Adam and Jamie accept their fate (separately, of course): Thurs 16.08.12

The Archers Thursday 16th August 2012

• Kathy’s on about Rosa again
• Brian and Adam shake on it
• The exam results ‘rave’
• Jamie’s not going to Uni
• Rosa finally gets her man …

Kathy’s on about Rosa again

Quite bizarre.

But at least this time she’s calling Rosa “cool” to her face.

Rosa’s new scooter really has turned Kathy’s head.

Anyhoo.

Kathy happens to mention that Natalie is having the exam results party.

At that, Rosa’s speeding off on her 50cc, at 30 miles an hour.


Brian and Adam shake on it

Brian tells Adam that he’s stopped the Farm Manager recruitment advert from going in again next week.

[Adam] “Okay, so …”

[Brian] “For now. And I’m really hoping I don’t have to again, but I'm still waiting for that commitment from you.”

And Brian wants that commitment before the pickers party at Home Farm.

[Brian] “Your mother’s putting so much love and care into the celebrations … it’s a family celebration to … this time a week ago, she was terrified you’d be leaving the farm going to goodness knows where … she’d be very upset if it unravel again.”

[Adam] “What more do you want of me, exactly … how about this, I'll stay on, and I’ll be fully committed to running the whole of the arable business, including supplying the dairy.”

It’s exactly what Brian needed to hear. And Adam sounds like he’s also convinced himself as well. He’s going all into this, as there’s no point being half hearted, and he’s promised not to moan.

[Adam] “I’ll do all I can to make to work for us, and that’s a promise.”

[Brian] “Thanks Adam, I know that can’t have been easy for you.”

And they shake on it. Adam keeps his job (at the price of his ethics), Brian gets his preferred Farm manager (at no extra cost at all!).

[Brian] “This may not always seem obvious to you, but keeping the family together means just as much to me as it does to your mother.”

Well, none of us really believe that one, Brian.


The exam results ‘rave’

(well, it was a party. Just that. A normal party. No rave intended …)

Natalie sounds tiddly from the off. She’s on the vodka. Well, she needs to celebrate. She got four As!

[Rosa] “She’s really going for it tonight isn’t she, I didn’t know she was such a party girl.”

Jamie’s not going to Uni

Jamie didn’t phone Kathy to tell her what he’d got. She had to leave a begging message.

He’d earlier told Rosa that he got one A, couple of B, and a C. Which he was worried about telling Kathy about. Those grades sounded fine to me.

But when Jamie gets home, he tells Kathy the truth. He got two Cs, a D and an E.

[Jamie] “They're rubbish grades, I totally mucked it.”

Kathy’s shocked, but manages to pull it together to say that at least he still has his A2s to do (whatever they are). He can still get to Uni.

[Jamie] “Uni? And end up with a 40 grand overdraft. Why?”

[Kathy] “You know why. To give yourself a decent start in life.”

But Jamie doesn’t agree. He’s not going to sit anymore exams. He’s not going back to College. And he’s most definitely not going to Uni.

Well, Mike is looking for a milkman …


Rosa finally gets her man …

Rosa crashes Natalie’s party, and makes a beeline for Jamie. She even gives him a go on her new scooter.

[Rosa] “If you’re really good, maybe I’ll give you another ride sometime.”

Rosa’s an odd one. She fancies Jamie, so she starts talking to him about his girlfriend:

[Rosa] “She’s got so much going for her. She’s cool, and she’s clever and she’s attractive. And she’s got you.”

Rosa than makes Jamie come up close to her so that she can ‘sort his hair’. It sounds like Rosa is just about to kiss him when Natalie catches sight …

[Natalie] “I saw you Jamie … shut up you tramp, what are you doing here anyway. It’s my party! … Don’t touch me, there’s nothing you can say to me now. I just want you to go away. Hear me, go on, now … we’re finished Jamie. It’s over.”

Oops.

If that’s what Rosa wanted to happen, job done!

The day of the youth cricket match*: Tues 17.07.12

(*apologies to all cricket fans. I'm guaranteed to have got some of the detail wrong!)

The Archers Tuesday 17th July 2012

• Kenton’s aiding and abetting
• Jamie’s being cocky …
• … and is a “champion welly wanger.”
• Rosa REALLY likes Jamie
• That mini bus said it all
• Elizabeth visits David
• Jamie didn’t do well
• Lucy didn’t do well
• Jamie really is a shockingly bad sportsman
• Why can’t women play cricket?

Kenton’s aiding and abetting

Quite literally.

He’s taken a bet off of Jamie for today’s cricket match between Ambridge’s girls (with boys in the team) against St Mags.

Naughty.


Jamie’s being cocky

[Natalie] “Let’s not make out it’s going to be easy … it wouldn’t look great, would it, being beaten by females.”

[Jamie, firmly] “It’s not going to happen … I’m just the best.”

… and is a “champion welly wanger.”

[Natalie] “I wouldn’t say that out loud!”

Natalie wants them to practise for the Fete games, and take it seriously.

Though Jamie is confident not only about the welly wanging. He also reckons the caterpillar race will be easy enough as well.

He once did ten laps at a party!


Rosa REALLY likes Jamie

She turns up at the cricket match.

[Natalie] “Oh no!”

[Jamie] “She’s come to support us, what’s the problem?”

Um, that Rosa is a bit of a stalker? And openly flirts with you in front of your girlfriend.


That mini bus said it all

Natalie was startled that St Mags even had their own mini bus.

The dye was cast …


Elizabeth visits David

[Elizabeth] “Hello David. How are you?”

What a shocker! Elizabeth visiting David. Blimey.

Elizabeth was horrified at the mess the fire had made. It was even hot enough to have bent solid steel poles.

David told Elizabeth that Keith has been taken in, but released.

[Elizabeth] “Not another Clive, surely?”

(mind Clive burnt down Christine and George’s – while Christine and Jill were in there. David saved them)

[David] “It’s the idea that there’s someone out there,. Deliberately trying to hurt my children … it’s that’s the effect,. What the difference. It’s exactly the same outcome.”

Elizabeth offers for Josh and Ben to stay at Lower Loxley. David appreciates but politely declines. He wants his family to stay together.

(not necessarily the best thing for him to say to Elizabeth, considering …).

[Elizabeth] “David, what your doing can’t be easy. There must be a part of you who wants to walk away … don’t give up. One thing I’ve found when terrible things happen it’s best to carry on”

[David] “It gets better over time?”

[Elizabeth] “So I’m told”

Looks like that cold front is defrosting.


Jamie didn’t do well

Natalie’s not impressed with Jamie’s turn on the pitch. She thinks he’s taking too many risks.

Rosa does not concur.

[Rosa] “He just goes out there and enjoys himself. That’ the way to play cricket … I only know there’s too many old plodders in the Ambridge cricket team. They should get fined for boring the audience.”

[Natalie] “Crowd. It’s called a  crowd … you’ve got to understand the game to appreciate it.”

After Jamie’s reckless does get him out:

[Natalie] “He only got a seven.”

[Rosa] “What a seven though!”

[Jamie] “She had her elbow bent … she never bowled it, she chucked it.”

[Natalie] “You played a stupid shot and misjudged it.”

So Jamie’s a bad loser, then. Wouldn’t have guessed that from his pre-match arrogance!


Lucy didn’t do well

I’ve no idea who Lucy is, but she went out on the first ball.


Jamie really is a shockingly bad sportsman

It was Natalie’s turn:

[Jamie] “Watch out for the blonder one. She’s got a very suspect  delivery.”

[Rosa] “I don’t know what’s the matter with everything. It’s only a bunch of schoolgirls.”

[Jamie] “Who don’t even know the laws of cricket!”

[Alistair] “Jamie, let’s be a bit more sporting about it, shall we?”

Sounds like Natalie didn’t last long either.

[Jamie] “57 all out, how did that happen?”

(is that a bad score then?)

[Natalie] “Their spinners are unplayable … they had me fooled every time.”

Its St Mags’ turn to bat next.

When they got to 55:

[Rosa] “I hate to say this, but they’re going to do it. Come on Jamie!”

Jamie bowls a “bouncer”. Which seemingly isn’t a very nice thing to do.

[Alistair] “It’s not considered very sporting, not in a  game like this.”

Next bowl, the St Mags lass hits a cracker. Which Alistair reckons serves him right.

And St Mags win!

[Jamie] “We were rubbish … I could have done a lot better if I'd been allowed to do my normal thing.”

[Natalie] “So you need to resort to intimidation just because you’re being beaten.”

[Jamie] “It’s trying to win, what’s wrong with that?”

[Rosa] “Nothing at all. It’s better than being a loser.”

Oops.

Rosa may be good for Jamie’s ego, but he’d better tread carefully. Natalie doesn’t sound like a young lady to put up with any nonsense.


Why can’t women play cricket?

Despite losing, Natalie really enjoyed the match.

Knowing that it will be near impossible to get another match for the girls anytime soon, Natalie asks Alistair why the girls can’t be considered for the full Ambridge cricket team.

[Natalie] “Everyone just assumes it. The cricket team has to be male.”

Alistair agrees. He’s never been asked about women playing before. He’s going to raise it at their next AGM.

[Natalie] “Maybe it's time Ambridge cricket got itself into the 21st century.”

Well, I can think of a fair few male players (and female spectators) who won’t agree.

Especially Neil.

Imagine how he’ll feel to be dropped, then replaced by girls!

Emma won’t let Ed leave: Wed 27.06.12

The Archers Wednesday 27th June 2012

• Cricket for Women: the campaign gathers speed
• Clive was always bad
• The unhappy father of the bride
• The Brookfield clan to be split
• Ed’s not going anywhere

Cricket for Women: the campaign gathers speed

[Natalie] “The thing I can’t understand is why no one has made a fuss about it up til now … we can’t be the only girls in the county wanting to play cricket … it is the 21st century and it must be possible to find someone to play us, what morons runs this league anyway?!?”

