The Archers Sunday 31st July 2011: Cushions, pans and crayfish

• What’s up with Joe?
• On no, not the Westbury Courier as well
• Will, don’t say that out loud!
• Clarrie drops a clanger
• Christine and Jim?
• Ambridge won the cricket again
• Goodbye Billy Goats Gruff
• Kenton’s crayfish annoy Will
• Clarrie Hara-kiri?

What’s up with Joe?

He hasn’t spoken in a while.

I’m a bit worried about him. He had his nasty cough, then hasn't been heard of much since.

Very reminiscent of Sid before he went off to New Zealand …

Anyway, probably just me making too wild a guess. Joe can’t be ill if the kids are allowed to put cushions on his head while he’s having 40 winks.


On no, not the Westbury Courier as well

Seems the Westbury Courier has also ran a big piece about Bridge Farm, E. coli, the sick kiddies etc etc etc

As Jim later says – today’s news is tomorrow’s chip papers – or just something to put your muddy shoes on.

But it’s not as simple as that in our modern days of TVs, radios and the internet. And not when there’s a kid that still might die.



Will, don’t say that out loud!

[Will] “If only she’d waited another day before going back into work …”

We all think it, but not helpful to actually voice it.

Clarrie drops a clanger

Quite literally. Though it was only a bunch of pans.

[Eddie] “She’s very upset … We all got to do our best to look after her”

(maybe Eddie could start with cooking her Sunday lunch for once)

Eddie wants Clarrie to come with the kids to Lower Loxley’s Garden Festival

[Eddie] “Or you could spend the afternoon reorganising the cupboards”

Surprisingly for Clarrie, she chooses a day out over the cupboards.


Christine and Jim?

Just good friends having a day out at the Garden Festival? Or romance?


Ambridge won the cricket again

With Christopher getting a half century.


Goodbye Billy Goats Gruff

Cheery-bye then. Slightly (yet another) damp squib, but at least it made George happy.

Kenton’s crayfish annoy Will

Kenton has sourced crayfish for The Bull’s menu from somewhere local, but he won’t tell Will where.

That can only mean it’s something to do with Brian’s land, surely?


Clarrie Hara-kiri?

Clarrie had a bit of a rough time at the Garden festival. Everyone was talking about Bridge Farm, without realising that the E. coli started with her.

She now thinks she should resign. She can’t stand that it’s all her fault, and can’t see how she could continue.

Eddie reckons she shouldn’t. he thinks that if that was what Pat and Tony wanted, that they would have sacked her by now.

Tough one indeed. If I was Clarrie, I would also want to resign. But the Grundy’s are hardly flush enough to cope with one less wage coming in. Joe would have to go back down the mines …

The Archers Sunday 24th July 2011: The Dawn of the Scarecrows

• Clarrie’s not at the Village Fete
• Corinthia Hart is revealed to be …
• Chris is “not filled with glee”
• Eddie’s contribution to Troll-gate
• Tom tells Vicky
• Cooking kills E. coli
• Jumpy scarecrow with a Scottish accent
• Miss Moffat didn’t impress
• Susan’s back on form
• Scarecrow competition goes all Disney

Clarrie’s not at the Village Fete

Which says a lot. The E. coli shebacle is hitting her quite hard indeed.

[Will] “Pat had a right go at her on Friday”

[Nic] “ … just bad luck”

Though Susan, obviously relieved that the E. coli was nothing to do with her, isn’t quite as supportive.

[Susan] “There are still three people in hospital. Two of them children”

True enough. But don’t start me on the ‘what about the children’ attitude …



Corinthia Hart is revealed to be …

[Susan] “That dumpy little woman? … I’d imagined more like Joanna Trollope”

Seems Corinthia Hart is just an average woman in a Beige cardigan.

I’m not even sure if Corinthia Hart is a nom de plume.

Either way, she seems to be a person of no real consequence to Ambridge.


Chris is “not filled with glee”

At the thought of having to spend the day with Brian and Jennifer at Alice’s graduation.

Odd that he’s not even thinking about bumping into Chas again …




Eddie’s contribution to Troll-gate

Was a river to run under Will’s bridge.

Very clever.

Emma is not amused. Even if her bridge (built by Chris) is (so Emma says) better.


Tom tells Vicky

Not sure why Tom told Vicky about the E. coli being Bridge Farm’s fault, but at least he didn’t tell her about Clarrie.

That seems like a changed Tom.

Did he give birth and have a personality like his sister did?


Cooking kills E. coli

So says Tom.

So it’s more than safe to eat his burgers.

Sham not everyone at the Village Fete knew that. Vicky knew it, but some parents were tasking their kids away when they realised it was Bridge Farm burgers.

(actually … did Vicky buy a burger?)


Jumpy scarecrow with a Scottish accent

Seems one of the scarecrows was a real life one, that “shouts very loudly in a Scottish accent” while jumping out on walkers by.

That’ll be Jazzer then.

Wonder whose garden he was standing in?


Miss Moffat didn’t impress

[Susan] “Miss Moffat looms like a hunchback, and her tuffet isn’t much to talk about”

Susan’s back on form

She’s telling everyone she can that Mistress of the Paddocks was based on Brian.

Even Vicky.

Which means everyone will know.

BUT, to her credit, she also doesn’t tell anyone about Clarrie.

[Susan] “It’s a bit of a mystery. They’re still investigating”

Scarecrow competition goes all Disney

Lewis is judging the scarecrow competition.

He claims he found it hard to judge:

[Lewis] “so many amazing tableaux”

The runners up, “highly commended” are Little Red Riding Hood (in Grange Spinney – but I don’t know who), and Vicky’s Three bears.

And first goes to …. Drum roll … both sets of the Billy Goats Gruff.

Hmpf.

[Lewis] “There was nothing to choose between them”

Double hmpf.

That was a big build up for a fairy-tale ‘and they all lived happily ever after’ ending.

They even all said “cheers” as this eavesdropping episode closed (they were getting their photos taken).

Since when was all fair in love and scarecrow wars?

Yet another damp squib.

There’s been a few of them in late.

The Archers Friday 22nd July 2011: Pat goes all Elizabeth

• Aye, the Post Office always cheers me up as well (!!!)
• Helen’s stuff goes into the barn
• Pat is not amused with Clarrie
• Troll-gate might not be the main attraction
• Not many Zebra and Giraffes in Wales
• Emma looks rough
• To Err Is Human, To Forgive Divine … not a sentiment Pat believes in

Aye, the Post Office always cheers me up as well (!!!)

