The Archers Tuesday 10th July 2012
- Scruff’s a good boy
- The battle of the Ambridge road side
- Did Clive wonder if Matt was dodgy?
- Lynda’s performance art will feature …
- Kenton’s games will feature …
Scruff’s a good boy
Or he’d better be, if he knows what’s good for him.
[Lynda] “If Scruff ever asked to go walkies, I’d take him back to dog training!”
The battle of the Ambridge road side
Eddie’s “refreshed his offer”
Which Lynda interprets as:
[Lynda] “You can't keep flogging the same old junk, in other words.”
Eddie’s realised selling his usual garden ornament fare of gnomes, squirrels and the like to the same folks at the same car boot sales isn’t going to make his fortune.
So he’s started making new ornaments. Based on cats and dogs, including ones like Scruff, with a wee jolly phrase (hence the “go walkies”).
They sound hideous.
And Eddie also intends to sell them on the roadside. Near his house. Which also happens to be near Lynda’s house.
[Lynda] “I don’t want cars belonging to philistines! … For the good of the village, I think you’ll find the community will request you to keep them on your own property.”
From the sounds of it, Lynda needn’t worry about a convoy of cars queuing to buy Eddie’s ornaments:
[Kenton] “What is it, one of your early cats and dogs escaped from the Lab.?”
Did Clive wonder if Matt was dodgy?
Darrell’s heard that Clive had worked for Matt. He asks Susan if heard whether Clive had any doubts about Matt.
Susan had no ken.
From his lack of knowledge about the Horrobin family, sounds like Darrell is clueless too.
He actually goes on to prove just how clueless he is by being rather naïve to Matt.
[Matt] “How come you’re not all bright eyed and bushy tailed like you used to be?”
[Darrell] “It's Bernie ... I've been asking a few questions about him, and it turns out he's not entirely straight.”
Oh come on Darrell! Surely you must know that Matt knows?
Matt fobs Darrell off with the fact that the job is nearly done, so they won’t be needing Bernie again. That Darrell better stay put, as he won’t get more work with matt if he walks out on this one because of Bernie. And, how he’s heard Darrell’s daughter Anna now wanted piano lessons …
[Matt] “Families, eh, they do get used to a regular wage.”
Ah. There’s nothing like a bit of friendly blackmail to keep a chap motivated at work.
Lynda’s performance art will feature …
Product placement (Susan was right!), aka the Village Shop.
Though Kenton insists that if the shop features, The Bull should as well.
But Lynda claims the village shop is in it only because it’s near to the phone box.
[Lynda] “A meeting place, a melting pot of ideas.”
Seems the performance art is something about communication.
[Lynda] “The ultimate blend of form and content.”
Aha! Kenton reckons that also sounds like The Bull.
[Kenton] “The truths that comes out after a few pint if shires, the timeless conversations that take place over the bar, Eccles and his squawk.”
[Lynda] “Can’t you take this seriously! We can't involve Eccles. he won't stay still!”
(Eccles is The Bull’s peacock – the one who scares Rhys)
Susan makes a few suggestions of other “communication” points in the village.
The bridge over the Am. The Village Green. The Lawson-hope seat.
(actually, quite good suggestions. For Susan)
Lynda has a better idea (what a surprise!). The village finger pointer.
[Lynda] “Pointing us on all directions like ...”
[Kenton] “… the road to nowhere!”
Kenton then suggested that Lynda holds her finale in Ian and Adam’s hot tub.
[Kenton] “Listening for messages from the bubbles.”
Surprisingly, Lynda thinks Kenton might have just hit upon something quite interesting.
Cannae wait!
Kenton’s games will feature …
[Kenton] “Relay, with obstacles, on space hoppers.”
[Susan] “Well that sorts out the Village shop team. Kathy out, Sabrina Thwaite in.”
(eh? Why not Kathy? Surely it’d only be the blokes of the village who’d prefer to see Sabrina on a space hopper … very odd Susan would)
[Lynda] “It's exactly as I feared. The worst of all possible worlds, both silly and pandering to the fit and healthy.”
But Kenton reckons silly just means fun. Which is what his games will be, and Lynda’s performance art won’t.
[Lynda] “It sounds like a challenge to me!”
[Kenton] “Right, let the games commence.”
Ah. Very droll.