Natalie’s having a right good rant, to a rather fed up Jamie. Alistair has tried to arrange a game for the female cricket players of Ambridge, but there is no other women’s ream in the county.

[Natalie] “Do they think that every woman in Ambridge just makes jam and has babies … we weren’t all born to make sponges … Jamie, are you even listening to me … don’t you think they should all be dragged into the 21st century?”

[Jamie] “Don’t you think we could forget about cricket, just for tonight and think about us?”

[Natalie] “It just makes me so mad!”

[Jamie] “Maybe you’re fighting a losing battle … you’ve got your hockey, that’s competitive enough for anyone.”

But – Jamie then unwittingly suggests a solutions. He mentions girls schools.

[Jamie] “So, can we forget about cricket and concentrate on us now?”

Mais non! His suggestion has Natalie scurrying back to Alistair to suggest he finds a girls school who plays cricket, to then play against the Ambridge Women’s Cricket team.

But it’s all for nowt. Alistair now thinks that Ambridge doesn’t have enough girls to make up a decent numbered team.

[Natalie] “It would be rubbish if the St Mags girls walked all over us.”

Jamie again unwittingly finds the solution. He suggests they make Natalie’s hickey mates “honorary” cricketers.

So again, instead of spending time with him. Natalie’s off to arrange.

Worse still, Natalie’s taken Jamie’s idea and twisted it:

[Natalie] “We’re actually doing it the other way round … we’re not giving honorary cricket status to some hockey girls … we’re giving honorary female status to some of you!”

Women get cricket by making the boys play with them.

That should be fun. And at least Jamie will get to spend more time with Natalie!


Clive was always bad

Talking to Emma, Keith reminisces about living at the family home as a kid.

He minds on when Gary broke his arm.

[Keith] “Clive’s fault, kept making him go higher … none of us used to stand up to Clive.”

Wonder if Clive will put in an unwelcome cameo appearance at Keith’s daughter’s wedding?


The unhappy father of the bride

[Keith] “I keep trying to escape the wedding of the year but the chaos keeps following me around.”

Seems Keith hankers for the good old days, when all you did was turn up and be married. Now it’s all butterflies and doves.

[Keith] “I’ve learnt to ask how much,. Not what for.”

But for all his grumbling, Keith sounds like a good dad, trying to make his daughter’s special day a very special one indeed.

He’s even bought a tiara for Emma’s Keira, which Emma was overjoyed to receive.


The Brookfield clan to be split

Ben and Josh to Heather’s (with Ruth dropping them off, and staying a few days).

Ruth off to Spencer’s.

So it’ll be David by himself for a bit.

Odd.

Does no one care about David?


Ed’s not going anywhere

Ed was also due to be away, at the same time that Ben, Josh, Pip and Ruth are away.

He’s booked into his badger vaccination course. Which is arranged and paid for, and which will pay Ed a nice wee wage once he’s up and running.

But he can see problems having to leave Emma and Keira. It’ll only be David nearby.

[Emma] “It’s all turning into something off the telly. It’s mad … Why didn’t they tell us sooner. It’s not very responsible of them.”

Ed tries to reason with Emma (brave chap!) that the gang are after David and his family. Not them and theirs.

But Emma doesn’t want Ed to go away.

[Emma] “Please … I really mean it, I’ll never be able to sleep.”

[Ed, hearing Emma very upset] “Okay.”

[Emma] “It’s either you stay here, or I go. That’s the long and short of it. If it’s not safe for Ruth and David’s kids, it’s not safe for ours either. Not without you in the house.”

This might just be me – but couldn’t Emma just go to Susan’s?

Or even move into Brookfield with the also solo David?

Ruth takes over as Alpha: Sun 24.06.12

The Archers Sunday 24^th June 2012

• David’s alpha skills are found lacking
• Hayley wants to redecorate
• Cricket for Women!
• Rosa’s still a Jamie fan
• Mother worried about her kids? Get out of the way!

David’s alpha skills are found lacking

Ruth has tried to give David time and space to consider what he’s going to do next.

Well, actually, she’s given him time to agree with her that he shouldn’t be testifying against the gang.

[David] “It’s not that simple.”

[Ruth] “Well it is to me.”

[David] “I can’t.”

[Ruth] “Or you won’t!”

[David] “It wasn’t an easy decision to make.”

[Ruth] “Sorry. Well how are we going to keep out children safe then. Tell me that!”

Later on, round 2:

[Ruth] “Pip’s too frightened to switch on her own phone, and Ben’s still having nightmares … neither of us are getting any sleep.”

[David] “Love, we’ll just have to take it one day at a time.”

But, as Ruth points out, it’ll take months, not days. The earliest David can expect to testify in court is September.

[Ruth] “The thing is, you’re doing this for Adam, right … and if you hadn’t found him, he might have died … me point is that you’ve done everything you could for him, he’s okay now, he’s back and work and moving on with his life … we’ve going to have to keep on living with the consequences …  all because you’re too pig headed and self-righteous to back down.”

David blows a fuse at that one, but can’t get a word in:

[Ruth] “And you won’t back down because of some stupid idiotic principle … I’m sick of it. You’re putting your principles above protecting our children.”

[David] “That is a ridiculous thing to say … can’t you see you are reacting exactly the way they want you to react … they’re cowards, Ruth, I can’t believe they’ll carry out any of their threats.”

But Ruth is quick (and right) to point out that the gang did hit Adam. So they’re not just talking empty threats.

David thinks being sensible, being careful, take precautions and the like will keep everyone safe. Their kids just need to adapt. Ruth can’t believe what she’s hearing – she knows that no matter what, David can’t promise that nothing bad will happen.

[Ruth] “Right that he can’t promise everything will come right!”

[David] “I need you on my side Ruth.”

[Ruth] “But I can’t be.”

[David] “I can’t fight you as well.”

[Ruth] “Well if you want to be a martyr to this cause, you go right ahead. That’s enough, you stand on your moral high   ground, and I hope you   enjoy the   view. You’ll be in your own.”

So mother’s right’s asserted as well as alpha’s. Ruth will phone the Police for advice, and do what she needs to do, and what David isn’t doing.

Hayley wants to redecorate

Phoebe is due home soon.

Hayley’s been hovering Phoebe’s room, and thinks it now looks too childish for her. She mentions to Roy she wants to do a makeover.

Roy thinks it’s a fine idea, but all Hayley had managed to achieve (by the end of the day) was to buy sandpaper and paintbrushes.

She couldn’t make her mind up about what Phoebe would like. Especially as she isn’t aiming just fir a repaint – she wants carpets, curtains, cushions … a whole new style.

[Roy] “This is our Phoebe we’re talking about, we’re not having the Queen to stay … she’ll just be happy to be home.”

But, Hayley’s worried Phoebe will have changed a lot in the last year. Phoebe’s favourite colour was pink, but what is it now?

[Roy] “If I were you, I’d get Vicky on it.”

Eh?

How will Vicky know more about decorating a room for a young lass?

And anyway – can we foresee problems with (a) Phoebe possibly being not even happy to be home and (b) rather furious that her parents have changed her room without her being involved?

Cricket for Women!

Natalie’s at nets with Jamie, admiring how good Chris is at cricket.

[Jamie] “What are you, the Gabby Logan of cricket?”

But that starts Natalie thinking.

[Natalie] “Every week. And we girls don’t get to play at all.”

[Jamie] “Good job. You might get better than us.”

[Natalie] “Might, we already are!”

I didn’t realise, but there isn’t an Ambridge women’s cricket team, or, in fact, one on the whole league.

Shocking! Even most football teams have a women’s version.

[Natalie] “When we started, it was just a bit of a laugh, joining in with you.”

So, Natalie wants a proper game for her and the young women, and she wants Jamie to ask Alistair to arrange it (eh? That’s not very liberated. Surely she could ask Alistair herself?!?)

Rosa’s still a Jamie fan

That he has a girlfriend doesn’t seem to matter. Rosa will stalk him even when Natalie is there.

[Natalie] “Uh oh. Your little groupie … quick behind the pavilion”

[Jamie] “About time. I’d never thought you’d ask!”

[Natalie] “I have to put up with her rabbiting away, and staring at your bum.”

Natalie does seem less controlling these days, but I hope neither she (nor Rosa) keep rabbits as pets.

Jamie’s just bemused by the attention.

[Jamie] “It is flattering, but I’m not quite Freddie Flintoff’s league. Yet.”

Mother worried about her kids? Get out of the way!

Ruth spoke with the Police. While they have sympathy, there’s nothing they can do. But, they suggest that they could move everyone at Brookfield to a safe house.

Though Ruth does agree with David that she and David can’t leave (they have a farm to run), she does want to move the kids out. And she’s not interested in what David may have to say about that.

[Ruth] “You don’t have a choice, not anymore.”

David wants them all to stay. He wants them together, where he can protect them.

[Ruth] “I’m not prepared to take the risk. It’s done. As soon as I can sort something out, they’ll be gone.”

Bit harsh on David, but looks like there's no point saying anything to Ruth at the moment!

Tom wants Rich in the family 14.02.12

The Archers Wednesday 14th March 2012

• Jamie and Natalie are back
• Youth Cricket
• Joe’s a cheeky gossip
• Helen’s sacking Brian
• Tony is brooding
• Amy has a boyfriend
• Tom does a u-turn

Jamie and Natalie are back

Still together, and shopping for tops for Natalie.

Credit to Jamie – he is very patient while she chooses between plain or stripy.


Youth Cricket

Jamie’s telling Natalie that Alistair has asked him again to play cricket for Ambridge.

[Jamie] “Do I really want to spent all my evening and weekends in the summer with a ,load of old blokes, when I could be with you?”

