- Clarrie doesn’t want to have to go
- A ventouse is a kind of suction thing you put on a baby’s head
- Amy and Alice tattie picking
- Joe’s cider
- Glamorous Clarrie?
- Alice and Amy get vertical
- Harvest supper venue problems, again
- Jim’s sense of fun
- Mike wants green burial, Alistair wants Josh
- A thought for those departed
- Did Jim have a point to make?
- It’s also David’s birthday
Clarrie doesn’t want to have to go
She’s doing the food (Christine’s puddings are in the van, and the pork just need sliced), but even seeing a very helpful David doesn’t make Clarrie any more keen to go to Joe’s party.
[David] “Ninety years old, eh, that’s a bit special … Oh Clarrie, um, just wanted to say, well, it’s great to see you back. After your trip”
Eddie tries to bluster that Clarrie was just away for Rosie’s birthday, but I think Eddie’s attempts to cover up Clarrie going on a wander is backfiring.
[Clarrie] “Well that were nice of him. Don’t know what he were thinking … I wish I didn’t have to face everyone so soon”
But of course, Clarrie being Clarrie turns out for Joe’s birthday at the Cider Club.
A ventouse us a kind of suction thing you put on a baby’s head
So says Amy.
Amy and Alice tattie picking
Alice has persuaded Amy to help do tattie picking at Bridge Farm.
[Alice] “Their business is heading for the buffers, seemingly”
Which makes Alice feel that her and Chris’ economy drive is rather small fry in comparison.
Joe’s cider
[David] “Not a bad drop of stuff that, Joe”
[Joe] “Well take a proper swig then … finest tonic known to man, this is”
Seems Joe is starting on the 2011 vintage soon. And he has permission from Oliver to take the fallen apples off of his land.
[Joe] “Oliver Sterling … a great supporter of local enterprise”
Jim’s sense of fun
[Jim] “I don’t see much going on at this table”
[Joe] “That’s cause we’re enjoying ourselves”
[Jim] “Well, that can stop right now!”
Jim’s determined to stick to his and Bert’s plan of ye oldie fashioned games. So, Joe’s tables has to crack on with dominoes or cribbage.
Jim has even drawn up a fixture list. And:
[Jim] “A series of conversion factors allowing comparison of the point’s total of the various games, I think it’s pretty self-explanatory”
Right barrel of laughs, is our Jim.
Glamorous Clarrie?
[Jim] “Well we’re delighted to see you Clarrie. It’s what the cider club’s needed for a long time. A bit of glamour”
What is Clarrie wearing to Joe’s party???
Alice and Amy get vertical
Oo-er missus!
[Alice] “Hang on a bit. Cam we try being vertical for a couple of minutes? … Ooh. Doesn’t half get your back when you’re not used to it “
Blimey!
Harvest supper venue problems, again
Amy was asking Alice for an empty barn that her dad could use for the harvest supper.
As Amy herself said, Alan always seems to get let down last minute.
Didn’t they hold it in The Bull last year?
What’s wrong with going there again?
Mike wants green burial, Alistair wants Josh
(it’s almost as if Frankie Howard was alive and well)
David reckons Mike’s interested in managing the green burial site.
And Alistair wants Josh for the cricket team.
A thought for those departed
[Joe] “Shame some of the old uns aren’t here to see it …Tom Forrest, Walter Gabriel, used to like a game of cribbage”
And as David reminded him, Dan Archer was also quite partial to a game of cribbage.
Did Jim have a point to make?
Jim seemed to be trying to say to Clarrie that it’s not her fault about the E. coli.
But, in a very cack handed way.
He complemented her on her egg and ham pie.
The started waffling about how everything it made in far too hygienic conditions these days, afy6er he’d noticed that Clarrie was drinking wine rather than Joe’s cider.
[Clarrie] “I wouldn’t touch that, I’ve seen how he makes it”
[Jim] “Which is precisely why it’s so beneficial in my opinion, it challenges the immune system which makes us all the stronger”
Seems Jim was trying to somehow say that Clarrie had done folks a favour by giving them E. coli.
