The Archers Sunday 2nd December 2012
- Matt sooks up to Joyce
- The Community Orchard event
- Deck the Halls starts tomorrow
- George doesn’t know he’s moving
- Vicky and Mike have been practising breathing
Matt sooks up to Joyce
Matt’s round at Joyce’s, allegedly to make sure that her flat is exactly the way she wants it.
It has new central heating, draft proof windows and a new hallway carpet.
The kitchen has a special non slip flooring, which Joyce thinks us very smart.
All sorted?
Nope.
Joyce also wants grab rails. And to force on Matt exactly what he did to her and Arthur.
[Joyce] “Well, it’s just a shame it’s all come too late for Arthur … and I have to say Mr Crawford … perhaps if you’d gone to so much trouble keeping this place up to scratch, perhaps my Arthur could have enjoyed it too. Still, we can’t turn the clock back, more’s the pity.”
Matt actually sounded ashamed …
The Community Orchard event
Sounds very busy. Lots of screaming kids …
The kids are making streamers and their lanterns.
Vicky kisses Joe under the mistletoe (I kid you not!)
And there are tree fairies.
(in reality, just kids from the local dancing school. Tree fairies sound better)
Vicky worries the kids might be cold.
[Vicky] “In those costumes …”
[Hayley] “It’s quite mild today, As long as they keep moving, they’ll be alright.”
The Grundys also kept moving – they sold their last turkey!
Deck the Halls starts tomorrow
It’s Christmas!
George doesn’t know he’s moving
Ed and Emma haven’t told him.
Best do so, sharpish. Before Will does. Adding his own spin.
Vicky and Mike have been practising breathing
Before they go to bed.
We just don’t need to be told any further details …
The Archers Sunday 18th November 2012
- Cows bulling thrills Ruth
- Daniel had a hangover
- Since when was Hayley a tree decorating expert?
- Hayley has no experience with adults
- Fallon’s plans for Jaxx involve board games
- The barn shall be rebuilt!
- Rhys makes a play for Fallon
Cows bulling thrills Ruth
[Ruth] “Are you excited?”
[David] “I’m not bulling, Ruth.”
[Ruth] “Here we are at the start of our new system.”
So, Brookfield is officially starting its new system. Which is fraught in itself when it comes to feeding and the like. But I don’t suppose they had any other choice – it was that or give up the cows.
[David] “Doesn’t look like any of these are ready for your inseminator charms.”
Ew!
Daniel had a hangover
Quite right too after one’s own 18th birthday. Seems Daniel didn’t see much of Saturday at all.
Since when was Hayley a tree decorating expert?
Jim reckons she is.
[Jim] “I can’t think of anyone better qualified to talk about craft for young children.”
So, alongside giving Jim advice about decorating trees, Hayley also suggests they get the kids to bring jam jars so that they can decorate them as lanterns.
Sounds bonny.
Hayley has no experience with adults
(what’s Roy then?)
She’s worried about the consultant making mention of Lower Loxley needing to have closer links with the local College, running adult education courses and the like.
Hayley’s only got experience with young kids. She thinks they’ll get rid of her and someone with the experience.
But, Hayley doesn’t want to Elizabeth in case she puts the idea in her head (if she’s not thinking like that in the first place). Roy offers to have a “subtle” word.
[Hayley] “We can’t afford to lose my job.”
What a worry.
It’ll get as grim as Ed and Emma’s.
Fallon’s plans for Jaxx involve board games
Fallon’s worried Jaxx is quite quiet today. She’s thinking of how to get more punters in.
She reckons a Sunday roast and board games will get them in, and staying for longer.
[Fallon] “A bit like going round your gran’s for tea. Kind of home from home atmosphere.”
[Rhys] “Yeah, but without the unspoken tension of causal racism …”
[Fallon] “What sort of home did you come from?”
(quite an average one, I’d reckon)
She’ll also get a reggae DJ in.
[Fallon] “Sociable Sunday. Heal your hangover.”
[Rhys] “You’re an absolute natural, aren’t you?”
And Rhys also reckons it is all stuff she’d never be able to do at The Bull.
[Fallon] “It was the right move. Work wise, anyway.”
Missing Rhys, Fallon is.
The barn shall be rebuilt!
David’s heard from the insurers, and they can get cracking on building the barn again.
Rhys makes a play for Fallon
[Rhys] “It’s my night off. I heard a rumour you had drink on sale.”
Rhys is in at Jaxx. Allegedly to have a drink, but more likely to see Fallon.
Rhys tells Jim that it’s better to be having a busman’s night off than collect stamps (which he doesn’t do anyway).
But he’s really there to see Fallon.
He asks her if she has a night off this week.
[Rhys] “Do you think, I mean you’ve probably got something planned, if not maybe you’d like to go for a drink. Or meal. Or cinema. Anything you want really.”
[Fallon] “Rhys, are you suggesting a date?”
