Kenton hasn’t done his homework: Wed 20.06.12

The Archers Wednesday 20th June 2012

• Lynda’s behaving oddly
• Sports Vs Culture at the Village Fete committee
• Ruth’s swithering
• Matt’s being thoughtful
• Watch out for Hilary Noakes’ Damson Jam
• The Ambridge Torch
• Excuse me, Lynda does the posters!
• The field has approval
• Just let Amy go

Lynda’s behaving oddly

[Kenton] “Are you all right? I’d just been wondering whether you’d be struck by lightning or if you’re channelling your inner scarecrow”

[Lynda] “I’m sorry?”

[Kenton] “Lynda, you’re standing stock still in the middle of the village”

[Lynda] “Ah, no … look, there, beyond that oak.”

[Kenton] “Oh yes, birds.”

[Lynda] “Not just birds Kenton, they’re my peregrines and they’re fledglings. What a wonderful sight!”

[Kenton] “Not if you’re a pigeon, I imagine.”

[Lynda] “Oh how very prosaic!”

Lynda was also a bit perturbed Kenton reporting that he often sees the peregrines while he’s outside The Bull. He’s not even remotely interested. But this was the first time she’s seen the fledglings.


Sports Vs Culture at the Village Fete committee

Though Lynda told Kenton that she expected to hear great things about his plans for the sports elements of the Fete, Kenton did take the hint, and so didn’t prepare for the committee meeting.

Silly Kenton.

Half way through the committee meeting, Kenton decides to get everyone a drink. And then has the nerve to ask Matt to take the drink upstairs to the meeting.

[Kenton] “Just tell them I’ve been waylaid by a customer … you do happen to know any good village websites, do you?”

(Surprisingly, Matt agrees to be waiter. He really is in a great mood these days)

Course, Lynda has done her homework. For the Cultural Olympiad part of the fete, Lynda has planned for a dance festival, with the Morris men from Waterley Cross:

[Lynda] “Thereby marrying the sporting with the cultural.”

Compare even just this one example of Lynda’s work to Kenton’s cobbled together ideas.

A tug of war, across the river Am. And Dragon boat racing.

[Kenton] “So many kids are wrapped in cotton wool today; they need to experience a bit of risk and adventure.”

Lynda is horrified that Kenton has put such little thought into the sports.

Actually, I thought his ideas were fine, for starters.


Ruth’s swithering

Ruth told Usha about the threats they’ve been receiving, and the reason for the Open Farm Sunday chaos.

[Usha] “Just stick it out. You’ll be so glad you did.”

[Ruth] “I’m not sure Jill’s so sure. Nor me.”

Uh oh.

Will Ruth let David get to court?


Matt’s being thoughtful

Who’d have thunk it?

After Jolene mentioned to Matt that she and Kenton couldn’t afford to go to New Zealand, Matt then mentioned it to Jill.

[Matt] “Oh well, you can’t always get what you want, as the Rolling Stones once said.”

Later on, Jill is late for the committee meeting because (she claims) she had to pop home to check she’d closed her bedroom windows.

But she’s actually gone back to get her cheque book. She wants to pay for Kenton and Jolene to go to New Zealand.

[Jill] “It’s easy to find excuses to not go to somewhere so far away … you and Meriel deserve to spend some time together … families are what’s important, not money. I’m only too glad I can help.”

Watch out for Hilary Noakes’ Damson Jam

[Lynda] “Jim didn’t realise that Hilary Noakes Damson Jam still has the stones in it.”

Jim now has a chipped tooth, and horrific toothache. He’s even had to miss the Fete committee.

At least Jim’s excuse was better than Vicky’s. She sent a text to Lynda saying:

[Lynda] “ (text from Vicky) “Sorry, suddenly came over all tired, limbs like led, dropped off in armchair” …”

The Ambridge Torch

Not to be outdone by the Olympic Torch, Ambridge shall have its own.

It’ll be part of the opening ceremony of the Fete, and the committee has decided that it’ll be carried round a route that everyone can see and cheer on.

Exciting …!


Excuse me, Lynda does the posters!

[Lynda] “May I interject?”

[Kenton] “Interject away.”

Lynda was a bit put out that at the committee, there was talk of posters being made.

Actually, Lynda and Robert always make the posters (so it would seem). Lynda and Robert have the “latest software”, and Lynda and Robert always make sure the posters using copy which won’t exclude.

Kenton has a lot to learn about who does what when it comes to community projects.


The field has approval

The riverside field that BL gifted to the village had been awarded its deed of dedication, and a plaque is on the way. The committee decided that the field will be dedicated to the Queen.

(how can they have just decided that when the plaque has already been sent?)


Just let Amy go

Usha tells Ruth that Amy didn’t even bother to get her a card for her 50th.

[Ruth] “Silly girl.”

[Usha] “She’s getting her own back. No one likes home truths.”

Usha is worried that now Amy has fled to Alice’s, she’ll next move into sharing a shared flat for good.

[Usha] “We might never get a proper chance to make things up.”

Usha compares this situation to David and Elizabeth.

But no – that doesn’t work.

Elizabeth isn’t speaking to David because she believes David contributed to Nigel dying.

Amy isn’t speaking to Usha because Amy’s boyfriend was married.

Elizabeth is distraught and unreasonable.

Amy is indeed just a silly girl.

Lynda goes on a Bloomin’ rampage 15.05.12

The Archers Tuesday 15th May 2012

• Poly tunnels excite Tom
• The pig arks need moved … again!
• Adam and Jennifer give Darrell their thumbs up
• Prison or the mother of your victim?
• Don’t worry about the farm
• Lynda is doing odd things in the cemetery
• Grubbed pasture
• Harry didn’t get his shirt off
• An elder statesman or stateswoman required
• Lynda’s badly misbehaving
• Elona’s definitely an honest ‘un

Poly tunnels excite Tom

[Tom] “It’s arrived!”

[Jazzer] “My delivery for the playboy mansion? … aye, I saw the grin on your face. Only you could look that excited about a ploy tunnel”

The pig arks need moved … again!

Really – anyone know if pig arks need moved every other week?

It seems to be the only thing Tom ever tells Jazzer to do.

Jazzer’s none too happy about having to do it today. Tom suspects he has a hangover, but Jazzer reckons it’s just because he’s been up early doing the mil round (surely he does that most days?).


Adam and Jennifer give Darrell their thumbs up

[Darrell] “Takes more than a whack over the head to see this one, eh!”

Adam is out having a slow wander with Jennifer, stopping to have a chat with his near neighbour Darrell.

Adam reckons he’s sweet, Jennifer that he seems like a good chap.

Wonder if Jennifer would still think that if she knew he had a record …


Prison or the mother of your victim?

I reckon most would choose prison every time. Especially when that mother happens to be Jennifer Aldridge.

The nasty blokes who attacked Adam are on remand. They’ll face a court trial fairly soon.

[Jennifer] “Well, when they get one, I hope they throw away the key!”

[Adam] “Perhaps we should set you on them mum, then they’ll get what they deserve”

Don’t worry about the farm

Is what Brian and Jennifer keep telling Adam – but they’re the ones who keep mentioning it,

Seems the bloke who’s been hired to help I settling in well. Two of the deer have had calves, and the herd’s ear tagging is going well.


Lynda is doing odd things in the cemetery

Really, is there anything Lynda could do that would surprise us?

She’s been gathering broken eggshells. The broken eggshells mean the peregrines’ eggs are hatching. Lynda’s trying to work out how many chicks they have from the shells.

Well, that’s reasonable enough, I’d say.


Grubbed pasture

[Tom] “Ed had his pasture grubbed up, he thought one of the pigs might have escaped”

But no, all of Tom’s pigs are present and correct.

What could be doing that then? The Ambridge Beast …?


Harry didn’t get his shirt off

What a horrid man he is! Sabrina’s been on heat for months and months … all for nothing.

[Jazzer] “Did I tell ye, about Harry and Sabrina Thwaite? He did his lady Chatterley act for her … on her flower beds, for the promises auction, made sure his husband was away … not that she got her money’s worth, he kept his shirt on, mair fool him”

Poor Sabrina.

Though a good day for her husband Richard, I’d say.

(and again, why isn’t Harry speaking at the moment? Not like him to leave Jazzer to tell his business)


An elder statesman or stateswoman required

To cut the giant cake at the Jubilee.

Apply to Lynda Snell.


Lynda’s badly misbehaving

Lynda had earlier tried to corner Adam, but he and Jennifer had pleaded that he was tired and needed rest.

So, Lynda later went round his house. She didn’t take the hint, then.

He tells her again that he’s tired. But she’s not listening.

[Lynda] “Have you any plans for your front garden? … do you think you might spruce up? … It needn’t be too taxing. And gardening can be wonderfully therapeutic”

We didn’t get to hear Adam’s reply …

Next, we can hear Lynda and Tom having a rather loud and terse discussion, while we’re actually over at Elona and Darrell’s eavesdropping on their conversation.

[Lynda] “You see, I’m only referring to the parts of your garden that face the Green”

Lynda points out that The Bull and the Village shop will be perfect. Tom points out that they’re businesses. She then points out that Christine and Jim will also be perfect. Tom points out that they’re retired. He and Brenda work, and work all hours.

(well, Tom does. I’m sure Brenda could spare a few hours after she’s done making Matt and Lilian’s coffee)

[Lynda] “Even Adam’s agreed. Yes Tom. Even Adam. And I’m sure you wouldn’t want to be the one to spoilt it”

Tom tries to use Tony’s heart attack as an excuse (actually, it’s a fair one. Tom has to work extra to allow Tony to ease himself back into work gently).

[Lynda] “Maybe you should think of it as time to relax!”

Relax? Tom reckons he barely has time to breathe.

