Pondering The Archers: harvest supper

George can only take pineapple

He can’t have any of the beans, as there’s none to spare.

It’s alright George.

Most folk only give the tins they don’t want any more for Harvest Supper.

[Ed] “We could with a hamper ourselves this year.”

Aye, if only Emma and Ed’s pride would let them ask for it.

Can Mike work any harder?

He’s already doing Harry’s round. Though it is taking him half the time. He’s already lost 5 customers (due to them cost saving rather than out of protest).

And he does the green burial site. A bit of forestry. The bottling … (I’ve probably missed something, but you get the gist. Mike works all hours)

While Vicky is taking her maternity, she’s decided she won’t be going back to work.

Oh blimey.

[Mike] “We’ll cope … I’ll do everything I can. We’ll be fine, I know we will.”

That means Mike not getting a replacement for Harry at all. He’ll do it all himself.

[Mike] “Besides, it’s the right thing. And I want to do the right thing for you and the little un.”

[Vicky] “Oh Mike, I am so lucky to have you.”

Uh-oh.

Here’s hoping Mike’s not in for any accidents or sudden illnesses soon.

Eddie’s running away from Joe’s teeth

Seems Joe is having issues with his teeth.

They’re bothering him. So he keeps taking them out. Then losing them.

Eddie even found them in the bread bin earlier today.

So, Eddie’s taken refuge in The Bull.

[Eddie] “Quite a thing with a man has to come to the pub to get away from his father’s teeth.”

Will gets sanctimonious

Will’s taken George out for food.

He’s a bit shocked that George is checking the prices before he orders, checks if Will can afford what he’s about to order, and mutters something about “we have to try and make do with what we’ve got”.

[Will] “You have whatever you want from that menu. When you’re with me, money’s no object.”

So, Will being Will, he shouts about it to Nic. He’s furious Ed and Emma have been talking about their finances in front of George.

[Will] “In front of my son, Telling him he can’t take a few cans of beans into school for the harvest festival …I'm not having George suffer, just because Ed can’t manage his finances … I’m not paying maintenance so they two can fritter their money away on goodness knows what. That money is meant to be spent on George … it’s obvious, Ed and Emma aren’t providing properly for my son.”

Here we go again.

Ed in the blue corner, Will in the red.

Just in time for Christmas.

Tracey’s a dinner lady

At Loxley Barrett Primary.

Glad she got work.

And hope she makes cheesy wheels.

They were fab.

Sunday, 9 October 2011

The Archers Sunday 9th October 2011: The Harvest supper 2011

(James and Leonie don’t make it … hurrah!)

There were never such devoted sisters …
Jim’s trippin’
Jim’s heartbroken
Will comes clean about Emma
Jim's not allowed to drop quiche, Tony to avoid coiffing
Christmas Around the World with Jim
Robert’s a bit of a dirty auld yin

There were never such devoted sisters …

Tony and Pat are at the Harvest Supper – but Tony is sounding a bit dour.

[Pat] “We’ve been given a breathing space, thanks to Lilian”

[Tony] “We’ll have to pay her back, you know”

[Pat] “I don’t think she’ll press us for it”

[Tony] “She’s very generous, unlike my other sister …”

[Pat] “One out of two isn’t bad”

Seems Tom is meeting with Underwoods tomorrow – which makes Pat a bit depressed (as it won’t make a difference for her and Tony) – at which point Tony chides Pat that she’s now “looking on the dark side”, and that they’re out to try and put their troubles behind them for a night.

They’ll be needing more cider …

Jim’s trippin’

[Tony] “You don’t to be too full to trip the light fantastic”

[Jim] “Tripping is about right where dancing and I are concerned”

Seems Jim doesn’t dance, so just wants to sit and admire Ruth’s (last minute*) decorations.

(*last minute as Pip offered Brookfield, then her “enthusiasm waned” leaving it all down to poor Ruth)

Jim’s heartbroken

First – that Lynda has announced Leonie and James will be at the Harvest Supper.

[Jim] “They are a menace … they nearly had me disqualified from the flower and produce show … moved my tomatoes, out them into the middle of the flower arrangements for their photo ...siad it made for a more edgy composition”

But – on the news later that James and Leonie can’t make it, after delays on the motorway, Jim is slightly chirpier.

So – it’s left to Lynda:

[Lynda] “with my restaurant’s critic’s hat on”

To write up for James and Leonie’s book, and Robert to takes the photos.

A thankless task on all fronts …

Will comes clean about Emma

[Will] “There’s something I want to talk to you about … just that I’ve been thinking .. you’ve been so straight with me about what’s been going on with you and Andre … I think I should try to be the same … about Emma”

Yikes! Is there ever a more terrifying phrase to be uttered than hearing your partner say they want “to talk”.

And worse still that it seems to be Will wanting to talk to Nic about Emma.

So – here’s what he had to say:

[Will] “How much does it bother you that Emma and I were once married?”

[Nic] “ … it doesn’t. That’s all in the past.”

[Will] “Is it?”

(eek!)

[Nic] “Isn’t it?”

[Will] “Well not for Emma it seems … otherwise why is she so sharp with you?”

[Nic] “Only sometimes”

[Will] “Too many times”

Nic reckons it’s for her to deal with Emma being harsh to her, but Will is worried that he doesn’t stand up for Nic as often as he should. Or, worse still, that Nic doesn’t know when he does stick up for her.

[Will] “I’m absolutely on your side Nic. Always, always.”

And then, he tells Nic what he really feels about Emma.

(which actually isn’t much of a revelation – more of a clearing of the air)

[Nic] “It must have been hard, though. I know how much Emma hurt you”

[Will] “She did … I don’t still have feelings for her, not anymore. You do believe me, do you?”

