The Archers: Eddie and Jazzer on a mission … Caroline’s on the bar … Nathan’s on a ‘good’ bet
- Eddie and Jazzer are looking for a patsy
- How Race Night works
- Lilian clears glue from her head with wine
- Again with the Lord Netherborne
- Tony baulks at £7
- Matt doesn’t do toy town betting
- Good Heavens Mr Booth!
- “Do you trust me enough to do a real good turn?”
- I don’t like Harry being at Peggy’s
- Shires comes in bottles!
- Nathan leaves £150 lighter
Eddie and Jazzer are looking for a patsy
At the Race Night, Eddie and Jazzer realise that they need someone to bid against Nathan in the last race, to be sure he loses a hefty price.
Jazzer can’t do it:
“He knows I only flash the cash when I have a bird to impress”
Tony then walks past, but Jazzer reckons:
“We need someone who chucks money about like sweeties”
And then Lilian pops by.
Lilian would make a perfect patsy (I’ve allowed thought of her as a bit of an Ad Fab Patsy anyway!).
How Race Night works
You bet on a horse to win, then a recording of a race is shown. Only the winning horse pays out.
In the last race, you have to pick the ‘winner of winners’. Which is where the skill (and the biggest bidding) happens. And where you have to bid against everyone else to have the right to that one horse.
Lilian clears glue from her head with wine
The cloakroom seeming “reeks of glue” after the Brownies had been making ‘stuff’ in there.
[Lilian] “I’m surprised all of them aren't as high as kites”
[Jim] “Explains a lot about Molly Button”
Tee-hee!
Again with the Lord Netherborne
Caroline’s manning the bar at the Race Night. And is asked about Lord Netherborne’s health.
He’s seemingly still not back to fighting fit, but at least he has someone living in to care from him, plus his two daughters are around.
Two daughters?
That blows my idea of Caroline inheriting if Lord Netherborne doesn’t make it through winter.
So, what’s the point?
Netherborne is most definitely a Peregrine …
Tony baulks at £7
What on earth is wrong with Tony?
First he accepts all of Tom’s new spending without much fight.
Now he’s paying for drinks.
Still, he did nearly have a heart attack when he was charged £7 for two glasses of wine.
Just how long has it been since Tony was in a pub?
Maybe The Bull has reasonable prices, as it certainly seemed £7 was considered a lot (but it was for charity)
Matt doesn’t do toy town betting
And Helen’s too big for crowds.
[Tony] “I certainly don’t want to see Helen down here … It’s not just her seize . .her knee is playing up badly”
Helen was seemingly “battling on as usual” by still being at work, rather than relaxing and taking the stress of her knee.
For goodness sake. Will someone please drag that woman back home, and lock her up for at least a few days?
It will save is all a lot of bother later on …
Good Heavens Mr Booth!
Nathan really didn’t make an effort with his fellow charity gamblers.
First he turns up in
[Caroline] “A lounge suit with an orange Hawaiian shirt”
“It should be illegal”
[Tony] “He thinks he’s in that film … Ocean’s 11”
[Caroline] “A very low rent version!”
Then Caroline notices him winking at Eddie (for which he has to remove his sunglasses – which he is wearing indoors – during winter …)
Eddie did seem to cover that quite well by saying that Nathan must have been winking at Sabrina:
“He’s developed quite a crush on her ,,, she tried her cat costume on at rehearsal – he hasn’t been the same since”
But has also served to start a rumour that Nathan has a case of “unrequited love”. Just wait until Richard hears about that.
But there’s more …
[Caroline] “Oh … does he imagine that looks sophisticated, waggling his mirrored shades instead of condescending to speak”
[Jazzer] “You mean he’s no irresistible to women?”
[Caroline] “The scales fell from my eyes when he called me babe when ordering his snakebite”
Phew!
By the end of such roguish behaviour by Mr Booth, I was quite glad he won horse number 7 …
“Do you trust me enough to do a real good turn?”
Asked Eddie of Lilian, also adding “no questions”
“Eddie, Eddie … how long have we known each other … you must realise I don’t trust you an inch by now!”
Replies Lilian. But then guffawing, and saying:
“So what can I do for you, darling?”