They’ve hit an impasse – until Darrell and Elona pop over. I thought they were about to complain about the noise, but they’re over to offer to do Tom and Brenda’s garden for them. Seems Elona has green fingers (but she also has at least 2 jobs … the busier helping the busy, it would seem).

[Lynda] “That’s what Britain in Bloom ought to be about, people pulling together to help one another, even when they’re still relatively new to the community. Upstanding citizens”

That’s the third resident to give Darrell and Elona their okay today. This must be heading to a great reveal of Darrell’s past.


Elona’s definitely an honest ‘un

Darrell’s chuffed that Matt is going to give him some regular work, 2 or 3 days a week at least.

Elona’s not so chuffed. Though they need the work, she’s not happy that Matt only pays Darrell cash in hand. She wants Darrell to talk to Matt about it, to make it a proper arrangement.

[Darrell] “I can’t. It’s none of my business”

Leonie leaves James 15.04.12

(not sure if that should raise a ‘hurrah’ or a ‘Leonie moping … oh bother)

The Archers Sunday 15^th April 2012

• Tony’s tired
• There’s no room at the (Ambridge) Hall
• James is a sadist, and it’s all Lilian’s fault
• Hattie Marshall to the rescue!

Tony’s tired

He slept in until 10am (unheard of, even for a Sunday). Which annoys him.

But he’s more annoyed about being so tired. He wants to be able to do both milkings but, after gentle persuasion from Pat and Yom, he decides that he should just stick to the afternoon milking, and office work.

There’s no room at the (Ambridge) Hall

Lynda and Robert’s B&B business seems to be flourishing.

Mr and Mrs Pickering want to stay another week:

[Lynda] “Mr Pickering is full of praise for your skill with a frying pan!”

And another couple are arriving shortly. So it’s a full house.

The Leonie calls.

She’s left James, and is on a train (with only her handbag and her phone) to Ambridge, expecting to be able to stay.

When she’s told that they’re packed:

[Leonie] “But, I’m family, and this is an emergency!”

Lynda Robert and Robert manage to squeeze Leonie into Robert’s office, on a child’s fold out bed. Though, as Lynda says, why doesn’t Leonie have any friends to stay with …

Still, must be better than sharing a bed with James Bellamy …

James is a sadist, and it’s all Lilian’s fault

On Robert asking Leonie what happened to make her flee James:

[Leonie] “J is what happened … that man is a complete barbarian!”

[Robert] “Was he violent?”

[Leonie] “No … no of course not. Well not physically anyway. He’s an emotional sadist. He finds the most sensitive party of your soul, sticks the knife in and twists until the pain becomes unbearable … and it’s obvious where he gets it from, his mother”

[Robert] “Lilian?”

[Leonie] “He is such a mummy’s boy, whatever little James wants, little James will have .. he has never learnt empathy, he has absolutely no understanding of how other people feel, particularly women, he’s utterly selfish and grotesquely immature”

(I know – I can hear you shouting it along with me – pot, kettle, black)

Later on, as Robert and Lynda get her room ready:

[Robert] “I know Leonie can be difficult”

[Lynda] “Robert, the poor girl is suffering … she showed such sensitivity about the peregrines”

(mais non. Lynda is unaware that Leonie was only caring about Leonie)

When Leonie arrives at Ambridge Hall:

[Leonie] “I really don’t want to talk about that man anymore”

[Lynda] “Although I have to say Leonie, I’m not entirely surprised … I’ve always thought James Bellamy was a bit of a narcissistic … rather too fond of his own voice … course he takes after his mother in that respect …”

[Leonie, delighted that Lynda concurs] “And he didn’t have the first idea about country life … that business with the peregrines … no more empathy for wild creatures than he has for his fellow humans. And he wasn’t a very good photographer … Why do I pick the wrong men all the time, why do I end up with such losers?”

So she cries to Lynda, while Robert tries to make them have a cup of tea (and shoosh Lynda from being so negative about James … we know what’ll happen when/if Leonie and James get back together).

Hattie Marshall to the rescue!

Pat gets a call from Martin Sykes – who (Pat tells us) is a Councillor, is on the Planning committee meeting, and is ever-so-slightly on the Free the Ambridge Cow side of the debate. He also gives Pat the inside nod about what Brian’s been up to.

[Pat] “That wretched DVD of Brian’s has gone to every councillor …Implying they’re  free to wander out whenever they like it … gross misrepresentation!”

Though Pat is allowed to speak at the Planning meeting, Hattie Marshall most certainly is (as chair of Borchester Against Factory Farming).

So – it’s not over until the Hattie lady sings!

The great photo flyover 09.04.12

The Archers Monday 9th April 2012

• James and Leonie still arguing
• Lily is off to France today
• Girls. Playing cricket!?!
• Lynda has ambitions
• Eddie nearly ruins the Horn
• Lynda’s latent racism
• Did you spot Leonie doesn’t care about the peregrines?

James and Leonie still arguing

At Robert and Lynda’s for breakfast before they get to their plane, James and Leonie are still at it.

(again not rudery, just barny)

James reckons their book is “photo driven”. Leonie does not concur.

[Leonie] “The photos have their place but their function is to illustrate my words”

[James] “No, your words are basically just long captions for the photographs. That was the whole concept!”

Leonie reckons it was her concept in the first place.

[James] “You’re wrong but let’s not discuss this now”

Oo-er.

On their way to the plane, they get lost. Even though they have a Sat Nav.

[James] “How do you explain the fact that we’re 180 degrees out of our way?”

Leonie reckons she put the postcode into the sat nav, but James gave her the postcode to put in. So it’s actually James’ fault.

[Leonie] “It’s always the same, you can’t get the simplest things and you always know what’s best!”

They’ll split up soon enough, surely.

Robert’s worried about them,

[Lynda] “Well, when it comes to James, there a lot to be scathing about … It’ll blow over, you’ll see”

Please. Just split up (and both go away, only to return every other Christmas)


Lily is off to France today

Not that we get to hear about it, or that James or Leonie are remotely interested when Lynda tells them.

Ach well. Bon Voyage, and all that.



Girls. Playing cricket!?!

Surely a step too far?

(obviously, I’m being sarcastic)

Alistair’s at The Bull for a quiet pint and his newspaper (while Shula works her socks off. Nice to see Alistair is ready and willing to help out).

Jamie’s also there doing his shift. They get talking about cricket (as they tend to do), and Jamie mentioned that Natalie had mentioned that she and some of her (girl) friends would want to join in the youth cricket.

[Alistair] “Jamie gave me an interesting conundrum … what about girls training?”

He and Robert agree that there’s nowt wrong with the female gender playing cricket. But they can’t play against blokes when they all get to a certain age (17, they reckon).

One assumes that’s something to do with the power of the ball being thrown or hit?

(I don’t know. Football is more my game. I support a Scottish 1st Division team who a bunch of girls could probably easily beat …).

Sounds like the girls can join in, but only if they play against each other.


Lynda has ambitions

For Britain in Bloom. She already seems Ambridge in the final.

[Alistair] “If you only aim for the moon, you’ll never reach the stars”

Quite.


Eddie nearly ruins the Horn

[Robert] “Where for art thou Jolene?”

She’s hanging out of the window, telling everyone to get into a horn shape for the flyover.

They do manage to get everyone together and waving, though Eddie nearly didn’t get his bit of the horn right in time.

So the plane flies over, the brownies parade their bonnets, the band strikes up and The Bull’s punters cheer.

[Alistair] “I’m beginning to think this wasn’t the place for a placid bank holiday break”

Lynda’s latent racism

Alistair mentioned to Lynda that a chap called Iftikhar is going to be running the youth cricket.

[Lynda] “Where’s he from?”

[Alistair] “Felpersham I think”

[Lynda] “I meant … no … Felpersham, of course …”

Oops Lynda. That was close.


Did you spot Leonie doesn’t care about the peregrines?

Calling Robert about after the flyover, Leonie’s furious with James (yet again). Seems he wanted to fly in low at the church to get a good shot of the peregrines.

Robert’s horrified! The peregrines would have been terrified.

Leonie quickly catches on that that’s the reason she should have given for not wanting to fly in.

Actually, she really didn’t give a hoot.

[Leonie] “And not to mention the danger to us. Birds and aircraft don’t mix”

(i.e. “me, me, me, me, me”)

So James is sulking that he didn’t get his shot. And Leonie is sulking with James.

*sigh*

Not the roof, Robert! 29.03.12

The Archers Thursday 29th March 2012

• The BL Board meeting about the Super Dairy
• Pat and Tony have panicked the family
• Schubert week on BBC Radio 3
• Robert is not young mountain goat
• The Peregrines have eggs
• Youth cricket is a goer
• Did Brian win?

The BL Board meeting about the Super Dairy

[Annabelle] “There’s quite a glint in your eyes this afternoon”

[Brian] “Of terror”

Aye – it’s the moment we’ve been waiting for. The big BL meeting about the Super Dairy.

(hmmm)

[Brian] “This afternoon is more about company philosophy. Are we quitters or fighters”

As the debate gets going, Gerry says he’s worried about the impact the Super Dairy would have on all future BL projects.

Martin wonders whether they could scale down the Super Dairy. Though I think he’s completely missed the point …

[Gerry] “And still have the bunny huggers on our backs!”

Brian tries to reason with them that the entire point about the profitability of the Super Dairy hasn’t changed. So the reason they voted it in all those months ago hasn’t changed.

[Brian] “If we give up now we lose profit and reputation for nothing … if we cave in over this we’ll put everything we want in the future at risk … knuckles at the first sign of opposition … is that the signal of weaknesses we want to send out to our opponents”

Brian was starting to sound a bit Winston Churchill for my liking … but did it sway the board?


