The Archers Friday 6th May 2011: Parish Council election – winners and losers

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• 14 years at Grey Gables
• Lilian is most definitely not amused
• George is stopping out again
• Roy underestimates Kate
• Ambridge on AV

14 years at Grey Gables

It’s Roy’s last day at Grey Gables, and his colleagues send him off in style.

He has a leaving do meal at Grey Gables, and is gifted a home cinema system.

So - off to work for Elizabeth Pargetter.

Rather Roy than me ...


Lilian is most definitely not amused

Lynda and Jill were elected to the Parish Council.

But Lilian lost by a mere 6 votes. To Richard Thwaite.

[Lynda] “Quite a humiliation for her”

Oh dear.

[Lilian] “I suppose the votes only get the council they deserve, and that doesn’t include me anymore … I lost my seat darlings”

Despite calling Ed and Emma ‘darlings’ (I suppose that is just a reflex of Lilian’s), she then berates them for not voting. Though they weren’t sure they’d have voted for her anyway (Lilian did later apologise).

Lilian is a bit OTT with her reaction. And seems to think that “dirty tricks” were involved.

[Lilian] “So you've stopped by to gloat, have you?”

[Lynda] “Me? Gloat? Good heavens no. I just stopped by to say how sorry I am.”

[Lilian] “Well I can do without sympathy, darling”

Lynda tries to explain that she would have preferred Lilian to Richard Thwaite, but Lillian’s not hearing it. She accuses Lynda of rubbishing her verge idea (which is all part of the game, I reckon), and that she stole Lillian’s broadband idea (but for it was hardly original fodder rural politicians).

Lilian then vows that she and Matt will still have a say in the local community. Rather ominously so.

Maybe it’s something to do with the fact that the only other person to not get elected was Hilary Noakes

[Ed] “Ambridge’s most hated woman”

Now that’s not suitable company for our Lilian!


George is stopping out again

And Ed isn’t happy about it, as he’s at Will’s again.

[Emma] “It is a big help. It means less work for me.”

(oh aye – it’s all about what’s best for Emma!)

[Ed] “Emma. You just don’t get it do you. Will’s not doing this to help you out, to make your life easy, he’s got a real agenda here … he knows your busy with Keira and he’s just trying to take advantage”

Ed says he’s upset because George’s place is at home with him and Emma, and his baby sister. But he must be thinking that Will is trying to make moves to have George permanently.

It’s certainly what I think Will is up to.


Roy underestimates Kate

You’d have thought Roy would know Kate by now.

But no.

Hayley’s worried that Phoebe is still obsessed about South Africa.

[Hayley] “It’s always like, when I go back … when, not if”

[Roy] “She had a holiday of a lifetime; she’s bound to be excited still … I wouldn’t worry too much. She just needs to get it out of her system. She’ll soon come back down to earth again. You’ll see.”

Come on Roy! Not if Kate’s been whispering outlandish promises to Phoebe again. Which she has. Which you’ll only probably find out about when they’re heading to the airport.



Ambridge on AV

[Lynda] “I suppose our little contest was rather trivial by comparison”

Goodness me no! Far, far more riveting.

The Archers Tuesday 3rd May 2011: The real election campaigning begins

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• Young love is in the air
• Lilian’s key issue
• Jill’s key issue
• Was Oliver wandering around a bit tipsy?
• George got a space warrior
• Ed’s right to be suspicious of Will
• Slow broadband
• “We’ll let the voters decide”

Young love is in the air

[Lilian, on hearing about Spencer] “Good for Pip, I thought she had a bit of a spring in her step”

…

[Lynda on James and Leonie] “They did seem so happy together. So suited”

[Lilian, not convinced] “Hmmm …”

Lilian’s key issue

Jill finds Lilian seemingly looking at wildlife. Which is odd.

[Lilian] “ … the state of this verge … so untidy, a real eyesore … it’s a wilderness … don’t suppose it’s ever been properly managed”

[Emma] “Can’t say I’ve ever really noticed”

(does Emma actually have an interest in anything?)

All becomes clear. Lilian has a plan …

[Lilian] “Quite simple, but brilliant darlings”

Her idea is to get local businesses to support pieces of verge – pay for it to be tidied, reseeded and so on.

But, Lilian hadn’t thought it all through.

The business would expect something in return. Which would likely be an advert on each verge.

So – in the place of untidy verges – Ambridge would get mini adverts scattered around the village.

Hmmm. Not ensure that’s a vote winner, Lilian.



