Pondering The Archers: rosa makepeace

I’m with Joe. Wayne didn’t exactly help Bridge Farm when he edited down his interview with Pat …

But Eddie reckons it’ll be fine. Wayne just knows a ‘good story’ . And it’ll be superb publicity for Eddie’s statues.

[Eddie] “Don’t you worry dad, I know how to handle the media.”

When Eddie gets to the radio station:

[Wayne] “Forget about the studio, just pretend we’re chatting over a jar, in that wonderful local of yours.”

Wayne asks Eddie to describe the beast.

Big eyes, big sharp teeth, hairy …

[Eddie] “It’s hard to describe on the radio, if you really want to know what it looks like, have a look on one of my statues …”

Seems they’re on special this week …

[Eddie] “I look on it at educating the public, like natural history, you know.”

[Wayne, looking at photos of Eddie statues] “It’s a curious creature … Looks to me almost like two or three animals put together …”

Wayne also has photos of Eddie’s other statues. It would seem the Beast is very similar to what it would look like if Eddie has put together his pig, rabbit and dog.

[Wayne] “Isn’t that a bit of an odd coincidence … come on Eddie, isn’t it true you’re pulling a fast one …We’ve all had a laugh, now why not take this chance to come clean … tell the good folk of Ambridge they’ve nothing to fear, that it’s safe to go back into the woods.”

Ouch!

Our local radio just cover flower and produce shows, school plays, amateur dramatic productions and the occasional piece about potholes!

Joe’s keeping an eye on Kathy

[Joe] “Kathy Perks was vacant this morning, thought perhaps I’d just drop in.”

That’s nice of Joe.

And no ulterior motive. Just being a good chap.

Rosa’s stalking pays off

Jamie calls Rosa, after she’s left a number of messages and been round to his house.

[Rosa] “Ah well, I didn’t want to crowd you, I was just worried.”

Jamie seems to appreciate the attention, and arranges to meet her down by the river.

Seems Jamie’s been leaving messages and texts for Natalie, but she’s not answering.

Rosa says she’s text Natalie as well, to let her know that she and Jamie really hadn’t been doing anything. But she still feels guilty.

[Rosa] “I mean, if we hadn’t been messing around …”

But Jamie thinks it would have happened anyway. Natalie was “high” that night as she was drunk, and had got such good results.

[Jamie] “It was all getting too intense anyway … I reckon we could both do with some time out. No ties, no complications, I’d be free to hang out with whoever I like.”

On not getting good enough results:

[Rosa] “It’s okay for people like Nat, and all those nerdy kids who do essays …Who needs them, I can still be rich and famous, and I can still be happy, can’t I?”

Well, yes. And no.

But it’s certainly not what Kathy will want for her previous one.

Kathy wants a better match for Jamie

Kathy’s talking to Joe about Jamie splitting up with Natalie.

She’s a bit sad about it. Natalie was a nice girl, with good grades …

[Kathy] “Whereas Rosa, I’m sure she’s a perfectly nice girl, lively, sociable … you’d hardly call her academic … which is absolutely fine, of course, absolutely no reason why not, it’s just, now Jamie’s saying he won’t be going back to college … she’s bound to be sending him all the wrong messages.”

The Loch Ness monster is too much for Eddie

When Eddie gets home, Joe can’t stop laughing at him.

[Eddie] “It was a setup, that Wayne was out to get me from the start!”

[Joe] “We all heard it Eddie, shame it was a pack of lies … you just don’t know when you stop … you walked right into that one.”

[Eddie] “I;m going down to the shed. I need a drink.”

After a few ciders, Eddie’s back to get laughed at again by Joe.

[Eddie] “Stuff Wayne Folley and his rubbish show. Why should I worry, nobody listens to it anyway!”

But they do.

Joe’s taken one call for a refund. And:

[Joe] “It was from the local ness monster, honest it sounded like the real thing to me, big and fierce and a Scottish accent an all. Asking if he and the beast could meet up for a drink!”

[Eddie] “That’s Jazzer. Oh I’m done for now, I’m finished, I can never show my face in the village again!”

As usual Eddie, it serves you right.

Jamie listens to AND agrees with Kathy

Blimey.

[Kathy] “If we don’t talk about important things, what am I here for?”

[Jamie] “Things that are important to you aren’t always the same for me.”

Though it sounded like Kathy and Jamie were about to have one of their arguments, it was all very calm and sensible.

They both must be growing up a bit …

Jamie doesn’t see the point in further education. He’ll end up with a student loan, and it won’t guarantee him a job.

[Jamie] “I don’t need it, I’ve got better things to do with my life.”

But Kathy reasons that the job market might get tougher and tougher, so Jamie should get every advantage.