Hmmm. Taking that a bit too far, Jim, methinks.
It’s also David’s birthday
Not that you’d have noticed amongst all the glory of Jim’s 90th.
But then again, suppose it would be very tasteful for David to have a big celebration, considering Nigel …
- That was really (really) horrible
- Freshly rubbed down trap for hire
- Joe’s birthday will be a riot
- “I know a joke about Pythagoras”
- They only noticed when their tummies felt empty
That was really (really) horrible
Just an average day in the village shop.
Clarrie’s in buying scourers. Susan is wittering on about something or other (though her mum does have a best chest).
Never a word of warning about the horror we were about to witness.
Clarrie has been asking Susan about whether there had been any interested in the card she put up.
I thought it was brave of Clarrie in the first place – advertising that you are available for work could be seen as desperate, and I’d imagine could be a bit embarrassing. But, Clarrie is as Clarrie does – she soldiers on.
Susan told Clarrie that lots of people have “commented” on the card … “like they were interested”.
Though she did sound a bit shifty.
Clarrie then goes to the back of the shop to find a scourer – Vicky comes out from the store room (or something) and blurts out:
[Vicky] “Susan, I didn’t tell you, did I, about what the awful man Derek Fletcher said about Clarrie’s advert …’Who'd want that dirty woman doing your cleaning or looking after your kids’ …”
Susan did try to tell Vicky to shut, and Vicky didn’t realise Clarrie was in.
But damage done.
Clarrie leaves the shop, understandably devastated.
[Vicky] “I only mentioned it, because he made me so angry about what he’d said Vicky … I need to tell her I’m on her side really!”
Good lord.
Bad enough that Clarrie brought E coli into Bridge Farm. Bad enough that folks got ill. Bad enough that Clarrie had to leave her job, and Pat/Tony are in dire straits. Bad enough that Clarrie knew there’d be rumours.
But.
For a woman like Clarrie, to be so unreservedly called “dirty” is beyond the pale. She’ll now think that’s what everyone is has been saying behind her back.
My poor Clarrie. What have they done to you?
Freshly rubbed down trap for hire
I'd get in there quick, if I were you.
Joe’s also putting a sign up to say Bartleby’s trap is available for weddings AND funerals.
Wonder if that includes Bartleby’s services?
Joe’s birthday will be a riot
Well, not at all, actually.
Between Jim and Bert, it’s going to be a tad tame, if they get their way.
[Jim] “It’s never a good idea to spend the entire day drinking and eating”
[Bert] “I’m not sure Joe would agree with you there”
[Jim] “In my experience theses sort of landmark events are always more satisfying when there’s an element of intellectual stimulation … it’s Joe’s 90th which means he was born in 1921, how about a move, a period classic … The Battleship Potemkin, good action stuff
[Bert] “Is that one of Spielberg’s?”
[Jim] “Eisenstein …”
(course we, erm, all knew that …. Just in case, here’s where I looked it up: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Battleship_Potemkin)
Bert reckons that sort of film is not what Joe would want with his cider, and he also try to steer Jim away from another quiz (it’d hurt their heads, he reckons) – not a quiz as hurt heads.
Eddie comes in as they’re chatting, and tells them that they just need to have cider. The rest will take care of itself.
“I know a joke about Pythagoras”
Steady on there Jim!
Still on about Joe’s 90th, Bert has suggested a comedy hour. Then suggested a cribbage tournament. Eddie’s not amused by that one.
[Eddie] “about as exciting as watching a fly walk up the wall …might as well do a poker school”
[Bert] “My Freda don’t hold with poker”
[Eddie] “Women never do, that’s why blokes play it”
Jim came up with an interesting fact (that was genuinely interesting … or at least it was to me).
Seems Cribbage is the only pub game you can legally play for money.
(I did say it was interesting … not ground-breaking!).
