Pondering The Archers: spencer

Harry’s back

Phew! He had me worried there. He hadn’t been anywhere, just ever so silent for so long.

Up a ladder

Harry’s only been back a few seconds, and Vicky already has him in a position where she can admire his bum!

She asks him to go up a ladder to fix a crown she’s made onto the top of the phone box.

[Clarrie] “Clever eh, padded radiator foil stuck on card”

[Harry] “Yeah very, eh, innovative”

When Harry makes a suggestion to improve the crown:

[Vicky] “Oh, you’re not just a buff pair of cycle shorts, are you?”

Blokes’ chat

[Spencer] “Alright mate”

[Harry] “Oh, hi Spencer”

[Spencer] “What you doing?”

[Harry] “Isn’t it obvious?”

[Spencer] “Well, no”

[Harry] “Making a crown for the phone box”

[Spencer] “I think you want to get out more mate”

[Harry] “Hmm, you’re not wrong”

Pip’s no a girl to be on film

[Pip] “Oh dad, you said you’d never do this … you hate them!”

[David] “Well, needs must”

[Pip] “I don’t; want to live in a prison. But why, dad?”

[David] “Times changes”

[Pip] “What next, a ten foot security fence … it’s so creepy ... it’s bad enough being spied upon in town, but I live here”

When David, Josh and Ben are looking at the camera – trying to work out who someone is that’s just come onto the Farm. David sounds panicky, but it’s just Spencer:

[Ben] “No it’s not; it’s the beast of Haydn wood!”

Pip later says to Spencer that she knows something’s afoot that David and Ruth aren’t telling her. She knows it’s something to do with Adam, but thinks it more about David having also found Nigel. Sounds like she thinks he’s lost the plot.

I thought David and Ruth had decided to tell Pip as she’s the most at risk?

It’ll take a lot of wood to build that Beacon
Two sessions, Mike reckons.

Vicky really does want to retire

Which is fair enough.

She and Mike are having a wee time out on Lakey Hill.

[Mike] “It's good to have the time to stop and stare”

[Vicky] “We don’t have enough down time together, do we”

Hint hint …

Vicky says she’s looking forward to Mike retiring. And wonders if Harry would want to buy into the bottling plant.

[Mike] “It’ll be nice to have a bit of time for me”

[Vicky] “Us. We’ll have a fantastic time together”

Ah – but that’s where there could be trouble. Mike sees his retirement being in front of a flat screen TV. Vicky wants to dance, go in for competitions, do Zumba …

[Mike] “Well the over 60s put on some nice coach trips …”

[Vicky, ignoring Mike’s mention of bus trips] “There’s an extra’s agency opened up in Felpersham, we could be on telly”

Vicky sees television competitions. Win big, And jet off to Dubai.

Mike sounds like he just wants his slippers!

[Vicky] “Oh, we’ve got so much to look forward to”

[Mike] “Spending time with the grandkids”

[Vicky] “Oh, I hope that won’t mean less time for me, Mr Bubbles”

[Mike] “Oh never, Mrs Bubbles”

Silver Jubilee memories

[Vicky] “Rowena Ballam pelted me with jelly at our street party”

And Mike lit the Beacon at the very spot they’re now sitting on.

Lost to Darrington

Did the Ambridge cricket team. Though Harry reckons they at least gave them a fright. Probably just with how bad they are …

[Harry] “We should be proud of ourselves. Ifty calls us a work in progress”

Wednesday, 7 September 2011

The Archers Wednesday 7th September 2011: Pat won’t stand for it anymore!

David takes the Michael out of Spencer
Susan has been bending all morning …
Wishful thinking
Wales has rain
Peggy to save Bridge Farm?
Pat finally lets it out

David takes the Michael out of Spencer

David, Ruth, Pip and Spencer are at the New Smithsfield.

Spencer seems particularly hyper.

[David] “Typical arable boy, runs wild when you let him out of a tractor cab!”

Spender is getting particularly hot under the collar about an automated milking machine:

[Spencer] “Seriously cool .. the cows walks in, it’s scanned, teats rinsed, teacups on .. all robotically”

Pip pours cold water on Spencer’s fantasising – the machine is a whopping £300,000.

Spencer then gates “fascinated” by the yard scrapers.

[David] “Inside every barley baron is a cowman trying to get out … or a proper farmer, as I like to call them”

Meow!

Susan has been bending all morning …

Picking carrots.

[Neil] “Oh yes, there’s allot of that in carrot picking”

Very helpful Neil. Indeed.

Susan has the last laugh, though.

When Neil later comes in to check if his tea is ready (cheeky), Susan has done nothing. She’s been on her feet all day.

(hand on – doesn’t potting up yoghurt normally happen in a standing position?)

[Susan] “Tea is going to be ready whenever you're going to take me down The Bull and order it”

Wishful thinking

Susan wants her grandkids growing up in Ambridge, unlike Jennifer and Brian sending Ruairi to boarding school, and Hayley and Roy letting Phoebe going to South Africa for a year.

She doesn’t mean Emma’s rather random brood – she already has plans for Chris.

[Neil] “Alice and Christopher haven't got any children yet … so don’t start setting the poor little nipper’s entrance exams!”

Wales has rain

No sh*t Sherlock!

David amazes us once again with his powers of observation.

He’s seen a new farming system, at the New Smithsfield, where the cows are out all of the time.

Seems that can only work in Wales.

Where it rains.

Pat finally lets it out

Pat is bagging up carrots. In Bridge Farm bags.

Tony tries to tell her that there’s no point in that. The carrots won’t sell if they can be spotted as Bridge Farm produce.

Pat is furious.

[Pat] “How are we ever going to get our market back skulking around?”

[Tony] “Look, we have to be realistic, these just won’t sell without our name on it”

[Pat] “No! No they won’t! Not if you’re going to be so utterly defeatist.

“I won’t give up. I will not.

“I won’t be ashamed of Bridge Farm … taking our name off everything, pretending we don’t exist, I can’t stand much more if it!

“ … and now Bridge’s Farm is like a dirty secret … we have to pretend like we're someone else”

Pat’s rant ends in tears.

[Tony] “It’s alright. Get your cry out, love”

Aw.

This really isn’t fair.

Peggy to save Bridge Farm?

Pat’s calmed down a bit.

She now feels “ashamed” that she’s had to make Susan lift carrots.

And she’s starting to ponder whether she should listen to Tom about Borchester Life.

But, then she’s off again …

[Pat] “One of things that gave me strength, after John, we had to keep going for Tom and Helen … and the farm was part of that … part if the life we were making for our children that we hoped to pass on …

“ …we can’t hide from it Tony, We can’t go on like this for much longer .. .we do need to stick our heads above the parapets … we need to get back in the marketplace, at a proper price … looking at the figures, we really don’t have very long before we go out of business”

[Tony] “I’ll go and ask mum, agreed?”

Neither Tony nor Pat like to have to ask Peggy for help, but needs most definitely must.

[Tony] “I’ll go round with a begging bowl then”

Ouch.

Wednesday, 31 August 2011

The Archers Tuesday 30th August 2011: Mia goes walkabout

Woken up by Robbie Williams and Harry Mason
A job is a job
The Shiny Shop lures Mia
Joe’s birthday plans
Seems James and Leonie won’t be welcomed back to Ambridge
Spencer’s sun glasses haven’t been the same since to go carting
Dubrovnik

Woken up by Robbie Williams and Harry Mason

At 2am.

Poor Jazzer.

Harry was making a mixed tape (or was it CD? Not sure anyone makes mixed tapes anymore as most folks are not likely to have something to play on. What is a shame, I reckon. A tape is far more tactile)

Jazzer has to do the milk round tomorrow, but Harry doesn’t. Harry didn’t think, but also reckons it fair do as Jazzer often plays his music early hours as well.

[Jazzer] “I play decent music, bit Robbie flipping Williams!”

Oh dear. The Odd Couple look like they’re heading for divorce.

Jazzer is later complaining to Pip and Spencer.

[Jazzer] “Life in the flat has become hell on earth. I thought Harry was alright, bit pernickety maybe, I got used to his funny ways, but since he got off with Zofia, I don’t know the man naemare”

(all together now – I’ve grown accustomed to his face …)

They reckon Zofia’s right enough to be spending all this time at Jazzer and Harry’s flat – after all, the alternative is her shared caravan with all the other girls.

