Pondering The Archers: keira grundy

Adam’s still undecided

Adam’s refusing to be rushed, or harassed, about making his decision whether to support Home Farm growing arable for the Super Dairy.

He reckons that if he gives way to Brian and Debbie this time, he’ll be pushed around forever.

Ian seems to be on Brian and Debbie’s side, to an extent. He doesn’t see what difference it makes to Adam where the crop goes once it’s been grown. Growing a crop is growing a crop.

[Adam] “It would be like me saying to you cooking’s just cooking. I may still be growing crops, but what they’re grown for makes a difference.”

Ian ‘likes’ Pavel?

Ian suggest to Adam they meet up for pint later on.

What a surprise … that fruit picker Pavel was there again. Ian did seem to really enjoy his company the other week …

Pavel’s also passionate about food.

Proper food.

Food grown on proper farms. Not industrial units.

When Adam comes back from getting another round in:

[Pavel ] “Perhaps you’d like me to go away?”

No! Not Ian.

Pavel disagrees with the Super Dairy

[Pavel] “You produce it, he prepares it. You make a pretty good team.”

Well, sometimes. Cracks seem to be appearing over the Super Dairy. Though Pavel seems to agree with Adam’s side of the ‘discussion’.

[Pavel] “Agri business always wins in the end … proper food. If everyone demanded good food, they’d be no agri business.”

Tad simplistic, but I take Pavel’s point.

England: a safe haven for gay men

Who’d have thunk it.

[Pavel] “That would be very unusual in my county. You and Ian. Living like you do.”

Keira left her fluffy pig

At Brookfield.

Lucky Ed was over there fixing their quad bike.

She wouldn’t have got to sleep otherwise.

Keira not sleeping might have sent Emma over the edge.

Emma’s only got Ed

Ruth and David seem to be uncomfortable about Emma being definite that Keith was the arsonist.

They’re worried that the Police only seem to now be hunting down “one line of enquiry.”

[Emma] “Not even mu own mum, believes me. David, Ruth, everyone’s saying, are you sure, are you sure … Emma must have got it wrong, that’s what they all think … what if I have Ed, what if I’ve done that to uncle Keith and it was nothing to do with him. He’s always been so lovely to me. I can hardly believe it myself. But I did see him Ed, I did. I did. But I keep thinking … should I just ring again, tell them I wasn’t right, I’d got it wrong?”

After nearly convincing herself she could have been wrong, Ed convinces her that she was right.

[Ed] “I believe you Emma … and if Keith did that, if he pit all our lives at risk, then he’s got to face up to what he did … he needs banging up Em, and that’s all there’s to it.”

Adam to leave Ambridge?

Seems increasingly likely to me.

He’s between Brian and a hard place.

[Adam] “When did Brian ever compromise for me?”

Ian’s not sure Adam is being fair to Brian. Adam’s definite Brian’s not being fair to him. His chat with Pavel gave him more than food for thought:

[Adam] “I like his vision. It’s like the way I used to feel in Africa … I sometimes wish I was back in that world.”

What’s Adam’s options?

He stays, and has a tiny bit of Home Farm to work the way he wants to. While the Super Dairy usurps the rest.

Or go, and have the working life he craves.

Question is, would Ian go with him?

Tuesday, 3 July 2012

Judged by Britain in Bloom: Tues 03.07.12

The Archers Tuesday 3rd July 2012

After all that fuss …
Marcia fancies Joe?
Kenton wants you … but won’t say what for
Keira the Destroyer
Keith’s not a happy man
Ignorance is not sexy, Tracey

After all that fuss …

… it was a bit of a slow day in Ambridge.

Shame, really.

Marcia fancies Joe?

So, the great day has arrived.

After all that harassing and demanding, Lynda gets to present Ambridge to the Britain in Bloom judges.

One of who is called Marcia Greeve. The other Douglas (but Douglas doesn’t speak).

[Tracey] “Susan was polishing the veg for them … everyone’s gone bonkers””

It seems to all go fine. She and Jim do the honours.

Well, until Joe and Bartleby clip-clop by to catch Marcia’s eye …

Lynda disentangles them from Joe, only to find Jim steering the judges towards no. 8 The Green. Mind on that this was the only house to not follow the prescribed red, white and blue flower theme. They went yellow …

BUT.

Marcia loved it.

[Marcia] “It’s gaudy, but not garish.”

Jim was beside himself with glee with Marcia said that! What a wicked boy he is to Lynda.
They moved onto the Community Orchard.

Where Joe’s waiting to give them a nip of his cider.

[Lynda, horrified] “Joe’s a real character isn’t he?”

[Marcia] “He’s a real sweetie.”

(if Joe wasn’t 90, and Marcia sounded in her 30s or 40s, I’d have thought we were about to have an Autumn romance)

After all was said and done:

[Jim] “I think that all went rather well.”

[Lynda] “Yes, yes I suppose so … apart from Joe hijacking.”

Though Jim thinks that Marcia liked Joe, and her taking to him was an advantage. Joe certainly thinks so:

[Joe] “Wouldn’t be surprised if I swung the result in our favour.”

Though Joe is more than aware that his ‘help’ wasn’t welcomed by Lynda:

[Joe] “… every time I appeared she tuned a funny colour /… me and Bartleby were more than a match for her!”

Kenton wants you … but won’t say what for

Seems Kenton’s posters for the sport bit of the Fete are up and about. They have a space for people to sign up to teams. But, the posters don’t mention what the teams will be doing.