The cribbage chat sets Bert and Jim off on thoughts of dominoes, shove ha’penny, table skittles …
… so, Joe’s birthday is now a day of “traditional pub games”
Which sounds fine.
Expect I agree with Eddie.
Just get the cider in.
They only noticed when their tummies felt empty
Eddie and Joe take a while to realise that something is amiss.
It’s only tea time that Eddie notices Clarrie isn’t around.
[Eddie] “Hasn’t she put any supper in?”
So – Eddie decides to check The Bull to see if Clarrie got a last minute shift.
Course, he doesn’t phone. He needs to go there in person.
But he makes sure that Joe knows to tell Clarrie that he fancies toad in the hole tonight.
After spending a fair while at the pub (talking to Jim and Bert about Joe’s 90th), Eddie returns home.
[Joe] “Oh there you are, have you brought anything in for supper?”
No. Eddie hasn’t, as he expected Clarrie back.
But she isn’t there.
She’s not at Will and Nic’s, he can’t get through to Ed and Emma, so Eddie calls Susan.
[Susan] “Are you saying he hasn’t been back since then … so where is she then … just a minute, there’s something I ought to tell you Eddie … very upset … I think she took it the wrong way …”
Eddie finally twigs that something is indeed amiss. Clarrie hasn’t been seen for hours on hours.
I am genuinely worried for Clarrie.
She feels so guilty, has no job, Eddie is having to work for make up for her loss of earnings AND now she knows for sure that folks are talking behind her back.
Goodness knows where she’s gone to.
- Will’s birds are a-roaming
- No mugs at Jazzer’s
- What’s the new Book Club book?
- Flower and Produce Show ahoy!
- Ham and Egg Pie make Clarrie a dull girl
- Some pickers have never tried a scone
- I had to look up “jeggings”
- Green Burial site back on the agenda
- Adam says no
- Dolly Treadgold
Will’s birds are a-roaming
[Eddie] “I was driving past and I saw a cock pheasant in the road, didn’t think anything of it, then round the corner, three ends …”
Eddie’s more than happy to help Will chase his birds back into their proper place.
[Eddie] “Well, I’m only going home to a cold tea”
Not because Clarrie is neglecting Eddie – just that he’s working so hard and long that he misses their usual sit down time.
Eddie may not be the most sympathetic chap, but he can certainly out his effort where his mouth is.
No mugs at Jazzer’s
[Jazzer] “A whole wee army covered in grease!”
Jazzer’s not having an easy time of it.
Working at Bridge Farm isn’t a barrel of laughs, and hardly has a steady future:
[Jazzer] “There’s an atmosphere there you could drown kittens in”
And to top that – Harry is sat about their flat stressing about Zofia, and hasn’t washed up.
The cheek of it!
Harry is worried about Zofia having to go home. If Adam agrees that she can stay on as the clean-up team, she’ll be around for a bit longer. If not – she’ll go home in a fortnight.
Jazzer is nonplussed (he’ll get his Harry back to himself … bless). But Harry is abnormally worried.
[Harry] “Sometimes a skinny decaf just doesn’t cut it Jazz”
And off they go to the pub.
Blimey!
What’s the new Book Club book?
Seems Susan has emailed it out, but Joe and Jim didn’t mention what it was.
Jim seems impressed by her choice, but Joe doesn’t seem interested.
But the bigger question is – when did Susan Cater start using email?
Flower and Produce Show ahoy!
Jim is already setting up himself up with the right twine for his onions.
And he’s gossiping with Joe about Richard Thwaite entering:
[Joe] “He wants to spend less time in the veg path and more keeping an eye on his missus if you ask me”
Oo-er! What’s Sabrina been up to now? Still making use of that cat outfit???
Ham and Egg Pie make Clarrie a dull girl
Seems Clarrie is being persuaded to cook her famous Ham and Egg pie for Joe’s birthday.
Joe reckons it’ll be good for her to do some proper cooking … “take her out of herself”.
