Pondering The Archers: ben archer

A horrible Open Farm Sunday for Brookfield

It all started so well.

David, Ruth, Pip, Josh and Ben were in good spirits, well organised, and it even sounded like it wasn’t raining!

There was to be a speech from David on “plough to plate”, pots for the kids to have cream in, which they could shake to make into butter and then spread on scones:

[Ruth] “If they have a spare three hours!”

Though they will all still aware that extra caution was required after the recent threats from the gang who attacked Adam. The stewards had to be particularly well briefed:

[David] “Make absolutely sure everyone is on message”

Emma was also nervous about leaving George and Ed at Brookfield while she and Keira went had a day out with Neil.

Turns out Emma was quite right to be worried.

Just as David was telling the visitors about the cows being milked, there was a loud bang.

[David] “Whoops, there goes my sister’s father in law in his old banger … sorry, Riley”

(why David didn’t immediately connect the band to the gang is a mystery)

Ed then started frantically shouting for everyone to get into the Orchard.

The bullocks were loose, and storming their way.

There was then screaming, shouting and George being daft enough not to stay put (Ed got to him in time).

No one was hurt. The closest to harm had been:

[David] “A few idiots taking snaps on their mobiles.”

Though:

[David] “One of two of them muttering darkly about lawyers … how the hell did they get out?”

Later on:

[David] “It’s the gang, isn’t it?”

Seems they’d made a gap in the fence, and set off a firework to get the bullocks running.

[Pip, crying] “How can anyone be that cruel … How dare they sabotage our open farm Sunday like this, how dare they! They all could have been hurt!”

So the Police are called again.

(though we did know something bad was going to happen when David previously had said it was going to be an Open Farm Sunday to remember)

It’s also Father’s Day

David got a beer from a microbrewery, and toast for breakfast.

Which Ben then burnt.

(the toast, not the beer)

George was allowed to make two cards at school, so nor arguments between Ed and Will.

And Neil had a day out with Emma.

But Amy didn’t send or give Alan a card.

And it’s also Usha’s birthday

[David] “Just think, half century!”

[Ruth] “Just as long as you don’t phrase it that way to her.”

Again, Amy didn’t show up with or send a card.

Emma and Neil’s grand day out

For Father’s day, Emma took Neil out for lunch, while Susan and Tracey were treating Bert to a Sunday roast. (no mention of Chris, though).

Neil didn’t exactly sound too thrilled at spending the day with Emma. Even though she said that as she’d been given a fair amount of tips at a wedding she’d worked at (one assumes Lower Loxley, “money was no object”.

Might have had something to do with there being a cricket match on that he could have gone to …

Funnily enough, Neil wants to go to Paxley. Emma spots Chris, Tom and Roy passing by in a car:

[Emma] “What are the chances dad?”

Hmmm …

After Emma gave Neil a row for getting texts from Richard Thwaite (who’s on the cricket team), and after they’d had a meal, Emma and Neil took a wee stroll. …

[Neil] “What’s behind the hedge … it’s Paxley cricket ground!”

[Emma] “Oh, you poor thing, why didn’t you say?”

Very surprisingly, but Emma (a) took Neil to watch the rest of the match and (b) genuinely sounded like she would have taken Neil there in the first place if Neil had told her.

Blimey.

Emma does a nice thing for someone else!

Monday, 25 June 2012

Amy really is a scary stalker: Wed 13.06.12

The Archers Wednesday 13th June 2012

David’s teas are worse than Ruth’s?
There’s no point talking to her, Alan
David must testify
What a cliché!

David’s teas are worse than Ruth’s?

Now that takes some taking. It’s a marvel their three kids have had enough sustenance to grow.

Ruth’s was off out tonight, so Ben reckons David sorting tea will mean sandwiches.

Poor Ben.

There’s no point talking to her, Alan

[Alan] “I’m saying atmosphere’s not good for anyone … she is not a bad person,. She would never intentionally hurt you.”

Alan tells Amy she’s destroying their family, and asks her to sit down and talk with him and Usha.

But no.

The silly wee brat won’t.

Now there’s a surprise.