Susan was asking Will how Clarrie was doing. He reckons Clarrie is a “bit glum”.

He later says to Nic that Clarrie is as down as when they lost Grange Farm. Cripes.

[Nic] “She’s had a lot to put with, your mum”

Indeed.

Sounds like Susan isn’t feeling any cheerier.

[Will] “At least you’ve got the Post Office to take your mind off it”

Yes Will.

That’s right.

Susan may think she’s to blame for an E. coli outbreak – but at least she still gets to sell stamps. Let’s keep this in perspective.


Helen’s stuff goes into the barn

And Rhys moves into the flat above the village shop.



Pat is not amused with Clarrie

[Pat] “I still can’t believe it Tom, how could she have been so stupid …One silly thoughtless action and suddenly the whole business is in jeopardy”

So. Pat’s not feeling very rational about this, then.



Troll-gate might not be the main attraction

Seems there’s also a “really scary” wolf in Grange Spinner. A “very spooky” witch just beyond the church. And then there’s Vicky’s bears.

Which Nic reckons looks like wee, cute, Winnie the Poohs.

Seems Will is also still very much in the game.

Neil made a goat as well as a troll (on Emma’s insistence). So Will made three goats.

Chris made a bridge (on Emma’s insistence). So Will has now made a “massive great” bridge.
And now Will has a trick up his sleeve, which he won’t reveal. Even to Nic. Eddie seems to have something to do with it – something about giving Will “the edge”.

The anticipation!



Not many Zebra and Giraffes in Wales

I suppose not.

But also unlike South Africa, there’s also no Kate, Which has to outweigh the lack of wild wildlife.



Emma looks rough

She’s not getting much sleep because of Keira.

So, of course she’s not that interested in helping to try and cheer up Clarrie, even though Nic tried to involved her.

[Will] “I thought you didn’t want to talk to her, after being such a cow on Saturday”

Nice seems to rise above most things. Must be all those years living with Will.



To Err Is Human, To Forgive Divine … not a sentiment Pat believes in

[Pat] “So everything points to you Clarrie. You were the source of the infection.”

[Clarrie] “Oh no …”

[Pat] “I’m afraid so … the barbeque wasn’t to blame … you must have picked it up earlier … anytime over a week to ten days … you do understand how serious this is …”

[Clarrie] “I can’t believe it’s me who caused all this trouble …”

[Pat] “… you just didn’t think and this is the consequence, your thoughtlessness has put lives at risk”

[Clarrie] “Oh don’t say that”

[Pat] “The lives of young children”

[Clarrie] “I’m sorry …”

[Pat] “Not to mention damaging the reputation of Bridge Farm which Tony and I have spent over 20 years building up …

“ … we could well end up losing the business …

“ … we’ll be very lucky to recover from this, the whole thing could go under. And it’ll be your fault, Clarrie, all your fault!”

Blimey.

That was one very angry Pat.

And one utterly devastated Clarrie.

Course, Pat is quite right to be furious – and terrified. And Clarrie did go back to work a wee bit early.

But, how was she to know she was carrying E. coli? Big difference between that and a wee stomach bug.

As much as we should be worried for Bridge Far, (it folding would take down Tom, Brenda, Helen and Henry, as well as Pat and Tom), Clarrie is just not going to get over the horror, the shame, the guilt of having wreaked such havoc … poor Clarrie.

What’s more, we still don’t know if the kids and adults who have taken ill are out of critical care yet, or have got worse …

(by the by – must say that I am constantly irritated by when folks say things like ‘a child could have been hit by that’ and such. When did grown-ups become so dispensable? There are vulnerable auld yins as well, you know)

The Archers Thursday 21st July 2011: Clarrie!!! Gutted …

• Does Scruff like charcoal?
• “Little Bo Peep has lost her Llama”
• Llamas are looking svelte
• Clichéd blogs
• Sabrina can’t cope with the till
• Front Page Echo news
• Alice isn’t excited about going to Southampton
• Lovely Chris or gold digging Chris?
• “he earns a pretty decent screw”
• Jennifer has Susan, Lilian has Lynda
• Ellie Burton
• The verdict of environmental health?

Does Scruff like charcoal?

Bet no-one’s even asked him.

The things a dog has to go through to let the people he allows to live with him have a nice lawn.

Well, nice enough.

The buttercups and the creeping cinquefoil are still playing havoc with Lynda and Robert’s lawn – even if Scruff’s scorch marks are no more.



“Little Bo Peep has lost her Llama”

Seems little Bo Peep has go into her own enclosure as they Llamas are “interested” in her.

But Lynda remains positive.

[Lynda] “The Llamas can play part of her flock”

[Lilian – chortling and guffawing] “Little Bo Peep has lost her Llama!”

(I’ve said it before – but I do love a titter from Lilian)

[Robert] “Well, it ruins the rhyme scheme doesn’t it!”

[Lynda – almost sniffing] “Since we have got any sheep on the premises …

([Robert, trying to interrupt] “it’s a joke Lyndee”)

[Lynda] “ … it seems to me a perfectly acceptable compromise”

Llamas are looking svelte

According to Lilian.

They’re also not looking as pink.

Lilian was asking if they’d caught the culprits. Robert reckons they should forget it – Lynda doesn’t sound like she’ll give up anytime soon.

Jamie’s not quite out of trouble as yet, it would seem.



Clichéd blogs

James and Leonie have been writing a blog while on holiday in Dubai.

Lilian thought it was marvellous – all that shopping!

Lynda and Robert weren’t as impressed:

[Lynda] “I’ve never read such an over blown collection of clichés in my life … I can see the point of a holiday blog if you’re kayaking up the amazon or something, but if all you’re doing if hanging out in a shopping mall in the middle of the desert …”

Clichéd blogs?

Wonder where one can find those …?


Sabrina can’t cope with the till

In the village shop. Which didn’t come as much of a surprise to Helen.



Front Page Echo news

“mystery bug strikes gymkhana”

There’s two children in hospital. Three adults in serious condition.

Which is worse than Pat and Helen had heard from environmental health.

But it’s odd – even Lynda hadn’t worked out the connection between that front page news, and Bridge Farm having to recall its products.


Alice isn’t excited about going to Southampton

I’ll bet she isn’t.


Lovely Chris or gold digging Chris?

Lilian reckons “lovely”, Jennifer isn’t so sure:

[Jennifer] “He seems to think … well, his mother does, that we should be picking up the tab … I knew this would happen. I said when they got married I bet the Horrobins are rubbing their hands with glee … she practically had the begging bowl out.