Mind you, Lynda’s performance art sounds more worrying than anything Kenton might have planned.

Keira the Destroyer

Just as the judges are about to come to the Village Shop, Emma and Ed’s Keira starts rearranging it.

[Susan] “Good job I noticed what she did to that tub earlier”

(what? What did Keira do to the tub?!? We must be told)

As Lynda arrives at the shop with the judges, she’s trying to tell them about volunteering, when she’s drowned out by Keira’s crying.

Though it’s okay.

Marcia is distracted by the phone box and it’s lovely, lovely flowers.

Keith’s not a happy man

In fact, he sounds near suicidal.

He’s in Ambridge for a hair and make-up rehearsal at Susan’s before the wedding. Well, that’s something most men would turn pale at the thought of …

[Tracey] “You should see Chelsea. She’s like a bottle of pop!”

Better still. Hyper little girls.

It all sounded very raucous at Susan. Even Emma though it was too much – Tracey was supposed to be keeping them all calm:

[Emma] “It would be nice of Tracey lent a hand … doesn’t sound like she’s doing too good a job of it.”

Then Chelsea’s hamster got loose …

Keith eventually winds up in The Bull having a chat with Joe. He sounds beyond despondent.

[Keith] “This one’s costing me an arm and several legs … to be honest Joe; I don’t know how I’m going to do it.”

Oops.

Sounds like this wedding is on the never ever (never!).

Ignorance is not sexy, Tracey

Tracey has been trying to make lamb samosas. Something to do with trying to win Ifty’s affections.

That’s so wrong, on so many levels, that I actually don’t want to discuss it.

(by the way – seems Ifty’s surname is Sha)

Saturday, 30 June 2012

Emma won’t let Ed leave: Wed 27.06.12

The Archers Wednesday 27th June 2012

Cricket for Women: the campaign gathers speed
Clive was always bad
The unhappy father of the bride
The Brookfield clan to be split
Ed’s not going anywhere

Cricket for Women: the campaign gathers speed

[Natalie] “The thing I can’t understand is why no one has made a fuss about it up til now … we can’t be the only girls in the county wanting to play cricket … it is the 21st century and it must be possible to find someone to play us, what morons runs this league anyway?!?”

Natalie’s having a right good rant, to a rather fed up Jamie. Alistair has tried to arrange a game for the female cricket players of Ambridge, but there is no other women’s ream in the county.

[Natalie] “Do they think that every woman in Ambridge just makes jam and has babies … we weren’t all born to make sponges … Jamie, are you even listening to me … don’t you think they should all be dragged into the 21st century?”

[Jamie] “Don’t you think we could forget about cricket, just for tonight and think about us?”

[Natalie] “It just makes me so mad!”

[Jamie] “Maybe you’re fighting a losing battle … you’ve got your hockey, that’s competitive enough for anyone.”

But – Jamie then unwittingly suggests a solutions. He mentions girls schools.

[Jamie] “So, can we forget about cricket and concentrate on us now?”

Mais non! His suggestion has Natalie scurrying back to Alistair to suggest he finds a girls school who plays cricket, to then play against the Ambridge Women’s Cricket team.

But it’s all for nowt. Alistair now thinks that Ambridge doesn’t have enough girls to make up a decent numbered team.

[Natalie] “It would be rubbish if the St Mags girls walked all over us.”

Jamie again unwittingly finds the solution. He suggests they make Natalie’s hickey mates “honorary” cricketers.

So again, instead of spending time with him. Natalie’s off to arrange.

Worse still, Natalie’s taken Jamie’s idea and twisted it:

[Natalie] “We’re actually doing it the other way round … we’re not giving honorary cricket status to some hockey girls … we’re giving honorary female status to some of you!”

Women get cricket by making the boys play with them.

That should be fun. And at least Jamie will get to spend more time with Natalie!

Clive was always bad

Talking to Emma, Keith reminisces about living at the family home as a kid.

He minds on when Gary broke his arm.

[Keith] “Clive’s fault, kept making him go higher … none of us used to stand up to Clive.”

Wonder if Clive will put in an unwelcome cameo appearance at Keith’s daughter’s wedding?

The unhappy father of the bride

[Keith] “I keep trying to escape the wedding of the year but the chaos keeps following me around.”

Seems Keith hankers for the good old days, when all you did was turn up and be married. Now it’s all butterflies and doves.

[Keith] “I’ve learnt to ask how much,. Not what for.”

But for all his grumbling, Keith sounds like a good dad, trying to make his daughter’s special day a very special one indeed.

He’s even bought a tiara for Emma’s Keira, which Emma was overjoyed to receive.

The Brookfield clan to be split

Ben and Josh to Heather’s (with Ruth dropping them off, and staying a few days).

Ruth off to Spencer’s.

So it’ll be David by himself for a bit.

Odd.

Does no one care about David?

Ed’s not going anywhere

Ed was also due to be away, at the same time that Ben, Josh, Pip and Ruth are away.

He’s booked into his badger vaccination course. Which is arranged and paid for, and which will pay Ed a nice wee wage once he’s up and running.

But he can see problems having to leave Emma and Keira. It’ll only be David nearby.

[Emma] “It’s all turning into something off the telly. It’s mad … Why didn’t they tell us sooner. It’s not very responsible of them.”