[Nic] “It’s just that I know how long I know it took me to get over Andrew”

[Will] “It’s taken me a long time too, maybe I wasn’t always quite honest with myself about that … I am over her. I truly am. And I can see her for what she is. I love you Nic. I love you. And that’s all that matters to me now”

[Nic] “And it’s all that matters to me. And you don’t have to worry about Emma. I can handle her “

Aw.

The sound of wedding bells is back on in my mind, then.

Jim not allowed to drop quiche, Tony to avoid coiffing

Robert and Lynda are trying to pose Jim, Tony and Pat for a photo for Leonie and James’ book.

Jim’s pretending to be eating – but is told not to drop the quiche (as if he will – he’s starving!).

And as for Tony.

[Lynda] “or maybe raising your glass to your lips rather than actual coiffing”

And Pat:

[Lynda] “Just look animated Pat, like you’re fascinated by their conversation”

(as if – Pat isn’t an actress!)

[Jim] “I mean this is photography we’re talking about, not like sitting for Rembrandt!”

There then ensues a slight disagreement about whether photography is an art form. Which it clearly is.
(I do declare an interest – my business partner is a photographer. You know I never plug - but just this once Amicus Photography)

Christmas Around the World with Jim

Lynda was trying to get all who was within earshot to volunteer their talents to the Christmas concert Christmas Around the World.

(I’m still devastated that there is no Panto)

She’s targeting Jim – who, despite being a big supporter of community projects, states he doesn’t like them when he has to “make a fool of himself”.

[Lynda] “But you won’t. A man of culture and learning like you”

[Jim] “I can’t sing, and I don’t play a musical instrument”

[Tony] “Juggling?”

[Pat] “Bit of tap dancing?”

[Jim] “My cultural interests are historical, philosophical and literary”

[Lynda] “There you are then! You can read a poem!”

[Tony] “But, Bert will be doing that, won’t he?”

[Lynda] “Bert? He’s hardly the poet laureate is he?”

(ooh – bit harsh on ol’ Bert there)

But Jim does relent – and agrees to read a poem.

He reels a few Latin sounding poets (Ovid, Virgil and a few lesser known ones I couldn’t write down in time).

[Pat] “Yes but Jim, you’re not going to read them in Latin, are you?”

[Jim] “Of course! That’s how they were written”

Oh joy.

I’d prefer a wee Santa ditty, myself.

Robert’s a bit of a dirty auld yin

Cheeky monkey.

Everyone’s keen to see the photos he’s taken at the Harvest Supper and the Barn Dance,
Robert’s not keen for anyone to look at the Barn Dance ones. He reckons they’re not up to much.

[Tony] “Nothing worth looking at? I wouldn’t say so!”

[Pat] “Are they all of Sabrina Thwaite?”

[Robert] “Well, she didn’t mind posing, that was the thing Lyndee”

[Pat] “She does like to show off her new outfits …”

[Jim] “ … how they stay on is the mystery”

[Tony] “I suppose they cling to all the right places”

Lynda is aghast.

She thinks the photos of the Barn Dance are totally unsuitable for James and Leonie’s book. So, she takes back the camera.

[Jim] “She’s quite wrong. Those pictures of Sabrina are the only thing that might sell their wretched book …”

Friday, 30 September 2011

The Archers Friday 30th September 2011: Nic won’t take Will’s aggression

Brian hit a pheasant
Andrew’s upset Nic (again)
Jolene’s organising the barn dance
Kenton and Jolene’s love nest
Harry’s scaring folks
Tony tries Jennifer
Clarrie doesn’t punch Derek Fletcher
Will doesn’t know what he’s like

Brian hit a pheasant

And gave it to Will.

[Will] “It was a nice clean bang on the head … when it’s fresh road kill, there’s no shot to worry about”

Andrew’s upset Nic (again)

Seems he was on at her again about her wanting to know what’s going on in his life – and gave her a bit of a dressing down in front of the kids.

[Will] “He’s got a nerve … he can’t speak to you like that Nic!”

But Nic reckons that’s just what Andrew is like – and there’s no point in getting upset about it.

What’s more – she doesn’t want to hear Will getting all macho.

[Nic] “I can’t bear this … I can’t bear you being with Andrew like you’ve been with Ed … leave it Will, you don’t understand”

Jolene’s organising the barn dance

For the harvest supper.

I still don’t get why they didn’t just have the supper at The Bull again.

But Jolene doesn’t seem bothered.

Looks like The Bull is doing just fine at the moment.

Kenton and Jolene’s love nest

Jolene was telling Kenton that the offer to move in is still open. He can move in when he feels the time is right.

Kenton feels the time is right now.

And Elizabeth has given her blessing.

(how very generous of her!)

Harry’s scaring folks

His pining for Zofia is a wee bit off-putting.

[Jolene] “He seems to be able to clear a space around him in 30 seconds flat”

Tony tries Jennifer

Tony and Pat haven’t said it out loud – but looks like they’re now trying the Bank of Aldridge after their failed attempts at the Bank of Peggy.

Tony’s round seeing Jennifer (who is “quite hoarse after talking to Kate”)

[Tony] “It feels as if we’re staggering from one crisis to another”

Jennifer makes lots of sympathetic noises, and agrees that he and Pat really shouldn’t be hassling Peggy while she’s so stressed, but utterly; sidesteps Tony away from even being able to ask her if she and Brian would help.

[Jennifer] “Of course, these are difficult times for everyone, I’m afraid … well, do you want some more coffee Tony?”

So – Bank of Aldridge is not open either.

Who does that leave?

Lilian and Matt.

That’ll be interesting …

Clarrie doesn’t punch Derek Fletcher

Clarrie had a grand time during her first shift as a volunteer at the Village shop.

[Clarrie] “It were great to be behind the counter dealing with people”

She even coped with that Derek Fletcher when he came in,

[Clarrie] “I just said good morning and took his money”

So moral victory for Clarrie – she feels useful – and enjoys the banter.

