The Snells’ garden furniture is out 26.03.12

The Archers Monday 26th March 2012

• “You always look so sinister in a face shield”
• Brian’s not for turning
• Maurice isn’t happy
• Tony and Pat look happy
• The Snells are back!
• The first green burial went well
• Ambridge fly over
• Clarrie on flowering plants

“You always look so sinister in a face shield”

So says Jennifer to Brian.

We’ll take her word for it.

Brian’s not for turning

Debbie isn’t amused with Brian.

[Brian] “She thinks it’s my fault Annabelle isn’t turning cartwheels over her pig idea … I’m with Labelle, changing tact now will make BL, and me, look hopelessly indeed. So I’m staking everything on pushing through the original dairy plan … though the slimmer the chances seem”

The BL Board meeting to make a decision about the Super Dairy is this Thursday.

[Brian] “Not a prospect to gladden the heart …”

[Jennifer] “So it’s all in the lap of the gods?”

[Brian] “No it isn’t, I’m not just going to sit back and do nothing!”

Brian is going to do some “serious lobbying” between now and Thursday.

He has no other choice but to try and persuade more of the other board ,members to be on his side.

[Brian] “I’ve nailed my colours to the mast for this project. If the damn thing goes own, I’m not sure my position as chairman remains tenable”

Wonder if Brian is going to truly throw all of his toys out of the pram and resign if he doesn’t get his way?

(actually, I can’t really claim to care that much., The BL sessions are always a bit dull … though the prospect of the Super Dairy going ahead in Ambridge is a tad more interesting)



Maurice isn’t happy

But he’s still working overtime for Tom.

Needs must.


Tony and Pat look happy

In fact, they’re all aglow since Rich’s visit yesterday.

[Pat] “It was a wonderful thing for you and Helen to do”

When Brian pops by to see if they want him to pick them up anything from the Farm Supplies shop:

(he’s getting a long list, including ram crayons – Pat just wants twist ties)

[Brian] “I haven’t seen your mother so happy in ages!”

And Tom told him that Tony was also chirpy this morning.

Tom puts it down to the sun shining.

Wonder how long before they start telling everyone else about Rich.


The Snells are back!

Great.

I do miss them when they go a bit quiet.

They’re setting up their breakfast outside.

[Lynda] “It would be criminal not to have breakfast en plein air when the sun is out”

And as Robert said – it’s a marvellous feeling to get ones garden furniture out again.

[Lynda] “Everything is starting up again, after all the dark and grey”

Indeed.


The first green burial went well

Lynda tells us.

Her and Robert also seemed quite dewy eyed about their own plots in the site … wistfully morbid.


Ambridge fly over

Quite literally. Not roadworks.

Seems James’ friend Christina has his own helicopter (as you do), and is happy to fly James and Leonie over Ambridge to get some photographs.

That starts Lynda and Robert trying to work out what could be happening that would be worthy of an arial shot.

Not the Lower Loxley fair. Nor the boules at The Bull. Or the Easter Egg hunt.

[Lynda] “Not visually compelling … (then she has it!) … the Brownies Easter bonnet parade!”

[Robert] “That will come as quite a surprise to Brown Owl”

[Lynda] “Rather a lot of things are a surprise to jenny Throphall!”

But the might have to ask the parents’ permission first. And it might be more trouble than it’s worth with kids like Jinny Button involved.

[Robert] “She’d set fire to the village hall to get on camera!”

But Lynda has another cunning plan.

Cricket.

Which Robert will have to stage.

At which point Robert starts pointing Lynda away from specifics:

[Robert] “Perhaps Leonie and James will be better to use broader brushstrokes …”

Like the building, the backbones and such, of the village.

Lynda concurs.

Especially if it means she can get a picture of her beloved Ambridge Hall.


Clarrie on flowering plants

Jennifer had successfully bidded for Clarrie’s advice on flowering plants at the promise auction.

[Brian] “Are you holding her to that?”

[Jennifer] “It would be very disrespectful if I didn’t”

Actually, Jennifer is quite looking forward to a “fresh” pair of eyes on her garden.

It’s different with Pigs 22.03.12

The Archers Thursday 22nd March 2012

• They shouldn’t have laughed at the llamas
• Bartleby’s brass gets a polish
• Usha isn’t gossiping
• Damsons make Joe a happy chappy
• Lilian bosses Brian
• Tony wants to ask Lilian first
• Alan and Usha have an old hot water system
• Green burials are noisy
• At last – someone mentions Shula and Alan
• What about Karl?
• Blondes can be clever sometimes
• James will get Lilian for his birthday present
• Pigs not cows

They shouldn’t have laughed at the llamas

Seems they’re doing a grand work of Alan and Usha’s lawn.

[Usha] “I still do a double take every time I come home and see lamas on the lawn”

[Alan] “They’re doing a fantastic job … best investment I’ve made in a long time!”