[Kathy] “Do you really want to be in your mid 20s and still be doing causal labour … it may seem like the easy option.”

And then Jamie agreed.

Just like that.

He’s going back to College.

That was easy!

Ifty didn’t fancy Tracey because of Keith: Tues 21.08.12

(aye, right then!)

The Archers Tuesday 21st August 2012

Susan won’t go to court
Kathy wishes she had Jamie’s social life
Tracey really is demented
Sick cows will be the ruin of Emma and Ed
Rosa’s on a boy hunt
Brookfield’s back to ‘normal’

Susan won’t go to court

Keith was up at the magistrates today.

[Emma] “I don’t know what will happen, and I can’t say I’m bothered.”

Susan says she can’t (won’t) go.

[Tracey] “You really don’t care don’t you. Never mind he’s your bother, never mind that he risked his skin to grass up his mates.”

[Susan] “So he could try and get off with a lighter sentence!”

[Tracey] “So that he could try and get some kind of justice. He did the right thing in the end.”

[Susan] “You know where I stand … I;m not coming.”

[Tracey] “When he’s lucky one of us still knows the meaning of family loyalty.”

Even when it’s misplaced, eh Tracey?

And I’m not remotely surprised Susan won’t go.

Aside from Keith having been a very bad lad, court must also bring back painful memories of her own incarceration …

When Tracey later crosses paths with Emma:

[Tracey] “You! I’ve got nothing to say to you. This is all your fault, I hope you’re satisfied.”

*sigh*

Anyhoo, Keith is committed for trial at the Crown Court. Though he’s been bailed, he can’t go anywhere near Ambridge.

Kathy wishes she had Jamie’s social life

Eh?

I couldn’t imagine anything worse.

Kathy really needs to get out more (and with folks of her own generation).

Tracey really is demented

She thinks that she’s sacrificed her future happiness with Ifty by standing up for bother Keith.

[Tracey] “Ifty … me and Ifty. It’s finished. It’s all over between us.”

[Susan] “Tracey what are you on about? … what do you mean all over, nothing’s happened? … I knew you were after him of course, you made that pretty obvious …”

[Tracey] “My big chance. For once in my life I’d met a nice decent bloke, and now it’s finished. All because of Keith.”

[Susan] “Hold on, are you telling me, you and him … did he even go out with you? No he didn’t!”

[Tracey] “I reckon Ifty won’t have nothing to do with me cause my brother’s a crook … can’t see why else …”

[Susan, starting to lose her common sense when she thinks someone is demeaning her family] “He thinks your family isn’t good enough for him! … Well I;m sorry, but I can’t say I;m too surprised.”

[Tracey] “Yeah, you must he happy now, you never liked him from the start.”

[Susan] “Just leave it Tracey.”

What a strange, stranger family.

Sick cows will be the ruin of Emma and Ed

The vet bills are crippling Ed and Emma. It couldn’t have come at a worse time, what with milk prices.

[Emma] “I don’t know how we’re going to manage mum. Mike’s not giving us much for our milk.”

They had to cancel George going on a school trip as they couldn’t afford it. And Keira needs new shoes, which is also well beyond their means.

Susan brings them round some chicken pies, and wants to take Emma out shopping Saturday morning and to buy Keira’s shoes for them.

[Susan] “I feel like I owe you, after everything.”

Rosa’s on a boy hunt

She really, really does like Jamie.

Rosa calls and leaves him a voice message. She says she’s been thinking about his since the party.

[Rosa] “Be nice to meet up again sometime?”

She then goes round to see if Jamie is home. But it’s only Kathy.

Rosa tells Kathy that Jamie’s split up with Natalie (Kathy didn’t know), and what Jamie had told her was his exams results (better than he actually got, which Kathy didn’t know. She knew the real results).

Not sure if Rosa was stirring, or genuinely didn’t realise she was dropping Jamie in it.

But she then dropped herself in it by telling Kathy that she’s told Jamie exams don’t matter.

Kathy didn’t appreciate that. Maybe Rosa’s scooter won’t be enough to make her decent daughter-in-law material after all.

Brookfield’s back to ‘normal’

[Ruth] “Job satisfaction all round … nice to get back to some real old fashioned farming again. Calving, the weather …”

She’s talking to Emma about the relief that it would seem the gang nightmare is over.

[Ruth] “We won’t forget what you did for us, or what it’s cost you.”

Ach well. Emma doesn’t need aunts and uncles like Tracey and Keith in her life, I reckon.

Saturday, 18 August 2012

Adam and Jamie accept their fate (separately, of course): Thurs 16.08.12

The Archers Thursday 16th August 2012

Kathy’s on about Rosa again
Brian and Adam shake on it
The exam results ‘rave’
Jamie’s not going to Uni
Rosa finally gets her man …

Kathy’s on about Rosa again

Quite bizarre.