[Rhys] “I am. Say yes, only if you want to.”
[Fallon] “I do want to. Yes.”
Hurrah!
At last!!!
The Archers Thursday 12th April 2012
- Vicky’s Lobelia crazy!
- Pip’s a sponge
- Mike’s a fibber
- Jim doesn’t like Brian
- Challenge Alan
- Hello Ifty!
Vicky’s Lobelia crazy!
She’s plating red ones, next to white ones, next to blue ones.
Yup, you guessed it. She’s being patriotic for the Jubilee, and for Britain in Bloom (though Mike does point out that they’re too far out of the village for the judges to visit them).
Pip’s a sponge
She learns something at Uni, then comes home and sees it everywhere.
Today, she’s worried that some of the young calves might have Bovine Viral Diarrhoea (BVD). She just learnt about it at Uni.
[Pip] “BVD … did you know it’s the most significant economic viral disease in castle, bit just here but in Ireland and America as well .. scouring is one of the major symptoms”
Actually, David did know all of that (clever clogs!), and tells her that the problem with BVD is that you generally can’t spot it until it’s too late. And there may be other reasons for diarrhoea.
When Mike pops by, they tell him they might have a BVD problem (if Pip isn’t just being hysterical).
[Mike] “Ooh ay, you don’t want that!”
Very helpful, that was Mike.
David agrees to get Alistair in to take a proper look, but he cautions Pip to not start panicking.
[David] “Let’s not meet trouble half way”
After Alistair has been, David confirms that it probably isn’t BVD – likely to just be them being turned out onto grass for the first time.
But to be sure, they need to keep them away from the pregnant animals, and also be extra careful with hygiene.
Now that that’s sorted (for the time being):
[David] “I’m going to self-medicate. With some Grundy cider!”
Mike’s a fibber
Jim’s doling out the Cider Club’s share of the Community orchard cider (produced by Grundy enterprises).
But Mike turns up with a slightly larger than usual flagon.
[Mike] “That’s a standard Borchestershire flagon, that is”
When Jim queries how many litres it holds:
[Mike] “Oh now, this is an ancient traditional measure, you wouldn’t use litres”
When Jim then asks how many pints, Mike responds that it’s a flagon!
Jim is not convinced, so goes away to get a measuring jug. Bert Fry asks Mike what on earth he’s on about.
[Mike] “Just back me up, alright!”
Seems Mike was never taken-in by Jim’s mathematical magic in working out what gets what share of the cider.
[Bert] “It looked complicated enough”
[Mike] “He blinded us with science”
Seems Mike won his argument. Though I found it a bit odd David got his share from the Grundy share (David is a member of the club, but didn’t do any work on the Community Orchard – that leaves it up to him and the Grundys to work out what/why he gets from their share).
As they sup up, all agree it’s a grand drop.
[Jim] “Enough for a very convivial year ahead”
Jim doesn’t like Brian
Or his Super Dairy.
[Jim] “He really is the most insufferable pompous self-centred man, don’t you think?”
[Vicky] “Well, he can be quite charming at times”
[Jim] “Yes, I grant you, he can put in a carapace face of charm when he’s trying to sugar-coat this megalomaniac scheme to blight our glorious countryside with a monstrous industrial edifice”
Jim is also furious that BL are trying to bride local opinion with cash donations and pints of shires.
[Jim] “Then he’s heading for the biggest disappointment since Sibinus trusted the word of Ambiorix the Gaul, and we all know how that ended!”
[Vicky] “Erm, was he the one with the potion?”
Well, Vicky guessed better than I could have!
Challenge Alan
I’ve been very slow to pick up on that joke … ho hum.
Bert was today remarking on the change in Jim – that he’s back to his cantankerous old self after finishing Alan’s lent challenge (so it was really Alan’s Challenge, but I won’t split hairs).
On the other hand, Vicky is delighted that normal service has resumed.
[Vicky] “Let’s just say that some people aren’t born to make compliments”
Hello Ifty!
Iftikhar (who everyone calls Ifty) popped into the Village shop today, on his way to find the cricket ground.
Vicky seems quite giddy as she’s talking to him. When he mentions that everyone’s welcome to come to the youth nets (including girls):
[Vicky] “Ooh, I think I’m a bit too old!”
(though he didn’t pay a compliment of saying she didn’t look too old).
After he’d left:
[Vicky] “Ooh he’s lovely isn’t he, I’m not surprised about the girls .. they’ll be flocking to nets!”
Now love interest for Helen/Fallon/Kirsty ahoy!
Anyhoo – back to the business in hand. Seems Ifty is happy enough that girls do come to nets. Though he concurs with local opinion that only boys and girls of primary age can play together. Older ones can practise fitness together, but not skills.