But, Jazzer reckons she’s always in the bathroom, and she hands her underwear out to dry in there …

[Jazzer] “Time when I was really keen to see it, but no like this. It’s torture, I’m telling ya!”

And what’s more - Jazzer can’t use the living room as them cuddling puts him off his larger.

Aw. Poor Jazzer.

A job is a job

Jennifer may have been horrified at the thought of Alice going for the cleaning job (as advertised on a card in the village shop), but Clarrie would have been glad of it. But she was too late. The job had gone.

Nic suggests Clarrie put a card up saying she wants work. Clarrie seems quite interested in that.

Is it just me, or is Clarrie sounding more positive?

The Shiny Shop lures Mia

Mia, Jake, Nic and Clarrie are off to town (on a rather noisy train) to go shopping.

The kids need stuff for school.

[Mia] “Can we go to the shiny shop?”

[Jake] “No, it’s girly”

But Nic says yes – it’s Mia’s favourite, and it’s just an accessory shop. Clarrie reckons she can get Rosie something for her 60th there (Rosie Mabbot, Clarrie’s sister), but doesn’t reckon it’d do for Joe’s upcoming 90th birthday.

[Clarrie] “I can’t see him going for a pair of sparkly earrings”

[Nic] “Or deeply boppers”

Clarrie’s feeling bad as she can’t afford to spend much on presents – which she’s unhappy about especially as it’s special birthdays. And not to worry about Joe – Jim and Bert have special plans.

Anyway – Clarrie finds a wallet for Joe in a shop. She and Nic are chatting away, then also chat with Harry when he comes in.

Then.

Nic notices that Mia’s not there anymore …

Clarrie stays wonderfully calm – Nic panics – so Clarrie gets Nic to stay put in that shop with Jake, while she and Harry head off to try and find Mia.

It’s a tense few moments – Jake was worried Mia ran away as he was nasty to her – and Nic gets increasingly hysterical – but all’s well in the end.

Clarrie finds her as Nic is having a nervous breakdown. Mia has gone back to the shiny shop. Seemingly:

[Clarrie] “A nice little assistant saw her come in by herself and was keeping an eye on her”

I’d say ‘phew’ if this all hadn’t happened quite quickly. Not quite suspense – more of a blink and you’ll miss the high drama …

Joe’s birthday plans

Jim and Bert are sorting a Special meeting of the cider club. They’ll be decorating the shed, Eddie will break out the “good stuff” and Clarrie will do bread cheese.

Sounds marvellous. Spot on for Joe, I reckon. Especially as it will:

[Clarrie] “Let Joe hold court a bit, you know how he likes to do that”

Seems James and Leonie won’t be welcomed back to Ambridge

Jim and Bert are seemingly still very unamused by their behaviour. They were still “moaning” about it while they were telling Clarrie their plans for Joe’s birthday,

[Clarrie] “I don’t think they’re being too clever bout it … I don’t think they was going about it diplomatic”

I hope the residents manage to chase the odious James and Leonie away.

But, knowing how thick skinned they are, I doubt they’ll notice – even if the pitchforks come out …

Spencer’s sun glasses haven’t been the same since to go carting

I really don’t know what to say about (or make of) that.

Dubrovnik

Pip and Spencer offer to tell Jazzer about their holiday plans.

[Jazzer] “Anything to take my mind off Ambridge’s Posh n Becks”

When they tell him they’re off to Dubrovnik – and explain it’s in Croatia:

[Jazzer] “You’re joking? Is there no a war on there?”

On being told no – that it ended a while ago:

[Jazzer] “ … history was never ,my string point, I’m more a biology man”

*snort*!

Although Dubrovnik has pebble beaches rather than sandy, it’s hot and NOT in the euro – so it’s of much cheapness.

It also doesn’t have Spencer’s brother Steve (who is unhappily working the family farm, though has also started signing on. Ha!).

[Jazzer] “Just one thing … Can ah come tae?”

Oh dear.

We didn’t get to hear Pip and Spencer’s response, but Jazzer must really be desperate if he wants to spend time with those two. Love’s young dream, and also quite sensible – not Jazzer’s style at all.

Monday, 11 July 2011

The Archers Monday 11th July 2011: Spencer’s worried about mud

(which is odd for a farmer, but he’s actually talking metaphorically … or something like that)

Susan’s making a list
Alf Grundy returns!
We all know what happens when reparations are demanded …
Spencer takes Pip for a ride on his big monster
AND A GOAT!
Pip’s disappointed in David
Spencer’s a sensitive young chap

Susan’s making a list

And will be checking it twice, you can bet.

Which Clarrie seems quite happy to just follow, and be told what’s what.

Which is fair enough. Why try make an extra effort when someone else is doing to do the work for you?

This christening should be (*should* be, please note) a doddle.

Alf Grundy returns!

Also called Alfie by some (not to be confused with Vicky’s ill-fated dairy bull calf).

Eddie’s brother. Joe’s eldest. And a bit of a bad ‘un.

The distinction is that while Joe and Eddie are mere rogues (they rip people off, but they do it with a cheeky grin), Alf is a proper criminal (rips people off with a scowl). He even stole from Eddie once.

Not sure how long it’s been since Alf was around – but Susan is not too happy to hear that he’s due back in Ambridge for Keira’s christening.

[Clarrie] “You know Alfie – if there’s a bit of free nosh going”

Later on, to Neil, Susan hopes that Alf isn’t back on the cider.

This christening should be interesting after all.

Wondering if the Aldridge’s are invited? Susan will have apoplexy …

We all know what happens when reparations are demanded …

… knackered economy, high inflation, high unemployed, widespread dissatisfaction, anger, hatred, Hitler and World Wars.

Funny that Steve and Marty have to pay them back. I’d have thought the powers that be would have had a far more fluffy and inclusive terms for (what sounds like) community service.

They might also have to do guidance and counselling – and Pip was a bit taken aback that Steve has been grounded.

[Pip] “Wow!”

Eh? Surely a basic, in these circumstances?

Spencer takes Pip for a ride on his big monster

I know … childish and obvious, but I couldn’t resist ;)

Spencer’s stressed out, so Pip pops over to chum him out for a ride on the combine.

Pip is most suitably impressed with his combine. It seemingly has a setting for tailings (the ears that weren’t fully threshed the first time, so get put back through again), and a whole 9 different crop settings that can be customised. Amongst many other things.

[Pip] “You really think you’re Mr Cool, sat up here on your monster machine”

Spencer quite sensibly refuses Pip when she asks to have a go at driving. She’s obviously far too excited, and doesn’t she remember what happens when unauthorised persons are allowed to drive farm equipment (Jude and the quad bike).

AND A GOAT!

Neil’s been very quiet of late.

First moment he gets near the secret microphone, Emma talks him into making George’s troll scarecrow for them. She claims she’s too busy (again), but also makes it slightly obvious that she wants a scarecrow better than she and Ed could scare up.

(see what I did there?)

BUT – not only does she want better – she was wants a troll AND a goat.

[Neil] “Well, a troll’s one thing … a goat!”

Yes Neil – A GOAT!!!

[Emma] “It’s got to be the best mum. George has set his heart on it”

[Neil] “I can bend him anyway you want”

Well, steady on there Neil. Tis only a village competition.

Pip’s disappointed in David

[Spencer] “Plain safe”

[Pip] “Plain chicken … if you’re going to succeed in this business you’ve got to be prepared to take a risk”

Hark at her! One terms with a side order of Business Studies (failed the first time), Pip think she’s knows all.

Spencer’s a sensitive young chap

The situation with at Spencer’s home (Steve being in trouble, his dad furious and his mum crying) is bad enough – but bless wee Spencer. He’s also worried about what Pip’s folks will think of him.

After all, they did hate Jude.

[Pip] “No matter what anyone else thinks, I ;love you just the same. And that’s all that matters.”

So it’s love.

Aw.

