Monday, 31 October 2011

The Archers Monday 31st October 2011: Ivy Horrobin dies in her sleep

  • Generous present from Caroline and Oliver
  • A Pig league?
  • Tom seems to be on a (sausage) roll
  • Ivy Horrobin died this morning
  • Sudden death … hmmmm
  • Tony is still most decidedly unamused
  • Brenda isn’t family
  • Underwoods cards and Roy as best man

Generous present from Caroline and Oliver

[Nic] “Oh Will, I’m thrilled about the Darrington Rom … there’s going to be no charge for the room, or the flowers or the champagne for the toast!”

The no charge, flowers and champers are all from Caroline and Oliver.

That’s very kind of them indeed.

A Pig league?

Tom reckons his Pigs should be on match of the day.

[Susan] “I don't think they cover the Piggy league, or else Neil would be on it all the time!”

Tom seems to be on a (sausage) roll

Shelly Brazil is back

If you remember back a wee bit – Shelly did a food demo at Ambridge Organics. Tom reckons she’s “Borchester’s answer to Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall”

Tom reckons she’s interested in his sausages (ooer!), and there may be a chance she’ll make mention of them in her column in Borchester Life.

He’s in the Village Shop to ask Jill about a sausage tasting at the Village Shop for National Sausage week.

[Nic] “Wow. The things that happen in this village”

(not sure if Nic was being sarcastic. Hard to tell)

Ivy Horrobin died this morning

Susan had to rush off from the shop, leaving Tom in charge (so it had to be important).

It falls to Pat to break the news to Neil and all of us eavesdroppers (Neil had left his mobile, was at bridge Farm, so Susan called him there). Ivy died this morning in her sleep. Neil rushes off to Susan.

[Tony] “That was very sudden. I know she’d been ill Tony … Bit of a choker though, isn’t it Pat. I had a lot of time for Ivy”

[Pat] “Me too”

And Will to Nic later on:

[Will] “Oh Nic. I really liked Ivy … she was great to me when I were married to Emma”

All the Horrobin’s start gathering (Keith, Stuart and Tracy – and of course) Gary and Clive but all of the organising, sorting, tidying falls to Susan.

Sudden death … hmmmm

Probably totally inappropriate to say this, but should we be suspicious that Ivy died in her sleep?

She died of heart failure, brought on by bronchial pneumonia. Susan reckons that Ivy’s heart just couldn’t take it anymore, after months of being ill.

But Neil did sound a bit suspicious. He was particularly keen to know what had gone onto the death certificate.

Clive? In Ivy’s bedroom, with a pillow???

Tony is still most decidedly unamused

With Tom’s pigs playing football.

Neil tells him that he and Chris had a right good laugh at it. But not only is Tony still utterly negative about it, he hasn’t even taken the time to see it yet!

[Tony] “There’s so much of that stuff on the internet. I don’t know what good it does”

But Tony can’t completely avoid Tom’s efforts for ever. Which he knows, and he agrees with Pat that they’ll have a meeting after lunch on Sunday.

But …

Brenda isn’t family

Tony will meet Tom to discuss his ideas, but it’s family only.

Which Tony reckons doesn’t include Brenda.

Though he leaves it to Pat to tell that to Tom.

[Tom] “You mean if I was married to Brenda that would be okay, but as we’re not she can’t come … that’s just stupid, especially with her expertise in marketing … sometimes I think he wants the whole thing to fail!”

[Pat] “That’s not fair, irrational he may be at times, but of course he wants to save Bridge Farm”

I’m not sure why Tony didn’t want Brenda there.

She is engaged to Tom. And there’s no reason to be scared about her (lack of) marketing prowess …

Underwoods cards and Roy as best man

Nic’s writing out invites to their wedding. On cards they bought from Underwoods (there was nothing suitable at the Village Shop).

Will’s decided to ask Roy to be his best man. Again.

And Nic is going to ask Helen, so that she can have a grown up alongside Mia.

Weddings do that to some folks. They suddenly become best buddies with folks they barely pass a word with.

I think the last time Helen and Nic spoke was when Helen babysat for them pre-Henry.

The Archers Sunday 30th October 2011: Not all is well in Aldridge Land

(Brian and Debbie Vs Adam; Jennifer scared of lunch)

  • Brian doesn’t understand Adam
  • A family feud?
  • Peggy just wants her family for her birthday

Brian doesn’t understand Adam

So he says, to Adam himself.

Well, we all knew that. But this time it’s Adam’s attitude to the Super Dairy.

Seems Brian reckons that Debbie has done a stack of work to prove that the numbers add up. So why is Adam standing in the way?

[Adam] “It’s about letting me having a say in the running of this farm, so why am I excluded in the decision making … it shouldn’t be happening without my agreement …”

[Brian] “That’s right. You have a minority shareholding … Debbie and I represent 2/3 of this business and we happen to think this is the way forward”

[Adam] “At least you’re being honest … you don’t give a damn about my opinion!”

Debbie and Jennifer are right that Brian should have brought Adam into discussions for and work behind the Super Dairy idea far sooner than he did.

[Brian] “I’m not having Adam scuppering it!”

A family feud?

(yet another one, I hear you cry!)

Talking to Ian:

[Adam] “It’s the future of the farm I’m worried about, not about building my own little empire”

Ian reckons he has to try and sort this out with Debbie and Brian, or it’ll fester. And it’ll build into a bigger problem. Which could end as a court scrap.

[Ian] “You need to sort this out. It’s not just the job, remember, it’s you inheritance … just try and stay cool”

Brian is having a chat to a rather worried Jennifer.

He reckons the Super Dairy is going ahead – whether Adam likes it or not, or has time to come up with another idea that they can all agree on.

Jennifer asks if there’s a compromise to be had.

[Brian] “We can hardly pout up half a dairy, Jenny!”

So that’s that, as far as Brian is concerned.

The Super Diary shall go ahead, whether Adam agrees or not.

Peggy just wants her family for her birthday

Peggy used the extra hour for a lie in. It’s indeed the simple pleasures.

And for her forthcoming birthday:

[Peggy] “What on earth do I need at my age … since you ask, what I’d really like, a lovely lunch at Grey Gables with the whole family”

Jennifer sounds none too sure about that/ She doesn’t say anything to Peggy, but the family isn’t exactly bonding at the moment. Not that anyone has let Peggy know (which is a good thing).

Course, as well as Brian/Debbie and Adam, Tony and Jennifer are hardly on the best of terms.

And while we’re on Peggy – also worth a wee remember (after Peggy made a wee mention of it) that she and Jack got married on 1st Jan. Just like Nic and Will are about to do.

The Archers Friday 28th October 2011: Helen’s butch ice cream

(I kid you not)

  • Adam’s not for changing
  • Lynda bores Ian
  • Helen has the answer for Bridge Farm

Adam’s not for changing

Debbie’s on the phone to Adam asking how his visit to a Super Dairy went.

It’s a smaller one than Brian and Debbie want, and while Adam reckons it was a slick operation, that the cows looked well enough looked after and that hygiene (and the such) was fine:

[Adam] “My basic philosophical objection remains the same”

[Debbie] “You like to see cows outside. In the few months of the year that’s possible in the UK …”

[Adam] “The cows aren’t in at Brookfield yet”

[Debbie] “Oh the Brookfield grazing system is hardly representative!”

(actually, Debbie, a lot of the cows round our way are also still out and about)

Adam really isn’t convinced by any of Debbie or Brian’s arguments. He’s not happy about the principle, the economics or how he fits into the whole plan (he actually reckons he isn’t being given a proper place in this scheme).

[Adam] “If you and Brian had hoped for some Damascene conversion that was going to bring me round the
idea then bad luck”

Seems Debbie has been dreaming profit per cow versus profit per square foot – which doesn’t impress Adam.

Neither does her offer of releasing 100 acres back to Home Farm for Adam to use as he likes. He just sees that as an empty gesture to keep him quiet.

He’s more worried about Home Farm basically becoming a junior partner to Borchester Land.

[Adam] “You’ve worked for BL long enough to know how often there’s blood on the carpet after Board meetings”

But Debbie’s patience is wearing thin. She pushes Adam to take the land or not – then later seems to be siding with Brian that Adam is being unreasonable in face of what is a really good deal for Home Farm.

[Brian] “It’s all I can do not to strangle him half the time”

So Debbie has failed to convince – it’s over to Brian.

Adam is sure to respond to Brian … (!)

Lynda bores Ian

Lynda’s trapped Ian while he waits for Helen.

He actually seemed quite scared by her talk of Christmas around the World.

It was seem, according to Lynda, that Angela Probert has indeed agreed for her dancing kids to do “festive folk dances from around the world”. And Elona’s daughter Anna will do a guitar solo.

Though Anna’s offer to play Greensleeves did not go down well with Lynda. She felt it wasn’t very Albanian …

[Ian – out loud] “Come on Helen …”

[Lynda] “After all this isn’t some end of the pier variety show!”

Lynda says she still has hopes for Usha to take part, and:

[Lynda ] “Molly Button has surfaced!”

[Ian], not sounding desperate] “Bright as a button, eh”

[Lynda] “She and Tilly are going to do the tie coconut dance … so gradually we’re starting to reach beyond the confines of the British Isles … just required some lateral thinking”

Lynda asks Ian if she should ask Adam to do something, considering he’s spent time in Africa, but Helen arrives to save Ian (and Adam) in the nick of time.


I actually thought Lynda was going to push our Ian into being abrupt … or rude!

Helen has the answer for Bridge Farm

Helen’s caught in the middle between Tom and their folks.

Talking to Ian about it, she can see Tom’s reasoning about rebranding everything away from the Bridge Farm brand, but:

[Helen] “Tom’s been using it as a weapon to beat mum and dad with …I mean Tom Archer may sound alright on sausages, but for yoghurt and ice cream, that’s just too butch somehow”

[Ian] “Butch ice cream? I think you may have identified a niche market there”

As Ian suggests to Helen, she is also put out that Tom is pushing for everything to be called Tom.