I don’t like Harry being at Peggy’s
My, how the tide turns!
I was one of Harry’s many adoring fans, but not would trust him less than I’d trust Eddie if he also asked me a favour with “no questions”.
At Peggy’s to help out with a laptop problem (he didn’t want Peggy to have to lug it anywhere – which begs the questions why Peggy has a laptop instead of a desktop), it all just seemed a bit odd and sinister.
Harry even ingratiated himself with Bill and Ben – as if we ever needed any more evidence that the man is probably a serial killer!
Peggy was worried by the safety warnings her laptop was giving her when she tried to open attachments from Con. So Harry explains that Peggy was right to be worried about attachments, but that ones from senders you know are okay,
Harry then takes Peggy to Florida (via what sounded like Google Earth), showing Peggy how to virtually stalk Con and his family!
I’m not happy with Harry at all. I was half expecting him to either proposition Peggy (eeeek!), or to be found riffling through her underwear drawer for spare cash (double eeeek!).
Do I also sense a trip ahoy for Peggy?
Shires comes in bottles!
Thrice hurrah!
I shall try and buy some online right now, making sure that I also get the Shires Winter Special that Eddie was talking about.
Nathan leaves £150 lighter
After a bidding war between Nathan, Lilian and Tony
(seriously – why is Tony being so generous with money at the moment?),
Lilian manages to hold her nerve to push Nathan up to bidding £150 for the wrong horse (unbeknownst to him).
Of course, it’s all fixed against him, and Nathan loses.
“The horror on his face!”
Jazzer even managed to ,lighten Nathan of another £20 on a side bet!
What’s more, Nathan even has to leave without having a chance to punch Eddie.
Nathan can’t admit that Eddie’s fooled him (as he'd also have to admit that he was trying to diddle a charity event), and Eddie managed to stick to Alan and Jim until Nathan left.
All very jolly, and all in a good cause.
Well … that was until Jazzer reminded Eddie that he’d have to rehearse with Nathan on Thursday for the Panto.
And Nathan is “going to be raging”
The Archers: ‘customer service representatives’ of the world unite … Mike gets railroaded … Pat and Kathy go shopping .. Tony is still in a grump … Helen has twisted her knee … Shula doesn’t approve
- “The bare faced cheek of some people”
- Mike is still saying no
- Tony doesn’t have a pre-cooler
- Helen needs to realign her knee cap
- Lord Netherborne has had a fall
- Jim and Shula disagree yet again
- Mike say yes!
- “Cherry red suits either a boy or a girl”
- Ambridge has to be shamed into buying poppies
- Actually, Pat is right to be worried
- “Could bring those two giggly girls from Grand Spinney”
[Lynda] “The bare faced cheek of some people”
[Vicky] “Some people want bells on it, don’t they!”
[Lynda] “She’s the type that takes all the toiletries home”
And there, my friends, speaks the true voice of those of us who have to work with customers.
It’s also true with waiters.
Never, ever, be anything other than polite to them.
Mike is still saying no
And so is Kirsty.
But a determined Lynda sets Vicky back onto Mike again.
And we all know what happens when Vicky wants Mike to do something …
Tony doesn’t have a pre-cooler
Which he seemingly should have on his bulk tank. Which sounded like something to do with milking cows.
And of course, it’s all Tom’s fault.
Not because he forgot to buy a pre-cooler, or was in sole charge of the bulk tank – but because they’d never have noticed that they were bereft of a pre-cooler is Tom hadn’t been undertaking:
[Tony] “that blessed energy audit!”
Do we think Tony is transferring his anger/confusion/terror about Helen’s pregnancy onto Tom?
Helen needs to realign her knee cap
Ouch!
Penny Sansom (who looked at Helen’s knee, is seemingly very good, and does the same great job for the County’s cricket team) has confirmed that Helen’s knee is twisted.
Helen now has leg exercises to do,
But. To her absolute horror, she also has to give up step and aerobics.
Blimey.
Surely just carrying around that baby is enough? Maybe with a gentle stroll once in a while?!?
Lord Netherborne has had a fall
So Caroline has rushed off to nurse him.