But at least this time she’s calling Rosa “cool” to her face.

Rosa’s new scooter really has turned Kathy’s head.

Anyhoo.

Kathy happens to mention that Natalie is having the exam results party.

At that, Rosa’s speeding off on her 50cc, at 30 miles an hour.

Brian and Adam shake on it

Brian tells Adam that he’s stopped the Farm Manager recruitment advert from going in again next week.

[Adam] “Okay, so …”

[Brian] “For now. And I’m really hoping I don’t have to again, but I'm still waiting for that commitment from you.”

And Brian wants that commitment before the pickers party at Home Farm.

[Brian] “Your mother’s putting so much love and care into the celebrations … it’s a family celebration to … this time a week ago, she was terrified you’d be leaving the farm going to goodness knows where … she’d be very upset if it unravel again.”

[Adam] “What more do you want of me, exactly … how about this, I'll stay on, and I’ll be fully committed to running the whole of the arable business, including supplying the dairy.”

It’s exactly what Brian needed to hear. And Adam sounds like he’s also convinced himself as well. He’s going all into this, as there’s no point being half hearted, and he’s promised not to moan.

[Adam] “I’ll do all I can to make to work for us, and that’s a promise.”

[Brian] “Thanks Adam, I know that can’t have been easy for you.”

And they shake on it. Adam keeps his job (at the price of his ethics), Brian gets his preferred Farm manager (at no extra cost at all!).

[Brian] “This may not always seem obvious to you, but keeping the family together means just as much to me as it does to your mother.”

Well, none of us really believe that one, Brian.

The exam results ‘rave’

(well, it was a party. Just that. A normal party. No rave intended …)

Natalie sounds tiddly from the off. She’s on the vodka. Well, she needs to celebrate. She got four As!

[Rosa] “She’s really going for it tonight isn’t she, I didn’t know she was such a party girl.”

Jamie’s not going to Uni

Jamie didn’t phone Kathy to tell her what he’d got. She had to leave a begging message.

He’d earlier told Rosa that he got one A, couple of B, and a C. Which he was worried about telling Kathy about. Those grades sounded fine to me.

But when Jamie gets home, he tells Kathy the truth. He got two Cs, a D and an E.

[Jamie] “They're rubbish grades, I totally mucked it.”

Kathy’s shocked, but manages to pull it together to say that at least he still has his A2s to do (whatever they are). He can still get to Uni.

[Jamie] “Uni? And end up with a 40 grand overdraft. Why?”

[Kathy] “You know why. To give yourself a decent start in life.”

But Jamie doesn’t agree. He’s not going to sit anymore exams. He’s not going back to College. And he’s most definitely not going to Uni.

Well, Mike is looking for a milkman …

Rosa finally gets her man …

Rosa crashes Natalie’s party, and makes a beeline for Jamie. She even gives him a go on her new scooter.

[Rosa] “If you’re really good, maybe I’ll give you another ride sometime.”

Rosa’s an odd one. She fancies Jamie, so she starts talking to him about his girlfriend:

[Rosa] “She’s got so much going for her. She’s cool, and she’s clever and she’s attractive. And she’s got you.”

Rosa than makes Jamie come up close to her so that she can ‘sort his hair’. It sounds like Rosa is just about to kiss him when Natalie catches sight …

[Natalie] “I saw you Jamie … shut up you tramp, what are you doing here anyway. It’s my party! … Don’t touch me, there’s nothing you can say to me now. I just want you to go away. Hear me, go on, now … we’re finished Jamie. It’s over.”

Oops.

If that’s what Rosa wanted to happen, job done!

Monday, 13 August 2012

There’s two “decent” gay bars in Felpersham: Mon 13.08.12

The Archers Monday 13th August 2012

Stuck between Matt and a Scooter
Three go Mad in Dorset!
Rave? Is it the Nineties?
Ian’s gaydar is broken
Ian wants to party with Pavel

Stuck between Matt and a Scooter

Darrell’s going to see Walters’ house again.

[Matt] “Good man, good man, pleased to hear it, knew you’d come to see it my way .. .we’d be doing them a favour Darrell.”

[Darrell] “Yeah but mate, it’s really not that bad …”

[Matt] “Never mind, the sooner we can persuade them to move out, the better.”

[Darrell] “I’ll be honest with ya, I’m still not too happy about this business.”

I’m surprised Darrell got away with calling Matt “mate”.

Darrell insists he’s going to talk to Joyce and Arthur (aka the Walters) before he makes a decision about what to do.

[Matt] “If that’s the want you want to play it.”

