changed

It fell to Emma to remind us this year that the clocks have changed:

[Emma] “I feel weird enough today with the clocks changing.”

Cheers Emma!

Will Naomi be a b*tch to Fallon?

Fallon seems to think so.

She thinks Naomi thinks (!) that her (Fallon) getting the job was a “stitch up”.

Well.

Naomi’s not too far off the mark.

Matt’s channelling Alf Garnett

Matt’s rather random bad behaviour continues.

He’s refusing to lift a finger to help James.

Now James may be a pain, but he is Lilian’s son, and he is genuinely hurt.

But no.

Matt won’t help cook (leaving Lilian to do it all). And he won’t check on James when Lilian’s out (so Lilian can’t go out very often). He justifies it by saying he never wanted kids in the first place:

[Matt] “That’s precisely why I never had one, far too demanding.”

And with that, he goes to the pub.

So, Lilian calls Paul to tell him how much of an arse Matt is being. Paul must be delighted to hear that their relationship is rapidly deteriorating.

[Paul] “Isn’t that what Alf Garnett used to say, ‘I’m going down the pub’?”

Only proper bangers for the big bangs

Jolene’s organising The Bull’s Bonfire night. She stresses to Tom that she wants his traditional sausages, not the spicy ones.

Seems only “proper” sausages will do.

Gies a bell

Lilian’s had to borrow the closing time bell from The Bull to give to James.

Does that means there’s no closing time?

Friday, 26 October 2012

James uses Matt’s remote: Thurs 25.10.12 #thearchers

The Archers Thursday 25th October 2012

Not a warm welcome for James
Joe’s teeth startle Peggy
Peggy, Jack and a box of leaves
Tom has a “Guilt free, therefore stress free, solution for the woman”
A fag and a chat with Paul
Too salty!

Not a warm welcome for James

Matt’s obviously not remotely amused that he has to suffer (a broken) James in his (and Lilian’s) house.

He reckons that, despite his broken leg and the trauma of being in a car crash, James is a “lucky boy”.

[Matt] “Here’s you, with Lilian running round after you … Keep your orders to a minimum, keep yourself from under her feet, and keep yourself busy.”

It doesn’t get off to a good start.

James manages to get to the remote before Matt does … oh dear.

Joe’s teeth startle Peggy

She doesn’t need that sort of shock at her stage of life.

Peggy, Jack and a box of leaves

Peggy’s collected autumn leaves and berries to talk to Jack at the Laurels. They’re going to look at them, feel them and talk about them.

Sounds marvellous.

Jack’s a lucky chap indeed.

Tom has a “Guilt free, therefore stress free, solution for the woman”

Tom’s still banging on about what Christmas special he can sell.

Takes Peggy to have the bright idea.

She reasons that the:

[Peggy] “One thing the Christmas cooks need is time”

So, she suggests Tom markets his ready meals as a time save in the run up to Christmas.

[Tom] “Gran, you are a legend”

Brenda concurs.

[Brenda] “Guilt free, therefore stress free, solution for the woman”

[Tom] “Or man.”

[Brenda] “Yeah but it's usually a woman, and a man wouldn't stress about it in the same way.”

Hmmm.

A fag and a chat with Paul

Lilian’s a tad stressed herself, running round after James, and having to suffer Matt not quietly suffering James.

As she’s out for a cigarette, Paul telephones her, and calls her a “kind and loving woman.”

Keep this up Paul … she’ll be yours in not time.

(though it’s not been proved yet whether Paul is actually the nicer or better of the two brothers)

Too salty!

Tom’s readymade meals, ready made by another company, are ready.

(sorry!)

[Brenda] “Well done Tom. Can’t believe someone else has finally cooked them.”

The casserole tastes grand.

But the meatballs are too salty.

That’s a shame.

[Tom] “Someone’s going to come in to a rather unpleasant answerphone message in the morning!”

Steady on there Tom.

That’s fighting talk, that is.

Tuesday, 23 October 2012

Fallon’s first job interview: Mon 22.10.12 #thearchers

The Archers Monday 22nd October 2012

Fallon has to prove herself
Truffles for the sick boy
At least Lilian has Paul

Fallon has to prove herself

Probably the worst thing Fallon could have done before he interview was to talk to Kenton.