Monday, 4 July 2011

The Archers Sunday 3rd July 2011: Worried teens, good lambs and wheat, Percy Shelley

Court on Friday
Good lamb!
“Your mum said you were giving the lambs a blow dry”
Eddie trims toenails!!!
Drought? What drought??
Changing my mind about Natalie …
Livestock Vs Arable
What does David do for as hobby?
You weren’t wild, Pip!
To a Skylark - Percy Bysshe Shelley
“And we live here”

Court on Friday

Jamie gets off the phone from a very worried and upset Marty.

Steve’s been charged with taking a car without permission, no insurance and driving over the limit.

Marty has been charged with letting himself be carried in a vehicle taken without permission (or something along those lines).

Marty doesn’t seem to be blaming Jamie for telling the truth to the Police. But he is terrified about what might happen next.

[Kathy] “At least, well, I can’t see him doing it again in a hurry”

Quite right indeed.

Wonder how much of a big man Steve is going to feel in court. Spencer reckons he’s trying to play the wee kid at home – hiding in his room, hoping it will all go away, while his parents fret.

Good lamb!

So reckons Pip. She tells David that he’s done such a good job over the years that she’s spoilt for choice when she had to select two good ones for showing at the Borchester Show.

David also sounded a bit chirpier – and took Pip’s compliments without snorting.

How long before Elizabeth spoils his mood again.

“Your mum said you were giving the lambs a blow dry”

And that’s why I love Ambridge.

That Pip was blow drying the lambs is normal.

That Pip’s boyfriend, Spencer, doesn’t blink when he’s told what Pip’s doing.

And that wee lambs get to be pampered (well … before they are taken to … ahem … you know …).

Eddie trims toenails!!!

I still wake up in cold sweats at the thought of Clarrie having to clip Joe’s toenails.

And what do I learn tonight?

That Eddie has trimmed Pip’s lambs’ toenail “to perfection”.

Goodness sake, Eddie.

Pull your toenail clippers out at home!

Drought? What drought??

It’s always naff having to listen to someone else moaning about a lack of rain, when you’ve got far too much.

Still. My own fault for living in the West of Scotland. And my bit of Scotland tends to be warmer and dryer than most others.

Anyhoo – Spencer’s wheat seems to be okay, and they might even harvest early.

Phew!

Changing my mind about Natalie …

Maybe Natalie just really needed her caravan weekend.

She seems far more interested and caring about Jamie today.

Jamie certainly seems to have calmed down. Though worried about having had to “rat” on his mates to the Police, and now having to possibly be a witness in court – when Natalie comes over, all he wants to do is have a nice walk with her.

Aw!

[Jamie] “Steve … he makes you feel bad if you don’t join in”

[Natalie] “Whatever happens, it’s not your fault … get your head in gear. He’s done stuff. There are consequences. End of story”

Aye indeedy. Well said, young lady.

Livestock Vs Arable

[Spencer on David] “For a livestock man, he’s pretty clued up on wheat”

[Pip] “Typical arable farmer, you think we’re all a bunch of hicks!”

But it’s all amicable, really. Just young lovers jesting.

What does David do for as hobby?

Asks Spencer.

Nothing. He just works.

Now – if he was to sit himself down at about 7pm, grab a cuppa (or something slightly stronger) and turn on Radio 4, a whole new world might open up for him …

You weren’t wild, Pip!

Pip reckons she can’t talk about what Steve is putting his parents through, after what she did to hers when she was seeing Jude.

Eh?

So she went to Cornwall without them knowing. Had a few drinks. Being a bit stroppy.

Not quite the same as stealing cars, m’dear.

(but bless her cotton socks for thinking so)

To a Skylark - Percy Bysshe Shelley

In the golden lightning
Of the sunken sun,
O'er which clouds are bright'ning,
Thou dost float and run;
Like an unbodied joy whose race is just begun.

[Jamie] “No-one has ever said a poem to me before”

See what I mean? Can Natalie be anything other than a nice young lass, who can quote Shelley?

“And we live here”

Jamie was talking about the time that Sid made him go running (he reckons Sid kept himself fit for the cricket … aye, right then!), it was too hot, and they had to stop halfway up Lakey Hill as Jamie was struggling.

As they sat together and look at Ambridge, Sid said:

[Jamie quoting Sid] “Aren’t we lucky … just look at it. And we live here. We’ve got everything we need. And best of all we’ve got something who loves us. What else is there to worry about …”

Jamie reckons he just wants Sid to be proud of him. And that Jamie will do whatever it takes to make Sid proud.

Which is where Natalie steps in to encourage Jamie to go to 6th form college …

Liking this girl more and more!

Sunday, 26 June 2011

The Archers Sunday 26th June 2011: Pip’s plans for Brookfield

Walking the barley?
Three Lambs for Borchester show
No room at Brookfield for Pip?
“Sometimes I wonder where all the nice times went”
Harry takes Zofia for a ride
Zofia, strawberries coming out of her ears, but Adam’s cherry isn’t ready
Harry’s banter beats Jazzer’s letching
Pip and Spencer … the new Morse and Lewis

Walking the barley?

[David] “It’s fine, I can walk the barley later”

I assume that would mean checking that the barley is doing well, but one never does know with David being in his current state of mind …

Three Lambs for Borchester show

Pip is entering lambs into the Borchester show. She does seem to know what she’s doing, but she wants David’s help to choose the three that she will take.

They seemingly need to have:

[Pip] “Good topline, decent loin width and muscling … squared hipped, flat wide racks”

[David] “Structural correctness, the judges call it …”

[Pip] “Steady legs and not too deep a chest”

Although Pip and David choose their prospective winners, Pip can’t help but ask Spencer his opinion (even though it’s not his area of expertise):

[Pip] “Which ones have got the X Factor?”

No room at Brookfield for Pip?

As they’re choosing lambs, Pip happens to mention that she would like to take over the marketing of Brookfield’s meat.

David sounds very unsure about that.

Not that Pip isn’t good enough to work with him and Ruth – but he’s worried about whether the farm can actually support another wage.

[Pip] “You don’t have to be gloomy about everything … three years is a long way off, things will get better, you’ll see”

Pip does have to go to Uni first (assuming she gets in), so has hope that the market will improve by the time she’s done.

Especially as she has to watch Spencer already working his parent’s farm.

Even though he reckons he’s just a tractor driver, as least he gets to go round with the agronomist.

“Sometimes I wonder where all the nice times went”

Chatting to Usha about how her ‘chat’ with Elizabeth went on Friday, Ruth seems quite taken aback by how vehement Elizabeth was about David, and about the very idea of her going to counselling.

[Ruth] “I was so stunned, I just sort of slunk away”

But, David did seem to be fine with Ruth telling him that she’d been to see Elizabeth, so it wasn’t a total loss.

Usha’s in reflective mood about what’s happening between her friends:

[Usha] “Especially with Elizabeth and in the frame of mind she’s in, poor thing … if she won’t listen, she won’t listen .. you’ve done everything you can”

So, Ruth’s new resolve is to concentrate on David and the farm.

[Ruth] “Sometimes I wonder where all the nice times went”

Harry takes Zofia for a ride

[Harry] “I want you to enjoy yourself, it’s not meant to be an ordeal”

Harry claims that his bike ride with Zofia is meant to be fun, but also slightly obvious that he’s training (and thinking) about his impeding bike race with Rhys.

Zofia seems fine with the ride, and is also keen to support Harry.

[Zofia] “Should I pledge for you?”

So – Rhys may have The Bull’s regulars supporting him – but Harry now has the Polish vote (as Zofia is also going to get her friends to pledge).

Zofia, strawberries coming out of her ears, but Adam’s cherry isn’t ready

Well … cherries not cherry … but I couldn’t resist that one …

Harry’s banter beats Jazzer’s letching

Zofia is quite surprised to hear Harry even think that Jazzer has a chance with her.

[Zofia] “Really, he has no conversation”

[Harry] “He’s not usually after their minds”

Then it all gets a tad saucy.

Harry did get intimate with Zofia the other night, and it sounded like his manhood was arising today.

Blimey.

Again – no showers, please …

Pip and Spencer … the new Morse and Lewis

Not sure who would be Morse and who would be Lewis, but Pip and Spencer took mere moments to work out who was behind the terrorising of Lynda’s Llamas.

Josh had been in the frame, because of his ‘tagging’ last year. But he was tucked up in his bed.

Pip remembers Jamie had also been tagging.

