FREE THE AMBRIDGE COW 06.03.12

The Archers Tuesday 6th March 2012

• COWS EAT GRASS
• There were never such devoted sisters
• Lilian to give up ciggies?
• Jennifer needs to speak to Adam

COWS EAT GRASS

Was one of the chants at the Mart demonstration today, joined with:

FREE THE AMBRIDGE COW
and
ALDRIDGE RESIGN

Cliff, the chap who’d project managed the build of the Mart, called Brian down to see a demonstration that was taking place. The demonstrators even had banners and leaflets!

[Brian] “It’s all about the dairy. The anti-brigade, would you believe. They’re trying to persuade farmers to support them and boycott the market … there’s only a dozen or so, but they’re causing quite a nuisance”

When Brian gets there, he estimates there’s more like 25 to 30 of them.

[Brian] “Look at them. Talk about a rabble. Where did they all come from?”

But Brian does recognise at least two of them.

[Brian] “Kirsty … our local tree hugger with her comrade Patrick”

Brian wants to know what they can do to move the demonstrators on. Cliff has had the Police out, but there’s nothing they can (or want) to do.

[Cliff] “Peaceful demonstrators excorcising their lawful right to protest”

[Brian] “What about the lawful rights of these farmers not to be harassed on their way into market?”

[Cliff] “There was something about the demonstrators having to notify the council”

But the Police are waiting on the right Council department to call them back to verify if that’s been done.

[Brian] “I’m going inside away from this scrum”

Later on, Brian has found out that the protestors didn’t notify the council BUT now that they’re started, they can’t really be stopped.

(begs the question of why they need to notify in the first place)

[Cliff] “They’ve got a nerve, haven’t they. Demonstrating at the market. When all’s said and done, what’s it got to do with your dairy scheme?”

It’s all to do with BL.

And more are now turning up. At which point Cliff leaves (he was only there to fix a specific technical problem), giving Brian the “Best of British” wishes.

Brian certainly needed it, after deciding that he’ll go out and:

[Brian] “see if I can calm things down”

Oh dear.

Brian doesn’t exactly have a soothing personality …

When Brian gets outside, he’s met with boos. When he asks who is in charge, Kirsty responds in a bit of a bizarre way:

[Kirsty] “Liberty and compassion, Brian”

(eh?)

[Kirsty] “This is nothing personal, you understand”

[Brian] “I’m glad to see you’re all so concerned about the diet and welfare of livestock”

[Kirsty] “It’s a shame you and BL directors seem to care … your cows won’t even get to see daylight”

But Brian doesn’t want a debate there and then, and asks them to leave.

[Brian] “Why don’t you pack up quietly, and get back to work, or wherever it is you go to”

(aye, that’s the way to get them on your side Brian!)

[Kirsty] “There are a lot of people out there who really hate your scheme … this is our way, and it won’t be the last time you see us. So you better get used to it Brian”

Oh-ho! Attacked on all side now. Couldn’t happen to a nicer chap.


There were never such devoted sisters

Lilian is arranging to collect Jennifer so they can both go and see Tony together.

[Lilian] “Shirt and sweet might be best … what he needs is some TLC from his sisters”

Jennifer’s brought a “scrumptious” (according to Tony) cake. Lilian’s brought an “assortment of nuts” because they have the “right sort of fatty acids” (according to Lilian’s healthy eating recipe book, which can’t have had much use …). Lilian felt she need to take something as Jennifer was taking something.

[Jennifer] “It’s not a competition Lilian”

[Lilian] “Oh yes it is. We don’t want him thinking I care less about him than you do”

(all said in jest)

Tony’s saying that while he now has to take pills for blood pressure and cholesterol, the doctors are saying Tony’s problems stems from stress rather than diet.

Jennifer sounded a bit sheepish after he’d said that … (guilt’s a terrible thing).

Tony has also had a call from a rehab specialist. And Helen has bought him a “gadget” so that he can check his own blood pressure. Tony tries to put it on Lilian to show them how it works.

[Lilian] “Take it away darling, with my lifestyle, it’ll go right off the scale!”

But to be serious:

[Lilian] “After all darling, it’s much too soon for us to lose our little brother”

[Jennifer] “Yes. Yes it is”

[Tony] “Well, that’s nice of you, thanks, both of you”

Lilian to give up ciggies?

As Jennifer and Lilian are driving home, they agree that Tony is looking a lot better. But:

[Lilian] “He’s still a long way from the Tony we know and love”

[Jennifer] “It’s all made me think very hard about our lifestyle …”

And she goes on to speak about how good their diet is, that they take exercise …

[Lilian] “Oh dear, I’m a hopeless case aren’t I? Perhaps I should have another bash at giving up the ciggies”

Jennifer needs to speak to Adam

Jennifer’s telling Lilian that while the Super Dairy has been stressing her, and nearly tore her family apart, she’s now sighing relief that Adam and Brian have “talked sensibly”.

So Jennifer seems to think everyone’s bessie pals again. But she does admit that she’s only heard this from Brian.

[Lilian] “Well, you can’t argue with a handshake, I suppose”

You can if it was only done to get the other person to shut up and go away!

The Archers Thursday 1st December 2011: The Mart opens (formal, this time)

• David’s more stressed than his beast
• Brian’s paranoid
• The case of the red coat(s)
• Brian didn’t like a mention of Mandy Beesborough
• There was buzzing
• Ruth fluffing the beast …
• I thought it was a mayoress
• A gorgeous Ayrshire
• Brookfield finely balanced
• Joe does a cracking PR job

David’s more stressed than his beast

[David] “You want all year to make a good impression at the Christmas Prize Stock Show”

David is impressed by the facilities at the new Mart – which makes at least one Ambridge resident.
Eddie’s flat out making sure everyone knows where to now go at the new Mart. He sounds happy enough, but thinks having a cup of tea at the nearby garden centre doesn’t compare with the few pints he used to have at the Seven Bells.

The price of progress.


Brian’s paranoid

He won’t even let them switch the Christmas lights on, in case is shorts the electricity again.
Scrooge.

Though, he does let them switch them on after the sale. After all, if they go out, he won’t be bothered by it. He’ll be on holiday.

The case of the red coat(s)

[David] “Annabelle Shrivener looks dazzling today”

[Eddie] “Out of our league, anyroad”

(later on, when Eddie chats to Annabelle in front of Clarrie, it seemed Clarrie was a bit jealous. Surely not, after 30 years?)

Seems she’s wearing a red coat and a Cossack hat.

[Jennifer] “What a lovely coat. Not everyone can wear scarlet …”

(meow)

[Annabelle] “I think it’s closer to cherry red …”

But didn’t Lilian buy a new red coat the other day?

Yup.

Right enough.

Turns out it’s the same red coat.

The shame.

Clarrie also didn’t make much of Annabelle’s hat.

[Clarrie] “Looks like an overweight cat sat in her head!”

Brian didn’t like a mention of Mandy Beesborough

Brian was talking to the Lord Lieutenant.

Seems he owns Stornton Manor.

Which struck a memory for Annabelle.

[Annabelle] “Didn’t he have a fling with Mandy Bereesborough?”

[Brian] “Did he? Oh …”

And he deftly switches the conversation …


There was buzzing

Brian panicked at the sound of buzzing from the sound system. When that happened the other day,. The whole electrics blew.

Annabelle said she didn’t hear it.

But we did.

Never mind. It didn’t short out.


Ruth fluffing the beast …

While David put his white jacket on.

Only in farming.


I thought it was a mayoress

But Brian welcomed Mr Major.


A gorgeous Ayrshire

David didn’t even place.

Which he’s gutted about.

Seems everyone’s eye was taken by a rather spiffing looking Ayrshire.

[Eddie] “That winning Ayrshire was gorgeous, perfectly balanced, style and class …”

[David] “Surly beggar … “

(the farmer of the Ayrshire, not the Ayrshire itself)

[Ruth] “You can’t win every year, pet”

[Ben] “Well I think the judge is a loser. We’ll prove him wrong dad. We’ll get tonnes and tonnes of Christmas orders!”

Brookfield finely balanced

Ruth now wants to switch to a new milk processor to get a better deal, but David is worried about wrecking their reputation.

[Ruth] “Well, we’ve got to do something. One sudden big expense and that’s us in trouble”

Joe does a cracking PR job

Brian’s glowing from the success of the official Mart launch, but bad news awaits him in the Echo:
It’s light out for the new cattle market

[Jennifer] “And I think they’re found their angle … freezing pensioner queued in vain for a hot drink when the electrics failed … they spent millions on this new-fangled market and UI could get a cup of tea … the plucky pensioner … there was wartime spirit, chuckled veteran Joe, Senior Executive of Grundy Enterprises and star of Radio Borchester’s Joe’s Jotties”

Joe managed to also mention his holly, and got a plug in for the nearby garden centre.

[Brian, laughing] “Oh, the old rogue!”

The Archers Wednesday 30th November 2011: Helen might be back to Hellin … *sigh*

(and I’ve been so smug that she’s a changed woman – the Helen haters will have a field day over this!)

• Lilian puts Brenda in her place
• Helen’s making cheese
• Brenda’s skiving
• Tom’s terrified for Helen
• Helen begs Pat
• Everyone enjoys a good gallop, according to Lilian
• It takes a red coat to stop Lilian looking like a cow
• Tony still adoring Brian’s failures

Lilian puts Brenda in her place

Brenda’s been away in Nottingham doing Lilian’s bidding.

She was quite happy, as she got to visit her friend Lottie. She also got a “good girl” for bringing back information packs and photos.

Brenda and Lilian are at the Mart, casing the joint before tomorrow’s formal opening.

[Lilian] “Such a shame the animals have to come in and spoil it!”

Brenda starts waffling about how she used to go to cattle sales with her dad. Lilian really isn’t interested.