Ed tries to reason with Emma (brave chap!) that the gang are after David and his family. Not them and theirs.

But Emma doesn’t want Ed to go away.

[Emma] “Please … I really mean it, I’ll never be able to sleep.”

[Ed, hearing Emma very upset] “Okay.”

[Emma] “It’s either you stay here, or I go. That’s the long and short of it. If it’s not safe for Ruth and David’s kids, it’s not safe for ours either. Not without you in the house.”

This might just be me – but couldn’t Emma just go to Susan’s?

Or even move into Brookfield with the also solo David?

Saturday, 17 March 2012

Jim spooks Vicky 12.03.12

The Archers Monday 12th March 2012

Tracey has four kids
Helen never made mention of nappies
Pat’s a crusader without even trying
Keira’s bored of being a baby
Jim’s threesome
Is that Brian under the tractor?
Emma appreciates the Doll House
Hilary Noakes’ cockatoo is ill
Jim has spooked Vicky

Tracey has four kids

Counting her dad and Gary.

Though Emma was looking to her for some (probably free) babysitting, Tracey reckons she already has her hands full.

Emma is also furious to learn that Tracey also has the cheek to want to find a job – and had the nerve to see if Emma could babysit for her when she not at Lower Loxley in the afternoons.

Horrendous! How dare the world not revolve around Emma! Very surprised she’s still speaking to Clarrie after Clarrie went back to her job at Bridge Farm.

Anyhoo – point is that Emma can’t get proper babysitting sorted.

How long before she’s forced to ask Nic?

Helen never made mention of nappies

So Brian was fibbing when he said he volunteered Jennifer to do the veg box recipes because of Helen:

[Brian] “I’m sorry I dropped you in it but I had to stop Helen talking about Henry and his nappies somehow”

Pat’s a crusader without even trying

Brian’s bemoaning the fact that Pat’s petition against the Super Dairy is getting more and more signatures, when Pat obviously hasn’t been focusing on her campaign while Tony is ill.

[Brian] “Here’s me packing their veg boxes, meanwhile her campaign is taking on a life of its own and is threating to stiff my business. It’s a funny old world”

He’s not as calm when it comes to the protestors at the Mart. They’re “loonies” who don’t understand anything.

Keira’s bored of being a baby

So says Susan. Keira’s started walking, which had made Keira very happy.

[Susan] “Bored of being a baby. She’s very bright, you see”

Jim’s threesome

Jim comes into the shop while Vicky and Susan are chatting.

[Jim] “What a bevy of beauty! You're both looking particularly delightful today, if I may say so … is that a new jumper Susan?”

It’s not, but Vicky’s is.

Jim then compliments (ah ha!) Vicky on the colours of said top being delightful, and that she’s looking “trim and slimmer”.

*sigh*

Jim’s not very good at this. He’s coming over as a bit of a perv AND you never (ever) mention a woman’s weight.

Whether it be a compliment or not.

Is that Brian under the tractor?

Yes it was.

Which gave Jennifer a fright. Surely that’s something Jeff could do (so she says).

He’s just trying to get his mind off of the folks who are against the Super Dairy.

Seems Lord Donald Eldberry has “fallen” for the anti-brigade, and has written to Brian as a result.

[Brian] “I’ve got councillors on the phone wittering about objections their constituents have raised, not to mention pen pushers in the planning department!

[Jennifer] “Calm down. I can practically see your blood pressure rising”

Jennifer admits that she’s worried Brian is going to do a Tony and collapse with a heart attack.

[Brian] “Oh, is this why we’ve been having all that weird food … mackerel and lentils … oh darling, you won’t get rid of me that easily. But any more lentils, you just might!”

Emma appreciates the Doll House

[Emma] “It's going to be gorgeous dad!”

Blimey!

That’s not like Emma to be thankful for the effort someone else has gone to for her (well, Keira).

A slight thaw?

Hilary Noakes’ cockatoo is ill

Aw – that’s a shame.

(and I do mean that!).

Susan warns Emma to make sure George doesn’t ask Hilary about her cockatoo as a result. Seems George is fascinated about it, but Hilary can’t cope talking about it (him?) at the moment.

It’s been losing weight and feathers, and has had swabs taken.

[Susan] “Don’t let George say anything, it’ll only burst her into tears!”

Neil warns Susan that she’s verging on gossip (which she had given up for lent).

[Susan] “That was not gossip. That was a point of information to Emma … helpful not harmful!”

Jim has spooked Vicky

Vicky’s round visiting Susan and Neil. She’s a bit perplexed.

[Vicky] “It’s what Jim said in the shop … what he said to me about looking very trim … what did he mean ... well is he saying I've lost weight? Cause if so, how am I supposed to take it? Is he saying I was fat before .… that I looked fat then … what do you think Neil?”

[Neil] “Me?!?”

[Vicky] “Well you’re a man. If you tell someone she’s looking very trim are you saying she’s lost weight ?”

[Neil] “Erm, I don’t think I’ve ever said that to anyone, so I’m sorry Vicky I can’t be of much help”

[Susan, saving Neil] “I just thought it was a compliment … he said all that about me and my jumper, then he moved onto you. I’m sure it was a compliment”

[Vicky] “So why didn’t he just stick to saying my new top suited me or something. Nah, I’m sorry Susan. I’m not convinced”

Oh dear.

