Pondering The Archers: rhys williams

Just when we though Rhys was a complete amateur with women (who don’t like rugby), he gives Fallon another box. With a smaller box in that. Then an envelope. Which has a photo of Cardiff Bay in it, with an arrow pointing to a hotel.

That’s the hotel they’ll be staying in for the whole weekend – double deluxe room, sauna, spa and hair. Though Fallon does have to suffer the rugby, the hotel is a treat she’ll adore.

[Fallon] “Okay, you win, I love your team!

Good lad, Rhys.

The Archers gather at Home Farm

(the Peggy side of the clan. The Jill side are at Lower Loxley. Who we don’t hear from today)

Matt wakes Lilian up at 10am (that’s very late for Christmas day, though they are jetlagged):

[Matt] “You’ve got nothing to do today but sit at Home Farm and look gorgeous.”

At Home Farm, Alice passes round mini hamburgers, hot dogs and devils on horseback.

[Lilian] “I suppose bacon and prunes would do for breakfast!”

The only other highlights of the day at Home Farm was Sipo in a Christmas costume on Skype, and The Queen.

[Peggy] “I do like to see The Queen”

Marvellous!

Did Jazzer have two Christmas lunches?

Jazzer’s off to his mum’s for Christmas, but first needs to dull his sense with a few pints at The Bull. The first of which he demands is free …

When he gets back to The Bull later on, he’s actually had not too bad a time. Seems his brother Stu brought a new girlfriend, who he couldn’t stop arguing with.

[Jazzer] “It was great. I could just sit back and enjoy the show … Best you can hope for wae a dysfunctional family of mine.”

Jazzer wishes aloud that he could experience a “real Christmas” at least one time …

… which is aimed at Kenton, and Kenton bites. He invites Jazzer to Lower Loxley. Kenton reckons it’ll be fine as Jazzer lives with Jim. I’m not sure Elizabeth would be as reasonable when she finds she as one extra for lunch (though we never got to find out).

[Jazzer] “Kenton, you’re my Christmas angel!”

Wonder if Jazzer will be crawling along the road with a rather full belly, a la Vicar of Dibley.

Lilian needs to learn how to fib

When Matt mentioned to Peggy that Jennifer had been texting constantly while they were in New York, Peggy reckoned not.

Jennifer would have mentioned it.

And when her phone goes again later on the day, she claims it’s James. Who Matt knows has already called.

Lilian better brush up on her lying skills. It’s wee slip ups like that which will catch her out.

Alice says “innit”

Alice reckons Jim should interview Chris next for Borchester Life.

[Alice] “It’s free advertising, innit.”

Alice!

Such vulgarity and faux ‘street’ slang.

Way beneath you.

Peggy wants to go to Whitby

Peggy used to have her and Jack’s anniversary to look forward to just after Christmas.

But with Jack ‘At The Laurels’, she’ll be alone again this year.

Lilian suggests she and Peggy so somewhere nice - St Lucia, as Peggy and Jack did for their honeymoon.

But Peggy has other ideas:

[Peggy] “Whitby … well weather isn’t everything.”

I do adore our Peggy!

Lower Loxley’s Christmas seemed very brief

Kenton and Jazzer were back home in no time.

“Now it’s time for the famous Bull Christmas sing song”

Claimed Kenton, when he got back to The Bull.

(Bull Christmas sing song. Since when?)

The Bull demands Jazzer starts them off.

“Have yourself a merry little Christmas”

Aw.

How lovely.

Saturday, 29 December 2012

Rhys and Fallon double date Kirsty and Ifty: Tues 11.12.12 #thearchers

The Archers Tuesday 11th December 2012

Double dating has rules
Elizabeth asks David about the dairy conversion
What to buy a new girlfriend?

Double dating has rules

Nothing dubious though – just an all-out ban on Ifty and Rhys talking about sport. Or anyone mentioning Shakespeare.

(are Rhys and Fallon tiring of the Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza? Surely not …)

[Ifty] “Are they worried we might break out into spontaneous soliloquys?”

The boys are worried that without sport, they’ll have little else to talk about.

Neither know what else there is to talk about without sport

Elizabeth asks David about the dairy conversion
What on earth will he know about it?

I know Elizabeth is trying to make up for not talking to David for a fair while – but let’s be sensible!

Anyhoo – Elizabeth talks weddings and conferences. Fundamentally, a small or big conversion.

Elizabeth’s very much sold on going for the weddings, though David is shocked at the work (and expensive) they’ll have to do just to increase up to 25 weddings a year. Even with more specialist weddings like “green” and “Asian”.

To be fair to David, Elizabeth just really wanted a sounding board.

[Elizabeth] “It’s just nice to be share it without someone close. Someone who is on my side.”

(sorry … why isn’t Lewis considered close or on her side?)

What to buy a new girlfriend?

Tricky.

Ifty’s worried he’s bought Kirsty too much. Which could make him seem too keen.

At first, Rhys wouldn’t say what he’s bought Fallon for Christmas. Then he admits that he’s bought Fallon a voucher for an album.

Which might make him seen not keen at all.

[Ifty] “It’s a total cop put. Only total losers give vouchers. Trust me, I know women, she won’t respect you for it. You need to be bold. You need to choose an album for her.”

[Rhys] “Okay, but she’s into all these super cool super bands I’ve never heard of from Leeds and Morecombe.”

(eh? Leeds and Morecombe???)

BUT Rhys then remembers Fallon liked an Ella Fitzgerald Christmas song.

So he’ll get her that.

One song?

Is that enough?!?

Friday, 30 November 2012

It gets worse for Ed: Thurs 22.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Thursday 22nd November 2012

Fallon and Rhys wake up together
The milking bail is broken
Oliver’s reaction to hearing himself
Emma’s got pies in

Fallon and Rhys wake up together

[Rhys] “So it wasn’t a dream then.”

[Fallon] “As long as it wasn’t a nightmare … Not that we seemed to get much sleep … Who would have thought this was going to happen.”

[Rhys] “Caught me by surprise.”

(Really? We’ve all been waiting for this to happen for months!)

[Fallon] “Did you change your bed sheets?”

[Rhys] “Did you shave your legs?”

Touché!

They’re actually moving at a fair pace. Rhys even suggests Fallon gets a toothbrush to keep at his.

[Rhys] “I mean, if we’re going to make a habit of this, it’ll be handy.”

[Fallon] “If that’s the way you feel, why did you wait until now?”

Rhys tells Fallon that he’s always been attracted to her, but he couldn’t make his move while she was his boss. Seems he had a rather nasty experience with someone else he worked with, whom he now calls “Cindy the Psycho”.

