- Clarrie’s not at the Village Fete
- Corinthia Hart is revealed to be …
- Chris is “not filled with glee”
- Eddie’s contribution to Troll-gate
- Tom tells Vicky
- Cooking kills E. coli
- Jumpy scarecrow with a Scottish accent
- Miss Moffat didn’t impress
- Susan’s back on form
- Scarecrow competition goes all Disney
Clarrie’s not at the Village Fete
Which says a lot. The E. coli shebacle is hitting her quite hard indeed.
[Will] “Pat had a right go at her on Friday”
[Nic] “ … just bad luck”
Though Susan, obviously relieved that the E. coli was nothing to do with her, isn’t quite as supportive.
[Susan] “There are still three people in hospital. Two of them children”
True enough. But don’t start me on the ‘what about the children’ attitude …
Corinthia Hart is revealed to be …
[Susan] “That dumpy little woman? … I’d imagined more like Joanna Trollope”
Seems Corinthia Hart is just an average woman in a Beige cardigan.
I’m not even sure if Corinthia Hart is a nom de plume.
Either way, she seems to be a person of no real consequence to Ambridge.
Chris is “not filled with glee”
At the thought of having to spend the day with Brian and Jennifer at Alice’s graduation.
Odd that he’s not even thinking about bumping into Chas again …
Eddie’s contribution to Troll-gate
Was a river to run under Will’s bridge.
Very clever.
Emma is not amused. Even if her bridge (built by Chris) is (so Emma says) better.
Tom tells Vicky
Not sure why Tom told Vicky about the E. coli being Bridge Farm’s fault, but at least he didn’t tell her about Clarrie.
That seems like a changed Tom.
Did he give birth and have a personality like his sister did?
Cooking kills E. coli
So says Tom.
So it’s more than safe to eat his burgers.
Sham not everyone at the Village Fete knew that. Vicky knew it, but some parents were tasking their kids away when they realised it was Bridge Farm burgers.
(actually … did Vicky buy a burger?)
Jumpy scarecrow with a Scottish accent
Seems one of the scarecrows was a real life one, that “shouts very loudly in a Scottish accent” while jumping out on walkers by.
That’ll be Jazzer then.
Wonder whose garden he was standing in?
Miss Moffat didn’t impress
[Susan] “Miss Moffat looms like a hunchback, and her tuffet isn’t much to talk about”
Susan’s back on form
She’s telling everyone she can that Mistress of the Paddocks was based on Brian.
Even Vicky.
Which means everyone will know.
BUT, to her credit, she also doesn’t tell anyone about Clarrie.
[Susan] “It’s a bit of a mystery. They’re still investigating”
Scarecrow competition goes all Disney
Lewis is judging the scarecrow competition.
He claims he found it hard to judge:
[Lewis] “so many amazing tableaux”
The runners up, “highly commended” are Little Red Riding Hood (in Grange Spinney – but I don’t know who), and Vicky’s Three bears.
And first goes to …. Drum roll … both sets of the Billy Goats Gruff.
Hmpf.
[Lewis] “There was nothing to choose between them”
Double hmpf.
That was a big build up for a fairy-tale ‘and they all lived happily ever after’ ending.
They even all said “cheers” as this eavesdropping episode closed (they were getting their photos taken).
Since when was all fair in love and scarecrow wars?
Yet another damp squib.
There’s been a few of them in late.
- Hayley’s letting Phoebe go
- Brenda and her stiff letter
- The Village Hall isn’t Glastonbury
- Kate’s being useful … and nice
- You will always find them in the kitchen at parties
- Stop them sneaking out?
- Jennifer hears the good news about Corinthia Hart
- Ah – that’s more like Kate
Hayley’s letting Phoebe go
It seems that over the weekend, Hayley sat down with Roy and Phoebe to talk about South Africa, with Hayley now agreeing that Phoebe can go for a year.
[Hayley, to Vicky] “It was talking to you last me that made me think … I was never going to win. I had to trust Roy and Kate, and Phoebe … now I’ve got to go along with it as best I can, and hope Kate doesn’t wind me up too much in the meantime”
Brenda and her stiff letter
Brenda typed it out, Lynda signed it – but probably unlikely to have an effect on noisy neighbour Jonti Waters at No.3 .
Bit of a bummer, that. Normally villages are so good at self-policing.
The Village Hall isn’t Glastonbury
According to Brian, but the DJ doesn’t seem to realise.
Kate’s being useful … and nice
Which I could suspect is Kate finally becoming a decent person – but is likely more to an afterglow of Kate getting her way to have Phoebe with her in South Africa.
She arrives at the village hall early to help get everything ready for the party, which is a shock.
Then:
[Kate to Hayley] “It’s me who should be saying thank you … for letting her come to South Africa. I know it can’t have been easy for you to get your head around. A holiday is one thing, but a year, that’s a lot to take on board”
Kate goes on to say that she really appreciates how it won’t be easy for Hayley. She knows that herself (though through her own choice).
[Kate] “I’m so grateful to you for giving me this chance. I really am”
[Hayley] “Yeah, well, okay. Thanks for saying so, Kate”
Later on:
[Hayley to Roy] “I even had a nice moment with Kate”
[Roy] “You what?”
Quite.
Not her usual behaviour, at all.
You will always find them in the kitchen at parties
Children’s parties. Adults. Drinking. In the kitchen.
While Hayley and Vicky started drinking before they even got to the hall, Jennifer stayed sensible. Until the party was underway.
Brian, Vicky and Roy also join in – with Brian lubricated enough to be (not totally unwilling to be dragged) up dancing with Vicky, and Jennifer to follow suit with Kate.
Stop them sneaking out?