[Darrell] “It’s the only way I know how.”

Later on, Matt meets Darrell coming out of the Walters’:

[Matt] “Keeping well, are they?”

Darrell starts going on about Joyce’s dodgy hip which, of course, Matt really couldn’t give a hoot about. He just wants them out. The hip is only another excuse to get them into an easy. Modern (tiny) flat (beneath Jazzer – who’s likely to be even more noisy now that harry isn’t there).

[Darrell] “It’s not on Matt, I can’t really do it.”

[Matt] “Just tell me it’s much more serious … the place won’t be fit to live in while you work.”

[Darrell] “I don’t know if I can Matt. They’re not stupid you know.”

[Matt] “You’re not trying Darrell.”

[Darrell] “They’re happy. This is their home … it feels a bit like harassment to me.”

[Matt] “Oh does it now … may it’s time to show me just how grateful you are … you’ve got a big heart and it’s in the right place … (but) … go home, have a think about it, and see if you can’t find a way to change your mind.”

When Darrell gets home, it’s Rosa’s bloomin’ scooter than changes Darrell’s mind.

She and Elona went off and bought it, for £50 deposit and no interest for a year.

Rosa goes on and on about how brilliant it is that Darrell can’t seem to tell her no.

[Darrell] “No, no of course you won’t have to take it back."

I can see why Darrell ended up in prison the last time. He has string principles, and is fundamentally a decent chap but he’s also a bit weak.

Three go Mad in Dorset!

Pip’s getting the milking lady cows in on her own.

David and Ruth (and Ben) are off on their holiday to Dorset.

For one while night!

Even though it’s such a short break (which hardly seems worth doing), Ruth still has to check-in

[Pip] “The cows, are fine, Josh is fine, the sheep are fine, and guess what, the house isn’t falling down either.”

Chill pill Ruth and David. Take longer, go further and don’t waste your time checking back.

Rave? Is it the Nineties?

[Rosa] “There’s a rumour that there’s going to be a big rave on Thursday night.”

[Pip] “Rave?”

[Rosa] “Like a massive party to celebrate the exam results.”

Goodness me – I haven’t heard anyone say ‘rave’ for many a moon!

Surely something folks of my age used to say when Rosa’s age – not Rosa’s age still saying it.

She’s an odd ‘un, that Rosa.

She was trying to find out if Pip or Josh know where the “rave” was – the seemed to be sad she wouldn’t be invited (she’s still a new ‘un) – then determined to crash it.

[Rosa] “who needs an invite!”

Ian’s gaydar is broken

Pavel’s round for tea at Ian and Adam’s.

Pavel was invited by Ian (Adam has no say in the matter – Ian was insistent) to help make Polish food. Pierogi, to be exact.

But Pavel has a confession to make …

[Pavel] “So I lied about my grandmother, she was a lousy cook, and she died before I was born.”

[Ian] “I fell straight for that one, didn’t I”

When Adam comes home, and Pavel goes to hunt the beer:

[Ian] “Have you heard the news about harry the milkman … I think it’s great .. .though he’s left a lot of disappointed women around Ambridge.”

[Adam] “Was that what you were talking about with when I came in?”

[Ian] “What, with Pavel? No. Does he even know Harry?”

[Adam] “Maybe not, but he’d be interested. Surely.”

[Ian] “Why? What? Really, are you telling me, he’s …”

[Adam] “Oh come, surely you must have …”

[Ian] “How do you know? Come on, what makes you so sure, have you actually asked him?”

[Adam] “No. What about that famous gaydar of yours?”

[Ian] “Alright, so maybe he is, but he’s said nothing to me about it.”

[Adam] “So why don’t you ask?”

Is it just me, or is Adam asking for Ian to find out that he slept with Pavel? And not by having to tell him himself?!?

As Adam leaves them in the kitchen:

[Ian] “He’s tired, he’ll soon perk up.”

[Pavel] “I hope so.”

(I wasn’t going to fall for mentioning any of the 'oh Matrons' being made in tonight’s eavesdropping, but am just about to)

I bet he does!

*snort*

Ian wants to party with Pavel

Oh dear.

Later on in the evening, it sounded like Pavel, Ian and Adam were in the hot tub. Ian sounded quite merry indeed:

[Ian] “Toast, to the home farm arable manager, and to me not having to find a new job in Botswana … you only did it because you couldn’t bear to leave the hot tub behind!”

[Pavel] “To the hot tub, Na zdrowie”

The Pavel gets serious.

[Pavel] “I can say this now that there’s no secrets between us … I’m happy that you know.”

(well, Ian doesn’t know the half of it!)

[Ian] I’m so slow on the uptake. Adam got there way before I did I!”

(did he ever!)

