Keith admits he’s the firestarter: Wed 01.08.12

The Archers Wednesday 1st August 2012

• Keith’s guilty, but it’s all Emma’s fault
• Jennifer compares Brian to Stalin
• Even Jennifer can't afford stamps
• Jennifer likes a bit of Alan Bates
• Fallon’s van went by

Keith’s guilty, but it’s all Emma’s fault

According to Tracey …

Tracey called Susan to tell her Keith’s been charged. Just so happened Emma was there at the time (buying an electricity card. That £30 won’t get her very far).

[Emma] “So, it looks like he really did do it.”

[Susan] “You can’t know that. Lord alone knows what state he must be in.”

[Emma] “I’m so sorry it’s worked out like this. I didn’t want to be right.”

[Susan] “None of us wanted you to be right Emma.”

Tracey goes round to see Keith.

[Tracey] “What you been charged with?”

[Keith] “Arson. Criminal damage. Conspiracy.”

[Tracey] “Blimey. But they let you out again?”

Seems so. Though Keith had to report back to the Police regularly, and must stay away from Ambridge. The case will go to the Magistrates, then probably onto the Crown Court. Which could take a while.

[Keith] “It’ll be quicker if I plead guilty.”

[Tracey] “Guilty? Why would you do that? You didn’t do it … Keith …”

Keith admits he did. Forensics caught him.

[Tracey] “I just can’t believe it. Petrol bombing a farm.”

[Keith] “It weren’t a petrol bomb, I just …”

[Tracey] “I don’t care how you did it. What am I going to say to people … I’ve been defining you all round the village … how can you be so stupid, you’ve got it sorted. Good job. Nice house, what got into you Keith?”

[Keith] “It’s all front. The motor trade’s been rubbish for ages. I’ve got a massive mortgage on the place. I’m scared to think how many credit cards I’ve got, and they’re all up to the limit. And then this wedding came along. What could I do …?”

[Tracey] “Alright, so you’re skint. How does burning down a barn help that?”

[Keith] “There are some blokes. I knew one of them from way back … it started with the odd dodgy car … cause I know the area and I get about, I let them know if there was any kit that looks like an easy target … tractors, quad bikes … it was easy money. And all this stuff’s insured, no-one was supposed to get hurt.”

[Tracey] “These blokes, are you saying they were the ones what lamped Adam Macy?”

Indeed they are. Though Keith reckons he wasn’t “directly involved”. All he did was tell them about Adam’s forage harvester.

Then, when David could identify the blokes who attacked Adam:

[Keith] “We, they, the others, wanted to persuade him not to give evidence.”

Keith reckons he had nothing to do with the phone calls. Or letting the cows out.

[Keith] “I just did the fire.”

[Tracey] “Just!”

Keith reckons the blokes were pressuring him to have a turn. That they knew enough about him to get him into serious trouble at work, and with the Police.

[Keith] “I feel terrible. I’ll never forgive myself. I just got in too deep.”

BUT Keith is refusing to name these other bad blokes.

[Tracey] “You don’t have no choice Keith. You’ve got to cooperate. If you don’t, you’re going down forever.”

When Tracey tells Susan that Keith did do it:

[Susan] “I’ve had about just enough of this family.”

[Tracey] “He just got sucked in Susan, he never meant it to go this far.”

[Susan] “I don’t know what I’m going to say to Emma …”

[Tracey] “Her? … it’s Keith you ought to be worried about!”

[Susan] “He’s done a wicked, wicked thing!!!”

Emma comes in. Susan tells her Keith’s admitted it:

[Susan] “I’m really sorry Emma. I shouldn’t have doubted you. I just never thought he would …”

[Emma] “I know. I’m sorry too.”

When Emma leaves the room:

[Susan] “You’re being very unfair to Emma.”

[Tracey] “Whatever she though, she should never have made that phone call.”

[Susan] “He did something wrong.”

[Tracey] “And he’s suffering for it. He’s in bits.”

[Susan] “Yeah, now he’s been caught.”

