Pondering The Archers: ifty sha

Actually, I wonder if Scottish schools still do Scottish dancing as part of gym, as mine did.

Though you never wanted to touch your dance partner’s hand, it held us all in good stead for weddings and the like.

Lilian makes Whitby sound more alluring than New York

I didn’t think that would be possible!

Lilian sounds very down. She can’t pretend to muster much excitement for her “festive” Christmas, and New York was a very dour “marvelous”.

Everyone seems to think Whitby will be horrific in January (Lilian and Peggy leave for Whitby on Wednesday)

[Matt] “The wind will be whistling in from Siberia”

But Lilian knows what she’s doing. Her and Peggy’s hotel is a spa hotel.

Tom didn’t even get the tea bags

Tom went into the village shop to get tea bags, but Jim was serving/

When Tom got to paying for his tea bags.

[Tom] “Put my tea bags on the counter, offered Jim a fiver, but he just ignored it.”

Seems Jazzer’s warning to Jim that Tom was furious meant Jim was more interested in explaining to Tom why he’d written an article about Chris.

Seems Chris was more befitting to Borchester Life … especially as his workplace is more “picturesque”. Tom hasn’t quite got the same artisan workplace:

[Tom] “Which he referred to as my sausage factor.”

Ach well Tom.

When someone else is right, they’re right!

Freddie got gel from Josh for Christmas

Seems his hair was very noticeably gelled up.

Kirsty did go the ball

Seems Kirsty was quite nervous about going to the Lower Loxley New Year ball.

[Kirsty] “It’s the first time I’ve been to a proper, grown-up ball. No-one’s ever asked me before.”

Aw!

Matt reckons Lilian’s The Bell of the Ball

Matt and Lilian are also at Lower Loxley.

He’s having a grand time. And is full of compliments for Lilian.

[Matt] “We make a lovely couple … not just on the dance floor.”

I don’t think, somehow, that Matt will be as chirpy as 2013 unfolds …

“The best Christmas yet for sausages”

Poor Brenda. She really can’t take Tom out anywhere!

After he starts talking shop, Brenda goes off dancing with Ifty.

[Kirsty] “That’s what talking about sausages does for you. Your girlfriends goes off with another man!”

Tom’s bringing on middle age

[Kirsty] “You always used to enjoy being drunk and raucous … oh dear, you don’t think you might be getting middle aged before you’re time. You’re not eyeing up cardigans?”

Tom reckons not, but also reckons he’s happy to be settled. Wants to be married, Have kids, and the like.

[Tom]”If that’s being middle aged, well, bring it on!”

Hmmm.

Think Tom should check if Brenda agrees?

I’m telling you … Ifty and Elizabeth ….

Kirsty sounded quite jealous of Tom being so settled. She doesn’t feel she has her future planned, or her ‘forever’ partner.

Ifty’s a nice chap, but:

[Kirsty] “I’m not sure that he’s husband material.”

Whereas …

Elizabeth couldn’t find Freddie. Ifty suggested the stables, which is exactly where Freddie and one of his wee pals were.

Elizabeth gives herself a hard time for panicking. She just can’t help herself.

[Elizabeth] “The thing is, it’s been two years now since Nigel dies. I should be getting used to it.”

[Ifty] “Why? … that’s just an average, it doesn’t work for everyone.”

Seems Elizabeth still thinks of “what Nigel would say” all of the time, and thinks he wouldn’t forgive her if anything happens to their kids.

She also thinks Nigel would have known where to look for Freddie … which is just what Ifty was able to do.

Odds on a romance between Ifty and Elizabeth …

A’ the best for 2013!

We didn’t get to hear the bells come in Ambridge (well, it has happened yet).

But I’d just like to wish everyone a healthy and happy 2013.

Cheers!
Inga

Saturday, 29 December 2012

George hasn’t got a Christmas tree: Wed 12.12.12 #thearchers

The Archers Wednesday 12th December 2012

George now knows he won’t be home for Christmas
Disco in the Library!
Bob Pullen has bronchitis
Elizabeth and Ifty?
Ed leaves Will to Emma
Jill and Kenton have a secret

George now knows he won’t be home for Christmas

George was wondering why they haven’t got a Christmas tree at Rickyard.