Spencer knows that this sort of caper is right up his brother Steve’s street.

Et voila!

[Spencer] “Best not to say anything, though. Can’t be sure”

Aw, that’s a shame.

But maybe Spencer is right.

Better to beat it out of them …

Saturday, 18 June 2011

The Archers Thursday 16th June 2011: The Trip to the Potters

Ruth’s birthday
Pickers and Pottery
The cows are drying off?
Zofia likes Robbie Williams
Spencer is already fetching cake
Jazzer can be quite crass indeed

Ruth’s birthday

And she’s having a lovely time.

She’s had a lie-in. A “fantastic” breakfast. Presents (sounded like a DVD, dressing gown and tickets to a concert – wonder who the gig is? Seems to be an old favourite who are quite loud … hmmmm).

She even got a card from Kenton AND Jolene. Blimey.

With Jill, Kenton, Shula, Daniel (and possibly Alistair) on their way, Ruth’s well chuffed.

She was a bit affronted when Pip suggested she sit on her bum and watch her new DVD.

[Ruth] “Watch television in daylight?”

And worse still – no card from Elizabeth.

As Pip said – how petty can Elizabeth get?

Pretty petty, it would seem.

Pickers and Pottery

[Harry] “You’re not interested in pottery!”

[Jazzer] “What makes you say that?”

[Harry] “You don’t even use plates, half the time …”

Harry is a tad perturbed that Jazzer is also on the Pickers’ Pottery Trip. Especially as he still seems to think that Macbeth was rubbish as a murder mystery as they knew who did it …

Harry does get his prized seat, right next to Zofia. But Jazzer managed to get a seat nearby.

The two of them then spend the rest of the journey trying to outdo each other in trying to prove who knows more about pottery. Jazzer’s printed information off from the internet – Harry knows deeper detail, but less of it.

But the real kicker?

Zofia isn’t interested in pottery.

The cows are drying off?

Anyone like to enlighten me what the process looks like?

Zofia likes Robbie Williams

[Jazzer] “ …it’s no as old as Stoke on Trent …”

[Zofia] “I wish we were (going there) … this is where Robbie Williams is coming from”

Just how old is Zofia, by the way?

Spencer is already fetching cake

From Jill’s, no less.

I feel a wedding ahoy …

Jazzer can be quite crass indeed

[Jazzer] “I might not no much about this art farty stuff …”

[Harry] “But you know what you like?”

[Jazzer] “Aye ah dae… and that’s women. Let the better player take a crack at goal …”

[Harry] “This isn’t a real football match, I have real feelings for this girl”

[Jazzer, audibly leering] “So have I mate, so have I”

Wednesday, 15 June 2011

The Archers Sunday 12th June 2011: Open Farm Sunday 2011

Starts slow
Here’s hoping Spencer is more reliable
I love it when Usha does rural
Those funny deer
Those even funnier sheep
David said “canoodle”
Big doesn’t mean bad
Joint birthday party next week
Toby with red hair wants to chat about sheep

Starts slow

Brian still isn’t convinced that they should have taken on Open Farm Sunday, and he at first seems to be proved right. There are only a few ‘great unwashed’ to be seen.

[Brian] “I shall be really fed-up if we don’t do as well as Brookfield after all the work we’ve put in”

Adam tries to tell Brian that it isn’t a competition …

Here’s hoping Spencer is more reliable

Pip and Spencer are helping out at Home Farm for Open Farm Sunday. As it’s quite, they have time to plan a summer holiday, before Pip goes to Uni (assuming she gets in).

Let’s hope it’s a holiday that Pip manages to get to go on. Remember what happened last time with Jude …

To go on holiday, Pip also needs to earn a few pennies. It would seem that the only place she can get work is Lower Loxley (surely not?). Which means she’ll have to talk to Elizabeth again.

Better her than me, with the mood Elizabeth is in at the moment.

I love it when Usha does rural

Alan’s busy (it is Sunday), so Usha takes herself down to Open Farm Sunday.

I adore Usha for her complete lack of pretence that she knows anything about farming. She’s openly admits her utter ignorance, even though she is rural dwelling.

She reckons the deer calves look like Bambi.

Usha found Open farm Sunday very “thought provoking”. David reckon he enjoyed Brian’s “propaganda”.

And she got to see Bambi.

Those funny deer

While the deer mums are better looked after at Home Farm than Bambi’s mum had been, they’re still not particularly maternal.

Adam tells us that they leave deer to their own devices when they give birth. And, the deer mums leave their new borns behind tree or grass after they’ve had them. The rest of the herd don’t get to meet them for a few weeks.

Those even funnier sheep

[Adam] “(Deer are) far less determined than sheep to get into trouble … they have a death wish. They do find creative ways of getting into trouble. But I reckon they’re more intelligent that they’re given credit for”

David said “canoodle”

And worse still, he said it to Spencer and Pip.

How embarrassing for all concerned.

Big doesn’t mean bad

Or, at least that’s what Adam and Brian want folks to understand about Home Farm.

Adam won’t apologise for using sprays on his crops. He reckons organic farmers use sprays as well, and the ones he uses, he uses sparingly. After all, they cost money.

The main thrust of his and Brian’s argument is that the world needs food, so they need big food producers to produce lots of it.

And they can produce lots of food while “also looking after the bugs”.

[Brian] “Maximising yields doesn’t mean not caring about the environment or wildlife, but you do have to care about people too. And farmers have to make a profit, or we wouldn’t be here too”

Joint birthday party next week

At Brookfield. For Ruth and Usha.

Toby with red hair wants to chat about sheep

But with Adam and Brian busy, David heads off to explain more.

It wasn’t even his Open Farm Sunday, but he was happy to help. Which is more than Kate did. She was too busy researching schools for Phoebe.

Saturday, 4 June 2011

Ambridge Extra Thursday 2nd June 2011: Jamie needs new mates

(which we all know, but he might listen to Natalie saying it as well)

Pip goes to see Elizabeth
Fallon’s in a huff?
A smashing time was had by all
Does Marty have a deeply sinister side?
“Shut up Steve!”
Shame Jamie doesn’t have cojones like Natalie
Mrs Parker
Chas is no match for Lesley

Pip goes to see Elizabeth

And gets a warm welcome. Elizabeth is happy to see her, and is going to arrange for her to work at The Orangery during the Summer.

But, Elizabeth isn’t as receptive to Pip trying to talk about David.

Pip tells Elizabeth how upset David is, and

[Pip] “Isn’t it bad enough, what happened to Uncle Nigel … there’s no point in us being angry with each other … can’t we just be a family again?”

[Elizabeth] “I can’t forgive give him … I lost my husband, doesn’t that count for anything thing?”

Elizabeth tells Pip that she is “immensely fond” of her. But, that what’s happened with David is between her and David.

Wonderfully reasonable is Elizabeth, yet again (!). She’s the adult, yet she can’t see what position she’s putting Pip in. And how she (Elizabeth) is making Pip’s home life rather hellish.

But at least Pip has a rather spiffing new man in her life.

[Pip] “She really hates him … she looks so hurt”

[Spencer] “Just try not worry … I’m here, you’ve got me now”

(still can’t quite believe Spencer and Steve are actually brothers).

Fallon’s in a huff?

Fallon isn’t returning Kirsty’s calls.

Nic has told Kirsty that she saw Fallon looking at her phone when it rang, and turning it to silent.

So she is avoiding Kirsty, after Kirsty and Rhys made a bit of a fool of her at the party (by pretending they were engaged).

I’d feel a bit embarrassed if I was Fallon, and a bit annoyed my mates couldn’t have told me that I’d been too eager to try and push them together. But Falling out with them?

Probably not. Unless I little else that living vicariously through other people’s relationships …

A smashing time was had by all

Jamie bumps Natalie (and her two mates) who are waiting for him in the pub, to go with Steve and Marty to smash an old warehouse’s windows.

Brilliant decision making there, Jamie.

They have a jolly old time, until they hear a dog barking – assume it’s security – so leg it. In the process of which, Jamie cuts his hand.

Does Marty have a deeply sinister side?

When he discovers a female dummy in the warehouse, his first reaction is to burn her.

That’s a bit worrying.

“Shut up Steve!”

I like that young lady, Natalie.