Jill’s key issue

Is to enter Ambridge into Britain in Bloom.

Even more cunning, is that she’s going to organise it with Lynda.

Which may actually lose her a few votes (Lynda isn’t exactly popular with every Ambridge resident), but will at least make sure it has a good chance of happening. What Lynda wants …

I reckon Jill’s onto a vote winner there.

Lilian better break out the bribes.


Was Oliver wandering around a bit tipsy?

Oliver had been out with an old mucker (Angus, who’s judging the hounds, apparently) for a long lunch.

He had a bit of a chat with Caroline about Roy’s leaving present (Caroline wants it to be special, even though she is a bit miffed. Leaving presents can be such a minefield).

[Caroline] “I hope he doesn’t come to regret his decision as much as I do”

Then, Oliver later wandered up to Ed, to waffle on about how he and Jim had just had a bit of a gentleman’s disagreement about politics. Ed wasn’t interested. He doesn’t really bother with voting.

The man sounded drunk to me.

Oliver becomes an alcoholic, which forces Caroline to finally retire to support him through it?



George got a space warrior

Which I’m supposing is a plastic toy figurine thingy. George was delighted, but I think Ed’s missing the point of spending more time with him. You can’t buy a child’s happiness …


Ed’s right to be suspicious of Will

Will’s offered to have George stay over with him and Nic again.

Ed sounded quite suspicious, but Emma was only too glad – she reckons she needs a break.

Slippery slope indeed. Where there’s a Will, there’s a way (for Ed and Emma to lose custody of George).


Slow broadband

Now that would be a good issue for Lilian to champion properly.

She reckons it is one of her campaigns – but it’s surely a better one than untidy verges.

Living in a rural area myself, I’m lucky enough to be near(ish) an exchange – but coverage is very patchy in my region.

I’d happily vote for someone (anyone) who could get that fixed. Especially considering rural businesses are increasingly dependent on the internet for selling (high petrol prices, local high streets deserted etc etc).


“We’ll let the voters decide”

When Jill and Lilian had been chatting through their (very different) campaigns ideas, it was all very civilised.

Not so the case when Lilian and Lynda have a chat.

For starters, Lynda reckons the verges are patches of wasteland. And:

[Lynda] “patches of wasteland are important natural spots … not weeds Lilian, wild flora”

[Lilian] “Next you’ll be telling me they’re miniature wild life parks!”

Which is more or less what Lynda was saying.

Lilian tries to turn it back onto Lynda – wasn’t Lynda’s guerrilla gardening in the same vein? – and Britain in Bloom is just:

[Lilian] “Flora clocks and potted geraniums!”

Lynda fights back. She reckoned she was at least:

[Lynda] “Not suburbanising them to gain some cheap publicity for local firms”

But, that was actually that. Lynda didn’t want to have a proper barney, which could lead to a “fall out with new family connections”.

(oh eeeek! James and Leonie’s wedding … the horror!)

[Lynda] “We’ll let the voters decide”

The Archers Monday 25th April 2011: Jennifer and James back in Ambridge

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• Jennifer and Phoebe return home
• Lynda’s canvassing
• Matt’s not pleased about a whole two nights of James
• The Big Five
• Brian sucks up
• James really is a prat
• What’s James’ “development”

Jennifer and Phoebe return home

And not a hint of any Kate-tastrophe (sorry!).

They’re both knackered after the journey back, but Phoebe is very excited about her trip. Especially the safari in the Kruger national park

[Phoebe] “It was really awesome … we stayed in a lodge, right out in the bush”

So all went well?

Maybe.

We’ll just have to see what slowly is brought to light over the next few days … weeks … months … years …



Lynda’s canvassing

Lynda catches Jennifer and Brian as Jennifer arrives home, but is left to speak with Brian. Jennifer pleads knackeredness.

She has her Parish Elections leaflet to share … but her stopping to give her leaflet to Brian should not be mistaken for canvassing.

[Lynda] “No, no , no … not canvassing. What Richard Thwaite’s been doing, that’s canvassing. Going round the village, knocking on doors, invading people’s privacy, it’s a sign of desperation if you ask me, he’ll probably lose more votes than he gains”

Hmmmm

[Lynda] “Hilary Noakes … went to the Easter Dawn service yesterday, first time ever, and to the breakfast after … smiling, chatting away, shamelessly ingratiating herself. Exactly who she’s trying to fool I don’t know … and apparently she was all over Sabrina in the bull last night, shedding those crocodile tears …”

(seemingly Sabrina was upset that her question wasn’t chosen at Gardeners’ Question Time, and she’s furious with Joe, after hearing the truth about his mistletoe scam.