So they may have laughed at Lynda offering the llamas during the promise auction, but it’s all worked out right. Which I’m glad about. I thought the Ambridge folks were very cruel to Lynda (apart from Alan, of course).


Bartleby’s brass gets a polish

From Alan, helping Joe out with a random act of kindness for lent.

That’s nice for Bartleby.


Usha isn’t gossiping

When she told Alan about Vicky getting Eddie to work an extra four hours for free.

[Usha] “Not a bit of it. I think to like of it as more of reportage”

Damsons make Joe a happy chappy

He and Jim and co have been planting them in the hedge of the community orchard,

[Alan] “Joe sounded really chuffed seeing his old orchard all restored”

Lilian bosses Brian

Brian’s still worried about farmers abandoning The Mart because of the protestors.

[David] “You know how farmers talk. It’s probably bluster … old habits die hard … they won’t move and miss the chance of meeting up with farmers they’ve know for years”

David moves on elsewhere, but Lilian corners Brian in his place.

[Lilian] “Have you heard these rumours? As an investor, I’m very concerned … people are like sheep., it’ll only take a couple of farmers to go elsewhere and we’ll have a mass exodus!”

[Brian] “That’s arrant nonsense … and in my opinion you’ve being totally irresponsible, racing round like chicken licken saying the sky is going to fall down”

[Lilian] “Get it under control Brian, ASAP, before it gets out of hand!”

Oh Brian won’t like that. Being told by Lilian what to do? No wonder he’s increasingly desperate to find a solution to his Super Dairy woes.


Tony wants to ask Lilian first

All seems to be going very well at Home Farm.

The grass is “bulking out nicely”, according to Tony, which means the cows can get out towards the end of next week.

Tony also agrees with Tom and Pat that they should try and extend their interest free mortgage for another six months. And, he now agrees that Tom should try and get a loan to extend the poly tunnels. Seems it will pay itself back in three years (just like Brookfield’s new dairy system),

But, he wants to ask Lilian first. He doesn’t want to start spending without first paying back the loan she gave them.

So, he and Pat sit down with Lilian to tell her their plans.

[Lilian] “That sounds wonderful, but I can’t for the life why you’re telling me … Oh good grief, darlings. I’m in no hurry for the money … you can pay me once you’re properly back on your feet”

Recession proof, our Lilian is.


Alan and Usha have an old hot water system

So it would seem.

They can’t run the hot water in the kitchen without ruining Amy’s bath.


Green burials are noisy

Alan is getting ready for the first burial at the green burial site.

[Alan] “I’m told wicker coffins are noisy … they creak … wonder if I should warn the family?”

Sounds terrifying!


At last – someone mentions Shula and Alan

It’s Alan himself.

He mentions to Usha that Shula has offered her donkey, Benjamin, for Palm Sunday again. But this time, she’s even offered to look after him herself during the service.

[Usha] “I’m pleased for you”

So, the cold front is indeed warming.


What about Karl?

Something is building about Amy’s new boyfriend (or not, he might just be a mate).

Alan mentioned that Amy had mentioned Karl, but “didn’t say much else”. Alan reckons she’ll talk about him if he is important to her.

What’s afoot?


Blondes can be clever sometimes

[Tony] “So the ,lovely Lisa is not just a pretty face?”

[David] “She may look like a ditzy blond but she’s as sharp as a tack”

James will get Lilian for his birthday present

[Lilian] “Isn’t one’s time a better gift?”

Probably not for James.


Pigs not cows

Debbie has a cunning plan.

She’s going to swap large scale dairy for a large scale pig unit. Debbie reckons they’ll get similar benefits, but will be a more “mainstream” solution.

[Brian] “Why in earth would we shift our ground at this stage?”

And also why pigs, when other pig farmers seem to be struggling.

But – and this is where Debbie living in Hungry comes in useful (seems no one in Ambridge takes any heed of news reports in the TV, newspapers interest (etc) about that place they call Europe). She says that more European farmers are getting out of pigs because the new welfare regulations make them less profitable. So, there’s a nice gap for a large scale production.

[Debbie] “Just like the cow setup, it would be a large pig unit … but this time, there would be no need for outside suppliers”

[Brian] “We’d still have a very large animal production unit with pigs permanently indoors”

[Debbie] “It’s different with pigs, honestly, it’s all about perception. People are far more used to the idea of pigs indoors”

[Brian, warming to the idea] “At the moment I need all the get of jail cards I can get my hands on”

Well – I’m not sure Debbie is right this time.

Will Tom and Neil be supportive? Jazzer?

And with pigs being such intelligent animals (they play footy, don’t you know), won’t the protestors abhor this even more?

The Green Burial site open day 30.01.12

The Archers Monday 30th January 2012

• Mike’s loyal to his team
• Sabrina is on the display team
• Handsome Herdsman will sell the Super Dairy
• The Grundys’ latest caper
• The Orchard saga continues
• Joe won’t be bought

Mike’s loyal to his team

He’s demanding “extra-large goody bags” for Harry and Jazzer in return for them handing out Ambridge Organics leaflets on their rounds.