She’s worried about the differences between what she’s used to at The Bull, and what’s done at Jaxx. Especially things like cocktails and wine.

[Kenton] “It’s a bistro. Not the ivy.”

That’s helpful.

But, Kenton does have some good advice:

[Kenton] “I’ll tell you what gives you the edge. It’s that creativity … that’s what makes you special … it’s the perfect place for all your ideas.”

Fallon has to wait an extra 20 minutes while Naomi’s interview runs over. Naomi also leaves her interview with a “big grin” on her face.

Pity Fallon couldn’t be so positive about her interview. Though Jim was nodding and smiling at her, Don didn’t give much away.

[Fallon] “It felt like what I was saying was being swallowed up into some black hole.”

Oh dear. That didn’t sound good.

Truffles for the sick boy

James is insufferable at his best … he’s a nightmare now he has a broken leg.

Hospital most definitely does not suit him:

[James] “My day is only punctuated by sound of some idiot on the TV building, making over or selling a house, and by the delivery of meals.”

(well, he could turn the TV off, for starters)

Lilian’s been shopping for him though, making sure he has healthy food for when he gets back to the Dower House.

Including truffles.

James also has a rather hefty list of things Lilian needs to do for him. Including getting everything from out of his (totalled) car, driving to London to pick up stuff from his flat, and a shopping list for Borchester.

He later begs Lilian to discharge him early. Alongside the TV and food, he’s also finding it hard to sleep.

[James] “Stuck here between the snoring champion of South Borchester on my left and on my right the marathon night mumbler … I can’t wait to come and stay with you. No one looks after me like you do, ma.”

At least Lilian has Paul

Paul called to see how James was.

Lilian was ever delighted to hear from him.

I wonder.

Is Paul just making all of the right noises to get Lilian’s attention? Or does he really give a hoot about her family?

Monday, 22 October 2012

Apple Day 2012: Sun 21.10.12 #thearchers

The Archers Sunday 21st October

No coffee for Matt
Will’s got a healthy population of young birds
Pin the maggot on the apple???
Drunk or just nae teeth?
Will buys George a toffee apple

No coffee for Matt

Relations in the Dower house are a tad acrimonious … even before James arrives from hospital.

Matt asks Lilian is there was any coffee left in the pot.

Lilian didn’t answer him. She just pored herself the last cup.

Lilian then asks if he can clean the tables and do the dishes, as she has to get to the hospital. He says no, he’s too busy.

[Lilian] “I’ll do it myself. I might have known you wouldn’t lift a finger to help, it’s exactly what I’ve come to expect!”

Matt also doesn’t go with Lilian to hospital, sending a very insincere ‘best’ instead.

[Lilian] “Of course, work was always your priority, even on a Sunday.”

[Matt] “I’m not point scoring Lilian, but someone’s got to keep the business ticking over”.

Later on, not content with going to see James in hospital, Matt adds insult to injury:

[Matt] “Don’t worry, I know he’s in pain, but he was probably playing it up a bit … putting it on a bit to get you sympathy.”

[Lilian] “Next you’ll be saying he’ll be okay to go straight back to London.”

Seriously – why is Matt suddenly doing himself no favours?

Does he actually want Lilian to run off with Paul?

Will’s got a healthy population of young birds

Lucky Will!

(I know … I say the same sort of crass thing every year)

With bookings for the shoot down, Will has plenty to see them right through the season. November and December will be as usual, but they may have to close the season in January due to a lack of demand.

Less bankers with bonuses this year?

Pin the maggot on the apple???

Eh?

Is that a normal Apple Day activity?

The longest peel competition and toffee apples, I can more than understand.

But pin the maggot on the apple, with the one who pins the maggot closest to the middle wins? Surely that’s just odd.

Drunk or just nae teeth?

As Joe was demonstrating the apple scratter, he sounded most decidedly tipsy.

But it was just that he didn’t have his teeth in. Again.

He’d put them on the scratter somewhere, and reckons they must have fallen in.

[Joe] “They’ve been scrunched to smithereens!”