[Rhys] “I was lucky to escape with my well, let’s say last night wouldn’t have been half the fun!”

Oo-er.

The milking bail is broken

I have no idea what a milking bail is or does, but it’s really important for Ed’s dairy. But the pump is broken.

So, Ed’s having to milk by hand. Oliver helps him.

Once Ed’s had someone round to look at the milk bailer, seems the pump has given out. And the motor is burnt. Which will cost £2500 to fix.

Worse still, seems Ed also needs to upgrade the electrical supply. Ed's not been keeping up his services.

Just what Ed hasn’t got. Yet more money.

[Oliver] “Chin up Ed!”

Now here’s a thought – Oliver has money, Ed doesn’t.

Surely Oliver would rather help fund Ed’s business (at Oliver’s farm) than see yet another Grundy go out of business at Grange Farm.

Oliver’s reaction to hearing himself

[Oliver] “Oh Lord! … oh good grief!”

Sounds like Oliver isn’t very good at his sonnets yet.

So, Oliver being Oliver, he blames his tools and dumps his tape recorder.

(tape recorder! I haven’t even seen one of those for 10 or so years. How sweet of Olive to still have one, and use it)

[Oliver] “It makes me sound like a complete buffoon!”

Emma’s got pies in

So Ed gets two pies rather than bread and cheese. Not that there was often any bread left for him …

Ed’s a bit distracted, but doesn’t tell Emma that their money problems just got worse. He doesn’t tell her.

But, later on, Emma finds Ed crying.

He tells her that he now needs to find £4000 for the business.

[Ed] “I didn’t have a choice Em. The cows have got to be milked … Whatever made me think I could be a farmer. I’m a failure. What sort of man can’t support his family.”

Ed’s sobbing even harder now. Emma reckons will sort it out somehow …

Grim.

Rhys and Fallon have adult relations: Wed 21.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Wednesday 21^st November 2012

Rhys and Fallon’s first date
Rhys patronises Lynda
Another disaster for Ed
Caroline has to choose antiquarian books over tree dressing
Lynda entices Jim into the Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza

Rhys and Fallon’s first date

As Rhys leaves his shift at The Bull, he bumps into Fallon coming back from Jaxx, ready to make herself pretty ahead of their date.

[Rhys] “I don’t know why.”

[Fallon, sounding hurt] “Oh …”

[Rhys] “You’re stunning as you are.”

(aw!)

They first go to the pictures, where Rhys offers to buy Fallon a hot dog. Fallon reckons not, as she’s already eaten, but she does go for some nachos (!).

[Rhys] “My body is a temple but it is sublet to a gang of students!”

The moving is a bad ‘un, but at least they both agree about that. So, they go for a drink.

When they get back to Ambridge later on:

[Rhys] “To the door service. That’ll be £12 please!”

[Fallon] “Best nice out since, well, the last time we went out.”

And, at last, the tip toeing is over:

[Rhys] “Oh for god sake …”

He kisses her. She kisses him back.

[Rhys] “Fallon, do you um, want to come back to mine?”

[Fallon] “Yes. Yes I do. Very much.”

Oh ho!

That’s fast moving after such a slow, slow, slow start.

Rhys patronises Lynda

(without her even knowing)

Seems that when Lynda corners Rhys, his tactic is to:

[Rhys] “Just keep nodding and smiling. It’s what I do.”

Another disaster for Ed

As Ed takes the cluster off of the previously poorly cow, everything falls silent in the diary.

Which isn’t good.

Dairies are supposed to have machinery type noises.

Later on, when Oliver calls round, seems the machinery has been back on. Then off again.

Very unwillingly, Ed reckons he’ll have to call someone out to have a look.

[Oliver] “I don’t think you’ve got much choice Ed.”

Oh dear. This sounds expensive.

Caroline has to choose antiquarian books over tree dressing

Rather than be able to make the Community Orchard meeting, the highlight of which is the tress dressing, Caroline has to stay at Grey Gables for the Borchester Antiquarian Book Society meeting.

That’s a real Sophie’s choice …

Maybe Caroline should have been there. Oliver decided to pay for the Community Orchard event out of his own pocket.

Lynda is delighted with the event:

[Lynda] “I am pleased to see these ancient customs being preserved.”

But:

[Lynda] “ I do hope you want let the Grundys hijack the even with marketing of their turkeys!”

Ah well. Even if they do, we all love a turkey.

Lynda entices Jim into the Elizabethan Christmas Extravaganza

[Lynda] “The whole event would be enhanced by someone of your gravitas.”

Jim thinks “flattery won’t work”.

Really?

How about making it sound fun?

[Lynda] “It’s a most enjoyable thing to do. Isn’t it Oliver?”

Actually, Oliver tries to tell Lynda that he’s struggling with his sonnets.

Lynda just ignores him. Amazingly, Jim seems to be interested …

[Jim] “A novel presentation though that may be, I think the conventional way up might be more suitable”

So, Jim agrees to take part, and most sincerely hopes the rest of Ambridge is grateful.

He might be waiting some time for such gratitude.

Lynda thinks Jim would be perfect to do one of Shakespeare’s Roman plays. Like when Antony first sees Cleopatra in Antony and Cleopatra.

Burn'd on the water: the poop was beaten gold; Purple the sails, and so perfumed that The winds were love-sick with them; the oars were silver, Which to the tune of flutes kept stroke, and made The water which they beat to follow faster, As amorous of their strokes. For her own person, It beggar'd all description: she did lie In her pavilion--cloth-of-gold of tissue-- O'er-picturing that Venus where we see The fancy outwork nature: on each side her Stood pretty dimpled boys, like smiling Cupids, With divers-colour'd fans, whose wind did seem To glow the delicate cheeks which they did cool, And what they undid did.

[Jim] “Far too flowery.”

[Lynda] “But it’s evocative.”

[Jim] “I really don’t want to be emoting about pretty dimpled boys like smiling cupids, thank you very much.”

Jim thinks Coriolanus would be more apt. Lynda’s not sure that would have “popular appeal”.

There was a time when all the body's members Rebell'd against the belly, thus accused it: That only like a gulf it did remain I' the midst o' the body, idle and unactive, Still cupboarding the viand, never bearing Like labour with the rest, where the other instruments Did see and hear, devise, instruct, walk, feel, And, mutually participate, did minister Unto the appetite and affection common Of the whole body. The belly answer'd—

[Lynda] “I’m really not sure Jim, it does get rather anatomical, doesn’t it?”