[Helen] “It does feel like a takeover by Tom”

Seems Helen would like to be able to talk it all over with the “best person to ask”, but she can’t. Why on earth either of them thinks Brenda would be of any use, I do not know …

And then, during a rather shocking moment when Helen lets Henry have a wee bit of cake rather than yoghurt.

(still can’t get over the change in Helen), Ian and Helen come up with a blinder of an idea.

Why not move the brand onto the next generation, and call everything Henry’s?

I can actually see Tony and Pat maybe going for that (though they would still be devastated to lose the Bridge Farm brand they spent decades building), but Tom …. surely he wouldn’t go for it.

His ego just wouldn’t allow it.

The Archers Thursday 27th October 2011: Christine sees Clive

  • Ploughing or Clive?
  • Emma still worried about hereditary traits
  • Jim’s definitely in …
  • Angela Probert – Lynda’s savior
  • Emma, a bit uptight?
  • Jim leading Christine astray
  • When Christine spotted Clive
  • Bert comes second

Ploughing or Clive?

Looks like Emma and Ed would choose a ploughing competition every time.

They’ve sneaked George off to the competition, rather than let Clive take George bowling.

It seems Neil told Clive he wasn’t taking George out because Susan was to. That says something – a sister scared of her own brother.

But not to worry too much. George seems to be having a ball learning about ploughing.

Seems to have to get the “opening split”, the first cut, right to be sure that the rest of your ploughing will follow right. Emma is impressed by Ed’s knowledge of “old fashioned ploughing”, though Bert is happy to chat – he also has a match to win …

Emma still worried about hereditary traits

Emma’s just as scared of Clive as Susan is. She’s worried Clive won’t take any heed to Neil telling him to stay away from her and George.

[Emma] “Well you don’t turn into an arsonist and armed robber by listening to what people say!”

[Ed] “Clive’s a sicko. A one off”
Nature versus nurture?

I reckon Ed’s right. There must be a slim chance of George turning into a mini-Clive.

Jim’s definitely in …

… Christmas around the World.

Lynda wants his “Roman offering” (well, I suppose she’s had little to choose from).

When Christine asks Jim if he’s doing it in Latin or English – Jim reckons he has an idea (that Lynda also likes) that will solve the problem, but he won’t say what it is.

Angela Probert – Lynda’s savior

(not sure if it’s Probit or Probert)

Seems this Angela runs a dance school in Felpersham – so her and her kids might save Christmas Around the World.

[Jim] “Oh dear. Children and animals. It makes you long for the days of ancient Rome … they know how to celebrate a feast day … a few criminals thrown to the lions, a break for honey cake and wine, then back for gladiatorial combat .. o tempora o mores!”

Emma, a bit uptight?

Surely not (!).

David and Ruth are also at the ploughing match (to cheer Bert on, I’d imagine). George excitedly says to them:

[George] “Have you heard my news? My dad is getting married … Nic’s got a diamond ring!”

You could actually hear Emma seething in the background.

When David and Ruth are later chatting about it:

[David] “Is it just me, or did Emma seems a bit uptight?”

David though it might be because of Clive and Ivy, but Ruth spotted it was when Ge0rge mentioned Nic and Will getting married.

[Ruth] “Did you see her face? She’s not very pleased … I’ve a feeling Emma’s fine as long as she’s the centre of attention in her family, and that’s not going to happen for the next few months”

Jim leading Christine astray

[Christine] “I’m still not quite sure how I let you talk me into this Jim”

[Jim] “Good heavens Christine. You’ve made it sound as though I’ve invited you to participate in something truly sinful, It’s only lunch at The Bull!”

Christine reckons her problem is that Jim is taking her out for lunch too much. She wants to go Dutch.

[Jim] “I’m only doing what would come naturally to any gentlemen. Especially to one whose central heating has broke down …”

So they agree to split the bills.

Wonder if Christine is just still worried about what the neighbours will think …

When Christine spotted Clive

She’s understandably very shaken.

Although it was only a few seconds in real Ambridge time (seemed to take minutes in Ambridge Extra when Clive was muttering to himself), and Clive didn’t approach her and Jim.

[Jim] “And he walked away Christine. He clearly doesn’t want to see you anymore than you want to see him … oh my dear. You’re shaking … let’s get you home”

Had to happen sooner or later. At least our Gentleman Jim was on hand.

Bert comes second

Seems some bloke called Vernon Giddings won – he’s the new Jimmy Prentice (always pipping Bert to the post). Bert reckons it’s something to do with Vernon’s lucky horseshoe giving him the edge – it’s one Vernon found when he ploughed his first ever field at the age of 16.

What or who could be Bert’s lucky charm?

Ambridge Extra Thursday 27th October 2011: Hitler would be treated better than Clive?

(oh I do doubt that. Clive is such a whiner)
  • Neil pays Clive a visit
  • Erin’s coming for tea
  • Do we need to be reminded who is scared of Clive?
  • No sugar? The evil bas*ards!
  • I couldn’t tell the difference between wheezing Ivy and squealing pigs
  • Clive sees Christine
  • Clive is annoyed

Neil pays Clive a visit

And it isn’t just to have a cup of tea and a bit of shortbread …

[Clive] “So Neil, what’s persuaded you to leave your pigs and come to the big city?”

[Neil] “Never mind all that flannel, I’m here because you’ve upset Emma and Susan”

[Clive] “No, you must have got that wrong”

Amazingly – Clive sounded genuinely surprised that anyone was upset with him getting to be pals with George.

[Neil] “We know you got Ivy all excited about this happy families rubbish, why is why Emma let you see him the once … but that’s it … now stay away”

[Clive] “This is your doing, isn’t it? You’ve always had it in for me”

Clive turns a bit nasty. He reckons It was Neil who’d got Susan to “grass” him up all those years ago – forgetting he had to threaten to Susan to get her to keep stum in the first place.

[Neil] “You got was coming to”

[Clive] “Yeah, well you’re going to get it too!”

[Neil] “Don’t you threaten me! We’ll have you back inside before you can turn around!”

[Clive] “Oh big man!”

Neil then, quite smugly, tells Clive that his plan to take George out bowling has been thwarted. Ed and Emma are taking George off out somewhere else, and no-one will tell Clive where.

[Clive] “You think you’re so clever … think you’re better than me”

[Neil] “Read my lips Clive, stay away!”


I actually think Neil won that round. And Clive has shown his full colours.

He’s still a nasty ‘un.

Erin’s coming for tea

Erin wants to meet up with Daniel.

He doesn’t want to meet her in Ambridge. He said to himself that it’d only mean everyone asking if she was his girlfriend.

So, they agree to meet at the Arts and Café place in Penny Hassett.

Daniel shows Erin Tom’s football playing pigs online. She’s impressed with that, and with both Daniel’s farming knowledge and that he lives at a stables. It means he can ride anytime.

Daniel then, rather clumsily, invites Erin for tea. He simply blames his parents.

[Daniel] “Mum keeps wanting to invite you round for tea … like, you know, meet the parents”

And Erin agrees.

She does sound keen.

But not sure whether she’s keen on Daniel, or just to see the stables (and get on with their homework project).

Do we need to be reminded who is scared of Clive?

Surely everyone not in the know must know by now?

Time to turn off the microphones when folks like Shula and Neil (and anyone else) is running through the very long list. Becoming a bit repetitive.

No sugar? The evil bas*ards!

Clive is annoyed that there’s no sugar at Ivy’s for his tea.

And he’s horrified when Ivy has the cheek to ask him to pop out for it.

Well – actually – I would understand if Clive felt sheepish about going to the Village Shop (after all, he wasn’t exactly polite last time he was there!), but Clive isn’t annoyed by that.

He’s just annoyed that (the very sick) Ivy or the (very stressed and busy) Susan hasn’t sorted the sugar for him.

I couldn’t tell the difference between wheezing Ivy and squealing pigs

So Ivy must be very ill indeed.

Or, pigs sound like sick older women when they’re playing football!

Clive sees Christine

Clive – to himself - pathetic. Can’t even see when the sugar is running out. Better get something in for me dinner … a familiar face … yes, it is, Christine Barford … who’s that old codger with her … George’s replacement … last time I saw you, I torched your house didn’t I, should I go over and say hello, no hard feelings…

But Clive doesn’t go over. More out of not wanting to cause probation problems than wanting to scare/upset Christine. And I don’t think he was really serious about wanting to make amends.

Not sure if Christine spotted him. Jim seems to have looked over.

Clive is annoyed

Seems Clive is annoyed all of the time at the moment. Which can’t be a good thing for anyone else.

He’s annoyed at the way Jim looked at him. He’s annoyed with Neil telling him what’s what. He’s annoyed with Matt for lording it over him. And, he annoyed at the way he was treated when he went into the Village Shop.

[Clive] “I’ve done me time, and that’s the end to it, but people won’t let it lie …I went in the shop, nice and polite … you’d think I’d have a sawn off in me hand for the reaction I got. Hitler would get better service!”

Ivy doesn’t want Clive to get himself upset. And she says that while she sounds like she’s coughing up her own lungs …

… there’s nowt so blind, eh?

The Archers Wednesday 26th October 2011: Christmas around the World auditions

  • I’d pick grapes for a box of wine
  • X Factor in Ambridge!
  • Tony’s not letting go
  • Tom is back to being smug
  • Rhys is a bit over enthusiastic
  • It’s fine. Ambridge is English
  • You can depend on Ian

I’d pick grapes for a box of wine

As Mike and Vicky did at Lower Loxley.

Sounds like a fair deal indeed.

X Factor in Ambridge!

No, not really.

Vicky and Lynda at the auditions, but no-one else is.

Rhys turns up and makes the X Factor joke:

[Rhys] “I thought it’d be like the X Factor”


After three hours, they only had Jazzer and Rhys (with his Dylan Thomas).

Lynda is distraught.

[Lynda] “Christmas around the World … It’s supposed to be a dazzling visual and oral display of internationalism. Instead of that, we’ve got a halfhearted trek around the British Isles and nothing from other countries!

“I despair, the world’s supposed to be shrinking, but in Ambridge, where’s the colour, the glamour the exoticism”

Vicky half heatedly suggests Hilary Noakes and her cockatoo (you could feel Lynda’s icy glare to that one through the radio!)