[Eddie] “Flipping ‘eck, a side of bacon is one thing, a frat even, but a set of false teeth in the cider! … Listen dad, you’ll have to keep your mouth shut. Don’t smile, don’t speak to anyone … I’m not having Jim dock our cider allocation.”

Yuck!

Will buys George a toffee apple
Emma is not amused. She’d already told George that he couldn’t have one.

[Emma] “Thought you’d come over and splash the cash in front of everyone … it’s undermining me, undermining me in front of the kids.”

[Will] “You’re not the only one who has charge of George, and I'm not going to ask your permission for everything I do for him.”

Oops.

Will has a point. But so does Emma.

Where’s Clarrie? She should be refereeing this one.

Saturday, 20 October 2012

Paul rescues Lilian: Fri 19.10.12

The Archers Friday 19th October 2012

It’s the same night as the day before
Of course he wouldn’t leave Lilian alone
Brian gets his man
James’ car has a waiting list
The Rotarians are tiring Kathy
Jamie makes Kathy a cup of tea
Jamie wants to work for himself

It’s the same night as the day before

How odd.

That means we’ll never get to hear what happened in Ambridge on Friday 19th October 2012 .

I hope the trickery and randomness of Ambridge Extra isn’t going to influence our usual microphone placing people …

I also got confused with my notes yesterday. It was only tonight that Jennifer gets home to find out Alice has her MSC.

How confusing!

Of course he wouldn’t leave Lilian alone

[Paul] “It’s no good, you’re not going to get a skinny mochachino, no foam, out of that thing.”

Lilian called, Paul came running.

[Paul] “Lilian, of course I came. There’s no way I’d leave you on your own with this.”

Paul sits with Lilian, and helps her to get some answers, only leaving when Lilian’s allowed to see James … and in case Matt turns up (which is unlikely. Matt will still be boozing with his mates).

Paul returns later to drive Lilian back home in her own car, stopping off at a pub to then get a taxi back to his.

Inconvenient, but that’s what one does for the one one loves. (eh Matt)

[Paul] “I wouldn’t have dreamt of doing anything else.”

Brian gets his man

Rob said yes.

That’ll mean we’ll be welcoming some new Ambridge residents soon.

James’ car has a waiting list

James has an nondisplaced spiral fracture of the tibia.

[James] “and they keep telling me I’m lucky”

He didn’t need an operation, but will have his leg in plaster for three months, and won’t be able to walk properly for another couple of months after that.

[James] “How am I going to manage? Oh Ma!”

Well, he’ll be managing because Lilian will be looking after him. She’s insisting he comes to stay at the Dower House.

Seems his car didn’t come out of it so well. It’s a complete write off.

Though the car let him down:

[James] “I shouldn’t have been hurt at all with all the safety features it has.”

He is more worried about the car than himself:

[James] “Do you have any idea how long the waiting list is for that model, in that colour!?!”

He reckons he wasn’t speeding, and had been drinking … though he does admit (to Lilian) that he was going fast.

The Rotarians are tiring Kathy

Though she didn’t really reveal how and why …

Jamie makes Kathy a cup of tea

Without being asked to!

That boy really is growing up.

Jamie wants to work for himself

So Jamie’s big plan is to work with Mike, then start up his own business. He reckons he could take that business anywhere in the world.

Kathy’s worried about how secure that would be for him, but Jamie pointed out that no job is secure these days.

It sounds like Kathy is actually listening to Jamie, and that Jamie has started to think this through properly.

What a shocker.

No shouting to be found in the Perks’ household!

Friday, 19 October 2012

James in hospital: Thurs 18.10.12

The Archers Thursday 18th October 2012

Keith hasn’t been sentenced
Joyce will be home soon
James has been in an accident
An all-male shortlist … the thrill!
Brian needs punched!

Keith hasn’t been sentenced

Goodness, I’d forgotten about Keith.

They’re doing a pre-sentence and psychiatrist report before he’s sentenced.

[Jennifer] “Psychiatric … wonder what that will come up with!”

Steady on Jennifer.

I wouldn’t be too quick to laugh at him … his is family, after all.