[Jim] “I’d say metaphorical.”

[Lynda] “Well I'm not sure people would want to have the human body dissected in quite such explicit a fashion. It might put them off their food.”

Well, I think Lynda will win this one. In the end.

Rhys finally asks Fallon out: The Archers Sun 18.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Sunday 18th November 2012

Cows bulling thrills Ruth
Daniel had a hangover
Since when was Hayley a tree decorating expert?
Hayley has no experience with adults
Fallon’s plans for Jaxx involve board games
The barn shall be rebuilt!
Rhys makes a play for Fallon

Cows bulling thrills Ruth

[Ruth] “Are you excited?”

[David] “I’m not bulling, Ruth.”

[Ruth] “Here we are at the start of our new system.”

So, Brookfield is officially starting its new system. Which is fraught in itself when it comes to feeding and the like. But I don’t suppose they had any other choice – it was that or give up the cows.

[David] “Doesn’t look like any of these are ready for your inseminator charms.”

Ew!

Daniel had a hangover

Quite right too after one’s own 18th birthday. Seems Daniel didn’t see much of Saturday at all.

Since when was Hayley a tree decorating expert?

Jim reckons she is.

[Jim] “I can’t think of anyone better qualified to talk about craft for young children.”

So, alongside giving Jim advice about decorating trees, Hayley also suggests they get the kids to bring jam jars so that they can decorate them as lanterns.

Sounds bonny.

Hayley has no experience with adults
(what’s Roy then?)

She’s worried about the consultant making mention of Lower Loxley needing to have closer links with the local College, running adult education courses and the like.

Hayley’s only got experience with young kids. She thinks they’ll get rid of her and someone with the experience.

But, Hayley doesn’t want to Elizabeth in case she puts the idea in her head (if she’s not thinking like that in the first place). Roy offers to have a “subtle” word.

[Hayley] “We can’t afford to lose my job.”

What a worry.

It’ll get as grim as Ed and Emma’s.

Fallon’s plans for Jaxx involve board games

Fallon’s worried Jaxx is quite quiet today. She’s thinking of how to get more punters in.

She reckons a Sunday roast and board games will get them in, and staying for longer.

[Fallon] “A bit like going round your gran’s for tea. Kind of home from home atmosphere.”

[Rhys] “Yeah, but without the unspoken tension of causal racism …”

[Fallon] “What sort of home did you come from?”

(quite an average one, I’d reckon)

She’ll also get a reggae DJ in.

[Fallon] “Sociable Sunday. Heal your hangover.”

[Rhys] “You’re an absolute natural, aren’t you?”

And Rhys also reckons it is all stuff she’d never be able to do at The Bull.

[Fallon] “It was the right move. Work wise, anyway.”

Missing Rhys, Fallon is.

The barn shall be rebuilt!

David’s heard from the insurers, and they can get cracking on building the barn again.

Rhys makes a play for Fallon

[Rhys] “It’s my night off. I heard a rumour you had drink on sale.”

Rhys is in at Jaxx. Allegedly to have a drink, but more likely to see Fallon.

Rhys tells Jim that it’s better to be having a busman’s night off than collect stamps (which he doesn’t do anyway).

But he’s really there to see Fallon.

He asks her if she has a night off this week.

[Rhys] “Do you think, I mean you’ve probably got something planned, if not maybe you’d like to go for a drink. Or meal. Or cinema. Anything you want really.”

[Fallon] “Rhys, are you suggesting a date?”

[Rhys] “I am. Say yes, only if you want to.”

[Fallon] “I do want to. Yes.”

Hurrah!

At last!!!

Daniel’s 18th birthday: The Archers Fri 16.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Friday 16th November 2012

Daniel buys his first pint in The Bull
Bunty and Reg don’t want meals on wheels
Daniel’s party
Who is Rhys trying to suck up to?
Shires just isn’t the same
The kids in America
I Gotta Feeling
Mark would have been proud
Worried that Jim’s going pagan
Kenton accepts he’s not a young ‘un?
Ed needs Eddie for a pint

Daniel buys his first pint in The Bull

Yup, he’s a man now.

Bunty and Reg don’t want meals on wheels

Shula had organised frozen meals to be delivered to Reg and Bunty, but they’ve cancelled them. Much to Shula’s frustration.

[Shula] “They’re lovely, but he sees it as an insult. I was only trying to make their life easier.”

Oops.

Sounds like Shula’s life just got more difficult then.

Daniel’s party

James and Leonie were there.

Oh joy.

It sounded like Daniel got an iPad.

Most of his class turned up to celebrate. Shula has hired a marquee. And got a hog roast.

(how posh!)

Daniel had a marvellous time.

[Daniel] “This is the best night of my life!”

Who is Rhys trying to suck up to?

Lynda is very impressed with Rhys’ acting ability.

Seems Lynda said to him: “Rhys, you’re giving it such subtext”.

Fallon reckons he’s teacher’s pet.

[Rhys] “I’m not trying to impress Lynda, okay!”

[Fallon] “Well, who then?”

Hmmm …

Oh Fallon and Rhys – just get on with it!

Shires just isn’t the same

Reckons Jazzer, according to Ed, since Fallon stopped pouring them.

Though Fallon seems to be enjoying Jaxx, she also misses Ambridge.

[Rhys] “Things don’t feel quite the same round here though.”

He missed Fallon, and isn’t exactly having a ball with Kenton in charge.

[Rhys] “Me and Fallon, we’re sort of a team … I’m just not in the loop anymore.”

Doesn’t help that Kenton also treats Rhys like a scullery maid. When Kenton gets back in, he immediately takes over the bar, sending Rhys out to collect glasses.

The kids in America

Daniel’s going to take a gap year, probably heading off to live in America, either in new York or San Francisco.

Jamie’s already planning to stay with him.

[Daniel] “The Ambridge boys take on America, it’s a deal.”

I Gotta Feeling

By the Black Eyed Peas, was playing at Daniel’s party.

That’s a song played at my footy team when we win.

We didn’t get to hear it much last season, but more or less every week this season.

‘Mon Queen of the South!

(sorry for interrupting, but we really have been marvellous this season!)

Mark would have been proud

Shula’s having a moment with Kenton about Daniel flying the coup.

[Shula] “Having Daniel, it’s what kept me going.”

[Kenton] “You should be proud. He’s a fine young man, And Mark would be proud too.”

Indeed. Daniel does seem like a nice young chap.

Worried that Jim’s going pagan

Jim’s obsessing about dressing trees for the Community Orchard event.