Saturday, 28 January 2012

Thoughts still of Alan Titchmarsh 24.01.12

The Archers Tuesday 24th January 2012

Susan has no empathy
Keira cries when she sees Emma
They stole 200 metres of cable (blah blah blah)
Tracey has Neil wrapped
When Titchmarsh praised Clarrie
The Cider Club isn’t working
Susan has no tact

Susan has no empathy

I know we know that (at times – she can also be quite sweet).

But did she really need to go on at Clarrie about how busy they are in the dairy?

Poor Clarrie lost her job. And hasn’t yet found another. And her job seekers allowance stops in March.

[Susan] “They’re not pressuring you, are they? They do hear stories”

Clarrie reckons no so. Her adviser is “nice”, and she might even retake her food and hygiene certificate – and also a catering certificate. Which she can do online.

Really?

I didn’t think Clarrie was the online type of gal.

Keira cries when she sees Emma

Seems no one believes Clarrie when she says that Keira isn’t a grumbling, moaning wee Minnie when she’s looking after her.

[Clarrie] “She’ll be good as gold all day with me, then the minute she sees her mum she starts crying”

[Susan] “Temper … makes her mum realise she left her and she’s cross”

Is Keira just bad tempered?

Or can Keira just not stand her mum?

She would be the first to react that way to Emma.

They stole 200 metres of cable (blah blah blah)

I really can’t write again about the thieves. Who took all that cable. And in broad daylight, pretending they were workmen. And that it was shocking, And that Jim was a star. Blah, blah, blah indeed. I’ll leave it to Jim.

[Jim] “To be fair, That wasn’t a problem with the technology, human nature doesn’t change so quickly”

Tracey has Neil wrapped

Neil is in such a desperation to get Tracey and her brood out of his and Susan’s house that Tracey can get him to do anything she pleases.

And it pleases her to get him rushing over to her. She’s got a painting disaster.

The paint she’s putting onto her room is turning out muddy, not lilac.

Neil tells her the original paint was too dark for her to paint onto to. That she should have out an undercoat on.

He even offers her a tin of white emulsion paint, rather than her having to buy it.

Which Tracey gratefully accepts.

Then it pleases her that Neil has to go there and then to fetch it.

Which he does, albeit grudgingly.

Then (!), when Neil gets back, Tracey claims he must show her how to put the paint on. So that she doesn’t get it wrong again.

Which he does.

That man is never going to get peace ever again, whether she lives with him or not.

When Titchmarsh praised Clarrie

Jim’s looking for Promises to sell off for the Britain in Bloom fundraising efforts.

Susan reckons Clarrie’s encyclopaedic knowledge of Flowering Plants would be perfect.

[Susan] “When Alan Titchmarsh came to the village, he particularly praised Clarrie's lilies”

[Jim] “Good heavens! We’d be honoured then!”

Ah, that’s nice.

It’ll be good for Clarrie to get something positive in her life.

The Cider Club isn’t working

Quite literally.

The deal was that the cider club would help out at the Community orchard, in return for a share of the cider Eddie and Joe would then make.

Jim’s been trying to work out how much cider everyone is due – but seems the cider club hasn’t been doing much at all. It’s mainly just been Jim rushing about.

[Susan] “Sounds like Joe and Eddie owe you a couple of flagons already”

Susan has no tact

Which is a surprise, when she displays utter tactlessness to Jennifer. She wants to be ‘close; to the Aldridges, but I suppose she can’t help her nature.

First she tells Jennifer that the shop got ever such good publicity from the radio reports about the Super Dairy. Susan had made sure the radio chaps name checked.

Then:

[Susan] “But they interviewed Adam, didn’t he tell you?”

[Jennifer, trying to change the subject] “He didn’t think he use his bit …”

[Susan, not noticing, or caring?] “They were bound to. Someone from Home Farm against the dairy … still, it’s a tricky time for you, so many people against it”

[Jennifer] “And so many people for it … that’s your impression for you, that there are more people against than for it?”

[Susan] “ … I wouldn’t like to say …”

(aye, right then)

Susan then mentions what they’re saying at The Bull. Especially that Brian is too scared to show his face.

Jennifer is horrified at the thought that people think Brian is staying away. Far more horrified that he’s seen to be scared and hiding, than at people possibly hating him for his plans …

Ah, Brian and Jennifer. The perfect match.

Monday, 18 July 2011

The Archers Sunday 17th July 2011: Keira’s christening

At least the little one looks like a goat
What is it with sausages?
Can Will stay well clear?
Alf is a no-show
Jack will be 92
Keira runs late for her own christening
“why is that man wearing a nightie?”
Neil gets all moral
Ambridge won at cricket
George got flashing shoes, but fell into a rose bush
The Thwaites have a great spider

At least the little one looks like a goat

[Will] “I finally worked out how to do legs”

[Nic] “Yeah, the little one really looks like a goat … I always thought the big one looked more like …well … a wildebeest … it’s the sort of … erm … hefty shoulders”

[Will] “Well it is the big billy goat gruff. It needs to be hefty if it’s to put the troll into the river”

[Nic] “Oh, of course, silly me”

[George, on seeing the troll and three goats scarecrow] “Wicked! …I like the little one. He really looks like a goat”

Never mind, Will. Even if they don’t all look like it, at least you have two more than Ed.

Ed later finds out about Will doing all three goats. He’s not a happy chappy.

But at least Clarrie is speaking sense.

[Clarrie] “Couldn’t you think of something different?”