Joyce will be home soon

Which is nice. Though sounds like Lilian will miss her one-on-one chats with Arthur.

James has been in an accident
Lilian get a call to say James has been in a car crash.

She rushes off to the hospital, but can’t get through to Matt (I think he was off on a lads’ night out?).

Though it seems James isn’t too badly hurt. He has a leg injury that may require an operation.

[Lilian] “I might need to nip outside, I need to have a … make a phone call.”

Lilian still can’t get Matt. She also can’t get through to Jennifer.

So who does she call next?

Tony?

No.

Adam?

Nope.

Jolene?

Indeed not.

When Lilian does finally manage to get Matt to answer his phone, he’s very untroubled and unconcerned that James is hurt. He’s more interested in staying at his lads’ do.

[Matt] “Give you a ring when it wraps up, and if you’re still stuck there, I’ll come and find you … there’s nothing I can do there, I’m not a doctor.”

Lilian tries to tell him that she just needs him there, to be there with her. So that she isn’t alone.

[Matt] “I better go. It’s the cigar break.”

[Lilian] “You ba …. !!!”

So, Lilian calls Paul (of course).

Now I know Matt can be an arse in any situation, but it’s really very odd that he’s not even faking concern about James, just to keep Lilian happy.

Very strange that he made the effort to take Lilian to Paris (trying to sweeten her now that Paul is back around), but now is completely disinterested.

That’ll make things far easier for his half-brother to steal away Matt’s Puss …

An all-male shortlist … the thrill!

Brian’s got the shortlist for the Super Dairy manager down to five.

Though he wants a chap called Rob Titchener to take the job. But Rob needs to talk to his wife first, which annoys Brian.

[Jennifer] “That’s rich coming from you, I’m not always the first person you tell about your businesses decisions, quite the reverse, or even your personal ones for that matter.”

Not sure why we’re spending so much time listening in on Brian’s staffing issues.

Brian needs punched!

(once again!)

Jennifer’s a tad excitable. She’s waiting to hear from Alice – who, if she has passed her degree, will also get a job that’s been offered to her.

But no degree, no job.

Brian’s decreed they’re going out to eat, because Jennifer is so excitable, and he’s also stressed about whether Rob will take the job.

BUT, Brian also decreed that Jennifer would have to leave her mobile at home, while he can take his. Brian’s theory is that Jennifer wouldn’t be able to stop checking it, but wouldn’t be able to do anything about whether Alice has/hasn’t got the job. So, that can wait. In complete contrast to Brian, who needs his phone to be able to sort out the Super Dairy manager position. Something he can control.

[Jennifer] “What about mum?”

[Brian] “What crises? That she can’t find her reading glasses!”

When They got home after their meal, Alice has been trying to call to say she’d passed, and got the job. And, of course, Lilian had been trying to get through about James.

I don’t know why Jennifer lets Brian boss her about like that.

Saturday, 14 April 2012

The great photo flyover 09.04.12

The Archers Monday 9th April 2012

James and Leonie still arguing
Lily is off to France today
Girls. Playing cricket!?!
Lynda has ambitions
Eddie nearly ruins the Horn
Lynda’s latent racism
Did you spot Leonie doesn’t care about the peregrines?

James and Leonie still arguing

At Robert and Lynda’s for breakfast before they get to their plane, James and Leonie are still at it.

(again not rudery, just barny)

James reckons their book is “photo driven”. Leonie does not concur.

[Leonie] “The photos have their place but their function is to illustrate my words”

[James] “No, your words are basically just long captions for the photographs. That was the whole concept!”

Leonie reckons it was her concept in the first place.

[James] “You’re wrong but let’s not discuss this now”

Oo-er.

On their way to the plane, they get lost. Even though they have a Sat Nav.

[James] “How do you explain the fact that we’re 180 degrees out of our way?”

Leonie reckons she put the postcode into the sat nav, but James gave her the postcode to put in. So it’s actually James’ fault.

[Leonie] “It’s always the same, you can’t get the simplest things and you always know what’s best!”

They’ll split up soon enough, surely.