Tony’s not letting go

Of the bad feeling he has about Brian and Jennifer (after his argument with Jennifer).

Seems Brian’s mart is irritating Tony. It’s blocking up the roads before it’s even opened:

[Tony] “Typical of him… pretending it’s for everyone’s benefit, when really it's about him making a quick buck, disrupting the lives of decent hardworking farmers, utterly selfish, never a thought for anyone else”

Tom is back to being smug

Seems Dave Langdon called and wants to take sausages again from Tom.

And what prompted him to do so?

[Tom] “Dave said the pig video really made him laugh … dad, it proves it, my rebrand is working!”

As Tom has had other new orders, he reckons he’s been proved right – so that now absolutely everything should be under the Tom Archer brand.

[Tony] “You’re not changing my mind! I’m not chucking away all the hard work you mother and I have put into building up Bridge Farm, just because Dave Langon’s got nothing better to do than watch pigs playing football. No. And that’s final!”

Oo-er. Very angry Tony there indeed.

Rhys is a bit over enthusiastic

About being told he’s got in to Christmas around the World.

(well, they didn’t have much to choose from, did they?)

[Rhys] “Dylan would be so proud. I’d bet he’d want to come as well!”


It’s fine. Ambridge is English

Lynda isn’t too worried about the lack of international flare to Christmas around the World.

After all:

[Lynda] “But when all is said and done, Ambridge is quintessentially an English village”

Did I miss something?

Hasn’t Lynda only so far got a Scot doing Burns and a Welshman doing Dylan Thomas?

British – yes, but not exactly cricket on a summer day …

But with a gasp – Lynda also remembers that Leonie (and James) will be expecting great things from the show. Will Jazzer and Rhys be enough for their tome?

[Vicky] “Hand on, I’d had a swig of me wine now I’ve got me brain in gear”
And Vicky does indeed some up trumps!

She reckons Ambridge is international. What with Usha, Elona and Amy being residents.

(erm – wasn’t Amy born in England? Maybe that doesn’t count in Vicky’s world …)

So the day is saved. Or, it’s saved in theory – they’ll still have to persuade more folks to take part.

[Vicky] “We don’t do despair when I’m around”

You can depend on Ian

Pat does sound happy for Tom that he’s getting more orders – but she firmly agrees with Tony that they’ll not be rebranding. They’ll instead keep building confidence in the Bridge Farm brand.

And they are getting somewhere. Ian’s starting taking their stock again (ah – bless that Ian).

Tom poo-poos Ian’s order. And out loud wishes that Tony and Pat hadn’t managed to get a mortgage payment extension, nor a loan from Lilian.

[Tom] “You’ve gone all soft on it again”

What a twit!

The Archers Tuesday 25th October 2011: Mutterings in the cider club …

  • Christine and Jim are falling into bad habits
  • The Cider Club isn’t happy
  • Nathan Booth is being not nice again

Christine and Jim are falling into bad habits

It’s nearly 10am and they’re just now clearing the breakfast things away.


But, Christine sounds chirpy, and is also sleeping a lot better.

And seems Jim is also benefitting from living (in friendship) with Christine.

He’s been introduced to the world of Radio Borchester.

[Jim] “Not shouting at the Today programme must be doing my blood pressure the world of good!”

The Cider Club isn’t happy

About the orchard.

They want to know who the cider will belong to.

[Mike] “I’ll put it to you straight Eddie, I ain't sweating my guts out improving that orchard if you and Joe are the only ones to reap the benefits, got it!”

Blimey! Feelings are running high.

[Eddie] “Are you saying I’m on the fiddle?”

Mike reckons the cider Eddie and Joe makes isn't just for their own drinking – so yes. He does see Eddie as being on the fiddle.

Jim tries to make them compromise. He suggests everyone gets an allocation of cider for the amount of work that they do.

But Eddie’s not happy with that. He reckons it’s the Grundy’s equipment and storage.

[Eddie] “Us Grundy’s have put money and effort into acquiring them over the years”

[Mike] “You what? Scrounging bits of old sack and barrels out of people!”

BUT the Grundys do own the cider press.

So Eddie and Mike grudgingly agree to disagree. And everyone shall get their fair share of the cider.

Nathan Booth is being not nice again

Seems Christine went into the shop, and Nathan Booth made a remark about her “gentleman caller”.
And, he smirked.

Jim tells Christine not to care. That everyone who matters understands.

[Jim] “If you’re going to associate with me, you’re going to have to grow a much thicker skin”

I’ve said it before – but, good lad Jim. Good lad.

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 25th October 2011: Clive wants a bacon sarnie

(but Matt doesn’t offer)

  • Clive planned to bump into Emma and George
  • Matt’s plans for Clive
  • Daniel’s worried about Christine
  • If only Erin could hear Daniel as we can
  • What’s wrong with Shula?

Clive planned to bump into Emma and George

Which happened yesterday in Ambridge real time.

What’s his game?

Surely George isn’t worth a ransom note?

Matt’s plans for Clive

Don’t involve buying him a bacon sarnie. Even though he’s having one himself.

But they do involve a bit of dodgy dealing.

He wants Clive to register as self-employed and get his own tools. If he does, he won’t be turning over enough to be VAT registered.

Seems some bloke called Bernie can get Clive “gear out the back door”, so Clive won’t have to open a trade account.

So – Clive gets the stuff cheap, and Matt saves on both materials and VAT.

Clive – to himself - I know you was dirty, for all your flash suit and car – clever know, if it ever hits the fan, could say knew nothing

I think Matt’s underestimating Clive.

It’ll end in tears.

Especially as Bernie don’t do boilers …

Daniel’s worried about Christine

Which is more about Clive than Christine. He must be thinking that if Christine has got Jim in, he should also be worried for his mum. His dad. Himself. The horses …

If only Erin could hear Daniel as we can

Seems Erin has split up with Raife. He was sometimes too macho with his whole rugby thing. And he often got jealous about other boys.

Like Daniel.

Daniel - to himself - boo-ya , split up because of me!

But – seems Raife actually he dumped Erin.

[Daniel] “how do you feel about it?”

Very smooth, Daniel. Erin now reckons you’re a caring type of a chap with no agenda.

Lucky she doesn’t eavesdropping in with the rest of us.

What’s wrong with Shula?

Has she forgotten what she was like when she was a youngster?

She wants Daniel to invite Erin round for tea.

He’s quite right that it’s boyfriends who generally invite girls round to tea with their parents.

Why is Shula so keen for Erin to be a fully-fledged girlfriend?

The Archers Monday 24th October 2011: Slow day … so only 7 things to say

  • Ivy isn’t saying much. She’s too ill
  • Nic and Will can get a registrar for Jan 1st. But only 10.30 in the morning
  • But, they’ll be married in the same room the Duchess of Cornwall had her tea. Nic is very excited
  • Shula and Caroline have lunch. Shula’s worried about Clive. And Christine
  • Emma and George bump into Clive. He gets George excited about going bowling with him. Emma isn’t pleased
  • Emma such a very grudgingly congratulations to Nic and Will
  • Ed reckons Will and Nic getting married will take the pressure off of him and Emma having to get married. Emma’s not pleased with him for saying that.

The Archers Sunday 23rd October 2011: Clarrie’s delighted, Emma probably not so

  • Happy Clarrie
  • A January 1st wedding
  • Jazzer’s no impressed
  • Christine was dishevelled …
  • It’s only Daphne!
  • Emma won’t be happy

Happy Clarrie

Clarrie is over the moon that Will and Nic are getting married. It’s about time she had something to grin about.

[Clarrie] “You do William the power of good, you really do … he’s lucky to have you …and I couldn’t hope for a better daughter in law”

(hope Emma wasn’t in earshot of that one!)

A January 1st wedding

Nic and Will have set the date – January 1st 2012.

[Nic] “We just thought, why not start the new year as we mean to go on”

And – they want to have it at Grey Gables.

Caroline reckons she can probably squeeze them in, but they’ll need to find a willing registrar.

On January 1st?

Lucky they’re not getting married in Scotland. No-one wakes from their stupor until January 5th …

Jazzer’s no impressed

Seems Tom out his pigs playing football video up on his website. It has got him more traffic, but it hasn’t exactly set the twittersphere alive.

[Jazzer] “I thought Roonie was supposed to spend all weekend tweeting about it … you’re yesterday’s headline. Even in Ambridge, the agenda’s moved on”

Couldn’t have happened to a nice chap ;)

Christine was dishevelled …

… and first thing in the morning.

According to Jazzer.

[Jazzer] “There was a note yesterday, wants an extra pint … well I had to ring for the money anyhoo, so Christine Barford comes to the door all a dither, dressing gown buttoned up wrang… ah good on her I say, you’re never too old to get some action!”

Tom’s horrified.

That’s his great Aunt Jazzer’s talking about.

And it’d seem Jim and Christine’s cover story is not very god. Something about Jim’s heating packing up.

[Jazzer] “So he’s found himself another old boiler!”

I can see why Christine was so worried.

Seems she and Jim are the talk of the village.

It’s only Daphne!

Eddie’s feeding Daphne in the kitchen. Which she seems to be enjoying very much.

[Eddie] “that’s tasty, eh!”

But Clarrie isn’t impressed. She gives Eddie a bollocking.

Ah, come on now Clarrie.

[Eddie] “Oh, it’s only Daphne!”

That may be. But seems Clarrie doesn’t want ferrets being fed in her kitchen.

Emma won’t be happy

[Clarrie] “She won’t be happy, Eddie. You know what she’s like. This wedding will put her nose right out of joint. After all, there no sign of Edward asking her, is there? … I don’t want all her old nonsense starting up again”

I wouldn’t put it by Emma to start wanting Will back … just because.

The Archers Friday 21st October 2011: Will asks Nic to marry him

(as predicted!)
  • Jim and Christine
  • George says sorry
  • Just Good Friends
  • Hilary Noakes has at least one supporter
  • Lynda has no takers
  • A proposal AND she won the Apple Day quiz!

Jim and Christine

Jim does seem keen on Christine. And today, he takes it to a whole new level.