Ifty sounds like quite a nice chap indeed. He’s volunteered to work with the young ‘uns because:
[Ifty] “I got my chance when I was young because people offered their time”
The Archers Wednesday 22nd February 2012
- Lilian doesn’t like ugly food
- Lilian and Matt are pro Super Dairy
- Still laughing at Lynda and her Llamas
- Sabrina wants Harry to strip off
- Eddie ‘the shark’ Grundy
- £723 raised for Britain in Bloom
- Jim’s cider formula
- Tom’s going on. Again.
Lilian doesn’t like ugly food
Tom’s delivering Lilian’s veg box.
[Lilian] “What’s that ugly thing under the leeks?”
It’s celeriac, which Lilian reckons she’ll give to Jennifer.
[Lilian] “To be honest, a lot of it goes to waste, especially when it’s very muddy. I vet it out of loyalty really, left to myself I’d live off of titbits from Underwoods food hall. Still, Matt likes a square meal, so I make the effort”
Tom asks Lilian whether she would like the veg boxes more, and waste less, if the boxes had more “exotic” things like chili, aubergines and blueberries.
(Exotic? Really?)
[Lilian] “Blueberries are supposed to keep you alive forever”
Or at least able to keep you alive a bit longer if you’re overtly fond of G&Ts …
Lilian and Matt are pro Super Dairy
As Brian mention the other day.
Lilian tells Tom that they’re in favour because it’ll create jobs. And create more work for the construction industry.
No self-interest involved there then!
Still laughing at Lynda and her Llamas
Which I think is cruel.
[Eddie] “Who in their right mind could think a Llama could do an even job of cutting the grass … mind you, dad would have fancied their droppings for his veg patch”
[Mike] “Llama beans!”
Oh ha ha.
Sabrina wants Harry to strip off
In fact, she’s asked him to wit to do his 4 hours with her until it gets hot.
Saucy!
[Eddie] “Women used to think of me like that”
[Mike] “Yeah. Now they ask you to keep it on”
Eddie ‘the shark’ Grundy
Mike’s showing Eddie what water feature Vicky has chosen.
It’s called a Trevi. So Vicky’s now going on about Roman Holiday …
So now that Vicky has chosen her water feature:
[Eddie] “I’d prefer cash if that’s alright …or a cheque, made out to me”
Mike’s stunned.
[Mike] “What do you want, the shirt of me back? … You’re a shark Eddie.”
Well we all saw it coming.
Eddie meant to offer his labour, not to pay for the whole thing.
And what do they expect? Clarrie’s on the dole, for goodness sake.
£723 raised for Britain in Bloom
From the Promise Auction, which is great. Though no one knows where the £3 came from.
And it’s meant they don’t have to even consider Brian’s offer for BL to sponsor.
[Jim] “I’d rather we raised our own money than took Borchester Land’s shilling”
Jim’s cider formula
Jim’s telling Mike that the Cider Club are now filling out their forms. But, they still need to agree a %.
Mike’s horrified to hear that Joe was asking for 80%, though Jim got him down to 70%
[Mike] “You see that’s greedy … 50/50 more like”
Mike then mentions that Jim needs to create a formula to make it fair. An idea which Jim gets very excited about.
Jim goes away to do a few sums, and calls an urgent meeting of the Cider Club.
(I never knew Lilian was a member, by the way. Doesn’t seem she’s been doing much to earn cider from the Community Orchard …)
We then spend the next few hours (or so it seemed) listening to Jim presenting the new formula that’ll fairly solve who gets how much cider.
I’ll admit I went to sleep for most of it. Jim was waffling on about pictorial representations and circle graphs and the like. The few snippets I did catch:
[Lilian] “Pretty colours!”
[Jim] “Working on the principle of Pythagorean principle …”
[Lilian] “Oh, quotient groups eh?”
[Jim] “Does that answer your question Mike?”
[Mike] “I don’t know”
At the end – Jim had worked out that, according to his complex formula, the Grundys get 60%, everyone else 40% pro rata.
[Mike] “Well you’ve been round the letters of the alphabet, I suppose it’s fair”
[Joe] “You're looking gormless Mike Tucker”
[Mike] “I’m not sure what happened there …”
Lilian and Jim go off to get more drinks in.
She’s having a guffaw.
[Lilian] “Where did you study? The university of hokum?!?”
Ha!
Well done Jim. All sorted.
Though that was mighty dull eavesdropping …
Tom’s going on. Again.
This time about expanding the poly tunnels. Again.
[Tony] “ I can’t just magic up new produce”
[Tom] “So we can capitalise on this window of change!”
[Tony] “Do you remember than time when you wanted to produce organic nuggets and kebabs!”
But Tom reckons they were just novelty ideas.
[Tom] “Now is the opportunity, this is a revolutionary time for the Ambridge Organic brand and you want to talk about nuggets!”
