- The morning after the night before (Fallon’s tale)
- The morning after the night before (Kirsty’s tale)
- Jazzer’s never heard of “Bi”
- Harry’s theory of bisexuality
- Jazzer really does love Fallon
- Grant really does love Harry
- No more Milkman Harry?
The morning after the night before (Fallon’s tale)
Fallon wakes up next to Jazzer …
[Fallon] “Oh, Jazzer. Jazzer! Oh god!”
Fallon tries to make a run for it back up to the cottage (they’re still in the van). Jazzer wants to accompany her, but she claims she’s feeling a bit rough.
[Jazzer] “Oh dear, heid banging?”
[Fallon] “I think I’m going to be made to suffer today …”
[Jazzer] “Are you sure you don’t want me to hold your hair back for you?”
Oh dear.
Doesn’t sound like Fallon’s night of passion with Jazzer has made her very happy …
The morning after the night before (Kirsty’s tale)
As Fallon rushes into the cottage, she bumps into Kirsty.
Who slept on the couch. Fallon’s quite surprised. She thought Kirsty would be in the one bedroom with at least one of the chaps.
[Kirsty] “Making a complete fool of myself more like. There I was, laying out the goods for Grant … it wasn’t me he was interested in at all.”
Just then, Harry and Grant come downstairs, naked.
(they rush back up when they realise Fallon and Kirsty were there – though why they thought everyone would be outside at the van, I don’t know)
[Kirsty] “Need any more explanations … I realised I was surplus to requirements.”
[Fallon] “But Harry, he’s …”
[Kirsty] “Apparently not. or at least not entirely. I spent the entire evening flaunting myself like a desperate drunken gooseberry.”
Oh dear.
Kirsty also isn’t feeling very happy after harry and Grant’s night of passion.
Jazzer’s never heard of “Bi”
How?
I thought Jazzer was a proper man about town.
[Jazzer] “No no, this is some sort of wind up. You’ve all got together and though let’s have a good laugh at Jazzer and make him believe Harry and his mate are a pair of …”
[Kirsty] “It’s true.”
[Jazzer] “You mean he plays for the other team? … I’m no buying it. Look at Zofia, he was head over heels.”
[Kirsty] “It is possible he’s bi.”
[Jazzer] “Bi?”
[Kirsty] “Bisexual.”
[Jazzer] “But I share a flat with the guy, I rob his shower gel. What if he’s been …”
[Kirsty] “By the look of Grant, you’re not exactly his type.”
[Jazzer, offended] “What do you mean?”
Jazzer soon calmed down when he was brought a full English:
[Grant] “I’ve cooked loads, so if you fancy an extra sausage …”
[Jazzer] “I’m fine.”
Oh ho!
Thought I’d stumbled into a Carry On for a moment there.
Harry’s theory of bisexuality
We always knew there was something about Harry. Not necessarily odd. Just something he wasn’t telling us.
Well, there we are.
[Harry] “If anything, I’m 60:40 … come on, don’t tell me you’ve never looked at another woman and though ‘phworagh’ ?”
[Fallon] “I guess. Occasionally.”
[Harry] “So you’re what, 95: 5.”
Harry tells Fallon that Grant’s the man for him. Well, at least he hasn’t met another man that’s interested him as much. Grant is, Harry says, 0:100 (gay).
Jazzer really does love Fallon
When Kirsty spotted that neither Fallon nor Jazzer looked like they’d had much sleep, Fallon made some excuse about them both falling asleep by 11pm.
Jazzer gets up and leaves to go check on the van. He says he’s hungry, but obviously needs to get his head round the fact that Fallon obviously doesn’t want anyone to know what’s happened between them.
Fallon goes after him to apologise.
[Fallon] “It was all just a bit mad, I’d had a few, I’d gone on a downer …”
[Jazzer] “I wish you’d stop fretting. I know it was only a one night thing.”
[Fallon] “But I don’t want you to think I took advantage.”
[Jazzer] “I cannae change the way I feel about you, last night’s gonnae rank up there as one of the best nights of my life … if one night’s all I’m gonnae get, well then I’m already a luckier man than I ever thought I would be. I’d much rather we’d stay good friends.”
So – Fallon knows Jazzer loves her. Jazzer admits he loves her. Fallon knows last night was a HUGE deal for him, but she doesn’t feel the same way for him as he does for her. Though, right here and now, she wishes she could.
[Jazzer] “I still showed you a good time, didn’t ah … it’s our secret. I promise. I won’t breathe a word.”
It’s not often Jazzer promises something and I believe him. This time I do.
Harry really does love Grant
Kirsty had a point when she said Harry dropping back into Grant’s life was the most romantic thing she’d ever heard.
Imagine. You’re quietly sat in your wee cottage, in the back of beyond, and the great love of your life just happens to pop by.
[Kirsty] “At least someone got what they wanted last night.”
Grant and Harry take a wee walk with the dog, to have a chat.
Grant tells Harry that there also hasn’t been a man since him. Just a few “near misses”.
[Grant] “Losing you, was the worst mistake I ever made.”
Seems Grant dumped Harry. He could handle Harry around women – felt he couldn’t compete. He knows know that it doesn’t work like that.
[Grant] “If we were together now, it would be so much different.”
No more Milkman Harry?
As Jazzer gets the van ready to try and make it to Edinburgh:
[Jazzer] “Of course, I’m no some ponce you doesn’t know his spark plugs fae his spare wheel, I mean, no that you …”
[Grant] “Isn’t the spare wheel the one you drive with Harry?”
[Harry] “Oh no no, that’s the gear stick!”
Kirsty tells Grant to come see them in Ambridge, but that rather depends on Harry …
[Jazzer] “Should have known when I seen they posters of cyclists on your wall. It wasnae just their wheel trims you were interested in.”
[Kirsty] “Filth! Just ignore him Harry.”
Harry tells them to stop driving.
[Harry] “I have to take this chance … if I don’t, I’ll only wonder what if …”
And he runs back to Grant.
Now, I don’t know if it was Harry’s love for Grant that made him make them stop the van, or the realisation that Jazzer is a numpty sometimes (!), but either which way p could that be Harry gone from Ambridge?