It’s because he’s moving. But hasn’t been told as yet.

Ed and Emma decide to tell him, with Ed neatly sidestepping the problem to leave Emma to do it.

Bizarrely – Emma tells George the reason for moving is to give Keira her own room. As if George needed any new reason to feel she’s the favoured child.

But, Emma made George excited by telling him all the wonders of Susan and Neil’s (bigger room for George, Sky TV and the like).

So, now they only have to tell Will …

Disco in the Library!

Sounds fantastic.

Lucky twins!

It’s Freddie and Lilly’s 13th birthday.

They’ve got their mates over.

BUT Elizabeth forgot to cancel Freddie’s math lesson with Ifty.

Though Ifty doesn’t seem too perturbed. Though he refuses cake, he would like a wander round Deck the Halls.

Elizabeth joins him …

Bob Pullen has bronchitis

Poor Bob!

He’s now in hospital.

Though I’m sure he’ll enjoy his visits from Jill and Christine.

Though at his age, this all seems very ominous …

Elizabeth and Ifty?

They seemed very cosy as they were walking round Deck the Halls. And seemed to click from word go.

Ifty also told Elizabeth his dad died when he was 14. Something which (I don’t think) he’d even told Jim during his Borchester Life interview.

I wonder …

Ed leaves Will to Emma

What a wuss Ed is being. He leaves George to Emma, and refuses to also talk to Will. Ed just wants Will to “find out”.

Emma plays it sensibly, and approaches Nic first.

Emma can be a brave lass sometimes. She told Nic everything – the reason why they have to move.

[Nic] “Oh you poor thing. I wish you’d told me sooner.”

Nic reassures Emma that she doesn’t need to worry and Will. She’ll tell him, and make sure he behaves.

As only Nic can do!

Jill and Kenton have a secret

Kenton’s worried about the Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza. Tickets still aren’t selling.

[Kenton] “It’s bordering on disaster, We need to take some serious action … we need to give the punters more than ‘hey nonny nonny’ and inedible food!”

Jill was quite offended at that. She’s doing the food!

But Kenton explains that he thinks the show needs to me “more fun”. Things like “piping in the potatoes”.

(oh such japers!)

We aren’t told exactly what Kenton has in mind, but he needs more Elizabethan costumes and tatties. And it’s all a secret with Jill.

Interesting …

Rhys and Fallon double date Kirsty and Ifty: Tues 11.12.12 #thearchers

The Archers Tuesday 11th December 2012

Double dating has rules
Elizabeth asks David about the dairy conversion
What to buy a new girlfriend?

Double dating has rules

Nothing dubious though – just an all-out ban on Ifty and Rhys talking about sport. Or anyone mentioning Shakespeare.

(are Rhys and Fallon tiring of the Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza? Surely not …)

[Ifty] “Are they worried we might break out into spontaneous soliloquys?”

The boys are worried that without sport, they’ll have little else to talk about.

Neither know what else there is to talk about without sport

Elizabeth asks David about the dairy conversion
What on earth will he know about it?

I know Elizabeth is trying to make up for not talking to David for a fair while – but let’s be sensible!

Anyhoo – Elizabeth talks weddings and conferences. Fundamentally, a small or big conversion.

Elizabeth’s very much sold on going for the weddings, though David is shocked at the work (and expensive) they’ll have to do just to increase up to 25 weddings a year. Even with more specialist weddings like “green” and “Asian”.

To be fair to David, Elizabeth just really wanted a sounding board.

[Elizabeth] “It’s just nice to be share it without someone close. Someone who is on my side.”

(sorry … why isn’t Lewis considered close or on her side?)

What to buy a new girlfriend?

Tricky.

Ifty’s worried he’s bought Kirsty too much. Which could make him seem too keen.

At first, Rhys wouldn’t say what he’s bought Fallon for Christmas. Then he admits that he’s bought Fallon a voucher for an album.

Which might make him seen not keen at all.

[Ifty] “It’s a total cop put. Only total losers give vouchers. Trust me, I know women, she won’t respect you for it. You need to be bold. You need to choose an album for her.”

[Rhys] “Okay, but she’s into all these super cool super bands I’ve never heard of from Leeds and Morecombe.”