Pavel starts talking about the sheer freedom Adam and Ian have. They can be together. Do what they like. Without fear.

(well, in some parts of Britain. There’s still plenty where they’d have their windows broken, or chased out with pitchforks)

[Pavel] “It’s like having to learn a whole new language, and sometimes I get it wrong, I can’t read the signs, you understand … but it’s still so much better.”

Ian tells Pavel he must make the most of him time over here. So Pavel asks where the “fun places” are. Ian tells him there are a “couple decent gay bars in Felpersham”.

(who’d have thunk it!)

They also arrange to have a meet up before, and do something after, the Home Farm pickers party this Friday.

Adam agrees.

Oh this really isn’t going to end well …

Saturday, 21 July 2012

The day of the youth cricket match*: Tues 17.07.12

(*apologies to all cricket fans. I'm guaranteed to have got some of the detail wrong!)

The Archers Tuesday 17th July 2012

Kenton’s aiding and abetting
Jamie’s being cocky …
… and is a “champion welly wanger.”
Rosa REALLY likes Jamie
That mini bus said it all
Elizabeth visits David
Jamie didn’t do well
Lucy didn’t do well
Jamie really is a shockingly bad sportsman
Why can’t women play cricket?

Kenton’s aiding and abetting

Quite literally.

He’s taken a bet off of Jamie for today’s cricket match between Ambridge’s girls (with boys in the team) against St Mags.

Naughty.

Jamie’s being cocky

[Natalie] “Let’s not make out it’s going to be easy … it wouldn’t look great, would it, being beaten by females.”

[Jamie, firmly] “It’s not going to happen … I’m just the best.”

… and is a “champion welly wanger.”

[Natalie] “I wouldn’t say that out loud!”

Natalie wants them to practise for the Fete games, and take it seriously.

Though Jamie is confident not only about the welly wanging. He also reckons the caterpillar race will be easy enough as well.

He once did ten laps at a party!

Rosa REALLY likes Jamie

She turns up at the cricket match.

[Natalie] “Oh no!”

[Jamie] “She’s come to support us, what’s the problem?”

Um, that Rosa is a bit of a stalker? And openly flirts with you in front of your girlfriend.

That mini bus said it all

Natalie was startled that St Mags even had their own mini bus.

The dye was cast …

Elizabeth visits David

[Elizabeth] “Hello David. How are you?”

What a shocker! Elizabeth visiting David. Blimey.

Elizabeth was horrified at the mess the fire had made. It was even hot enough to have bent solid steel poles.

David told Elizabeth that Keith has been taken in, but released.

[Elizabeth] “Not another Clive, surely?”

(mind Clive burnt down Christine and George’s – while Christine and Jill were in there. David saved them)

[David] “It’s the idea that there’s someone out there,. Deliberately trying to hurt my children … it’s that’s the effect,. What the difference. It’s exactly the same outcome.”

Elizabeth offers for Josh and Ben to stay at Lower Loxley. David appreciates but politely declines. He wants his family to stay together.

(not necessarily the best thing for him to say to Elizabeth, considering …).

[Elizabeth] “David, what your doing can’t be easy. There must be a part of you who wants to walk away … don’t give up. One thing I’ve found when terrible things happen it’s best to carry on”

[David] “It gets better over time?”

[Elizabeth] “So I’m told”

Looks like that cold front is defrosting.

Jamie didn’t do well

Natalie’s not impressed with Jamie’s turn on the pitch. She thinks he’s taking too many risks.

Rosa does not concur.

[Rosa] “He just goes out there and enjoys himself. That’ the way to play cricket … I only know there’s too many old plodders in the Ambridge cricket team. They should get fined for boring the audience.”

[Natalie] “Crowd. It’s called a crowd … you’ve got to understand the game to appreciate it.”

After Jamie’s reckless does get him out:

[Natalie] “He only got a seven.”

[Rosa] “What a seven though!”

[Jamie] “She had her elbow bent … she never bowled it, she chucked it.”

[Natalie] “You played a stupid shot and misjudged it.”

So Jamie’s a bad loser, then. Wouldn’t have guessed that from his pre-match arrogance!

Lucy didn’t do well

I’ve no idea who Lucy is, but she went out on the first ball.

Jamie really is a shockingly bad sportsman

It was Natalie’s turn:

[Jamie] “Watch out for the blonder one. She’s got a very suspect delivery.”

[Rosa] “I don’t know what’s the matter with everything. It’s only a bunch of schoolgirls.”

[Jamie] “Who don’t even know the laws of cricket!”

[Alistair] “Jamie, let’s be a bit more sporting about it, shall we?”

Sounds like Natalie didn’t last long either.

[Jamie] “57 all out, how did that happen?”