The Archers Thursday 3rd May 2012
- Squirrel, cheetah, lioness, hedgehog, fox … or beast?
- Jolene’s in a mood with Lynda
- Usha and Ruth/Amy and Carl
- Pip’s Bridge Farm headed?
- Why is Ruth living life vicariously?
- David’s fine, by the way
- Amy wants Carl 24/7
Squirrel, cheetah, lioness, hedgehog, fox … or beast?
Jim and Lynda have made up after their run in yesterday over the theme if the village fete (I actually thought it wasn’t very heated).
[Jim] “Spots versus the arts. It’s an interesting debate”
They’re re-bonding by taking Scruff out for a walk.
[Jim] “He’s an inquisitive boy, isn’t he?”
[Lynda] “That’s because he’s intelligent”
Scruff suddenly runs off and starts barking. Lynda reckons it might just be a squirrel.
(Squirrel! http://youtu.be/OxYYPziLdR4)
Lynda has to go and get Scruff:
[Lynda] “Do you think Scruff has found a particularly large squirrel?”
When she gets to him, she sounds quite shocked. Scruff also starts whimpering rather than barking.
(for a moment, I thought they’d found a dead body. Very common thing for dog walkers to do)
When Lynda (and Scruff) gets back to Jim, she’s very upset.
[Lynda] “I caught sight of something running off … but I tell you this Jim, it was bigger than a squirrel!”
What could be bigger than a squirrel, Lynda?
[Lynda] “I’m telling you Jim, it was a big cat … it was the size of a cheetah, or perhaps a small lioness”
[Jim] “And what would a cheetah, or perhaps a small lioness, be doing in Haydan Wood, this isn’t the African veld!”
[Lynda] “I don’t know. Maybe it’s escaped”
[Jim] “Where from? Manorfield Close!?!”
[Lynda] “People do keep exotic pets illegally you know”
[Jim] “In Ambridge?”
[Lynda] “In Borchestershire!”
Jim’s not convinced. Though we all heard of the ‘big cat’ or local beast stories, he thinks there’s no proper evidence behind them.
[Jim] “We like to believe in monsters. It’s an age old human desire”
Jim then went on to say that if wolves and bears were reintroduced to the UK, that the big cat sightings would stop.
(odd reasoning, but I see his point)
He thinks Lynda has just seen a large fox.
[Jim] “Well perhaps they’re getting bigger, we are. Perhaps it was an obese urban fox come for a rest cure with its rural cousins … perhaps it was a very nasty fox. They don’t have a very good reputation in fairy stories”
He also wonders why, if it was a big cat/beast, why it didn’t roar.
[Lynda] “I thought I heard some snuffling”
[Jim] “Mystery solved. Must have been a giant hedgehog. Even the little ones sound asthmatic … I’d be scared of a giant hedgehog!”
[Lynda] “You won’t change my mind,. Ambridge has its own big cat. I’m sure of it”
Wasn’t there talk of an Ambridge Beast back in the 80s?
I’d also though there was one back in 2010 when there was avian slaughter in the churchyard (turned out to be the Peregrines).
Anyhoo – it’s back!
Jolene’s in a mood with Lynda
Which isn’t really fair. She should only be in a mood with James and Leonie.
After all the effort Jolene went to training her regulars to make the bulls horn for James and Leonie’s flyover, the book is no longer going to be published. Because James and Leonie have split up.
Which is hardly any of Lynda’s doing.
[Lynda] “It’s guilt by association”
Anyhoo, all might be well. Jim thinks they could use Jolene’s bull horns as part of the Olympic/Village fete celebrations.
Usha and Ruth/Amy and Carl
As Usha chews Ruth’s ear about her worries over Amy and Carl, Amy and Carl are off having a rather fine time in Bristol.
Usha thinks Amy can’t know about Carl being married (if he is) as she was the one who wanted the impromptu holiday.
[Ruth] “If people trust you they believe you. I’m afraid it’s really easy to lie to them …Has he genuinely fallen for Amy or is he just stringing her along?”
[Usha] “How can I possibly tell? He’s just a brilliant liar”
Over with Amy and Carl, carl’s counselling that they should enjoy the moment:
[Carl] “Not until tomorrow morning. Let’s seize the day”
(he says that sort of thing a lot. Like they have to enjoy what they have before it all falls apart …)
Over to Usha and Ruth:
[Usha] “It’s awful, It makes me feel like I’m his accomplice, keeping his secret for him”
What’s more, all of this has happened when Usha and Amy were becoming close.