[Tracey] “I don’t care. You just don’t do that to your own family.”

What a load of rubbish, Tracey.

Can believe it, but I’m squarely on Emma’s side this time. She did absolutely the right thing.


Jennifer compares Brian to Stalin

Quite right too.

Brian won the tender for supplying the arable to the Super Dairy (after a scintillating BL meeting …).

Annabelle asked Brian about the Adam ‘situation’.

[Brian] “It’s a slightly fluid situation at the moment.”

[Annabelle] “So, he’s jumped ship.”

[Brian] “Oh. Not necessarily so. The fat lady hasn’t sung yet.”

Jennifer wasn’t remotely happy to hear that Brian had ‘won’. It means next to no land for Adam to farm.

[Brian] “This has secured the future of the farm.”

[Jennifer] “What about Adam … so you’re writing him out of history, are you Brian, like some Soviet trick that’s fallen out of favour!”

[Brian] “Don’t be ridiculous darling. I’m not Stalin.”

[Jennifer] “Well it’s just that Adam doesn’t fit into your 5 year plan!”

[Brian] “He can if he chooses.”

I’m with Adam.

Sod it, move on, and get rid of having to bow to Brian.

Even Jennifer sounds increasing fed up with Brian.

Son or husband?!?


Even Jennifer can't afford stamps

She was going to buy 40 first class, but went for 20 first and 20 second instead.

[Jennifer] “They’re such a price now, aren’t they?”

Must be so if Jennifer has noticed.


Jennifer likes a bit of Alan Bates

(there was a lot of Jennifer today)

Jennifer was very impressed by Lynda’s cultural Olympiad. Especially the poetry reading.

[Jennifer] “She’s found this chap with a touch of the Alan Bates about him, in Grange Spinney … I could have cheerfully listened to him read the Borchester phone book.”

Fallon’s van went by

Seems now on their way to Edinburgh.

Sounded very noisy!

The day of the youth cricket match*: Tues 17.07.12

(*apologies to all cricket fans. I'm guaranteed to have got some of the detail wrong!)

The Archers Tuesday 17th July 2012

• Kenton’s aiding and abetting
• Jamie’s being cocky …
• … and is a “champion welly wanger.”
• Rosa REALLY likes Jamie
• That mini bus said it all
• Elizabeth visits David
• Jamie didn’t do well
• Lucy didn’t do well
• Jamie really is a shockingly bad sportsman
• Why can’t women play cricket?

Kenton’s aiding and abetting

Quite literally.

He’s taken a bet off of Jamie for today’s cricket match between Ambridge’s girls (with boys in the team) against St Mags.

Naughty.


Jamie’s being cocky

[Natalie] “Let’s not make out it’s going to be easy … it wouldn’t look great, would it, being beaten by females.”

[Jamie, firmly] “It’s not going to happen … I’m just the best.”

… and is a “champion welly wanger.”

[Natalie] “I wouldn’t say that out loud!”

Natalie wants them to practise for the Fete games, and take it seriously.

Though Jamie is confident not only about the welly wanging. He also reckons the caterpillar race will be easy enough as well.

He once did ten laps at a party!


Rosa REALLY likes Jamie

She turns up at the cricket match.

[Natalie] “Oh no!”

[Jamie] “She’s come to support us, what’s the problem?”

Um, that Rosa is a bit of a stalker? And openly flirts with you in front of your girlfriend.


That mini bus said it all

Natalie was startled that St Mags even had their own mini bus.

The dye was cast …


Elizabeth visits David

[Elizabeth] “Hello David. How are you?”

What a shocker! Elizabeth visiting David. Blimey.

Elizabeth was horrified at the mess the fire had made. It was even hot enough to have bent solid steel poles.

David told Elizabeth that Keith has been taken in, but released.

[Elizabeth] “Not another Clive, surely?”

(mind Clive burnt down Christine and George’s – while Christine and Jill were in there. David saved them)

[David] “It’s the idea that there’s someone out there,. Deliberately trying to hurt my children … it’s that’s the effect,. What the difference. It’s exactly the same outcome.”