Pat and Tony have panicked the family

Seems when Pat called Jennifer to call them round for a family gathering, she wouldn’t say what it was about.

So now Jennifer is worried. She thinks it’s bad news about Tony.

[Brian] “Maybe the long term prognosis isn’t as good as we’d hoped”

Schubert week on BBC Radio 3

Of which Robert wants to listen to as much as possible.

Funny that he doesn’t realise he’s being broadcast live only one channel over.


Robert is not young mountain goat

So he claims.

Lynda wants the gutters cleaned.

And she wants them cleaned right now. No matter what else Robert has planned.

(why she couldn’t just do it herself, I don’t know)

[Lynda] “We don’t want them looking unsightly, do we?”

[Robert] “Lyndee, they’re flying over with a friend, not the guttering Police”

[Lynda] “We’d never forgive ourselves if there were any blemishes when our little home gets it portrait taken”

While he’s up there, Lynda also asks if he’ll clean off the moss.

[Lynda] “I know it’s picturesque but there’s s fine line between character and decrepitude”

[Robert] “Will you stop confusing me with a young mountain goat!”

But before Lynda answers, she gets a call from Jamie about the peregrines and leaves Robert up there without a watcher.

Has she forgotten about Nigel already?


The Peregrines have eggs

As spotted by Jamie.

Seems he looks up at church every time he passes it, after Lynda accosted him to look at the Peregrines last year.

They’ve got two eggs, though Lynda reckons they normally start off with four.

Lynda will be guarding them with her life … and also probably Jamie’s.


Youth cricket is a goer

So Jamie says to Lynda.

He was about to say he’d started it off to not have to spend all their time with the auld yins, but Lynda understands:

[Lynda] “Hang around with the more chronologically challenged …”

The current line-up is Jamie, Marty Josh and two of the Button cousins.

The bloke they mentioned from Westbury will be coaching them.

Nickname Nifty Ifti – actual name Iftikhar.

[Lynda] “Nifty bowler and quite as a whippet in the field!”

Sounds fun.



Did Brian win?

Course he did.

Though he was feeling a bit beaten up by the end of the meeting.

And despite his, Annabelle’s and the secret microphones attempts to make us initially think he’d lost the vote.

[Annabelle] “The more you spoke, the more trenchant Gerry’s opposition became”

Brian felt Andrew had made a good case, and even got him doubting himself!

But Martin eventually sided with Brian.

As did Barbara:

[Brian] “the wild card … After I’d sweated blood for her support!”

But Brian seems very far from his usual, boorish, jubilant self:

[Brian] “I’m glad to have squeaked through, although at what cost … I haven’t let myself anywhere to hide … if anything goes wrong, my neck’s right on the chopping block”

Uh-oh.

The Super Dairy will be an especially rough ride if even Brian himself isn’t 100% confident.

Susan and Clarrie have nothing to talk about 07.03.12

The Archers Wednesday 7th March 2012

• No malted milks!
• Clarrie’s fetching the paper
• Can’t gossip about Oliver
• Can’t gossip about Brian
• Jim can gossip
• A rude parsnip
• The Hungry Gap
• The WI big cake
• Susan sets Alan on Jim
• Jim has to pay compliments
• Is Brian thick?
• The Peregrines are back

No malted milks!

[Jim] “Oh dear. Still no malted milks. Oh well, it’ll have to be the digestives again”

Jinks. Ambridge living really is a shocker.



Clarrie’s fetching the paper

On Pat’s say so, for Tony.

Didn’t take long for Pat to start treating Clarrie like a serf again.


Can’t gossip about Oliver

Oliver’s been digging over Joe’s garden, as part of the Promise Auction Jim bidded on for Joe.

[Clarrie] “Joe’s been a bit naughty really, telling him Harry would have done it better cause he’s so much younger … course Oliver, being the man he is, takes it as a challenge”

But Susan has to stop her there. Clarrie’s verging on gossip (not allowed for Lent!)

After a bit of silence while Susan and Clarrie try to work out what they can talk about, Susan starts talking about Neil doing up her old doll house for Keira. Seems he’s finished the wallpapering, and is now touching up the paintwork.


Can’t gossip about Brian

Clarrie’s telling Susan that Brian’s back helping Helen with the veg boxes.

[Susan] “You heard about the demonstration at the market … it must have been very embarrassing …”

But Clarrie has to stop her there. Now Susan is verging on gossip.


Jim can gossip

Jim steps into Susan and Clarrie’s conversation.

[Brian] “From what I heard in The Bull last night … it must have been very awkward for Brian … Kirsty, right at the front, giving out leaflets to the farmers and Brian, rather ill-advisedly, I have to say, went up and tried to reason with her in front of the whole crowd and an Echo reporters, and you know what she said to him …”

But both Clarrie and Susan cut him off. It’s gossip. Even though they do desperately want to know what Kirsty said to Brian.


A rude parsnip

Helen’s showing Brian how to pack purple sprouting broccoli. He seems quite chuffed with himself for being able to do it, especially putting the elastic around the stems.

Simple pleasures.

As Helen stopped Brian talking to her about the demonstration (too controversial, with Helen obviously on the side of the protestors), and was mentioning that Pip is now helping Bridge Farm out with the milking …

[Brian] “Good lord. What’s that?”

[Helen] “A parsnip. One of our rejects …”

[Brian] “Really? I’ve never seen one that shape before!”

[Helen] “I’ll give it to Tom. I’m sure he can think of something imaginative to do with it”

Oh that’s a really nasty (nasty) thought …


The Hungry Gap

I never knew this – but the Hungry Gap refers to:

In cultivation of vegetables in a British-type climate, the hungry gap is the gardeners' name for the period in spring when there is little or no fresh produce available from a vegetable garden or allotment. It usually starts when overwintered brassica vegetables such as brussels sprouts and winter cauliflowers and January King cabbages "bolt" (i.e. run up to flower) as the days get warmer and longer, but sooner if a very hard frost kills these crops; and ends when the new season's first broad beans are ready.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hungry_gap

Helen normally just sends out recipe cards to give folks suggestions for how to cook what is there. But, she hasn’t got time at the moment.

So Brian offers her up Jennifer. If Helen sends over all the recipes she’s used before, Jennifer will sort them out and print them.

Well, I suppose it was time Jennifer was given something to do.


The WI big cake

[Alan] “The WI are going to feed the 5000!”

Seems they’re making a big cake for the Jubilee picnic.

Well done WI.


Susan sets Alan on Jim

Susan sounds genuinely worried that she’s not managing with her ‘no gossip’ pledge for lent.

[Susan] “Me and Clarrie are running out of things to say …”

And then there’s Jim:

[Susan] “coming into the shop and trying to lead us astray. Tempting us with a nice bit of juicy gossip and trying to wear us down … you'd think he'd show more respect”

Alan concurs. And heads off to have a word with him.

[Alan] “Is it true you’ve been teasing Susan and Clarrie?”

[Jim] “That was nothing really … it was only a bit of harmless fine. I assure she knew I didn’t mean it seriously”

[Alan] “Well it’s easy for you to laugh, but it’s actually quite a bit deal for her … she’s really quite upset about it”

Jim promises to apologise next time he sees her.

But Alan isn’t done …

Jim has to pay compliments

[Jim] “I can see for Susan, gossip is her life blood. It’d be like me having to give up … doing the crossword”

Alan pushes Jim to come up with something harder. Something that would be truly tough for Jim to give up. In fact, he pushes Alan to take on a “more positive challenge” …

[Alan] “I don’t know. Pay someone a compliment every day … a different person everyday”

[Jim] “You really are serious?”

[Alan] “Of course, if you think you’ve got less will power than Susan …”

So of course, Jim agrees (just as if Alan had called him chicken … what big kids they are).

I don’t quite get why having to give a compliment to a different person every day is such a tough challenge.

Is it just because Jim can sometimes be a bit scathing?


Is Brian thick?

Can he not see that Adam is still furious with him? Or does Brian think that by ignoring it, Adam will suddenly snap out of it?

They’re talking about the demonstration.

[Brian] “Did you know it was going to happen?”

[Adam] “Nothing definite. There’s been some talk on the internet”

(though Brian doesn’t seem perturbed that Adam might have known about the demo … is Brian just assuming that Adam is involved in the anti-brigade, and doesn’t really care?)

[Brian] “And they’ve had leaflets printed. They’re not the usual bunny hugging nonsense. It’s a quite serious, well-argued piece of propaganda”

Adam tells Brian not to assume the protest was a one off, and tells Brian to look at their website.

Which Brian does. And then thanks Adam for “the warning” as the website is saying they will be demonstrating again tomorrow.

[Brian] “It’s a ruddy nuisance all the same. It’s just not what we need at this stage. And I think we got off so lightly at the public meeting”

Adam really isn’t interested. She sarcastically wishes Brian best of luck, but was basically saying ‘whatever’.

[Adam] “Brian, I don’t have any kind of inside information … I really don’t see why you’re so surprised about these protests … the power of social networking, word gets round, people take action, so what else did you expect?”

So, do we think Adam does have something to do with Kirsty and her protestors?


The Peregrines are back

Yay!

I was a bit worried when we heard Jim whispering:

[Jim] “Now then my beauties, where are you …”

But he was just trying to spot the peregrines. Lynda and Alan have seen them back at St. Stephens.

The Archers Friday 27th May 2011: Elizabeth threatens Shula

• Lilian has no ken for flowers
• A mention of the brooch
• Jonti Waters
• Lilian patronises Jennifer
• Brian’s bought a bad present
• More sugar from the Council?
• “Whit is always frantic”
• Jennifer stops for Peregrines
• Porn for the Book Club?
• Shula was right to be nervous of Elizabeth

Lilian has no ken for flowers

[Lilian to Jennifer] “I know I say it every time, but your tubs do look lovely”

Though Lilian can appreciate a nice set of tubs, she can’t tell the difference between an azalea and a marigold.