Will doesn’t know what he’s like

Nic and Will are still have a bit if a bargy about Andrew.

Will wants to ‘have a word’. Nic wants him to stay away.

[Nic] “You do know what you’re like Will. You must”

[Will] “No. I don’t … “

Will reckons that he’s been really trying n(for Clarrie’s sake) to get on with Ed. But is doesn’t sound like Nic is convinced it’ll last.

[Nic] “It’s always a competition between you. And it’s been violent in the past, hasn’t it. We’re all treading on eggshells”

Nic’s worried that Will will behave as Will always does – and in the process ruin their relationship.

They’ve been having such a nice time together recently, and she feels Andrew could be part of making it all go horribly wrong.

So message is clear – Will’[s to shut up, stay away from Andrew and out up with Andrew treating Nic like muck.

Wednesday, 21 September 2011

The Archers Monday 19th September 2011: There’s talk of The Dole

Emma’s having a go again
Joe got locusts and a nice card
Clarrie to sponge for a career?
I’d forgotten Pip was on holiday
Pip got David something soft and leather …
Crushing heifers
Since when was Alana “The vicar?”
Harvest supper at Brookfield?

Emma’s having a go again

So reckons Nic.

Seems Emma has been complaining that Will and Nic returned George minus his book bag – so he didn’t have his reading book at school.

[Will] “Typical Emma, she was making a big deal about it … she can be so high and mighty sometimes, like she’s the perfect parent, that no-one else has any idea”

Nic also reckons that it was Emma who has lost the bag.

It’d be (hand)bags at dawn if they could find it …

Joe got locusts and a nice card

Seems that after Amy and Alice arrived at Joe’s, the rest of the young ‘uns helping out at Bridge Farm also turned up to celebrate Joe’s birthday.

[Joe] “It was like a cloud of blooming locusts”

But, Joe was actually quite pleased.

He wasn’t so pleased that Alf couldn’t make it, but seems he did send him a nice birthday card.

Clarrie to sponge for a career?

Clarrie’s not having much luck finding any positions vacant.

[Clarrie] “Ain't never no jobs in the Westbury Courier”

She’s doing her best though. She’s even been pondering one of those foot-in-the-door sales jobs.

[Eddie] “No. I’m not having you selling door to door”

[Clarrie] “I’ve got to do summit,. The bills won’t pay themselves”

I’m with Eddie. I’d hate the thought of Clarrie selling door to door – the inevitable slams in the face would cripple her.

But Joe and Eddie have a plan B.

[Eddie] “We think you ought to sign on”

[Clarrie, a bit shocked] “Going on the Parish, my dad used to call it”

Clarrie later chats it all through with Nic.

[Clarrie] “I ain't used to sitting round with nothing to do … Joe and Eddie are doing my head in”

On the dole:

[Clarrie] “It’s probably hard at your age to understand … but we were taught to stand on your own two feet,. Not sponging off the state”

But Nic persuades Clarrie to at least have a look at what she’s entitled to. Which I perfectly agree with.

BUT

Is Clarrie entitled to anything right now? She left her job, so doesn’t she have to wait a while before she can claim?

And, as a rural dweller myself, I can reckon it doesn’t pay to be unemployed if you live in the countryside. It often costs more to get to the dole than you can actually claim.

I’d forgotten Pip was on holiday

In Dubrovnik.

But have remembered now that she’s back home. With her photos.

Pip got David something soft and leather …

… a bag.

How quite dull. But necessary, I suppose.

And it’s more than he got from Elizabeth for his birthday. Not even a card …

Crushing heifers

[Ruth] “I’ve got to get a couple of heifers in the crush before I get the rest of the cows in”

That’d sound painful, or something to do with a smoothie, if we didn’t know better,

Since when was Alan “The vicar?”

Pip is quite odd sometimes.

She goes through to Ruth to say that “the vicar” just called round to ask about a barn for the harvest supper.

Eh?

Whoever (ever) calls Alan “the vicar”?

Pip’s getting dull and formal. Oh dear.

Harvest supper at Brookfield?

So, after “the vicar” spoke to Pip, Ruth’s a bit perturbed to find out that Pip has volunteered one of Brookfield’s barns for the harvest supper.

Again – what’s wrong with The Bull?

Sunday, 18 September 2011

The Archers Sunday 18th September 2011: Joe Grundy’s Ninetieth Birthday

Clarrie doesn’t want to have to go
A ventouse is a kind of suction thing you put on a baby’s head
Amy and Alice tattie picking
Joe’s cider
Glamorous Clarrie?
Alice and Amy get vertical
Harvest supper venue problems, again
Jim’s sense of fun
Mike wants green burial, Alistair wants Josh
A thought for those departed
Did Jim have a point to make?
It’s also David’s birthday

Clarrie doesn’t want to have to go

She’s doing the food (Christine’s puddings are in the van, and the pork just need sliced), but even seeing a very helpful David doesn’t make Clarrie any more keen to go to Joe’s party.

[David] “Ninety years old, eh, that’s a bit special … Oh Clarrie, um, just wanted to say, well, it’s great to see you back. After your trip”

Eddie tries to bluster that Clarrie was just away for Rosie’s birthday, but I think Eddie’s attempts to cover up Clarrie going on a wander is backfiring.

[Clarrie] “Well that were nice of him. Don’t know what he were thinking … I wish I didn’t have to face everyone so soon”

But of course, Clarrie being Clarrie turns out for Joe’s birthday at the Cider Club.

A ventouse us a kind of suction thing you put on a baby’s head

So says Amy.

Amy and Alice tattie picking

Alice has persuaded Amy to help do tattie picking at Bridge Farm.