And when Brenda mentions about being at the opening tomorrow:

[Lilian, with sarcastic pity in her voice] “Oh Brenda, did I say, I think it’s better you stay in the office. In fact, you better get back there now, darling, pronto, the emails must be piling up from yesterday. See you Brenda!”

[Brenda] “Uh! Cow!”

Tee-hee. Lilian does keep a grudge going, but with such class.


Helen’s making cheese

Which pat doesn’t see as a good sign. It’s her first batch since Henry, and she hadn’t mention she was going to make it.

[Tony] “You know Helen. She seeks refuge in routine when the water’s choppy … I expect she wants some peace and quiet. And to get away from you”

[Pat] “Charming!”

[Tony] “Well it’s obvious you’re dying to pounce on the subject of Rich”

[Pat] “I’m trying to act normally”

[Tony] “It’s not working. You’re like a coiled spring!”

[Pat] “I’m worried she’s closing off”

[Tony] “She’s just being Helen”

[Pat] “Exactly. We had that dramatic exit from super. Racking tears shaking the whole house. And this morning, nothing”

[Tony] “Pat .. back off. You know you can’t ever force her and it doesn’t work … what they need is support to deal with this in their own way … you need to stop this obsession with a grandson you may never meet and concentrate instead on the children you have here!”

[Pat] “I love my children more than anything”

[Tony] “Then give them time”

[Pat] “Yes, yes you’re right”

[Tony] “At last!”

But Pat then heads off to go and see Helen.

[Tony] “You’ll be at her in her den!”

[Pat] “I agreed not to push her, not to ignore her”

Pat really isn’t giving up. But where she thinks finding Rich could heal the family, Tony thinks it could break them.


Brenda’s skiving

She’s met up with Tom at Jaxx rather than returning to work (as she was told to by Lilian. Oh dear).
Lilian will catch her out one way or another.

Brenda may reckon she’s a cow, but she’s the cow who pays her wages.


Tom’s terrified for Helen

Starting on with how Pat and Tony sprung this all on him and Helen when Brenda wasn’t there:

[Tom] “They’ll just love it when it’s the nuclear foursome, the claustrophobic clan”

Tom then moves onto his fears for Helen.

[Tom] “It’s all so weird … No warning, like a rabbit out of a hat, so insensitive, nightmare. Helen’s love for john and her, well, her worship of him I suppose, went so deep, I suppose. All her problems stem from his accident. She walks on this thin layer of ice all the time. And I’m always expecting it to crack and fall though …

“So why were mum and dad prepared to risk that again? After all the progress she’s made, fighting her way back from Greg, starving herself, and this one great achievement of hers that says ‘hey mum and dad look I’m better now, I’m well’, they have to go and trump that with this virtual grandson. It’s so crass.”

Tom’s terrified Helen will unravel.

Brenda manages to get Tom off the topic long enough to talk about he feels. He admits he’s struggling to “make sense of it” and that he thinks this will open up all of the old family wounds.

[Tom] “It’s totally spooked me Brenda. All my life I’ve tried to move out from john’s shadow. Now this”

So John’s back to displace Tom.

But I do believe him when he says that he’s thinking more of Helen. For once, Tom isn’t just in Tom’s world.


Helen begs Pat

[Helen, crying] “Mum, please don’t phone Sharon … I’m not ready … I’m so confused.”

[Pat] “I know. And I promise I won’t. Not yet”

Note that Pat said “not yet”.

Even Helen about to break down isn’t going to change Pat’s mind.


Everyone enjoys a good gallop, according to Lilian

Lilian is teaching Henry the way gentleman ride by bouncing him up and down.

[Tony] “You’ll make him sick”

[Lilian] “We’ll, who doesn’t enjoy a good gallop, eh”

Quite right Lilian.

And Henry seems to agree. He’s happily chuckling away.


It takes a red coat to stop Lilian looking like a cow

Lilian’s showing off her new coat to Tony. She was desperate – her mum and Jennifer were both out.
She’s bought it for the Mart’s opening.

[Tony] “I’ll try not to mistake you for a Hereford then!”

Might also help Brenda stop mistaking Lilian for a cow as well.

(I know – Hereford are beef cattle …)


Tony still adoring Brian’s failures

Tony and Lilian are chatting about the Mart’s failure (so far).

[Lilian] “He can’t always deliver what he promises”

[Tony] “Well he loves the big talk, doesn’t he. It would be rather delicious if the microphone failed in the middle of his opening speech … I’m sick of him and Jennifer going on and on about this wonderful so called legacy project of his when he’s clearly going to make a packet out of it!”
Lilian reminds Tony that she’s also on the Board.

[Tony] “I was being wicked”

[Lilian] “Be careful what you wish for …”

[Tony] “I’ll just have to content myself that Brian may have a sleepless night tonight worrying”

[Lilian to Henry] “What a naughty gramps you've got!”

Tony then has a dig about Brian swanning off on holiday.

[Lilian] “Well, there’s always problems waiting for you when you get back”

[Tony, cheering up] “Yes, that’s true!”

The Archers Tuesday 29th November 2011: Tom and Helen about John’s “son”

• Joe’s not impressed with the new Mart
• John’s favourite booked was Little Piggly Wriggly
• Tony adores Brian’s failures
• Why is anyone surprised at Helen walking away from Lasagne?
• Helen and Tom … meet your nephew

Joe’s not impressed with the new Mart

It’s too big for him.

[Joe] “I've leant over railings like these to watch cattle auctions all me life and the auctioneer ain't never needed a microphone before … “

But Brian tells Joe the auctioneer wouldn’t be heard otherwise.

[Joe] “ … he never need no fancy spotlights neither nor computers screens on the walls just to sell a few beasts”

But Brian tells him that it’s the most “cutting edge” in the Shire, with plenty of parking.

Joe really isn’t having it. He’s also not impressed by washers for the trucks

[Joe] “Bio security … what’s wrong with a bit of honest dark dirt, eh!”

Tony comes along and tends to agree with Joe. He also reckons that some of the farmers are confused about nowhere to offload their cattle and sheep. And both of them snort when Brian calls the farmers “customers”.

[Tony] “I find it all rather intimidating”

[Brian] “It’s called 21st century technology boys”

And right on cue, the electrics went down.

Almost as if someone had timed it (!).

It meant there was no hot food and drinks (as well as halting the sale), so folks weren’t best pleased.

Which led to Brian bellowing at Cliff for most of the day.

Not to worry. The electrics did come back on again … and went off again just as quickly.

I feel sorry for Cliff …


John’s favourite booked was Little Piggly Wriggly

[Pat] “that should have told us something”

Tony adores Brian’s failures

He was positively glowing at the Mart’s failure on its first day.

[Tony] “Absolutely ridiculous Tom, nobody knew what was going on … in the end the staff had to resort to pen and paper to write the receipts down … and if course people couldn’t pay, only if they had cash on them … IOUs and a handshake like the old days I expect, Brian was furious … Joe was pretty smug about the whole thing …”

Why is anyone surprised at Helen walking away from Lasagne?

(actually, Pat said she “waltzed”)

And, I suppose Helen is a new lady these days. Eating, and all that.

She comes back down with her bridesmaid’s dress on.

[Tony] “You look smashing love!”

[Tom, also approving] “Very slinky, isn’t it!”

[Helen] “You’re not sure it doesn’t make me look big?”

(oh – scratch that last bit – she isn’t 100% a new lady yet)


Helen and Tom … meet your nephew

[Tom] “Are you alright mum?”

[Pat] “More than alright!”

She starts telling them about how she met Kylie at Ivy’s funeral.

[Pat] “She’s a lovely girl”

[Tom] “Not like Sharon …”

[Pat] “Susan told me two weeks ago Kylie’s got a little brother … and we believe, we’ll we’re pretty certain actually, that Rich is …”

[Tony] “ …John’s son”

[Helen, aghast] “Johns!”

[Tom, furious] “No, that’s mad!”

[Tony] “Well, it seemed mad to us, but the more we looked into it, the more probable it become”

So they fetch the laptop.

[Tom] “But Sharon … she must have had loads of boyfriends after John … where on earth have you got all this from?”

[Helen] “Why are you doing this mum?”

[Tom] “So just because the numbers stack up, you want it to be true … I bet she was sleeping around anyway when she was with John, so how can you be certain?”

[Helen] “Why you clutching at straws, trying to bring John back, it’s sick mum!”

[Tony] “Look at the screen before you make up your minds”

And they put up the picture of Rich on the laptop, and also put a picture of John next to it.

[Helen, as she runs off crying] “No!”

[Tom, as he runs off after Helen] “For heaven’s sake, what do you think you’re both playing at!”

Which leaves Tony and Pat in the kitchen themselves.

[Tony] “I tried to warn you”

[Pat] “I hoped they might be a bit excited as well”

[Tony] “That’s what I’ve been trying to get through to you. You can’t anticipate how people will react just because you want something yourself”

They agree that the photo was probably a step too far. And it can’t have helped that Pat was so excited – when this was a complete bolt out of the blue for Helen and Tom.

[Tony] “You agreed to involve them. It can't be a unilateral decision … we need to take this news on board as a family, and it’s going to take time”

While upstairs:

[Helen, hysterically sobbing] “Why does mum want to take us back to that terrible time Tom, why?”

[Tom] “We can’t be sure it is John’s son”

[Helen] “Come on. You saw the photograph …I can’t go back there, I can’t”

Oh sugar.

Just when Helen had found her happy place in life, this could pull her right back to Hellin.

Two observations from me – first, why did Pat and Tony tell them in such a hurried and shocking way? And second, surely some folks can look like other folks without even being related?