[Lynda] “Do you think Hilary gives a hoot about all that. It’s sheer hypocrisy. And as I said to Sabrina myself, that’s showbusiness!”

Brian really couldn’t a word in. Which was probably his tactic. Keep quiet, and hope it all stops soon …



Matt’s not pleased about a whole two nights of James

Matt really isn’t pleased. Really isn’t pleased, at all. He reckons it was difficult enough last time, so really doesn’t want James for 2 minutes, let alone 2 nights.

Lilian thinks the problem is that Matt and James are too similar to get on.

And Matt does promise to do his best.

That’s a relief! All should be well. Matt does always keeps his promises. Doesn’t he?


The Big Five

Elephant, buffalo, white rhino, lion, leopard – all of which Phoebe saw in South Africa, and has pictures of on her phone.

In fact, she has tonnes of pictures on her phone to show.

Oh joys!



Brian sucks up

[Brian] “I’d forgotten how difficult this childcare is … you’re so good at it”

Which sounded slightly genuine. Until he then admits that he hasn’t done the laundry.

[Brian] “I couldn’t find the detergent stuff. We must have run out …”

So, he hasn’t dealt with the dirty clothes, and he hasn’t got anything in for Jennifer to use on her holiday clothes.

Which, of course, Jennifer wants to get stuck into.

So poor tired Jennifer heads off to the Village Shop for laundry detergent.

Some things don’t change.



James really is a prat

James arrives home to Lilian.

And manages to be annoying with his first few utterances.

He reckons his car is a “beast”. He calls Lilian “ma” (ugh!). Then he boasts about speeding. Which Matt doesn’t like:

[Matt] “These days, I stick to the rules. A law abiding citizen”

(aye Matt – only after you tried to kill yourself and Lilian by speeding, then ended up in Prison. Law abiding citizen, but only because you were caught in the first place …)

[James] “Your car’s an extension of your personality. It says a lot about who you are, your status … remember, you’re the sole director of what’s on the way to becoming a very successful property business”

Prat.

He’s trying to annoy Matt, at the same time pretending that he gives a second thought to Lilian’s life. Which he never does.

But not to fear. Our Matt knows how to take chaps like him a peg down.

He just asks James to explain what his job – what a Management Consultant – actually is …

[Lilian] “I said you needn’t be worried. He’s been perfectly polite and charming”

[Matt] “Yeah, right, I’m sure it’s going to be a real fun couple of days”

Think Lilian will ever notice that her son is an utter prat?



What’s James’ “development”

[James] “There has been a development in my social life recently … it has become a lot more, interesting …”

Which gets Lilian very excited!

Could it be a girlfriend? THE one?

Or has James just got himself a hamster?

The Archers Thursday 21st April 2011: Kathy pulls a sickie

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• Elizabeth’s birthday
• Nice of Joe to let Clarrie take the heat
• First mention of the cricket season
• Is less more?
• The Ambridge take on the referendum …
• Everyone thinks Ruth is thick
• Gardeners’ Question Time
• The yield curve isn’t good
• Kathy calls in sick
• “Ian, can you remind Alfie to settle into his heals?”
• This year, Jill will mainly be gardening …
• Does Jill just dislike Kenton?
• There’s a time for cottage pie, and a time for borstal

Elizabeth’s birthday

And she seems surprisingly chirpy.

Probably helped that the kids have gone to a lot of effort (though we didn’t get to hear any of their day out).

Maybe Elizabeth is starting to appreciate what she’s still got.

[Elizabeth] “Kenton got me a huge box of smellies, so I’m feeling very spoiled”

A bit of a sad moment when Elizabeth asked Jill if she could come to lay flowers on Phil’s grave at the weekend (for what would have been his birthday), but Jill’s in top notch mother-nurturing mood:

[Jill] “Your father and Nigel would be so proud of you. I’m sure they’re both looking down with big smiles today”

Nice of Joe to let Clarrie take the heat

Joe’s still giving Keira a lot of attention – so that leaves Clarrie at home, dealing with his angry customers.

Typical.

Clarrie should lock Joe in the stocks on the village green, then head off to treat herself to a pampering, nice food and some new tights. She deserves nothing less for having to deal with those men of hers.