Natalie points out that he does like cricket, and that Sid would have been proud of him to do so.

(Natalie seems like a good ‘un again!)

Later, Jamie has a plan. He’s going to see if Ambridge can put on youth nights, so that the younger chaps can practice together away from the auld yins.

He’s especially thinking of his mate Marty.

Seems Marty is depressed. He’s having to repeat a year at school, and hasn’t made any pals.

[Natalie] “This all Steve’s fault. If Marty hadn’t looked up to that stupid dork in the first place!”

Joe’s a cheeky gossip

But hasn’t agreed to give it up for lent.

He told Chris about Jim and Vicky

[Chris] “Mike said he’d been ogling Vicky … and that he said she was fat”

Naughty Joe! That fall out should have finished when Joe made Jim and Mike shake.


Helen’s sacking Brian

Well, more ‘laying off’ than sacking. She reckons Pat will have more time next week to help her with the veg boxes, so Brian is surplus to requirements.



Tony is brooding

Having more time to sit and think, Tony tells Tom what he’s been pondering:

[Tony] “I sit here Tom, and I wonder what he’s doing, Rich. What’s he up to? … I knew I had to make it happen, and when we saw him in Leeds, John’s grin, John’s eyes, just that look about it … all she wanted, all I wanted to do, was hug him. Hug him tight and say I’m your granddad … I knew I had to be strong for her, to get her through it … I had to keep going, keep mum going … and now that’s it. We’ve had it. Had our contact. We might never see him again”

Amy has a boyfriend

Which knackers Alice’s (very odd) plan to match her up with a male model.

Seems Amy is seeing someone called Karl, who is a few years older, works in Felpersham and she doesn’t want to introduce him to anyone else as yet.

[Alice] “She doesn’t want to tempt fate …”

Or interfering mates like Alice!


Tom does a u-turn

After speaking to Tony, Tom sits down with Helen:

[Tom] “He suddenly, out of nowhere, started talking about Rich”

[Helen] “Where did that come from?”

(Tom just said. Nowhere)

The penny has finally dropped for Tom. He now understands that after Tony had seen Rich, he so desperately wanted to tell Rich that he and Pat are his grandparents. But, part of Tony’s stress after was trying to stay strong and realistic for Pat.

[Helen] “Mum does realise he did that for her”

[Tom] “It made me wonder. If, maybe, we could do something about it”

So he wants Helen to talk to Kylie. Helen made friends with her when she was last down (though that’s a poor excuse for not doing it himself, I reckon)

[Tom] “I think what dad wasn’t saying is that … he could have died Helen, and he’d have never got to know Rich and Rich would have never known who he was … so, will you give her a call, kylie … explain what’s happened to dad and ask Kylie to try and make Sharon to see how important it is”

[Helen] “Suppose it’s worth a try”

[Tom] “Helen, we’re lucky to still have dad, I think it’s worth doing. For him”

Odds-on for Rich being at the Bridge Farm Christmas 2012 table.

The Archers Thursday 1st September 2011: Will’s a clype

(clype - what we in Scotland call a tell-tale)

• The Bull is still serving crayfish
• Blight on the tatties
• Jamie’s going to College
• Chutney rather than pickled onions
• Oh no – enamel showdown at The Flower and Produce Show?
• The Forest Discovery near Dolton
• Clarrie’s put her stall out
• Air of mystery? Over crayfish???

The Bull is still serving crayfish

And Will is not amused.

Seems Josh is no longer poaching – he found a place to trap crayfish on Brookfield’s land – BUT he still hasn’t go a licence.

Will can’t seem to leave it alone.

He gives Josh another telling off , and then marches down to The Bull to Jolene to tattle.

Jolene didn’t know that Kenton had been buying the crayfish off of Josh. And she wasn’t aware that Josh didn’t have a licence.

[Will] “I’m sorry Jolene. It might seem innocent enough, but he shouldn’t be doing it”

(aye right then – sure Will was very sorry to have the break the news about something which had nothing to do with him!)

But Jolene seems glad enough to know the facts.

[Jolene] “Jazzing up the menu is one thing, but we can’t be doing it with dodgy food though”

Blight on the tatties

Goodness – could it get worse at Bridge Farm?

[Pat] “Which is going to run out first, people’s memories or our cash flow?”

Certainly it’s going to take a while for Pat to forget (forgive?) Clarrie’s misdemeanours.

She won’t let Kathy even mention Clarrie’s name …

[Pat] “I’ve just got so much to deal with, I just don’t have the capacity to think about Clarrie as well”

At least The Bull is still serving Borchester Blue …


Jamie’s going to College

He had a maths test, which satisfied the College that he can retake his full maths exam alongside his “AS” course (is AS like GCSEs?).

Kathy has her fingers crossed for Jamie to get a C in maths:

[Kathy] “Well, Natalie seems confident he can do it … he was predicted a B before all this trouble started .. he certainly seemed pretty determined”

And Jamie has also encouraged Marty to do the same thing – the College has also accepted him to retake his exams.

So, with Steve not going to College (choosing instead the dole queue), will Marty and Jamie now properly settle back into being mischievous but generally quite okay young chaps?


Chutney rather than pickled onions

Is what Pat chose for her Ploughman’s lunch at The Bull.

Kathy had the crayfish salad.

(and probably one of the last few ones to be able to do so)


Oh no – enamel showdown at The Flower and Produce Show?

It seems Jill is entering the Craft class of Flower and Produce Show this year.

Which is unusual for Jill.

Seems she’s making enamelled craftwork specifically for the show.

What will Peggy make of that?

Not amused at all, I would have thought.


The Forest Discovery near Dolton

Is where Will, Nic and clan are off out today.

What a happy little active family they are.

Will had heard it was hands on – but it turns out to be hands and feet on. Sounds like they were walking on and through the forest.

And Will was on his most loving behaviour again.

[Will] “You look great in it. Really lovely”

Clarrie’s put her stall out

Well, to be factual, she’s put her card up in the village shop.

Here’s hoping someone needs her many varied skills.


Air of mystery? Over crayfish???

Kenton doesn’t half talk rubbish most of the time.

Jolene tackles him about knowing that Josh is his crayfish supplier.

[Kenton] “There goes my air of mystery then”

Eh?

That’s not mysterious!

Just a bit dodgy.

Kenton seems genuine enough that he also didn’t know Jamie needed a licence. He didn’t think to ask or check.

[Kenton] “He was catching them, they were local and a bit different”

Ask no questions …

Silly man.

The Archers Friday 8th July 2011: Jamie’s off the hook

• Ed gets clobbered by Clogger
• Two godmothers?
• Emma is definitely Susan’s daughter
• Scarecrow competition hots up
• Jonti no more
• Cheerio Kate!
• Henpecked Jamie
• Steve and Marty are sent down
• Alice doesn’t even want help basting

Ed gets clobbered by Clogger

[Emma] “She’s got in in for you, that cow”

[Ed] “Me and her are going to have to have a serious talk”

Two godmothers?

Am I misunderstanding something? Why have Emma and Ed asked Alice and Cousin Samantha to be godmothers? Why isn’t it Alice and Chris as godparents?

Confused.



Emma is definitely Susan’s daughter

What a nosy wee madam!

She’s talking to Ed about Alice agreeing to be Keira godmother (and how Alice sounded a bit wary when she answered the phone … worried about Chas, one assumes).

[Emma] “I’ll see what I can find out, shall I?”

Ed warns her off from letting Alice knows that he knows, and now she knows.

But first chance Emma gets, she tries to get Alice to tell all – so that Emma can (assumedly) go and tell everyone else.

[Emma] “We were worried you were going to say no … after we heard you have a bit of trouble … the loan for the van falling through … I don’t know any details really … hope you don’t think I’m prying, we’re just worried, that’s all”

But the lady isn’t for talking.


Scarecrow competition hots up

After deciding to make George a scarecrow after all, Ed’s made a start and has a sort-of skeleton together.

Emma asks for it to go up as it is – so that George can be surprised, and they can work on putting clothes, stuffing (and such) on it together.

Mistake.

Emma seemingly can’t make a troll’s head.

[Emma] “I’ve just had George telling me it’s no good … What is it, he said”

[Ed – instantly regretting saying this the moment he said it] “Doesn’t look like much at the moment”

George also told them that Nic and Will’s scarecrow was better. So Emma went over to have a look (well, she sneaked a look – which she thinks is better than properly going round to see them).

And George was right. Nic and Will’s is better – bigger, big eyes, toothy grin, big white teeth, horns …

[Emma] “Oh they’ve been very clever”

[Ed] “That’s typical Will, that is. Just a little village competition and he’s got to make it into a big production”

[Emma] “Well we can’t just take it. We’ll have to up our game”

Ah grow up, for goodness sake!


Jonti no more

We never did get to hear from Jonti – although Tom and Brenda certainly did.

Lilian’s in “a state” as his last rent payment bounced, and it would seem he’s done a runner.

Tom and Brenda will be happy.

Is that it then? Some bloke moves into No.3 – is loud and annoying – then flits off without paying Lilian and Matt?



Cheerio Kate!

I think we’d all love the change to say goodbye to Kate.

She’s off home to South Africa (Phoebe will follow in a few weeks) and long may she never return!

But she will. Like a bad smell.


Henpecked Jamie

I was very keen for Jamie to stop being such an uncooperative little twerp – but he’s gone too far in the other direction.

He’s let Kathy choose the subjects he’ll do in 6th form. If he goes.

[Jamie] “I don’t really want to go into sixth form. It feels like more hard work”

And now Natalie is telling him what to do. What’s more, he does it.

I really can’t get a grip on whether Natalie is a good or a bad ‘un. Tonight, she was quite certainly a bad ‘un.

She was a wee bit sinister when she was saying that 6th form would be great – as she and Jamie would get to go to the same College – every day – for 2 years (eek – they’ve only been going out for a few weeks).