They’re at Lower Loxley’s Apple Day together. Jim reassures Christine that there’s little chance she’ll bump into Clive – as it’s “not in Clive’s line”

[Jim] “A brave woman like you shouldn’t let a coward like Clive Horrobin drive you out of your home”

[Christine] “I’m not at all brave where he’s concerned, Jim”

[Jim] “Well you would be alone. I’m quite prepared to be your constant companion … it’s hardly a penance”

Christine doesn’t want to impose on the always busy Ruth and David, and doesn’t want to put Jill in harm’s way again. She feels a tad ashamed for saying it, but she feels like she needs a man in the house …

And that’s the perfect in for our Jim.

George says sorry

To Nic and Jake for stealing Jake’s fire truck.

Seems Ed and Emma have done a very good job scaring him about prison.

Just Good Friends

(remember that one? I used to really like it. Way better than the ‘will they, won’t they?’ of that bloomin’ coffee advert)

Jim doesn’t waste any time getting his slippers under Christine’s dinner table.

He turns up on her doorstep, suitcase in hand.

[Jim] “I’ve come to stay with you Christine. If you’ll have me”

While Christine is glad, reckons they will have a grand time together, thinks Jim will be a good enough watchdog for her AND Jim makes her laugh – she is worried about what folks will think.

[Jim] “They will think that two friends have decided to spend some time together for their mutual benefit and comfort …”
And Jim offers to put a full page advert in the press telling everyone they’re just friends. After all, there are bigger things to worry about than what the neighbours will say.

[Jim] “I don’t you to be frightened anymore”

Good lad Jim. Good lad.

(though the gossip has already started. Jolene and Mike were having a good natter about it in The Bull)

Hilary Noakes has at least one supporter

She’s finally got a signature on her petition against the bonfire being on the village green.

Guy Fawkes.

Oh tee-hee!

Lynda has no takers

Not even a joke one.

Seems no-one has signed up for Christmas around the world.

Even Vicky has signed. Though she is lending a hand.

[Mike] “Vicky is being Lynda’s beautiful assistant this year”

A proposal AND she won the Apple Day quiz!

What a heady night for Nic.

She and Will won The Bull’s Apple Day quiz.

And as they were leaving:

[Will] “I love you so much Nic. I want to be with you forever,. I want to look after you forever. Say yes … I’m proposing to you. Will you marry me? … I know it isn’t very romantic, under a lamppost in a pub carpark … I’ll go down on my knees if you like …”

[Nic] “I never thought this would happen to me. No has ever … cared for me the way you do”

[Will] “Then let me carry on doing it forever. Marry me Nic”

[Nic] “Yes. Yes of course I will”

Aw. That was sweet.

No reason why this marriage shouldn’t work out for Will.

Is there?

Sunday, 30 October 2011

The Archers Thursday 20th October 2011: Christine arrives home … to be told about Clive

  • David tells Christine
  • Emma tells Will

David tells Christine


David tells Christine, now that she’s returned him, that Clive has been released and has been back in Ambridge. Which is something Christine though he wouldn’t be allowed to do.

[Christine] “He has come back for good then. Good heavens … I never thought he’d set foot in Ambridge again, not in my worst nightmares”

Hearing Clive has returned take Christine back to when Clive was terrorising her and George:

[Christine] “I kept thinking it couldn’t get worse, and then it did ..."

She relives the night she came home and found Clive in their house with George’s own shotgun. And she firmly believes that all stress Clive caused shortened George’s life.

[Christine] “As far as I’m concerned, that man’s a murderer … My life is about the only thing he hasn’t taken from me”

David reckons that Christine can go to the Police to stop Clive coming to Ambridge – but Christine doesn’t think that’s fair on Ivy, that the Police won’t listen to her and:

[Christine] “Suppose Clive heard it was me who stopped him visiting his mother?”

What’s more:

[Christine] “I can’t stay. I’ll just have to go away again. I can’t stay in Ambridge while that man is around”

Later talking it through with Ruth:

[David] “That man traumatised her and he's doing it again. And there’s noting we can do about it”

What’s more – David reckons Christine can’t leave her home (what if Clive tried to burn it down again?) and agrees with Christine that going to the Police would only bring Clive back down on her.

So what to do? Christine can’t stay. She can’t leave. She can’t stop Clive coming to Ambridge.


Emma tells Will

[Emma] “There’s something I need to tell you about George”

All she has to say was that George had pinched Jake’s fire truck.

But once again – we get to hear Will and Emma agreeing.

Their plan is for Ed and Emma to tell George what a nasty place prison is – and then Will will then take George to his house to apologise to Jake and Nic.

[Will] “We’ve got to show solidarity … We’re the ones that really matter to him. Me and you … and Nic and Ed”

Oo-er. Reconciliation between the ex-Mr and Mrs Grundy?

Ambridge Extra Thursday 20th October 2011: Shula admits she had any boy she liked …

(what a harlot! You wouldn’t think it to hear her now …)

  • The inner monologue of Shula
  • Clive stealing off his (possibly dying) mum
  • Alistair reckons Clive isn’t out for revenge …
  • Clive kissing Matt’s behind
  • Daniel spends Friday night with his parents

The inner monologue of Shula

Was quite interesting. She reminded me that she wasn’t born a saint …

She’s been suggesting to Daniel that they all sit down and watch TV together (though nothing about gambling, she said to herself).

Then she was pushing Daniel on whether he and Erin were dating. He reckoned not – they’re just friends.

[Shula] “Well, it’s good that you can be friends with a girl”

[Daniel] “They’re not a different species”

[Shula] “Not in my day … wasn’t so usual to be just friends”

Shula – to herself - "any boy I liked. It was always all or nothing …”

If only Daniel knew! He’d be mortified.

Clive stealing off his (possibly dying) mum

Ivy doesn’t indeed sound like she’s ringing death’s doorbell. She was coughing constantly, and didn’t even want to get out of bed for her dinner.

She was mentioning the Clive that she doesn’t wear her rinds anymore. Then tells him where they are.

Clive – to himself – “waste, lying in a drawer … doesn’t wear them …the price of gold these days”

After borrowing a couple of quid off of Ivy (well – he took notes from her purse, which Ivy didn’t notice. One assumes it was more than a few quid, unless Ivy was carrying round Scottish £1 notes)

Clive – to himself – “not like she’s going out spending”

I don’t think Clive actually stole the rings. This time round.

So he hasn’t changed after all.

There’s a surprise …

Alistair reckons Clive isn’t out for revenge …

… but is fitting a new security light system in their backyard anyway. Wonder if that’s just to keep Shula calm?

They’re talking about Christine not knowing about Clive’s return.

[Shula] “He burnt her house down; she’ll be terrified, not anxious! … I know it is how I feel”

But Alistair reasons that Clive has been round for a while and nothing has happened. And George is dead.
And, if anyone should be worried about Clive wanting to attack them, it should be Susan.

[Alistair] “The point is, Clive isn’t behaving like he’s looking for revenge in anyone”

Hmmm. Not convinced about that.

But Shula does seem to be consoled. She’s agreed that she won’t get any more sleeping pills. Which Alistair thinks is very sensible and brave.

Clive kissing Matt’s behind

Matt returns home to find Clive raking up leaves at The Dower House.

Matt hasn’t asked him to – Clive’s just “kissing some serious backside” (Clive, to himself).

Matt’s at first a bit perturbed, then tells Clive he should be using the plastic rake, then (cheeky monkey that he is) tells Clive to mow the law.

Clive – to himself – “are you going to pay me for this, or am I your slave … you patronising … who does he think he is?”

(someone with all the work and money?)

But Clive’s volunteering gets him work. Matt tells him to keep his head down and “work on my terms”.

So Clive gets what he wants, but doesn’t sound like he’s a fan of Matt’s.

Do we feel trouble brewing?

Daniel spends Friday night with his parents

At The Bull, doing the Apple Day quiz.

Shula is worried about him having nothing to do on a Friday night than spend time with his folks – she thinks he should be out with a lass.

[Shula] “I’m not saying I want him to have some wild romance”

[Alistair] “But it works both ways, doesn’t it … it’s not in our gift, is it?”

Don’t worry Shula. Sounds like Daniel is doing quite well in winning the fair hand of Erin.

Saturday, 29 October 2011

The Archers Wednesday 19th October 2011: Is burglary genetic?

  • A burglary gene?
  • Jazzer tells Tom to not be such a girl
  • Scotland’s in the world, by the way
  • But Wales isn’t a country
  • Ruth’s run out of baked beans!
  • Has anyone told Christine?
  • Fit Pigs Make Great Sausages!
  • George has a new truck

A burglary gene?

[Emma] “Supposing it’s genetic?”

[Ed] “You think there’s a burglary gene and he’s inherited it from Clive … I don’t think one gene would cover it. Robbery was the least of Clive’s crimes …”

Emma also asks if Ed was worried about what George has inherited from his side – but he reckons it’d be fine. What with Eddie’s voice, and Clarrie’s green fingers … but then he remembers that the Grundys don’t exactly have a perfect score:

[Ed] “Oh, you mean Alf?”

But Ed reckons Alf was just a petty criminal.

[Ed] “I’m nothing like Alf. I went off the rails in far more spectacular and interesting ways than he did … but I’m a reformed character saved by the love of a good woman”

And what about Eddie and his poaching?

[Ed] “His elder son is the most boringly upright gamekeeper in three counties, and he’s George’s dad … you should start worrying about Keira, her dad’s the dodgy one!”

And, as Ed reminds Emma, her mum Susan is most definitely the white sheep of the Horrobin clan.

(apart from the spell in prison …)

Jazzer tells Tom to not be such a girl

(not outright, but in as many words)

[Jazzer] “You’re no still crying into your beer, are ye? You think you’ve got problems, you want to try having Harry moping bout the place like a wet Hen …Told you, take me wae you next time you’re doing any negotiations, I’ll soon change his mind … I like a good punch up”

Aye right then Jazzer. Punching Doug Somerville will solve everything …

Scotland’s in the world, by the way

Seems Lynda expects great things from Jazzer after the talent show. She wants him in Christmas around the World.