(and I don’t think the green does have stocks, but you get where I’m going. Have gone. Erm …)





First mention of the cricket season

Which, this year, was brought to you by Shula, speaking about Alistair having to plan for the upcoming season.

Hurrah!

It’s been beautiful weather, bank holidays a-plenty, and cricket is on the way.

There’s a slight taste of Summer in the air!



Is less more?

I generally think so.

Shula and Clarrie were discussing Lynda’s leaflet - too much text, in too small print - in comparison to Lilian’s – better, as it had less on it so was to the point.

[Shula] “Possibly due to the fact that she hasn’t got an awful lot to shout about”

Meow!


The Ambridge take on the referendum …

… is that it will encourage a bigger turn out for the Parish Council elections, as both are happening at the same time.

Brilliant!



Everyone thinks Ruth is thick

Chatting about how Ruth is struggling with The Ghost for the book club, Jill felt that she had the answer.

[Jill] “I’m sure it doesn’t matter if you just turn up and listen, even if you haven’t got anything to say”

What a shame on Ruth.

She really gets no credit.

The woman is busy!



Gardeners’ Question Time

Is this Sunday.

Hurrah! Wonder if they’ll edit Vicky out?



The yield curve isn’t good

As Jill’s wittering on about something or other, David seems very distracted.

And he is. He’s worrying about the mile yield. Seemingly they aren’t great – but worse still, they should be better than before, as the grass is better. But they’re actually worse.

Which doesn’t make any sense.

And Jill’s encouraging words (which sounded like she’d got from greetings cards – or those naff posters you buy for a motivational workplace) didn’t help matters.

So – not only is the yield bad, but they’ll also have to spend more money feeding the cows on concentrate, to try and get the yield back as (as the grass doesn’t seem to be working).

Extra cost, means less profit.

Wonder how Ruth will blame David about this one?



Kathy calls in sick

So that she can wait at home to try and catch Jamie.

(we found out in Ambridge Extra that the mess she found the other day was both Jamie and Marty returning to eat, get more kip, then head out again)

She’s also heard from Jolene that he didn’t turn up at The Bull, and missed another shift.

So she ends up sitting in the kitchen all day. Fretting and worrying.



“Ian, can you remind Alfie to settle into his heals?”

Eh?

Horsey talk from Shula. Way over my head.

As was Jill’s mention of tomorrow’s “Walk of witness”. I assume that’s something to do with Easter?



This year, Jill will mainly be gardening …

Broad beans and carrots (with Josh’s help), with an attempt at Florence fennel (which Phil once had success with).

Though the Ground-elder “seems to be coming back with a vengeance”


Does Jill just dislike Kenton?

It sometimes seems so.

She’ll comfort Elizabeth, and excuse her selfishness. She’ll support David, and try and make him feel better about low milk yields.

Yet, Kenton hardly ever gets a nice word said about him.

Jill is now losing sleep over him and Jolene.

[Jill] “He never thinks about the long term consequences of what he does. He just steams on regardless”

[Shula] “I don’t you’re doing him justice. He’s quite hurt at your attitude, you know mum…”

[Jill] “I can’t help what I think. And he doesn’t go out of his way to prove me wrong, does he?”

[Shula] “Look, instead of basing your opinion on past mistakes, isn’t it better to accept the choices that he makes now, and wait and see what happens?”

[Jill] “That’s easier said than done”

[Shula] “I know you just want us to be happy …Well, just let him and Jolene get on with it and find out for themselves if it works”

What’s Jill’s problem? Kenton and Jolene seem happy, so let them be.

Can’t quite believe it’s Saint Shula that’s defending Kenton’s liaisons. She’s not always been a Saint, and Kenton is her twin, but it would seem her moral stance is slightly relaxing. Maybe.




There’s a time for cottage pie, and a time for borstal

When Clarrie pops round to see Kathy, she finds that Jamie still hasn’t been home.

Kathy has made him a cottage pie (for goodness sake!), and still seems to think that she and Jamie could talk things through, if only he’d arrive home.

*sigh*

Haven’t we been at the ‘we need to talk; stage many times before?

At least Kathy does know that Jamie’s alive. She called his friends, and finally tracked him to Marty’s house.

[Clarrie] “At least you know he ain't been sleeping rough, and you know this family”

[Kathy] “To be honest, they don’t seem that bothered about what their own son gets up to, let alone mine”

[Clarrie] “Believe me Kathy, it’s better than nothing. You’ve just got to stick it out.”