[Tony] “Seems I can’t even have a joke with my son anymore …”
[Tom] “You obviously think it’s all a joke. I’m telling you, the veg is the weak link in the operation”
[Tony] “Don’t you dare patronise me Tom,. It's all very well this big talk, but who’s paying for these shiny new tunnels eh. I’m already in hock to Lilian and the bank!”
[Tom] “Oh just forget it”
And Tom storms off.
He later returns, to ask Tony (again) and tidying the year.
Tony agrees that it will get done. But he is more interested in treating one of his cow’s foot which has a blister. He’s using arnica and witch hazel.
At least there’s one farmer in the family.
The Archers Thursday 9th February 2012
- Lemon cake works wonders for Joe
- Pat made The Echo
- Alistair puts business before Topper
- Why isn’t Joe Grundy a millionaire?
- Ed on a badger course in June
- Eddie isn’t donating a water feature (by the way)
- The theme for Britain in Bloom
Lemon cake works wonders for Joe
Joe reckons he has a chill on his chest, so has been stopping in.
But Jim tempts Joe over to his house with lemon cake. And Joe also gets his request for a drop of booze to liven up his tea … Jim must be after something!
Pat made The Echo
With a seemingly great picture of herself and Shelly Brazil at the Ambridge Organics launch.
Pat having good press contacts will come in handy when Pat tackles the Super Dairy through the front pages.
Alistair puts business before Topper
Shula tells Alistair that she wants to buy Topper.
She’d buy him through the business, and use him for teaching and the like.
[Shula] “It wouldn’t be a waste of money .. I’m worried for Freddie”
But Alistair reckons they can’t afford it.
[Shula] “It’s not as is we’re really badly off, we’re lucky compared to some”
[Alistair] “I don’t mean to be brutal, but at the end of the day it has to be a business decision. It just doesn’t make sense”
Oh dear.
Business Vs emotional attachment.
My money is on Shula winning this one.
Why isn’t Joe Grundy a millionaire?
With his talents at haggling, one would have thought he’d have made a fortune years ago.
Jim’s new plan for trying to work out fair allocation of the cider made from the community orchard apples is to start off with trying to find out what percentage the Grundys want.
So he asks Joe if they’ll take 10%.
Joe nearly chokes on his tea.
[Joe] “That cider is part of our livelihood, that is!”
[Jim] “What would you say to 20%?”
[Joe] “I’d tell you, pull your head down from them clouds … 20%, you don’t live in the real world … There wouldn’t be on orchard without us Grundys … I’m sorry prof, I don’t mind telling you, you’re hard my feelings …ancient knowledge that is … would have thought a man such as yourself would appreciate that”
[Jim] “Alright, let’s be generous then, how about 40?”
[Joe] “For a whole family heritage?”
Which is a fair point.
They wouldn’t have the cider without the Grundys having nurtured Grange Farm’s orchard when they worked it. And it is the Grundys know how that will make the cider. Plus Joe has been the community orchard’s consultant …
…so, 90%, according to Joe Grundy, would be fair.
After back and forth, they settle on 80%. Joe reckons the bumper harvest they have had will mean 20% is still more than enough cider for everyone else.
Hmmm.
Mike, for one, isn’t going to be very happy.
Also quite surprised that Jim wasn’t a better negotiator. Maybe his strengths are indeed purely academic.
[Jim, later on] “Really, why do these things have to be so complicated? I thought we’d just muck in and all get a bit of scrumpy”
[Christine] “You haven’t lived here long enough yet, where the Grundys are concerned, nothing’s that straightforward!”
Ed on a badger course in June
Which Alistair reckons Ed is really excited about.
Ed – badger saviour.
Who’d have thunk it!
Eddie isn’t donating a water feature (by the way)
Folks seem to be getting excited about Eddie’s Promise Auction offer.
BUT.
What I heard him say was that he’d install it. Not that he’d pay for the whole thing.
Oh dear. Someone’s going to be disappointed.
The theme for Britain in Bloom
Has to be chosen by the Britain in Bloom committee.
Ideas for far include the Olympic and the Diamond Jubilee.
Not very imaginative, but I suppose they’re at least topical.
[Lynda] “Having said that, it does rather depend on us finding a sponsor”
Jim tells her about Brian trying to offer him BL sponsorship.
[Jim] “It’s obvious that they’re trying to portray themselves as a caring sharing philanthropic company”
While they do need the money, BL is being too obvious, and the Super Dairy is too hot a topic, for them to consider.
[Lynda] “I think we’ll have to say no. This is something we want the whole village behind”
The Archers Monday 30th January 2012
- Mike’s loyal to his team
- Sabrina is on the display team
- Handsome Herdsman will sell the Super Dairy
- The Grundys’ latest caper
- The Orchard saga continues
- Joe won’t be bought
Mike’s loyal to his team
He’s demanding “extra-large goody bags” for Harry and Jazzer in return for them handing out Ambridge Organics leaflets on their rounds.
Good man.