(is that a bad score then?)

[Natalie] “Their spinners are unplayable … they had me fooled every time.”

Its St Mags’ turn to bat next.

When they got to 55:

[Rosa] “I hate to say this, but they’re going to do it. Come on Jamie!”

Jamie bowls a “bouncer”. Which seemingly isn’t a very nice thing to do.

[Alistair] “It’s not considered very sporting, not in a game like this.”

Next bowl, the St Mags lass hits a cracker. Which Alistair reckons serves him right.

And St Mags win!

[Jamie] “We were rubbish … I could have done a lot better if I'd been allowed to do my normal thing.”

[Natalie] “So you need to resort to intimidation just because you’re being beaten.”

[Jamie] “It’s trying to win, what’s wrong with that?”

[Rosa] “Nothing at all. It’s better than being a loser.”

Oops.

Rosa may be good for Jamie’s ego, but he’d better tread carefully. Natalie doesn’t sound like a young lady to put up with any nonsense.

Why can’t women play cricket?

Despite losing, Natalie really enjoyed the match.

Knowing that it will be near impossible to get another match for the girls anytime soon, Natalie asks Alistair why the girls can’t be considered for the full Ambridge cricket team.

[Natalie] “Everyone just assumes it. The cricket team has to be male.”

Alistair agrees. He’s never been asked about women playing before. He’s going to raise it at their next AGM.

[Natalie] “Maybe it's time Ambridge cricket got itself into the 21st century.”

Well, I can think of a fair few male players (and female spectators) who won’t agree.

Especially Neil.

Imagine how he’ll feel to be dropped, then replaced by girls!

Saturday, 30 June 2012

Ruth takes over as Alpha: Sun 24.06.12

The Archers Sunday 24^th June 2012

David’s alpha skills are found lacking
Hayley wants to redecorate
Cricket for Women!
Rosa’s still a Jamie fan
Mother worried about her kids? Get out of the way!

David’s alpha skills are found lacking

Ruth has tried to give David time and space to consider what he’s going to do next.

Well, actually, she’s given him time to agree with her that he shouldn’t be testifying against the gang.

[David] “It’s not that simple.”

[Ruth] “Well it is to me.”

[David] “I can’t.”

[Ruth] “Or you won’t!”

[David] “It wasn’t an easy decision to make.”

[Ruth] “Sorry. Well how are we going to keep out children safe then. Tell me that!”

Later on, round 2:

[Ruth] “Pip’s too frightened to switch on her own phone, and Ben’s still having nightmares … neither of us are getting any sleep.”

[David] “Love, we’ll just have to take it one day at a time.”

But, as Ruth points out, it’ll take months, not days. The earliest David can expect to testify in court is September.

[Ruth] “The thing is, you’re doing this for Adam, right … and if you hadn’t found him, he might have died … me point is that you’ve done everything you could for him, he’s okay now, he’s back and work and moving on with his life … we’ve going to have to keep on living with the consequences … all because you’re too pig headed and self-righteous to back down.”

David blows a fuse at that one, but can’t get a word in:

[Ruth] “And you won’t back down because of some stupid idiotic principle … I’m sick of it. You’re putting your principles above protecting our children.”

[David] “That is a ridiculous thing to say … can’t you see you are reacting exactly the way they want you to react … they’re cowards, Ruth, I can’t believe they’ll carry out any of their threats.”

But Ruth is quick (and right) to point out that the gang did hit Adam. So they’re not just talking empty threats.

David thinks being sensible, being careful, take precautions and the like will keep everyone safe. Their kids just need to adapt. Ruth can’t believe what she’s hearing – she knows that no matter what, David can’t promise that nothing bad will happen.

[Ruth] “Right that he can’t promise everything will come right!”

[David] “I need you on my side Ruth.”

[Ruth] “But I can’t be.”

[David] “I can’t fight you as well.”

[Ruth] “Well if you want to be a martyr to this cause, you go right ahead. That’s enough, you stand on your moral high ground, and I hope you enjoy the view. You’ll be in your own.”

So mother’s right’s asserted as well as alpha’s. Ruth will phone the Police for advice, and do what she needs to do, and what David isn’t doing.

Hayley wants to redecorate

Phoebe is due home soon.

Hayley’s been hovering Phoebe’s room, and thinks it now looks too childish for her. She mentions to Roy she wants to do a makeover.

Roy thinks it’s a fine idea, but all Hayley had managed to achieve (by the end of the day) was to buy sandpaper and paintbrushes.

She couldn’t make her mind up about what Phoebe would like. Especially as she isn’t aiming just fir a repaint – she wants carpets, curtains, cushions … a whole new style.

[Roy] “This is our Phoebe we’re talking about, we’re not having the Queen to stay … she’ll just be happy to be home.”