Good man.


Sabrina is on the display team

Of the Village Shop.

Imagine … all the local husbands must pack the pavement out when she’s in the window.


Handsome Herdsman will sell the Super Dairy

Brian’s PR agency (led by that chap Rufus) have done a leaflet for the Super Dairy that Brian is exceedingly proud of. It includes an artists’ impression of the cows’ accommodation, which makes it look quite luxurious (according to Jennifer).

But there’s a twist.

[Jennifer] “AND a very handsome cow man looking after them. He’s rather a dish … can you make sure you get someone just like him when you recruit please?!?”

[Brian] “Jenny, you’re not meant to be ogling the herdsmen”

But Jennifer has spotted something that may attract ladies like Sabrina and Hilary Noakes to Brian’s side.

[Brian, on Holiday Noakes] “What? Brad Pitt couldn’t get her to pipe down!”

The Grundys’ latest caper

(sigh)

Eddie’s at the Green Burial open day.

Which is fair do, as he will be the gravedigger (does one need qualifications for doing that?). But, he is in a suit.

Suspicious.

All becomes a bit clearer when Joe also arrives. He (a) hasn’t been invited (it’s an invitation only, don’t you know) and (b) he’s with Bartleby. Who seems to be wearing a “red Indian headdress”.

[Jim] “What have you done? Why has Bartleby got badly dyed pheasant feathers on his head?”

Joe’s joined the Ambridge craze for leaflets (not very green of anyone …) and hands Jim one.

[Jim] “You claim here you’re offering a bespoke transportation service for your loved ones … the ecologically friendly way of ensuring the departed arrives at their final resting place in the style that they wish!”

Though Joe is chuffed with himself – he even made the leaflet at Ed’s, and is now in awe of the spellcheck – Jim is far from amused.

[Jim] “It is not the occasion for heartless commercial activity!”

And makes Joe go away.

The rest of the open day seemed to go well enough.

[Brian] “Tragically enough, they didn’t have many takes for the compost toilet”

Funny that!

And as Kenton put it, after he’d heard it from one of the undertakers:

[Kenton] “All they need now is a body!”

The Orchard saga continues

To recap: the Community Orchard is on Oliver’s land. Jim has organised the cider club to help grow and pick the apples, to be made into cider using the Grundys’ equipment. So that everyone gets a fair share of the cider, Jim has been working on a system that will record who puts in what hours.

Though Jim thought he’d sorted it, Mike’s not happy that Jim has been rounding times up and down to the half hour. It could mean that he could miss out on “gallons” of cider.

Jim explains that it’s been impossible trying to get everyone to complete their timesheets, but Mike isn’t hearing him. He just wants what’s fair.

[Mike] “What you need here is a bit of discipline, Jim”

Oh give Jim a break! At least he’s trying.


Joe won’t be bought

Not one to give up easily, Joe crashed the Green Burial site post-open day at The Bull.

When Kenton won’t serve him a pint on the Green Burial site tab, he gets offended.

Well, until Brian steps him to buy Joe a pint of Shires … that somehow (miraculously) turns into a large whisky, on Joe’s say so.

Joe’s worked Brian out, though, and tells Brian that he can’t be bought.

[Joe] “I’m me own man!”

And so he is.

Joe then starts giving out his leaflets again (while wheezing and coughing as he had to climb the stairs up to the Bull’s function room):

[Joe] “You wouldn’t throw an old man out, would you?”

Susan and Neil plan a quiet night in 29.01.12

The Archers Sunday 29th January 2012

• Tracey’s patches and cracked balls
• Brian’s avoiding Adam
• Rush on at Bridge Farm
• Saucy over chilli
• Jennifer begs Brian
• Brian can’t even leave the dead in peace

Tracey’s patches and cracked balls

Neil’s not entirely impressed with Tracey’s decorating. Her painting is a bit patchy, which she claims was due to her going off to talk on her phone to a mate. She forgot where she’d been painting.

Neil is also a bit confused about the cracked balls Tracey is planning to have on the end of the poles her voile curtains.

(did Tracey says ‘voile’? sounded a bit more like ‘voliad’)

Tracey reckons the balls are fashionable, not just broken.

And she’s also roped Neil into fitting it for her. Even though he has a day job.

She later on tries to be his “lovely assistant” while he’s working on the bathroom, but only manages to annoy him and spill stuff. She really is quite an irritating woman.

[Tracey] “Grouting? Who thought that word up … sounds horrible, like something your pigs would do!”

[Neil] “I wish you’d stop going on about pigs”

[Tracey] “You’re so in love with them. Susan always said you were, but I never realised you had it this bad”

Brian’s avoiding Adam

And seems happy enough to do so, despite it tearing apart Jennifer. He doesn’t even want to sit down to lunch if Adam is there.