[Alice] “Their business is heading for the buffers, seemingly”

Which makes Alice feel that her and Chris’ economy drive is rather small fry in comparison.

Joe’s cider

[David] “Not a bad drop of stuff that, Joe”

[Joe] “Well take a proper swig then … finest tonic known to man, this is”

Seems Joe is starting on the 2011 vintage soon. And he has permission from Oliver to take the fallen apples off of his land.

[Joe] “Oliver Sterling … a great supporter of local enterprise”

Jim’s sense of fun

[Jim] “I don’t see much going on at this table”

[Joe] “That’s cause we’re enjoying ourselves”

[Jim] “Well, that can stop right now!”

Jim’s determined to stick to his and Bert’s plan of ye oldie fashioned games. So, Joe’s tables has to crack on with dominoes or cribbage.

Jim has even drawn up a fixture list. And:

[Jim] “A series of conversion factors allowing comparison of the point’s total of the various games, I think it’s pretty self-explanatory”

Right barrel of laughs, is our Jim.

Glamorous Clarrie?

[Jim] “Well we’re delighted to see you Clarrie. It’s what the cider club’s needed for a long time. A bit of glamour”

What is Clarrie wearing to Joe’s party???

Alice and Amy get vertical

Oo-er missus!

[Alice] “Hang on a bit. Cam we try being vertical for a couple of minutes? … Ooh. Doesn’t half get your back when you’re not used to it “

Blimey!

Harvest supper venue problems, again

Amy was asking Alice for an empty barn that her dad could use for the harvest supper.

As Amy herself said, Alan always seems to get let down last minute.

Didn’t they hold it in The Bull last year?

What’s wrong with going there again?

Mike wants green burial, Alistair wants Josh

(it’s almost as if Frankie Howard was alive and well)

David reckons Mike’s interested in managing the green burial site.

And Alistair wants Josh for the cricket team.

A thought for those departed

[Joe] “Shame some of the old uns aren’t here to see it …Tom Forrest, Walter Gabriel, used to like a game of cribbage”

And as David reminded him, Dan Archer was also quite partial to a game of cribbage.

Did Jim have a point to make?

Jim seemed to be trying to say to Clarrie that it’s not her fault about the E. coli.

But, in a very cack handed way.

He complemented her on her egg and ham pie.

The started waffling about how everything it made in far too hygienic conditions these days, afy6er he’d noticed that Clarrie was drinking wine rather than Joe’s cider.

[Clarrie] “I wouldn’t touch that, I’ve seen how he makes it”

[Jim] “Which is precisely why it’s so beneficial in my opinion, it challenges the immune system which makes us all the stronger”

Seems Jim was trying to somehow say that Clarrie had done folks a favour by giving them E. coli.

Hmmm. Taking that a bit too far, Jim, methinks.

It’s also David’s birthday

Not that you’d have noticed amongst all the glory of Jim’s 90th.

But then again, suppose it would be very tasteful for David to have a big celebration, considering Nigel …

Tuesday, 19 October 2010

The Archers Thurs 14th Oct 2010: The Harvest Supper

The Archers: Kenton is interested in Kathy … Brian shuts up Kate (for a millisecond) and is in a rather good mood … Kate’s idea of motherhood … Kenton decides to help Jamie

Kenton and Alan like Jolene’s We Love The Bull t-shirt
We Love Jaxx
What’s Kenton’s motive?
“I think Sid would have been with you on that one”
Jennifer has no judgement when rushed
Daddy saves the day
Becky Simmons
Alan’s ‘bar wars’ joke
Brian’s good mood (courtesy of Matt)
Kate’s parenting tips
What’s funny about Peggy taking computer lessons?
“you find you have a civil war”

Kenton and Alan like Jolene’s We Love The Bull t-shirt

And so they should (though I haven’t actually seen one as yet …).

To date:

@welovethebull on Twitter has 567 followers

And the Facebook cause has 482 supporters

Are you part of the solution?!?

We Love Jaxx

Um …

Probably not.

I think a new bar in a larger town doesn’t quite qualify for such adoring support.

After all, there’s always another bar just round the corner.

What’s Kenton’s motive?

I might be wrong to question’s Kenton’s motives for helping Jolene, but it’s a habit born out of months of shouting between him and Kathy,

Showing special interest in why Kathy was too busy to get Jolene’s new menu flyers printed up, Kenton then offers to step in.

But why?

Is he just being nice to Jolene?

Is he trying to help Kathy out – by finishing what she couldn’t?

Or, is he trying to somehow show Kathy up? Demonstrate that he isn’t the useless piece of fluff that she’s painted? And that he’s actually a better neighbour than her?

I don‘t know anymore.

But Kenton actually being helpful has to be viewed with suspicion.

“I think Sid would have been with you on that one”

Realising that Kathy is having a tough time with Jamie, Kenton has a chat with Jolene about what to do.

He’d heard about the Barn Dance and the Bird Hide – but claims he hasn’t got involved because of Kathy (that she’d probably tear him a new one if he come anywhere near wither her of Jamie).

If Kenton’s being honest, he’s probably reticent to get involved because he knows he hasn’t been the best stepdad to Jamie, regardless of what’s happened between Kathy and himself.

[Jolene] “maybe he needs some man to man advice … I think Sid would have been with you on that one … I mean a quiet chant is not going to hurt”

[Kenton] “I owe it to Jamie. whatever Kathy thinks, I’ll have to give it a try”

I, for one, wish Kenton every bit of luck in his endeavours to help Jamie.

If only for some peace our end …

Jennifer has no judgement when rushed

And as a result, I do worry about the output of her baking efforts (was there too much sugar?).

But then again, Jennifer doesn’t seem to have good judgement at the best of times.

While not going back years upon years to revisit the mistakes of her youth (*ahem* Adam *ahem*), Jennifer seems to completely lose all common sense when it comes to her daughter Kate.