“Pattern for the future … Chris expecting a leg up every step of his career … of course we’ll support Alice …”

That’s not right, Jennifer.

You’ll have to accept that Alice is married to Chris – so she’ll rise and fall alongside him.

And Chris doesn’t expect your money.

[Lilian] “I don’t think you should blame the lad for his mother being a bit crass”

Quite right, Lilian.



“he earns a pretty decent screw”

What does that mean, Lilian?

Is that jail talk that you’ve picked up from Matt?




Jennifer has Susan, Lilian has Lynda

As do we all (our crosses to heave around).

Lilian is a definite for Lynda and Robert’s garden party. As Leonie and Jamie will be there.

She’s not as sure about Matt attending, though.

He’s keep a very (very) low profile.


Ellie Burton

Who runs a tea shop in Penny Hasset, is a bit upset about having to return Bridge Farm stock – but she’s coping.

Phew!



The verdict of environmental health?

Adrian Pegg calls to tell Bridge Farms his findings.

[Adrian] “ E. coli has been found in one particular batch of ice cream”

Oh dear.

Seems there was nothing wrong with the pasteuriser, or any of the other equipment (Susan will be relieved). And the cleaning was “satisfactory”

[Helen] “So, where did it come from?”

[Adrian] “Appears … may have been …The ,member of staff who been sick and return to work while still infected by the pathogen, she must have handled the post pasteurisation ice cream … the sample that she gave us still shows traces of E. coli”

[Pat] “Clarrie”

[Adrian] “Yes. Clarrie Grundy”

Oh bugger.

Of all the people, not Clarrie.

She’s such a gem. The woman manages to keep the Grundy men without their house being closed off as a health hazard (and that takes some doing!).

But, she should have waited 48 hours.

And she shouldn’t have eaten Eddie’s sausages.

Who is to blame?

Clarrie?

Eddie?

Whoever made those sausages …

The Archers Wednesday 20th July 2011: The Village shop is empty of stock

(that’s why no-one is buying anything, Susan – not a boycott. People go into shops to buy stuff. If you don’t have anything to buy, they don’t come in. Simple)

• Susan thinks it her
• And a bridge!!!
• Not a family affair
• Run on digestive biscuits
• Chas shall return?
• Diplomas Vs Degrees
• Susan isn’t very subtle
• Pip wants Adam to market lambs
• Fishing without a rod?
• Milk (and David) is down again

Susan thinks it her

Clarrie thinks the E. coli (allegedly) at Bridge Farm is her fault.

Now Susan reckons it could be her fault.

They both feel guilty that they’re sitting around being paid when they’re not working.

But Susan is now worried that the “residue in the cream separator” is to blame, as it was her job to keep it clean.

Well, she should be.

Seems she might not have noticed the residue had been building up for weeks.

Minger.



And a bridge!!!

I thought one goat was interesting.

Three goats – made sense, but getting a wee bit immature.

But Emma is taking this too far.

[Neil] “Well it’s all getting a bit silly … I really should have said no”

She’s now tried to get Neil to make her a bridge.

But for Neil, the extra two goats was two goats too far – so there’s no chance of a bridge.

But not to worry – Emma has just charmed (or bullied?) Chris into building it.

Troll. Three goats. Bridge.

What is there left for Will to now make to keep up?



Not a family affair

Peggy hasn’t been told about bridge Farm’s woes.

Also seems Jennifer hasn’t’ a clue.



Run on digestive biscuits

The fridges in the Village shop are empty – which means no cream, yoghurt or ice cream.

Seems that Ambridge residents turn to digestive biscuits when they can’t get dairy …

No luck for Jennifer, though. She can’t even get digestives. Seems Vicky bought the last two packets.



Chas shall return?

It’s Alice’s graduation next Monday.

Which means Alice, Chris, Brian, Jennifer and co. have to return to Southampton.

Oo-er.

Wonder if Chas will be there.


Diplomas Vs Degrees

Jennifer and Susan had a bit of a face off about their respective kid’s academic/vocational achievements.

Jennifer poo poos Chris’ diploma.

Susan doesn’t actually demean Alice’s degree – but she does point out that Chris has a great career, great job, could be buying his own business soon.

Which neatly takes us onto …



Susan isn’t very subtle

[Susan] “Anyone investing would be guaranteed a very good return on their money”

Jennifer hears that, takes her to her heels, and drives off to ‘town’ to do her shopping rather than cope with Susan in the village shop.

Neil later gave Susan a bollocking:

[Neil] “But talking about money Susan … it’s like asking how much someone earns .. .you just don’t”

[Susan] “Now, it seems like everything I touch goes bad”

No Susan.

It’s not your touch.

It’s that mouth of yours …



Pip wants Adam to market lambs

through Hasset Hills.

Seems David won’t even entertain the idea.


Fishing without a rod?

David saw Josh heading off with a large back pack and a plastic bucket, but without a rod.

Something to do with (what I reckon is) a crush on Kirsty.




Milk (and David) is down again

The milk yield at Brookfield is down again.

[David, doing his best Victor Meldrew impression, but meaning it] “Oh, I don’t believe it”

David starting talking about how he wants to jack it all in – what’s the point – what are they supposed to do next.

The Archers Sunday 17th July 2011: Keira’s christening

• At least the little one looks like a goat
• What is it with sausages?
• Can Will stay well clear?
• Alf is a no-show
• Jack will be 92
• Keira runs late for her own christening
• “why is that man wearing a nightie?”
• Neil gets all moral
• Ambridge won at cricket
• George got flashing shoes, but fell into a rose bush
• The Thwaites have a great spider

At least the little one looks like a goat

[Will] “I finally worked out how to do legs”

[Nic] “Yeah, the little one really looks like a goat … I always thought the big one looked more like …well … a wildebeest … it’s the sort of … erm … hefty shoulders”

[Will] “Well it is the big billy goat gruff. It needs to be hefty if it’s to put the troll into the river”

[Nic] “Oh, of course, silly me”

[George, on seeing the troll and three goats scarecrow] “Wicked! …I like the little one. He really looks like a goat”

Never mind, Will. Even if they don’t all look like it, at least you have two more than Ed.

Ed later finds out about Will doing all three goats. He’s not a happy chappy.

But at least Clarrie is speaking sense.

[Clarrie] “Couldn’t you think of something different?”

What is it with sausages?

George is persuaded to go to Keira’s christening through the promises of sausages.

Considering there seemed to be a bit of a bun fight about who was going to get to make the sausages (Nic won) – what’s the big passions for sausages?

Sausage shortage in Ambridge?