Olive and Caroline are worried he’s revelling too much in what seems to be a Pagan ritual.

[Kenton] “Him and Joe dancing naked around the orchard!”

Shula thanks him for burning that image forever into her brain …

Kenton accepts he’s not a young ‘un?

[Kenton] “Time for me to bow out and let the bright young things get on with it.”

Blimey!

Kenton would normally force himself to stay up to the bitter end.

Jolene really has helped him settle.

Ed needs Eddie for a pint

Ed’s in The Bull looking for Eddie.

He can’t afford his own pint.

Grim.

Rhys is ignored: Mon 12.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Monday 12th November 2012

Kenton’s NOT just excited about the models?
Deck the halls!
Kenton, the community chap
Nil desperandum
Joe has new teeth
Joe has a class consciousness?
Is Rhys invisible?
Jim wants to put ribbons round the trees
Nigel’s cane and scythe

Kenton’s NOT just excited about the models?

So he claims.

And we don’t mean the airfix variety neither.

It’s to be The Bull’s fashion show next Tuesday … Kenton reckons it’s making him feel Christmassy.

Aye, right then.

Deck the halls!

Yay!

I do love it when Deck the Halls gets a mention for the first time.

It means Christmas is on its way.

[Elizabeth] “I can’t believe we're there again already.”

But, this year, there will be no ice rink. Seems it costs too much.

Though there will be the German Market. So there will be Gluehwein.

Shame about this rink, but at least the string stuff will be flowing!

Kenton, the community chap

Kenton’s been asked (or he asked?) to switch the Ambridge Christmas lights on.

[Kenton] “I’m becoming quite the pillar of the community, I'll have you know.”

[Elizabeth] “God help us all!”

Nil desperandum

[Jim] “… never despair. There's worse things than a Monday morning.”

Indeed Jim.

I used to think a Sunday night when I was at school was worse than a Monday morning. Last of the Summer Wine was ruined by the thought of Double French.

Joe has new teeth

Hurrah!

Seems they’re comfy, and of normal hue.

[Jim] “At least we won’t be able to see you coming in the dark.”

Joe must be mightily relieved. Though Jim reminds him that most folks have more things to do:

[Jim] “Other than to admire your dental furniture.”

Joe has a class consciousness?
Seems Joe doesn’t approve of or buy Borchester Life.

[Joe] “By toffs for toffs, if you ask me.”

Then Jim tells him about his articles. About “interesting” Ambridge folks.

[Joe] “And you chose Mike Tucker ... well, if you're looking to interview someone else, wise old country gentleman who actually knows what he's on about …”

Ah – caught!

Jim reckons he couldn’t ask Joe to be a subject due to his “strong moral objections.”

[Jim] “Although I can quite understand your class consciousness.”

[Joe] “We could change it from the inside.”

Is Rhys invisible?

Kenton and Jolene ignore Rhys while they’re mucking around.

When Jim and Joe are talking about a community event in the Community Orchard (see below), Rhys suggests they could tell stories.

Everyone ignores him. Again.

Kenton comes into the conversation, and suggests storytelling. Which everyone agrees is a marvellous idea.

[Kenton] “It’s nice being useful.”

Jim wants to put ribbons round the trees

[Jim] “The idea is to celebrate trees in all their variety.”

Not sure why, but Jim wants to hold another day to celebrate the Community Orchard. Like the Apple Day, they just had.

Joe’s quite interested, though.

He could sell his holly and mistletoe.

(ah – it must really be Christmas soon!)

Nigel’s cane and scythe

Lewis and Elizabeth are having a look at the old dairy, to possibly turn into wedding accommodation.

Seems Nigel used to squirrel away some of his odds and sods there.

[Elizabeth] “It’s the cane Nigel used to spy on swallows.”

(eh?)

And also the scythe he used to cut the meadow.

It seems it’s quite a big building - 200,800 square feet, Lewis reckons. Which could need a £840,000 budget to fix up.

Which Lewis reckons would be a good investment. Though Elizabeth would need to get a loan.

AND it’s a grade listed building (so couldn’t possibly be a quick fix)

[Elizabeth] “I don’t suppose the scythe is worth very much?”

[Lewis] “Not financially, no.”

I’m amazed at how far Elizabeth has progressed with her grief.

That sort of conversation – finding things of, and remembering things about, Nigel used to send her over the edge.

Now, it’s fondness rather than overwhelming sadness.

Thursday, 29 November 2012

Lynda shall play Prospero: Thurs 08.11.12 #thearchers

The Archers Thursday 8th November 2012

Naomi has a “mardy face”
Kenton demands praise
The Elizabethan Christmas show marches on
Fallon wants Rhys
Bob Pullen still isn’t too well
Freddie’s looking forward to extra maths
Is Hayley for the chop?
“Such stuff as dreams are made on”

Naomi has a “mardy face”

Which Fallon won’t have to put up with anymore. Naomi’s quit.

Fallon feels rather superior, as she feels Naomi was behaving unfairly. After all, Naomi had the same opportunity to get the Manager job.

Erm.

Seems not so.

Kirsty had a hand in it.

[Kirsty] “I might have kind of possibly hinted to Don that all the staff were really hacked off when Naomi was manager.”

[Fallon] “I really don’t know what to say. You’re really quite sly, aren’t you. I’d better watch my back!”

Kenton demands praise

[Kenton] “Aren’t you proud of me mum, your son is being a Lord!”

Bless.

This Lord of Misrule is certainly going to Kenton’s head.

The Elizabethan Christmas show marches on

With Kenton as the Lord of Misrule and Macbeth’s witches organised, Lynda feels she finally has a show.

Christine and Jill have been researching Elizabethan food. Collar of Brawn (pork loin, boiled a week in advance, marinated in spices). Real mince pies. Marzipan.

[Jill] “If it was good enough for Queen Bess, I’m sure it’ll do for you.”

Fallon wants Rhys

Well, we all know that.

But, she specifically wants him to work at Jaxx.

[Fallon] “Just like when running the pub together but all the time.”

Fallon sounds very excited. Rhys doesn’t.

He doesn’t want to leave The Bull. He likes the punters. It’s a short walk from his flat. And he wouldn’t want to leave Jolene and Kenton short.

[Fallon] “Don’t worry, eh, just thought it might be an easy solution.”

When she’s later speaking about it to Kirsty.

[Fallon] “I’m just so disappointed Kirsty. I thought he'd jump at the chance.”