Then, she starts harassing him to call Marty, as the court case should be done and dusted. But Jamie really doesn’t want to call him:

[Natalie] “No you want. Do it now … you're sitting there worrying about what happens next … make the call, Jamie, or I’m out of here”

Scary young lady, indeed.

She did have a point – that Jamie was able to relax after speaking to Marty – but it’s the way she went about it.

It’s just lucky that Jamie doesn’t have a bunny, I reckon.


Steve and Marty are sent down

Not really.

Infact, I think they got off fairly light.

Referral orders for 9 month each – have to appear infront of a special panel – which set them a programme including community service and lectures on how to behave themselves – driving ban for Steve for 2 years, and Marty for 1 year.

As they plead guilty, they got 9 rather than 12 months.

[Jamie] “Marty’s relieved … he’s okay with me, Nat”

(hmm – reckon Steve isn’t going to be as amicable)

[Natalie] “He knows who to blame … Tell him to stop hanging out with Steve. Maybe that way he’ll have a future”

So Natalie also wants to tell Marty what to do.


Alice doesn’t even want help basting

Mum’s can always tell when something’s wrong.

Jennifer has easily spotted that there’s something troubling Alice, but Alice won’t tell her anything.

Which is a bit daft.

A problem shared …

… is likely a problem Brian and Jennifer can solve.

They know people.

The Archers Sunday 3rd July 2011: Worried teens, good lambs and wheat, Percy Shelley

• Court on Friday
• Good lamb!
• “Your mum said you were giving the lambs a blow dry”
• Eddie trims toenails!!!
• Drought? What drought??
• Changing my mind about Natalie …
• Livestock Vs Arable
• What does David do for as hobby?
• You weren’t wild, Pip!
• To a Skylark - Percy Bysshe Shelley
• “And we live here”

Court on Friday

Jamie gets off the phone from a very worried and upset Marty.

Steve’s been charged with taking a car without permission, no insurance and driving over the limit.

Marty has been charged with letting himself be carried in a vehicle taken without permission (or something along those lines).

Marty doesn’t seem to be blaming Jamie for telling the truth to the Police. But he is terrified about what might happen next.

[Kathy] “At least, well, I can’t see him doing it again in a hurry”

Quite right indeed.

Wonder how much of a big man Steve is going to feel in court. Spencer reckons he’s trying to play the wee kid at home – hiding in his room, hoping it will all go away, while his parents fret.


Good lamb!

So reckons Pip. She tells David that he’s done such a good job over the years that she’s spoilt for choice when she had to select two good ones for showing at the Borchester Show.

David also sounded a bit chirpier – and took Pip’s compliments without snorting.

How long before Elizabeth spoils his mood again.


“Your mum said you were giving the lambs a blow dry”

And that’s why I love Ambridge.

That Pip was blow drying the lambs is normal.

That Pip’s boyfriend, Spencer, doesn’t blink when he’s told what Pip’s doing.

And that wee lambs get to be pampered (well … before they are taken to … ahem … you know …).



Eddie trims toenails!!!

I still wake up in cold sweats at the thought of Clarrie having to clip Joe’s toenails.

And what do I learn tonight?

That Eddie has trimmed Pip’s lambs’ toenail “to perfection”.

Goodness sake, Eddie.

Pull your toenail clippers out at home!



Drought? What drought??

It’s always naff having to listen to someone else moaning about a lack of rain, when you’ve got far too much.

Still. My own fault for living in the West of Scotland. And my bit of Scotland tends to be warmer and dryer than most others.

Anyhoo – Spencer’s wheat seems to be okay, and they might even harvest early.

Phew!


Changing my mind about Natalie …

Maybe Natalie just really needed her caravan weekend.

She seems far more interested and caring about Jamie today.

Jamie certainly seems to have calmed down. Though worried about having had to “rat” on his mates to the Police, and now having to possibly be a witness in court – when Natalie comes over, all he wants to do is have a nice walk with her.

Aw!

[Jamie] “Steve … he makes you feel bad if you don’t join in”

[Natalie] “Whatever happens, it’s not your fault … get your head in gear. He’s done stuff. There are consequences. End of story”

Aye indeedy. Well said, young lady.



Livestock Vs Arable

[Spencer on David] “For a livestock man, he’s pretty clued up on wheat”

[Pip] “Typical arable farmer, you think we’re all a bunch of hicks!”

But it’s all amicable, really. Just young lovers jesting.



What does David do for as hobby?

Asks Spencer.

Nothing. He just works.

Now – if he was to sit himself down at about 7pm, grab a cuppa (or something slightly stronger) and turn on Radio 4, a whole new world might open up for him …



You weren’t wild, Pip!

Pip reckons she can’t talk about what Steve is putting his parents through, after what she did to hers when she was seeing Jude.

Eh?

So she went to Cornwall without them knowing. Had a few drinks. Being a bit stroppy.

Not quite the same as stealing cars, m’dear.

(but bless her cotton socks for thinking so)


To a Skylark - Percy Bysshe Shelley

In the golden lightning
Of the sunken sun,
O'er which clouds are bright'ning,
Thou dost float and run;
Like an unbodied joy whose race is just begun.

[Jamie] “No-one has ever said a poem to me before”

See what I mean? Can Natalie be anything other than a nice young lass, who can quote Shelley?


“And we live here”

Jamie was talking about the time that Sid made him go running (he reckons Sid kept himself fit for the cricket … aye, right then!), it was too hot, and they had to stop halfway up Lakey Hill as Jamie was struggling.

As they sat together and look at Ambridge, Sid said:

[Jamie quoting Sid] “Aren’t we lucky … just look at it. And we live here. We’ve got everything we need. And best of all we’ve got something who loves us. What else is there to worry about …”

Jamie reckons he just wants Sid to be proud of him. And that Jamie will do whatever it takes to make Sid proud.

Which is where Natalie steps in to encourage Jamie to go to 6th form college …

Liking this girl more and more!

Ambridge Extra Thursday 30th June 2011: Final episode?

• Was that the last Ambridge Extra?
• Kenton didn’t lose his battery
• Chas wakes up
• Rhys races Harry
• Moronic Mates crash
• Actually, Natalie might be a bad ‘un
• Alice belongs

Was that the last Ambridge Extra?

I think so.

Or, the last of this ‘series’.

Has it been worth tuning into the eavesdropping moments of Ambridge’s younger residents?

I started out loathing it, moved to being slightly interested, moved back to loathing (those bursts of hit parade music and teen language was quite irritating), but was again interested as we heard more from Chas and Alice.

Could have done without the moronic Steve and Marty – but I suppose we couldn’t hear from Jamie without them.

Bit of a mixed bag, then.

If it was an experiment to attract the youngsters to Ambridge, then I suppose it might have worked (but would need to ask a teen).


Kenton didn’t lose his battery

As Steve and Marty didn’t steal it.

Steve reckons it was too big, but he probably just didn’t try and steal it as he only had Marty for an audience.

So after all his bluster, Steve had to call Spencer to come and give him a jump start. Which is what the (increasingly sensible) Jamie had said to do.


Chas wakes up

So Alice and Chris immediately accost him, so that he can confirm to Chris the truth about his non-relationship relationship with Alice.

When they first walk in, Alice asks Chas how he’s feeling:

[Chas] “Never better. Nothing like a two week sleep to refresh one’s self”

(the bang on the head hasn’t made Chas a less of an ar*e, then)

Alice doesn’t give Chas much time to focus – she’s then right on him to tell the truth. That they’ve never been more than friends. And that the trip that never was, never was a trip she’d agreed to.

But what a surprise – Chas doesn’t want to play nicely.

[Chas] “Alice, I think the time for lying is over … I know it’s difficult, but you really must admit to Chris how we feel about each other. We’re in love”

(well, we didn’t expect that to happen, did we?)

Chas tells Chris that the trip didn’t happen only because Alice got delayed and that it was what they both wanted to be together.

As Chris is about to leave, having heard enough, and believing that Alice has been cheating on him, Alice suddenly regains her (Aldridge) consciousness – and corners Chas.

If he doesn’t tell the truth – Alice will tell the Police that she lied about the night that Shaun had been assaulted (remember that? In the very first Ambridge Extra). She’ll tell them that she actually can’t remember any of it, and that Chas later admitted that he had assaulted Shaun.

[Chas] “You’re going to risk your career, your life, everything for this pathetic farm boy … you stupid, stupid girl. Can't you see you’ve been wasting your time with him? I'm the one you’re supposed to be with, not some country bumpkin who can’t even string a sentence together”

[Alice – showing no fear of a Police record] “I love Chris. And I want to spend the rest of my life with him”

[Chas] “You’re pathetic, you know that. Small minded, village mentality. No ambition. What did I ever see in you … I want my money back, every penny!”

So check mate.

And hopefully cheerio mate!


Rhys races Harry

[Rhys] “I have been taking performance enhancing substances – Shires, mainly”

But the following events put pay to the race.

Shame. We’ll never know if Wales is better than England (or vice versa).

Still, looks like they were going to use the pledge money for everyone to have a “big night”. So all’s well, really.


Moronic Mates crash

First off, Natalie catches Jamie with Steve and Marty, when he promised he wasn’t going to see them again (he chose her over them the other night).

Steve has been eyeing up a bloke’s posh car (they’re all at the pub), and the bloke leaves the keys lying around. Steve has a couple of pints, and also pockets the keys.

In between all of this, Steve and Marty have been taking the Michael out of Rhys and Harry as they race.

So. Jamie refuses to get in the (stolen) car. Steve harasses Marty to get in. Steve drives off, at speed, after Harry and Rhys. Steve then crashes the car.

Next we hear is Jamie panicking, and saying Kenton’s name.