(eh? Leeds and Morecombe???)

BUT Rhys then remembers Fallon liked an Ella Fitzgerald Christmas song.

So he’ll get her that.

One song?

Is that enough?!?

The Ambridge Christmas Lights are Switched on: Thurs 06.12.12 #thearchers

The Archers Thursday 6th December 2012

Kenton’s being serious
Elizabeth’s bank wants her to take on a £70,000 debt
Ifty used to steal crisps to give to the homeless

Kenton’s being serious

He’s checking every house around the green: that they have working bulbs, that each resident will be in tonight, and that they’ll be ready and willing to turn them on.

And it all goes perfectly, thanks to Kenton’s uncustomary attention to detail.

[Kenton] “I won’t keep you on the dark any longer. The time has come for us to lighten up, switch up and get into the Christmas spirit!”

Kenton’s taking is role as Lord of Misrule in the Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza just as seriously:

[Kenton] “I suppose you could say my whole life has been a preparation for an occasion like this.”

Elizabeth’s bank wants her to take on a £70,000 debt

Elizabeth’s showing her bank’s commercial manager round the dairy.

She plans to build 10 rooms for weddings; he’s worried she’s missing a trick. He reckons she should build enough rooms to be able to offer accommodation for their (already successful) conferences. This bank chap is far more taken with conferences over weddings.

[Bank chap] “You’ll still have most of your eggs in one small basket.”

So he asks for more figures and business plans, though reckons Elizabeth would need to borrow at least £70,000.

Ouch!

That’s a bit of a gamble.

Ifty used to steal crisps to give to the homeless

Want to know more about Ifty?

Lucky you, if you did.

We got to eavesdrop in on Jim interviewing Ifty for Borchester Life magazine.

So …

… Ifty’s dad owns a chain of shop with his uncle, and other family members. They have half a dozen. Ifty’s dad was the first in their street to have a satellite dish.

Ifty is the youngest of 4, has 3 cousins living next door, and so comes from a “close and loving” family.

But, Ifty is a rebel …

[Ifty] “I pinched crisps and tuna from the shop and gave it out to the homeless people by the bus station … then I was overcome with guilt and sneaked the money into the till.”

Ifty also rebelled by not going in to the family business. He instead went to Uni, did maths and business, then went into teaching.

[Ifty] “It’s not that I didn’t want to be rich …”

Seems Ifty had done youth work before he become a teachers, and got a lot of work with youngsters, specially “young Asians who had gone off the rail”.

The most potentially interesting bit, that Jim unfortunately didn’t push Ifty to tell him more about his love life. Ifty got away with a more mention of a number of “near misses.”

So – Ifty sounds like a very decent chap indeed.

Too good to be true … ?

Elizabeth would have to pay back over 70k a year.

Friday, 30 November 2012

Emma goes to the food bank: Wed 14.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Wednesday 14th November 2012

Make do wae nowt
Leonie gave olives to the food bank
Walking in on your daughter eating at the food bank
Sam Smith whacked Freddie in the shins
Is Emma being punished?
“Everything comes down to maths”

Make do wae nowt

Emma’s out shopping in Borchester.

Their account is empty, and she only has a fiver on her. Ed used what was left in the account for petrol

When Emma calls in a panic, all Ed can say is to “make do”.

That’s not exactly helpful …

[Emma] “Ed, we’ve got no food. I can’t make meals out of nothing.”

Leonie gave olives to the food bank

Numpty.

[Susan] “As if someone desperate enough to go to a foodbank would want them!”

Well, actually …

Walking in on your daughter eating at the food bank

The next we heard of Emma was her at a food bank, trying to get a food box.

Which she couldn’t do, as she needed a referral from a health visitor or the CAB.

Just as Emma is about to combust with frustration, the nice lady at the food bank says she can at least give her and Keira lunch there and then. They’re rather hungry, and later sounds like it’s a good enough lunch.

Trouble is, Susan’s also at the food bank (of course she is!), dropping off the food collected at the village shop.

Susan spots Emma.

[Emma] “It’s not what it looks like. We’ve never been here before. I was just walking past …”

Emma tries to bluff her way out, saying they’d been going to the supermarket but the cash machine was broken.