Not sure what she sees in Jamie (in his current guise – I still reckon he’s a nice enough chap underneath it all), but she at least sees Steve and Marty for the morons they are. And isn’t scared of telling them.

Shame Jamie doesn’t have cojones like Natalie

Natalie’s bumped into Jamie as he, Steve and Marty are running away from the warehouse security (though they actually could just be running away from an angry Pekingese, out for its evening walk).

She notices Jamie’s cut hand, and tries to see if he is okay. But Steve won’t have it. Natalie wanting to be sure that Jamie isn’t badly hurt is somehow offensive to Steve;

[Steve] “We hang together, just tell her, or you going to let yourself be whipped by a girl?”

[Jamie, to Natalie] “No, look, get off! I’m not your baby, alright .. .what is it with girls, you don’t own me!”

[Steve] “Did you hear the man? He’s standing tall with his boys”

So, once again, Jamie chooses his mates over a girl. Which would be fair enough, if his mates were actually worth anything.

For whatever reason, Natalie is still speaking to Jamie the next day. He tries to explain that he didn’t mean anything that he said (but he did say it), and she tells him that she doesn’t like him when he’s round his mates.

[Jamie] “I only said those things cause Steve and Marty was there”

What a wuss!

As well as pointing out that Jamie turns onto a muppet when he’s round Steve and Marty, Natalie also thinks Jamie needs to put his exams first.

[Natalie] “ …decent grades or Steve and Marty? … it’s more important than looking good in front of them”

Wonder if there are enough anti-moronic-mates feeling around to help Jamie actually tell Steve and Marty where to go? Kathy, Jolene, Fallon, Rhys, and now Natalie, are all saying that Jamie needs to crack on with what’s important, rather than be ‘cool’ for his pals.

Mrs Parker

Mrs Parker is Jackie Parker’s mum.

Jackie went missing from Alice’s Uni.

And it’s all Chas’ fault. He lent Jackie money, and been harassing her ever since. She chose to disappear rather than have to cope with him anymore.

Jackie’s disappearance has dropped Chas right in it (he now can’t pay back his financier, brother-in-law Vince), so Chas is desperate to find her.

Which involves calling her parents, and pretending he’s a friend in an attempt to tease Jackie’s address of her (rather upset) mum.

First time round, Mrs Parker doesn’t want to tell Chas where Jackie is, but sounded like that was because her husband had told her not to say anything to anyone.

But, Mrs Parker has mistaken Chas for someone she can trust. So calls him back, to tell him that Jackie is at a friend’s in Newcastle.

[Mrs Parker] “I just someone to tell her we love her”

[Chas] “But don’t worry … I’ll find your daughter”

Oops. Jackie better keep running. Unless she also has a meathead brother.

Chas is no match for Lesley

Chas is back trying to hassle Reggie – but interesting that he calls him rather than go round and play the big man in person. Not after Chas had the run in with Reggie’s brother Lesley, and lost.

[Chas] “You haven’t got your meathead brother to answer for you now”

Nae luck Chas! It is “the meathead” who has answered the phone.

[Lesley] “If you go anywhere near my little brother, I’ve got a few ways of settling things myself, understand me son?”

So Chas has to back off again.

Methinks Reggie might not be paying back Chas any money anytime soon. If at all.

Tuesday, 31 May 2011

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 31st May 2011: Chris buys a van

Alice is doing Chas’ shopping
Spencer, a nice lad indeed, part 684
“We’re your crew”
Chris will be his own boss
Alice not keen to leave Chas?
We all think it about some older folks driving …
What does “such a Tony, sometimes” mean?

Alice is doing Chas’ shopping

I wonder if he’s ever gone out of his way to help her?

It is for Alice as well. And is mainly junk food to help them revise (I think they’ll find that a carrot or two would help more than junk … or so I’m told).

So Alice has got them crisps, chocolate, love hearts …

… love hearts?

Is Alice actually (very subtly) flirting with Chas, which means it isn’t just all in his head?

Spencer, a nice lad indeed, part 684

Spencer is fast becoming one of the nicest young men to have ever been in Ambridge.

Today, he was consoling Biff (the Brookfield sheepdog) about the new puppy soon arriving, and reassuring Biff that he’ll always be his favourite.

And then he makes (and takes) a lot of effort to get Pip to talk about him. She’s got exam stress, and a rather difficult atmosphere at home.

[Pip] “It’s not exactly been much fun around here … Dad’s doing his usual when upset, doesn’t talk and just works even longer … Mum gets snappy, she’s still furious with Aunty Elizabeth”

He does manage to get her to take a break. And get her to talk.

Spencer’s response to the woeful tale of David revealing the ‘truth’ to Elizabeth:

[Spencer] “I’m sure he didn’t mean him to fall”

Pip’s sad that David’s efforts to “put things right” has backfired so badly, and also misses Elizabeth.

[Pip] “She was so supportive, she never judged … she was more of a friend”

But now, she’s too scared to even go and see her. And she does need to see her soon, if she wants a summer job at Lower Loxley.

“We’re your crew”

(I know I should stop making such a big fuss about the street language Jamie and his mates use – but it does grate ever so. They’re a bunch of village boys, for mighty sake!)

[Marty] “Since when did you become such a swat?”

[Steve] “Jamie, stop being a div, get out here!”

They’re persuaded Jamie (yet again) to stop studying, and go out to play … sorry, ‘hang …

Chris will be his own boss

Chris calls Alice to tell her that he’s bought his van – only 24,000 on the clock – so all he has to do now is convert it for farriering.

AND, his boss has said that he will:

[Chris] “definitely get first dibs”

Alice is just as excited, but Chas is not impressed.

He sounded quite perturbed that Chris had already spent the money Chas loaned him – one can only assume that Chas was thinking of trying to get it back to pay his own ever mounting debts.

And our Alice-that-isn’t-acting-like-Alice didn’t pick up that Chas was grumpy when she told him about the van. She even failed to notice that one if his first responses was reminding her that the first payment is due Wednesday.

Would love to see Chris miss a payment, then Chas trying to bully Chris.

Chris has always seemed to be a strapping young man, and he had rather heavy tools to hand …

Alice not keen to leave Chas?

Alice didn’t seem too enthralled when Chris mentioned that she only has 2 weeks left on Uni.

It could be that she has exams to first get through.

Could be that she’ll miss the student life (although she is then off to study at Felpersham).

Could be that she’s enjoyed the freedom of living single, but being married.

Could be that she’s realising that, as Chris has sorted the next 50 years of his life (by buying the van), she’s heading home to properly be settled down,

Or, doesn’t she want to leave Chas?

We all think it about some older folks driving …

… but we don’t peep out horn and shout at them.

It’s as inevitable as taking over one slow lorry to find another one ten minutes later. Better to just relax, and make sure you leave a bit earlier in case there are slow drivers, lorries, cyclists, tractors …

But, Jamie’s ‘crew’ reckon it’s jolly good spot to harass old men.

Nice.

They also start calling Jamie a wuss again.

[Steve] “Look, Jamie, we’re you’re crew, we’ve got your back, you know that, but when you start acting all strange and that, we get nervous, we’ve got to know you’re solid”

[Jamie] “Yes, I’m solid, alright!”

So Steve and Marty decide to make him prove it.

If anyone has got a better idea of what they were actually doing at the bridge – it sounded something like having to walk under it? – let me know, as I couldn’t picture it.

But they ‘dare’ him to do it (whatever ‘it’ was), and surprisingly also do ‘it; themselves. I thought they were setting him up.

What does “such a Tony, sometimes” mean?

Alice said it to Paulie when he was taking the Michael.

What does it mean?

Tony Blair? Hancock? Benn? Bennett? Adam? Hawk? Blackburn?

Or is it Toni? Or a girl’s name?

Of something completely different???

I have no ken …

Friday, 27 May 2011

Ambridge Extra Thursday 26th May 2011: Jamie’s a thief with a conscience

Wigging out
Kirsty and Rhys are engaged
Neither a lender not a borrower
Spencer is definitely marriage material
Nice present for a fish
Alice is still oblivious

Wigging out

Jamie’s pondering a bracelet that he’d like to buy for Natalie.

Marty is not impressed.