Ach well. Those good at gardening need those who aren’t to simply be appreciative.


A mention of the brooch

Lilian asks Jennifer whether she’s seen Peggy’s (seemingly lovely) duck egg blue brooch.

It’s a harbinger of doom, I tell you ….


Jonti Waters

Is a “computer chap” (Jennifer)/IT whiz kid (Lilian) who is in a rush to move into No. 3.

His rush has spoilt some of Lilian’s plans for decorating No. 3:

[Lilian] “If Jonti doesn’t like pebble white while he’s showering, then tough luck”

Never mind.

Hurrah to new fodder.


Lilian patronises Jennifer

Lilian was waiting for Brian, so passing the time with Jennifer more than anything else.

When Brian does show up (he was up checking the hinds – only one or two left to calf), Lilian wants shot of Jennifer:

[Lilian to Jennifer] “ … only a little bit of business … you’d only be bored”

My oh my – Lilian is getting more and more like Matt. Cheeky mare.


Brian’s bought a bad present

He doesn’t seem so sure the pendant he’s got for Jennifer is actually up to the mark – and Lilian certainly doesn’t approve.

Seemingly Lilian doesn’t like Jade.

Don't give her the brooch!!!!


More sugar from the Council?

Lilian was meeting with Brian to tell him that her ‘source’ reckons that two major supermarkets are interested in the current mart site.

So – there might be an opportunity for Brian, Lilian and co. to get a better deal from the Council if they can get out of the old site early. Though that would mean having to get the new site up and running far earlier than planned.

[Lilian] “Brian, you can always close a deal if you make it sweet enough”

[Brian] “Oh now, where have I heard that before”

Brian doesn’t sound convinced. He doesn’t think the information is remotely good enough to even discuss with the rest of the board.

[Brian] “There’s no point in wasting their time based on fairy stores … the faint echo of half a rumour”

Lilian reckons she can go back to her ‘source’ for more tangible evidence:

[Brian] “Don’t bother. I’m make time to meet Matt myself”

1-0 Brian I reckon!


“Whit is always frantic”

For Shula.

[Shula] “lots of eager parents and nervous first timers”

Jennifer stops for Peregrines

Jennifer is very taken with the Peregrines after she spotted them earlier on that day.

She’s was getting quite poetic about seeing the male:

[Lilian] “He? You must have had very good eyesight”

Jennifer, slightly exasperated, explains that the female stays with the chicks while the male heads out hunting.

[Lilian] “Jenny, Jenny, I don’t care if the male saunters into Underwoods Deli for a tray of mixed antipasti and some honey roast ham, I’m simply not interested”

Oh.

Bit harsh from Lilian, but maybe Jennifer should have found a more enlightened soul to explore the wonders of nature with. Lilian’s strictly a G&T connoisseur.


Porn for the Book Club?

Probably not.

But that Lilian showed an interested in it, liked the cover, and reckons it is:

[Lilian] “racy for Ambridge”

Say something.

But it is Jennifer that’s chosen it. So likely to be a wee bit edgy without being offensive.

Lawrence’s Sons and Lovers?



Shula was right to be nervous of Elizabeth

Shula’s round seeing Elizabeth at Lower Loxley. Shula sounded very unsure of herself, making small talk and complimenting Elizabeth’s new hair-do (which seems to be popular with all).

Eventually, Shula gets down to it.

[Shula] “So, you’re coping alright?”

[Elizabeth] “Did David ask you to come over … or mum?”

Shula explains that she was there on her own account, as she’s worried.

[Shula] “We simply can’t leave matters as they stand … you’re asking the rest of us to takes sides … that’s what it amounts to”

Elizabeth launches into another rant.

[Elizabeth] “All I want is for you and mum and Kenton and Pip and whoever else feels they know what’s best for me, to accept once and for all that I am choosing to have nothing to do with David ever again … that’s all, it’s very simple … and it doesn’t affect the rest of you … why can’t you respect my decision?”

[Shula] “Because he’s your bother, Elizabeth”

[Elizabeth] “Exactly, my brother, someone I should be able to trust, someone who shouldn’t lie to me … I’ve been more than fair to him”

Elizabeth reckons that she could have been more furious when David just after Nigel died, but had decided that both of them had got “caught up in the moment”, so both and neither were to blame.

But now, after David telling her it was his idea, she’s taking it to extremes. The other day, she reckoned David had “goaded” Nigel, today:

[Elizabeth] “he dared Nigel onto the roof!”

[Shula] “He’s been tormenting himself”

[Elizabeth] “Good”

[Shula … sounding a bit terrified now … says the following very gently and tentatively] “When David suggested to go onto the roof, Nigel could have said no …”

Which spins Elizabeth into overdrive rant mode:

[Elizabeth] “Stop it Shula!

“I am so sick of my whole family trying to blame Nigel for what happened

“… and I know why you’re doing it, to make dear precious David feel better about his unforgiveable behaviour

“… I’m not going to let you get away with it, Nigel can’t defend himself anymore, but I can and I will

“Shula, you’re my sister and I love you very dearly, but if dare say one more word about this, one single word, we are finished.”

Blimey.

Elizabeth is one very angry lady right now, and she obviously doesn’t give a hoot who she offends, or loses.
Amazing that she can say all of that to Shula, knowing what she (and Caroline) went through when Mark died.

But then again, there is no-one else in Elizabeth’s world apart from Elizabeth (very occasionally the twins).

The Archers Monday 23th May 2011: Lynda accosts Jamie from the Lychgate

• “Jamie …psssst”
• Kieran Smith’s dad is bring Josh home
• Jolene and Jamie talk about not a lot for a whole 5 minutes
• “It was a heck of an argument”

“Jamie …psssst”

Jamie hears a voice from inside the Lychgate. Turns up to be Lynda.

[Lynda] “Jamie … pssst … I’m here. Inside the Lychgate”

[Jamie] “Why are you bent down? Have you had an accident?”

Mais non!

Lynda just wanted Jamie to see the Peregrines – who are proud new parents!

Jamie actually seems quite interested, though I suspect it’s got more to do with the blood and gore of the Peregrines feeding another bird to their young, than the cute factor:

[Jamie] “Ah that’s cool .. the way she’s ripping it into pieces”

Kieran Smith’s dad is bring Josh home

But Josh had forgotten about meeting Jill to go to the hive.

Pity. I do enjoy the Jill and Josh Hive Time (and I’m actually not being sarcastic).




“It was a heck of an argument”

Understatement of 2011 (so far) comes from Ruth!

A heck of an argument?

A bruiser of an argument. A earth-shattering, family-breaking, soul-destroying argument. The worst of the worst.

As well as Jill, Ruth has also been trying to tell David it was an accident, and he shouldn’t blame himself.

Ruth is angry with Elizabeth for being so unreasonable with David, but back down when Jill explains:

[Jill] “She’s trying to make sense of a senseless situation”

Ruth does understand, but is also beyond frustrated that this has all happened when David seemed to be settling back into his ‘normal’ life and frame of mind.

[Ruth] “Every now and then., the shadow seemed to lift for a while … for the first time in ages, she had a kick about with the boys …”

Ruth and Jill agree that need to “nip it in the bud” and:

[Jill] “somehow keep the family together”

Phew. Lots and lots and lots of tea and cake required …


Jolene and Jamie talk about not a lot for a whole 5 minutes

Someone must have forgotten to switch over the secret microphone.

Surely they didn’t mean for us to listen in to Jamie and Jolene talking about him having less work at The Bull?

Jolene made Jamie a bacon sarnie to soften him up. Then told him that she doesn’t have as much work for him, for at least a few weeks, until Summer kicks up. So he can’t work a Saturday anymore. And Jamie is a bit put out that he won’t have as much money in his pocket.

No-one screamed or got upset. Jamie seemed to accept that the lady wasn’t for turning.

[Jolene] “Don’t make a big deal of it”

Interesting. It wasn’t that interesting, and no-one actually made a big deal out of it, but the chat seemed to go on for a fair while.

Filling time?

The Archers Tuesday 19th April 2011: Peggy agrees to tea with Ted

click the title above, or the 'read more' link below the bullet points, to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Jamie’s hungover
• Joe’s keeping a low profile
• Ted’s a patient man
• Give Jolene a break
• Lynda cannae haud her wheesht
• Laughing at Vicky
• Lilian becomes Jolene’s dealer
• A repeat of the decapitated pigeon …
• It’s okay, Lynda has buns
• Fun for all the family
• Mention of Harry

Jamie’s hungover

[Fallon] “He could barely grunt earlier on in the morning”

Fair enough that a young chap gets a tad drunk once in a while. But, I find it odd that his hangovers are so bad (I didn’t get bad hangovers until my mid-twenties) – and he’s turning Fallon into a mum.

She now can’t settle until he gets in. No matter what time it is.

After going back to bed once he’d barely grunted at Fallon in the morning, Fallon and Jolene then had to wake him up to do his shift. Jolene’s not at all amused.

[Jolene] “You wanted the job, so get on with it!”

Just wait until she catches him stealing booze, or her precious rations of fags.

Little twerp.

There surely must be one of those teen boot camps somewhere near Ambridge. Which is only one step away from me saying ‘bring back National Service’ … ugh.



Joe’s keeping a low profile

After Gardeners’ Question Time blowing Joe’s entire business model (that his mistletoe would never grow), he’s gone into hiding from his ‘clients’.

[Lilian] “I can just see them now, chasing him through the village with flaming torches”

Ted’s a patient man

Ted must really see something special in Peggy. He’s put up with her blowing hot and cold – but it does finally pay off.