Elizabeth offers for Josh and Ben to stay at Lower Loxley. David appreciates but politely declines. He wants his family to stay together.

(not necessarily the best thing for him to say to Elizabeth, considering …).

[Elizabeth] “David, what your doing can’t be easy. There must be a part of you who wants to walk away … don’t give up. One thing I’ve found when terrible things happen it’s best to carry on”

[David] “It gets better over time?”

[Elizabeth] “So I’m told”

Looks like that cold front is defrosting.


Jamie didn’t do well

Natalie’s not impressed with Jamie’s turn on the pitch. She thinks he’s taking too many risks.

Rosa does not concur.

[Rosa] “He just goes out there and enjoys himself. That’ the way to play cricket … I only know there’s too many old plodders in the Ambridge cricket team. They should get fined for boring the audience.”

[Natalie] “Crowd. It’s called a  crowd … you’ve got to understand the game to appreciate it.”

After Jamie’s reckless does get him out:

[Natalie] “He only got a seven.”

[Rosa] “What a seven though!”

[Jamie] “She had her elbow bent … she never bowled it, she chucked it.”

[Natalie] “You played a stupid shot and misjudged it.”

So Jamie’s a bad loser, then. Wouldn’t have guessed that from his pre-match arrogance!


Lucy didn’t do well

I’ve no idea who Lucy is, but she went out on the first ball.


Jamie really is a shockingly bad sportsman

It was Natalie’s turn:

[Jamie] “Watch out for the blonder one. She’s got a very suspect  delivery.”

[Rosa] “I don’t know what’s the matter with everything. It’s only a bunch of schoolgirls.”

[Jamie] “Who don’t even know the laws of cricket!”

[Alistair] “Jamie, let’s be a bit more sporting about it, shall we?”

Sounds like Natalie didn’t last long either.

[Jamie] “57 all out, how did that happen?”

(is that a bad score then?)

[Natalie] “Their spinners are unplayable … they had me fooled every time.”

Its St Mags’ turn to bat next.

When they got to 55:

[Rosa] “I hate to say this, but they’re going to do it. Come on Jamie!”

Jamie bowls a “bouncer”. Which seemingly isn’t a very nice thing to do.

[Alistair] “It’s not considered very sporting, not in a  game like this.”

Next bowl, the St Mags lass hits a cracker. Which Alistair reckons serves him right.

And St Mags win!

[Jamie] “We were rubbish … I could have done a lot better if I'd been allowed to do my normal thing.”

[Natalie] “So you need to resort to intimidation just because you’re being beaten.”

[Jamie] “It’s trying to win, what’s wrong with that?”

[Rosa] “Nothing at all. It’s better than being a loser.”

Oops.

Rosa may be good for Jamie’s ego, but he’d better tread carefully. Natalie doesn’t sound like a young lady to put up with any nonsense.


Why can’t women play cricket?

Despite losing, Natalie really enjoyed the match.

Knowing that it will be near impossible to get another match for the girls anytime soon, Natalie asks Alistair why the girls can’t be considered for the full Ambridge cricket team.

[Natalie] “Everyone just assumes it. The cricket team has to be male.”

Alistair agrees. He’s never been asked about women playing before. He’s going to raise it at their next AGM.

[Natalie] “Maybe it's time Ambridge cricket got itself into the 21st century.”

Well, I can think of a fair few male players (and female spectators) who won’t agree.

Especially Neil.

Imagine how he’ll feel to be dropped, then replaced by girls!

A Horrobin grasses on a Horrobin: Sun 15.07.12

The Archers Sunday 15th July 2012

• Emma phones Crimestoppers
• Price or value?
• Brookfield’s in a state
• Sabrina’s in training for donuts
• The Police came for Keith

Emma phones Crimestoppers

[Emma] “Well there’s someone you need to investigate … I know he was involved, that’s all I’m saying … it’s Keith Horrobin.”

Emma didn’t give her name, so no one will have a clue who ‘shopped’ Keith.