While she gives her other daughter’s husband a hard time for not being quite ‘of standard’.

Odd.

Surely Kate should be the one getting a hard time, rather than the very affable Chris?

Jennifer seems to prefer getting angry about Kate kicking her off her own computer, than telling Kate to just go away.

And does Jennifer really think that Kate sees her time in Ambridge, away from her kids in South Africa, as a “big sacrifice”?

Maybe Kate does have some human emotions from time to time, but surely Kate just mainly thinks about what’s good for Kate?!?

[Jennifer to Peggy] “she's quite sensitive about it … so we all have to be careful what we say”

I think too little too late. Peggy’s already given Kate a telling off for her rather inept mothering skills – do we think she’d hold back from any further home truths?

That Kate ignored Peggy’s mention of Jack (has Kate been to see him yet), instead ploughing into Jennifer for not taking Ruari to the Harvest Supper – Kate’s behaviour just gets more and more self-obsessed … and rather bizarre.

[Kate] “oh for goodness sake! So he stays up late - it's not going to hurt him!”

Seriously. What’s the problem with wee Ruari having a restful night ahead of school, rather than a night in the pub?

Daddy saves the day

Brian’s bought Kate a new laptop.

Taking the path of least resistance to the squabbling between the womenfolk (over the desktop computer. That Jennifer owns), Brian yet again spoils Kate.

Here’s an example of why Kate is such a brat!

Jennifer also mention that Kate’s new laptop was:

“much smarter than mine”

Oops Brian.

Keep daughter happy at the expense of your wife? I’d almost think you were an amateur at this …

Becky Simmons

Lives at Grange Spinney and is quite suitable to babysit Ruari.

(more to follow if we’re told anything else!)

Alan’s ‘bar wars’ joke

Which I only got a couple of days after I heard it.

“maybe that's why I’m a vicar and not a stand-up comedian”

Ah, but we still like you and your funny nicey-nice ways.

Brian’s good mood (courtesy of Matt)

Thoroughly enjoying the Harvest Supper at The Bull, Brian seems to be slightly more chirpy than usual (or for a man of his tastes at a Harvest Supper at The Bull!).

Seemingly Matt’s confirmed that the deal is on.

Lilian shall be on the board (of a new company) and Matt gets a few pennies from the sale of his ransom strip.

Triples all round!

Can’t wait to hear the first Board meeting …

Kate’s parenting tips

Good lordy. Can’t anyone shut Kate up!

I’m surprised Peggy was so composed (maybe she thinks Kate will keep for another day), but astounded both Brian and Jennifer didn’t slap her!

[Kate] “Mum stop worrying! Stop cosseting him … all these middle class English kids are so feather bedded and over protected … he'll grow up totally neurotic”

[Kate] “it’s so different back in South Africa …”

Pfffff!

I suppose, after all, the only reasonable response to Kate’s outburst was Peggy’s:

“I’m so pleased to hear, dear. Would you like some more pickle?”

What’s funny about Peggy taking computer lessons?

Tell me, Jennifer.

Why’s that funny?

On yersel, Peggy, I do declare!

“you find you have a civil war”

Brian corners Alan to have a chat about the Peregrines.

As we know – Will’s not happy (because he’s a gamekeeper).

The church goers are not happy (“worrying about dismembered corpses in the churchyard”)

And

“Mrs. Harvey worried about her ornamental doves”

Alan’s finding that like “a lot of bright ideas”, this one seems to have spikes.

Just wait until Lynda finds out there’s opposition to her plans …

Tuesday, 12 October 2010

The Archers Mon 11th Oct 2010: A Letter from Jamie’s school

The Archers: Jazzer's making a mess of it ... Jamie’s in trouble (part 337, Season 89) … Harry is odd

Jazzer brought a mate home ...
... who wears tights
Steady on Harry!
"fun, brilliant things for folks to do after the harvest supper"
Harry and the Silver Surfers
A fresh start that went rotten after seconds
Sir Harry

Jazzer brought a mate home

And Brenda's not too happy about it. Not happy about it at all.

Although Jazzer brought his mate back, he managed to do so quietly enough not to wake Tom or Brenda.

"I didnae want tae make a rumpus"

Which surely is a good thing, but I suppose it made the surprise of the mess in the morning all that more unexpected and annoying.

Jazzer had to sniff the remnants of the take away to remember what it was ("chicken korma"), Brenda was especially unamused to sniff the remnants of smoking

Brenda was starting to sound a bit like Helen, and Jazzer had a point

"you cannae always be on parade"

but making Brenda so unhappy so soon was not clever. Especially when she quite often has the casting vote when it comes to household matters.

... who wears tights

I really do think some of the Ambridge residents need to get out more.

Whoever said that Jazzer's mate was a bloke?

And can't blokes wear tights.

(erm .. actually that doesn’t work. The next question would be why the bloke took off the tights. As well all know, Jazzer's strictly a ladies man).

Either way, Jazzer's made a mess at Tom and Brenda's, and has also been caught taking a young lady back.

Brenda was most decidedly odd about it. That she was angry to find the tights was understandable (to a degree), but why the fuss over when she found them:

"under the settee, at dinner time"

Did it matter that it was dinner time? And what on earth was Brenda doing under the settee while having said dinner.

Bizarre.

[Jazzer] "she's a sweet wee lassie but she still lives with her ma .. and I’m trying to wean her off the fags, even bought her nicotine patches"

[Brenda] "I don’t want to interfere with your love life but I don’t want it all over my settee"

Actually - Brenda does have a very going point to make about love life and settees.

But what's the solution?

Jazzer gets kicked out, or Jazzer goes celibate?

Steady on Harry!

"just a half of coke"

Phew! I'm glad he didn’t push the boat out and go for a whole pint. Can you imagine how hyper he'd have got with all that sugar!