[Marty] “I reckon Steve had it spot on … you, you’ve gone soft … didn’t know you were going to turn into a girl as well … look at you, wigging out over some jewellery”

(the Urban dictionary reckons ‘wigged out’ is: Being devoid of reality, To lose sense of normalcy, An out of body experience. To act crazy as a reaction. To briefly flirt with lunacy)

With a heckler hardly being conducive to choosing a present for one’s girlfriend, Jamie’s ready to give up trying to find something. Any anyway, the jewellery is too expensive.

At which point Marty becomes interested again. He wants Jamie to steal it.

[Marty] “What’s the big? You’ll prove that you’re solid. Don’t you want to prove to Steve that he’s wrong .. .stop being a wuss, just swipe it”

So he does.

Kirsty and Rhys are engaged

Well, not really.

It was all just a ruse to wind Fallon up – to get her back for being so adamant that Kirsty and Rhys should date.

Kirsty started off that she also “can’t believe it could be like this”, which made Fallon over the moon.

(Though, when Fallon was checking that all was okay in the bedroom department, she sounded like she was about to ask what exactly does go on in the bedroom department … has Jolene not had ‘that’ talk with Fallon yet?)

Then, during the party that they were at, Rhys and Fallon stopped the music – and made the announcement that they were engaged.

Kirsty keeps laying it on thick. That it was all because of Fallon. That it was her idea.

[Kirsty] “Put preconceptions aside, and just jump straight in”

Fallon starts to sound a bit horrified at the (very loving) monster she’s created. She baulks at Kirsty asking her to be chief bridesmaid.

But Rhys and Kirsty don’t let her stew for long. They tell her the truth, and they all have a good laugh about it.

[Kirsty] “This is about the first thing we’re enjoyed doing together!”

[Rhys] “Put down your bow and arrow!”

Hmm. Very odd behaviour from Fallon, but at least we’re met Rhys properly.

Neither a lender not a borrower

Chas is in a bad way.

He’s now trying to get the folks he’s lent money to (and been harassing ever since with his rather pathetic big man routine) to pay him more back earlier.

Actually. He doesn’t ask. He begs.

Spencer is definitely marriage material

Spencer tells Kirsty that he’s worried about Pip.

He’s starting to think she’s starting to lose interest in him.

Kirsty tells him about the whole David/Elizabeth situation.

Later, he gently tells Pip that he knows. And that he’d totally understand if she needed to spend more time with her family. Also, that’s he’s there for her to talk to.

Bless him indeed. Keep a hold of this one, Pip.

Nice present for a fish

As Marty gets hassled by a goose, Jamie can’t tackle down his sense of guilt over stealing the bracelet.

[Jamie] “It just doesn’t feel right”

He feels bad about stealing it. And worse at the thought of giving Natalie a birthday present that he’s stolen.

So, he chucks it in the river.

[Marty] “What did you do that for? What’s Steve going to say? He’s going to think you’re a right loser now … he’s right, you have gone weird”

Probably would have been better to have taken the bracelet back to the shop, but at least Jamie’s taken another step in the right direction.

Tell the moronic thugs to get lost, young Mr Perks. Go on.

Alice is still oblivious

Chas is in a foul mood.

Alice puts it down to exam stress, and starts wittering on about going on holiday once she’s finished the Uni term. Even thinks of South Africa …

[Chas - shouting] “And I thought you needed to buy a van … I’m glad to see you’re putting my money to good use!”

He later apologies.

[Chas] “I need you, Alice. I’d go stark staring mad if I fell out with you on top of everything else … We need to get through these last few weeks together”

What an odious little creep.

Worse still – where has our Alice gone? She’s an Aldridge, for goodness sake. She should have the second site when it comes to tricksters …

Tuesday, 24 May 2011

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 24th May 2011: Chas has a wicked brother-in-law

Jamie doesn’t use a plate for his bacon sarnie
Rhys and Kirsty … Game On
Jamie can spot a softening up when it happens
Jackie Parker has disappeared
Frigid kid?
It’s called Borchester because …
Pip drinks cinnamon latte
Steve and Marty on the nick
Aw. Spencer can even tell when Pip’s upset
When’s a brother not a brother?

Jamie doesn’t use a plate for his bacon sarnie

And rushes out without a by or leave to Fallon.

Well, I never!

Rhys and Kirsty … Game On

Rhys and Kirsty, after admitting to each other that there is no heart-flutterings between them. Have decided to get their own back on the rather bizarre Fallon (why oh why was she so determined to get them together?).

So looks like the plan is to pretend that Rhys is smitten.

[Rhys] “She’s amazing … I never knew a girl like her … she’s gorgeous, she’s funny, she’s smart … she’s got the most spectacular … There is nothing more riveting than sitting for hours watching a heron waiting for his prey .. .especially if you watch it in a hide … they can be very private places … if you know what I mean … Kirsty Miller has fired arrows straight through my heart”

Rhys later calls Kirsty to tell her he’s hooked Fallon into believing him.

[Rhys] “I can hardly keep my face straight. Touch you!”

(the inference is – as if I would! And Kirsty agrees likewise).

So they reckon it’s “Game on”, wind up Fallon time.

Jamie can spot a softening up when it happens

Jamie is quite perturbed that Jolene has cut his hours back by half, so now he only works a Sunday.

He even noticed Jolene tactics of trying to make it (somehow) less painful with a bacon sandwich.

[Jolene] “She gave me a bacon sandwich to soften me up”

He reckons it’s all Kathy’s fault. So expect a bit more shouting to come …

Problem is – without the cash, how is Jamie going to buy a present for Natalie?

(and I will admit that I really could care less)

Jackie Parker has disappeared

Jackie is the student who owed Chas money. She’s seemingly done a runner.

Alice has heard about it from some of her Uni mates, and tells Chas.

He first just seems angry that he might not see his money.

Then, Chas seemed to be a bit nervous.

Was he starting to feel guilt about the reality of what he does to folks he lends money to? That he causes them stress, worry, does something so horrible to them that they have to run away. In Jackie’s case, she’s run before she could get her degree.

Or, is he more worried about Alice now finding out what he’s been up to?

Frigid kid?

[Marty] “Hey Pip, that’s not a very nice hand gesture”

(Pip has seemingly made a gesture at Steve as he drives by, and makes a bloke-on-a-building-site remark to her)

[Steve] “Is that why you’re going out with my brother then? You don’t like getting interest from a real man.”

[Pip] “No Steve. I’m just not interested in his little brother … get a life”

(Marty starts sniggering)

[Steve] “Shut up Marty. She’s a frigid kid anyway”

What a charmer that Steve is….

It’s called Borchester because …

… it’s boring.

So reckons Marty.

And that’s why I listen to Ambridge Extra. I’ll learning something new every day (!).

Pip drinks cinnamon latte

Oh how young farmers have changed.

Steve and Marty on the nick

While Jamie is off ‘studying’ with Natalie, Steve and Marty steal video games.

How very droll.

Steve reckons Jamie has gone a bit soft for choosing a girl over his mates.

[Steve] “Let Jamie do what he wants. We don’t need him”

Oh, now there’s a happy thought.

If Steve and Marty ‘dump’ Jamie, there might be hope for him after all.

Aw. Spencer can even tell when Pip’s upset

And what’s more, he even cares enough to want her to tell him.

But Pip seems to be an apple fallen close to David’s tree. She won’t tell him.

Ticking time bomb, that whole side of the Archers clan.

When’s a brother not a brother?

When he’s an evil brother-in-law.

Chas in back on the phone to (London) Vince. He has to tell Vince that Jackie has done a runner, so he will be late in paying back the money he loaned from Vince in the first place to loan to Jackie (still with me?).

And the plot thickens.

Vince is a bit perturbed to hear that Chas needs more time to pay him. And mentions that the job he was lining up for Chas in London may not now happen.

Is it a job in the City? As a money collector? A bouncer?

Chas seemingly starts to feel a bit under the cosh.

[Chas] “Please! I’m your brother …”

[Vince] “ … in-law. And how do you think your sister will react when she find out that I’ve lost 16 grand?”

How odd that Chas called his brother-in-law his brother – but odder still that Vince doesn’t seem to give a hoot about his wife’s brother.

Doesn’t seem like quite a nice family at all.

Now Chas has to pay double the interest to Vince, by the end of next week.