Mrs Peggy Woolley is able to take tea today.

Hurrah!

[Ted] “A bit of fine weather and free air improves all our spirits”

Would seem so. And how nice for both of them.

At tea, ted then invites Peggy to a talk his giving at his U3A meeting (University of the Third Age – for folks over 50 who want to meet to socialise and learn).

Sounds like Peggy was tempted.

Would that be their second or first date?



Give Jolene a break

Or even just a fag.

[Fallon] “Caught you red handed! Loitering with intent at the cigarette machine …”

First off – do pubs actually have cigarette machines anymore? I haven’t seen one in years.

And second – it wasn’t Jolene’s idea to quit. Just leave the woman be!


Lynda cannae haud her wheesht

Lynda asks Caroline if it’s true Roy is leaving Lower Loxley.

[Caroline] “Ah. I think Vicky was speaking out of turn there”

She confides in Lynda that it’s true, but that Lynda has to keep stum.

What Lynda agrees to. Along with offering her candidacy for Roy’s job.

After Lynda has left:

[Caroline] “Oh Lord!”

But later on – Peggy sees Lynda on the Lower Loxley computer – assumes she’s still working – but she’s on her lunch – so admits that she’s working on her CV.

[Lynda] “it’s all very hush hush”

For goodness sake woman! That’s not on, and also not the way to get the promotion (which doesn’t exist anyway).


Laughing at Vicky

Which is easy to do at the best of times, but her having to climb in through the kitchen window to ask her Gardeners’ Question Time question on Monday is particular gold.

[Lilian] “ … she ran back into the hall red as a lobster with hair like Ken Dodd’s”

[Jolene] “A good job she don’t do dignity, our Vicky”

Lilian becomes Jolene’s dealer

[Lilian] “If you got any closer to me and my ciggie Jolene there’d be rumours!”

Lilian’s outside The Bull having a fag – Jolene’s passively smoking it.

Jolene really isn’t having an easy time trying to quit smoking. Probably because it wasn’t her decision in the first place.

[Lilian] “I don’t why anyone bothers to try …”

Lilian gives Jolene one of her cigarettes (ready to snatch it from Jolene and pretend she’s smoking it), then gives her a nearly full packet to keep in her handbag,

[Lilian] “It’s just for emergencies, Jolene. If you’ve got some ciggies to hand, you won’t feel like you’re being deprived of a guilty pleasure, so you won’t feel the need to smoke as often”

[Jolene] “Yeah, I think that makes sense”

[Lilian] “Course it does, darling”

And if you’re a smoker/have quit smoking, that’ll also make perfect sense to you as well.

Though as a way to quit? Mais non.

Wonder how Jolene’s going to sneak any cigarettes in while she’s with Kenton in Monte Carlo? She’s just be miserable the whole time if she can’t …



A repeat of the decapitated pigeon …

Lynda’s telling Peggy that she’s found another smashed Peregrine egg.

Which Lynda is most upset about.

But, from the behaviour of the Peregrine parents, it would seem that they still have eggs to hatch.

(I still think human hands are at play. Eggs don’t just smash themselves, and to have two eggs topple out of the nest would be very bad parenting. “To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.” Oscar Wilde)

[Peggy – not a fan of the Peregrines and their dietary habits] “I hope we won’t have a repeat of the decapitated pigeon episode”

[Lynda] “Ah, nature is as red in tooth and claw, as Tennyson would have it. We rural dwellers must accept that that’s how it is”

It’s okay, Lynda has buns

Peggy is a bit surprised that the is book club happening on Good Friday – but it’s okay, Lynda has buns. Easter ones, that is.



Fun for all the family

Seemingly Lynda’s Parish Council election leaflet is very full of information.

[Lynda to Peggy] “Shall I give you more, to give to family and friends?”

Peggy declines. How strange.



Mention of Harry

He hasn’t been heard or spoken about in a wee while – where’s Harry?

Fallon mentioned he would be helping out with games at The Bull for Easter, and today:

[Peggy to Lynda] “Are you emailing, or Twittering, or whatever Harry calls it?”

But where is he?

Has Jazzer buried him under the patio?

(which would be hard, as they live in a flat).

The Archers Tuesday 12th April 2011: Caroline and Jill ... bitchy!

click the 'read more' link below the bullet points to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Elizabeth says she feels bad about Caroline (twice)
• Kenton can do no right by Jill
• Low energy grass
• Peregrines just changed their view
• Lynda has bad news for Jill
• Surely non-gardeners need to ask more questions?
• “You must feel I repaid your kindness very badly”

Elizabeth says she feels bad about Caroline (twice)

But it’s all a bit hollow, considering she’s going ahead with poaching Roy anyhoo.

Talking to Jill about how Roy has to give a month’s notice, Jill’s a bit worried that having to wait until May will leave Elizabeth with too much on her hands during Easter.

[Elizabeth] “He can hardly leave Caroline in the lurch”

*Lynda-type-sniff*

Cheek of the woman!

It doesn’t really matter when Roy leaves Grey Gables – he’s still leaving Caroline in a tricky position.

I’m not saying Roy is to blame – why shouldn’t he take the chance of a better job – but Elizabeth really is a selfish madam.

She could have hired a new manager, but no. She has to poach the member of staff that Caroline had loaned to her in her hour of need.

So Elizabeth saying that she feels bad about Caroline doesn’t really mean much. Even though she did say it twice.



Kenton can do no right by Jill

Whereas Jill gives every excuse to Elizabeth, she really has nothing good to say about Kenton.

With a mum like that, Kenton has no need for enemies.

Jill’s not impressed that Kenton is taking Jolene to Monte Carlo over Easter.

[Jill] “So thoughtless. Typical Kenton.”

[Elizabeth] “You’re being very hard on him … He choose Easter deliberately”

Where Jill sees Kenton only doing his best to make trouble for everyone else (by taking Jolene away over a busy time at The Bull), Elizabeth reasons that he did it on purpose. Easter was a time when Sid and Jolene went all out – so Jolene will be sad to remember that Sid’s not there anymore (to wear the bunny suit, amongst other things).

Jill seems determined to believe that Kenton will just end up hurting Jolene.

She’s not even impressed by Kenton encouraging Jolene to quit smoking.

[Jill] “Let’s hope that lasts, even if their relationship doesn’t”

Meow!

(I’m not very impressed with Kenton over the smoking *draws a deep drag on my cigarette*)


Low energy grass

Is what Brookfield has, due to the severe winter. It’s resulting in a low milk yield.

As Ruth announces the statistics, David gets very defensive.

But she isn’t blaming him. She was just saying.



Peregrines just changed their view

Lynda’s chirpy, as she’s found the Peregrines. They’d just moved to on another part of the church roof.

Hopefully that will mean a safer spot for their eggs.

Unless there was a human hand in their previous eggs’ demise (???).



Lynda has bad news for Jill

She can’t help with the catering for Gardeners’ Question Time.

Expecting Jill to be quite put out, Lynda’s irritated that Jill is actually quite glad of one less catering bod.

[Jill] “Far too many cooks, who are certainly in danger of spoiling the broth”

Even Lynda revealing that the reason she can’t cater is that because she’s been included in a “feature on lawns” by Gardeners’ Question Time doesn’t get a rise pout of Jill.

She really couldn’t give a hoot.

But questions for Gardeners’ Question Time are another matter …



Surely non-gardeners need to ask more questions?

[Lynda] “These non-gardeners, I hope they aren’t any questions. That wouldn’t be fair”

Eh?

Seems those who consider themselves ‘gardeners’ are against ‘non-gardeners’ getting a look in at Gardeners’ Question time.

And it would seem that ‘gardeners’ also won’t share what their question is, in case anyone steals it.

Or is it just Jill being precious, in refusing to tell Lynda?

(Jill was very odd today. Very odd indeed).


“You must feel I repaid your kindness very badly”

No sh*t Sherlock!

Elizabeth is at least big enough to apologise to Caroline in person.

She’s also lucky that Caroline is quite “gracious” towards her.

[Caroline] “We’re both business women. We can be professional about this”

But, while letting Elizabeth off of the hook, Caroline turns her fury onto Lynda. Who arrives with the coffee, which is late, so gets a telling off. Even though it’s not Lynda’s job to serve coffee.

Oh dear Caroline. You really don’t want to talk to Lynda like that, and make her so sniffy …

The Archers Friday 1st April 2011:Gardeners’ Question Time Confirmed!

click the 'read more' link below the bullet points to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Jim’s got the committee sorted
• Poor Peregrines
• Eddie and Joe to get their comeuppance?
• April Fool!
• Elizabeth makes Roy the offer
• Crisps and tea make Jamie a happy chappy
• Kathy loses the plot (yet again)

Jim’s got the committee sorted

So not to panic. All shall be well when Gardeners’ Question Time comes to Ambridge.

Seemingly the questions are only chosen on the day, but Jim’s starting a committee to make sure the questions are appropriate.


Poor Peregrines

Despite the marvellous news about Gardeners’ Question Time, Lynda isn’t having a good morning.

She’s found eggs on the Path, which she got Patrick to check – and they are the Peregrines. Now there’s no sign of the “parents”.

Will they return?

Was this just an act of nature, or was there a human hand involved?

Either way, Lynda isn’t going to let the Peregrines move out without a fight!


Eddie and Joe to get their comeuppance?

They will, if Jim has his way.

His plan is for Clarrie to get herself invited elsewhere, and invite Eddie and Joe over his on Sunday.

[Jim] “They’re assuming,, as I’m no churchgoer, that I’m on their side …”

That’s the thing with Ambridge. You can always trust your mates – unless you try and be uncharitable (and nasty to Clarrie) during Lent.