All credit to Emma. She’s generally not one of my favourite Ambridge residents, but she’s come good this time. Couldn’t have been easy.


Price or value?

Annabelle’s obsessions about the arable tender for the Super Dairy continues. (very odd).

Brian seems to be turning from not giving a hoot, to starting to twig that Home farm might not be a shoe-in after all.

[Brian] “They’re cowboy firms, trying it on, there’s no way they’d make a profit … they see BL as fresh meat, a soft target ripe for the picking.”

[Annabelle] “You’re mixing your metaphors, Brian … So, your line is we’re quite a bit more expensive, but we’ll give you better value for your money?”

Indeed it is. Brian reckons he can go in higher because he (well, Adam) is closer by to be able to deal with anything urgent. Most of the other firms are at least 15 miles away (imagine that! They’d take a whole extra 15 minutes to get there).

So Brian needs Adam to keep a record (and look back two years) to be able to evidence when he has been able to rush out and avert disaster.

Now I’d have though Adam would use this as his opportunity to scupper part of the Super Dairy (if a lesser company did get the contract, maybe they’d screw it up). But, Adam knows Home Farm needs this contract.

So he agrees. Albeit grudgingly.

Annabelle’s amazed at Brian’s persuasion prowess.

[Brian] “Never let the grass grow under my feet.”

[Annabelle] “Or any other forage crop!”

(ha!)


Brookfield’s in a state

We didn’t get to hear from David, Ruth or their brood today – but everyone else was saying what a mess the farm is in.

[Susan] “Bit of a state, is it?”

[Emma] “There’s hardly anything left. Just a few bits of twisted steel.”

Also a patio table and George’s bike are ruined.

[Susan] “Let’s hope the Police get their act together. Personally I’d throw away the key.”

Hmmm. Susan will change her tune soon enough …


Sabrina’s in training for donuts

Susan’s harassing Neil to join a team for the sports at the Fete.

[Susan] “Keeps saying if he plays for anyone at all, it’ll be the cricket team.”

[Emma] “That’d be worth seeing. Dad racing in his sleeping bag.”

[Susan] “What about the other, the dramatic donut race, or whatever it’s called.”

Seems the donut race involved running round the track four times, while putting more clothes on, and eating donuts.

[Susan] “What about Sabrina, she’s already training for it.”

I suppose that makes sense. Burn the calories off before you pile them on (or is she training by eating donuts while she runs?)


The Police came for Keith

Tracey burst into Susan’s while Emma was there to say that the Police had taken Keith that morning.

[Tracey] “They’re trying to do him for the fire … Some snake in the grass, anonymous of course”

[Susan] “Not Keith, that ridiculous, I can’t take this in!”

[Tracey] “Some nutter with a grudge phones up and they take it seriously.”

[Susan] “Especially when his name’s Horrobin.”

(well, that’s fair enough really. It usually is a Horrobin that’s to blame)

Later on, Keith turned up, he’d been released without charge.

[Keith] “Of course they have. They haven’t got a thing on me.”

Keith tried to ask Emma about George, but she responded rather coldly.

Tracey was still ranting about whoever grassed on Keith. She reckons it’s them who want “locking up”. But Keith didn’t want a fuss.

Wonder why …

So they start trying to work out who holds a grudge against Keith.

[Tracey] “Emma, you got any idea?”

Oh ho!

I would like to be Emma when Tracey works it out …

Keith’s a firestarter? Fri 13.07.12

The Archers Friday 13th July

• Adam wants David to stop
• Churches should provide ashtrays
• Keith has a limp …
• Keith sounds guilty …
• Keith left early …
• Jumping to conclusions?
• Annabelle doesn’t do puddings

Adam wants David to stop

Adam’s brought round some straw for Brookfield, though they’ll have to buy in their own hay. The insurance should cover it, but we all know how long insurance can take …

Adam’s beyond horrified:

[Adam] “I know you said you'd stand firm, but a line's been crossed here, they really mean business, they don’t care about people’s lives ... I couldn't live with myself.”