What is it with sausages?

George is persuaded to go to Keira’s christening through the promises of sausages.

Considering there seemed to be a bit of a bun fight about who was going to get to make the sausages (Nic won) – what’s the big passions for sausages?

Sausage shortage in Ambridge?

Where’s Tom???

Can Will stay well clear?

Will is worried about what Emma will be like at the christening (yes Will – we all know what Emma can be like!), but Nic is more worried about Will and Ed.

Will promises to stay well clear.

Possible?

Alf is a no-show

Humph.

Not a surprise, really. Thought this might happen – as it did with Clive Horrobin.

What a tease!

Seemingly he’s not well enough to travel. (aye, right then)

Clarrie’s quite happy. Seemingly Alf is quite a picky eater.

He even turned his nose up at her steak and kidney pie once.

Blimey.

Jack will be 92

On Tuesday.

Jamie will be 16 on Wednesday.

Keira runs late for her own christening

As she filled her nappy.

That’s her social calendar not off to a very auspicious start.

“why is that man wearing a nightie?”

Mia’s in full flow – right during Keira’s christening.

[Mia] “Mummy. Why’s that man wearing a nightie?”

[Will] “It’s a surplice … all vicars wear them”

[Mia] “It’s a nightie!”

Nic apologies to Alan for Mia interrupting the service (he doesn’t mind – he’s used to it), and also to Emma. Who was a complete bitch back to Nic.

[Emma] “Upstaging Keira like that … old enough, I’d have thought, to understand she can’t always be the centre of attention”

Meow.

Neil gets all moral

[Neil] “It’s the wrong way round … getting married first … doesn’t that worry you?”

[Alan] “I’m always thrilled to welcome a little child into the church …”

[Neil] “Well the fact is, Emma, well, she had a go at marriage and it ended in tears, so …"

Oh.

Is Neil really upset that Emma and Ed has brought forth child without getting married first?

But there’s always a silver lining.

[Neil, on Emma being a mum] “I’m so pleased she’s finally found something she’s good at … I always thought she’d have a career, but she never really settled to anything”

Ambridge won at cricket

Again! Hurrah!

That the Ambridge team was mainly made up of “old men and boys” (due to harvest) makes the win even better – even though Waterly Cross also had the same problem.

Well, a win is a win.

George got flashing shoes, but fell into a rose bush

Never mind wee man. Life can be like that.

The Thwaites have a great spider

As they’re doing Little Miss Muffet for their scarecrow.

Sunday, 26 June 2011

The Archers Friday 24th June 2011: Ruth has a chat with Elizabeth

(well, more of a bruising)

Why so surprised that Harry pulled?
Pondering when Emma met Ed
Will and Nic as Keira’s godparents???
Lynda in party planning mode
"the Llamas were violated"
Ruth makes a suggestion to Elizabeth which doesn’t go down at all well

Why so surprised that Harry pulled?

[Ed] “Harry’s only gone and pulled!”

Emma sounded quite shocked.

Why so?

Harry’s too dull for most women? Did they also assume he was gay?

(still not finding that whole farce funny. Like the whole Harold Asquith (real name Wendy Diamond) and Colin Carpenter (Michelle MacLean) elopement, this all feels a tad childish – at worst, a wee bit bigoted)

See my previous posts

Either way, Harry is seeing Zofia again, and Jazzer doesn’t seem too bothered.

He pulled someone else anyway …

Pondering when Emma met Ed

Of more accurately, when Emma left Will for Ed.

They walk by reminders of the night Emma left Will.

[Emma] “We’ve come a long way, haven’t? … have we left all out wild past behind us, do you think?”

So Emma’s now worried about becoming “boring and settled”

[Ed] “It’s not so bad being settled, is it?”

[Emma] “Not with the right person, no”

Will and Nic as Keira’s godparents???

Good lord no! Ed was just joking.

Seemingly Susan and Clarrie are on at Ed and Emma to get Keira’s christening organised.

And looks like the choice for godparents is an easy one – Oliver and Caroline.

Lynda in party planning mode

What’s the problem with the Snells’ finance?

They seem to be very preoccupied by the cost of their forthcoming garden party – to celebrate their 25 years in Ambridge.

[Lynda] “Mid-afternoon, so no obligation to give them a big meal … fete champetre, you might say”

They have at least 150 people to invite, including Robert’s kids, partners and their children.

[Lynda] “25 years of village life Robert, that’s a lot of friendships”

So, to keep costs minimised, they’ll provide the drinks and strawberries & cream, with all guests contributing to the food.

Which I think if fair enough. David Cameron’s ‘Big Society’ and all that … not that I think Cameron knows what it means to properly pitch in, but I do digress …

But, Robert has to tell Lynda to stop. Which takes a bit of effort, but when he does get her to listen, he leads her outside …

"the Llamas were violated"

If you were sensible enough to not listen to Ambridge Extra (actually – that’s not entirely fair – there has been some ‘good’ moments, in-between the youf language and music), you won’t know that Jamie and his moronic mates sprayed the Snells’ Llamas with pink hair dye.

Very droll.

[Lynda] “Oh no. Whatever’s happened to them?”

Wolfgang and little Constanza had pink “wiggles” on them “like some modern art installation”, when Robert found them.

[Lynda] “They must have been terrified. They would have run away”

But Robert reckons they must have backed them into a corner. And that is was “just” kids, “high in something”.