The Archers Monday 28th November 2011: Will’s a good boy sometimes

• School nativity time
• Helen’s isn’t as sticky out
• Has Tony got enough spuds?
• Second hand wedding outfits
• Pat now can’t stop looking at Rich
• “I’ve got better things to worry about than the state of my shorts”
• Will’s a mum’s boy
• Pat calls Sharon a cow

School nativity time

Jake’s in the choir (so doesn’t get a costume), but Mia is an angel.


Helen’s isn’t as sticky out

Helen’s bridesmaid’s dress seemingly is a “more sophisticated” shape than Mia’s.


Second hand wedding outfits

Nic’s mum is wearing duck egg blue. Seems it’s one she wore to one of their cousin’s wedding.
Clarrie asked Nic if she minded that her mum was wearing it for the second time (at her own daughter’s wedding), but Nic didn’t.

[Nic] “I won’t be offended if you don’t wear brand new, Clarrie”

[Clarrie, feeling sheepish] “The only suitable outfit I’ve got is the one I wore to William’s first wedding …”

[Nic, laughing] “Oh, I see!”

[Clarrie] “And I didn’t get that second hand … I didn’t show our William up”

But Clarrie does seem worried.


Has Tony got enough spuds?

Hope so.

Or he’d have to turn back the van to get more.


Pat now can’t stop looking at Rich

[Pat] “It’s just like looking at a teenage John”

[Tony] “I know you’re cock-a-hoop about this, but I’m still struggling to take it in ... it’s unnerved me, if I'm honest, which is why I can’t look anymore”

[Pat] “It’s not going to go away. You can’t stuff the genie back in the bottle”

[Tony] “What have we unleashed …”

After seeing Rich’s picture on Kylie’s Facebook, both Tony and Pat are now convinced that Rich is John’s son. He looks the same.

But, Tony doesn’t want to be rushed about calling Sharon.

[Tony] “Our whole lives have been turned upside down at a click of a mouse”

[Pat] “It’s a miracle …”

“I’ve got better things to worry about than the state of my shorts”

Brian’s in a right grump.

He shouts at Will for bothering him with detail about the shoot.

Will later says to Nic:

[Will] “He wants to be kept in the loop but he doesn’t want to know about the details”

And Brian then has a go at Jennifer for harassing him about what he wants to take with him on their holiday.

[Brian] “I’ve got better things to worry about than the state of my shorts!”

The Mart is have a pre-official-opening-sale-opening tomorrow. So he’s stressed.


Will’s a mum’s boy

[Nic] “Reading between the lines, I think your mum’s worried about letting you down at the wedding”

[Will] “Well, she wouldn’t know how!”

Nic tells Will that Clarrie is ashamed about buying dress from charity shop.

[Will] “Well, I’m not having that!”

And he gets straight on the phone to her.

[Will] “Mum, you and me are going shopping, to buy you a new outfit for the wedding … mum, shut up. It was you made me realise Nic's the right wife for me, I was so stuck in the past, without you there wouldn’t be a wedding. I want to treat you”

Good lad, Will.

He seems to have completely changed his tune lately … wonder if it’ll last?


Pat calls Sharon a cow

The wine’s open at Bridge Farm

[Pat] “At last we’ve got something to celebrate. Who’d have thought we’d actually be grateful to Sharon for something. Let’s drink tour son John and his son Rich”

But Tony still can’t look at the picture of Rich, and is still against phoning Sharon.

[Tony] “Actions have consequences. Mostly ones we don’t anticipate”

[Pat] “But that’s what’s so exciting. This world of possibilities has opened up to us, it’s like a blessing”

[Tony] “What will Sharon think after these years … out of the blue …. That’s enough to clear the path for your killer question? She may not want to roll over and play happy families. We didn’t exactly approve of her when she was with John. You called her a fortune hunter!”

[Pat] “I did, didn’t I. But that was so long ago”

Tony is terrified that Sharon will slam the phone down on Pat, and he’ll be left to “pick up the pieces” as he had to after John died.

[Pat] “Why do you have to be so negative? … this little boy … could bring us so much joy”

[Tony] “There you go again, building up your hopes”

But Pat is determined to try and find about him if they can.

[Tony] “He’s not missed out on anything. He’s got his life in Leeds, the only life he’s know. And we’re not a part of it.”

Tony tries again to reason. That Sharon might be biding her time to tell Rich about his dad.

[Tony] “It’s not our place to initiate contact and disrupt the boys’ life”

[Pat] “Rich has a family here as well. I can’t just sit on this. And if I don’t initiate this, who will? That woman has known all about this for 13 years and a dickie bird. Cow!”

[Tony] “Well if you talk to her like that, she really will slam the phone down on you! … it’s all about you,. Isn’t it. What about Tom and Helen … this could change their lives too. You’re so blinkered”

[Pat] “Yes, yes you’re right. I’m sorry. We must show the Rich’s picture, before we phone”

[Tony] “What about wanting my blessing?”

[Pat] “I’ll phone her without it, if I have to …”

So – Tony’s backed into a corner.

 He agrees that they need to talk to Tom and Helen before they do anything. Which they’ll do tomorrow – as Brenda’s away.

Poor Brenda.

She really isn't seen to be part of the Archer clan at all.

Wonder what’s happening with their engagement?

The Archers Tuesday 8th November 2011: Welcome back Kylie

• Elona’s moving into No. 3
• All’s well with the Mart
• Harry is off to Poland
• Knickers in John’s bed
• Tony still isn’t being nice
• Kylie calls
• Jennifer’s dysfunctional family
• Falls to Lilian

Elona’s moving into No. 3

Let’s see if she does turn out to be a good ‘un …

But I am still hoping her teenage daughters play loud music to keep Tom up at night …


All’s well with the Mart

I was very worried about those electrics (!)


Harry is off to Poland

To see Zofia.

Not that we hear it from the man himself. It’s Susan, back gossiping (but obviously still very sad) at the village shop.


Knickers in John’s bed

Susan mentions Kylie and Sharon to Lilian, who takes a while to remember them. Then:

[Lilian] “Oh Sharon! The one who left her knickers in John’s bed … family legend!”

Tony still isn’t being nice

Jennifer bumps into Tony, and gives him a brace of pheasants (which she’d been intending to take to him anyway at Bridge Farm).

But, he’s not very forthcoming with gratitude. In fact, he’s downright rude to her.

Very similar to the way Helen behaved to him in the exact same spot (outside the village shop) before Henry was born.

Must run in that part of the family – not being able to forgive and forget.

To rub salt into the wounds:

[Tony]”I expect you’ve seen Tom’s pig video on the internet, it’s been a huge success, getting thousands of hits … it all shows what you can do, how much you can achieve when the family works together to help each other out”

Tony! That’s shocking behaviour!

As if any of what you said was true – and it was hurtful enough to send Jennifer off very upset.

Enough already. You should have known not to expect much of Jennifer anyway when it comes to money – and she is your sister.


Kylie calls

She sounds alright.

Kylie was calling Susan to sort out her coming down for the funeral. As Kylie is coming down from Lancaster, she’ll need to stay overnight.

She was going to ask her granddad, but wasn’t sure if there would be room – and, of course, Susan offers her a room at hers.

Which is all fine and good.

So – nature or nurture?

Will Kylie be a good ‘un for real?


Jennifer’s dysfunctional family

That exchange with Tony has really hurt Jennifer.

She’s worried about her family not pulling together (as Tony claims his does).

Brian is rowing with Adam (well, Brian reckons it’s a “frank exchange of views”). Adam and Debbie are also rowing. And, Debbie is coming over this Friday but isn’t staying. Jennifer would have preferred her overnight so that they could have a family meal.

She brings up to Brian what Tony said:

[Jennifer] “How they’ve united in the face of adversity, while we’re all at each other’s throats”

Ah Jennifer, if only you knew. All you Archers – just the same when it comes down to it.


Falls to Lilian

Tony’s round at Lilian’s to talk about Peggy’s seating plan for her birthday lunch,.

Tony doesn’t want to sit next to Jennifer.

[Lilian] “Can’t we all try and behave like grown-ups, You’ve got my little loan to help you out, and it’s time to move on … If that what mum wants,. You’ll just have to deal with it darling”

But, Lilian is easily persuaded by Tony, so agrees to talk to Peggy. Without telling her that to9ny doesn’t want to sit next to Jennifer. So that she doesn’t have to explain what the fallout is about.

Ach well. A couple of gins first, and Lilian will wing it perfectly.

The Archers Tuesday 1st November 2011: The first shoot of the season

• Susan’s worrying
• Well done Will
• Emma’s being helpful
• Never say never
• Bert and Gary’s choices of hymns
• Poignant moment between George and Emma

Susan’s worrying

She’s up at 5am worrying about how her dad and Gary will cope.

[Susan] “can’t even boil an egg!”

But she’s going to make them a nice beef casserole. And she has her trusty Neil by her side to help. Which is especially important considering the fridge is harboring bacon that’s been languishing since August.
Susan is taking this all very hard. She’s even got a locum into do the Post Office, and is taking a few days away from Bridge Farm, without a word of complaint or stress.


Well done Will

Seems the shoot went very well indeed.

They may have had to have an extra shoot in the morning to avoid rain later in the day – but the beaters turned up, Jennifer served her Venison Goulash for lunch, and there was shooting aplenty.

Even Matt reckoned he’d had a “splendid” day. And he gave Will £50.


Emma’s being helpful

Which would normally be a shocker, but she is genuinely upset about her gran dying.

She was in early at the house, doing the hovering and tidying.

I don’t normally have much good to say about Emma, but thank goodness she is there for Susan.


Never say never

At the shoot, Matt was hassling Brian about the Mart. That time is ticking, and that it has to be done to deadline, or no-one will be having a good Christmas.

Brian reassures that all is well.

But, later, Brian receives a call. Seems there’s a problem with the wiring that he needs to rush off to see about.

Oh dear.