Sabrina is on the display team
Of the Village Shop.
Imagine … all the local husbands must pack the pavement out when she’s in the window.
Handsome Herdsman will sell the Super Dairy
Brian’s PR agency (led by that chap Rufus) have done a leaflet for the Super Dairy that Brian is exceedingly proud of. It includes an artists’ impression of the cows’ accommodation, which makes it look quite luxurious (according to Jennifer).
But there’s a twist.
[Jennifer] “AND a very handsome cow man looking after them. He’s rather a dish … can you make sure you get someone just like him when you recruit please?!?”
[Brian] “Jenny, you’re not meant to be ogling the herdsmen”
But Jennifer has spotted something that may attract ladies like Sabrina and Hilary Noakes to Brian’s side.
[Brian, on Holiday Noakes] “What? Brad Pitt couldn’t get her to pipe down!”
The Grundys’ latest caper
(sigh)
Eddie’s at the Green Burial open day.
Which is fair do, as he will be the gravedigger (does one need qualifications for doing that?). But, he is in a suit.
Suspicious.
All becomes a bit clearer when Joe also arrives. He (a) hasn’t been invited (it’s an invitation only, don’t you know) and (b) he’s with Bartleby. Who seems to be wearing a “red Indian headdress”.
[Jim] “What have you done? Why has Bartleby got badly dyed pheasant feathers on his head?”
Joe’s joined the Ambridge craze for leaflets (not very green of anyone …) and hands Jim one.
[Jim] “You claim here you’re offering a bespoke transportation service for your loved ones … the ecologically friendly way of ensuring the departed arrives at their final resting place in the style that they wish!”
Though Joe is chuffed with himself – he even made the leaflet at Ed’s, and is now in awe of the spellcheck – Jim is far from amused.
[Jim] “It is not the occasion for heartless commercial activity!”
And makes Joe go away.
The rest of the open day seemed to go well enough.
[Brian] “Tragically enough, they didn’t have many takes for the compost toilet”
Funny that!
And as Kenton put it, after he’d heard it from one of the undertakers:
[Kenton] “All they need now is a body!”
The Orchard saga continues
To recap: the Community Orchard is on Oliver’s land. Jim has organised the cider club to help grow and pick the apples, to be made into cider using the Grundys’ equipment. So that everyone gets a fair share of the cider, Jim has been working on a system that will record who puts in what hours.
Though Jim thought he’d sorted it, Mike’s not happy that Jim has been rounding times up and down to the half hour. It could mean that he could miss out on “gallons” of cider.
Jim explains that it’s been impossible trying to get everyone to complete their timesheets, but Mike isn’t hearing him. He just wants what’s fair.
[Mike] “What you need here is a bit of discipline, Jim”
Oh give Jim a break! At least he’s trying.
Joe won’t be bought
Not one to give up easily, Joe crashed the Green Burial site post-open day at The Bull.
When Kenton won’t serve him a pint on the Green Burial site tab, he gets offended.
Well, until Brian steps him to buy Joe a pint of Shires … that somehow (miraculously) turns into a large whisky, on Joe’s say so.
Joe’s worked Brian out, though, and tells Brian that he can’t be bought.
[Joe] “I’m me own man!”
And so he is.
Joe then starts giving out his leaflets again (while wheezing and coughing as he had to climb the stairs up to the Bull’s function room):
[Joe] “You wouldn’t throw an old man out, would you?”
The Archers Friday 27th January 2012
- Adam’s shaken
- Itineraries and Excel spreadsheets
- Debbie and Adam fall out. Then fall in again
Adam’s shaken
After being ranted at by Brian.
And he has the added guilt of Jennifer being caught between them. Though at least doesn’t think it’s his fault.
[Adam] “We’ve had some set to in the past, but this … he was incredibly hostile … heavens knows we’ve been poles apart on this, the debate has been about our farming philosophes, this was personal”
So Adam is also now thinking that he and Brian can’t work together.
(how would that work? Would Adam have to leave Home Farm with nothing?)
[Ian] “He was angry. You’ll find a way through this, you’ll have to. For you mother’s sake if nothing else”
Jennifer later calls round to see Ian, as she’s very worried about Adam. She and Ian have a bit of a love-in (not literally, obviously) about how good a partner Ian is to Adam.
Ah well. At least part of the family is making nice.
Itineraries and Excel spreadsheets
Jim and Joe certainly have interesting (!) conversations.
Jim’s been researching local single cider varieties for possible trees to start growing in the community orchard. Jim thinks it’s been dull having to work his way through the internet. Joe reckons he should be tasting them first.
[Joe] “Have an itinerary”
[Jim] “Or pub crawl, as it’s more commonly known”
Jim then tells Joe he’s finding it impossible to work out the equivalents for folks working on the community orchard, and getting their fair share of cider made from it.