[Brian] “It would have been ghastly, each of us asking you to pass the salt”

He’s really digging his heels in.

[Brian] “Adam may have got Debbie to feel sorry for him, I don’t”

Rush on at Bridge Farm

Pat even has Susan in. On a Sunday!

They’re all working overtime to get everything ready for the launch on Thursday.

Tom’s getting posters and flyers out and about.

(really? Would have thought Brenda would have got him sorted with those weeks ago)

But Tony isn’t impressed. He reckons the family is missing the point – that the farm won’t manage to take care of itself. And without the farm, they’ll have little to sell under their lovely new brand.

But no one seems to be listening to him.

Poor man even has to try and hunt his lunch down by himself. Not that anyone else should have to get it for him – he does just seem to be the only one doing any of the hard graft.


Saucy over chilli

With Neil working all hours (between his real work and doing Bert’s house), Susan feels like she has barely seen him over the last while.

So she demands some of his time. Tuesday night. When Tracey is off out.

Actually, and quite disturbingly, Susan sounds like she’s suggesting some of an adult nature.

[Susan] “I’ll cook you a chilli”

[Neil] “Will you?”

[Susan] “Yeah”

[Neil, sounding like Homer Simpson] “Chilli …”

[Susan, sounding seductive … I kid you not] “Nice and hot. So, is it a date then?”

Blimey!

Nice that Susan appreciates her man. But disturbing, none-the-less.


Jennifer begs Brian

After failing to get Brian to eat lunch with Adam, Jennifer is now trying to get Brian to accompany her to the Ambridge Organic brand launch.

[Jennifer] “We’ve got to keep the channels of communication open … I want to go with you? You can’t go on alienating everyone in the family!”

But, after what sounded like a very cold and angry stare from Brian, Jennifer dropped it.

Brian the Bully?

Indeed.


Brian can’t even leave the dead in peace

Brian was really on a roll today. He seemed determined to scoff at every plan Jennifer has made.
She was talking about going to the Green Burial site open day tomorrow. Brian takes the Michael.

But, Brian finds an interest in going when Jennifer mentions that the press will be there.

As Jennifer pointed out, Home Farm gifted the land for the Green Burial site. She thinks that it would be good for Brian to be thanked in public. He does indeed concur (though farm more about getting any positive press, than his claims for “giving something back” and “corporate social responsibility”).

[Jennifer] “Brian, you musn't go and hijack the whole thing!”

[Brian] “Of course I won’t. Jenny, I’m going to do a bit of networking, that’s all”

Hmmm.

Adam’s furious 06/01/12

The Archers Friday 6th January 2012

• Tracey’s not to be evicted
• The Super Dairy got the go ahead
• Brian’s beyond cocktails and sushi
• Adam only sees doom and gloom
• Christmas is put away
• Open day at a burial site
• Orange or dusky peach?

Tracey’s not to be evicted

Tracey has slept on Bert’s offer to return home. She’s not keen.

[Tracey] “To be chef cook and bottle washer for me old dad and useless brother, it depresses me just thinking about it … in the cold clear light of morning, I can see it for what it is, a huge step backwards”

Which is a very fair point. Tracey would be returning to the very same bedroom she grew up in.

So, she’s back to thinking about moving back to where she came from.

[Susan, sounding a bit desperate] “Wouldn’t thy be better off growing up in a nice village and going to a decent school … and what about dad?”

But Tracey’s not listening.

And Neil is furious that she’s changed her mind.

What’s plan C, Susan?


The Super Dairy got the go ahead

From the BL Board.

Seems all Adam could say to that way “I see …”

[Brian] “Well, he was delivering triplets at the time … the Ball is in his court, Debbie, he’s the one behaving like a spoilt brat”

Brian’s beyond cocktails and sushi

It’s Jennifer’s birthday tomorrow. So Brian is taking her to Grey gables for a meal.

Debbie takes the Michael that they always go there.

[Brian] “We like Grey gables. We’re getting a bit old for cocktails and sushi in some trendy Borchester watering hole”

[Debbie] “You, old? That’ll be the day!”

Adam only sees doom and gloom

It’s Debbie’s last day, so Jennifer is trying to get Adam to at least come in for lunch with them.

[Adam] “I’ve got nothing to say to Debbie”

[Jennifer] “Oh Adam, I know you disagree about this dairy business .. but you got your way didn’t you. Even if it does ahead it isn’t going to impact on Home Farm”

Adam doesn’t agree. The barn will be on their land, so folks will think it’s a Home Farm venture. What’s more:

[Adam] “It’s a disaster for the village, it’s a disaster for the entire area”

Later on, Adam apologies to Jennifer for losing his temper.

[Jennifer] “Oh darling, I’ve lived through lambing long enough, I know how tired and stressful it makes you”

[Adam] “I suppose I was hoping beyond hope that the BL board would have the sense to turn down this appalling plan of Debbie’s … but basically agree with her, there’s money to be made out of this obscene factory farming, and so to hell with the consequences”

[Jennifer] “Will it really be that bad?”