We don’t get to hear much else – only what Jamie tells Natalie. Harry and Rhys are fine (they just fell off their bikes).



Actually, Natalie might be a bad ‘un

Natalie sees Jamie is very upset. Natalie is told that his mates have had a car crash.

But she’s still fixated on whether Jamie has chosen her over his mates. All she can be glad about is that he didn’t get in the car because he wanted to prove he had chosen her.

Not that he was safe.

And rather than helping him in his hour of need, she happily trots off to meet her mum, so that she can then go on holiday.

Hmmm.

As they part, they both say they love each other. While I have no doubt that Natalie is of value in getting Jamie away from Steve and Marty – has he just swapped the morons for a bunny boiler?


Alice belongs

As Alice and Chris get back home to Ambridge, Alice offers to not go to University to finisher her masters, so that she can get a job to help pay for the new loan Chris will have to get to pay off Chas.

Chris won’t hear of it. His business is not more important than Alice’s career.

[Chris] “You know what Chas said, bout me being a farm boy … I know I’m not sophisticated like your Uni friends, I am a bit of a country bumpkin from sleepy Ambridge ….”

[Alice] “No. He was completely out of order. I love you Chris;. And I love it here. This is where I belong”

Aw!

So, apart from having to find the money to pay Chas back (by next week), all ends well for Chris and Alice.

Here’s hoping Chas stays away for the rest of all our lives …

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 28th June 2011: Chris isnae happy with Alice

• The “H Train”?
• Zofia is Harry’s girlfriend
• Boyfriend in a Coma
• Jazzer signs for Team Rhys
• Yes Steve, turn it down!
• Even for emergencies, don’t give your passwords
• Steal batteries with your “homies”, or walk your girlfriend home?

The “H Train”?

Kenton can be a bit bizarre with his lingo.

He’s at The Bull, talking with Fallon about Rhys and Harry canvassing for support for their bike race.

Harry is seemingly gaining ground, getting support from his milk round customers and Zofia is:

[Kenton] “Getting other pickers on board the H Train!”

You what?

If it hadn’t been Kenton that said it (Kenton can be a bit odd when he tries to be ‘modern’), I’d have thought Ambridge Extra had started to also ruin Ambridge’s adults’ ability to speak proper … innit.



Zofia is Harry’s girlfriend

Blimey – that was fast!


Boyfriend in a Coma

Chris has seemingly been ignoring Alice’s calls.

When he does answer, he’s far from receptive to her.

[Chris] “You’ve made your choice. If you want to stay down in Southampton with your boyfriend, that’s your choice”

[Alice] “Chas isn’t my boyfriend, he never has been”

[Chris] “Whatever, looks like he’s more important to you than I am, Alice”

[Alice] “He’s unconscious in a hospital bed!”

[Chris] “Exactly, so why have you got to hang around down there. He doesn’t know any different, does he?”

Alice reckons she’s only still there because she feels guilty (she told Lesley Chas lived there), and, of course, Chas is a friend … but I’m also starting to wonder …

[Chris] “Chas being beaten up has got nothing to do with you. It was because he was ripping people off”

[Alice] “He’s a nice guy .. he got out of his depth … he meant well, he just misjudged the situation”

[Chris] “I can’t believe you’re trying to defend him!”

Quite right, Chris. Chas shouldn’t be defended. But Alice has no common sense when it comes to Chas.


Jazzer signs for Team Rhys

[Kenton] “Jazzer may be a milkman by trade, but at heart he’ll always be a beer man”

Nothing to do with Harry winning the fair Zofia, then, eh?


Yes Steve, turn it down!

(I’m still not coping well with the blasts of popular music in Ambridge Extra. It does so startle one)

Jamie and Natalie are in Steve’s car, with Steve (obviously) and Marty, heading to a gig in Borchester.

Natalie gives Steve a row for having his music up so loud, to which Steve replies:

[Steve] “Better keep your chick in order”

Hmpf. What a prat.

Steve then makes to park in Jaxx’s car park, which Jamie points out is only for staff.

Course, Steve doesn’t care that Jamie would want to avoid Jaxx (or any hassle there) because of Kenton.

Course not. Because he’s a prat.



Even for emergencies, don’t give your passwords

Now this is why Chris and Alice got married too young.

They’re not mature enough to know that you never, ever, give your partner your logins to your emails … mobile phone code (to see texts) … Facebook profile (as they’ll only sign you up for Farmville … very annoying … so my significant other tells me).

Chris is now in Southampton (he either travelled faster than the speed of light, or we’ve jumped another day, time, planet as it’s Ambridge Extra), absolutely fuming about the emails he’s seen between Alice and Chas.

He’s found the itinerary to Paris, for starters.

[Chris] “You lying, cheating … you were running away together, the only thing that stopped you was Chas getting attacked”

Alice tries to explain that all of that wasn’t real- it was Chas’ fantasy.

But, Chris has also found (what looks like) flirty banter between them. If you go looking for it, you will find it.

Right in the middle of the argument – quell surprise – Chas has woken up (his mum calls Alice).

Alice’s next step?

To tell Chris he has to go with her to the hospital so that Chas can tell him what really happened.

Come on, Alice. Are you an Aldridge or not?

Of course Chas is going to say something did happen. Even though it didn’t.

He wants you and Chris spilt up, so that you will realise you love him.

And, because he’s an ar*e.


Steal batteries with your “homies”, or walk your girlfriend home?

Not a difficult choice.

And glad to report that Jamie finally made the right one.

Steve was still behaving like a prat, claiming he wanted to sort out some bloke who wasn’t amused when Natalie spilt his drink:

[Steve] “I was well up for a rut, me and my soldiers .. .you wouldn’t understand, love”

(grrrr)

Then his car won’t start. Marty points out it was because he left his fog light on, but Steve won’t accept that.

He then has a ponder. They’d already spotted Kenton’s car in the car park, so the obvious solution is to steal Kenton’s battery.

Eh?

Luckily, Jamie seems to have finally seen sense, and chooses to walk Natalie home (after she refuses to have anything to do with Steve’s antics):

[Steve] “You wuss … bailing on his homies”

S’aright Jamie. Steve is a prat.

After Jamie has walked Natalie home, he tells her how much he’ll miss her (she’s away for a wee break to a caravan).

In return, Natalie gives him an ultimatum:

[Natalie] “I really like you, but … I’m sorry, but I can’t be with you if you’re hanging out with Marty and Steve … they’re idiots, and they’ll get you into trouble”

[Jamie] “I left them tonight … if it’s a choice between them or you, I choose you”

On the one hand – hurrah!

But on the other – is Natalie a bit of a bunny boiler?

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 21st June 2011: Chas in hospital

• Chas got what was coming?
• Chas, good looking?
• If you missed every episode of Ambridge Extra up to today …
• Team Rhys Vs Team Harry
• Inside of Jamie is a nice boy trying to get out
• Chris to the rescue!
• Marty fancies Fallon

Chas got what was coming?

I’m no advocate of violence.

There are far more brutal ways of exacting revenge on a foe …

But I also can’t say that I’ll lose any sleep over Chas being beaten up to the point that he’s unconscious, on a ventilator.

It would seem that, unlike Chas, Lesley isn’t just all talk.

Alice is blaming herself. She reckons that if she had gone away with Chas, none of this would have happened.

Eh?

Surely it’s Chas’ actions that brought this on.


Chas, good looking?

Paulie reckons Chas’ mum is a real looker. And said that was where Chas must get it from.

That’s funny.

I’ve always thought of Chas as a bit of a weedy, but tall, chap. And bit of a chinless wonder without much sparkle to attract the ladies (or any friends).

But seems not so.


If you missed every episode of Ambridge Extra up to today …

… it’s okay, as Alice spent at least 5 minutes telling us (well, Paulie) about Chas. From the very beginning.


Team Rhys Vs Team Harry

After Rhys at first sounding a bit reticent about going ahead with his mountain bike, he mans up and properly challenges Harry.

[Rhys] “The Anglo-Welsh challenge race is on”

With Kirsty on Team Rhys, and Fallon on Team Harry.

Folks can also back a team by pledging beer money, with the loosing team buying the drinks.



Inside of Jamie is a nice boy trying to get out

Jamie seems to be spending most of his wages on getting taxis over to Natalie’s house.

[Jamie] “I don’t wanna buy things with it … I’d rather see you”

Aw. What a wee sweetie.

Jamie is even showing signs that he’s starting to use his brain, and is beginning to understand Kathy.

[Jamie] “As long as I eat with her now and then, and don’t throw toys out of my pram … you know, just try to get on, it’s less hassle that way … and if I wash up and then or watch something on telly with her, she’s that grateful that she isn’t bothered what I do the rest of the time.”

(well, still a wee bit calculating, but he is a teenage lad)

BUT – that’s all until Steve and Marty are back in the picture.

Jamie is later (or the next day – hard to tell with Ambridge Extra) is hanging out with Steve and Marty. They start of civilised – having a coffee in Jaxx at Jamie’s insistence. But soon move onto mischief.

This time, it’s trying to steal a car.

Steve manages to get in (using a Slim Jim nicked from Spud’s dad), but manages to pick the one “old banger” that has an alarm.

Thick boys.

They run away, and seem to have a wonderful time doing so.

Or, at least Marty and Steve had a real buzz nearly stealing a car.

Jamie didn't sound so keen.


Chris to the rescue!

Alice calls Chris to tell him about Chas. Worried that Alice had met Lesley (the bloke who beat Chas up), and also worried that the folk after Chas won’t know Alice isn’t involved – Chris arrives to make sure his lady wife is safe.

Alice tells him about Chas’ ‘shark’ activities. But Chris doesn’t seem too worried about the money Chas has lent him.

Might still come back to bite Chris on the bum, though.


Marty fancies Fallon

And Steve is just gross.