Where’s Tom???



Can Will stay well clear?

Will is worried about what Emma will be like at the christening (yes Will – we all know what Emma can be like!), but Nic is more worried about Will and Ed.

Will promises to stay well clear.

Possible?


Alf is a no-show

Humph.

Not a surprise, really. Thought this might happen – as it did with Clive Horrobin.

What a tease!

Seemingly he’s not well enough to travel. (aye, right then)

Clarrie’s quite happy. Seemingly Alf is quite a picky eater.

He even turned his nose up at her steak and kidney pie once.

Blimey.


Jack will be 92

On Tuesday.

Jamie will be 16 on Wednesday.


Keira runs late for her own christening

As she filled her nappy.

That’s her social calendar not off to a very auspicious start.


“why is that man wearing a nightie?”

Mia’s in full flow – right during Keira’s christening.

[Mia] “Mummy. Why’s that man wearing a nightie?”

[Will] “It’s a surplice … all vicars wear them”

[Mia] “It’s a nightie!”

Nic apologies to Alan for Mia interrupting the service (he doesn’t mind – he’s used to it), and also to Emma. Who was a complete bitch back to Nic.

[Emma] “Upstaging Keira like that … old enough, I’d have thought, to understand she can’t always be the centre of attention”

Meow.



Neil gets all moral

[Neil] “It’s the wrong way round … getting married first … doesn’t that worry you?”

[Alan] “I’m always thrilled to welcome a little child into the church …”

[Neil] “Well the fact is, Emma, well, she had a go at marriage and it ended in tears, so …"

Oh.

Is Neil really upset that Emma and Ed has brought forth child without getting married first?

But there’s always a silver lining.

[Neil, on Emma being a mum] “I’m so pleased she’s finally found something she’s good at … I always thought she’d have a career, but she never really settled to anything”

Ambridge won at cricket

Again! Hurrah!

That the Ambridge team was mainly made up of “old men and boys” (due to harvest) makes the win even better – even though Waterly Cross also had the same problem.

Well, a win is a win.



George got flashing shoes, but fell into a rose bush

Never mind wee man. Life can be like that.


The Thwaites have a great spider

As they’re doing Little Miss Muffet for their scarecrow.

The Archers Friday 15th July 2011: A job … my goodness me, no!

• There’s always time for scarecrows
• Susan’s losing sleep over Chris
• Who gets to cook the sausages?
• Frozen pizzas and jobs … the shame
• The forecast for the christening

There’s always time for scarecrows

Neil’s getting nipped by Susan for seemingly having more time to “mess around” making George’s Trill scarecrow than helping out with preparing for Keira’s christening.

I reckon it’s just nice to see someone making a fuss over something for George. Good Neil has joined Will and Nic in making sure George doesn’t miss out.


Susan’s losing sleep over Chris

[Susan] “It must be so hard for him … having to live up to expectations. money’s never been a problem for her, has it, not the way she was brought up … different families have different values”

So Susan is also using Chris and Alice’s slight (and I do mean slight) financial woes as a means to be negative about their match/marriage.

What’s more – she’s turning it onto Jennifer – as in Jennifer disapproves of Chris (and the rest of the Carters. And that Jennifer and Brian are loaded.

[Susan] “Even if we can't help, you’d think that Brian and Jennifer with all their money … they can afford it, and they wouldn’t just be helping Christopher, they’d be investing in a nice little business”

Looks like this one is brewing into a good old fashioned family feud.



Who gets to cook the sausages?

Alice offered.

Susan was supposed to.

But Nic manages to weegle her way in.

Not sure why Nic was so keen to help with Keira's christening (she hassled Clarrie until Clarrie hassled Susan).

Susan was obviously not too keen for Nic to be around (what with the whole Will/Ed/Emma situation).

Have Will and Nic even been invited to the Christening?



Frozen pizzas and jobs … the shame

Jennifer (having popped round Alice’s … again) is first horrified at the thought of Alice buying frozen pizzas. As Chris likes them.

Jennifer is already dreading the Carter’s Christening party – planning how she and Brian can leave early.

And to top it off – Alice’s talk of getting a summer job appals Jennifer. She thinks that surely an internship (related to her engineering masters) – rather than a common job.

But at least she approves of the Christening gift Alice has bought for Keira (a charm bracelet)

[Jennifer] “Nice and personal but not too ostentatious”

The forecast for the christening

Is:

[Susan] “nothing will go wrong, it’s going to be perfect”

Hmmm.

The Archers Thursday 14th July 2011: Fallon’s in love?

• Josh turning into Jamie?
• Willow Wands
• It’s not just about Trolls
• Caddisfly larvae, Crayfish and crush?
• It’s all Boules
• Ain’t no sunshine when he’s taken
• So Llamas need crooks?
• Hurrah! The Bull has new Specials!
• Fallon shouts at Kirsty

Josh turning into Jamie?

Josh isn’t looking forward to the school summer holidays. He’s already bored, and is complaining that there’s nothing to do in Ambridge.

He’s still in a grump about not being allowed to day off of school to go to the Borchester Show, and is showing no interest in helping round the farm. Which is not like our Josh.

Actually, he is starting to sound like Jamie (of latter days).

Let’s hope that we don’t have to go through all of that shouting and slamming doors again.



Willow Wands

[Lynda] “they’re strong but flexible, you can bend them anyway you like”

Seemingly they’re for Lynda’s Little Bo Peep scarecrow, but I think Robert should also be a bit wary … or delighted … whatever floats his boat, really.



It’s not just about Trolls

Lynda’s making a Little Bo Peep.

Vicky is doing Goldilocks and the Three Bears.


Caddisfly larvae, Crayfish and crush?

Kirsty bumps into Josh, while he despondently skips stones in the river (though he did manage an impressive 8 skips).

Kirsty is doing a species survey – she’s found Caddisfly larvae and crayfish (amongst others).

Josh sounded super interest in what Kirsty had found. Especially the crayfish being edible.

I wonder.

Josh was later making something in the shed at Brookfield.

Something for Kirsty? More interested in her than the wildlife?

Wonder if he’s going to now stalk her, as he did Emma.



It’s all Boules

Would seem Harry and Zofia had a wonderful night out (so Fallon).

And now he’s teaching her to play Boules at The Bull.

Lucky Zofia.

But, as we find out later on, unlucky Fallon.


Ain’t no sunshine when he’s taken

[Fallon] “It doesn’t feel like there’s a whole lot of sunshine in my life right now”

Fallon’s down in the dumps, Kirsty tries to cheer her up.