[Joe] “You don’t need no fancy spreadsheets to tell you some folks is taking advantage … we ain't dishing out our cider on them figures, I can tell you that now”
So Joe offers to sort them out.
Hmmm.
Dodgy dealings afoot?
Debbie and Adam fall out. The fall in again
On Ian’s advice, Adam calls Debbie to make sure she knows his side of the story.
Surprisingly, she hadn’t even heard about the radio of the newspaper article (that’s not like Brian not to get on the phone to her immediately).
Debbie calls Adam stupid.
Seems he did speak to the Echo as well. Some old school pal is a journalist there, and had called Adam just to clarify. Off the record. To get it straight.
Aye right! I agree with Debbie – Adam has been stupid (or, as Ian thinks, is trying to get his voice heard without even realising what he’s doing).
[Debbie] “You know how controversial these big dairies are, throw in a nice juicy family fall out, grrr, Adam, what have you done?”
BUT, Debbie calls back later on to apologise for being “a bit hard” on him.
She still thinks Adam has been an idiot, but can also see that he’s in an impossible situation.
[Debbie] “I know you’d never deliberately set out to hurt the family”
So, that’s Debbie and Adam sorted.
But will Brian ever forgive?
The Archers Tuesday 24th January 2012
- Susan has no empathy
- Keira cries when she sees Emma
- They stole 200 metres of cable (blah blah blah)
- Tracey has Neil wrapped
- When Titchmarsh praised Clarrie
- The Cider Club isn’t working
- Susan has no tact
Susan has no empathy
I know we know that (at times – she can also be quite sweet).
But did she really need to go on at Clarrie about how busy they are in the dairy?
Poor Clarrie lost her job. And hasn’t yet found another. And her job seekers allowance stops in March.
[Susan] “They’re not pressuring you, are they? They do hear stories”
Clarrie reckons no so. Her adviser is “nice”, and she might even retake her food and hygiene certificate – and also a catering certificate. Which she can do online.
Really?
I didn’t think Clarrie was the online type of gal.
Keira cries when she sees Emma
Seems no one believes Clarrie when she says that Keira isn’t a grumbling, moaning wee Minnie when she’s looking after her.
[Clarrie] “She’ll be good as gold all day with me, then the minute she sees her mum she starts crying”
[Susan] “Temper … makes her mum realise she left her and she’s cross”
Is Keira just bad tempered?
Or can Keira just not stand her mum?
She would be the first to react that way to Emma.
They stole 200 metres of cable (blah blah blah)
I really can’t write again about the thieves. Who took all that cable. And in broad daylight, pretending they were workmen. And that it was shocking, And that Jim was a star. Blah, blah, blah indeed. I’ll leave it to Jim.
[Jim] “To be fair, That wasn’t a problem with the technology, human nature doesn’t change so quickly”
Tracey has Neil wrapped
Neil is in such a desperation to get Tracey and her brood out of his and Susan’s house that Tracey can get him to do anything she pleases.
And it pleases her to get him rushing over to her. She’s got a painting disaster.
The paint she’s putting onto her room is turning out muddy, not lilac.
Neil tells her the original paint was too dark for her to paint onto to. That she should have out an undercoat on.
He even offers her a tin of white emulsion paint, rather than her having to buy it.
Which Tracey gratefully accepts.
Then it pleases her that Neil has to go there and then to fetch it.
Which he does, albeit grudgingly.
Then (!), when Neil gets back, Tracey claims he must show her how to put the paint on. So that she doesn’t get it wrong again.
Which he does.
That man is never going to get peace ever again, whether she lives with him or not.
When Titchmarsh praised Clarrie
Jim’s looking for Promises to sell off for the Britain in Bloom fundraising efforts.
Susan reckons Clarrie’s encyclopaedic knowledge of Flowering Plants would be perfect.
[Susan] “When Alan Titchmarsh came to the village, he particularly praised Clarrie's lilies”
[Jim] “Good heavens! We’d be honoured then!”
Ah, that’s nice.
It’ll be good for Clarrie to get something positive in her life.
The Cider Club isn’t working
Quite literally.
The deal was that the cider club would help out at the Community orchard, in return for a share of the cider Eddie and Joe would then make.
Jim’s been trying to work out how much cider everyone is due – but seems the cider club hasn’t been doing much at all. It’s mainly just been Jim rushing about.
[Susan] “Sounds like Joe and Eddie owe you a couple of flagons already”
Susan has no tact
Which is a surprise, when she displays utter tactlessness to Jennifer. She wants to be ‘close; to the Aldridges, but I suppose she can’t help her nature.
First she tells Jennifer that the shop got ever such good publicity from the radio reports about the Super Dairy. Susan had made sure the radio chaps name checked.
Then:
[Susan] “But they interviewed Adam, didn’t he tell you?”