"fun, brilliant things for folks to do after the harvest supper"

The answer is seemingly bar games.

That'll really 'wow' the punters.

I suppose Harry's idea is probably just right for the type of clientele who'll be looking for fun and frolics after the Harvest Supper.

So it's a "proper tournament" of dominoes, bar skittles and a ha'penny board.

Do we sense Jim trying to win back some ground after his failures at the Flower & produce Show and the recent pub quiz?

Either way, we should all be very thankful that they dismissed the karaoke idea so quickly.

Unless, of course, it’d mean we’d get to hear Jazzer’s wonderful signing again (and still no sign of it on iTunes. You’d have thought a canny lad like Jazzer would have had it straight up there!).

Harry and the Silver Surfers

(wonder if JK Rowling wants that for a book title?!?)

Harry's next idea for We Love The Bull is to use The Bull's computers to give 'older' folks lessons in how to use computers.

Not a bad idea at all.

But hardly as outstanding as Fallon gushed:

"that's fantastic ... you’re so creative ...you're wasted on that milk round"

Yup. I get the distinct impression Fallon's falling for Harry. Too little to late (or even too little and not remotely reciprocated?!?).

A fresh start that went rotten after seconds

After all of her 'friends' trying to help yesterday (I noticed Pat wasn't trying to foist her shoulder onto Kathy, which is the sign of true friend), Kathy has yet another attempt at trying to calm her relationship down with Jamie.

It was a very one sided "fresh start", with Kathy asking for better communication

"like normal families do"

(Eh? I think Kathy and Jamie have a very 'normal' mother/teenage son relationship - lots of shouting and slammed doors - sounds quite right).

Jamie, as per, was grunting his consent just to get Kathy to be quiet for a moment.

Then Kathy finds a letter from Jamie's school. Can you guess what's next? Jamie certainly did. He ran out of the door faster than a greyhound who has spotted a real rabbit.

When she later tracks him down, it’s to give him a bollocking.

Jamie’s had three unauthorised absences over the last few weeks, and has lows standards of “attitude” and “behaviour”.

Which means a trip to the school for both Kathy and Jamie to get shouted at by his teacher, which will lead to Kathy shouting at Jamie, Jamie shouting back …. Sound familiar?

I do feel for Kathy. Jamie’s being a complete numpty, especially considering he has his exams this year.

And, as Kathy pointed out, bunking off is against the law.

Which could mean Kathy ‘doing time’.

Question is – how does she stop Jamie behaving like this?

And how does she does that before she gets arrested?!?

Sir Harry

I know it's unfair to be suspicious of someone who never drinks, but there has to be something more to Harry than he's letting be seen.

Jazzer's on at him again for being so 'helpful'

"are you after a statue on the green ... Sir Harry ... the man who saved the bull"

but he does have a good point to make.

Why is Harry so determined to do god deeds? His We Love The Bull campaign, endless great ideas to help out the very unimaginative Fallon and Jolene, and now him giving up some spare time to teach Silver Surfers ... what's the catch?

Harry has once bitten back at Jazzer, and he was decidedly smug when Brenda brandished those tights.

"Jazz ... you are so busted"

Harry’s glee was palpable. Which wasn’t not an attractive sound for him.

Harry is right to bite back, enough considering all the grief Jazzer hands out to him, but did I sense a touch of 'not so nice Harry'?

Thursday, 7 October 2010

The Archers Wed 6th Oct 2010: The Quiz Night

The Archers: Jazzer’s moved in with Brenda and Tom ... Matt’s a happy chap … Bert saves the Quiz

Jazzer’s not housetrained, “but in a weird way, he is making an effort”
He’s “Turbo charged”!
What I learned from The Archers (part 59076)
Bert’s brain is just like a sponge
It’s all about Jim in Jim’s world
A cackling and grinning Matt
Lilian’s patented cure for the common cold
Apologies, but I went to a Scottish comprehensive
“How does the guy who drives the snowplough get to work?”

Jazzer’s not housetrained, “but in a weird way, he is making an effort”

Jazzer may be an uncouth lothario sometimes, but it does look like his mum has managed to train him in some basic hygiene skills.

So, despite best efforts to wipe the bath after he’d used it, he managed to use Brenda’s flannel for the task and also leave his towel on the floor.

But that’s not too bad a start, I reckon. Maybe Brenda expecting the worst will only make it come true ...

He’s “Turbo charged”!

Jazzer’s in a good mood today, as Harry isn’t going to be at The Bull tonight for the quiz.

He reckons he’ll be able to

“spread my wings”

sans Harry. Which surely must be more to do with Jazzer wanting Fallon to himself rather than his claim of wanting to be able to be creative in coming up with ideas to show We Love The Bull.

Jazzer’s ideas are to have a “vampire theme” for Halloween - which is neither original nor impressive - but I liked his ideas for Bonfire Night themed drinks:

“Shandy sparkler and Guy Fox Fizz”

After all, most folks will pay that wee bit extra for something ‘special’, even if it is just a pint of larger and lemonade dressed up in a different coat.

[Kathy] “Someone’s lit his fuse!”

Well, Fallon did a while back. It only shines when Harry isn't around.

Poor, lovesick Jazzer.

What I learned from The Archers (part 59076)

The Harvest Supper is a pagan festival:

“In Britain, thanks have been given for successful harvests since pagan times. The celebrations on this day usually include singing hymns, praying, and decorating churches with baskets of fruit and food in the festival known as Harvest Festival, Harvest Home or Harvest Thanksgiving.

“Until the 20th century most farmers celebrated the end of the harvest with a big meal called a harvest supper, to which all who had helped in the harvest were invited.

“Some churches and villages still have a Harvest Supper.”

wikipedia

Well I never knew it had Pagan origins (though it would have made sense, if I’d ever had reason to think about it).