And that 16 grand must be the amount Chas loaned to Chris.

Trouble is afoot …

Wednesday, 11 May 2011

The Archers Thursday 5th May 2011: Hello Spencer!

click the title above, or the 'read more' link below the bullet points, to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

Milk yield picks up, but David doesn’t
Will plants a seed
Ruth made brownies!
Pip takes Spencer home
Did David crack a smile?

Milk yield picks up, but David doesn’t

Ruth excitedly tells David that all looks better than well with the milk yield – but David is still not impressed.

What’s it going to take?

Will plants a seed

But not anywhere Nic …

In my opinion, Will seems to be on the one hand agreeing with wee George that Keira is a pain – while also saying that she’s not really all that bad.

George reckons Keira is smelly and stupid (for waking him up) - Will reckons Keira will be more fun when she’s older.

So – maybe the next suggestion will be that George would be far happier living with Will and Nic while Keira grows up a bit.

But Will’s plans most definitely don’t stop there:

[Will] “And you never know … one day soon, you might have another brother or sister”

Hmmm. Better ask Nic about that first.

At least he does ask Emma about taking George “again”, and she readily agrees.

Will’s plot thickens.

Ruth made brownies!

With nuts in them!!!

[Ruth] “Don’t worry. It’s your mum’s recipe. I followed it to the letter. She says it’s fool proof”

Pip takes Spencer home

To meet David and Ruth.

Who are both very nervous. Maybe Jude is just Pip’s type of man …

Spencer gets off to a good start.

Lots of ‘Mr Archer’ and ‘Mrs Archer’ – until he’s told different.

David knows Spencer’s dad.

Infact, David sounds a lot happier talking to Spencer. Spencer is genuinely impressed by Brookfield’s farming system. And David is impressed that Spencer intends to stay at home and work with his dad.

After Spence and Pip have left:

[Ruth] “He’s such a nice lad … so easy going and grounded, lovely manners, and lovely too”

[David] “Ruth, he could have had two heads, he is just so not Jude!”

Did David crack a smile?

I thought I heard that he did.

[Ruth] “So, life’s not all bad is it … the yields up again. Pip’s got herself a lovely new boyfriend”

Did David have a wee grin at that?

I thought Ruth was then about to suggest naughty, but it was a trip to the polling station (which, point of fact, was the only mention of today’s voting).

Tuesday, 10 May 2011

The Archers Monday 2nd May 2011: Fat or Fags?

click the title above, or the 'read more' link below the bullet points, to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

When a stroll to the silage fails to cheer
Jolene hits the sweets
Jamie out for nooky?
Ambridge cricket team off to a bad start
Summer ahoy!
Ruth wants to go out
Is there ever a desperate need for leggings?
Kenton talks tough
Boyfriend, round 2

When a stroll to the silage fails to cheer

Ruth is still trying to get David to see the brighter side of life.

So takes him to see the silage.

Which fails to raise a smile.

Jolene hits the sweets

Jolene has managed to not have a cigarette since before she and Kenton went to Monte Carlo.

Which is quite an achievement. Considering she’s gone cold turkey, not on her own choice.

Jolene is chomping her way through sweets, though.

Question is – would Kenton still fancy her if she’s winds up fat?

Jamie out for nooky?

Jolene’s now staying over Kenton’s some nights (well, over at Elizabeth’s).

And Jolene sounds very relieved that Jamie has moved out.

Did Jolene just want Jamie out so that she can have guilty free nooky?

[Kenton] “You know your problem, you just have an addictive personality … you’re very addictive …”

And off they go, up Lakey Hill …

(did Kenton then offer Jolene grass to eat? As in the green stuff that grows out of the ground? Might have misheard that)

Ambridge cricket team off to a bad start

First cricket match of the season, first loss for the Ambridge cricket team.

They reckon it’s because they were missing their star player, David.

Here’s hoping David cheers up soon. If only for the pride of the cricket team.

Summer ahoy!

[Ruth] “Sky lark … really feels like summer is on its way”

And Jolene spotted new leaves and Hawthorne blossom.

Hurrah!!

Ruth wants to go out

Stop the front page – Ruth Archer wants to go out for a film, or “that Italian place in Hollerton”

But David pours cold water on Ruth’s lofty ambitions.

[David] “We’re both tired already without adding a late night”

[Ruth] “You can’t keep this place up forever without taking a break!”

You know things are bad when Ruth is desperate enough to try and have a night out.

Is there ever a desperate need for leggings?

Seemingly so, if you’re Pip.

But alas – she returned to Brookfield with no leggings. Pip made up for that with a pair of quite intriguing earrings.

[Pip] “Hey dad, do you want to see some Borchester bling?”

Kenton talks tough

But only does so behind Jamie’s back. Rather than to his face. Which actually got a result (in getting Jamie to move back home):

[Kenton] “My guess is that it’s blown away whatever tiny lingering shred of respect he’d been holding onto”

And isn’t Kenton quite settled in at The Bull? He's serving behind the bar like he’s very much at home.

Only a matter of time?

Boyfriend, round 2

Pip mentions to David and Ruth that she has “a friend” coming to Brookfield on Thursday. But eventually admits:

[Pip] “like, someone I’ve been hanging out with … well, I suppose he’s sort of my new boyfriend really”

[David, with disdain] “Boyfriend!”

It’s alright David. I reckon Spencer’s a good ‘un.

Thursday, 28 April 2011

Ambridge Extra Thursday 28th April 2011: The Royal Wedding … eh???

click the title above, or the 'read more' link below the bullet points, to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

Still can’t get the hang of Ambridge Extra’s alternate universe
Marty “would” Fallon
“whatever”
Larger and chips for Alice and Chris
Chris is a genius
Finding Pip and Spencer quite endearing
Jamie goes to the toilet, can’t afford pizza and suffers Polly
The Royal Wedding (a day before the rest of humanity)
Chas: the not very scary loan shark

Still can’t get the hang of Ambridge Extra’s alternate universe

I really can’t work it out.

One minute, it’s behind ‘normal’ Ambridge days – then it jumps forth in time.

Hard enough working out which teenage lad is talking, without having to cope with time travel theorem.

It has to be a conspiracy.

How can the secret microphones be recording on Friday when it’s Thursday, unless something strange and sinister is afoot.

Maybe that’s why the Barwick Green version is so damn terrifying … setting the tone.

Marty “would” Fallon

[Jamie – saying he prefers no Jolene] “It’s just me and Fallon. We have a laugh.”

[Marty] “I would …”

Seems “I would” means that Marty would quite like to set his cap at Fallon.

He reckons he was talking hypothetically, as Fallon’s way out of his league.

I don’t know, but. Fallon might welcome any male attention after her very long drought.

Whatever did happen to Harry? Why’s he not speaking? Did he and Fallon fizzle out as fast as they fizzled on?

“whatever”

I’m a bit perturbed that Ambridge Extra is starting to make me think and sound like an old grumpy person.

Jamie was talking to Marty about how he also doesn’t like Kenton’s overtones:

[Jamie] “He’s always on my case. Trying to buddy up and take an interest. Well he can forget that”

So, Marty, hearing that Jamie was now not entirely happy at The Bull came up with a fairly reasonable suggestion:

[Marty] “If you do go home. I reckon your mum would be so desperate, you’d have her right where you’d want her”

To which Jamie only said a quick ‘not really what I want to do’ – to which Marty replied “whatever”.

I don’t get it.

They were having a conversation – Marty suggestions something – Jamie doesn’t entirely agree (but isn’t argumentative or dismissive) – so why the “whatever”?

I thought that was just (by young ‘uns) to mean that they were bored or disagreed with what you were saying, and didn’t have the vocabulary to express themselves in a more traditional way.

Fair enough.

But “whatever” during a matey chat?

Lost on me.

And damn you! Damn you all!! I don’t want to sound like my granny used to (give me a few more decades, at least).

Larger and chips for Alice and Chris

Brilliant. That Chris knows how to show a lass a grand time.

(I’m actually just jealous)

Chris is a genius

He gets extra chips. And then lands major brownie points for watching something he doesn’t want to, in a place he wants to be.

Chris tells Alice he’ll watch the Royal Wedding (well, “Kate and Will” to Chris) for her sake, and quite ungrudgingly, as long as they do so in the pub.