[Emma] “I just didn’t know what else to do …”

But, Emma can’t keep up the lie:

[Emma, while starting to cry] “We’ve no money. There’s nothing left. There isn’t any food at home, and I’m so hungry … I’ve been trying so hard. But it didn’t matter what I do, it’s never enough.”

[Susan] “Come here. What have you been going through?”

Ah well. At least Ed and Emma might get some proper help now. They can’t exactly deny their abject poverty.

Sam Smith whacked Freddie in the shins

Not sure what with, nor who Sam Smith is (apart from another pupil at Freddie’s school), but Freddie was quite upset about it.

Is Emma being punished?

Susan gets Emma home. Emma doesn’t even have any teabags as the kids don’t have it. Susan’s horrified, but to put it into perspective.

[Emma] “Bigger problems than not having a cuppa.”

Emma explains that she can’t work due to how much childcare will cost. Which is actually a good point (I admit, after months of telling her to get a job). And, Ed can’t work anymore than he does.

Susan’s heartbroken for them.

[Susan] “All that hard work Ed does, and he can’t even put food on the table.”

[Emma] “Nic and Will are never hard up. What do they do that’s so special … I just feel like, sometimes I'm still being punished for choosing Ed.”

Ah.

So, Emma thinks folks are thinking she got what she deserved. Which is why she’s so embarrassed (alongside the obvious reasons).

Anyhoo, Susan bought Emma’s shopping, which means Ed gets a slap up meal of steak and kidney later on. Though Emma has to tell him why Susan bought it for them.

[Emma] “She saw me, Ed, at the food bank in Borchester.”

[Ed, obviously very upset] “All I’ve ever wanted is to take care of you and the kids … prove to everyone that I’m not a waster, and look what’s happened.”

[Emma] “I know it’s hard, but if we don’t accept their help, I don’t know what we’ll do … now come on, we’ve got a nice dinner for once, try and enjoy it. Please.”

Grim.

“Everything comes down to maths”

Ifty has a nifty way of helping Freddie to enjoy maths.

(see what I did there! … sorry …)

He takes Freddie outside.

The pediment about Lower Loxley’s front door helps him teach Freddie about obtuse angles. Casper (the horse) helped with centimetres.

Well done Ifty.

Maybe if all of Freddie’s classes were like that, he’d do a bit better at school.

Thursday, 25 October 2012

Joe’s got his second best teeth in: Wed 24.10.12 #thearchers

The Archers Wednesday 24th October 2012

What’s cheaper: village shop or supermarket?
Joe’s second best teeth
Freddie’s getting a maths tutor
Adam’s enthusiastic

What’s cheaper: village shop or supermarket?

One could be forgiven for thinking supermarkets are always cheaper, but there’s the petrol to consider.

It’s a conundrum Emma has to ponder.

As she does, while buying nappies, Neil comes in to pay her way.

Which she didn’t ask for, didn’t immediately accept and was grateful for.

Later on, while at Neil and Susan’s, Emma asks if she can take a slice of pie back for Ed (poor chap always loses out to the kids), and Neil gives her some sausages. Sausages are, after all, aplenty at Neil and Susan’s.

Again, Emma was very grateful.

Will this humbling experience actually make Emma a better person?

Joe’s second best teeth

After losing his best pair in the apple scratter, Joe has to resort to his second best pair.

[Joe] “Not very comfy, but beggars can’t be choosers.”

Trouble is, Joe’s second best pair shock (yes, shock!) people.

Seems they’re very white indeed. To the extent that Ruth even calls them American.

[David] “When he grinned at me, I didn’t know whether to smile back or run for the hills … talk about the big bad wolf … and the colour, good grief!”

[Neil] “They’re florescent.”

As you may remember from Apple Day, neither Joe nor Eddie told anyone that Joe’s other pair of teeth was smashed into the cider.

Though Joe’s not very good at keeping secrets:

[Joe] “You might say it was the apples getting their own back.”

Joe does realise he’s saying too much, so slopes off before everyone twigs. Which, of course, they have:

[David] “Ah, probably best not to think about it.”

Freddie’s getting a maths tutor

Poor Freddie.

But it’ll be Ifty.

That’ll soften the blow, surely?

A nice chap who likes cricket. What more could Freddie want?