April Fool!

Ah – all now becomes clear, but I really don’t think much of Jim’s April Fool joke.

For first thing – it didn’t happen on April Fool. He started it well before, only revealing that it was a joke on 1st April.

And it wasn’t very funny. I’m completely onside with Lynda with that.

Jim was somewhat abashed to hear Lynda say that she’d started reading Ovid’s Metamorphoses.

[Jim] “April Fool! … you surely didn’t think I was serious?”

[Lynda] “Well why not! With your background, why wouldn’t I?”

[Jim] “Oh come on Lynda, a mock epic text for a village book group I thought you’d see through it straight away”

Mais non! Even Richard Thwaite has starting tackling the rather meaty tome.

[Jim] “where is your sense of humour?”

[Lynda] “*sniff*”

Oops. I don’t think Jim full appreciates what *that* sniff means …

Anyhoo – Jim has actually chosen The Ghost by Robert Harris.

Which should be far more palatable for all concerned. Even if they aren’t now talking to Jim …


Elizabeth makes Roy the offer

Telling Roy to go home early, and how amazing he’s been, Elizabeth then makes her play for her man:

[Elizabeth] “I’ve been wondering, Roy, have you ever considered leaving Grey Gables… would you consider it?”

On later talking it through with Hayley, Roy is surprised, flattered and excited by the prospect of working at Lower Loxley – but he also feels great loyalty to Caroline and Oliver.

[Roy] “Caroline gave me a start .. .she taught me all I know”

[Hayley] “Business is business”

Roy is worried that if he does go for the new job, he’d feel odd then seeing Caroline and Oliver around. Well, Oliver isn’t one to be worried about – he hasn’t been seen in ages!

As Roy and Hayley chat it through, it looks like Lower Loxley is a good option for them. A pay rise, and they’d both be working in the same place (though I’d have thought that would be a mark against it!).

I think Roy, if left to himself, would stay at Grey Gables as that’s both the easier and nicer option . But with Hayley around – it looks likely he’ll make the choice that’s better for him and his family.

Regardless of how uncomfortable he’ll be out and about in Ambridge for a while.


Crisps and tea make Jamie a happy chappy

Jamie sounded absolutely delighted when Jolene first told him to help himself to crisps, and over the moon when she asked him to stay for tea.

Aren’t teenagers odd?

Kathy more or less gets food flung back at her – but Jolene can now do no wrong.

To be young and completely unfathomable and unreasonable.


Kathy loses the plot (yet again)

Arriving home to find no Jamie, Kathy calls him.

And goes a tad OTT when she realised he’s at The Bull.

She rushes over there, makes Jamie go out to the car, while she has a go at Jolene.

[Kathy] “I can do without you trying to undermine me. Wheedling him away down here all the time …”

Kathy is trying to make out that she’s wants to keep Jamie away from The Bull, so that he focuses on his studying.

She doesn’t realise that (a) Jamie chose to go to The Bull and (b) Jamie studies, when at The Bull.

And Jolene did tell Jamie to text Kathy to let her know where he was.

[Kathy] “I know what you’re up to, And I’ve had enough. Jamie is my son, not yours!”

[Jolene] “Excuse me, in case you’ve forgotten, he’s Sid’s son as well, which make him my stepson. If you think I’m going to let go of that relationship, you’re wrong … you say you’re trying to keep him on the right track, well so am I “

[Kathy] “Oh how very noble of you. And I suppose Kenton’s right behind you!”

[Jolene] “Look, can we leave Kenton out of this”

[Kathy] “Well hardly, as you seem to have brought him very much into it to play happy families … you trying to take the moral high ground now … you just can’t stop himself can you, you want the whole lot. Getting the whole village to feel sorry for you while you mope over Sid, while at the same time throwing … you haven’t changed. Well I don’t want my son around someone with the morals of an alley cat”

(meow!)

Storming back out, Jamie’s in the car (listening to Lady Gaga, no less), and also has a go at Kathy. He’s just not accepting that she’s angry with Jolene because Jolene has been ‘going behind’ her back.

Well – she hasn’t. Not this time.

[Jamie] “The point is you just don’t get it, and you never will. Cause you just can’t see what you do to people. Ask yourself, mum, why would I prefer to be at The Bull … haven’t you noticed, dad preferred being with Jolene, Kenton prefers being with Jolene and you know what, I do too”

OOOOH – that was painful to listen to.

Kathy shouts after Jamie, but he’s back off to The Bull. She tries to call him, and leaves a message saying that she’s sorry.

Oh dear.

Has Kathy lost yet another man to Jolene?

The Archers Monday 28th March 2011: Jolene’s a go-go

• Christine has a dental appointment
• Matt Crawford: a keen Gardners’ Question Time listener
• Jim likes Shula
• Kathy’s a clype!
• The Peregrines have Lynda to watch over them
• Jim has chosen the next Book Club book
• Clarrie has a plan
• Shower Scene ahoy!

CLICK THE 'READ MORE' LINK BELOW THE BULLET POINTS TO READ THE FULL POST ON THIS EAVESDROPPING EPISODE

Christine has a dental appointment

Which means it’s up to Jim and Lynda to show the engineer from Gardners Question time round the village hall.

[Jim] “He’ll sound out the hall, literally”

And Pete (the engineer chap) was seemingly quite impressed with the hall.

(The tension, it does mount …)



Matt Crawford: a keen Gardners’ Question Time listener

Who’d have thunk it!

Despite Matt seeming to turn back to his bad old ways after coming out of Prison (lying to Lilian, scheming etc), one thing has changed.

He has found a love for horticulture.

[Jim] “Would you have Matt Crawford down as someone keen to get his hands on tickers for Gardners’ Question time?”

Mais non!

But he did do a lot of gardening on the inside (wonder if he managed to get roses to grow? The Prisoner Cell Block H ladies seemed to do quite well).



Jim likes Shula

And all it took was Nigel to die.

[Jim] “Shula’s strength and character have really come to the fore over the last few months. She’s been quite splendid”

Kathy’s a clype!

Clarrie was already too aware that Joe and Eddie had been up to culinary mischief on Sunday, but Kathy told her all.

[Clarrie] “They says all furtive like, that they had to go down the field”

So not content with almost being caught, Eddie and Joe had later stole off to collect their dinner from the shed and the van, then took it round Fat Paul’s to eat.

Cheeky!

Clarrie also found a dirty carving knife in a drawer, on top of her clean towels. So she didn’t really need Kathy to say anything.

[Clarrie] “Stood over them until they told me the whole story … I’m that ashamed of them, Jolene …Kathy though it was funny. But no, they need teaching a lesson”

Cripes. Clarrie does sound proper angry this time!




The Peregrines have Lynda to watch over them

They’re back, and it looks like Lynda reckons they have eggs.

She’ll keep them safe from those church goers (a bit of bird poop never did hurt anyone).




Jim has chosen the next Book Club book

And there was no great surprise what sort he went for.

Lynda though he might be reasonable and plump for one of his ‘Roman Detectives’:

[Lynda] “One doesn’t want anything too challenging for the likes of Joe Grundy”

But alas … Jim started waffling on about some roman folks I’d never heard of, and how the book should be:

[Jim] “A work with a far higher purpose.”

Hmmm.

So Jim’s choice is:

[Jim] “Ovid’s Metamorphoses … 15 books … I shall select a couple and let people know … it’s not as if I expect people to read it in the original”

*sigh*

Even Lynda was hard pushed to explain to Clarrie what the book was about. She started grasping at ‘something to do with changing … shape shifting’ and the like.

[Clarrie] “Maybe reading that will change him (Joe) into something I don’t have to be ashamed of”

Boy! Clarrie really isn’t going to let Eddie and Joe off lightly this time. No indeed not.


Clarrie has a plan

She’s going to set Jim on Eddie and Joe.

[Clarrie] “But this is bad, Lynda, even for Joe and Eddie”

(on Jim saying he thought their plan to get their Sunday dinner was ingenious)

[Lynda] “Ingenious! It’s downright deceitful”

So Clarrie decides that Jim needs to sort Joe out, as Joe actually listens to him.

Worth a try, I suppose.

But what about Eddie? Who on earth will he listen to?


Show Scene ahoy!

Kenton and Jolene are meant to be taking it slow, but are quite clearly very (very) attracted to each other.

Have a small mope that they won’t see much of each other over the next few days due to Nigel’s inquest (amongst other things), Kenton admits he loves being with Jolene all of the time.

[Kenton] “The phone is not the same as holding you … I know we said we’d take things slowly … but when I’m around you, I’m finding it really difficult”

(“No!”, I thought to myself “is he talking about adult liaisons???”)

[Kenton] “If, or when, you feel ready to mo9ve things on. Just say.”

(“Yes … they are talking about shagging!”)

And just as Kenton is about to leave:

[Jolene] “Oh, um, Kenton … I’m ready”

Cripes! Lock your children away from the radio … it’s about to get steamy.

The Archers Tues 8th Mar 2011: Pancake day at The Bull

• How dirty was Eddie’s van?
• Jolene – she says ‘no’!
• Widow Hawkins
• Lent 2011
• Joe waxing lyrical
• Matt reckons pancakes and pleasure don’t mix
• Lillian’s off out with Eddie
• Fallon spots it a mile off

How dirty was Eddie’s van?

Quite very much so, if him sweeping it out was enough to cause Clarrie alarm about the mess he was making outside the front of their house.




Jolene – she says ‘no’!

[Jolene] “No – I’m so sorry … I should have let you know … I ain't selling at all. I want to keep going here”

[Lilian] “Don’t apologise darling … that’s wonderful news … I’d much rather we’d kept our pub”

So there it is.

The Bull is saved.