[Usha] “These last twelve months, Amy has really felt like my daughter”
Ever the practical Ruth:
[Ruth] “You know what you can do now, tell Amy, or Alan, as soon as you can”
Quite right. Either which way, Usha can at least stop torturing herself.
Pip’s Bridge Farm headed?
Well, she’s certainly becoming a fixture.
Wonder if Pip will become part of Tim’s Empire rather than having to fight Josh (and possibly Ben) for a spot at Brookfield.
Why is Ruth living life vicariously?
[Ruth] “I do love having a daughter to I can live through it all again. All of the pleasure, none of the pain”
Life a bit dull, Ruth?
But true enough that Pip seems to be doing well in work, and in love.
David’s fine, by the way
Though obviously obsessed by Carl and Amy, Usha remembers to ask if David is okay after having found Adam (nearly as he’d once found Nigel).
Ruth says he’s fine. It’d been her panicking.
Amy wants Carl 24/7
As Carl is wishing every day could be like the day they’re having together in Bristol, Amy drops a whopper.
She asks if she should move in. So that every day could be like this.
[Amy] “Wake up together, have breakfast together … we could do that every day …I just want to be with you. All the time. And I know you want that too”
Oh ‘eck!
We didn’t get to hear carl’s response, but wonder what his wife will say (if Usha is right that he has one).
The Archers Wednesday 8th February 2012
- Neil missed the planting
- Pat harasses Lynda
- Bloomin’ pork cobbler!
- Kylie’s letter
- Scruff listens to Neil
- Consternation in the village? Organise a meeting!
- Business cards and Facebook
- Tom’s angry
Neil missed the planting
Of the Jubilee oak tree.
Which is a shame, as he was part of organising it.
But he had work to do at Bert’s.
Poor Neil.
Still, Lynda says it’s been planted in the perfect spot.
Pat harasses Lynda
Over the village website. Pat had even sent Lynda an email!
[Pat] “I really don’t think the village website should be doing BL’s job for them … I couldn’t believe it when Ruth showed me. It’s so misleading …The website should be a forum for the village, not BL’s propaganda!”
Lynda thinks the article was reasonable, though she doesn’t agree with the Super Dairy, and says that Pat can also do her own article for the website, with a link to her online petition.
[Lynda] “You must know I wouldn’t approve, but I can’t stop Jennifer posting”
Bloomin’ pork cobbler!
Which Tony reckoned was only “just fine”.
Tom’s away on his trips again (this time to “lock down” his recipes, including the infamous pork cobbler), so once again leaves Tony to do the milking himself. Again.
Kylie’s letter
Pat and Tony got a letter from Kylie today. She’d heard that they’d met Rich, was glad they had and:
[Kylie’s letter] Mum doesn’t usually like talking about her past … she’s started to open up … I just wanted you to know I think it’s great …
Kylie also wanted to tell them that she as happy memories of Ambridge – remembers Pat and Tony from them, and that they were kind to her.
Pat’s over the moon.
[Pat] “It’s still a link though. We don’t know what’s going to happen down the line”
[Tony] “Please don’t Pat, It’s just a kind gesture from a kind girl. We mustn’t expect any more than that”
But Pat doesn’t want to let it go again.
She wants to Facebook Kylie to say thank you for her letter.
[Tony] “I’m not sure. We really don’t want to push it”
But Pat’s adamant that now she has an in to Rich, she wants to keep the channel with Kylie open/
[Tony] “Well, as long as it’s just a quick thank you”
And Tony also insists they tell Helen and Tom about the letter. He doesn’t want a repetition of last time.
Scruff listens to Neil
Lynda’s scruff was just all over Neil, which he didn’t mind too much about.
But when Neil had had enough, he told Scruff to sit down. Which he immediately did.
Wonder if Neil could have the same impact on Lynda?
Consternation in the village? Organise a meeting!
Lynda suggests to Neil that the Parish Council is duty bound to host a public meeting about the Super Dairy. He agrees it’d be a good idea to openly discuss both sides, and Lynda tasks Neil with inviting Brian.