Jennifer and Brian become destitute, but Tony steps in to let them sleep in his barn?

He’d love that.


Bert and Gary’s choices of hymns

Ivy’s funeral will be on Thursday. It’ll be a service of thanksgiving at St Stephen’s and then onto the crematorium.

Susan reckons Bert (her dad) will want Abide with Me as a hymn. Mainly because it’s sung at the cup final.

[Neil] “Gary will probably go for Bart Simpson”

[Susan] “That’s okay. If that what he wants”

Susan is being very reflective, and also very tender towards what the rest of the family needs. It’s what ivy would have wanted,

[Susan] “She’s do anything for us. I just wish we’d done a bit more to make her happy too”

Poignant moment between George and Emma

[George] “She died. But I didn’t want her to”

[Emma] “None of us wanted her too. It’s just what happens to people when they get old”

[George] “Are you going to die?”

[Emma] “One day. But not for a long long time …”

[George] “Will she come back one day?”

[Emma] “No, I’m afraid not. But we’ll all remember her. Especially if we try hard.”

At first, George only remembers Ivy’s cough – but then Emma coxes him onto remembering her in her apron. The ones with the dogs on it.

So Emma takes George off to draw Granny Ivy in her apron (with the dogs on it) so that they can keep it and look at it to remember her.

The Archers Thursday 25th August 2011: Bridge Farm is being sued

• Brian’s not front page new
• It’s grim up Ambridge way
• Jamie did alright, considering
• Pat feels guilty
• Another bad letter day
• Tom and Brenda talk strategy … again!

Brian’s not front page new

Brian’s delighted that work at the Mart can get going again. The delay, due to the cattle bones, has cost them, but they won’t miss their deadlines – if there are no further delays …

But, Brian’s not so chuffed that the Echo “buried” a story about the Mart being cleared of the bones being dodgy, or of Foot and Mouth.

Good news doesn’t sell headlines, Brian. You should know that all too well.

It’s grim up Ambridge way

Well, it is for Pat and co, so Pat tells Kathy.

Pat’s got nothing “positive” to tell Kathy. She’s heard nothing more about the sick kids (what about the adults? They could be dead, for all we know).

Jamie did alright, considering

Jamie did better in his exams than anyone expected, including himself.

He got a B, fours Cs and three Ds.

[Pat] “That’s miraculous, considering what was going on”

Seems he certainly did better than Marty – sounds like Marty completed failed.

Jamie’s grades means he technically can’t go to College, but Natalie persuaded him to call the College, with the result that they’ll meet him to maybe give him a chance.

[Pat] “She’s good for him, isn’t she?”

[Kathy] “He’ll accept things from her he never would from me”

True.

But, last time we heard Natalie on the secret microphones, she seemed to be a bit of a control freak.

I suppose sons sometimes do fall for women who are like their mums … ugh!

Pat feels guilty

Not sure how Pat is finding space for any more guilt.

This time, she’s telling Kathy that she feels bad she snapped at Brenda the other day.

[Kathy] “You're only human, Pat”

Quite.

It’s very human to snap at Brenda (and Tom).

Another bad letter day

Pat’s received a letter from a solicitor representing both of the kids that were hospitalised due to Bridge Farm’s special E. coli flavour of ice cream.

They are suing.

Pat and Tony can pass the problem over to their solicitor and insurers. Hopefully they’ll sort it, but it will mean their premiums will increase dramatically.

And that’s while they’re not making many (if any sales). They can hardly afford more expense when (amongst everything else), even veg box orders are being cancelled.

Tom and Brenda talk strategy … again!

Goodness me. When will those two accept that they don’t know what they’re doing?

Tom’s keeping going with his cold calling.

[Brenda] “You need a proper strategy … already have suppliers … so what you need to do it talk, use plenty of open questions and listen …Hold confidence in the brand”

[Tom] “Just a case of getting them out there into the wider world “

*sigh*

Even if Tom can persuade one or two new orders, it’s hardly going to scratch the surface of making up for all of the old orders.

Tom won’t like this … but probably time to hit the supermarkets. Ones beyond Borchester.

The Archers Monday 22nd August 2011: Pat shouts at Brenda

• Susan’s not amused at Brian
• Brenda is back
• Still nothing happening at the Mart site
• Why Pip’s ideas are flawed
• Alice is also at it
• Environmental Health keep visiting
• So what’s Brenda’s fantastic new idea?
• … Pat is livid!

Susan’s not amused at Brian

[Susan] “He could have out his money where his mouth is … him and Alice are far too proud … you’d have thought Brian would have offered … people with money always … always, maybe, forget what a struggle it is …”

Susan was saying all of this to Pat, so had to try and backtrack towards the end as she realised that she was being slightly negative about folks with money …i.e. lots of the Archer clan … and possibly also because Pat is married to Tony, who is brother to Jennifer, who is married to Brian …

Whoops.

I reckon Susan should shush. She should be proud that Chris and Alice are managing this on their tod.

Still nothing happening at the Mart site

Brian is not best pleased.


Brenda is back

She hasn’t really been anywhere – just away from the hidden microphones – but she is already talking nonsense.

She’s annoyed that she spends time at work: “dealing with time wasters” who just want a nosy at Amside’s properties rather than to buy them.

She’s annoyed that Pip “bombarded” Helen with ideas for the Bridge Farm website. Even though the website does now look better.

Her pride is ever so slightly damaged. A job not related to her degree, and now a farm lass talking her language.

[Brenda] “But really, I’m the one with the marketing degree!”

And with perfect timing – Pip calls round to Tom and Brenda’s to talk more marketing.

Perfect (comedy value).

Why Pip’s ideas are flawed

She wants Bridge Farm to use Twitter to create a ‘club’.

But, as Tom pointed out, they don’t have the capacity to manage a full-on Twitter account.

And Pip is simply oblivious.

To Brenda’s:

[Brenda] “I don’t want to take up more of your time … I do know most of this stuff”

Pip didn’t twig that Brenda wanted her to F off.

Client relations – that’s half the battle if you want to get them to take your ideas seriously, Pip.

Alice is also at it

She’s also trying to maximise sales.

She wants to also sell scones, and chocolate dipped strawberries.

Well, at least it’s a real idea/product – unlike Pip’s idea of making the E. coli negativity go away just by using Twitter …


Environmental Health keep visiting

Which is really annoying Pat.

They turn up at least once a week, whenever they want to, without warning.

So, when Susan drops some yoghurt just as they are visiting, Pat is not as rational as one would normally expect of her.

So what’s Brenda’s fantastic new idea?

After all the fuss about Pip stepping into her area of expertise, Brenda sucks it up and reveals her wonderful idea to help solve Bridge Farm’s problems.

Customer testimonials.

On their website.

Which, Brenda acknowledges, was actually Pip’s idea …

Pat is not amused, infact …

… Pat is livid!

[Pat] “Oh for goodness sake Brenda! Wake up .. .what’s the point! This business is losing money hand over fist and all you and Tom can do is mess about on the website. All you’re doing is just tinkering on the edges, a complete waste of time”

So Brenda has a weep – Tom comforts her – and blames Pat’s outburst as Pat being on a knife edge, possibly prosecuted, might not be able to pay the mortgage, being stressed and so on.

All of which is true.

But could it just be that Brenda really should just stick to making flyers?

The Archers Friday 19th August: Pip suddenly becomes a marketing guru

• Matt likes Moroccan chickpea soup
• It’s okay to serve Ruth
• Would you get a plumber to fix your car?
• Buy from Bridge Farm!
• Big calf
• Pip’s worked it out
• Jennifer is sewing
• David still has an ego
• Helen isn’t an auld women!
• Lilian rips Brian a new one
• Good smelling food in Ruth’s kitchen shock!

Matt likes Moroccan chickpea soup

Who’d have thunk it!

So Lilian’s in buying more from Ambridge Organics.

It’s okay to serve Ruth

Reckons Lilian.

As she’s buying more soup for her Tiger, Ruth comes in to buy some stuff. So, Lilian graciously allows Helen to serve Ruth first.

(Helen’s back-at-work-but-not-really-back-at-work – needs must during a time of crisis!).

Would you get a plumber to fix your car?

Probably not. Unless he was a mechanic in a previous life.

So, why does Helen (and later Pip) reckon they can solve all of Bridge Farm’s woes by doing their own marketing?

If there was ever a need for an expert (with a proven track record – hear me, Brenda?), it’s now.

(and I do declare my interest – I’m a marketing consultant!).

Buy from Bridge Farm!

As well as both Lilian and Ruth buying other items from Ambridge Organics (Ruth’s in buying Pip a celebratory lunch, after getting her exam results yesterday) – both also buy vanilla ice cream.

Surely that’s what all the locals should be doing?

Big calf

And it’s her first one.

Ouch!

At least David and Pip are there to lend a hand.

Hope that involves some hefty painkillers.

Pip’s worked it out

That Clarrie might have something to do with the E. coli.

Has to be Clarrie, as why would they have chosen Susan over Clarrie to keep on at Bridge Farm?

Surely Pip can’t be the only one to have thought that one through?

Jennifer is sewing

The name tags into Ruairi’s schools clothes.

The glamorous life, indeed.

Mind you, she’s doing that while Ruairi and Ben play in Home Farm’s pool …

David still has an ego

Chatting about how they would have never sent their kids away to public school – Ruth and David are being smug about Pip doing well in her exams, and also having lots of energetic ideas about how to improve Brookfield’s profits.

[Ruth] “She’s her father’s daughter alright”

[David] “Yeah, she is”

Eh?

Surely David’s answer should have been that she actually takes after her mother?

Is he that much of an amateur when it comes to wifely relations?

Or is his ego just that big?


Helen isn’t an auld women!

Pip seems to think that because Adam mentioned her marketing ideas were okay, she now knows all and every!