Well, it will be, if the locals also now spend more time and money in there.

Kenton must be an amazing kisser.

With one kiss, he’s pick Jolene up from her low ebb, and has made her feel more positive about the future.

At last – we have found a real use for My Kenton Archer’s talents! Just imagine what he’ll achieve when he and Jolene get really intimate.


Widow Hawkins

[Joe] “Widow Hawkins … you’d die of thirst before she ever worked out the use of the kettle”

Joe also advises that one provides one’s own sandwiches, flask and oxygen when doing a job for Widow Hawkins.

(the oxygen is so that she doesn’t ask for a discount for you breathing hers)


Lent 2011

No tents for Alan this year – he’s squarely put the sacrifices back onto his parishioners.

[Joe] “It’s the vicar done this to her, I reckon. Got her cooking with a mean hand”

Clarrie’s signed up for the Lent appeal, which (Joe reckons) means bread, cheese and soup right through lent, and giving any money you’ve saved by eating so sparingly to the vicar.

[Eddie] “Well, if it makes her happy”

[Joe] “It ain't just her, Eddie. She’s signed you and me up as well”

[Eddie] “Eh? Oh flipping eck!”

Ah, queue much hilarity in the Grundy household over sneaky food treats.


Joe waxing lyrical

Joe reckons his grandfather used to say:

[Joe] “Peregrines is the souls of them who’ve been lost on the mountains”

Such poetry.

Why didn’t such sensitivity carry through the Grundy generations?



Matt reckons pancakes and pleasure don’t mix

Each to their own.

But when do pancakes become serious?


Lillian’s off out with Eddie

And the rest of the Grundy clan to the racing for Eddie’s birthday.

So Tony is no fun – but Lillian’s a goer.

Actually, I quite agree.



Fallon spots it a mile off

Jolene has to tell Fallon all about her and Kenton, as Fallon had picked up on a bit of an intimate atmosphere.

Fallon thinks it’s too soon for Jolene to be seeing Kenton.

[Fallon] “You’re still so raw. I just don’t want to see you hurt”

[Jolene] “That’s always a risk, isn’t it. But, I don’t think it’s much of a one with Kenton. What you see is what you get with him. A funny, sweet guy who is helping me feel good about myself again”

[Fallon, without much conviction] “Well that’s … great”

Jolene quite rightly pointed out that Kenton didn’t have it easy with Kathy, so is probably just as vulnerable as Jolene is.

[Fallon] “But it does make a difference. I actually enjoyed myself again tonight …serving, chatting to the punters … I felt like me again”

Hurrah!

But does Fallon have a point?

Does Jolene know what she’s doing?

Does Kenton?

The Archers Tues 1st Mar 2011: Kenton and Jolene Declare!

• Blood and feathers on the churchyard wall
• George wants a red racing car, not a baby
• Music clubs and currywurst
• It’s not lack of sleep that’s making Helen yawn
• Is Emma just thick?
• Helen’s back to DVDs and being stubborn
• Hurrah! Happiness in Ambridge!!!!

Blood and feathers on the churchyard wall

That really should be a The Smiths song title.

It would seem the Peregrines are back – which Lynda is delighted about, but Emma doesn’t like. The sight of “lumps of dead bird” doesn’t take her fancy at all.


George wants a red racing car, not a baby

Quite right mate.



Music clubs and currywurst

Was the sum total of Tom and Brenda’s trip to Berlin.

That sounds a bit of alright.

Please don’t tell me I’m getting as dull as those two …



It’s not lack of sleep that’s making Helen yawn

And it’s not The Bull chucking out time (though that both the pub and the village shop are keeping Helen awake adds up to Helen moving home soon, I reckon).

It’s Helen boring herself.

As all new mums do, she’s entranced by the sight of her baby sneezing. And thinks it makes for good general chat.

Mais non!

Lucky it was just the proud grandmum Pat she was talking to. Not sure if Kirsty would be coping with another round of mumstalk

But beware Helen … even Thatcher didn’t manage to function on less than 5 hours …




Is Emma just thick?

She certainly isn’t taking the hint from Clarrie that she’s unlikely to ever beat Nic in the favourite daughter-in-law stakes (unless she starts to genuinely care – rather than try to force herself to care).

Though I agree with Clarrie that Emma’s choice of names isn’t that great – it’s that she doesn’t know about the connotations of ‘Scarlett woman’ which also leads me to think she’s a tad thick.

Emma wants Sky or Charlie for a boy (she only mentioned Charlie after Clarrie said she liked Charles), and Scarlett for a girl.

After Scarlett Johansson – rather than Scarlett O’Hara (which Emma reckoned she’d just ‘forgotten’ about).

On Clarrie saying she thought it’d be a bad name because of the jokes the child would suffer in later life, Emma just didn’t get it.

[Emma] “What?”

[Clarrie] “Well it’s in the bible Emma – a Scarlett woman, well she’s no better than she ought to be”

Hmmm. One would have thought Emma would see herself in that description …

Anyway, Emma offers to help Clarrie with Eddie’s birthday picnic, but Nic has beaten her to it.

Emma will be fighting to get to cut Joe’s toenails next …


Helen’s back to DVDs and being stubborn

Helen reckons she’s going to properly slop out in front of a DVD (very Helen-like), and is refusing to move back home, even part-time, to make her life easier (very, very Helen-like).

But, she did also came out with:

[Helen] “You can’t expect the whole world to be quiet just because you have a baby”

Now that is very un-Helen like indeed. The world used to revolve round Helen. Now it’s Henry – Helen seems to have (sometimes) gained some perspective.


Hurrah! Happiness in Ambridge!!!!

Kenton goes round to Jolene to talk to her about The Bull.

I’ll leave (most of) the rest up to them:

[Kenton] “ …even if he’s going to rip anything out … turn it into flats?”

[Jolene] “I don’t know. I don’t care what Matt will do with it … what’s it matter to you?”

[Kenton] “ … Ambridge without The Bull, it’s unthinkable.”

[Jolene - sarcastically] “Fantastic. One less place to have a beer. That’s what’s bugging you … losing one of your locals”

[Kenton] “No it isn’t. I couldn’t give a damn about the pub. It’s … it’s you. I don’t want to see you go”

[Jolene - quietly] “You don’t want ,me to leave Ambridge?”

[Kenton] “No”

[Jolene] “Why not?”

[Kenton - softly] “Why do you think …?”

[Jolene] “I don’t know … I didn’t think it would make any difference to you”

(Kenton then tries to walk away from it, telling Jolene to forget it)

[Jolene] “I don’t get it, why did you pull the plug on me last week?”

[Kenton] “I didn’t want to. I had to … we were (getting on) much too well … the way that I feel about you. It isn’t … um, appropriate .. you’ve been depressed, you’re vulnerable, It’s totally wrong of me to care for you too much …”

[Jolene] “Don’t you think I should be judge of that?”

[Kenton, stunned] “What?”

[Jolene] “Hearts don’t work to a timetable, do they? I couldn’t work out why I was so mad with you last week … it really hurt. So I asked myself why. I realised … I have feelings an all”

[Kenton – even more stunned] “No!”

[Jolene] “Yes. You do mean it?”

(which is worth checking – it is Kenton …)

[Kenton] “Yes … I didn’t know what it was until I was talking to Kirsty …”

[Jolene] “Oh – the two of us! Ain't you meant to get wiser as you get older!”

Ah – that was a real grinning, breath of freshly buzzing air.

Marvellous!

Kenton and Jolene have agreed to take things slow – but could you also already hear the rather husky, racy tones of Jolene returning?

They were giggling like teenagers at the end. And Kenton asked Jolene out this Thursday – to which Jolene replied:

[Jolene] “oh yea, I’d really like that Kenton”

(and I somehow think they won’t be taking things too slow, or ‘just as friends’ for very long at all …)

The Archers Fri 29th Oct 2010: The Panto auditions

The Archers: the Odd Couple’s House meeting … it’s ‘no’ to the Peregrines … Eddie doesn’t want to be a rat …Nigel does want to be a Dame … Elizabeth just isn’t any fun at all

• Jazzer and Harry’s house meeting
• Lynda’s hoping for dead pigeons
• Panto *snort* moments #1
• “How come he gets to be the dame?”
• “I know who Van Helsing is … I just didn’t realise he looked like Nigel”
• “I’ve got more to worry about than your irrational hatred of Nathan booth”
• Does smoking out of the window count?
• The Panto cast (so far) #1

Jazzer and Harry’s house meeting

That seemed to go quite well.

£20 for the kitty, and Jazzer agrees to do a bit of cleaning.

Could this Odd Couple actually work out?

Later on, Jazzer even says to Harry, as he’s off out clubbing:

“Sweet dreams darling … don’t wait up”

(*snort*! He did say that sarcastically)


Panto *snort* moments #1

[Jazzer to Harry] “Off you, go trixi bell”

[Harry to Jazzer] “Titchy dwarf”

[Eddie on Sabrina being a cat] “Pussy galore?”

[Lynda in reply to the above] “No. .. Tom”

[Eddie, still on about Sabrina being a cat] “She can tickle your whiskers any day, eh Nigel!”

Lynda’s hoping for dead pigeons

It was a ‘no’ to the Peregrines, so Lynda is fuming and wishing dead matter falls on all the naysayers heads.

Ah that Lynda. You can always depend on her to be magnanimous in defeat.


“How come he gets to be the Dame?”

Poor Eddie.

He read for Idle Jack, but has ended up a Rat.

Well, Second rat.

Actually Rat Henchman Two.

With Nathan Booth as Rat Henchman One.

And Richard Thwaite as King Rat.

Eddie was desperately trying to get Nigel to give him the Dame part (but Nigel was increasingly quite taken with the idea … it sounded like he was even already planning some nice frocks).