Marty can barely grunt at Fallon when she says hello to him (struck dumb by her sheer beauty, so he was).

But Steve …

[Steve] “And I’m Steve. How you doing, sweetheart … care to join us for a little something … or a not so little something …”

What a mucky pup.

Ambridge Extra Thursday 16th June 2011: Chas gets a right kicking*

(*metaphorically)

• Do young people get hangovers that bad?
• Natalie gives Jamie a second chance
• Lesley knows where Chas lives
• Mia's shoes fall apart … what?
• Chas really is a looper
• Fallon’s fandango
• Wales Vs England
• ’ello Chas

Do young people get hangovers that bad?

Jamie’s seems to have lasted two days.

When I was a younger ‘un I could drink myself stupid and still function the morning after. Not the case now, I’m afraid.


Natalie gives Jamie a second chance

Lucky boy.

He doesn’t seem to remember much about what he’d done at Spud’s party. He calls Natalie after she doesn’t answer his text.

She’s annoyed. He begs. And she agrees to meet with him.

[Jamie] “Oh, I was being a prat again., wasn’t I?”

Natalie concurs, but reckons it was more Steve’s fault for getting Jamie so drunk.

[Natalie] “If it was a mission to put me off you, they succeeded”

But – it’s not a permanent state of mind, and she forgives.


Lesley knows where Chas lives

Alice answers the door to Lesley. He’s looking to speak to Chas but he isn’t in. Lucky for Chas.

[Alice] “He didn’t look like a Lesley, but he was very polite”

(eh? Are blokes called Lesley generally impolite?)

Chas audibly falls apart when he hears that Lesley has been round.

Which made for very pleasant listening, indeed.

I generally see the good in people. But Chas. Definitely, not, Chas.


Mia's shoes fall apart … what?

Rhys and co. are getting everything ready for Fallon’s surprise Glamping party, when Fallon calls Nic.

Fallon’s got two passes to the gym, so suggests she and Nic can train there rather than go for a walk – with the added bonus of a sauna after.

[Nic] “Oh, flip!”

She later calls Fallon back to say that she was out on a walk with Mia and Jake (up Lakey Hill), when Mia’s shoes fell to bits. She can’t manage to get back on her own, so she needs Fallon’s help. It has to be Fallon, not anyone at Brookfield with a 4x4 (as Fallon pointed out – it’s Brookfield’s land).

Sorry – but did Nic say that Mia’s shoes had fallen apart?

Her shoes?

What?

How does that ever happen?

Either I have lived a life far less, or Fallon will believe absolutely anything!


Chas really is a looper

[Chas] “We have to get away”

Chas has lost the plot, and is trying to drag Alice down with him.

He explains what the problem is. That he lends money, and it’s blown up in his face.

[Alice] “Chas, you’re a loan Shark?!?”

[Chas] “But these people, they’re that rubbish … what do you expect with that sort of trash?”

He mentions that he’d lent money to Jackie (which then led to her running away), and that he charges high interest because these people are indeed just that rubbish.

Alice asks if has ever hurt anyone, he claims he’s just broken a few things.

[Chas] “I’m not safe here anymore. He’ll kill me, Alice”

[Alice] “Oh my god, Chas, you poor thing!”

(what’s that Alice? You are you, these days??? He’s just told you he has made money off of desperate people – he’s surely brought this on himself?)

So, Chas has decided that he and Alice will run away together. He’s already bought the Eurostar tickets to Paris.

[Chas] “Then we can be together, anywhere in Europe”

[Alice] “What do you mean we? Be together? Us?”

[Chas] “You must know I love you. And I know you feel the same. You love me, don’t you?”

[Alice] “ …as a friend”

[Chas] “No, that’s because you haven’t allowed yourself to see it for what it is. You’re trying to be loyal to Chris … but deep down inside, you know we’re made for each other, we’re soul mates Alice, just be honest with yourself. You can’t tell me you never dreamed about it”

[Alice] “No … of course I’ve thought , if things were different …”

So that’s that. Chas has heard that Alice wants to be with him, and will run away with him.

If Chas wasn’t such a looper, he’d have heard Alice being honest, but not that enthusiastic about him, or running away.

Later on, he’s at Eurostar waiting for Alice. But her phone is turned off.

He waits. And waits.

He even tries to stop the last train leaving for “his girlfriend”. When it leaves, he cries out a very loud (and embarrassing) “Noooooooooooooooooooo!”

Hah! Couldn’t have happened to a nicer chap.


Fallon’s fandango

Fallon does fall for Nic’s rather rubbish white lie, and goes up Lakey Hill.

And … SURPRISE!

All the grand are there in their finery – they even took a choice of finery for Fallon to choose from – and Rhys even has made Fallon her own ‘Fallon Fandango’ cocktail.

[Fallon] “Oh, you, lovely people”

Wales Vs England

[Rhys] “In Wales, we don’t let a little mountain get in our way … further proof of the inferiority of the English race”

Rhys was taking Harry to task for saying that it would have been near impossible for anyone to have cycled (with a trailer) all the gear up for the glamping party.

So looks like Harry and Rhys are going to have a race.


’ello Chas

After failing to reach Alice, after failing to catch his train to Paris, Chas returns home to his flat.

To find Lesley standing outside.

“ …‘ello Chas. I’ve been waiting for you …”

Oh-ho!

Now, I don’t want Chas badly hurt, but maybe just a bit of sense knocked into him wouldn’t go amiss.

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 14th June 2011: Exams are over

• Chas really is a prat
• Nic’s cunning plan
• “Sunny with the occasional scattered showers”
• Chas is threatened. Hurrah!
• Spud’s party

Chas really is a prat

[Chas] “It’s a post-feminist polemic portraying transgressive female solidarity in the face of reactionary male hegemony”

[Alice] “Looks like Lady Gaga to me”

I know he was joking, but he just isn’t funny. Or clever. Or a decent human being …

Later on, when Alice’s talking about all of the farewell parties she’s going to over the next few weeks (as exams are over and she’s leaving Uni), Chas’ diary didn’t seem to be that full.

Nae mates Chas!

And to top it all off, he later (while a bit drunk and maudlin) tries to tell Alice how much he’s going to miss living with her. I suspect, he really wanted to say that he’s in love with her.

[Chas] “Out of all the people I’ve met … you’re special, the best …”

All he gets is:

[Alice] “Aw, you big softie’”

[Chas] “You’ll have forgotten my name soon”

Here’s hoping!


Nic’s cunning plan

Nic has to come up with a reason why Fallon should go to Lakey Hill. Rhys and Kirsty are trying to make up for their previous prank (pretending they were getting engaged) by playing the rather nicer prank of a surprise ‘glamping’ party for Fallon.

Still not sure why Rhys is so adamant that Nic is the woman for the job. Especially as she’s really struggled to come up with an idea for how she’ll get Fallon up the Hill without spoiling the surprise.

So what’s Nic’s plan?

To say that she’s taking part in a sponsored work for the school.

So, she needs to train. And asks Fallon to go one of her walks with her.

Fine enough idea. Except, Nic reckons her sponsored walk is 20 miles …

20 miles!

Nic didn’t think that one through, and I reckon Fallon will twig something is awry very shortly.



“Sunny with the occasional scattered showers”

Is how Rhys is feeling today.

[Rhys] “As incompatible as chips and custard”

Is what he reckons he and Kirsty are.

Seriously, Jazzer should watch his step. He may lose his ‘wit of Ambridge’ crown.



Chas is threatened. Hurrah!

[Lesley] “You piece of crap. You need to learn some manners mate … who the hell do you think you are?”

[Chas] “I accept, on reflection, that I may have been a little excessive …”

[Lesley] “Shut up … that debt is written off, paid in full. You stay away from Reggie and forget about the money., Understand! … and here’s one more thing. I won’t forget you. If I ever come across you again, you’ll know it … you better watch your step, posh boy”

All of which puts Chas right off his lunch.

Serves Chas right. He’s a wee lad trying to play a big man’s game. It’s taking a proper big man to put him back in his place. Course, none of this would have happened if Chas hadn’t been taking advantage of desperate people in the first place.

When Chas is later out and about, Lesley spots him on the street – forcing Chas to run away like the wee laddie he is.



Spud’s party

Jamie’s exams are also over, so he’s at Steve’s party, just about to have a dance with Natalie.

[Steve] “Nah mate, you don’t want to do that”

Course he doesn’t. Watching Spud chug a beer is far better than dancing with a girl.

True to form, Jamie ends up ignoring and being rude to Natalie, so that he can get drunk with (and impress) his moronic mates.

[Natalie] “Grow up Jamie, for god sake!”

Natalie storms off. Jamie gets drunker still. Eventually ends up in such a state that he can’t be persuaded to leave the party once it’s well and truly over. Steve wants to just leave him slumped where he is. Steve does leave, but Marty stays with Jamie.

Nice work Jamie.

You’ll likely be single again, but at least you know Marty isn’t a totally useless mate.

Ambridge Extra Thursday 9th June 2011: Alice snogs Chas

• What’s a ‘sick’ picture?
• Nic hasn’t much of an imagination
• Sid’s birthday
• Chas breaks Reggie’s mobile phone
• Steve and Marty make plans for Jamie
• Chas cannae kiss!

What’s a ‘sick’ picture?

Marty is (again) talking rubbish to Jamie when he’s (again) trying to study.

[Marty] “Since when did you start hanging out with the nerds in the library!”

But then Marty goes on to talk about how Steve has a ‘sick’ picture of someone called Josie Watkins.

That sounds like a rather horrible picture to me – or does it mean that it’s good?

(and I’m increasingly annoyed by Ambridge Extra making me feel old when I’m only in my kid thirties).


Nic hasn’t much of an imagination

Nic still has no idea how to get Fallon up Lakey Hill for her surprise treat.