[Amy] “Usha lied to me and she thinks I go out with married men. The truth is, that relationship, it meant something to me dad”

*sigh*

Later, Usha to Ruth:

[Usha] “Apparently someone once described stepchildren as in-laws who you have to love but who actually hate you.”

[Ruth] “That bad, eh?”

Oh yes.

Alan tells Usha what happened earlier on:

[Alan] “I was trying to talk to her, she wouldn’t engage, she just went.”

He’s been trying to call her since, but Amy isn’t answering. The hospital has also been trying to get in touch about her shifts.

I hate to say it – but I really couldn’t care less what’s happened to Amy. Just as long as we get a wee bit of peace from her …

David must testify

So reckoned Usha, when Ruth told her about what’s been happening at Brookfield.

Seems everything has calmed down for a bit. Ben isn’t having nightmares, and with Ed and Bert also in on the bad doings, Ruth feels a bit safer being part of a crowd.

She wants to now go ahead with Open Farm Sunday. What with the Police, and the stewards, she thinks the gang won’t do anything.

However, Ruth’s now thinking ahead to the court case:

[Ruth] A big part of me wants David to pull out.”

[Usha] “To not testify? You can’t do that … what kind of world will Josh and Ben grown up in if people like David don’t do the right thing?”

(what about Pip?)

[Ruth] “Who will protect me kids Usha?”

Simples, reckons Usha.

David tells the truth in court. The bad men get jailed.

[Usha] “You will come out of this stronger Ruth. You, David and the kids.”

Either which way, Ruth feels better for sharing. And is muchly looking forward to Usha’s birthday party.

[Ruth] “I feel like I’ve been living in this weird bubble.”

What a cliché!

Very irritating, but Alice tracked down Amy.

She called while Amy was listening to Christina Aguilera’s I Am Beautiful.

Amy was sobbing as she talked down the phone to Alice.

She had gone to the café she and Carl (once) went to.

And was now sat outside Carl’s flat.

[Amy] “He hasn’t shown up. I’ve been here since 6 o’ clock. Where is he Alice? Why isn’t Carl here? I can’t let him go. I just can’t …”

Oh goodness me!

Alice tells Amy to stay put. She’s on her way to take Amy back to hers.

Chris will be happy about that (!).

That Amy also needs to try and be original once in a while.

Ben’s having nightmares Mon 11.06.12

The Archers Monday 11th June 2012

Blood everywhere
Didn’t he have a lovely time with Lilian!
Beware of Matt bearing gifts

Blood everywhere

Is what Ben’s been seeing in his nightmares.

David and Ruth also told Josh (as well as Pip) about the threats. Josh had seen the Police arriving when he was leaving for school. Now he’s back home sick from school with a headache.

Though they haven’t told Ben, David and Ruth have had to tell Bert (so Freda as well), Ed and Emma (for Keira’s sake).

Seems the Police have also been telling Brookfield not to go ahead with Open Farm Sunday.

[Ruth] “It’s different now … I think we need to pull out.”

Didn’t he have a lovely time with Lilian!

Lilian’s round at Adam’s to cheer him up.

She gave him the “ultimate spa collection”

Put Hattie from BAFF into perspective:

[Lilian] “(Jennifer) was on about a boycott, made it sound like economic sanctions … the Hattie’s of this world will soon will find something else to get wound up about … leaflets, it’s hardly the poll tax riots!”

Fed him lovely food:

[Lilian] “Did you like the chorizo, flown in especially from Valencia?”

[Adam] “Today’s been lovely, there’s nothing better than being spoilt by my favourite aunt.”
And gees him up when he starts feeling guilty about not having done more to stop the Super Dairy. She tells him to get up, get out, and look after his pickers. They have a barbeque coming up:

[Lilian] “It sounds like exactly what you need to get your mojo back!”

Brilliant.

I want an aunt like Lilian!

Beware of Matt bearing gifts

First he’s OTT when complimenting Darrell on some of the carpentry he’s done.

Then he asks Darrell to do the skirtings in his office.

Later, in The Bull, Matt buys Darrell a pint.