I thin bouncers stopped people from getting in.
But then again, it is a kid’s party – so every chance they want to get out to have a wee Alcopop.
Josh and his mate Tyler (have we heard about Tyler before) tried, but weren’t crafty enough to circumnavigate Brian.
Jennifer hears the good news about Corinthia Hart
Vicky tells Jennifer that Corinthia Hart is opening the village fete (Vicky hasn’t as yet read Mistress of the Paddocks, so she knows not what she does).
It was seemingly Jim’s idea to get Corinthia – after his coup last year with Colin Dexter.
She’s even going to sit at a table of books and sign them.
All of which Jennifer doesn’t seem too enthusiastic about.
Brian’s also in for a bit of a shock. He hasn’t read it yet, so is none the wiser …
Ah – that’s more like Kate
Knew it could last.
Kate says that the 2:1 Alice got wasn’t good enough for Jennifer.
Which is a wee bit bitchy, especially in front of other folks.
( … another author)
- Who is going to open the Village Fete?
- Clarrie going to have “a bit of time to myself”?
- Susan is so naughty
- Who is Corinthia Hart?
- Pies or salad?
- Garden Festival
- Usha’s stuck right in it
- “Distinct lack of inspiration on the specials board”
- The Llamas should be on Crimewatch!
Who is going to open the Village Fete?
Cripes – it’s all hotting up in Ambridge!
The Village Fete may be the ‘usual’ affair – but what a line-up!
Beer tent, tea tent, dunk the vicar, Susan’s swap stall, Kathy’s white elephant, Pat’s ice cream, Tom’s burgers … phew!
And there’s more … a Scarecrow competition. To be judged by Lewis (it takes a real arty type, don’t you know). With the theme of nursery rhymes and fairy tales.
While at first a bit disappointed that the Fete was again to be opened by an author (no offense, Mr Colin Dexter. You were marvellous), my interest perked up again when Susan said that the Fete will be opened by … .drum roll please … Corinthia Hart!
Clarrie going to have “a bit of time to myself”?
Not likely. Though I wish her warmly well in her attempt.
She’s already mentioned she’s first “to catch up on a few jobs”, and tidy the garden – what’s the chances of her then having time to have time?
Susan is so naughty
Susan knows all too well about who Mistress of the Paddocks is based on.
Despite her valiant efforts to save Jennifer’s blushes at the Book Club, she's now to be found actively encouraging folks, including Clarrie, to read it!
[Susan] “She’ll have to keep it nice, though … you know what Eddie and Joe are like. I don’t want to get ketchup over it”
And Susan also sounded quite gleeful that Corinthia Hart is opening the Fete,. Despite knowing that Jennifer won’t be feeling too happy about it.
Still she goes on … she’s even told Emma that Byron is Brian:
[Emma] “I saw Brian in the village the other day, and I could hardly look at him. Do you really think he got up to those ‘things’ with Mandy Beesborough?”
Naughty, cheeky and actually quite spiteful. In a way.
Who is Corinthia Hart?
According to Susan (for what it’s worth!), Corinthia Hart is a “really good” friend of Mandy’s.
[Susan] “So it’s from the horse’s mouth, so to speak”
[Emma] “Don’t. It makes me feel sick”
Pies or salad?
Emma and Ed have chosen 17th of July for Keira’s baptism. Which isn’t far away, according to Clarrie and Susan.
So the debate begins.
Having the ‘do’ at Ed and Emma’s is vetoed in favour of Susan’s (more room).
The catering seems slightly contentious – with Emma happy with Clarrie’s famous spread of Scotch eggs and mini pork pies, but Susan wants some salad.
But before Susan and Clarrie could start finding a proper squabble, Emma neatly steps out of the frame. She seemingly wants to “concentrate on something pretty for Keira to wear”.
Lazy madam!
Next on the list is who to invite.
“All” the family, reckons Emma.
Does that include Will and Nic, I wonder …
Garden Festival
A week after the Village Fete, Lower Loxley’s Garden Festival is more of a toffs ideas of a fete.
Bee keeping display, plants and seeds for sale, the allotments will be open to sell their surplus, food hall … not a damp vicar in sight!
As Usha said, at least it’s got Elizabeth a bit more enthused.
Usha’s stuck right in it
Well, right between them. Elizabeth and Ruth, that is.
Usha also tried to persuade Elizabeth that she should go for bereavement counselling.
Although Elizabeth doesn’t shout at her, she does refuse.
Maybe Usha should wheel out her best weapon – the very calm, and nearly always right, Alan Franks.
“Distinct lack of inspiration on the specials board”
According to Jolene, talking about The Bull.
Kenton’s been roped in to try and come up with better ideas.
But the problem isn’t ideas … it’s Freda.
[Kenton] “How to get Freda away from tried and tested … “
(and later on, after Usha confirms that the veggie meals at The Bull all taste the same)
[Kenton] “Freda is somewhat limited in her approach”
The Llamas should be on Crimewatch!
Lynda is putting up posters around the village, appealing for witnesses to the pinkification of the Llamas.
Susan rightly points out that it was probably done in the dead of night – but I suppose it’s worth a go. It might even make Spencer and Pip speak out …
Susan agrees that it’s outrageous. She even didn’t blink when Lynda said she’d already put a note up in the phone box ALREADY, without asking her first.
Wowzer!
[Susan] “Clarrie says they’re going a paler pink everyday now anyway”
[Lynda] “I shan’t rest til I’ve found the culprits!”
Lynda’s even been asking round the chemists, to see if they remember who bought pink hair dye.
But the lads stole them.
(Is Crimewatch still on? With that bloke who told us not to have nightmares, after showing an hour’s worth of crime …?)