[Adam] “I don’t like that kind of farming … plenty of people are so against it they prepared to boycott the people who do it “

And while they had opposition to the poly tunnels, he reckons it’ll be twenty times worse with a Super Dairy.

Adam is also furious at Debbie for harassing David and Ruth again.

[Adam] “How crass can you get>? She knows how much David and Ruth hate the idea, but already she’s planning how she can use their difficulties to further her own ambition ..,. dancing on their grave, more like”

Jennifer won’t take sides, and she presses Adam again to talk to Debbie.

[Adam] “I certainly don’t want to heat any more of her weasel words, it’ll just turn into a slagging match”

Brian is having a separate chat with Debbie. He still thinks Adam will come round – that he’s just exhausted and “ratty” due to lambing.

[Debbie] “there are a lot of Adam’s out there you know. He’s not the only one who is going to see this desecration of all they hold dear … not just the usual suspects”

So they agree with Adam that the opposition will be more than just Lynda Snell and a placard.

In fact, they’d already build significant budget for PR into plan.

Punch up ahoy!


Christmas is put away

Neil and Susan are taking their tree down. Neil jokes that the lights will be found in a tangled mess next year, regardless of how carefully he puts them away. Very true.

Seems Mike has a “big chipper” that everyone takes their trees to be recycled.

[Tracey] “That’s Christmas one for another year … it was lovely though …no Den, that’s what makes the difference. I didn’t have to worry about him getting drunk and having a punch up with Stewart”

Open day at a burial site

Interesting idea. Seems Mike wants one for the green burial site.

Orange or dusky peach?

Susan’s back on at Tracey about moving back in with their dad and Gary.

Seems she sounds a bit more interested again. Though she has a long list of redecorating that she wants to add to Neil’s plans.

She reckons her bedroom needs damp sorted, wallpaper and painted.

[Tracey] “You were the one who insisted on orange walls”

[Susan] “It’s not orange, it’s dusky peach”

[Tracey] “It might have been peach once, but it’s orange now. Years of fag smoke I suppose”

In fact, she reckons that all the ceilings need done. They look remarkably like a pub ceiling pre-smoking ban.

But she still isn’t 100% sure of what she wants to do. She wants to talk to her dad again. And also make some phone calls.

Still, it’s yet another step in the right direction … Neil may be frustrated at the lack of progress, but it’s better than nowt.

The Archers Friday 2nd December 2011: Helen’s ever decreasing circles …

• Mike’s in trouble with the wife
• Why would anyone buy Joe’s holly?
• Don’t use the ornamental bird bath as an astray!
• Les Tres desert Noelle
• Col-von-ellie?
• Ah, it was Mike’s birthday
• Abby had two!
• Helen offloads to Ian
• Bitten tails and piglets
• Brenda, the serving wench
• Tom’s still thinking of others

Mike’s in trouble with the wife

Remembering Mike’s wife is Vicky, that’s not a good situation to be in.

Vicky’s doing the dishes, Mike comes in, she smashes them down.

[Mike] “Ow! Me head ,,, It’s still a bit delicate from last night”

[Vicky] “One drink, you said. I was expecting you at 9”

[Mike] “You should have phoned”

[Vicky] “I wasn’t going to beg!”

[Mike] “Look, I said I’m sorry … oh, there’s no talking you”

And he storms off to the green burial site, while Vicky starts baking.


Why would anyone buy Joe’s holly?

After his pee-taking last year.

Vicky did, which Mike is aghast by. She could have got it free from Brian.

But, seems Vicky felt sorry for Joe.

He’s a crafty one, that Grundy senior.


Don’t use the ornamental bird bath as an astray!

Lynda has noticed, and is not amused.

In fact, she’s scrubbing it down as it has been rather neglected of late.

[Lynda] “a clean bird bath can be a vital source of drinking water for birds during winter”

She’s saying all of this to Ian, who sounded a bit guilty when she mentioned the astray usage. He doesn’t admit his guilt (surely other folks at Grey Gables smoke), but says he’ll smoke responsibly in the future.

Honestly, smoker with bad manners really irritate me.

As a smoker, it’s bad enough I get harassed for what I know is a disgusting habit, but one (as an adult) I choose to do. It just gets worse when someone else takes the Michael and gives us all a bad reputation.


Les Tres desert Noelle

Ian redeems himself from the association to smoking by telling Lynda and a desert he could do for Christmas around the World.

Les Tres desert Noelle

(or should that be Les Treize Desserts de Noël?)

It’s about the 13 deserts, representing the 13 disciples. That includes two types of nougat representing good and evil. And 4 beggars, which is hazelnuts, almonds raisons and dried figs, representing the different religious orders (the poorer ones).

Lynda is delighted.

Col-von-ellie?


Vicky brings a peace offering to Mike at the green burial site.

[Vicky] “My col-von-ellie … folded pizza”

Sorry?