Then gives him a cash bonus. Which Darrell tries to refuse, but matt insists.

[Matt] “Just remember, where women are concerned, Always useful to keep them sweet … which is why keeping my little mark of appreciation to yourself.”

What’s he up to now?

Will and Nic caught on camera 08.06.12

(doing adult stuff … blimey!)

The Archers Friday 8th June 2012

Ifty wants artisan, local cheese
Save Neil’s cricket!
The tin of tomato soup flirting technique
B*stards killed a sheep
Susan and Lynda see A LOT of Nic and Will

Ifty wants artisan, local cheese

So Susan suggests Borchestershire Blue, Helen’s.

I wonder … will Ifty like the make as much as the product?

He’s seemingly so damn handsome, some lucky Ambridge lass must be destined to be his belle.

Save Neil’s cricket!

Susan’s heard that Neil might be dropped from the cricket team, so has a quiet word with Ifty.

If he has any sense, he’ll do exactly as Susan says. She won’t let go …

The tin of tomato soup flirting technique

Courtesy of Tracey Horrobin.

She spots Ifty in the shop, so topples over some soup (!) and loses an earring (!!).

I kid you not …

[Susan] “Only you could get one of my customers scrabbling about on the floor looking for your earring”

[Tracey] “Men just fall at my feet!”

Tracey has also now suddenly developed a need to learn the rules from cricket from Neil.

B*stards killed a sheep

Ben had done walkabout, so Ruth called him on his mobile. He answers, very upset, and starts saying something about a lot of blood.

When Ruth gets to him, it’s a sheep he’s found.

[Ben] “I was thinking, could it have been Lynda’s monster … it must be very fierce.”

Ruth tells him it must have been someone’s dog, and that she can see bite marks on its neck.

[Ben] “What’s going to happen now, will you have to shoot it? … get Will Grundy in, he’s good at shooting foxes.”

When Ruth later talks to David:

[Ruth] “It wasn’t an animal. That was done by a human being … it looked like a blade of some sort … there were a couple of bite marks I could see, maybe they used a dog to bring it down.”

Just as they’re calling the Police, Pip comes in. And demands to know what’s happening.

[Pip] “So how about being straight with me for a change! … Some guy comes on the farm and cuts the throat of our animals, I think I should know.”

When David tells her that the Police are only going to do a few extra drive rounds during Farm Sunday:

[Pip] “What do they think we’re dealing with, if they can do that to an animal, and a kid see it …”

[David] “You can’t give into it. You can’t give into bullies … All we can do is stand together as a family, and look out for each other.”

Is it just me, or could Brookfield do with telling all and every in Ambridge? More eyes to see, more hands to punch …

Susan and Lynda see A LOT of Nic and Will

Kirsty had dropped off the video from the camera set up in the wood to Lynda. She and Susan started watching it to see if the Ambridge Beast had been caught on film. As they watch it:

[Susan] “Shame, no monsters.”

[Lynda] “Yes, it is disappointing … hang on ... what was that? … could have been a fox I suppose, but I thought there was something …”

[Susan] “That’s not an animal. It’s Nic. Oh my goodness! That’s Will!”

[Lynda] “In the woods. In the middle of the night, … oh …!!!”

[Susan] “Oh, oh my lord!”

[Lynda] “They’re not …”

[Susan] “I think they are!”

[Lynda] “Yes. I think you’d better stop it now.”

[Susan] “Well, it’s all wildlife I suppose. In a manner of speaking.”

Oh my!

Wonder how far Will and Nic got before Lynda switched the tape off.

Sunday, 24 June 2012

The Diamond Jubilee Beacon 04.06.12

The Archers Monday 4th June 2012

There’s still plenty Jubilee cake
Is Mike an amateur?
The glamour of a burger van
Brenda hates Vicky again
Beacon to beacon
David and Ruth still on high alert

There’s still plenty Jubilee cake

Not surprising, really. It was 60 sponges worth!

Is Mike an amateur?

It would seem so, when it comes to being married.

As he and Vicky are strawing up the Beacon (to make sure it starts up well), Vicky’s bemoaning that the local press were keen to take pictures of Alice in the Diamond Jubilee themed phone box. Vicky felt it should have been Susan or herself. They did all the hard work.