[Kirsty] “Unless of course you’re upset it might have to do less with where he works than with who … okay, so I got it wrong, Rhys is a sweet bloke though, if you were hoping that you and him …”

Fallon doth protest …

Bob Pullen still isn’t too well

In fact, he’s very frail.

Jill’s having to take his shopping to him.

Oh dear.

Freddie’s looking forward to extra maths

Seems Ifty has enthused him about his tutoring.

Is Hayley for the chop?

The consultant’s report on Lower Loxley is in.

Seems the business is viable. But their costs are up, while spend per head is down.

The consultant wasn’t very positive about the school trips – seems they don’t add any profit. Which isn’t very good news for Hayley.

The new suggestions are courses – art, cookery, further education. They should get sponsorship for the art gallery, and hold larger exhibitions.

Elizabeth and Lewis also revisit the Old Dairy plans to turn it into wedding accommodation. Seems Nigel didn’t want it to happen, as the accommodation would be too close to their house.

[Elizabeth] “But times change.”

[Jill] “It’s your decision love, just don’t bite off more than you can chew … the business is nothing without your health.”

But, we haven’t heard Elizabeth so positive in a long time. She now has a plan to work to, and isn’t being held back by what Nigel would have done.

Anyhoo – this could all be very, very bad news for the Tuckers.

“Such stuff as dreams are made on”

Our revels now are ended. These our actors,
As I foretold you, were all spirits, and
Are melted into air, into thin air:
And like the baseless fabric of this vision,
The cloud-capp'd tow'rs, the gorgeous palaces,
The solemn temples, the great globe itself,
Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve,
And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,
Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff
As dreams are made on; and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep.

(The Tempest, Act 4, Scene 1)

Lynda was quite amazed Kenton could quote part of the speech above.

[Lynda] “Good grief! You know it.”

Kenton tells Lynda she should play Prospero, and end the night’s revelry. He reckons she’s a sort of Prospero anyway, as the Director.

She at first says no, out of modesty.

But is soon persuaded.

Saturday, 27 October 2012

Lynda’s getting romantic about cows: Fri 26.10.12

The Archers Friday 26th October 2012

No extra for Ed or Emma
Even the cows inspire Lynda
Lynda’s cast expands
Will they, won’t they?

No extra for Ed or Emma

We already know about their lack of bread, but seems Ed and Emma are also low on marg.

Ed’s not even allowed to scrape the last of it out with his finger. They need that for the kids.

It’s grim.

[Emma] “I’m not asking for the lottery. Just a bit extra to get by.”

At last, Emma’s trying to get work (she must have heard me ranting). But she’s not having any luck. The Orangery at Lower Loxley only needs her once in a while. The cards asking for cleaners in the shop should have been taken down, as the work is gone. Emma tried an agency, but they won’t let her take Keira with her to work (which would defeat the point of working, due to nursery costs. If she can get into one).

[Emma] “I want to work … I should be backing you up.”

[Ed] “Nothing’s more important than what you do … I don’t want anyone else looking after them … maybe what you’re doing know will make it better for Keira growing up.”

So, Ed decides he needs to find more work. Even though he has only a few hours away from work as it is.

He asks Tom, making out they just need the extra cash for Christmas. Ed’s mortified at having to ask, Tom’s mortified at him asking. And then having to say no.

How desperately grim.

Even the cows inspire Lynda

Lynda’s getting very frisky indeed about her Elizabethan Christmas.

[Lynda] “Well, I’m feeling inspired. The bard, you know … your cows look so cosy, or am I romancing Tom?”

Just romancing, Tom reckons.

He has to deal with what comes out the other end of them.

Lynda’s cast expands

Oliver is going to read one of Shakespeare’s sonnets.

Caroline will do something, but hasn’t decided one as yet.

[Ed] “You should ask Jazzer, he does love the sound of his own voice.”

[Lynda] “He’ll only single Elizabethan ballads if we can find him some bawdy ones!”

Though Lynda has a cunning plan. She’ll just give him ballads which sound as if they’re rude:

[Lynda] “It doesn’t really matter what the words mean, as long as he believes it’s smutty.”

Pip’s going to be musical director (eh?)

And Patrick’s going to be their pianist again.

Will they, won’t they?
Rhys and Fallon are practising their romantic scene.

(Just like Harry and Fallon had to do)

Their piece is about the characters not knowing that they’re meant for each.

[Rhys] “The audience should just be screaming at the end, ‘just get together, everyone can see it but you’.”

*sigh*

Doesn’t any young person just get their leg over these days?

(well, Jazzer excepted)

Wednesday, 24 October 2012

Fallon to leave The Bull: Tues 23.10.12 #thearchers

The Archers Tuesday 23rd October 2012

Fallon’s the new Manager of jazz
Brenda’s life just gets worse
When Fallon Met Rhys
Christmas pudding shapes sausages
A jobless Christmas?

Fallon’s the new Manager of jazz

Despite being rather reserved during the interview, it seems Don was impressed by Fallon’s “ideas, warmth and charm”.

She’s got the job, on a three month trial.

[Rhys] “You are perfect for the job. It’ll be great.”

Rhys didn’t sound too enthusiastic, neither did Fallon, about not working together.

Aw, they’re going to miss each other.

Brenda’s life just gets worse

Engaged to Tom. Works for Matt (and Lilian – who hates Busty Brenda) and now she has to suffer James also being at the Dower House.

[Brenda] “It’s going to be total misery.”

When Fallon Met Rhys

[Tom] “I just don’t get that, how opposites attract thing.”

Rhys is talking about the part he’s play to Fallon’s in (the extract of) Mucho Ado. Brenda reckons is a When Harry Met Sally type of scenario.

Hmmm.

How long do we think Fallon and Rhys are going to draw this out.

Christmas pudding shapes sausages

That does indeed sounds horrid.

[Brenda] “Me and Roy still have nightmares about eating them.”

Tom’s trying to think of a novelty food items for Christmas. Something a bit more exciting than chipolatas.

A jobless Christmas?

The consultant’s at Lower Loxley draws.

Hayley’s terrified.

[Hayley] “Everyone feels like he’s watching their every little move … anyone could be in for the chop.”

And if it’s her and Roy … they’ll need to go round Ed and Emma’s to find out how to make a loaf of bread feed four morning, noon and night.

Monday, 15 October 2012

Emma’s been invited to a wedding: Sun 14.10.12

The Archers Sunday 14th October 2012

Fallon’s never been for a job before
The Bull’s dishwasher is very noisy
Emma has a guinea pig, Pip gets to ski
Rhys isn’t interested?