She calls Helen to talk her through a marketing strategy.

Specifically – about how Bridge Farm should have a mobile website (one that’s specifically designed for mobiles, Pip helpfully explained to Helen). As, after all, mobiles will have overtaken computers in accessing the web.

Thanks for that Pip. I’m sure Pat and Tony will sleep easier at night knowing they’re 2 years ahead of the pack. Sure that’ll make a difference when they have no sales at all tomorrow …
Pip rambles on about keywords – social networking profiles – how you should update your website very often – that social networking should be friendly and conversational, inviting readers into your world, growing your customer base organically – that you should monitor traffic to your website …. (and on, and on, and on)

Hang on a second – Helen isn’t of retirement age!

Actually, most folks of retirement age will know everything Pip mentioned (if they’re in business). If they didn’t already know, they could just as easily check the same articles online that Pip has obviously printed off.

But, Helen seems to be happy that Pip has taken the time to tell her all of this wondrous news.

And Pip has taken the time to help.

Is it just me, or does this all suggest that Pip is going to be insufferable when/during/after she goes to Uni?

Lilian rips Brian a new one

It’s the Board meeting. Brian has to explain what’s going on with the Mart.

Seems that when they move the bones, it has to be a right type of covered wagon, then taken to a rendering plant (category one ABP) … which Lilian helpfully explains is:

[Lilian] “like cooking at a very high temperature, darling”

(cheers Lilian!).

The Board are obviously not happy about all the delays and the hassle. Lilian is of the opinion that “the whole affair has been badly mishandled”.

[Lilian] “The Police should have never been called in … it should have been obvious to anyone with two brain cells to rub together that what they were looking at were animal bones “

She’s not buying Brian’s explanation of “protocols and process”. Lilian thinks that both Brian and Cliff should have known about the bones beforehand.

Brian does his best to defend himself and Cliff – but ends up having to fall back on the fact that the Board voted to go ahead with this project, even though any (even slight) delay could spell disaster. Which was why he didn’t vote the same way as the rest of them.

Saying ‘I told you so’ may feel good – but I doubt it’ll help this situation, Brian.

Financial ruin for Home Farm? Surely not …

Good smelling food in Ruth’s kitchen shock!

Ruth’s made roast lamb with garlic and rosemary.

Yikes!

She’s also been drinking champagne.

Maybe Ruth can only produce good food when drunk?

The Archers Thursday 18th August 2011: It isn’t just about the money for Brian …

(… aye, right then!)

• Muntjac nearly ruins Will’s day off
• Another Ambridge related Echo headline
• Nic’s a wee gem
• Pip’s off to Uni
• Alice and her lucky layby
• Brian gets all noble
• Who buried the diseased cattle?

Muntjac nearly ruins Will’s day off

It broke one of the estate’s fences, so Eddie called Will.

But not to worry – Eddie is going to fix it, so Will doesn’t have to head out.

He shall go to The Blackberry Line!

Another Ambridge related Echo headline

Blimey. You’d think there was a lot going on in our favourite of wee villages!

This time it isn’t Bridge Farm:

“Foot and mouth threat to Borchester Market”

Nic’s a wee gem

She’s gone through her freezer, and given what she can to Clarrie.

Clarrie doesn’t want to, but needs to take it – so Nic makes like Clarrie is doing her a favour. That the kids are fed up of that food, so it’s best Clarrie takes it to stop them going on hunger strike.

Then Nic invites Clarrie (who is at a very loose, and morbidly depressing, end) on her and Will (and the kids’) day out.

[Clarrie] “You’ve got a real treasure there, William”

[Will] “I know, don’t you worry”

Funny thing is, I actually believe Will when he says that he appreciates all that is Nic.

Later on, Nic is talking again about how glad she is that she moved to Ambridge, and that she is very fond of the Grundy clan (well, one would assume Ed and Emma aside).

[Nic] “And I love you Will, I feel so lucky I found you, and that we’re together”

Will concurs.

I really am starting to think that Will has become human, after all these years …


Pip’s off to Uni

She got her B and two Cs.


Alice and her lucky layby

Don’t worry – it’s all good, clean fun.

Alice is selling strawberries in the layby in which she and Chris planned their trip to the states. Which was the one they got married during.

And now the strawberries seem to be shifting well.

It’s just onwards and upwards for that lucky lady!


Brian gets all noble

Brian’s frustrated by the delays of DEFRA giving the okay for The Mart to be worked again:

[Brian] “If the wheels of justice grind exceedingly slow, the wheels of bureaucracy seem practically dormant”

But it’s not just the money Brian is worried about:

[Brian] “It’s about more than just the bottom line for me … this is an exciting project for someone like me. In a way, it’s a legacy … some for the future farmers of this generation, it’s a way of paying back what we’ve gained … contributing to the local economy and global food market long after I’m gone”

Really?

There was me thinking that you were just worried about missing deadlines and losing the healthy Council bonus.

Silly me.


Who buried the diseased cattle?

Was Dan Archer involved at all?

The Archers Wednesday 17th August 2011: It’s only pigs and cattle

• Will and Nic’s grand day out
• Saul Bradley sounds like a twat
• Peggy’s making a dragon, disparaging remarks about Pat, and plans for Elona …

Will and Nic’s grand day out

Nice to again hear Nic and Will having a nice time together.

They’re at Lower Loxley with the kids. And they are most definitely not clock watching.

They send the kids off to make kites, while they get to mess around in a boat.

Though Nic left her drum and cat o’ nine tails at home (Will is complaining about her forcing him to do all the rowing), she didn’t need them to keep Will in check.

Actually, Will was genuinely nice and living.

My oh my.

It’s almost as if Will is a sane human that one could warm to …

Saul Bradley sounds like a twat

Excuse my language, but he really (really) does.

He’s the archaeologist sent to check the bones found at The Mart. He’s a right patronising wee know it all.

Seems he agrees that the bones are just pig and cattle. So that’s fine. But:

[Saul] “On thing puzzles me though … the date … the bones are buried far deeper than I’d expect”

And what does that mean?

The theory is that the pigs and cattle were slaughtered, and buried on the Mart site, way back in 1967 when foot and mouth hit. Which explains why it’s so deep.

The good news is that the site is therefore of no archaeological importance, but DEFRA still needs to be called.

Calling DEFRA.

That doesn’t sound like a fat thing to me.

And right enough – DEFRA needs them to get an exhumation order, from an inspector, before they can move the bones and get back to work.

*sigh*

Common sense from public agencies.

Not.

Peggy’s making a dragon, disparaging remarks about Pat, and plans for Elona …

The dragon fly is for Pip getting her exam results (Peggy is enamelling again).

[Peggy to Ted] “I know Tony’s made some silly decisions in his time, but I always felt Pat could be trusted to run the dairy, but something has badly gone wrong there"

(eh? Tony is acceptable as a bit of a screw-up at times, but Pat gets the blame for not overcompensating for his failings?)

And on Elona:

[Peggy to Ted] “I often feel Elona sees Jack and Violet as the people they once were, rather than simply as victims of the conditions”

Ted concurs. Elona is wonderful, so shouldn’t leave.

Peggy is also talking about how she isn’t quite coping at home. She’s having to let things slip 9which she abhors), and doesn’t want to bother her family about it – or, probably more importantly, lose her independence.

[Peggy] “I don’t believe people should be a burden to one another”

So – Peggy put her and Elona's problems together – and reckons she can solve Elona’s problems by giving her some work. Not exactly as home help, more of a helpful friend that she pays.

Sounds reasonable enough.

The Archers Tuesday 16th August 2011: Bones found at the Mart site

• But what about Ruairi’s sports kit?
• Pat had to wear lady shoes
• Are archaeologists really that busy?
• Jennifer gets excited about old bones

But what about Ruairi’s sports kit?

Brian gets a call from Cliff Alladay (The Mart’s Project Manager), and heads straight off to deal with a problem.

Jennifer’s not happy about that. It means he can’t go with her and Ruairi to buy Ruairi’s school kit.

Would seem it’s a seminal moment in any young (public school) boy’s life.
 
Pat had to wear lady shoes 

To her and Tony’s interview at Environmental Health.

Blimey!

Pat’s also worried about the interview. It could lead to a prosecution..

[Tony] “This is environmental health, not Scotland Yard … try to not let the situation intimidate you”

Easier said than done, but quite nice to hear Tony being the positive one in the know.

It sounded like most of the interview went well. Pat only sounded unsure (and a bit panicked) about the last time she’d put her staff through a refresher course – including 48 hour rule and such.

After their interview, Pat and Tony find that the village shop in Penny Hasset and the whole food shop in Darrington have cancelled their orders – AND the wee girl ill in hospital now has kidney problems.

So what’s Tom’s solution?

Take Bridge Farm’s confidence in their product further afield – places like Birmingham and Bristol (where, one assumes, they haven’t heard of the E. coli outbreak).

Hmmm. Wonder if German salad folks found that they managed to survive by finding new markets …

Are archaeologists really that busy?

Cliff has been trying to get one out to the Mart site to have a look at the bones one of the workers discovered.

But seems they’re all out on calls.

Surely not? I’d have thought their work could wait … after all, it’ll have been there for a fair while already.

Anyway – first signs are that the bones are cattle (they found a cattle skull).

But, finding the bones, having to report them, trying to find an archaeologist who doesn’t have another archaeological emergency, all means delays. Which can’t happen if the Mart project is going to hit the Council deadlines.

[Brian] “We’ve been knocked sideways by something entirely unpredictable”

Brian is angry, but one also assumes slightly pleased to be able to tell Annabelle ‘I told you so’.

Jennifer gets excited about old bones

After getting back in from the Mart site, all Brian wants is a large whisky (though he should get it himself rather than telling Jennifer to get him one. Lazy so and so. And I do hope it is whisky rather than whiskey …).