[Mike] “Young and pretty, ain’t she though, Alice”

[Vicky] “Charming!”

[Mike] “You know what I mean”

Doh!

The glamour of a burger van

[Brenda] “This must be about the highest gig Gourmet Burgers has ever done … think he sees it as a service to the village?”

But it wasn’t an entire loss. They took a fair bit of money. So at least Tom will be pleased.

Brenda hates Vicky again

It’s been a while since Brenda has been negative about Vicky. I’d thought she’d even start to like her.

But no.

As Vicky is getting coffees from Brenda and Pip at the burger van, Vicky mentions that she can’t wait to retire when Mike does. And she’s hoping that will be soon.

[Brenda] But you can’t retire!”

[Vicky] “Course not, but I can stop”

[Brenda] “Dad’s been working for goodness knows how many years, but you’re still young.”

[Vicky] “That’s the point. We want to do things together while we can.”

[Brenda] “You do, you mean.”

(after Vicky leaves)

[Brenda] “Ugh, she can be so selfish that woman, it drives me mad.”

[Pip] “So I noticed!”

Later on, Mike went over to Brenda to say goodbye. He and Vicky were leaving as she was so tired.

[Brenda] “Oh that is so typical, sitting in the car waiting to be taken home … it’s all about her, what about dads? He looks so done in sometimes, she might try thinking about him for a change”

So it’s Brenda Vs Vicky game on, again.

Beacon to beacon

When the Beacon is lit, David reckons it’ll be seen in the Cotswolds, and even as far as the Welsh Border.

Ben also spots that they can see the Beacon in Gilbert’s Crossway.

[David] “You never know, they might be waving too.”

That must have been a magical sight.

David and Ruth still on high alert

Josh definitely knows something’s up. He was asking David again about why they needed the security cameras. David answered that it’s just a precaution.

[Josh] “In case someone gets beaten up in our yard?”

Josh is thinking it’s because of David finding Adam when he’d been attacked.

When they get home after the Beacon, David checks the cameras. Nothing on there apart from Ben doing a wee dance in front of it.

[David] “All quiet.”

[Ruth] “Long may it last”

[David] “Everything going to be fine. You’ll see.”

Huh.

We all know the exact opposite will be true once an Ambridge resident says something like that.

Thursday, 31 May 2012

Harry returns to place the crown 31.05.12

The Archers Thursday 31st May 2012

Harry’s back
Up a ladder
Blokes’ chat
Pip’s no a girl to be on film
It’ll take a lot of wood to build that Beacon
Vicky really does want to retire
Silver Jubilee memories
Lost to Darrington

Harry’s back

Phew! He had me worried there. He hadn’t been anywhere, just ever so silent for so long.

Up a ladder

Harry’s only been back a few seconds, and Vicky already has him in a position where she can admire his bum!

She asks him to go up a ladder to fix a crown she’s made onto the top of the phone box.

[Clarrie] “Clever eh, padded radiator foil stuck on card”

[Harry] “Yeah very, eh, innovative”

When Harry makes a suggestion to improve the crown:

[Vicky] “Oh, you’re not just a buff pair of cycle shorts, are you?”

Blokes’ chat

[Spencer] “Alright mate”

[Harry] “Oh, hi Spencer”

[Spencer] “What you doing?”

[Harry] “Isn’t it obvious?”

[Spencer] “Well, no”

[Harry] “Making a crown for the phone box”

[Spencer] “I think you want to get out more mate”

[Harry] “Hmm, you’re not wrong”

Pip’s no a girl to be on film

[Pip] “Oh dad, you said you’d never do this … you hate them!”

[David] “Well, needs must”

[Pip] “I don’t; want to live in a prison. But why, dad?”

[David] “Times changes”

[Pip] “What next, a ten foot security fence … it’s so creepy ... it’s bad enough being spied upon in town, but I live here”

When David, Josh and Ben are looking at the camera – trying to work out who someone is that’s just come onto the Farm. David sounds panicky, but it’s just Spencer:

[Ben] “No it’s not; it’s the beast of Haydn wood!”