Kirsty suggests a night out clubbing. Going to a movie. Even just going round to hers for wine and chat (with Kirsty driving both ways).

[Kirsty] “All you have to do is sit there and breathe”

But oh dear – Fallon just wants to stay in with a DVD (yikes! I haven’t heard that phrase since before Helen became a mum).


So Llamas need crooks?

Ruth thought Lynda wanted a shepherdess crook for the Llamas.

Is that normal? Or was Ruth just being a bit dense?



Hurrah! The Bull has new Specials!

Looks like Kenton and Jolene have worn Freda down.

The Specials board now has grilled sea bass.

Though seems Freda still doesn’t sit well with the concept of warm salad.


Fallon shouts at Kirsty

Fallon doesn’t want to go out. And she especially doesn’t want to play Boules with Harry and Zofia.

Kirsty keeps trying to cajole Fallon – until Fallon loses her temper, and shouts at her to stop.

Then the penny drops.

[Kirsty] “Harry … you, still like him don’t you?”

[Fallon] “Even if I did, it wouldn’t do me any good, would it … it’s too late now. I’ve missed my chance, haven’t I?”

Aw. Poor Fallon.

But what on earth has she been thinking? Why all the flirting before Christmas – a quick peck during Panto rehearsals – then …. Nothing.

How was Harry supposed to know Fallon was still interested?

Silly woman.

The Archers Wednesday 13th July 2011: Alice is not living the life accustomed

• Alice is feeling very guilty
• Eggs, honey and vans
• A subtle hint to Jennifer?
• Troll-gate
• No help from Neil
• Adam losing his edge?
• The horror of Alice on a low income …

Alice is feeling very guilty

That she got Chris into trouble with Chas. That they’ve now got a loan. That they’ll need to get another loan. That Chris is working hard. That she’s not working, and still has more uni to go.

The solution? She buys in food for lunch, then makes Chris feel guilty for not having the time to stay and eat.

[Alice, jesting] “You’re a busy, tough, hardworking farrier banging away at your anvil all day, where I’ve got nothing to do all day than sit around and paint my toenails”

Never mind Alice. Your mum calling round every few minutes is more than enough of a burden for you to cope with.



Eggs, honey and vans

Alice shouldn’t grump too much about Jennifer popping round – she does come bearing gifts.

[Jennifer] “Half a dozen eggs and some honey from Jill”

A subtle hint to Jennifer?

Jennifer tells Alice that she thinks Chris’ van is “very smart”. Which Alice takes as an opportunity to tell Jennifer that the interest they are paying, for the van loan, is higher than she and Chris thought it would be.

I reckon Alice knew exactly what she was doing.

She knows Jennifer’s been worried about her mood of late (which is about the Chas situation, unbeknownst to Jennifer), so giving Jennifer reason – and maybe a way of helping out – was very astute.

So maybe not bank of Peggy. Maybe it’ll be the Bank of Brian, brokered by Jennifer.



Troll-gate

Now Brian thinks he needs to do a scarecrow for Ruari (after chatting to Will).

Brian manages to get Adam’s help.

Neil is also busy, working on George’s troll scarecrow (on behalf of Ed and Emma). He’s even borrowed Chris’ (seemingly very impressively large) wire cutters.

Over at Will’s – he’s found “monster boots” in his shed – and George also lets slip that Emma and Ed are also doing a troll. AND a goat.

So Will is now going to also make all three goats.

George is loving it!

But, bad, bad parents for making George keep secrets from his other parents.

That’s a therapy session waiting to happen.


No help from Neil

Chris asks Neil’s advice about whether he should get another loan, to be able to buy the farrier business next year.

[Neil] “Don’t bite off more than you can chew”

Adam losing his edge?

So reckons Brian.

Mainly because he’s “spoiling” the fruit pickers. Adam’s even given Zofia the afternoon off so that she can get her hair cut (ahead of her night out with Harry).

Fancy that. Whatever next? A whole day off a week? Sickness pay? A safe working environment …. Probably not. They are on short term contracts.




The horror of Alice on a low income …

Alice’s subtle hint to Jennifer has hit home – Jennifer does now think that Alice is on edge, purely due to money worries.

But, maybe Alice didn’t foresee that Jennifer would use this as evidence to prove that she was right that Alice was wrong to marry Chris.

[Jennifer] “This is just what I was afraid would happen, they rushed into this impulsive, off the shelf marriage, as thought, well, as a big romantic gesture and now Alice is finding out what’s it’s really like to be struggling on a low income”

[Brian] “Hold on, don’t get too carried away … for heaven’s sake, it’s not as if Christopher’s staking shelves in a supermarket …he’s in a skilled and relatively secure trade earning good money”

As Brian points out – Alice and Chris have a home without a mortgage – they may have a loan for the van, but they have no other personal debt – and Chris does indeed have a job.
[Brian] “A bit of pressure won’t do her any harm, it’ll be character building … they may have chucked themselves in at the deep end but they’ll soon learn to swim”

Quite right Brian. Jennifer may want to protect Alice from having to be skint (Jennifer had to suffer that when she moved away from Ambridge with baby Adam), but she also needs to be realistic.

Alice could have married some hooray-Henry chap, but there’s no guarantee that anyone (posh or lowly) will have any ready cash from one day to the next, in these turbulent times.

But – Jennifer will use any excuse to knock Alice’s marriage. She’s just waiting for it to crumble.

The Archers Monday 11th July 2011: Spencer’s worried about mud

(which is odd for a farmer, but he’s actually talking metaphorically … or something like that)

• Susan’s making a list
• Alf Grundy returns!
• We all know what happens when reparations are demanded …
• Spencer takes Pip for a ride on his big monster
• AND A GOAT!
• Pip’s disappointed in David
• Spencer’s a sensitive young chap

Susan’s making a list

And will be checking it twice, you can bet.

Which Clarrie seems quite happy to just follow, and be told what’s what.

Which is fair enough. Why try make an extra effort when someone else is doing to do the work for you?

This christening should be (*should* be, please note) a doddle.


Alf Grundy returns!

Also called Alfie by some (not to be confused with Vicky’s ill-fated dairy bull calf).

Eddie’s brother. Joe’s eldest. And a bit of a bad ‘un.

The distinction is that while Joe and Eddie are mere rogues (they rip people off, but they do it with a cheeky grin), Alf is a proper criminal (rips people off with a scowl). He even stole from Eddie once.

Not sure how long it’s been since Alf was around – but Susan is not too happy to hear that he’s due back in Ambridge for Keira’s christening.