But, Hayley’s worried Phoebe will have changed a lot in the last year. Phoebe’s favourite colour was pink, but what is it now?

[Roy] “If I were you, I’d get Vicky on it.”

Eh?

How will Vicky know more about decorating a room for a young lass?

And anyway – can we foresee problems with (a) Phoebe possibly being not even happy to be home and (b) rather furious that her parents have changed her room without her being involved?

Cricket for Women!

Natalie’s at nets with Jamie, admiring how good Chris is at cricket.

[Jamie] “What are you, the Gabby Logan of cricket?”

But that starts Natalie thinking.

[Natalie] “Every week. And we girls don’t get to play at all.”

[Jamie] “Good job. You might get better than us.”

[Natalie] “Might, we already are!”

I didn’t realise, but there isn’t an Ambridge women’s cricket team, or, in fact, one on the whole league.

Shocking! Even most football teams have a women’s version.

[Natalie] “When we started, it was just a bit of a laugh, joining in with you.”

So, Natalie wants a proper game for her and the young women, and she wants Jamie to ask Alistair to arrange it (eh? That’s not very liberated. Surely she could ask Alistair herself?!?)

Rosa’s still a Jamie fan

That he has a girlfriend doesn’t seem to matter. Rosa will stalk him even when Natalie is there.

[Natalie] “Uh oh. Your little groupie … quick behind the pavilion”

[Jamie] “About time. I’d never thought you’d ask!”

[Natalie] “I have to put up with her rabbiting away, and staring at your bum.”

Natalie does seem less controlling these days, but I hope neither she (nor Rosa) keep rabbits as pets.

Jamie’s just bemused by the attention.

[Jamie] “It is flattering, but I’m not quite Freddie Flintoff’s league. Yet.”

Mother worried about her kids? Get out of the way!

Ruth spoke with the Police. While they have sympathy, there’s nothing they can do. But, they suggest that they could move everyone at Brookfield to a safe house.

Though Ruth does agree with David that she and David can’t leave (they have a farm to run), she does want to move the kids out. And she’s not interested in what David may have to say about that.

[Ruth] “You don’t have a choice, not anymore.”

David wants them all to stay. He wants them together, where he can protect them.

[Ruth] “I’m not prepared to take the risk. It’s done. As soon as I can sort something out, they’ll be gone.”

Bit harsh on David, but looks like there's no point saying anything to Ruth at the moment!

Monday, 25 June 2012

Alice still on about Amy: Tues 12.06.12

The Archers Tuesday 12th June 2012

Alice is (still) on heat
The pollen is still annoying Lynda
Tracey’s stalking Ifty
Lynda tells Will she saw his will…
Rosa’s stalking Jamie
Jamie to learn chainsaw!
PLEASE change the tune, Amy

Alice is (still) on heat

(seriously … there’s something in the water)

As Chris makes a “wide pair of webbed shoes” for a “four year old with collapsed heels” (one assumes that’s horsey talk!), Alice has her mind on other things:

[Chris] “It gets pretty hot in the forge.”

[Alice] “I know it does. Remember I like you all sweaty.”

Later on, as Alice wakes Chris up during a post-work nap:

[Chris] “Alice, I haven’t had my dinner yet.”

[Alice] “I must be more appealing than a plate of pasta!”

[Chris] “Of course you are, but not as calorific.”

But Alice can’t ‘do’ later on. Amy’s coming round … so Chris goes to nets instead.

The pollen is still annoying Lynda

Quite “vehemently”, actually.

Lynda swears by honey.

[Lynda] “They say a spoonful a day keeps the pollen away.”

Tracey’s stalking Ifty

As Ifty keeps getting texts:

[Lynda] “You alright Iftikar? You suddenly look rather wan.”

At nets:

[Chris] “What’s aunty Tracey doing?”

Would seem Tracey was stalking round the pitch, trying to get Ifty’s attention. While still texting him.

(adult) Bunny Boiler …

Lynda tells Will she saw his will…

…y

(sorry – that’s a bad one, but couldn’t resist!)

[Will] “I haven’t seen you in ages.”

[Lynda] “No, no it has been a whole since I’ve seen you in the flesh, I mean, actually seen you …”

Will’s none the wiser until later on. He bumps into Lynda as she’s just leaving The Bull:

[Lynda] “Robert’s got a Rioja and a bag of pistachios waiting for me.”

[Will] “Any luck spotting the beast … I’m sure you’ll see something interesting sooner or later.”

[Lynda] “The cameras do suggest that there are wild animals out there, but they’re not what I expected. It’s amazing what does on in the woods after dark, mother nature’s quite a draw you know, for all strange bodies …”

[Will] “Oh! I think I’ll just get my pint …”

Poor Will.