But, Jazzer reckons while he likes singing, he can’t be bothered hanging round at the rehearsals.

Lynda assures it won't be like that this year – as it’s more like a talent show, rehearsals will just be individual folks doing their thing.


[Lynda] “Christmas around the world includes Scotland”

[Jazzer] “It’s no very Glasga is it, mucking about on stage … na, I think once was enough”

But Wales isn’t a country

Lynda tells Jazzer that Rhys has offered to do his bit at Christmas around the World.

[Jazzer] “He’s no been making out that Wales is a separate country again is he?”

[Tom] “It is!”

[Lynda] “Actually Tom, Jazzer’s right, technically it's a principality”

[Jazzer] “There you are, caved into the English centuries ago”

Lynda reckons that the Welsh do sing very well.

[Jazzer] “Aye, if they’re over the side of another mountain and you cannae hear them!”

Seems Rhys is going to recite A Child’s Christmas in Wales by Dylan Thomas ( – which means he’s not actually singing?

Either way – it’s not in Welsh. Which takes Lynda onto her not being that keen for Jim to read in Latin.

Jazzer concurs. He doesn’t see what the Romans have to do with Christmas – and anyhoo, any other poem would be as good as ol’ Rabbie Burns.

[Jazzer] “Rabbie Burns was all man”

Which Lynda agrees to – and snares Jazzer quite neatly into Christmas around the World to do a Burns.


Is it just me – or how is this an international event? Feels a tad British to me …

Ruth ran out of baked beans!

Oh noooo!

Has anyone told Christine?

Seems she’s back, but no-one has told her about Clive’s return.

[David] “Mum and aunty Chris has it worse, they were the ones trapped in a burning building … it was her husband Clive was terrorising, mum and I were just collateral damage really”

Fit Pigs Make Great Sausages!

Is the slogan Brenda has created for Tom.

[Jazzer] “That’s rubbish. Fat pigs make great sausages!”

Tom is still heavily banking on the pig playing football to boost his brand.

Is it just me – or might some folks be put off because of the football?

Too cute for folks to then want to eat them?

George has a new truck

Bit where did it come from?

Ed and Emma are at first worried that it was given to him by Clive.

But no.

[George] “No, I burgalred it … it’s Jake’s”

George wanted to show Uncle Clive what a great burglar he is.

But he only ends up getting a bollocking from Ed and Emma.

I wonder if, unlike Uncle Clive, George will take heed and stop his naughtiness?

The Archers Tuesday 18th October 2011: Tom is forced to bow down to Underwoods

(hurrah! Love it when Tom gets humiliated)

  • Will and Emma agree!
  • Doug Somerville’s assistant is supercilious
  • It’s nearly audition time
  • Don’t upset Hilary’s cockatoo!
  • Tom forced to kiss Doug Somerville’s shoes (not literally)
  • Ivy’s not getting any better
  • Princess Emma
  • It’ll be blamed on the pigs …

Will and Emma agree!

Shock of the week!

Will doesn’t want George to see Clive again. Emma concurs.

Will is worried about the PlayStation. Emma agrees that she also didn’t want George to have one at his age, but at least can put Will’s mind at rest that it isn’t knocked off.

And – Will is worried about George’s obsession with playing burglar. As is Emma.

Well that’s at least one good thing to have come out of Clive’s return. Emma and Will talking without screaming, as well as agreeing on what’s best for George.

Doug Somerville’s assistant is supercilious

So says Tom.

It’s nearly audition time

Lynda’s putting her notices up and around about auditions for the Christmas around the World concert.

Though not everyone gets the concept:

[Susan] “I’ve never been away for Christmas!”

Now now Susan. You’ll have to come up with a better excuse than that to not take part.

I’m just (still) annoyed that it’s not a panto …

Anyhoo – Lynda is chasing after Emma to take part, though she’s actually mainly after Keira. She was the both of them to be a:

[Lynda] “Nativity tableau as the grand finale …All the nations could gather round the crib!”

[Susan] “Oh, isn’t that nice. Your first Christmas and you’ve got a starring role already”

Emma didn’t seem that keen. Funny. She normally scratches eyes out to be the centre of the attention. Think she’s worried about Keira upstaging her?

Don’t upset Hilary’s cockatoo!

Hilary Noakes has a petition on the go.

Tough action from ol’ Noakes. Hilary is against the bonfire being held on the village green (as it always is) because it’ll leave scorch marks (as it always does).

[Lynda] “I tried to reason with her but she kept coming up with more spurious objections … the noise upsets her cockatoo!”

[Susan] “Oh really … we change everything just for one person, or a cockatoo!”

Seems Hilary is claiming that all pet owners are upset about the noise – though Susan reckons they don’t complain about all the other fireworks parties, and they should also know by now to keep their pets inside.

Seems most folks, in reality, agree with Susan.

No-one has signed Hilary’s petition as yet.

Tom forced to kiss Doug Somerville’s shoes (not literally)

After being forced to wait an age, and only allowed a few moments of Doug Somerville’s time, Tom’s bristling to get a fair deal with Underwoods.

But Doug’s not for turning.

[Doug] “It remains to be seen … Tom Archer’s may ring a bell. An alarm bell … I’m taking a big risk here. Frankly, I’ve have expected a little more gratitude!”

[Tom] “You know how good my sausages are!”

Buy Doug reckons that he can take his pick of sausages producers – most of whom would give their “eye teeth” for the deal he’s offering Tom. In his humble (!) opinion, Tom needs to invest and work hard to try and make the best of it. He can’t expect everything to be as it was before, and Doug reckons the risk is all on Underwoods.

[Doug] “Are we clear where we stand? No more whinging or nik picking … I like you Tom, or I wouldn’t be giving you this chance. But you’ve got to see where you are. You used to be backed by a bigger brand … but that’s changed … so let’s see if Tom Archer’s Borchester brand can work on its own”

[Tom … chomping on some humble pie] “Yes. I do know it’s a great opportunity”

[Doug … as patronising as he can muster] “Yes. You’re a lucky boy”

Ivy’s not getting any better

Seems she just wants to stay in bed all the time. Which isn’t like her.

Infact, Susan reckons she’s getting worse.

Oh dear.

Both for Ivy.

But also for what it could mean about Clive. Could Ivy stipulate in her will that Clive gets to stay in her house?

Princess Emma

Emma’s talking to Susan about how worried she is that George is obsessing about playing burglar.

[Emma] “I mean all the time. In full costume”

But Susan reminds Emma that she was obsessed with being a princess when she was wee. Infact, she took it further than most:

[Susan] “Do all little girls insist their mum hide a pea under their mattress to see if they could feel it … for weeks we had to call you princess Emma!”

So, though George sleeps in his burglar mask – Susan reckons it must be more comfortable than the tiara Emma slept in.

[Susan] “He’ll get tired of it. I mean, I haven’t seen you in a tiara for years!”

It’ll be blamed on the pigs …

At home, Tom admits to Brenda that Doug “wiped the floor” with him.

[Tom] “I’m beginning to agree with mum. He’s not a nice man”

So Tom’s lost that battle. He’ll now concentrate on British Sausage Week (31st October – 6th November -

And, he reckons he’ll have his football playing pigs up on his website this weekend.

[Tom] “Those girls have a lot riding on them “

I hope, for their sake, they do generate interest.

Mind you – the worst that could happen to them is going to happen regardless …

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 18th October 2011: Clive tells Matt what to do

(not sure who I should be worried for!)

  • Daniel has his priorities right
  • Daniel’s a bit creepy …
  • Roman Gods, not aeroplanes (actually)
  • Now you have a job, now you don’t
  • Matt and Lilian are a perfect match

Daniel has his priorities right

Reckons Lilian - riding first, homework second.

(but Daniel did point out that it was actually homework then riding then homework. He’s a crazy kind a guy!)

Daniel’s a bit creepy …

… in my humble opinion.

We seem to be privy to nearly every thought that boy has going on in his head – and it’s all about Erin (though not the X rated stuff, than goodness)

Today – his collective internal ponderings went like this: god, stop mooning around … be cool … you’ll land her … 6 on a good day, that’s me … and that’s why it’s never going to happen …

He also told Erin that he was a counsellor with the Samaritans (though he did say to himself that it was a very
stupid thing to claim).

But – Erin seems to like Daniel (but I suppose she can’t hear him muttering away to himself like we can).

She finds him clever and funny.

[Daniel, on rugby chaps] “Neanderthal … homo-rugby-ans!”

[Erin, laughing rather too much] “You’re so clever Dan!”

(and as an aside – did we have to have Kings of Leon “Sex is on Fire” blasted so loud for a few moments? It wasn’t even that loud in the bowling alley Daniel and Erin were at)

Roman Gods, not aeroplanes (actually!)

So says Matt to Clive.

Matt was giving him directions to a job - Vulcan way off mercury avenue roman gods – and Clive mistakenly thought the streets were named after aeroplanes.

Matt put him right. But wasn’t very tactful in going so.

Now you have a job, now you don’t

Matt gave Clive three days’ work.

Then took it away again.

Clive had overhead Matt cutting corners, and made the mistake of giving his opinion about it.

Matt was not best pleased. After only one day of work, Matt tells Clive he isn’t needed after all.

Clive’s internal ponderings after: just to get rid of me … I got your number too mate … you jumped up little git!


Really don’t know who I’d bet on if those two fall out.

Matt and Lilian are a perfect match

Here’s the exchange to prove it:

[Matt] “What’s for dinner?”

[Lilian] “I’ve no idea. I’m not long in myself”

[Matt] “Ah, there’ll be something in the freezer I expect”

[Lilian] “I expect so”

And that was that. Neither thought it was their job to start dinner, and neither expected the other to do so.

Quite surprised they haven’t got Brenda on the case, alongside making all the coffee.

The Archers Monday 17th October 2011: Was Jack Archer bipolar?

  • Feckless Father and a vindictive sister?
  • Tom has nothing to celebrate (hurrah!)
  • Adam’s battered and bruised
  • Tony couldn’t really care

Feckless Father and a vindictive sister?