Pip later says to Spencer that she knows something’s afoot that David and Ruth aren’t telling her. She knows it’s something to do with Adam, but thinks it more about David having also found Nigel. Sounds like she thinks he’s lost the plot.

I thought David and Ruth had decided to tell Pip as she’s the most at risk?

It’ll take a lot of wood to build that Beacon
Two sessions, Mike reckons.

Vicky really does want to retire

Which is fair enough.

She and Mike are having a wee time out on Lakey Hill.

[Mike] “It's good to have the time to stop and stare”

[Vicky] “We don’t have enough down time together, do we”

Hint hint …

Vicky says she’s looking forward to Mike retiring. And wonders if Harry would want to buy into the bottling plant.

[Mike] “It’ll be nice to have a bit of time for me”

[Vicky] “Us. We’ll have a fantastic time together”

Ah – but that’s where there could be trouble. Mike sees his retirement being in front of a flat screen TV. Vicky wants to dance, go in for competitions, do Zumba …

[Mike] “Well the over 60s put on some nice coach trips …”

[Vicky, ignoring Mike’s mention of bus trips] “There’s an extra’s agency opened up in Felpersham, we could be on telly”

Vicky sees television competitions. Win big, And jet off to Dubai.

Mike sounds like he just wants his slippers!

[Vicky] “Oh, we’ve got so much to look forward to”

[Mike] “Spending time with the grandkids”

[Vicky] “Oh, I hope that won’t mean less time for me, Mr Bubbles”

[Mike] “Oh never, Mrs Bubbles”

Silver Jubilee memories

[Vicky] “Rowena Ballam pelted me with jelly at our street party”

And Mike lit the Beacon at the very spot they’re now sitting on.

Lost to Darrington

Did the Ambridge cricket team. Though Harry reckons they at least gave them a fright. Probably just with how bad they are …

[Harry] “We should be proud of ourselves. Ifty calls us a work in progress”

The sausage game 28.05.12

The Archers Monday 28th May 2012

Pip’ll be serving burgers at the Beacon
Darrington won
Usha shouts at Amy
Tony’s made sandwiches
Ruth has a panic button
Tony’s hired an aging rocker called Trevor
What’s wrong with a Vintage Sunbeam?
The sausage game

Pip’ll be serving burgers at the Beacon

Well, that’s one way to celebrate the Jubilee, I suppose. Though, as Pip points out, she does get paid for being at something she would have gone to anyway.

Darrington won
Seems Ambridge got a “respectable” 180, but they were “chasing” 214.

From the way David told it, I assume that’s particularly bad?

Usha shouts at Amy

It’s about time!

Amy wanted to put something into the wash. Usha already had something in, but offered to out Amy’s on after. Amy says no, and wants to tale her clothes back.

[Usha] “Oh Amy, that’s ridiculous”

[Amy] “I don’t need you to do my washing, okay!”

[Usha, losing patience] “Right how long are you going to keep this up?”

Usha tells Amy that she’s the one tearing Alan apart. He builds the bridge, she smashes them down. Usha was especially angry about the effort Alan went to the other night when he cooked Amy’s favourite curry (a recipe of Mabel’s). Amy claims she did have some:

[Usha] “Yeah, skulking round the kitchen when we were gone, like a teenager”

[Amy] “He didn’t say you’d be there …”

[Usha] “I’M HIS WIFE, WHERE ELSE WOULD I BE? I LIVE HERE. He went to so much trouble ... poor Alan”

[Amy] “You've always had your own agenda, all that I'm your stepmother stuff, it was always a sham”

[Usha] “You don’t really believe that”

[Amy] “Don't I?”

Och Amy – go boil yer heid!

Tony’s made sandwiches

[Tom] “Oh, blimey!”

Tony making lunch is not a common occurrence.

And we find out why – he’s made a beef and avocado, plus brie and mushroom.

Odd. Tom chooses the brie and mushroom, but then wants to put ketchup on it.

Ach, pick the mushroom out ya fussy lad!

Ruth has a panic button

And now even locks the door behind her.