Also interesting to see that Ambridge if probably one of the few villages to still have a Harvest Supper.

Still, that fits in with them playing cricket when everyone else has gone home to stay warm ...

Bert’s brain is just like a sponge

And it was the main himself who said it.

It’s all about Jim in Jim’s world

I do have a soft spot for him and his oh-so-cultured ways, but he had a slight nerve first telling Kathy that he was sorry to hear about her and Kenton splitting up - then apologising in case it was his fault.

Come on Jim! It’s plain that Kathy and Kenton would have split up, whether Jaxx existed (and Jim had in part funded it to exist), or not.

“you just helped bring about the inevitable, Jim”

A cackling and grinning Matt

Which always means he’s about to pull off a crafty deal.

Matt in this sort of state must be what was keeping Brian awake at night a few weeks back.

Matt seems to be more than happy about BL’s offer of 20% in a new company, with Lilian on the board and probably less of a price for the ‘ransom strip’.

What’s he up to now?

It surely can’t be that simple?!?

Lilian’s patented cure for the common cold

“nothing a couple of G&Ts won’t fix”

Which isn’t as daft as it sounds.

I swear that making a decent journey into a bottle of whisky will banish all ailments.

Apologies, but I went to a Scottish comprehensive

Which I don’t really feel the need to apologise for (we had Norman McCaig instead of Pope, Liz Lochhead instead of Shakespeare. Very groovy), but it has led to a slight interruption in my usual service.

I don’t know Latin.

So, like the Ambridge residents, not only was I unable to answer Jim’s quiz questions - but I also couldn’t understand what he was saying to get the questions written down for this blog.

I only managed to get:

From the ‘easy’ starting round, translating Latin into English:
Carpe Dieum
Cavaet Emptor
Meliora (and something else)

(Geography)
Lusitania

Jazzer struggled just as much:

“just put down two points of larger and a packet of drinks”

“this quiz is weird, man”

Shockingly remiss of me, but at least I know my bere bannock from a rowie.

Anyhoo, despite wearing his lucky bow tie, Jim’s quiz went down like a lack of Ann Summer tat at a hen party.

Lilian failed to take control by suggesting Jim tries to give questions that are “a little easier” (than the Punic Wars), as Jim went onto the fiction of Anthony Trollope. Which I would have actually fared better on.

Then, after Jim tried a “easy picture round”, which featured drawings of

[Jazzer] “just a bunch of Romans with curly hair”

from which you had to guess which one was the odd one out (although Brenda reckoned one “could pass for Peter Andre”), Bert stepped in to save the quiz - which is part of the efforts to Save The Bull.

Gracefully bowing out, Jim was heard to mutter:

“I have done what I could, those who can do better will”

And Bert did so almost immediately.

Even Jazzer knew what the largest Loch in Scotland was ...

“How does the guy who drives the snowmobile get to work?”

Classic Jazzer moment.

[Jazzer] “I’m mainly a lateral thinker me ... how does the guy who drives the snowplough get to work”

[Matt] “By plane”

[Jazzer - in awe and shock] “Really!?!”

Tuesday, 28 September 2010

The Archers Sun 26th Sept 2010: Kathy confronts Kenton

The Archers: Another Boost for The Bull ...Lower Loxley's allotments are coming along nicely ... Kenton and Kathy bump into each other

The Harvest Supper at The Bull
Clever Bert and Eddie
"Don't be such a sanctimonious git"
"Freddie! No! That is a very rare specimen"
So there is controversy about the Peregrines after all
Kenton should have never told a Nigel a secret
Nigel should never told Elizabeth a secret

The Harvest Supper at The Bull

Debunking all myths of what Church of England ‘types’ are like, Fallon's delighted that Jolene's agreed to Alan hosting his Harvest Supper at The Bull.

Fallon's excited that so many folks from other parishes (that Alan ministers to) will be in The Bull, spending their money, having a nice time, and coming back again.

And who's the first person she wants to tell about the good news?

Harry.

Hmmm.

Let's also hope that Jolene really is back on form. Alan’s made all the arrangements with her ...

Clever Bert and Eddie

Seemingly Bert and Eddie have done a cracking job on laying out the allotments at Lower Loxley.

Hang on for a second ...

Eddie Grundy.

It surely can't have been that simple? Eddie did tell Nigel that it was all very "difficult" to do, but Eddie and Joe must be planning some way to take advantage of this new community development.

Or was Eddie satisfied at getting the practise in for the ploughing contest (and should I stop assuming there's always a scam afoot when the Grundy's are involved?).

"Don't be such a sanctimonious git"

Well, Kathy's hardly being shy about Kenton's one night stand.

She's been in The Bull telling Fallon. (Yet, she hasn’t even told Jamie that they've split up, as she thinks he'll just blame her (which is more than likely).)

When she later bumps into Kenton at the Village Shop, and gets into the inevitable (and very atypical) argument with him, she doesn't care who hears that Kenton hasn’t exactly been keeping himself for when he and Kathy got back together.

Which is actually a nice change from her fretting over what people think.

Whether you do think Kenton cheated or not, he was being an utter arse when he suggested that meet up for a drink ("or something") to talk about things.

(Unless he just wanted to make more formal arrangements about their split. Which I very much doubt.)

So Kenton wanted to have his fun, then go back to Kathy.

What joy the little toad was caught! Especially as Kenton was very slow to realise that Kathy knew all:

[Kenton] "are you and Jamie are still coming [to Jill's 80th]?"

[Kathy] "I hardly think that would be appropriate"

[Kenton] "I was wondering ... if you fancy meeting up for a drink or something?"

[Kathy] "why would I want to do that?"

[Kenton] "to talk about things"

[Kathy] "I don't want to talk about anything to you"

Kathy then demanded that Kenton move his stuff out before she put it out with the rubbish.