Lynda seemed to really enjoy revealing what he and Nic had revealed to her …

Rosa’s stalking Jamie

Jamie’s at nets, so Rosa is also at nets.

[Rosa] “Why she giving me evils?”

[Jamie] “That’s Natalie, she’s my girlfriend.”

But Rosa doesn’t seem to mind or care.

(junior) Bunny boiler …

Jamie to learn chainsaw!

I wouldn’t have felt safe even just saying that a few months back.

What changed lad he is.

Seems he really enjoyed working with Mike, and is chuffed as punch to be going on a one day chainsaw course.

PLEASE change the tune, Amy

Amy and Alice are having a drink out.

Amy starts on about how she keeps noticing the couples, and how she missed being part of one:

[Amy] “The everyday boring normality of being in a relationship.”

(what?!? She was only with Carl for 5 minutes)

Amy recalls the time she and Carl had breakfast in 9what sounds like) a greasy spoon:

[Amy] “I remember thinking I didn’t need anything or anyone else, it was just perfect.”

[Alice, getting frustrated] “The truth is Carl cheated on his wife, and he got found out.”

[Amy] “Well that’s your interpretation …”

Amy’s new theory is that the child Carl has with his wife isn’t actually his, and that he’s in the process of splitting up with his wife anyway.

[Alice] “Amy, I’m not saying this to hurt you, but Carl split up with you. He’s chosen her.”

[Amy] “How would you feel if this happened to you and Chris … you can’t be sure.”

[Alice] “Amy, what is it going to take for you to accept that Carl is a player?”

[Amy] “Maybe I’ll only believe it if Carl tells me himself.”

Oh for the love of god!

Get Carl to tell her, and make Amy shut up and grow up!

Chris certainly agrees with me. When Alice bumps him yet again for Amy:

[Alice] “You and me can see each other anytime.”

[Chris] “That’s not the point … no, you can’t keep dropping everything because Amy’s feeling down.”

[Alice] “… she can’t cope on her own. I thought you understood.”

[Chris] “Well I’ve had enough, no Alice, this is Amy’s mess not yours. So just back off.”

Good on you Chris!

Sticky Wicket 2012 10.06.12

The Archers Sunday 10th June 2012

Tracey makes more moves on Ifty
The pollen count keeps Lynda away
Elona and Darrell’s daughter Rosa
Ambridge cricket team won!
Jamie and Roy in the final
Mike gave Jamie a job

Tracey makes more moves on Ifty

Tracey’s managed to get a deckchair next to Ifty, and is trying to show her cricketing knowledge. Which includes shouting at the Umpire that he got his decision wrong (Neil out to Harry):

[Tracey] “I’ll have a word of it later. He proper muffed it … problem is, I take my cricket seriously me. Reckon if brad and Chelsea hadn’t come along,. I’d have joined the barmy army … captain of the netball team in the juniors, wing attack …”

She then gets hot. Has to take her cardigan off. And asks Ifty to rub in some sun lotion …

[Ifty, sound exasperated] “Tracey, we’re in Ambridge, not Ayia Napa”

Later on, Ifty doesn’t even want Tracey’s prawns:

[Tracey] “…and they’ve got cheese. Cheese never harmed anyone, did it?”

Probably not. But scalding hot tea does harm one when it’s dropped onto their knee.

Which Tracey does to Ifty.

Yup. He’ll be hers in no time.

The pollen count keeps Lynda away

I’ll bet the rest of the Ambridge residents wish they’d know it was that easy years ago!

Elona and Darrell’s daughter Rosa

Rosa started speaking near the secret microphones today. And made quite an impact.

She first got told to “joy off to the rest of the kids” when she interrupted Tracey’s attempted flirtations with Ifty.

[Rosa] “I’m not a kid. I have a job!”

Indeed you do. With Mike, bottling. When she later has a chat with (at!) Mike about Ifty:

[Rosa] “I heard looked like he was in a boyband … that’s the old bloke who gave me a deckchair!”

But, Rosa definitely does like Jamie:

[Rosa] “I’ve enjoyed watching you play, I er, haven’t been able to keep my eyes off you”

Jamie sounded quite pleased to hear that. Not sure his girlfriend Natalie will be …

Ambridge cricket team won!

Against the Borchester Old Boys by 4 runs.

Good good.

Jamie and Roy in the final

Jamie won!

Well done Jamie. Well done indeed. Sid would be bursting with pride.

Mike gave Jamie a job

Clearing and logging timber on the estate with Mike. He seems really chuffed about that.

It also means he’s working for the same boss as Rosa:

[Rosa] “He can be a bit gruff, but he’s a big softy really.”