Lynda is quite rightly distraught. Poor Wolfgang and Constanza – must have been frightening, though they do seem fairly relaxed now.

Then again, animals are not very good at showing emotional trauma …

Robert reckons there’s no point in reporting it to the Police. In his shoes – I would have.

Where there’s pink hair die, there’s a guilty teen.

Maybe I should just call in the Police myself. After all, I did hear the dirty deed being done.

And it’s not only the Llamas that are upset. Lynda’s taking it personally:

[Lynda] “When we’ve just been saying how welcome and settled we out in Ambridge … warmth and support … there’s someone out there who hates us …Robert, the Llamas were violated!”

But good old Robert puts a positive spin on it (well, not really – all he can say is that it was likely “bored youngsters with nothing better to do” than anyone with a vendetta). And also refocuses Lynda onto the party.

So Robert hangs the expense! The Snells shall have their fete champetre on the 1st Sunday in August.

Ruth makes a suggestion to Elizabeth which doesn’t go down at all well

Ruth finally tackles Elizabeth. Not literally, but, as the conversation went on, I got the feeling that she would have like to do so …

After Elizabeth tries to avoid talking to her (she’s busy … minding the gallery … the kids etc ec), Elizabeth then tries to steer the conversation onto her not having sent Elizabeth a birthday card. Of course she knows all too well that it’s her letter, removing David and Ruth as Lily and Freddie’s guardians, that Ruth has come to talk about.

[Elizabeth] “It’s my decision, and I don’t want to discuss I … taken it on yourself to fight his battles?”

As Ruth points out, her being removed as guardian does actually affect her – as well as leaving David in tatters.

But Elizabeth doesn’t want to discuss anything rationally.

[Elisabeth] “You don’t see, do you … it’s not about what you and David want …. doing what David wanted cost Nigel his life …

… “I can quite see that he’d want to take care of Freddie and Lily, yes, out of guilt … but after what he did to Nigel, how can he possibly think I’d want the man who took their father away from them looking after them if I wasn’t around, the idea is ludicrous …

“… no, I’m not listening … I can’t see why this has come as such a surprise to you

“… Nigel’s’ not here, and do you know why, because David forced him to do something he didn’t want to do, to save David time”

[Ruth] “Not again …”

[Elizabeth, shouting] “YES again, because you can’t change it!”

Elizabeth talks about how Nigel died because David wanted to save an hour the following day. And that he made it worse by not telling her.

Then Ruth drops her own bombshell.

[Ruth] “He felt terrible, he feels terrible … you’ve had a terrible time, the most awful trauma … but really, what might help might be some sort of counselling …. To help you comes to terms …”

[Elizabeth] “You’ve got a nerve … do you know what would help, out yourself into my position …now tell me how much counselling is ever going to help with that???”

Oops.

Telling Elizabeth she needed counselling was never going to go sown well, no matter who said it to her.

But coming from Ruth? Wife of David?

Not a good idea, at all.

Wednesday, 20 April 2011

The Archers Wednesday 20th April 2011: Jamie returns, then leaves again

click the title above, or the 'read more' link below the bullet points to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

Elizabeth approves
Ruth’s too thick for The Ghost
Kenton’s dreaming of Monte Carlo
Jamie missed his shift
Seriously, Keira is Will’s
Jamie’s now turning Jolene into Kathy
Joe suddenly got a sudden urge to babysit

Elizabeth approves

[Elizabeth] “I think it’s wonderful, and I’m really happy for you … mum does want you to be happy. She just wants to be sure that this is what will make you happy”

[Kenton] “Then she should trust me to know that for myself”

But it’s okay, Kenton.

As Elizabeth has given her approval for you to see Jolene, you can breathe a little more easy.

(Honestly, the ego of that woman!)

Ruth’s too thick for The Ghost

She seemingly can’t get into it, even though Lynda is now on her second read.

We’ll just put that one to tiredness, Ruth (bless ya).

And your family will also see you right. Kenton’s going to pump Jim for information.

[Elizabeth] “She’s going to look very erudite, coming out with Jim’s opinion”

Ah – Ruth looking intelligent. That’s what was to Shock Ambridge to the Core!

Kenton’s dreaming of Monte Carlo

[Kenton] “ …mountain road, in a DB5 convertible … You with your head scarf tied a la Grace Kelly, and me in a pair of shades”

[Jolene] “I hope you’ll be wearing a bit more than that!”

[Kenton] “Well, some of the time”

Oh my.

I really hope that the secret microphones don’t follow Jolene and Kenton on holiday. We’ll all be hiding behind the sofa.

He’s also very proud of Jolene for not smoking (um …), and is chuffed that his kiss test is working (um … actually, Kenton).

Here’s how it will go.

Jolene sneaks a fag. Kenton catches her. They have their first argument. But make up again.

Or, Jolene doesn’t sneak a fag. Is miserable and grumpy the whole time. She and Kenton argue. They break up.

So – smoking is goof for Jolene and Kenton. He just needs to accept that.

Jamie missed his shift

And Jolene was so angry, that she refused to go up and drag him out of bed.

[Jolene] “He can do some spud bashing or summit before he goes out”

He’s a tw*t!

Seriously, Keira is Will’s

Today, Keira is a “grizzly little thing”

She really hasn’t been happy since she was born.

Remind you of any other Grundy?

Clarrie reckons she just need to be swaddled. Emma should listen to that.

Clarrie knows all.