Not having to do extra maths, maybe … ?

Adam’s enthusiastic

Which David’s glad to see, even though he thinks it’s because Adam is getting excited about the Super Dairy.

I suspect it might have more to do with Adam realising he’s never had it so good with Ian … post Pavel.

Tuesday, 3 July 2012

Judged by Britain in Bloom: Tues 03.07.12

The Archers Tuesday 3rd July 2012

After all that fuss …
Marcia fancies Joe?
Kenton wants you … but won’t say what for
Keira the Destroyer
Keith’s not a happy man
Ignorance is not sexy, Tracey

After all that fuss …

… it was a bit of a slow day in Ambridge.

Shame, really.

Marcia fancies Joe?

So, the great day has arrived.

After all that harassing and demanding, Lynda gets to present Ambridge to the Britain in Bloom judges.

One of who is called Marcia Greeve. The other Douglas (but Douglas doesn’t speak).

[Tracey] “Susan was polishing the veg for them … everyone’s gone bonkers””

It seems to all go fine. She and Jim do the honours.

Well, until Joe and Bartleby clip-clop by to catch Marcia’s eye …

Lynda disentangles them from Joe, only to find Jim steering the judges towards no. 8 The Green. Mind on that this was the only house to not follow the prescribed red, white and blue flower theme. They went yellow …

BUT.

Marcia loved it.

[Marcia] “It’s gaudy, but not garish.”

Jim was beside himself with glee with Marcia said that! What a wicked boy he is to Lynda.
They moved onto the Community Orchard.

Where Joe’s waiting to give them a nip of his cider.

[Lynda, horrified] “Joe’s a real character isn’t he?”

[Marcia] “He’s a real sweetie.”

(if Joe wasn’t 90, and Marcia sounded in her 30s or 40s, I’d have thought we were about to have an Autumn romance)

After all was said and done:

[Jim] “I think that all went rather well.”

[Lynda] “Yes, yes I suppose so … apart from Joe hijacking.”

Though Jim thinks that Marcia liked Joe, and her taking to him was an advantage. Joe certainly thinks so:

[Joe] “Wouldn’t be surprised if I swung the result in our favour.”

Though Joe is more than aware that his ‘help’ wasn’t welcomed by Lynda:

[Joe] “… every time I appeared she tuned a funny colour /… me and Bartleby were more than a match for her!”

Kenton wants you … but won’t say what for

Seems Kenton’s posters for the sport bit of the Fete are up and about. They have a space for people to sign up to teams. But, the posters don’t mention what the teams will be doing.

Mind you, Lynda’s performance art sounds more worrying than anything Kenton might have planned.

Keira the Destroyer

Just as the judges are about to come to the Village Shop, Emma and Ed’s Keira starts rearranging it.

[Susan] “Good job I noticed what she did to that tub earlier”

(what? What did Keira do to the tub?!? We must be told)

As Lynda arrives at the shop with the judges, she’s trying to tell them about volunteering, when she’s drowned out by Keira’s crying.

Though it’s okay.

Marcia is distracted by the phone box and it’s lovely, lovely flowers.

Keith’s not a happy man

In fact, he sounds near suicidal.

He’s in Ambridge for a hair and make-up rehearsal at Susan’s before the wedding. Well, that’s something most men would turn pale at the thought of …

[Tracey] “You should see Chelsea. She’s like a bottle of pop!”

Better still. Hyper little girls.

It all sounded very raucous at Susan. Even Emma though it was too much – Tracey was supposed to be keeping them all calm:

[Emma] “It would be nice of Tracey lent a hand … doesn’t sound like she’s doing too good a job of it.”

Then Chelsea’s hamster got loose …

Keith eventually winds up in The Bull having a chat with Joe. He sounds beyond despondent.

[Keith] “This one’s costing me an arm and several legs … to be honest Joe; I don’t know how I’m going to do it.”

Oops.

Sounds like this wedding is on the never ever (never!).

Ignorance is not sexy, Tracey

Tracey has been trying to make lamb samosas. Something to do with trying to win Ifty’s affections.

That’s so wrong, on so many levels, that I actually don’t want to discuss it.

(by the way – seems Ifty’s surname is Sha)