Fallon’s never been for a job before

[Jolene] “Working at The Bull is all she’s ever known.”

Lucky Fallon!

Kenton’s confused. He thinks he’s offering Fallon a “golden opportunity” to manage Jaxx, and quite believe she still hasn’t made her kind up whether to or not.

Part of Fallon’s worry is the interview. She’s never had to do one before.

Kenton reckons she won’t really be interviewed for Jaxx.

[Kenton] “Giving her the once over.”

Fallon seems to believe Kenton’s guarantees, and says yes.

[Jolene] “Just spare a thought for me, stuck here with him.”

[Kenton] “What, your willing slave doing all the heavy work? You’ll have never had it so good.”

The Bull’s dishwasher is very noisy

Even for an industrial one. I could barely hear Jolene and Kenton talking.

Emma has a guinea pig, Pip gets to ski

[Pip] “That’s so unfair, some time to yourself and you’re on guinea pig duty.”

(seriously – will someone save that guinea pig? It should be a pleasure, not a chore, to look after it)

Pip’s going on a skiing holiday after Christmas. She’s got new clothes, and is quite excited.

Emma’s been invited to a wedding.

In London.

Which gets Pip excited again.

[Pip] “WOW! … A posh wedding in London, hot often does that come around?”

(has Pip never been to London?)

Seems Emma’s invite is from Jody, a girl she went to school with. Emma reckons she was the “one that got away”, and then met a rich bloke. Sounds like that’s exactly what Emma wishes had happened to her.

But, Emma can’t afford to go. Amongst all the other cost, she hasn’t got anything to wear.

Pip offers her some of her clothes:

[Emma] “We’re not really the same shape …”

[Pip] “I suppose not. I’m quite a bill taller than you.”

(hmmm. Who’s the ‘larger’ lady out of the two, do we think?)

Rhys isn’t interested?

Fallon tells Rhys about Kenton’s offer. Rhys is excited for her.

[Rhys] “You're made for it. I’m so pleased Kenton’s recognised your talent.”

Oh.

Doesn’t that sound like Rhys isn’t too bothered he won’t get to work with Fallon anymore? Maybe he isn’t interested in her.

Or is he just a good chap, being happy for her rather than thinking of his own needs.

Friday, 12 October 2012

An Elizabethan Christmas: Thurs 11.10.12

The Archers Thursday 11th October 2012

It’s audition time
Mike reckons Jamie and trees are a perfect match
How does Robert know about lap dancing clubs?
A Shakespearian Selection

It’s audition time

For the Christmas show, though Lynda has a longer list of definite no shows than folks who have agreed to turn out.

Tom, Brenda, Roy, Hayley, Kenton and Jolene reckon they won’t be taking part (aye, Lynda will see about that …).

Neville, Nathon, Susan, Tracey and Kirsty are maybes.

Even Ifty, in his keenness to be part of Ambridge (or, to be more exact, Kirsty) is a maybe.

[Lynda] “He adds something to the cast.”

[Robert] “A degree of masculinity.”

Then Lynda made mention that she has Jazzer in mind for Borachio … isn’t Jazzer masculine enough for all?

Anyhoo – Lynda wants Fallon for the romantic lead. Jim’s also popped in (not to volunteer, more to meddle), and he reads Benedick to her Beatrice. It’s not very … romantic … but luckily enough Rhys also pops by. He reads Benedick, and they’re marvellous together.

Ah, here we go again.

Will Fallon get her leading man this year?

But, there’s not enough volunteers to make a play.

[Lynda] “All the regulars are deserting.”

[Robert] “We’re not going to solve anything hanging about in a deserted village hall at night.”

So they head home for a “large one”.

Mike reckons Jamie and trees are a perfect match

Kathy’s really putting a lot of thought into whether she should let Jamie leave college to be a tree surgeon. She’s even asking Mike’s advice.

She reckons the only time he shows any enthusiasm is when he has a chainsaw (yikes!) or is working with Mike. Jamie just hates college, and doesn’t get good grades.

[Kathy] “Well I don’t know. Is it true? If he left school now, could he really make a career out of tree surgery?”

[Mike] “He’s definitely got a feeling for trees.”

Mike also reckons Jamie has the perfect makings. He’s interested. Asks the right things. Has enthusiasm and uses his brains (when it comes to trees). Any anyway, Jamie would need qualifications, and could possibly do a degree later on. So he wouldn’t be completely abandoning education.

[Mike] “Not every child is academic Kathy, but it don't mean they can’t get on in life, eh?”

Ah, that’s why Mike’s being so positive. He’s thinking of his child, and though she might not get a 1st from Cambridge, it doesn’t mean she won’t have a cracking life.

Though hopefully his wor4ds will encourage Kathy to let Jamie actually be happy.

How does Robert know about lap dancing clubs?

He reads the papers.

Or that’s what he told Lynda …

A Shakespearian Selection

Robert’s really very good at coming up with good ideas.

Lynda’s quite upset that she hasn’t got a sufficient cast for Much Ado … so Robert suggests:

[Robert] “Instead of doing any whole play, what you should do is a Shakespearian selection.”

So, rather than a whole play, folks can do shot speeches, dance, music and the like.

Which will also mean no long rehearsals, with each person doing a turn able to rehearse solo.

Which, in turn, should make it easier for more to volunteer.

[Lynda] “A real Elizabethan Christmas!”

[Robert] “Jugglers, Fire-eaters … “

[Lynda] “Health and safety, Robert.”

[Robert] “They didn’t have to worry about that at The Globe.”

[Lynda] “Didn't it burn down?”

[Robert] “I tell you what, I’ll build you a Globe Theatre.”

[Lynda] “An Elizabethan Christmas … what better way to mark the end of a Jubilee year.”

Indeed.

Shame it’s not a Panto, but.

*sniff*

Saturday, 6 October 2012

The Bull has a pub quiz: Fri 05.10.12

The Archers Friday 5th October

Seemingly Gobshite isn’t in The Times cryptic crossword
Matt and Lilian are still arguing
No-one will play with David
Plans for Apple Day
Rhys can’t stay away
Derek Fletcher has a wig?
Tom still has no kitchen

Seemingly Gobshite isn’t in The Times cryptic crossword

Jim really isn’t impressed with Jazzer trying to help him and Christine with their crossword.

His rather ridiculous suggestions have simply spoiled their routine.

But Jazzer’s routines certainly haven’t been spoiled by living with Jim.

[Jazzer] “A lot of women would pass out if I gave them a compliment.”

Aye. Still the same ego driven, bordering on sexist, Jazzer McCreary.