[Jennifer, trying to change the subject] “He didn’t think he use his bit …”
[Susan, not noticing, or caring?] “They were bound to. Someone from Home Farm against the dairy … still, it’s a tricky time for you, so many people against it”
[Jennifer] “And so many people for it … that’s your impression for you, that there are more people against than for it?”
[Susan] “ … I wouldn’t like to say …”
(aye, right then)
Susan then mentions what they’re saying at The Bull. Especially that Brian is too scared to show his face.
Jennifer is horrified at the thought that people think Brian is staying away. Far more horrified that he’s seen to be scared and hiding, than at people possibly hating him for his plans …
Ah, Brian and Jennifer. The perfect match.
- Grundy cider (courtesy of Oliver)
- ‘Genuine’ pearl necklace for 30 years married
- Not the holly, again
- Ruth’s a proper farmer, unlike Brian
- Deck The Halls (without Nigel)
- A pony!?!
- Funerals online
- Ruth speaks to a real live buyer
Grundy cider (courtesy of Oliver)
Eddie and Joe are collecting apples from Oliver’s orchard for their cider.
Seems not many other folks have joined in.
Jim turns up eventually. As does David.
Hardly the community project Jim envisaged, but it is a start.
And Eddie reckons it will be a vintage year, with them collecting grand looking apples.
[Joe] “Course in my dad’s day they had a wheel”
[Jim] “A cider wheel? … I suppose a garden shredder doesn’t have the same romance about it”
[Joe] “Does the job”
‘Genuine’ pearl necklace for 30 years married
It’s Eddie and Clarrie’s 30th anniversary on November 21st.
So Eddie wants to get Clarrie a proper nice gift.
A pearl necklace.
[Jim] “The ancient Greek symbol of love and devotion”
[Joe] “She’s going to love that. Well done Eddie”
But … in true Eddie style … he reckons he got a “bargain” and he mentioned the word “genuine”.
So, it’ll either be glass or stolen. Odds on.
Not the holly, again
As they were collecting apples, Eddie pointed out a nice sprig to Joe. And mentioned that they’d better get themselves ready for selling holly again.
*sigh*
Won’t there still be a long list of customers not entirely amused with Joe’s holly growing kits?
Ruth’s a proper farmer, unlike Brian
David talks to Ruth about Brian’s plans for a Super Dairy.
Ruth is not happy.
Ruth starts to rant.
[Ruth] “1500 cows, with no grass at all, stuck up there in a shed all of their lives … we’ll have a whopping great dairy unit shoved right on our doorsteps … that’s just so Brian. He’s such a total hypocrite. He’s never been a dairy farmer, all he cares about is turning in a quick profit … it’s a terrible idea; it goes against everything we’ve been working and for over the last twenty odd years and Brian knows that to. And he has the nerve to come here and start crowing about it to you”
[David] “Me as NFU Chair …”
[Ruth] “Same difference. He ‘d know perfectly well how you’d feel about it personally”
But wait Ruth. There’s worse to come.
[David] “Listen. There was another reason why he’s come to us now ...well, I’ve got a feeling you’re not going to like but I did say I’d ask, so … Brian says that if the scheme goes ahead, if right, then BL would be looking for local suppliers … to grow feed crops for their cows”
[Ruth] “What? You mean …”
[David] “He wants to know if we might be interested”
[Ruth] “David, but, how could you even ask … well you know the answer, of course we’re not doing it. No. I hate the whole idea and I don’t have any part of it”
[David] “Alright, so it’s not our kind of faming of course …”
[Ruth] “It’s not proper farming at all, it’s an industrial business …”
[David] “But, think about it for a moment. They would be offering us a long term contract for our crops at a guaranteed price. Can we afford to turn down an offer like that?”
[Ruth] “I don’t care what the deal is …”
[David] “Really? When we need all the help we can get for our milk”
[Ruth] “Not that way. I’m not doing it David, I’m surprised you’ve even considered it. You should have turned him down flat”
[David] “Alright, you made your point, there’s no need to bite my head off”
And David storms off in a huff.
They later on make it up. And David admits he’s quite relieved that she’s out her foot down for him.
Deck The Halls (without Nigel)
That’ll be a strange one. Nigel’s charmingly childish delight always made it such a highlight.
A pony!?!
Blimey – looks like the recession has never touched Elizabeth.
It’s nearly the twins’ 12th birthday.
She’s talking to Shula about what to get Freddie. He’s seemingly really hard to buy for.
In fact, neither Lily nor Freddie have made much out of their forthcoming birthday.
It’ll be the first without their dad.
So, Shula suggests buying Freddie a pony.
And, just like that, Elizabeth reckons it’s a great idea. No mention of how can they afford it. No mention of how she can work out something as spectacular for Lily.
My. How the other half live.
Elizabeth then tells Lily about Freddie’s pony, but swears her to secrecy.
(can twins keep secrets from each other? And why on earth did Elizabeth tell her in the first place?)