Hmmm.
I don’t think making Ham and Egg Pie will make up for Clarrie losing her job, being the reason for Bridge Farm’s woes, putting folks in hospital …
Some pickers have never tried a scone
Can you believe it?
Thank goodness Jennifer is on hand to correct that incredible imbalance.
I had to look up “jeggings”
Phoebe is nearly gone
But she keeps having to repack.
(jeggings are leggings which look like tight denim jeans).
Phoebe is talking to Jennifer about how she is so excited to be going, bit is also a bit nervous.
She’s especially worried about school. How it will be weird. That she won’t know her teacher. That she won’t know any of the other kids. And that no-one will like her.
Jennifer reckons that she will be fine – the kids will at least be interested in her as she’s from somewhere ‘foreign’.
But, Phoebe is still mainly excited about seeing Kate and the rest of her South African family.
[Phoebe] “I just wish it wasn’t making mum and dad so sad”
[Jennifer] “But there’d be something terribly be wrong if everyone was going ‘hurrah, Phoebe is leaving!’”
Jennifer gees Phoebe up with thoughts of getting to know her mum (hmmm, think Hayley is the real mum in Phoebe’s life), “a whole raft of new adventures … a wonderful experience”
And Phoebe needn’t worry about those she leaves behind.
They’ll all keep busy …
Green Burial site back on the agenda
Would seem so.
And Jim has responsibility for the admin of it, as part of his role at the Parish Council.
Bizarrely, that means he’ll have to meet folks who are thinking of being buried then, and arrange a grave digger (which Eddie sound most interested in, as it’s paid work).
[Jazzer] “This is cheery; did I ever tell you about the time I got gangrene?"
Adam says no
Seems the clean-up team has been selected and organised for a fair while now.
Which means Zofia is not required, and has to go home.
Harry is distraught.
So.
He’s going to save to be able to visit Zofia in Poland.
Save?
Is that all?
Where’s the Officer and a Gentleman gesture?
Dolly Treadgold
Joe and Eddie were (kinda) commiserating with Harry about his loss, but reckon it’s just experience. They’ve all been there, done that and married someone else.
Reminds Eddie and Joe of Dolly Treadgold.
[Eddie] “I came within a whisker of marrying her”
But she “wasn’t what she seemed” (according to Joe), and Eddie reckoned she was too fond of other men.
Lucky Eddie. He found Saint Clarrie (her E. coli moments don’t count. She is still, a saint …)
- Woken up by Robbie Williams and Harry Mason
- A job is a job
- The Shiny Shop lures Mia
- Joe’s birthday plans
- Seems James and Leonie won’t be welcomed back to Ambridge
- Spencer’s sun glasses haven’t been the same since to go carting
- Dubrovnik
Woken up by Robbie Williams and Harry Mason
At 2am.
Poor Jazzer.
Harry was making a mixed tape (or was it CD? Not sure anyone makes mixed tapes anymore as most folks are not likely to have something to play on. What is a shame, I reckon. A tape is far more tactile)
Jazzer has to do the milk round tomorrow, but Harry doesn’t. Harry didn’t think, but also reckons it fair do as Jazzer often plays his music early hours as well.
[Jazzer] “I play decent music, bit Robbie flipping Williams!”
Oh dear. The Odd Couple look like they’re heading for divorce.
Jazzer is later complaining to Pip and Spencer.
[Jazzer] “Life in the flat has become hell on earth. I thought Harry was alright, bit pernickety maybe, I got used to his funny ways, but since he got off with Zofia, I don’t know the man naemare”
(all together now – I’ve grown accustomed to his face …)
They reckon Zofia’s right enough to be spending all this time at Jazzer and Harry’s flat – after all, the alternative is her shared caravan with all the other girls.
But, Jazzer reckons she’s always in the bathroom, and she hands her underwear out to dry in there …
[Jazzer] “Time when I was really keen to see it, but no like this. It’s torture, I’m telling ya!”