What he also gets with his whisky is a side order of rather inappropriate excitement from Jennifer.

[Jennifer] “Was anything else found, I mean pottery or jewellery … how interesting!”

Brian hopes it isn’t anything ‘interesting’:

[Brian] “Then it’d be littered with people in dungarees with teaspoons”

With her old local historian hat on, Jennifer reckons that the Mart site was part of a major roman road and that the Earl of Essex’s army billeted nearby in 1642.

[Jennifer] “There could very well be ancient remains, it could be a very important find”

Brian is most decidedly not excited nor amused. He’s only worried about delays, and what it could cost him.

The Archers Friday 17th June 2011: The Three Counties

• Jem and Bella are off to the Three Counties
• Pip tackles Elizabeth
• A watched inbox never receives email
• Jennifer still can’t read
• Brian’s lost his appetite?
• Sex and the Strawberries
• Regional forums and zero grazing
• Aw, that’s a shame

Jem and Bella are off to the Three Counties

Josh may not have been allowed to take the day off school to go to the Three Counties, but Jem and Bella certainly are. They even had a final brush up.


Pip tackles Elizabeth

Not literally, but fair to her for having the nerve to call and then go and see Elizabeth.

Pip wanted to see if Elizabeth would still give her a job (as she promised to), and Pip was quite annoyed by Elizabeth for not sending Ruth a birthday card.

Elizabeth was really happy to hear from and see Pip. She claimed she’s forgotten all about arranging a job for Pip – Elizabeth reckoned, in her head, it was already arranged.

So no problem there. Pip headed off to speak with Lorna, and the job is arranged.

Pip gets a text from her folks about the Three Counties, so then uses it as an in to mention that it was Ruth’s birthday yesterday. Elizabeth responds that she hopes Ruth had a nice day:

[Ruth] “She did, except, well, she didn’t get a card from you”

Elizabeth at first tries to claim bad memory again, but soon admits that she hadn’t just forgot.

[Pip] “You really did it on purpose!”

[Elizabeth] “Not exactly Pip. I just couldn’t send her one … this thing with your father. It goes deep. Very deep. I’m sorry”

[Pip] “Well, mum was sorry too. I just though you should know”

Good on you Pip for standing up to Elizabeth.

Maybe if more folks did, Elizabeth wouldn’t be getting away which such senseless and hurtful behaviour.



A watched inbox never receives email

Brian’s up early, anxiously waiting for email from council about whether the supermarket wants to go ahead with the old Mart site.

Not sure why Brian thinks that any council worker is working before 10am (flexi time means they sometimes stay late, but never early).

He’s hoping beyond hope that the supermarket has found a better place to build – he’s still not convinced that this plan is a good one.

But alas.

For once – it’s actually a “all systems go” from the Council


Jennifer still can’t read

Despite staying up all night, Jennifer is still no further on with Mistress of the Paddocks.

This is all very odd.

I’m back to thinking it is one of hers.


Brian’s lost his appetite?

Brian reckons that Zofia has got “mesmerising blue eyes”.

Just the eyes?

Brian must be slowly up if he judges a woman by her eyes …

He isn’t too impressed by Jazzer and Harry’s desperate plans to try and get her attention.

[Brian] “I’m sure she can do better ...”

And for once, he didn’t mean that he would be “better”.


Sex and the Strawberries

[Brian] “How are things up at Sex and the Strawberries … no pistols at dawn in the poly tunnels?”

Adam was worried that Jazzer and Harry’s jostling for Zofia would result in a bill for damages from the Pottery.

But it would seem that all was very sedate, as Zofia spent most of the time looking after her sick mate.


Regional forums and zero grazing

David’s having a grand old time at the Three Counties.

Lots of food for thought (well, cattle becoming food for thought), and he’s feeling refreshed for getting away from home.

[David] “It’s good to get away, it gets you a different perspective on things”

And not just the farm.

He apologises to Ruth for Elizabeth for not sending her a birthday card. Not that it’s his fault – but he’s sorry for the situation which has meant Elizabeth is being so obstinate.

[Ruth] “Elizabeth has this completely out of proportion”

Well, not exactly, Ruth.

In Elizabeth’s mind, David killed Nigel.

So not sending his wife a birthday card would be well within proportion, I would say.


Aw, that’s a shame

Despite Jem and Bella looking “beautiful”, they didn’t win anything.

Seemingly the competition was too strong.

Josh will be upset, but I doubt Jem and Bella will be bothered.

After all, a day out from the field is a day out from the field.

The Archers Wednesday 15th June 2011: Adam – an unlikely cupid

• Brian doesn’t get his way
• Can I go to Ruairi’s school?
• Does one generally “get used” to a noisy neighbour?
• “nice English boyfriends”
• Harry’s ready to move to Poland
• Jennifer isn’t the author of Mistress of the Paddocks?
• Lilian Vs Annabelle
• Enjoying Adam and Jennifer

Brian doesn’t get his way

Which would be a shocker, if it hadn’t just been over that rather dull Mart …

Brian didn’t want to go for an early completion date, and reckon the bonus payment from the Council wouldn’t be worth the risk.

But Lilian reckons the bonus payment more than covers the risk, and their wonderful project manager means they won’t miss the deadlines anyway. So there is no real risk.

When it went to Board vote, they went with Lilian.

[Lilian] “There are no hard feelings, I hope, the best woman won!”

Ah – a rare moment for Lilian, to be able to gloat over Brian. What bliss!


Can I go to Ruairi’s school?

[Brian] “85 acres of land, woods, little streams, children encouraged to play out there … That’s the kind of childhood we want for Ruairi”

Aye – that’s also the sort of adulthood I’d want for myself!

So looks like they’re found the perfect place for Ruairi. It’s particularly ideal not just because of the of the little streams, but also because it’s a Catholic boarding schools that “takes everyone”.

Marvellous.



Does one generally “get used” to a noisy neighbour?

On Jonti Waters at No.3 The Green

[Brian] “One man noise pollution zone, that’s what I hear”

[Lilian] “Storm in a teacup, darling. They’ll get used to him”

Hmm.

I, for once, disagree with Lilian. And wouldn’t have thought Tom and Brenda are the type to suffer even the most minor of irritations.



Adam hopes the picker “girls found nice English boyfriends”

Adam’s walking the wheat, when Harry finds him to ask if he can go on the pickers trip to Felpersham Pottery.

[Harry] “I’m quite interested in China, my mum collects it, so I can tell her all about it …"

Course, Adam isn’t daft, and knows Harry wants to go on the trip to be with Zofia.

[Harry] “It’s not very cool being so obvious … I wouldn’t like to think I’m being as crassly obvious as Jazzer”

Harry reckons that he and Zofia genuinely have something in common, whereas Jazzer really just wants to get his leg over. At least Harry can:

[Harry] “ …I can raise my gaze above her … chest”

Adam seems to agree that Harry would be a better prospect for Zofia, and is also glad that Jazzer hasn’t signed up for the Pottery outing. He said something about Jazzer being like a Bull being in a China Shop …

[Adam] “I’d rather the girls found nice English boyfriends”

Which isn’t Jazzer, I suppose. As he isn’t necessarily nice. Nor English.

(and why English? Will Welsh, Scottish, Irish, France. American, African, Turkish, Norwegian etc etc etc not do?)


Harry’s ready to move to Poland

Adam pointed out that even though Jazzer’s intentions towards Zofia may not include longevity, it is inevitable that any liaison with Zofia will be short lived. She’ll be going home to Poland after the season.

Harry then started talking about going to Poland with her, getting a job …

… steady on Harry! That sort of talk is bound to scare the lass away good and proper!



Jennifer isn’t the author of Mistress of the Paddocks?

Seemingly Jennifer is still on chapter one of Mistress of the Paddocks.

I thought she wasn’t ready it, as she’d actually written it. Unbeknownst to everyone else.

But:

[Jennifer] “It’s so tedious, full of clichés you wouldn’t believe, one a sentence … I thought rubbish was supposed to be easier to read … I’ve learned my lesson, and next time it’s Middlemarch”

So – if not Jennifer – who is the author?

They’re local, but that’s all we know.

Joe Grundy?



Lilian Vs Annabelle

Surprisingly, Annabelle back Lilian, rather than Brian, at the Board vote.

[Annabelle] “I judge the matter on its merit, you made a better case … you’ve got a good coach, haven’t you … come on Lilian, Matt’s fingerprints are all over this deal!”

[Lilian] “I think people are allowed to talk things over with their partners … oh, sorry, of course, you wouldn’t know …”

(meow!)

Annabelle, while in admiration of Matt’s business prowess, doesn’t agree with his business ethics.

As Lilian obviously still has an issue with Annabelle (Lilian thinks Annabelle may have had intimate adult moments with Matt while he and Lilian were briefly separated a while back), Annabelle has a weak spot to aim for:

[Annabelle] “I have some very fond memories if our time together … a pity it came to such a bad end …”

Didn’t Annabelle refuse Matt?

But, of course, Lilian doesn’t know that.

Meow also to Annabelle!


Enjoying Adam and Jennifer

That I am.

Adam’s on very good form at the moment, as is his mum.

They’re having a natter about Jazzer and Harry chasing after Zofia.

Adam reckoned “the gates of heavens opened” when he told Harry that he would reserve a seat next to Zofia, guaranteeing Harry ‘quality’ time with her. Of course, on their last trip out, Jazzer managed to bag that seat.

[Jennifer] “The contest of romantic archetypes”

[Adam] “Jazzer and Harry? The lout and the lover …”

[Jennifer] “They both have recognisable wooing technique”

[Adam] “ I wouldn’t call what Jazzer does wooing”

[Jennifer] “A little rough and ready maybe, but he’s only trying to sweep Zofia off her feet”

[Adam] “Or onto the nearest available flat surface”

[Jennifer] “He might have a softer side …”

[Adam] “He’s hiding it well”

[Jennifer, now talking about Harry] “Underneath that polite exterior he might be a bubbling cauldron of passion”

At that remark, Adam reckons Mistresses of the Paddocks seems to be rubbing off on Jennifer.