But, as David has got to this stage, the Police are now willing to do a bit more for him (it would seem). They’ll have two on duty at Brookfield, plus step-up drive rounds.

So, with that and his cameras and security lights, David feels quite confident he and his family are safe.

[Adam] “So, how come you don’t have a barn?”

Quite!


Churches should provide ashtrays

[Tracey] “What are you supposed to do with your fag ends around here?”

[Ed] “I dunno. not smoke in the first place, I suppose.”

[Tracey] “And they wonder why people don’t go to church!”

Ah – Tracey, pure class. Especially at her brother’s daughter’s wedding!

It’s all “petal and powders”. That won’t be the way Tracey will have her do.

[Tracey] “Me and Ifti. When we get hitched. I want us coming in on elephants.” 

[Ed] “In Ambridge?”

[Tracey] “In India!”

Oh good lord!

Tracey would be funny, if she wasn’t verging on being racist.

Ifti’s probably from Oxford.


Keith has a limp …

Oh, does he now?

And he got it falling over a hamster?

Hmmm …


Keith sounds guilty …

[Tracey] “I wish mum was here to see it. She'd be so chuffed you’d done good.”

You could actually hear Keith turning red at that.

Later on, he was joking with Emma about burnt sausage rolls, after she’d made mention of a fire.

He was horrified to realise that she’d meant the Brookfield one. That she had been there. Keith thought she’d been at Susan’s.

[Keith] “I’d no idea. So sorry.”

[Emma] “I’ve never been so scared in my life”

[Keith] “I’m so, so sorry. I really am.”

Hmmm …


Keith left early …

From the blokes do at the do. On the night of the fire at Brookfield.

[Tracey] “Can't take your beer, tripping over hamsters!”

Hmmm …


Jumping to conclusions?

Emma’s putting everything together, and coming up with her uncle Keith as the firestarter.

[Emma] “How likely is that .. it could be a convenient excuse ... he kept saying he was sorry, so sorry ... like it was his fault ... it could have been …”

[Ed] “It could have been anyone, it can't be ...”

[Emma] “When you put it all together ...”

See – Uncle Keith, the firestarter!

Would seem that could indeed be the case.

I wonder …


Annabelle doesn’t do puddings

But she does do panic, on behalf of Brian. Especially when Brian refuses to panic.

I have no idea why Annabelle does that.

She’s got herself in a tizzy about the arable contract. Seems Annabelle is worried that other BL Board members have been telling other companies to tender.

Brian doesn’t seem bothered. He thinks he and Home Farm can do better price and value.

Actually, must admit I’m not that bothered either …

The day of the Brookfield Barn Fire: Thurs 12.07.12

The Archers Thursday 12th July 2012

• Confused?
• Josh is a hero
• Who is David kidding?
• George had a marvellous time!
• Clever Jeena
• Will Emma testify?

Confused?

I was at first.

The day before was the barn fire – but they were still at a burning barn today.

It had me thinking about was about to alter time back and forth like Ambridge Extra does (did?).

But phew!

I realised that the barn had gone on fire in the wee hours yesterday. So we were hearing those wee hours, as it was still today.

If that makes sense (?!?)


Josh is a hero

Josh and George were found safe

Good.

They were found together. Josh had promised George he’d wake him up with Jeena starting calving. So Josh did, then kept George safe during the fire.

In fact, Josh and George got Jeena away from the fire. Then Josh let the dogs loose so that they’d wake everyone else up.

That lad’ll go far. Quick thinking indeed.


Who is David kidding?

David seems to think the barn fire might be because of something carried on the wind. A Chinese Lantern, or the like.

[David] “I dunno. These things happen.”

Oh come on David!

What’s it going to take, David?!?


George had a marvellous time!

[George] “Yay, the fire engine!”

Poor Ben was stuck back in the house looking after Keira during the fire. The fire engines. And the Police arriving.

But George even got to sit in the truck.

[Emma] “All just a  big adventure to them.”

[George] “This is the best night of my entire life!”