Did Vicky mean Calzone?

Either way, Mike already had eaten. A pie from the shop (normally is a pastie).


Ah, it was Mike’s birthday

Which is why he was out late.

Vicky tells him that she upset at him returning after his curfew (!) as she wanted an early night … but she offers him the same sort of present tonight.

Daft Mike doesn’t know when he’s winning.

[Mike] “I did try and tear myself away from the bull”

[Vicky, getting annoyed again] “Not hard enough”

He then starts telling her his reasoning for staying.

David was there, and seemed depressed. Neil was also in, trying to avoid Tracey’s kids. And Bert also come in/ He was also depressed as he’d only placed 3rd in his most recent ploughing competition.

[Mike] “Still, things picked up with Eddie and Clarrie came in!”

Seems it was then drinks all round – and Roy then also appeared.

[Mike] “We all really let our hair down then!”

[Vicky] “And to think I was sat at home all alone …”

Lynda gave her food (whatever it should be called) to Lynda, who’d popped by to see Mike’s progress on the green burial site.

As I said. Daft Mike.

If he’d only stopped at “sorry”.


Abby had two!

Which Lynda sniffed about.

Seems Oscar opened his first advent calendar window today.

But Vicky told her that Abby had two advent calendars – one at home, and one at Vicky and Mike’s.


Helen offloads to Ian

[Helen] “I can cope with my brother being dead, what I can’t cope with is him coming back to life. There’s no way I’m ready to meet the 13 year old John again. But then again, when is John’s son not John’s son, when he’s a total stranger … I’m not making much sense …”

[Ian] “Well, it’s not a sensible situation”

[Helen] “You know when you put your debut card in the cash machine and it rejects it … that’s what my mind keeps doing with that photograph, It just keeps pushing it away,. Oh Ian, don’t tell anyone about this. Not even Adam …

“ I’ve spent so much energy in my life fighting the reminders … after his accident … at first, I was a tower of strength. l Everyone told me how marvellous I was being, how string for mum and dad and Tom. But over that summer, I just couldn’t face coming back, so I went to Ireland for a job, but really I ran away. I was trying to explore how I was feeling. It was such a dark time. I was so lonely. I missed my big brother so much …

“ I just wanted to prove to myself I could cope alone I suppose, that I was in control, I can see now I wasn’t. It’s so complicated Ian. John’s was big shoes to fill, he was so popular and easy going.”

[Ian] “You didn’t have to compete”

[Helen] “But I was the eldest now .. Responsible for everything. Plus I didn’t want to drown in all the messy grief at home … and then shortly after I came back, mum got depression and I have to be strong again and run the dairy and pretty soon I found out I preferred being strong and busy to staring into the abyss. So I kept being busy. Then Greg died. And I found out you could manage everything, expect grief”

Seems Helen learned a lot of what she was saying (sorry … feeling) from when she was in counselling. Now she’s angry at herself for “falling to pieces over” over the photo of John next to Rich.

[Ian] “Your parents dropped this on you from a dirty great height… and you just freaked out a bit. … you’re stronger than you realise … look how far you’ve come, you’ve given the family this wee man … so you should focus him and your life now. The past can’t threaten that”

[Helen] “I wish I had your faith in me, Ian”

Bitten tails and piglets

Tom thought his pig had a bitten tail.

But it didn’t.

And Lynda usefully told Tom:

[Lynda] “Did you know baby hedgehogs are called piglets?”

She and Robert are making a hedgehog hibernation box.


Brenda, the serving wench

Dropping the idea of Tom making a Norwegian sausage dish for Christmas around the World, Lynda now wants Tom to provide chipolatas for sauerkraut and sausage snacks.

Which he agrees to.

Lynda then pushes her luck – she asks Tom if Brenda would help serve at the do. Seems Fallon has agreed to.

[Tom] “Don’t hold your breath!”

Busty Brenda the serving wench.

That’s would surely be a major selling point.

And would give Lilian a grand old laugh.


Tom’s still thinking of others

Which is an amazing transformation.

Technically – he’s not thinking of others. Just Helen.

[Tom] “I’ve come to my own conclusion about it … ditch it mum, this whole idea of ringing Sharon isn’t on, not now, not ever. I understand it means closing off a very big door for you, but it’s too high a price to pay”

[Pat] “Henry may never l know the identity of his father, do you really want the same for Rich?”

[Tom] “I don’t care about Rich! … I care about Helen. And you can’t push her like this, it’s not fair, it’s not right… you need to draw a line under this fantasy. And move on!”

What a caring brother.

If, we believe that Tom really is just thinking of Helen. And not just his inheritance …

The Archers Wednesday 16th November 2011: Ruth says nooooooooo

• Grundy cider (courtesy of Oliver)
• ‘Genuine’ pearl necklace for 30 years married
• Not the holly, again
• Ruth’s a proper farmer, unlike Brian
• Deck The Halls (without Nigel)
• A pony!?!
• Funerals online
• Ruth speaks to a real live buyer

Grundy cider (courtesy of Oliver)

Eddie and Joe are collecting apples from Oliver’s orchard for their cider.