And what’s more - Jazzer can’t use the living room as them cuddling puts him off his larger.
Aw. Poor Jazzer.
A job is a job
Jennifer may have been horrified at the thought of Alice going for the cleaning job (as advertised on a card in the village shop), but Clarrie would have been glad of it. But she was too late. The job had gone.
Nic suggests Clarrie put a card up saying she wants work. Clarrie seems quite interested in that.
Is it just me, or is Clarrie sounding more positive?
The Shiny Shop lures Mia
Mia, Jake, Nic and Clarrie are off to town (on a rather noisy train) to go shopping.
The kids need stuff for school.
[Mia] “Can we go to the shiny shop?”
[Jake] “No, it’s girly”
But Nic says yes – it’s Mia’s favourite, and it’s just an accessory shop. Clarrie reckons she can get Rosie something for her 60th there (Rosie Mabbot, Clarrie’s sister), but doesn’t reckon it’d do for Joe’s upcoming 90th birthday.
[Clarrie] “I can’t see him going for a pair of sparkly earrings”
[Nic] “Or deeply boppers”
Clarrie’s feeling bad as she can’t afford to spend much on presents – which she’s unhappy about especially as it’s special birthdays. And not to worry about Joe – Jim and Bert have special plans.
Anyway – Clarrie finds a wallet for Joe in a shop. She and Nic are chatting away, then also chat with Harry when he comes in.
Then.
Nic notices that Mia’s not there anymore …
Clarrie stays wonderfully calm – Nic panics – so Clarrie gets Nic to stay put in that shop with Jake, while she and Harry head off to try and find Mia.
It’s a tense few moments – Jake was worried Mia ran away as he was nasty to her – and Nic gets increasingly hysterical – but all’s well in the end.
Clarrie finds her as Nic is having a nervous breakdown. Mia has gone back to the shiny shop. Seemingly:
[Clarrie] “A nice little assistant saw her come in by herself and was keeping an eye on her”
I’d say ‘phew’ if this all hadn’t happened quite quickly. Not quite suspense – more of a blink and you’ll miss the high drama …
Joe’s birthday plans
Jim and Bert are sorting a Special meeting of the cider club. They’ll be decorating the shed, Eddie will break out the “good stuff” and Clarrie will do bread cheese.
Sounds marvellous. Spot on for Joe, I reckon. Especially as it will:
[Clarrie] “Let Joe hold court a bit, you know how he likes to do that”
Seems James and Leonie won’t be welcomed back to Ambridge
Jim and Bert are seemingly still very unamused by their behaviour. They were still “moaning” about it while they were telling Clarrie their plans for Joe’s birthday,
[Clarrie] “I don’t think they’re being too clever bout it … I don’t think they was going about it diplomatic”
I hope the residents manage to chase the odious James and Leonie away.
But, knowing how thick skinned they are, I doubt they’ll notice – even if the pitchforks come out …
Spencer’s sun glasses haven’t been the same since to go carting
I really don’t know what to say about (or make of) that.
Dubrovnik
Pip and Spencer offer to tell Jazzer about their holiday plans.
[Jazzer] “Anything to take my mind off Ambridge’s Posh n Becks”
When they tell him they’re off to Dubrovnik – and explain it’s in Croatia:
[Jazzer] “You’re joking? Is there no a war on there?”
On being told no – that it ended a while ago:
[Jazzer] “ … history was never ,my string point, I’m more a biology man”
*snort*!
Although Dubrovnik has pebble beaches rather than sandy, it’s hot and NOT in the euro – so it’s of much cheapness.
It also doesn’t have Spencer’s brother Steve (who is unhappily working the family farm, though has also started signing on. Ha!).
[Jazzer] “Just one thing … Can ah come tae?”
Oh dear.
We didn’t get to hear Pip and Spencer’s response, but Jazzer must really be desperate if he wants to spend time with those two. Love’s young dream, and also quite sensible – not Jazzer’s style at all.