[Clarrie] “You know Alfie – if there’s a bit of free nosh going”

Later on, to Neil, Susan hopes that Alf isn’t back on the cider.

This christening should be interesting after all.

Wondering if the Aldridge’s are invited? Susan will have apoplexy …


We all know what happens when reparations are demanded …

… knackered economy, high inflation, high unemployed, widespread dissatisfaction, anger, hatred, Hitler and World Wars.

Funny that Steve and Marty have to pay them back. I’d have thought the powers that be would have had a far more fluffy and inclusive terms for (what sounds like) community service.

They might also have to do guidance and counselling – and Pip was a bit taken aback that Steve has been grounded.

[Pip] “Wow!”

Eh? Surely a basic, in these circumstances?


Spencer takes Pip for a ride on his big monster

I know … childish and obvious, but I couldn’t resist ;)

Spencer’s stressed out, so Pip pops over to chum him out for a ride on the combine.

Pip is most suitably impressed with his combine. It seemingly has a setting for tailings (the ears that weren’t fully threshed the first time, so get put back through again), and a whole 9 different crop settings that can be customised. Amongst many other things.

[Pip] “You really think you’re Mr Cool, sat up here on your monster machine”

Spencer quite sensibly refuses Pip when she asks to have a go at driving. She’s obviously far too excited, and doesn’t she remember what happens when unauthorised persons are allowed to drive farm equipment (Jude and the quad bike).


AND A GOAT!

Neil’s been very quiet of late.

First moment he gets near the secret microphone, Emma talks him into making George’s troll scarecrow for them. She claims she’s too busy (again), but also makes it slightly obvious that she wants a scarecrow better than she and Ed could scare up.

(see what I did there?)

BUT – not only does she want better – she was wants a troll AND a goat.

[Neil] “Well, a troll’s one thing … a goat!”

Yes Neil – A GOAT!!!

[Emma] “It’s got to be the best mum. George has set his heart on it”

[Neil] “I can bend him anyway you want”

Well, steady on there Neil. Tis only a village competition.


Pip’s disappointed in David

[Spencer] “Plain safe”

[Pip] “Plain chicken … if you’re going to succeed in this business you’ve got to be prepared to take a risk”

Hark at her! One terms with a side order of Business Studies (failed the first time), Pip think she’s knows all.


Spencer’s a sensitive young chap

The situation with at Spencer’s home (Steve being in trouble, his dad furious and his mum crying) is bad enough – but bless wee Spencer. He’s also worried about what Pip’s folks will think of him.

After all, they did hate Jude.

[Pip] “No matter what anyone else thinks, I ;love you just the same. And that’s all that matters.”

So it’s love.

Aw.

The Archers Friday 8th July 2011: Jamie’s off the hook

• Ed gets clobbered by Clogger
• Two godmothers?
• Emma is definitely Susan’s daughter
• Scarecrow competition hots up
• Jonti no more
• Cheerio Kate!
• Henpecked Jamie
• Steve and Marty are sent down
• Alice doesn’t even want help basting

Ed gets clobbered by Clogger

[Emma] “She’s got in in for you, that cow”

[Ed] “Me and her are going to have to have a serious talk”

Two godmothers?

Am I misunderstanding something? Why have Emma and Ed asked Alice and Cousin Samantha to be godmothers? Why isn’t it Alice and Chris as godparents?

Confused.



Emma is definitely Susan’s daughter

What a nosy wee madam!

She’s talking to Ed about Alice agreeing to be Keira godmother (and how Alice sounded a bit wary when she answered the phone … worried about Chas, one assumes).

[Emma] “I’ll see what I can find out, shall I?”

Ed warns her off from letting Alice knows that he knows, and now she knows.

But first chance Emma gets, she tries to get Alice to tell all – so that Emma can (assumedly) go and tell everyone else.

[Emma] “We were worried you were going to say no … after we heard you have a bit of trouble … the loan for the van falling through … I don’t know any details really … hope you don’t think I’m prying, we’re just worried, that’s all”

But the lady isn’t for talking.


Scarecrow competition hots up

After deciding to make George a scarecrow after all, Ed’s made a start and has a sort-of skeleton together.

Emma asks for it to go up as it is – so that George can be surprised, and they can work on putting clothes, stuffing (and such) on it together.

Mistake.

Emma seemingly can’t make a troll’s head.

[Emma] “I’ve just had George telling me it’s no good … What is it, he said”

[Ed – instantly regretting saying this the moment he said it] “Doesn’t look like much at the moment”

George also told them that Nic and Will’s scarecrow was better. So Emma went over to have a look (well, she sneaked a look – which she thinks is better than properly going round to see them).

And George was right. Nic and Will’s is better – bigger, big eyes, toothy grin, big white teeth, horns …

[Emma] “Oh they’ve been very clever”

[Ed] “That’s typical Will, that is. Just a little village competition and he’s got to make it into a big production”

[Emma] “Well we can’t just take it. We’ll have to up our game”

Ah grow up, for goodness sake!


Jonti no more

We never did get to hear from Jonti – although Tom and Brenda certainly did.

Lilian’s in “a state” as his last rent payment bounced, and it would seem he’s done a runner.

Tom and Brenda will be happy.

Is that it then? Some bloke moves into No.3 – is loud and annoying – then flits off without paying Lilian and Matt?



Cheerio Kate!

I think we’d all love the change to say goodbye to Kate.

She’s off home to South Africa (Phoebe will follow in a few weeks) and long may she never return!

But she will. Like a bad smell.


Henpecked Jamie

I was very keen for Jamie to stop being such an uncooperative little twerp – but he’s gone too far in the other direction.

He’s let Kathy choose the subjects he’ll do in 6th form. If he goes.

[Jamie] “I don’t really want to go into sixth form. It feels like more hard work”

And now Natalie is telling him what to do. What’s more, he does it.

I really can’t get a grip on whether Natalie is a good or a bad ‘un. Tonight, she was quite certainly a bad ‘un.

She was a wee bit sinister when she was saying that 6th form would be great – as she and Jamie would get to go to the same College – every day – for 2 years (eek – they’ve only been going out for a few weeks).

Then, she starts harassing him to call Marty, as the court case should be done and dusted. But Jamie really doesn’t want to call him:

[Natalie] “No you want. Do it now … you're sitting there worrying about what happens next … make the call, Jamie, or I’m out of here”

Scary young lady, indeed.

She did have a point – that Jamie was able to relax after speaking to Marty – but it’s the way she went about it.

It’s just lucky that Jamie doesn’t have a bunny, I reckon.