Seems not many other folks have joined in.

Jim turns up eventually. As does David.

Hardly the community project Jim envisaged, but it is a start.

And Eddie reckons it will be a vintage year, with them collecting grand looking apples.

[Joe] “Course in my dad’s day they had a wheel”

[Jim] “A cider wheel? … I suppose a garden shredder doesn’t have the same romance about it”

[Joe] “Does the job”

‘Genuine’ pearl necklace for 30 years married

It’s Eddie and Clarrie’s 30th anniversary on November 21st.

So Eddie wants to get Clarrie a proper nice gift.

A pearl necklace.

[Jim] “The ancient Greek symbol of love and devotion”

[Joe] “She’s going to love that. Well done Eddie”

But … in true Eddie style … he reckons he got a “bargain” and he mentioned the word “genuine”.

So, it’ll either be glass or stolen. Odds on.


Not the holly, again

As they were collecting apples, Eddie pointed out a nice sprig to Joe. And mentioned that they’d better get themselves ready for selling holly again.

*sigh*

Won’t there still be a long list of customers not entirely amused with Joe’s holly growing kits?


Ruth’s a proper farmer, unlike Brian

David talks to Ruth about Brian’s plans for a Super Dairy.

Ruth is not happy.

Ruth starts to rant.

[Ruth] “1500 cows, with no grass at all, stuck up there in a shed all of their lives … we’ll have a whopping great dairy unit shoved right on our doorsteps … that’s just so Brian. He’s such a total hypocrite. He’s never been a dairy farmer, all he cares about is turning in a quick profit … it’s a terrible idea; it goes against everything we’ve been working and for over the last twenty odd years and Brian knows that to. And he has the nerve to come here and start crowing about it to you”

[David] “Me as NFU Chair …”

[Ruth] “Same difference. He ‘d know perfectly well how you’d feel about it personally”

But wait Ruth. There’s worse to come.

[David] “Listen. There was another reason why he’s come to us now ...well, I’ve got a feeling you’re not going to like but I did say I’d ask, so … Brian says that if the scheme goes ahead, if right, then BL would be looking for local suppliers … to grow feed crops for their cows”

[Ruth] “What? You mean …”

[David] “He wants to know if we might be interested”

[Ruth] “David, but, how could you even ask … well you know the answer, of course we’re not doing it. No. I hate the whole idea and I don’t have any part of it”

[David] “Alright, so it’s not our kind of faming of course …”

[Ruth] “It’s not proper farming at all, it’s an industrial business …”

[David] “But, think about it for a moment. They would be offering us a long term contract for our crops at a guaranteed price. Can we afford to turn down an offer like that?”

[Ruth] “I don’t care what the deal is …”

[David] “Really? When we need all the help we can get for our milk”

[Ruth] “Not that way. I’m not doing it David, I’m surprised you’ve even considered it. You should have turned him down flat”

[David] “Alright, you made your point, there’s no need to bite my head off”

And David storms off in a huff.

They later on make it up. And David admits he’s quite relieved that she’s out her foot down for him.


Deck The Halls (without Nigel)

That’ll be a strange one. Nigel’s charmingly childish delight always made it such a highlight.


A pony!?!

Blimey – looks like the recession has never touched Elizabeth.

It’s nearly the twins’ 12th birthday.

She’s talking to Shula about what to get Freddie. He’s seemingly really hard to buy for.

In fact, neither Lily nor Freddie have made much out of their forthcoming birthday.

It’ll be the first without their dad.

So, Shula suggests buying Freddie a pony.

And, just like that, Elizabeth reckons it’s a great idea. No mention of how can they afford it. No mention of how she can work out something as spectacular for Lily.

My. How the other half live.

Elizabeth then tells Lily about Freddie’s pony, but swears her to secrecy.

(can twins keep secrets from each other? And why on earth did Elizabeth tell her in the first place?)

Luckily for Elizabeth, Lily then suggests her own birthday present.

She wants to go on her school trip to France.

Which is fine by Elizabeth.

Seriously – is there a way I can get Elizabeth to adopt me? She’s loaded!

Then again, it might just be her burning her way through Nigel’s insurance money … actually … did they look into how much he was worth when he died?


Funerals online

Not really.

They’re just getting the promotion of the green burial site sorted online. They’re also doing flyers.


Ruth speaks to a real live buyer

Which was a shock for her, after not getting through to any real ones for a fair while now. And what’s more:

[Ruth] “He seem surprised to be talking to a real life farmer”

What’s more, he seemed quite interested in Brookfield’s product.

[Ruth] “At least we’re getting somewhere at last. This could be the breakthrough we’ve been waiting for”

And at least it doesn’t involve Brian or a Super Diary.

Fingers crossed.