Pondering how they will run Open Farm Sunday while being on such high alert. Their only answer is to keep everything locked, and make the tour shorter.

Cancel it would be safer, surely?

Tony’s hired an aging rocker called Trevor

Tony’s on fire today!

First the sandwiches, now he’s actually hired in someone to help with the milking.

It’s a bloke called Trevor. Who is in a band. But is “no spring chicken” (according to Pat, who hasn’t met him yet).

Trevor will work 5 days a week, 1 weekend a month, covering the afternoon milking. Trevor used to have his own herd and though he doesn’t miss the morning milking, he’s looking forward to working again (him and his wife also need the cash).

[Tom] “An old rocker, keeping his hand in eh. I bet he's got a ponytail!”

Tony’s seemingly most pleased with himself.

What’s wrong with a Vintage Sunbeam?

Trevor owns one, which made Tom groan.

Worried about Trevor and Tony spending hours just gazing at it?

The sausage game

[Ben] “Mum, dad can we play sausages?”

They said yes. Here it is:

[Ben] “Mum, what did you brush your teeth with today?”

[Ruth] “Sausages”

[Ben] “Pip, what does Spencer wear on his feet?”

[Pip] “Sausages”

[Ben] “Dad, what do you cut your hair with?”

[David, laughing] “Sausages”

Aha – David lost! You’re not supposed to laugh.

His forfeit (set by Ben) was to get under the table - then bark like a dog.

Though Ruth had the last word:

[Ruth] “What's Tom's only topic of conversation?”

All together now … Sausages!

Broken sensor lights and cash in hand 24.05.12

The Archers Thursday 24th May 2012

Elona’s a doormat
Lilian takes Darrell’s side, but wouldn’t marry him
Ben’s help build the silage clamp
Scary times at Brookfield

Elona’s cutting Tom’s hedge

After Darrell has already cut their lawn. He thinks Tom and Brenda are taking advantage.

[Elona] “No. They’re friends”

[Darrell] “Only sometimes can you try too hard, then you become a doormat”

[Elona] “There is a law in life Darrell. If you give out, you get back”

Actually – Tom and Brenda should be ashamed of themselves. Adam, mere weeks after being attacked, is getting on with his own garden.

Lilian takes Darrell’s side, but wouldn’t marry him

Darrell gives Elona £50 to put to the fund they’re saving for one of their daughters. Which means Matt gave Darrell cash in hand again. Elona isn’t happy about that, as Darrell knows.

[Darrell] “We should be grateful someone’s taken a chance on me … Elona, it’s the build trade, not the civil service”

[Elona] “I just don’t want you slipping back (to prison) … You accuse me of being a doormat, being eager to please, but you are just the same … stand up for yourself … I won’t accept this way of living. Go back to Matt and tell him to make you official. From next week … I’m not living in the shadows. Think about your girls”

[Darrell “This is going to be embarrassing”

[Elona] “That’s your choice, isn’t it. Embarrassment or shame”

Darrel chose embarrassment. He went to round to Matt's to ask to be paid on the books, just as Matt and Lilian are off out in the car.

Matt says he’ll get back to him.

[Lilian] “I wish you wouldn’t do that … where’s my lighter … tell people you’ll do things when you haven’t the slightest intention of doing them … we should think about it, you know. Darrell’s a damn good chippie. I’d be sorry if he walked away”

[Matt] “With his record, in this climate, are you kidding?”

Matt reckons he doesn’t want to complicate what’s an easy casual arrangement.

[Lilian] “It obviously took a lot for him to summon up the nerve to ask you”

[Matt] “Ah, that’s just his pushy wife, innit”

[Lilian] “She needs to be pushy. He’s very sweet, but not husband material”

[Matt] “How very old fashioned you are sometimes, pussycat”

[Lilian] “I can’t stand a wishy washy man, though considerate would be nice … If we upset Elona, we’ll have mum to answer to …You should pay for quality, Matt. Surely I’ve taught you that”

Matt tells Lilian to leave “the workforce” to him, but Lilian is far from done.

Ben’s help build the silage clamp

Well done Ben.