They’re interrupted by Jazzer telephoning to say that he now also wants to go on the Pottery trip. The news of which seems to make Adam really happy.

[Adam] “Who am I to stand in the way of primeval male forces?”

[Jennifer] “Jazzer and Harry squabbling over a strawberry picker, it’s hardly DH Lawrence”

Jennifer thinks Adam’s glee at this situation is just him amusing himself.

[Adam] “Beats looking at old China, doesn’t it?”

Indeed.

But best watch your step. Harry and Jazzer could easily turn nasty. Infact, maybe Zofia will turn nasty ... all this male attention must be quite dull.

The Archers Thursday 2nd June 2011: Open Farm Sunday cliff-hanger

• Jennifer’s a crafty player
• “Have your strawberries got a vicious streak?”
• Supermarkets – a positive news story?
• Gisela “pulling the homesick stunt again”
• Does Jennifer have cravings?
• Kate likes the jade pendant
• “Paddocks of Desire”
• Not sure if I can wait until tomorrow …

Jennifer’s a crafty player

She sells every punnet of strawberry at the farmer’s market – then manages to get Jazzer into emptying out her van for her.

Sometimes easy to forget that Jennifer isn’t just the straight-man to Brian’s wheeler dealings.



“Have your strawberries got a vicious streak?”

Jazzer ends up emptying Jennifer’s van as he’s too distracted trying to get Zofia’s telephone number from Jennifer.

He reckons Zofia was about to give it to him anyway at the Sticky Wicket, before Harry interrupted them. Jazzer tells Jennifer that Zofia looks lonely, so he just wants to help.

[Jazzer] “You know me, always wanting to extend the hand of friendship”

Jennifer won’t give it to him (employee confidentiality), and also won’t let him go into the polytunnel to see Zofia.

[Jazzer] “Have your strawberries got a vicious streak?”

So, in return for all his effort, all Jazzer gets is a list of dates of when there will be Picker socials. And a loose promise from Adam that he’ll be invited to the next one.

Methinks Jazzer will have to be a lot more crafty if he wants to beat Harry to the chase.


Supermarkets – a positive news story?

Penny Marsh seems to think so.

Penny is Matt’s ‘insider’ at the Council – and meets with Brian and Annabelle to substantiate Matt’s claim that there’s more “sugar” to be had from the Council, if they get an early push on with the new Mart.

It seems that at least two supermarkets want the site – and Penny reckons the councils want them to be in on the site as soon as possible. It would (seemingly) be a terrific boost for the Council.

Hmmm.

I can see how making money out of a Supermarket buying a site is a boost. I can also see that a new supermarket creates more jobs, gets more folks in to the area (and so on), BUT don’t most communities fight against new supermarkets?

Death of local high streets. More traffic. Environmental impact (etc).

Either way, Brian still isn’t convinced that this is all real. It sounds like a great deal for him and his fellow directors, but it would involve having to move all of their plans forward – so more of a risk.

[Brian] “ … a golden opportunity for BMD or being bounced into something nasty by Matt?”

Gisela “pulling the homesick stunt again”

According to Adam.

Gisela is one of Home Farm’s pickers, and she wants to sue the office Skype to call home.

Adam reckons she just wants to chat to her boyfriend back home, but Jennifer is a bit more sympathetic (which is why Adam is probably asking Jennifer to speak to Gisela instead of tackling her himself).

Seems that Gisela has a bit of a dodgy boyfriend, who she literally needs an eye kept on to stop wandering.

Doubt a Skype call will achieve that …



Does Jennifer have cravings?

Jennifer is 66, so surely not.

Maybe the “seriously hot” Jalapeno Salsa was just a wee fancy of hers.

Though she is right to be a bit embarrassed that it wasn’t homemade. She has quite a reputation to up when it comes to culinary delights.



Kate likes the jade pendant

Even to the point where she thought it was the best present Brian had ever got for Jennifer.

If it hadn’t also gone down well with other folks (excluding Lilian, of course), I’d be sure it was naff, if only based on Kate’s approval.

Anyhoo – I didn’t quite understand what Jennifer meant when she said she gets Jade and Coral this year. I know it’s just been her and Brian’s 35th, and she was 66 in January – but what else is special about this year? She made mention of December. Is it just that she’s excited about what her Christmas present could be, considering Brian’s doing so well with his presents so far?


“Paddocks of Desire”

Would be a “ridiculous title” for a book, according to Jennifer.

Interesting that she hasn’t read past page 5 of Mistress of the Paddocks.

Talking to Adam about it, Jennifer claims that she thought it had been a good idea

[Jennifer] “ …local author … rural themes … much less daunting. For all Jim’s carping, it’s attracted at least one new member”

So while Jennifer seems to have not read it, it’s got Pat into the Book Club. I never took Pat as a romance fiction fan.

I can't track it down anywhere – but can we assume that Mistress of the Paddocks is one of Jennifer’s?


Not sure if I can wait until tomorrow …

… to find out about whether Brian will agree to Home Farm doing Open Farm Sunday in place of Brookfield.

Adam wants to. Jennifer’s also keen.

There was even mention of Tom’s burger van.

But Brian is oddly negative and cautious at the moment.

[Adam, to Bran] “ … open farm Sunday, yes or no?”

Blimey. The tension is awful!

The Archers Friday 27th May 2011: Elizabeth threatens Shula

• Lilian has no ken for flowers
• A mention of the brooch
• Jonti Waters
• Lilian patronises Jennifer
• Brian’s bought a bad present
• More sugar from the Council?
• “Whit is always frantic”
• Jennifer stops for Peregrines
• Porn for the Book Club?
• Shula was right to be nervous of Elizabeth

Lilian has no ken for flowers

[Lilian to Jennifer] “I know I say it every time, but your tubs do look lovely”

Though Lilian can appreciate a nice set of tubs, she can’t tell the difference between an azalea and a marigold.

Ach well. Those good at gardening need those who aren’t to simply be appreciative.


A mention of the brooch

Lilian asks Jennifer whether she’s seen Peggy’s (seemingly lovely) duck egg blue brooch.

It’s a harbinger of doom, I tell you ….


Jonti Waters

Is a “computer chap” (Jennifer)/IT whiz kid (Lilian) who is in a rush to move into No. 3.

His rush has spoilt some of Lilian’s plans for decorating No. 3:

[Lilian] “If Jonti doesn’t like pebble white while he’s showering, then tough luck”

Never mind.

Hurrah to new fodder.


Lilian patronises Jennifer

Lilian was waiting for Brian, so passing the time with Jennifer more than anything else.

When Brian does show up (he was up checking the hinds – only one or two left to calf), Lilian wants shot of Jennifer:

[Lilian to Jennifer] “ … only a little bit of business … you’d only be bored”

My oh my – Lilian is getting more and more like Matt. Cheeky mare.


Brian’s bought a bad present

He doesn’t seem so sure the pendant he’s got for Jennifer is actually up to the mark – and Lilian certainly doesn’t approve.

Seemingly Lilian doesn’t like Jade.

Don't give her the brooch!!!!


More sugar from the Council?

Lilian was meeting with Brian to tell him that her ‘source’ reckons that two major supermarkets are interested in the current mart site.

So – there might be an opportunity for Brian, Lilian and co. to get a better deal from the Council if they can get out of the old site early. Though that would mean having to get the new site up and running far earlier than planned.

[Lilian] “Brian, you can always close a deal if you make it sweet enough”

[Brian] “Oh now, where have I heard that before”

Brian doesn’t sound convinced. He doesn’t think the information is remotely good enough to even discuss with the rest of the board.

[Brian] “There’s no point in wasting their time based on fairy stores … the faint echo of half a rumour”

Lilian reckons she can go back to her ‘source’ for more tangible evidence:

[Brian] “Don’t bother. I’m make time to meet Matt myself”

1-0 Brian I reckon!


“Whit is always frantic”

For Shula.

[Shula] “lots of eager parents and nervous first timers”

Jennifer stops for Peregrines

Jennifer is very taken with the Peregrines after she spotted them earlier on that day.

She’s was getting quite poetic about seeing the male:

[Lilian] “He? You must have had very good eyesight”

Jennifer, slightly exasperated, explains that the female stays with the chicks while the male heads out hunting.

[Lilian] “Jenny, Jenny, I don’t care if the male saunters into Underwoods Deli for a tray of mixed antipasti and some honey roast ham, I’m simply not interested”

Oh.

Bit harsh from Lilian, but maybe Jennifer should have found a more enlightened soul to explore the wonders of nature with. Lilian’s strictly a G&T connoisseur.


Porn for the Book Club?

Probably not.

But that Lilian showed an interested in it, liked the cover, and reckons it is:

[Lilian] “racy for Ambridge”

Say something.

But it is Jennifer that’s chosen it. So likely to be a wee bit edgy without being offensive.

Lawrence’s Sons and Lovers?



Shula was right to be nervous of Elizabeth

Shula’s round seeing Elizabeth at Lower Loxley. Shula sounded very unsure of herself, making small talk and complimenting Elizabeth’s new hair-do (which seems to be popular with all).

Eventually, Shula gets down to it.

[Shula] “So, you’re coping alright?”

[Elizabeth] “Did David ask you to come over … or mum?”

Shula explains that she was there on her own account, as she’s worried.

[Shula] “We simply can’t leave matters as they stand … you’re asking the rest of us to takes sides … that’s what it amounts to”

Elizabeth launches into another rant.