Robert’s worried about them,

[Lynda] “Well, when it comes to James, there a lot to be scathing about … It’ll blow over, you’ll see”

Please. Just split up (and both go away, only to return every other Christmas)

Lily is off to France today

Not that we get to hear about it, or that James or Leonie are remotely interested when Lynda tells them.

Ach well. Bon Voyage, and all that.

Girls. Playing cricket!?!

Surely a step too far?

(obviously, I’m being sarcastic)

Alistair’s at The Bull for a quiet pint and his newspaper (while Shula works her socks off. Nice to see Alistair is ready and willing to help out).

Jamie’s also there doing his shift. They get talking about cricket (as they tend to do), and Jamie mentioned that Natalie had mentioned that she and some of her (girl) friends would want to join in the youth cricket.

[Alistair] “Jamie gave me an interesting conundrum … what about girls training?”

He and Robert agree that there’s nowt wrong with the female gender playing cricket. But they can’t play against blokes when they all get to a certain age (17, they reckon).

One assumes that’s something to do with the power of the ball being thrown or hit?

(I don’t know. Football is more my game. I support a Scottish 1st Division team who a bunch of girls could probably easily beat …).

Sounds like the girls can join in, but only if they play against each other.

Lynda has ambitions

For Britain in Bloom. She already seems Ambridge in the final.

[Alistair] “If you only aim for the moon, you’ll never reach the stars”

Quite.

Eddie nearly ruins the Horn

[Robert] “Where for art thou Jolene?”

She’s hanging out of the window, telling everyone to get into a horn shape for the flyover.

They do manage to get everyone together and waving, though Eddie nearly didn’t get his bit of the horn right in time.

So the plane flies over, the brownies parade their bonnets, the band strikes up and The Bull’s punters cheer.

[Alistair] “I’m beginning to think this wasn’t the place for a placid bank holiday break”

Lynda’s latent racism

Alistair mentioned to Lynda that a chap called Iftikhar is going to be running the youth cricket.

[Lynda] “Where’s he from?”

[Alistair] “Felpersham I think”

[Lynda] “I meant … no … Felpersham, of course …”

Oops Lynda. That was close.

Did you spot Leonie doesn’t care about the peregrines?

Calling Robert about after the flyover, Leonie’s furious with James (yet again). Seems he wanted to fly in low at the church to get a good shot of the peregrines.

Robert’s horrified! The peregrines would have been terrified.

Leonie quickly catches on that that’s the reason she should have given for not wanting to fly in.

Actually, she really didn’t give a hoot.

[Leonie] “And not to mention the danger to us. Birds and aircraft don’t mix”

(i.e. “me, me, me, me, me”)

So James is sulking that he didn’t get his shot. And Leonie is sulking with James.

*sigh*

Fallon stars as the Easter bunny 08.04.12

The Archers Sunday 8th April 2012

The dawn service at Lakey Hill
Brenda really holds Easter day sacred
Lilian predicts a riot
If the bedroom’s a rockin’ …
No tattie harrowing = walk up Lakey Hill
Fallon as the Easter bunny
Ed and Will in The Bull
Big build up to the quiz night
Helen’s birthday next week
Tweets on Easter Sunday
Tony’s definitely feeling better
Jim’s back to normal

The dawn service at Lakey Hill

Was just mentioned today, rather than any of the secret microphones being there.

Brenda seemed quite impressed that Jill was going to it ‘at her age’ …

Brenda really holds Easter day sacred

Well, she does when it suits her.

She was woken early by a fox (hmmm), and Tom was up early anyway for milking.

He’s got a long day of work ahead of him (including checking whether the tatties need harrowing with Tony, with a brief break to go to The Bull with the family.

Brenda is not amused.

[Brenda] “It’s Easter day!”

Since when was that important to Brenda? Especially considering she doesn’t bother with silly things like the dawn service (!).

Lilian predicts a riot

Lilian stumbles across Fallon hiding Easter eggs.

[Lilian] “Well that will be a riot, I expect … a real riot, you know what kids are like when they’ve scented chocolate … well as long as you’ve got your whip ready”

[Fallon] “No, I’ve got something better than that”

[Lilian] “A taser?”