Tony’s still going on about his argument with Jennifer. He’s furious that she suggested that he’s made bad decision in his life which he then tries to undo by begging the help of his sisters.

[Tony] “Life choices! What choice about life have she and I had? …Would we have chosen to have a drunken feckless father?”

[Pat] “Oh come on, you always said he could be quite charming at his best”

[Tony] “Yeah, if you didn’t have to live with him. His manic crazy schemes that were going to make our fortune, the black depression when they didn’t”

[Pat] “I wonder if they’d think he was bipolar these days”

[Tony] “He was a drunk!”

Although Tony did tone that down to calling Jack an alcoholic. He also can’t understand how Peggy put up with Jack.

[Tony] “The things we’ve been through together. She can talk to me like that … how could that not hurt me?”

[Pat] “Deep down she knew she was in the wrong, she was trying to justify herself”

[Tony] “She’s changed. She’s forgotten who she is and where she came from. Brian’s money has done that”

Tony reckons Jennifer pleading poverty was all rubbish – while Brian may make the money, he’s sure that Brian will have also squirreled it away with Jennifer to avoid tax

(but wouldn’t that make it still Brian’s money?)

[Tony] “She’ll come to laugh at me in the bankruptcy court”

Jennifer may be self-centred, but she’s surely not an utter b*tch?

Tom has nothing to celebrate (hurrah!)

Now I would laugh at Tom if he ended up in the bankruptcy court …

Seems that while Underwoods are going to stock Tom Archer’s Borchester Sausages – but very much on their terms.

They’re giving him a lower price per unit, and they also want cash off of him to pay for the promotion of his sausages.

Tom’s furious. He reckons they’re the same sausages, just under a “better” name, and that Underwoods shouldn’t be treating them as a new product – they’re no risk, he reckons.

[Tom] “And the worst thing is, I’ve got to tell mum and dad”

Ah well. At least it’s a wee bit of good news for Tony.

Adam’s battered and bruised

(don’t worry though – it’s not because our lovely Ian has suddenly turned nasty)

[Adam] “However Debbie spun it, she still went behind my back … it was her decision to go along with it. I just feel like any plans I had for Home Farm are all for nothing … I don’t want to be a glorified tractor driver”

Annoyed at Debbie’s subterfuge with Brian, Adam also genuinely thinks the Super Dairy is a bad idea. For one thing, it’d mean Home Farm is completely tied to Borchester Land (which decisions by committee – never a pretty sight).

Ian reckons Adam needs to have a proper talk with Debbie – and also challenges him to go and see a Super Dairy so that he can be better informed.

Tony couldn’t really care

When Tom told Tony and Pat about the rather naff offer from Underwoods, they didn’t sound like they really cared. Neither happy, nor horrified.

But Tom read more into their reaction than I did:

[Tom] “It was humiliating. The words I Told you so were written all over dad’s face … I’m going to see Doug Somerville and make him change his mind”

On you go Tom! See how much work and effort Pat and Tony had to do to get Bridge Farm established. You’re on your own now …

(well, apart from Brenda, who only ever seems to agree with what Tom says these days)

Monday, 24 October 2011

slight delay ... sorry

There'll be a wee delay to my Archers blog posts. I'm only up to listening to last Monday, but be back with you as soon as I can.

Monday, 17 October 2011

The Archers Sunday 16th October 2011: George is playing at burglars

  • Are the poachers a clue?
  • Burglar Bill?
  • Clive’s cool
  • Jennifer apologises for being a bore
  • The bond between Jennifer, Adam and Debbie
  • Lunch and brandy with Oliver
  • Ridiculous letter from Hilary Noakes
  • Jennifer wants Adam to shout louder
  • Apples: always a good reason to have a day out

Are the poachers a clue?

Seems Will was out late last night trying to stop some poachers. But he didn’t manage to catch them.
Anything to do with Clive? Him being able to buy (even a second hand) playstation for George? Or is Matt paying him enough?

Burglar Bill?

Is that the book Will enjoyed as a kid, and initially thought was inspiring George to collect masks, stripy t-shirts and a ‘swag bag’ from Nic to play with?

Clive’s cool

Or at least George thinks so.

[Nic] “They’re playing burglars like Uncle Clive ...Clive’s made a big impression on him”

[George] “I wish I could be a burglar when I grow up”

[Will] “No. No George. It was a bad thing, very very naughty”

George does say that Clive also said it had been naughty, but looks like George is quite captivated.

Still – as Nic said – kids do go through phases.

Jennifer apologises for being a bore


[Jennifer] “I’m sorry daring, am I being a bore about it … Tony said such hurtful things”

[Adam] “How was that relevant to your not lending him money?”

Seems Jennifer is still upset about the argument she had with Tony on Friday.

He did indeed say some hurtful things.

But so did Jennifer.

And, she must know that she should have helped Tony?


The bond between Jennifer, Adam and Debbie

Is a special one, Jennifer reckons.

Bruised from Tony casting up the not-so-glamorous highlights from Jennifer’s past, Jennifer is now thinking of the hard times.

But, there’s no question that she has ever regretted having Adam. And it wasn’t her fault (she reckons) that her and Roger didn’t last.

So – her, Debbie and Adam have been through times together. Hence the special bond.

But who would Jennifer choose if it came down to Debbie and Adam Vs Brian?

[Adam] “Brian calls all the shots round here doesn’t he”

(Adam’s referring to Jennifer’s mention that it was really Brian’s money Tony was asking for – but was also thinking of the Super Diary)

Lunch and brandy with Oliver

Sounds marvellous.

Jim’s over at Oliver’s.

Oliver actually seems quite chirpy, considering Caroline’s still working flat out at Grey Gables.

It’s been a whole 6 months since Roy left (blimey – that was quick), and Oliver and Caroline agreed that after 6 months they’d talk about whether Caroline should get a manager in. But, Caroline hasn’t mentioned it, it would be hard to get someone in for Christmas, they need to keep their overheads down (the economy still not being all it should be) and, actually, Oliver doesn’t seem that bothered.

He’s got his milking. Hunting. And the parish council.

And lunch with a mate.

Ridiculous letter from Hilary Noakes

Seems Hilary has written a letter to the Parish Council complaining about the bonfire being on the village green. She reckons it’ll ruin the grass.

Everyone’s annoyed and irritated by her.

Seemingly that’s what they’ve always done. No-one has ever complained before. Any, anyway, Mike only reseeds it in spring.

But, they’re about to set Lynda on her.

[Jim] “It will be a positive pleasure, she says”

Jennifer wants Adam to shout louder

Seems Brian is still keeping Adam firmly out of loop with the Super Dairy.

Brian wouldn’t tell him what he’d just been saying to Debbie on the phone – so Adam thinks Brian isn’t involving and informing him enough. Even though he’d promised to.

Adam reckons he has had a chance to ask questions, or voice any concerns.

[Adam] “They’re just ploughing ahead”

[Jennifer] “You’ll just have to shout a bit louder, I suppose … honestly darling, you really can trust her. She means it”

So back to that special bond.

I wonder.

Does Debbie have a plan? To bring everyone together in support of the Super Dairy? Or to pull a fast one over Brian? Or, Adam?

Apples: always a good reason to have a day out

Jim’s going to Apple Day at Lower Loxley, and may even ask Christine along … nudge nudge (even though it’s a bit of a busman’s – he wants to find out about how to source local varieties for the Orchard.

Oliver’s more likely to go the Apple quiz at The Bull.

As are Nic and Will.

Will wants them to get a good team together. But Nic isn’t bothered.

[Nic] “I don’t mind if it’s just me and my handsome gamekeeper”

Aw. But, maybe they could just go ahead and get married.

This is all get a bit too gooey.

Sunday, 16 October 2011

The Archers Friday 14th October 2011: Tony and Jennifer argue

  • Tea and sympathy with David
  • Preparing for Clive’s visit
  • Jennifer’s proud of her girls (even Kate)
  • When will Jennifer accept Alice and Chris are married?
  • Clive’s visit
  • Bert came second
  • Keira had to be bathed
  • Tony and Jennifer have a set-to

Tea and sympathy with David

Tom’s driving Tony nuts, so he heads to Brookfield to bend David’s ear.

Seems Tom is still on a high after securing an Underwood contract for the Tom Archer’s Borchester Sausages brand – and reckons it is the only way forward.

[Tony] “ …he thinks we should rebrand all of our products under his name”

Ouch. That’s a kick to tender parts.

Tony also has serve money woes, even though Lilian has helped them short-term.

David also isn’t an entirely happy farmer. His milk yield is still down.

[David] “Why don’t we go in for a cup of tea and a moan. It’ll d us both good”

Preparing for Clive’s visit

Emma’s quite rightly nervous.

Although George seems a bit excited.

He’s told to go play with his Lego.

[George] “I can build him something”

[Ed] “Yeah, like a cell!”

Jennifer’s proud of her girls (even Kate)

Ah well. There’s no rationality to a mother’s love.

Debbie is sticking up for Adam (really? And just wait until Jennifer realises Debbie and Adam are trying to box in Brian …). And Kate has never given up on Phoebe (true. Though I don’t call ignoring her for most of her life as being particularly proactive)

But on Alice …

When will Jennifer accept Alice and Chris are married?

Jennifer bursting with pride about her girls started on after she’d been round to see Alice.

[Jennifer] “She told me she’d been thinking of giving up her course to get an engineering job, so that she could help Christopher with his money problems … wasn’t it sweet of her to think of making such a sacrifice”


It isn’t Chris’ money problems – it’s Chris and Alice’s money problems.

And that’s what couples do. They work together.

But, we later find out how Brian and Jennifer work together.

Clive’s visit

He gave Keira got a bracelet. And George got a play station (which Ed and Emma weren’t happy about – he’d asked for one before, but had been told he was too young).

George is fascinated about Clive’s previous ‘career’ as a burglar.

[George] “… with a big sack and a black mask?”

[Clive] “It was very naughty of me, I realise that now. So, I’m not going to do it again”

Which George thinks is a shame. Emma and Ed are quite to say that Clive is actually quite right.

Clive waffles on about how nice it was of Ed to stop grazing his cows in the Orchard, as it’s important to be family minded. How family is so important.