Which Neil does.
But surprisingly – Brian sounds reticent.
[Brian] “I’m not quite sure when we’d hold it, as you can imagine we’re all very busy”
[Neil] “People are still going to have questions and criticisms, it’d probably be worth your while listening to them”
Brian says to Neil that he’ll discuss it with the Board. When he’s rung off from Neil:
[Brian] “Perfect. That’s all I need!”
Eh?
I thought Brian wanted open discussions. He’d already suggested they hold a public meeting (but that PR chap Rufus said it was too early to do so). And the Board wanted Brian to be open and listen.
So here’s his chance.
Why doesn’t he want it?
Business cards and Facebook
Is Tom (the cards) and Brenda’s (Facebook page) contributions to the anti-Super Dairy campaign.
At least it is turning out to be a family effort.
Tom’s angry
After being told by Pat and Tony about Kylie’s letter.
He reckons they promised him that it was over and done with.
[Tom] “But no, they’ve started something they can’t stop”
And now Pat will be watching the letterbox.
[Tom] “I’m not upset Brenda, I just wished they’d forget it and get on with important stuff … there’s nothing we can do but just hope it goes away”
Little chance of that, matey.
The Archers: Scruff is very barky … Joe’s toenails … Brian tells BL about Matt … Joe and Bert clash
- Not a very ‘shocking’ discovery
- Scruff’s no match for Brian’s Land Rover
- “You can cut my toenails now”
- Eddie needs his constitutional
- “Rather attractive bowl of fruit”
- Not on Joe’s watch!
Not a very ‘shocking’ discovery
There was me thinking the ‘shocking’ discovery in the bird hide might have been a dead body, or someone dead drunk, or even a couple getting dead romantic.
But it turned out to be larger cans, cigarette butts and cider.
Lynda was typically horrified, with both her and Bert deciding to blame teenagers.
Which Lynda seemed to decide after she’d spotted the leftover cider.
Lynda later rants to Clarrie about how riotous teenagers are completely the parents fault. Clarrie of course defends both parents and teens (she could hardly agree, with the state her Edward and William got into).
Hmmm.
I wouldn’t be so fast to blame the Hoodie set.
Could it be a Grundy? Or Kenton?
Or event Lynda’s own Robert? She did say he was in the bird hide the previous evening.
Has he finally cracked?
Scruff’s no match for Brian’s Land Rover
I wouldn't be so sure. Maybe not on direct impact, but in the right conditions ...
“You can cut my toenails now”
Is there no end to the debasement of Clarrie?
While talking to Lynda (gossiping about Kenton and Kathy), Joe appears at the door in his bathrobe, feet washed and ready for Clarrie to cut his toenails.
Yuk!
Eddie needs his constitutional
So after cutting Joe’s toenails, Clarrie also needs to take Eddie out for a constitutional (a la Lynda and Scruff), or he’ll also be “impossible for the rest of the day”.
Honestly, no wonder the woman gossips. What a life of drudgery.
“Rather attractive bowl of fruit”
At an early Borchester Land meeting (10am – the poor poppets), the coffee may be rubbish, but at least Brian finds something rather alluring in the fruit provided.
Breaking the news that they’ll have to buy the access land from Matt, the board is understandably perturbed that they’ll have to deal with Matt again – and rather horrified to think that he wants them to share their fruit with Lilian.
Assuming that Lilian would just be Matt’s stooge – which I think is completely underestimating Lilian – they simply can’t agree to Matt’s terms.
Then Brian makes his big announcement of a cunning plan. Which is … to do absolutely nothing.
“Standing firm” means they’ll give Matt a decent price for the land (or at least “fair” by Brian’s standards), but they won’t accept Lilian onto the BL board. Brian’s reasoning is that the land is fairly worthless unless BL buys it, and with Matt needing his cash flow, they just need to have a staring contest with him.
Trouble is, I think Matt’s rather good at staring.
Not on Joe’s watch!
Bert and Joe square up to each other over Joe being asked to judge the veg at the flower and produce show.
Bert just won’t let it go, but Joe’s adamant that his experience, and fair approach, will make this a show to remember – with no dodgy decisions.
“there won’t be no undeserving winner”
Good oh. But either way, Bert will need DNA proof of that before he’ll be satisfied.