Clever Jeena

Ruth and Josh rushed back to Jeena as, though she had started, she had run into problems which Josh couldn’t handle himself.

Ruth said the calf had elbow lock. She pushed it back in, straightened it out, and:

[Josh] “Oh yes! Two legs!!!”

[Ruth] “And the reflex?”

[Josh] “It's sucking my fingers.”

And it’s a girl!

Clever Jeena indeedy.

Her calf is to be called Georgina (instead of Jessie J).


Will Emma testify?

Even David couldn’t ignore the fact that the Police found petrol at the fire site.

Well, he did try.

But Emma spoke up.

[Emma] “Well I know. I know someone started it. I saw him. I saw him running away across the field.”

She even described how he tripped.

But then, couldn’t remember much more.

[Emma] “Average, maybe a bit thick set ... I’m so sorry David, I wish I could be more help.”

Could Emma be of more help?

Is she telling everything she saw? Or, holding back so that the gang doesn’t target her and her family …?

The barn’s on fire at Brookfield: Wed 11.07.12

The Archers Wednesday 11th July 2012

• We’re going down the pub …
• David’s not at the pub
• Eddie offers Neil outside
• Emma’s up with Keira
• Josh is up with Jeena
• The barns on fire!

We’re going down the pub …

The blokes of Ambridge are having drinks, on Keith Horrobin.

It’s his son-in-law’s (more or less) last night of bachelordom. Not sure why that means his father-in-law-to-be has to pay for the males of the local village to drink and eat all night. But poor Keith seemed to have no choice.

[Neil] “You’re losing a daughter and gaining ...”

[Keith] “ … a whacking great overdraft.”

David’s not at the pub

He’s staying in with Ruth, the kids and a DVD.

[Ruth] “Yeah, cause we usually have such a wild social life.”

Eddie offers Neil outside

Eddie’s not very happy with Neil’s alleged sighting of The Ambridge Beast (which happened a wee while ago, and was never mentioned until now, despite Susan being very excited about it indeed). Eddie is insisting Neil never saw a boar.

[Keith] “If anyone should know a boar when he sees one, it’s Neil!”

[Neil] “Eh?”

(Keith makes a quick exit elsewhere. Making jokes about Susan to Neil never goes down well)

Neil won’t back down. It was a boar, he swears. So, Eddie calls Neil outside …

…  to show him one of the concrete ornaments he’d made. This one was made out of 3 other ones, which Eddie is going to try and sell as a horrible, evil, Ambridge Beast.

[Eddie] “So all these talk of boars, you;re killing my trade mate!”

Neil’s was in stitches!

[Eddie] “Have a heart Neil, times are hard … so, you didn’t see no boar, did you?”

We can hear Neil’s answer through his laughter.


Emma’s up with Keira

Keira’s teething. Just as Emma settles her, and settles herself next to a dozing Ed (who’d come home early from the pub), she notices a light go on at Brookfield.

But it’s only Josh duty his duty to Jeena (the heavily pregnant cow with the slim hips).


Josh is up with Jeena

[Josh] “It's alright girl. I’m here. I'll be with you.”

Seems she’s starting labour. But, there’s something odd.

[Josh] “I know you've got other things on your mind Jeena, but can you smell ...”

The barns on fire!

Just as Josh can smell the smoke, the farm’s dogs start barking, and Keira starts crying. That wakes Emma.

[Emma] “Oh my god, the barn is on fire!”

She wakes Ed. Then finds that George isn’t in his bed. And then she also spots someone running.

[Emma] “Hey, you stop!”

Ed manages to stir, and knocks up David and Ruth.

They rush out. David wants Ed to help him stop the fire before it reaches the chemical store, but George is still missing. Emma’s frantic.

As is Ruth.

Josh also isn’t answering.

We leave Ambridge in the wee hours of the morning, Ruth and Emma shouting for their sons, the sound of fire crackling in the background.

Very reminiscent of the night Grace died. David call of “look out!” had me thinking we might have had another fire fatality in Ambridge …