Jamie’s now turning Jolene into Kathy

Jolene went upstairs to see Jamie, only to find that he’d done a runner.

She doesn’t realise it yet, but he’s also stolen the pack of ciggies Lilian had given her). He’s going to pay for that, once Jolene stops blaming Kenton (and covering asking by suggesting he’d removed her lip gloss …).

Kathy returned home to find the house in uproar – socks on the floor, dirty kitchen, bed slept in, bedroom a mess … all signs of Jamie (a “message” from Jamie), but no actual Jamie to be seen.

[Kathy] “Hmmm. What’s he doing sleeping in the daytime. He must be out all night”

[Clarrie] “If it were me, I’d at least be glad he’s around … you know he’s eating and sleeping, so he’s okay … it’s just a matter of time. It’s not easy, I know, but you’re doing the right thing”

Then Jolene phones Kathy in a panic. She’s worried where’s Jamie gone to – sounding remarkably like Kathy used to (when Jolene use to dismiss her and see her as OTT).

Jolene’s worried she did the wrong thing:

[Jolene] “I was so fed up with him Kathy, I just let him stew”

Let him go, Jolene. If Kathy does the same, we’ll all get some peace.

Joe suddenly got a sudden urge to babysit

Poor Joe. He’s still in hiding after Gardeners’ Question Time.

At least Emma will get a break if Joe’s helping out. Especially since she’s really not good at coping with two.

Thursday, 14 April 2011

Ambridge Extra Thursday 14th April 2011: Round Four (and much better, I reckon)

click the 'read more' link below the bullet points to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

Not taking it all back, but …
Kenton in a pink leotard
Pretty Polly?
“Point your beak that way”
Spencer stretching for Pip?
Keira had a bit of a cob-on
Chris sounds like Jamie
Jamie stole vodka
“Don’t do a Paula Radcliffe”
What’s this Chas and Alice situation?
Chris is annoyed
Jamie’s a good boy really?

Not taking it all back, but …

I’m still not entirely convinced that the secret microphones are in the right place during Ambridge Extra, but thought today was a lot better.

Maybe it’s because it was slightly more to do with the older of the youngsters (Chris, Ed and Alice) – didn’t have thumping club music – and had a fun run in it.

That’s more Ambridge!

I am still confused about the timespan of what we’re eavesdropping into (seemingly these sessions covers a longer period than our average Archers) – doesn’t make for easy switching between this and Ambridge proper.

Anyhoo. We’ve moved up for a C (did you understand any of the exam questions) to a B minus (trying harder, but not quite there yet).

Kenton in a pink leotard

Oh dear.

Kirsty’s Ostrich costume sounded tame in comparison – but the difference was that she didn’t want to wear it for the Fun Run, whereas Kenton was quite buzzing to be in his.

[Kenton] “This is meant to be a fun run. Where’s your sense of fun?”

Pretty Polly?

(sorry – far too obvious, I know)

The girl that Jamie met the other night was called Polly. She was the mate of the lassie who Daniel was taking out, and took Jamie along to make it a double. Date.

Fallon was winding up Jamie, but he did seem to quite like Polly. They haven’t arranged to meet up again, but they’ve chatted online (which is good as meeting face-to-face, for these wee whippersnappers!).

Wonder if Polly will stick around Jamie for a bit and make him a slightly less moody chap?

“Point your beak that way”

Which is what Kenton said to Kirsty when she said she couldn’t see to tell him and Alice who was standing next to Pip (!).

I think I agree with Kirsty. That sounds like an awful costumer to have to run in.

Spencer stretching for Pip?

It was that bloke Spencer who was next to Pip.

He was seemingly doing very “wide leg stretches”, which Kenton reckoned was his way of trying to impress Pip.

But, Spencer did win the fun run, so maybe not.

A bit odd that Spencer’s brother Steve (who is one of Jamie’s mates) was taking the Michael out of the Fun Run, but didn’t say anything about or to his brother?

Can’t imagine is was busy enough for him to not have spotted Spencer.

Keira had a bit of a cob-on

She sounds more and more like her uncles Will each day!

Chris sounds like Jamie

In the sense that he was being incredibly mono-syllabic with Alice.

What’s his problem?

Jamie stole vodka

Oh what a silly wee laddie.

Jolene and Fallon are hardly going to be chuffed with him. And it was only to impress his moronic mates.

Tonight, they took the Michael out of the Fun Run – the Michael out of Jamie over his date (along the lines of ‘did you just hold hands’) – called Daniel “a geek” (but didn’t have the balls to do it to his face) – chucked Daniel’s bag into the bushes while he was off running – and called Jamie ‘a girl’ for wanting to wait to see Fallon finish the Fun Run,

What silly little boys indeed.

“Don’t do a Paula Radcliffe”

What an odd thing for Jamie to shout at the folks taking part in the Fun Run.

Is she still ‘current’?

What’s this Chas and Alice situation?

It’s all quite suspicious.

Chas called Alice almost immediately after she’d left their flat at Uni for home.

And now Alice is calling Chas.

Are they just being matey?

I’m not convinced that Chas is really just interested in being ‘there’ for Alice while she and Chris have problems – just as I’m not totally convinced nothing happened between them when she was drunk.

And now they’re meeting up for lunch in Stratford.

[Chas] “Come on. Put down your books and your piny and let me put a smile on your face”

Hmmm.