Nice.

Alice’s happy that her man cares enough to think about what she wants to do, and her man is happy that she’s happy, in the pub with him.

Evelyn Waugh would have a tough time finding something to write about with those two as his only inspiration …

Finding Pip and Spencer quite endearing

Just as Ted and Peggy in Ambridge proper are really sweet, Spencer and Pip are being quite heart-warmingly tender.

[Spencer] “I always enjoy skittles night”

Bless them.

They have a jolly nice time at skittles, then Spencer mentions that he has a cunning plan instead of watching the wedding (which Pip is none too bothered about).

And Spencer’s a farmer.

That’ll be Brookfield’s future sorted, then.

Jamie goes to the toilet, can’t afford pizza and suffers Polly

Not sure why Marty was hanging round the toilets while Jamie was in there

[Marty] “You’ve been a while mate”

I thought it was just women who shared public toilet experiences. Well, apart from the occasional gentleman’s-gentleman.

Jamie’s having a bit of a rubbish time. He thought he was going to Spud’s house (whoever Spud is), but they end up in a Pizza place.

He can’t afford a pizza. Marty offers him some of his, but he doesn’t like pepperoni. And Polly is in the corner “with some stupid rugby player”.

Goodness me. As if Jamie needed anything extra to moan about.

The Royal Wedding (a day before the rest of humanity)

Rhys reckons she’s run off and married Gavin Henson …

[Rhys] “ realised she’s got to go to Wales to marry a real man”

The Bull is serving Royal wedding lager:

[Rhys] “I sing Rule Britannia while I pour it”

Pip and Spencer avoid the wedding to find a quiet spot. He’s used orienteering calculations to:

[Spencer] “not be seen for miles … the changes of anyone not interrupting us should be very slim … bride and groom should be appearing on the balcony of Buckingham Palace, and you know what everyone’s hoping for … what I’ve been hoping for for days …”

(and they kiss)

Alice wouldn’t say no to their 10th year anniversary blessing happening in Westminster Abbey.

And:

[Rhys] “Are you going to hang around now then? Spend the rest of the afternoon in a romantic alcoholic daze?”

(no. Chris and Alice went back home)

And that was that.

What a brain freeze.

Wonder if the microphones will be caught out? Will something extraordinary happen tomorrow? Would serve those microphones right for being so un-Ambridge.

Chas: the not very scary loan shark

You find me in a very negative mood with Ambridge Extra, and I do apologise.

But I couldn’t help but think that Chas sounded a bit weak as he was trying to pressure some bloke called Reggie into paying back his loan.

I think most folks would have laughed at his attempt at ‘I’m a Mitchell!’ routine. Or bounced him out of their house.

Maybe he’s picking on particularly weak/vulnerable people, as Reggie certainly seemed to be scared.

[Chas] “Come on Reggie. I know you’re in there. I can see you, you fool”

[Chas] “Believe me, old chap, ask around. You really don’t want to let me down.”

I’ll start a fund to raise Reggie’s £400, if only not to have to suffer that insufferable twerp Chas playing the big man again.

Tuesday, 26 April 2011

Ambridge Extra Tuesday 26th April 2011: Chas “helps people like you”

click the title above, or 'read more' link below the bullet points, to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

Rhys speaks
Harry doesn’t speak
Jamie’s back in The Bull
Is Jolene still a step-mum?
Rhys is the new man in Jamie’s life
Alice should be feeling guiltier … right about … now
What would Chris rather watch?
Polly has already moved on
Yup – Chas is a bad ‘un
Spence and Pip, thwarted again

Rhys speaks

And he has a Welsh accent that would put Pat to shame …

Harry doesn’t speak

What’s wrong with the normally very chatty Harry?

He was working in The Bull today (Sunday, so it seems), but not a peep out of him.

Odd.

Jamie’s back in The Bull

But only after Fallon told him that said they “were worried not angry”

Does every adult in Ambridge have to pander to Jamie?

Quick kick up the bottom would have more results.

Is Jolene still a step-mum?

Fallon mentioned that with Sid being dead, Jolene is kinda not Jamie’s step mum anymore.

Eh?

Course she is.

Just like the fact that a tree does make a sound when it falls over, even if no-one is there to hear it.

Oh … hang on a moment … does it?

Rhys is the new man in Jamie’s life

Poor chap.

Rhys has barely uttered a few words, and he’s already being usurped into becoming the positive male role model for Jamie, by Fallon.

He does happily agree. After all, the blokes Jamie hangs around with aren’t very good chaps.

[Rhys] “None of them are exactly Zen masters”

Rhys later has a chat with Jamie – all matey, like.

He did feel like he was taking a bit too far, though. At one point, I thought he was going to ask whether Marty’s intentions towards Jamie were honourable and how he was going to support Jamie (well, he did ask him if Marty was local, what his parents were like etc etc).

But Jamie did seem to enjoy the attention.

And Rhys really bonded with Jamie over gaming.

My word – could Rhys be the answer to all of our Jamie nightmares?

Alice should be feeling guiltier … right about … now

Post adult intimacy, Chris apologies for “being an idiot” over the Facebook video.

He accepts that Alice didn’t want that bloke all over her.

And he’d glad Chas was there to sort him out.

[Chris] “He’s a good lad, Chas”

What would Chris rather watch?

I didn’t quite catch that.

Chris isn’t too excited about the Royal wedding.

[Chris] “If I had the day off, I’d rather watch machete”

I’m sure he didn’t say ‘machete’.

Anyone?

Polly has already moved on

Jamie and Daniel are chatting about Polly.

It seems that Jamie did really like her, but couldn’t stand up to Steve when he was taking the Michael out of Polly’s name.

But not to worry.

[Daniel] “She’s already seeing a boy in year 12, so you haven’t broken her heart”

Bigger question is – is some of Jamie’s behaviour down to being bullied by Steve?

It certainly seemed it later on.

As Jamie is back working at The Bull, Steve reckons he can pay him back the £30 he owes. Jamie reckons the vodka he stole for them should offset some of the debt – but Steve reckons not so. That was just Jamie being a mate.

As Jamie doesn’t have ready cash on him (he’s only just started working again), Steve reckons Jamie can pay in more cigarettes and booze.

And Jamie, quite meekly, agrees.

Sounds like bullying to me.

Yup – Chas is a bad ‘un

Chas is talking to a woman called Diane.

Diane’s ex lost his job last year – she has 3 kids – the maintenance stopped – she’s behind in rent – the washing machine’s packed up – and she’s up to limit on credit cards.

At first, I was wondering if Chas worked for Citizens Advice. Or the dole office.

But no.

It’s a scam.

It seems that Chas (and other students) get their student loans, which they don’t financially need.

[Chas] “Then we see if we can use it to help people like you who’ve got themselves into a bit of a financial black hole… it’s like giving something back”

It’s a very friendly, easy way for Diane to get some money. No credit checks or paperwork.
But, of course, Chas has to charge more interest than the banks …

So, Chas gives Diane £1000. In 3 months, Diane has to pay back Chas £1200.

And I wonder what the penalties are if she misses payment?

Either way, Chas doesn’t seem to be a very nice person at all.

Spencer and Pip, thwarted again

Spencer and Pip bump into each other after he’s been out riding.

(he’s got his new jodhpurs – not jumpers, which I though he’d said the other day, but was corrected by @eddie_grundy on twitter).

[Spencer] “Now I can ride … I almost said … without scaring the horses …”

[Pip] “… in decent company”

As they’re gently flirting, and getting round to asking each other out on a wee walk, Chris comes along to interrupt.

Getting rid of Chris, they go for a very nice and peaceful walk. With Spencer seeming more and more perfect for Pip.

He knows a grey partridge when he sees it – he’s heard of Brian Aldridge, and the new mart – he already knows of, and appreciates, Lakey Hill.

But then, just when they’re getting (quite respectably) close, Rhys quite literally runs into them on his bike.

What a wee shame.

But nice to have two nice teens, being nice and maybe heading for something nice.

Ah! More of this might have made Ambridge Extra a bit more palatable for us (slightly) older yins.

I’m not sure how much more I can take of utterances like:

[Steve] “Alright. I’ll catch you later bruv. Laters”