Luckily for Elizabeth, Lily then suggests her own birthday present.
She wants to go on her school trip to France.
Which is fine by Elizabeth.
Seriously – is there a way I can get Elizabeth to adopt me? She’s loaded!
Then again, it might just be her burning her way through Nigel’s insurance money … actually … did they look into how much he was worth when he died?
Funerals online
Not really.
They’re just getting the promotion of the green burial site sorted online. They’re also doing flyers.
Ruth speaks to a real live buyer
Which was a shock for her, after not getting through to any real ones for a fair while now. And what’s more:
[Ruth] “He seem surprised to be talking to a real life farmer”
What’s more, he seemed quite interested in Brookfield’s product.
[Ruth] “At least we’re getting somewhere at last. This could be the breakthrough we’ve been waiting for”
And at least it doesn’t involve Brian or a Super Diary.
Fingers crossed.
- Apple Day
- Praise for Kenton!
- Flatlining at Brookfield
- Alice realises cheap mince isn’t the answer
- Jim does the hard sell
- Clive at Brookfield
Apple Day
Jim comes across Oliver in the Orchard. Oliver is collecting apples, and makes mention of the Grundys also having collected:
[Jim] “Oh yes, I’ve tasted the fruits of your generosity”
Seems Oliver is collecting apples for Kenton – while Lower Loxley is ‘doing’ Apple Day – Kenton is also doing The Bull’s Apple Day quiz. Seems the quiz is to spot the Borchester Beauty.
(what’s Apple Day? http://www.telegraph.co.uk/gardening/plants/fruit/8799238/Apple-day-A-celebration-of-core-values.html It’s on the 21st of October. By-the-by – if you Google ‘Apple Day’ all you get is news about the release of a certain new phone product …)
Praise for Kenton!
Which is a very rare occurrence in Ambridge.
Olive and Jim were saying that Kenton is very at ease with the memory of Sid – in fact, he goes out of his way to encourage Jolene to remember him.
They were specifically talking about Kenton persuading Jolene to continue Apple Day, but the point remains.
Kenton can be quite an astute, selfless chap at times.
Flatlining at Brookfield
David’s back in after the despudding (did I hear that right?) and the ear tagging, to find that Ruth is looking at rather depressing milk yield figures.
Seems the yields have improved, but not enough to cover the previous slump.
[Ruth] “So bang goes a lot of the profit”
But they do say that at least Herefords are doing well.
So it’s not all bad news.
Alice realises cheap mince isn’t the answer
The penny has dropped – or, more correctly that the penny isn’t coming in fast enough, and Alice has finally realised.
She and Chris are not going to save £1,000 a month by eating cheap mince.
So there you have it.
Alice is again looking for a job, even though her course is intensive.
In fact, she now wants to quit her course so that she can work full-time.
Chris is furious.
He’s quite right when he says that it’s short-sighted of Alice to quite her year course for a job, when she get a far better one when she is qualified. And he reckons they’ll find the money for his business one way or another – but not through Alice giving up her college.
[Chris] “It’s not going to happen and that’s that!”
[Alice] “I’m sorry! I don’t remembering promising to obey you in Las Vegas!!””
[Chris] “No, we promised to love each other. And we do. And that’s all that matters, isn’t it Mrs Carter?”
[Alice] “Yes, it is … alright Mr Carter, you’ve convinced me”
So all’s well again. And it’s back to cheap mince.
But – couldn’t Alice just take a year out?
I'm sure they've thought of that …
Jim does the hard sell
On Oliver, about the community orchard.
He waxes (gettit!) lyrical about it being important to the commu8nity, to the UK, to save the local variety – and goes on at length about how low Joe is. What’s more, he adds that Clarrie would feel better if Joe had a purpose - she blames herself for his low mood.
Oliver is almost convinced that the Cider Club takes over the orchard – with Mike already Tree Warden, it’s ideal – and it’d mean more apples for the Grundys which would help their cashflow issues.
The only problem is Ed. He grazes his cattle in the orchard,
[Jim] “We’d think he’d be happy enough to see a Grundy enterprise thrive on ex Grundy land”
Oliver agrees. So, pending Ed's approval, the community apple orchard shall be so!
Clive at Brookfield
David is aghast – furious – appalled.
[David] “Well not on my land he doesn’t!”
Seems Emma will only allow Clive to meet her kids if it’s at Rickyard Cottage. So that Ed, and David, can be nearby to kick him into touch if he starts.
Ruth has to break the news, and ask, on Emma’s behalf, if David is okay about it.
[David] “Okay? I had to rescue my mother and my aunt from a burning building because of that man, and that’s just the start of it!”
But – Ruth reckons the only way they have a hope of controlling Clive is on Brookfield. David, surprisingly, relents quite easily.
[David] “Alright, alright. I suppose it’s the lesser of two evils. But I’m going to be standing in the yard with a shotgun!”