And it would seem Jazzer’s charisma has won round Jim.

[Jim] “In some ways I find Jazzer quite … admirable … if you consider, he’s never had the advantages we had … he wishes his father had stayed around.”

Jazzer’s also told him that his mum had numerous boyfriends. And that his brothers encourage him to mischief.

[Jim] “But where it might have crushed most people’s spirit, he’s retained a real spark … he has a genuine thirst to find out how the world works.”

[Christine] “Up to a point …”

Jazzer’s ploy of asking for a book about Greek Mythology seems to have worked wonders on Jim. He’s now under the impressions that Jazzer is an “avid reader.”

Hmmm.

How long before Jazzer truly reveals himself, horrifying Jim in every way possible?

Maybe will take a while.

Jazzer certainly seems to have the measure of Jim

[Jazzer] “You have to steer him off roman poetry and crosswords before you fall asleep .”

Matt and Lilian are still arguing

Which begs the questions why on earth Matt even bothered with the Paris trip.

He was obviously worried about Paul being back in the village, but hasn’t kept up with spoiling Lilian, reminding her why she’s with him.

No-one will play with David

David’s taken a rare night away from the farm to take part in The Bull quiz.

But he’s having trouble joining a team.

Joe, Bert and Bob Pullen don’t want him.

[David] “They are holding out for Derek Fletcher … it would break a lesser man.”

[Tom] “They must be expecting a song from the shows round. He always cleans up on that.”

So David eventually joins Brenda and Tom.

[Brenda] “Oh please, we’re absolutely desperate!”

Well, that’s not quite a compliment.

Plans for Apple Day

They’ll be demonstrating the cider press. Showing photos of the Community Orchard, how it came to be. Bobbing for apples. And an apple and spoon race.

Sounds marvellous!

(I kid you not)

Rhys can’t stay away

It’s his night off, but Rhys is in The Bull. He reckons he wants a pint and some company.

More to do with Fallon that company, plural?

Derek Fletcher has a wig?

Everyone reckons so.

Seems it’s not as discreet as he’d like it to be …

Tom still has no kitchen

The rent’s too high on the unit next to him.

[Tom] “I’ve got a ticking clock on my first order for ready meals, and no idea where I’m going to make them.”

Wish I could feel sorry for Tom.

But I can’t.

I still wish him every bit of bad luck going (the odious little creep!)

Sunday, 30 September 2012

Matt and Lilian, en Paris: Fri 28.09.12

The Archers Friday 28th September 2012

Matt loves Lilian
Christine feels sorry for Jazzer
Rhys and Fallon to star in the Christmas Extravaganza?
Christine’s winding up Jim
Joe’s teeth are on the beer mat
Jim’s not impressed with Much Ado

Matt loves Lilian

[Lilian] “Taking a tour of Paris in a chauffeured 2 CV, how wonderfully ridiculous!”

Lilian is loving her time in Paris with Matt.

[Matt] “This trip is about pure pleasure.”

Matt’s really pulling out every stop.

[Matt] “We forget to say how much we love each to each other. This is my way of saying it.”

Ah, if only that was Matt’s only motive. Paul’s return is more likely …

But Lilian seems to have fallen for it. She’s having a ball, and remembering all the good things in life.

[Matt] “Am I one of the good guys. You do know that, Lilian.”

Indeed she does.

She suggests they return to their hotel room, quick sharp.

Wonder if Paris will be enough to keep Matt in Lilian’s mind above Paul?

Christine feels sorry for Jazzer

[Christine] “At least we have homes, I saw Jazzer this morning.”

Hmmm.

Christine did seem to enjoy Jazzer’s company the other day.

I wonder ...

Rhys and Fallon to star in the Christmas Extravaganza?

Seems one can’t move around Ambridge for catching sight of one of Lynda’s poster advertising the Christmas Shakespearian Extravaganza auditions.

As Fallon and Rhys relax and listen to records (well, probably downloads, rather than records), they both admit they’re going to audition for the Christmas show.

Harry and Fallon, but with Rhys and Fallon?

We think they’re falling for each other … they kiss … then … nothing …

Surely not?

Not after Fallon’s made Rhys a mixed tape (well, CD) for his journey back home for a visit.

That’s proper commitment, that is.

Christine’s winding up Jim

Christine and Jim are again talking about Borchester Life magazine.

Christine seems to have changed her tune. She now thinks writing for the magazine might not be right for Jim after all.

[Christine] “Is a touch beyond … well, maybe it’s just not you.”

[Jim] “I certainly like to think I’m a man whose words appeal to a wider market.”

Ah, gauntlet thrown. Jim’s bound to do it now!

Joe’s teeth are on the beer mat

Seems they’re still giving him gip.

Jim’s not impressed with Much Ado

[Jim] “Explores the obstacles to young love, and the merry war between the sexes … a fuss about not lot.”

Joe concurs.

[Joe] “I don’t want to watch men, in tights, kissing in the village hall … good old fashioned blood and gore, that would be worth buying a ticket for!”

(begs the question about what venue would Joe prefer to watch men, in tights, kissing)

Fallon and Rhys’ big night out: Tues 25.09.12

The Archers Tuesday 25th September 2012

Just mates on a night out
A shop? Sounds Like a night club
Some mate Brenda is …
Rhys doesn’t like sharing his food
No work allowed
Matt whisks Lilian away
Tom’s cobbler was cobblers

Just mates on a night out

So Fallon and Rhys went off on their much deserved night off – as paid for by Kenton and Jolene.

But Fallon feels odd that it’s just she and he.

They’re just mates.

[Kirsty] “So you’re worried about having a good time?”

*sigh*

If Fallon and Rhys don’t get together after all of this (a la Fallon and Harry), one will not be amused …

A shop? Sounds Like a night club

Goodness, I must be getting old. I thought it was bad enough that I only like pubs with no music, and where I can get a seat. Now it seems shops are too loud for me.

Fallon was out shopping with Brenda, trying to find something new to wear tonight.

It was ear achingly loud.

Some mate Brenda is …

Just as I was staring to appreciate Brenda (she’s been a marvel with Vicky), she goes and becomes the ‘normal’ Brenda again.

Matt’s was on about Jazzer not being able to pay the full rent, as he still doesn’t have a flatmate. He’s going to throw Jazzer out if he doesn’t manage to find a solution.

He tells Brenda to write Jazzer an eviction letter, which she does. Without complaint, neither remorse nor any pity for her supposed mate.

In fact, I could actually hear her smirking …

Nasty girl.