She does come up with a bit of an odd plan – to put on a treasure hunt, which Fallon would take part in, and be led up Lakey Hill as part of a clue.

Rhys quite rightly points out the major flaws in Nic’s idea – that she’d have to advertise the Treasure Hunt; that others might take part; that Fallon might be too dim to solver the clues; that Fallon may not even want to do a Treasure hunt …

… but what’s his idea? He did, after all, dump the task of getting Fallon up Lakey Hill onto Nic – when, after all, it was he and Kirsty need to make up with Fallon.

Rhys comes up with winching Fallon down from a helicopter, or strapping her to a quad bike.

Very helpful.

[Nic] “I don’t know why I’m doing this”

[Rhys] “It’s because you’re a lovely person”

(oooh – Nic and Rhys?)


Sid’s birthday

After telling Marty to go away when he was trying to study in the library, Jamie starts ranting (to, rather than at) Natalie about how he should have done more revision, months ago, rather than just before his exam.

But then the real reason for his anxiety comes out:

[Jamie] “I just miss him, alright … everything’s changed … why did it have to get screwed up … u just want things to be like they used to be?”

He’d actually been reading books about life after death, when he was in the library.

Jamie’s verdict? They were all rubbish, and he is truly on its own.


Chas breaks Reggie’s mobile phone

I’ve said it before. Chas is a right ar*e.

He’s back at Reggie’s, hassling him for money.

Unlucky for Reggie, Chas turned up early – so managed to avoid have to deal with Reggie’s brother Lesley again.

When Reggie tries to call Lesley, Chas breaks his phone. It then sounded like Chas had hit him. And made off with his telly.

Ar*e.



Steve and Marty make plans for Jamie

Steve reckons Jamie is a mummy’s boy.

So he and Marty make plans to get Jamie “completely slaughtered” on Monday night, when his exams are over.

It didn’t sound like “getting slaughtered” was meant in a good way.


Chas cannae kiss!

Alice’s final exams are over, so she’s celebrating with Paulie, and his girlfriend – drinking games first, then off to see The Undertones (a popular Hit Parade band).

Chas comes in when Paulie had been forced to admit that he’d kiss Dermot O’Leary (they’re playing truth or dare). And Alice reckons that Adam thought that Paulie was quite cute.

(and???)

Chas is in a good mood (well, he’s probably just sold Reggie’s telly for £50), and is ‘well up’ for a party.

When it’s his truth at truth or dare, Alice asks him for the truth of what he really thought when she told him she’d married Chris.

[Chas] “I thought … lucky Chris”

(aye, right you did. I’m sure there were a few more expletives in mind).

Alice’s turn. She wouldn’t tell the truth of say who she’d fantasised “shagging” at Uni – so she was dared (by Paulie’s girlfriend) to snog Chas.

So they do.

After the deed:

[Chas] “That was okay, wasn’t it?”

[Alice – without much enthusiasm] “Yeah … who is next?”

Laugh at Chas?

Yes. Yes I did.

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 7th June 2011: Alice and Chas go to bed

(to watch a film on Alice’s laptop. Still a bit icky, though)

• Don’t take the Michael out of Jamie’s bear
• Chas gets told where to go. Twice.
• Fallon’s still got the hump
• No more boom boom!
• We all need quadratic equations, Steve
• A year since Sid died

Don’t take the Michael out of Jamie’s bear

Steve was wondering why Jamie never invites him and Marty over to his house. While he had turned up unexpectedly. At Jamie’s house.

Jamie probably hasn’t invited Steve over because he’s a bully and an insensitive prat.

Steve then pushes Jamie too far. Not only is Steve interrupting him while he’s trying to study, but he then takes the Michael out of Blower (sp?). Jamie’s bear. Which Sid had given to him.

And hurrah! Jamie kicks Steve out!

[Steve] “I’ve been standing up for you .. .you’re a right little runt sometimes!”

Aye. Right then, Steve. Off you toddle, now.



Chas gets told where to go. Twice.

Chas is up in Newcastle trying to find Jackie (who disappeared from Uni without paying him back his ‘loan’).

He tries to hassle someone called Rachel (who is in the flat he thinks Jackie is staying at). But he doesn’t get anywhere.

[Rachel] “You can believe what you like. I don’t know where she’s gone”

Rachel threatens to call the Police. Chas backs off.

[Chas] “Fine … stick up for your friend. She stole from me, remember!”

Then Mr Parker (Jackie’s dad) tells Chas where to go when he calls up to try to see if he can get another address for Jackie.

Chas doesn’t seem to be getting anywhere with the great hunt for Jackie.

And, considering Lesley is protecting Reggie, where else can Chas turn to get enough money to keep Vince off of his back.

Chris?


Fallon’s still got the hump!

Looks like Fallon still isn’t happy with Kirsty and Rhys.

She’s even changed her shifts to never work with Rhys (or so it seems).

Nic has the bright idea of Rhys and Kirsty making up with Fallon by “doing something nice” for her birthday on the 19th.

Which Rhys and Kirsty take on board with aplomb!

Glamping, it would seem, is the answer. Up on Lakey Hill.

Kirsty has a friend with a Bell tent. They can get rugs, lantern, “maybe a bean bag or two”.

All very nice.

But is that a fatal mistake I spot?

They’ve decided to fool Fallon into the whole glamping trip being a surprise.

It’s fallen to Nic to do the deed. Because no-one else had the bottle:

[Rhys] “What is this? Kill Bill? Has Fallon got a grudge against the whole village?”

A whole bunch of Fallon’s make, about to play a trick on her.

It may be a nice trick, but could this all go horribly wrong?


No more boom boom!

That was very unwelcome, indeed.

I know Ambridge Extra is a bit of a youf experiment – but the clips of loud music really doesn’t impress.


We all need quadratic equations, Steve

You’ll find out later on, which may be too late for you …


A year since Sid died

It’s a year, on Wednesday, since Sid died, and it would have been his birthday on Thursday.

Which is why Jamie reacted so firmly to Steve when he took the Michael.

Natalie also doesn’t seem too sympathetic.

Over the phone, she kinda gave Steve an excuse by saying he couldn’t have known about Sid’s anniversaries coming up. And that rushes off the phone with a “sorry about your dad”.

I’m not too sure about that Natalie.

But, then again, I’m not too sure about most teenagers!

Ambridge Extra Thursday 2nd June 2011: Jamie needs new mates

(which we all know, but he might listen to Natalie saying it as well)

• Pip goes to see Elizabeth
• Fallon’s in a huff?
• A smashing time was had by all
• Does Marty have a deeply sinister side?
• “Shut up Steve!”
• Shame Jamie doesn’t have cojones like Natalie
• Mrs Parker
• Chas is no match for Lesley

Pip goes to see Elizabeth

And gets a warm welcome. Elizabeth is happy to see her, and is going to arrange for her to work at The Orangery during the Summer.

But, Elizabeth isn’t as receptive to Pip trying to talk about David.

Pip tells Elizabeth how upset David is, and

[Pip] “Isn’t it bad enough, what happened to Uncle Nigel … there’s no point in us being angry with each other … can’t we just be a family again?”

[Elizabeth] “I can’t forgive give him … I lost my husband, doesn’t that count for anything thing?”

Elizabeth tells Pip that she is “immensely fond” of her. But, that what’s happened with David is between her and David.

Wonderfully reasonable is Elizabeth, yet again (!). She’s the adult, yet she can’t see what position she’s putting Pip in. And how she (Elizabeth) is making Pip’s home life rather hellish.

But at least Pip has a rather spiffing new man in her life.

[Pip] “She really hates him … she looks so hurt”

[Spencer] “Just try not worry … I’m here, you’ve got me now”

(still can’t quite believe Spencer and Steve are actually brothers).


Fallon’s in a huff?

Fallon isn’t returning Kirsty’s calls.

Nic has told Kirsty that she saw Fallon looking at her phone when it rang, and turning it to silent.

So she is avoiding Kirsty, after Kirsty and Rhys made a bit of a fool of her at the party (by pretending they were engaged).

I’d feel a bit embarrassed if I was Fallon, and a bit annoyed my mates couldn’t have told me that I’d been too eager to try and push them together. But Falling out with them?

Probably not. Unless I little else that living vicariously through other people’s relationships …


A smashing time was had by all

Jamie bumps Natalie (and her two mates) who are waiting for him in the pub, to go with Steve and Marty to smash an old warehouse’s windows.

Brilliant decision making there, Jamie.

They have a jolly old time, until they hear a dog barking – assume it’s security – so leg it. In the process of which, Jamie cuts his hand.



Does Marty have a deeply sinister side?

When he discovers a female dummy in the warehouse, his first reaction is to burn her.

That’s a bit worrying.


“Shut up Steve!”

I like that young lady, Natalie.

Not sure what she sees in Jamie (in his current guise – I still reckon he’s a nice enough chap underneath it all), but she at least sees Steve and Marty for the morons they are. And isn’t scared of telling them.


Shame Jamie doesn’t have cojones like Natalie

Natalie’s bumped into Jamie as he, Steve and Marty are running away from the warehouse security (though they actually could just be running away from an angry Pekingese, out for its evening walk).

She notices Jamie’s cut hand, and tries to see if he is okay. But Steve won’t have it. Natalie wanting to be sure that Jamie isn’t badly hurt is somehow offensive to Steve;

[Steve] “We hang together, just tell her, or you going to let yourself be whipped by a girl?”

[Jamie, to Natalie] “No, look, get off! I’m not your baby, alright .. .what is it with girls, you don’t own me!”

[Steve] “Did you hear the man? He’s standing tall with his boys”

So, once again, Jamie chooses his mates over a girl. Which would be fair enough, if his mates were actually worth anything.

For whatever reason, Natalie is still speaking to Jamie the next day. He tries to explain that he didn’t mean anything that he said (but he did say it), and she tells him that she doesn’t like him when he’s round his mates.