The Archers Tuesday 6th September 2011: Adam has the power over Harry and Zofia

• Will’s birds are a-roaming
• No mugs at Jazzer’s
• What’s the new Book Club book?
• Flower and Produce Show ahoy!
• Ham and Egg Pie make Clarrie a dull girl
• Some pickers have never tried a scone
• I had to look up “jeggings”
• Green Burial site back on the agenda
• Adam says no
• Dolly Treadgold

Will’s birds are a-roaming

[Eddie] “I was driving past and I saw a cock pheasant in the road, didn’t think anything of it, then round the corner, three ends …”

Eddie’s more than happy to help Will chase his birds back into their proper place.

[Eddie] “Well, I’m only going home to a cold tea”

Not because Clarrie is neglecting Eddie – just that he’s working so hard and long that he misses their usual sit down time.

Eddie may not be the most sympathetic chap, but he can certainly out his effort where his mouth is.


No mugs at Jazzer’s

[Jazzer] “A whole wee army covered in grease!”

Jazzer’s not having an easy time of it.

Working at Bridge Farm isn’t a barrel of laughs, and hardly has a steady future:

[Jazzer] “There’s an atmosphere there you could drown kittens in”

And to top that – Harry is sat about their flat stressing about Zofia, and hasn’t washed up.

The cheek of it!

Harry is worried about Zofia having to go home. If Adam agrees that she can stay on as the clean-up team, she’ll be around for a bit longer. If not – she’ll go home in a fortnight.

Jazzer is nonplussed (he’ll get his Harry back to himself … bless). But Harry is abnormally worried.

[Harry] “Sometimes a skinny decaf just doesn’t cut it Jazz”

And off they go to the pub.

Blimey!


What’s the new Book Club book?

Seems Susan has emailed it out, but Joe and Jim didn’t mention what it was.

Jim seems impressed by her choice, but Joe doesn’t seem interested.

But the bigger question is – when did Susan Cater start using email?


Flower and Produce Show ahoy!

Jim is already setting up himself up with the right twine for his onions.

And he’s gossiping with Joe about Richard Thwaite entering:

[Joe] “He wants to spend less time in the veg path and more keeping an eye on his missus if you ask me”

Oo-er! What’s Sabrina been up to now? Still making use of that cat outfit???


Ham and Egg Pie make Clarrie a dull girl

Seems Clarrie is being persuaded to cook her famous Ham and Egg pie for Joe’s birthday.

Joe reckons it’ll be good for her to do some proper cooking … “take her out of herself”.

Hmmm.

I don’t think making Ham and Egg Pie will make up for Clarrie losing her job, being the reason for Bridge Farm’s woes, putting folks in hospital …


Some pickers have never tried a scone

Can you believe it?

Thank goodness Jennifer is on hand to correct that incredible imbalance.


I had to look up “jeggings”

Phoebe is nearly gone

But she keeps having to repack.

(jeggings are leggings which look like tight denim jeans).

Phoebe is talking to Jennifer about how she is so excited to be going, bit is also a bit nervous.

She’s especially worried about school. How it will be weird. That she won’t know her teacher. That she won’t know any of the other kids. And that no-one will like her.

Jennifer reckons that she will be fine – the kids will at least be interested in her as she’s from somewhere ‘foreign’.

But, Phoebe is still mainly excited about seeing Kate and the rest of her South African family.

[Phoebe] “I just wish it wasn’t making mum and dad so sad”

[Jennifer] “But there’d be something terribly be wrong if everyone was going ‘hurrah, Phoebe is leaving!’”

Jennifer gees Phoebe up with thoughts of getting to know her mum (hmmm, think Hayley is the real mum in Phoebe’s life), “a whole raft of new adventures … a wonderful experience”

And Phoebe needn’t worry about those she leaves behind.

They’ll all keep busy …


Green Burial site back on the agenda

Would seem so.

And Jim has responsibility for the admin of it, as part of his role at the Parish Council.

Bizarrely, that means he’ll have to meet folks who are thinking of being buried then, and arrange a grave digger (which Eddie sound most interested in, as it’s paid work).

[Jazzer] “This is cheery; did I ever tell you about the time I got gangrene?"


Adam says no

Seems the clean-up team has been selected and organised for a fair while now.

Which means Zofia is not required, and has to go home.

Harry is distraught.

So.

He’s going to save to be able to visit Zofia in Poland.

Save?

Is that all?

Where’s the Officer and a Gentleman gesture?


Dolly Treadgold

Joe and Eddie were (kinda) commiserating with Harry about his loss, but reckon it’s just experience. They’ve all been there, done that and married someone else.

Reminds Eddie and Joe of Dolly Treadgold.

[Eddie] “I came within a whisker of marrying her”

But she “wasn’t what she seemed” (according to Joe), and Eddie reckoned she was too fond of other men.

Lucky Eddie. He found Saint Clarrie (her E. coli moments don’t count. She is still, a saint …)