Ah well.

It’s the taking part that counts.


“I know who Van Helsing is … I just didn’t realise he looked like Nigel”

Kenton’s making a real effort for The Bull’s Halloween party tomorrow. Which seems to involve wearing all of Nigel’s clothes in an effort to be Van Helsing.

Elizabeth seems quite bemused at Kenton and Nigel acting like two wee laddies setting off on guising.

Actually, when was the last time Elizabeth actually had any fun at all (apart from when Nigel goes all out to surprise her).

Does she ever just relax and enjoy?

Even her wee quip to Kenton sounded flat and a bit like nagging, when said by anyone else it would have been witty:

“When you do [go out with Nigel] … bring Nigel back in the realm of the living”

“I’ve got more to worry about than your irrational hatred of Nathan Booth”

[Eddie to Lynda] “It’s not irrational … you can ask anyone!”

[Lynda to Eddie] “I’m sure you and Nathan could come to an amicable working relationship”

Hmmm.

Lynda’s not listening to Eddie, and Eddie isn’t listening to Lynda.

“If you were such a great actor, Eddie, you’d be able to empathise”

I think you could both do with a bit of empathy Lynda.




Does smoking out of the window count?

Ah, that’s more like it.

Harry’s not amused that Jazzer has been smoking in the flat.

But Jazzer reckons he hasn’t been. As he was leaning out of the window at the time. And he was also doing it in his own room, which he pays for.

[Jazzer] “I’ve done everything else you wanted … I’ve sat through your meetings … paid for the kitty … even cleaned up”

And, Harry admitted that he couldn’t even smell the smoke. He’d noticed Jazzer hanging out of the window on his way back to the flat.

I’m with Jazzer on this one.



The Panto cast (so far) #1

Jill: fairy beau bells

Vicky: Mrs Fitzwarren

Sabrina: Whittington’s cat

Nigel: Sarah the Cook (The Dame)

Harry: Idle Jack

Richard Thwaite: King Rat

Nathan Booth: Rate Henchman 1

Eddie: Rat Henchman 2

Jim: The Imperial Majesty

(but still no Dick or Alice!)

The Archers Tues 26th Oct 2010: The Clash of the Titans (over Peregrines)

The Archers: Roll up for the Panto! … Ed and Vicky still not speaking … Vicky's a traitor ... Will's paranoid

• Nigel says yes, Mike says no, Ed says no on behalf of Emma
• “All in all, I’ve failed at everything”
• “I’m expecting Brian to be quite vociferous”
• Hey, there, psycho Will ..
• Odds on Amy delivering Helen and/or Emma’s babies?
• “I’ll have you out of your cabin, spitting teeth, before you know it”
• “Do partridges really live in pear trees?”

Nigel says yes, Mike says no, Ed says no on behalf of Emma

Yup, it’s most definitely Panto audition time again.

And there’s no escape this year, what with Lynda volunteering in the Village Shop.

Folks can’t move for Lynda strong arming them to be a donkey when they were just after a pint of milk.

(I know, there probably even isn’t a donkey in Dick Wittington…

Lynda is especially sad to hear that Mike won’t be auditioning:

“But he made such a superlative dame last time!”

*shudder*


“All in all, I’ve failed at everything”

As much as Vicky does irritate, I do believe her when she says she was only trying to contribute (in Mike’s business).

Neither her nor Ed are speaking to each other (a little unsold veal goes a long way indeed), but I don’t think Ed really noticed. He has other, more brutal, enemies to consider …

At least Lynda tried to cheer her up:

“You tried to improve the lot of those poor animals … one can’t always succeeded you know”

Quite right, but I must admit I fail to understand how keeping those bull calves to be killed for veal was any better than them being killed almost after birth.


“I’m expecting Brian to be quite vociferous”

So said Lynda prior to the meeting about the Peregrines, while asking Vicky to come along to support her.

Later on, Lynda wishes she’d never even mentioned her birds to Vicky

Sparring with Brian before even either of them put their case for (Lynda) or against (Brian) the Peregrine nesting platform, Lynda even put to boot into Will

“No need to wait [for Will] … we’re going to hear with his master’s voice anyway”

The argument in short:

Lynda:

“Should be honoured … wonderful species chosen Ambridge”

(on the aesthetic impact) “nesting platform will be crafted and entirely removable”

(on bits of dead things falling on churchgoers bonnets) “It will be on the east side of the tower”

“Two peregrines aren’t going to make the difference”

Brian

(who generally stressed the importance of the village shoot – for jobs, other businesses, and nature. Fair enough, but don’t think those pheasants will agree)

“Profligate killers – don’t even eat all of their kill”

“What about the bird hide?” (and the birds at it)

Other folks also chipped in:

[Nigel] “ Instead of seeing them as a threat … creating balance in the ecosystem”

[Nigel] “Peregrines take their prey in flight” (so are little danger to the shoot birds)

[Vicky] “I have a pole feeder”

(*chuckle*)

[Vicky] “What about the birds in my garden – will they be killed as well?”

(*glare* just listen properly, Vicky)

In the end, it was hard to tell exactly who won the argument:

[Brian] “I’m not suggesting should be shot out of the sky …”

[Lynda] “ … unlike your pheasants”

[Lynda] “You’re protecting your assets”

[Brian] “And in the process doing a great deal to support the nature environment … contribution the shoot makes to biodiversity”

Lynda certainly didn’t feel she’d won over Brian, and felt quite betrayed by Vicky’s turncoat from supporter to opponent.

Lynda didn’t even want to walk home with Vicky. Fancy that.


Hey, there, psycho Will …

… revving up the lane to scare Ed’s cows

(sing the above to “Georgy Girl” by The Seekers)

Oh that Will is just beyond the joke now.

Unless Ed was being as cheeky as Will thinks (which I don’t think he was), Will is super aggressive, super angry and supper paranoid.

Would Ed really have let the cows into the lane because he saw Will driving up?

Would Ed really care whether he made Will late/have to wait?

[Ed] “get over yourself …you’re a joke … grow up”

[Will] “I ain't got time for you and your childish games”

It’s all in your mind, Will.

All in that rather terrifyingly furious mind.

Odds on Amy delivering Helen and/or Emma’s babies?

According to Alan, Amy has applied for a midwife job at Felpersham General’s Women’s unit.

I reckon she’ll either deliver one, both, or will be on-hand for a fraught unplanned home birth.


“I’ll have you out of your cabin, spitting teeth, before you know it”

Will’s behaviour most definitely did not go unchecked by Ed.

“Don’t. You. Ever. Do. That. Again”

After meeting Will’s aggression with aggression, Ed actually manages to get Will to back down.

But then pushes beyond his advantage when I think he should have walked away.

That last dig will only have only made Will more determined to get even more revenge …


“Do partridges really live in pear trees?”

Ah Vicky.

You are a bit annoying.

But you can be quite funny (on purpose) sometimes.

Just make try and not wind up Will about Ed and Emma having a baby.

I really don’t think he cares who he hits …

The Archers Mon 25th Oct 2010: Alice at Felpersham?

The Archers: Brian has to deal with Lilian and Kate … Pip’s buying a dress … Alice has plans

• Brian is grumping about Lilian
• Kate and Hayley have come to an arrangement
• Poor Ruari didn’t get to Apple Day
• “Can’t you just give me the money”
• Only 10 tickets left
• Pip off to Uni
• Ruth has a stubborn cow
• “Well I never … my daughter … a master of engineering”
• The great debate

Brian is grumping about Lilian

And she hasn’t even done anything wrong.

All Lilian is doing is trying to make sure she’s properly informed for the new mart business.

Now that’s not the attitude to start with, Mr Aldridge!


Kate and Hayley have come to an arrangement

When did that happen?

I’ll bet Roy is a happy man.


Poor Rurai didn’t get to Apple Day

How very dare Kate not take Ruari to Apple Day at Lower Loxely. Especially after all that fuss she made about Jennifer not letting Ruari stay up for Harvest Supper.

[Jennifer] “As if she ever listens”

Hmmm. As if you ever tell her outright, Jennifer.


“Can’t you just give me the money”

Well, it must happen to all mums.

Their teenage kid doesn’t want to be seen shopping with them (or at all in public).

Jamie’s being his usual ‘whatever’ self, but Kathy doesn’t seem to get the hint.

The poor lad is dragged round the shops, regardless that he’s blatantly unhappy to do so.

Kathy’s also now trying to keep Jamie close by letting him invite his mates over (which can only end up in a burnt carpet and vomit).

As much as Jamie has been a wee toe rag, Kathy just needs to back off.

He really doesn’t need a ‘cool’ mum. He just needs a clip round the ear.


Only 10 tickets left

Phew! I was worried about Pip and her dinner dance.

But all now seems well.

Apart from Ruth badgering Pip about who she’s going to the dance with.

Seemingly no-one, now that Izzy has snatched up Matthew.


Pip off to Uni

So what do we think – will Pip eventually choose Felpersham, or will she branch out and go away for a few years?


Ruth has a stubborn cow

And seemingly Izzy’s boyfriend Gary is a bit boring (which is why she’s off with Matthew).



“Well I never … my daughter … a master of engineering”

so says Jennifer

“a master of science, actually”

so corrected Brian.

Alice is thinking about doing a masters, but might decide to do it at Felpersham.

Jennifer is horrified:

“ … ending up on a substandard course … at this time in her life, Alice should be aiming for the best”

I think I actually agree with Jennifer. Brian’s right that it’s good that Alice is planning for her future, but should she be settling for second best because of her marriage?

At least she’s planning ahead


The great debate …

… falcons or not

“Alice has to sort out her future – I’ve got to face down Lynda Snell”

I know what I’d rather do!