Caroline and Oliver have been very quiet of late.
is that the call of inheritance …???
Jim and Shula disagree yet again
On the subject of Lord Netherborne,
“I hope he fares better at the hands of his niece than I did with my daughter-in-law”
Jim still hasn’t forgiven Shula for her treatment of him when he broke his leg.
Those two are destined to forever rub each other up the wrong way.
Most of it was before my time – but I do know that Shula was the lady to like back in the day.
Did that really all end when Mark was killed?
Anyway, Shula is now the lady to disapprove of anything remotely a bit edgy. In fact, she disapproves of even the most seemingly innocuous things.
Shula doesn’t want to get involved with Jim’s Race Evening. Even though it was supposed to be in aid of St Stephen’s.
Jim reckons it’s because Shula disapproves of gambling at a charity event. But has Shula been back to Ste Stephen’s since she fell out with Alan over Usha’s religious statue?
But, Shula isn’t the only one to approve of gambling in aid of the church. So Jim has had to change it into a fundraiser for the British Legion. And the race evening is taking place mid-week, after the Brownies.
How completely inoffensive could it get?
Even then, Shula still not in favour. Maybe it doesn’t help that there’s a bar (which Vicky is most happy about).
[Jim] “The way some of her ilk have been going on – you’d think I’d suggested a barn dance in the graveyard”
At which, Lynda gives a sudden gasp.
It isn’t in horror at the thought of dancing on graves, it’s because she an idea which will make a certain man do her bidding …
Mike say yes
Oh, Mike said yes!
Poor man didn’t stand a chance.
When Lynda had her brainwave to include a dance number, he couldn’t say anything other than ‘yes’ to being in the panto.
I think we’d all do the same if we had Vicky snapping at our heels.
Mike could hardly refuse a dance with his (still fairly new) wife. And it is probably easier to give in when you actually have to live with Vicky.
“Cherry red suits either a boy or a girl”
So says Helen. So it must be so.
As Pat is out shopping with Kathy, she spots a baby jumpsuit for Helen’s baby.
Thank goodness at least one of Helen’s family is now genuinely happy for her, and excited about her baby.
Ambridge has to be shamed into buying poppies
What on earth? How very dare Ambridge not behave and do exactly as a respectable English village should.
Go on Jim. Put those poppies next to the till in the Village Shop. Shame them all!
Actually, Pat is right to be worried
I thought Pat might have just been being hyper-sensitive to Helen and her eating habits because it is Helen … and eating.
But, I think she might have a point.
Helen is utterly obsessed with calories and exercise.
She wouldn’t entertain a jacket potato to go with her stir fry ( a stir fry she’d already made and eaten for lunch, didn’t finish, and was going to reheat again for her tea).
And because she can’t do all the exercise she wants to (due to her twisted ankle), Helen reckons:
“I’ll have to eat less now that I’m not burning off the calories”
Now that is worrying.
It would seem that as Helen’s baby is growing inside her body, she’s doing her best to minimise her body growing.
That can’t be good for either mum or baby.
“Could bring those two giggly girls from Grand Spinney”
Lynda is getting desperate for her leading ladies.
In her desperation, she even suggests to Vicky that she could:
“Cut the songs and offer the part to Sabrina”
[Vicky] “You’d have a mutiny on your hands!”
Apart from it being Sabrina that would cause the mutiny, Vicky quite rightly asks:
“What sort of panto would it be if the main character didn't sing?”
Dismissing Vicky’s suggestion that Sabrina could just mime, Lynda realises that she’s fast running out of options.
However, despite her desperation, Lynda simply won’t audition “unknowns”.
The very idea! How would we cope with folks we don’t know being in the panto? I mean, there could even be ones not from Ambridge.
The very idea!
Lynda also cuts down her options by also ruling out offering parts to Felpersham Light Opera Society.
That would offend Tristran Hawkshaw. Who both Lynda and Vicky agree is:
“Larry Lovell’s’ mini me”
(eh? Who he???)
Fallon is also not an option as she has so much to deal with (damn it! I have £10 on her)
“I’m usually such a creative problem solver, but I really have run out of ideas”
Oh, the gods do weep.
Come on Lyndee!