[Jamie] “I only said those things cause Steve and Marty was there”

What a wuss!

As well as pointing out that Jamie turns onto a muppet when he’s round Steve and Marty, Natalie also thinks Jamie needs to put his exams first.

[Natalie] “ …decent grades or Steve and Marty? … it’s more important than looking good in front of them”

Wonder if there are enough anti-moronic-mates feeling around to help Jamie actually tell Steve and Marty where to go? Kathy, Jolene, Fallon, Rhys, and now Natalie, are all saying that Jamie needs to crack on with what’s important, rather than be ‘cool’ for his pals.


Mrs Parker

Mrs Parker is Jackie Parker’s mum.

Jackie went missing from Alice’s Uni.

And it’s all Chas’ fault. He lent Jackie money, and been harassing her ever since. She chose to disappear rather than have to cope with him anymore.

Jackie’s disappearance has dropped Chas right in it (he now can’t pay back his financier, brother-in-law Vince), so Chas is desperate to find her.

Which involves calling her parents, and pretending he’s a friend in an attempt to tease Jackie’s address of her (rather upset) mum.

First time round, Mrs Parker doesn’t want to tell Chas where Jackie is, but sounded like that was because her husband had told her not to say anything to anyone.

But, Mrs Parker has mistaken Chas for someone she can trust. So calls him back, to tell him that Jackie is at a friend’s in Newcastle.

[Mrs Parker] “I just someone to tell her we love her”

[Chas] “But don’t worry … I’ll find your daughter”

Oops. Jackie better keep running. Unless she also has a meathead brother.


Chas is no match for Lesley

Chas is back trying to hassle Reggie – but interesting that he calls him rather than go round and play the big man in person. Not after Chas had the run in with Reggie’s brother Lesley, and lost.

[Chas] “You haven’t got your meathead brother to answer for you now”

Nae luck Chas! It is “the meathead” who has answered the phone.

[Lesley] “If you go anywhere near my little brother, I’ve got a few ways of settling things myself, understand me son?”

So Chas has to back off again.

Methinks Reggie might not be paying back Chas any money anytime soon. If at all.

The Archers Tuesday 17th May 2011: Peggy makes a brooch

click the title above, or the'read more' link below the bullet points, to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• (… I’ll say this in a whisper, but seems Jamie is being normal again …)
• The pigeon fanciers annual do
• A “really rather nice” brooch
• Brooch of doom?
• The fight for the Falconry
• Nae luck – Jamie has to introduce Natalie to Kathy
• Peggy has always loved duck egg blue, and Elona was right

(… I’ll say this in a whisper, but seems Jamie is being normal again …)

Kathy’s taking Jamie to the first of his exams. He’s a bit moody (which is fair do), but he does say ‘thanks’ to Kathy for taking him.

Later on, he also compliments Kathy on making a “great fish pie”.

But most amazingly – he doesn’t go ape when Kathy suggests he might want to spot working at The Bull during his exams. He actually listens, and seems to agree (though his grunts can sometimes be hard to translate).

Could this be the new dawn? Probably is down to the new Natalie …


The pigeon fanciers annual do

Is at Lower Loxley.

Elizabeth won’t be there, so she’s prepping Roy that they are a “nice bunch”, but they can also be a “bit intense”.

Seemingly Nigel had to pull a couple of them apart after one accused the other of cheating.

Fancy!



A “really rather nice” brooch

Peggy’s absolutely chuffed to bits with the brooch she made at ted’s workshop.

She reckons it’s:

[Peggy] “really rather nice”

Bless her wee socks.

Jill, in her usual brusque manner, manages to make (what I imagine was meant to be) an encouraging comment sound like a put-down:

[Jill] “You actually finished something”

But no mind. Ted reckon’s it’s 5% talent and 95% application – so Peggy is bound to create further masterpieces.



Brooch of doom?

Lest we forget Nigel finding that old brooch of Julia Pargetter, which then become the last gift he ever gave to Elizabeth.

Wonder of Peggy’s brooch will wind up featuring in a similar way for one of her brood.

A far cleverer thought came from @eatcakebehappy over on Twitter … “.or the agent of doom...that shed might not be too hygienic.....”

Oo-er!


The fight for the Falconry

Roy’s barely found out where the peg is for his jacket is at, but he’s already (potentially) getting controversial).

He wasn’t convinced that Elizabeth had made the right call to shut the Falconry, so he’s been back through the books.

It would seem that when the Falconry is sold/promoted as part of a package, it gets far more folks.

(see – I said it would come down to marketing!).

Hayley’s also a fan of the Falconry for the guests:

[Hayley] “it is a really good focus activity”

for the school kiddies.

So, Roy’s just got to pick his moment.

Save the Birds! (and Jessica!!!)


Nae luck – Jamie has to introduce Natalie to Kathy

It could have been worse. Kathy just bumped into them when she was out shopping (no snogging or other stuff to really get Jamie embarrassed).

Natalie does again seem to be a nice lass. She chats with Kathy as if she’s just another human being (not an alien monster, as Jamie’s blokey mates tend to treat her, and any other parent they slope across)

She also calls her Mrs Perks. I must be getting old fashioned, as I really like it when young ‘uns do that.

AND Natalie’s gran also makes fish pie.

Later on:

[Kathy] “ I was so surprised … seeing you with someone … it would have been nice to know you had a girlfriend”

But she says it in a very no-confrontational way.

And Jamie doesn’t seem to mind.

Blimey! Looks like we’re on the final straight (but still whisper it, just in case).


Peggy has always loved duck egg blue, and Elona was right

Seemingly Peggy has always found it be a calming colour,

Elona has also seemed to have done a grand job of calming Peggy down in her thoughts about her friendship with Fred.

[Peggy] “I suppose Jack wouldn’t mind my friendship with him … I spend so much time worrying about Jack, trying to care for him, not that I resent it it’s as if one part of you gets totally neglect, I don’t think that can be good for me or Jack”

And what’s more – Jill can join in the fun! Jill also has a lot on her plate, so taking time out to be “creative”, and enjoy the company.

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 17th May 2011: Jamie’s bullied by a girl

click the title above, or the 'read more' link below the bullet points, to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Chris signs up
• Alice makes a homophobic remark
• Rhys gees up Jamie
• Natalie makes Jamie do her bidding
• Rhys takes Kirsty for a ride
• Chas has Alice completely under the cosh
• Please stop blasting music at me

Chris signs up

What an idiot.

Chris has signed up with Chas for the money, and then had to suffer Chas taking the Michael out of him not being able to keep Alice is the manner to which she is accustomed.



Alice makes a homophobic remark

[Alice to Chas] “If I’m a princess, then you’re a big queen”

Eh?

I’m not too sure what to make of that.

Alice really has had a major personality transplant for Ambridge Extra.


Rhys gees up Jamie

It’s Jamie’s exams tomorrow, and Rhys is giving him a bit of a pep talk.

It’s basically the ‘knuckle down, it’ll soon be over’ speech, but Jamie does seem to listen to Rhys.



Natalie makes Jamie do her bidding

What a wee shame on Jamie. He’s bullied by Steve and co into doing stuff he doesn’t necessarily want to do – and now Natalie is twisting him round her wee finger.

He’s just finished his shift at The Bull, and needs to get back home to study.

But Natalie calls, and begs Jamie to come over to hers.

She’s been studying all day, is fed and now feels sick at the thought of her exams.

Rather than tell her that he needs to get his work done, Jamie consents, and heads over.

Not much of a competition though – studying, or snogging.

Anyhoo, he does get his snogging. But he also gets Natalie’s take on what tomorrow’s exam might involve.

“Inform – explain – describe … complex phrases”

You feel Jamie sinking deeper and deeper into a mind frame of “’I know feuck all, and the exam is tomorrow’.

(which is a nightmare that I still get – though mine is always about maths).


Rhys takes Kirsty for a ride

She has to make it under her own steam, though.

They’re off on their bike ride to the pub.

Kirsty seems hopeful that her bike is too rubbish to let her go on the ride, but Rhys fixes it in a jiffy.

So off they set on, to Kirsty’s horror, a whopping two hour bike ride.

A lot of panting and nettles later, Kirsty sounded like she wanted to kiss the ground when they finally got to the pub.

She decides she definitely prefers bird watching to bike riding

[Kirsty] “No stings, No chaffing. You can normally still walk afterwards”

Rhys takes that as an invite to go bird watching, which he’s more than keen to do.

But Kirsty doesn’t seem too keen to spend more time with Rhys …

[Rhys] “You can show me the difference between a blue and a grey tit”

[Kirsty] “Well, if that’s what you’d like …”

Chas has Alice completely under the cosh

[Alice] “Our own home Chris, and we’ve got Chas to thank for that”

*sigh*

Why neither of these previously quite intelligent young folks can spot that Chas in an Ar*e, I don’t know.

Chris was starting to say that he reckons Chas makes him feel off, but Chas interrupted.

Chris had to leave shortly, so he and Alice to go out for a bit, but Chas manages to tag along.

Alice returns to the flat (after Chris got rid of Chas), to find Chas and Paulie doing pull ups on the door.

All fairly innocuous stuff – but put it all together, and most sane folks will decide that Chas is an ar*e.

But not Alice.

[Alice] “You’re amazing Chas. It’s so generous”

And now she’s cooking for him! Because he has studying to do! But she has studying to do! And Chris is paying interest for Chas’ ‘generosity’!!!

After cooking him his tea, Alice then has to spend yet more time with Chas.

[Chas] “Okay then,. I’ll go warm up the sofa”

Oh goodness me! Where’s our Alice?



Please stop blasting music at me

We had another musical interlude. Which (sounding like a grumpy old lady), I really don’t like.

Radio 1 is for music, Radio 4 is for talk.

Hmpf.