Chris is annoyed

Despite telling Alice that he was fine about the Facebook video, Chris admits to Ed that he is actually quite put-out by it.

He sprains his ankle during the Fun Run (which is Alice’s fault for making him do it in the first place), which gives Ed time to have a chat with him.

Telling Ed about the video:

[Chris] “She said she was drunk, and his hands were all over her … now I’m starting to wonder what else she’s been up to”

Sounds like Chris is trying to believe nothing has happened, but the doubt is there.

But Ed reckons they’re the perfect couple, and Chris shouldn’t worry.

[Ed] “I know what it’s like when somebody’s made for you. It might get rough, but at the end of the day, there’s nothing that’s going to change that … I know about this stuff, I’ve got the scars to prove it”

Chris takes Ed’s advice on-board, later joking with Alice that he should rest up his foot, take the day off of work, and lie down on the sofa while Alice feeds him beer.

But … Alice does everything she can to persuade Chris that he should go to work. And that she needs to study.

Oh dearie me. That’s not the truth, is it Alice? Aren’t you popping off to Stratford?

Jamie’s a good boy really?

After Steve and Marty have left (to go to the pavilion to drink vodka – classy!), Jamie retrieves Daniels’ bag from the bushes.

Daniel catches him doing so, and (in a straight forward Daniel way) thanks Jamie, but also expresses his concern that Jamie’s acquaintances might not be very suitable for Jamie.

[Jamie] “Those two losers. Why do you even hang about with those idiots?”

Why indeed?

Jamie seems desperate to impress them, even asking Daniel not to say that he got his bag back for him.

Underneath that idiotic teenage façade is a nice young chap staring out.

Monday, 11 April 2011

The Archers Sunday 11th April 2011: Girl Grundy has a name

click the 'read more' link below the bullet points to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

Kathy has conditions
Susan and Clarrie coo-cooing
Ed hasn’t got a neat nose
£10 a week!!!
Cheeky – she does have a name after all!

Kathy has conditions

[Jolene] “Jamie, you’re asking your mum to do a very big favour”

Jamie’s in a grump as Kathy hasn’t given him an answer about whether she’ll sign his work permit.

Jolene’s trying to reason with him, but is finding that he ain’t the easiest chap to reason with.

Kathy does eventually turn up (she was having her lunch first), and asks for Jamie to leave the room first. He grumps off, leaving Jolene and Kathy alone.

[Kathy] “I’m sorry about the things I said to you last time I was here … I had no right to blame you … it's not your fault my relationship with Jamie has broken down so badly … and I can see it puts you in a difficult position”

[Jolene] “It does … and one I didn’t ask to be in”

So Kathy’s big enough to clear the air – though it has to be said that Jolene didn’t make it that easy for her. And, Kathy has decided that she will let Jamie work … on condition that he pays for his keep at The Bill:

[Kathy] “He’s got to see that what he does has consequences”

And, that if she gets another call from school about Jamie skiving off school, Kathy will withdraw her consent for him to work.

Jolene’s a bit put out to hear Jamie has been bunking off, and reckons Kathy’s conditions are all well and good.

So both agree that it’s better Jamie is working than off out with his mates. Even if Jolene is getting a bit worried that Jamie’s never actually going to go home.

Well, she did say that The Bull was his home … I reckon Kathy should stop chasing after him, and settle down to a peaceful life of her own.

Susan and Clarrie coo-cooing

[Susan] “It’s so nice to have a little girl to buy for”

[Clarrie] “Well it is for me, I ain’t never done it before”

They’re both off round to see Girl Grundy laden with presents, but are still a bit perturbed that she still hasn’t got a name.

I reckon Girl Grundy would do her just fine.

Ed hasn’t got a neat nose

Really?

I always saw Ed as a bit of a perfectly built farmer hunk.

Certainly more so than Will. He’s always struck me having been hit with the ugly stick at birth.

Girl Grundy seems to at least take after her uncle in temperament.

[Emma] “She just gets angry and likes everyone to know it”

£10 a week!!!

So Kathy and Jolene tell Jamie that he can work, but that he does have to pay Jolene some keep:

[Jamie] “What? But I don’t eat that much, and I’m out all the time!”

He is a bit horrified to be told that he’ll have to pay a whole £10 a week to Jolene, but settled down to that, and not mucking up at school, when he realised that he was actually getting his way.

Wonder if he’ll still think that when he does actually have to work? More money for cider, but less time to drink it in …

Jolene has another punt at making sure that Jamie understands he’s not staying at The Bull permanently, but he really doesn’t seem to be listening.

[Jolene] “The ideal is for you to go home … (Kathy) is more than meeting you half way”

But Jamie isn’t having it.

Feet under the table, money in his pocket, and no nagging.

Sounds perfect. And I am enjoying the peace from Kathy and Jamie screeching at each other.

Cheeky – she does have a name after all!

Ed and Emma had chosen a name for Girl Grundy, so were just winding them up by not telling Susan and Clarrie.

Clarrie tells them that she called Will after Prince William.

[Ed] “I see! He gets royalty, and I get dad”

Then Ed and Emma finally put Susan and Clarrie out of their misery.

Welcome, welcome to Keira Susan.

One would assume the Keira is after Keira Knightley.

And Susan is both after Susan (Emma’s mum), and Ed’s grandma.

Aw. That’s nice.

So Girl Grundy becomes Keira, and another Grundy is formally introduced to the world.