If the bedroom’s a rockin’ …

… it’ll not be due to adult relations when it’s James and Leonie are in there.

Fallon was surprised to see Lilian up and out so early.

[Lilian] “You’re right darling, I don’t normally see this time on a Sunday morning”

Seems James and Leonie woke her up.

[Lilian] “I just wish I’d put them in a bedroom further way”

[Fallon] “You mean you can hear?”

Yes Lilian can, but it’s not rudery she can hear. Just arguing.

Leonie hogs the bed covers, her and James had a barny about it (“quite heated” according to Lilian). Lilian really isn’t enjoying their visit.

[Lilian] “it’s been like walking on eggshells at times, James had been a patience of a saint …”

*cough*

When Lilian later comes into The Bull for lunch, James and Leonie have found something new to argue about.

What is the capital of Bolivia?

James (and Fallon) reckon La Paz.

Leonie reckoned Sucre.

Much to Lilian’s disgust:

[Lilian] “She was technically right”

(La Paz is the administrative capital; Sucre is the constitutional capital … though I did have to look that up)

When Fallon later swings into action as the Easter bunny to sort out crying kids fighting over eggs, Lilian complements her on her ability to resolve disputes. And wonders whether she can do the same with James and Leonie. During their lunch at The Bull, seems they were arguing about the wine.

Lilian is also wondering if they’ll survive their flyover tomorrow. Surely one will push the other out (minus parachute)

[Lilian] “I don’t envy James though, bring cooped up in a cockpit with that, irritating girl”

There’s nothing so blind as a mother’s love …

No tattie harrowing = walk up Lakey Hill

Brenda’s delight with Tony that he told Tom the tatties didn’t need harrowing yet. Which meant she and Tom had time to go on a walk to Lakey Hill.

But Brenda’s joy was short lived. Tom went back to work after they had lunch at the Bull.

She only wanted to watch a few films …

So – Tom working all the time – no mention of their engagement for (what feels like) years – Brenda ripe for splitting up with him and/or affair?

Fallon as the Easter bunny

Which was her cunning plan to deal with Lilian’s predicted riot:

[Fallon] “it’s great for keeping the kids under control”

[Tom] “Yeah, well known for their discipline, rabbits …”

[Fallon] “Well they don’t know what to make of me, so they tend to do what I say!”

Later on:

[Lilian] “Ooh darling, run rabbit run!”

Ed and Will in The Bull

Will and Nic are in one corner, Ed and Emma in the other.

But there’s no punch up. They stay well away from each other. It’s only poor George who gets stressed having to run back and forth between the two.

How times (and folks) change.

Big build up to the quiz night

But seems the secret microphones weren’t turned on.

It was last night, with Harry and Jazzer doing a “good job”.

Ach well.

Helen’s birthday next week

What excitement shall she have?

Tweets on Easter Sunday

Tom gets what Tony thinks is a text.

[Tom] “Actually, that’s a tweet”

[Tony] “Good lord, on Easter Sunday!”

Ah Tony – it’s always time for a tweet.

Seems the piggy footy is still of interest.

I still can’t find those pigs anywhere online …

Tony’s definitely feeling better

During lunch at The Bull, Tony tells everyone that he wants to do more.

Tom slips up and mentions that they have a “new system”. Which Tony immediately picks up on and asks how much it cost …

Later on, Tom shows Tony the new management system (and we have to listen in while he does – very dull indeed). Tony doesn’t seem overly impressed.

He also obviously wants to get back in the driving seat. He wants to take over the office again – ordering, and the like.

[Tom] “I wouldn’t want to lose sight of the whole picture”

Aha – but Tom has snookered himself. As Tony points out, the new management system means Tom can see the “whole picture” at the click of a button.

So best shove off and let Tony rule again, eh Tom.

As Tony later says to Pat:

[Tony] “It’s very clever. We were managing before, of course. Perfectly well. I do hope Tom realises. I do know what I’m doing around here”

Jim’s back to normal

Not that we heard it ourselves first hand, just that it was mentioned he was giving Kenton a hard time for working at The Bull, so neglecting Jaxx.

Jim must be delighted he doesn’t have to pay compliments now that lent is over.