Rhys doesn’t like sharing his food

Rhys and Fallon have gone to a Caribbean restaurant.

Rhys has mango and crayfish salad.

Which Fallon thinks look delicious. Rhys offers her a taste. But she doesn’t want it. Then she does.

I thought Fallon was worried they’d be re-enacting that spaghetti scene from Lady and the Trap … but seems she was picking up vibes from Rhys.

He doesn’t actually like to share.

[Fallon] “That’s weird. I knew it. You're weird!”

I quite agree.

Food is most definitely to be shared.

No work allowed

Rhys and Fallon have agreed that they’re not allowed to talk work.

So they rambled on about plants.

Which was odd.

Thing is, they weren’t talking about work as in the practical side of it. They were talking about the social side. The folks and things of Ambridge.

Which I think is a fair topic for dinner conversation.

And, without that to talk about, Rhys and Fallon haven’t much to say.

[Fallon] “Wonder how long the next course is going to take …”

Rhys turns to talking about sport. He starts telling Fallon the intricacies of weight lifting … funnily enough, Fallon wants to end their dinner early.

[Fallon] “I can’t listen to you anymore, droning on and on about one sport or another.”

But the evening wasn’t a complete disaster.

By the end of their meal. Fallon sounded quite jolly again.

Might have been the wine.

She and Rhys find they have £30 left of the money Jolene and Kenton gave them.

Off dancing they go.

Matt whisks Lilian away

Matt demanded Lilian come outside, and have a look in his boot …

… I thought he was showing her a corpse … Lilian was also quite perturbed.

[Lilian] “Matt, you haven’t done something terrible have you?”

Matt reveals it’s quite the opposite.

Matt’s booked a boutique night in London, then the Eurostar, to be in Paris by 10am.

Why?

[Matt] “You’ve been a bit below par haven’t you, so I though some TLC was in order.”

[Lilian] “You’re certainly full of surprises, aren’t you.”

[Matt] “I certainly am … (the aside, to himself) … and don’t you forget it …”

Aha!

So Matt has spotted that Lilian will know Paul’s back within reach.

Flatter and pamper the lady to keep the lady?

Tom’s cobbler was cobblers

Tom was at a food fair, inflicting his ready meals on an unsuspecting public.

Though they had the last laugh.

His Cobbler wasn’t popular. Nor his stir fry.

But Tom’s not down heartened. He’s glad to have the feedback. Though he would have liked some orders as well.

And at least he has his woman.

[Tom] “What would I do without you, eh?”

[Brenda] “Drink less wine …”

Tom makes mention of their wedding again.

Brenda ignores him …

Oh dear.

Didn’t Brenda say to leave it for a bit? Tom surely can’t think he can make Brenda suddenly want to marry him by going on, and on, and on, and on, and on …

The night Tug Flower came to Ambridge: Thurs 20.09.12

The Archers Thursday 20th September 2012

Back home, to a nice cup of tea
Kenton’s lost his wanderlust
Who is cooler … David or Kenton?
“Kiwis can’t fly”
Helen gives Ifty an ‘in’
Tug Fowler was a marmite issue
Some of Tug’s material

Back home, to a nice cup of tea

Was there ever a British person who, on walking back into their home from holiday, didn’t put the kettle on for a ‘proper’ cuppa?

Well, that’s exactly what Kenton and Jolene did on getting home to The Bull.

Kenton’s lost his wanderlust

Though he enjoyed New Zealand, with a detour to Thailand, Kenton’s most definitely glad to be back in Ambridge,

He reckons himself that he must be getting old to want to stay put in one place.

Though I reckon that’s more to do with having found the right woman …

Who is cooler … David or Kenton?

(actually, I don’t think it’s even cool to say cool anymore. Ho hum).

Kenton’s surprised to see David turning up for the Tug Fowler comedy gig.

[David] “What, are you saying that I haven’t got a sense of humour?”

[Kenton] “I just thought you might be too long in the tooth for this edgy new stuff.”

[Kirsty] “Kenton! You’re older than David aren’t you?”

[Kenton] “Yeah, but I’ve always been down with the kids.”

[Kirsty] “Not if you’ve been saying that to them …”

“Kiwis can’t fly”

Says Kenton.

“So why are so many of them running bars in London?”

Says David.

Boom boom!

Helen gives Ifty an ‘in’

Seems Helen was supposed to be sitting with Kirsty, but she decided to sit with someone else to talk potty training.

(we can only take Kirsty’s word for that. Helen hasn’t uttered a word in a fair while now)

Some bloke asked Kirsty if he could sit next to her, and started talking about the comedy night was illustrating how great villages were – that generations mix and the like.

It was only when he started talking about Jim that I twigged it was Ifty.

[Ifty] “I’ve heard he has a reputation for acerbic wit.”

[Kirsty] “You mean sarky.”

Sounds like Ifty is quite taken with Kirsty. He even asked her out by the end of the night.

Tug Fowler was a marmite issue

We didn’t get to hear any of Tug’s routine, but we did get to hear the response from the crowd at the end of it.

A smattering of clapping.

Disgruntled mutterings.

Someone shouting “Rubbish”.

Kenton shouting: “brilliant, brilliant, more! Encore!”

Oh dear.

Looks like Tug wasn’t to everyone’s taste.

[Jolene] “Some of his material weren’t what quite what they were expecting.”

[Rhys] “At least they didn’t throw vegetables at him. That’s always the risk when you play a country crowd. And with it being Flower and Produce.”

[Fallon] “I can’t believe that I managed to alienate so many of mum’s regulars.”

Jolene had to try and personally apologise to Bob Pullen.

[Jolene] “He’s just gone off in a huff.”

[Kirsty] “Very slowly …”

Seems it took Mr Pullen an age to stand up and get to the toilets during Tug’s session, which Tug took the Michael out of him for.

Overall, it seems Tug’s humour was ‘too adult’ for most of the Ambridge residents.

[Kirsty] “Although if Mr Pullen isn’t an adult, I don’t know who is!”

Ah – fair point indeed.

But I’m really surprised Fallon got it so wrong.

She must have been drunk when she saw Tug at the Fringe, and forgot he was the blue side of the moon. Fallon certainly knows her regulars better than that.

Some of Tug’s material

As told by the residents of Ambridge, so maybe the humour was lost in translation.

10 things you can do with an oddly shaped carrot

“How many farmers does it take to change a light bulb?
Do you think farmers can afford a light bulb!”

“What do you call 3 ducks, a bench and a war memorial … Ambridge”

Huh … seems fairly tame to me.