[Kenton] "well, okay. If that's the way you feel. You're right. It might be time to call it a day and move on ..."

[Kathy] "don't be such a sanctimonious git! You've already moved on!"

At which point, Kathy has to spell it out that she knows about Kenton sleeping with his customers (well, one of, so far).

Kenton spluttered, but Kathy was in full flight:

[Kathy] "if you think there's the remotest chance of me letting you move back into my life and my home after that kind of behaviour, then you’re even more stupid than I gave you credit for"

[Kenton] "let's keep this civilised"

[Kathy] "a man of your age picking up a young women in a bar ... that's civilised behaviour is it?!?"

Pow!

Kenton sloped off with his tail well and truly cropped, slinging a rather pathetic "I hope you're satisfied" last say.

My sense of glee about Kathy giving Kenton such a basting was the fact that he had the sheer audacity to try and work things out with her - knowing she'd hate him for having slept with another women - and probably fully intending to make sure she never found out.

Far from Kenton thinking he as 'on a break', the slimy cretin wanted the best of both worlds - and hang how anyone else felt about that.

Kathy is surely no angel, nor has she been particularly reasonable at times, but thrice hurrah for Kenton being well and truly caught with his (far too young for a man his age) jeans down!

"Freddie! No! That is a very rare specimen"

So far, Freddie seems not to be a traditional lad (not into sports), not very brainy (already needs a tutor) and was scared of going to boarding school.

Now he also has a penchant for rare trees.

What the future beholds for this wee chap, one does wonder ...

So there is controversy about the Peregrines after all

Phew! I was worried that the Ambridge residents were just waffling about something which wasn't going to lead anywhere ...

"Where does it say in the bible that thou shalt provide sanctuary for dangerous birds of prey?"

Says Charles Harvey to Fallon, though he does have a vested interested (his wife Jean has a dovecot with ornamental doves). And seemingly Derek Fletcher is none too happy neither.

Alan's being his usual placatory self, and sees it all at a very early consultation stage.

Only problem I can foresee is that Lynda is very set on the Peregrines having a perch.

It's been a while since she got her placards out.

And by-the-by - I learnt tonight that a 'faculty' means to get permission to change the fabric of a church building. That's the joy of eavesdropping - you never know what you didn’t know in the first place!

Kenton should have never told a Nigel a secret

Quite expertly chastised by Kathy, Kenton instead tries to blame it all on Nigel.

Who passes the blame on Elizabeth.

Who just won't accept it! (I bet she would be the same at pass-the-parcel. I can see Elizabeth would be one of those folks who refuse to let it go).

[Kenton] "Kathy has thrown me out, thanks to you and your big mouth ... you were the only person who knew"

[Nigel] "I didn't tell her ... I never said a word ... well, not to Kathy anyway ...

(pause for Nigel's brain to shift a gear)

"I can't believe she .. she wouldn't! ... Oh dear. What a mess"

So Kenton and Nigel manage to work out that Elizabeth told Kathy. Kenton's now furious with both Pargetter's (especially since Nigel's supposed to be a mate - I don’t think he expects anything less of Elizabeth!).

Rather naively (and actually quite tactless, which is unusual), Nigel immediately asks Kenton if he'll still help with Elizabeth's anniversary surprise.

[Kenton] "Strange as it may seem, your wedding anniversary isn’t high on my priority ... my life is in ruins thanks to you and Elizabeth"

Can you believe the cheek of the man! He decides to sleep with another woman, yet it's someone else’s fault that Kathy found out, just when he was trying to patch things up.

So he wanted to hide it from Kathy, which leaving Nigel to stew in the knowledge of what he'd done.

There is, of course, the argument that Nigel shouldn’t have told Elizabeth, but that isn't Nigel's style. He was worried about what he was supposed to do with this rather unwanted information from Kenton, especially as he'd been trying to persuade Kathy to give him another chance.

And how many couples don’t tell each other almost everything? Maybe they shouldn't, especially when it means giving up a friend's confidence, but just how many couples start a conversation with "Now don't tell anyone ...".

Kenton's actions. Kenton's fault. If he really didn’t want anyone to know, he shouldn’t have been so quick to boast to Nigel about his conquest. After all, he hardly told Nigel to express his feelings about it. He just wanted to brag and beat his chest!

Nigel should never told Elizabeth a secret

I was all for stringing Elizabeth up as a bit of a witch - certainly a bad sister - and most definitely a woman's who's forgotten her own colourful past to try and become a moral pillar of the community.

Which was exactly how Kenton felt.

But, Elizabeth's explanation did make sense.

[Elizabeth] "it was so tricky Kenton ... I had to in the end"

[Kenton] "she was standing there with a gun to your head, was she?"

[Nigel] "Oh Lizzie. What have you done? I told you in absolute confidence"

[Elizabeth] "I got cornered. I couldn't very well say no"

Which is actually quite true. Kathy wanted her advice as to whether she should take Kenton back. Elizabeth knew about Kenton and Holly.

And, more importantly, Elizabeth knew that (a) Kenton wouldn't be man enough to tell Kathy and (b) Kenton sleeping with Holly was indicative of his feelings for Kathy (not very strong at all).

[Elizabeth] "I knew getting Kenton was getting hopelessly drunk and had been shagging this Holly person. When she asked me point blank what to do, I couldn't lie to her face"

Fair enough. But I can’t entirely shake the feeling that Elizabeth probably would have told Kathy at some point anyway. But I’ll let her off the hook this time as she did actually do the right thing.

Next problem is how on earth is Kenton, Elizabeth and Nigel all going to live together? And what about Nigel and Kenton's madcap nights out???

"He's never going to trust me again"

Ah well. At least Kenton still has ... well, I suppose ... erm ... um ... his own ego???