Steve and Marty are sent down

Not really.

Infact, I think they got off fairly light.

Referral orders for 9 month each – have to appear infront of a special panel – which set them a programme including community service and lectures on how to behave themselves – driving ban for Steve for 2 years, and Marty for 1 year.

As they plead guilty, they got 9 rather than 12 months.

[Jamie] “Marty’s relieved … he’s okay with me, Nat”

(hmm – reckon Steve isn’t going to be as amicable)

[Natalie] “He knows who to blame … Tell him to stop hanging out with Steve. Maybe that way he’ll have a future”

So Natalie also wants to tell Marty what to do.


Alice doesn’t even want help basting

Mum’s can always tell when something’s wrong.

Jennifer has easily spotted that there’s something troubling Alice, but Alice won’t tell her anything.

Which is a bit daft.

A problem shared …

… is likely a problem Brian and Jennifer can solve.

They know people.

The Archers Wednesday 6th July 2011: Borchester Show

• Eddie reckons Pip has a nice bunch of lambs
• Keira goes to the show
• Now Eddie’s washing and brushing those lambs
• Now that Emma knows …
• David has a “terrific” day
• No! Not Supermarkets!!!
• What would be the noun for a collective of scarecrows?
• You’re taking it too far, Oliver

Eddie reckons Pip has a nice bunch of lambs

*shudder*

But seriously. She did. The judges agreed. And she won.

Well done there, young Pip.



Keira goes to the show

George gets to go to school.

Will’s right. Favouritism …

(and I know Keira’s not of school age, but …)



Now Eddie’s washing and brushing those lambs

You can be serious, mate.

No idea how Clarrie puts up with you. Do nothing round to house, nothing to ease Clarrie’s burden – but a day out at a Show? Oh aye – happy to do anything for a free pint.

Shame on you, Mr Grundy (junior).




Now that Emma knows …

Susan will know shortly. Followed by the rest of the village.

Ed must have been too distracted by the (demo tractor’s) joystick to be thinking straight.

He suggests that Alice could be Keira’s godmother (as she is Emma’s sister in law), which Emma agrees with.

Then – the stupid bit – he tells Emma all about Alice, Chris and Chas.

[Ed] “Chris says, he turned out to be a bit mad”

And he tells Emma about Chas trying to get Alice to run away with him – that he was beaten up – that Chris took a loan off of him – that he was a loan shark – and that Chris has now had to get a loan from the bank to get rid of Chas.

[Ed] “Don’t you go telling anyone, Em, he’d be really upset .. .especially not your mum and dad”

[Emma] “What do you take me for?”

Well, I wouldn’t like to be rude to you Emma, but …

(and didn’t Ed do well helping those folks who didn’t eavesdrop on Ambridge Extra catch-up with Chas?)



David has a “terrific” day

Happy mood here to stay?

Probably not, if Elizabeth has anything to do with it …



No! Not Supermarkets!!!

[Pip] “We need a direct supply contract with a major supermarket”

Surely not?

If Pip gets her way, expect Brookfield to belong to Brian within a matter of years.


What would be the noun for a collective of scarecrows?

Emma is such a numpty.

Her son wants a scarecrow to enter the competition.

She says no.

She’s too busy.

But, as she’s not too busy enough to take time to go to Borchester Show, she has the headspace to notice that scarecrows can be sweet.

(she spotted decorative ones for gardens, rather than for fields)

You can almost hear the light bulb lick on:

[Emma] “Do you think we’re mean not making a scarecrow for George?”

Ed reckons not – but Emma says George keeps mentioning it.

So.

Ed and Emma decide to make George a scarecrow, as a surprise.

*sigh*

Ed and Will - scarecrows at dawn?



You’re taking it too far, Oliver

And I also reckon Ed’s taking advantage.

Oliver is really happy helping Ed out, being useful and killing some time by helping out doing the milking.

Ed has obviously enjoyed his day out with Emma and Keira – so much so, that he asks Oliver to now do two milkings rather than just the one.

[Oliver] “You mean, I’d be alike a proper relief milker … my dear chap, I’d be delighted”

Ed then tells Oliver (rather sheepishly) that he couldn’t afford to pay him the going rate.

[Oliver] “Oh good lord, I don’t want paid!”

It’s one thing to want to help, but didn’t Oliver hand the reigns over to Ed so that he could retire?

Surely Oliver could find a hobby (or another business project) to occupy his time?

I hope Caroline puts a stop to this.

Shame on you, My Grundy (junior, junior, junior)

The Archers Monday 4th July 2011: Loads of birds at Bridge Farm

• Clarrie is alive!
• Clarrie approves of Natalie
• George shall have his troll
• Patrick’s bird survey
• Tom’s factitious
• Who’ll get the flat above the shop?

Clarrie is alive!

Phew! Clarrie’s fit and well again – just in time to get back to work.

[Clarrie] “Eddie and his Barbie sausages, I ought to know better by now”

Will Eddie make it up to Clarrie?

Probably not … her day out at the new gardening centre, while may have been something she did want to do, isn’t quite being spoilt.


Clarrie approves of Natalie

So she must be alright then … ?


George shall have his troll

Clarrie is talking about what Ed used to be like, but all’s well that he’s settled down with Emma.

But, she tells Nic that it’s a shame they can’t find time to help George has his troll for the scarecrow competition.

Nic later catches Will having a sleep in the sun (he was up early, and will be working late):

[Will] “I reckons I’m entitled to a siesta after me sandwiches”

As they chat over the cakes and coffee Nic has brought (actually – can I have a Nic around the house?), Nic mentions that George wants a scarecrow, but Emma and Ed are too busy to make him one:

[Will] “Oh he ain't busy … he’s only got a mini herd!”

So Nic and Will to the rescue. Hurrah!


Patrick’s bird survey

Kirsty tells Pat of Patrick’s bird survey of Bridge Farm’s wetland.

It makes for exciting reading. 22 species, which makes Pat quite excited.

[Pat] “Just in our little wetland? Is that right?”

It’s seemingly especially good, considering the wetland has been so recently established.

[Kirsty] “Patrick is really thrilled by the place!”

(oooh – will Patrick return to the secret microphones? I was wondering where Helen’s male attention would come from, considering all she has at the moment is her dad, brother and wee son … sorry, must stop that. Helen’s not the kind for marrying, I reckon)

Chiffchaff.

Dunnock

Garden Warbler

Goldfinch (which might flock at the end of the breeding season)

Great Tit

Greenfinch

Kestrel (!)

Lapwing (which Pat was delighted to see back, as seemingly the farm used to have a fair few).