Scary times at Brookfield

David has to go to an NFU meeting tonight, which means Ruth’s home alone.

[Ruth] “Well I’ll just barricade myself in with the kids”

When David gets back (he needs to have his breaks check, by the way. They were very squeaky), it’s gone 10.30pm. Ruth’s in a flap, even though David texted.

David’s also a bit perturbed that the security lights didn’t come on when he drove back in. He goes to check. At first he thinks the glass is blown, but if it has, it’s more than one light that’s gone. They’re all shattered.

[David] “I reckon this is kids, Ruth. They’ve seen the kitchen is dark and taken their chance”

[Ruth] “This light’s just below Ben’s room … what if he’d been at the window … I want you to ring the Police”

[David] “I don’t think we should assume the worst”

[Ruth] “It’s a priority to me … we need to report it. Just do it. Please”

Alan’s back to being Usha’s husband 27.05.12

(not just exclusively Amy’s dad)

The Archers Sunday 27th June 2012

Brookfield to be filmed
Alan gives Usha a lovely Sunday in bed
Brookfield’s sheep are being weighed
Ben’s forced to watch the cricket

Brookfield to be filmed

[Ruth] “So, we've finally joined the surveillance society”

David and Ruth are choosing security cameras online. They also decide to tell Pip what’s going on, as she’s the most vulnerable one (being out and about the most by herself).

Worryingly, David’s taken to sleeping with a shotgun next to the bed. Ruth nearly hit it instead of the alarm clock …

[Ruth] “We’re sitting targets”

[David] “Well, they may be scum, but they can't be completely stupid. They won’t want to be caught on camera”

[Ruth] “Everything's changing, isn’t it?”

Would seem so. The days of being able to leave their doors unlocked are (at least temporarily) gone.

[David] “Ruth, I am not going to let these thugs get in my head … Think about it, why are they doing this, how do they want us to feel, rattled and insecure ... they are not taking over our lives ...”

[Ruth] “I must say Farm Sunday is the last thing I feel like doing right now”

Sounds like the bad men are winning …

Alan gives Usha a lovely Sunday in bed

(yes – nearly in ‘that’ way. What’s going on with the older-than-young-but-not-quite-old Ambridge married couples? Why all of the randyness?)

He comes home after early communion (where he only had half a dozen people attend, but seemed happy enough with that), to find Usha still in bed. She stayed there after she’d heard Amy up and about. Usha wanted to wait until Amy went back to her room.

[Alan] “You shouldn't have to hide away”

[Usha] “I'm not. I'm just avoiding unnecessary confrontation”

[Alan] “God has committed us to the work of reconciliation”

[Usha] “Well water wears a stone down eventually”

Usha has the measure of Amy. She thinks Amy is running rings round her and Alan.

[Usha] “We need to get on with our lives, you and I”

So they do. Seems Usha is 50 next month, and Alan wants them to celebrate properly.

A meal at Grey Gables? A party outside? Aha – hiring The Bull upstairs.

But they can’t do it on the 17th (Usha’s actual birthday) as it’s also Open Farm Sunday – which David and Ruth will be running at Brookfield.

(wonder why they didn’t ask Brian to do it this year)

Either which way, Usha is ever so happy that Alan’s being nice/normal to her again.

[Usha] “You have cheered up my morning, darling”

[Alan] “So, do you want her there?”

[Usha] “Yes, yes I do, though whether she'll want to be there is another matter”

*sigh*

Amy will manage to ruin Usha’s birthday, one way or another.

When Alan mentions their plans for Usha’s birthday, Amy says she expects to be working. When Alan tries to reason with her:

[Amy] “Don't you get it dad, I don’t want anything to do with her!”

Usha overheard. But I don’t suppose she’ll be surprised, or shocked, to hear Amy talk that way anymore.

Brookfield’s sheep are being weighed

Must be slaughter time for some of them.

Ben’s forced to watch the cricket

Wee toot.

Ruth and David make him go and watch the Darrington game – where everything knows Ambridge will be gubbed.

They only wanted him safely somewhere else, as they’d be too busy working to keep an eye on him. So no need for such punishment!