[Kathy] “I’m finding it so hard to be patient Clarrie. I just want him home.”

Listen to Clarrie, Kathy. She knows what she’s talking about.

But maybe the time for pie is over. Just lock him up for a bit with bigger and badder lads than he could ever be ...

The Archers Friday 8th April 2011: Lynda strongly dislikes Hilary Noakes

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• “I’m starting to see what Kathy’s up against”
• Money, flattery, a car AND Elizabeth open to suggestions
• Lucky escape for Jim
• Experience Vs Cockatoos
• Work permit?

“I’m starting to see what Kathy’s up against”

I do have a soft spot for Jolene, but part of me is starting to think she deserves to be taught a lesson by Jamie.

She has been quite uncaring about Kathy’s feelings – especially considering the ‘special’ history Jolene has of stealing Kathy’s menfolk.

Jolene hasn’t tried to help Kathy in getting Jamie back home (or at least talking to her).

So it’s karma that she’s now facing the same problems with Jamie that Kathy had to cope with. Staying out. Slipping school. Pretending to study.

Jolene and Fallon's approach to Jamie is the soft side of marshmallows. Every time
they try to bring him back into line, he gets stroppy, throws in a bit of emotional blackmail, and they cave:

[Fallon] “No one’s going to force you to do anything”

[Jamie] “Good. Because you can’t”

Or rather, they won’t.

So, despite very slight efforts to try and get Jamie to go back home, looks like they have him for keeps.

Or until he does start stealing from The Bull.



Money, flattery, a car AND Elizabeth open to suggestions

Roy is a lucky, lucky boy indeed!

He’s going to think about Elizabeth’s job offer over the weekend, but he was later very distracted and quiet when sitting near Lynda while she was talking at him.

Second thoughts? Too much responsibility? Or the weight of knowledge that Caroline and Oliver are going to be very, very disappointed.


Lucky escape for Jim

[Jim] “I’ve finally managed to escape … the massed ranks of baby worshippers”

Susan has now gone into overdrive about Emma’s giving birth to baby Girl Grundy. She seemingly has the village shop plastered with baby pictures.

Still quite perplexed that Susan wouldn’t leave her Post Officer during the birth …



Experience Vs Cockatoos

Lynda is exceedingly put out at the list of candidates for the Parish Council elections.

She has assumed that the obvious folks would get the obvious positions.
Infact, she assumed that no-one beyond the obvious would even dare to stand.

[Jim] “The list of candidates were something of a surprise”

[Lynda] “Indeed. How did I not have seen this coming?”

[Jim] “A question the noble Caesar himself might well have asked. And plenty of politicians before him. And since”

[Jim] “Eight candidates for six places. It’s almost un heard of in a parish council election in this village”

Jim’s rationale that it was great to see such local interest in local democracy just made Lynda even more furious.

[Lynda] “Local? Hilary Noakes and Richard Thwaite, they’ve only lived here 5 minutes … recent arrivals … upstarts … don’t you dare defend them .. .I blame you”

Lynda reckons it’s Jim’s fault that Richard Thwaite has been inspired by Jim’s choice for the Book Club.

Well, I suppose The Ghost is a political thriller. See here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ghost_%28novel%29

[Lynda] “He’ll have his work cut out against seasoned campaigners”

But don’t let Lynda’s bluster fool you. She is worried that she might lose the election:

[Lynda] "Hilary Noakes has been worming her way into village life ... all about gaining a footprint in the local community”

But lest we forget that Hilary Noakes has a cockatoo up her sleeve …



Work permit?

I didn’t realise youngsters needed a work permit to work. Sounds a tad draconian – especially when it’s just a young chap working in the pub he already lives above.

Jolene and Fallon have agreed that Jamie can work in the pub while he’s on holiday, but only as serving staff.

But, for Jamie to work, he has to have a work permit signed by Kathy.

So he finally calls her, and meets her next to a river to ask.

Which was a tad cruel, as Kathy thought it was a lovely spot for them to be able to sit and talk through their problems. It just like someone inviting their partner out to a nice meal, only to dump them.

[Jamie] “Look mum, I texted you because I had to!”

Well done Jamie – that’s exactly how you should go about asking someone for a favour. Be rude and berate them first!

He wasn’t exactly sweet talking his mum, at a time when he’s been downright horrible to her.

Kathy said she’d think about. She had previously stopped him working at the Golf Course during his studying, so chances are she should still tell him no.

But will Kathy cave, in an attempt to try and get back onto a good footing with Jamie?