(*ahem* tell that to Susan … or Neil!)

Seems Clive has been doing his homework in the coming and goings of Ambridge. He knows about the Archer clan rallying round Elizabeth when Nigel died. He knows Freddie likes hunting. That Lily likes hockey.

Clive had seen the pictures in Elizabeth’s office.

[Emma] “How on earth do you know that Clive?”

He doesn’t really say, but the attention to detail is a bit worrying. This is Clive, after all.

[George] “Do you want a picture of me for your office, one you can show to other burglars?”

Clive politely declines, but does take photos of George and Keira on his phone. Which Emma is none too happy about …

So that was that really. Clive was polite enough. Emma was tense. Ed a bit angry. And George impressed.

And neither David nor Ed had to drag Clive out. He left of his own accord.

Bert came second

In the Beckwell cup.

He’s not chuffed.

He came first last year.

Keira had to be bathed 

After Clive had been.

Emma could stand that he’d held her. And can’t bear that he now has a photo of Keira and George.

Though George really liked ‘Uncles Clive’, Emma had a slightly different reaction:

[Emma] “That man is never coming anywhere near my children again”

Tony and Jennifer have a set-to

Jennifer was talking to Brian about going to see Tony.

[Jennifer] “I haven’t seen since … “

[Brian] “ … Alice he tried to tap you for a loan and you said no!”

(as Jennifer pointed out – Tony didn’t actually ask for a loan. He was building up to it but she sidestepped him quite neatly)

[Jennifer] “Well he’s still my brother, and I want to see how he’s getting on”
So she does. Tony arrives back home from seeing David to find Jennifer in his kitchen.

[Tony] “Why have you come?”

[Jennifer] “To see how things are”

[Tony] “You mean to gloat!”

[Jennifer] “No, I worry about you”

[Tony] “ … (things are) not as bad as they were .. no thanks to you … some people have been very helpful”

Tony tells Jennifer about how Lilian had lent him the money, and that Kathy had offered them her life savings.

[Tony] “In fact the only person who hasn’t been able to spare us so much as a five is you Jennifer, it’s funny that isn’t it?”

[Jennifer] “I’m sorry Tony,. Whatever you think there were very good reasons why I didn’t offer you a loan … first … I’d have to ask Brian for it”

[Tony] “And you’re scared to? That’s very liberated!”

Seems Jennifer sees Brian’s money as his, not theirs. She reckons Brian worked hard for his money, so it’s his. And as Tony has never been quiet about his disapproval of the way Brian farms – why should he expect Brian to give him a penny?


So that’s why Jennifer sees it as Chris’ money problems rather than Alice and Chris’.

[Jennifer] “Tony you're an adult, you’ve made choices with your life and your work … but, you seem to expect people to be able to bail you out when they go wrong”

[Tony] “Oh I’ve given up expecting anything from you”

[Jennifer] “It’s an extraordinary attitude Tony that you come running to your sisters at the first sign of trouble!”

Tony explains that he was desperate.

Jennifer tells him he seems to think he’s entitled.

[Tony] “That’s the pot calling the kettle black … you sit there On Brian’s money bags talking so smugly about life choices. Have you never made any bad life choices then Jennifer? Not with men? I mean, you lucked out with Brian!”

[Jennifer] “I was talking about your work. Don’t you dare compare your incompetence!”

[Tony] “Incompetence …I see! I chose that Clarrie should pick up the bug did I … it was bad luck!”

[Jennifer] “There’s no such thing as bad luck, only bad decisions”

[Tony] “Oh well you’d know, heaven knows you’ve made enough!”

[Jennifer] “I’m not staying here. I can’t believe you’re talking to me like this!”

[Tony] “I was hit by a thunderbolt out of a clear blue sky, my family my business, we’re all going under Jennifer, and you didn’t lift a finger to help!”

Oh boy!

I’m with Tony. I can’t see him and Pat ever refusing to help Jennifer and Brian if the tables were turned.

Saturday, 15 October 2011

The Archers Thursday 13th October 2011: Adam is most certainly not amused

  • Will forgot his sandwiches
  • Will’s not happy about Clive
  • Will, a wallpaper?
  • Adam is not for turning

Will forgot his sandwiches

But it’s okay.

Nic brought then to him. And brought her own. So they had lunch together.

Will’s not happy about Clive

Join the queue!

Seems Emma has been ringing about George being there to meet Clive.

[Will] “I’m not really happy about it … why she’s doing it?”

[Nic] “To please her grandmother”

[Will] “Well, that’s not worth upsetting George for”

Clive really is stirring it already.

Emma doesn’t want him there. Will doesn’t want him there. George doesn’t know him (as Will and Nic said – Clive means nothing to him – Will would rather it stayed that way). But as Clive has his mother’s love, he can turn the situation to his advantage.
What his game is, I don’t know.

Do we think he just genuinely wants to meet his nephews and niece?

But – knowing this isn’t Emma’s fault, and they’re all in a difficult position, Will agrees for George to meet Clive.

Will, a wallpaper?

Will wants to be “in the background” when Nic next goes to see Andrew.

No chance, I thought. Will’s not for blending!

But low and behold – they went to see Andrew, and Will did nothing but stick to the shadows.

Seems Andrew had split up with his girlfriend, which is why he was being so off with Nic, and rubbish in dealing with the kids.

[Nic] “He did say he was sorry, will. You heard him”

Nic reckons Andrew “really opened up”.

So hopefully that’s that then.

[Nic] “Having you there Will, quietly backing me up. It made the difference”

[Will] “You’ve got me. I’m always going to be there for you Nic”

[Nic] “I’m sorry I misjudged you … I thought you’d get into a slanging match, I should have known better”

[Will] “No. I’m glad you said it. Really glad”

[Nic] “Oh Will, I feel I can face anything with you here”


Seriously – wedding bells!

They haven’t got much time if we’re to enjoy a Christmas wedding in Ambridge!

Adam is not for turning

Brian tells Adam about the Super Dairy plans.

To say Adam is not happy is to put it very mildly indeed.

[Adam] “Damn right I have some questions … I can’t believe what you’ve just told me … I don’t know where to start … perhaps with this outstanding act of betrayal by my sister … she cooks up this entire scenario behind my back without a word to me … over my dead body!”

Brian starts fibbing again, claiming that some other BL board member had come up with the suggestion of Home Farm being part of the Super Dairy.

Then Debbie comes in:

[Debbie] “Nothing is going to happen without you agreeing to it or being consulted”

[Adam] “Why couldn’t you have been straight about it … you can’t have much confidence in this scheme, Debbie, if you thought the only way I’d agree if you presented me with a fait accompli”

Brian leaves, and Debbie tires to persuade Adam that it’s actually Brian that mishandled everything. That Brian should have let Debbie talk to Adam first.

But, Adam isn’t one for feeling calm and rationale right now,

[Adam] “The scale … fells so wrong … cows should be outside not farmed for 360 days per year”

But Debbie explains that the cows will be in roomy and clean accommodation, that most farm animals don’t get the ‘natural environment' they should have.

Adam is worried about changing all of Home Farm’s land to arable. That it’ll loose diversity.

Debbie reckons it means they have more control. That it’s actually a “perfect circle.

[Adam] “People round here won’t think it’s perfect; They’ll see an industrial sized unit like this as a threat to three very popular farms. It could be a PR disaster”

And Adam is worried about his sheep and venison businesses.

He's actually worried about his business.

They’re trying to change it all without him.

Adam sees it as a “takeover”. That it was meant to be Debbie doing the arable, him doing the rest. That Debbie now wants the rest for arable, which leaves him with nothing.

[Debbie] “It's a radical rethinking. The world’s changed, we need to change with it”

But please note – Debbie then talked about how she and Adam need to now renegotiate the deal they have with Brian. Which Brian doesn’t know about, as yet.

Ah – crafty Debbie.

This might not all turn out as well as Brian planned.

While Adam thinks that the Super Diary would be wrong for Home Farm – and totally the wrong scale for Ambridge – Debbie’s mind is on bigger things.

As well as the Dairy, she’s also thinking about how:

[Debbie] “Divisions of labour won’t work anymore … tear up and start again”

Seriously. I think Brian might be in trouble …

Ambridge Extra Thursday 13th October 2011: We hear Susan’s inner thoughts!!!!

(could have gone so wrong, but it was quite mundane, actually)

  • Matt One, Susan Nil
  • Daniel’s obsessing
  • It’s all the parents fault
  • Clive does a good job
  • Susan’s mind laid bare
  • 11.30pm, on a school night!
  • Clive wants to be a role model

Matt One, Susan Nil

Matt makes the mistake of trying to buy something in the village shop and then leave again.

Not possible when Susan’s there.

[Susan] “Could we just have a word, please”

[Matt] “Well I just want to pay …”

Not a chance. Mr Crawford.

Susan wants to know about Matt giving Clive a job.

She doesn’t give him a row for doing so. She’s caught between knowing that Clive is a bad ‘un, Clive being her brother and also wanting him away from Ambridge while she knows that her mum wants him there.

[Susan] “I hope it works out okay for you”

[Matt] “You of all people must understand the importance of giving someone a second chance when they’ve made a mistake …”


And I think Matt will find that while Susan did indeed make a mistake, Clive didn’t. He repeated his errors over, and over, and over, and over …

Daniel’s obsessing

Erin tells Daniel not to look so serious. That he always looks serious.

He tells her that he’s worried about his mum. That the local villain (Clive) had previously attacked Shula’s horses, to the point that one of them had to get put down. So, Daniel’s worried about what could happen next.

[Daniel] “I wish I could just find him, and sort him out, you know. Make him stay away from Ambridge forever”

Erin seems like quite a sensible young lady.

She reckons Clive doesn’t sound like the sort of chap to tackle, and he’d just make it worse.

Erin then invites Daniel out to Macys bar (wherever that is) for a drink, and when he says he can’t as he wouldn't be able to get home, she offers to drive him.

Nice young lady indeed. Seems like Daniel has good taste.

But, alas, Erin’s boyfriend Raife was on the night out as well.

Erin still drives Daniel home, telling him she’d like to be a vet.