[Elizabeth] “All I want is for you and mum and Kenton and Pip and whoever else feels they know what’s best for me, to accept once and for all that I am choosing to have nothing to do with David ever again … that’s all, it’s very simple … and it doesn’t affect the rest of you … why can’t you respect my decision?”

[Shula] “Because he’s your bother, Elizabeth”

[Elizabeth] “Exactly, my brother, someone I should be able to trust, someone who shouldn’t lie to me … I’ve been more than fair to him”

Elizabeth reckons that she could have been more furious when David just after Nigel died, but had decided that both of them had got “caught up in the moment”, so both and neither were to blame.

But now, after David telling her it was his idea, she’s taking it to extremes. The other day, she reckoned David had “goaded” Nigel, today:

[Elizabeth] “he dared Nigel onto the roof!”

[Shula] “He’s been tormenting himself”

[Elizabeth] “Good”

[Shula … sounding a bit terrified now … says the following very gently and tentatively] “When David suggested to go onto the roof, Nigel could have said no …”

Which spins Elizabeth into overdrive rant mode:

[Elizabeth] “Stop it Shula!

“I am so sick of my whole family trying to blame Nigel for what happened

“… and I know why you’re doing it, to make dear precious David feel better about his unforgiveable behaviour

“… I’m not going to let you get away with it, Nigel can’t defend himself anymore, but I can and I will

“Shula, you’re my sister and I love you very dearly, but if dare say one more word about this, one single word, we are finished.”

Blimey.

Elizabeth is one very angry lady right now, and she obviously doesn’t give a hoot who she offends, or loses.
Amazing that she can say all of that to Shula, knowing what she (and Caroline) went through when Mark died.

But then again, there is no-one else in Elizabeth’s world apart from Elizabeth (very occasionally the twins).

The Archers Friday 25th March 2011: Elona and Brian

• Cliff is the right choice
• Jill has a mocha
• Jolene’s thinking about weddings
• Elizabeth has to get her batteries changed every five years
• All this talk of puddings …
• No-one has warned Elona?
• Jamie needs space
• The Bull’s Royal Wedding
• Just tell them!

Cliff is the right choice

Brian and Annabelle have chosen the Project Manager for the Mart – some bloke called Cliff who has ‘done’ a shopping centre.

Hmmm.

The only interest I have in the mart is Lilian. She manages to liven up even the dullest of Ambridge happenings!


Jill has a mocha

And also finds the seating in Jaxx to be to her liking.

[Jill] “Oh yes, this is comfortable. I’m never sure about leather furniture”

Jolene’s thinking about weddings

[Jolene] “Hello sailor!”

[Kenton] “What you thinking about”

[Jolene] “Weddings”

Steady!

Before we (and Kenton) have a heart attack – Jolene’s talking about the forthcoming Royal nuptials.

Actually … Kenton didn’t sound too upset to hear Jolene say weddings.

And, ‘what are you thinking about’ isn’t the words of a man taking it too slow …




Elizabeth has to get her batteries changed every five years

And she doesn’t sound too perturbed by it.

Progress indeed.

However, Jill is in a ponderous mood.

[Jill] “It’s made me step back and ask some really big questions … indulge me … is the effort of running Lower Loxley worth the risk to your health … it crossed my mind, you don’t have to run the place, you could walk away”

Course – Elizabeth isn’t interested.

Jill does make some sense – Lower Loxley is in Trust, so it wouldn’t be lost to a hotel chain.

[Elizabeth] “It’s not what Nigel would have wanted.”

[Jill] “I don’t think Nigel would have wanted you to suffer”

[Elizabeth] “It’s Freddy’s future”

(my word – does that sort of thinking still really exist? That it’s automatically the boy who inherits?!? What a difference between Elizabeth and David – Pip looks like the chap for Brookfield).

[Elizabeth] “It’s not just bricks and mortar … his vision … it is Nigel”

But, where Jill loses one argument, she gains a small victory. Elizabeth is thinking of getting someone in to help cope with the office.


All this talk of puddings …

… has gained a great result.

[Jill] “I’m making a treacle pudding for the children … and Lewis”

No-one has warned Elona?

Peggy introduces Brian to Elona as he arrives to collect her from seeing Jack.

Elona’s Jack’s favourite staff member. I wonder if Brian can also see her charms …

While Brian takes a business call, Peggy settles down to find out more about Elona.

She’s from Albania.

[Elona] “I was brought up on a farm … modest, you know … there was no so much land for us both to stay there, and I not interested”

Elona then worked in a bar, where she met hubby-to-be Darren (or Terry – I heard Darren, but the BBC reckons Terry – anyone else hazard a guess?), who is from Coventry. She married him, settled in the UK and has two girls.

Her husband is a builder, who often works away from home. For weeks on end at a time.

Hmmm.

Not sure how ‘pretty’ she is (according to Brian’s standards), but high-time he was making jiggy again with someone other than Jennifer. Just for a bit of light relief … for us all.


Jamie needs space

Kenton and Jolene decide to keep giving Jamie space until he gets used to them.

After all, he is still speaking to Fallon.

Lucky, lucky Fallon!


The Bull’s Royal Wedding

So far – we have the wedding shown on a big screen and union jack bunting round the outside.

The menu is proving a bit tricky.

Kenton reckoned Coronation Chicken. And Windsor soup.

“Thin brown soup, followed by cold curry”

So that was quickly kyboshed.

Jolene had a fair few good ideas – roast beef and horseradish sandwiches – lamb – treacle sponge …

[Jolene] “I do like a nice trifle, though. Or how about queen of puddings”

[Kenton] “Ah, but she’s not the queen. As yet.”

(or ever!)

But what was Jolene on about when she mentioned Rhys’ idea of Anglesey eggs for the veggies?

Prince William being stationed there is a bit of a tenuous link for a wedding celebration, even though they sound quite nice indeed (leeks, boiled eggs, cheesy mash).

Tell you what – Ambridge knows how to celebrate a Royal Occasion! Bunting, beef and boiled eggs – oh my!




Just tell them!

Kenton had popped in to see Jolene, but had to go with Brian and Peggy to sit down as they assumed he was at a loose end.

Just tell them, for goodness sake!

Brian may have chocked on his non-alcoholic beer and korma – Peggy may have dropped her tuna sandwich – but you’re two adults who can choose to be together regardless of what anyone else thinks.

The Archers Thurs 10th Feb 2011: Mole!

• Ruth missed her window
• Now there’s a surprise … Kate asking for Brian’s money
• New mart by Christmas
• An untidy Helen worries Clarrie
• Bridge Farm to Shut!
• Robotic Milkers
• Nae luck Brian – a Prozac free Paris
• “Roy’s a freak, he was born middle aged”
• Will Tony find a sense of humour?

Ruth missed her window

Jennifer’s worried about how tired Ruth looks, but Brian’s saying he now hasn’t got time to help out at Brookfield (what with the Mart marching ahead).

Ah well Ruth. You never know. Jennifer might push Brian to you yet.


Now there’s a surprise … Kate asking for Brian’s money

Pretending to Jennifer and Brian that Roy and Hayley are fairly fine with Phoebe’s trip to South Africa, Kate then hits Brian with a polite request that he pays for Phoebe’s fare.

Oh I didn’t see that one coming …


New mart by Christmas

It’s not been the most scintillating of Ambridge happenings – but the Mart is, by Brian’s reckoning, going to be ready for Christmas.

[Brian] “You know me Jenny, if anything’s worth doing it’s worth doing yesterday”

(and excuse me while I go rest in a dark room. Mention of Christmas in February. Ugh!)


An untidy Helen worries Clarrie

Clarrie didn’t quite know how to say what she wanted to say to Pat about Helen – but it came out as “it don’t be like it used to be” (or something similar).

Bless.

Clarrie was worried that Helen’s flat is no longer pristine, but Pat reckons it’s healthier. It shows that Helen finally has a life! (albeit through her baby)


Bridge Farm to Shut!

For a whole afternoon.

Steady on Pat!

With Clarrie disappointed that she couldn’t get the afternoon off – Vicky unavailable – Tom covering for Pat and Tony while they’re away to Salzburg – and Helen busy with Henry, Pat has made an executive decision to shut down.

And all because Clarrie wants her glimpse of Royalty.

Which is fair enough I suppose. Clarrie has few moments of glamour and glitter in her life.


Robotic Milkers

That’s quite enough of Debbie’s personal life, thank you very much!



Nae luck Brian – a Prozac free Paris

Lilian and Matt have somehow found out about Brian’s trip to Paris, and have decided to go as well.

Brian’s making out that he’s annoyed the Borchester Land seems to have a mole, but I reckon he’s more perturbed that he managed to persuade Jennifer not to accompany him, but now he’s got her sister.



“Roy’s a freak, he was born middle aged”

Well, I bet Roy’s also hasn’t got anything nice to say about you Kate!

What a female dog she is.

[Kate] “Honestly, what did I ever see in Roy Tucker?”

[Kate] “He’s jealous of the relationship I have with Phoebe …”

Does Kate not possess any self-awareness?

Jennifer tries to tell Kate that she isn’t being entirely fair on Roy and Hayley, but, in the same breath, agrees that Phoebe should go on this trip.

Kate’s big plan is to let Phoebe travel over by herself, so that she doesn’t miss school.

Phoebe would have a chaperone on the plane, but Roy isn’t having any of it.

Must admit I think Kate has a point that it’d be an amazing holiday for Phoebe – and really, how much can go wrong just on the plane? – but she’s obviously gone about this whole thing the wrong way.

I’m predicting this again – Phoebe ain’t coming back …



Will Tony find a sense of humour?

I doubt it.

Kathy’s got him one of those brain-training-DS thingys for the over 60s.

Pat thinks he’ll like it, but Kathy’s now wondering if it’ll just make things worse with Tony.

Never mind. Run off with Pat and leave him to his yard tractor.