Tom’s factitious

As No.3, Jonti Waters, is still making life a living hell.

Still lots of loud music, and now Jonti’s taken to leaving rubbish bags at Tom’s gate.

Seems that Lillian’s stern letter (written by Brenda) has made no difference.

Surely just set Lynda on him? It’d be sorted in moments. Or, the Llamas would wind up a new colour …

(I shouldn’t laugh at the llamas being turned pink. It wasn’t remotely a funny thing to do)



Who’ll get the flat above the shop?

Seems Peggy is planning to rent the flat out again (as Helen has moved out).

It was Chris Vs Helen Vs Fallon last time (wasn’t it?).

Or, to be more accurate, their parents Vs their parents.

So what do we reckon? Will Jazzer take a chance to have his own place, right across from the pub?

Will Fallon want to move away from love-struck Kenton and Jolene?

Or, will tom and Brenda take a chance to move away from their rather unruly neighbour?

The Archers Friday 1st July 2011: Is Clarrie buried under a patio?!?!?

• Who should look after Clarrie?
• Jamie goes to the Police
• The Llamas seem fine
• The Snells’ scarecrow entry
• Does Eddie have something to hide?
• Joe doesn’t know a quiche when he sees one

Who should look after Clarrie?

Eddie and Joe are arguing who should look after Clarrie. Neither seemed to want to be tied to the house, caring for the woman who looks after their every whim and need …

It seems Clarrie has food poisoning. Or, at least Joe reckons that the sausages Eddie cooked on the barbeque are to blame.

[Eddie] “I only did it to give Clarrie a night off cooking …”

[Joe] “She did say one of hers wasn’t cooked through”

[Eddie] “Then she shouldn’t have eaten it then!”

That’s nice of you to say, Eddie.

Especially as Clarrie’s now ill for the start of her wee holiday.

She only wanted to spend a few days relaxing in the garden …


Jamie goes to the Police

With Kathy. All seems to be straightforward enough as far as Jamie is concerned. No hint of any blame being laid at his door.

And what a transformation Jamie is going through.

He’s telling the truth. Doing the right thing. Being cooperative. And even nice to Kathy.

[Jamie] “Mum, you’ve been amazing”

[Kathy] “I’m just so grateful that you’re alright … and I’m so proud of the way you faced up to it”

Jamie is still worried about maybe now having to be a witness in court. As he said, look what it did to Kathy …


The Llamas seem fine

[Lynda] “Yes. Luckily there seems to have been no lasting psychological damage”

Even though they are now just a paler pink rather than back to their proper colour.

Considering Jamie is now a seemingly reformed character – will the Llamas come back to bite him on the bum (literally as well as metaphorically)?


The Snells’ scarecrow entry

[Lynda] “We were going to do Mary has a little llama, but we’ve decided on a little Bo peep theme”

Does Eddie have something to hide?

Why didn’t Eddie want Lynda to see Clarrie?

Has he done her in?

Very odd behaviour, indeed.



Joe doesn’t know a quiche when he sees one

To be exact, Joe can pronounce quiche when he sees it written down.

How very droll.

The Archers Wednesday 29th June 2011: Caroline says no

• 5 years for Oliver and Caroline
• Fingers crossed Josh is no Jamie
• I’ll help George make Billy Goats Gruff
• Caroline won’t be Keira’s godmother
• Nigel’s in the vineyard?
• Kids in bed, Emma and Ed start to get fruity
• Is Emma seriously that thick?

5 years for Oliver and Caroline

But Oliver is at a bit of a loose end.

Caroline’s working, so he’s just planning to cook her a nice supper.

But wait … what’s this? … Caroline!

Seems Caroline got Ed to help her keep Oliver unoccupied, so she could surprise him by taking the day off, so they could go clay pigeon shooting and have a nice lunch.

[Oliver] “I’ve been had! And I couldn’t be more delighted”

Aw. That’s nice.


Fingers crossed Josh is no Jamie

Ruth reckons Josh is “turning into a typical teenager”.

He’s sulking as he can’t get the day off to go to the Borchester Show. And he even gelled his hair before he went to Phoebe’s birthday party yesterday.

Hardly the stuff of rebellion, but I do hope (for all our sakes) that Josh’s passage into young manhood is calmer than some folks we can think of …


I’ll help George make Billy Goats Gruff

Because it wouldn’t take that much time, or effort.

Whereas George wanting to enter the Scarecrow competition is far low down Emma’s priorities.

[Emma] “Like me and Ed have got the time. I had to say no”

Now that’s just not true, is it, Emma?


Caroline won’t be Keira’s godmother

[Caroline] “You’re a believer … but I can’t in all honestly make that kind of religious commitment that goes with the role”

Though she’s Will’s godmother (is that right?), Caroline’s feels she’s changed since then, and it would be now be hypocritical.

Which is fair enough. Especially as she’s still happy to be a “secular godmother”. Which basically means doing all the fun stuff like ballet and pretty things (if Keira grows up to be that way inclined).



Nigel’s in the vineyard?

Most certainly so, according to Elizabeth.

Kenton finds her hiding out there.

[Elizabeth] “if anywhere, he’s here”

Elizabeth talks about how she feels like:

[Elizabeth] “I have to keep control of everything”

And if she doesn’t, everything will just slip out of her grasp.

Taking his moment, Kenton tries to talk to her about David.

[Elizabeth] “I don’t like feeling like I do about David, you know. I hate it. And I hate what it’s doing to the rest of the family. I can’t help it … I can’t get it out of my head. I can’t get past it.”

So while she’s sorry that this is all tearing her family apart – and folks like Pip are even visibility scared of her – she can’t even bring herself to do things like going to Brookfield, as that would be a betrayal of Nigel.

[Elizabeth] “You can all stop hoping. There’s not going to be some sort of reconciliation between me and David … I don’t think I can ever forgive him for what he did”

Kids in bed, Emma and Ed start to get fruity

But are interrupted by Oliver calling round. Again.

Ah well. Considering how much Emma is stressing over having to look after two kids, probably best there’s no chance of a third.

Is Emma seriously that thick?

A question I’ve asked often before.

Emma could be thick. Or she might just have a complete lack of empathy.

Oliver was round to tell Emma and Ed of Caroline’s decision to only be a secular godmother.

You could actually hear Emma trying to understand principles …

[Emma] “What’s that all about? Taking it all so seriously …”

[Ed] “She’s not going to agree with something she doesn’t agree with”

Thick, lack of empathy, or just sees a christening as a nice day out?