But is worried about the debt she’ll amass while studying. That it'd mean never being able to buy her own house … well, not until her parents die, then she can get theirs …

… actually, did I say Erin was a good ‘un? Might have to get to know her better first.

It’s all the parents fault

In the journey home, Daniel was moaning about how he reckons that his parents’ generation has been:
[Daniel] “hovering up everything they wanted … Did you know in one lifetime they’ve used up half the world’s oil … they’re so selfish!”

Fair enough sentiments considering, but how were they supposed to know?

Clive does a good job

I missed the detail – but seems Clive spotted something and ordered some stuff that kept Matt's build, project in track.

Matt seemed very impressed.

Looks likme Clive has at least one fan.

Susan’s mind laid bare

I still don’t know how the secret microphones get into folks’; mind in Ambridge Extra, but it continues none-the-less.

This time, it’s Susan.

So, what does our Susan ponder when she’s not (constantly_ speaking aloud?

It went something like this:

Annoyed about folks coming in last minute to the shop – counting coins –should pop in to see mum on her way home – should I taker her an out of date loaf – should I cook her something –oh no! there’s someone at the door …

(anyone else remember that Pink Windmill programme with Rod and Emu?)

… don’t be silly Susan, you know it can’t be Clive, it’s tomorrow he’s coming …

And something about Emma dreading Clive coming to her house tomorrow.

So – that’s Susan then. Annoyed, money, mum, scared of Clive, thinking of Emma.

11.30pm, on a school night!

After Daniel gets in, Alistair hassles him for then being up until 11.30pm on a school.

On Facebook!

The horror (!)

Then we get to hear more of Daniel’s internal mutterings.

Something about - awesome conversation about things that really matter … best drive home ever. ...can't wait til tomorrow …

The next day, Erin invites Daniel to some other paces called Zelda. Where there’s an indie night.

[Erin] “It’s just your sort of place. A bit quirky, a bit different”

Aha – so maybe Erin does like Daniel after all. There may be hope for him.

Not that Daniel thinks so.

Yet more teenage internal angst:

You total pathetic idiot … she’s not into you. She’s just a nice person. End of …

Clive wants to be a role model

I kid you not.

His brother Gary hasn’t turned up to give him a life to Ambridge, so he bags one off of Matt.

He’s telling Matt about going to meet Emma and her kids tomorrow.

[Clive] “ … them kids. I want them to be able to look at me … that's why I’m so grateful at you giving me a chance to prove myself. An honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay”

Ah come on!

Even you can’t believe that one, Clive.

The Archers Wednesday 12th October 2011: Debbie presents … the Super Dairy!

  • You’re not a woman if you don’t say anything?
  • Conflict of interest, surely?
  • “What’s not to like?”
  • Tom’s oblivious
  • Why doesn’t Brian want Debbie to tell Adam?

You’re not a woman if you don’t say anything?

Annabelle was very welcoming to Debbie at Borchester Land’s Board meeting.

Seems she was glad to have another woman.

Seems Barbara doesn’t count as she doesn’t utter a word.

Conflict of interest, surely?

Brian and Debbie have already discussed that Home Farm would be part of the Super Dairy project.

He doesn’t chair the Board meeting, as he has an obvious interest, but he hasn’t exactly told the Board that he’s planning to directly profit.

Seems he’s “playing his cards close to his chest”. Which he’s often apt to do.

[Annabelle] “And create fascinating possibilities out of airy nothing”

“What’s not to like?”

Debbie’s presentation to the BL Board went along the lines of:

[Debbie] “What I’m proposing would simply be a high performance, high welfare, high profitability dairy enterprise of which there are many in mainland Europe”

She reckons it makes good business sense – good farming sense – good environmental sense:

[Debbie] “What’s not to like?”
So Debbie’s plan is to have 1,000 cows each producing 10,000 litres of milk per lactation. They’ll be fed almost entirely fed by crops grown on the estate. The running costs are seemingly high BUT if Home Farm comes in, they can feed an extra 500 cows, with the same running costs but higher return.

(crafty Brian – very crafty)

The BL Board does ask about whether it’d put other farms at risk – whether BL would be alienating their actual Mart customers. And what about the milk markets not being guaranteed? And the cost of feed, especially if crops fail?

But Debbie reckons that they’re a different market to the traditional dairy farms. And that the estate will control its own costs – plus it’ll be a large enough customer to be able to strongly negotiate with suppliers.

So what does the Board vote?

A resounding Yes.

Oh my.

Ambridge residents won’t be pleased at all.

I predict Lynda and a placard …

Tom’s oblivious

Pat and Tony had just helped birth two calves. It doesn’t lighten the mood, though.

[Pat] “I can raise them, but I can’t sell their products”

In that frame of mind, the last thing they needed was Tom’s ‘good’ news.

He comes bursting in to tell them that Underwoods has agreed to sell tom Archers’ Borchester Sausages.

[Tom] “This proves it. Rebranding will solve our problems. This could be a turning point for all of us!”

Sorry – but is Tom really that thick? Does he have an utter lack of empathy? Is he actually a sociopath?

As Tony and Pat discuss later on:

[Pat] “I feel dreadful I can’t be as happy as he can … I don’t want him to think I begrudge him his success”

[Tony] “Pat, he was so high in it he didn’t really notice how we were reacting”

As Pat says – she and Tony out everything they had into the Bridge Farm brand. She personally worked so hard on getting into Underwoods in the first place, and was rightly proud of what they’d achieved.

[Pat] “Then it came all crashing down”

Tom really does need a slap. Fair enough that he gets on with making his business a success, but not without any tact around his poor folks.

Why doesn’t Brian want Debbie to tell Adam?

Adam knows Debbie is back over, but doesn’t know she’s presenting to the BL Board.

Brian’s lied to him, and said Debbie’s back to help Jennifer not be so lonely – and he’s also sent Adam out to break apart and sort the combine, to distract him.


Adam’s a partner alongside Brian and Debbie in the Home Farm business, so he has to agree.

[Debbie] “Let’s hope I can have the same effect on Adam”

[Brian] “Slow down, there no rush … tricky conversation”

What’s Brian’s issue?

They should have told Adam in the first place.

But surely Debbie would be better breaking the news?

Tuesday, 11 October 2011

The Archers Tuesday 11th October 2011: It was David, in the yard, with the shotgun

  • Apple Day
  • Praise for Kenton!
  • Flatlining at Brookfield
  • Alice realises cheap mince isn’t the answer
  • Jim does the hard sell
  • Clive at Brookfield

Apple Day

Jim comes across Oliver in the Orchard. Oliver is collecting apples, and makes mention of the Grundys also having collected:

[Jim] “Oh yes, I’ve tasted the fruits of your generosity”

Seems Oliver is collecting apples for Kenton – while Lower Loxley is ‘doing’ Apple Day – Kenton is also doing The Bull’s Apple Day quiz. Seems the quiz is to spot the Borchester Beauty.

(what’s Apple Day? It’s on the 21st of October. By-the-by – if you Google ‘Apple Day’ all you get is news about the release of a certain new phone product …)

Praise for Kenton!

Which is a very rare occurrence in Ambridge.

Olive and Jim were saying that Kenton is very at ease with the memory of Sid – in fact, he goes out of his way to encourage Jolene to remember him.

They were specifically talking about Kenton persuading Jolene to continue Apple Day, but the point remains.
Kenton can be quite an astute, selfless chap at times.

Flatlining at Brookfield

David’s back in after the despudding (did I hear that right?) and the ear tagging, to find that Ruth is looking at rather depressing milk yield figures.

Seems the yields have improved, but not enough to cover the previous slump.

[Ruth] “So bang goes a lot of the profit”

But they do say that at least Herefords are doing well.

So it’s not all bad news.

Alice realises cheap mince isn’t the answer

The penny has dropped – or, more correctly that the penny isn’t coming in fast enough, and Alice has finally realised.

She and Chris are not going to save £1,000 a month by eating cheap mince.

So there you have it.

Alice is again looking for a job, even though her course is intensive.

In fact, she now wants to quit her course so that she can work full-time.

Chris is furious.

He’s quite right when he says that it’s short-sighted of Alice to quite her year course for a job, when she get a far better one when she is qualified. And he reckons they’ll find the money for his business one way or another – but not through Alice giving up her college.

[Chris] “It’s not going to happen and that’s that!”

[Alice] “I’m sorry! I don’t remembering promising to obey you in Las Vegas!!””

[Chris] “No, we promised to love each other. And we do. And that’s all that matters, isn’t it Mrs Carter?”

[Alice] “Yes, it is … alright Mr Carter, you’ve convinced me”

So all’s well again. And it’s back to cheap mince.

But – couldn’t Alice just take a year out?

I'm sure they've thought of that …

Jim does the hard sell

On Oliver, about the community orchard.

He waxes (gettit!) lyrical about it being important to the commu8nity, to the UK, to save the local variety – and goes on at length about how low Joe is. What’s more, he adds that Clarrie would feel better if Joe had a purpose - she blames herself for his low mood.

Oliver is almost convinced that the Cider Club takes over the orchard – with Mike already Tree Warden, it’s ideal – and it’d mean more apples for the Grundys which would help their cashflow issues.

The only problem is Ed. He grazes his cattle in the orchard,

[Jim] “We’d think he’d be happy enough to see a Grundy enterprise thrive on ex Grundy land”

Oliver agrees. So, pending Ed's approval, the community apple orchard shall be so!

Clive at Brookfield

David is aghast – furious – appalled.

[David] “Well not on my land he doesn’t!”

Seems Emma will only allow Clive to meet her kids if it’s at Rickyard Cottage. So that Ed, and David, can be nearby to kick him into touch if he starts.

Ruth has to break the news, and ask, on Emma’s behalf, if David is okay about it.

[David] “Okay? I had to rescue my mother and my aunt from a burning building because of that man, and that’s just the start of it!”

But – Ruth reckons the only way they have a hope of controlling Clive is on Brookfield. David, surprisingly, relents quite easily.

[David] “Alright, alright. I suppose it’s the lesser of two evils. But I’m going to be standing in the yard with a shotgun!”